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Amen. All right, we're there in Genesis chapter number two. And of course, for the last several weeks now, we've been going through a series called Happily Ever After. This is actually the 10th sermon in this series. And we're going to continue in this series. We're going to be shifting gears here in a couple of weeks. And we're going to move from marriage to children. But we've been learning about the establishment of a Christian home. We've been learning about marriage and the Christian home. And eventually, in a few weeks, we'll start talking about having children and raising children and, of course, all of those things. And when someone gets married, when you got married, your marriage was a creation of a new family. It was the creation of a new family unit, a Christian home. Hopefully, it was a Christian home. In Genesis chapter 2 and verse 23, the Bible says, and Adam said, of course, this is when God brought Eve to Adam and was proceeding over the first marriage ceremony there. And the Bible says, and Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife. And they shall be one flesh. And this is what marriage is. Two individuals come together. They come into a marriage ceremony as two, and they leave as one. They leave as a family unit. They leave as one flesh. Keep your finger right there in Genesis chapter 2, if you would, and go with me to the first book in the New Testament, Matthew chapter 19. Keep your finger right there in Genesis chapter 2. We're going to come back to it here in a minute. Go to Matthew 19. In marriage, you have this creation of a new family. This is what the Bible teaches. Matthew 19 should be fairly easy to find. The first book in the New Testament, Matthew 19, verse 4. The Bible says, and the answer is said unto them, have ye not read that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female? This is Jesus referring back to what we just read in Genesis chapter 2, verse 5, and said, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife. Notice the wording here. And they twain shall be one flesh. Two become one, the forming of a unit, the forming of a Christian home. And this unit, when it is formed, I think sometimes people get married and they don't really understand it. I told you this story, but I remember when my wife and I had been married, I don't know, less than six months, maybe a few months, we were sitting in a church service and the pastor had asked. And of course, in the churches we grew up with, they would have invitations and things like that. We don't do that here. But he asked for every couple, every person that had left father and mother and had instituted a Christian home to raise their hand, every man to raise their hand. I remember just as a very young man thinking about that and raising my hand, and for the first time realizing that what my wife and I had done was not only gotten married, but we had formed a new family unit, a Christian home. And there's a seriousness about having a Christian home. Twain became one flesh. And when a family unit is created, what I have found is that there needs to be some clear boundaries set for the protection of that home. In fact, that's what I'm preaching about this morning. And we've been talking about a lot of different things in regards to marriage. We began with a sermon on the institution of marriage. We've talked about leadership and submission in marriage and love and reverence in marriage. We've talked about conflict resolution in marriage. And we're just kind of walking through these important topics. This morning I want to speak to you on the subject of boundaries to protect your marriage, boundaries to protect your marriage. And of course, this is applicable to everyone here if you're married. But even if you're not married, if you are a young person and you're going to be married one day, then these are things you need to learn. And maybe you say, well, I'm older, I've never got married, or my kid's already grown out of the house. Well, it's good for you to know these things so you can teach it to the next generation. If you've got children and grandchildren and young people you're investing into, we need to have some clear boundaries. And let me just say this about what I'm going to preach this morning. The lesson, the sermon we're going to go over today really has to do with the most common problems that we find in marriage. I said a few weeks ago, I don't know if you remember, but I said that the big marriage problems, my wife and I have been in ministry now for 11 years. And over the last 11 years, we've done a lot of marriage counseling. I've done a lot of marriage counseling with couples. I've done a lot of marriage counseling with husbands, and she's done a lot of counseling with wives, one-on-one with ladies. And what we have found is that the big problems, the major issues, the ones that typically immediately lead to divorce or separation, those big issues are generally not problems within a marriage. We call them marriage problems, but they're usually single people problems that people brought into their marriage. They're generally not a big marriage problem. What they are is a big problem that one or two individuals had that they brought into their marriage, that they dragged into their marriage, a baggage that they brought into their marriage. Now, that's true. However, let me say this. There are some problems that arise from marriage itself. Now, they're not big problems. They're not going to necessarily lead you immediately into divorce or separation or something like that. But if they go unchecked, they will become big problems. Like anything, small problems that aren't dealt with can become big problems. And over the years, what we have learned, especially when it comes to young couples as they're instituting this new relationship of marriage, that they've got to learn some boundaries in regards to marriage. So I'm gonna give you a very practical sermon this morning. In fact, this is a lesson that I teach to the young couples in, when we go through premarital counseling. And I always say to them, this is, out of all the lessons, this is probably the most just like, when I wrote this lesson, I just kinda sat down one day and wrote down all the major problems that we have to help young couples with. When a new family unit is formed and some boundaries need to be created, these are it. I mean, these are the major, the ones that come up on a regular basis, just kinda things that people need to learn. Of course, if you remember, recently I performed five weddings in five months here at our church. So we've got five newlywed couples running around. And that's one of the reasons I wanted to do this series. You say, why would you do a series on marriage right after you went through all these premarital counseling? Because they weren't listening. And right about now, they're all fighting and it's good for them to hear these things. And it's also an excuse for me to preach this to you because while you laugh at them for fighting, you've been fighting for a long time too. And so it's good for all of us to hear these things. I wanna give you five areas of boundaries, five areas that you need to have some guidelines in in regards to marriage, the most common problems that we see in newlyweds and in not so newlyweds. Now, you're there in Matthew 19. I'd like you to look down at verse number five. I want you to see what the Bible says here, Matthew 19, verse five, and said, for this cause shall a man, I want you to notice this phrase, leave father and mother and shall, notice this word, cleave to his wife. The Bible says, Jesus said that a man shall leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they twain shall be one flesh. This is a quote that Jesus is making from the Old Testament from Genesis chapter two. If you kept your place, go back there to Genesis chapter two if you would. And I want you to notice this is what Adam said when he first married Eve, when God brought Eve and they entered into a marriage union, Genesis 2 24, therefore shall a man, I want you to notice the word, leave his father and his mother and shall, notice this word, cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. From these verses and other verses, but from these verses I want you to notice that there is a biblical marriage principle and it's often referred to or we refer to it as the leave and cleave principle. When somebody gets married, when two individuals get married, what they are supposed to do is they are supposed to leave father and mother and they are to cleave unto their wife or unto their spouse. It's the leave and cleave principle. I think it's interesting that this is highlighted throughout the Bible, that marriage is when a man leaves father and mother and he shall cleave to his wife when two individuals leave their parents and cleave unto their wife. Now what's interesting about that is because when it comes to the formation of a new family unit and to the boundaries that need to be set within that unit in order for them to succeed, the first thing that we've noticed over the years is that there need to be some boundaries set in regards to the in-laws, boundaries with the in-laws, in regards to the father and mother of both spouses. Now here's what you need to understand. When you get married, when you got married, you young people, let me just talk to you that aren't married, it's easy to preach to you, you're not married and we'll just let everybody that's married listen. When you get married, you are not marrying an individual. Whether you like it or not, you are marrying into someone's family. Now oftentimes I'll have two young people sitting in front of me in a premarital counseling session and I'll make the statement and they'll have this little smirk on their face like all 18 and 19 year olds and 20 year olds have, like they think they know everything when they don't. And they think to themselves, this isn't gonna be a problem for us, we don't have an issue with this, it's just me and her or it's just me and him, it's just us against the world. And it may feel like that when you're dating, and let me just be honest with you, when you're dating and when you're engaged and even when you're newlywed, it may seem like it's very easy to ignore the in-laws, ignore the other family, not move along in that direction, burn bridges, be a jerk, all those things seem easy. But let me tell you something, there is an event that is more likely to come in most marriages that is going to change all of that and it is called grandchildren. And the moment that you have grandchildren, those in-laws that you've been rolling your eyes at and ignoring and doing those things are going to become very interested in your marriage. So please understand something, when you get married, you're not marrying an individual. Whether you like it or not, you are marrying into someone's family. And if it's not a big deal to you while you're dating or you're newlyweds, it'll become very apparent how big of a deal it is once grandchildren show up because grandparents have a tendency to really care about their grandchildren. In fact, they usually care more about their grandchildren than they cared about their own children. So when it comes to boundaries, and it's because grandchildren are better, obviously, they're grand, right, that's why they're called that. When it comes to boundaries with in-laws, let me just give you some rules. Now, look, I'm gonna give you some biblical verses here and then a lot of this is gonna be some practical teaching, things that we have found to help people. You can take it or leave it, but we have learned that these are things that help individuals in their marriage. When it comes to boundaries with in-laws, what are some good rules of thumb? When we're talking about boundaries, these are some guidelines, things that you should hold to and that you should try to not cross. Number one, never speak negatively about your spouse to your parents. Never speak negatively about your spouse. I'm talking to married people here, young people that maybe your parents are still in the picture. Never speak negatively about your spouse to your parents. It is a common thing and it is a normal thing for a young lady who is frustrated with her new husband to maybe speak negatively about her husband to her parents or a young man who's a little disillusioned with his new bride to maybe speak negatively about his bride to her parents. But I'm here to tell you that a boundary that you should set in your marriage, whether you're newlywed or not, is to never speak negatively about your spouse to your parents. You say, why? Here's what? Here's what I've learned in marriage counseling and I've learned it, I'll be honest with you, the hard way. And here it is. Couples fight and they usually eventually get over it. And when they get over it, they forgive each other and they forget and they move on. However, when you talk negatively about your spouse to your parents, they as parents are less likely to forgive and forget. And one lesson that I had to learn the hard way, my wife and I had to learn in marriage counseling is that in marriage counseling, we have to just stay neutral. I should say, we have to stay neutral. You say, why? Because you can't allow yourself to get sucked into sides here because you say, what happens when you take a side? Well, couples eventually get over it and then they turn on you. So you say, so what do you do? Marriage counseling, I'm just hostile the entire time. I'm against everybody. I'm not your friend here. I'm here to upset everyone. I'm here to tell you all where you're wrong because what you find is couples, they'll hate each other. And then like two hours later, they love each other, but they hate everybody else. And when it comes to your parents, you should not involve them in your fights. And here's the thing, your parents, because they are your parents, are less likely to forgive and to forget. They're less likely to just brush that off, that thing that you've now forgiven, that thing that's now not a big deal. So never speak negatively about your spouse to your parents. Number two, never involve your parents in your marriage problems. Never involve your parents in your marriage problems. The main reason, again, that you don't want to involve your parents or your in-laws in your marriage problems is, again, because as parents, they have a very difficult time maintaining neutrality. And because of that, they're always going to be in the flesh, they're going to be biased, and they're going to see it from their daughter's perspective or their son's perspective. So for that reason, I never advise that you involve your parents into your marriage problems. Now, I realize sometimes people have marriage problems and they need to talk to somebody and they need some guidelines and they need some help. I understand that. But I'm here to tell you something. That's why God gave you a pastor and a pastor's wife. And you say, well, I don't have a pastor and a pastor's wife, then get one. Because God has put spiritual authority or wants spiritual authority in your life, individuals that you can go to that are going to maintain neutrality, that are going to maintain confidentiality, that are going to hear you out, that are going to be honest with you and tell you the truth, but not be