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understand Amen all right look down to verse number seven Proverbs 17 verse 7 says excellent speech Becometh not a fool Must less or I'm sorry much less do lying lips a prince now It's out of my sermon this morning is talk with versus talk at and I broke it down into three categories What does it mean to talk to somebody? What does it mean to talk at somebody and what does it mean to talk with? Somebody and I'll just tell you right off the bat all three of them obviously have their place right we want to make sure that we Understand that because there is a lot of problems today in regards to conversation and people Speaking I'm not just talking in this church, but just in general out in public I'm going to show you why this morning, but if you look at the verse there What does it say it says excellent speech becometh not a fool, right? So what is he saying he's saying that excellent speech as opposed to inferior speech is not fitting for somebody That's foolish right think of somebody that you know that's a fool that just talks Non-stop about everything and they're always right And they just don't really understand what they're talking about think about that person for a moment And then try to envision them saying something really profound. It doesn't fit for them, right? It's not fit for those types of people because of the way that they live their lives because of the way they conduct themselves And that's why he says he contrasts that with by saying much less do lying lips a prince, right? You know anybody who's a Politician or a person of influence when they're caught in a lie, what does that say? It makes everything that they say just kind of questionable, right? You're like, well, how do I know I can trust you anymore? How do I know that I can take counsel from you anymore? Who's ever heard of Carl Lentz? All right, Carl Lentz is a or was a pastor of In the the Hillsong brand type churches, right big mega church And I think he was the pastor over in New York if I'm not mistaken, right? He's known as a celebrity pastor Okay, he's famous for basically painting on his jeans and you know being all trendy and You know getting like really odd hair He got fired from his church in there their pastor was named Brian Houston said well We released him for a moral failure And then he actually came out and actually agreed with it and like yeah I'm I messed up and you know, you got to kind of give him some credit for that, right? But what what would happen or what will happen in a couple years if he gets restored to a church, right? Cuz I heard he moved to California Let's say he he takes a Office as a pastor again like three four years because that's a lot of times what happens with those types of people You know, well, it's like are you really gonna be able to trust what this guy says? I mean you look at the verse here much less do lying lips a prince, you know I'm not saying the guy is saved. In fact, I don't believe you saved because of the things that he said He's gone on the Oprah Winfrey show and said that you don't need to believe in Jesus Christ in order to go to heaven You know, that's that's that's blasphemy. That's wrong, right? We should never listen to somebody say something like that and then be like, well, he's got other things that are well, right? He's got other sermons. He's well-meaning. No, he's a liar Right an excellent speech Becometh not a fool and that's just one example. I'll tell you an example in my own life. I was raised Obviously, I'm an only child Very quiet individual, you know If you were to look at my report cards going all the way back to kindergarten until the day I left high school you would often find he needs to talk more. He's a man of few words You know, he's a boy of few words. He doesn't say much. He needs to get out there more You know, I used to look at them like yeah, you know what you're talking about the heck with you I'll say what I want when I want to say it. The problem with that is that those teachers unfortunately, they were right Because when I left home and I was required to go out into the workforce and I joined the military You know for the first little bit there. I had a difficult time relating to other people I really did and after studying the subject This isn't the first time I've studied the subject but I've learned since then that the reason why I struggled initially to make friends and to keep friends was because I Didn't really know how to talk with people right growing up by myself. You know what I do. I talk to myself I reasoned in my mind at myself And so when you put me in a group of other people where I'm forced to converse I'm forced to talk I'm forced into a leadership position You know now brings on challenges because I didn't get all of that Practice that I could have had had I had siblings or I could have had had I just you know Put myself out there a little bit more and embrace small talk embrace conversations with people and just said, you know what? You know, I'm just gonna have to realize that in this world. I'm gonna get hurt. We're all gonna get hurt We're all gonna put ourselves out there and get shut down by other people. That's just a part of life Okay. Now you think about in your own life Maybe some time where you've wanted to talk to somebody and it's been kind of awkward, you know a lot of times We'll go somewhere, you know as a family and and we've done this, you know all the time and Jessica bill Well, how do you think that went? you know and the reason why she asked that and the reason why we always ask each other that is because we Like to evaluate ourselves based on whether or not somebody wants to continue to fellowship with us or continue to talk with us You know and you may not realize this but sometimes we need to just slow down and realize that every relationship that you have begins With a conversation every relationship that you have is maintained by Conversation every relationship that you have that ends unfortunately is because of conversation This is a very very big deal turn to Ecclesiastes and keep a bookmark somewhere in this neighborhood of the Bible because we'll go back to Psalms and Proverbs several times through the sermon so go to Ecclesiastes chapter 10 now here here's an example that I just love to bring up because this I see this so often You know and I always say that you see this once you've seen it a thousand times I see this a lot with young men Okay I'll see them often go up to a young lady that they're interested in and instead of talking with them They start talking to them or they start talking at them meaning they begin the audit process Like I observed this one young guy go up to a girl that he liked he was like hey Do I notice you weren't here on Wednesday? Do you have a job or something? She's like, yeah, and he's like, oh really well, where do you work? You know, so well, I work at a coffee shop and he was like, oh Well, I've been to that coffee shop before and I didn't notice anybody wearing skirts in there. Do they allow you to wear skirts? she's like Well, what does this have to do with anything and he's like, well do you wear skirts full-time? she's like When I can you know, my work's not gonna pay for me unfortunately to wear a skirt it's something I It's just like take it back by this like didn't know how to answer it and he's like, but by the way You're working a lot of overtime, you know, how are you reading the Bible you reading multiple times a year, right? You know, he's like trying to feed her the answer and she begins to explain herself and he just jumps to the next question Well, you know if you have a job that takes you away on Wednesdays and look I'm I'm against that obviously I believe we should always be you know at God's house, whatever you understand that Look, we don't look down on anybody that misses services, right? Yeah, we all get sick We all have things we go through and people have to start somewhere. Okay, that's the thing Yeah, we should never go to somebody who's new or we don't know their situation be like, why won't you hear it? That doesn't do anything right you're not developing any relationship. But anyways go back to this guy He just kept cutting her off and just kept auditing. Well, how many people do you get saved? Right, well, I mean if you're not here all the time you how are you you know, you know I was like I had to walk away Yeah, I was like I should have walked away at the beginning at the first question because I knew what was gonna happen Right, but you know, it was a part of me It was like no stay and listen and then and then my new man's like this is not your business and the old man's like No, you got to hear