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All right, we're here in Ephesians chapter 6 and we'll continue our series on a proper balance and we're going to be talking about parenting in this sermon, parenting. Now I would say that if you are a father or you are a mother in this room, probably the biggest thing you think about or one of the most important things to you is just the fact that your kids are going to grow up and just be good kids and successful in life. It's something that obviously when your kids are young, it's like you don't see the finished product. You know, my oldest child is turning seven in January. He's still very young, but of course, you know, you're doing things by faith based on what the Bible says that if I follow what God says and do my best, then my kids will be successful. Now I'm just going to give you just four points here today to give you kind of the basic things that we really need to make sure that we're doing a good job on to have the proper balance so we are successful as parents. Now and let me say this to start off, obviously no mom and no dad is going to be a perfect parent. You know, we try our best. I'm not a perfect father. I make mistakes and if you're a child in this room, you know, regardless of what mistakes your parents make or what they have made or what they will make in the future, it is never okay to disrespect your parents and to rebel against them. I believe that even when you grow older, you should love your parents and be respectful for the work and effort they put in in raising you. Now here's what it says in verse number four, any fathers provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Now when it comes to parenting, when you really think of the one two combo, you think of nurture and admonition and those will be our first two points and then we'll have two other points here today. The Bible says nurture and admonition. Now which one of these is mentioned first? Nurture. It's not a coincidence. It's not like the Bible's randomly meant, meant randomly writing things in a certain way. What that is showing you is that nurture is more important than admonition, although they are both very important. Okay. Go to Ephesians chapter five, Ephesians five, Ephesians five. And notice what the Bible says in verse 29. Now to understand the structure here we have at the end of Ephesians five, the relationship of a husband and his wife. And then we have the authority structure of a parent with his child and then we have masters and servants. So there's a lot of similar information because authority structures have a lot of similarities. And what it says to the husband toward his wife is this, verse 29, for no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it even as the Lord the church. Now the word cherish is a synonym to the word nurture. And so the word nurture, we're saying to care for, to love, to cherish. These are the things that are associated with this word nurture. Now go to First Thessalonians two, First Thessalonians two, and we'll look up this word cherish. First Thessalonians two, First Thessalonians chapter two, verse seven, First Thessalonians two, verse seven. And it says in First Thessalonians two, verse seven, but we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherishes her children. Now in our modern day, when you think of nurse, you think of a job as a nurse, but the Bible talks about nursing a child. And so when you have a newborn child, you are the nurse onto that child. And when you have a very young child, you are very delicate and careful with that newborn baby. Right? I remember as a first-time father, I was afraid to hold my son Zeph. I was thinking, what if I accidentally drop him or whatever? I was afraid where I was like, you know, I'm afraid I'm going to mess up or whatever, because you're very delicate with a newborn child. You're very delicate. I mean, kids at a very young age, unfortunately, they can be very makulit, and they can fall and get hurt. You're always very worried as a parent. Right? I remember the first time our son Zeph fell off the bed, it was at nighttime, and it was in the U.S. It was actually carpeted, but we were still so afraid when he hit the floor, he's crying. You want to be very delicate with young children. Right? And what Paul says is this, that we were gentle among you. So when you're thinking of nurturing, you're thinking of cherish, being gentle, being loving, spending time, caring for. That's what the Bible is saying by providing nurture to your children. Go to Psalm 127. Psalms is in the middle of your Bible, and chapter 127 is toward the end of the book of Psalms. Psalm 127. Psalm 127. Now, it's true that it is the job of the husband to be the provider for his family, but that's not the only job that you have, so it's not just moms that are going to or should cherish and care for their kids, because what we're looking at from Ephesians 6 is the fathers. So the Bible says, as fathers, you are to nurture your kids. So this is not just for moms, because obviously moms spend a lot of time with their kids. This is also a responsibility for the fathers to nurture, to cherish, and to care for their kids as well. Psalm 127, verse 3. Low children are in heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is his reward. I'm amazed in 2024 how a lot of young people think that having a child is a curse. A lot of young people don't want to have children in 2024. It's like, well, I'm going to get married. It's going to get in the way of my career. I've got so many things I want to accomplish. Having kids is just going to get in the way. And I just think, thou fool, because children are such a blessing, it's great to be around your kids. I love spending time with my kids, and the Bible says it is a reward. It's not a punishment when God blesses you with a child. Verse 4. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth. Verse 5. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. They shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. See, the Bible says children are a blessing. Children are a reward. And the Bible says the father that has kids is happy. Now think about this logically. When you are at work providing financially for your kids, that's not the happiness the Bible is mentioning, right? Because here's what I want you to understand. If you do not spend time with your kids as a father, you will not look at your kids as a blessing. You're going to look at them as a curse and a burden. You say, why? Because all you're doing is working to financially provide, and then you get a paycheck. You come home, and then it's like your kids, you know, they cost a lot of money. You're going to look at your kids as being a burden rather than a blessing if you do not spend time, and unfortunately, that is the way that a lot of fathers are with their kids. They don't spend time with their kids. It's kind of like, wow, I'm so busy working, I've got to provide. Well, then you're not going to look at your kids as being a blessing. What is the blessing and the happiness involved with your kids? Spending time with them. Look, there's nothing like when I come home on a Sunday, and I come to my family, and I open the door, and then it's always my daughter's yells, it's Daddy! And then they run, they give me a hug. Now that's the happiness. That's the blessing. Working at your secular job to provide financially, that's not the blessing, and if that's the only thing you do for your kids is financially provide, you will look at them as a burden. You will look at them as a blessing, but the Bible says that when you spend time with your kids, it makes you happy, and it is a blessing. Turn to First Samuel, chapter seven. First Samuel seven. What that means when we say spend time is when you come home, get off your cell phone for a little while and spend time with your kids. It's like, well, I was in the same room as