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Service, okay? That's biblical and that's good to do. When I talk about a celebration of life, it typically has to do with the person who's practicing euthanasia, which is when a person decides to take their own life because of a sickness or whatever it may be. And what they'll actually do is they'll have all their family together right before they commit that suicide, that self-suicide. And they'll watch movies, their favorite movies, or they'll eat their favorite food. And the family will literally watch them die as they take their own life. And you know, there's nothing wrong with celebrating someone's life, but you cannot take away the element of mourning. Mourning is very much a biblical thing. What is mourning? It means to weep. It means to have anguish and pain. It means to have sorrow of heart. That is a very much a biblical concept is to mourn. Now this mourning, specifically, I want to talk about how to help those who have lost a loved one. Obviously, there's different aspects of life that can give us anguish and pain and sorrow. But specifically, I want to talk about when you lose a loved one, okay? Now this sermon is not to help those who teach those how to feel, what to do when they lose a loved one. This is actually for your family and friends what they should do for you when you lose a loved one, okay? Now go to 1 Thessalonians chapter number four if you would. Let me say this, we're all going to experience this pain one day, okay? And this is very much important, this is an important subject to talk about because if you're not careful, you can have a friend or a family member that will lose a loved one and you think you know exactly how to treat that situation. You think you know that you're sensitive towards that circumstance, but you might say something stupid. You might actually make it even worse, okay? It's important that we are sensitive to other people's emotions during that time because it can be very traumatic for someone. Now we obviously know that those who are saved, you know, they have heaven, all right? They have eternal life. But just because someone has eternal life does not mean that the person who lost that person is just going to be happy for the rest of their life, you know? That person has lost someone who's important in their personal life. That person will never see that person again until heaven and they have to live the remainder of their life without that person. You know, think about someone who you're used to seeing day in and day out, whether it's parents, it's children, it's a brother or sister, and you're constantly used to seeing that person and all of a sudden they're just taken away from you in a moment of time, you know, that could be a very traumatic experience. Even if they're saved, it's still a traumatic experience, okay? Now look at 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 verse number 13, it says, But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not even as others which have no hope. Now it's not saying don't sorrow, it's just saying we're not going to sorrow as do others which have no hope, okay? What it's saying is, look, our sorrow is different from the sorrow of those who just lose their loved ones who are not even saved. I mean, think about losing your loved one and they're not even saved. You know for a fact that they didn't get saved and what happens, now they're in hell for the rest of eternity. That's a heartbreaking, traumatic experience to go through, especially if you love the person. It's your family member, your mom or your dad or your uncle, your cousin, whatever, someone who you're close to, they die, you have to deal with that trauma, but then you also have to deal with the reality that that person's burning in hell for the rest of eternity. That's a very traumatic experience. But even aside from that, someone who loses their family member who are in Christ, that's still very painful, okay? Now it says in verse 14, for if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so then which are asleep in Jesus, will God bring with them. Skip down to verse 17, it says, Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. So shall we ever be with the Lord, wherefore comfort one another with these words. So I believe what this is saying is I shouldn't necessarily try to come for you and say, hey, you're gonna see that person again one day. I think it's saying I should say that to myself when I'm going through that anguish and pain to know, hey, I'm gonna see them in the clouds one day. I'm separated from them during this lifetime, but I will see them again. That's comforting, but that's just because you have comfort, that doesn't mean there's an absence of pain. Just because you have solace and comfort doesn't mean there's an absence of anguish. You're gonna experience those things. Now go with me if you want to Ecclesiastes chapter number three. Ecclesiastes chapter number three, mourning is a normal practice that we should apply in our personal lives. You know, the Bible says that the joy of the Lord is our strength, and we ought not to be characterized as being depressed or sad all the time, but there are seasons when that takes place. Now if you're characterized by constantly being depressed, constantly going through anxiety, constantly feeling cast down, you need to get some help, especially if you're saved. Why? Because the joy of the Lord is our strength. We're saved. We have the Holy Spirit of God living within us. He produces the fruits of the Spirit within our lives. Life is great if you're a Christian. It's wonderful to be a Christian, amen? But that doesn't mean obviously that we won't go through seasons of anguish and pain. Now look at Ecclesiastes chapter three verse one, it says to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven, a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. We see there, there is seasons when that's going to take place. And you're like, well, I'm not the crying type. Well, one day you probably will be when you lose that loved one, okay? Now go to Isaiah chapter 53, Isaiah chapter 53. You know, and I don't want no one to get confused about this because you're saying are you against memorial services? Of course not. You know, I think they're great. It's to celebrate that person's life, but not in the absence of mourning for them, okay? There has to be an element of sadness, of weeping, of being clothed in sackcloth and ashes, so to speak, to know that this person is not here anymore. You know, we miss them, okay? So it's not like, don't try to have this godly attitude where it's just like, well, I'm fine. I know that person's in heaven. No, it's okay to weep and wail over the fact that someone who you love is no longer there. You're going to miss them. It's like they're no longer here. Isaiah 53 in verse number two, it says, for he shall grow up before him as a tender plant and as a root out of a dry ground, he has no form nor comeliness. And when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. Of course, this is a reference to Jesus Christ. Verse three says he is despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid as it were our faces from him. He was despised and we esteemed him not. So we see here that even Jesus Christ is known as the man of sorrows, okay? He took the sins of the whole world upon himself. He was the most rejected man that has ever lived. So we can't necessarily say that we should feel no sorrow. We should feel no mourning, no, even our savior experienced these things. And the Bible says that I may know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his what? Suffering. Okay? So this is, suffering is a very much part of life. Pain is a part of life. And when we go through that stage, when we lose someone, you know, that, that, that's actually helpful for us. But to be quite honest with you, it can go both ways because it can make you the most horrible person because you become bitter. You become depressed or whatever it may be, or you can allow that situation