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Hey guys, we're glad you're back with us. We're gonna be in 1 Samuel chapter number 25. And so what we're gonna do is we are going to look at the marriage between Nabal and Abigail. So I told the church that I've got a goal and I wanna get through in a year all the different marriages and the Bible. Obviously for good marriage advice and tips, but in studying these marriages, we get a lot of good just general relationship advice as well. Very applicable, very good for us and so I titled this sermon, Relation Tips for Relation Shifts. And what I mean by that is relationships change over time. People change, people have experiences, they develop different emotions and things of that nature. And one of the things that we wanna avoid and you're gonna see this with Abigail and Nabal, is we wanna avoid being in the same location but a different place. And the key to that is communication. Consistent communication. And so we're gonna highlight some tips. For communication, I'm gonna give you what I was taught a long time ago, which is called the four T's. The four T's, okay? You got truth, timing, tone, and obviously trust. Now there's two that I didn't mention in the sermon that I just thought of. Number five is T's, okay? And if that fails, teep. All right, let's go. Hey, watch that teep. Enjoy the message. It's always great to see you guys. I hope this helps. If it does, do me a favor and just share it with somebody. God bless. For Samuel, chapter number 25, beginning in verse one. And Samuel died and all the Israelites were gathered together and lamented him and buried him in his house at Ramah. And David arose and went down to the wilderness of Paran. And there was a man in Maun, whose possessions were in Carmel, and the man was very great. And he had 3,000 sheep and 1,000 goats, and he was shearing his sheep in Carmel. Now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife Abigail. And she was a woman of good understanding and of a beautiful countenance. But the man was trillish and evil in his doings, and he was of the house of Caleb. And David heard in the wilderness that Nabal did shear his sheep. And David sent out 10 young men, and David said unto the young men, get you up to Carmel and go to Nabal and greet him in my name. And thus shall you say to him that liveth in prosperity, peace be both to thee and peace be to thine house, and peace be unto all that thou hast. And now I have heard that thou hast shearers. Now thy shepherds which were with us, we hurt them not. Neither was there missing unto them. All the while they were in Carmel. Ask thy young men, and they will show thee. Wherefore let the young men find favor in thine eyes, for we come in a good day. Give I pray thee, whatsoever cometh to thine hand unto thy servants and to thy son David. And when David's young men came, they spake to Nabal according to all those words in the name of David, and ceased. And Nabal answered David's servants and said, who is David, and who is the son of Jesse? There be many servants nowadays that break away every man from his master. Shall I then take my bread and my water and my flesh that I have killed for my shearers and give it unto men whom I know not whence they be? So David's young men turned their way and went again and came and told him all those sayings. And David said unto his men, gird ye on every man his sword. And they girded on every man his sword. And David also girded on his sword. And there went up after David about 400 men. And 200 abode by the stuff. But one of the young men told Abigail, Nabal's wife, saying, behold, David sent messengers out of the wilderness to salute our master and he railed on them. But the men were very good unto us and we were not hurt neither missed we anything as long as we were conversant with them when we were in the fields. They were a wall unto us both by night and day. And all the while we were with them keeping the sheep. Now therefore know and consider what thou wilt do for evil is determined against our master and against all his household. For he is such a son of Belial that a man cannot speak to him. Then Abigail made haste and took 200 loaves and two bottles of wine and five sheep ready dressed and five measures of parched corn and 100 clusters of raisins and 200 cakes of figs and laid them on asses. And she said unto her servants, go on before me. Behold, I come after you. But she told not her husband, Nabal. And it was so as she rode on the ass that she came down by the covert on the hill and behold, David and his men came down against her and she met them. Now David had said, surely in vain have I kept all that this fellow hath in the wilderness so that nothing was missed of all that pertained unto him and he hath requited me evil for good. So and more also do God unto the enemies of David if I leave of all that pertained to him by the morning light, any that pisseth against the wall. And Abigail saw David. She hasted and lighted off the ass and fell before David on her face and bowed herself to the ground and fell at his feet and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me, let this iniquity be and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience and hear the words of thine handmaid. Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial, even Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name and folly is with him. But I, thine handmaid, saw not the young men of my lord whom thou didst send. Now therefore, my lord, as the lord liveth and as the soul liveth, seeing the lord hath withholden thee from coming to shed blood and from avenging thyself with thine own hand, now let thine enemies and they that seek evil to my lord be as Nabal. And now this blessing which thine handmaid hath brought unto my lord, let it even be given unto the young men that follow my lord. I pray thee, forgive the trespass of thine handmaid for the lord will certainly make my lord a sure house because my lord fighteth the battles of the lord and evil hath not been found in thee all thy days. Yet a man is risen to pursue thee and to seek thy soul, but the soul of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of life with the lord thy god. And the souls of thine enemies, them shall he sling out as out of the middle of a sling. And it shall come to pass when the lord shall have done to my lord according to all the good that he hath spoken concerning thee and shall have appointed thee ruler over Israel. That this shall be no grief unto thee nor offense of the heart unto my lord. Either that thou has shed blood causeless or that my lord hath avenged himself, but when the lord shall have dealt well with my lord, then remember thine handmaid. And David said to Abigail, blessed be the lord god of Israel which sent thee this day to meet me. And blessed be thy advice and blessed be thou which has kept me this day from coming to shed blood and from avenging myself with mine own hand. For in very deed as the lord god of Israel liveth which hath kept me back from hurting thee except thou has hasted and come to meet me. Surely there had not been left untenable by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall. So David received of her hand that which she had brought him and said unto her, go up in peace to thine house. See I have