this, you know, I'm like going back and forth like this is crazy Now I'm like now probably never hear something like that again. Yes. What like a couple days later I heard the same thing from a different guy And I heard one recently in a church where a guy goes up to her girl and I was like just just completely grown Uh-huh, you know, how do you know the people that you got saved got saved? What how about Congratulations. Yeah. Well, how about good job? Yeah. Hey, how tell me about that Right, you see the reason why these guys stay in that single state is because they haven't learned how to not Talk to or talk at people but how to talk with people. This is a problem today I'm telling you look down at Ecclesiastes chapter 10 verse number 12 It says the words of a wise man's mouth are Gracious, but the lips of a fool will swallow up Himself, so if we as God's people don't learn how to provide these gracious words Develop excellent speech look some people are maybe born or maybe raised, you know They're a little bit better at communication than others, right? But I don't care about that. You still have to learn how to develop excellent speech You still have to learn how to communicate with people. This is not taught in public schools This isn't taught in most homes today. This isn't taught at most jobs today Especially in today's day and age where most of the workforce is now being encouraged to stay home Right talk to me on zoom talk to me through this chat talk to me through this, you know, whatever Social media Avenue you're gonna see communication just get worse and worse and worse and like we're talking about this I'm sorry about this brother Duncan before the service You know, the Bible tells us that people become lovers of their own selves in the last days, right? And so what does that mean? It means that platforms that glorify self are going to become more and more popular and it's just going to destroy That sweet beautiful science of communication Right the ability see this is something that people were taught back in like the 30s in the 40s in the 50s Right. Our parents were probably taught a lot of this how to actually communicate with people how to make friends how to Establish and maintain these relationships the value of small talk, right? We're told today and I used to believe this about somebody else. And so I'm gonna show you this morning the value of Humility in regards to conversation. Okay, and that's the big push look Going back to the social media thing, right? I'm not against social media. It does a lot of good It really does right we were able to reach people in ways We weren't able to before and there's a lot of good stuff to be said about it But you know, it is a double-edged sword Let's just be honest as a double-edged sword because what it also does is it provides people a platform To be able to talk to and to talk at people and so what happens is we start to become Unbalanced right instead of picking up the phone and calling somebody and saying hey, you know I've got a problem with something you said or I don't understand something you said now What I'll do is I'll just post this comment and passively aggressively attack you right now that I'm serious That's that's what happens today That's exactly what happens today You know people want to post these things over and over again and they start getting into bickering and fighting and you know There's obviously a big difference between talking to somebody face-to-face or even on the phone Versus on a computer and like I said again I'm not against that but what happens when we spend more section in YouTube more time on these these internet platforms is that We lose right that practice of actually communicating with other people This is why we encourage fellowship so much because iron sharpened with iron But if you're not in the process of developing excellent speech If you're not in the process of learning how to communicate with people you're gonna miss that whole boat You're gonna miss out on all of that and then guess what? How are we as the local body of Christ gonna go out there and turn the place upside down if we can't even? communicate with each other It's not going to happen. Well, this is very important. Like I said, you know, there's gonna be more of these things that pop up a Lot more of these things that pop up and so we need to make the effort we need to make the application We need to understand as God's people we're gonna practice conversation We're gonna practice talking with each other, even if it's not talking about something that you don't want to talk about Okay, and we're gonna get into that here go to Psalm chapter number 32 Psalm chapter number 32 Psalm chapter 32 look down at verse number 9 Psalm 32 verse 9 says this I Think we've had this on the bulletin before Be ye not as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding I love this first cuz every time I read that I'm like thinking to myself. I've been this guy before I've been this horse I've been this mule before right which have no understanding but notice what it says about them whose mouth must be held in with bit and Bridal lest they come near on to thee Right. So what is this psalm telling us here? Hey We don't want to be like these animals that have to be controlled by their head Unless they come near unto you, right? everybody has met that person before that just comes up to you with no understanding and they just won't stop talking and it's just really Annoying and you're just like you can't get a word and you can't get a thought in and it's like man I wish I could physically put a bit in your mouth and get you away from me Everybody's been that person look I've been in that situation before Because look me growing up as a quiet person and now that I'm a preacher Sometimes I feel the need to continue preaching to you after the sermons over and I catch myself doing this right and I'm like no I'm not done yet. Hey look, you know and then I realize wait a second That's I need to I know it's time to stop talking at people and talking to people and actually talk with them, right? So that's just a struggle of a preacher, right? But here's the bottom line for this morning. Listen to this when we talk at people we force them to react When we talk at people we force them to react when we talk with people we force each other to interact There is a big difference there Understand that right? I'm not saying don't ever talk to people don't ever talk at people because there's definitely a need There's definitely a time for that. Okay, it's very important But look, we don't want to use those two methods of communication when we're supposed to be talking with each other, right? I mean think about it when we go out soul-winning and we're talking to people. What are we doing? We're trying we're in control of that conversation, right? We want very minimum feedback from them just enough to hey Are you tracking do you understand? because a lot of these people if you give them too much of a leash you're gonna have to put a bit and a bridle in Their mouths and now you're having to try to rain them back into the conversation and next thing You know 45 minutes an hour has passed by and you haven't even gotten to Roman 623 yet, right? Very very important now go to Psalm chapter 69 Psalm chapter number 69. So when we talk at people We force them to react right just like the a lot of these and I hate to pick on you guys, but you know You need to learn this stuff. Okay, and I'm not saying that you young guys in here are doing this I don't know. I don't think so, but don't okay Just don't you know, don't go up to a girl don't go up to somebody And this is for everybody and just talk to them in a way where you're like, I don't need a response from you I'm telling you how it is I'm asking you these questions not because I want to hear the answers but because I'm trying to tell you how it's gonna be Guess what? Most girls don't like that Most girls want conversation face-to-face I Talk to you you listen to me and then I talk are you then you exchange right guy talks a girl a little bit She talks to him a lot. Okay, that's just the way All right before I get in any further trouble Psalm 69 we're gonna look at verse number 26 here Okay, this is a psalm about the Lord Jesus Christ here And so we're gonna get started with the sermon this evening here or this morning. Look at what it says Psalm 69 Look at verse number 26. It says for they persecute him whom thou Hast smitten and notice this and they talk to the grief of those whom thou hast wounded Okay, notice what's going on here? You know the story, you know that it it pleased the father It pleased the Lord to bruise the Lord Jesus Christ, right? That's