(Disclaimer: This transcript is auto-generated and may contain mistakes.)

Amen. Alright well we're there in Esther chapter number two and of course last week we started this series entitled for such a time as this and it is a verse by verse study through the book of Esther and this series is not a series on marriage it is a study of this book and we're going to get into the life of Esther and Mordecai and all these different things that they dealt with in this book but the first two sermons do have to do with marriage because the book begins with this marriage crisis of King Ahasuerus and his wife Vashti in fact if you would just go back to Esther chapter 1 verse 19 just to get a little bit of the context Esther chapter 1 verse 19 the Bible says this if it please the king and if you remember these are the not so good counselors of King Ahasuerus speaking they're giving him counsel here they said if it please the king let there go a royal commandment from him and let it be written among the laws of the Persians and the Medes that it be not altered that Vashti come no more before the king so they advised him for to have separation from his wife they advised him to separate that Vashti come no more before the king Ahasuerus and of course we talked about it last week the whole dilemma there Ahasuerus was not showing love to his wife his wife was not showing reverence to him notice what it says there it says and let the king give a royal estate unto another that is better than she so not only did they advise for separation they advised for remarriage and this morning I'm gonna speak to you on the subject of separation divorce and remarriage and I want you to understand that I don't know that Ahasuerus necessarily divorced Vashti because in these days of course they would just practice polygamy he would separate from her and just marry someone else however today in our society separation and remarriage would include divorce and the Bible speaks a lot about this subject if you go to Esther chapter 2 and look at verse number 1 I want you to notice something very typical about married couples and something I've learned in counseling over the last 10 years something my wife and I have learned in counseling over the last 10 years something I would advise you if you ever find yourself counseling somebody is to never take sides in a conflict between a husband and a wife and it's always good to stay neutral and I always tell people when I counsel with them that I am not for or against either of you I'm against all of you I'm against both of you and I will be your enemies at times and that's okay I don't need you know I'd like people to like me but I don't need you to like me I really only need my wife to like me and as long as Jesus likes me and my wife likes me I'm good and and my kids you know hopefully my kids like me but I want you to notice something that's very typical about married couples Esther chapter 2 verse 1 the Bible says this after these things when the wrath of King Ahasuerus was appeased the reason you don't want to and look you in-laws you've got kids that are married grown grown and married don't don't get in between their conflicts you say why here's why married couples eventually get over it they fight and then they make up but when you get involved then they turn on you the Bible says after these things when the wrath of King Ahasuerus was appeased notice he was mad for a while right he was upset that she had publicly humiliated him but then the Bible says that his wrath was a peace conflicts eventually pacified people fight and then they stop fighting and things get calm again notice he remembered Vashti I want you to notice those words he already in in the heat of the battle he proclaimed that he would separate from her that he would remarry his friends gave him this bad counsel and then but then when when when it all pacified when they're all appeased the Bible says he remembered Vashti and what that means is that he missed Vashti he loved Vashti he remembered Vashti and what she had done he remembered what had brought this about and what was decreed against her and notice what happens in verse 2 with his friends then said the king's servants these are again the not so good counselors that ministered unto him they realized that the king misses his wife and this would have been a great opportunity for them to say hey you should ask her to forgive you you should forgive her you should try to reconcile but instead here's what they said they said let there be fair young virgins sought for the king they he says he starts thinking about his wife and missing his wife he remembered Vashti and what she had done and what was decreed against her and they said well we can't have this let's go find a new wife let there be fair young virgins sought for the king and next week we're gonna develop this idea of what happened to Esther and how Esther got involved in this and this was not something that Esther wanted to be involved in something that she had no choice in the matter but today I want to speak to you on the subject of divorce and separation now keep your place there in Esther we're gonna come back to it but go to the book of Romans if you would in the New Testament Matthew Mark Luke John Acts Romans Romans chapter number seven and while you turn there I'll go ahead and just give you some thoughts and introductory statements in regards to divorce we are told that 50 to 60 percent of marriages today end in divorce and we're also told that divorce rates are not any better among Christians with that said I realize that when I stand here this morning and preach on the subject of divorce that there are several of you and maybe many of you who have experienced divorce in your life and I want you to know that I am not preaching the sermon to try to beat up on you and I'm not preaching the sermon to lay a guilt trip on you if you've been divorced in your past then that's something that you need to confess