And I just wanted to focus on a very important passage here in Matthew 18, especially concerning
the church, when it comes to the church.
And from time to time, I don't know if these things have happened here within this church
necessarily.
If it hasn't happened to you, it'll happen to you eventually.
If you've been to any church, this happens in every church.
And what we saw there in Matthew 18, have a look at verse 15, Matthew 18 verse 15, the
Bible says, Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his
faults between thee and him alone.
The Bible tells us, Jesus Christ is preempting, that there's going to come times where your
Christian brother or your Christian sister will offend you, or you might offend your
Christian brother or your Christian sister.
So what do you do about that?
What happens when that happens?
Well, here's the thing.
Jesus Christ has given us very specific instructions of how to deal with conflict in the church.
And so the title for the sermon tonight is conflict in the church, conflict in the church.
Now we're all familiar with conflict.
I'm sure we've all had, you know, we've all, you know, rubbed, you know, you know, I don't
know, we've not seen eye to eye with everybody and everything in our lives.
We've grown up maybe in school, with your friends, grown up as children, maybe you've
had fights.
You know, there was one time that I got into a fistfight.
And man, it was a bad decision because I lost.
Okay.
There was one time where I got to that point, you know, where, you know, I was being dragged
through the dirt and things like that.
But there might not even be conflicts like that, just might be conflicts that break up
friendships.
There might be conflicts that hurt families, that break up families.
And the truth is, there's going to be conflicts in church as well.
You say, well, hold on, isn't it supposed to be the house of God?
Isn't this supposed to be the place where you have brothers and sisters in the Lord
gathered together that are like minded?
Yes.
But nevertheless, guess what?
You're human beings.
Guess what?
You have a sinful flesh.
You've got that sin nature in you.
You've got selfishness in you.
You've got pride in you.
You've got ego.
And there's going to come times when you clash heads with people, you're going to clash with
people, and it creates conflict in the church.
And this is just a natural part of life that you need to understand.
It's a natural part of life.
Sometimes people have conflicts in church.
And I've seen this, and maybe some of you have seen this, where people have conflict
in the church, and they leave the church.
They leave the church.
Okay.
And I'm not even talking about doctrinal disputes.
I'm not even talking about major fundamental doctrinal problems.
I'm saying just people haven't gone along with one another.
And so they decide, well, I'm not going to go back to that church.
I mean, that's a major problem, because you know that God wants you in his house.
And the thing is, God has given us instruction, Jesus Christ has given us instruction of how
to deal with conflict here in the church.
In fact, the institution that we know as the New Testament churches, when Christ gave us
his instructions, did not even exist yet.
The institution of the New Testament churches, you know, with leaders and congregations,
things like that, did not exist.
And yet Christ is walking here on the earth, and he's already given instruction on how
to deal with this in the church.
Look at verse number 17, verse number 17.
And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church.
So Jesus says, look, there's going to be conflict, there's going to be conflict in the church,
and there is no New Testament churches just yet, until his resurrection, until these congregations
start to form and develop, these local churches start to develop.
Jesus knew this even before it happened.
He goes, look, when there's conflict, when you offend one another, these are the instructions
that you are to follow.
Okay?
These are the instructions that you are to follow.
And the reason a lot of people neglect these instructions is because dealing with conflict
is not really something anyone likes to do.
I mean, I don't like having to deal with conflict.
I don't like having conflict or having to fix conflicts.
I mean, I think most of us would admit it's hard to apologize, right?
When you've done something wrong, even then it's hard to say sorry.
It's hard to apologize.
But you know you need to do it.
Okay?
You know you need to do it.
I remember there were times as a child where I would do wrong.
You know, I would misbehave, I would do something wrong.
And let's say I offended my father, for example.
My mom would come up to me and say, you know, you've got to apologize to your father.
And for me it was like impossible.
It was so hard because, you know, you've got your stubbornness, you've got your ego, you've
got those problems.
You know, you don't want to let go.
You don't want to admit that you've done wrong.
Okay?
Well, here's the thing.
It's not just bound up in the heart of a child.
It's bound up in all of us.
You know, that pride, the, you know, no, you know, they did wrong to me.
They should be the one coming to say sorry.
They should be the one dealing with me.
That's the way we think about these things.
And look, I've seen, I've been to many churches now, I've seen conflict in every single church.
I mean, this is just the way it is.
Okay?
So how do we deal with it?
We need to have the instructions.
And if Jesus has given us instructions, Jesus's methods are going to be the best way to deal
with the conflict in the church.
Okay?
And so the reason I'm preaching this today is because if you ever, or if you're currently
in a conflict, or if you're going to get into a conflict in the future, I hope not, but
if it happens, at least you know what you need to go back to.
You can read these passages one again, refresh your mind, and know what you have to do with
your brethren in the church.
Okay?
Know what you have to do.
And let me say this, that what Jesus Christ wants is reconciliation, as soon as possible.
As soon as possible.
And in fact, the one that does not want reconciliation, eventually, we'll see, look at this later
on, they will be cast out of the church.
They will be cast out of the church.
That's how serious Jesus Christ considers brethren that do not want to reconcile, he
says, look, they're better off just being cast out of the church.
We'll have a look at this shortly.
Okay?
In some churches, one thing that I've also seen in some churches, and I've had this feedback,
you don't see any kind of conflict.
Okay?
And I acknowledge that, I know that in some churches, you're not going to have any kind
of conflict.