to make you better. You see, pain is an instructor. It's a teacher. It's there to help us to mature in life. It's there to help us to be grow more to, to, to mature our, our, our souls. Okay? It's there to help fortify our emotions. That's what it's there for. Now, what is mourning? Mourning is an act of a person who has sorrow or lamentation. And you know, obviously this is more applicable to when someone actually dies, but obviously this could be applicable to anything. You're mourning over a, a trial you're going through, a financial situation, or, you know, you're, you have, you know, there's some sort of unrest in your home. Maybe it's a son who gets away from the Lord. Okay? Maybe it's not necessarily the death of a person, but it's anguish over a person who's gotten away from God. It's a person who's gotten involved in sin and it's causing you anguish and sorrow. Those are very much reasons to be sorrowful. But typically when the Bible talks about mourning, it is in reference to someone passing away. Go to Psalms chapter six. We're going to look at some passages here about mourning. What does it look like? Psalms chapter six and verse number one, it says here, O Lord, rebuke me not in thine anger, neither chasing me in thy hot displeasure. Have mercy upon me, O Lord, for I am weak. O Lord, heal me for my bones are vexed. My soul is also sore vexed, but thou, O Lord, how long? Return, O Lord, deliver my soul, O save me for thy mercy's sake. For in death there is no remembrance of thee, in the grave who shall give thee thanks. I am weary with my groaning. All the night make I my bed to swim. I water my couch with tears. This doesn't mean he had like a waterbed. Okay? This means he's in such anguish that he's crying throughout the night. You know, I'm sure people in this room have been through something like that, where you can't sleep. You have such unrest and your soul is in anguish that you just weep and weep to the point where you can't even weep anymore. It's pain and sorrow. That's what it looks like. It says in verse six, I am weary with groanings. I make all the night make I my bed to swim. I water my couch with tears, with my tears. Mine eye is consumed because of grief. It waxeth old because of all my enemies. Depart from me, all you workers of iniquity, for the Lord hath heard the voice of my weeping. Go to Psalms 42. So we see that mourning involves weeping and lots of it. You know, trials in this life can make the strongest man weep. It can cause a lot of anguish in your heart, even to the point where you just weep uncontrollably. And don't mix, don't get this mixed up. Well, you know, weeping is for girls. No, weeping is for everyone. Okay, it's a biblical concept. In fact, the Bible tells us to weep with those that weep. You know, we ought to have a tender heart for these things. Don't ever have this attitude, well, you just need to get right with God and go read his Bible. You need to go pray and go walk in the Spirit. Maybe he is weeping because he's walking in the Spirit. Because someone who is in the Spirit has a tender heart, has genuine love for their fellow brethren, for their family. And guess what? When they hurt, they hurt as well. Look what the Bible says in Psalm 42 in verse 1, it says, As the heart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God, when shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, Where is thy God? So what is he saying? He's not even eating. I mean, have you ever been in such pain where you just don't even feel like eating? You know, the pain and anguish where it's just you forget to eat. You know, you often see fasting and mourning coupled together in the Bible. It's not because people are making themselves fast. It's because they're in such pain that they just forget about eating. There's so much pain and depression that they just don't want to eat. They just constantly weep. Verse 4 says, When I remember these things, I pour out my soul in me, for I had gone with a multitude. I went with them to the house of God with the voice of joy and praise, with the multitude that kept holy day. Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted in me? Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance. Now, here's the difference, is that some people are cast down, and guess what? They stay cast down. They stay depressed. They stay anxious. You know, we need to follow, obviously, we need to follow David's example that when this takes place, we kind of look inwardly and say, hey, we need to hope in God. You know, God's still on the throne. He's still my God. He's still my Savior. The Bible's still true. I have the Holy Spirit of God living within me. In fact, he's called to what? The Comforter. And we need to solo ourselves in the word of God. But that doesn't mean that there's no anguish or turmoil that we can experience. Verse 6 says, O my God, my soul is cast down within me. Therefore, will I remember thee from the land of Jordan, of the Hermanites, from the hill Mizor. Now, go to Psalms 38. Psalms 38. Verse 6 says, I am troubled. I am bowed down greatly. I go mourning all the day long. You know, there's times in our personal lives that like, you know, you have so much turmoil that even though you go about your day, your mind is constantly thinking about that one trial. It's constantly thinking about that turmoil. You know, and I'm not saying that this is how you should live your life. This is not the way you live your life. OK, but this is a this does happen to people. And it's normal for people to go through something like this and again, use this in context of someone losing a loved one. OK, now I mentioned that that's what that's what mourning looks like. People often feel abandoned, by the way. Sometimes people feel like God has left them. I mean, David felt that way many times when he was going through trials. He's like, God, where are you? And even a safe person can feel like that at times. They can feel like they're separated from the love of God, even though they know mentally and intellectually that God has not left them. They know that God loves them, but they can feel that way. Why is that? Because emotions are just out of kilter. Now, I mentioned that there's a lack of eating. There's depression that's involved. Now go with me, if you would, to Genesis chapter 37. Genesis chapter 37. I'm going to read to you from Psalm 55, verse one says, Give ear to my prayer, O God, and hide not thyself from my supplication. Attend unto me and hear me. I mourn in my complaint and make a noise. Now, what does it mean to make a noise now? He's just like, ah, just make some noise. It means he's wailing. It means he's weeping. It means he's groaning from the pain that he's experiencing. You don't have to turn to Psalms 35 verse 13 says, But as for me, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth. I humbled my soul with fasting. My prayer returned in my own bosom. I behaved myself as though he had been my friend or brother. I bowed down heavily as one that mourneth for his mother. So David was going through such sorrow, he compared it to someone who lost their mother. Now look, losing your parents, it will happen. OK, maybe some of you have already experienced something like that, but you will lose mom and dad one day. Now, here's two things you can take from that. Number one, you need to learn how to appreciate your parents while they're around. You need to make sure that you're honoring them, that you're telling them that you love them on a daily basis, that you are showing your love and your affection towards them because one day they're not going to be there. So they're not saved and they don't go to my church. So what? You know, maybe they're not saved because you're such a bad testimony and you're always a little jerk around them. You know, you're always trying to preach at them and talk and talk down on them when they're wiping your behind your parts when you're a baby. You know, that's hard for parents. You think your parents are going to listen to you? They're like, I fed you and I pay your bills, you