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Amen the part of chapter we're gonna focus on this evening is in second Samuel chapter 14 and verse 23 where the Bible reads so Joab arose and went to Gesher and brought Absalom to Jerusalem and the king said let him turn to his own house and let him not see my face so Absalom returned to his own house and saw not the king's face but in all Israel there was not not to be so much praised as Absalom for his beauty for the sole of his foot even to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him and when he pulled his head for was at every year's end that he pulled it because the hair was heavy on him therefore he pulled it he weighed the hair of his head at 200 shekels after the king's weight and unto Absalom there was born three sons one daughter and one daughter whose name was Tamar she was a woman of a fair countenance so Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem and saw not the king's face and the title of my sermon this evening is called unresolved conflict unresolved conflict now what's going on in this story well many of us already familiar with the events that took place in this chapter but what we see here is that of course Absalom is the son of David who murdered Amnon he murdered Amnon because Amnon raped his sister Tamar well David didn't do anything about that okay and when because he didn't do anything about that the the situation got out of hand Absalom ended up running away taken off because obviously Amnon ended up killing excuse me Absalom ended up killing Amnon and therefore he fled now we see the famous passage here that you know it was like water spilt on the ground that cannot be gathered again and what does Joab do now Joab is a character that you need to pay attention to in the historical books he's a shady man okay and I wouldn't name my dog Joab just put it that way okay because Joab is shady he's very sneaky he's always trying to get his way and by the way he's he's he's killing people left and right David's not restraining him if you if you study the life in the story of these two he doesn't approve of what Joab does but at the same time he doesn't punish him for it well what happens to Joab well the blood returns back upon his head because later on when David dies he commissioned Solomon to take out Joab you know he commissions to take him out Shimei and I can't think of one other guy that he had him take care of but the main guy who he had to take care of was Joab then Joab goes to the temple he holds the horns Benaiah comes and he's just like hey come out and Joab is just like no I'm gonna die here goes back to the king he says he's gonna die there Solomon says all right that's what he wants let him die there Benaiah goes in there and kills him so he doesn't even have a good ending for Joab now Joab is a bad guy and here we see that he's sneakily trying to get Absalom back into the kingdom so he can really execute vengeance upon him as well so he sends this woman this woman of Tekoa to go there to feign herself as a mourner and to convince David to bring him back now in verse number 28 we see the Absalom came and what did what does David say just let him go to his house right just have him go to his house I don't want to see his face and the Bible says in verse 28 that Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem and saw not the king's face so he goes back home I mean Joab comes and says hey it's time for you to come back home he comes back home mind you he probably doesn't even know what's going on he's like is dad mad at me is he gonna punish me what's gonna happen nothing he doesn't even see the king's face his own father right and the Bible says that he's there for two full years I mean talk about unresolved conflict you know there's beef going on but he doesn't know what is this guy is he gonna punish me at the end of two years what's gonna happen so Absalom takes matters into his own hands and he says look go call he tells the sermons go call Joab well Joab is just like his king decides not to go so he brings him back but he doesn't even resolve the conflict he goes he calls from doesn't come goes where he calls from doesn't come so Absalom said okay well you know what his field is right next to mine I'm gonna go send people to burn up his barley he burned that'll get his attention so it took an entire field of barley to be burned you know which obviously amounts to money and amounts to food it amounts to a you know he's suffering loss in order to get Joab's attention Joab finally comes to say hey why'd you burn up my barley and and and Absalom was like well I've been calling you and you didn't want to come you know it's like when you're texting someone they don't text back or something you're like answer me why would you answer me and then you you do something drastic in order to get that person's attention you know well that's what he did he lit it on fire and he's like I want to see the king I'm not trying to stay here for two years just wondering what's gonna happen to me okay now whose fault was this now obviously Joab is just a wicked guy you know and his his blood fell upon him later on but whose fault was it that the fact that there was no this conflict was not resolved at all why didn't David just go out and just say Absalom you did wrong it's time for you to get punished or I forgive you for what you've done he didn't do anything he just allowed it to drag on so you know what King David he was a great man he was a man after God's own heart but he was a terrible father okay here's a bad husband a terrible father terrible leader in his home and partly because he just let conflict go and resolve he never took care of it you know what let me say this on a practical level you know why there's so many problems in our Christian life sometimes it's because when there's conflict we just ignore everything okay we just trying to act like it doesn't happen we sweep it under the rug we don't get right with the person we have beef with we don't have we don't get right with the person we have bitter bitterness towards we just let it go and resolve well you know what's gonna happen is two years from now Absalom is gonna light your field on fire and you're gonna suffer a greater loss because you didn't just resolve it in the first place see better to just resolve it get it done with right then and there than to just prolong it okay you know we call this the procrastination people who procrastinate you know when your reports do right and you wait to like the day before you've had four months to work on this report and you wait to the very last minute the very last day to do that report we just procrastinated why because now the field is on fire right or there's conflict in the family what happens you don't resolve it until then it just blows up in your face because the field was on fire you know that's not a good way to go about it and tonight though we're taking teaching a little bit of doctrine I just want to teach you just a little bit about just conflict resolving how to resolve conflict in your life okay because look you could believe right and have the right doctrine but if you don't know how to behave yourself with other people if you don't know how to just like live amongst people you're gonna have a hard time in the Christian life okay now go to Matthew chapter number five Matthew chapter number five look absolutely obviously he's not without guilt absolutely wrong okay but he came back to the kingdom he was willing to come back David should have just resolved it right then and there you know that's not good parenting skills to just say well you know he could come back but don't think I want to see his face that's not the way you go about it that's a terrible example that's a terrible father no rather than just hey lay down on the table are you mad at me I'm out of you you do this let's just fix it rather than just say no you can live over there but I don't want to I don't want to see your face and by the way we're gonna get into it just a little bit but this happens a lot with parenting sometimes you know where your mom or your dad they chastise you for