Good evening, They's and Them's. I've got a very important emergency broadcast for you that you need to begin parroting immediately.
Recently, Tucker Carlson of Fox News, the Satan-filled demon, not that there's anything wrong with Satan or demons, revealed supposed tapes of the January 6th insurrection in an effort to downplay the most significant event in the history of the United States.
Now, let's be clear. The video showing the QAnon shaman walking through the Capitol building unharassed is not what you think.
Let me repeat that again. It is not what you think. Don't trust your lying eyes.
The shaman was clearly exercising MAGA mind control on the Capitol police, and they were forced to comply out of fear for their lives.
In fact, these videos clearly show that Republicans and white straight men are much more dangerous than previously believed.
I mean, think about it. They're able to just walk around unharassed and top-secret government buildings.
What if that had been a black man? They would have shot him and his whole family and lied about him, claiming he had a gun or stabbed police or some other racist accusation.
This QAnon shaman was obviously taking advantage of the white privilege that Republican fascists conveniently deny even exists.
Not once has Tucker Carlson pointed out the very real possibility that these tapes could be deepfakes, covering up how violent extremists desecrated the most holy temple of our democracy in an effort to trick the American people.
We know this information cannot be trusted, because no reputable source has corroborated it.
When did CNN, ABC, MSNBC, the ADL, or any of the other completely unbiased liberal Trump-hating networks release this footage?
Has it been fact-checked? Has Wikipedia updated their page yet? Did Snopes write an article about it? How can we know it's even true until Dr. Fauci has weighed in?
We all know that MAGA terrorists are going to mislead us all about the trustworthy news you've relied on for coverage of the January 6th insurrection over the last two years, and they're going to do it by claiming that it's all fake.
But I'm here to tell you that the liberal media is not fake. CNN is not fake.
Brian Stelter's show was called Reliable Sources, for crying out loud. Who in their right mind would lie with a show title like that?
In the midst of the social media chaos caused by right-wing extremists like Tucker Carlson, we can't forget about the real truth concerning January 6th.
That Donald Trump incited a mob to destroy the Capitol building, light it on fire, steal the nuclear codes, and drop an atomic bomb on China.
We all watched intensely while the January 6th hearings provided such gripping, thought-provoking, and emotional testimony.
They proved beyond any shadow of a doubt that January 6th was the single most destructive day in the history of our nation,
and everyone involved should face the most horrifyingly peaceful execution to save our democracy from devolving into a real-life rendition of The Handmaid's Tale.
We cannot allow Tucker Carlson and his white nationalist cohorts to circulate disinformation about the attack on our sacred Capitol.
We need to stop them. These people are terrorists, and we need to rise up in the streets, terrorizing them until they stop claiming that we're the terrorists.
Some of our bravest keyboard warriors might be asking right now, hey, what can I do to stop Tucker Carlson and his fans? What can I do to contribute?
Of course, you have the most important task of all. Whenever you see anyone on your Facebook page or your Twitter news feed giving credence to Carlson's lies, please be sure to hit the report button and use the term racist multiple times, ensuring the post will be taken down as soon as possible.
Especially if the post has nothing to do with race at all. That's just how white people downplay their own overt racism, by not talking about race.
Even though everything they say is racist, even when it doesn't seem racist at all, look, it might seem confusing, but they're racist all the time. Scientists all agree. Scientists have proved it.
It's just systemically entrenched into their skin color, and they cannot change, because they're inferior to other people who have a much more beautiful and diverse pigmentation.
Additionally, we urge you to cut people off in real life, no matter who they are, friends or family, who might believe that January 6th was anything other than a terrorist attack orchestrated by racist, bigoted, Islamophobic Nazis,
who want to enslave all minorities and pose an existential threat to our democracy. Lastly, be sure to mindlessly binge watch CNN, MSNBC, and other leftist establishment media outlets as we figure out how to spin this disinformation campaign that right wingers are calling video evidence.
I mean, don't do anything else, is what I'm talking about here. Literally, do not do anything else for the next 24 to 48 hours. While this so-called new January 6th footage is disseminated by the extremists on the right, keep your eyes fixated instead on CNN, so the most trusted name in news can tell you what to think, what to say, and how to say it.
And don't ever forget, the liberal media gets to decide what constitutes reality. Those who express a different opinion, even slightly from this PSA, aren't just a threat to our democracy, they even have a bias so evil and so bigoted that it advocates for people to think critically.
And we call that here at the liberal media, the Baptist Bias.
Thanks for watching!