sucked into your lies and because you're my baby or whatever. Hey, you need all that, but it's not your parents. It's not your parents that should be involving themselves into counseling your marriage problems. Now, obviously, parents can give advice and there's nothing wrong with asking advice of parents. But when it comes to, you know, you're having issues within your marriage and you need to talk to somebody, you need some counseling, you need some correction in some areas, we advise that you not involve your parents in your marriage problems. Number three. As much as possible, deal with the problems with your own parents. In marriage, as much as possible. This is something I teach this, I teach this to every young couple. I think this is, when it comes to the boundaries with in-laws, this is probably the most important one. As a rule of thumb, let your spouse deal with whatever problems arise with their family and you deal with whatever problems arise in your family. Don't get involved in, look, if there's a problem, there's a husband or wife and the husband's parents are just causing issues or problems, then that husband needs to deal with his parents. If there's a wife and her parents are overstepping and crossing lines of boundaries, then that wife should deal with her parents. I don't advise that you mix those things. You say, why? Here's why. First of all, you didn't grow up in that home. You didn't grow up in those dynamics. You haven't dealt with conflict like they've learned to deal with conflicts and they're more likely to get mad at their own kid and then eventually forget about it than they are you. So, as much as possible, deal with the problems with your own parents. Don't get involved with his parents or her parents. Let them deal with it because they can get mad at their kid and then they'll forgive and forget, but if they get mad at you, it might just be this thing where it just ruins the whole family and everything's giving us awkward and whatever. Number three, do not be dependent on your parents. Now, there's nothing wrong with your parents being a blessing to you by helping you out financially or helping you with the kids. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think it's good for parents to be a blessing to their adult children and to help them, especially when they have grandkids, to help with the grandkids and all of that. Nothing wrong with that, but there does come a place where it crosses a line and here's what I tell young couples is when you need the financial help of your parents or when you need, because when it comes to being dependent upon your parents, there are two areas that you need to be careful about. The first is financially. Be careful about getting financially dependent on your parents by them helping you too much financially, but the second one is parentally. Be careful about you getting parentally dependent upon your parents with them helping you too much with those kids. Now, there's nothing wrong with them helping you financially. There's nothing wrong with them helping you and watching the kids and you guys going on a date night, nothing wrong with that, but when it comes to the point where you need grandma to watch the kids or you just don't know how you're gonna survive or you need their financial help, hey, you've crossed a line that is inappropriate. The whole point is that you're supposed to be a separate entity. Twain shall become one flesh. You're supposed to leave father and mother and cleave unto your wife and here's the thing. If you need mom and dad, then don't get married. You've gotta grow up at some point and again, I'm not saying, because people take things out of context sometimes. Go to Exodus if you would, Genesis, Exodus and they'll say, pastor, sir, I can't even talk to my parents. That's not what I said. I think it's fine for parents to be a blessing to their children, to help their children, to love their children, to help them with the kids. There's nothing wrong with that, but there does come a point where you cross a line where it's not healthy and by the way, it's good for young couples to struggle. It's good for young couples to struggle and have to just figure it out. I tell this story a lot and I don't know why my dad denies it. He says he doesn't remember having this conversation but I remember this conversation very vividly because my wife and I got married when we were 18 years old. I was 18 years old, which by the way, I don't recommend that and I got married two weeks after I graduated high school and again, I don't recommend that. It's just what we did and it worked out for us but I've seen it not work out for a lot of people and I remember when we were getting married, my dad taking me out into the garage and having this conversation with me, he sat me down and he said, look, I need you to understand something and he explained to me this principle. The Bible says when you get married, you're gonna leave father and mother, you're gonna cleave unto your wife. You need to leave and cleave and when you get married, you're gonna form a separate unit. We're gonna cut the umbilical cord and I was like, uh-huh, I'm sure I was treating him the way that young couples treat me in premarital counseling like, uh-huh, yeah, I know, right, that's what all teenagers say, I know and he said, no, no, no, let me be clear about something. When you get married, you're not coming back here. I was thankful for that. When it comes to in-laws, by the way, let me just say this to you in-laws and I realize I'm gonna just start. I'm starting here because I just wanna offend you, everybody, and it's gonna be an offensive sermon, right? So if you're easily offended, put a seatbelt on. When it comes to in-laws, stay out of your adult children's lives. I'm not saying don't ever talk to them. I'm not saying don't buy them Christmas gifts and be a blessing to them or offer to watch the kids every once in a while or whatever but don't mix yourself into their drama or into their issues. You need to have this understanding when they got married. Look, dad, listen to me. Your time to be overbearing, overly involved, overly absorbed, wanting every detail, all of that needed to happen before the day that they walked down an aisle and said I do. You understand that? Once they say I do, once the question is asked, who gives this woman to be married to this man? And the father says, her mother and I, at that point, you need to back off. Now look, here's the problem that I find with couples is that mom and dad, while the kids are getting married, just ask no questions, don't get involved, don't care, are just into their own life, and then after they get married, then all of a sudden they wanna become extremely overbearing and extremely wanting to know and how much money does he actually make? Well, you should've asked those questions before they got married. And look, and people think I'm joking. Hey, before they get married, call references, do a background check, follow them around, ask to see W-2s and vague statements. I'm going too! But once they're married, you know what? It's honey, that's a choice you made. You leave father and mother, you cleave unto your wife. Here's a great example of one of the greatest father-in-laws in the whole Bible, Exodus chapter 18. A man by the name of Jethro. Exodus chapter 18, look at verse one. Exodus 18, verse one. By the way, Exodus 18, Jethro, the father-in-law, gives some great advice to Moses about delegation and leadership, and I'm not even gonna touch that this morning, I just want you to see this. When Jethro the priest of Midian, Moses' father-in-law, heard all that God had done for Moses and for Israel, his people, and that the