(Disclaimer: This transcript is auto-generated and may contain mistakes.)

men as we continue in the book of Ruth let me just quickly recap where we are in the story of course Ruth and Naomi have come back from the land of the Moabites they don't have anything going for them financially and so Ruth was gleaning in the field of Boaz Boaz was very kind unto her and allowed her to eat with their household and gave her a lot of privileges and Ruth has chosen to follow the Lord and forsake the gods of the Moabites and she's trusting in the Lord and Boaz admired her for that and so forth we saw that in chapter 2 so in chapter 3 it starts out with Naomi Ruth's mother-in-law suggesting that she could marry Boaz and that basically this could be a pathway for her to have rest quote-unquote a better life than just remaining perpetually a widow and so it says in verse number 1 then Naomi her mother-in-law said unto her my daughter shall I not seek rest for thee that it may be well with thee right because she's this older woman and she's looking at Ruth and Ruth is you know happy to work hard and take care of her mother-in-law but she wants Ruth to have her own thing going on not to just be living with her as this older lady but to actually be able to get married and have a child have a family and so forth and so she puts forth the suggestion about Boaz because it turns out that Boaz is quote their near kinsman now what does that mean this does not obviously mean that Ruth is related to this guy in any way shape or form because remember Ruth isn't even the same nationality Ruth is a Moabitess what it's saying is that Boaz is a relative of her late husband okay that's what's going on and so therefore as a relative this is a custom that they would often have where he would step in and marry the widow to kind of keep the the dead man's property within the family and so forth and so it says in verse 2 now is not Boaz of our kindred with whose maidens thou wast behold he went with barley tonight in threshing floor wash thyself therefore and anoint thee and put thy Raymond upon thee and get thee down to the floor but make not thyself known unto the man until he have done eating and drinking and it shall be when he lie it down that thou shalt mark the place where he shall lie and thou shalt go in and uncover his feet and lay thee down and he will tell thee what thou shalt do now this might seem a little bit strange on the surface like you know what kind of a bizarre plan is this she's supposed to just kind of creep on him while he's doing his winnowing of the barley figure out where he goes to bed and then sneak into his bed and and basically just lay at the foot of his bed and then you know that's where that conversation is gonna happen about whether or not they're gonna get married now this obviously seems very strange to us obviously we're coming from a different culture as part of the issue but I think that the simplest way to understand this is that she wants to be alone with him to have this conversation alone not publicly where it could be embarrassing and also because let's stop and think about this this is a little bit backward from the way these things are typically supposed to work because typically it's the man who is initiating this type of thing isn't it it's usually the man who's asking the woman to marry him and he would be the one that would make that suggestion he would be the one that would pursue her and he would take the lead but this is kind of a reverse here where Ruth is proposing marriage to Boaz which is obviously backwards from what would be the norm so therefore this could be embarrassing because when you do things backwards of the accepted normal custom it could be a little weird or a little bit embarrassing you know and I'm you know I don't want to embarrass anyone or cast any shade on anyone's love story but probably I have a suspicion that maybe if the woman in a relationship were the one that initiated the whole relationship and and she asked you to marry her as a dude you probably wouldn't necessarily go around telling people she asked me to marry her you know it might be a little embarrassing for her like hey you know why you got to tell the story like that you know just because when any time you're going the opposite of societal norms it's not necessarily a right or wrong issue but if you're going against custom or against what people would normally do it could be a little bit shameful or embarrassing Boaz is an important guy and he's surrounded by his household and his servants and everything so it probably would be a little weird for her to just in broad daylight just knock on the door hey I just want to have a conversation with Boaz oh what she want to talk to you about oh she was just asking if I would marry her you know this is a little bit embarrassing so I think that's why Naomi suggests that she basically you know sneak up on him in the middle of the night to have the conversation now again I'm not saying that this is a normal thing to do I'm just kind of explaining a little bit the rationale of why Naomi suggested this now Boaz clearly doesn't really think that this is a normal thing to do because he's a little bit uncomfortable with the situation after it happens but let's keep reading in fact let's read most of the story again and go over it a little bit and then I'll make application but it says here in verse 5 she said unto her she says to Naomi all that thou sayest unto me I will do she's like all right I'm in let's do it and she went down under the floor and did according to all her mother-in-law Bader and when Boaz had eaten and drunk and his heart was merry he went to lie down at the end of the heap of corn and she came softly and uncovered his feet and laid her down I came to pass at midnight that the man was afraid now that's because when you go to bed alone and then you wake up and there's someone in the room with you you're gonna be afraid that's scary I mean imagine if you went to bed alone tonight you woke up with some woman laying across your feet or laying near your foot of your bed you'd freak out too right so it says he was phrase like ah you know what what's going on what what's his reaction he's afraid and and turned himself and behold a woman lay at his feet and he said who art thou and she answered I'm Ruth thy handmaid spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid for thou art a near kinsman now this is obviously some kind of a euphemism for him taking her as a wife okay what does that mean skirt does this mean that men are going around wearing skirts in those days no the the skirt of the garment the Bible will talk about the skirts of the garment what that's referring to is any part