whatever reason but they don't there's no you don't have any resolve in it you know and you know that just happens with unsafe parents sometimes they hit their kids or or they chastise their children but they don't there's they don't console them afterwards they don't pray with them afterwards they don't say hey this is why this happened but they don't confirm their love towards them and what happens the children end up becoming bitter towards their parents because it's just like me and my mom hates me my dad hates me and all these things are happening well that's because you didn't resolve the conflict you know there's got to be closure to conflict okay Matthew 5 verse 21 says you have heard that it was said of them of old time thou shall not kill and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment but I say unto you that whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment and whosoever shall say to his brother Rocca shall be in danger of the council but whosoever shall say thou fool shall be danger of hellfire therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar and there remembers that thy brother had ought had ought against thee leave there thy gift before the altar and go thy way first be reconciled to thy brother and then come and offer thy gift God even says look before you even offer any kind of gift if you remember that there's conflict between you and a brother you need to go fix that don't let it go you know unfettered don't let it go unconfessed you need to go take care of that okay now this is talking about a brother okay because people would say this oh you know you're calling out all these pastors why don't you just call them up and and go get it resolved because they're not even saved and these are false prophets so I'm not sure I'm resolving the conflict right here when I call them out and I tell you what the right doctrine is that's resolving the conflict I'm telling you hey that's the wrong way to do it this is the right way that guy's wrong I'm talking about amongst brethren okay when there's petty fights or conflict or nuances or whatever may happen you need to first go get it right with your brother and we got to understand that you're gonna irritate each other you're gonna get mad at each other you're gonna offend someone but you know what when it comes down to it if you remember that your brother has odd against you don't just ignore it that guy needs to get right with God you know he needs to get right with God he needs to read his Bible no you just need to go to them and just go resolve it don't let two years pass by before a field is lit on fire and then you have to do damage control okay go to Matthew 18 Matthew 18 is in the setting of a church here and Matthew 18 verse 15 says moreover if thy brother trespass against thee go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone in other words don't just go gossip about it if he shall hear thee thou has gained thy brother look isn't that the purpose of resolving conflict you know if I got beef with Paul you know I shouldn't go to Margo's and just go talk trash about Paul I should go resolve it with Paul so that I can gain a brother so we can get it right and hey we get along again and everything's a-okay look what it says verse 16 but if he will not hear thee then take with thee one or two more than in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established so if someone's going on with Paul and he's not getting it right then I take Margo's and I take Alex with me and say hey man this guy defrauded me he wronged me he offended me I need you and I try to get it right with him but he's not willing to repent can you guys come with me okay verse 17 if he shall neglect to hear them then tell it into the church but if he neglect to hear the church let him be unto thee as a heathen man and as a publican what does that mean in other words do we just kind of decide that's just Paul we'll just let it go let him be whatever no the Bible says tell it before the church you know what that means I have to get up and rip Paul from the pulpit and call him out okay and say Paul's wrong he defrauded so-and-so and as a church with the authority of the church Paul you need to get out of the church you know and just boot him out simply for the fact that he is not adhering to the counsel of his brethren okay and look conflict resolving conflict is not just a personal thing but it also works for the church there's churches that have conflict all the time you know what happens the pastor doesn't want any problems the pastor doesn't want to deal with all the issues and all the drama that comes with it so they just let it go unresolved you what happens fields are caught on fire you let two years pass by then a little 11 11 at the whole lump and then one little problem that could have just been resolved by kicking someone out of the church it's just resolved it's not resolved very easily now you have all multiple kinds of problems now you have clicks within the church that are against the pastor you know now you have different doctrines now you have all these all these drama and issues simple for the fact that the pastor was not willing to exercise Matthew 18 okay verse 18 says verily I say to you whatsoever you shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven whatsoever you shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven amen again I say to you that if two of you shall agree on on earth as touching anything that they shall ask it shall be done for them of my father which is in heaven what is the Lord saying hey I'm with you on this okay resolve it and if you resolve it in the in the conclusion of the matters to boot someone out of the church then guess what God's with us on that Jesus is backing us up he says hey you're bounded on the earth it's bound in heaven as well you know why cuz God wants things to be resolved not to be elongated not to just be dragged out nothing happens we just turn a blind eye and there's so many problems and so many different churches you know what churches do to just sweep the drama under the rug you know it's like oh nothing's happening just sweep it under the rug no that's not the way you go about things you know you don't sweep it under the rug you just dust a rug I say look this is happening we're not a perfect church this took place we need to resolve this okay go to 1st Corinthians chapter number 5 here's a great example of unresolved conflict right here verse number 1 it is reported commonly that there is fornication among you and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles that one should have his father's wife so what do we see here unresolved conflict why is that because fornication is going on and it's common that means everyone knows about it that means people are sitting in the church services knowing that these people are fornicating and no one's saying nothing it's just reported commonly like yeah it's just everyone knows about it yeah they've been together they don't get married and the pastor knows about it you know no one really does anything verse 2 and you're puffed up and have not rather mourn that he that had done this deed might be taken away from among you he said man you guys are prideful pastor you're prideful why because you're not resolving the conflict you know instead of just keeping them there for the attendant's sake they need to be taken away from among you that's how you resolve it okay verse 3 for verily as absent in the body but present in spirit have judged already as though I were present concerning him that had so done this deed and let me just remind everybody if you're caught fornicating in this church you're out you know all but you know what you're out if there's any sort of fornication in this church if you're involved in any of that come see me after the service I need to talk to you for a little bit cuz you're out and this is you say well why you always mention that cuz we have to mention it over and over again because if not little leaven living so it messes the whole entire church up and leavens a whole lump and we're not gonna have unresolved conflict here you know people go