them. That's not the same as actually spending time with your kids. It's like I was on my phone. My kids were on their phone or their computer or TV or whatever, and it's like nobody's talking with one another. That's not spending time with your kids. Spending time with your kids is when you put aside everything and just actually take the time to be with them and put them above whatever you want to watch on your phone, right? And look, and obviously this is true for moms as well, but the Bible highlights specifically fathers in Ephesians six. We must make sure that we take time to nurture our kids, and by the way, the same is also true for a mom. Like let's say, for example, you're a stay at home mom and you look at your job as being cooking and cleaning and the mess to pick up. They're going to feel like a burden because those kids are making the mess. They're going to feel like a burden because you got to cook to provide for them, and what takes place sometimes is fathers and mothers can feel like they're so busy and stressed. I just want my own time and not spend time with their kids. You're going to look at your kids as a burden because the happiness is when you actually spend time with your kids. That's why when I preach on being a mom, I try to highlight the fact that when taking care of the house, the biggest thing is your kids. That's the biggest thing. More important than the cooking and cleaning is make sure you're there for your kids. First Samuel seven verse 15, and Samuel judged Israel all the days of his life and he went from year to year in circuit to Bethel and Gilgal and Mizpah and judge Israel and all those places, and his return was to Ramah for there was his house and there he judged Israel and there he built an altar onto the Lord. If you were to go back a few hundred years ago in the U.S. and certain countries in Europe, they would have something known as a circuit riding preacher. A circuit riding preacher would ride into town on a horse and he would be at the church and just minister to the people for a couple weeks and then he would go to another town and he'd go to another town and then he'd go to another town and then he'd go home to his family. So what he was doing was he was gone from his family all the time and just for about 25% of the time he was around his family. Does that sound like what God wants you to do as a father, to just always be gone? Because Samuel's a better person than I'm going to be probably. He's probably going to get a lot more rewards than me, but we can also learn from the bad example in the Bible and we see here that Samuel just did not provide a lot of nurture to his kids. You say, well, how can you say that? Because he's traveling around to everywhere. Look, I came from a long distance away today, but that's because we have cars. They didn't have cars thousands of years ago, meaning when you travel to another area, it takes a long time. It's going to take a long time to actually get back, so you're not just going to travel and then just immediately leave. You're going to be there for a while. And Samuel is going from place to place to place to place. You notice the reaction with his family in verse one of chapter eight. First Samuel eight, verse one, and it came to pass when Samuel was old that he made his sons judges over Israel. Now the name of the firstborn was Joel and the name of his second Abiah. They were judges in Beersheba and his sons walked not in his ways, but turned aside after Lucre and took bribes and perverted judgment. Now look, I'm not going to say that Samuel was a bad father, but he was not a good father. You say, well, how can you say that? Because of the fact he was not there for his kids and what's the result? His kids are not walking in his ways. Even though Samuel taught the right things, even though Samuel probably provided admonition, the problem is he was not around his kids. He did not provide nurture. And the first thing mentioned in Ephesians six is nurture. As fathers, we need to spend time with our kids. We need to cherish them. We need to love them. We need our kids to realize that we actually care about them, that we're actually there for them. And that means that you've got to actually put aside the rest of your schedule to actually spend time with your kids when you're not working. Turn your Bible to first Samuel chapter two, first Samuel two. And you know, one thing I'll say is this, that when it comes to being a parent, there are many goals I have for my kids. There are many things I'm trying to accomplish. And I'm sure I'm not going to be successful at all those things. I'm sure I'm going to make a lot of mistakes as a father. But because of the fact that the Bible makes it very simple, nurture and admonition, you can be encouraged as a parent that if your kids realize that you actually love them, that can override the mistakes that you make as a parent. And so if I were to look at one thing I need to make sure I do for my kids, I need to nurture my kids. I need to love my kids. I need to care for them. I need to spend time. Am I going to be a perfect father? Of course not. I'm going to make mistakes. I'm going to lose my temper sometimes and yell at my kids and make mistakes sometimes. But if you provide nurture that's mentioned first for a reason, it can have a big, big impact. So the Bible mentions nurture, but the Bible also mentions admonition because if all you provide is love and you never correct your kids, you're going to have a problem because your kids are going to make mistakes. Every single child needs a punishment sometimes. Every child needs a spanking sometimes. Notice what it says in 1 Samuel 2 verse 22. Now Eli was very old and heard all that his sons did unto Israel and how they lay with the women that assembled at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. So imagine if you had, imagine if me as the pastor of the church, my sons grow up and then they're just sleeping with the women that are coming in to the congregation of the Lord. That's a pretty big sin, isn't it? I mean, these guys are basically committing adultery with all the women that are coming for spiritual reasons. I mean, that is a pretty massive sin that's being committed. By the way, adultery has the death penalty. That's a pretty massive sin that is being committed by his sons. And then this is what the Bible says in verse 23, and he said unto them, why do ye such things? For I hear of your evil dealings by all this people. Nay, my sons, for it is no good report that I hear ye make the Lord's people to transgress. If one man sin against another, the judge shall judge him. But if a man sin against the Lord, who shall entreat for him? Notwithstanding, they hearken not unto the voice of their father because the Lord would slay them. Now, here's the thing. If your kids are already grown adults and they are sleeping with all the women at church, they're too old to be corrected at that point. They're not going to listen to you. I mean, if your child is 20 years old and they've got these major sins in their life, they're just not going to have an impact when they're 20 years old. How do you have an impact on your kids when they're two years old, when they're three years old, when they're five years old, when they're 10 years old, but not at 20? The Bible says, chasing thy son while there is hope. And what that means is your kids are going to reach an age where it doesn't matter what sort of discipline you provide or whatever correction, they're not going to listen. You say, why? Because they're too old. They're just not going to take heed to the words that you have to say. Go to chapter three. Chapter three. See, the problem with Samuel as a father was that Samuel did not provide nurture. I assume he probably provided admonition, but the Bible doesn't give us enough information to know. As with Eli, I don't know whether or not he provided nurture, but he