of the garment that goes below the waist so for example if I were wearing a suit jacket the portion of the suit that hangs below my waist just that six inches or so that would be the skirts of my garments just whatever hangs down below the weights it's not what we would think of a woman's garment called a skirt in 2023 so what it's just basically saying is it could and also by the way skirt can also be used to refer to the bedclothes themselves it could be like the blanket or the sheet could also be called a bed skirt because it hangs over the edge of the bed and so anything that hangs below something is called a skirt and so therefore he could be saying like hey you know throw the covers over me or whatever which is obviously a euphemism for coming together in marriage and so she's making this offer to him she's making this proposal to him and she says you're a near you're a near kinsman you're a relative of the deceased and so it's your right to take me as your wife if you would like to now let's look at his reaction in verse 10 and he said blessed be thou of the Lord my daughter now that's an interesting choice of words but here's the thing about that he already called her that in chapter 2 why did he call her that in chapter 2 and why is he calling her that now is that there's clearly a large disparity in their ages okay if you remember three different times in chapter 2 Boaz talked to her about the young man hey stay by the young man the young men are gonna draw water for you I've commanded the young man not to touch you because he's referring to her peers because she's young and so it would be assumed that she would be interested in the young man or that the young man would be interested in her and so the reason he used this term daughter is just because she's a lot younger than him and so he says blessed be thou of the Lord my daughter for thou has showed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning and again notice the emphasis on age here and as much as thou follow it's not young men whether poor or rich so he's surprised that she did not pursue a younger man or that she wouldn't be more interested in marrying a younger man he's basically surprised that she has an interest in someone his age because he's older so she's a little bit surprised or he's a little bit surprised that she wants to marry him but it's it's a positive thing for him he said blessed be thou of the Lord because you've showed kindness so he's flattered you know that she would be kind to him by wanting to marry him even though he's quite a bit older and now my daughter man he just loves using that word doesn't he just has to make it a little awkward no I'm just kidding fear not I will do to thee all that thou requirest for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman so he's saying look I would love to marry you because everybody knows what a virtuous woman you are you know I'm a little surprised that you're interested in an older guy like me but hey blessed be thou of the Lord everybody knows you're a virtuous woman I'll do it verse 12 and now it is true that I am thine ear kinsmen howbeit there is a kinsman nearer than I you know so he says you know there's one little roadblock here that we need to overcome is that we need to first check with this other guy who is a little bit closer of a relative the deceit to the deceased if he wants to marry you you know we'll go ahead and let him have it but if he won't do it then I'll do it now this isn't really the most romantic encounter in the Bible I mean I'll do it you know I mean if no one else will you know I'll do it so I think that the story is a little bit ambiguous but here's the thing when you read the Old Testament this is one of the features of Old Testament literature is that throughout the Old Testament most of the stories are a little bit ambiguous I mean how many times have you read an Old Testament story and you're wondering like what is this guy thinking what what is he doing you know like like I mean we could I could list like 50 examples right now at the top of my head but just just the one that just popped into my head first is like you know was David really gonna fight against Saul with the Philistines was he really gonna team up with the Philistines like he said he would because he seems so sincere well you know when he's when he's talking to them it's just one of those things where the Bible leaves a lot of things ambiguous it's a lot of things are really open for interpretation with these Old Testament stories and so you're kind of wondering you know what's going through Boaz's mind because on the one hand he's saying oh blessed be thou for suggesting this and wow this is really kind of you but then on the other hand he's like well you know there actually is this other guy you know who you might be interested in and so it's kind of like whoa wait a minute but he says you know if he won't do it then I will and so it says in verse 13 Terry this night which means stay wait this night and it shall be in the morning that if he will perform unto thee the part of a kinsman well let him do the kinsman part but if he will not do the part of a kinsman to thee then will I do the part of a kinsman to thee as the Lord liveth lie down into the morning here's what he's basically saying look either way you're taken care of either way you're covered you're getting married one way or the other because there's this other dude that could also marry you and if he doesn't marry you then I will so just you know you're set it's gonna be great I mean look folks I didn't write the Bible okay so don't look at me if you don't like the way this story is playing out this is the story okay all I'm here to do is expound the story and explain it and to make application okay I'm not here to make it super romantic Hollywood movie for you okay I mean if Hollywood did this they would totally ruin it because it wouldn't be anything like this at all it'd be a lot different but anyway so it says in verse number 13 at the end there he tells her lie down until the morning you know he's like just for now just go back to sleep I'm gonna go back to sleep you go back to sleep just stay here tonight now obviously though this is kind of an awkward situation it's actually a little bit embarrassing could be seen as scandalous that she's spending the night here so because of that he gets up real early in the morning it says in verse 14 she laid his feet until the morning and she rose up before one could know another meaning that it's still dark outside and people can't really recognize you in the street and he said let it be not known that a woman came in under the floor so he's like how about we just not tell anybody that you