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we'll get back to it in more detail at some point I'm sure but basically in Genesis you know these 30 32 33 what's happening is Jacob is returning unto his kindred of course we had the confrontation with Laban and then in 31 and then in 32 Jacob is coming on his way and the angels of God it says in verse 1 if you want to look there with me in 32 verse 1 the angels of God have met him and when Jacob saw them he said this is God's host and he called the name of that place may name and Jacob sent messages before him to Esau his brother and the land of seer under the country of Edom and I think there's some important details in 32 about this reuniting between Esau and Jacob that we should take note of as we get into Genesis 33 and that is the fact that Jacob is very cognizant of the fact that he's coming back into his homeland and that his brother Esau is going to be there because if you remember they did not have a very amicable parting when Jacob first went into the land where Laban dwelt to go back there to take a bride and all that in fact it says that Esau hated his brother when he left so it's very strong language so Esau you know had some very negative feelings to say the least about his brother because he had he had taken his birthright from him we all remember that story so Esau though it's been these 20 years later or excuse me Jacob rather still you know be very conscious of the fact that it did not end well with his brother and he's not entirely sure how he's going to be received when he comes back into the land there's no it's the first time they're seeing each other since that whole thing where he stole his birthright you know so that's kind of a big deal obviously and in fact if you remember that story Esau had even at least in word planned to kill his brother to do him harm he's gonna slay him right so very serious thing you know he's very upset and not a minor detail in the story and I think that's important to keep in mind when you're thinking about him coming back and meeting with Esau because of the fact it kind of it you can see how it how it tempers Jacob's behavior towards his brother okay and Jacob does some things in the lead-up to his reuniting with his brother there that we can learn from when it comes to how we're gonna deal with somebody who is hostile or potentially hostile towards us okay whether justified or not now I'm not going to suggest that Esau is hostile towards him at this point obviously we just read in the story they have a very nice reunion when they finally meet each other but well you know I wonder about in the story is that is that because of the fact of what Jacob did leading up to this immediate reuniting did he kind of cool him down then and there did Esau go out to meet him in wrath or did he just go out to meet him with 400 men because that's how you meet people that you're just really friendly with you just you take 400 of your trained men and you go meet them right so there's you know the Bible doesn't explicitly say this and I'm not saying that I know the answer okay but I do know this that the Bible reads like any other book I mean not like any other book don't get me wrong but that it's it's you know it's written in a lot of ways like like literature you would read elsewhere right we've probably all read stories where you know sometimes the plots are just so there you from page three you're like I know how this book ends right because the writer isn't very good about you know the subplot the subtext right so the Bible is really good about that the Bible doesn't just give things away sometimes God I think just gives us enough detail for us to kind of have to mold these things over and think about them for us to you know to kind of come to these conclusions on our own and again I'm not saying I'm right maybe Esau was just really excited just wanted these 400 guys to meet his brother okay maybe he's just like you guys got to meet Jacob he's great I mean the last time I saw him it wasn't so great you know well tell us about the last time he saw him he saw oh he stole my birthright and I threatened to kill him but you know 20 years later I've cooled off and I you get he's such a great guy you got to come in so hopefully people can understand what I'm kind of coming from a little bit tonight and even if you know regardless of what Esau's intent was when he went to meet his brother we still see that Jacob is on guard about the whole situation that he's kind of apprehensive and he's taking extra precautions because he doesn't know how Esau is gonna react and I don't know that those precautions were weren't unfounded you know perhaps it was a wise thing that Jacob did in all precautions that he took and we'll get into that but notice again in verse 3 of chapter 32 we're kind of kind of get a two for tonight Jacob sent messengers before him to his Esau his brother unto the land of Seir the country of Edom so he's sending messengers right and he commanded him saying thus shall you speak unto my lord Esau thy servant Jacob say it thus I have sojourn with Laban I've stayed there till now so you can already see how he's being very humble he's being very meek he's calling him Lord he's calling himself his servant right he's entreating him and he's talking about how he's oxen and married servants I have sent us to tell my lord that I may find grace in thy sight and the messengers can't return to Jacob saying we came to thy brother Esau and he also cometh to meet thee and 400 men with him so that's kind of cause for concern you know for Jacob he's kind of like well and they don't really tell us what exactly it was how the meeting went you know maybe Esau just kind of heard him out and was like all right well tell him we're coming you know he didn't say good or bad against him he just but he does bring 400 men so I mean to me is what I'm reading in details