did not provide admonition. First Samuel three, verse 11, and the Lord said to Samuel, behold, I will do a thing in Israel, at which both the ears of everyone that heareth it shall tingle. In that day I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house. When I begin, I will also make an end, for I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knoweth. Because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not. Now, when the Bible says he restrained them not, I don't think that's referring to the fact when they are grown adults. Because at that point, they deserve the death penalty according to the word of God. They can't really correct them, right? I think he's referring to when they were growing up, he didn't stop them. He didn't restrain them. They're doing wrong, they're sinning, and he does nothing to stop what they're doing. And the Bible says because of that, his house was rejected, and then God ended up choosing Samuel. Go to Proverbs 19. Proverbs 19. What we're talking about here about not restraining your kids is when your kids are young and they do something wrong, you need to discipline them. You need to correct that. You cannot just be as a parent always just making excuses or taking your kid's side. It's like, no, if your kids do wrong, it's your job to punish your kids. It's your job to correct your kids. And if you do not restrain them, well, you might have a situation like Eli's kids as they grow up. Proverbs 19 verse 18, chasing thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crime. Now, what does the Bible mean, let not thy soul spare for his crime? Here's what it means. When your child realizes they're about to get a spanking, what do they say? Like, no, no, no, I'm sorry now, I'm sorry. And then they start just, they'll just say, no, they start crying. Please don't, please don't, please don't. Here's the thing. If you do not spank them because they're crying to try to get out of it, you know what you're teaching your kids? They can just cry their way out of it every single time. You're just teaching your kids that you are a pushover and your rules mean nothing, right? As a parent, if you've made the decision that they're going to get a spanking, you've got to go through with it, right? The Bible says, let not thy soul spare for his crime. So it's referring to the fact that as you're about to spank them, you know what, they're going to cry to try to get out of it. Go to chapter 13, chapter 13, chapter 13. I wish as a father that all I ever had to provide for my kids was nurture because spanking is not fun for anybody. I don't think there's a father or a mother in this room that would say they enjoy spanking their kids. It takes time. It takes effort. I don't want to hurt my kids. I don't want to have to punish my kids. I want to be a friend to my kids, but there's a proper time for spanking, and if your kids are bad and they do wrong, you need to discipline your kids. The Bible says in Proverbs 13, verse 24, he that spareth his rod hateth his son, but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Now the word betimes is an old-fashioned word for early. What it's saying is at an early age is when you start spanking your kids. Now what I believe and what I've taught is that when your kids know the word no, they understand the word no, and they disobey, that's when they get a spanking. So if your child accidentally knocks something over or accidentally breaks something, that doesn't deserve a spanking. It's an honest mistake that anybody could make. It's when you say something and they disobey, it's like that's when they get a spanking. For all three of my kids, they understood the word no before 12 months. I would say that around 10 months, I was pretty confirmed on all of them. They know the word no. Kids are very funny when they're at that age because what they will do is they will look at you, you say, don't do that, and you can tell they understand, it's like no, and they look at you and they kind of smile, and they're like, and they're crawling, they're slowly getting closer, and they're looking at you, can I get away with it? And they're basically testing you at that age. But they understand at that age. Now of course, if you're going to spank a 10 month old, you don't spank them hard because they're small, obviously. But I do believe that that's when you start. You say why? Well, because number one, the Bible said B times, which is early. And number two, the reason for spanking is you're punishing disobedience. And so if they're disobeying, see a one month old is not disobeying you. They don't understand those things, a two month old. But there's going to come a point where they understand the word no. Now, if you say, well, I'm just going to wait until they're five years old. Good luck. Good luck because the Bible says foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. And at a young age, you're going to see that your kids are muckily and they will disobey. And if you wait, it's just going to mean a lot more work and a lot more effort to correct it as they get older. Go to your Bible to 1 Kings 12, 1 Kings 12, 1 Kings chapter 12. Now I think something that probably every parent wonders before they first start disciplining their kids is you kind of wonder about this idea, okay, well, how do you spank? Like what sort of advice? What do I do? I remember when our son Zeph was being born and he started to get to that age and I'm just thinking, okay, I remember asking the question and in hindsight, it sounds like a stupid question, but I had never spanked my child before. And I just said, I remember asking someone at the church who had raised kids or very godless. And I said, so what do you do after you spank the child? And I'm like, do you talk to them? Like, what do you do? And it's pretty basic and it makes sense, but I had just never done it. And basically, number one, when you spank your kids, there is a specific place in the body that God has provided that has a lot of cushioning that provides pain and no injury. And I believe that there's a reason why God created that part of your body for that purpose to discipline and spank your child, because there is no injury when you spank that part of your child. It leaves a red mark and then it's gone in like 10 minutes, right? If you cannot control your temper, then you need to wait as a parent until you can to discipline your kids, because you should not spank out of rage where you're just going to lose it. You need to make sure that your emotions are under control. And what you do is you spank the appropriate amount of times based on what they did. And then what you do is you hug them, you say you love them, and you explain why they got the spanking. And other parents would say the same thing as me. 99% of the time, they immediately hug and say, I'm sorry, Daddy, right? That's what the kids do. So you spank under control the specific place in the body that God has provided, and you make sure you hug them, and you explain and talk to them. You don't want these emotions to be going further, because that's the thing about spanking. It's dealt with immediately, and then the situation is gone, and those emotions are gone. Look, if you spank your child and then just say, now get away from me, you're messing up majorly, because you're going to develop this ... I mean, your kids are going to start to cry, and you're going to develop this attitude with your kids where they're going to get bitter and mad at you because of how you're doing it. Spanking is not fun, but the way you do it is you spank, you hug, you explain, you say that you love them, and that's how you do it. Now let me just confess my faults one to another. I have not always spanked my kids perfectly. There have been times that I was mad and I over-spanked them, always on this part of their body, but I was really mad, and afterwards I was still upset. And that's wrong as a