what the Bible says and who was the one that was smitten What's the Lord Jesus Christ? He died on the cross. He paid the price for our sins now The Jews right the people said give us Brabus Right give us him crucify him a lot of those people that made up their minds a lot of the Pharisees a lot of the Sadducees a lot of the ones that decided in their hearts, you know what? We're not gonna believe on you. We want nothing to do with hearts are hardened We don't care what you have to say What did they go on to do to people after this event here? Did they change their minds? Some of them did a few of them did right you read Acts chapter 2 you read actually you read the book of Acts You know, there were leaders of synagogues. There were Jews that actually realized Okay They were pricked in their hearts and they got saved but by and large the leadership rejected him and even pushed the issue further Afterwards right, you know, so they buy their reproaches by their blasphemies They aggravated the sufferings of Jesus Christ to the disciples and they're doing the same thing to us today You know you run into a Jew at the door somebody who's a real Jew a real Christ hating Jew You know what? They're gonna do they're going to talk to you. They're gonna talk with you. They're gonna let you talk out there They're going to talk to you now. Look at the verse again It says for they persecute him whom thou hast smitten and they write that the Christ haters they talk to The grief of those whom thou has wounded So instead of going up to the people that are sad that are kind of confused or there, you know They're like, well, you know, we're sad about our Lord our leader who was put on the cross instead of remorcing with them They talked to their grief Right meaning they aggressively they aggressively approach these people and they added insult to injury And that's what happens when we talk to people when we should be talking with people Everybody understand what I'm saying? Go to Ecclesiastes chapter number 10 one more time Ecclesiastes chapter number 10 now That's the first thing that I want to talk about here talk to what does that mean? What does it mean to talk to someone now before we get into it? Obviously there is a time and a place for talking to somebody for example You're at work and you're working with somebody and you're like, hey man, I'm gonna go use the restroom here real quick, right? You're just talking to that person. You don't really need a response. That's the perfect appropriate time for that mode of communication now After the service somebody's like hey, man, how you doing? Right and you just start laying it on them, right? You just start talking to them and you're not giving them a chance to even digest what you're saying it's just topic after topic after topic every topic right and they're just sitting there like Okay You know, you're asking them questions right you're asking these people questions and you don't even give them a chance to answer That's talking to somebody but in the wrong Timeframe, right? Look there's a time and a place to talk to people, you know, like hey boss I got to go over here and check out this tool, you know, a lot of times just like, all right Yeah, because they already told you. Hey, just let me know, you know If you're gonna be leaving or whatever and it's good to go, right? You're not there to have a conversation So I'm not saying don't ever just just talk to somebody. No, there's a time and a place for that The point is we need to realize when it's time to talk to when it's time to talk at and when it's time to talk with someone and so Here's what actually happens though, right? We saw this yesterday. We went to go get a burger after soul winning and There was these guys that came into the the burger place, right? It was I think it was like three or four guys to come in with the red, you know, Trump hats right and make America great and One of the ladies in there. She wasn't happy You know, she was really upset I think she was upset about the hats But she she claimed she was upset because they weren't wearing masks because in the restaurant the coronavirus only gets you when you're standing up It's when you sit down. It just goes right over the head just in case you didn't know Okay, just in case you didn't know and so She goes up to the manager, right and she's just like, you know I want to know right now why you're allowing people like this to come in here without Masks and getting everybody sick and a guy's like trying to he's like there's nobody sick There's a sign on the door and it says masks recommended a lot of places in Meridian Believe it or not. They actually say recommended as opposed to required Well, if it's a recommendation then I take that is it's my choice. I don't have to wear it, right? So we didn't we didn't put it on like whatever, you know I'm gonna go in there and just sit down eat my food. Anyways, you know, they're they're cool They're not gonna kick you out or whatever and he's like look it's people's choice, right? Trying to explain this and she just kept cutting them off right she's literally talking to this like no you're gonna do this You're gonna do that and he's like you're not the owner of this business and he's decided This is how it's going to be ran. These are his laws his policies his way of doing things and it is what it is We're all wearing them. We have plexiglass up There's people sitting down eating, you know, he's trying to say all this stuff and I'm listening to him But the whole time he's saying these things she's not catching any of it She's just talking to him finger, you know, right in the grill Chloe, you know all just just just going crazy on this guy and I was like man that is just exactly what I'm talking about Here, you know, it would have been much more productive if she would have developed maybe excellent speech along the line in her life Maybe some gracious words and said hey Let's have a conversation about this is something that really concerned about and then maybe it would have been a more peaceful Exchange maybe something could have you know come to fruition there who knows? Right, but all you all that happened there is two parties just wildly offended at each other nothing got accomplished and the Trump guys were sitting in the back like Right, and she's walking out and she's just like pointing at him and they're going back and forth They're like, you know get out of here, you know, we won, you know make me right, you know that sort of thing I'm not you know, I'm not up here endorsing, you know, Donald Trump, but it is funny, you know, it's It was hilarious I'll say it was it's a good lunchtime entertainment Chapter 10 looking for it's number 11 It says this surely the serpent will bite Without enchantment in a babbler is no better So what does it say that the basic common view of a babbler is well, it's like getting bit by a snake It's vexing It's vexing on your soul it's exhausting it is isn't it? It's very exhausting, you know and with a babbler The only way you can deal with them is to come up with a way to enchant them To come up with a some sort of a way to be a whole, you know, come over here Hey, look at that thing on the wall real quick and then you just book out man Right, I mean that's pretty much what the manager had to do He's like he's like hey, there's people all over and then he had to go back cuz he's trying to get these burgers cook He's busy doesn't have time for Karen there's a hotline you can call him Boise It's like look go to Boise and just get the hotline and just start calling on people and that should fulfill Your desire to dine people out, you know, and you're good to go. You want to talk to people? Look, the Democratic mayor here has made it very easy for you to do that. Okay? It's ridiculous And so all I'm trying to say is that people just they just develop this this habit over time of wanting to be right Wanting to be talked about you know, and just wanting to talk to people Nothing gets accomplished when we do that when we're supposed to be talking with people Look if you want to actually get something out of a conversation, you need to have a conversation It's not good to just talk to people just spill it all out there and not get any feedback That's how we learn because none of us know everything We think we do but we don't Hey look, I've learned a lot from you guys just talking to you back there like I never thought of that before I've never been so arrogant and proud that I come up here. Well, I'm I'm the pastor I know but no you guys sit here and you watch me week after week and when you say things I'm like, hmm That's interesting. That's good. Right? That's the way we need to operate