hearkened to thy voice and have accepted thy person. And Abigail came to Nabal and behold, he held a feast in his house like the feast of a king. And Nabal's heart was merry within him for he was very drunken. Wherefore she told him nothing, less or more until the morning light. But it came to pass in the morning when the wine was gone out of Nabal that his wife had told him these things that his heart died within him and he became as a stone. And it came to pass about 10 days after that the lord smote Nabal that he died. And David heard that Nabal was dead and he said, blessed be the lord that hath pleaded the cause of my reproach from the hand of Nabal and hath kept his servant from evil for the lord hath returned the wickedness of Nabal upon his own head. And David sent and communed with Abigail to take her to him to wife. And when the servants of David were come to Abigail to Carmel, they spake unto her saying, David sent us unto thee to take thee to him to wife. And she arose and bowed herself on her face to the earth and said, behold, let thine handmaid be a servant to watch the feet of the servants of my lord. And Abigail hasted and arose and rode upon an ass with five damsels of hers that went after her. And she went after the messengers of David and became his wife. David also took Ahinoam of Jezreel and they were also both of them, his wives. But Saul had given Michal his daughter David's wife to Falti, the son of Laish, which was of Gallim. Brother Evan, would you please pray for us? All right, amen. 1 Samuel chapter number 25. So I have a goal in the next 12 months to be able to make it through a good amount of, maybe it'll be like 16 months, but to make it through all of the marriages in the Bible has a lot to learn from all the different relationships in the Bible. And this morning, we're gonna talk about Abigail and Nabal. At least that's how I like to pronounce it, Nabal. And what we're gonna call this one this morning is relation shifts, okay? Relation shifts, not relationships, but relation shifts. And what I mean by that is that there's a lot of things that go into a relationship. But one of the things that happens to every relationship is a shift or a change. People grow, people change. And one of the ways that people wind up in trouble in relationships, especially marriage, and this is a lot of marriage stuff this morning, however, these tips will apply to any relationship you have, you know, across the board. So don't be like, oh, I'm not married, this doesn't apply to me, okay? But one of the reasons that people wind up in trouble later on in their relationships and marriages is because of failed communications, okay? And so I'd put it like this, okay? If we fail to have proper dialogue, what's gonna be the result of that is drama, okay? The worse the dialogue, you know, the more dialogue fails as the relationship ages, matures, the more you're going to have to experience drama. And that is obviously a bad thing. As I was writing this, this has nothing to do with marriage, but it has everything to do with communication, I was reminded of the story my mom used to tell me all the time. It was like a thing in the house. I guess it was about four years old. We went down to California to visit some family and we went to go visit my great aunt. And while we were down there, we took a trip to go see my great great aunt. So she was very old. She didn't speak very much English at all. And so, and I kind of have some vivid memories of this. And so my great aunt was like, you know, Joseph, do you have any questions for your great aunt? This is your great aunt. And I was like, yeah, how come you're so shriveled up? Okay, now keep in mind, she didn't speak any English. And so my great aunt, she's dying of laughter. My mom's just about rolling on the floor with laughter because I'd said that. And I wasn't being rude. I wasn't being mean. I just, you know, a little kid, I just want to know why you're so shriveled up, why you're so old, you know? I guess I just didn't understand. And then so, you know, my great aunt sitting in a wheelchair and the way they tell the story is like, she really wanted to know what I had said. And so my great aunt had translated what I said. And I guess the Holy Ghost came over and she became a Pentecostal because she stood up. And I do remember that and like tried hitting me, tried beating me. I'm like, whoa, okay, this isn't good. And she took my stuffed animal out of this dog. I still even have it to this day. Just, I don't know why, you know, you keep things and you just wonder why. There's a stuffed animal called Wolf Wolf. And she took that and threw it. And of course I got mad and I was like, I don't like brown people. And my mom's even, now they're really upset, you know, I don't like people that don't speak English like us. I want to go back to dad. You know, so it was a bad day for me. But the reason why I'm telling that story is because I think a little bit of that honest communication needs to be brought into adulthood. You know, I think there's some value in that. However, obviously the way I went about it wasn't good. It wasn't, I didn't really profit anybody or anything. So we're going to talk about that. Okay, we're gonna talk a lot about, basically this is called relationships, okay. But I'm going to give you a lot of relation tips. We'll put it like that. So let's start something off here, okay. Look at verse 17 real quick. Obviously we're gonna be all over this chapter this morning, but look at verse 17. So this here is the verse explaining where one of the servants of Abigail comes back and tells Abigail what her husband had said in response to David helping him out. So it says, the servant says, "'Now therefore know and consider what thou will do for evil is determined against our master and against all his household, for he is such a son of Belial that a man can not speak to him.'" And so the Bible doesn't tell us, and I've, you know, I've been wondering this for a long time. How did Abigail and Nabal meet? How did they get together? You know, when I read this, I would like to think and hope that at one point they were both good to go, and maybe Nabal was kind of normal, and then he kind of obviously had changed, but it doesn't say that. And so I gotta be careful. I can't inject that in there. You know, people had arranged marriages back then. Things, the culture was just a lot different, okay. So we don't really know, but that's okay. There's enough in this story to give us some great helps in communication in relationships. And so that's what we're gonna talk about there. But look, Abigail is, I'll put it like this, okay. Abigail is a picture of a perfect help meet, okay. Remember that God gave Adam Eve to be a help meet suitable unto him. Abigail is the picture perfect help meet to Nabal, and he didn't even deserve it, okay. Even though Nabal didn't deserve it, she never, ever lost her bearing. She never lost her bearing. She knows that he's a devil, okay. And she even tells David that. He's the reason why I'm here helping you is because he's such a son of Belial that nobody can even speak to him, nobody can talk to him. Everybody knows this, okay. So we're gonna break this down here and talk about this. And before we get into the tips, I just wanna kind of paint a picture of