parent. Every parent makes mistakes, and that is true. But what you need to make sure that you can do is hug them after and say that you love them. If you are not under emotional control at that moment, you've got to wait until you are. Otherwise, you are really going to mess up as a parent because you're going way overboard. You say, wait a minute, is it possible to go overboard? Well, 1 Kings 12, let's see what the Bible says, 1 Kings 12, 1 Kings 12, verse 12. And to give you the background on the story, in the book of 1 Kings, Solomon is the king in chapter 11, and Solomon ends up getting in sin, he ends up rebelling. And then God says, because of this, I'm going to take the kingdom away from you. Your son's going to get one tribe, and he's going to lose the other 10 tribes. The one tribe being Judah plus Benjamin, because it's dominantly been Judah, I should say. So 1 plus 1 equals 2, so 2 plus 10 is your 12. That's not a Bible contradiction. But he says, your son's going to lose the kingdom in his day because of your sin. So Rehoboam ends up taking control. He's the king, that's the son of Solomon. And then Rehoboam, as he becomes the king, he decides, okay, I've got to figure out what kind of king am I going to be. Now I would say, you probably should figure that out before you're the king. But he's like, should I be nice or should I be mean? And so he first goes to the old man, and he gets counsel from them, and he says, what kind of leader should I be? And the old men say, love the people, care for the people, lay down your life, and they will serve you forever. He's like, okay, now let me get some advice from the young people. And what's very typical with young people, the young people are like, be very harsh, be very mean, you show them that you're the boss. And he's like, I kind of like that advice. And so Rehoboam takes the advice from the young men. Notice what it says here in 1 Kings 12, verse 12. So Jeroboam and all the people came to Rehoboam the third day as the king had appointed, saying, come to me again the third day. And the king answered the people roughly, and forsook the old men's counsel that they gave him. Answer the people roughly. It sounds like Rehoboam should have listened to the sermon, thank you, please, in Po. What's the point of being rude to them? Why not just be kind? And it says here in verse 14, and spake to them after the counsel of the young men, saying, my father made your yoke heavy, and I will add to your yoke. My father also chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions. So Rehoboam basically comes in and he tells the people, you know what, my dad was harsh with you, but I'm going to take it to another level. How would you like it if the next president that comes in, in their first speech, they say, you know what, the old president was rough, but I'm going to make your life a lot tougher. Who's going to want to serve that person? I mean, I don't understand where Rehoboam doesn't get this. I mean, this is just common sense that if you're incredibly rude, then your servants aren't going to want to serve you. Notice the reaction in verse 19. So Israel rebelled against the house of David onto this day. And so what is the result? The result is the kingdom ends up getting split, and most people leave Rehoboam. You say, why? Because Rehoboam was too harsh. See, what we're talking about is a proper balance, and when it comes to admonition, you must provide admonition to your kids, but you can also go way too extreme on that. It's like you don't want to do too little. You do not want to do too much because if you go too much, what's the result going to be? Well, according to 1 Kings 12, they're going to rebel against you. They're going to be mad because you're just being too harsh with them. Go in your Bible to Psalm 18. Psalm 18. Psalm chapter 18. Psalm chapter 18. You know, I have a relative from my family, and I'm not going to say who this relative is. It's not my sister, though, so this doesn't relate to our parents, but you know, the relative I have for decades and decades and decades had bitterness in their heart, and they would just say that when they were a teenager and they got beaten by their mom, they would just say this to their mom, why don't you hit me again and show me how much you love me? And they had bitterness for decades and decades and decades. You say, why? Because they were just too harsh. The discipline was just overboard, and then decades later, they still had anger inside their heart because of, you know, basically how they were disciplined. Now, as I said, I don't think it's right for kids to rebel against their parents. Regardless of the mistakes your mom and dad make, you need to respect and honor and love your mom and your dad. Honor thy father and thy mother, and that doesn't mean that once you turn 18, just forget about it. You should still honor your parents, but as a parent, we do need to realize we can go way too far on discipline, and if we go too far, what's the result going to be? Well, the result's going to be like Rehoboam when he took the kingdom. They're going to rebel, and they're going to hate you. Notice what the Bible says in Psalm 18, verse 34. Psalm 18, verse 34. And this is the psalmist David basically saying about what God has done for him and taught him, and it says here in verse 34, he teacheth my hands to war so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms. That's pretty hardcore. God's teaching him to war, but notice this in verse 35, thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation, and thy right hand hath holded me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great. Didn't we talk about providing nurture and care and being gentle and about loving your kids? And this is the Heavenly Father dealing with David, and David says, you know what? One thing I know about God is God is very gentle. I mean, that's one of the things I'm very appreciative as a Christian, because I sin every single day. I mess up, and what I also know, though, is I can go to my Heavenly Father at nighttime and say, God, I messed up. Forgive me. Give me another chance. You know what? God is very merciful. Right? God is very gentle. God is very merciful, and it gives us the guide of how we should be as parents to our kids. So we need to provide admonition, but you also want to have a proper balance in regard to that admonition as well. Go in your Bible to 2 Samuel 13, 2 Samuel chapter 13, 2 Samuel chapter 13. I've said this before, but I'll just say this in regards to spanking. This is a topic a lot of people have a lot of questions on, and this is the way that I was raised, and this is how I believe, that when you spank kids at a young age, you know, it's never fun the first time. And I'll say this. One of the things that happens is that every once in a while you go to spank your child, and they've got a poopy diaper you don't realize, and then all of a sudden you spank, and then you're like, and your child starts laughing. That happens, okay, unfortunately. But when you spank your child, it's very normal when they're very young, but you know what? As they get older, it starts to feel a bit weird. Like it's a lot stranger if I were to spank my son Zeph than Ezra. You say why? Because, I mean, Zeph is like this tall on me or whatever. It starts to get very weird as they get older, and I believe that's kind of born into you where it just feels uncomfortable because there is an age where I think you should stop doing that physical discipline. It doesn't mean that you do not punish your kids, but I would strongly suggest come up with a different form of punishment. See, a young child you cannot reason and talk to and help them understand, hey, if you do this again, then I'm going to take away these privileges. But you can do that to someone that's 10 years old or 12 years old. And it's the way that I was raised that you get to a certain age and no