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So we've been going through our series on submission and how we flipped it on its head and we're looking at the leaders that God has put over those who we are to submit under. And what we get out of Ephesians 5, Ephesians 5 is such a very famous chapter on marriage. And look at verse number 23, Ephesians 5 23 it says, for the husband is the head of the wife. That's the total for the sermon this morning. The husband is the head of the wife. I know this is contrary to what you learn in society and what the world says. But you know, just like any kind of institution where there's authority and there's those that submit under authority, so too in marriage. Okay, just like you work a job and you might be an employee, there's somebody that is in charge. It's your employer, it's your manager, it's your boss. Just like in church, we come to church and I hope I don't lord myself over the flock here, but you know, the Bible says that the pastor has a rule in the church. And so when it comes to making decisions that come upon the pastor of the church, not a type of democracy system or something like this, when it comes to governments, we are to be submissive to the authorities that God puts over our heads, the lawmakers and the judges. And of course, you know, when it comes to marriage, God has put the head to be the husband, the husband over the wife. And you know, you know, again, this is kind of controversial. It's supposedly controversial in 2024, but it's not been controversial for thousands of years. Like this is kind of just common sense humanity that the husband is the head of the wife. And you know, before anyone turns around and says, ah, you know, your wife must be the slave in the household or something like that. You know, my wife wasn't feeling this well this morning. She said, husband, can I stay home today? I'm not feeling too well. And I'm like, honey, you're not feeling well. Go. I'm like, oh, you've got to get, where's the whip. And I've got to get it. Yeah. You know, you've got to be in church this morning because I'm the head don't you know, look, look, the comparison that we see in verse number 23, the husband is the head of the wife, even in the same way as Christ is the head of the church. So who's the head of this church who has the highest authority here in the house of God, Jesus, even as Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body. All right. So I know many times, and I'm not necessarily saying that our wives in this church, but many times when you preach about wives being submissive to their husbands, I don't want to hear that wise pastor preaching that. And you know, it is, it is challenging to be submissive because you're not always going to agree with the one that God has put in authority over you. But you know, what's even more harder to love your wife or to be the head of your wife, even as Christ is the head of the church and the savior of the body, what do you think is more difficult to receive salvation or to offer yourself as the savior of the whole world to die for the sins of the whole world? Obviously Jesus Christ, who came to die for the sins of the whole world, uh, it is much difficult. In fact, it's impossible for man to do, which is why Christ had to come in the first place. We're coming up to Christmas. He was born in Bethlehem's manger and Christ, um, God, the son lived a perfect life. And why did he come to this earth? To be honored and glorified and to be lifted up as King of all earth. No, his first coming was to offer himself as a sacrifice to die for the sins of the whole world. That's a very difficult thing to do. And husbands, for you to be the head of your wife, it's a very difficult thing to do. This is a comparison that God gives us in his word. Now, if you can, uh, come with me to, uh, Matthew chapter seven, keep a finger there in Ephesians five though, keep a finger there in Ephesians five and come with me to Matthew chapter seven, please. Matthew chapter seven, while you're turning to Matthew seven, I want to read to you from first Corinthians 11. Okay. You go to Matthew seven. I'm going to read to you from first Corinthians 11 and verse three says this, but I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ. And the head of the woman is the man and the head of Christ is God. So when the Bible says that the husband is the head of the wife, you know, before a husband thinks, well, I can just do whatever I want. No, hold on. Husbands, men, you have a head of you and that head is Christ. And Christ has someone who's the head of him. That's God, the father. All right. So I want you to understand that even though you're the husband and you're the head in your family, it doesn't mean you just get to decide and to do whatever the hell you want. You've got a head of you, Jesus Christ. Okay. And you better do what he's, what your head wants you to do as the husband. Look at Matthew 7, verse number one. I just want to take the context of husband and wife here. Matthew 7, verse number one, judge not that ye be not judged. Now, does that mean we can never judge? Of course we can judge. We're to judge righteous judgment. The Bible says, you know, many, every time you make a decision in life, even if you, what you decided to have for breakfast this morning, you've made a judgment. You made a judgment call, whether you're going to have Cocoa Pops or whether you had toasts or whether you had wheat beaks, you judge the situation. And so this morning I'm going to pass judgment and have this or that for breakfast. You say, I didn't have any breakfast. Okay. You passed judgment to say, you didn't, you know, you weren't going to have any breakfast. We are to judge. We're constantly judging, right? But I want you to understand when you judge, when you make a decision and husbands, you're the head of your wife, there are going to times that you pass judgment over your wife. But I want you to understand what verse number two says, but with what judgment you judge, ye shall be judged. And with what measure ye meet, it shall be measured to you again. So when you pass judgments, God says, you're going to be judged by that same level, that same standard, that same measure that you judge others, you will be judged in return. I want you to remember that. Okay. So when you say, ah, my wife's hopeless and she's a failure and you start criticizing, ah, she didn't cook the meal well enough today. Well, God's going to judge you by that same standard. My wife doesn't listen to what I have to say. Do you listen to your head every time he says things? My wife wasn't obedient today. Were you obedient to Christ today? Are you prepared to judge by the same judgments that you will be judged by your head, the Lord Jesus Christ. I want that to just be a somber reminder that being the