both of these characters, okay. What do we know about Abigail and what do we know about Nabal? And how did this relationship even come together is always gonna remain a mystery. But the principles, okay. We've talked a lot about principles lately. The principles are going to be great for us. So look at verse three real quick. Look at verse number three. First Samuel 25, look at verse three. So the Bible says this. It says, now the name of the man was Nabal and the name of his wife, Abigail. And look at this, it says, and she was a woman, now don't miss this, of good understanding. Okay, you wanna talk about somebody who could read the room, who could understand a situation, who had tact, who had discretion, that was her. She was a woman of good understanding. Now look at this, and of a beautiful countenance. And so what you're gonna find when you study that she was of a beautiful countenance, it wasn't just that she was a pretty face. It was a whole lot more to that. So the way I picture is she's the kind of person that she would walk into a room, everybody would be like, oh wow, I wanna talk to this person. I wanna be around this person. This person makes me feel good. I feel safe in her presence. I can talk and so on and so forth, which is obviously why David was like, oh, Nabal's dead? Well, you're gonna be my wife now, okay? He didn't even hesitate. You're on my team now, you're on my side. So real quickly, okay, very basic, we understand that she was of good understanding and she was of a beautiful countenance. Now we'll come back to that for the Nabal portion, but look down at verse number 14. So just skip ahead for a minute. And what you're gonna find here is that people were comfortable talking to her, whereas they were not comfortable talking to her husband. Okay, look at verse 14. So the Bible says, but one of the young men told Abigail, Nabal's wife saying, behold, David sent messengers out of the wilderness to salute our master and he railed on them. Verse 15, but the men were very good unto us and we were not hurt. Neither missed we anything as long as we were conversant with them when we were in the field. So why was it that Nabal's men and David's men got along so well? Okay, why didn't Nabal's men say, hey, what are you guys doing to these sheep? What are you guys doing to this livestock? You're gonna steal it, you're gonna take it? You know why they had a good relationship? Because they were conversant with one another. That's why it says that there, as long as we were conversant with them. The key to any relationship, friendship, whatever you wanna call it is consistent communication, okay? You're just gonna see that sewn throughout this entire story and really throughout the entire Bible, okay? Verse 16, they were a wall unto us both by night and day all the while we were with them keeping the sheep. Okay, so the first thing we see there, aside from her good understanding, aside from her beautiful countenance was that people had felt comfortable bringing issues to her. She was approachable, she was easy to talk to. Okay, now the second one here is you're gonna see that she was a woman of action, not slothful, okay? She gets a problem and she realizes I have to do something about this, though it may cost me, I may have to pay the price later on. Look at verse 18. So it says, then Abigail made haste. So get the picture here. She's told these things and then she makes haste. So she hurries, she realizes that this is urgent, okay? Then Abigail made haste and took 200 loaves and two bottles of wine, five sheep ready dressed in five measures of parched corn and 100 clusters of raisins and 200 cakes of figs and laid them on asses. So it doesn't sound to me like that's a very easy task. Now, obviously she has help and people are helping, you know, these servants are a part of this, but the point is that the men listen to her, okay? They realize, hey, our lives are at stake here, so we better do what she says if we're gonna preserve ourselves, okay? So we have that people were comfortable to her, they were comfortable, obviously serving her, communicating with her and then we see that she's a woman of action, okay? She doesn't just, well, I can't do anything because he's gonna get mad, okay? She realizes, hey, other people's lives are at stake, something has to be done and she makes a decision, okay? Now look at the next one here, verse 19. You're gonna see that she's a woman of discretion. Says, and she said unto her servants, go on before me, behold, I come after you. Now look at what the Holy Ghost puts in here, look what the narrator puts in here for you. But she told not her husband, Nabal. Now, why does that fit in there? Why is that in there? Well, because obviously he would try to stop her, okay? It was not going to be received by Nabal and I'm gonna bring that up again later, but let's look at the next one here, okay? Look, skip down to verse 23 and you're gonna see several things here. I'm just gonna highlight a couple. First one here, she's a woman of a caring spirit. We already kind of covered that, but look at verse 23. It says, when Abigail saw David, she hasted and lighted off the ass and felled before David on her face, bowed herself to the ground. So obviously she's got respect here. Again, that beautiful countenance, this is just telling you what that looks like, okay? What that beautiful countenance is. She sees David, okay? And she's not like, oh, do something. No, she's like, hey, I'm here to petition for our lives. Verse 24, and fell on his feet and said, upon me, my Lord, upon me, let this iniquity be and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience and hear the words of thine handmaid. So she's obviously humble here of a beautiful countenance, a caring spirit. Okay, verse 25, let not my Lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial, even Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name and Folly is with him. So obviously that's giving you some insight on what his name actually means. But I, thine handmaid, saw not the young men of my Lord whom thou didst sin. So she doesn't try to hide the truth. Everybody knows what her husband is like, okay? So what does she do? She's honest, hey, this guy is a son of Belial. Everybody knows this year. So she's of caring spirit. And part of that caring spirit, part of that beautiful countenance is honesty. This situation required brutal communication, brutal honesty, and she provides that. And what does it do? It stays the situation. It placates David and his men. He receives the resources and of course does not follow through with his plans. Now we'll have to take this apart another time, whether or not David was right to go do what he was gonna do. But if you put yourself in David's shoes, I'm sure we could all relate and all understand, we don't like being talked to like that. You go and take care of something for somebody, do something nice for them and they just rail on you and treat you like garbage. Yeah, it's gonna solicit a response just about every time, okay? So a lot of good things here about Abigail, okay? And obviously I've already said this, in my mind, in my opinion is, the ball doesn't deserve her, okay? And the ball's garbage, but this woman here is great. Now go back to verse three and let's look real quickly and this