Right, we need to be humble because I just see this all the time It's like people they just develop this habit to want to play what what I call Conversational double dutch right like they're like like they'll give you the chance to talk just to be nice and it's like right they're just like just Let me jump in that thing right and as soon as your mouth stops, man They don't even hear a word. You said it's just like oh by the way By the way, man. Hey, and it's just right back to you. It's right back to your stories It's always a but you know what? I mean? That's just terrible It's terrible. That's not the way we want to be. Okay All right, let's see here go to Matthew chapter 23 Matthew chapter number 23 It's so again There's a time and a place to talk to people right and it's usually just to let somebody know some information real quick It doesn't require a response like hey, I'm gonna go over here and do this. Hey, I'll be right back Hey, no, I said I was gonna give you right. I'll be right back. You know, just just real quick little bursts like that Okay, but again, the problem is we don't want to extend that into every area We speak to people now, I'm gonna shift gears here and we're gonna talk about what does it mean to talk at somebody? Because we all do this. In fact, it's what I'm doing right now This is why I have a hard time after the sermon sometimes switching gears to talking with is because I've been in talk app mode for like an hour and plus sometimes But what does it mean when we talk app? Well, if you think about it in talk to and talk at it kind of kind of very very similar, okay? But when you go soul-winning you're talking at somebody you're preaching to them Right you you you do want like I said earlier you do want to get some responses, right? We want to know is this person tracking is this person still interested? Are they following me? Do they understand my communication that is very important, but at the same time in that situation We don't want to let them at first just have full reign because I've seen this and this happened to me Well, you just start talking you ask him a question and then they just you get the wrong person because now it's they're not talking With man, they're talking to you and they're not gonna let you get a word in Okay but let's just take a look at an example from the Bible of talking at somebody and this is righteous and this is just Matthew 23 look at verse number 23. Just a quick sample here What it says won't you scribes and Pharisees? Hypocrites for you pay tithe of mint and of anise and cumin and have omitted the weightier matters of the law Judgment mercy and faith these are you have done or these you two have done and not to leave the other Undone verse 24 you blind guides which strain at a gnat and swallow a camel Won't you scribes and Pharisees hypocrites for you make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter but within? They are full of extortion and Excess look at verse 26 Says thou blind Pharisees cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter that the outside of them may be clean also So what is Jesus doing here? He's talking at these people. He's not wanting a response right kind of like talking to he's talking to them, but he's talking at them He's preaching to them. He wants them to hear what he's saying. He wants them to understand what he's saying He's not looking for a two-way conversation here because he's got he's right. He's got the truth right everybody see that He's like you guys are ate up. You're worse than an eight-up. You know an eight-up sandwich You're worse than anything that I've seen you you you you you're just wrong in every Avenue here You're hypocrites all these different things like verse 28 He says even so he also outwardly appear righteous into men But within your full of hypocrisy and iniquity won't you scribes and Pharisees hypocrites because you build the tombs of the prophets And now and garnish the sepulchres of the righteous You know he just goes on and he keeps talking like this through the rest of the chapter, but look at verse 20 I'm going one more chapter over Matthew 24 look at verse number one, so it just continues this right just continues talking to them continues preaching against them Verse 20 verse number one rather of chapter 24 it says this and Jesus went out and departed from the temple and his Disciples came to him for to show him the building of the temple so he says all the stuff in Matthew 23 We're not gonna take time to read the whole thing, but you get the idea you get the point He's preaching to these people, and he doesn't want to respond. Why well because in this situation here. They're not gonna change a Lot of these people that he's speaking to I mean look at verse 33 you serpents you generation of vipers How can you escape? Damnation He's like how are you going to escape the damnation of hell? How are you going to get saved you said what in the world is that well you can read John chapter 12 for further? Teaching on that you know there was a lot of these people that just weren't gonna get saved They were already reprobate concerning the faith They didn't want to hear they they you know like Isaiah said who Lord who hath believed our report They didn't believe it and so he's just giving them a shot of truth He's talking at them, but why for the sole purpose of other people looking in Right that's the whole point of talking at somebody is to convey a message to them You're not necessarily looking for a response very minimal right because in chapter 24 verse 1. It's it's different right They're just like out. It doesn't record what they said because it doesn't matter they didn't believe Right, but why did Jesus say these things to them because of the people that he was influenced Influencing they were there were there also because you always had people on the outside looking in how is he gonna handle the situation? Right and he would say these things to people, but he's also talking to these other people by talking at the Pharisees You see what I'm saying, and so they're looking like oh wow You know I don't I definitely don't want to go down that road I mean wouldn't that be terrible for Jesus to say that to you you down a vipers You know how are you gonna escape the damnation of hell? There's no hope for you That doesn't require a response You know a lot of times when these people just you know want to come at us in these apartment complexes You know you can't change their minds Especially like that reprobate Kevin Rhodes you're not where we understood We're not changing his mind, but he's going around and trying to stop trying to physically stop the ladies in our church from sowing and Trying to bully them around and then coming after the dudes when he sees them and trying to stop them from knocking doors Right so what do you do in that situation? Do you try to reason with them? Do you try to just oh well let me talk to you, and it doesn't work You got to preach at him like hey you need to shut your mouth You need to get out of here because what we're doing is perfectly fine done deal And sometimes when we do that other people nearby they hear that and they're like wow You know what they're right because that happened to us in Ontario didn't it we had a devil do the same thing that he did Call the cops you know trying to stop us screaming and cussing and what did all the people in the apartment do? Yeah, they're like we hate that guy can't believe how he treated you and guess what happened other people got saved because they realize hey We know he's bad because this is how he acts and so when we talked at him. They were like wait a minute Why are why didn't these guys just book it like the Mormons? Why don't these guys just run out like the Jehovah Witnesses? They must have a different message. They must actually believe in what they're saying You see and that's the point that's the time to talk at somebody or you're preaching a sermon you're preaching a gospel right you get The point the time not to talk at somebody is when you're trying to have conversation like after church unless somebody's You know you're really trying to iron something out of somebody right like somebody's maybe jacked up You're like hey look you need to quit But by and large most of the time most of our conversation We should be talking with each other meaning. I ask you questions. You know and then you it's back and forth Okay, we everybody understand that so Let's see here go to saw go to Proverbs chapter number 16 Proverbs chapter number 16 And so again when we're talking at people, what are we doing? We're trying to get a reaction right where the reaction is more important than the interaction That's the whole that's