litters at all see you have one of kids yeah but the difference is when we have fornication in our church we resolve it it's not like oh yeah yeah but there's you know just leave them alone man they're good people you know just it's alright they're gonna get married one day no it's like we got it we got to nip it at the bud just take care of it we can't just allow it to go unfettered okay resolve it that's God's remedy for everything as soon as a problem arises when there's sin when there's whatever may be God's like hey take care of it right away skip to verse 7 purge out there for the old leaven that he may be a new lump as he are unleavened for even Christ our Passover sacrificed for us he's like get it out you know and here's the thing many churches they don't do that because they just they're either afraid to lose a congregants but you know we ought to fear God more than anything else you know and and look you allowed to go unfettered you may not even approve of the fornicating relationship in your church but if you tolerate it it more fornicators are gonna come then you're just gonna have a cesspool of sin okay it's gonna be a smorgasbord of iniquity and it you're then you're gonna have more problem then you're gonna your fields gonna be on fire okay why cuz not now that you're tolerating the fornicators now the drunkards are gonna come in okay the extortioners and all these people that are not allowed in the church they're gonna be allowed in the church why because sin begets sin go to Ephesians chapter number four see David he could have just resolved it but what did it take it take took a field to be burned you know and I don't know what was going to David's mind he should have just fixed it right then and there you know and here's the thing Dave is notorious for this because if you read the story of Joab he's doing one bad thing after another and Dave was just like I don't approve of that he was like I don't think that's right that he should do that but you know whatever and he still allows it to be like the leader of the host of Israel he's still a leader he's still there running the running the running the show he's one of David's mighty man as far as you know the him leading the armies there but he's not David's not like you know what get out of here or take this kill this guy jobs bad but you know why he's just allowing him you know what happens sometimes because obviously if you study the life of Joab he's obviously a very valiant man right so he knows how to fight he knows how to lead he knows how to kill people you know he's good with the sword so maybe in David's mind he's just like man I want to get rid of this guy but he's just too good he's just too valuable of a soldier well you put that in relation to today you know a lot of pastors don't get rid of their church members because they're valuable in some other area of life like oh man yeah I know he's involved in sin but he just gives so much he's got so much money coming in the bank and that counts and they may not agree with the people but you know they keep them because they're valuable in some other area of life well that's what Joab is you know and there was even a time when when when Joab killed I forgot the guy's name the guy we he covered does anybody remember he covered him with the cloth he slew him in the way and he put a cast a cloth over him and he put him out of the highway you guys remember that story you know and David found out about in the Bible says that David was wroth with him and he even they did a ceremony for him they did a funeral for him and did not punish Joab for it he even said before the congregation yeah Joab was wrong about this but you know he's gonna suffer the consequences of it you're supposed to execute the consequence that he's supposed to suffer for that but what do we see in David's life so many people died just because David was not willing to deal with Joab okay Ephesians 4 verse 24 says here and that he put on the new man which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness wherefore putting away lying speak every man truth with his neighbor for we are members one of another be angry and sin not let not the Sun go down upon your wrath the Bible says now this goes to show you in verse 26 that you can be angry and not sin you know because all you know being angry you're sitting by doing that the Bible says that you could be angry and not sin okay as long as you don't allow it to amount to wrath which eventually you're gonna violate someone if you have wrath okay but the Bible says there be angry sin not however don't let the Sun go down upon your wrath you know what that means take care of it resolve it now this is very I think this could be applicable to marriage you know you got couples that fight sometimes okay and they they they have a disagreement and you know what they do something the worst thing you can do when you have a fight married couples is you just go to bed and don't talk to each other you know why cuz you're letting the Sun go down upon your wrath you still take off you she sleeps as far to the left to use you can you sleep as far to the right as you can and you just don't say nothing and you guys just lay there you're not even sleeping you just like should I wake up and just tell her you know you're letting you're not you're you still you're still rivalry so angry you know you should just resolve it before the day ends cuz here's the thing what if your spouse dies you know that night then you're really not resolving anything you know and the guilt you have to live with that the fact that you didn't get it right you didn't fix it and that it that applies to children too you know if there's some conflict with your children resolve it right away you know and they're correct and I'm getting ahead of myself here go to Luke 17 but not just the couples I think that relates to any Christian right because Christians you know especially men they get angry easily sometimes you know anyone with one another and something's just bothering them and bothering them and they don't want to like say anything about it you know before the Sun goes down call your brother and say hey man I just need to let you know that I got really mad about this you know and it's just been bothering me and I just want to let you know that that bothered me and just resolve it because here's what happens is when you don't resolve anger towards a brother towards anybody it just simmers you know and then imagination start creeping in you know and then you see him at church and the person you're mad at is just all hey what's up you know they're just like having a good time you're like I can't believe this guy's happy you know he doesn't even know he's like oh man and he probably doesn't know that like he offended you you know but if you go to him and you fix it you'd be surprised people be like oh man I'm sorry I didn't know I did that I really apologize for that you know and then you fix it okay Luke 17 verse 1 says then said he unto the disciples it is impossible but that offenses will come but woe unto him through whom they come it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck and he cast into the sea then that he should offend one of these little ones take heed to yourselves if thy brother trespass against thee rebuke him and if you repent forgive him and if you trespass against these seven times in a day and seven times in a day turn again to thee saying I repent thou shalt forgive him so what is it saying there if your brother trespasses against you here's how you resolve it you rebuke them hey you wrong me I'm mad at you you did wrong against me and if they say I'm sorry then you say all forgiven I forgive you for that and just resolve it and if he does it again you do it again because God says we need to resolve conflict okay now the problem is again as I mentioned sometimes people just don't want to resolve conflict because they don't they don't like confrontation I'm just not a confrontational person I just I just want to just let it go but here's the thing you're not letting it go you're gonna think about it over and over again you know that's why for example