know, and you're going to tell me about the Bible. Look, I'm all for preaching to parents in meekness and fear. But you know what I'm for as well is for you to respect your parents, to fear your parents, to love your parents, to honor them. And look, you're going to regret it if you don't, because one day when they're gone, you're going to live the rest of your life wishing you had honored them. You know, make the decision today. Hey, I need to stop honoring my mom and my dad. Well, I don't live with them. Well, does that mean you stop honoring them because you don't live with them? Well, I'm already a grown man. Well, you know, a grown man realizes they need to honor their parents, you know, and you need to appreciate them. Well, you don't know what you're talking about. OK, we'll see how you do when you lose mom and dad. You see, often people live with a lot of regret. Why is it? Because they take their parents for granted. They think they're always going to be there. People die. Your mom is going to die. Your dad is going to die. I'm not threatening you or anything like that. I'm just giving you facts. It's going to happen, OK? You know, and. You know, but we obviously understand that that's normal, right? But unfortunately, you know, it's also normal is that when children die. You know, no parent, no parent ever wants to outlive their children. You know, they don't want to outlive them. It's it's it's a nightmare. I don't even like thinking about to know that I potentially might outlive my son because or my daughter because of some tragedy that takes place. But it can happen, you know, and that could cause an enormous amount of anguish within the heart of a parent when they lose a child. Regardless of what age, it causes a lot of anguish. Look at look at Genesis 37 verse 31. It says, and they took Joseph's coat and killed a kid of the goats and dipped the coat in the blood, and they sent the coat of many colors and they brought it to their father and said, they have this have we found? No, now, whether it be thy son's coat or no. And he knew it and said, it is my son's coat. And evil beasts had devoured him. And Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces. And Jacob rent his clothes and put sackcloth upon his loins and mourn for his son many days. And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted and he said, for I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus, his father wept for him. Now, we obviously understand that Joseph was not dead. And in fact, Joseph ended up he was alive and he outlived his father. But, you know, he didn't Jacob didn't tell that he heard, you know, that's a very traumatic experience to know that your son died by being devoured by animals. Think about that, you know, even to the point where he's like, I'm going to mourn for my son many days. And by the way, that doesn't mean like a week. He's saying like years I'm going to mourn from. And he says right there in verse number 35, I will go down into the grave into my son mourning. You know, I've met people who have lost their sons decades ago, their children decades ago, and they still struggle to this very day dealing with that concept. You know, this is I'm getting ahead of myself. But one thing we got to realize is that when someone loses a person, let's say a child, for example, you know, we want them to recover and we want them to move on. For some people, they will never move on. And it's not necessarily a bad thing if they don't. You know, obviously, if they're saved, they will get that glorified body and they'll see their loved ones once again. But some people will carry that pain for the rest of their life. Now they'll be able to grow out of it in the sense of they can move on with their lives in the sense of, you know, they can function normally once again, whether it's working, it's, you know, having more children, it's just moving on. But, you know, they will always think about the children that they lost. That's just part of life, okay? But that is a very traumatic experience is to lose a child. And we need to make sure that if that ever takes place in our church, that we're very sensitive to the people who do, okay? And I'm going to give some do's and don'ts of when people lose someone, okay? Some do's and don'ts. And look, I don't ever tell people, hey, take notes, you know, when I'm preaching, but I encourage you to take notes today. Because we are, you know, our flesh is not eternal, so everyone you see here, we're all going to die here one day. Not here, but, you know, we're all going to die one day. I'm not threatening you. Close the doors. You know, we're all going to die one day. You know, Lord willing, if everyone continues steadfast in the faith and they stay in this church, we're going to know each other for years on end. But guess what? The people we know here, they're going to die as well, you know? And so we need to take that into consideration. You don't have to turn to 2 Samuel 13, 33 says, Now therefore, let not my Lord the king take the thing to his heart, to think that all the king's sons are dead, for Amnon only is dead. But Absalom fled, and the young man that kept the watch lifted up his eyes and looked and behold, there came much people by the way of the hill beside behind him. And Jonadab said unto the king, Behold, the king's sons come, and thy servant said, So it is. And it came to pass, as soon as he had made an end of speaking, that behold, the king's son came, lifted up their voice and wept. And the king also, and all his servants wept, very sore. But Absalom fled and went to Talmai, and the sons of Amahud, king of Gesher, and David mourned for his son every day. Now Amnon was wicked. He was wicked, but you know what? That didn't take away the fact that he still mourned for his son. You got to think about this. This is a child that he had, I mean he's known all his life. He raised him as a baby up until he was an adult, and then all of a sudden he just loses him. That causes a very large amount of trauma in a person's life. Go to Genesis chapter 50. I mentioned the death of a parent, but we're going to look at an example here. Genesis 50 verse 1 says, And Joseph fell upon his father's face, and wept upon him, and kissed him. And Joseph commanded his servants, the physicians, to embalm his father. And the physicians embalmed Israel. And forty days were fulfilled for him, for so are fulfilled the days of those which are embalmed. And the Egyptians mourned for him three score and ten days. So the entire nation mourned for this man. But Joseph, I'm sure, was the one who mourned for him the most because that's his father. Now go to, let's see here, go to Numbers chapter 20. Numbers chapter 20. That's normal to mourn for a father or a mother. Now look, if you're in here like, well, I don't know my dad. Well, I've never had a good relationship. Okay, then, you know, we need to still make sure that we're sensitive towards those who do know their father and do have a good relationship with their mother and lose them. Okay, and make sure we're still sensitive toward that, even though you didn't experience that yourself. Okay, because that's still an important person to that person. Look at Numbers chapter 20, verse 25 says, Take Aaron and Eleazar's son and bring them up onto Mount Hor and strip Aaron of his garments and put them upon Eleazar's son and Aaron shall be gathered into his people and he shall die there. And Moses did as the Lord commanded and they went up into Mount Hor in the sight of the all the congregation and Moses stripped Aaron of his garments and put them upon Eleazar's son and Aaron died there on the top of the mount and Moses and Eleazar came down from the mount. And when all the congregation saw that Aaron was dead, they mourned for Aaron 30 days, even all the house of Israel. Now here we see that all of Israel mourned for Aaron, but you know, I'm sure who had affected a lot was Moses. You know why? Because that was his brother. You know, when you lose a sibling, that's traumatic as well. A person you grew up with, you