to God asking to forgive you and move on the Bible says forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forth unto those things which are before if you've been divorced and remarried then you need to stay married to the spouse you're married to the purpose of this sermon is not to try to guilt you or make you feel bad and there's always the temptation every time you stand up to preach to say well you know people have been divorced in our church so maybe I shouldn't preach about that but honestly people have lied in our church so should I not preach against lying you know people have done everything in our church that you know that the Bible talks about we're all sinners but here's what I know about those of you that I have been divorced because sometimes you preach these sermons and people get offended but let me say this and if you've been divorced and I'm not asking you to say this out loud or raise your hand or anything like that but I I know this people who have experienced divorce people who have experienced divorce and I've spoken to many of you about this and they've done extensive studies they've they've done many sorts of questionnaires people who have experienced divorce consistently rate going through divorce as one of the most traumatizing experiences of their lives so and and when asked when people who go through divorce are asked is this something that you would want your children to go through the consistent answer is no and if you're here this morning and you've been divorced and you would say yes it was traumatizing yes it was difficult and no I wouldn't want it for my children then you should thank God that there is a pastor who is willing to stand up and preach what the Bible has to say about it you should not sit there and make it all about yourself and beat yourself up you should make it all about the future generation we've got all sorts of young people in this church we've got all sorts of young couples in this church we've got all sorts of married couples in this church that need to know what the Bible says about divorce and marriage these sermons are needed for young people young couples young young current couples who may get divorced if they don't hear preaching like this so this morning I'd like to give you just a comprehensive and complete idea of what the Bible teaches on the subject of divorce I'm going to give you four thoughts this morning I'd encourage you to write these down you might be able to use these one day when you're helping somebody struggling in their marriage and I would want you to be able to jot down these notes and and have the references to go along with them on the back of your course the week there's a place for you to write down some notes and we're there in Romans chapter 7 and I'll begin this there's a first statement or first point if you want to write down I want you to notice the biblical elimination of divorce the biblical elimination of divorce and what do you say what do you mean by that the Bible tells us the Bible teaches us that the concept of divorce should be eliminated from our minds and our hearts as Christian married couples the Bible teaches that marriage is till death do us part if you're there in Romans chapter 7 like you notice verse 1 the Bible says this no you're not brethren for I speak to them that know the law how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth Romans chapter 7 notice verse number two for the woman for the woman and again I want you to understand this whenever we read these chapters and we're talking about marriage you can swap in woman with man and all of that and the Bible does that even for us throughout Scripture in Romans 7 to the Bible says for the woman which hath been husband is bound by the law and the law he is referring to the law of God to the commandments of the Lord for the woman which have been husband is bound by the law to her husband notice these words so long as he liveth but if the husband be dead she is loose from the law of her husband according to the Bible the Bible teaches that death is the only thing that brings us out of marriage marriage is till death do us part the Bible says that if her husband be dead she is loose from the law of her husband but the woman which hath been husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth go to 1st Corinthians chapter 7 this is found all throughout the Bible I'll give you a couple examples we're in Romans 7 if you turn over one book to 1st Corinthians chapter 7 we'll see it again this is why when we do a marriage ceremony we have vows that say for richer or poorer in sickness and in health for better or worse till death do us part and by the way you know we've got all sorts of dating couples in our church right now and that's good but you know let me just say this this is one of the reasons why at Verity Baptist Church we do not allow for all these little trendy vows that people always want to do I tell people if you want to do your little trendy vows about Rose or red vials of blue you're so amazing you know I am too or whatever you can do that but we will do that after we do the traditional vows because we want you to stand before God and your family and your spiritual family and say these words till death do us part because the Bible teaches that marriage is for life 1st Corinthians chapter 7 verse 10 and unto the married I command yet not I but the Lord this is the Apostle Paul's way of saying this is not a suggestion let not the wife depart from her husband that's divorce separation notice verse 11 but if she depart let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband we'll come back to that later notice these words and let not the husband put away see those words put away that's our King James Bible way of saying divorce the words put away in regards to marriage mean divorce in our Bible it says let not the husband put away his wife notice verse 39 same chapter 1st Corinthians chapter 7 verse 39 the wife is