Oh, but you say brother, it's just so hard to understand the King James, oh shut up.
You know better than that.
If you read your newspaper like you read your Bible, it's hard to understand the newspaper.
I forgot to read it today, but I promised I wouldn't read some of it, so I'm just going
to put my finger down here somewhere and read whatever I see, and it says Poodle Dog lost.
And you say I just never could understand the newspaper.
Now you listen to me, there's not a person in this room tonight that couldn't understand
that Bible.
If you read it, goodnight the author.
Listen, this is the home address of the author right here.
I mean, he lives here.
Don't get upset, there'll be chairs over there in a minute.
I'm an old man.
I asked God let me live long enough to establish the King James Bible.
Today I decided to find out how hard it was to read, so I just opened it where it would,
and I closed my eyes and put my finger down.
And let me show you what I found.
The first one I opened to said, and as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold,
an angel touched him, and said unto him, arise and eat.
Wonder what that means.
Let me exegete that for you.
And as he, that's opposite of she, lay, that means you ain't standing up.
And slept, that means you ain't awake.
Under, that means he wasn't on top of it or even with it.
A juniper tree, that's something that grows out of the ground, got a trunk and branches
and leaves on it, an exegete.
And brother, it's just as near exegete as all these dried up professors give you in
our colleges these days.
Let me just keep on exegete while I'm at it.
Behold, that means look at there.
Says then, then, that tells you when it was.
That means it's just one.
Angel, that's something that's got blonde hair and floats around with a magic wand all
the time.
Touch, that means that you made contact.
You rubbed his hand with some goo.
Said, that means he's talking.
Said to him, that means he's talking to somebody else, it wasn't a she or an it.
Arise, that means get up and eat, and a crazed fool doesn't know what that means ought not
to understand the Bible.
So I just opened it to another place, and let's go over here, the tough one, the chronicles
where the, and I just pointed like that, here's what it came to.
And the Lord, that fellow lives up there, appeared, that means somebody's seen him.
And Solomon, that was a king.
By night, that means it was dark.
And said, that means he's talking.
Under him, that means he's talking to a he, not a she, or an it.
I have heard, that's what you do with your ears when somebody's talking.
I mean, this Bible sure is hard to understand, isn't it?
Yeah, I pointed, I just, I pointed to another just like that, and here's what it got.
While he was yet speaking, there came also another.
Help me, I need an IV, folks.
I beg you, throw me a Moffat's translation.
Give me an amplified, I am lost in the depth of this book.
You sorry scoundrel, you.
You lazy rascals, spend all your time giving us new Bibles, why don't you shut up that
get your old King James Bible and shut up all that translation you're doing,
and get your bunch of prospect cards and go soul winning.