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pastor in the message. In the name of Jesus Christ we pray, amen. Amen. Alright, well we're there in James chapter number 3 and we've been announcing for several weeks now. We're starting a brand new series this morning called Tongue Tied and again usually when we use the term tongue tied we're talking about like a speech impediment, the ability to not get your words out. This series is the opposite. The problem is not that we can't get our words out is that sometimes we get too many words out and we are going to be talking about how to tie our tongues, how to control our tongues. We're going to be spending several weeks looking at the Bible and learning some principles in regards to the proper use and control of our tongue and of course of our words. Now we're there in James chapter 3. This is one of the key passages in Scripture in regards to our words and our tongues. I want you to notice what the Bible says there in verse number 1. It says, My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. That's talking to leaders, spiritual leaders specifically, those of us who stand up and communicate for a living. He's told, hey you know be careful about wanting to become a preacher. What he's saying. He says, be not many masters. You know you want to be careful about wanting to take on the position of a pastor or a leader. You say, why? Because we shall receive the greater condemnation. You say, why is that? Verse 2, For in many things we offend all. And here's the truth, you can't get up, you can't get up, and sometimes, and I'm telling you this because I hope you'll learn this and you'll understand this and you'll have grace with me, you cannot get up in front of a hundred, a hundred and fifty, a hundred and seventy, I think we have 171 or 172 people here this morning, you can't get up in front of that many people and speak for 40, 45 minutes, 50 minutes, an hour, sometimes an hour and ten minutes, three times a week and not expect that at some point I'm going to say something you don't like. I'm going to say something you don't agree with. I'm going to say something that offends you. And this is what he's saying. He said, my brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. You say, why? For in many things we offend all. And then he says this, and he begins to go into this idea of controlling your speech, controlling your words. He says, if any man offend not in word, he said, if it were possible for a person to not offend using their word. And again, I want you to understand that James chapter 3, the subject is about offending with our words. The Bible says the same as a perfect man, enabled also to bridle the whole body. We're going to come back to those statements in a minute. Notice what he says in verse 3. He says, behold, we put bits in the horses mouths that they may obey us, and we turn about their whole body. And this is what James is starting to develop here as he's going through this discussion and these analogies. He's talking about the fact that the tongue is a very small part of your body. It is a little member that holds a lot of power. Notice what he says in verse 4. He says, behold also the ship. So he says, you've got this horse, and if you've ever been around horses, you know that they can be intimidating animals. They are big. They are strong. And he says, but we are able to put a bit in the mouth of a horse, and one individual who's much smaller and a lot weaker than the beast that they are riding on can take full control of that animal by being able to control its mouth. By being able to put a bit in its mouth, it can control what that animal does. Then he says in verse 4, he says, behold also the ships. He said, let me give you another analogy. He said, let's talk about these big vessels in the sea. He says, also the ships, which though they be so great, he said they're big vessels that carry a lot of cargo and merchandise and people. And he says, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm. And again, the idea is that the helm that controls the direction of a ship is very small in comparison to the size of the ship. The bit in the mouth of the horse that controls the horse is very small in comparison to that horse. What he says at the end of verse 4 there, he says, wither, he says, we're able to turn about that ship with a very small helm whithersoever the governor listeth. The word listeth there means wherever he desires, wherever he pleases, wherever he chooses to. Notice verse 5. He says, even so. He says, in the same way, the tongue is a little member and boasteth great things. And here's what James is developing for us as we are going through this passage. He's saying, your tongue in relation to the rest of your body is a very small body part. It's a very small member. The word member in the King James Bible is just referring to a body part. And he says, but it boasteth great things. He says, it has a lot of power and it has a lot of influence. And then he tells us not only that the tongue is a little body part with a lot of power, but then he tells us something that you already know if you've been around for any length of time. And it is this, that the tongue is a little body part that not only yields or wields a lot of power, but it can also cause a lot of problems. Notice verse 5. Even so, the tongue is a little member and boasteth great things. Behold. Notice what he says. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth. And again, he's using an analogy here. He's saying, and we're familiar with this. Living in Northern California, we often hear about wildfires and fires starting in different places. And we know that a huge fire can start by just a very small little fire, a little spark, a little kindling. And he says, how great a matter a little fire kindles. Notice verse 6. He says, and the tongue. Notice how he describes the tongue. He says, and the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. So is the tongue among our members that it defileth the whole body and set it on fire the course of nature and is set on fire of hell. And here's what he's trying to do. You say, man, that's a little dramatic there, James. But here's what you need to understand. James was a pastor. James was a spiritual leader. That's why he's speaking to spiritual leaders. He's saying, if you're not many masters, let me tell you what you want to know about spiritual leadership. A lot of people end up getting mad at you. Let me tell you what you need to know about preaching and teaching and communicating for a living is that sometimes you say things and people take it the wrong way or sometimes you