I'm kind of like maybe Esau is still raw about this but maybe not verse 7 then Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed and divided the people that's with him and the flocks and herds herds and the camels into two bands and said if Esau come to the one company and shall smite it then the other company which is left shall escape and Jacob said oh God my father of Abraham God of Isaac and the Lord which said unto me return unto thy country to thy kindred and I will dwell with thee so on and so forth so he divides these companies up right and we learn exactly what those divisions are a little bit later of course after he sends them on ahead there's this famous story in the chat end of chapter 32 and maybe I'll just have to make a point of preaching on this on Sunday night where he wrestles with the Lord where the Lord comes to him and he wrestles with him and he's given that limp in his leg okay but the details I want us to take out of the story just those concerning Esau tonight okay because that's what it then rolls into you kind of have the whole story of him meeting Esau then there's just like this little segue there or just this rather you know commercial break whatever you want to call it or he wrestles the angel okay then it comes back to the main plot of where we're at it says in verse 33 and Jacob lifted up his eyes and looked and behold Esau came and with him four hundred men right and he divided the children unto Leah excuse me and the children children unto Leah and unto Rachel and unto the two handmaids so that's how he's dividing them up Leah Rachael, Rachel Bilhah, and Ziphla those are the two handmaids and their respective children okay and he put the handmaids and their children foremost and Leah and her children after and Rachel and Joseph hind her most so he's kind of I mean you know how do you not play favorites in that situation right you just you don't you just spread them all out the same laterally you know just want to you know so they all come to Esau at the same time and to see who he takes out right because this is what Jacob's thinking right this is why he's separating this way he's because he goes on explains and says you know if the first if he attacks the first band you know I'm paraphrasing then the other band will escape so obviously the one you're putting all the way in the back is the one that you cherish the most which you know stands and also it is the weaker right because it's just Joseph at this point right it's just Joseph and Rachel you know there's not there's you know Ruben and Simeon and Levi Judah Issachar, Zebulun you know these older sons are probably grown men they are grown men in fact and we'll see you know next week that they're even capable of inflicting great harm on people right they themselves are people that are used to conflict apparently so maybe that's part of it too he's saying well let me put these elder in the front these older bands even though Leah had the elder children that doesn't exactly work out and the handmaids are in front of her but you know it could still stand a reason a little bit obviously what's really probably going on though he's just saying you know Rachel's who I love the most my sons that came from Rachel who I care about the most these I cannot go without so he's kind of playing favorites but you know at least he's consistent right Joseph from the get-go right had loved Rachel more than anyone else that's who he labored for Laban for the only reason he ended up with these other wives is because of you know the treachery of Laban so at least he's consistent but imagine being one of those you know you go up front you know like thanks you know don't expect a Christmas card from her but anyway so he sends them up there puts you know lines them out and it says and Esau ran to meet him excuse me he put the handmaids and their children foremost and lay in her children after and he passed over before them so credit for that he put himself in harm's way right he gets out in front of all of them and it's you know it's gonna befall him before it befalls anybody else that things don't go that well and then obviously he in verse 3 it says he passed over the ground before them seven excuse me before them and bowed himself to the ground seven times until he came near to his brother and Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him and wept so not the reaction that Joseph or excuse me I'm thinking of Joseph because he had a similar reaction when he was reunited with his brethren that Jacob was expecting not the reaction he was probably anticipating obviously with all the precautions that he's taking you know in the prayer in chapter 32 that he's praying to God and he's asking for help he's saying in verse 11 deliver me I pray thee from the hand of my brother from the hand of Esau for I fear unless he will come and smite me and the mother with the child children so this is probably coming as a shock to him okay and he lifted up his eyes verse 5 he saw the women and the children he said who are those with thee and he said the children which God hath graciously graciously give thy given thy children then the handmaids came near they and their children they bowed themselves and they also with her children came near and bowed themselves and after that and after came Joseph near and Rachel and they bowed themselves and he said what meanest thou by all this drove which I met and he said these are to find great grace in the sight of my Lord and Esau said I have enough my brother keep that that thou hast unto thyself and Jacob said nay I pray thee if now I have found grace in thy sight then receive my present at my hand for therefore have I have I seen thy face as though I had seen the face of God and thou was pleased with me and kind of what he's I think what he's saying there with I've seen the face of God he's basically saying you know my life was in your hands