this is a weird illustration but I think it helps a lot I've been a part of a lot of funerals as a Christian I've seen a lot of funerals and my father-in-law used to teach me that when he would coach me on how to perform a funeral or how to organize a funeral you know obviously they're bringing the body with the casket and the casket is open right before the service starts as soon as the the the service begins you close the casket okay and he says the reason you'd let the people know hey we're closing the casket is to bring closure to it you say what why is that why is that a big deal well because if you leave the casket open often families because they don't know how to resolve those emotions that they're feeling they want to stay by the casket like forever you know I mean I come from a Hispanic family and in my Hispanic family when someone dies they spend like the whole 24-hour day with the dead body like right there with them they'll have lunch there you know they'll just chat away and the I mean the person's like right there open casket and everything the body's like right there you know why because they don't know how to bring closure to a situation and my father-in-law used to teach me once the service starts close the casket so that when the service is finished they just take away the casket and it's ready to go get buried and there's closure to that so allow the family to come and say their goodbyes to their to the family member but then once the service starts you say okay we're gonna close the casket now you know and many of them they didn't really like that we did that but trust me it helped them a lot because we need to bring closure to things okay and when there's no closure guess what then you're just constantly mourning you're constantly sad I mean and obviously with unsafe people you know it's different there's people who visit grave sites I mean I have family members who would visit grave sites and like have like lunch there at the grave you know I mean for people who've been dead for for decades you know because there's no closure yet and so but God's way of doing things is hey we need to bring closure we need to resolve conflict when that doesn't happen you just it just prolonged prolongs itself and it's just not good go to Galatians chapter number two now this is a good example right here I like Paul because man he just resolved stuff like right away he's like when someone was wrong about something he's just like you know no he just like look what it says verse 11 but when Peter was coming to Antioch I was stood him to the face because he was to be blamed so as soon as he came to Antioch Paul's like hey Peter hey you're wrong about this he took care of it right away for before that certain came from James he did eat with the Gentiles but when they were come he withdrew and separated himself fearing them which were of the circumcision and the other Jews assembled likewise with them in so much that Barnabas also was carried away with their dissimulation so we see that Paul was a man who was just like hey let's just resolve this real quick I'm sure he respected Peter I'm sure he loved Peter I'm sure he admired Peter and he esteemed him as a brother but because of that he was stood him to the face you know what we need today we need Christianity where people are just withstood to the face it's uncomfortable it's it hurts at times but you know what it's necessary what does it mean to withstood with withstand someone to the face you go up to him say hey we need to talk Alex you know we need to talk mark let's go talk it's not like you know you just drag it out I'm gonna call you later how much I need to text you about something later maybe we can FaceTime later no face-to-face I mean we're not getting getting in a boxing match you know people think like that sometimes oh wow you know I don't know what's good you're just gonna talk I remember I remember my old church there's a guy and he was a troublemaker and you know I don't think he's like this anymore but I remember he was a troublemaker and he hated my guts for whatever reason I had a lot of people hated my guts back then but he really did not like me and he said he told someone he goes man he goes I want to punch Bruce right in the face he said that I mean he's got my brother in Christ he's I just want to sock that guy in the face and this guy came to me he told me he goes hey man this guy says he wants to punch you in the face I said really yeah all right so soon as it and he so I'm right here with the guy telling me and that guy is like right there he goes hey that guy said yesterday he want to punch you in the face all right so I went up to him I said hey uh so so tell me you want to punch me in the face I was like is that true I wasn't trying to pick a fight with him you know I think I esteemed him enough to know that he wasn't just gonna like punch me in the face or something you know what I mean but he didn't expect that for sure and he's just like well I mean you know you know he's give me all the bowels and I said why do you want to punch me in the face and it was over some stupid doctrine that he didn't agree with me on and all these things and and then uh you know he didn't want to resolve it I said well let's talk let's hash it out let's talk you know because I don't like things being like just dragged out I hate it you know let's just deal with it right now you know if I'd wronged you or whatever or let's just fix it so he's like and then he starts like yelling at me right there you know he starts talking all kinds of trash then my father-in-law walks he goes hard this pastors was ito let's go talk to him let's go I'm like why why don't you go talk to me right here let's just man to man bro you know so he goes to talk to my pastor who's not my father-in-law at that time and he just starts like unloading the truck on him about me you know and my father-in-law was just like what and that and he said my father-in-law just kind of called me over and he goes what's the problem I said I don't know I said he said he wanted to punch me in the face so I just went up to him and said I heard you wanted to punch me in the face I just want to get to the bottom of this and he looked at he goes did you say you wouldn't punch him in the face and he said well yeah and he goes okay he goes you can go I said I try to resolve it but he didn't want to resolve it so you know but a whole field was lit on fire here and then he got in trouble with the pastor is like you can't be going around threatening people talking about you're gonna punch people in the face Oh Krista Montes you know a little bit about that don't you hey Krista Montes has a similar story to that with the deacon threatening him you know to punch him in the face what's up with these guys you know and I'm you know but for me I'm not trying to be mr. tough guy I'm not trying to like oh oh yeah go ahead do it then take your best shot I'm just like hey I heard you want to punch me in the face I just want to know why did I do something but you know he's probably not used to anybody was standing him to the face is what it is and look if you got a problem with me just come talk to me face to face I like the man-to-man talks I prefer those don't text me don't call me you know if you live in another state that's a different that's a different story but if we're here you got a problem don't go talk to my wife about it you know come talk to me like a man and if you're a woman then don't come talk to me you know I don't need if you have a problem no I'm just kidding if you have a problem we obviously you could come talk to me or whatever but what I'm saying is this is it's better to have a when we resolve conflict that it's face to face not text message to text message you know why because we're more bold on a text message than we are face to face you're more bold on the YouTube comment section then you are face to face okay there's things that you'll say in an email and in a text message that you will not say face to face you know and I've had people in the past they'll text me the most gruesome just hurtful even when we started the church people just text