crept into my room in the middle of the night of course we're all reading it thousands of years later you know turns out you know the cat's out of the bag sorry Boaz somebody spilled the beans and now you know literally millions of people are hearing about it but he says let it not be known that a woman came in under the floor now why is that important because here's the thing Ruth is a godly woman Boaz is a godly man they have integrity he's not just going to sleep with her when she might be marrying this other dude I mean he's not just gonna just fornicate with her and then what happens when she marries this other dude you know obviously they both are you know pure in their intentions and they're not doing anything physically you know she just wanted to talk to him about getting married she wants to be with him the right way legally spiritually to actually be his wife not to just hop in the sack with this guy okay but at the same time the Bible says that we should abstain from all appearance of evil and so even if everything we're doing is on the up and up we don't want to live our lives in such a way that it's a stumbling block to other people because other people could get the wrong idea or it could be an appearance of evil and you know a lot of people just have this attitude of just well you know what if people could think what they want I know I didn't do it I know that we're pure I know that we didn't do anything I don't care what people think you know that's not what the Bible says the Bible says that we should not cause other people to stumble we should abstain from all appearance of evil so even if what we're doing is clean and pure and righteous and on the up-and-up we shouldn't do things that look scandalous okay you know I could for example you know I could take some woman into my office and shut the door for an hour and talk to her so and and everything be totally kosher and on the up-and-up but how would that look it would look wrong wouldn't it it would look weird that's why I don't do that when women want to meet with me privately I just say no I just tell them this is as private as I get right here out in the auditorium talking or if I need to talk to someone privately I'll bring someone else with me I'll bring another man in there another lady in there or someone there so that I'm not just alone with the opposite gender because I don't want anything to look bad or look even though I know that it's totally fine in addition the other concern is you don't want to put yourself in positions where you could be tempted either because the Bible says also that we should make not provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust theorem so don't put yourself in a position where you could easily fall into sin right because if you're a young dude and you're with some young lady and you are just behind closed doors you could easily just fall into temptation one thing leads to another it's better to stay public and stay in a position where it would be impossible for things to get carried away and for you to end up committing the major major sin of fornication and so obviously this situation is not to be emulated okay when the Bible tells us stories in the historical books like Joshua judges Ruth 1st 2nd Samuel these are descriptive not prescriptive right this isn't telling you hey ladies this is how you get married you break and enter you creep in you lay at the foot of the bed this is not telling you to do this this is just a story about what happened now the people involved are not perfect people this is what they did now they're not bad people either okay they're honorable people but that doesn't mean that everything that they did was perfect or that everything they did was in the right way or the best possible way it's just what happened and also it happened that way for a reason because there's all kinds of symbolism about Jesus Christ representing Boaz and and Ruth representing those who are saved and so forth I've already preached other sermons about that like my sermon on Jesus in the book of Ruth but the point is that this is obviously a situation where Boaz a little bit concerned about his testimony and he's concerned about the way things are gonna look and you know we ought to be concerned about the way things look and we ought not just say well I don't care what people think I'm just gonna do whatever well you could lead people to think the wrong thing and you could be a stumbling block to people in a bad example and the Bible says to abstain from all appearance of evil so we should not even appear to do evil the Bible says we should provide for things honest both in the sight of God and inside of man we should be honest and on the up-and-up and so that's where this concern comes from of saying hey don't tell anybody about this in fact why don't you get out of here while it's still dark and and take off and yeah and so he sends her away early in the morning he says I'm gonna take care of this and in chapter 4 of course he's a man of his word he meets with that other guy that other guy spoiler alert that other guy passes up on Ruth and Boaz ends up marrying Ruth and they live aptly ever after and so it says in verse 15 also he said bring the veil that thou hast upon thee and hold it and when she held it he measured six measures of barley and laid it on her and she went into the city so he he loads her up with barley because he's a barley growing guy remember in the last chapter he had a big barley plantation and when she came to her mother-in-law she said who art thou my daughter and she told her all that the man had done to her and she said these six measures of barley gave me me for he said to me go not empty unto thy mother-in-law so he's like trying to be friendly wants to be kind he doesn't want to be rejecting of her but he's also not necessarily going to marry her because he's got to give this other guy a chance first so he wants to be nice so he's kind of softening the blow instead of just now there's this other guy let's check with him first and then she's just kind of like you know he's like well here you know let me give you a bunch of barley you know that way you can bring this home to your mother-in-law everything you know don't go back empty you know and so he sends her that as kind of a little consolation prize she gets to take home with her a big bag of barley a veil full of six measures of barley and then when when she gets back to the mother-in-law the mother-in-law is really optimistic about it and she said sit still my daughter until thou know how the matter will fall it's basically just telling her you know sit tight you've done everything now we just wait for the man will not be in rest until he