(Disclaimer: This transcript is auto-generated and may contain mistakes.)

All right, so look, we had the reading there in Colossians 3. I could have had the reading from Ephesians 5, but we've read through Ephesians 5 a few times lately. And I've been going through this sort of this series on submission, on different instructions that God gives us in his Word to be submissive one to another. We had the first part in this series was to be to submit yourself to God, submit yourself to God. That's obviously the easiest one to preach because we all agree that God is perfect and that we're imperfect and that it makes complete sense to submit ourselves to God. But then the other ones get more difficult because we're submitting ourselves to human beings. And again, we know the faults that each of us have as far as human beings. The second part in this series was submit one to another. And that, of course, is the context of our church where, you know, regardless of how long you've been saved or how little you've been saved, it doesn't matter. We ought to be coming to church, loving one another, serving one another, submitting ourselves one to another, being there to support each other as brothers and sisters in the Lord. But here we are at the most controversial one, which I don't think should be controversial at all. And it's found in Colossians 3, 18, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Total for the sermon this morning is wives, submit yourselves, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands. And this shouldn't be controversial. This shouldn't be a difficult sermon to preach. But you know, even within the IFB world, I've heard sermons. People find it hard to preach on this topic. And I don't know what's so hard about it. Wives, submit yourselves. Like wives are so hard. I don't really understand. I know submission as a general thing is hard to do, right? I mean, like we're talking about submitting ourselves to God, you know, every time you submit a sin, you did not submit yourself to God at that point in time, right? But you don't turn around and go, well, I was hard to submit to God when I committed that sin. It was hard, right? The flesh wanted its way. But we don't turn around and say, but we, you know, we shouldn't submit to God, right? And look, it can be hard to submit one to another. Again because we know the faults that we have in church, but I don't think anyone would disagree and say we should not submit ourselves one to another at church. We should not serve each other. We should not be looking out for each other's best and helping one another in times of need. Nobody will turn around. It can be hard to do, but nobody will turn around and say, well, that's then shouldn't be the case. And you know what, when you go to work and your boss says, this is what you need to work on, your team leader, your supervisor, whatever title you give that person, you know, we understand that even our supervisors, our managers, our bosses can be in the wrong. They may not know the best. And we can be, yeah, you know, man, it'd just be easier to do it my way. But we all would agree that if we have a boss over us, we should at least meet the standard that they're looking out, that they're seeking from our, from our behalf. Even though you might say, I know more than my boss, it could be true. I've worked in jobs like that where my staff knew more about the job than I did, but that was still submissive to me. Guess what? It's true. Okay. Cause no one is like, well, you're the boss. You've got the authority to fire me if I, you know, make your life hard. And you know, like, like again, submit, submitting, it can be difficult, but when we acknowledge that there are authorities in our life, we'd say, well, you know, that is the right thing to do. We, we, we recognize that it's the right thing to do, but when we suddenly talk about wives submitting to your own husbands, ah, that's so old fashioned, ah, you're saying we're just below men that, you know, we're not equal to man or when we're, we're just garbage in the sight of man. And, and all of a sudden that's the, that's the view that people have today and it's because of feminism. I'll just straight out and tell you, that's why it's because of this movement of feminism and you know, if you are, if you were to ask my mom, mom, you know, you asked my mom, mama, you're a feminist. You say, yeah, yeah, I was because you know, from when, when she was like, my mom's, you know, in the late seventies now, but you know, when, when feminism, what feminism meant when she was a teenager was, you know, the right to, to vote or the right for a woman to get an education or something like that. Right. And like, you know, those things obviously start from kind of, ah, maybe almost an innocent mindset, but these, these, ah, these movements are much deeper than what you realize, like as time goes on, you start to recognize what more feminism means more and more and more. It means to destroy men. It's a hatred toward men and it's not just a hatred toward men, wives submit yourselves to your own husbands. Oh, I can't do that. That's God's instruction to wives. If you rebel against that, you're not just rebelling against a man, you're actually rebelling against the words of God. And that's what feminism leads to. Oh, how can a man have authority of a woman? And yet you look at the feminists today, you know what they're in favor of? Friends rights. If a man wants to be a woman, he can do that. And then we find ourselves in a situation which you've been hearing about in the Olympics where a male boxer can start beating up on the female boxers, start batching up females and earn a gold medal and the praise of the world. Look at this man who was able to beat up a woman and get the gold medal. And that's fine. Somehow that's fine. A man actually literally taking his fists to a woman in a head and that's okay in the eyes of feminism. But a wife submitting to her own husband, oh, that's, I can't do that. But you can beat up on a woman, that's fine. As long as he says to the woman, where does this take us? Society that we live in today has just gone insane. Why is it so hard for wives to submit to your own husbands? You say pastor, you don't know my husband. You know? Well look, if we had preaching like this, wives submitting to your own husbands, you know what would happen? When young girls are looking for a husband, they're going to be looking for a man that they're going to say, hey, this is a man I can submit under. It's going to help our young ladies make the best decisions in the husband she chooses in life. And that's going to help men. Men are going to be like, man, I better be a loving leader. I better be a good leader. I'm going to be a provider, okay? And then that's going to increase the quality of men. If I want to get married, I better make sure that I present myself as husband material to a godly woman, a man who works hard, a man who can provide, a man who can love. And that's going to help men as well, be the kind of men that God has given us instructions to be. So when you got women that say, I don't need a man, then men are like, well, then what's the point of me trying to help a woman then? She can take care of herself. She can be beat up in the head by some mailbox if she wants. Instead of stepping up as men and say, no, God's given us authority. Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands. You don't have to submit yourself to every single man on this planet, to your own husbands. So you choose the right husband, right? That's going to help marriages. That's going to help families. Going to help young men fix themselves up to be like, I better be the quality guy, right? Like if all men worry about is their looks, my looks, my looks, my looks. But you know, you're not a provider. You're not a hard worker. You're not taking care of things. You're not showing your future father-in-law that you can take care of his daughter. You know, you're not going to be the catch. You're not going to be the guy, you know, that girls are looking for at the end of the day. But what I love about this, and I've got, what do I have, I have six points for you this morning. Wives, I want to help you submit yourselves to your husbands. And I hope all ladies, I hope every wife in this church does that. But the first thing we see here in verse 18, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands. Look at this. As it is fit in the Lord, okay, it is fitting in God's eyes that you be submissive to your husbands. You ladies, wives, do you think the Lord loves you? Do you think the Lord wants the best for you? Then he says it is fitting, it is suitable, it is appropriate for you to be submissive to your own husbands. That's the best place for you to be as a married woman, submitting yourself to your husband as it is fitting. This is the proper order of things. Ladies, if you break the proper order of things, I promise you you're going to have hardships in your marriage that were unnecessary. Marriage already is hard in of itself. You're taking two sinners, a man and a woman who are naturally selfish and they have to submit themselves, obey the rules that God has given us, okay, fighting the flesh, fighting selfishness, doing the best we can one for another because we're one flesh. Marriage is already a tough assignment. It's a very blessed one if you get it right. Why do we want to make things more complicated, more difficult when it's completely unnecessary? It is fitting in the eyes of the Lord in his will for wives to submit to their own husbands. Now sometimes ladies are like, well what if my husband's not looking out for my best? What if he's asking something contrary to God's will in my life? Well another way we can understand that phrase as it is fit in the Lord is that your submission ought to be to the point where it is fitting in the Lord, where it lines up with God's will. So if your husband is asking you to do something wicked, if your husband is asking you to do something sinful, that would not be fitting in the Lord, would it? So in that scenario, guess what ladies, you don't have to submit to your own husbands. If your husbands are asking you to do wicked, sinful things. But if it's fitting, if you can't open the Bible and say, well no, this is, I can't show a Bible verse, God is against what you're asking me to do, then wives, you ought to be submissive to your own husbands. Say pastor, when are you going to teach on husbands loving their wives, not in this series because this series is on submission, though we're going to touch upon that a little bit today as well. But like I said, there are essentially two ways to understand this. It is fitting, it is God's proper order for wives to be submissive to their husbands. And also the submission is based on whether it is actually fitting to the Lord. So this is something that gets brought up, that I've heard brought up over the years as I've been at church. Ladies ask him, but what if my husband asked me to, I don't know, buy him alcohol, should I go ahead and do that? No, because drinking alcohol is a sin. So I say, husband, look, you know, looking out for your best, you shouldn't be drinking that substance. It's not good for you. But you know, at the end of the day, if that's what you want to do, that's up to you. But I just can't go out and do it myself. I need to obey God. I need to obey God rather than man. And I'm willing to be submissive to you as long as it lines up with God's will. And if it's contrary to God's will, husband, I can't be submissive in this area. But the reason I really like this point about it is fitting the Lord is because marriage isn't so much about like, obviously, husbands want their wives to be submissive. I don't think any husband, I don't think anyone will come after service they pass, I don't want my wife to be submissive to me. I don't think any husband will say that, right? And sometimes wives have this idea that it's my husband, my sinful husband with problems with defects, welcome to the real world. That's every single human being, but you know, it's my husband that wants me to be submissive to him. No, it's the Lord that wants you to be submissive to him. It's not your husband's instruction to be submissive to him. It's not even this pastor's instruction to be submissive to your husband. It's the Lord's instruction. It's his proper order of things. This is how God shows you his love, wives. He wants you to be protected. He wants you to have someone that's looking out for your best. So God chooses the institution of marriage, a husband, to be there for his wife. To be protective, to provide, to give her security, to give her the love she needs. The best thing in your life, what's going to strengthen your marriage is to be submissive to your own husbands. Not because some man said so, because God says so. These are God's instructions to you. Can you come with me to Ephesians 5? We're going to spend most of the sermon in Ephesians 5. Ephesians 5 and verse number 21, Ephesians 5 and verse number 21. Point number one, ladies, it is fit in the Lord to submit yourselves to your husband. Point number one, it is fit. It is fitting, it is suitable, it is appropriate in the Lord to submit yourselves to your own husbands. Ephesians 5 verse number 21, Ephesians 5 and verse 21, it says submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Now we saw that earlier, that being in the context of church. Then we get to verse number 22, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands. So this is an argument that I've heard some people use. They'll say yes, yes, yes, yes, wives should be submissive to their own husbands. But verse number 21 said submitting yourselves one to another. So see, husbands also need to be submissive to their wives. If the wives are asking for, you know, telling the husbands what to do, the husband wants to go, yes wife, I'll do that. And that's where people, look, now here's the thing, if verse number 21 was saying that, husbands, you need to be submissive to your wives, okay, then like if verse number 21 is this general, everybody submits one to another, general rule for marriage, like parents submit yourselves to your children as well, if this was like this general rule for family, then verse number 22 would be completely redundant, exactly, it would be completely redundant. Because wives would already fit under verse number 21 as well. Now if you're following the reading of this, and in fact Colossians, we looked at Colossians, because Colossians also gives us that instruction in Colossians 3, Colossians 3 did not bring up the submitting one to another, but it did bring up the wives submitting to their own husbands, because that reference is