fought with, you shared experiences with, and all of a sudden they're taken, that's very traumatic. Okay. And the reason that we're reading through these scriptures is because often we'll read past these passages and not think about, man, that probably caused Moses a lot of anguish. That probably caused, you know, David a lot of anguish. It probably caused Jacob a lot of anguish during this time. And we don't really realize it until we lose someone. Then we read these scriptures and we're like, wow, you know, that person went through that same thing. I'm pretty sure he felt just like me. Okay. Now let me skip some scriptures here. Thank you. Go to second Samuel chapter 11. Second Samuel chapter 11. Now, second Samuel chapter 11, obviously we know the story of David, that David committed adultery with Bathsheba, right? But, and we obviously understand the consequences that came about because of it and all that took place. But keep in mind that obviously Bathsheba was the wife of Uriah. And though she committed adultery, she did love her husband. That was her husband. You know, she did have a life with him at one time. And look what the Bible says in verse 25, it says, Then David said unto the messenger, Thus shalt thou say unto Joab, Let not this thing displease thee, for the sword devoureth one as well as another. Make thy battle more strong against the city, and overthrow it, and encourage thou him. And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband. You know, there's people that are going to be in our church, they're going to lose their spouse, okay? And that's a very traumatic experience. Just slow down a bit and think about these things. Someone's going to lose a husband, someone's going to lose a wife. Don't think to yourself, well, they could just get married again. That's not the point. Though it's true, that's not the point. You know, the point is, it's a very traumatic experience to lose someone who you've been close to, I mean, a spouse is the person you're close to the most more than anybody, okay? And it's someone who you share this life with. You guys are joint heirs and everything and share all these blessings. The most intimate relationship in this world is between spouses. And to lose that person is a very traumatic experience for people. So don't think in your mind, well, you know, they'll just get married again. You know, it'll be all right. He can just find someone else, you know? No, it's not about that. I'm not saying it's not true. It's true, but that's not what they're looking for. You know who they want? They want their spouse back. That's what they want, okay? They want their husband back. They want their wife back is what they want. Obviously, it's not going to happen, but their heart is in anguish. Don't have this mentality where it's like, well, they just need to just, you know, toughen up a little bit. No, you need to be a little more sensitive, okay? Towards someone who goes through something like this. Now, you know, people in the Bible have mourned for men of God, great leaders, so on and so forth. But let me go ahead and get into the points here of the do's and don'ts of comforting. Now, this is a very practical sermon. You know, if you came here to hear me rip on faggots, then, you know, just, you know, there you go. I said it, all right? You can have that for the day if you want. Go on YouTube and listen to my other sermons. You'll hear me talk about plenty about that. But sometimes we just need to talk about practical things like this because we need to know these things because people will die here. Look, fortunately, I have not lost anybody personally myself. Now, I will one day, obviously. I'm going to lose my mom. I'm going to lose my dad. You know, I hope to outlive my children. Oh, not outlive my children. I hope my children outlive me, okay? And it's going to happen. We're going to lose church members. There will be days when we do funerals at this church. You know, we rejoice over the fact that we do a lot of weddings, but there will come a day when we do a lot of funerals as well. And in fact, I come from a church who has been in existence for many, many years. And because of that, they reach a lot of people of different ages. And because of that, people die. And I've seen people go through a lot of anguish and pain. And in my observation of their reactions and the responses of different people, this is what I've accumulated as what can help someone when they're hurting and when they're going through such a trial. Now, number one, let me give you the don'ts first, okay? The don'ts of comforting. Number one, so what are we talking about in context of? Someone loses a spouse, a husband, a child, a sibling, someone who's close to them. And it doesn't have to be those people. Maybe it's an uncle who they're just very close to, a grandma or whatever it may be. They lose someone whom they love and they care for and they miss. We hear about that in our church. What do we don't do? Number one, don't say, I know how you feel. Especially if you've never experienced anything similar like that, okay? And look, most people when they say these things, they're sincere. They have a genuine desire to comfort the person who is hurting. But sometimes they just say dumb things, you know? It just happens. What you don't want to say is this, hey, I know exactly how you feel when you've never experienced something like that. Now, you can say that if the person lost their spouse and you lost your spouse as well. You can say, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my husband or I lost my wife, you know, X amount of years ago. I know how that feels. Now we've heard the phrase, misery loves company, and it's true. Because although it doesn't help them necessarily, it does comfort them to know that there's someone who's gone through that same pain. You know, there's something in us that appreciates someone who's going through the same pain because when you're going through something as traumatic as that, you feel like you're alone. You feel like you're the only one that no one knows what, you know, what you're going through. But when you find someone who does and they genuinely have gone through something like that, you know, that comforts them. So don't say, I know how you feel. Now go to Proverbs chapter 14, Proverbs chapter 14. Look, if someone loses a child, this is an extreme example, but I've heard this before. Someone loses a child, don't come up to them and say, I know exactly how you feel. I used to have this puppy. It was like my child, you know, and they died. I know it's not a human, but I love them just the same. That's bad. A back hand is what you deserve, okay? You know, or how about this? Like let's say, no, this is not extreme, but this is still not a good appropriate thing to say. You know, someone loses a spouse or a child and say, yeah, I know how you feel. Like, you know, I lost an uncle, you know, or, you know, a distant uncle. We didn't really see each other that much, but you know, he's my family member. He died too. I was pretty sad about that. You know, that's not the same. That's just not the same, you know? And in, you know, we want to be sincere and sometimes people in their sincerity, they just want to blurt something out just to, because they think that's going to help them, but that's not going to help them. You said, well, what should I say? Well, go to Proverbs 14 verse 10. Look what the Bible says here. The heart knoweth his own bitterness and a stranger doth not intermedal with his joy. You see, that person knows exactly how they're feeling and they know that the situation that you're supposed to have gone through is not the same. So you say, well, what should I say then? You know, if I can't say, I know how you feel, you can say this. I can't imagine how you feel. Okay. That helps the person because then they see, okay, they obviously know that I'm in a lot of pain and then they'll say, you know, well, I appreciate that. You know, thank you for that. But that's a perfect phrase to say. I can't imagine how you