had finished the thing this day so she feels like hey Boaz is into you and he's gonna figure this out and he's gonna take care of it today he's not gonna drag his feet I think he wants to marry you and so just sit tight it's gonna be great he's gonna take care of it and then of course that's you know what we're gonna read about in chapter 4 so let me back up now a little bit and make a few applications here one of the first things I want to address is the the large age difference between Boaz and Ruth a lot of people they they kind of bristle at this or they resist it or they try to downplay it but I think it's pretty obvious from the story that Boaz is quite a bit older I think you kind of have to be a little bit in denial to not come to terms with the fact that Boaz is substantially older than Ruth and I would say he's probably at least like 20 years older than her because otherwise it wouldn't really make a it wouldn't really make sense for him to just constantly be bringing up oh the young man you know and then there's me and my daughter and that wouldn't make sense if he's like eight or nine years older than her or even like 15 years older than her probably would not make sense to talk that way about her so realistically I think you know some of you you know just need to face the facts here that he's probably at least like 20 years older than her you know so just deal with it okay now I would you know now that being said I think that's one thing that we know for sure is that Boaz is substantially older than Ruth now as far as what are the exact ages involved now here we could only speculate right we know that Ruth is not of the youngest possible marriageable age because she's already been married right she's already been married her husband died she's a widow and now she's marrying again but it doesn't seem like she was married for very long because they were only in the land of Moab for so long and she hasn't had any children yet her her brother-in-law's wife hadn't had any children yet it seems like they had gotten married fairly recently so if I had to guess and this is just a guess I would say she's probably in the neighborhood of like 20 to 25 years old right that's and again that's just my guess and I would say that Boaz probably in his 40s or something you know maybe late 40s or something and she's in her you know early to mid 20s but again that's just a guess but I think that if you're gonna say that there's less than a 20 year age difference you're probably just kind of you don't like the story so you're trying to change it a little bit because I feel like that kind of comes through that there's a big age difference because it just keeps coming up in the text over and over again now part of the reason why I bring this up is because you know a lot of people get very uncomfortable or upset about relationships where there's a big disparity in age here and I think that we need to be careful that we don't impose our personal views on other people as if they were the commandments of God we don't want to teach for doctrines the commandments of men okay if we actually study the Bible you know the Bible does not say anything about what it you know people that marry someone of a different age marrying someone substantially younger marrying someone substantially older the Bible doesn't have anything positive or negative to say about this and when the Bible is silent on an issue then it's really up to people to decide for themselves or for the people that they're in charge of it's for parents to decide for their children it's for you know grown adults to decide how they're gonna live their life rather than to impose on other people your rule or your thought or your preference you know look I have lots of opinions about a lot of things but it isn't right for me to impose my other my opinions on other people or force my opinions on other people and say well I'm the pastor and this is my opinion and so you know that's what we're gonna do it's like well no I mean if I'm gonna enforce something it's gonna be the Word of God I'm gonna get up and authoritatively dogmatically say something it better be clear in the Bible and this is not addressed in the Bible at all and in fact we have examples of people that are very different in age like Boaz and Ruth and this is a positive story again not necessarily prescriptive but it is a positive story it's a happy ending everybody in the story ends up happy and nobody really bats an eye or cares about the age difference except Boaz just seems a little surprised that she even wants to marry him at his age whatever that age is okay and so I want to make sure that you don't falsely accuse people or meddle in other people's business or judge people for the decisions that they make when they make a decision that is based on something that is totally absent from the Word of God and so therefore it's up to personal preference and personal opinion how these things work so here's the thing when it comes to the age of being married one thing I really want to make clear though is that the Bible is clear though that a woman needs to be fully grown and fully developed before she can get married okay the Bible says in 1st Corinthians chapter 7 that in order for a woman to get married she needs to pass the flower of her age okay pass the flower of her age now there are some creepy perverts in this world bunch of dirty old man called Muslims and fundamentalist Latter-day Saints right so right here in Arizona we got the fundamentalist Mormons and it's a bunch of dirty old creeps marrying girls that are too young to get married and the Muslims in this world all over the world we could look all over North Africa we could look all over the Middle East and all of these perverts marrying these very young child brides and it's disgusting but it's not disgusting because of the age difference it's disgusting because the girls are not fully developed they're not fully of age they're not mature and so they should not be getting married by anyone of any age because they are underage and I'm not saying necessarily that that age is 18 because obviously 18 is just an arbitrary number in the United States now that is the law of our land obviously and so that's what we follow as far as you know that's when it's legal to get married in the United States someplace will allow you to get married when you're 16 with a parental consent or whatever but but here's what it comes down to what it comes down to is that if a woman is fully grown right meaning that she has reached her full height okay so she's fully grown and fully developed with respect to her reproductive system and pass not just like oh right there no it says past the flower of rage I