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Amen, for scripture reading, please open your Bibles to the book of Song of Solomon, Song of Solomon, Song of Solomon chapter 1, and as our custom we will read the entire chapter, Song of Solomon chapter 1, please say Amen if you are there, Amen, Song of Solomon chapter 1 verse 1, the Song of Songs, which is Solomon's, let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for thy love is better than wine, because of the savour of thy good ointments, thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee, draw me, we will run after thee, the king hath brought me into his chambers, we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine, the upright love thee, I am black but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon, look not upon me because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me, my mother's children were angry with me, they made me the kipper of the vineyards, but mine own vineyard have I not kept, tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon, for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions, have thou known not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherd's tents, I have compared thee, O my love, to a company of horses and fairest chariots, thy cheeks are company with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold, we will make thee borders of gold with studs of silver, while the king sitteth at his table, my spikenard sending forth the smother of a bundle of mirrors my well beloved unto me, he shall lie all night betwixt my breast, my beloved is unto me as a cluster of campfire in the vineyards of Enghity, behold thou art fair, my love, behold thou art fair, thou hast thou's eyes, behold thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant, also our bed is green, the beams of our house are cedar and are rafters of fear. Bless the root of God's word, let us pray, Lord God, in heaven we thank you Lord for the state that you've given to us, and for all the truth blessed Lord with good weather for our fellowship and soul winning later on, I bear the two bloods of blessed future and the preaching of your word, Lord, is day, we love you in Jesus' name, we pray, amen. Alright, we are in Song of Solomon, starting in chapter 1, and last week we looked at an introductory sermon, and let me just quickly kind of give an overview here just for a minute in case you weren't here last week, but as I talked about last week with all of God's word it is profitable, we believe that, all scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable, we also believe all of God's word is pure, there's nothing impure about talking about the Song of Solomon, and a lot of people kind of shy away from this book, but I think you're going to see as we go through this book, this book has a lot of wisdom, a lot of things that honestly aren't that complicated, but when you get married and have kids you kind of let some of these things slip, and you kind of need to reset yourself, and as we get to the end of this book, what I'm going to do is kind of give a handout that's going to be kind of organized that I'm hoping that you can keep with you, especially if you're married, where basically it's kind of a reminder to you, this is why I should do this, this is where the Bible talks about this, a lot of very basic things that as you go about the day you kind of just put it on the back burner, and it's a big mistake I believe, and look, as I preach through this, I'm not standing up here saying, I am the greatest husband in the entire world, right, I have the greatest marriage ever, but I'm here preaching the word of God and saying that I can benefit from the preaching of God's word as well, there's a lot of great information, so let us start at verse number one, the Bible reads, the song of songs which is Solomon's, now this verse seems to indicate this is Solomon's greatest song, this is his masterpiece that he wrote, and he wrote a lot of poems, you know he wrote about a lot of things, he wrote a lot of songs, and he considers this his great masterpiece, okay, let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for thy love is better than wine, so it mentions basically him kissing, and realize this is husband and wife, okay, now one thing that we can see is that kissing should be a normal part of a marriage, okay, if you go about your life and you haven't kissed your spouse for weeks, there's something wrong, right, this is the Bible showing you a normal part of your marriage, and in marriage honestly it's sort of like a greeting, right, people get married, they say I do, and what do they do, they end with a kiss, right, that's a common thing for marriage, okay, now one thing that's challenging about this book is there's a lot of intersecting ideas, so I don't want to get ahead of myself, in chapter seven and eight we'll talk about public displays of affection, because the Bible talks about it and speaks about how you'll be despised if you're too involved in public, but kissing is a normal part of a normal marriage, now me personally I'm not really one to do PDA in public, you know, you won't see me really kissing my wife, but as I said I'll talk about that later on, but in a marriage it's really a normal part of a healthy marriage, okay, and it says for thy love is better than wine, the wine there I believe is referring to grape juice, and realize that's something very precious and very valuable, and she said that the love my husband has for me is more valuable than anything material money could offer, okay, now go to first Corinthians seven, first Corinthians seven, first Corinthians chapter seven, first Corinthians seven, here's the thing, kissing is a normal part of a healthy marriage, it is not a normal part of a healthy relationship of boyfriend and girlfriend though, kissing is not appropriate for people that are not married, okay, and I'll show that to you in the word of God, and realize with Solomon this is husband and wife, and look this sounds like crazy preaching in 2022 where over half of kids in this country are born out of wedlock, but let's just go back to the old fashioned preaching that can save us a world of trouble, the Bible speaks about that basically when you're married it's a normal part of a marriage, it is not the normal part of a relationship before you're married, and if you want to destroy a good relationship before you're married then go down that road, and you can destroy a good thing, I mean we see the result with Amnon where basically he ends up hating Tamar even though he wanted her physically and then he ends up hating her, and look if you had a good relationship and destroyed it by doing something foolish you could end up hating that person as a result because of your sin that you're not willing to take responsibility for, right, first Corinthians seven verse one, now concerning the things where he wrote unto me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman, referring to unsaved people it's good for a man not to touch a woman, nevertheless to avoid fornication let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband, what the Bible's saying is that here's the thing if you go down this road of starting to get physically involved with someone you're not married to it can lead to the sin of fornication, he said brother Stuckey you know what exactly is appropriate what's not appropriate for people that are not married, well look I personally don't see anything wrong with a handshake because that's just a normal greeting in societies nothing wrong I mean our church doesn't have a handshaking time but a lot of churches do right