say things you don't even realize that what you've said may be highly offensive to someone and they and they get mad at you and they get upset. And James as a spiritual leader, I'm sure, spent a lot of time communicating with a lot of people, spent a lot of time counseling people, spent a lot of time helping people, and he realized that the tongue is often at the center of our relational problems. And he says, look, I'm trying to emphasize the fact that your tongue, when it's out of control, can be a world of iniquity. He says, so is the tongue among our members that it defileth the whole body and set it on fire the course of nature and is set on fire of hell. Notice verse 7, for every kind of beast, he says, for every kind of beast and of birds and of serpents and of things in the sea is tamed and have been tamed of mankind. And here's what he's saying, and again he's continuing with these illustrations, but what he's saying is this, that for the most part, by and large, human beings have been able to tame the animal kingdom. Now obviously we understand that every once in a while there is some news about a mountain lion attacking a hiker or some wild animal attacking a person, and we understand that those things happen. But by and large, we as human beings are not living in fear today that you're gonna go to bed and some bear is gonna come in your house and rip up your children. You know, we're not living in fear that you have to be careful that some lion's gonna come and and destroy your house. By and large as human beings, as the human race, we have been able to tame the animal kingdom to the point where we're not in fear of them, where we can control them, where they are in their place. He says, for every kind of beast, verse 7, and of birds and of serpents and of things in the sea is tamed and have been tamed of mankind. Notice verse 8, but the tongue can no man tame. It is an unruly evil full of deadly poison. And again, he's not saying that you can't take control of your tongue, but what he's saying is this, that the tongue will never be controlled by mankind. There will never be a time when all of us live in harmony because we've all learned to take our tongues and put them in a location called a zoo, and we go put them in a cage and we go visit them every once in a while and we see them from afar off and we say, there it is, look at it. It's feeding, or look at it, it's sleeping, but it doesn't hurt us. He says, you've got to live with your tongue and you've got to live. Living with your tongue is like living with a wild animal that you may or may not control. Notice verse 8, but the tongue can no man tame. It is an unruly evil full of deadly poison. Therewith, don't miss this, therewith bless we God, even the Father, and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. And you know this is true. You know it is true that you can come to church on a Sunday morning, open up a hymn book, and use your tongue to sing praises to God, and then use that same tongue this afternoon against your spouse to tear them down. You can come to church on a Sunday night and use your tongue to read God's Word, you can use your tongue to praise God's name, you can use your tongue to pray, and then use that same tongue after church to gossip, to backbite, to be bitter, to cause problems. He says that the tongue is this unruly member, the tongue is this wild animal, it's like nothing else. He says, therewith bless we God, even the Father, and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Notice verse 10, and I love how he ends this kind of little talk. He says, out of the same mouth proceedeth blessings and cursings. And he goes on after this verse to talk about the fact that you don't get sweet water and bitter water out of one fountain, you don't get something good and something bad out of one source, but the tongue is not so. The tongue can be used to bless God at one moment and curse men who were created in the similitude of God the next. And he says this is your tongue. He says this is the problem with a tongue that is not controlled. Notice verse 10, he says out of the same mouth proceeded blessings and cursings, and then he says, my brethren, these things ought not so to be. He says it ought not be this way. You say, well what is the answer then? If the tongue really is this unruly member that will never really be tamed by mankind, meaning we will always have problems with our tongues, there will always be relational problems with our tongues, there will be wars that will be fought, there will be young men that will be sent off to different battle zones to die because there was a leader or two that were not able to control their tongues. He said I think you're being a little dramatic. Well James himself would tell us, he said from whence come wars and fightings among you, come they not hence even of your own lusts that warn your members? And he says look your tongue is going to be like a fire that will destroy everything around you if you do not learn to bring it under control. You say what's the answer? Well look at verse 1 again. He says, my brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation for in many things we offend all. Then he says this, if any man defend not in word, he said if it were possible for a man to not offend in word, he said if you could find someone who was able to control their words, he says the same is a perfect man. Now the word perfect there is not talking about perfect in the same way that you and I use the word perfect because when we say the word perfect what we mean is righteous. When we say the word perfect we mean someone with no mistakes, right? The Bible says for there is none righteous, no not one. The only perfect man by our standards was the Lord Jesus Christ but this is not the word that is being used in our King James Bible. The word perfect has a different meaning and often in the English language words will have different meanings and the word perfect can also mean mature, whole or complete. Now you don't have to turn here, let me just read these for you but let me give you some examples of that. In Luke chapter 1 and verse 3 the Bible says this, this is what Luke said at the beginning of his gospel writing, he said it seemed good to me also having had perfect understanding of all things from the very first to write unto thee an order most excellent Theophilus. Luke said I had perfect understanding of what happened so I'm gonna write to you an order, the gospel according to Luke, I'm gonna write to you what it is that happened. He says I have complete or whole or entire knowledge of what happened from the birth of Christ till his ascension