mean to where she's there she's a mature grown woman okay whatever age that is specifically then she can get married and no sooner because it doesn't make any sense for a woman to get married before she's fully grown fully developed because when you get married you come together as man and wife and the product is children well if you're not old enough or developed enough or mature enough physically to be healthy and safe getting pregnant and giving birth because you're you're not even fully developed I mean what in the world sense does that make and you know what this is part of the stupidity of the satanic evil filthy religion Islam look Islam is a big hot steaming pile of feces is what it is okay and you know let's just let's just call it what it is filth garbage blasphemy wickedness a bunch of perverted garbage from a man who was literally a pedophile now why do I say that Mohammed is a pedophile because Mohammed married a six-year-old and he consummated the marriage with her when she was nine years old any Muslim will tell you this you go go out and ask ten Muslims all ten of them will confirm yep yep he consummated the marriage with Aisha when she was nine years old now look if you believe that that is okay or if you believe well that was what they did back then or well you know yeah you know if she menstruated at nine go for it then please get out of this church and never come back and maybe we'll even kick your butt in the parking lot okay because listen to me that's absurd but you know what that's what Muslims will tell you they'll look you right in the face and say oh that was normal back there yeah on what planet was that normal that's never been normal you freak anybody who thinks it's normal is a weirdo okay and they need to get out of that pervert religion they just slap themself in the face and believe on the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior in that order okay because anybody who defends that is a weirdo I mean if I step in to fan pedophilia that's disgusting that's evil right defending that wickedness shows that there's something wrong with you okay but here's what they say oh back then you know first of all that's a lie no no female is fully developed at age nine period now is it possible for a girl to menstruate when she's not well if she eats enough of that hormone laden Tyson chicken you know or whatever then yeah maybe it'll happen but here's the thing about that I don't care if she has menstruated or not that's not enough and excuse me for being blunt tonight but this needs to be taught menstruation is not enough okay because there could be other biological reasons that could cause a girl to menstruate too early or to menstruate prematurely that's not the standard now obviously that's a prerequisite obviously you wouldn't go before that but here's the thing that doesn't mean that girls should be getting married as soon as they menstruate that's stupid because if they're not fully grown they're not a grown woman if they're not fully developed they're not past the flower of their age what is a flower think about a flower right it grows it blossoms it buds it's ripe okay it has achieved ripeness maturity perfection it's finished okay that is when a woman is ready to get married when she is fully grown and fully developed 100% reproductively speaking developed as developed as she's gonna be that's when she's ready to get married and no sooner okay so a night a nine-year-old girl being attracted to a nine-year-old girl marrying a nine-year-old girl is pedophilia period 10 11 12 it's pedophilia okay because of the fact that these girls are not fully developed at that age now when our girls fully developed what this varies from person to person you can't really put an exact number on it because it does vary from person to person but I would say and again I'm not up here prescribing anything I'm just saying you know probably around the time a girl is what 15 16 she's probably fully developed at that time but again this is gonna vary from person to person now boys are different boys grow until they're like 19 or 20 right so you could be 18 years old and you're still growing girls are done growing when they're what 15 maybe 14 on the very early end 16 17 on the late end right that's why in our society we have set the number as 18 that's a safe number that says yeah when they're 18 they are for sure fully grown at that point now here's the thing about that is that part of the reason for the 18 number there is not just that they would be fully grown physically but also when they're 18 they've also hopefully reached a good level of mental maturity and again this is gonna vary from person to person because you could have a woman be 100% fully physically developed let's say at 15 or 16 she's physically developed does that mean that she's mentally developed or ready to get married or ready to make that decision no there could be rare cases where people are really mature for their age really precocious obviously everybody's different but in general a 15 16 year old is not ready to make that decision or ready to enter into that relationship even if they are fully physically developed at 15 it's probably not the right time to get married anyway and so here's the thing we have in our country laws against statutory rape right and what is statutory rape it's when a man commits fornication with a girl who's under 18 now here's the thing the fact that someone commits statutory rape does not necessarily make them a pedophile because if you let's say you have a 30 year old guy who's with a 16 year old that's not pedophilia because a 16 year old girl is fully developed but it is statutory rape now do I agree with that law against statutory rape absolutely I'm for the statutory rape laws because it is abusing and taking advantage of someone who is mentally not mature enough to necessarily navigate those type of situations and so I am 100% for keeping laws against statutory rapes on the books like I think it makes sense to protect underage girls from these older guys that would come in and and want to take advantage of them now here's the thing you say oh yeah but you know the statutory rape all these innocent dudes well here here's how you never get accused of statutory rape you just don't sleep with any woman until you're married what if I told you that it's impossible to get convicted of statutory rape if you're a virgin and then you get married and then you sleep with your wife now explain to me how you know because that you all the MGTOWs getting upset about getting accused of rape well how about this how about you remain pure until you get married now obviously women who falsely accuse men of rape you know what the Bible says