what I'm trying to say here right when we're preaching the gospel. We're trying to get a reaction We're trying to get repentance We're trying to get them to change their mind about what they believe before we showed up to believing on Christ 100% that's a reaction now. We're trying to get a little bit of interaction, but mostly it's a reaction. It's a change Communicating for a change that is the point of talking at someone right the problem again Is is that we you know sometimes we you know we go soul-willing We were preaching all the time, and then we get in conversations with people and we carry that over We're like I need to change your mind on everything I need to change your mind on how what color the paint should be on the walls I need to change your mind on what car you drive. I need to change your mind on everything right We need to have balance. We need to draw the line when it comes to stuff like that okay, so We're gonna move on to actually talking with where I'm gonna give you some tips on how to be a good Conversationalist how to develop excellent speech because that is the goal our goal is not to just talk at and to everyone right but To talk with right to have good exchange good Interaction and I'll tell you what I'll tell you what Conversations are vexing good conversations. You know at the end of every Sunday night You know we go home and like man. We're tired, and it's like I'm more tired sometimes After Sunday evenings or Wednesdays than I am from work from physical work And you know why it's because it's work to have good conversation with people. It's exciting it gets you involved You know, but there's just something vexing about that and some people in fact a lot of people realize that But they don't quite catch on to this mentally and never stop and think about it, and they realize you know what I don't like work Don't like that. It's easier just to talk at it's easier to talk to people This is what we don't want we need to put in the work You want to look if you want to have excellent speech? You want to have you want to be that person that's found with you know wisdom and their words and in gracious words You got to put in that work when it's time for fellowship, man. Don't be afraid to go talk to people Don't be hiding in the corner now sometimes you know when I really appreciate hard sometimes. I'll go back down I'm like I ain't got nothing right. I got nothing left to say I don't want to talk to anybody for a few minutes You know I just need to kind of calm down right that's different You know we all go through that you know sometimes in your job you guys interact with people or you moms you're interacting with the kids and you have like a You know a training session right and then your husband comes home. You're like. I just need to calm down for a minute You know I don't But the point is it's vexing we need to realize that Conversation takes work, it's exercise right just like Facebook and Twitter and all these different things They allow us to exercise the ability to talk to and to talk at people well guess what fellowship after the service fellowship during The week picking up the phone or calling or texting somebody that takes work And we need to make sure we're working that Muscle out more than the other two because look if you show up to soul any look you're gonna be talking at people You're gonna be talking to people and there's a time and a place for that and that is good amen for that So what does it mean to talk with somebody right? I've been saying it all night Proverbs 16 or all morning Proverbs 16 look at verse 24 Proverbs 16 look at verse number 24. It says this pleasant words are as an honeycomb Sweet to the soul and health to the bones Now Here's the other thing usually Mondays when I wake up in the morning I might be a little bit tired But I feel great after having spent time with all of you and talking and learning your stories And you know hopefully you know just just this talking with this exchange right I talk to you You talk me we talk to each other that sort of thing right you may not realize that but the Bible here gives us promise That's health to your bones to your physical bones There is something very healthy about being a Bible believing Christian Right because think about it most Christians should at least this is expected of us We should have pleasant words as an honeycomb right we should never be a church where people come in here And they're like oh, man. I just don't want to talk to anybody everybody's so rude because look I've been to churches like that. I've had pastors that you cannot talk with they talk to you I'm serious like it's just awkward Like like for example like pastor men is you can talk with him Pastor Thompson you can talk with him Right and I mean those are the only two that I talked to you for the for for the most part But I'm talking about my past as I've had in the past like in the old IFP Even when I was in the liberal churches a lot of them like like they just would never talk with people It was talked to you like you they might ask you a question But it's just because they want to start talking to you about something hey, how's your day, but okay, but whatever but anyways you know And then it would just start talking about whatever they felt like and it's just awkward. It's just weird It's not health to the bones. I'm Jessica And I were talking about this last night this pastor that we used to have right he would do that He would come up to you and be like hey, how are the kids you know? How's I how's your job going and as soon as you're like well? It was just boom right off to like something totally different Something that he wanted to talk about and then and it was just awkward We just like felt weird I always get this like tightness in the upper part of my stomach Something's not right now part of that something's not right is the fact that he preaches a false gospel I'm sure that's part of it, but you know the other part is just he's just not a good conversationalist Has a lot of people that goes to his church. He's looked on very highly you know within his circles, and he's just got this Conversational narcissistic view of himself that everything's got to be about him his theology his preaching his doc You know all of that stuff And then that spills over into every other area of his life like the car that I drive is better than the car that you Drive if you don't drink the same water. I drink well. I'm better than you you suck. You're wrong I don't want to hear anything you have to say I'm just gonna tell you this right seriously This is how some people are they just ask you a question just to basically get your attention And they're just like right over here anyways. I don't care how your house is I don't care how your job is You drinking our own water You eat an organic meat. You know it's just awkward and very Go to Proverbs chapter 25 Proverbs chapter number 25 And then you know he would never land a plane he would just be like this Seriously he'd be talking with you or talking at you right, and he'd just be on some you you wouldn't even know he's about to finish Just like Man, it's just weird so we start avoiding them He'd be like hey. How's it going good man? Yeah? Good good. I gotta go. I gotta go to the bathroom. Yeah Very very strange let's get into this first tip here all right Proverbs 25 look at verse 28 Proverbs chapter 25 look at verse 28 He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls He that hath no rule over his own spirit Right the first tip that I have for you this morning is develop some self control right develop self-control In just when you're talking with people just just ask yourself, and just just try to be aware Are you doing this are you just talking with somebody so that you could talk about yourself? I've caught myself doing this before I in fact. I catch myself doing this from time to time even still It's something since I've started studying communication that I've learned you know what we all Do this let's just be honest we all does everybody loves talking so I've got stories right and in my mind They make perfect sense I can hear the voices I could see the expressions I could see the context And I'm like surely you're gonna love this right But you know what maybe not I mean it just depends. It's more. It's more important Honestly for us to hear about other people Right we need to consistently Consistently Develop and work on humility and part of that is putting yours You know when you feel that rise right you feel that rise like right here It starts in the middle your stomach, and then it's like coming up here, right? And starting to connect with your mind. You know I got this thing I want