you know you could have just as easily destroyed me and that that certainly seems to be the case I mean I'd assume that it is the case because of the way Jacob's behaving all the precautions you take it sounds like he wasn't any match you know what otherwise why all the to-do right and he even remember even when Laban caught up with him when he first fled Laban said it is in my power to do the harm right and except God had spoken to him and intervened on Jacob's behalf that's what would have happened so Jacob is kind of defenseless to a certain degree against stronger forces you know militarily so I think that's kind of what he's saying there he's like you know it's I've seen the face of God basically you know I've had a near-death experience my life is in your hand you could have taken it for me just as a case of God so what I want to kind of focus in on though tonight we got through a lot of the details there about this reuniting and really just the application is that you know when we have people that were maybe not right with or people that were at odds with or there's conflict you know we should seek to smooth those things over right now obviously I don't know probably none of us isn't is a conflict as intense as what Jacob is experiencing where he's worried about you know entire families being wiped out like literally killed and things like that but you know you and I are gonna face conflict in our lives day to day we're gonna you know in the workplace and our homes just going about our business even in church and things like that you know we are going to come into conflict that we're gonna have friction with other people from the time to time it's inevitable okay and so we can learn a few things about what Jacob did and basically one of the things that he did is you know he sent these droves of beasts before him right he sent gifts essentially unto who he assumed was his enemy you know he was trying to you know butter him up whatever you want to call it but he was probably he was trying to show him him you know I'm trying to make amends I'm trying to do right and the Bible does talk about this the Bible does talk about you know the way we speak to people that maybe we're upset with and the way that we treat them you know it matters you know and and we should make sure that we don't try to stir up other people we don't try to create more conflict than is necessary you know we should seek to live peaceably with all men the Bible says you know we should try to be at peace with one another we should seek to do good unto all men especially and those that are of the household of faith you know we should seek to be a peaceful people that get along in the world you know I think sometimes when people attend a church where the preaching is hard and it's you know that the whole the bike because the Bible is a hard book the Bible has some very hard sayings in it the Bible takes a strong stand and we certainly believe all these things and we take a stand you know when we're when we must but I think sometimes we come to a church where maybe the preachings all got a little bit of a harder edge people think like well that's how we need to be out in the world right like maybe they think that you know the their favorite preacher the preachers that they see just ripping face they get this idea that that's how they live 24-7 that they're just going around just everywhere ripping face you know just getting it's like no that's not it you know there's a time and place to be like that obviously we have to stamp with the foot pound with the fist lift up the voice show our people show his people their sins right we have to call things out we have to preach the Word of God but the Bible also does admonish us you know in our lives to be people that seek peace to seek peace and pursue it and the proverb you know Proverbs talks about this quite a bit if you want to go go to the book of Proverbs you can go over to Proverbs let's have you go to Proverbs 21 Proverbs 21 the one of the first things I point out is that in Genesis 32 what we saw is that Jacob sent messengers right he starts with his words and he says tell him Jacob you know tell my lord Esau that Jacob his servant is come right so he's it's the things that he's saying that's where he starts right he's trying to get his message across a I don't want there's no bad blood on my part you know I I want to live at peace you know I'm here to I'm coming back with humility right and what the Bible tells us in Proverbs 15 I'll just read to you verse 1 it says a soft answer turneth away wrath a soft answer turneth away wrath you know sometimes the best way to handle somebody who's upset with us is just to be patient and kind and listen you know people because here's the thing when people are angry with one another a lot of times you know when they when someone decides to confront somebody that they're upset with the other person can become very defensive and the next thing you know it just turns into like a flame war right it just gets out of hand you know one person's angry and then they go confront somebody else and that person reacts in anger and nothing's really resolved right and oftentimes that's what happens but the Bible says that a soft answer turneth away wrath you know when someone comes to you that's upset and angry the maybe the first thing we should ask ourselves is are they right to be upset and angry you know maybe there is an offense on my part maybe there is some I did something wrong maybe I did mess up on the job or whatever maybe you know I did offend somebody okay that's what we should ask ourselves are is this a justifiable anger are they right to be upset rather than just instantly think what do you mean I'm never wrong you know you know it's your fault why you so big you know that's what people do though right that's how often how those interactions go but the Bible says that a soft answer