head of your wife doesn't mean you can do whatever the hell you want. You have authority yourselves, husbands, you have someone judging you as the head of your wife. And I don't know about you, but I want to be rewarded and blessed by Christ. And I want to be not just rewarded and blessed with Christ in running New Life Baptist Church, but I want to be rewarded by how well and how well, how well I lead my wife, how well I do as the head of my wife. And someone's watching me, someone's judging me, someone's making sure that I'm doing things properly. I am being held to account by the Lord Jesus Christ. And I want wives to remember that. All right. So when your husbands aren't performing the way that they should, you run to his head. You say, Jesus, this is the head that you've given me in my life. And he's not fulfilling his responsibilities. Lord, can you fix that, please? He's your servant. That's who you go to when you need help with your husbands. All right. Now come back with me to Ephesians five, Ephesians five. We read verse number 23, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. And he is the savior of the body. Now, if Jesus Christ is the savior of the body, the body there is the church, then husbands, you need to operate as a savior. Okay. Now, obviously you can't save your wife's soul. Okay. She's got to trust the Lord Jesus Christ. Here's the one that's paid for the sins of all mankind, but a savior is one who delivers another from danger or difficulty. Isn't that correct? A savior is someone that delivers one from danger or difficulty. You as the head, right? When the thief breaks into the house, right? You don't send your wife. You're the savior. There's a difficulty. There's a problem. All right. The husband gets up, right? You take out the baseball bat. You take out whatever you've got in the household and you say, honey, you lock the door in the bedroom, wherever it is, right? I'm going out there and I'm facing the danger because I'm the savior of the body. Okay. I'm the one who's willing to lay down my life. If I lose my life for my wife's sake, well, so be it because that's the standard that Christ had with his church. You are the savior of the body. And you know, when we think of dangers, of course, we think of the thief and things like that, you know, dangers and problems don't have to be to that level of extreme nature. It can just be any kind of tribulations that we face in life. You know, just being married, just, just having a family and having children and operating in the world because we live in a sin-cursed world and we are sinners, uh, by default, our natural state is to be a sinner. There's always problems and difficulties. Well, husbands, when there are difficulties that are plaguing your wife, that's not your time to run away from that problem and say, well, wife, that's your problem. You deal with it alone. Now, excuse me, you know, every week on Wednesday nights when we have issues and concerns, what do we do as a church? We go to God in prayer and say, Lord, help me in this difficulty, right? Help me through this problem. Help family so-and-so, help sister so-and-so, help brother so-and-so, Lord, there's a need, there's a requirement. Can you come and deliver them out of their problems? When has God ever said, oh, that's your problem. You deal with it on your own. Husbands are the head of the wife. You're the savior of the body. You're required to help your wife in her difficulties, in her trials, in her tribulations, in her problems. That's why you're the head, okay? This is not just, oh, she does everything. Look, she should do what you ask her to do, but you better be ready to be willing to be the true head and the example that Christ has set for us with him and his church. You know, the best way you can be a great, if you want to be the best husband, the greatest husband, then you need to know how great Jesus Christ is. That's the standard. Christ is the standard. Christ is the example. If you're a lousy husband, I'm sorry, you don't know Christ very well, okay? You don't understand how much Christ has given of himself for his church. You don't understand how ready he is to help us in a time of trial. When we need his aid, he's always there. He'll never leave us, Lord forsake us, Jesus Christ said. Well, husbands is the same. When your wife is having difficulties, well, that's a lady problem. That's your problem. I mean, imagine Christ was like that. We go to God in prayer, Lord, please help me. I lost my job. I need a new job. When God says, oh, that's your problem. You deal with it. You think God's like that? You think Christ is like that when we go to him for aid? And of course not. And husbands, we are not to be that way. We are supposed to be the savior of the body. We are to deliver our wives from dangers and difficulties, help them to deliver them in their time of troubles, okay? That is your responsibility. You are the head. Let's keep going there. Verse number 20. Let's drop down to verse number 25. Ephesians 5 25. Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church. What's the standard of love? How much husbands are you to love your wife as much as Christ loves the church? Do you believe that Christ loves New Life Baptist Church? I do. And he continues in verse 25 and gave himself for it. Brethren, those that make up New Life Baptist Church, those that are saved, Jesus Christ loved you so much that he gave himself for it. He had laid down his life. He went to death. He suffered for the sins of all mankind. He loved us so much. I mean, is there a greater love than God laying down his own life for sinners? So that's a great love. I can't measure up to that love. Maybe, of course, like it's hard. But you know, that's the standard by which husbands are to love their wives. I want you to understand that and gave himself for it. Now, obviously, I've expressed so many times, I can't die for the sins of a man. I can't die for the sins of my wife. Okay. I could die, you know, fighting the thief that broke into the house. Okay. I mean, look, whatever God has given you, the abilities, the strength, the stamina, your time, you ought to be willing to lay it down for your wives, ye who are heads of your wives. You ought to be willing to give everything of yourself to ensure your wife has what she needs in life. You know, personally, I mean, you know, everyone's different. I obviously understand that. But personally, I'd rather work two jobs than send my wife to work a job. Like if I go work a job and I do eight hours, whatever it is, whatever the standard is, right. And I've still got another eight hours of the day, eight hours sleep, eight hours work, another eight hours left to do whatever needs to be done. You know, and we're not making ends meet financially. I'm not saying this is what you have to