bound by the law notice as long as her husband liveth but if her husband be dead she is at liberty to be married to whom she will only in the Lord and the Bible teaches here that look when you're married is till death do us part and if a spouse dies if a husband dies and a wife is now a widow well now she's at liberty to marry whom she will only in the Lord means of course that the Bible teaches that you should marry someone who's a Christian if a wife dies and you have a man who's now a widower then he's free to marry but other than that the Bible teaches that marriage is till death do us part go to Matthew chapter 19 if you would first book of the New Testament should be fairly easy to find Matthew chapter 19 and look at verse number 3 Matthew chapter 19 and verse 3 Matthew chapter 19 and verse 3 notice what the Bible says here we have the Pharisees coming to Jesus Matthew first book in the New Testament chapter 19 verse 3 the Bible says this the Pharisees also came unto him tempting him the words tempting him there mean they're testing him they're trying him they're trying to get him to say something wrong and saying unto him notice the words they ask notice the question they ask is it lawful and again they're asking is it wrong is it a sin because the Bible defines sin as the transgression of the law you say what is sin when we go out soul winning and we preach the gospel to people what is sin sin is the transgression of the law the transgression of God's law when we break God's law we've sinned and here the Pharisees are asking they're saying it is it lawful is it a transgression of God's law is it a sin for a man to put away again those words mean to divorce his wife notice they asked this question for every cause just for any reason just for whatever you want notice verse 4 and he answered and said unto them have you not read and by the way let me just say this this is usually the problem usually the problem with Christians is they've just not read that's why we do things like nine chapters a day and he answered and said unto them have you not read that he which made them at the beginning this is referring to Genesis this was the verse that was in the front of our bulletin he that made them at the beginning made them male and female and said for this call shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they twain shall be one flesh and the Bible refers to marriage as becoming one flesh becoming one person notice verse 6 where for they are no more twain twain means two individuals he says when you got married you you you came into that marriage ceremony as two but you walked out as one wherefore they are no more twain but one flesh and I want you to notice these words what therefore God hath joined together let not man put asunder what does the Bible teach about marriage you know what the Bible teaches about marriage is it teaches that it's still death through the spark what does the Bible teach about marriage what the Bible teaches about marriage is this that you cannot unwun what God has made one that man has no business trying to put asunder trying to separate what God has made one flesh we're gonna come right back to Matthew 19 here in a minute but go with me if you would to the book of Malachi it's the last book in the Old Testament it's the book right before the book of Matthew Malachi chapter 2 and I want you to look at verse 15 why don't you notice that God is very consistent about his thoughts and beliefs and his teaching on divorce Malachi chapter 2 and verse 15 notice what the Bible says you're there in Matthew we're gonna come right back to it but just flip back to Malachi chapter 2 and verse 15 the Bible says this and did not he make one and again this is referring to marriage they are no more twain but one flesh what therefore God hath joined together let not man put us in asunder Malachi chapter 2 verse 15 notice what the Bible says and did not he make one yet had he the residue of the spirit then he says this and wherefore what now here's this is really interesting because God's about to tell us what the purpose of marriage because the word wherefore means for what reason or for for this reason he says and wherefore one he says did not he make one did not God say that man shall leave father mother and cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh many says here did not he make one then he says and wherefore once he says why did God institute marriage why did God take twain and make them one here's why that he might seek a godly seed you say what's the purpose of marriage purpose of marriage is to have children purpose of marriage is to raise children for the glory of God and did not he make one yet had he the residue of the Spirit and wherefore one that he might seek a godly seed sometimes people say they'll say things like well you know we're gonna get divorced because at this point if we stay together you know we'd only be staying together for the children and they say like that like a negative thing like that just well we'd only be staying together for the children well then stay together for the children you're saying it like it's a bad thing the whole reason you got married was for the children some of you had the children before but anyway you got married so good that he might seek a godly see therefore take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth I want you to notice the words in verse 16 for the Lord the God of Israel sayeth that notice these words he hateth putting away is that powerful there's not lots of things the Bible tells us God hates there's there's there's I mean there's things the Bible definitely does is God hates but it's not like just every other verse God is saying I hate this I hate that but here the Bible says for the Lord God the God of Israel saith he hated putting away the Bible says that God hates divorce for one covereth violence with his garment saith the Lord of hosts therefore take heed to your spirit that you do