their punishment is death because what because guess what the punishment for rape is death so if you lie about something that causes someone else to be put to death and you're found to be the one lying then you'd be put to death so obviously it's very serious but guess what if you don't commit fornication you can never be accused of rape and I'm sure I'm gonna get some idiot MGTOW writing to me like actually you know even if you get married your wife's gonna accuse you but just shut up okay go slap yourself obviously if you are pure and you're a virgin and you wait until you get married you're not gonna get convicted of rape in the United States because you didn't even sleep with anybody to get convicted see how this works if you go out there and go being a whoremonger well you know you might falsely get accused of rape you might falsely be accused of rape that's another reason not to go out and fornicate reason number 79 to remain purer until you get married and to do things the right way to do things God's way and not be out there sowing your wild oats with whoever okay and so yes that's a sophistication disparity right where you have an older guy taking advantage of a younger woman physically in that way I agree that statutory rape is a thing but it's not pedophilia unless the girl is not fully developed okay I mean think about how stupid it is to call someone a pervert for finding a woman attractive that looks like an adult woman oh you pervert did you know the number of her age did you know her birthday you pervert it's like well if she looks like a fully developed woman why would you call someone a pervert for finding her attractive it doesn't make any sense news flash men find women attractive now normal men do not find children attractive if they do stone them with stones okay but men do find women attractive and so if a 15 year old girl looks exactly like a fully grown woman sometimes they do sometimes they don't it varies from person to person then how could you say this man is a pervert for being attracted to a woman what looks like a fully grown woman and the reason I bring this up is because this is something that I deal with as a pastor we're all all here people hurling false accusations at people and calling people pedophiles all these different things okay now look I'm just gonna get real specific and real blunt about this because you know I'm just gonna say my piece about this okay is that here's the thing let's you know I have a I have a 16 year old daughter you know many of you have daughters that are 16 17 18 here's the thing if a man in his 30s wanted to date my 16 year old daughter okay I would tell him to dream on but I wouldn't be angry at him and I wouldn't call him a pervert I wouldn't insult him I wouldn't hate him I wouldn't be offended I wouldn't get mad I would just say that's funny dream on so here's but but does that make him a weirdo now he might be a weirdo for other reasons you know this isn't necessarily condoning any particular instance or any particular situation but here's what you have to understand about being a leader here's what you have to understand about being a pastor is that you know what I believe in justice I believe in not preferring one before another and doing nothing by partiality it is my job as a leader to be fair to everyone and not to decide well I like you so what you're doing is okay I don't like you so you're a weirdo you think that that's how God wants me to make decisions as a leader no you know everyone gets treated the same and you know let me tell you something I go through a little exercise anytime I'm having to pass judgment on a situation I go through a little exercise where let's say that it's it's a person that I don't particularly care for personally you know what I do I swap that person out in my mind with one of my favorite people in the church and I say how would I judge this situation if it was him if it was her you know or if it's someone that I really do like I swap it out with someone that I don't particularly care for and I ask myself well how would I judge if it were that way because you know what it should be exactly the same right my favorite person in the church and my least favorite person in the church get treated the same and it shouldn't be just well I like you more I have a bad feeling about this person so you know those are the that's not justice and you know what that's the way I know some of you operate your life and you know you operate your life that way and you're a respecter of persons and you just decide well I don't like that person so everything they do is garbage and I like this person so they walk on water and they can make no mistakes that's how a lot of you think and you know what if you want to be that way if you want to think that way hey no big deal but you know what a leader doesn't have the first of all you shouldn't even think that way number one but number two as a leader you cannot think that way I mean what if you're a judge in a courtroom you're just like this guy guilty why look at him he's a derelict is that righteous judgment it doesn't matter whether he's a derelict it matters where he did this particular crime now well he did something look at him guilty or all this guy seems like a pretty cool guy not guilty is that justice so then is that how we should judge things around here no so you know forgive me if I give people the benefit of the doubt and I'm impartial and I try to be as fair as possible and I go through that exercise in my mind where I swap people out with people that I like versus don't like and I ask myself how would I act in that situation okay so here's the thing you know don't just get it in for somebody and then just start you know going down that road where everything they do is wrong and interpreting everything that they do as something worse than what it is okay and so here's the thing you know if if some 30 year old or if something wants to date my daughter I'm gonna say no just because that's my personal preference but you know what if another guy says yes that's totally fine and there could even be hypothetical situations with not with not with you Miriam don't be shaking your head back there she's like no no but the thing I'm not talking about you Miriam but I'm just saying like there could be a situation where I would feel differently about it okay but not not not talking about you now Miriam okay the point is that it's one thing to be dreaming and it's nothing to be evil or pervert or wicked or just look if if like I said if some older dude wanted to date my 16 17 year old daughter is way older I would just think well of course he wants to date her because she's beautiful she's smart you know obviously