and I'm going to write that to you. In Matthew 14 verses 35 and 36, you don't have to turn there, you stay there in James but the Bible says this, and when the men of the place had knowledge of him they sent out into all the country round about and brought unto him all that were diseased and besought him that they might only touch the hem of his garment. It's talking about someone being healed because they touched Jesus and as many as touched were made perfectly whole and you see how those words are used together because the word perfect just means to be complete, mature. Often Jesus would say that faith has made the whole and he would tell someone you have been made perfect. Why? Because they were made complete, they were made mature, they were made exactly how God desired for them to be and here in James we are told that if any man defend not in word the same is a perfect, a mature, a whole, a complete man. Notice say how do you know you're mature? How do you know you're complete? How do you know you're a perfect man in the Lord if you are, notice, and able also to bridle the whole body? Here's what God said, if you can learn to control your tongue you will learn to control your whole body. Just like you put a bit in the mouth of a horse and control the whole body. He says it's the same way with you and I. If we can gain control of our words we can gain control of our lives. Now you're there in James chapter 3 just flip back to James chapter 1 and let me say this an uncontrolled tongue cannot continue for a mature person. You say do I really need this series? I really need to come to church for the next several weeks and have you teach us about how to control our tongues and here's what I'm saying you do not need this series, you do not need to learn these principles and you do not need to apply these principles if you plan to be immature for the rest of your life. But if you'd like to grow, if you'd like to mature, if you'd like to be a spiritual leader, if you'd like to be a leader in any capacity, James says you must learn to control your tongue because only those who control their tongues, those who offend not in word, the same is a perfect and mature man. So if you're here this morning you say I'd like to grow I hope that's why you came to church on a Sunday morning to grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior. You say I'd like to grow in grace, I'd like to grow in maturity, I'd like to grow in my Christian walk, then you need this series, then you need this sermon, then you need to learn to control your tongue. But let me say this if you're here this morning and you say why do I need this? Well an uncontrolled tongue cannot continue for a mature person. If you want to mature you must learn to control your tongue. But let me say this an uncontrolled tongue cannot continue for a religious person. James chapter 1 verse 26 notice what he says if any man among you seemed to be religious. Oh I'm religious I tell people at work all the time. You know they're talking and I'm just like I'm anti-abortion. I'm anti-abortion too. You're a murderer! You say you want to be religious? Here's what here's what James says if any man among you seemed to be religious notice don't miss this and bridleth not his tongue. He deceived with his own heart. This man's religion is vain. And here's what he's saying if you cannot control your tongue you are not a good Christian. That's what he's saying. You say oh I'm religious. Well then control your tongue. Well I want to you know be used of God and show my good works and be able to have that testimony. Well you are deceiving yourself if you are not able to bridle your tongue. And you say well what's a bridle? A bridle is the headgear used to control a horse consisting of buckles and straps to which a bit and the reins are attached in order to control an animal. Here's what he's saying. He's saying you must learn to control your tongue if you plan to have an influence as a religious person and as a mature person. So here's what I'd like to do this morning. You're there in James. Go to the book of Ephesians. Ephesians chapter 4. If you start in the beginning of the Bible of the New Testament you got Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, Romans, 1st, 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians. 1st, 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians. If you can't find it it's the verse in front of your bullet in the front of your bulletin all right so we've got it right there for you. Ephesians chapter 4. And here's what I'd like to do this morning. I'd like to I hope you've been convinced that it is important. It is important for your relationships. It is important for your relationships with others, for your testimony as a Christian, for your own personal growth and maturity to learn to control your mouth and to learn to control your tongue. What I'd like to do this morning is I'd like us to look at Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 29 specifically and I want to show you three bits for your mouth. Three bits that ought to control your mouth as a mature Christian that ought to control your mouth as a religious person all right. Are you there in Ephesians chapter 4? Look at verse 29. I realize that we put on the back of your course of the week the vision offering thing so you have somewhere to take your notes but maybe you can write it on the side of your Bible maybe right there in the in the in next to Ephesians 4 29 you can write these things down but let me give you this warning three bits for the control of your mouth three bits for the control of your mouth number one here's bit number one you gotta ask yourself before you begin to speak before you begin to use your word you gotta ask yourself this question here's bit number one is it true are you there in Ephesians 4 look at verse 29 notice what Paul says he says let no now the word let there means allow he says do not allow he says do not allow let no corrupt that were to corrupt there the word corrupt means with error or dishonesty right sometimes we'll look at a politician say oh he's corrupt what do we mean he's defiled he's dishonest he's not pure he says let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth see the Apostle Paul said do not allow something that is defiled or dishonest to come out of your mouth he says do not allow things that are not true to come out of your mouth so when we're talking about being a mature Christian being a religious person and listen to me I realize that sermons like these are not gonna make me the most popular preacher they're not gonna get the most views on YouTube I get those things but this