to say and I just want to oh oh, I just want to go to sometimes Look, it's hard, but sometimes it may be best just to squash that it just listen to the other person You know be interested in what other people are doing this takes self-control But if you can master this if you can work on this guess what you will become a good Conversationalist you're going to get more friends. You're going to get more people wanting to talk to you Speak with you you get what I'm saying, right? Sometimes I hate when I do stuff like this talk to you talk with that guy cuz I'll interchange him right The point you guys understand what I'm saying though And so he that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls And we've all met people like this and maybe some of us in here have been like that. It's okay. It's all good. Just Develop some self-control Realize that you know just because we may have something that we want to say that we think the other person might like you know It may not be the right season it may not be the right time it may not be the best choice Because I'm telling you you have people asking well, how do I get people to like me? How do I get you know how you do that you do that by taking interest in what other people are talking about? Because again people love to talk about themselves This is true And when you take interest and you've got self-control and you can even if you're not interested in what they are But if you could just discipline yourself bring yourself down a few notches take that feeling and compress it back down into that gut Right just push it down It's hard. It's vexing you're gonna sleep Well the following night But if you can do that You will notice more and more people Liking you more and more people wanting to talk to you more and more people wanting to hear what you even have to say It's always better to listen more than we speak okay And so I'm just gonna give you a few tips on how to check for that sort of thing how to develop Some self-control so when you're in conversation you're talking with someone right Be aware of your body language be aware of your facial expressions Okay, sometimes people do things and I you know I've been guilty of this too where you maybe somebody's talking with you And you are even if you are interested, but you got your phone out I catch myself doing this right take my phone out because I'm trying to multitask right I'm trying to listen to you But I'm also you know trying to deal with these people that are sending me hate mail right and I want to show you Right Not the best way to talk to somebody though I mean could you imagine going up to somebody you know and trying to talk to them even about salvation? You know and you're there you got your Bible out, but you're like hold on for a second I think that's fun. I hear you check my Facebook real quick hold on. You know you just lost the convert They you just lost the conversation right so minimize Distractions right, but especially like facial expressions and your body language. You know when you're talking with somebody you know doing this kind of thing Yeah, I mean what does that say it says you're not interested or you're just like yeah Yeah, okay. You know you you're basically telling that person. I'm not interested. I don't care what you have to say get lost Okay, not a good way to be a good conversationalist you say well How do I get people to like me you know it? Be aware of your body language when you're talking with someone you need to be fully Engaged be aware of your hand gestures and rolling the eyes And that sort of thing postures that appear closed off right like Yeah What would you say Kim? Oh? Yeah, all right Well you made donuts huh, did you save me one? You know Don't appear bored or closed off look this stuff takes discipline You're not gonna learn you learn this in school is your job gonna teach you this stuff No, the Bible is going to teach you these types of things. It's important because look We don't want to fall into this trap. That's outside of here right where people are just talking to and talking at people Now here's another one not following the flow of the conversation. Here's an example And we've all done this somebody's like hey What's it like outside? Two o'clock What no, what's the weather like it's January You know no is it hot or cold oh, I don't know you know it's cold I write just just just just not paying attention Again this takes work because look I'll be honest with you And you know this is true when you're talking with somebody and you're really not quite that interested in that subject It can be hard to follow along but look you got to muster up some discipline and just just Suck it up and just realize You know what you're gonna pay attention to what that person saying there are times where people talking to me about And not in here but just like these customers that I have and they're talking about like the way gears turn and You know just stuff like I'm not interested in You know like this is how my rose garden is and I planted these certain flowers over here and then to the north You know what I've realized Lately that when I pay attention, and I force myself to listen to them and ask them questions You know really just you know be genuine. You know what I start getting more good reviews You know and I've been working on this for a while in the month of September I had 15 reviews on Google, which is pretty good It means there's only five working days that month where I didn't and you know what I'm going to attribute that to To the way I've been conversing with people like Forcing myself to listen to the small talk because a lot of these people I just realized they're they're kind of nervous They don't know who you are and you're in their house And it's just kind of they may be awkward for them, and so I've just said you know what I'm gonna try a different method I'm gonna actually try to force myself to listen to what you have to say. I don't care about flowers I'm not a flower type person Okay, but I just realized when I listen to these old ladies about how they do their garden and stuff They think that I'm like the best thing in the world, and then they call the office. Oh, hey, he's great I'm like man. I didn't really do anything. I like took two screws out put them back in and thing worked But the point is learn to follow the flow of the conversation pay attention pay force yourself to pay attention So so far right what number one check the body language? How do we develop self-control? Just be aware of your body language right don't show this closed-off bored Eyerolling you know hand gestures. You know that kind of stuff It's not good following the flow of the conversation and here's another one excessive excessive negativity and complaints Nobody likes it when somebody is just everything's just negative Right we all know this You look we've had people in here We love them, but some there's some people that everything is just negative negative negative. You know like man It's actually a nice day outside. Yeah, but them chemtrails man. We're all gonna die Or you're like man, I'm gonna get some water too bad. It's probably got some traces of four-eyed You're gonna get a brain tumor and die Look I get it We live in a dying world there are people that have that are purposely set out to harm the earth Right, but safety's of the ward Okay, let's not forget that let's have balance here. Okay. I get the conspiracies like I'm on board with that Stuff I understand it. I you know no problem right, but when you know you know people come here. Oh She just get off YouTube Shut the shut shutting everybody down. It's over It's like how you been? Everything when everything is negative right it can make it hard to speak with someone don't be that guy Right find that ballot of course talk about the negative stuff, but always bring it back to something positive look We're God's children for crying out loud Don't we serve the risen Savior don't we have something to look forward to? Don't we not see people saved week after week? Look we don't need to be down in the dumps all the time Next one this should go without saying you know avoid gossips All right, that's all I'm gonna say because that usually requires its home Yeah, it's its own sermon, but you get what I'm talking about and then the last one Inadvertent insults to people You know some people just grew up hard They've just grown up hard. You know and they've been fighting. You know they've been fighting their whole lives family friends Just and it's hard for them You know and it's in if you're like that if you grew up like that look I grew up like that my mom was a drunk You know we would go I think I've told you guys this before