turns away wrath and it's amazing how many times you know when we're upset you know if we say something and then somebody might reply in a kind or patient way that kind of calms us down right that kind of brings us down a notch and makes us you know be more open to have a more civil conversation and actually come to you know a an agreement you know to kind of some kind of resolution okay it says a soft answer turneth away wrath but grievous words stir up anger right you know this is great in any relationship in any you know relationship but how about particularly in the area of marriage right because here's the thing in marriage you know if you've been married long enough you got the goods on each other how can't you you live with this person for years you know what their like you know their faults you know their shortcomings and they know yours and you know marriage is a wonderful thing but often there's conflict you know that just kind of comes with the territory you pack sinners together anywhere you know they're gonna be at odds with one another you know same is true for marriage what you're doing what you've got is two sinners and then you compound the stress of that by having a bunch of little sinners often right so you know that's a good point to keep in mind is that when when we get into conflict with our spouses to not use grievous words to stir up anger because if we've been married long enough we know exactly what to say and we know exactly how to say it to really just get under the skin right well what what's the point of that though what good is that going to do it's not going to do any good right and a brother offended is harder to be one than a strong city you know it's like the bars of a castle I'm kind of paraphrasing the proverb right now and you know how much more so our spouses we don't want to push them away we should seek to have peace we want to turn away wrath in those instances okay so that's the first thing I point out with how did you know how did we get the reaction out of Esau that we saw you say well Esau was coming out you know to you know already with that on his heart what he just wanted to meet his brother he wanted to be reunited and that's why he had such a strong emotional reaction right and that's why he's so glad to see him you know that may have been the case but you know as I'm reading you know as I've and I've read the story I mean so many times but it's when you really have to preach it and really break it down and kind of look for these things some of the stuff jumps out a little bit more I'm like well what's why the fear on Jacob's part why the prayer why the 400 men with Esau you know maybe he's just keeping himself safe you know amongst the people that are in the area I don't know but either way it seems like that soft answer you know worked on Esau hey thy servant is come to his Lord right very humble very meek he didn't stir up wrath because remember Jacob has the birthright it's his he didn't say hey I'm here to claim what's mine get going it's been 20 years you've had time enough to click that's time for you to clear out Esau those have been grievous words right to just immediately bring up that whole incident from 20 years ago where I stole your birthright but he's in the right right he's got it's it's true that is true in fact we'll see that Esau later does leave of his own accord showing you that what kind of man Esau really was but you know that's not the approach Jacob took it was very humble very meek a very soft answer and I and it very well may have been what turned away the wrath of Esau if it had been there to begin with I can't say for certain that it was what else did he do it was the gifts right he what meanest thou this drove right because he's sending these sheep and cattle ahead of him right kind of softening it up hey this is for you this is for you did you go to Proverbs 21 look at verse 14 a gift in secret pacified anger and a reward in the bosom strong wrath a gift in secret pacified anger and a reward in the bosom strong wrath it's hard to be mad at somebody when they do something nice for you isn't it it is you know you do you know you get upset and it's like then that person does something really nice for you just out of nowhere it's like I can't stay mad at you you know makes it hard you know and this this is a great principle to apply in your own life you know if you if you're at odds with somebody at work or something do something nice for him you know you got some enemy at work buy him lunch buy him a coke you know say good morning and you know hey I got doughnuts you want to don't I mean that'll that'll smooth it you know hey the way to a man's heart is through his stomach it's true right so you know I believe that might be another thing go to Proverbs go to Proverbs 13 okay because this is this next one just kind of makes the point I made earlier it says by long forbearing this is Proverbs 25 you're going to 13 Proverbs 25 says you're going to verse 13 chapter 13 by long forbearing a prince is persuaded and a soft tongue breaketh the bone a soft tongue break at the bone just again talking about how you know how we respond to things how we respond to anger to wrath to people who are indignant you know we can actually change their attitude we can actually change them if we have the right response if we have the soft tongue the soft answer the gentleness the meekness that's supposed to be there as Christians you know that might actually change people's countenance towards us it might change their intentions towards us and in fact it might you know bridge the gap right it might bring peace where before there was division but here's the thing that sounds easy doesn't it just give a gift just say something nice a soft answer a gift that's it sounds easy but it's hard because of the fact that we all have what's called pride right we all want to be right we all want the