maybe they got rid of it during COVID I'm not really sure right but I don't see anything wrong with that because there's nothing romantic about shaking hands it's like a normal greeting but I would say holding hands is inappropriate if you're not married because it will start leading towards thoughts that are meant for when you are married right or hugging someone you're not married to and look this might sound very old-fashioned but we need to protect the young people at our church from destroying their lives you get married at 25 30 35 you have the rest of your life for that physical relationship that is part of marriage it is not meant for before you're married and people say well you know how much touching is too much right and look a similar question would be well like how long can your hair be as a guy or how short can I get my hair as a woman before it's a sin and it's really just using excuses basically you know you want to get really close to that line of sin why would you want to go close to it right basically just as a guy look like a guy as a girl look like a girl in terms of not touching just don't touch right look you can get to know someone and get to know what their character is and be at hopefully at church with them hopefully sowing with them you can do activities around other people but being alone in their house where you're the only two people you are asking for trouble right we are all sinners with normal desires God has given us and let me tell you something be very careful can a man take fire into his clothes into his bosom and his clothes not be burned don't play with fire because you're eventually going to get burned and you start going down that road as single people you know where you're starting to get physically involved I mean you might end up just committing a big sin and destroying your life right go back to Song of Solomon 1 Song of Solomon 1 Song of Solomon 1 Song of Solomon chapter 1 and in verse number 3 the Bible says because of the savor of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth now savor is something that's a characteristic taste flavor or smell especially a pleasant one but it's usually a smell that we're looking at and in the Bible that's what we're referring to here and what it's saying here is that you know she's saying of her husband because of the savor of thy good name good ointments ointment is something you put on oftentimes for medicinal reasons but it could also be something you're thinking of like cologne perfume deodorant something like that and what she's literally saying is because you smell good thy name is as ointment poured forth that's what she's literally saying she's saying you smell good what does that mean it means he regularly takes showers it means he makes sure he smells good thy name is as ointment poured forth because here's the thing if you smell bad that smell goes forth right people smell it it goes out people smell you and they notice it and what it says is because he smells good his name is as ointment poured forth you say what's the application if you want a good marriage make sure you smell good as I said this is not complicated preaching it's right there but people read it oh it's so poetic no no it's trying to tell you something make sure you smell good right make sure that you're trying to smell good your general maintenance you're taking showers brushing your teeth these these things come up a lot and in a healthy marriage you know what that's actually going to be a part of it look obviously people work different jobs or in different situations you know if you work at a desk in front of like a fan or air conditioning maybe you're not going to sweat during the day but you know what if you do a laboring job you might and you might need to change things you know I use example yesterday that you know believe it or not when you preach sermons it's not just a mentally demanding thing it actually physically kind of drains you you're pouring your energy and heart and soul and for me personally it doesn't happen if I sit and listen to a sermon but preaching sermons it often causes me to sweat and so I bring a change of clothes I bring deodorant you say why because I want to smell good so after the after I get done you know I'll eat then I go to the bathroom you often see me changing clothes and sometimes when I forget clothes or I forget deodorant you know I've been in there a few minutes just really scrubbing to make sure because I don't want to have like a bad smell going forth and the Bible is actually mentioning this in verse 3 just your personal maintenance and it seems very basic it is very basic and yet the Bible is saying that you know this is something that we should do to have a good strong marriage now go to Proverbs 22 Proverbs 22 I want you to see what we mean by thy name is as ointment poured forth because what it's saying is basically your your smell going forth with your ointment but it's linked to the name what does that mean his name is going forth Proverbs 22 Proverbs 22 Proverbs 22 I mean look if your wife says you got to upgrade from a queen size to a king size bed so that way you're really far away from her or something at night there might be a problem okay it's like maybe you need to change something okay maybe make sure you take a shower right before you go to bed or whatever but it's just like this is just basic information about making sure you're trying to smell good and taking your care of yourself here's the thing when people before they're married or trying to impress someone you better believe they're gonna make sure they smell good right if you're trying to impress someone get them to like you or whatever you're gonna make sure you smell good but then sometimes you get married you can just kind of let things slip it's like well I'm already married anyway I'm just gonna eat this bag of potato chips drink this pop and just you know let myself go I showered last month that's good enough for me I'll shower once this month is good enough it's like you're asking for problems right Proverbs 22 verse 1 a good name is rather to be chosen than great riches in loving favor rather than silver and gold and when saying a good name we're looking at a good reputation so when his name is as ointment poured forth with the Bible saying is Solomon had a good reputation as a young man his reputation went out and here's the thing part of it was because you know what he just smelled good he took care of himself he had good character he had everything here's the thing though if you don't smell good your name will go forth in a bad way not a good way right if you just regularly smell bad it is something people will talk about when you're not around that's the truth right and so you need to you're taking care of your personal maintenance this is an important thing in marriage and it's an important thing in general right I mean if you're going to a job interview and you're not taking care you haven't taken a shower in days you smell terrible you're probably not gonna get the job right it's like these are basic things and yet this is very important go to Song of Solomon 1 Song of Solomon 1 Song of Solomon chapter 1 Song of Solomon chapter 1 and in Song of Solomon 1 verse 3 the Bible says because of the saviour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth and this is the reason why you know honestly I've heard people that get kind of overly natural where they're against all deodorant they're against anything to smell good they're against taking showers daily because it can make your skin dry and stuff like that it's like well when I read the Bible it's actually more important to