right she would go through Spells of being drunk for like weeks and weeks on end and my household was turmoil You know what what do you think happened when I went to school? I was the quiet kid, but if I could find a way to dig at you and bring you down to my level I would do it especially during those times You know and I could I could just think about several situations in my mind right I would love to go back to You can just be a better person You know maybe I could have influence over some of those people today but I lost that credibility all because I decided I want to make you as miserable as I am a Perfect way to destroy yourself from being a good conversationalist right Proverbs 15 go to Proverbs chapter 15 So number one Self-control right develop self-control There's a lot that goes into that body language facial expressions following the flow of the conversation, right? Not being too negative Just forcing yourself to be interested in what other people are doing what other people are going through what other people are interested in This will do so much good for you. Look just Write the check right now and just try it I'm serious test this out you guys go to work You know or where you you ladies with your kids take more interest in what other people are doing And after a month you come back and tell me what's changed And you know what you will be surprised if you're not already doing this you're gonna be surprised You're gonna have more influence with those people you're gonna have more friends, and you know what you never know You never know this could be the avenue that you need to open up the gospel to somebody Just simply because look we can't get everybody saved door to door There are some people that we do you know in the workforce especially that we need to establish a relationship with There will be people that come in here that we will actually have to be friend and talk with them And actually soften them up to get them saved I've seen it over and over and over again not everybody gets the gospel on the first or second or third try Sometimes we have to really just establish a relationship, and I'm not saying we're gonna substitute so many. That's ridiculous We're gonna always go solo, and we're gonna always preach the gospel to people we're always gonna do that right, but some people Need that trust from you From us in order to receive the message okay, so Proverbs 15 look at verse number 23 Proverbs 15 look at verse 23 a man hath Joy by the answer of his mouth and a word spoken in due season How good is it so the second thing that I'm gonna mention here is? Do more asking than answering. I'm serious look in the proverb Tells you write a man hath joy by the answer of his mouth look when you've got the answer man That makes you happy that makes us happy right like I love it when people are like well I got you. You know well faith without works is dead. We're just like oh, yeah BAM gotcha Right that brings us joy, and it should and you should answer that But when you're talking with somebody After the service you need to realize sometimes you pretty much all the time You know if you have the answer, and you realize you know that it is gonna bring you joy That's a good thing however look at what the rest the verse says any word spoken in due season How good is it you need to learn how to give that answer which will bring you joy? You need to learn how to give that answer in the right season when it's your turn to talk When it's your turn to talk That's key learning the right season go to James chapter number three and You know what asking people questions about whatever it is. They're going through that forces you To be engaged in the conversation. That's what that does it forces you to be humble it forces you to put yourself Back a little bit and put someone else in front to put someone else in the spotlight And should we I mean doesn't the Bible say that we should esteem others better than ourselves of course it does right look You do this stuff You will be awesome. You're gonna be the type of person that people want to talk with you're gonna have more friends You're gonna have more influence. You can just have a better life in general Now that's not to say you're not gonna have the the Kevin Rhodes and the Barney Fife's that come at you right we all You know we were gonna have to deal with them, but James chapter 3 Look let's see here look at verse number two. We'll start verse number two For in many things we offend all look Being our sort of Christian here. Just just believing every word of the Bible being fundamentalist. We're gonna offend people Okay It is what it is Jesus said I came to bring peace. I mean I came to bring sword. You know not not peace you understand, right? I'm excited, so I'm not remembering that correctly, but you know the idea today is oh We need to learn how to not offend anyone And that's not what I'm saying if the truth offends somebody then so be it Right, but when we're talking with people especially in fellowship, and we're trying to establish a relationship We need to realize it's easier to offend than it is to edify it takes work to Edify and that's what James is gonna teach us here for many things We offend all if any man offend not in word the same as a perfect man and able also to bridle the whole body I Haven't got there yet Maybe some of you have right, but what does he say here? Look at the verse for many things we offend all if any man offend not in word The same as a perfect man Enable also to bridle the whole body look This is a whole body matter it takes every fiber of our being Sometimes to not offend somebody because look you know There are gonna be people that are just not quite matured in the faith And they're gonna say things and they're gonna have opinions of things and you know what it's real easy for you to be like hey That's wrong. Oh you're wearing this. Oh, that's wrong. You just completely cut him down That's not always the best way to deal with people especially babes in Christ because they don't know They just haven't reached that position yet, and that's okay Right, but you know everybody's heard of that church where you go into and like well I just didn't feel welcome there. You know I felt like everybody was judging me right and that happens And that happens a lot in these liberal churches Somebody will come in and they're not dressed quite the same. They don't have the same type of trendy clothing Or that maybe they went in there with a shirt and tie and people are like not of our sort happens all the time right It takes every fiber it take this is a whole body effort is why you're exhausted after a night of good fellowship Because sometimes it is exhausting trying to hold that tongue and not say you're doing this wrong You know it's better to take somebody and just start small Just start somewhere small with somebody you know hey, let's try to work on here. Here's the Bible reason. Here's why what do you think? Instead of just like taking some of that. You know approach where you just go up to a girl, and you're like Where do you work do you play the piano? Have you read the Bible 15 times? Can you explain to me Hebrews chapter number eight? What's Jeremiah 31 talk about? You Want to be an auditor go get that job You know we're open up the Bible and you know take a look at someone's doctrine and start to audit that way Right we shouldn't necessarily be doing that when we're having conversation when we're talking with people okay So we got to move on here verse 3 behold We put bits in the horses mouths that they may obey us and we turn about their whole body behold also the ships which though they be so great are driven of a Fierce winds yet are they turned about with a very small home? withersoever the governor listeth verse 5 even so the tongue is a little member and Boasteth great things behold how great a matter a little fire Candle need to understand that little organ in your mouth Can start a royal blaze if you are not careful? And you need to realize it's a whole body effort to try and steer away from offending somebody But one thing that you can develop one thing that you can do to make sure you don't go down that path is to ask Questions to people when you're in conversation learn to ask questions. This is important for guys right you come home from work You're just like man. I'm mad some days right. It's like this sucks. I'm pissed, but you know what? Your wife's probably been home with the kids and you know Maybe they power barfed everywhere or they got the crayons out and decided they're gonna do a huge mural on the wall And she's wondering how to deal you know and You need to learn to develop some conversational skills and ask questions