longer do you have any sort of physical punishment. I was still punished by my parents, but not in that way anymore. Because the thing is, it's a bit embarrassing when your parents pull down your pants and spank you. Right? And the thing is, if it's a two-year-old, it's no big deal because, here's the thing, two-year-olds don't really understand nakedness, do they? But then once they already understand nakedness and they're getting older, it becomes a very embarrassing thing when they're seven, eight, nine, 10 years old. And I'm not saying a necessary exact age. I'm just saying that there comes an age where it's going to be very awkward. How much more is a father for my daughter, Christabel? It's one thing spanking a son, but it's like as your daughter gets to be a certain age, that is incredibly awkward and strange. And the other thing is this, as they get older, it's just not going to hurt enough to cause that pain. And the only way to really cause that pain is to hit somewhere else, but that's just not the place that God has provided to hit. God has provided one place that causes pain and does not do any injury whatsoever, and then there reaches a point you should graduate that punishment to another form of discipline because otherwise you're going to embarrass your kids and they can grow bitter and mad as a result. Let me also say this, that when it comes to spanking your kids, you do not want to embarrass your kids. If your children act up in church and they deserve a spanking, I want you to spank your child privately in the bathroom, not in front of people where it's going to embarrass them. I mean, if your child acts up and then you punish them, discipline them in front of everybody, it's going to embarrass your child. To the best of your ability, you ought to do it in a quiet and private place rather than doing it in front of other people because the point is you're instructing them but not embarrassing them. I've heard stories of a pastor, I know, a pastor in Pampanga where when his daughters acted up, he shaved their head. They're like 12 years old, so he shaved their head and then they're going to church with a bald head. It's like, why are you embarrassing your daughters? And imagine that they grew up and they hated their dad because of how harsh that he was. It's like your goal is not to embarrass your kids. Your goal is to correct your kids in a loving way so they realize that you love them and care for them. Point number one, we see nurture. Point number two, we see admonition. Point number three, an important thing on having a proper balance raising your kids is honesty. And when I say honesty, what I mean is as a parent, you need to be honest with yourself. See the thing is, as my kids are getting older, I have my opinion on what the Bible says and I'm going to follow what the Bible says, but I also have to actually pay attention and ask myself, is everything going the way I think it should? And if there are areas that are not going the way that it should, I need to make changes. I can say this as a parent, I have made changes as a father when I saw certain things where I was like, hey, this is something that's not going correct. We need to correct this. And you got to be honest with yourself. But what often is the case is people will basically be dishonest with themselves. They'll basically say this, well, you know, my kids are just tired. I get it. Kids get tired and they get a bad attitude, but if your child is acting up every single day and you're saying, well, they're just tired, it's like you can make that excuse, but it doesn't fix the problem. We've had people that have visited from the U.S. and they bring kids and then they're like, oh, my child's just tired. And then it's two weeks later, they're like, oh, it was a long plane ride. And then two weeks later, they're still like, yeah, the plane just wore them out. It's like they've been in the Philippines for a couple of weeks at this point. It's like you can't keep using this excuse that, oh, you know, the jet lag. They've been here for weeks now. And here's the thing that doesn't fix anything. If there's a problem with your kids and it's not going right and you lie to yourself and just pretend that it's all okay, it's just going to get worse and worse and worse. I'll give you an example of the Bible. Let's look at the story of David here in Second Samuel 13, and we'll start this by looking back at verse number five with Jonadab here in verse five. And Jonadab said unto him, lay thee down on thy bed and make thyself sick. And when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I pray thee, let my sister Tamar come and give me meat and dress the meat in my sight, that I may see it and eat it at her hand. So Amnon lay down and made himself sick. And when the king was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, I pray thee, let Tamar my sister come and make me a couple of cakes in my sight that I may eat at her hand. And David sent home to Tamar saying, go now to thy brother Amnon's house and dress him meat. Now Amnon has a lustful desire to his half-sister Tamar. And Amnon gets advice from Jonadab, which is representative of the devil in this story. And he tells him, just have your sister come to you and then basically you can just do whatever you want to your sister, basically. And it's not that Jonadab specifically tells Amnon to do this, but it's kind of like he's going to be alone with this woman he's obsessed with, infatuated with, and this is going to be the logical result that we see in the story. Verse 14, how be it he would not hearken unto her voice, but being stronger than she, forced her and lay with her. And the word force is the same as the word rape. That's the word in the Bible. So basically his sister says, no, no, don't do this. And then he basically forces his half-sister. And notice the result in verse 15, then Amnon hated her exceedingly so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, arise, be gone. On a side point, one thing you can learn from this story, because notice how Amnon loves her and then he sleeps with her and then he hates her immediately. You're like, what? But see what the Bible is actually showing you is that if you get involved physically before you're married improperly, it can cause you to end up hating the person that you're with. I mean, if you're a Christian that has a good relationship and you're not yet married and you're going to church together, you're going soul winning, you love God, you read the Bible together, you talk about the things of God, but you cannot wait until your wedding day and you physically get involved, it can actually cause you to destroy the relationship that you have. And to the best of our ability, as before you're married, you ought to make sure you stay way clear of anything near fornication. Don't put yourself in the position. Don't start... I mean, can a man take fire into his bosom and his clothes not be burned? I mean, the advice I would say is stay as far away as you can. Don't be alone with them. Don't get physically intimate with them. It's like the only touching that should go on is the fact that you're inside of a jiffney to gather and you're side by side or whatever and you're scrunched in there. Because once you start going down that road, you're just asking for problems, right? The Bible says, can a man walk on coals and his feet not be burned? And the idea is this, that if you start going down that road, you say, well, you know, I know when I can stop. I can stop at this point. But then once you cross, once you get near that point, then you end up moving the boundary and moving the boundary and then destroying your life, right? But Amnon does this and then he doesn't even want to see Tamar. Go to verse number 19. And Tamar put ashes on her head and rent her garment of diverse colors that was on her and laid her hand on her head and went on crying. And