will be fast. What do we know about Nabal? Okay, so we know we got Abigail covered, but what about Nabal? Look at verse three. So it says, now the name of the man was Nabal and the name of his wife, Abigail, and she was a woman of good understanding and of a beautiful countenance. But, okay, look at the Bible tells you that contrast is coming, okay? But the man was churlish and evil, okay? That word churlish there. So he was churlish, meaning he was very, very evil. That is basically what that means. It's basically folly. That was part of his countenance, in other words. So she was of beautiful countenance, he was churlish. So the way that he dealt with people was very severe. Okay, you look that word up in the dictionary, you're gonna find severe attached to it. Churlish, just an old word for that. Okay, so the man was churlish and evil, okay? Meaning, you know, he was the son of Belial. He liked to hurt people, obviously. And it says in his doings, okay? So if you were to do business with this guy, you know, you would want to be careful because he would be the type of person that was selfish and would probably only propose a deal to you to get the maximum amount of whatever he could for himself. So what do we know about Nabal? Churlish, okay? So he's severely evil in his doings. And of course, we know that he was of the house of Caleb, the Bible gives us that. We don't have time to get into that. So he's churlish, evil, he's a son of Belial. And what else do we know? Well, we know he was wealthy. We know he had a lot of resources, okay? Which could have possibly contributed to his behavior and things of that nature. But we also know, and we're told several times, that he's the son of Belial, as opposed to being a son of man or a son of God. Okay, he is obviously, and I would say this, a reprobate. Not a sodomite, but, you know, obviously a reprobate. The son of Belial is somebody who's converted to Belial. Son, meaning after, of, of denotes sore. So he's of Belial, of the devil. That's what that means. I realize that's harsh, but it is what it is, okay? So again, we don't know how Abigail and Nabal met. We don't have that story. We don't have that information. But the point is, and I think we all understand that, nobody wants to be married to a Nabal. Everybody wants the Abigail. Everybody wants to be in a relationship, a friendship, or a partnership with someone like Abigail. But the problem is the world is full of Nabals. There are way more Nabals, it seems like, than there are Abigails, okay? And so what we have to do now is we have to break down this communication problem that was obviously very prevalent in the lives, in the relationship of Abigail and Nabal, also between the servants and Nabal, and obviously between David, David's men, and Nabal, okay? So let's start talking about that here. Look at verse nine. First Samuel 25, verse number nine. We'll get to this first point here real quickly. It says this. When David's young men came, they spake to Nabal according to all those words in the name of David and ceased. So we just read the chapter, you get the picture, and you realize that David had realized, hey, you know, I see a need, I feel a need. I see that Nabal did shear sheep. He's in Carmel, and these are a distance away, okay? They're in Moen, and so, hey, I'm gonna go ahead and help these guys out. We're gonna protect them, even though we're running for our lives. Keep in mind, David is fleeing from Saul at this time, so he's not necessarily in the best state of mind, okay? Someone is trying to kill him. The king of his nation wants him dead, okay? He's taken away from his family, away from everything that he knows, and he is on the run, okay? So not a good situation, but still, despite that, what do we see here? We see that David sees that somebody needs help, needs a little boost, and he provides that despite being in a situation that he's in. So look at verse 10. And Nabal answered David's servants. So again, the servants finally make it to Nabal, and they say, hey, you know, we're going through this situation here. We did help. We were hoping you could help us with some food, a little something to eat here, and you know, kind of comfort us. And Nabal answered David's servants. Now remember, the Bible tells you that what Nabal says, okay, you can summarize his entire response as railing, okay? Now look at this here. And Nabal answered David's servants and said, who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? There be many servants nowadays that break away every man from his master. So what that tells you, without directly telling you, is that Nabal more than likely knew who David was. It doesn't necessarily mean that he knew he was the son of Jesse, but obviously, why does he say there are many people today that break away from their master? Okay, because obviously Saul's running around saying, hey, David broke away from his master, and we need him back. He's on the run. I hired him for this job. I gave him a promotion. I gave him my daughter, and he bounced. He's out of here, okay? Okay, typical political speak. They give you one side of the story, a false narrative mixed with a little bit of truth so that you'll believe that. And of course, this fool here, he's got no problems believing that whatsoever, okay? And so this is an example of railing, okay? Lying to people for the intent to hurt, to cause damage. Verse 11, shall I then take my bread, and my water, and my flesh that I have killed for my shears, and give it? Okay, so what do we see here? We see that Nabal missed the entire point. Okay, Nabal missed the entire point that David and his men cared for his things without even being asked, without even being hired. Okay, Nabal also missed the fact that these guys were in need of help, okay? Now, you know, we're obviously in different times today, and a lot of times people will call the church, or they'll stop us, or they'll stop by here, and they'll be like, oh, I need some help. And it's like, you got a Lexus out there, like. You know what I mean? And you know, you gotta be careful with that, and I realize that. We wanna help people when we can. But the point is, back in these days, man, like to be out in the wilderness, away from food, I mean, these are like life and death situations. So this act here is very severe. The fact that Nabal was not gonna help him really is basically saying, hey, I don't care if you just die. I'm gonna leave you out to dry. The point is, Nabal, he doesn't wanna listen to anything. So it's like this. We're talking about barriers to communication because this is giving us some great insight on what it was probably like to be married to this guy or to even be in a relationship with this guy, okay? So here it is, okay? You're not always talking to people. A lot of times you're talking to their filters, okay? So these guys think they're actually talking to the person Nabal, but remember, there's something different about Nabal versus a lot of other people, okay? And that he's a son of Belial. You cannot talk to him. So when you speak to him and you throw words his direction, okay? What you're doing is you're talking to his filters. You're talking to his experiences. You're talking to his emotions and you are talking to his assumptions. That's what you're doing. And that's why I'm