smell good and you're gonna kind of go down that road it's like you don't want to take showers at least you know scrub and get the face and the basic stuff so your name is going forth in a good way and the smells going forth in a good way but it says therefore do the virgins love thee now people get very confused about this because they see the virgins love thee and they think of Solomon being married to a lot of women and they think there's all these women going after Solomon but that's not what's being said because the end of the next verse says the upright love thee virgins are gonna be people unmarried that love God the upright love thee the virgins love thee what it's saying is Solomon had a good reputation amongst save people that's what it's saying it's not saying these women are going after him in a carnal way because if a woman is a godly woman a single woman that's a godly woman she's not going to be going after a married guy there's nothing wrong with saying the upright or the virgins love thee because I love my brothers and sisters in Christ is there anything wrong with that terminology I love the people at this church I love the people that are serving God and doing right and you know what you should I mean the Bible says that if you're right with God you will love the brethren when it's saying the virgins love thee the upright love thee it's just like that is not saying a bunch of women are just running after Solomon trying to sleep with them and this is what people will say to a verse like this it's just saying Solomon was a great leader and people loved him and respected him he had a good reputation that's all that that's saying the virgins love thee the upright love thee okay verse four it says draw me we will run after thee the king hath brought me into his chambers now here's the thing this verse highlights the fact that Solomon was a great leader it's very specific with the king hath brought me because she's the only one with that relationship with Solomon in a physical way when it says we will run after the inverse or what are we talking about a modern-day application think about as we go out so many we go out so many I'm kind of the de facto leader of this church at least the boots on the ground here and you know we go out and we just go out sewing right now people go out and I got so many and people are encouraged we all go out and preach the gospel we get people safe and look if you're a man of God which Solomon was he would have been a great leader where people want to follow him there's nothing sinful or carnal but I get it people get confused with the poetry but all that's saying she's saying Solomon all these people want to follow you and look the virgins and upright is not specific talking about women men that have not slept with someone are virgins also it's saying the godly people both men and women are running after Solomon and the idea is Solomon was a great leader and look if you're gonna be a man of God you need to be a good leader and people want to follow you but she says hey I know all these people want to follow you everyone wants to hang out with you everyone wants to be around with you but draw me remember I'm the one with the special relationship with you so that's why it's draw me and the king hath brought me into his chambers because he makes sure he spends time for his wife even though people want to be around him right everybody wants to be around him but he makes sure to have that time for his wife okay so there's nothing sinful about verses three and four it's just saying Solomon was a leader and people wanted to follow him but he makes sure to have a specific relationship with his wife and it says we will be glad and rejoice in thee we will remember thy love more than wine the upright love thee now you say well wait a minute it says we will remember thy love more than wine once again it's only her that's brought into the chambers with her husband but here's the thing when you're talking about someone who's a man of God you see their love for soul winning you see their love for preaching the Word of God you see their love for doing right and reading the Bible and memorizing the Bible I would hope that I have a good reputation at this church where whether you're married or single you would say I love brother Stuckey I appreciate his zeal for the Lord I remember his love his love for soul winning and preaching the Word of God and it's more valuable than anything material money could offer just serving God and doing right I don't see anything sinful in those verses I mean just because there's the word love it doesn't mean that it's in a carnal or sinful way because someone who's serving God they have a love of God they have a passion for the Word of God and I would hope whether you're married or single that you would say hey I love brother Stuckey I'm thankful that him and his family and his wife came here to start this church going soul winning preaching the Word of God not backing down he has a zeal to read and learn the Bible so we can learn and be edified there's nothing sinful about that it's just saying Solomon was a great leader and realize in 1st Kings it talks about Solomon how all of his followers were listening to him preach the Word of God they were getting wisdom from Solomon so he was a great leader where people wanted to follow him okay that's all that that's saying now verse number five I am black but comely oh ye daughters of Jerusalem as the tents of Kedar as the curtains of Solomon look not upon me because I am black because the Sun hath looked upon me so she says she's black but she's not stating that she was born in Africa or wherever now I do believe this is Pharaoh's daughter but that's not what she's stating when she says she's black okay because what she says in verse six is the Sun hath looked upon me her skin is darkened because of the Sun obviously the Sun is a good thing it's a healthy thing but too much of a good thing can be a bad thing the Sun has natural vitamins I think it's very important for for young babies to be out in public with the Sun it's very good for their health and things such as that I think for all of us actually I mean you know I'm not trying to go on a rabbit trail on COVID but actually being out in public being around the natural things God created I think it has a positive effect on you physically not just being in a good mood but her skin is darkened because she's out in the Sun in verse five it says as the tents of Kedar Kedar was a son of Ishmael and so the indication is the line of Ishmael had darker skin than other people which that's what historically would actually be accurate that makes sense apparently the curtains of Solomon are dark you know black or dark you know is the color apparently and then it says in verse six look not upon me because I am black because the Sun hath looked upon me and what you're seeing is that women can have a tendency to be down on their physical appearance one thing Solomon drives home in this book is a distinction between men and women men and women are different they think differently they are different and women can have a tendency to be down on their looks that's what the Bible says I think common sense would tell us that's that's more true with a woman than a man as men I don't think we're that concerned as much with how we look right I don't know whether this is ugly or attractive but I it doesn't really matter to you that much I just didn't feel like shaving right it's not like it's a big deal to me right I don't really care it's not really a bigger deal to a guy and sometimes as guys since we don't think like that we don't realize that you