do. Obviously, we're all different, I understand. But me, when I think about laying myself down for my wife, giving myself for her, you know, instead of sending my wife, well, you better go work a job because we need to make ends meet. I just say, look, I've got another eight hours. I might be able to find a part time job, four hours a day, I might be able to do some overtime, I might be able to work the weekends, whatever I have to do, because I've got to give myself for my wife. I understand we're all different. But that's how I've done. And I've had to do that sometimes. I'm willing to do that. So my wife can stay home. All right, and not watch soap operas, but stay home and watch the family, take care of the children, tidy up the household, right, take care of the responsibilities that have to do with the house. I'd rather do whatever I have to do to make sure she can fulfill her requirements as a wife. And I know this is all old school. And this is so weird. It's 2024, Pastor Kevin. Yeah, I know times change. But God's word never changes. This is the responsibility men with the husbands with a head of our wife. You know, society today is destroying manliness. They think there's something wrong with being a man. There is something wrong with being in charge. Look, you can be in charge as a man, but you got to be willing to lay down your life. It all comes together. This is what it means. You're given of yourself, like think of someone that starts a business, right? I'll use brother Oliver. He starts a window cleaning business, and he takes on employees. All right, look, the employees are not taking any risk. They're going to get their pay at the end of the week, whatever it is, right? It's, it's brother Oliver that takes all the risk. You know, he might have to take out a business loan. He's using his equipment. He might need to ensure he may even go out and get him paid himself, making sure that his employees get paid because that's what the contractual agreement states. When you look, when you take all the risks, when you are willing to lay it all down, that makes you the boss. And brethren, when it comes to the husbands, when it comes to being the boss, you're the boss because you're someone that's willing or ought to be willing to lay it all down for those that are under your, under your authority. That's your wife. And look, when your wife sees that my husband gives me everything that he has, how much easier is it for her to submit under your authority? How much easier? Like, you know, submission is hard already. Why make it harder, husbands? You know, marriage is not 50%, 50%. She's got to do her 50% and if she does it, I'll do my 50%. Imagine if Jesus Christ was like that. I'll save you 50%. As long as you do your 50%, you can go to heaven. Then you're already on your way to hell. If, if salvation was 99% Jesus and 1% you, the 1% you bring has to be perfect. Then you're going to hell. Okay. Because once sin is sufficient to make you deserving of hellfire, salvation is 100% Jesus. This is an example that we have in the Bible. When I got married on my wedding day, my pastor said, marriage is 100%, 100%. You know, if the husband doesn't fulfill his responsibility, the wife should still give her 100%. And if the wife is not fulfilling her 100%, the husband still needs to give his 100%. And that's how marriages work. That's how it also operates. Well, I'll do my part if you do your part. Well, before you know it, she's not going to do her part. You're not going to do his part. Then you're going to go, if he's not doing it, I'm not going to do it. And Oh, and then you'll be like, well, she's not doing that. I'm not going to do less. Before you know it, it's 0%, 0% in marriage. And once it's 0%, 0%, it's divorce. Jesus Christ has given us the example. He gave himself for it. Look at verse 126. Not only did he die for the church, verse 126 says, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That's important. Jesus Christ cleanses the church. Now that we're saved, right? We're still need cleaning up. Just because you got saved doesn't mean you're living a perfect Christian life. You're far from that. In fact, we're all far from that. So we need to be constantly cleansed. We come to church, learn God's word. How does he do that? Washing of water by the word or according to the Bible, by according to the word, according to the Bible. Okay. Verse number 27, that he might present it for himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. Hear that love of his wife love of himself. So notice that one way we can love our wives, husbands is to sanctify and to cleanse. We're helping our wives along in her life journey as she grows and she develops and she matures. Life ought to be a process of constant growth and, you know, adding wisdom upon wisdom, right? I mean, that's what life should be. Like when you're 80 years old, you should be a better man or a better woman than you were when you were 40. And when you're 40, you ought to be a better man and a better woman than you were when you were 20. All right. And the way we develop and grow in our Christian life is by the washing of water, but by or according to the word, the word of God. So husbands, the way we help our wives grow and develop themselves in life is according to the word, according to the Bible, the way the Bible tells you to love and treat and honor your wife is how you need to do it in marriage. If you cut corners, you do things contrary to God's word. You're not going to beautify her. You're not going to have a glorious wife. You're not going to help her with her blemishes and husbands. We know we have our own spots and wrinkles and blemishes ourselves, but husbands, you have the authority. You have the ability according to God's word to help your wives in her growth and maturity. You know, sometimes I'll talk to men, not much lately, but in the past, and they wanted to get married, the single man, and they've got this checklist for a wife. She's got to be, you know, I don't know. She's got to meet all these requirements. I'm not going to go through requirements in case someone's got that list. She's got to be right on the reprobate doctrine. She's got to be right on the rapture, right? On the timing of the rapture. Oh yeah. She's saved. You love this woman. Yeah. I mean, I really like her. She seems to really like me. She's saved. She's serving the Lord, but she's wrong in the rapture. So she's not good enough for me. It's like, they've got this list. She's got to meet perfection. And then I'll marry her without understanding your role as the head of your wife is to help your wife on her life's journey, on her growth, on her understanding of the Bible. That's your responsibility as men. You know, it's to say that she's got to be a perfect wife. You're never going to find it because you're not a perfect husband. Like imagine she's got a checklist of a man. You're not going to measure up to that. It's crazy. Look, the Bible is very clear. Look, the bare minimum standards of finding a husband or wife is that they're a believer of the Lord Jesus Christ. That's the bare minimum standard, right? And of course they ought to love you. Let's add that as a standard, right? They want to want to be with you. It's not just ticking a box. I've got to get married because I have to do it for some reason. Okay. No, no. They've got to love you. And that's basically the standards I have for my kids. As long as they're a believer and they love you, they care for you. All right. They're willing to fulfill their responsibilities as the husband or the wife. Then I'm for it. If you guys want to get married, praise God. You know, the rest of it, you're going to work out in marriage. But I want to explain this. Let's keep going. Let's look at verse number 29. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherishth it, even as the Lord the church. So we ought to men nourish and cherish our wives. Cherish. You know, it's like love, but it's like a sweet, gentle, caring type of love that, you know, we look at our wives as this precious ornament that we don't want to see destroyed. We cherish, we want to protect our wives and we want to nourish her, give her everything she needs in life to be successful, to do well in life. Husbands, we're to love our wives. We're to love our wives. Why does the Bible say that? Husbands love your wives. Shouldn't that just be common sense? But the reason I often ask myself, the reason God has to tell husbands to love their wives is because husbands forget to love their wives. That's it. Okay. And the example by which we are to love is to nourish, to cherish, all right. To help her in her ability to be holy and without blemished, to love our wives as our own bodies. The way we care for ourselves is the way we ought to care for our wives. You know, men, you got dressed this morning, you got probably had a shower, maybe you had breakfast, you know, the bare necessities of life and maybe even more. Well, we ought to desire our wives to be cared for in the same manner, that she has everything she needs in life to do well. That is how you demonstrate love is by ensuring your wife has everything she needs. Now again, when it says in the way the washing of water by the word again, that's according to God's words, right? We ought to use the instructions that God has in the Bible to be a man, to be a leader, to be the head, to be a husband. Okay. For you to turn around and say, well, I'm in charge now, just I'll run things how I want to run things because I'm in charge. Well, you are in charge, but you need to be in charge according to the word. How God demonstrates his standard of leadership and being the head and that standard is Christ and the church. You need to remember that. So we're to love our wives. Now, look, when it comes to the Bible, there are things that are seemingly contradictory, but they're not contradictive. You understand? Like when you look at verse number 27 again, that he might present to himself a glorious church, not having spot a wrinkle or any such thing. No spots, no wrinkles, right? We're trying to develop as a church. We're trying to be more holy, trying to grow in wisdom and love and charity. We're trying to grow in all these things. We're trying to fix all the little problems we have in our lives. And so we ought to be helping our wives in that process. When you see your wife with a liability, some kind of issue, some kind of defect, something that can be improved, then you, as a husband, you need to come alongside her and help her out. And how do you do that though? And this is where I want you to understand where we need to reconcile the Bible with other passages, okay? So let's say my wife is a bad cook and she's not, but let's say she is, right? And I just come home one day, I'm like, honey, you're the worst cook. Can't you cook any better? It's been 21 years now and you're still burning the fried eggs or whatever, right? The steak is still overcooked. Why can't you do it medium rare or something, right? You're still doing that after 21 years. There's a spot and there's a wrinkle and I'm going to be the one that helps you fix this up because I'm sick and tired of the way you're doing this. Well, you say, well, it's my mandate pastor to fix the spots and the wrinkles. All right, but we need to reconcile the Bible as a whole. And I won't get you to turn there because you're probably aware of this passage, but in Song of Solomon chapter four, verse number seven, and we know the book of Song of Solomon is what? A love song, poetry, it's doctrine for husbands and wives primarily. And then in the Song of Solomon, the wife is a little bit self-conscious about her appearance. She says, I'm black. She's been tanned by the sun. Okay. She's a bit, and in those days, like probably in Sunshine Coast, all the ladies want to get tanned, but you know, if you live in Israel or something like that, they don't want to get tanned. They want the white skin. All right. So she's been a little bit tanned by the sun. She goes, don't look at me. I've been tanned, right? And the husband comes alongside and says this in Song of Solomon four seven, thou art all fair, my love. There is no spot in thee. So how do we justify that? How do we not justify, how do we reconcile that? In Ephesians five, not having spot nor wrinkle, but also there is no spot in thee. Well, this is where husbands, you need to be careful, be very careful of emotional and psychological abuse toward your wives. I'll tell you now, your wife is not perfect. I'll tell you now, your wife is going to overcook your steak from time to time. Just so you know. Okay. There are times you're going to come home and the house is not in order. Okay. The laundry is not done. Your favorite shirt is not ironed and whatever the standards are in your own house, you know, whatever it is, right? Things are not going to be perfect one day when you get home, believe it or not, it's going to happen. And then what can happen sometimes, man, you get upset. Oh, she didn't fulfill her responsibilities. I've been at work for the last eight, 10 hours of the day. You're hopeless. You're a failure. You're the worst wife a man could ever desire or want. These words like coming out of your mouth and maybe not even aggressively, just sarcastically, just little daggers from here and there. That hyper criticism, you know, even though she's been a faithful wife, she's done 92% of whatever the requirements are. She's failed at 8%, you know. And yet, you know, man, at work, when you go to work, you don't get everything done in the day that you need to get done. I'm sure there are timeframes that sometimes you don't