saying that this sermon is called Relationships. Because when you get together in a, obviously in a marriage or in any kind of a relationship with people, people grow, people change, people go through experiences, they develop different emotions and those things will oftentimes lead to assumptions. And so therefore, if you slack on the dialogue, okay, you're gonna miss that transitional period in that relationship. And then when you decide to go ahead and pick that back up, guess what happens? It turns into drama because you have failed to realize that people are oftentimes picking up these filters based off of their experiences, emotions and their assumptions, okay? Go to Ephesians chapter number four. We're gonna look at verse 25. Obviously we looked at it on Wednesday from the neighbor perspective, but now I wanna just kinda go over some truths from the actual verse. So go to Ephesians chapter four and we're gonna come back here again, here in a little bit. So the first thing I want you to understand, barriers to communications, okay, is that you're not always talking to people, you're talking to their filters. And when you can really just grasp this and realize that, it's gonna help you bring it down a notch, okay? It should help you to be like, okay, you know, I need to figure this out. I need to figure out why you have this assumption, why this emotion is taking place and why you feel the way you do about maybe some experiences. And those things need to be addressed on an individual basis before you get to the big stuff. Okay, hopefully this is making sense. Okay, Ephesians chapter four, look at verse number 25. So the Bible says this, Paul speaking here to the Ephesians, he says, wherefore, okay, putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor for we are members one of another, okay? So what are we supposed to do? Speak truth with our neighbor. I'm gonna give you just a couple of quick tips on delivering truth. So you don't wanna be like me when I was little, or even me like, you know, in today's day and age, there have been times where I've had to tell people some pretty hard things and I did not do it appropriately and it never ends up good. You know, it always ends up in some kind of a beef or some kind of a fight. But I'm gonna say this, okay? Speaking truth without discretion, a lot of times will be perceived as oppression. Like you're trying to oppress me. You're trying to hurt me. You're trying to batter me. You're trying to do this and that. So you have to understand what we're gonna talk about here in a little bit is timing, okay? You gotta know when to tell the truth, okay? There's a time and a place for everything. You guys already know this. And in our story, what did the Bible say about Abigail? Okay, well, when the men came to her or that the young man came to her and said, hey, we're gonna be dead. David's mad. Here's what your husband did, okay? And David's on his way to kill us. Hey, she's like, okay, well, I'm gonna go ahead and take care of this. But she didn't tell her husband because she knew him very well. And she knew if I go tell him right now, while he's making his heart marry and having his party, it's gonna go really bad for us. And this may not work. So she waits. She has discretion. She understands when to deliver truth. There's a time for that, okay? A lot of people pride themselves. Well, I just tell it like it is, man. I just, you know, and I'd say that stuff all the time myself, okay? But you have to realize our goal is to save relationships. Our goal is to speak truth with every man, our neighbor, and even with people outside of our community. Obviously you wanna speak truth to them, okay? But there's a time and a place to do that. And sometimes in some situations, it's not good to just, you know, roll it off the tongue right away. Remember, Abigail waited for the right time, okay? And what happened when she chose the right time? What happened to her husband? The Bible says that he went into a coma basically. His heart became as stone and he became as dead. And then what? 10 days later, God smote him that he died, okay? So he hears this, and this is a sermon in and of itself. You know, he hears this, this truth from his wife. And it's like, he's so distraught that she saved him, saved the household, gave up his stuff, okay? He is so selfish. He doesn't understand. He doesn't hear what she's really trying to say. He misses the point again, goes right over his head, and he literally, his heart dies practically within him. His heart becomes a stone, just boom, coma. You know, because you imagine getting news so bad, you're just so filled with rage and just jealousy and envy that you're just, ugh, you're just dead. You know, you're just so selfish that someone gave away your cookies and your cupcakes and your raisins and your last water, okay? You're just like, ah, you gave my stuff away, and bam, that's it, life's over. I mean, it's madness, it's absolutely insane. But she understood that. And what is that a picture of? That's a picture of God rewarding her, I think, okay? He didn't deserve her, okay? But she maintained her bearing anyways. And what was the result? She got a better husband. She became the wife of future king, King David. So let's look at this verse one more time, okay? So truth without discretion can be perceived as oppression. So choose when to pick your battles, okay? The truth has to come out. We have to speak truth with our neighbor, okay? But there's a right way and a wrong way to do it. So verse 15 again, but speaking of the truth in love, okay? So not just speaking the truth, look what he says. But speaking the truth in love, okay? And when we do this, what's the result? May grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ, okay? So verse 15, we just read, what did we just read? Verse 25, I'm sorry. Back up to verse 15, back up to verse 15. Ephesians chapter four, look at verse 15. This is not the one we read, okay? But look at this here, okay? So Paul says, but speaking the truth in love may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ. So before he even tells you, speak truth with every man and neighbor, you're supposed to already understand that it's supposed to be done in love, okay? And so here's the thing. When we speak truth without love, that's cruel, okay? You speak the truth without love, that is cruel. If you speak the truth, okay? Oh, I'm sorry. Let me put it like this, okay? Truth without love is cruel, love without truth is clueless, and speaking the truth in love is the cure, okay? We'll just put it like that, okay? Truth without love is cruel. So just going around, it goes, hey, you're this, you're that, you're this, you're that, okay? Oh, I'm honest, I'm super, man. I just tell it like it is, I got no filter. I just, just boom, okay? If you're jacked up, you're ate up, I'm gonna tell you, and that's what it is, okay? Some people got thick enough skin to where they're like, okay, I can receive that, okay, but most people don't. I'm just telling you right now, most people don't. So what are we supposed to do about that, okay? Air on the side of caution and speak the truth in love. Truth without love is cruel. It's received oftentimes, more often than not, as oppression. And guys, this will save you a lot of pain in your relationships. But