know wives or ladies they actually really do care about their appearance and it would be a big insult somebody called me ugly doesn't bug me but if someone told that to a lady it's like big insult right there's a difference between men and women there's nothing wrong with that as a guy you know what there's other things that would insult you if somebody called you when I was a kid if somebody called you a homo or weak or something like that it's like what it's time to fight right or one thing that that gets on my nerves and it's like I really have to control my flesh and it's like if you talk to atheists or people that mock the Bible and they think they're more intelligent than you and it's like they act like you're stupid because you believe the Bible like you're not as educated let me help you understand you know about evolution because obviously you're not aware of it you don't not that really annoys me and I'm like alright let's just do a math competition or spelling bee or grant whatever you want to do right now we'll see who's more intelligent right it's like that would really bug me if someone thought I was dumb or called me dumb that would actually really insult me but honestly I don't really care if you think I'm ugly or not if you called me ugly it's just like as a guy it doesn't bug you as much but we're seeing is for ladies actually it is something that you know what can really make them feel down and here's the thing we need a proper balance on things I don't think a woman should spend three hours in front of the mirror in the morning but here's the thing you know I don't think there's anything wrong with you know a woman who's basically reading the Bible and serving God but also is taking care of her appearance I mean that's good there should be a balance on things it's like we should have a balance on all of these things I mean obviously reading the Bible is very important but at the same time we saw you know making sure that you're smelling good and things like that takes time takes effort but we need a balance on all of these things all of these things are important okay we can see that women have a tendency to feel down on their appearance as guys we should make sure we're complimenting our wives and making them realize how beautiful and special they are to us right then it says my mother's children were angry with me they made me the keeper of the vineyards but my known vineyard have I not kept you say why were her mother's children angry with her what is that just poetic well actually the Bible tells us go to Song of Solomon 6 and we'll talk about this more in Song of Solomon 6 when we get there I'll just quickly show you but she says my mother's children referring to her brothers and sisters are angry with her okay why would they be angry with her well in Song of Solomon 6 verse 11 it says let's see verse 9 Song of Solomon 6 verse 9 I have the wrong reference Song of Solomon chapter 6 verse 9 my dove my undefiled is but one she is the only one of her mother she is the choice one of her that bear her now it says the only one of her mother but it redefines it as the choice one meaning the preferred or favorite so basically Solomon's wife was the favorite child of her mom she's the choice one of her that bear her here's the thing remember the story of Joseph Joseph was the most popular of the sons and all of his brethren hated him so here's the thing the brothers and sisters of Pharaoh's daughter were angry with her you say what well the Bible shows us because she was the favorite child and on a side point we'll talk about it here in several weeks when we get there but as a parent you need to make sure you don't have one child above another one it will cause the brethren to hate that child that's what the Bible says right I mean look I have three kids and my kids are different my youngest son it's kind of too early to tell what his personality is gonna be like and stuff but you could look at maybe your oldest son and say my first son he's my favorite right right I could look at Christabel and say she looks the most like me it's like my favorite or whatever right but you need to make sure and I'm not saying this is easy because we see people struggle within the Bible but that you treat your kids equally you love them equally right the same problem with Jacob and Esau same problem with Joseph and his brethren same problem with Pharaoh's daughter and her brothers and sisters because she's the choice one well there shouldn't be one above another and I believe it's stating that as a fact that that was the favorite of the mother but it's not a good thing though there should not be one child that the parent loves more than the others but you should try to love them equally the Bible says it says that to us so go back to Song of Solomon 1 so I believe the mother's children were angry because she's the favorite child I think that makes the most sense from Song of Solomon 6 the Bible shows us this but notice this they made me the keeper of the vineyards but mine own vineyard have I not kept now here's the thing it's talking about her doing something outdoor work made me the keeper of the vineyards mine own vineyards referring to her body because she's saying the Sun looked upon her so she said I was made the keeper of the vineyards but I didn't get to take care of my own body now what seems to be the case is that as Solomon married this woman it seems like the rest of the family actually moved as well nearby and the vineyard is something that comes up in Song of Solomon like she's doing outdoor work and I don't think it's necessarily like a secular job clock in clock out 40 hours a week but you're seeing a woman without kids that is staying busy that's what you're seeing she's outdoors she's the keeper of the vineyards I mean she is at home a lot but she's also busy and here's the thing you know people are in different situations you make your own choices you know the Bible's best template is that the husband's a provider and the wife stays home with the kids but here's the thing if you decide to do that from day one before you have kids you need to make sure as the woman you're staying busy and Solomon's wife is staying busy because if you're not staying busy you're going to get into trouble whether you're a guy or a girl right and the Bible says women are saved in childbearing by having kids it saves you from getting into trouble is the context there because too much free time will destroy your life and look if you have too much free time in your life you need to develop hobbies or something to do you don't want to be on your cell phones or online all day where you're doing nothing you're going to get yourself in trouble okay and it seems like she's kind of working on a family type business business something outdoors but before she has kids she's actually out working actually doing something because she's trying to stay busy right in our modern day one of the great things we have is a lot of online jobs and so the big thing about women staying home with the kids is the fact that they can raise the kids but with the modern day of a lot of online jobs there is the capacity for a woman to actually stay home and do her duties of raising the kids and being a mom and being a wife but also being able to make money on the side now for me personally with me growing up my parents before my sister was born they had agreed that my mom was going to work a full-time job until they had kids now I'm not saying that's what you should do I'm just saying that's what my parents did right and when my sister was born my mom started to stay home when she stayed home and raised us and eventually