but sorry sucka you know not happening for you but why would I get mad about it and I wouldn't start spreading rumors about somebody and saying oh you know this guy he just wants to date all the 17 year olds in the church yeah cuz he's a male you know like oh wow wow a 30 year old man finds 17 year old girls attractive you're kidding I'm shocked that's it I mean look folks maybe I'm saying things that are unpopular or that most people won't say out loud but it's true what I'm saying is true right now okay every single man I'm sure a 75 year old man could look at an 18 year old girl and think this is beautiful and he's 75 was he no he's only allowed to look at 60 year olds you know it's like I remember I heard a pastor say one time you know I heard a pastor say one time that you know he had a rule that he would he didn't he didn't hug women you know and I I don't do this either and I don't want to be hugging what you know some people go to church they're just hugging everybody and it's just I don't want to embrace the bosom of a stranger as the Bible says okay so I hugged my wife you know I just kind of let's do a handshake right but this one pastor said he said I'll only hug women that are under six or over 60 you know he was just it was just a joke but then he got older he said those 60 year olds are starting to look pretty good so I gotta you know watch out you know because it's true like you know you'll hug an old lady you know you hug an 80 year old woman and not even think of anything of it right but it was just kind of a joke but the point that I'm making is that we want to be careful that we don't get overzealous and everybody's a pervert everybody's a pedophile how dare this 30-some year old beings look open it crack open a history book and you'll find that throughout history men have often married women that were like 10 years younger 20 years younger all day long is very common throughout history it's pretty normal okay and again probably a lot of guys in their 30s wish that they could be married to women that are that age but in many cases they're dreaming okay so not trying to make anybody mad or offend anyone but at the same time I'm just trying to just be clear about what I believe is right and wrong according to the Word of God you know being a women that are not fully developed or off-limits now obviously obviously men that are married shouldn't be looking for anyone of any age because they're already married they shouldn't be looking at women and and and thinking about those things but obviously singles you know obviously they're looking for someone in many cases right so a single guy he's gonna walk into a church and and he's thinking about okay I'm single I'm interested in getting married you know who are the single ladies and he may seek to marry someone who's out of his league and get told no or whatever and part of the reason why she's out of his league might be because of the age difference because there are all kinds of factors that go into eligibility for marriage right I mean there are things like looks smarts you know being a virtuous woman being a hard worker being spiritual being godly you know age all you know history there are all these different aspects that could go into people's decisions right I mean and not all of these things are necessarily a right and wrong issue because God gives us freedom to choose who we want to be you know I married my wife because I wanted to marry my wife I chose her I liked her that's who I wanted to be married to and I could have chose someone else right but that's who I chose God didn't come to me and say you're gonna pick this one person and you just shut up and marry the one I told you to marry no God just told me I could marry whoever I want in the Bible just as long as it's a believer as long as they're safe as long as she's not underage right that's what I did I married the woman that I wanted to marry you marry the woman that you want to marry you ladies marry the man that you want to marry that's your decision you know obviously I do believe that the parents have veto power and that if you're a girl and your dad says you're not marrying this guy then I believe we should respect that and that the dad does have veto power now I you know I reserve the right to veto the wrong kind of men who want to date my daughter or that would want to marry my daughter but at the end of day I don't want to pick her spouse I want her to pick I don't want her to do it like Ruth style but I do want her to pick who she wants to marry because why she's the one who's gonna have to live with this guy for the rest of her life I don't have to live with this guy she's the one who's gonna be stuck with him so let it be her decision let it be the one that she wants to be with not the one that I choose but at the same time as a pastor I know things as a dad I know things as an older guy I know things and so I might have to veto somebody because I'm you know in my wisdom saying this is a bad this is this is malas cosas no bueno okay and so that's my prerogative as a as a dad so I hope I hope that I'm making sense to you and and here's the thing if you disagree with me that's okay because I don't expect you to necessarily agree with my views and my preferences but you know what at the same time I think we all have to agree that there's no verse in the Bible that says thou shalt not marry someone 20 years younger than you or thou shalt not marry a 17 year old when you're 30 there's no verse like that in the Bible so that's your opinion that's your preference and again I don't as a preference I don't necessarily want that for my daughter she doesn't want that for herself but if someone else does want that more power to them why stop them and let's face it in okay I better not say that I got to be careful what I say I was just gonna say that often men I'm just gonna say it you know sometimes men tend to age gracefully okay you you put that together and so you know it is what it is it just depends and it varies from person to person so at the end of the day there are all kinds of good examples you could give including Ruth and Boaz where people have a really big age difference and they lived happily ever after other people you know you could maybe point to where it didn't work out so well well you know what you could point to all kinds of marriages that didn't work out so well and here's the thing full disclosure my wife is not younger than me okay so I'm not I'm not up here you know preaching this for myself because I'm already married and my wife is older than me okay and so you know I you know in order to find someone as mature as me I do you know I had to go up a few years you know but but the point is