what do we see out in the world today? Hey, well, quote, unquote, love without truth. Like, oh, I'm not just not gonna, I'm not gonna address this. It's just gonna hurt you bad. I'm never gonna bring this up. You know, and it's something that needs to be brought up. Okay, guess what? Love without the truth is cluelessness, okay? How many people today are in relationships or in marriages in one party or the other side? My husband, my wife is absolutely clueless. You know what? Hey, what's missing? The element of truth is missing, okay? But what Paul is saying is when we decide we're gonna speak the truth in love, the right way with discretion, that is the cure for problems. Now, obviously, he's referring to doctrine and things like this in this issue here. But what I'm teaching you this morning is doctrine. You go back and listen to the sermon that I preached about doctrine, okay? Doctrine is, I mean, all sorts of things. Go to the Sermon on the Mount, living in peace, having good relationships. All of these things are doctrinal, okay? Now, what I want you to do is go back. Actually, no, forget that. Go to Ecclesiastes chapter number three. Ecclesiastes chapter number three. So remember this, okay? One thing that Abigail knew and David, David's men, and even Abigail's servants, their household servants knew, is that you couldn't talk to Nabal, but you could talk to him, if that makes sense. You couldn't talk to him, but you could speak to him, right? You could say words and throw words to him, and you'd even get a response, but you're not talking to him. You were talking to his filters, which were a result of however this happened. I mean, we don't know, we're not told how he became the son of Belial, but at some point in his life, he became of Belial. He became of the devil, and everything changed. You were no longer able to talk to him. You were talking to the experiences that he had. You were talking to the emotions attached to those experiences, and then you were talking to his assumptions. Oh, well, you know, everybody, you know, a lot of people today break away from their masters, okay? You cannot communicate with somebody like that, and therefore, obviously, we don't wanna even mimic that, or come that close, which can definitely happen, okay? So we've got that. Truth without discretion can be perceived as oppression. So just a couple of tips there for you. Here's the next one, okay? So you go, we just read chapter 25, okay? And this should go without saying, but you've got Abigail, and you've gotten Nabal. We know how both of them were, okay? But did you notice this? They're both under the same roof, right? They're both in the same location, but they're both in very different places. You see that? They're both in the same location, but they're both in very different places, okay? And that's what I'm trying to prevent this morning. That's why I wanna throw this stuff out there, because I know a lot of you are younger, maybe haven't been married as long, or in a relationship with somebody as long, and the key to success is consistent communication, so that you don't miss those experiences. That's why when somebody goes through something and they have an experience, you need to be right there and be willing to listen, okay? So that you can understand that person better, and it doesn't wind up biting you later on, okay? You know, six months, a year down the road, you're having a conversation, and your partner, your friend, your spouse is still stuck back in that experience, and they hear what you're saying, but you're not speaking to them. You're speaking to their filter, okay? So again, communication, consistent communication is key. This is how people grow apart, is because they fail to keep up with this. They fail to consistently date their spouse. They fail to consistently put in the work and the effort, and I'm a pro at this. I'm an absolute pro at this. I'm a guy, okay? Look, there's people that I served in the military with, and every once in a while, I get a message on Facebook or whatnot, and it's like old times. It's like I never left them, you know? And I just think that, well, everybody's like that, okay, but not everybody's like that. Sometimes, like Pastor Thompson would be like, man, you've been forever since you reached out. You mad, you know? I'm just like, what's wrong with you, man? I'm picking up like where we left off like two months ago, and I realize, oh, I'm being a jerk. I'm not a very good friend. I'm just like, I just assume that every, you know, I can speak to guys and, you know, two years later show up, and it's just like nothing happened, okay? And guess what, guys? It don't work like that in a relationship with a woman. It just don't work. There's a lot of problems that can happen that way, but that's kind of how I've treated people in my life. Doesn't work that way, so just keep that in mind, okay? You can be in the same location, but in different places, and the clue, the cure for that is obviously consistent communication. I mean, this principle's taught in Genesis 3, okay? You've got Adam, you got Eve, you've got the Lord. Obviously, at one point, their relationship was very different. What happened after the serpent beguiled Eve, and Eve said, hey, try this out, Adam. Ah, okay, and he succumbs, and he does it. What happens? God's walking through the garden. Hey, Adam, where are you? Obviously, he knows where he's at. He's trying to teach Adam something. Hey, we're in the same location, buddy, but now we're in different places. Now you can't see me. Now you're not gonna be able to understand me as well. Now you're gonna have to toil and labor and go a different route, okay, to have access to me. Now you're gonna have to pray and do all of these things, and that's in the beginning of the Bible. So what I'm trying to say here is that that relationship shifted pretty fast, okay? So just understand that. You want to avoid being in the same location, but different places in a relationship. I mean, the ball, extremely, extremely selfish. Abigail, still, even though that her husband's a son of Belial, what do we find? She's a beautiful countess, good understanding, and she stays consistent until the end of time, or until basically we're not reading about her anymore in the Bible. So we're almost done here, okay? I just want to leave you with what is called the four T's. And I didn't make these up. These are basically, you know, in every communication book you could read, every preacher at some point in his life preaches these. You probably already know what they are, but we're gonna go through them anyways, okay? The four T's of communication, okay? Number one is truth, okay? Number one is truth. Well, we already read a couple of verses about truth in Ephesians, and so I'm not gonna hammer that one down again, but what I will say that I didn't say before is this, okay, you will grow from the truth. That's what Paul said in verse 15, okay? Speak the truth in love, and what did he say? That we may grow into him, okay? That we may grow into him. So we grow from the truth, but here's the thing. We grow from the truth that we receive, not the truth that we hear, okay? This is why we have so many problems in all relationships, okay? You know, I can remember trying to tell my mom for years about the Catholic