homeschooled us she actually worked about 15-20 hours a week because she transcribed doctor's letters and it's kind of a way to get a little bit of extra money a little bit of less stress financially and all I'm stating is you know every situation is different you have to look at your situation with finances logistically and really think about it right about what you're planning to do and what's the best because I do think the best model is for a wife to stay home but I also don't think it's good if someone has too much free time there's a balance on things right and so anyways we see here she was the keeper of the vineyard she basically had the worst job because her brothers and sisters hated her and my own vineyard have I not kept and she's saying you know what I'm not care taking care of my personal vineyard I don't have time to work on my maintenance because I'm outdoors and the sun is looked upon my skin and it's become darkened as a result then it says this in verse 7 tell me oh thou who my soul loveth where thou fetus where thou makes thy flock to rest at noon for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions now verse 7 was a life-changing verse to me when I first got married and it caused me to make a big decision in my life and you know I want you to realize not everybody's in the same situation but I do want you to realize you can look at this book and make real big decisions based on the wisdom from the word of God and I looked at verse 7 and we have a wife who basically at noontime at lunchtime really really misses her husband is that not what we see at noon tell me where your flocks rest at noon she's like I really miss my husband by the time noon rolls around and she's saying I miss him I want to be around my husband and I remember looking at that verse and reading that verse and at the time I had moved back in with my parents to save up money because I wanted I didn't want to get locked into a long lease and have the ability to move and save money and stuff and my parents have a very large house but when I got married I was just like you know what I work I live 20 minutes from where I work so I leave at five in the morning and then I come home at six at night I'm newly married I'm not going to be around my wife all day and I said you know what instead I decided to rent an apartment very close to where I work so I could come home at lunch every day and just spend 30 minutes with my wife you know being newly married I decided it was the best thing for me to do I'm not stating this to say that if you don't spend lunch with your wife you're not right with God that's not what I'm saying people are in different situations I just had the ability to do that I thought it was the best decision based on the wisdom and the word of God I decided to put finances on the back burner and say this is more important because this is what I get from the word of God and the thing is that I wanted to make sure I moved into a place that was not a long-term lease it was month by month and it was inexpensive and you can ask my wife it was not the nicest place it really was not there were nails sticking out of the ground at our house I mean literally nails all throughout the ground inside it really was my only option though but I looked at the word of God and I said you know what I could could live in a big house and just not see my wife all day or I could just do that little bit of being able to come home and have lunch and I believe I made the best decision you know worked out for me and I was able to spend lunch with my wife and and here's the thing about this throughout the Song of Solomon you see the wife always missing her husband you know what you do not see the Bible mentioning in Song of Solomon the husband saying how much he misses his wife now I'm not saying that he didn't miss his wife I'm not saying that the wife loves the husband more than the husband loves the wife what I am saying is the word of God is showing us a distinction saying that as guys we are fully capable of being gone from our wives all day long doesn't really bother us that much and as a guy you know it's we don't think this way so we don't realize we're gone all day we don't think it's that big of a deal but actually to the wife it probably is a big deal because it's at lunchtime she's like where's my husband right now look I'll be honest as a guy I could wake up early read the Bible work out work my job come home late just go to sleep you know just say hello to my wife right before I go to sleep wake up the next day and as guys you can have the tendency to do that just dive into work dive into hobbies be away from your family and here's the thing it could be very possible your wives have never voiced this to you but I'm just helping you to know your wives better it's actually not okay with your wives that you're gone all day from your family and not spending time with them it's the truth this is the word of God I mean guys are afraid to say amen because they're like ouch and wives realize they shouldn't say amen so I told my wife there's gonna be a lot of dead silence during this sermon but this look we need to realize there is a distinction between men and women and when you try to get rid of this distinction you lose the wisdom of the Bible the Bible's giving us a clear distinction show me in the Song of Solomon where he says you know man I missed you so much you don't see that I'm not saying he didn't miss his wife but what I am saying is husbands are more okay being away from their wives and their family whereas wives are not as okay with that and at lunchtime she's like where is my husband right and she says for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions once again she's saying hey you're a popular guy you got a lot of friends and companions everybody wants to be around Solomon and hang out with him make sure you have a special place for me make sure I'm number one I'm your wife I'm the one you chose I should be number one and look as a married person outside of your relationship with your God your number one biggest most important relationship is with your spouse not with your kids with your spouse now once you start having kids you dive into raising those kids and oftentimes you forget about the relationship with your spouse this is probably the battle that probably everybody that's married that has kids goes through this right where basically you kind of forget about the relationship but what the Bible is saying is hey that relationship husband and wife is actually number one outside of your relationship with God you need to make sure you're spending time now I'm not saying that men need to become as women or women need to become as men or men should expect women to be like men or think like men or women should expect men to think and be like women I believe there can be a bit of a compromise because as guys you might have to work extra hours to make more money or maybe you're stressed you need to be able to relieve that stress by working out or doing a hobby or whatever there can be a balance okay I'm just stating that as a guy we don't think this way we think it's okay but actually the Bible is showing us you need to make sure you have time for your wife okay it says here in verse number eight if thou know not oh thou fairest among women what he's saying is if you don't know where I am at lunch if you don't know where I'm at noon and then he says oh thou fairest among women saying you're the most beautiful woman she's down on her appearance he says you're beautiful you know the fairest most attractive woman and then he says go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock and feed thy kids beside the shepherd's tents what he's basically saying is at lunchtime if you do not know where to find me go to this location and I will find you that's what's being said because here's the thing if you work at a desk all day you're going to be at the same place all day long if you're working outdoors you don't know where you're going to be at lunchtime right you could be anywhere working on something your schedule might not be that easy to figure out and what he's saying is if you don't know where I am at noon I will find you we'll spend lunch together that's what he's saying right in in the word of God in verse number verse number eight then it says in verse nine I have compared thee oh my love to a company of horses and Pharaoh's chariots now I've mentioned this verse before but yeah this verse what he's saying is you know just as Pharaoh would have the greatest horses and the greatest chariots he's telling his wife she's the best most beautiful most precious you're the best of any woman there is and he's using poetic language to drive that home okay he's using an example that she would understand verse 10 thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels thy neck with chains of gold now in verse 10 once again he's highlighting her appearance he says thy cheeks thy neck and he's also highlighting things that he has gotten her as a gift jewels and gold I believe he got her as a gift to state hey you are very precious to me I've gotten this for you I haven't gotten this for anybody else you're the most beautiful I've given you jewels I've given you gold I've given you nice things you know you are the number one person in my life verse 11 we will make the borders of gold with studs of silver I'll be honest verse 11 used to really confuse me because I was like I don't get the poetry in this at all like what is he trying to say and the reason why it's confused is because in verse 10 he's highlighting her physical appearance and the things that he got for her and then I realized in verse 11 oh this is what he's saying what he's saying in verse 11 he's not referring to her physical appearance actually I think this verse proves it's Pharaoh's daughter even more than verse 9 because first kings talks about the house that he built for Pharaoh's daughter and what is a stud well it's this metal object that you use when you're building a house you know I've done construction on church buildings before and stuff like that borders the word border is often used when it's talking about building a house in the bible you'll look it up it's often many times the house and it really highlights in first kings about how he built a house for Pharaoh's daughter so I think what he's stating is I'm going to give you the best house which is what we see in first kings and that has nothing to do with their physical appearance but what he's highlighting is I've given you gold and jewels I'm building you this nice house I'm giving you something special right he's telling her how much he cares about her more than about anybody else okay verse number 12 while the king said at that his table my spiked nerd senteth forth to smell thereof so earlier we saw that he smelled good and now she's saying that she smells good right my spiked nerd sent forth the smell thereof and so the idea is that both husband and wife smell good okay this is something that comes up a lot in Solomon like both of them smell good I mean it sendeth forth the smell thereof so it's referring to how somebody smells both husband and wife are making sure they're keeping care of their personal maintenance verse 13 a bundle of myrrh is my well beloved onto me now what is myrrh or myrrh it's a fragrant gum resin obtained from certain trees and used especially in the near east in perfumery medicines and incense once again we're talking about something that smells good mere right look when something comes up over and over again in the word of God it's obviously important right I mean that's what we see over and over again in this chapter and it says this he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts now once again if if you smell really bad then you're not going to be your spouse is not going to want to be around you at night time they're going to want to try to stay away from you but the other thing we can see in verse 13 is that husbands and wives they should sleep in the same bed together that's what we see from verse 13 in a healthy marriage husbands and wives will sleep in the same bed together in our modern day it's about 50 50 i think when you look at statistics it's it's oftentimes once kids are born husband and wife never are together anymore but in a healthy marriage what we're seeing in verse 13 is husbands and wives should sleep in the same bed and see as i said the song of solomon is a book i feel like people read wrong because it's not just this is what they did in their marriage the bible's saying this is what you should do if you want to have a good marriage smell good spend time together right put your spouse above anybody else sleep in the same bed i mean these are basic things i mean there's a lot of practical wisdom very basic but the reality is for all of us that have kids once you start having kids some of these things you kind of let slip away because they're they're harder they're more difficult it takes work look if you want to be a good christian it takes work if you want to be a good worker at your job it takes work it takes effort if you want to have a good marriage it takes work it's not just automatic it's going to take place it's going to take work and as i said when it comes to preaching this sermon i'm not saying i'm perfect at everything i'm preaching i mean this stuff's hard to apply it's hard to do but this is what the bible is actually stating now there's a couple reasons i can think of off the top of my head why it is so important that husbands and wives sleep in the same bed one is because there is a normal physical relationship that should be done between a husband and a wife it's not just well we we have kids so now we're retired from that that's not a healthy marriage and look this shouldn't make you feel uncomfortable because the bible talks about this the bible says if you go without it should only be with consent agreement for a time for fasting and prayer and so if in your relationship it's like six months a year you need to make some changes it's not a healthy part of a marriage and if you're not fulfilling that aspect of your marriage the reality is there's normal desires that might be met somewhere else that's reality it's not right to do that but i'm just stating reality that god made us in a certain way and there's nothing carnal or sinful about that in the bonds of marriage that's one important aspect here's the other important aspect of husbands and wives sleeping in the same bed in my opinion you know what when you start having kids for all of us who have kids you probably have the same story you start having kids and you realize i never have any time to actually talk or spend with my spouse right you have kids your kids are always around you never are able to have conversations with them during the day you're stressed you're busy you get mad you lose your temper and what you're going to find is you start hating your spouse because you're just around them during stressful times and never actually spend real time with them never have real conversations with them you say what's the best time to have conversations well probably when you're lying in the same bed together right you're around each other you talk about things you talk about life there