other person to admit that they're wrong right look at chapter 13 verse 10 only by pride cometh contention only by pride cometh contention whenever there's contention there's pride when there's two people that are odds with another where they can't come to a resolution they can't have peace there's pride involved maybe on both sides you know often you know it's even it's not even a matter of who's right or who's wrong when there's contention a lot of times it's just you're both filled with pride you both have pride involved right because even if a person's right you know the Bible says the glory for a man to pass over a transgression right even when we're right we don't have to we don't have to be vindicated you know I'm saying oh but I'm right you know that you know they don't have any right to be mad at me they don't three right that's I'm the one who's in the right here and they need to admit it that's pride that is pride the need to be vindicated publicly to have your you know whoever it is you're at odds with admit that you're right if you're gonna insist on that that's pride you know that's contention look I'm not saying there isn't a time to stand up for what's right okay but often in our just our personal relationships it's not some matter of you know biblical importance that we're arguing over right it's two people that just don't get along they don't see eye to eye they they have personality conflicts you know you see this type of thing all the time in ministry where people just they have an axe to grind and then they just you know they get their buddies and they go get their buddies and it's just there's just at odds with each other and you say well who's right well who cares it's it's pride because only by pride come with contention and you know we should want to seek peace and just let you know let things rest and just be at peace with people and sometimes we even when we're right might have to just say okay you know well whatever you want you know you're right and I know that'd be technically lying but you know just give a soft answer hey you know what it's okay it's not a big deal let's just let bygones we be gone it's bridge let's just let it be water on the bridge it's not make a big deal at it let's just let things blow over you know that's how we should seek to live our lives I mean that's you know if we want peace in our lives that's how we should seek to live our lives I mean isn't life stressful enough isn't life just hard enough without going out and having to have bitter envying strife with other people over I mean people get so mad at each other and they stay mad so long they don't even know what they're mad about anymore they can't even remember what set it off right thing like the Hatfields and McCoys right that's like what are you fighting about well his name's Hatfield well what are you fighting him for well his name's McCoy right but what started the whole thing I don't know he's a Hatfield and he's McCoy and we're gonna fight I don't know if anyone down here in the southwest knows if you let the Hatfield McCoys but it's a you know it's two hillbillies that just fight out in the woods for no reason right they're just constantly quarreling at each other you know I'm mad at her and what did she do I don't know but I remember whatever it was it was bad and she was wrong well what did she do I don't know right it doesn't you see that's that's a dumb way to live your life we should seek to be people that just forget about things and not hang on to things and and and stay mad at people and be bitter about things and just not let things go that's not any kind of way to live your life because you know if we get into a habit of doing that that's like that then that's gonna be the rest of our life because here's the thing people are always gonna be doing things that upset us people are caught you know not constantly but you know you're gonna you're gonna have people that come in your life that offend you you're gonna have people come to your life that do things you don't like and hurt your feelings and everything else and we have to learn to just let these things go you know I mean obviously there's a limit I get it like if they're gonna come in and do harm to us physically or harm our family or something that yeah we're gonna we're gonna get mad we're gonna stay mad and we're gonna fight for what's right but you know that's not how often is that you know well that you know I went to work and he parked in my spot everyone knows that's my spot does it have a sign with your name on it no but everyone knows that's my spot like I've dealt with this right it wasn't said like that you know they were like hey you know just so you know that's where I always park there's like six parking spots on the other side I'm just like I was like well I'm new here you know that's where I'm parking now so what now you know and just like that's like okay well park somewhere else he's just like I just really like parking in this spot in front of that tree that's my tree and I'm just like okay I'll park and they were like oh I'm so glad you were nice about it I didn't show I wasn't sure how you were gonna react I was going to work I just started parking I was new there and this went on for weeks and then finally you know this gal worked up the courage to confront me about where I was parking every morning you know and then I have a work van where I park you know and I park in a particular spot and then I would start coming back from you know to from work you know to report back to headquarters to park my van and somebody else and park in my spot and I had to park three spots down and I'm you know and I have to fight this stuff too I was like you know I'm gonna go in there and it was a police officer right because we have campus police it was a cop car I'm gonna go with the station there I'm gonna find out which one of these lieutenants is parking in