is what you and I need if we're gonna live our lives as Christians be able to have good marriages and race good have relations with good relations with our children and good relations with our our neighbors and those around us and you got to ask yourself before I begin to speak you should ask yourself is what I'm going to say true is it true why because Paul said let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth now keep your place there in Ephesians chapter 4 we're gonna come right back to it but go to the book of Proverbs if you open up your Bible just right in the center you're more than likely following the book of Psalms right after Psalms you have the book of Proverbs Proverbs chapter number 12 Proverbs chapter 12 is it true before you allow something to come out of your mouth is it true is it true is what I'm about to say corrupt is it defiled is it dishonest or is it pure is it true he says let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth and let me just say this and I'm not dealing with this well I'll probably have an entire sermon on this one subject before it's all said and done but this is one of the major problems with gossip is that we will give out information and we will promote information and we will propel information that we're not even sure is true oftentimes as a pastor people will come to me and they'll say oh yeah let me tell you about X Y & Z or let me tell you about this situation everything let me tell you about this or that and the first question I've learned and my wife and I have kind of developed a habit of the first question we ask is how do you know that let me tell you about what so-and-so is doing how do you know that well so-and-so told so-and-so who told his sister who told his neighbor who told my mom and the problem is that we are we are quick and we are swift to give out information that we're not even sure it's true we're not even sure is accurate we're not even sure that he really did or she really did or they really went or whatever it might be and here's all I'm telling you that's okay if you're immature that's okay if you want to destroy your testimony as a religious person if you want to be known as a hypocrite if you want to be known as yeah they say they're a Christian but you know they're really just a busybody that's fine if that's who you want to be but if you want to have a testimony of maturity you want to have a testimony is pleasing to God you have to learn and develop the habit and put the bit in your mouth that said before the words come out I must know this is it true because it's easy to accuse it's easy well I think he's committing a don't how do you know that and look if someone's committing adultery let's deal with it but don't don't start accusing people you know whatever is here I don't have any I just think you know he just looks like the type of guy is it true is it true you say what because Paul said let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth you learn Proverbs 12 look at verse 19 Proverbs chapter 12 verse 19 says this the lit of truth shall be established forever but a lying tongue is but for a moment he says look there is value in truth and here's what he's saying there's legitimacy in truth the lip of truth the lip of truth shall be established forever and here's what I've learned and you know to say you you know this to be true in fact we teach this to our children we teach our children a little story about a little boy who cried wolf and what we've learned as adult and what I've learned as a spiritual leader is that sometimes people come to me with issues and I think to myself okay whatever because this person is always coming with issues always having a problem always seeing a big conspiracy always seeing something there and then there are other people who when they come to you with something the pastor you know I just want to let you know I I don't have all the pieces I'm just telling you I this is what I know and I think you should know and sometimes people come to me and I'm like whoa I need to pay attention to what this person is saying because they have a habit and a consistency and a reputation of telling the truth the lip of truth shall be established forever so we're talking about bits for your mouth I keep you placed on Proverbs we're gonna come back to it go back to Ephesians chapter 4 you should be have your place in Ephesians 4 29 and in the book of Proverbs we're talking about bits for your mouth what's the first bit what is a bit that shouldn't control your mouth control your tongue control your words as a mature and religious person here's the first bit number one is it true you gotta ask yourself is it true is it true is there any Ephesians 4 look at verse 29 let me give you the second bit Ephesians 4 29 let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth we talked about that is it true but that which is good to use of edifying we'll come back to that statement in a minute I want you to notice the last part of verse 29 that it may minister grace unto the hearers he says don't allow corrupt communication to proceed out of your mouth he said only allow that which is good to use of edifying you say why that it may minister grace unto the hearers the word grace the theological term or definition for the word grace is unmerited favor or undeserved favor we usually think of grace in regards to salvation for by grace are you saved through faith we got salvation though we did not deserve it we got salvation though we did not earn it we got salvation though it wasn't owed to us and no one had to give it to us it was given freely as a free gift here that word is being used to say your words ought to minister grace they ought to minister unmerited undeserved unearned favor unto the hearers so here's the second bit number one is it true number two is it kind are your words ministering grace unto the hearer are your words kind you learn Ephesians for go to Colossians chapter number four if you're there in Ephesians you're gonna go Philippians Colossians Ephesians Philippians Colossians the Bible commands us to be kind be he kind one to another tender-hearted forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you we've been commanded to be kind here Paul tells us that we our words should minister grace unto the hearers they should minister unmerited and undeserved favor and you can just bring it down to this you say how do I know if my words are gracious just ask yourself this are my words kind before you allow anything to come out of your mouth you gotta ask yourself is it true is it kind is it true and is it ministering great you say well they don't deserve it that's what