Absalom her brother said unto her, hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? Now stop and ask yourself this question. How is it that Absalom can know nothing about the situation? He doesn't know what took place. And when he sees that his sister is extremely distraught, he immediately knows that it was Amnon. Because everybody knew Amnon was obsessed with his sister. And if David was not an uninvolved father, he would have been aware. I mean, when Amnon says, hey, can Tamar come in and cook the food? It's like, well, number one, that's not a good situation to be alone, that Amnon and Tamar are going to be alone together as they're not married and they're opposite genders. So the thing is, David, although the red flags were there, he lied to himself. He was not honest with himself. You say, why? Because he just wanted to say, well, I'm sure that there's nothing to it. I'm sure there's, I mean, anybody else could have provided the food, but he specifically says Tamar and Absalom already knew what took place. Why? Because Amnon told a lot of people, look, if Amnon's willing to tell Jonadab that he's obsessed with his sister, guess what? Other people also knew it as well. It says here in verse 20, Absalom, her brother said unto her, hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? But hold now thy peace, my sister, he is thy brother, regard not this thing, so Tamar remain desolate in her brother Absalom's house. So Absalom is going to act nice because he wants revenge on his half brother Amnon. But when King David heard of all these things, he was very rough and he did nothing about it. Right? He's very mad, but he did absolutely nothing about it. Now I get it because you got the death penalty for rape in the Bible. So who's going to want to do that to their son? But here's the thing about this. If David didn't deal with the situation at this age, guess what? He didn't deal with the situations and problems with his kids five years before or five years before that or from a very young age. Why? Because he was dishonest with himself and just, well, they're just tired. I mean, well, all the kids acted up. It wasn't, I mean, it wasn't just my son, all the kids acted up. He always made excuses as a father and it never changes. You see that in this story, but you also see it later on in this story. Verse 22, and Absalom spake unto his brother Amnon, neither good nor bad for Absalom hated Amnon because he had forced his sister Tamar. And it came to pass after two full years that Absalom had sheepshares in Bilhazar, which is beside Ephraim, and Absalom invited all the king's sons. Now Absalom is very wise. He does not say what he really thinks about his brother, his half brother, even though he wants to kill his half brother. But notice what it says in verse 24, and Absalom came to the king and said, Behold now thy servant hath sheepshares. Let the king I beseech thee and his servants go with thy servant. And what Absalom says is, I want you as the king, David, to come with me, and I want the servants to come. And it says in verse 25, and the king said to Absalom, Nay, my son, let us not all now go lest we be chargeable unto thee, and he pressed him. So Absalom's really trying to get his dad to come with him. How be it he would not go, but blessed him. Then said Absalom, If not, I pray thee, let my brother Amnon go with us. And the king said unto him, Why should he go with thee? David knew, now wait a minute, why do you want Amnon? Because I'm sure that David knew that Absalom was very close to Tamar. I mean, Tamar, it says, living in Absalom's house. I mean, obviously he realizes they're very close to one another. Even though Absalom didn't say that he hated Amnon, I mean, you cannot really hide your hate for someone, right? It's going to come out. And so the thing is, when he has that request, David's like, well, why do you want Amnon to go? David knows. The red flag is right there, but he's not honest with himself. Notice what it says in verse 27. But Absalom pressed him that he let Amnon and all the king's sons go with him. Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, Mark ye now, and Amnon's heart is merry with wine. And when I say unto you, Smite Amnon, then kill him, fear not, have not I commanded you, be courageous, and be valiant. And so what ends up taking place? Absalom ends up killing Amnon. But David had the red flag there. He was kind of aware, because he says, why do you want Amnon to go? But he was not willing to be honest. Look, as parents, when we're raising our kids, sometimes we can see, because usually you don't catch your kids completely in the act about something. Right? I mean, usually you hear about what your kids did. You hear your child did something, but it's not like you were actually watching it when it took place. Now, with three kids, I have an advantage, because there's a witness, right? So the thing is, if, you know, and Zeph is, as the oldest one, he's basically the witness in situations. He'll say, this is what took place. I saw it, and I can trust that witness, because then we've got two witnesses, the one that it happened to, and then Zeph. But the thing is, if it's just two, and something takes place, you don't really know. And it's very easy to say, well, I'm not 100% for sure, so I'll just give the benefit of the doubt. And I'm not saying there's never a time for that, but I'm just saying the fact that if you hear about your kids making mistakes, you're hearing a lot of different stories. You got to just be honest with yourself and say, you know what? I got to deal with this, because obviously not everybody is lying to you, right? But David was not honest with himself. Now, this is not really part of the sermon, but let me explain to you why Absalom wanted David to go so badly, because think about it, Absalom wanted the king's sons to go, and he ends up killing Amnon, but he really, really, really wanted David to go. Why did he want David to go? Because he wanted to take the throne that day. He wanted to kill David, and he said, hey, he presses the king to go. He's like, I want you to come, and then David doesn't go. So what Absalom is planning to do is actually just kill them all at once, like gangster style, just get rid of all of the enemies at one time. You know, the person who is the king and the next potential line of kings, and he was just going to kill them all at one time, and he had his men that were going to do this job, but he does end up killing his brother Amnon. What we see from David, though, is David was not honest with himself. He should have known that Amnon was obsessed with Tamar. He should have known that Absalom hated Amnon, but he wasn't honest, and he wasn't involved in the life of his kids, and he doesn't punish when it's necessary either. Turn your Bible to Lamentations 3, Lamentations 3, Lamentations chapter 3. Point number one, to have the proper balance on raising our kids, we need to provide nurture. Point number two, we need to provide admonition. Point number three, we need to be honest with ourselves, and when you're raising kids, there are going to be areas you realize that, hey, you know what? We need to make a change. You know, something's not quite going right, we need to make a change. Don't lie to yourself about it. But point number four, we need forgiveness. We as parents need to make sure that we are willing to forgive our kids when they do us wrong. Here's what the Bible says in Lamentations 3, verse 22. It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassion fail not. They are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness. We sing our song in our hymnal, great is thy faithfulness, and it comes from these verses right here. The Bible says that God is compassionate, God is merciful, and basically God is forgiving. Being able to come to God no matter how much you mess up your life and say, God, I'm sorry, please forgive me, give