not treacherous the biblical teaching on divorce is that you cannot unwun what God has made one the biblical teaching on divorce is that marriage is till death do us part the biblical teaching on divorce is that God hates divorce go back to Matthew chapter 19 look at verse 9 Matthew 2 19 verse 9 Matthew chapter 19 and verse 9 the Bible says this Matthew 19 and verse 9 the Bible says and I say unto you and I say unto you whosoever shall put away his wife the words put away again referring to divorce whosoever shall put away his wife except that be for fornication we'll come back to that here in a minute and shall marry another what are these words committeth adultery and who so marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery I realize that this is not preaching that is heard often today anymore but I'm not gonna apologize to you for preaching the Word of God the Bible teaches that divorce and remarriage is adultery the Bible teaches that when somebody gets a divorce whosoever shall put away his wife except to be for fornication and shall marry another when somebody gets a divorce and marries another he is committing she is committing adultery and and and then it says and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery so the Bible teaches this concept of biblical elimination of divorce marriage is till death do us part you cannot unwun what God has made one the Bible says that God hates divorce the Bible says that divorce and remarriage is adultery but I'd like you to notice secondly this morning not only the biblical elimination of divorce but I'd like to notice the biblical exception for divorce now you might say well wait a minute I thought you're preaching against divorce now you're gonna tell us an exception for divorce and you know what I'm preaching to use the Bible I have to preach the Word of God to you and the Bible teaches that there is an exception for divorce and honestly I will say this people always think that they're the exception to the rule and here's the truth and don't take this the wrong way I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but you're not that special the Bible says there is no new thing under the Sun but people always think well my situation is different I'm the exception and I can tell you this there is only one very specific exception for divorce in the Bible and I'm fairly certain that probably note that it applies to nobody in this room and I'll explain it to you Matthew chapter 19 and verse 7 the Bible says this and and I wouldn't even bring it up if it wasn't for the fact that I know that somebody is gonna come up to me after the service and say well what about here Matthew 19 verse 7 the Bible says this they say unto him why did Moses then command to give the writing of divorcement and to put her away notice how divorce and putting her away is used synonymously or interchangeably it means the same thing he says unto them Moses because of the hardness of your hearts because of your stubbornness suffered now notice in verse 7 they said why didn't why did Moses then command and Jesus comes back as the word suffered our King James Bible means allowed he says most of my command you he allowed you to those are two different things suffered you to put away or divorce your wives but from the beginning it was not so Jesus that this was not God's intended plan for marriage and at the end of the service we'll talk about God's intended plan but look verse 9 and I say unto you these are the words of Jesus whosoever shall put away divorce his wife and then here's here's what somebody would bring up to me if I didn't deal with it in the sermon except it be for fornication and shall marry another committed adultery and whoso marrieth her which is put away does commit adultery people will often go back to this verse and they'll take this phrase where Jesus said except it be for fornication and they'll say well look right there there's an exception okay here's what I want you to understand this is the exception this is the only exception and often people will try to twist this passage into saying well my spouse committed adultery so therefore I've got a basis biblical basis to divorce them well the problem with that is that that's not what this verse says his wife it says except it be for fornication doesn't say adultery well maybe Jesus didn't you know maybe he didn't know the difference between fornication adultery really because just a few words later he says and shall marry another committed adultery Jesus obviously had both words in his vocabulary he used both words in this very verse he says except it be for fornication he says there is one very unique very specific exception in the Bible for divorce and it is fornication and if you get divorced for any other reason and marry another Jesus says you're committing adultery see well what is this what is this exception for fornication go the book of Deuteronomy if you would in the Old Testament Genesis Exodus Leviticus Numbers Deuteronomy Deuteronomy chapter 24 and I'll explain this to you fornication by the way is when two people engage in a physical relationship before marriage that's why adultery is not a basis for divorce adultery is when someone commits a physical relationship outside of marriage they're already married fornication is single people having physical relationship before marriage the Bible says Jesus said there's one exception for divorce except it be for fornication you say okay well you know what does that mean it means that somebody could divorce some of somebody if they find out that that person fornicated or was with somebody else before marriage but I want you to notice this isn't something this is something that God specifically tells us has a time frame Deuteronomy 24 once you look at verse 1 Deuteronomy 24 verse 1 notice this word when you should underline that word or circle that word when when is a word that gives us the time frame there's an exception for divorce in the