grace is it's undeserved they haven't earned it if you knew her pastor if you knew him if you knew them that you would know and understand that they haven't earned it but that's exactly what grace is you didn't earn it you didn't deserve it you got it freely and unmerited and God says your words ought to minister grace unto the hearers are you there in Colossians 4 look at verse 6 Colossians chapter 4 and verse 6 knows what the Bible says Colossians chapter 4 and verse 6 Ephesians Philippians Colossians Colossians 4 6 says this let your speech be always with don't miss this grace always means all of the time every time your speech ought to always be with grace it always had to be should be unmerited undeserved favor I like this this next phrase I like it because I'm a salt eater he says seasoned with salt you know I like salt I realize you know don't tell me it's gonna be bad for me it's gonna kill me I get it I'm gonna die anyway I'm not planning on living forever but you know you say well what's the point of salt you know I here's why I put salt my food because it tastes good because it brings out the flavor and he says let your speech be always with grace seasoned with salt that you may know how you ought to answer every man here's what he's saying don't answer a man don't answer a matter don't give your opinion don't tell somebody what you're thinking until you've made sure that you're saying it always with grace seasoned with salt here's what it means it ought to taste good they ought to want to receive it they ought to want to take it in and here's what we're saying if you want to be mature and religious you must learn to control your mouth you say how do I do that well you ask yourself before you speak ask yourself is it true ask yourself is it kind now when I preach this the accusation that will come my way from people who don't take the time to ask themselves is it true and is it kind is well pastor you man is you just think that we should never confront anybody with anything wrong well see that's not that's not the point and that's not the truth now you're there in Colossians go back to Ephesians you go backwards past Philippians into Ephesians Ephesians chapter 4 and let me just say this the point is not that we never confront someone or that we never tell say something negative to someone there are times when we must speak the truth remember we asked ourselves the question is it true and sometimes you ask yourself is it true and you say yes it's true yes it's true so therefore I must go confront them I must go talk to them I must go tell them but listen it's not that you need one of these is that you need all of these make sure it's true but then go ahead with the truth and make sure it's kind are there any Ephesians 4 verse 15 Ephesians chapter 4 verse 15 says this but speaking Ephesians chapter 4 verse 15 notice what says Ephesians 4 15 but speaking the truth in love may grow up into him and all things which is the head even Christ see the problem is not speaking the truth the problem is making sure that when we speak the truth we speak the truth appropriately the problem is not telling the truth the problem is that often when we tell the truth you say why I told the truth but did you say it with grace but did you say it kindly but did your words minister grace unto this here the problem is not the truth the problem is speaking the truth in love go to Revelation chapter 2 Revelation chapter 2 oftentimes the problem is not that we confront someone is how we confront someone the problem is not that you have to I have to confront my wife I have to cut confront my husband or I have to cut front my children I have to confront my employee or I have to confront you know this person or that person or this individual there's a problem here the problem is that now look before you do that make sure it's true make sure it's true but then check your attitude check your emotions is it true but then ask yourself is it kind am I ministering grace and this is a problem that we have in fundamentalism because in fundamentalism we are so right I mean we are so right I mean come to me with a doctrine I will have a verse I will have a chapter I can explain to you why we're right about why we believe why we believe what we believe about ask me dispensationalism pre-trib rapture Zionism I mean the reprobate doctrine you just act and the problem is that in fundamentalism I'm talking about those of us who actually read and study the Bible who actually preach the Word of God who actually take the time to make sure that what we believe is found in God's Word and when we preach it we use God's Word to prove it we are so right that sometimes we get arrogant and we become very wrong in our rightness and again you don't have to take my advice if you want to stay immature and unreligious for the rest of your life you go ahead and do that all I'm telling you is this some of you are so right you're just right and you're right and you're right and I'm telling you why you're gonna write your husband right out of the marriage and you're just so right and I'm just right with my children I'm right and they're wrong and they need to know and you may be right but you're gonna write them right out of a relationship with you because the problem is not whether we're right the problem is whether we're communicating it in a right way is it true is it kind and and let me just say this are you better than Jesus because we think my mom's all right I mean it's like Jesus and me or like you know the Father the Son the Holy Spirit and me I mean I am so right all the time about everything and you may be right but all of it but I want you to notice if you're there in Revelation chapter 2 that Jesus was careful with his words now in Revelation chapter 2 we have an interesting passage where we have the Lord Jesus Christ actually bringing rebuke against the churches of Asia and if you have a red letter edition Bible you'll find that Revelation chapter 2 is in red letters because it's actually Jesus in his glorified body bringing a message to the church's major but I want you to notice how Jesus did it look at Revelation chapter 2 and verse 1 he says unto the angel that's the leader that the the word angel there's talking about messenger is what the word means it's talking about the pastor be not many masters because God Jesus gonna hold you responsible and unto the angel of the Church of Ephesus right these things say he that holdeth the seven stars in his right hand walk into the midst of seven golden candles this is Jesus Jesus gonna bring a message to the church at Ephesus here's how you and I would do it you are so messed up you