me gruesome hurtful things and I always tell them let's talk face to face and when we end up talking face to face you know what happens a lot of that stuff just goes out the window they change their tone real quick because it's different okay you're just mr. bold when you're on the text message you know calling me a wolf or or accusing me of all kinds of stuff but when it comes face to face it's just a lot different and I think God made it that way for a reason you know Paul understood that hey we stood him face to face resolve it get it done with okay that's the way you're supposed to take care of it now go to Genesis chapter number three when you don't resolve conflict the fields gonna get lit on fire you know you and you're gonna you're gonna suffer a greater loss in the long run because of it if you don't just take care of it so how does this look like practically well I would say first and foremost obviously you know this is an issue when we allow sin to go unconfessed in our personal lives okay Genesis chapter 3 verse 6 says and when the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was pleasant to the eyes in a tree to be desired to make one wise she took of the fruit thereof and did eat and gave also unto her husband with her and he did eat and the eyes of them both were open and they knew that they were naked and they sowed fig leaves together and made themselves aprons so instead of Adam just like man we messed up let's just call on the Lord and ask him to forgive us and just get it right they sold fig leaves together they try to resolve the conflict based upon their own intellect so in fig leaves together Bible says in verse number eight and they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden and the cool of the day and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden not very smart and the Lord God called him to Adam and said unto him where art thou and he said I heard thy voice in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked and I hid myself by the way when God says where art thou it doesn't mean he doesn't know where they were he wants a confession is what he wants okay and he said verse 11 and he said who told me that that was naked has that eaten of the tree where of I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat again what does he want a confession he knows that he did that verse 12 and the man said the woman whom thou gave us to be with me she gave me of the tree and I did eat so this guy it's like passing the buck he said did you eat well those the woman so what's a way that you don't resolve conflict you blame other people other than taking personal responsibility yeah you know it's like well it's not my fault it says so-and-so did it you know it was this person who didn't come through on this issue or whatever made me no just take responsibility take the blame say it was you and that was it and look what it goes on to say and the Lord God said unto the woman what is this that thou has done and the woman said the serpent he got me and I did eat now what do we see here we see people who not taking responsibility for their actions that's not how you resolve conflict okay you know your your husband's mad at you or whatever and you're like or you you got beef with your husband okay and you're like what's the issue is like well it's my husband's fault it's because he does this it doesn't he doesn't clean up after himself or he doesn't do and you start blaming all the things that you shouldn't really be blaming for okay typically when there's conflict within marriage even within marriage it's because one or the other is not fulfilling their biblical role as a husband or as a wife that's plain and simple no but my situation is different yeah you like everyone else for the last two thousand years for that's got more than that is is you're the most unique marriage out of all the relationships for the last couple thousand years no I don't think so you know God has placed specific principles in the Bible that have taught us what are we to do and why do we have promises because we were getting out of our biblical role as a wife or as a husband okay don't blame someone else don't blame your mom and by the way the worst thing you could do when you there's conflict in the marriage is you give your mother-in-law or you give your mom a call keep your family out of it leaving cleave amen that's the way it's supposed to be because here's the problem you're gonna go talk to your mom and you're talking trash about your husband but then your husband's gonna come he's gonna give you flowers and then it's gonna be a okay but guess what now your mom's ticked off at your husband still so you forgave your husband but your mom has it you know so just keep it within the confines of marriage and just resolve it right then and there go to 1st John chapter 5 so but specifically we're talking about sin here sometimes there's unresolved conflict between us and the Lord you know why because we're sinning and we're not confessing it right okay now one thing we do emphasize here a lot and I'm thankful we do is Bible reading amen but one thing we need to emphasize maybe a little more and maybe this is just something that I need to emphasize more is prayer we need to learn how to pray and pray without ceasing and confessing our sins you know a clear sign if someone is very prideful is that they're not praying enough because prayer humbles you you know you're you're recognizing that you need the Lord you can't do it without God you know and and and that humbles you a lot but not only that when you're when you're praying part of praying is you need to confess your sins you need to spend quality time thinking through your day and the sins you've committed and confess them before the Lord okay that's very important do you do that's a that's a very vital aspect of the Christian life is just to cleanse yourself from all unrighteousness excuse you have the Lord cleanse you from all unrighteousness as you confess your sins unto him first John 5 14 says and this is the confidence that we have in him that if we ask anything according to his will he heareth us and if we know that he hear us whatsoever we ask we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him now go to Psalm 66 so this is a great promise that we see here in first John 5 what is he saying we know that when we pray that God will hear us and if we have the confidence that he hears us we understand that we're gonna get what we're asking for right we're asking in faith we add we have not because we asked not the Bible says but here's the problem Psalm 66 verse 18 if I regard iniquity in my heart the Lord will not hear me so he's saying look if God's hearing us we know we're gonna get the petitions we asked for but Psalm 66 if you're regarding iniquity in your heart he ain't hearing nothing so you can pray all you want you can ask for anything you want but if you have iniquity in your heart and you have not confessed it before the Lord he ain't hearing you and let me say this obviously God can hear you what he's saying is I'm not gonna listen to you you've ever had you ever talked to someone it's like they're they're hearing you but they're not listening it's just going in one ear out the other that's what God's gonna do to you if you're regarding iniquity in your heart so what you know you have to do is on a daily basis whether in the morning and throughout the day is that you need to confess your sins spend time by the way alone just you and the Lord and if you don't know how to do this ask me after the service and I can help you out with it but it's very simple say Lord I I committed this sin I'm sorry please forgive me for it help me to overcome this area in my life you know I'm prideful and I recognize that I am prideful or I'm stubborn Lord and I recognize it and I'm sorry help me to live a life that's pleasing to you I confess it before you and I'm sorry that I did that it's just simple there's no holy holy prayer you're speaking to the Lord as it to as unto your father you know and don't try to just breeze through that confession time you need to spend time cleansing your heart and I