Bible well when is it well I'm about to tell you when a man hath taken a wife now when a man has taken a wife what do we call that a wedding a marriage right so when a guy gets married when a gal gets married does this say 20 years later because you're come because you're no longer compatible when a man hath taken a wife and married her and it comes to pass that you find no favor in his eyes like oh well here we go that's this is this is my marriage okay because because notice it's not just you were not the Pharisees here can a man put away his wife for any every cause no no and it comes to pass that she find no favor in his eyes because it's a very specific reason why because he had found some uncleanness in her then let him write her a bill of divorcement and give it in her hand and send it her and send her out of his house and when she is departed out of his house she may go and be another man's wife you say what is this referring to the word uncleanness and I don't want to spend a lot of time in this and I don't want to get graphic of course the word uncleanness is a word using the Bible to refer to disease the way you and I would talk about it today would be like an STD the idea here and what the Bible is teaching here is that you have these young couple that got dated and got engaged and and and got married and and both were under the assumption that the other was a virgin that they had kept themselves pure for marriage and then this young man marries a wife takes a wife and on the night of the wedding night the night in which they're gonna consummate the marriage he finds some uncleanness in her the Bible says at that moment before the consummation of the marriage when a man had taken a wife he can say you know what you deceived me I this I wasn't signing up for this this is not something I'm comfortable with and he can write her a bill of divorcement and give it in her hand this must happen before the consummation of the marriage by the way let me just say this this doesn't apply both of you have committed fornication this doesn't apply if the person you are engaged with was already honest with you and already told you that they have been with somebody else and you said it's fine and you moved on with it this only applies when someone has lied and said yes I'm a virgin yes I've never been with some with anybody they go and get married they go have the wedding night and then it's clear well you've been with somebody there's uncleanness in you then the Bible says you can write a bill of divorcement before the consummating of the marriage so look unless you got married yesterday or you know you got married this morning and and and you find about find out about someone cleanness tonight this doesn't apply to you this is not this this is not grounds for divorce for you there's a very specific situation that most marriages are not going to are not going to be applied in go to Deuteronomy 22 if you would you're there in Deuteronomy 24 go to Deuteronomy 22 I'll show it to you even further Deuteronomy 22 another example of this I want to just clearly teach this because I don't want anybody saying well what about that except for fornication that doesn't apply to you if you already consummated the marriage that doesn't apply to you you've been married for 10 years that doesn't apply to you Deuteronomy 22 look verse 13 if any man take a wife again the same idea they get married if any man take a wife and go in unto her and again the wording here is referring to the consummating of a marriage and hate her and give occasion of speech against her and bring up an evil name upon her and say I took this woman and when I came to her I found her not a maid the word maid in our Bible means a virgin and we'll see how that word is used interchangeably here in in the Bible he's here we're talking about a man gets married he goes in unto his wife to consummate the marriage and then he says he comes back out and he says I found her not a maid I found her not a maid look verse 15 then shall the father of the damsel and her mother take and bring forth the tokens of the damsels virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate look verse 16 and the damsels father shall say unto the elders I gave my daughter unto this man to wife and he ate of her and lo he has given occasion of speech against her saying I found not thy daughter a maid by the way let me just say this the Bible teaches it's a speech against you young person to not be a virgin something to be ashamed about it's not something like again if you've already crossed that line I'm not beating you up you confess it forsake it and move on but for those of you that have not crossed that line you maintain your purity notice verse 17 and lo he has given occasion of speech against her saying I found not thy daughter a maid notice in verse 15 he said that he did not find her the damsels virginity he said I found her not a maid then he says here are the tokens of damsels virginity then he says in verse 17 I found not thy daughter a maid so these words are being used interchangeably a maid is a virgin and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity and they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city and the elder city shall take that man and chastise him so here's what he's saying somebody goes in to concentrate the marriage and they come back out saying I didn't find her a virgin I did not find her a maid if the parents can prove no she is a virgin look verse 18 and the elders that city shall take that man and chastise him and they shall immerse the word immerse means to punish by imposing a fine immerse him in an hundred shekels of silver and give them unto the father of the damsel because he has brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel look it's not a good thing to be known as someone who's easy or sleazy and she shall be his wife and notice he may not put her away all his days look the only time in the Bible that