are so liberal I'm so stinking tired of you notice how Jesus does it he says I know thy works and thy labor and thy patience and how thou canst not bear them which are evil and thou has tried them which say they are apostles and are not and has found them liars and as born and as patience and for my namesake has labored and has not fainted I want you to notice that he spends two verses telling them here's what you're doing right here's what I'm proud of her here's what I'm I'm happy you're doing here's some good qualities of yours here's some things that that you're doing correctly verse 4 nevertheless I have somewhat against thee because thou has kept thy because I was left thy first love remember therefore from whence thou art fallen in repent and do the first works or else I will come unto thee quickly and remove that candlestick out of his place except thou repent and it's a he gives them two verses of positive two verses of negative and then notice verse six back to positive but this thou hast that thou hatest of these of the Nicolaitans which I also hate and here's all I'm telling you the Lord Jesus Christ God in the flesh understood that when you communicate with people it's not just about being right it's about being right and communicating it rightly it's about being true and being kind it's about being true and when you can't read the Gospels without getting that of our Lord Jesus Christ look if it was just about being right Jesus could have done that in like two minutes I mean he could have just came down to this earth glad they were together I'm right you're all wrong see you later but that's not how Jesus lived his life he lived his life and in communion and relationship with others why because he was right but he was kind he was right but he was loving him he was right but he was graceful and this is why the Bible says that he was filled with grace and truth and the problem is that you and I often are filled with truth but no grace and the liberals are filled with grace and no truth but Jesus said is it true he said I am the truth he preached the truth but he said I was full of grace let your speech be all the great notice notice what he does to the church in Pergamos verse 12 revelations up to two verse 12 and unto the angel of the church in Pergamos right these things say he which hath the sharp sword with two edges again referring to himself I know thy works and without dwellers even we're safe to see this notice what he says and thou holdest fast my name and has not denied my faith even in those days where an Antipas with my faithful martyr who was slain among you were Satan's well no he tells him something good he said man I'm glad you're holding fast my name you've not denied my faith you're doing a good job you're you're my faithful martyr who was slain among you we're saying well he said good job then he says this verse 14 but I have a few things against thee because thou has there them that hold the doctrine of Balaam who taught Balak to cast a stumbling block before the children of Israel to eat things sacrifice unto idols and to commit fornication so has thou also them that hold the doctrine of the native Nicolaitans which thing I hate go down to verse number 18 notice what and again why don't you notice he tells them something good doesn't look bad nothing positive something negative revelation chapter 2 look at verse 18 revelation chapter 2 verse 18 notice what he says to the church in Thyatira and unto the angel of the church in Thyatira right these things saith the Son of God why this eyes like unto a flame of fire and his feet like unto fine brass I know thy works notice positive and charity and service and faith and thy patience and thy works and the last to be more than the first he said you're doing great in all these areas you're in your work and in your charity in your service and your faith and your patience and thy works he said you're doing better now in those areas than you were when you first started all positive all good verse 20 not withstanding I have a few things against thee because thou suffer is that woman Jezebel which call this is all for profit is to teach and to seduce my servants and to commit fornication and to eat things sacrifice unto idols and he goes on and on to them all the things that they're doing wrong but here's all I'm trying to tell you is you're not better than Jesus and you're not smarter than Jesus and if Jesus understood that before I bring a rebuke maybe I should bring a compliment before I tell someone where they're wrong maybe I should tell them what they're right and here's all I'm trying to help you with parents I'm just trying to help you why won't my teenager listen to me why do they just get so angry and upset and mad when I tell them what they're doing wrong here's all I'm asking have you ever told them what they're doing right have you ever said son listen I'm proud of you you're doing a good job let me tell you where you're doing a good job let me tell you the areas that I think you're doing an awesome job and I'm so proud and when I was your age I wish I would listen honey man I'm so proud of the fact I am so happy that you and let me tell you where and just kind of brag on them a little bit and then nevertheless you know I love you I'm proud of you and I'm for you but I see some things that I'd like to talk to you about see the problem is that we just come with wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong because we're right right right right right and we're gonna write them right out the door and we're gonna destroy our relationships and you're gonna end up divorce and you're gonna end up with wayward kids and it's not that you weren't right it's that you weren't Jesus understood Jesus understood I realize sometimes I get phone calls and I realize whenever this person calls me they're only calling me to tell me what I did wrong I mean I want to I want to man you ever thought about calling me when I did something right why don't you tell you when you do something right really because I might be more apt to receive your correction if all if it wasn't that all I received from you was your correction is it true is it kind you don't have to listen to me I'm just telling you I'm just telling you that if you want to be mature you must learn to control your tongue we're talking about some bits for your tongue is it true is it true is it kind is it kind if all you ever do is tell people what they're doing wrong they're not gonna take it well and if you must correct and if you must confront do it in a kind way and here's what I'm saying you don't have to put people down you don't have to insult them you don't