guarantee you every single time you confess your sins you come out of that prayer out of that prayer closet so to speak as like man I feel like a way it's been taken off my shoulder well you know why because sin weighs you down that's why okay but if you're gonna get your prayers answer you can't regard iniquity in your heart okay Psalms 84 go to Psalms 84 but you know a lot of people do unfortunately they sin and then they keep sinning and then they keep sinning and then they just cover it up and cover it up and they sold fig leaves and they saw more fig leaves and then they make more excuses why do this because of this in my life I'm too stressed I'm depressed it's because of my husband's because of my wife you blame everyone else but yourself you know what's gonna happen your fields gonna be lit on fire and that little sin that you could have just confessed at one point now it's like multiple sins do you got to take care of Psalms 84 verse 10 says for a day in thy courts is better than a thousand I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than to dwell in the tents of wickedness for the Lord God is the Sun and the shield the Lord will give grace and glory no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly amen that's an awesome promise I mean God's not a man that he shall I amen go to Jeremiah chapter number five so remember that God said no good thing will I withhold from them that walk uprightly I'm not gonna withhold any good thing God's gonna give us the best the most quality of everything the abundance of everything why because that's what he wants for his children but he's promising says no good thing when I withhold them in the walk uprightly now keep that in mind Jeremiah chapter 5 verse 24 it says neither say they in their heart let us now fear the Lord our God that giveth rain both the former and the latter in his season he reserved unto us they appointed weeks of the harvest your iniquities have turned away these things and your sins have withholding good things from you so we see in in Psalms chapter 84 he says I won't withhold any good thing from them to walk uprightly but what is he saying here he says your sins though and your iniquities are keeping these things from you so if there's something in your life that you're not getting some sort of blessing that you're looking for don't blame God for it don't say well God's just not being fair he's not giving it to me no no no you have sin in your life you need to get it right okay because he said no good thing will I withhold from them to walk uprightly don't make don't try to make God a liar don't try to think that you're the exception okay it's simple he said right there that your sins have withholding good things from you so when there's unresolved conflict as far as sin is concerned you know what just confess it right away stop being stubborn look stubborn is iniquity is as an equity the Bible says okay and if you're stubborn you're committing sin by being stubborn you committed iniquity you know why because stubbornness is when you know you're supposed to do something and you don't do it okay and iniquity is you know you're sinning and you continue to sin that's iniquity just get it right just confess it don't be stubborn don't be stupid don't be foolish just confess it before the Lord and get it right the Bible says in 1st John chapter 1 verse 6 if we say that we have fellowship with him and walk in darkness we lie and do not the truth man that's a heavy statement right there because there's a lot of people on you know I read my Bible I come to church but you got sin in your life you can't say that you have fellowship with God but you're walking in darkness you're lying according to the Bible but if we walk in the light as he is in the light we have fellowship one with another in the blood of Jesus Christ his son cleanses us cleanses us from all sin why because he that cometh to the light you know comes to the light so as these may be made manifest the Bible says right verse a says if we say that we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness if we say that we have not sinned we make him a liar and his word is not in us so what's the what's the principle there we need to get back to this matter if you haven't already of just confessing your sins on a daily basis well I don't think that's what that verse means then do whatever you want let light your field on fire then you know but God tells us in his word that we need to make sure that we confess our sins daily I think that's why the Bible says pray without ceasing because you don't just sin in the morning and then the rest of the day you're good to go you know no you're probably sinning throughout the day and you have to have a conscious mind to understand oh man I did wrong you know I thought wrong I said wrong I did wrong Lord forgive me I'm sorry okay and look thank God that his mercies are new every day it is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed okay as high as the heavens are from the earth so great is his mercy towards them that fear him the Bible says okay go to 2nd Samuel chapter 12 so this is a great example a bad example should I say of unconfessed sin because David did some really bad sin he committed adultery he murdered a man and at the end of that chapter I think it was in chapter 11 the Bible says but the thing which David did displeased the Lord okay and of course we know that Nathan comes and he was stood him to the face amen he says thou art the man verse 11 says thus saith the Lord behold I will raise up evil against thee out of thine own house and I will take thy wives before thine eyes and give them unto thy neighbor he shall lie with thy wives in the sight of the Sun for thou didst it secretly but I will do this thing before all Israel and before the Sun and David said unto Nathan I have sinned against the Lord and Nathan said unto David the Lord also hath put away thy sin thou shalt not die but keep in mind at this point the child is already sick so that means it's already been more than nine months since this whole ordeal has taken place so let's give it a take about 10 to 11 months of this taking place that means David didn't confess nothing of murdering or committing adultery and that 10 to 11 months span that's a long time you know who knows if something would have just been different if we would have just gotten it right right away right after he did it but you know what he did he didn't confess it he kept he kept trying to cover it up and it cost the lives of a lot of people including his own family you said what happened to him his field got lit on fire is what happened and it wasn't until Nathan was sent him to the face he's like I sinned he's alright God's not gonna kill you but there's a lot of people they're gonna die the sword shall not depart from my house go to Colossians chapter number three so hey don't be foolish confess your sins on a daily basis but what's another what's another area we've already mentioned this but I'm gonna talk a little bit more about it when we allow fights within marriage to go and resolve okay and I know we don't have a lot of married people here we've got a couple of them a couple of them that are gonna get married amen and in the future in May even mark all right and then some other ones that are gonna be getting married later on now this is important now go to Colossians chapter 3 verse 18 look what it says here why this is every man's like life verse wife submit yourselves into your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them he said love your wives and look hey don't be bitter against your wife now go to 2nd Corinthians chapter 2 now why does he say don't be bitter against your wife how does bitterness even come about well the way bitterness is is conjured up is when there's conflict but it's not resolved and so you're still mad at the person then you become perpetually mad at them and that's called bitterness your wife did something to displease you she doesn't iron your shirts the way you asked her to whatever maybe she didn't cook you your favorite meal she disrespected you whatever it is and you what happens you actually