me another chance, you know, I'm so thankful that we have a loving God that's actually merciful, because we mess up, we sin all the time, and then we come to God. And obviously as a father or mother, you're not going to be a perfect father or mother, but God is giving you the model. This is how you should be as a parent, meaning that when your kids mess up, you should forgive them. But what can often take place is the fact that parents get stressed, they get tired, and they get upset, and then they get mad at their kids, and we forget the fact that they're three years old. We forget the fact that when we were that age, we made a lot of mistakes. And I'm not even really saying sinful disobedience, I'm just saying, you know, kids, they make mistakes, they spill stuff, they make mistakes, they don't know how to do stuff. Right? You know, the Bible talks about with young kids, it says people that don't know the difference between their left hand and their right hand, it's like, well, how can you not know the difference between your left and right hand? Because nobody knows that when they're born. They don't even know how to walk, they don't know how to talk, they don't know how to do anything. They're going to make a lot of mistakes growing up, but what they need is a loving parent that forgives them rather than holding bitterness in their heart. Go to Ephesians chapter four, Ephesians chapter four. And the Bible says in Ephesians four, verse 30, and grieve, not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby you're sealed on the day of redemption, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice and be kind one to another, tend to be kind one to another, and be kind one to another, and be kind one to another, and be kind one to another, and be kind one to another, and be kind one to another, and be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. You know, we have a heavenly Father that forgives us for Christ's sake, the Bible says. Do we deserve God's forgiveness? No. And here's the thing about this. I mean, we can be so harsh and not want to forgive our own kids or forgive other people, but the reality is we sin against God every single day, right? Every single day we mess up, and yet God is compassionate, He's merciful, He forgives us. It's like we have done far worse to God than what our kids have done to us. And if God is willing to forgive us for all of our transgressions, we ought to forgive our kids for the mistakes that they've made, right? Turn your Bible to Luke 15, Luke 15, Luke 15. Let me also say this. Not only should we forgive our kids, but when we do wrong to our kids, we should ask for forgiveness. We should say we are sorry to our kids when we mess up. You know, every single week I end up apologizing to my kids for something. I mean, I'm tired, I lose my temper. You know, maybe I yell at my kid, and then, you know, kids are very emotional, and then kids end up crying. And you know what? Then you have to go to those kids and say, hey, you know what, I'm sorry. I was wrong. Forgive me. And you hug them. And then, you know, the anger just immediately goes away, but as a parent, you know, yes, you are the leader. Yes, you are the ruler, but if you mess up and do wrong, apologize, right? I mean, here's the difference between the way God acts toward us and we act toward our children. God doesn't make mistakes, so he doesn't have to apologize. But I do make mistakes, and so do you. And so when you do wrong, you need to go to your kids and say, hey, I'm sorry. Forgive me. Right? You say, why? Because you want to have a close and strong relationship with your kids, and if you do wrong, it's like, I mean, look, if you had a boss at work that screamed at you and you did not deserve it, wouldn't you want that boss to come back later and say, you know what? I'm sorry. I lost my temper. It was wrong. And you know what would take place? You'd forgive them. Right? Because when somebody humbles themselves and says they're sorry, I mean, a soft answer turneth away wrath. I mean, it does. It really pacifies the anger, and you would forgive them. And I'll just give you an example from my life, you know, just recently. You know, with one of my kids. My kids were, you know, throwing their dishes in the sink, and one of them threw it like really loud, and I was wondering, did it break? And I asked, you know, which of my kids did this, and, you know, one of my kids said that it wasn't them, and it was obvious it was them, though. It was obvious it was them. I mean, there was witnesses. It was obvious it was them. And so they didn't get a spanking for throwing it too harsh into the sink, but I thought they lied to me. And I was positive that they lied to me, and they didn't get a big spanking, but they got a small spanking because, you know, lying is something, you know, that we don't accept. It's like, no, you don't lie. And, you know, I hugged them. I told them I love them, and I was in my room just, you know, working on church stuff, and I could hear because when my kids get in trouble, it's like they immediately understand, and I realized that, you know, my daughter did not understand because she's still talking to her brother about it, and it was her, but she didn't realize that it was her. And I realized after about five minutes, I realized, you know what? My daughter did not mean to lie to me. I realized I was wrong. I thought she had lied to me, but she did not lie to me. And so I went out, and I took Christabel upstairs, and I talked to her, and I said, you know what? And I talked to her about it. She said, yeah. She's like, I said, you know, you're the one that did this, I said, but you didn't realize it was you. And she said she didn't realize it was her, and she wasn't lying to me. I realized that I spanked her, and I was wrong. I said, I'm sorry, Christabel, and I hugged her. You say, why did you do that? Because of the fact I was wrong. When you mess up, and here's the thing. She was upset about it until I actually came to her, and then when I apologized, then she hugged me. She's like, I love you, Daddy. It's like, look, saying you're sorry will go a long way. When you mess up as a parent, just say you're sorry, okay? So we need to be able to forgive our kids. We also need to ask for forgiveness when we mess up. Luke 15, verse 11. Let's see the story of the prodigal son. Luke 15, verse 11. And he said, a certain man had two sons, and the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me, and he divided onto them his living. Now here's what I'm going to say about this, because this is a parable. The father in this story loves his kids very dearly, but he's also guilty of just not providing proper admonition, not being honest with himself, because of the fact, I mean, he should have known that his teenage son was not going to be able to handle this money. He had two sons, and one son could actually be trusted. The other son could not. You're going to be able to see in your kids whether or not they can accept responsibility. To give them this massive inheritance as a teenager when they're not ready for it, it's like that is a big mistake as a father that he makes. And here's what it says. And then, of course, his son ends up just living a riotous life, probably according to his brother, with prostitutes, drunkenness, maybe drugs, and all of these sins. It says here in verse number 18, I will arise and go to my father and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. Make me as one of thy hired servants. So this young son ends up realizing, what am I doing? I've wasted all of my money, I've destroyed my life, I'm living like an animal. I could just go and say I'm sorry to my father. And the thing that shows you that he actually means it is he says, I have sinned against heaven first. He says, you know what? I've sinned against God. Because you know what? When you mess up, regardless of what it is, and