specifically about marriage, that verse there, okay, whereas when we get here in Ephesians 5, verse number 21, which I've already covered in my second series, is that this is speaking on behalf of the church, as we gather together to serve the Lord, to better our service, to better our worship, to better our fellowship, we need to be submissive one to another, but then we get to verse number 22, and now we're dealing with marriage, okay, and in marriage the instruction is, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, the second point that I have for you is what ends, what it ends with, as unto the Lord. Submit to your own husbands as unto the Lord, so should we be submissive to the Lord, yes that's the first sermon in this series, and should we sometimes be submissive to the Lord, or should we always be submissive to the Lord, do we question God's will, and question God's way, and challenge God with what he says in his word, we don't, but again we know that God is perfect, we know that his judgment is always right, and we know wives, you know your husband's judgment isn't always right, okay, but God tells us to submit your husbands as you do unto the Lord, and as your husband does unto the Lord, as each one of us ought to, as unto the Lord submit ourselves, even when we rebel against the Lord, and we sin against the Lord, we still to understand that we should have at that moment submitted ourselves to God, so the level of submission is the same level that we ought to submit to the Lord, it's a big ask, I understand ladies, I understand it's a big ask, but God would not be asking you if it was impossible, God would not be asking you if, oh you don't know my husband, the Lord knows your husband, you don't know my husband's faults, every husband has faults, sometimes I want my wife to, can you make a list of all my faults, and share it with all the ladies at church, so they realize that every husband has issues, isn't that true, wives, your husband's not perfect, you know that, and husbands you know your wife's not perfect, so what, so what, doesn't God know even more so than us, our imperfections, our sins, our struggles, our weaknesses, and yet God tells you submit yourself to your husbands as unto the Lord, so the proper approach as believers, if husband says, this is what goes, you ought to be, it's like, it's like God asks, this is how it goes, so I'm going to do that, and why isn't your same person, you're just a man, you don't understand, I do understand, because guess what, I've had to be submissive to a boss at the workplace, and sometimes the boss is like, we're going to do this, and I know that's not the best way to do it, but at the end of the day, what he says goes, and if it fails, it's on him, because he made the decision, if it succeeds, it's on him, if it fails, it's on him, wives, sometimes your husband's going to make decisions, and they're not the right decisions, they're not the best decisions, I'm not saying they're sinful, if they're sinful, of course, you're not to submit in that scenario, but there are times in life, we always have to make decisions in life constantly, and it's hard to make decisions sometimes, and your husband wants to make a decision, and you think, well, there are issues, this is a better way, but your husband's thought about all the different steps, you say, how do I submit to him, as unto the Lord, say, pastor, how did you submit to your bosses when you disagreed with their ways, I just said, God, this is your business, I'm going to make you my employer, and Lord, if you're saying, this is the way we're going, we're going that way, I will be submissive to my boss, like I am unto the Lord, so this garbage that men don't understand, of course, we understand, we've got to go to work, and be submissive to some guy, he's probably not even saved, he's probably only thinking about money, rather than the benefit of myself, you know, just thinking about profits, your husband's thinking about the family, your husband's thinking about the people that God has put him under, sorry, under him, his wife, his children, it's always hard to be submissive to a man, it's already hard to be submissive to God, but that's the easiest one, but God wants you to, in the same way that you'd be submissive to the Lord, is to be submissive to your husband, God is asking that of you, you know, some people get around, well, that's the book of Ephesians, the book of Colossians, don't you know, pastor, that was written by Paul, and Paul was an unmarried man, because he hated women, that's how people try to get around with this, right, oh, you don't know the culture of that day, that's how men viewed women, and this is coming out, the culture is coming out in the writings, but we're in 2024, you know, things have changed, no, the Lord's never changed, Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today, and forever, God's never changed, he's the God of 2024, just as much as he was the God when Paul wrote this epistle, human beings, at the end of the day, society changes, but it's always changing, human beings are the same, we're sinful creatures, we're constantly trying to find ways to get around God's word, and do it our way, our own way, I hate feminism, I'll tell you that, I hate feminism, oh, we just wanted to vote, sounds good, why don't you trust your husband to vote on behalf of the whole family, rather than dividing the family to do two different opinions, back in the day when men could only vote, they voted on behalf of themselves, of their family, what's best for me, what's best for my wife, what's best for the future of my children, the next generation, that's how I'm going to cast my votes, oh, we need to give the ladies vote, you know, let's vote, okay, now you create, you know, policies for women, women's issues, and vote for women's issues, and then men going to vote for men's issues over here, no, it used to be family issues, you vote for the best of your family, you don't vote for the best of man, or the best for woman, you vote for the best of families, why do you think families are falling apart, in the generation that we live in, why are there more divorces than there have ever been, because it's no longer the family, it's men versus women, and you ask a woman, what is a woman today, you ask a feminist, what is a woman today, they can't even give you the answer, because even a man who wants to beat up a woman in the Olympics can be called a woman if he wants, and he can go ahead and beat her up if he wants, is that the future we want, do we want a future where men are assaulting women, and then men can just, ah, but I'm a woman, I identify as a woman, so it's okay. Man, we live in a strange world, but you know these strange things like entering churches, and pastors teach, well, happy wife, happy life, men do whatever your wife wants, I agree, happy wife, happy life, I actually agree with that, but what's going to make my wife happy, to be submissive to her own husband, but people take that happy wife, happy life as, well, men do what your wife wants, keep her happy, no, what's going to keep her happy is following the instructions that the God who loves her, that wants her to be happy, wants her to be joyful, if we follow those steps, she'll be happiest, the happiest that she's ever been in life, as unto the Lord, the verse continues in verse 23, for the husband