are certain conversations i just don't want my kids to be around you know if we're talking about basically how we're raising our kids and the other thing is this you know what you know you talk about certain things it's just you have that special friendship with your spouse you talk with them you're not going to talk to other people about it but many people once they start having kids they never actually have a real conversation with their spouse anymore it's really retirement from actually spending any time or having a real conversation i think the easiest and best time is just you're in bed together you're talking and just about life that's very important and look as i said before as guys it doesn't really seem like that big of a deal because you can go without the day and not see your your wife but the bible says that you know you need to dwell with your wives according to knowledge you need to get to know them meaning having conversations getting to know about them who they are and talking to them and probably the best time is when you're in bed together another good time is at meals breakfast lunch dinner try to have some meals together as a family just set times you all get together but here's the thing your kids are around during those times you need to make sure you still have that one-on-one relationship with your spouse and it can be very difficult as you start having kids look sunday's a great day but the reality is at on sunday you're around all of your companions all of your friends it's not the same thing as a one-on-one spending time with your spouse it's not the same thing and look i love sundays i love church days i love being around god's people but you still need your personal relationship with your spouse and we get that wisdom that in a happy and healthy marriage you're actually going to have that now the reality is that when kids are born kids are different and you know what some kids can be very clingy it can be very difficult what we've found with our youngest son so far is he's the least clingy he's been the easiest baby and we're you know thanking the lord for that we're very you know praising the lord for that and honestly he sleeps in a crib he doesn't even sleep in bed with us and my wife has because i do think it's important to breastfeed through the night but my wife has no problems waking up when the baby cries for us it works that he sleeps in the crib and we're able to be in bed together and the kids are in the other room but with other you know kids we've had you know they were more clingy and they they wanted to always be around mom and dad and here's the thing it's important to be around your kids and i teach my kids the bible at night time you know i tell them stories and stuff but it's also important for me to have my time with my spouse you need the balance you need to make sure you're spending your time raising your kids and working and doing these things you also need to make sure you have that one-on-one relationship and as i said for us that are married with kids i'm hoping we actually apply this sermon and we kind of try to reset and say you know what there's things i've let slip in my marriage maybe i never take showers right i just always smell bad okay i need to start taking showers use deodorant it's like brother stuck he said that right whatever it is it's like be willing to make changes but here's the thing don't take any sermon and then say yeah i'm glad my husband heard this or i'm glad my wife heard that it's like look at your own life and see what changes you can make and what i would encourage you to do if you're married is to have honest conversations about the things and wisdom you learn from the bible and say well how can we apply this because it sounds very easy but your situation might not be that easy for example i do think husbands and wives should sleep in the same bed together but what do you do if your job and work schedule is completely opposite you know of a normal morning to evening shift many people at our church they work through the night right i mean they work because they work on american schedules or another country or whatever look i'm not preaching against you because i wouldn't expect you to be sleeping you know in the same bed you're up at a different time but here's what you can take away because we don't have that time at night together we need to make some adjustments so we can compensate for that make sure we're still spending time together as husband and wife make sure we have that normal physical relationship your work schedule might make it impossible or it might be really busy but you got to figure out a time that where you can be alone with your spouse okay i understand people's situations are different it's not always that simple things can get in the way it can be hard but you got to figure out ways to make adjustments to make it happen okay for me i i often put the kids to sleep at night and i have a bad tendency i fall asleep you know while i'm putting the kids to sleep at night so then i i roll into our bed at like 2 30 in the morning like half asleep half dead or whatever and it's just like so i'm not saying i'm perfect at this i'm not saying every single night it's just really easy it's just like in a movie where everything works out and it's no that's not reality it's it's hard to have a good marriage you got to work at it i'm not standing up here being dishonest and stating to you how easy it is for me or how great it is and how great of a husband i am or how great of a wife my wife is no marriage is hard for us that are married with kids is marriage not hard it takes work takes effort i mean to have a good marriage you got to put in effort got to put in work and a lot of the stuff in solomon very simple to see hard to apply though but we're seeing in a good healthy marriage that you will actually be lying to get bed lying in bed together as husband and wife verse 14 my beloved is onto me as a cluster of campire in the vineyards of engedi now the cluster of campire i i i wasn't a hundred percent for sure what that was but when i was looking it up and i looked at a few different opinions my best guess is that it is an archaic name for modern day flower known as henna which is often used as a design in tattoos what i think is being it's considered a beautiful design now obviously i'm not saying get tattoos okay it's just used in tattoos i think what's being stated is beauty though i don't think it's about the smell i think it's about the beauty when it says a cluster of campfire in the vineyards of engedi i'm not a hundred percent positive though because i saw a lot of different opinions it's not really a word that you use as much anymore but i think it's an archaic name for henna which is known to be a very beautiful flower verse 15 behold our fair my love behold our fair thou hast dove's eyes and here he's complimenting her eyes she has dove's eyes and of course we should be complimenting the beauty of our spouses right now as i said as a guy you're not really as concerned with how you look but in in a way i think what's more important to guys is not necessarily how attractive they look but guys tend to want to look strong and tough at least i don't know i do so for me if my wife says i look attractive i'm like okay but she says you look tough right you look strong it's like thank you right and so obviously just figure out your spouse figure out what's important to them and try to compliment them and make them feel good right whatever is very important to them you know make it a point to highlight that okay behold our fair my beloved yea pleasant also our bed is green now when he says