feel right now. You know, you're saying, you know, the gravity, what you're going through and the amount of trauma you experience. I don't know how that feels. Okay. Now, we want to know how they feel. We want to help them during those times, but just don't. That's not a wise thing to say. Okay. And look, we need to be wise people. It's good to have zeal, but you know what? We have to have zeal according to knowledge. Okay. It's good to have zeal and it's good to even have knowledge, but we also have to exercise wisdom. And look, if you don't have nothing nice to say, just don't say anything. If you're not sure of what to say to a person when they lose a family member, then guess what? Just don't, just keep your mouth shut. Shut your pie hole then. Because you could actually make things worse if you open up your pie hole. Okay. And you could actually make their grief even worse because of it. You're like, well, I'm sincere and I love them. Yeah, but we need to make sure that we love them appropriately according to what they need. All right. And look, when someone loses a family member or they're going through some trauma like that, they're extremely just unstable. They're emotionally unstable and anything could just push them over the edge. Okay. We need to make sure that we're very sensitive to people like that. All right. So number one, don't say, I know how you feel. Now, number two, this is very important. Okay. Don't try to guess God's will. Now go to Job chapter 13. What do I mean by that? You know, someone loses a child, okay, a teenager. And you say, you know what? Maybe it was just God's timing for that person. And maybe they were going to be like a murderer one day or something. And God like stopped them from doing that. Or maybe they were like involved in sin. Now, look, there are certain instances where we know that a person maybe has killed someone because they're involved in sin. But you know what? After it happens and they're in our church, does it really matter? I mean, does it really matter for you to tell them that? Is that going to help anything? You know, maybe they could have become a reprobate or something. She was like, well, they're dead. If they're not saved, then they're already in hell. You know, don't try to guess why that took place in that person's life. Now you can guess it to yourself, but don't try to guess it to the person in order to comfort them. Okay. Look at Job chapter 13. I mean, we see that in Job, don't we? For the entire book, these guys are trying to comfort Job and they're wrong the entire time. Like, well, you're not right with God. Maybe you got sin in your life or something. It's like, no, you guys are wrong. Job is more righteous than you guys. Job 13 verse one says, lo, mine eye hath seen all this. Mine ear hath heard and understood it. What you know, the same do I know also. I am not inferior unto you. Surely I would speak to the almighty and I desire the reason with God, but ye are forgers of lies. Ye are all physicians of no value. Oh, that you would altogether hold your peace. That's Greek for shut your mouth. I wish you guys would just shut up and it should be your wisdom. That's good. He goes, you want something wise to do? Just shut your mouth. You know, I don't agree with you. Well, this is my text verse for the shut your mouth doctrine right there. Okay, but verse four, what is he saying? You're physicians of no value. You see, a physician is there to help you, to make things better, to fix you. But a physician of no value doesn't do that. What do they do? They make things worse is what they do. So don't, and Job was right. They were saying a lot of stuff and how much more grief do you think Job had? He just lost all his kids. He lost all his finances. He lost all his, I mean, his home. He lost all his resources. And on top of all that, he lost all his children. Every single one of them died a horrible death at the same time. Just think about that for a moment, you know, at the same, that's a lot of trauma. Then to top it off, his foolish friends come and they say, maybe it's because you're in sin. Well, thanks. You know, I really need to hear that. Look, let's say if it was true, which we know it wasn't, does it help anything at all? No. And we need to ask ourselves this. If what I'm about to say, is that going to help the situation at all? Look, I'm talking about in context of church, people were saved, you know, so on and so forth. You know, is that going to help any? When a person has already lost that person, does it help anything to say, you know, you know, you know, I know he was at a church for a while. The Bible does say, you know, that God killed. Have you heard Brother Bruce's sermon on our God kills? Maybe that happened, huh? That's not, no one's done that here, but I need to say it lest anybody think to say something like that. Don't be stupid. Don't say anything like that. Yeah, but bless God. Yeah, but bless God. Shut your mouth. You know, we need to make sure that we're sensitive to these people and don't try to guess God's will. And this happened, my wife, um, had an aunt and she's, she's already, she already went home to be with the Lord, but while she was alive, she had lost her son and her son got hit by a car coming out of church. He was saved and people would just say stupid stuff like that. It was just like, well, you know, maybe God knew he was going to be like a gangster one day. You know, and look, I'm pretty sure that person was sincere, but they're just sincerely dumb, you know, it's best just to not say anything. If you don't know what's, what's right to say. Okay. And this is preventative. This message is preventative because we haven't lost anybody in our church. This is like our first year. Everything's going great, but it's going to happen. You're going to lose someone. And if you genuinely love the brethren in your church, you want to make sure you pay attention to this and apply it when it takes place. Okay. Now, go to Psalm 77. So don't say, I know how you feel unless you went through something very similar. Okay. Look, if a woman has a miscarriage in our church and you hear about it, I'll say, hey, well, you could just have another one. Right? No. I mean, yes, they can, but that's not the right thing to say. Look, here's, here's, here's good advice. Okay. There's something called prayer that you can do. You use it to ask God for wisdom. So you just say, Lord, give me the words of wisdom to say, if I need to say something, or if I can be an encouragement, help me to have wisdom as I speak. Okay. And look, it's typically know-it-alls who, who open their mouths sometimes is what it is. And, and, and when they open their mouth, we find out that they don't know anything at all. All right. You know, we need to make sure that we pray and ask God for wisdom to know exactly what to say. Don't say, I know how you feel. Don't try to guess God's will like they did with Job. Okay. Number three is now. Okay. So let me explain this before you, you know, you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't send scriptures right away. Don't send scriptures right away. You guys got that? Just pay attention now. All right. Don't send scriptures right away. Oh man. I heard that so-and-so, I just got so many floods of scriptures are coming to my mind. I can help this person with, I'm going to be honest with you. They don't, they don't want to read anything. I'm going to send them Romans 828. All things work together for good to them to love God, to then we're called according to his purpose. That's great. That'll help them. That's not what they need right now. Are you saying they don't need the word of God? No, I'm not saying they don't need the word of God. I'm saying they don't need the word of God at that moment. Because look what the Bible says in Psalm 77 verse one. I cried into God with my voice, even into God with my voice. And he gave ear unto me in the day of my trouble. I sought the Lord. My soul ran in the night and cease not. My soul refused to be comforted. You see the Bible is meant to