meet. I'm sure there are tasks that you want it done by the end of the day and you don't get it done. Okay, we know that we don't always get everything done when we need to do our responsibilities. And sometimes your wives, especially with children, things go haywire. Things break. Children hurt themselves. Children argue and fine. And before you know it, you're dealing with some issue, some argument and the hours have gone, the time has gone and you just, your wives just can't fix you that perfect steak that you wanted when you got home. And sometimes husbands, you can become maybe not physically abusive, but emotionally and psychologically abusive toward your wives. And the purpose for that, or the fruit of that essentially is to destroy your wife's self-worth. She thinks of herself as a failure. You've got to realise that you're hopeless. I could have married somebody better. I could have chosen better, you know, and you start destroying their self-worth. And before you know it, they just, they're lacking motivation that it's hard for them to submit. They're depressed. They're cast down. Is that how God is with you? Is that how Jesus is with you? Jesus loves the church. I guarantee you sinned this week. Guarantee you, you sinned this week. You come to the church house. You're not, like, are we expecting Jesus to come down now and just, here's a list of everybody's sins and how big of a failure you all are as believers. You could have obeyed my commandments, you know, this week, but look where you failed, brother Mickey. Look where you failed, sister Emilia. Just use the kids. I don't want to offend anybody. No offence, brother. Look, wait, look where you've, and pastor Kevin, here's all the sins. Call every member out of church today. Man, that's been like, we know we're sinners. We know, like, that's why we needed a savior to begin with, you know, and like, Reverend, we need to love our wives in the same way. You should understand that your wives aren't always going to get everything done. The most damaging things is the psychological and emotional abuse, you know, on the outside, everything looks great, but in the word, she's dying. On the in word, she doesn't want to live life. In the in word, she's losing motivation. All right. She's trying to keep up the appearances on the outside, but inwardly she's destroyed, destroyed by your words. And boy, that's not how God is. So here's the thing, Reverend, when you spot a defect in your wife, a spot, a wrinkle, you ought to come along and help her, but you're not going to criticize her and destroy, you're trying to fix her. You want to elevate her. You want to encourage her. You don't have to, you know, go out there and just criticize her cooking, whatever it is, whatever thing it is, you can help her indirectly and still help her find benefits or improve in her abilities to be the wife you need her to be. You can speak to her with love and encouragement. You can buy her a cookbook that might secretly have an ingredient, how to cook the perfect steak in there without being completely direct. All right, honey, look at page 54. That's why I bought you this book. All right, just help her along here and there, the little things indirectly without destroying her self-worth. So we need to be able to, you know, understand and reconcile these passages of scripture that God has given us. Let's continue verse number 30, Ephesians 5 verse number 30. For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this cause, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife and they too shall be one flesh. If you're married, you should have made the decision that I'm leaving father and mother. I'm starting a new family. Husbands say to their bride to be, you are my priority now, not my mum and dad. And wives to their husbands to be, I'm leaving mum and dad to be submissive to you. You are now my head. My dad is no longer my head. The dad gives his daughter's hand in marriage to this man and the man says, now I'm your head. Okay, one flesh and look at verse number 32. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ in the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular, so love his wife, even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Of course, these words that we just read there are the words of Adam in Genesis 2 23. And Adam said about Eve, when God gives Adam Eve, he says, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Like literally, okay. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. One flesh, brethren. We were two, but now we're one. The moment you get married, you were two. Now you're one. Now you got to act as one. You got to think as one. You know, like the greatest unified force in relationships with human beings is a married couple. There ought to be nothing greater that unifies people. One flesh, one mind, one direction, one new family unit. It's the strongest relationship. A possible between human beings. I want to say it's the strongest team, but team means more than one. It's really not a team anymore. I mean, like, okay, we ought to be one team, right? But really it's like, we're so one team that it's just one. Right? You are one. Husbands, your wives is your one flesh. Criticizing your wife is criticizing yourself. That's what it is. My wife, it's you. You're the head. And when wives criticize the husband, my husband, it's you. Here's your one flesh. I don't like hearing husbands criticize wives and I don't like hearing wives criticize husbands. Just criticize yourself. It's more honorable. You're doing the same thing anyway. You're just blaming someone else. It's you, one flesh, one, the strongest union possible on this earth is a married couple. So if we're one flesh, brethren, we need to strengthen your marriage, right? As much as I like to pass the, can we hang out and grab a coffee? As much as I love doing it with you, I'd much rather take my wife on a date. I'd much rather have coffee with my wife than coffee with someone in this church. And I love having coffee with someone in the church. Don't get me wrong. But if my wife could come instead, I'd say brother another time. I just spent one week with my wife in Sydney. I had the greatest time of my life because I was with my one flesh. And you know, when I went down to Sydney for those five days, I told blessed up at the church kindly. I said, guys, I know I'm in Sydney for a week, but I don't want to hang around you guys. I'm sorry. I'm coming with my wife. We're spending time together. We're celebrating our 21st anniversary. Say, oh, but you see your wife every day, but not really though. Like just one on one time alone without distractions, without business of life. Okay. We need to strengthen our marriage. This is the strongest force you could possibly have. Two are better than one, the Bible says. Please