our bed is green i don't think that stating that the bed was actually the color green green is symbolic of life in the bible and for example if you live in an area because it talks about winter in chapter two of song of solomon when you're in the winter time the dead of winter everything's dead there is no life it's miserable and then all of a sudden you start to see the flowers right the flowers appear on the earth it says the song of solomon two right you know the voice of the turtle is heard in the lands you're starting to see life you start to see the color green and green symbolizes life you know like plants and things like that what i believe he's saying is our bed is green i believe he's stating the fact that they were physically active together not that they had like a dead marriage they're never around each other but they were just physically active like a normal healthy marriage would be i think that's what you're seeing there in verse 16 then he says this in verse 17 the beams of our house are cedar now cedar what is that really known for being a very strong and thick tree right a cedar tree is very thick very strong and i believe what he's stating in verse 17 is our house our marriage is very strong basically our house will stand up to the test of the storms and the winds and the rains and the problems that will come because make no mistake about it when you get married storms will come to attack your marriage problems will come in your life it could be financial stresses it could be health concerns it could be being busy i mean there's all kinds of things that could destroy a good marriage and what he states about his marriage is the beams of our house are are cedar it's a strong marriage we will stand the test of time i appreciate the confidence in solomon but unfortunately that cedar turned to like a little twig or whatever over time because obviously the marriage just you know went down at some point but at this time in a healthy marriage you should have the attitude hey you know what our marriage we're we're together for better or worse for sickness and health till death do us part for better rich richer poorer you know whatever you know i i never do a good job when i do the ceremonies at weddings i always mess everything up but you know what i'm saying right but the idea is no matter what comes we'll stay together we'll stay strong in our marriage and look sometimes problems happen sometimes major health things happen we say that at a wedding but sometimes that's reality somebody gets in a car wreck and there's permanent side effects where it's it's not the same and you know you wish it never happened but we should have the attitude when we get married for better or worse and say you know we're going to stick it out we're going to stay together but not even just sticking it out and staying married we're going to try to have a strong marriage we're going to try to make sure we have a good marriage we're going to try to apply what the bible says and actually do what the song of solomon says in order to have a good marriage but he also says and our rafters of fur now fur is something that's soft so if i'm understanding the symbolism i think there's the idea of a strong marriage that will stand up to the storms of life but there's also a softer delicate side meaning that you know they have a friendship they spend time together they're romantic together you know they laugh they joke you know that's the kind of symbolism i believe it's saying with fur where it's not just hey we're strong we're tough but you actually have a delicate marriage you're happy to be around each other you have a friendship you laugh you joke are rafters of fur and this is what we're seeing for a good marriage right now look i personally as we went through this chapter there's a lot of great wisdom in this chapter is there not i mean it's a really interesting chapter there's a lot of great wisdom and there is in all eight chapters i mean literally there's a lot of stuff where it's like i don't want to preach multiple times so i kind of highlighted each thing that we should talk about in the chapters there is a lot of great information and i would say that for everyone that is married in this room if you are honest with yourself when you listen to this series when you listen to these sermons you could say you know what i should make some changes in my life right i'm including myself i mean honestly whenever the word of god is preached we can make changes but honestly if we're honest with ourselves it's not like i'm this perfect husband it's not like anyone's a perfect husband or a perfect wife i mean you can listen to the series say yeah you know what i'm looking at a good marriage and you know what i need to kind of reset myself because when you first get married the bible speaks about the gladness in your heart in the song of solomon you're excited you met the person you're meant to be with and you always thought before you were married once i find the perfect spouse i will never be sad again isn't that what people think and then you get married and you start realizing actually i'm glad i'm married but it actually takes a lot of work there can actually be miserable times after you're married there's actually difficulties after you're married you think that once you get married everything's perfect you're never going to have struggles again but then you realize that's not reality it actually takes work it takes effort you know it can be difficult and you know we need to reset ourselves back to what the bible says and and realize the bible says that you need to be heirs together of the grace of life to serve god you will do more serving god when you unite together with your spouse than if you basically try to just do it by yourself and just forget about your spouse and look i understand marriage is difficult it takes work there's fights there's arguments there's difficulties there's things that need to be changed you get mad there's forgiveness there's all these things in marriage marriage is a beautiful thing it's a wonderful thing i pray and hope all the singles at our church meet a godly person the person they're meant to be with and it is a great blessing and i'd say all of us that are married would say hey we hope for that for the singles because it is a blessing being married but if we're honest we have to also say but it's also difficult being married it takes work it takes effort you need to read this book and learn from this book with an open mind and be willing to make changes and look i hope that you're excited about this book i hope you will study it in your free time and i know there's a lot of poetry some of this stuff is kind of confusing but when you actually see it broken down and and really look at it i don't i don't think it's that confusing actually it's just sometimes the poetry can kind of make you a bit confused there's a lot of great wisdom in this book let's close in word prayer dear heavenly father thank you for allowing us to be here today and getting to see your word on this topic and ask you to help all of us in this room all of us that are married to basically strive to have this sort of marriage and if we're kind of failing in some areas help us get back to you know the basic principles of things that we already know but put in the effort and time asking to help all of us have strong and healthy marriages including me and my wife also asking to help all the singles to meet a godly person and prepare themselves for marriage by learning from this book and knowing what the bible says god we just pray these things in jesus name amen is is is is is is is is is amen you