have to belittle them you don't have to be rude or mean to them go to Proverbs keep your keep your place or you can lose your place in Revelation go back to Proverbs if you kept your place in Proverbs Proverbs 21 Proverbs 21 let me make this this point real quickly and I see this as a big problem often with wives and you say wow you're gonna point out the wives the Bible points out the wives and it's not always I can tell you this my wife I've been blessed with a with a wonderful wife and and my wife is so gracious and she has been so gracious with me unmerited favor on earned undeserving favor and I appreciate for it I appreciate her for it but my wife will often look at because we're in ministry we've been doing this for eight years now we've been doing this long enough to where it is we start seeing situations and we'll look at situations and we'll just kind of look at each other and say a couple years they're gonna be in your office a couple years they're gonna be they're gonna be having some issues a couple years they're gonna be having some problems because what what we've learned what I've learned and what we've kind of noticed especially with with wives and especially with young wives is that it is easy for them to continually complain criticize and condemn I don't think you should be saying this well I didn't say God did Proverbs 21 right there the first night it is better it is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop and listen lady I'm not trying to offend you I'm really not look I realize I I preach these things do we're gonna find it I get it I'm not trying to offend you I'm trying to help you if you've ever asked yourself why does my husband says well he spends so much time in the garage why why is he always in the yard why I mean he works all day he comes home he comes in to eat and he's just like wants to be like it why doesn't he want to spend time with me it is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop then with a brawling woman in a white house it may be because your words are not kind Proverbs 21 19 knows what he says it is better to dwell in the wilderness then with a contentious and an angry woman my husband's always wanted to go fishing he's always wanted to go camping he's always wanting and look I'm not if your husband goes fishing around me I'm not saying they hate you okay that's not what I'm saying but when they want to go fishing and camping every week and they want to go hang out with the guys every week and it seems like they're trying to avoid you and get away from you and I'll go to the garage go to my man cave I'm just gonna go hang out in the attic it may be because you are a contentious and an angry woman and here's all I'm saying ladies here's all I'm telling you you say well I wouldn't be so angry if you just wouldn't I wouldn't be so angry if you just but when all you communicate when all you communicate is complaining condemning and criticizing when all you communicate is you didn't you messed up I told you to you didn't and there's never let me tell you what I'm happy about let me tell you why I'm glad I'm married to you and here's all I'm just really I'm trying to help you out because ladies let me let you in on a little secret and you don't know this and I get that I'm just gonna try to help you out so my guys gonna be mad at me but that's okay men are gradual creatures we don't act like it we act like we're big and tough don't you know you tell me I'm gaining weight right don't bother me then they go cry in the shower and here's all I'm telling you men are strong physically they're strong and they've got good qualities and mentally and things but they've got very very fragile egos and when all you do is condemn and complain and criticize and condemn and complain and criticize and condemn and complain and criticize and we watch it especially with young couples we've been doing this for so long because here's what young guys do young guys are weak and they just kind of sit there and take it but you know eventually they get fed up eventually they grow up and they're like I'm not taking this anymore and they show up in my office and it's ours that way so mean because he's been taking it for a long time and all I'm telling you say well should I shouldn't confront my husband by the way husbands same with your wife your children this is what the Bible says provoke not your children to rot I shouldn't confront my children we never said don't confront your children we never said don't deal with issues when they need to be dealt with all we're saying is this when you are going to deal with an issue ask yourself is it true then check your emotions is it kind am I kind am I ministering grace with my words is my speech all way with grace seasoned with salt that it may that I may know how to answer every man let me give you the third bit go back to Ephesians chapter 4 keep your place in Proverbs when you come right back to it go to Ephesians chapter 4 verse 29 Ephesians chapter 4 verse 29 talking about bits for your mouth bits for your mouth what are they number one is it true number two is it kind here's the third bit notice what he says Ephesians 4 29 let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth don't miss this but that which is good to the use of edifying God says when the words come out of your mouth you got to ask yourself are these words going to edify are they going to build up are they going to be helpful so here's the third bit number one is it true number two is it kind here's a third is it necessary is it necessary before the words come out of your mouth ask yourself is it necessary for me to say this is it helpful for me to say this is this going to help my relationship with my wife is this going to help my relationship with my husband is this going to help my relationship with my children is it's going to help my relationship with my employees is this going to help my relationship with my fellow church member the people I serve with my soul-winning partner whatever might be it is this helpful is that necessary for me to say because super posted he said let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth but that which is good to the use of edifying. He's saying make sure when your words come out of your mouth that they're helpful, that they're building, that they are helping someone be strengthened. And you say, how do I know that? Here's how you know that. Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? And here's what it comes down to. Go back to Proverbs 27. And this is why I tell you, it's not one of these, it's all of these. It's not, well, what I said was true. OK, but was it kind? Well, what I said was kind, but was it necessary? Was it needed? Because here's the point. Sometimes the truth is needed. We're not saying don't speak the truth. Just make sure when you speak the truth, it's necessary. Just saying when you speak the truth, it's kind. Proverbs 27 and verse 5 says this, open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. We are not saying, please listen to me. We are not saying, oh, I should never speak the truth. You should speak the truth. Just make sure you do it kindly, and make sure it's necessary when you do it. Make sure it's necessary when you do it. Make sure you are, ask yourself, do I need to say that? Do I need to ask that question? Do I need to know that? Are my words going to help the situation? Are they going to further things along? Are they going to help the relationship? Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Go to Galatians chapter 4. Galatians chapter 4, we're almost done. If you're there in Ephesians, you just go backwards to Galatians chapter 4. And let me just say this. When you are assured that the words that come out of your mouth are true, kind, and necessary, that does not mean, that does not mean, please listen to me, that does not mean that the person is going to receive it well. And that does not mean that the words that are going to come back to you are going to be true, kind, and necessary. So understand that this is not about them, this is about you. How they take it, that's on them. But you need to make sure that your heart is right and that you can stand before God and say, my words were true, they were kind, and they were necessary. Galatians chapter 4, look at verse 16, notice what the Apostle Paul said. He said, am I therefore become your enemy because I tell you the truth? Now remember, this is the same guy who said, speaking the truth in love. I don't believe the Apostle Paul got up here, or got up there and just started railing on people and telling people they were worthless and telling people they were this and telling people they were that. No, no, no, he spoke the truth, but he spoke it with grace. He spoke it kindly. And as a pastor, my job is to rebuke and to reprove and to exhort. But honestly, and I'm not saying I'm perfect at this, and some of you are gonna come up and give me an example, and just, is it necessary? I'm not saying I've been perfect at this because I realize that when you speak in front of people three times a week for eight years, you're gonna say things you regret. You're gonna say things you shouldn't have said. You're gonna say things in the wrong spirit. I will admit that, I will happily take that responsibility. But let me just say this. My job is not to water down the truth. My job is not to just avoid rebukes and avoid reprove. My job is to make sure that when I get up and preach, I preach the truth and I preach the rebukes and the reproves as they are needed, but that they are done in the right attitude and in love. And that you would walk out and say, man, that hurt! But I know he loves me. And here's the thing, if I didn't tell you the truth, I'd hate you. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. So it's not about true. It's about being kind. Not just about being kind. It's about being necessary. Do you need to? Do you need to express that opinion? Do you need to tell? And you see this conversation, you'll see this where one spouse is giving, telling some story, ah, let me tell you what happened on Tuesday. It was Monday. Was that necessary? Does that change the story? Does it change the punchline? Does it change, and here's what I'm saying, before you allow words to come out of your mouth, just ask yourself, oh, it's true, okay? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Is it needed? Is this person going to be led astray on the information that they're getting? Because my husband said it was on Tuesday when it was actually Monday. Because he said it was at 3.15 when it was actually 3.12, I looked at my clock. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Let me give you one last verse, we'll finish up, go to Colossians chapter three. Colossians chapter three. Look at verse eight. Say, wow, pastor, this seems difficult. This is why it is the mark of maturity. Mature people, perfect people, control their words, control their tongues, control their communication. They put bits in their mouth, is it true? Oh, better not go there. Is it kind? Oh, guess I won't say that. Is it necessary? Oh, I guess I'm not gonna have that conversation. Because that's what mature, religious people do. Are you there in Colossians three, look at verse eight. But now ye also put off all these. God says don't have this in your life, don't have this. Some of you, you like drama and you feed off of drama, but God says you don't need that in your life. But now ye also put off all these, anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. Say, pastor, okay, this is nice, great. My problem's not the bit in my mouth. The problem is that sometimes I can't, I just start saying things before I say them. They come out of my mouth before I can ask myself is it true, is it kind, is it necessary? Well, let me just say this. If that's you, you need next week's sermon. Because next week we're gonna learn about a wonderful principle in the word of God. Because you and I wish that God would have given us a rewind button where we could, let me take that back. And God has not given you a rewind button with your tongue, but he has given you a pause button. And we're gonna learn next week all about the pause button, how to stop the words in time to ask ourselves the question, is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer. Heavenly Father, thank you, Lord, for your word. Thank you for the Bible. Thank you for the fact that you give us great principles throughout scripture to teach us how to control every area of our lives. And Lord, I realize that I will stand up here on a Sunday morning and preach a sermon like this. And before the day is over, I'll say something that was not necessary. I'll say something that was not kind. Maybe say something that's not true. Lord, I just pray you'd help us all to realize that we are all, the tongue is untamable, and we need to all work, all day, everything, to control our words. Lord, I pray you'd help us. I pray that you would help our church to be filled with people that are mature and religious, that would bridle their mouths and put bits in their tongue, that we would all learn to ask the questions before the words come out. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? We love you. In the matchless name of Christ, we pray. Amen.