How was your day you know don't ever just assume that they have it easy because they stay home a lot of times, okay? Conversation both ways let's see here verse number six and the tongue is a fire a world of iniquity So is the tongue among our members that it defileth the whole body and seteth on fire the course of nature And it is set on fire of hell This is why these types of sermons have to be preached often see it's easy to talk about ourselves that comes naturally Learning how to esteem others better than ourselves Right you know how you do that by developing excellent speech You know I do that by taking interest in what other people have to say you know how you do that by asking more Questions than you do talking about yourself, okay? This is very important verse 8, but the tongue can no man tame it is an unruly evil full of deadly poison You just need to realize that As long as you've got the old man You know what we're all gonna say things that offend each other in here it will happen it has happened And it consistently happens But we need to be above that We need to realize the best way to minimize that is to learn to put other people above yourself Take more interest in what the other person is talking about than yourself, and you've got it then you're on to something, okay? Let's see you can leave your place there Go to go back to Proverbs Go back to Proverbs 17 In Proverbs 17, we're getting close to being done here You're getting close to being done here, and so while you're headed back there. I'm just gonna mention this again You know my my view of small talk right I used to I used to say this all the time I got time for that It's vexing to me. You know what I just realized though That that's not the right attitude We need to learn to develop small talk don't be afraid to have small talk with people at the store somebody staring at you You know I used to have this idea like what? What's up, you know because I was arrogant and prideful, and I'm like oh, they must want to do something you know Think I you know I think back to when I was like in my 20s I would love to do stuff like that And it's like how many how much more friends would I have today if it wasn't such a jerk and do stuff like that I'd be like oh this guy's got a problem. I'd tell Jessica those guys keep staring at us. Maybe he's hurting You know maybe I could have preached the gospel to him Maybe I could have made a friend And when I'm in a bad mood today sometimes too, I'm like person's staring at me Just like you're a pastor stop like yeah, you're right all right. You know we look. I'm telling you the tongue is an unruly evil, okay? All right So the last thing I'm gonna mention here again though aside from small talk you know focus on these things because it does develop you Know conversation builds character okay, and if you can just learn to come out of your shell come out of that thing And develop small talk with people that can turn into big talk that could talk into better relationship It can turn into all sorts of good things. You're not gonna kill anybody You're not gonna die by having small talk with somebody we all got to start somewhere, okay? And you know what that requires also it requires focus Right so what do we talk about? What are the tips develop some self-control right learn to recognize some signs that we all do when we're conversing when we're talking with? People right check yourself, are you giving off you know facial expressions? Closed off body language. Are you following the flow of thought you know you should have that feeling like this has taken me some work You should you should have that feeling this is taking me some work because I'm not necessarily interested in Growing flowers a certain way, and how are your irrigation your sprinkler system works? Muster up some courage man develop discipline and take interest in that stuff And then also ask more questions learn to ask people questions Right think about questions a lot of times if I'm going somewhere You know and I'm like not sure how this is gonna Go you know maybe to go meet with somebody you know maybe another pastor some I'll start thinking of questions and situations And just to get my mind ready to do more asking than talking this will do Wonders if you're gonna go visit one of you know another church You know just come up with some questions to ask people before you even show up This will take a lot of stress off of you. You know and you're not just kind of getting there like Getting that like deer in the headlights. I look right. You know you you want to do this. I'm telling you it works It's going to bless you, but also You know focus think about some things that could possibly distract you right because let's face it if you're going through anxiety You're going through a lot of hard things in your life those things man They're gonna be a distraction when you're talking with people They will and you need to learn how to check them you need to learn how to as hard as it is you need to learn How to put those things aside and take interest and then you know what when it's the dew season when it's the right season Then you can bring that out Because we all need help with things too right, and I'm not saying hey don't ever you know say hey look I'm going through this right now. I need to tell you about it right. That's what we're here for Right that is what we are here for to help each other out How else is iron gonna sharpen iron you're gonna get sharpened just because you come in here And you sit down you look at you came to know You're going to get sharpened by Conversing by talking with your brother by talking with your sister by talking with people This is how we learn so we're gonna wrap this up here real quickly so right where we first started Here's the bottom line, but when we talk To people or we talk at people we force them to react But when we talk with people we're forcing each other to interact and that should be the goal more often than not Everybody get that because look there's a time and a place to talk to there's a time and a place to talk at people It's when you need a reaction whether it be an acknowledgement like hey, I'm gonna go over here and check this out. I'll be right back Amen no problem or hey, I need to preach this message to you or you interested yes And you go forth and do that Right the time not to do that Is when you're trying to have a conversation with somebody when you're trying to talk with somebody right that is What the goal is our goal is to force each other each other to interact both parties You know if you're always the one doing most of the talking just realize be focused be aware develop some self-control and understand That's a problem. Okay. Just ran it back in a little bit get that Spiritual bit and put it in your mouth okay, and you will be just fine Now I want to leave you with this here Realize What could happen if? Everybody in this church decides to work on this decides to to do this Says you know I'm gonna take more interest in other people. I will esteem others better than myself I will learn how to talk with people I will learn the to develop excellent speech What do you think is gonna happen here? This thing's gonna grow like wildfire people are gonna want to come back because they're gonna say that's a church with people that take genuine interest in my struggles my life my pain Right that's a church that motivated me to get out there and preach that gospel Which I never would have done had somebody not take an interest in me you understand what I'm saying Imagine what it would be like if we were a church, and we're very close to this You know I'm not I'm not preaching this because anybody in here has got a problem This is just something that we need to consistently develop excellent speech become a not a fool much less do lying lips a prince Excellent speech as opposed to inferior speech it takes work, but if we're a church We're a local body around here that has developed and is committed to excellent speech guess what more people will get saved You will start to see more people saved outside of the soul winning times even Right and that my friend that is the goal that is why we are here That is why we work on these things here Edification we need to edify each other. It's not just the preaching. It's you it's me It's us together talking with each other and imagine what it would be like And what it will be like when we work on this thing we commit to doing it and then Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer Lord. Thank you so much for the vast infinite Wisdom that you give us week after week pray you just help us to apply This message to our hearts Lord and bring us back safely this evening