husbands, you're the head. Take your wives out. There's no excuse. Hey, just take her out. Just do something nice for her. Go to the beach together. Go, go grab a food together. Go, new restaurant opened up in rich. I don't know if there is, but honey, we're going out. We're going to go check out the new restaurant. All right. So I want to try the food, but really it's the strength in the marriage. One on one time we've left mother and father. Now we're a new family unit. Life changes. Kids grow up. We need to spend time together and figure life out. Because what we decided to do when we first got married doesn't work anymore after having two kids because life has changed. And then you change things around and you, all right, now we're a unified force. This is what we're doing now with a couple of kids. And guess what happens? Those couple of kids become teenagers and you're going to stop again. All right. What are we doing now? Because life has changed. We got to be a unified force for the strength of our family, for the best of our children. You are one flesh, husbands and wives. Please remember this. Oh, but my wife, but you, you don't understand my family, pastor Kevin. It's your family. You're the head. I do understand it because we're all sinners. My wife is not perfect and I'm not perfect. Who's perfect? Who's a perfect spouse here this morning? Good. So it's you. All right. Fix it. It's your marriage. You're one flesh. Can you come with me to Colossians 3? 19 please. Colossians 3. Colossians 3. You can move away from Galatians now. Colossians 3. 19. Colossians 3. 19 please. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. So to love them, we saw that already. And now we are not to be bitter against them. Why is that in the Bible, pastor? Because sometimes husbands, you get bitter at your wives. That's why. Okay. And when you feel that way, you need to remind yourself God's command is that you would be not bitter against them. Again, she's not going to be the perfect wife all the time. You need to learn to give grace and mercy when your wife is not doing what you feel she ought to be doing. She's not succeeding as well as she ought to be succeeding because God's given you grace and mercy when you haven't succeeded as a husband. Husbands, you are not to hold on to anger and resentment for past mistakes. And wives as well, don't do that to your husbands. Things in the past, sort it out, forgive each other, apologize, move on. Don't grow in bitterness. Bitterness doesn't do anything. It doesn't help anybody. It just gets worse and worse and it grows and becomes greater. And before you know it, it all explodes over the smallest little issue because you let the bitterness get to you. Don't be bitter against your wives. As soon as you feel that bitterness, oh, God commanded me not to be bitter. So we're going to sort this out. We're going to make peace. We're not going to let the sun go down under our wrath. We're going to sort it out today, whatever issues we have between husbands and wives. Come with me to first Peter chapter three. I better move on a bit faster guys. Sorry. First Peter chapter three, first Peter chapter three, verse number seven. Remember husbands, you're the head, but according to the word, okay? These scriptures that I give you help you be a better head to your wife. You neglect these things. You are not doing it according to the word of God. I've got a better way to be a leader. No, no, it's going to fail. You're going to destroy your marriage. First Peter chapter three, verse number seven. First Peter chapter three, verse number seven. Likewise, your husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge. Let's talk about your wives here. Dwell with them, live with them according to knowledge. Doesn't mean according to knowledge. So when I got married to my wife, I need to develop some knowledge about her and be able to live with her. You know why? Because being single is vastly different to being married. All right. It's a different life. When you're single, you're a lot more selfish. It's about you. When you get married, it's about someone else. You have to learn to become selfless. You need some knowledge. It matures you. You need to understand that entering marriage will change your life. I did not really understand that until I got married, really, how much it would change my life. It's a life changer. It's a big life decision you make. Things aren't going to be the same. You need to understand according to knowledge that women are wired differently to men. And even today, I'm still trying to learn this. All right. We're just wired differently. We think differently. It doesn't mean one's better than the other. But if you expect your wife to just understand completely the moment you say something, you don't understand your wife. You don't understand women. You've got to have knowledge. Again, I don't have full understanding. I'm still trying to figure it out because we think differently. We analyze things differently. We have different priorities. According to knowledge can also mean that you need to understand that your wife is a real human being with a real will, with a real personality, with her own ambitions, her own preferences and desires. Every woman is different. You know, the wife that you marry is not clone number 10 billion 1035. And she's just the same as any other woman. No, you need to dwell according to knowledge. Get to know her. This is why I don't recommend people get married after one week or something like this. I just met her and I know we're going to get married. That's it. We're getting married. It's like, get to know her. Do all according to knowledge. Get some knowledge before you make the biggest decision in your life. Right? Because she's not just one of the guys. She's not just one of the guys that you hang out with in school or something like that. She's different. She's a different model. She's created differently and praise God for that. I don't want to hang around with the guys all the time. I want a wife. What else does it say? According to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife. Oh, wow. Honour. So you need to, husbands, you need to give honour to your wife. What does honour mean? To highly esteem, to praise, to give special attention and maybe to reward. Oh, she just does what she has to do. Okay, great. If she's doing what she has to do, reward her. Go and buy her the flowers or go and buy the earrings or whatever it is, whatever, you know, she's been looking at those shoes, but she knows we can't afford it. Alright, secretly save up and wait for a sale and go and buy her those shoes. Right? Honour her. What else does it say? As being as, sorry, and honour her, the wife, as unto the weaker vessel. Her vessel, her body is weaker than yours. I mean, even the Olympics can't