can become bitter towards your wife I can't believe this lady doesn't she know wife submit yourselves into your own husbands as it's fit in the Lord she's not right with God huh you know and you just you're bitter the ones who are laughing know what I'm talking about 2nd Corinthians chapter 2 verse 10 look what it says to whom and obviously this is talking about the guy who was involved in fornication he was cast out then he was restored now he's 2nd Corinthians he's talking to the people to say hey forgive that guy but this could be applied to any area of forgiveness verse 10 says to whom you forgive anything I forgive also for if I forgave anything to whom I forgave it for your sakes forgave I in the person of Christ so what is he talking about someone just forgiving someone this is forgiven in the person of Christ and then look what verse 11 says lest Satan should get an advantage of us for we are not ignorant of his devices so what is one of the devices that Satan uses against Christians bitterness you become bitter towards someone because once someone becomes bitter it sprouts and it affects everyone and it affects your walk with God you don't want to read your Bible you want to come to church you don't care about the things of the Lord you're just simmering you're just allowing that anger to just boil up inside of you and look the imagination is an amazing thing you can create a whole scenario based off of one little tiny thing to your husband or your wife did against you you know and it's not even true but you know what it is it's a device the Satan uses okay now go to go to Exodus chapter 4 so let me just tell you that there's always gonna be disagreements in marriage you're always gonna have problems because you're from Mars and she's from Venus or however you want to put it you both of you are just different she's a woman you're a man you think different you act different so there's gonna be issues and look don't everything well not with us you know we got it down pat no you will see there are issues and it's important that you don't become bitter towards your wife and look sometimes wives can be bitter towards their husbands you know he's like oh he's just not loving enough or he doesn't understand or he doesn't recognize when I do these things you know you just need to forgive that and allow your husband allow your wife to grow into that role there but what's an example of this Exodus chapter 4 verse 21 this is a strange story here says here in verse 21 and the Lord said unto Moses when thou goest to return into Egypt see that thou do all those wonders before Pharaoh which I have put in thine hand but I will harden his heart that he shall not let the people go and now shall say unto Pharaoh's thus saith the Lord Israel Israel is my son even my firstborn and I say unto thee let my son go that he may serve me if thou refused to let him go behold I will slay thy son even thy firstborn and it came to pass by the way in the end that the Lord met him and sought to kill him then Zipporah took a sharp stone and cut off the foreskin of her son and cast it at his feet Moses feet and said surely a bloody husband art thou to me so let him go so he let him go then he said a bloody husband thou art because of the circumcision and the Lord said to Aaron go into the wilderness to meet Moses and he went and met him in the mount of God and kissed him so this is a strange story but basically what happened was God basically commanded hey circumcise your child well he didn't do it well then his wife God's coming to kill Moses his son Zipporah come most part like hey we need to circumcise their son so Zipporah comes and she cuts off the foreskin I mean this girl's crazy she cuts it off she throws it at the feet of Moses you bloody man well he said what does that have to do with unresolved conflict because Moses should have taught his wife why they're supposed to circumcise instead he caused his wife to be bitter towards him and I don't even know Moses was like hey sister God's the one who said this he's commanding us to do this you know it's not I'm just like a bloody man he's commanding us to do this but you know obviously there's some sort of conflict there or disconnect where she's not understanding why Moses has to do these things okay I go to Exodus chapter 18 so Zipporah is not mentioned a lot of times in the Bible mind you this is Moses the meekest man that ever lived he's like he's the man of God he's doing great works for the Lord Exodus chapter 18 in verse number 1 says when Jethro the priest of Midian Moses father-in-law heard of all that God had done for Moses and for Israel his people and that the Lord had brought Israel out of Egypt so mind you all those things that I just read have already taken place by the time of what we just read up until Exodus 18 verse 2 then Jethro Moses father-in-law took Zipporah Moses wife after he had sent her back and her two sons of which the name of the one was Gershom for he said I have been an alien in the strange land and the name of the other was Eleazar for the God of my father said he was mine help and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh so what happened Moses sent her back so you're going back to dad that's not good why because Moses married Zipporah so you know who's responsible for Zipporah Moses not dad Moses is responsible but you know Moses did he just sends the poor back and after all these great works were done then Zipporah Jethro came he's like come on support we're gonna go see your husband you know and look let me say this when there's issues in the family don't go back to mommy and daddy stick it out leaving cleave leave mom and dad out of this you're grown enough to get married you should be grown enough to fix the issues in your marriage this isn't Candyland okay Candyland everything you know you just ride off into the sunset everything's all good you know nothing bad or whatever happened no Zipporah is gonna throw the foreskin on at your feet one day spiritually speaking she's gonna do something crazy like that you know Moses you know just like go home to mom you know go on the dad no fix it resolve the conflict okay and look all that could have been resolved Moses just explains her what happened you know and you said well how do you know that that didn't happen because goddess has put the husband over the wife to teach the wife these things you know we're supposed to wash her by the by the washing of the word the Bible says that's the responsibility of every single husband so if Sarah does something like she disobeys me or something I'm not gonna be like look here's the keys go back to Long Beach stay there for the weekend no you know what we're doing is like hey if we got to put the boxing gloves on we're gonna put the boxing gloves on over the Sun is not going down upon our wrath all right and look I try my best that there's conflict with my wife you know and there's some sort of like disagreement I'll apologize if it's my fault you know if it's my father I'm like man oh she knows I've gone to her and I told her hey I'm sorry I was rude to you I was mean and I'm sorry for doing that will you forgive me and she says yes and then it's all good okay can you make me dinner you know that's the way you do it humble yourself and she does the same exact thing she'll apologize to me you know what happens we laugh about it and we move on with our lives you don't allow all these great works to be done and then you know you send her off to mom and dad you know so you can have a space away from each other you don't what what is that you know you need to stick it out and just duke it out not physically obviously don't don't do get out physically but I'm saying is you need it you need to hash it out the Bible says in 1st Peter chapter 3 verse 7 likewise he husbands dwell with them according to knowledge giving honor and to the wife as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered so the God is telling the man hey you need to do all them according to knowledge and recognize they are a weak vessel and that goes to that that goes for physically weak and emotionally weak okay guys you know we have