comfort us, but there comes a point in your morning when you don't want to be comforted. And that's typically immediately after the trauma has taken place. Okay. When the day after the day of the person dies and you hear about it, you know, that's not the time to send them scriptures. Like, I can't believe you just said that. Believe it. It's true. People are not going to, they're not going to take heat to that because at that moment they're in such trauma, their soul refuses to be comforted. They want to weep. They want to mourn. They don't want to fix anything as of now. They don't want to look forward to anything after that. They need that time to just weep and wail and mourn. You see, we who are on the other side of the fence, you know, for us, it's just like, well, we just want to fix your problem real quick, which is a sincere desire, right? Someone goes to some hurt. We want to provide a solution to help them get out of that as soon as possible. But you know what? We can't have that microwave mentality when it comes to someone, you know, losing a family member. Okay. When someone loses a family member, you need to recognize it's going to take a lot of time for this person to get over this trauma. Don't try to just fix it right away by sending them scriptures. I'm not saying don't send them scriptures at any time. Just immediately after the trauma, it probably doesn't help to send scriptures right away, especially like Romans 8 28. Did you say, Hey, it's okay. Everything's gonna be all right. I think that's what they sent to Sarah's aunt. Like, Hey, all things weren't together. It's like, I know that, but that's not what I need to hear right now. Okay. You said, what do they need to hear? Probably nothing other than I love you and I'm praying for you. You know, well, they should just go sowing to get their mind off of that. They're probably not going to do sowing for a little bit. Oh, they're not right with God then. No, their mourning is what they're doing. And it's a time to mourn. Okay. And to be honest with you, they could probably care less of the souls out there at that moment. That's not right. Yeah. But you know what? Did you lose the family member? So you don't know exactly what they're going through. They're going through a lot of anguish. You need to give them some space. And look, if you genuinely love the person, you just tell them, Hey, I heard about what happened. I just want to let you know that I love you and I'm praying for you. Please let me know if there's anything you need. Okay. And that's it. You know, if they decide to open up to you, then take that, be an ear. Look at this. If the people decide to open up to you, don't feel like you need to give a solution. This is what you do. You just listen. Okay. Is this foreign to everyone? I remember people were leaving me like, I don't know about this. Look, God gave us one mouth, two ears. Can you count? One, two. You know what? That means you have to be swift to hear slow to speak. Okay. That means we need to listen more than we actually speak. So if someone's in mourning and look, they just so happen to decide to choose you to help them through that process. This is what you do. Just listen. Okay. Nod your head, weep with them, feel for them. Don't try to give them a solution. Even if it seems as though they're looking for one, most of the time they just want to get things off their chest and say, I can't believe this happened. It just happened so fast. And they might even repeat themselves over and over again. Just listen. Okay. All you have to do is just listen. And by the way, that will mean a lot to them. Guaranteed. They'll be like, man, that person was such a blessing. You didn't even do anything. You just listen. But it means a lot to them because that's what they need. Okay. But they don't need just a Bible scholar to just shove a bunch of scripture down their throat because look, especially men. All right. This is important because men, we see a problem. We want the solution right away. Okay. You know, your wife is crying. It's like, what's the problem? You know, I had a bad day. Okay. This is what you do. Number one, did you read your Bible? Okay. Number two, you skip church. So we got to fix that. You know, we just want to be like point one, number two, number three, and just fix the solution. Ladies aren't like that. Ladies will give you the problem and they don't want no solution. That's the problem. You're like, yeah, but I know what she needs to do. But she's not going to want to listen to you. You know, this is what you do. Give her a hug. I mean, I'm talking to the married guys here, by the way. Okay. Give her a hug, throw it in the back and say, it's going to be okay. I'm serious. You know, and then you just kind of fix the world. But if you're just like, look, okay. Number one, did you get, are you in sin? Have you been disobeying me? Cause that's sin, you know. Let's fix that. Let's fix that right away. Make me some lunch and we'll be good to go. We men, see men are conquerors. We see a problem. It's just like, let's fix it. You know, souls are going to hell and no money. Let's fix that. Ladies are not like that at all. They're more emotional. Okay. But regarding these things. So, but in context of someone losing their family member, you know, everyone becomes emotional at that point. I'm talking about people who you're really close to. Okay. So don't try to seek to give them a solution to the death of their family member. It's already done. You just need to be very sensitive around them. Cause look, I'm going to be honest with you is they'll carry your response with them for a long time. Okay. You know, they'll remember your stupid comment for a long time, especially if it's a lady who you try to help. They'll remember your comments for a long time. Okay. So go to, go to Proverbs 27. So we said, number one, don't say, I know how you feel. I know how you feel, you know, unless you went through something very similar to that tragedy. Number two, don't try to guess God's will for their life. And I'm talking about expressing that to them. And if you feel like you need to tell someone, come tell me or come tell someone else and say, man, do you think that happened because of this? But don't go to the person and tell them, Hey, you know, this is why that happened to your child or your husband or X, Y, and Z. But number three, don't send scriptures right away. Number four is don't ignore the person. Okay. Don't ignore the person. Go to Proverbs 27. Now, what do I mean by that? You know, let's say we hear about someone in our church, losing a family member or something like that. And they come to church. Don't like get quiet around them. Everyone's all like, Hey, how's it going? You know, just, just be normal. Be sensitive. It would be normal. You know, they'll stare at them. You know, they decided to sit by themselves. Don't be like, and then once they look at it, you're all, you know, just be normal. Okay. Don't ignore them because look, that makes them feel even more awkward. Cause here's the thing is they're here for a reason. If they come to church, they want some fellowship. They want their friends. They need them at that time. And look, we're more than just friends. We're a family here. These are brothers and sisters in Christ. And in fact, some of the relationships that we have in this church are often even stronger than the relationships we have with our blood family. Okay. I man, I miss being here over this last week, even more so than I miss being with like some of my family. Okay. I'm not talking about my immediate family, like my wife and my children. I'm talking about like distant family members. You know, I love my church. I'd rather be here with you guys than anywhere else because it's a church. It's a family is what it is. So if someone comes here, they that's what they're looking for. Don't ignore them. Look at the Bible says in Proverbs 27 verse 10, Thine own friend and thy father's friend forsake not, neither go into thy brother's house in the day of thy calamity, for better is a