church. Like, mom, it's unbiblical that there's priests. They're not even married. There's all these problems. I would show her 1 Timothy 3. I would show her Titus. I would show her all these things, okay? And she'd go, okay, I hear it, but no change, okay? It wasn't until on her deathbed that things got real, and I went one more time because she was scared and she was concerned, okay? And I was able to give her the gospel. And I made, like, I was like, look, I was very clear. Like, do you understand that the Catholic church is not it, that they're wrong? Yes, I reject it all. Like, she rejected it 100%. What was different about that time and all the other times that I had spent trying to get her saved, trying to get her to receive truth, okay? She was just hearing it, okay? She was just hearing it. She wasn't receiving it. So we grow from the truth that we receive, and so that's our job, is to figure out if it's even possible, okay, that the person that we're in communication with, are they even receiving the truth? Just because you speak to somebody doesn't necessarily mean that that stuff is sticking, okay? It's our job to discern whether or not that information is sinking in. And you're gonna obviously see that by communication, by listening, okay? Did you change your mind or are you just regurgitating what I said because you wanna placate, okay? So four T's, been around forever, four T's of communication. Number one is truth. Number two, right here, Ecclesiastes chapter three, look at verse number seven. I went over this a couple months ago. But the Bible says right here in verse seven, Ecclesiastes three, a time to rend and a time to sow. Now look at this, a time to keep silence and a time to what? A time to speak. So we've got four T's of communication. Remember your truth. It's supposed to be spoken in love, seasoned with salt, in other words, okay? But what do we see right here? What's the second one? Timing, okay, discretion, understanding when to deliver that truth. There's a time and a place to do it. And you have to be like Abigail and be able to discern when is the right time to deliver that truth. In a marriage, in a relationship, in church, it's the same thing, right? You don't wanna, and nobody in here is like this that I know, right? I'm just throwing these out there. This is just to help, okay? You've got your truth. Now you've got your timing, okay? There's a time to keep silence and a time to speak, okay? And experience is gonna teach you a lot of this, okay? Experience is gonna definitely teach you a lot of this. Now go to Colossians chapter number four and we'll go real quickly onto the next one. These all kinda just roll together. Truth, number one, timing, number two. Let's look at the next one here. This is my absolute favorite right here. Probably because it can be the worst at it. Colossians chapter four, look at verse six. Paul says, let your speech be always with grace. Okay, remember what that word grace means? You know, that's the mercy that we don't deserve for by grace are you saved through faith, right? We don't deserve to be saved. Christ did that for us despite that fact, okay? So let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt that you may know how you ought to answer every man. Not just your neighbor at this time, okay? But every man, okay? Seasoned with salt that you may know how you ought to answer every man. So number three is tone. Number three is tone. I've told you guys this before and everybody knows. There's a way I just don't like being talked to. And it's a fault and I will lash out. I'm just being honest. Talk to me in the wrong way and it's going down. I'm sorry I spent way too much time in the military. It's a problem that I have. And it's just, just no, that is what it is. Somebody recently, I'm gonna say this. I wasn't gonna say it, I don't even care. If you ever wanna get me pissed off, come to me with a problem and say I'm not the only one that feels this way. That's all you gotta do. I'm not the only one that feels this way. I'm gonna give you one quick chance. I'm gonna say who else feels this way? If you don't answer that, it is going down. I'm telling you, I am not happy. I don't, because how am I supposed to fix a problem if you don't tell me who else feels this way? You know what I'm saying? Like how am I supposed to get better? How am I supposed to make a difference? How am I supposed to make this change if I'm not the only one that feels that way? And I probably got that by being married to Jessica because she's real good at just telling you the truth. Hey, you know, you're talking too fast. You know, and that's all good, okay? It is what it is. But between that and just my personal background, working for Uncle Sam, being in the military, everything's just very direct. Like, here's your job, here's your task, here's your conditions, and guess what? Here's the standard. There's no guesswork. Hey, come out here to the civilian world and they're just like, whoa, you can do this and you can do that. And you make a decision that's wrong. Oh, it's the end of the world. And it's just like, I hate that stuff. I cannot stand it, okay? I like it direct, okay? But obviously seasoned with salt. Do I fail at this? Of course. I've got the flesh just like anybody else, okay? But the point is, okay, if you want these relationships to continue and you don't want to shut somebody down, if you don't want to be like me when somebody says, oh, I got this problem, then I'm not the only one that thinks so, okay? If you don't want to react like I do in that situation, follow this advice here. Let your speech always, okay? So what I do is I let my speech sometimes be with grace until you say that, okay? That's my fault, that's my problem. Maybe you have the same issue, maybe not. Maybe you can pray for me that I get better, okay? Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt. Okay, what is he saying there, okay? Try to figure out a way to deliver truth, what you need to be said in a way that's gonna be taken well so that you can grow that relationship or that transaction and basically get some profitability from that exchange. That's what he's saying, okay? And you say, well, what is tone? Tones are the emotions that we attach to speech, okay? That's what it is, okay? Tone is the emotion that we attach to speech. And you can kind of almost a lot of times get tones in the Bible. You know, like I'm sure when Jesus went into the temple he wasn't like, so guys, it's not lawful for you to buy and sell at my father's house. And he just stood there with a whip and was just kind of like the scourge of small cards. You kind of know there was some tone there. There was some righteous indignation in that situation. Or how about this, when he's speaking to Peter and he's like, Satan, get thee behind me. I'm sure he wasn't like, Satan, you know, get behind me. I'm sure there was a little bit more tone inflection involved in that exchange. And rightfully so. There's a time and a place, again, even for tone, okay? Even for tone, there's a time and a place for that. But if you want a relationship to grow, continue to start even, okay? Just be cognizant of your tone, okay? That's all he's saying here, that when we allow this to be who we are, especially, you know, amongst ourselves and out there, things