you disrespect your parents, number one, you're sinning against God. Above what you're sinning against your parents, you're sinning against God by doing this. It says, I have sinned against heaven and am no more worthy to be called thy son. I was given the gospel just a few weeks ago, and the person was not believing eternal security, and they brought up this story to show you can lose your salvation. He's like, well, what about the prodigal son? I was like, he was still a son when he was living in sin. It's like, at what point did he stop becoming a son of his father? I mean, he's not worthy to be called a son, but guess what? He's still a son. Look, if one of my kids grew up and committed murder, maybe they're not worthy to be called my son, but they're still my son. Doesn't change anything. I mean, and I don't go to Luke 15 to prove eternal security, because that's not really the point of the parable. But if you're going to try to attach this to salvation, you know what this proves? That even if you really mess up your life, you are still a child of your heavenly father, according to the word of God. He is still a son when he's living in sin. But what has broken is the close fellowship with his father. And when you live a sinful life, you're not going to be close to your father, your heavenly father, but you will still be a son of your heavenly father as a saved person. And it says here in verse 20, and he arose and came to his father. Now, the way I see this story, and I want you to realize that this is a parable, so it's not even a real story, although similar stories have existed throughout history of kids rebelling against their parents. But the way I see this story is a father that has a lot of money, that works on a farm, and he gets to the end of his day, and basically when the sun is going down, he just basically takes a chair, and he just sits down, and he just looks over the horizon and just waits and waits and waits for his son to come. And he's praying and he's praying and he's praying and he's praying day after day after day after day. Isn't that what you would do as a father if your son had run away from home and your relationship was gone? You would be waiting and just saying, I know he's going to come back, please God, please come back. You'd be waiting and waiting and waiting. So the way I see the story, his father's waiting, and what I would also say is this, that if you're waiting and looking from a long distance away to see something coming up over a mountain or coming up over a hill, there's probably a lot of times where you're sitting down and waiting and then you jump up. It's not him. Maybe it's another servant. Maybe it's something else you saw. And it says here in verse 20, and he rose and came to his father, but when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. This father immediately just runs to his son, just hugs him and kisses, and he's so happy to see him. And the son said unto him, father, I have sinned against heaven and in thy sight and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, bring forth the best robe and put it on him and put a ring on his hand and shoes on his feet and bring hither the fatted calf and kill it and let us eat and be married. For this my son was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found and they began to be married. Look, this father is not a perfect father in this story. He does not provide admonition. He's not honest with himself, but you know one thing we can see from this story? We can see the forgiveness that he has toward his son. His son messes up, and it doesn't matter that he has destroyed the family name. It doesn't matter that he's embarrassed him. He says, I am just so happy to have you back, and he forgives his son. Go to Proverbs 22. We'll close up. Proverbs 22. Look, if you're going from night to night and just holding bitterness and anger in your heart toward your kids for mistakes they made, how they stressed you out, it's like you're making a big mistake as a parent. You need to go to bed at night and let not the sun set upon your wrath and forgive your kids. And the thing is this, if you are not going to be forgiving toward your kids, then God's not going to be forgiving to you, according to the word God. You need to be forgiving with those that have done you wrong. And if you are forgiving and compassionate to those that have done you wrong, then the Bible says that God in turn will be very forgiving and compassionate toward you. And I don't know about you, but I mess up a lot, so I need forgiveness from God. I better make sure that I forgive other people. You say, why? In fact, I'm going to have times I need mercy from God. And we see that from the father and the story of the prodigal son. So we're in Proverbs 22, and the four points we had is number one, nurture. Number two, admonition. Number three, honesty. Number four, forgiveness. And as I also said, we also need to tell our kids that we're sorry when we mess up. But here's what it says in Proverbs 22 verse six. Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Now, look, as a parent, as a father, if you're a father in this room or a mother, none of us are going to do a perfect job as a mom or dad. We're going to make a lot of mistakes. I mess up every single week of my life. I mean, we're not perfect as parents. We're trying our best. And what I would say is, as parents, I mean, spend a lot of time in prayer that God helps you do a good job. But the thing is, I don't want you to be intimidated about being a mom or dad in this room because we're not going to do a perfect job, and God does not expect us to do a perfect job. But if you provide these four basic things that you actually provide nurture, you love and care and spend time with your kids, you provide admonition when necessary, you are honest with yourself as a parent if things are not going correct in your parenting or if there's problems that need to be corrected, and you actually forgive your kids, your kids will grow up, and they will be good kids, and they're going to love God and be mature, and you're going to have a great relationship with them. That's what the Bible teaches here. We have that promise. And I remember being a new father when Zeph was about to be born, and I was a bit intimidated by it because I was just thinking, man, you know, what do I do? I can make a lot of mistakes. And then God actually makes it very simple, providing nurture and providing admonition. Now, let me also say this, that when I preached on parenting, I realized that, you know what, a lot of people in this room, you know, you probably raised kids before you knew all these things from the Bible, and, you know, obviously all of us wish we could go back to the past and change the past and do things differently, and I understand some people you did the best you could, and you didn't know the advice that you had in the Bible or what you needed to do necessarily, and I understand that, so I'm not trying to make anybody feel bad if maybe they made mistakes from the past and they wish they could change it, but I just want to try to encourage us that are raising kids that, hey, if we do provide a proper balance for our kids, the Bible does give us that promise that when they are old, they will not depart from it. We will have a great relationship with them. Let's go to the word of prayer. Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for allowing us to be here today and asking to help us to apply this sermon to our lives, God, asking to help all of us in this room, including myself, help me and my wife to do a good job parenting, God, help us to provide the proper balance, God, asking to help all the kids in this room grow up and love you and serve you and love their parents and respect their parents to be mature and successful and godly kids, God, that become godly adults. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.