my I'm gonna tell them you know it's like how you think that's gonna go you and I did I just parked in the other spot right it's a silly example but you know people get upset over petty things don't they people find make mountains out of molehills people get offended over just these little things they just blow them way out of proportion and and then just it can ruin relationships and we you know what I'm saying is you're gonna have plenty of opportunity in life to be offended at people and be upset and be angry and you shouldn't you should seek peace and you should use these tactics right if that's if necessary you got some mortal enemy at work or whatever it's like say something nice be humble be meek help you know help them out in some way whatever the fine ways don't just dig in your heels and be like yeah we're gonna go at it you know so you know that's you know I'm trying not to preach two sermons tonight but I do want to wrap up this chapter tonight so you know this we're seeing again some of the qualities of Jacob you see a lot of his qualities coming out and the way he reacts and the first thing we're seeing is that well let me point it out cuz I don't know if I read it in verse 8 he said what meanest thou by all this drove which I met and he said these are to find grace in the sight of my Lord right so you can see that's kind of the culmination of the two things we talked about his words he's finding the great sight of my Lord right some humility in that language and what they're talking about right the drove these are a gift right because I'm trying to smooth things over with us okay I don't want a bad blood and he saw you know he says I have enough and he kind of has to you know tell him to take it and he ends up taking it says end of verse 11 I and he urged him and he took it so he takes the gift and verse 12 he says and he said let us this you saw speaking take our journey and let us go and I will go before thee right these four hundred guys they were I just came out to protect you and it's all they're here for maybe that's maybe that's the case I don't know interesting story and he said unto him my Lord knoweth that the children are tender and the flocks and herds are young excuse me and the herds with young are with me and if men should overdrive them one day all the flock will die let my Lord I pray thee pass over before a servant I will lead on softly according as the cattle that go with before me and the child children be able to endure until I come unto my Lord excuse me I come to my Lord unto seer and Esau said let me now leave with these some of the folk that are with me and he said would needeth it let me find grace in the sight of my Lord and Esau returned that day on his way to seer and Jacob journeyed to sucketh and of course he settles down there and that leads into chapter 34 but the point I want to make here is that you know he says in verse 14 you know I will lead on softly according as the cattle that go with before me and the children be able to be to endure this is a good principle when it comes to leadership right you don't want to overdrive people you can't really expect more from people than what they're capable of doing you know this could be another source of frustration in our lives you know if we if we want to get more out of people than they're actually capable of doing you know then we're just setting them up for failure and we're just setting ourselves up for you know for disappointment and you know so that's a really good principle to to be somebody who leads again gently right leads softly okay I do want to look a little bit tonight just very quickly at a couple passages in the New Testament so if you would go over to 2nd Timothy chapter number two I know I've been I've quoted a lot of these recently I've even touched on this a little bit in other sermons but you know it's here in the text again tonight I think it ties in with what Jacob had done earlier we see you know Jacob's a very thoughtful and humble man right he's very he's got some he's got a good head on a shoulder he's he's thinking okay how are we gonna pacify Esau okay so he's considerate he's a very considerate person he's considerate obviously of his own skin right in the situation but he also of those that are with him he doesn't want them to suffer necessarily he puts them in the droves he puts him himself out front and he sends a gift before them he uses his words wisely he's humbleness and he's meek and he's being gentle and pacifies Esau assuming that it was there which I'm kind of opinion that it was but it also you know he's also he's very considerate in that way but he's also consider the people that he's leading right not just the conflict that he has to resolve in his life but also the people that are looking to him for leadership right that he's being considerate of their short company I don't want to call it a shortcoming right again really you know a child only be able to walk so fast it's not really a shortcoming I mean they're a child okay you know it always surprised me sometimes my kids will walk with me and you know they won't hold my hand and it's like all of a sudden I have to go from you know taking these little baby steps right you can't just like come on you want to walk with me that's how fast we walk you know you're gonna pull an arm out of the socket you're gonna scrape an either they're not gonna want to be with you right what's the problem you know it's like they have a gate like this you know they can't that's just how fast they walk you can't really hold it against them it's not a fault you know we're not all you know made equal in that way some people are stronger physically some people have more fortitude some people have more ability than others in certain areas just the way it is right so when it comes to leading whether it's in your home or wherever you know you have to be considerate of the people