Lord had brought Israel out of Egypt, then Jethro, Moses' father-in-law, notice what it says, I love this. Here's what a father-in-law did. Took Zipporah, Moses' wife, after he had sent her back, and her two sons, of which the name of the one was Gershom, and he said, I have been an alien in a strange land, and the name, and he goes on. But I want you to notice, apparently, according to this verse, Moses' wife, Zipporah, had been sent back. Now, if you remember when we talked about conflict resolution and we was talking about these things, remember, we learned that Moses and Zipporah had a pretty bad fight, remember that? They had a pretty bad fight, and apparently, at some point, they had such a bad fight, that she said, I'm going home to dad, and he said, good riddance, and he sent her back home. And what does Jethro, this godly man, this godly father-in-law, what does he do? He does what every godly father-in-law should do. He brings his daughter back to her husband. Are you okay, are you hurt, okay? You guys were fine, oh, you're fine, okay? Not nothing physically, okay? We're gonna bring you back home. You say, pastor, when your kids are grown, and they're married, and they call home, and they say, I wanna go home, yeah, you are home, click. Look, you need to, as in-laws, support the marriage of your children. Not sit there, oh, tell me everything he did wrong, honey. Tell me everything she's doing wrong. Oh, yeah, no, of course she doesn't cook like mommy does, of course she doesn't, no, that's ridiculous. When it comes to in-laws, you oughta have some boundaries. Never speak negatively about your spouse or your parents. Never involve your parents in your marriage problems. As much as possible, deal with the problems with your own parents. Do not be dependent on your parents. In in-laws, you stay neutral. Remember, that's the lesson I learned the hard way. Stay neutral on these things. And say, look, I'm sure it's not right. I'm sure it takes two to tangle. I'm sure he's not perfect. I'm sure you're not perfect. I'm sure she's not perfect. I'm sure you're not perfect. You guys need to figure it out. We're here to help, but we're not gonna get involved into your drama. You have a pastor, you have a pastor's wife. Don't you have all those premarital counseling notes? And there's a whole sermon series for you to listen to. Hey, help them, but maintain neutrality. Number one. I don't care if you amen me or not. I'm amen myself. You don't like it because you know this is what you need. Number one, you need to have some boundaries with your in-laws. Number two, let's move on. That one didn't go very well. Let's go to the next one. Go to Proverbs 25, if you would. Proverbs 25. Open up your Bible just right in the center. You're more than likely to find the book of Psalms. Right after Psalms, you have the book of Proverbs. Proverbs 25. Not only should there be boundaries with in-laws, but number two, there ought to be boundaries with friends. Proverbs 25, look at verse 16. Now, the verse I want you to see is verse 17, but I want you to get the context that verse 17 is in. Proverbs 25, verse 16. Has thou found honey? Question mark. Honey is a good thing. The Bible says, hey, did you find honey? And of course, this is in reference to someone walking through a field or wilderness or something and they find some honey. Has thou found honey? Notice what the Bible says. Eat so much as is sufficient for thee. The word sufficient means what is adequate or what is enough. He says, look, if you found honey, nothing wrong with honey. Honey is good. Each as much as is sufficient, as much as is adequate, as much as is enough for thee. But then he says, don't eat more than is sufficient. Notice, lest thou be filled therewith and vomit. He says, look, honey is a good thing, but there isn't such thing as too much of a good thing. He says, look, if you find honey, eat it. Eat as much as is sufficient, eat as much as is adequate, but don't eat too much because lest thou be filled therewith and vomited. So in Proverbs 25, 16, we find this principle that says there's nothing wrong with some things, but there is a such thing as too much of a good thing. Now that's the context in which we find verse number 17. Notice what he says. Withdraw, the word withdraw means to remove or take away. Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbor's house. Why should I withdraw my foot from my neighbor's house? Here's why. Lest he be weary of thee and so hate thee. The word less means unless he be weary. The word weary means to grow tired of, unless he grows tired of thee and so hate thee. What is the Bible teaching here? The Bible is saying that there's nothing wrong with having friends, nothing wrong with spending time with friends, nothing wrong with spending time with your neighbors, but you want to be careful because there is a such thing as too much of a good thing. You can spend too much time with your neighbor. You can spend too much time with your friends. When it comes to marriage, there needs to be some boundaries with the in-laws, and there needs to be some boundaries with friends. Now remember, we started, keep your place right there in Proverbs. We're gonna come back to Proverbs. Keep your finger there and go with me to the book of 1 Timothy. If you find the T books in the New Testament, they're all clustered together, 1 Thessalonians, 1 Timothy, Titus, 1 Timothy. Remember, we started the sermon with this concept that when you got married, you began a new family unit. You established a Christian home. Now, let me say this. When you did that, I'm talking about to single people. When you did that, your life priorities should have or needed to have drastically changed because the priorities of a single young man and the priorities of a married young man are vastly different. The priorities of a single young lady and the priorities of a married young lady are vastly different. Let me let you in on a little secret. The priorities of a single young adult are extremely selfish. But when you get married, that all changes. Now, let me just help you out with the priorities. What should be the priorities of a married person? What should they be? Well, number one, of course, God first. The Bible says, seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. The Bible says that in all things, he should have the preeminence. That should be for everyone. Our number one priority is God, God first. But when you get married, your number two priority should be your spouse second. Your spouse second. And by the way, you say, well, God should come before my spouse. You will be a better spouse when God comes first. But your spouse should be your number one human priority and relationship in this world. I say human relationship because God is your number one priority. Number one, God first. Number two, spouse second. Number three, children third. You say, well, children should come after their spouse. You know, the best thing you can do for your kids is to put your spouse in a priority before them. But your children need to be a priority. Then church fourth. Church should be a priority. Now, notice that God and church are not necessarily the same thing, although they are obviously closely tied together. Number five, work fifth. And then number six, and last, friends. When you were single, here's how it went. You first, friends second, and then that was it. When you get married, or hopefully if you're a godly young person, God first, you second, friends third. But when you get married, it should be God first, spouse second, children third, church fourth, work fifth, friends last. And I'm just here to tell you something. When you get married, friends go from a high