are just gonna be a lot better for you. People are gonna want to be around you. They're gonna want to talk to you. They're gonna wanna come to you with their issues and problems because they know that you care and they know you're not just gonna berate them. You're not just gonna nebul them, in other words, okay? Last one and we're done. Proverbs chapter number 11. Go to Proverbs chapter number 11. So we've got the truth, okay? Remember, we grow by the truth that we receive, not by the truth that we hear, okay? It has to be received. It's gotta make it past those filters. And of course, we know number two, timing, okay? We gotta have that discretion. There is a time and a place on when to deliver truth in a relationship in order for things to be addressed and of course, tone. Be aware of how you're saying this so that it's gonna be better received, so that you know how you should answer every man, okay? Last one, super easy, right here. Proverbs 11, verse number 13. And the Bible says this. A tale bearer revealeth secrets. What's a tale bearer? What's a tale bearer? Well, it's somebody that tells all your secrets, okay? But he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter. Number four is trust. Now, this verse is not like how some people put it. Well, this verse here, because it's written the way it is, is why Christians and why especially Baptist, why they cover things up and they sweep things under the rug. It's not talking about sweeping things under the rug that need to be exposed, okay? And it's not obviously not what he's talking about, but he's saying, hey, you know what? If you tell me something in confidence, then I need to be the type of person that realizes, hey, you just showed me a little bit of vulnerability and I am going to protect that. I am going to decide in my heart right now, guess what? I'm not gonna blast that to everyone, okay? I'm not gonna put you down. I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna cover this situation here so that we can grow together so that I can get you through this and get you the help and the healing that you need because you came to me with a secret. You came to me with a problem and I'm gonna cover this thing. I'm gonna conceal it while we work on it, okay? I'm gonna put up a tarp, so to speak. We'll hammer this thing out, we'll make the repairs, we'll get it fixed, and no one has to know. It's not talking about covering up sins and all this garbage. You guys know that though. There's just a lot of idiots out there that wanna say things like that just to stir up trouble. Okay, again, the world is becoming more and more full of Nabal's every single day as we speak. So that's where I'm gonna leave it, okay? I wanna leave this with your four T's. Your truth, okay? Remember, we grow by the truth that we receive, not just by the truth that we hear. And of course, timing, discretion. There's a time and a place to deliver the truth. And of course, the tone, okay? We don't wanna be rude about it. We want to know how to answer every man. And of course, again, there's a time to give people harsh answers, right? Paul did it numerous times when people try to stop other people from getting the gospel, okay? He was just right on them. He wasn't like, oh, you know, I just wanna love on you real quick and maybe, no, come on, man. You gotta understand life. You gotta become a people of understanding, okay? There's a time and a place for those tones. And you know, Solomon's chapter three, if you please ask, it tells you that, okay? So again, tone, the emotion, just be careful of the emotion that you attach to speech. We all have these emotions and we want to tell, I'm gonna tell you this truth and this tone so that you get a little extra, a little extra pudding in that, you know? And just really, you know how it is, okay? It's harsh, but we gotta be careful of our tone. And of course, trust. We wanna be the type of people that can receive, you know, a little bit of vulnerability from other people so that we can cover it and help to fix it, help to repair it. If you can remember these things and more so than just remember them, actually start using them and applying them, okay? Guess what's gonna happen? That relationship is going to be strong. Will it be without trouble? No, of course not. No relationship is without trouble whatsoever. You're gonna have your ups, you're gonna have your downs. But in relationships, okay, in relationships, relationships shift, people grow, people change, people have experiences and those experiences provide emotions. And if there is a disconnect or a time continuum in between those two, people develop assumptions and everybody knows what happens when you assume. I don't even have to say it, okay? We just know that, okay? It's a bad place to be. The way that we stop that is by addressing these experiences. This is why it's so good to be good at communication and speak and to talk and keep that communication alive and well through the entire process of your relationship so that you don't wind up being in the same location, part of the same marriage, but in a different place. Part of the same church, same location, but in a different place. Part of the same friendship, in the same location, but a different place, okay? The way that we avoid that, it's very simple. It's by communication. It's by speaking the truth in love, okay? And when you follow the four T's, it's gonna help you tremendously, I believe, to be able to properly deliver that truth so that you have a better chance of that truth being received as opposed to just being heard and no change whatsoever. So stop it right there for this morning. Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer. Again, Lord, thank you for this church and for all that you have and continue to do for us. We're very grateful for that. Just pray that you bless the fellowship and the soul winning today and bring us back safely tonight. In Jesus' name, I pray, amen. All right, one more song and then we'll be dismissed. In my heart, there rings a melody. Let's sing that out on the first. I have a song that Jesus gave me. It was sent from heaven above. There never was a sweeter melody. Tis a melody of love. In my heart, there rings a melody. There rings a melody with heaven's harmony. In my heart, there rings a melody. There rings a melody of love. On the second. I love the Christ who died on Calvary for he washed my sins away. He put within my heart a melody and I know it's there to stay. In my heart, there rings a melody. There rings a melody with heaven's harmony. In my heart, there rings a melody. There rings a melody of love. On the last. Swill be my endless theme in glory with the angels I will sing. Swill be a song with glorious harmony when the courts of heaven ring. In my heart, there rings a melody. There rings a melody with heaven's harmony. In my heart, there rings a melody. There rings a melody of love. All right, good singing everyone. Let's bow our heads and dismiss ourselves in a word of prayer. Dear Lord, thank you for this time we had to hear your word be preached. Ask you please to help us to remember these things and apply them to our lives. Also ask that you bless the fellowship after the service, the soloing to come as well as the church service this evening. As you may pray, Amen. We're dismissed.