someone was allowed to put away their wife was if they got married but before they consummated the marriage and in the Bible we find that people will get married and they have these seven-day weddings or they have these long weddings where in our society it all happens in one day but in the Bible what happened over a period of time and when they got married they were married they made vows they signed the contract but they not yet consummated the marriage and they found that the other one had fornicated had been with somebody else then they could write a bill of divorcement and get divorced before they consummated the marriage this is what the Bible biblical teaches this is the only exception for divorce in the Bible go to go back to 1st Corinthians chapter 7 and let me just say this here's a perfect example of this of this a very famous example of this that you've heard about the story of Joseph and Mary I mean Joseph Mary is my case in point go read Luke chapter 2 go read Matthew chapter 1 the Bible is clear that she was espoused that they were married Joseph was the husband Mary was the wife but the Bible says they had not yet come together and Mary was found with child now obviously we know that it was a virgin birth it was of God Mary had not been with anybody but Joseph didn't know that and and none of us can really fault Joseph for thinking you know when he finds that Mary is pregnant for thinking she'd been with somebody obviously this is something that happened on human history one time you know so so Joseph is under the assumption like well obviously she's been with somebody she's married you know God had to send an angel to explain to Joseph hey Joseph you know this is of God and the Bible says you know but Joseph the Bible says that being a just man he was minded to put away Mary it doesn't even say that he had made the decision you're just thinking about you know should he do this because you know just because the Bible says you could even in this situation doesn't mean you had to you could always just forgive them you could always just show mercy and grace and that's even what Joseph was even minding thinking about doing and God sends an angel so there's an exception in the Bible and again I'm only even dealing with it because I want to be clear that you're not the exception I mean unless you again unless you've not consummated the marriage and you find out you know she's pregnant or he has some disease or whatever that this exception does not apply to you 1st Corinthians chapter 7 so I said number one this morning there is the biblical elimination of divorce the Bible says marriage is still death to his part Bible says you cannot un one what God has made one that will says that God hates divorce well so that divorce and remarriage is adultery then there's a biblical exception for divorce the biblical for exception for the force is this for fornication which is something that was done before marriage and is it is before consummation of the marriage if you've already consummated the marriage is so death to his part here's point number three let's talk about the biblical expectation if you divorce so okay well what it what if my what if my spouse leaves me you know what if what if they just leave me what if they abandon me what if they leave and I can't stop them and then then what okay well the Bible look the Bible answers all our questions 1st Corinthians 7 look at verse 11 notice what the Bible says but and if she depart they're saying you know here's a guy and and his wife leaves them but and if she depart the Bible says let her remain unmarried so the wife leaves then she is to remain on Mary so the Bible teaches that if if you get a divorce if you separate from your spouse you know there's an expectation from God for the Christian believer there's two options for you one option option number one if the wife says I just gotta leave I can't stay with him if she depart okay well let her remain unmarried what's option two will notice or be reconciled to her husband you got two options and let not the husband put away his wife you can remain unmarried or you can be reconciled to your spouse you can remain unmarried or you can rescue house yourselves because here's the thing God understands that people are gonna get divorced and and there are situations where people are gonna leave and let me just say this because you know I've been preaching this for ten years now I already know what you're gonna ask me on the way out so let me just answer all your questions obviously we would never tell a woman who either she or her children are legitimately in danger due to her husband you know beating her or maybe her husband's a rapper bae and her children are in danger to stay with their spouse but look and look I'm gonna be honest with you I'm gonna try to be as careful and as gentle as I can anyone who's in a legitimate danger for themselves obviously we want to help them and we're never gonna tell them no you know I realize your husband's a pedophile but you need to take your seven-year-old daughter back to him obviously we never say that but at the same time understand that there are lots of people who when they want to get divorced they find any reason he's abusive okay well did he hit you well he you know made fun of me three years ago it's like okay well no and look I'm not trying to be little I'm just telling you God God puts this real serious thing in here because here's what happens most of the time women are like or men they're like oh you know my husband's abusive my wife's abusive I'm gonna leave them they're already on Christian mingle they've already got their account going on their dating sites you know somebody somebody walks into my office my wife and I meet with some lady and she's like you know I'm fearful for my life with my husband I'm for my children he's a reprobate you know you know what my wife and I say well don't go back to him but you know what the Bible says you need to