neighbor that is near than a brother far off. You say, well, I don't know how to balance all this. You know, I'm not supposed to do that. Yeah, just pray. Take these things into consideration. Don't say anything dumb. Greet the person, tell them you love them, you're praying for them. If they decide to talk to you and bring up something completely unrelated to their situation, go along with it. You know, you need to mold yourself into that person's emotions and just kind of feel where they're at. You know, if they feel like joking around to get the three minds off of things, then get some good jokes. We're talking about helping them, okay, through that situation. If they're like, hey, anybody going out to eat? If you already ate, go out to eat. We're trying to help them. Yeah, let's go, man. Let's go. Yeah, let's go. Let's go hang out. You know, we need to do whatever it takes to help this person during that traumatic period. And look, you reap what you sow. So you want to make sure you're sowing good seeds during that time because one day you're going to lose someone and you're going to need exactly what you're giving that person during that time, okay? Let me read to you from Psalms 142 and verse one says, I cried unto the Lord with my voice unto the Lord that I make my supplication. I poured out my complaint before him. I showed him before him. I showed before him my trouble. When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. And the way wherein I walked have they privily laid a snare for me. I looked at my right hand and beheld, but there was none, excuse me, but there was no man that would know me. Refuge failed me. No man cared for my soul. You know, we don't want our church members to feel like that. There's like no one even cares, you know. When they're there, don't get quiet as soon as they walk in. Don't ignore them. Greet them with a smile. Tell them you love them, you're praying for them, and you got to kind of feel them out, see where they're at, okay? Some people are strong, very strong emotionally, and though they're hurting inside, they'll put a smile on their face, they'll try to go about their day. Well, you just go along with their program of how they're feeling, okay? Don't be like, just cry, man. Just come here. Just give me a hug, man. Just let it all out, man. Don't do that. Just conform your emotions to whatever, however they're feeling at that time and go with that. That's a safe way to do it. Go to Romans chapter eight. We're almost done. I already mentioned this, but it's worth mentioning it again, is don't expect immediate recovery. Pain can often remain there for a lifetime, especially if it's a parent who lost their children, okay? Lost their child. You know, don't expect them to just get over it even within a year or years. They probably will never get over it. Your responsibility is not to help them to recover, to make a full recovery out of that. Your responsibility is just to be a blessing to them during that time, okay? Now, look at Romans 822, and the reason I say that sometimes it'll take, you say, well, you're not giving me any hope. You mean if I lose my child, I'll never recover? Yeah, in this lifetime, you probably won't. You know, if I lost my son, I probably will not recover emotionally from that. Now I can move on with my life. You know, I can move on and still live a normal life, but you know, I probably think about him every single day. There'll probably be moments in my life where I weep for my son, who I lost 10 years ago, you know, because it's something that never really leaves you. And it doesn't leave you until when? Until we get our glorified bodies, okay? Look what the Bible says in Romans chapter 8, verse 22. It says, for we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption to it, the redemption of our body. For we are saved by hope, but hope that is seen is not hope. For what a man seeth, why doth he hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. So we obviously know that this flesh is the reason we have so much pain, okay? And there will be a time when the Bible even says that God's gonna wipe away all our tears. But in that day of redemption, at that point, hey, everything's over, but until that point, you're gonna have those pains, okay? And again, this is not a sermon to help the person who's actually going through that. It's to actually help the people who are gonna help that person during that time, okay? Now go with me, if you would, to John chapter, or excuse me, Job 16, Job 16. And here's the last point as far as the don'ts are concerned. Let me review real quick. Number one, don't say, I know how you feel unless you've experienced something very similar. Don't try to guess God's will for their life, why it happened. Don't send scriptures right away, maybe later on, but not immediately afterwards. Don't ignore the person. Don't expect immediate recovery. And number six, this is very important, okay? Don't ask, so let me give you a scenario. Let's say someone comes, they lost their family member. You don't know much, you don't really know anything about their family member whom they lost, but they're hurting because they lost them. Don't ask if they were safe, okay? Don't ask if they're safe unless they disclose and obviously if they disclose it, then that's a different story. But if they're in anguish over someone who died and their family and you don't know anything about them, don't say, were they safe? Because here's the thing, you just gambled a whole lot with that question. Why? Because there's a chance that person was not safe and guess what? You will just add grief onto their grief by reminding them that that person whom they love is in hell. You guys understand that? And look, maybe you might want to know, but you know, just don't know unless they tell you. They might say, well, I'm thankful that I lost them and I miss them. You know, then you got your answer right there. Or they might tell you they're not safe. And look, here's some advice that I learned from my father-in-law and I don't think it's bad. I like to give people hope because the fact is to be safe, all you have to do is believe. And often, you know, I've met people who lost their loved ones and we have a conversation about that, whether they were saved or not. You know, it's almost like, well, you know what? It could be some soul winner probably won them to the Lord maybe when they were younger. We don't know. There's a possibility of that. I try to give them that hope at least. Now, is it true? You know, it could or could not be, I don't know. Yeah, but they didn't, you know, they went to church and they didn't live for the Lord. Yeah, but you know what? Maybe some soul winner actually knocked on their door and got them saved. We don't know. We really don't know, right? So there's nothing wrong with giving them that hope and say, hey, potentially maybe a soul winner probably gave them the gospel and they got saved if they had that conversation with you. But don't start off by saying, you know, so, you know, were they saved? It's just like, no, like, oh. I mean, how are you going to follow up? Oh, oh wow. You know what that means, right? It's like, don't do that. That's the last thing they need to hear. You know, if they're family members in hell, I mean, that's, it's horrible to think that. I mean, everyone in here probably has a family member who's not saved, right? How many have family members that are not saved, close family members that are not saved? Yeah, like the entire church. Okay, now just put yourself in their shoes. You losing that special person who's not saved and they go to hell. And then imagine someone reminding you about that after you even lose that person. That's a very traumatic experience. I mean, you will never see that person. They will never see that person ever again. They don't need to be reminded of that, okay? Look what it says in Job 16 verse one. Then Job answered and said, I have heard many such things, miserable comforters are you all, shall vain words have an end or what emboldeneth thee