figure this out, right? They've got a man beating up women. I think a man won the gold medal. They call them a trans, transgender woman, but it's a man. They don't understand, like, even if the world doesn't understand this, that wives, women have a weaker body than men. This is why men are to give of themselves. You've got the energy, you've got the stamina, you've got the strength. You need to understand your wife is weaker. Every now and again, my wife goes to the backyard, grabs the lawnmower and starts mowing the lawn, right? Every time I see that, I'm like, no, no, stop. Like, either I'll do it or one of my boys will do it, right? It's not even that, that like labor, like it's, it doesn't even require that much effort really to mow grass, but I, I kind of look at that as, no, I'm going to send one of the men to go and do that. Honey, you relax. Right? You know, if your wife can't open a jar, men, that's where you step up. That's where you're the champion. You grab that jar and one snap, you don't even need the spoon or the knife, you know, to do the little air type thing. You just bang, there he goes. Say, pastor, I can't do it, then get some strength in your hands. Because you've got the ability, you know? That's where you show off. That's where you show you the hero. Look at that, bang, bang, right? Bang, right? You're the, you're stronger. She's the weaker vessel. You need to understand that. She's not going to be able to keep up with you physically. Let me read that whole verse there. First Peter chapter three, verse seven. Likewise, your husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel and has been heirs together of the grace of life. Heirs together, together as inheritance. What is that saying? Again, that's the concept of the one flesh. Everything that is mine is also my wife's, my wife's. Everything, everything is hers. Everything that is mine is hers. We're heirs together of the grace of life. Everything we do, everything we own, all our time, it ought to be together. Everything is hers, all right? I'm not against your wife having a bank account and you having a bank account, okay? I understand we need to budget, but I don't hide my funds from my wife, all right? Everything I make, anything I have is hers and my heart safely trusts in her. I know she's not going to be stupid and lose everything or whatever, right? But I want you to understand again that one flesh, we're heirs together of the grace of life. Look at this, that your prayers be not hindered. Your prayers to God can be hindered if you do not live according to these instructions that God has laid out for us. You're to understand she's the weaker vessel, dwell with her according to knowledge, give honor to her, all right? And you do these things, you live together, you're one flesh according to the grace of life, then your prayers to God will not be hindered. Meaning, if you've got a bad marriage, you're a bad husband, your prayers will be hindered to God. I want my prayers to be answered. I want all my prayers to be answered. I want all my needs to be met. But I understand as a husband, I need to make sure I lead my wife biblically and love her biblically so that my prayers can be answered. Can you come with me to first Corinthians seven, please? I'm going to skip some of my notes. First Corinthians seven, please. First Corinthians seven, verse number 32. First Corinthians seven, verse number 32. First Corinthians 732. First Corinthians 732 says this. Now this is Paul addressing some singles in the church. Now they could be singles because they were never married or the singles because they're widows. Okay. But he says this in first Corinthians 732, but I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord. You say pastor, but I know people that are not married that don't care about pleasing the Lord. I know this is the ideal. This is the standard by which single people ought to live by. If you're not married, you ought to be serving the Lord. You ought to be thinking about how do I please my Lord? God is your priority. Eternity is your priority. Eternal rewards. That's your priority. But people don't understand verse number 33, but he that is married careth for the things that are of the world. That's not you care to like the world. That's not about ungodliness or sin. Okay. This is what it means. How he may please his wife. You know that I've said it many times that if I had to, you know, prioritize my family and my wife, obviously, or the church, my family comes first. My wife comes first. If ministry hurts my family, if ministry is destroying my family, I'm not going to let it destroy my family. My priority because I'm married is to please my wife. She's my priority. And it's where people don't understand it. Pastor Kevin, you're all wrong. God comes first. Of course he comes first. And that's why in verse number 33, when I put God first, he tells me as a married man, okay, he that is married care for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. By me pleasing my wife is me doing what God's asking me to do as a married man. I am putting God first by doing what he's asking me to do to please my wife. Does that make sense? Meaning that, man, if we've got some missions trip lined up next month to Papua New Guinea and leading up to the missions trip, my family starts to fall apart for whatever reason. My marriage is hurting for whatever reason. Guess what? I'm not going to the missions trip. I'm going to go fix my life. And my wife, my relationships and my children, they come first. You see, when you're married, you're going to have more concerns with things of this world. And that has to do with your family. You need to understand this. Okay, as a pastor, I don't think anyone would say pastor Kevin doesn't put the Kingdom of God first. I'm now pastoring three churches. All right. All three churches are out stolen in. We emphasize that we're working hard. We're trying to build men up. We're trying to get pastors organized. Okay. But I want you to know that if any of that's going to affect my family life, I'm quitting immediately. Okay, my wife, my family, my children, they come first. Someone else can get up here and do it. I want you to understand how important your wife is. Because if I as a husband, I could be doing more for the Lord, but my wife. I'm being a complete idiot at that point in time. Because my Bible says, if I'm doing everything I can for the Lord, God tells me, then care for your wife, love your wife, please your wife. My concerns, my time is for her and for my family. I want you to understand this, right? Because some people have this idea. God, church, family, priorities. No. God, yes. Family, church. Families first. The best church will have strong families. Family comes first. Wife comes first. I was ahead of my wife long before I was ahead