priority to the lowest priority, to a priority that is so far down the list, we sometimes forget about it. Because look, when you're single, when you're young, when you're a teenager, friends are so important, friends are so important. But as you get older, friends become less and less important, and you've got some other priorities. Now, here's what happens. I explained this to single, young people getting ready to get married, newlywed couples, and they get the smirk on their face, you know, the, I'm smarter than everybody here. My friends can be as much of a priority as my wife, or my husband, it'll be fine. And then I smirk, you know, the smirk of, you're an idiot. Because I think to myself, the Lord has this beautiful balancing act. You know, the Lord has this beautiful balancing act. Because you get married, and you're like, I can do it all, and I don't need anybody, and they'll tell me what to do, and that's all for old people. And then God gives you this little baby, this beautiful baby, that doesn't give a rip about you. They don't care that you didn't sleep. They don't care, look, they wanna be fed, they wanna be held, they wanna be changed, and all of a sudden, life gets into perspective. Because God gives you these little children, and all of a sudden, they're like, no, no, I'm here to remind you that you're not important anymore. God gave you to me as a gift, and you're supposed to take care of me. So if you haven't learned the lesson, just wait till you have a kid. But let me just say this when it comes to priorities. God will never give you responsibilities that conflict with each other. People say to me, well, we gotta come to church because we need family time. No. God will never give you responsibilities that conflict with each other. You should be able to do all of these things in life. Put God first, your spouse second, your children third, church fourth, work fifth, friends last. You should be able to cover all of those things in your life, and if you're having trouble covering all those things, it's because you've got some other priorities in there that you need to remove. When it comes to boundaries, you need to put your friends in their proper place. I realize that friends were really important at one time in your life, but I'm just here to tell you something. Once you get married and you start having children, those friends become less and less important and less and less of a priority. So when it comes to boundaries with friends, number one, put your friends in their proper place. I'm not saying to hate your friends. I'm not saying to not spend time with your friends, but just realize that they're not going to be as important in your life as a married man or as a married woman as they were at one point in your life. Put your friends in their proper place. Number two, no friends of the opposite sex. I realize we live in 2022 and people hear me say that and they think that you're just a dinosaur and whatever, but you know what? This is what the Bible teaches. You should not, when you get married, look, here's a major difference of a single person and a married person is when a single person was single, it was appropriate for a guy, when you're single, it's appropriate for a guy to have male friends and female friends. No problem. When you're single, it's appropriate for a lady to have male friends and female friends. Let me tell you something. The minute you get married, all those friendships, these other male friends for a lady or these other female friends for a guy, they're done. They're over. You become cordial acquaintances and that's it. First Timothy chapter five, look at verse one. So if you're like, sometimes you hear people say some guy and he's like, I'm married and then my best friend is this girl, this other girl I work with. No, no, no, you're wrong. Your best friend is your wife. We're not best friends. Then you should have married the other one. First Timothy five, look at verse one. Notice how God in these two verses about to detail the relationships within a church house, within a church family. Rebuke not an elder. Now the elder there in First Timothy is being used in two different ways and at the same time. One is in reference to a pastor who's spiritually the elder but also in reference to an older man. And the Bible defines an elder woman or an elder man as someone who's 60 years old and up. Sorry, for those of you that, you're offended by that. This is what the Bible says, okay? Don't shoot the messenger. Rebuke not an elder but entreat him as a father. So like in the church house, in the church family, how are we supposed to treat the elder man? The pastor, the elder spiritually and then also men that are physically elder or older. We're supposed to entreat them as a father. Supposed to treat them like a father because we're a family. Notice, and the younger man as brethren. What's a younger man? A younger man, according to the Bible, is someone who's below 60 years old. You're welcome to those of you that benefit from that. That's a younger man. What are we supposed to treat them as? As brethren. That's why we say brother so and so, sister so and so, why? Because we're a family and we're supposed to treat the older or the elder as fathers, the elder man as fathers, the younger man as brethren. Notice verse two, the elder women as mothers. Supposed to treat the ladies that are older in our church as mothers, notice, and the younger women as sisters, right? That's why it's sister so and so, brother so and so. Now, here's what's interesting. In this whole thing here, because this is Paul speaking to Timothy. Now, we don't know how old Timothy was, but we know that he was old enough to be called a young man because Paul told Timothy, let no man despise thy youth, but be thou an example of the believer. Here, Paul is talking to Timothy about the relationships within church and he says, look, rebuke not an elder, but entreat him as a father. He says, treat the older men as fathers and the younger men as brethren. Treat them like you treat a brother. The elder women as mothers, and he says, the younger as sisters, and then he throws in this little caveat that he didn't throw into the other relationship because Paul's speaking to Timothy, a young man, and he says, treat the younger as sisters, and then he says, with all purity. He says, treat them like a sister, but maintain purity. Real life, purity has to do with sanctification or separation. He said, make sure you're very careful when you're treating the younger as sisters because why? Because there needs to be this purity that happens between individuals of the opposite sex that are not married to each other. Look, one of the families that we have here at our church that we love very much are obviously Brother Vijay and Miss Joyce, and we love them and we respect them, we appreciate them, and Brother Vijay was a pastor in India years ago, and Miss Joyce was a pastor's wife, and my wife and I enjoy spending time with them and getting counsel from them and advice from them, and Miss Joyce will often give my wife counsel in regards to being a pastor's wife and a lot of times just encouragement, and every week that Brother Vijay and Miss Joyce are here, I enjoy seeing them on the way out. Of course, we see them sometimes during the week, and Miss Joyce gives me a hug. She embraces me every week, and there's nothing wrong with that. You know who I hug here at our church? My mom, Miss Joyce, sometimes my sister, you know? You say, is there anything wrong with that? Nothing wrong with that, but I'm not gonna hug another 37-year-old lady. I'm not gonna hug some 30-year-old lady. You say, why? Because we're supposed to treat the younger as