is the head of the wife, that's what the Bible says, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Saviour of the body, look, is there any doubt that Christ is the head of this church, I would not want to be at church today if Christ was not the head of this church, well, in the same way that Christ is the head of the church, and that's a good thing, is it not, that's the best thing for New Life Baptist Church, for Jesus Christ to be the head of this church, then the best thing for a marriage is for the husband to be the head of his wife, that's the comparison, oh, it's not good for the husband to be the head, all right, then it's not good for Christ to be the head of the church, God is equating these two things, the best thing for New Life Baptist Church is for Christ to be the head, the best thing for your marriage is for the husband to be the head, he needs to be the leader, he needs to be in charge, he has to make the hard decisions, and wives, submit yourself to that, it's the best thing for you, it's the best marriage you have, the happiest marriage you have, is to follow God's instructions for you, so with the husband being the head, this brings us to our third point, wives, be a follower, if he's the head, then you follow the head, if Christ is the head of this church, then we follow Christ, don't we? We don't follow human beings, we follow Christ, he's the author and the finisher of our faith, as we run the race where our eyes are on Christ, the prize is Christ, and again, I don't think anyone would argue that the best way to live your life is to put Christ in your sights and follow after him, or wives, when it comes to your marriage, when it comes to your family, follow after your husband, God has given him as the head of your family, the head of you, not because God hates you, because he loves you, because he wants the best for you, be a follower, let him lead, let him lead, that means you have to trust him to lead, right, trust him, tell your husbands I trust you, I believe you're going to make the best decisions you can for our family, and even when you mess up, I'm still going to be behind you, because that's human beings, we mess up sometimes. I find it best, like again, I've had to be leaders in different scenarios, leaders in different scenarios in life, I find it best that you have that one head, you've got that one leader, that one leader is free to decide the direction he's got to take, whatever it is, and making a bad decision sometimes, many times, I think maybe all the times, is better than no decision at all, because when the leader makes a good decision, he gets the credit, when the leader makes a bad decision, he should also put his hand up, my bad, let's get things right, isn't that life, picking yourself up and doing better, well guess what leaders are going to make mistakes sometimes, and wife just because your husband makes mistakes sometimes, does not mean he's not the head of you, does not mean that God has stripped away his leadership from him, because every leader is going to make mistakes at some time, every leader, except the Lord, he never makes a mistake my Lord, but you need to allow him to lead, can you keep your finger there and come with me to Proverbs 31 please, Proverbs 31, Proverbs 31, Proverbs 31 in verse number 10, Proverbs 31 verse number 10, wives this is for you, Proverbs 31 10, who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies, you know what that verse is saying, a virtuous woman is hard to find, and when I look at this church and I see several ladies, I want to think of each one of you as a virtuous woman, a woman that was very hard to find, but somehow you're all here in your life Baptist church, making us a very virtuous church, but what I'm trying to say ladies is that sometimes it is hard to be virtuous, doesn't mean you can't become that person, okay, and I want you to notice what verse number 11 says, if you can be that virtuous woman, verse number 11 says, the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil, she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life, all the days of her life, good not evil to her husband, that's a virtuous woman, so there are days that I've given my husband a really hard time, I've been contentious, I've been argumentative, I've not been submissive, you know I told him all his failings and you know I even gossiped about him to my lady friends and I've done wrongly, then you've not been virtuous at that point in time, it doesn't mean you can't clean it up right, it doesn't mean you can't change about who you are, you want your husband to safely trust in you, you don't want to be argumentative, let him lead, let him be the head and when he makes a bad decision, don't be like I told you so, you never listen, you know you failed the family, you failed me, you get behind that man all the days of your life, the bible says, even when he makes a mistake, say husband I'm behind you anyway, let's fix this, I'm behind you in fixing this, instead of beating him up for every mistake that he makes, we all make mistakes, how would you feel if you're just constantly reminded, you know your face being constantly put in the mud, oh you stuffed up and you know what, husbands and wife were supposed to be one flesh, like my wife is the person that I'm supposed to love the most on this earth and vice versa, how would your husband feel, this is the woman I love the most, this is the woman that I go and work five days or six days a week, you know eight hours, 10 hours, 12 hours to put a roof over her head, to give her what she needs and she's constantly criticizing me, it's going to destroy your husband, wives you want your husband to safely trust in you, get behind your husband, do him good, don't do him evil, let him lead, let him lead, so the third point is be a follower, he is the head, not because he said so, because God said so, he's the head because God said so and look this is, I know I'm aiming it to the ladies, but this is just as much to the men, if you're the head you're in charge, it's a big responsibility, don't forget if Christ is the head of this church, that's a huge responsibility on Christ's orders, that's a huge responsibility on you men to be the head, be a strong leader, show your wife that she can trust in you and when she's showing her trust in you, you show your trust to her, your heart will safely trust in her, say honey I know you also want the best for me, I want the best for you, I want the best for my family and I know you also want the best for me, you're going to come alongside and you're going to follow and you're not going to constantly criticize because anybody can do that, anybody can criticize, so I say that because being a follower means every day, you're doing good every day of your life, you know again if he's going a sinful direction, no no you be submissive as long as it's fitting in the Lord okay, as unto the Lord, the Lord's not going to ask you to sin, the Lord's not going to ask you to do wickedness, so we're not talking about that, don't start thinking about all the wicked and sinful things and trying to make an argument why you should not be submissive to your husbands, we already covered that point okay, as unto the Lord, as it is fitting in the Lord, but let him lead, he is the head, you be a follower, if you're back there in Ephesians, come back with me, Ephesians