that you're leading and you can't expect more from them than they're actually capable of doing okay you have to lead softly right and it kind of you know obviously there were other people that were with him that were more than capable of going faster probably even than himself right I mean his his grown sons are probably you know they're younger full-grown men they could probably outpace Jacob even right but Jacob saying we're not moving any faster than the slowest of us we're not leaving anyone behind right and I think that's a good principle I think something that we should keep in mind you know as leaders as fathers right let's be considerate of the fact that you know the Bible says that our wives the woman is the weaker vessel right but the Bible also says that men ought to honor you know their wives and not you know in a sense of you know dwelling with them according to knowledge right meaning you don't expect more than what they're capable of doing okay same for children you know the Bible says fathers provoke not your children to wrath okay what does that mean I think that's referring to setting us an unattainable standard and it's it's kind of cliche like we've you know you might have heard that you know the overbearing father nothing's ever good enough right but that's a real thing right a father who sets the bar so I'm not saying don't set a bar right I'm not saying that I'm saying set a bar by all means have standards but make them attainable you know kids want to attain things they want the sense of accomplishment they want the sense of a job well done they like to be encouraged they like to hear hey good job they like to be they like you know having that sense of you know ability right that they're competent in something that they are smart and it can achieve and do things right but we don't want to set these unrealistic standards we don't want to set this bar so high that they can't that's just you're just setting up someone for frustration at that point okay so I think that's a good principle he's considerate right he's considerate of the problems he has to deal with right potential problems but he's also considered the people that he's leading and if you notice in both instances what do you see there you see humility you see meekness right and him as a leader there's humility and meekness that's that that's like the main ingredient to all this humility and meekness because again only by pride cometh contention you want to smooth that over someone's just gonna have to you know take it on the chin someone's just gonna have to swallow some lumps and just be the bigger man or whatever take the high road and just let bygones be bygones and just let things smooth things over right that's how you resolve things someone has to just be willing to you know like Paul told her told the Corinthians you know why not just suffer yourselves to be defrauded rather to you know they were taking each other to court in the church they were suing each other and he was rebuking them you know you go to court and that before the the world before the unbelievers he said would you you know why don't you just rather suffer yourself to be defrauded it would be better to just let a brother rip you off than to go out and sue him in court right but that takes humility doesn't it that takes a lot of meekness to suffer a wrong like that but that's what it takes often to resolve conflict is you have to just be willing to let things go and you know that's why the Bible just talks about so much about we're just admonished and commanded even in the New Testament to be humble and to be meek right and of course that's done through the spirit right that is one of the fruits of the spirit to have meekness right gentleness as it puts it I don't know where I had you go I've been rambling for so long where you at first second to me chapter 2 verse 24 and the servant of the Lord must not strive but be gentle unto all men apt to teach patient right that's what a requirement for a servant right maybe you know obviously Timothy being a bishop being an elder being a pastor this is something that's absolutely necessary for the ministry but if we're gonna serve to God in any capacity you know we have to be gentle unto other people you have to be patient you know we want to teach people we have to be patient and let people come to the get things right sometimes people always get things you preach things you teach things you show things people in the Bible it sometimes it goes over their head you know should we just be like what's the point you know they're never gonna get it it's no you have to be gentle you might have to preach it again and again that's why he said we're gonna preach with all long suffering and doctrine right sometimes we forget what we've learned and sometimes it takes a long time to get something through our heads right that's just the way human nature is you know that's why he's saying we have to be gentle okay be considerate of the people that you're trying to instruct go over to and I'll wrap up go to first him first Thessalonians chapter number two and I think sometimes you know we especially as men we don't like this because sometimes people can perceive meekness as weakness right you know sometimes you know we as men we always kind of want to puff our chaps out and kind of let the other guy know who is really in charge we know I'm the alpha or whatever right and so it's hard sometimes for us as men especially just be like hey you know it's cool and not have to prove something to somebody right but you know there's nothing weak about being a meek person don't mistake meekness for weakness don't mistake gentleness and kindness as a sign of you know of being some kind of a whelp of being some kind of a weakling right often it's the bigger man that has to do that and I don't know I mean physically I'm saying like it's the guy with more integrity that has to