a fight with the wife we don't lose sleep we forget about it women they kind of just allow it to fester for like weeks they don't forget it years could pass by it's true you'll see you just could pass by and it's like and one of the way let me say this once a conflict is resolved let it die so in other words in five years don't bring him back up again if you forgave him she forgave you don't bring it back up I don't say well you know remember when you did this it's like I thought you forgave me already for that what's up with that that's over and done with I'm just saying do you remember no let's let's forget about those things okay don't bring up past issues don't bring up past conflicts the purpose of resolving something is that result you're closing the casket on that dead thing so it's okay over and done with let's move on okay go to first champion chapter number three because then what happens then you have you have a lit field a field on fire on your hands later on okay you know then like you're you you're you're not spending time with one that's why they say a lot of divorce is wicked as hell obviously but sometimes people get divorced because what happens is the children get bigger and you know they're kind of sticking it out for the children and once the children leave the home it's like they don't even know their wife anymore they don't know their husband you know why because there's so much conflict between the two they don't even get along anymore okay you can't have that happen you knew your wife before you knew your children I don't know if you know that okay now what's another way that we have to resolve conflict when we allow children to go unpunished first salmon chapter 3 verse 13 says in that day I will perform against Eli all the things which I have spoken concerning his house when I begin I will also make an end for I have told him that I would judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knows because his sons made themselves vile and he restrained them not those are strong words and when the Bible says they've made themselves vile it's talking about they were became reprobates now these are sons that the sons of Eli Hophni and Phinehas were very wicked they're their sons of Belial though they're sons of Eli they're sons of Belial too unfortunately and the Bible says that they made themselves vile and what did Eli do nothing so the problem didn't arise with the the the meats and the sacrifices that's not where it all started you are all started is when Eli refused to chastise his children when they were younger okay and that's what it produced right there you know I've met people who who who are saved people they're in church and their children become sodomites you know I'm talking people that I know personally you know they become sodomites and why is that because they didn't punish them when they were younger you know they think they they allow their children to go unfettered with unfettered sin and disobedience and what happens they suffer the consequences of it later okay but this is an extreme example right here he restrained them not he just let him do whatever they want but you know the Bible says is that we do have to punish our children we don't you don't abuse your children obviously you know the guys and I were talking back in our day man it was like a smash to the face you know I joke but when I say my mom taught me out of box but there's like some truth to that but what I'm talking about is when we talk about discipline that we talk about the biblical discipline right spanking your children why because the Bible says withhold not correction from the child for if thou beatest them with the rod he shall not die thou shalt beat him with the rod and I shall deliver his soul from hell Eli well he didn't deliver his children from hell they're rubber baits they've been in hell for these last couple thousand years good Ephesians chapter number six you know it's crazy to think that people say that they don't speak their children because they love their children that's weird you know and you know I don't necessarily doubt that they love their children but I just don't think they love them enough because if you really love your children it'll hurt you to spank them but you understand you got to spank them because you're here you have their future in mind you know you don't want them to become evil wicked people the Bible says in Ephesians 6 verse 4 and he fathers provoked not your children to wrath but bring them up in the nurture in the admonition of the Lord in Colossians 3 21 says fathers provoked not your children to anger lest they be discouraged so again now what do we have here and unfortunately there's a lot of us in this generation that grew up in this kind of household sometimes you know there's conflict between a son a daughter and a mother and father and what happened they just yell at you right your parents just like yell at you and maybe they even might even throw a chunk like you or something or you know you might get it but then you don't talk to each other for like a week I know you know what I'm talking about you know it's just like and then it's awkward in the house it's just like you know you don't know if your mom's still mad at you or not it's not resolved that's not the way God wants us to parent our children you know when they're sinning the children or they disobeyed us the Bible says we need to take care of it right away I learned from my father-in-law the way they would do it is if one of the child disobeys you spank them and guess what you let them know what they did wrong you console them you tell them you love them you pray with them you know and you resolve that thing so it's not just a matter of spanking them that's important but you know what's important is after that spanking to you know pastoring or yala he tells me about his dad his dad used to whoop him and after they whoop them I mean this whole process will take like an hour and a half because he would whoop him and then they would pray together they'd read the Bible together and he would say look I don't want you to become a bad person when you grow up one day this is why I do this because I don't hate you I love you he would explain to him all these things therefore there would be there would be closure to these things okay and look don't think for a second the kids don't disobey you know don't be shocked when my son like if I ever give him a command he tells me no don't like it's some like some strange thing that's what they do they disobey we said what are you supposed to do you spank them for disobeying so they can learn I'm never I'm not like in amazement when some person's child doesn't obey them when they tell them to do something I'm like oh man that guy is a bad parent or that lady does not know how to take care of her children what I'm amazed that is if the parents don't do something about it that's the amazing thing because children are gonna disobey that's part of their nature you know these just like you just got to train them but the point is you want to resolve it as soon as possible okay now what's the message for today simply this it's very practical but I think it'll help you in your relationships in your marriage just in life in general when a problem comes up don't let it simmer deal with it right away as uncomfortable as it may be it's not worth the field being lit on fire in two years because in two years you're gonna have a slew of issues that arise from that little problem that you could have just fixed in one minute okay that's the that's the message for today let's go ahead and bow your heads and have a word of prayer father we thank you so much for the examples we find in the Bible help us today Lord to be Christians that resolve conflicts in our lives and I pray that Lord I understand that it's it's uncomfortable sometimes to deal with a specific issue whether it's in family marriage in the church or whatever may be but better to just do it quick and fix it quick so that it doesn't grow to be a bigger problem and I pray God that you'd help us each and every one of us to have the wisdom to do so in Jesus name we pray amen