chapter 5 verse number 24, Ephesians 5 24, therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing, wow, I did not write that in your Bible, it's there, in every thing, just like a church ought to be submissive to the Lord in everything, wives you ought to be submissive to your husbands in everything, what about the sins, we covered that, no, the Lord will never ask you to sin, but my husband's asked me then don't be submissive to those requests, everything is obviously besides sin, obviously besides wickedness, in everything else, be submissive to your own husbands, wow, everything, that's what the Bible says, I want you to take that in a little bit there, but then husbands if it's in everything, then you need to be giving direction and help and advice in everything as well, shouldn't you, if it's in everything, then you should be giving direction in everything, don't be like well that's my wife's life over there, look there's a lot that my wife does without checking up on me, right, she homeschools the kids, she prepares dinner, I don't even ask her what to cook, she always does something nice, I'm not a picky eater, I always enjoy the meals, okay, if you want to give direction to your wife to what to cook, that's your business, but I don't feel like I have to, okay, she's got a lot of responsibilities, all right, upon her own shoulders, and I'm not there like this micromanager, are you making sure this is being done, being done, my wife knows now by now, by now it's been 20 or 21, I don't even know anymore, 20 years that we've been married, all right, she knows what I trust her with, she doesn't have to check up on me every so often, sometimes she might be like we need to purchase this or we need to purchase that, can we fit it in our budget, I mean that's a good thing to do, she's been submissive even with the finances, but you know I give her a budget, I say look this is how much you can spend per week and you know what, you don't have to spend it all this week, if you need to spend more next week, save it up and use that, you know, I give it and sometimes it goes beyond budget, but that's when she checks with me, she doesn't just take my card and start spending the money like crazy, I can tell you now, as far as finances go, my heart's safely trusting her, like I don't have to make sure, you know, use this debit card with this limit or something like that, right, I don't have to do that with my wife, but see husbands, we need to be involved in our wives lives, we need to have already given her some guideline, some direction, you know, for her to understand how much freedom do I have in this area or that area and if it gets a little bit beyond that point, when is it that I need to check with my husband, this attitude that this is my life over here and that's her life over there and we do think separate, that's not going to work for your marriage, how can she be submissive in everything if you're not involved in everything, be subject in everything, now this doesn't mean wives that you can't voice your opinions, I don't know of any leader, any good leader that does not listen to the words, concerns and thoughts of his followers, I don't know of any that operate that way, like good leaders and so husbands ought to do the same, wives, I believe you should voice your opinions, can you come with me to Proverbs 27, Proverbs 27, again keep a finger there in Ephesians 5, Proverbs 27 please, there's nothing wrong with a wife voicing her concern, my wife is not shut up woman and just sit in the kitchen and cook me a sandwich, make me a sandwich, I'm happy for my wife to bring up her thoughts and opinions to me about different things but wives it's how you bring up your opinions and thoughts, let's go back to the workplace scenario, my manager says we're going to do this moving forward and I've got concerns, I see problems, I see issues with that direction, what am I going to do as a good employee, I'm going to knock on my boss's office, excuse me boss you have about 10 minutes, just want to discuss a few things and if I have a good boss sure or come see me in the afternoon or come see me tomorrow whatever okay and I sit down and say boss, you're the boss, I'm behind you 100% and whatever you decide, I'm behind you, this is how I talk to my bosses by the way, honestly this is just, boss before I say anything I want you to know that I'm behind you and whatever direction you want to take I'm with you but I just want to share some concerns I have in this area, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, how am I talking to my boss with respect right, with respect, acknowledging at the end of the day it's your call and I'm behind you all the way, I'm being honest and you know what I would say more often than not when I've done that my boss was like you know what you've raised some really good issues, you're right we should not do that just now or let's adjust what we're doing to address those concerns of yours more often than not I would say 70% of the times I've done something like that my boss has taken my concerns and adjusted what they were planning on doing those 30% of the times they're like well I've considered those things I know but there's no real perfect way of doing this you know by all the different options that I've got available to me this is the best one that I can see at this moment in time and I'm gonna do it but thank you for sharing your concerns is what my boss would often say to different bosses and I'd be like well thank you for allowing me to share my concerns I'm behind you anyway let's get this done I know what it means to be submissive I know what it means to follow somebody in a direction you don't think is the best but what if I just jumped in there boss you're wrong you're messing things up you don't know I know better than you you don't listen to anybody here boss you only care for yourself you think my boss is going to listen to me I'll probably lose my job if I talk to my manager like that or wives you need to be mindful about the way you talk to your husbands I'm not saying don't voice your concerns this is the proper way to do it look at Proverbs 27 verse number 15 a continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike now here's the funny thing I actually like rain sometimes when I'm struggling to sleep I'll put on rain sounds on youtube and that gentle rain but but what I don't like is when I've had a faulty shower okay and I'm trying to sleep and the ensuite shower drip drip drip drip it's like what do we do get a bucket under that can't sleep that frustration God says that's like a contentious woman a contentious woman is an argumentative combative woman pushing against your leadership criticizing your every decision being disrespectful in the way she raises her concerns making you feel like an idiot God compares that sound of the shower just dripping slowly ah that frustration that's the contentious woman so wives voice your concerns but how you do it don't do it in a contentious manner look when I've gone to my boss and said boss here are my concerns I'm doing it in a respectful not contentious just want you to think about this maybe you really thought about it just maybe you know and sometimes when I raise my concerns my boss had thought about it just did not communicate it clearly enough what that direction would look like or what that answer