remain unmarried you know what a wife who seriously prayed for her life says I don't care I'm gonna do what I need to do to protect my children you know when when my wife and I look at that individual say well you know if it's that serious then remain a member the Bible says you can separate you go ahead and leave them but the Bible says you must remain unmarried you can't marry anybody for the rest of your life and they're like well I mean well I don't know well well maybe well maybe I can work it out oh well I then must not been that serious to begin with women that are fearful for their lives are not on dating sites women men that are that think their spouse is gonna hurt their children they're not like well I'm already going on my first blind date no no obviously if you're in danger and it's a serious situation God God puts this big serious disclaimer he says if she depart let her remain unmarried and then we'll know she's serious if she's like no it's that bad I'm willing to remain unmarried because I cannot have my children with that man then it's like whoop praise Lord will help you will love you will help you be content but it's like well no I was thinking that I'd go get married it's like you're not serious go reconcile with your spouse if it's not that serious look I realize people don't like this preaching people don't want to hear this but this is the truth we're never gonna tell somebody if they're in legitimate danger go back to that danger but if you're willing to remain unmarried for the rest of your life then we believe that you are serious about how dangerous it is but if you've already got your you know on your way to the counseling session you're setting up your Christian mingle account it's like get out of here here your options but and if she's apart let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband that's it and let not the husband put away his wife go to Ephesians chapter 5 if you wouldn't Ephesians chapter 5 what does the Bible teach about separation divorce and remarriage well we have a biblical elimination for divorce God says God says eliminate divorce marriage is so death to his part you cannot unwound what God has made one God hates divorce divorce and remarriage is authority is what the Bible teaches look let me let me give some advice to you married couples eliminate the thought the concept the option even the word of divorce from your marriage I mean go home and cut it out of the dictionaries in your house it's not an option if you if you know don't ever leave divorce is just this lingering option like well if all else fails no it's not an option well we'll try to work it out and if we can't work it out then we'll get divorced no no there's no option burn that bridge send those ships home let that ship sail you work it out and you stay married till death do us part just cut it out and look you dating couples you young couples go into marriage with this idea divorce is not an option don't bring up don't even let the word come out of your mouth people often when they fight they like to throw that word around don't do that look if you've done that I'm not trying to beat up on you I'm just trying to help you here eliminate that thought eliminate that concept just decide you know God hates divorce I love God we're gonna stay married biblical elimination of divorce then we have the biblical exception for divorce what's the exception it's for fornication before marriage before consummation of the marriage then we have the biblical expectation if you divorce if you divorce you are to remain unmarried if it's that serious then remain unmarried but if you're like oh well I'm gonna start dating then no then go back to your husband go back to your wife has you Harris she really just respected me you're already looking for another wife go make it right with Vashti remain unmarried and be reconciled for your to your spouse and last I want you to notice the biblical example for not divorcing Ephesians chapter 5 every time we go to Ephesians 5 we did it last week I've done many times I tell you that it is a quintessential passage on marriage in the Bible and it is I mean the Bible talks a lot about marriage all throughout the Bible but Ephesians 5 is the most important as far as it really lays out the roles of a husband and wife and all these things here's what's really interesting about Ephesians 5 is the quintessential passage on marriage it's the man is the it's the passage that God says here's the roles for the husband here's the roles for a wife a husband is supposed to love his wife sacrificially like Christ loved the church selflessly like he loves himself a wife is supposed to submit to her husband and reverence of it has all this then you get to the end of Ephesians 5 and then Paul's like oh and by the way I wasn't really talking about marriage anyway he said what he's like well I was talking about marriage but I wasn't really the focus of this chapter well I was just using marriage as an example as an example of what of Christ in the church Ephesians 5 verse 31 for this cause shall a man leave his father mother and shall be joined unto his wife and they too shall be one flesh right that sounds familiar verse 32 this is a great mystery one pause is but I speak concerning Christ in the church he says I'm talking about marriages or here's a positive I've been talking about marriage this whole time but I'm really just using marriage as an example of Christ and the church this is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church verse 33 nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she referenced her husband here's what's interesting the quintessential passage on on marriage and the Bible God says Paul says the Holy Spirit says it's actually about Christ in the church so what does that mean here's what that means is that God ordained marriage your marriage my marriage all marriage Adam and Eve's marriage to be a picture of Christ in the church to be an