(Disclaimer: This transcript is auto-generated and may contain mistakes.)

According to celebrities CNN and Kamala, we have an obligation to fight Putin. McDonald's is leading the chivalrous charge by shutting down all of its GMO diabetes-causing blood clot burgers. In fact, no more quarter pounders for any Soviet. Russians are terrified of the slimming effects of not having greasy saturated foods so easily at their disposal. Unintentional consequences might be Russians sleeping better, having an increase in energy, increased fertility, and overall happiness. The horror! But no more golden arches for their viewing pleasure. Starbucks, Coca-Cola, and PepsiCo have joined hands with Ronald McDonald to virtue signal their creepy unwanted transgender clown like advances. Meanwhile normal people try avoiding the kid's birthday clown like the plague. Russia's not even invited to the party anymore. But folks, war gets uglier than that. No more gold medals for Team Russia as FIFA has eliminated the entire country from their roster. Putin's gonna have to be satisfied with playing on Team China for now. But that's not all. The woke mob knows where to hit Putin where it really hurts. No more cats! And I'm not just talking about musicals. Nobody cares about that Broadway boar fest anyway. I'm talking about actual feline cats. The International Cat Federation has announced that it's banning Russian cats from competing. That's right, Russian cats have been officially cancelled and Putin is shaking in his boots as a result. If that meow missile doesn't stop him from shelling Ukraine, nothing will. If you've changed your profile picture to a Ukrainian flag and you're not skeptical about the unified celebrity outrage, you find yourself agreeing with Joe Biden. You think these are normal war tactics and you stand with corporate America on every new thing, including the current conflict happening in a country you probably can't even spell. You need to get the Baptist bias.