would be to that concern don't be contentious look at verse 16 whosoever hide of her hide of the wind and the ointments of his right hand which be rife itself be rife is like betray itself let's say in verse number 16 the ability to hide a contentious woman is as impossible as it as it is to hide the wind like men we can't control the weather contentious women are uncontrollable we can't control the weather contentious women are uncontrollable the ointment of his right hand let's say a man puts on perfume or something right some ointment he can't hide the smell right the world's saying here that if you're a contentious wife everybody knows you cannot be hidden as much as the husband might be oh no no my wife's okay she's fine it's all good no she's submissive everybody knows she's not women you destroy your reputation when you're contentious when you're rebellious when you're disrespectful you destroy your own testimony a husband cannot control the wind now I believe leaders should also learn to lead learn to lead because a good leader will often get people under them I do believe improving your leadership skills can help your marriage but you know what in some scenarios you can have the best of the best of the best husbands and that woman's just going to be contentious she's like the wind she cannot be hidden and the only one that's going to be able to change that is the woman herself with the help of God ladies don't be this one you destroy yourself destroy your family God wants the best for you I don't know if I mentioned did I mention point number four be subject in everything be subject in everything that doesn't mean you shut up and never do it like no you raise your concerns don't do it in a contentious manner how do I do it past I'll just quickly read to you from Colossians 4 6 let your speech be all way with grace seasoned with salt that you may know how you ought to answer every man season your speech with grace speak to your husbands with grace season it you know like like when you're cooking you've got to get the salt right you got to go to the pantry and you get the salt and you got to add it to whatever you're cooking right meaning that our speech by default we had a filter is not seasoned by default you have to put the effort in ah pantry salt ah now I can talk to my husband okay you got to prepare yourself to voice your opinions prepare the words you're about to say before you just because ladies you're emotional more than men like we're all emotional but women are generally a little bit more they they respond more from emotions which is not a bad thing of itself it's the way to nurture children they need that touch from their mothers but before you go and and just complain and voice your concerns to your husband before you just react out of the heart you go and you take the time to go to the pantry and you pick up grace okay god's grace ah god help me before I speak to my husband ah attract the salt in there okay now it's tasty now it tastes good the what I want to say tastes good all right now I'm ready to voice my concerns to my husband otherwise it's going to be like a continual dropping to your husband's ears and he can't handle it I mean your concerns might be completely legitimate but the way you go about speaking to him will destroy his ability to take that in and consider that instead of thinking about the concern he'll be thinking about this wife hates me why does she why doesn't she allow me to lead am I that bad of a husband do I really deserve to be treated this way be subject in everything you know what else is going to destroy your marriage is when you take the approach that marriage is 50 50 50 50 50 and this goes both ways both ways I've heard men say I can't love my wife because she's not submissive to me if she were submissive I would love her but then we look at the example Christ actually gave his life to the church before the church was submissive to him but sometimes we take this view well husband my my sorry husband my pastor my husband does not love me the way that he ought he's not fulfilling his responsibilities as a husband therefore I'm not going to fulfill my responsibilities as a wife yeah if you have a 50 50 approach to marriage you're going to be like that my husband's only fulfilling 10 of what he's supposed to do therefore I'm going to lower what I'm doing to 10 as well no the best advice that I ever had with marriage just the day that I got married my pastor said to me marriage is 100 100 and the advice was Kevin when Christina's not fulfilling her roles as a wife you must still give a hundred percent as a husband and Christina when Kevin's not fulfilling his roles as a husband you must still give a hundred percent to fulfill your role as a wife you see where to be subject in everything a hundred percent ladies hundred percent I know it's hard life is hard welcome to real life I mean it's hard sometimes right based in God's way is always the best don't we believe that a hundred percent a hundred percent now look ladies when your husbands aren't performing the way they should you feel like you need to get it out you need to like vent all right so that's when like you know you call your girlfriends up can we get together and uh you know just want to catch up with you and then you just complain about your husbands or if you've got a job you go to work and there's my colleagues I'll just complain about my husband I know the need to vent and get things off your chest I get it you don't need to call me you don't need to message me if you want the best you can do is say pastor can you just pray for me and my husband can you please pray for our marriage that's all I need to know and I'll be on my knees to God praying for your marriage promise you that because I value marriage very very highly I do you know before God created the church day number one of God's creation or not day number six of but then day number one of man's creation he was married first institution that God gave was marriage before the church I value marriage very highly it's very special it's very beautiful and um yeah I know it can be hard ladies to submit yourself and the need to tell somebody and to vent you know what you don't do ladies is run to your parents you left your parents husbands you don't run to your parents either you sorted out one with another you're one flesh now you're one flesh you've left father and mother you've cleaved one to another they twain shall be one flesh any problems in your marriage you need to talk it out season with salt both husbands and wives season your speech results sort things out say pastor my husband is still I've tried my best I've been submissive but it's just so difficult he's just failing in every area of his responsibilities toward me what do I do who do I talk to and I love this verse here in first Corinthians 11 verse number three I'll just read it to you listen to it please first Corinthians 11 verse number three but I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ Christ and the head of the woman is the man and the head of Christ is God that's God the father the head of the woman is her husband but who do I go to if my husband's failing you go to the head of the man you go to the head of the husband which is Christ look if I was working a job I've never been in this scenario but if I was working a job and my boss was just this horrible