sisters with all purity, and so something I advise as couples is to, when it comes to friendships and boundaries, is to have no friends of the opposite sex. Now, let me just say this. It's okay to have couple friends. You know, you're a couple, a husband and wife, and you have friends that are also a couple, a husband and wife. There's nothing wrong with that, but where a husband just has this female friend, just him and her alone, or some wife has some male friend, just them alone, that is inappropriate, and that is gonna lead you down the wrong path. So when it comes to boundaries with friends, you should put your friends in the proper place. When it comes to boundaries with friends, you should have no friends of the opposite sex. You're there in 1 Timothy 5. Look down at verse number eight. Let me give you boundaries with careers. Remember, I'm giving you five different areas for boundaries. Number one, boundaries with in-laws. Never speak negatively about your spouse or your parents. Never involve your parents in your marriage problems. As much as possible, deal with the problems with your own parents, and do not be dependent on your parents. Number two, boundaries with friends. Put your friends in the proper place. No friends of the opposite sex. Number three, let's talk about boundaries with careers. Boundaries with careers. 1 Timothy 5 and verse eight says this. But if any, provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. So, number one, husbands, your job is to have a job. All right? The Bible says that the men are supposed to provide not for his own. It says, if any, provide not for his own, especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. But let me just say this, husbands. Realize this about your job, that your job is a means to help you achieve your God-given purpose. Say, why do you say that? Here's why. Men have a tendency, because they have this God-given, innate desire to compete, to win, to achieve something, and God gave that to men, and praise God for it. But sometimes they get themselves wrapped up into their job, and into their work, and into their career more than they should. Just like you have to put your in-laws in a proper place, just like you have to put your friends in a proper place, you need to put your job in a proper place, and here's the proper place of your job. Realize, men, that your job is a means to help you achieve your God-given purpose. Your God-given purpose on this earth is not to do whatever it is that you do to make money. You make money to fulfill the God-given purpose that God has given you of providing for your wife, providing for your children, raising a Godly seed, being a faithful man in your house and in the house of God. That's your God-given purpose. Your job is just a means to help you achieve that God-given purpose. So when men get wrapped up into their job, and everything's about their job, and they're climbing that career ladder, and they gotta do more and accomplish more. Look, I hope that you do more. I hope you accomplish more. I hope you have big goals, and I hope you work. God gave that to you. You need to have a desire to win and to achieve and to succeed. All that's great. And by the way, if you're a man and you don't have that, then you need to get your testosterone check. You need to stop smoking weed. Whatever it is that's making you a loser, you know? Men should want to go and win something, achieve something, succeed something. But have a balance and don't let that get out of control. Because when your job starts getting in the way of you being a good husband, you put the cart before the horse. When your job starts getting in the way of you being a good father, you've got your priorities messed up. Your job is a means to help you achieve your God-given purpose. Look at verse 14, 1 Timothy 5 and verse 14. Wife, your job is to stay home and raise the children. 1 Timothy 5, 14, I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. The Bible says here, Paul says, here's God's will for the life of a woman, that she marry, bear children, guide the house. Now, the advice that I give, and again, look, I realize I'm upsetting everybody today. All right, welcome to Verity Baptist Church. It's what we do. It's my spiritual gift, actually, to offend people. What I advise is that women stay home, especially when they're raising children. When you're raising children, you ought to stay home. Now you say, well, I can't, we can't do that. We can't afford that. Okay, well, come back next week and we're gonna talk about money and marriage, and I'm gonna teach you how you can actually be a one-income family in this world. You know, we'll talk about that for at least one week, maybe two. But the point is this. Now, some of you ask me, what if my kids are grown? What if my kids are out of the house? You know, here's the thing with that. The Bible says that you should marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. The Bible defines sin as the transgression of the law. If there's a lady who, her kids are grown and out of the house and she's not actively raising children and, you know, she goes and works a part-time job somewhere or has a job somewhere, I'm not gonna sit there and call that a sin. I will tell you this, my wife will never do it and I don't necessarily advise it, but I don't necessarily see that as a sin. But if you've got kids at home and you're shipping them off to some daycare or some government institution, you know, you are not doing what God has called you to do, which is to raise those children. You say, I don't like that. Well, take it up with God. I will, therefore, that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. Now, when it comes to jobs and work, realize that men and women are different. Men tend to identify themselves through their career, which is why they sometimes get caught up in their career a little too much, while ladies tend to identify themselves with their families. If you ever watch two men meet for the first time, just step back and observe that. Or if you ever watch two ladies meet for the first time, step back and observe that, because what you'll see is this, when two ladies meet for the first time, they ask questions like, oh, how many kids do you have? Or, let me tell you about my grandkids. When two men meet, they ask questions like this, what do you do for a living? And the reason that they ask these questions is because that's where their heart is. And there's nothing wrong with that. God created men to work, God created women to be mothers and to nurture. And look, we live in a society today that has tried to brainwash us into just having this lie that men and women are the same, and they are not. Male and female created he them, the Bible says. He created us differently. So you oughta have boundaries with your career. Husbands, your job is a means to help you achieve your God-given purpose. Wives, your job is to stay home and raise your children. While they're in the home, you should do that. And look, if you say, well, I didn't do that, and I've never heard this type of preaching before, and my kids already know, I'm not, look, I'm not trying to beat you up, okay? That's not the point. Obviously, if you didn't know that, that's not something that was taught to you or preached to you, then like the apostle Paul says, forgetting those things which are behind, reaching forth into those things which are before, then just follow the Bible where you find yourself in your life. But look, I have to preach these sermons because we have young people in this church, young couples and a lot of teenagers that are gonna be married in the next five or 10 years, and these things need to be taught to them. So have some boundaries in regards to your career. So number one, boundaries with in-laws. Number two, boundaries with friends. Number three, boundaries with careers. Number four, boundaries with extracurricular activities and hobbies. Boundaries with extracurricular activities and hobbies. Go to 1 Corinthians chapter 13. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, Romans, 1 Corinthians. 1 Corinthians chapter 13. When it comes to extracurricular activities and hobbies, there ought to be some boundaries. Now, let me just start by giving you some pastoral advice. And look, I give this pastoral advice. People don't like it. People tell me they don't like it. People send me emails telling me they don't like it, and I'm still gonna say it, okay? You should, you say, I don't like what you say. You should, thank the Lord that you have a pastor that tells you the truth whether you wanna hear it or not. Amen. Amen. But I'll tell you this. This is my personal opinion, and you can take it or leave it. You can do what you want with it. Doesn't make a difference to me. But let me just, and look, there are people, there are good Christians that disagree with me, and that's fine. There are pastors that disagree with me. That's fine. I'm not here to judge other people and to try to put myself over authority of people that I don't have authority over. But as your pastor of this local church, I'm just giving you my pastoral advice to my church people. And when it comes to extracurricular activities and hobbies, my personal opinion as the pastor of this church, you can take it or leave it, is that married men should not be playing video games and that married men should not be going to public gyms. I realize people don't like me to say that. But my opinion is that you don't need to be going somewhere, guys, where a bunch of women are wearing tight clothing and exercising or whatever. I didn't say I'm against working out. I didn't say I'm against exercising or whatever. You should do that. But I'm just telling you my opinion, if your wife is complaining about you spending all night playing video games, don't come talking to me thinking you're gonna get some sympathy from me. If your wife is not comfortable with you going to some gym, don't come thinking you're gonna get sympathy from me. That's my opinion. And that's why I advise young men and young couples. First Corinthians 13 and 11. I love this verse. My sons, we have a program with my sons where they're memorizing verses and they just memorized this verse recently and they quoted it back to me this last Friday. And it did so much good to my heart. Honestly, it brought so much joy to my heart to hear my sons quote this verse. First Corinthians 13 and 11. I think every man should memorize this verse. When I was a child, I spake as a child. I understood as a child. I thought as a child. I played video games like a child. No, I'm sorry, that's not in there. But when I became a man, I put away childish things. You know that there are childish things? There are things that children do and it's okay for children to do. I'm not saying video games is one of them. I'm against video games for everybody. You don't like it, take it over my dad. He never let us play video games. When it comes to hobbies and extracurricular activities, now look, I realize that I live, my wife and I, maybe we live a stricter life or whatever. You're liberal. That's between you and God. I'm not. But let me just give you some guidelines. At the very least, everybody should be able to agree on these guidelines, okay? Number one, whatever your extracurricular activities are, whatever your hobbies are, your spouse needs to be comfortable with whatever you're doing. And you say, well, my spouse isn't comfortable with what I'm doing. Okay, well then, rewind the sermon back to the priorities because remember, your God is your number one priority and your spouse is your number two priority in life, your number one human priority in this world. So if your spouse is not comfortable with whatever you're doing, then you need to stop. And if it's causing marriage problems, then you need to stop. You say, well, my wife doesn't care if I do whatever. Then my husband doesn't care if I do whatever. That's between you and your wife. But I'm just telling you, here's some guidelines with some boundaries with extracurricular activities and hobbies, your spouse needs to be comfortable with whatever you're doing. And if it's causing marriage problems, then you need to stop. Because, and look, there are some things, let me just teach you something. I remember reading a book years ago on the subject of time management and really it was about managing ourselves within time. And the author of the book was talking about how he had this hobby that he had for years and years where he would fly planes. And there's nothing wrong with that. I think that's a cool hobby, to fly planes. But when he started, it was a very expensive hobby and it was a very time-consuming hobby. And when his wife, when he got married, it was fine. But then when he started having children, his wife never said anything to him about stopping or not doing that anymore. But he just started having this conviction in his heart about spending every Saturday hours away from his family, flying these planes. And he just came to this conclusion that, you know what, while his children were at home and while he was raising children, they need to become a priority and he needs to just stop doing that. You know, that's a very mature. I teach people this, sometimes the answer is no, but sometimes the answer is no for now. No for now, but not forever. There are things that my wife and I want to do, we have dreams to do, projects and goals and things that we'd like to accomplish and produce. And sometimes we just have to remind ourselves, well, it's just no for now. Because in the season of life that we find ourselves in, God has given us these children, these children need to be our priority. And your spouse should always be your priority. So let me add one more to the hobbies thing for your pastoral advice, is that I don't believe that a husband should ever have a hobby that takes him away from his children. If your hobby or your extracurricular activity is taking you away from your children, then you need to find a new hobby. And you should find a hobby you can do with your kids. You only have these kids for 18, 20 years in your home. Spend time with them and love them and be with them. So we talked about boundaries with in-laws, boundaries with friends, boundaries with careers, boundaries with extracurricular activities and hobbies. Number five, go back to Proverbs chapter 14. We're almost done. I'm gonna give you this last one, then we'll have a conclusion and we'll finish up. Number five, Proverbs chapter 14. Let's talk about boundaries and arguments. Boundaries and arguments. Now here's the thing, in marriage, you're probably going to argue. It's inevitable. We talked about it last week. We spent two whole sermons on the subject of conflict resolution in marriage. So look, I taught you how to deal with it. When it happens, I taught you how to avoid it. The point is it's gonna happen. Proverbs 14, 25, he that is slow to wrath is of great understanding, but he that is hasty in spirit exalted folly. All right, so if you're going to fight, then there should be some boundaries within your fighting that you don't cross, all right? You say, what are they? Number one, never physically hit each other when you argue. Never physically hit each other when you argue. This should be a boundary that you do not cross. And obviously, if you're a man, you should never raise your hand to a woman. You should never hit a lady. You should never hit a woman. That is never acceptable. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are. There will never be a circumstance that makes that an appropriate action. In fact, the only time that it's ever, that it may be appropriate to hit a woman is when that woman is a man. And obviously, we live in a different society now where you have to make that statement. But other than that, you should never hit a woman, period. But let me just say this. In years of counseling that my wife and I have done, because we've been doing this since September of 2010, I have found that there are just as many women that beat their husbands as there probably are men that do that also. And look, ladies, that's not appropriate either. Now look, if you're a man and your wife's hitting you, obviously, never respond to that, never react to that. But let me just say this. You don't have to sit there and take it. You can walk away. You can get yourself out of that situation. But look, you gotta just make it a rule in your marriage that you're never physically gonna hit each other, never gonna raise a hand to each other in that type of way. Number two, boundaries and arguments. Number one, never physically hit each other when you argue. Number two, never go spend the night somewhere else when you argue. This is a common thing that people wanna do. They're fighting with their spouse, so they're gonna go spend the night on their friend's couch, or they're fighting with their spouse, so they're gonna go spend the night with their parents. Never do it. And by the way, parents, never allow them to do it. Never go spend the night somewhere else when you argue. Because remember, the Bible says, let not the sun go down upon your wrath. You shouldn't even be going to bed till you've fixed the situation. So fix it. If you gotta stay up all night working on it and reconciling, then stay up all night and do it. But never go spend the night somewhere else when you argue. It's a dangerous thing to do. Here's a quote for you. Couples that sleep apart grow apart. So never physically hit each other when you argue. Never go spend the night somewhere else when you argue. Number three, never use the word divorce when you argue. We've talked about this. I won't make a big deal about it. The Bible says that God hateth putting away. And just don't use that word. Don't use it as a threat. Don't even bring it up. That's off limits. Go ahead and fight. If you gotta fight, fight. But don't bring up divorce. Don't ever hit each other. Don't go spend the night somewhere else. Follow these boundaries in marriage. Go to Deuteronomy 24. Deuteronomy 24. You have Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy. Deuteronomy 24 is the last place we'll look at. We'll finish up. Deuteronomy 24. We've been talking about boundaries in marriage. Boundaries to protect your marriage. Number one, boundaries with in-laws. Never speak negatively about your spouse or your parents. Never involve your parents in your marriage problems. As much as possible, deal with the problems with your own parents and do not depend or be dependent upon your parents. Boundaries with friends. Put your friends in the proper place. No friends of the opposite sex. It's okay to have couple friends. Number three, boundaries with careers. Husband, your job is a means to help you achieve your God-given purpose, nothing more. Wives, your job is to stay at home and raise those children. Number four, boundaries with extracurricular activities and hobbies. Your spouse needs to be comfortable with whatever you're doing and if it's causing marriage problems, you need to stop. Number five, boundaries and arguments. Never physically hit each other. Never go spend the night somewhere else. Never use the word divorce in an argument. Deuteronomy 24, verse five. Notice what the Bible says. We'll finish up right here. When a man had taken a new wife, this is a newlywed couple, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business, but he shall be free at home one year and shall cheer up his wife, which he hath taken. This is a scripture that we have in the Old Testament and obviously we don't live under the Old Testament law or the nation of Israel, but there's a good principle here. And the Bible's saying that when a young man and a young lady got married, that they were supposed to take a year to really spend with each other and to really lay the foundation for their marriage. Now, I don't believe that this passage is saying that this guy took a year off of work. I don't believe that's what it's saying. It's not saying that like, oh, he, you know. Well, pastor, that's why I wanted to go live in my in-law's basement so I didn't have to work. It's like, no, you're already, there's so many problems there, we don't even just listen to the sermon as many times as possible. It says when a man had taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business, but he shall be free at home one year and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken. What it's saying is that he doesn't go off to war or he doesn't take on any new business or something that's gonna keep him busy away from his family. So here's the final challenge that I give all young couples and all newlyweds. And maybe if you're having a rough time in your marriage, maybe you're not so newlywed, but you can learn from this principle. Learn from this principle of taking at least a year to focus on your marriage. And here's what I often suggest to young men when they're getting married. I do not think it's a good idea to enter into some new time-extensive project right after you just got married. So if you're gonna get married and then go start some business or get married and go back to school and get your degree and get married and do some major time-extensive thing, that's not a good idea. Whenever there is transition, there will be tension. Whenever there's transition, there will be tension. Marriage is a transition. It's two becoming one. And as a result, there's gonna be some friction. There's gonna be some growing pains. There's going to be some tension. So you wanna give yourself at least a year of just focusing on your marriage, focusing on each other, focusing on, obviously you're gonna go to work, you're gonna go to church, all those things. But before you take on some new, major, big project time-extensive thing. Now, for some of you, in the next couple weeks when we're talking about finances and you're struggling financially, you've been married for a few years, I'm gonna say to some of you husbands, you gotta go start a business and spend some time working and make some money to provide for your family. Okay, but when you first get married, the Bible teaches us here. He shall be free at home one year and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken. So focus on your marriage. Give time to your marriage. Make it a priority. Good marriages don't just happen. Good marriages happen because people put work into it, put effort into it, and put some boundaries around their lives to protect those marriages. Let's bow our heads in that word of prayer. Heavenly Father, thank you, Lord, for your word. Thank you for these principles that we can learn from the word of God. Lord, I realize that some of these principles are not popular, I get that. But I do believe that they are biblical and I believe that they would help people. And Lord, I pray that you would help people to learn and to grow, especially young couples and younger couples that maybe have not been married as long. You would help them to put some of these thoughts and ideas into practice. In the matchless name of Christ, we pray. Amen.