of the church. I'm not ahead of the church. Before I had the rule in the house of the Lord here. Christ is the head of the church. Your wife comes first. And when it says please your wife, it doesn't say just let her do it. Like if I wanted to please my kids, you know what I would have to do? Buy them McDonald's every day of their life. But is that going to be good for them? It's going to destroy them, right? Pleasing doesn't mean just let them get away with whatever, you know, diabolical things they want to get away with and do all kinds of sinfulness and wickedness. Oh, it's, you know, we will obviously have certain boundaries. We please our wife according to boundaries, according to God's word, laid out by God's word, things that are going to benefit them, things that are going to be good for them. Husbands, you need to prioritize your wives. No, I prioritize God. Yes, God told you to please your wife. This is why even in Deuteronomy 24-5, I'll just read it to you. When a man have taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business, but he shall be free at home one year and shall cheer up his wife, which he have taken. A newlywed couple, the husband's like, you know what? Your priority is to cheer up your wife, have joy, rejoice in your marriage, right? It doesn't mean don't go to work. It's just like any other responsibilities, right? Anything else that can take up your time, that man who's just newly married, he's free. It doesn't matter if the Philistines are coming to invade, you're free. You're not going to be enlisted in the army. You're not taking on any further responsibilities. Your number one responsibility is to have joy with your wife, cheer up your wife. That's awesome. I think that's a great principle to live by. If someone's newly married, yeah, do the bare minimum you need to do to make sure you have what you need, but that's it. Don't take on a second job. Don't enlist in the army. Don't take on further responsibilities. Just do the bare minimum and spend time one solid year with your wife because then the kids come along and before you know it, you're not going to be able to spend that time with her. All right, family comes first. Prioritize your wife. Now come with me, last passage, Proverbs 22, Proverbs 22. This isn't one that I was going to have my sermon this morning, but I've been asked in the last few months, the number one question I've had the last few months is what? Does anyone know? Pastor, you condone spousal discipline. I never would have thought I had to bring this up ever, you know, in a sermon, but let me just address this very quickly. Spousal discipline. So the thought out there is, well, the Bible neither condones nor condemns spousal discipline. So it's up to you to decide whether you want to do that. That's what's out there. I know the Bible doesn't condone or condemn it. Okay. There's a reason why it's not in the Bible. Let's put it that way. Now, does God chastise his church from time to time? Of course he does. But every time in the Bible, when God describes his chastisement in relationship and uses like a relationship as the example, it's parents to children is what it is. So Proverbs 22.15, just as an example, Proverbs 22.15, foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Whenever the Bible speaks of chastisements, family discipline, or whatever you want to call it, and God is used as the example, he uses the example of parents to a child multiple times. I don't know how many verses I'll be saying, I'm sure I'll find 10 verses at least that would speak on parents chastising or disciplining or this, yeah, disciplining their children. So knowing how God is, when he speaks about a topic like chastising children, and he brings it up as often as he does in the Bible from Old Testament to New Testament, and he never once mentions husbands disciplining their wives, spousal discipline, what should that tell you? Should tell you something. Anyone with common sense would say, look, that is not the right thing to do. All right, I do not support, I do not condone spousal discipline. I think it's going to hurt your family, it's going to hurt your wife, and it's going to hurt your children. All right. It's like, oh pastor, what side are you on? You know, about a fam, about a family overseas, a pastor overseas. What side are you on then, Pastor Kevin? Are you going to condemn the pastor? You know what's even worse to me than spousal discipline? Getting involved in other family problems that have nothing to do with you and further driving division between family members, causing further division, causing further damage, because no family is perfect. My family is not perfect, and your family is not perfect, and the pastor overseas family is not perfect. The side that I'm on is on family side. I'm on the side of families. I'm on the side of families fixing their problems. I'm on the side of husbands being the head of their wives and loving their wives and pleasing their wives. I'm on the side of parents raising their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. I'm in unified, I'm on the side of unified families. I'm on the side of strengthened marriages. And if there's a pastor whose family's breaking up, I'm not going to get involved in further dividing them because I find that to be even worse and more disgusting. Families that are struggling need prayers. They need to be taken to God and say, God, you're the head of the man. Can you please help them? Can you please strengthen their marriage? Lord, can you make him a better husband? Lord, can you make him a better father? Lord, can you make me a better husband? Can you make me a better father? That's the side that I'm on when it comes to what side are you on about spouse of discipline and child abuse? I've seen such immaturity online on social media. So do you condone or condemn? I am not for spouse of discipline, but I'm more for families working out their problems because when your family's going through problems, guess what? I'm not going to go on social media and cause further divide between your families. I'm going to take your family to prayer. I'm going to take the head of the wife in prayer and say, God, change this man's heart and help him because life is hard enough. Raising a Godly family is hard enough. Living in an ungodly world is hard enough. Living in sinful flesh is hard enough, Lord. Can you please help the family? The title of the sermon this morning was the husband is the head of the wife. Husbands, I don't want to take away your authority. You are the head. You make the call. You are the decision maker, but you need to do it. And you need to compare yourself to how Jesus Christ gave himself to the church. That's the standard of being the head of the wife. All right, brethren. I can't raise my voice anymore. Let's pray. Let's pray.