person at me just mistreated me you know who I would go to his boss or HR or whatever it is right whatever responsibilities around the workplace you know who you go to when your husbands are failing you you don't run to your girlfriends you don't run to your pastor you run to Jesus Christ and say Christ this is my head here's my boss but you're the boss over him and he's not fulfilling his responsibilities Christ my lord and savior can you sort him out please that's the proper way you go in prayer to God and Christ sets us the example his head is God the father even Christ is able to be submissive submissive to the point of death to pay for our sins Christ set the example Christ says I'm willing to be submissive to my head and Christ is the head of every man husband be careful if you're not fulfilling your responsibilities as a husband because Christ is over you and he sees everything and you don't want him to bring his heavy hand of chastisement upon you he's given you a beautiful wife for beautiful woman to look after to take care of her needs and if you neglect to do that job man watch out for the boss Christ is there and wives he runs with the boss that's how you vent that's who you talk to you don't need to go on some chat group you don't need to go on some ladies conversations and meetings to bag out your husbands that man is your one flesh you're bagging out yourself and man when you bag out your wives you're bagging out yourself you're one flesh you run to Christ he's the boss he's the HR department right I need to tell you something HR department this guy's not treating me right he's not fulfilling his responsibilities properly can you please fix him and I believe Christ will fix it somehow Christ will fix it can you come back with me to Ephesians 5 verse number 25 Ephesians 5 25 husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it what a huge responsibility that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word that he might present it to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blemish so what men to love their wives as their own bodies he that loveth his wife loveth himself for no man ever yet hateth his own flesh look at this but nourisheth and cherishes even as the Lord the church for we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones the Bible says in verse number 29 the Lord nourishes and cherishes the church husbands are to nourish and to cherish their wives I'm not preaching to men so much there like I said okay say pastor I've already made that decision you know I've got a husband that doesn't nourish nor cherish me I'm sorry if that's your case okay but we still need to preach this like I said there are ladies here they're young ladies who have not yet been married okay they're gonna have to make a solid decision on who their future spouse is going to be and point number five for the unmarried ladies is marry the man who will nourish and cherish you marry the man who will nourish and cherish you nourish is to provide to take care of your needs to look out for your best to cherish is to love nurture take care all right you're precious you know the virtuous woman something that is costly and precious and valuable and he appreciates that about you appreciates your personality appreciates your appearance nourish and cherish we live in a society where women are told you don't need a man I don't need a man what's that song all your honey is making money throw your hands up at me I don't need a man I'm making the money yeah if you've got that attitude you won't need to find the man who's going to nourish and cherish you I can nourish and cherish myself don't need a man you're gonna find you're gonna marry some loser some awful horrible man see if we hear this preaching before we make some huge mistake in life and marry the wrong person young ladies will understand and fathers will tell their daughters marry a man who will nourish and cherish you and husbands will keep their eye out for a man who can have those qualities toward his daughter this idea this feminism this garbage I don't need a man the bible tells me I need a woman it's not good for a man to be alone I'm happy I have to admit I need a wife I'm happy to admit that but something wrong with a woman to admit they need a husband like what the hell I don't get it husbands are to nourish and cherish again don't you think that's going to increase the quality of men when you're like man you know you know okay I want to find a girl to marry one day and you're like a complete bum ah but it doesn't matter like she doesn't really need a man she's making the money right she's taking care of it all she just needs somebody to have children with down the track or something like that and the quality of men are just going to diminish because women don't need a man so what's the point of men trying his best but if all women were listening to this preaching and say you know what when I get married I better find a man who's going to nourish and cherish me meaning I need a man who's going to be protective and loving toward me and they're looking and they're looking throughout the world and the men are like how come these women want to marry me how come I can't find anybody then the man's going to say within himself I better better myself I need to be the man who can nourish I need to be the man who can provide I need to be working a job that can put a roof over my wife's head that's going to be paying the bills and paying the meals and paying the children's education and their development and their best I better be that and their best I better be that guy instead of being a bum man it's like when you just you remove that authority husbands ahead submit yourself wives it just messes society completely the best thing for men to be quality men is for women to submit themselves to their husbands to show the example to other young ladies you need a man who's going to nourish and cherish you and as I said ladies if you have a man if you have a husband that doesn't nourish and cherish you you run to his boss say boss Jesus you gave me this boss over me and he's failing can you fix him the Bible continues in verse number 31 for this caller shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife and they too shall be one flesh I love that the most important human being on this planet to you is your spouse number one Christina is my number one I hope I'm her number one that's how we ought to look at our spouses it's my number one we're one flesh and we've left mother and father we're a new family we've got to figure this out together we can't run to mum and dad every time it's difficult we need to figure this out for the benefit of our life and marriage and our children verse number 32 this is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ in the church nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself look at this and the wife see that she reverence her husband point number six ladies is give reverence to your husband wow that's what it says and the wife see that she reverence her husband give reverence to your husband reverence is similar to respect but if you look up dictionary definitions it's much more mostly most dictionary definitions will tell you it's a deep respect like I can respect somebody's office or position but I may not like that person that individual themselves I might show respect to the