that you know I'm not defending this because it's me I'm just defending it because it's right okay it's not my job to be to make decisions based on personal things or or you know individual situations you know as a leader I just have to have a general rule of here's how I feel about this and over the years and by the way this isn't just this hasn't just been it wasn't just one time that this has happened I've had people complain to me over the years and it wasn't all about the same dude okay I've had people complain to me over the years and say hey can you believe this older guy it's been different dudes this older guy why didn't he date my 16 year old daughter why can you believe it I'm just like yeah I believe it why wouldn't he why don't you just take it as a compliment that you have a pretty smart 16 year old daughter that he wanted to date and you know what say no if you don't like it Nancy Reagan told you what to do just say no you don't have to get mad you have to get hateful and you have to accuse people being perverted for finding a fully developed female attractive pretty normal for a young dude to be looking for that now look obviously there are a lot of reasons why a lot of guys in their 30s are gonna have a zero interest in an 18 year old girl because of the fact that she might be way way too immature for him okay you know and here's the thing I remember when I was 17 years old okay I was 17 years old and I went to a fundamentalist Baptist Church and there were a whole bunch of girls in this church that were right around my age 16 17 years old I was 17 and I was not interested in any of those girls they were all nice pretty girls godly Christian pretty girls and I had zero interest in any of them because they were all way too immature for me now that's just that was just me at the time I'm kind of an old soul and I was a little bit mature for my age and so honestly like I couldn't relate to these girls to me they they seemed like children unto me even though they're 17 maybe even 18 in some cases even these 17 and 18 year old girls some of them just I couldn't relate to them because they were like children to me okay and so yeah I you know I would have never as a 30 year old man even dreamed of dating any of those girls but here's the thing not everybody's the same not everybody has the same priorities when it comes to what they're looking for in a spouse and not and not every you know 17 18 year old is on the same level you know like for example you know I'm 41 years old and I have great conversations with Miriam who's 16 I have great I don't feel like I'm talking to some immature child like I talked to her and I'm able to have deep meaningful conversations with her so I wouldn't be surprised at all if a 30 some year old guy wanted to you know get with her of course dream on never gonna happen but I'm just saying it would make sense because she is very mature so you have some 16 year old girls that act like a child other 16 year old girls could be really mature for their age and so you can't just have this one-size-fits-all viewpoint and look yeah you know what I kind of went off tonight and and and got off on some of my own personal opinion tonight okay but Ruth chapter 3 was kind of a good platform for me to do that and this is kind of some stuff that's been needed to be said for a long time just because over the years when I keep dealing with some of the same problems we just need to understand that we need to have an atmosphere of Liberty around here and understanding that you know if a guy has the right to ask and a girl has the right to say no and parents have the right to say no you know what I mean and you know what listen girls don't get all mad don't get all freaked out if some if some guy that you think is ugly or that you think is a doofus or that you think is it is old or that you think is creepy asks you out just say no just say no be nice be friendly be courteous say no and go on with your life and don't go around being a gossip and talking a bunch of smack about that because it's just it's wrong to just to be hateful toward your brothers and sisters in Christ by going around and and oh can you believe it this guy that's I mean what a jerk it's like if someone asks you out you know what they're actually doing they're actually complimenting you they're actually saying I like you I think you're pretty I think you're a nice person I want to get to know you and then for you to go around and and criticize that person what does that say about you as a person right somebody did something nice toward you and you repaid their good with evil by going around and making fun of them and you know you know look hey there's always gonna be that that dweeby guy ask that girl that's way out of his league and then but should we all make fun of that guy no it you know the guys just trying to find somebody to marry you know and every once in a while those guys they you know they luck out and it you know and so they you know they sometimes they just want to roll the dice okay and sometimes it works out for them all right so anyway don't hate on the Ruth and Boaz story God's using it as a positive example don't pretend that there's not an age disparity there because there is it's a little bit surprising it's a little unusual Boaz himself is a little surprised but you can't condemn it without a scriptural backing right we need to make sure that we remember that sin is the transgression of the law and remember that we don't want to teach that teach for doctrines the commandments men right and again you know after the service all the 30 year olds are gonna go crazy asking out young girls no I'm just kidding because you know and there's gonna be a lot of noes that are said but again you know what it's not really for you to meddle in other people's situations either you know let let people make their own decisions between them and their parents and other godly counselors in their lives and make those decisions it's not for us to stand in judgment of people who do something you know hey we should just be glad that people want to get married and not fornicate let's power rides now board of prayer father we thank you so much for the chapter Lord I pray that you give us wisdom as we read your word and apply it to our lives Lord God and I pray that we would take these lessons from Ruth and Boaz Lord and and realize that our testimony does matter and we do want to make sure that things are done decently in an order and that we make sure that we abstain from all appearance of evil and so forth Lord and help us not to judge people based on our preferences but rather to judge a righteous judgment based on the Word of God and in Jesus name we pray amen