example of Christ in the church well I thought you said it was to have children that's what the church was to do have children reach people at the gospel have a spiritual children here's what's interesting you know what you love about Jesus I hope you love this about Jesus I hope you're saved I'll tell you what I love about Jesus a little word called security we like to call it eternal security you know what the Bible teaches like God will never leave you know forsake you you know what the Bible teaches that Jesus will never divorce you by the way now we know why God hates divorce so much every time a husband wife filed for divorce he said I hate that this was supposed to be a picture of Christ and the church and here's the thing about Christ in the church there's always security I'll never leave you I'll never forsake you it doesn't matter what you do and but doesn't matter where you go I will always be there it's eternal security of the believer we say one saved always saved you know what we ought to say once married always married security and forgiveness you know what I love about Jesus the Bible says if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and they cleanse us from all unrighteousness no no matter what I do Jesus will always forgive me no matter how much I hurt him look I'm not trying to minimize what you've gone through couples have gone through some hard things and difficult things and things we understand that you got up here and told your story we would feel with you and understand and say man yeah I'd leave him too but you know who wouldn't leave him you know who wouldn't leave her is Jesus the Bible says that we've committed adultery against Jesus the Bible says that we have talked badly against Jesus the Bible says that we have stabbed Jesus in the back the Bible said everything that anybody could have ever done to you was done to Jesus and Jesus says I'll forgive you every time he says there's security see the Bible says that the biblical example of a marriage he says this is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church nevertheless that every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband the beautiful thing about our relationship with Jesus is security and forgiveness by the way the only reason the only reason if Jesus need an excuse to divorce anybody he'd have it the only reason you and I get to be in this relationship with Jesus is because of security and forgiveness you don't deserve it I don't deserve it go back to Esther chapter 2 look at verse 1 Esther chapter 2 verse 1 Esther chapter 2 verse 1 the Bible says this after these things when the wrath of King Ahasuerus was appeased he remembered Basti and what she had done and what was decreed against her now the book of Esther is a great book Esther is a great character in the Bible and I really love the book of Esther we'll see next week how she did not sin this was not this was something I was done to her she was forced into it she had no choice but you know Esther chapter 2 verse 2 would have been a great ending as well if it would have said and King Ahasuerus forgave Basti and Basti forgave Ahasuerus and they lived happily ever after that should have been that should have been the end to the story and that should be the end to your story and my story because we fool ourselves into thinking I look at couples like my parents my parents have been married 42 years I look at couples like my parents and you and I can look at couples like my parents to say well they must be perfect they must never fight and I will say this about my parents they were you know they were very careful to not fight around us children I can tell you that I don't even have a memory of my parents ever fighting and in front of us and you you parents I would just if you got a fight fight but don't do it in front of your kids they don't need to see that and I'm thankful for that but I know this I'm sure they fought everyone finds people get there oh well they've been married for 42 years they've been married for 60 years they've been married for all these years you know they must never fight no you know you know what they everybody fights everybody has conflict everybody has issues how do you say married for 30 years 40 years 50 years 60 years security and forgiveness security and forgiveness that's it the way that the story for a hazy area should have ended was he forgave Ashley vastly forgave him and they lived happily ever after that's how he should end for you and for me the example of not divorcing the Bible is Christ in the church and here's the truth if Jesus can forgive me after I put him on the cross if Jesus can forgive you if Jesus can say no matter what you do I will never leave thee nor forsake that doesn't mean that he allows us to just do whatever that doesn't mean that there's not weeping and sewing that doesn't mean that there's not chastisement we understand all that but if Jesus says I will never walk away from you then you and I should say that to our spouse to our kids to our relationships in our lives this fires and I would pray family father Lord I realize that sermons like these are not popular people get offended people get upset people get uncomfortable I get that that's not my goal that's not my purpose but Lord I also realize there are some young people some young couples some current couples in this auditorium listening online all over that need to hear these this type of preaching and unfortunately is not being brought forth from the pulpits in America anymore Lord help us to walk out of here saying you know what I'm gonna try to be like Jesus I'm gonna not walk away from this I'm gonna work at it I'm gonna try to be the husband that God has called me to be I'm gonna try to be the wife that God has called me to be want to work at this thing help us Lord to be able to have our marriages be a picture of Christ and the church the way it was intended to be in the matchless name of Christ we pray amen