prime minister but I may not be his biggest fan right but reverence is that you deeply respect the person behind the title okay reverence a deep respect can you come with me to first peter chapter three first peter chapter three first peter chapter three and verse number four first peter chapter three reverence first peter three four says here but let it be the hidden man of the heart in that which is not corruptible even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of god of great price for after this manner that manner of the meek and quiet spirit something in god which is of great price for after this manner in the old time the holy women also who trusted in god adorned themselves being in subjection unto their own husbands this gives us a bit more right being subjection the meek and quiet spirit but I want to keep building on that it says in verse number six even as sarah obeyed abraham calling him lord whose daughters ye are as long as ye do well and are not afraid with any amazement this should not bring you amazement like oh I can't believe it I'm amazed that Sarah called her husband lord he said this should not amaze you if you have a meek and quiet spirit you too as daughters of Sarah spiritually speaking should be able to say to your husband lord now we're not talking lord like lord jesus christ in deity form but in his position in his authority to revere him to see him as as someone of quality quality someone of importance someone of great value someone of great prestige ladies I don't know who you think of some great man I don't know there are no great men but the greatest man in your life ought to be a husband the greatest man in your life ought to be your husband girls sometimes revere their dads look up to dad but you know dad was a husband too and he's a sinner too to revere your husband lord means master leader ruler and what does it say again even as Sarah obeyed abraham calling lord whose daughters ye are as long as ye do well this is well doing to revere your husband with a meek and quiet spirit in god's view in his sight this is of great price give reverence to your husband respect him it can't be that hard when your husband comes home from work to be there and open the door even if you're in the middle of cooking a meal give him a hug give him a kiss give him a kiss good to see you missed you while you're away at work give reverence you know when you serve the plates give him the first plate I mean he worked hard all day give him the first meal before you give it to the kids or you give it to the dog or the cat whatever you got give it to the husband he's worked hard he's given you eight ten hours to take care of your needs you're able to greet him with a kiss and a hug and to bring him a plate of his favorite dish or whatever it is that he wants can't be that much to ask can it revere your husband treat him like a leader respect him as the greatest man you've ever seen in your life and I promise you if anything's going to change your man your husband's heart that's going to change his heart and he says hold on why is my wife treating me so well all of a sudden why is she honoring me so much all these these days now man I'm finding her even more attractive than I used to she's even more beautiful than she's ever been man I'm willing to do even more for my wife what projects are half finished that she wants me to get done I'll get busy on them right away that's going to change your husband's heart with the help of the Lord of course you say what if my husband is an unbeliever well you're there in first peter same chapter look at verse number one first peter chapter three verse number one likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear this is to an unsaved husband god is still telling the wife a saved wife of an unsaved husband be in subjection to him how much more your saved husband this isn't oh well he wasn't saved we didn't get you know we didn't know this teaching before we got married we got married when we were unsaved and I'm the only one that's saved in this situation does that mean I don't need to obey him and be submissive no win him over win him over to Christ by your chaste conversation that's your behavior your chaste behavior coupled with fear your honor your respect your reverence toward him let him go hold on why is my wife acting in such a different manner than all the other women of the earth why is she treating me so well it must be that bible she reads god must be changing her for the better wow there must be power in the word of god I need to figure out what that is wise man if you're able to subject to submit yourself to your own husbands you can win your husbands to the lord that's how powerful your behavior can be by submitting to him so yeah if your husband's an unbeliever nothing changes nothing changes this is the way it is whether you're believing or unbelieving the husband is the head of the wife husbands ought to love their wives and wives ought to be submissive to their own husbands so pastor what if my husband is physically abusive you know well we already covered that right you submit to him as it is fit in as it is fit in the lord do you think it's fit in the lord for your husband to take his fists and pound you to get drunk and be violent to you or the children no you don't need to be submissive in that scenario you remove yourself and put yourself in a safe position whatever it is that you need to do remove yourself put yourself in a safe place don't think I must be disobeying the lord and I still got to put up with him beating me pulling my hair smacking the kids around while he's in some drunken stupor no that's not fitting in the lord you remove yourself put yourself in a safe position and go to his boss go to christ who is his head say christ fix him sort him out help me find a way that I can be submissive to him help him be loving to me help him be the man that he needs to be christ can you fix him but you put yourself in a safe position you don't need to be submissive to your husband if it's not fitting in the lord so brethren in conclusion why I'm sorry that I've gone hard on you here but I just I'm not angry at any women here I'm just angry at this world society this feminism this garbage these women who just want to raise themselves up and they respect a trans woman they respect a man beating up on a woman in the olympics that's what they support that's the craziness no you know what the only thing that's normal is god's word the only thing that's normal is wives submit to your own husbands that's the best thing for this world that's the best thing for your marriage that's the best thing for society but throw that feminist garbage out of your life throw that spirit of Jezebel out of your life and get on the page of the holy spirit of god this is not the instructions of a pastor this is not the instructions of your husband this is the instruction of the lord who loved you who paid for your sins who sent his son to suffer a gruesome death for your benefit for your salvation because he loves you so much and he just says hey wives be submissive so lastly those six points submit yourself to your own husbands as as it is fit in the lord as unto the lord be a follower because your husband's the head be subject in everything marry the man who will nourish and cherish you and lastly give reverence to your husband okay let's pray