that thou answer is? So he says, you guys are miserable comforters. You guys suck at comforting, you know? They're like, we're here to help. You're not helping anything. I mean, isn't that a perfect phrase right there? You bunch of miserable comforters. You just, what are they doing? They're just making things worse, okay? Now let me give you some things what to do. Now let me give you some things to do, some do's, real quick. And these are, this list is not extensive. So number one, you don't have to turn there. I'm gonna read to you from James chapter five, verse 13 says, as any among you afflicted, let him pray, as any married, let him sing psalms. Verse 16 says, confess your faults one to another and pray for one another that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. So number one, what can you do? Of course, pray, pray for them, pray for them often. You know, I remember when my wife, my father-in-law went into the hospital and we thought he was gonna die. It was a very traumatic experience for my wife and for her family. But I remember her telling me like people were praying and there was a time when it was just not known whether he was gonna die or not. They came to the hospital and she specifically said, you know, I feel like I know people are praying for me. Cause she just had this like comfort about what was taking place. She was saddened of course, but she felt like she received strength to just continue to just finish the day. You know, and what we need to do when people are going through something traumatic like that is pray for them, genuinely pray for them and make supplication for them. Cause I guarantee you, they're not gonna be praying for themselves. They're going through so much anguish. They're not thinking about that. Now, number two is mourn with them. You don't have to turn there. Romans 12, 15 says rejoice with them that do rejoice. Weep with them that weep. Number three, comfort them. And we were already gone through some of these things. Saying, I love you and I'm praying for you. Include them, don't make them feel awkward. Now, number four, write this one down. Do try to meet the little needs, okay? Try to meet the little needs. This is very important, okay? When someone goes through a traumatic experience, they're not thinking about buying groceries. They're not thinking about going to the store, getting some snacks as they're on their way to the hospital. They're not thinking about meals. They're not thinking about any of that. Until they realize, oh, I need to eat. They don't even know what to do. Find ways to help them with that, okay? Cooking, cleaning their house, stopping by, helping them with things that they're not thinking about. Because when someone goes through a traumatic experience, everything goes out the window. They can only focus on that thing. But you, who you have mental stability, you're not going through that emotional trauma, you need to make sure that you find some ways, like, okay, what do they need? Have they eaten already? We need to bring them some food or cook them some meals or do whatever we can. Find ways to, and look, you know, the way you do it is not by necessarily asking them, because if you ask them, hey, do you need anything? They're gonna be like, I don't know. You need to find a creative way to maybe even talk to their family members and say, what does this person need, okay? The Bible says in Genesis 24, or excuse me, go to Genesis chapter 24. That'll be the last scripture we go to. So do try to meet the little needs, find ways to meet their needs. They weren't, they're not gonna tell you, you need to figure that out. You need to ask their family to do so, okay? And here's the last point. You need to understand that they need time and transition to help them recover. So what does that mean? It's gonna take years for someone to recover from a trauma like that, but it also takes transition, okay? What do I mean by that? Often you'll find in the Bible, when someone goes through a traumatic experience, they'll say, and they were comforted after this event. You know, they have a child and that comforts them during that time. That's a time of transition. Look at Genesis 24 verse 66. It says, and the servant told Isaac all things that he had done. And Isaac brought her into his mother, a mother Sarah's tent and took Rebecca and she became his wife and he loved her. And Isaac was comforted after his mother's death. Marriage is a big event. It's a major transitional period in a person's life. So often what will help someone recover is not just time, but transitional events in someone's life. Whether it's having another child, just like it happened with David and Bathsheba, okay? They lost that first child, but then what happened after that? They had Solomon, okay? And they were comforted after that. And so often what, and that's not something that you can manipulate. That's not something you can do. You just got to realize they're going to need time and they're going to need transition in their personal life. There was a pastor who came to my old church and he had a great point in regards to this. He says, we need to realize that this is going to become the new normal. When something traumatic happens, it's like traumatic, but as the years go by, what is it now? It becomes the new normal, okay? For example, when my father-in-law went into the hospital, it was very traumatic for the church. It was very traumatic for his family. But you look back five years after that, it's become the new normal. When we see them in the hospital, we don't go there to weep. We go there to laugh, to hang out with them. It's become something that's normal in that person's life. But it's a transitional period where that has taken place. So we got to realize is that when someone goes through that, give them time and look for those transitional periods in their life to help them ease into those transitions. Whether it's a birth of a child, it's marriage, it's a new job or moving to a new place, transitional periods help people to go into that new stage. So what's the message today? The message is simply this. Hey, you need to have some genuine love for your brother in Christ. And I'm not saying you don't, but I'm saying the way you can express that is that when someone passes away in their family, we apply these principles. We'll be careful with what we say. We'll make sure that we're trying to help that person recover from those things by confirming our love toward them. Exercise these dos and don'ts. Because one, if you do them, you're going to create a bond between you and your brethren. It's very strong. They will remember that deed you did for them. You will become a very important person in that person's life. Basically because you're there during that traumatic experience and you help them along that way. But at the same time, if you don't do those things, guess what? That's going to be ingrained in the mind of that person forever. Why? Because traumatic experiences, anything that takes place within those events stays imprinted there forever. So we want to make sure that we're careful, we're being kind, we want to make sure we watch what we say and we apply the dos and don'ts of what we went over today. Amen? Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer. Father, we thank you for your word and thank you for the comfort that lives within us. Thank you so much for just brethren who are there for our people. And Lord, we're only in the first year of our church and we know we have many, many more years and decades to come. And within those decades, we're going to see a lot of people die and pass away. People are going to go through a lot of anguish and hurt. And we want to make sure that we don't just add to that grief. Help us to be sensitive to these people who have lost people and to make sure that we help in their recovery from that. To apply these principles and help us to have that, just that genuine, sincere love for our brethren. We'd be willing to go that second mile to do that for them. And in Jesus name we pray. Amen.