be that way right look at and just in case you're wondering you know Paul was such a man you know Paul was a man who showed great meekness great gentleness right so less we think that meekness and gentleness is something that is just unmanly or something well one I'd point you to Jacob the example from tonight we know Jacob was a man's man we remember when he first went to Laban all those years ago he rolled that stone off the well that it said they have thrown he mean he had physical strength right but it's not just physical strength that makes men strong it's the ability to be able to get along and lead and you could still be strong and manly and hard-working and all that and still be a gentle and meek person and be a humble person I mean we would probably all agree that the Apostle Paul was an incredibly bold man you know the it says that he was you know his his his presence is weak right but his speech is powerful you know people read description that give the impression that he was a man of low stature he wasn't a real big guy right but he had it all nonetheless I'm sure Paul was probably an intimidating presence right not that he he intended to be an intimidating person right but just because of his boldness of speech the knowledge that he had the boldness that he had the example that he was the kind of life that he lived he was pro you know because the people that we look up to you know through no fault of the realm they can sometimes be intimidating right because we kind of lift him up on a pedestal we put him up there as an example and then they can kind of that we feel like now they're kind of looking down on us it's like well they're not first of all you know they're just doing what they're supposed to be doing right but we would probably all agree that Paul if Paul walked in tonight you'd probably say shut up beacon Paul's here let's let him I'd be like amen let's let Paul preach tonight right he's probably he's probably kind of it was an intimidating guy to be around to something for some people I'm sure right but even Paul as powerful and as bold as he was talked about his met about being meek about being gentle right and I like the illustration that he uses here in first Thessalonians chapter 2 verse 6 he says nor of men soughtly glory neither of you nor yet of others that we might have been burdensome as the apostles of Christ but we were gentle among you now he could have put a period right there right be like oh Paul was gentle Paul was a gentle guy right still manly so hard worker still something you know all the guys could look up to a great leader right but we get it he was gentle but I like how he the the the illustration he uses in the latter half the sentence even as a nurse cherish with her children that's not a you know I'll be honest that's not how I perceive this church so yeah that's not how I you know examine the dynamic between me and the church here well you know I try to teach the teacher treat them like a like a nursing child that I'm bringing up right you know maybe I should I don't know but isn't that that's kind of a that's a kind of almost a feminine description isn't it right that's not exactly the strongest I mean a nursing mother is not a very intimidating person right it's obvious is very nurturing very caring but there's a lot of long-suffering gentleness involved there right you know my wife has nursed five kids and there was a lot of there was a lot of patience and meekness and gentleness you can't you know you can't make these kids do what they're supposed to do when it comes to that right you got you're kind of on their terms right you got to kind of work them through it I'm not gonna go into all the details right but that's that's the illustration that Paul used hey we were gentle among you like a nurse who cherished with her children he's talking about like a nursing child right who's who's suckering a child and he's like that's how we were you know and look babies can be fussy and they can eat at all hours they're not on any kind of a schedule they do what they want right it can be really frustrating work to nurse a child it's exhausting in fact right but it's got to be done okay and if you're gonna do it and you're gonna stick with it you're gonna have to be a very meek gentle and patient person right the same is true when it comes to leadership to whatever degree we lead to our interactions with other people we have to be gentle and meek and it's not easy right especially if you know we tend to have you know a streak of pride in us you know and and that's something that we as men typically do struggle with more than ladies look women can have it too but it's typically more of a man's sin to have pride right because we as men you know we want to be looked up to we want people to you know mostly like we want people to we care about getting respect and support no man to be respected and to have people you know treat us with respect right but that can also turn into a source of pride right so if we're gonna be gentle and meet to other people we're gonna have to keep our pride in check you know and I and I think you know that's something that Jacob was really good at right Jacob because again you know and I don't want to turn you all the way back there but even in his prayer to God in chapter 32 he says you know I'm not you know I'm not worthy right he's basically convincing is his own unworthiness before God he's not worthy of all the wisdom and grace that he's given him so you can see these attributes in Jacob and they're in every great leader in the Bible you know his gentleness meekness right Moses was the meekest man all the earth certainly we'll call that guy a weak guy but there before I would say that the prerequisite to those attributes is an absence of pride its humility it's got to be there okay let's go ahead and close in a word of prayer dear Lord again thank you for this great story