And I'll give you two reasons why.
Number one is because there's no fellowship after churches.
There's a lot of churches where you just meet, you come to church, you're there for the formal
service, as soon as the formal service is finished, you're out, it's gone.
Like the car's gone, no one even talks to one another.
It's like they come for church because they know they need to be there.
It's part of their tradition, it's part of their culture, they just turn up to church,
but then like as soon as the service is over, you know, the pastor, sometimes pastors go
to the back of the church to greet everybody, the pastor doesn't have time to get to the
back of the church, and everyone's like, ah, the church is gone.
It's like they don't have any fellowship, and of course they're not going to have conflict,
they're never going to dispute about anything.
The other reason why some churches don't have conflicts is just because the doctrine that's
been taught in the church is so shallow.
Like everything's love, everything's happy, everything's positive, everything's good,
there's no such thing as sin, there's no such thing as the devil, there's no such thing
as hell, it's all good, live it up, yeah, of course there's not going to be any conflict
there.
You know, no one's standing true on the word of God.
You know, the Bible's called the sword of the spirit.
You know, this book cuts, right?
Even unintentionally, anybody can pick up a sword and cause a lot of damage, all right?
Picking up this Bible can cause certain damage even unintentionally, okay?
Because this is a sharp, two-edged sword of truth.
And sometimes when we come face to face with the truth, whoa, that's me, I can't believe
that.
And you get offended, not necessarily at the Bible, but you get offended at the messenger,
you get offended at the preacher for preaching what the Bible says, and people might have
conflicts in that way as well.
But then again, there are plenty of churches that don't care for the word of God.
You know, they'll give their 10-minute pep talk, and everyone's happy, everyone goes
home, everyone feels good about themselves, everyone thinks they're a good person going
to heaven because they're good, no, no, no.
You know, in order for us to be saved, we need to realize, we need to face the truth
of God's word that we're sinners in the sight of God, okay, that we've broken His commandments,
that we're not good enough for heaven.
How offense, look, that's an offensive message.
When you go and knock on the door, do you think you're going to heaven, do you think,
you know, are you 100% sure you're going to heaven?
I'm a good person.
Actually, the Bible says that we've all sinned and come short of the glory of God.
That's offensive for some people.
It's hard for them to admit, whoa, yeah, actually, I thought I was going because I was a good
person, now I realize that I've got to put all my faith and trust in Jesus Christ alone.
That's an offensive message.
That's why people reject you.
They don't mind the message of Jesus Christ coming to the cross to save you, but then
for them to realize they must transfer their faith and trust from their own good merits
and put it solely on Jesus Christ alone, that's an offensive message to many people, because
they still just want to be good enough to go to heaven, when it's not even based on
your goodness.
You're not good enough.
You're a failure.
You're born in sin, that of all things.
How could you ever possibly think you can go to heaven, but the point I want to drive
here, guys, is that's why some churches just don't have conflicts.
No fellowship and no teaching from God's truth, from His word, okay, which is the sword
of the Spirit.
And then the question next comes up, you know, do I get concerned when there's conflict in
my churches?
You know, the church down here and the church up in Queensland, do I get concerned about
that?
And in reality, honestly, kind of no, but then a little bit yes as well, okay, because
like I said, ideally, you don't want to have any conflict.
Ideally, you want everybody, the brothers and sisters of the Lord, all to get along,
all to have one mind, all to be on the same word together, glorifying the Lord God.
And so yes, you know, you'd rather not have to have that in the church, but know at the
same time, because I know it's just a natural part of life.
As soon as you put a whole bunch of people together, fellowshiping together, you know,
we all have different backgrounds, we all have different ways of living life, we may
have different even beliefs in secondary doctrines, which are not really that important.
But sometimes people just get really offended just at secondary teachings, you know, that
you don't believe just like them.
And so, you know, people live life differently to others.
And of course, it's going to create a time, especially when you're when you're together
for a year, two, five years, 10 years, it's going to come times when you just clash heads
with somebody, okay, it just happens, conflicts happen.
So I'm not concerned so much when it happens.
But what concerns me the most is that when there is conflict, that people don't go to
Matthew 18, and see what Jesus says, and they apply, they should apply that to their conflict,
they should apply this to the situation.
Instead they bypass it, they try to figure out things a different way.
And they cause more problems in the church, they cause church splits, they cause division
amongst the church, rather than it just being that to the two people, they're in conflict
now there's division amongst several people in the church.
That's where I start to get concerned.
You know, that's obviously where the pastor would have to step in and make some really
harsh decisions about who he's going to allow to stay in the church when things get that bad.
And that's not where I want things to get ever, as a church, okay.
And so, you know, the next thing I want to say is, I know that I've already taught through
the book of Matthew, we've gone chapter by chapter, and I've already taught on this briefly,
but I did want to cover this in a bit more detail.
So the first thing I want you to understand, the first thing that I want you to understand
is that when Jesus Christ says in verse number 15, so we're just going to focus on three
verses here, 15, 16, 17, okay, or even 18, even 18.
But the Bible says in verse number 15, Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee,
go and tell him his fault between thee and him to everyone else.
Go and tell their trespass to your best friends.
Is that who you meant to go and tell?
Go and tell the trespass to the church pastor?
Go and tell the...
What's this?
I must be reading that wrong.
Moreover, thy brother shall trespass against thee.
Go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone, alone.
That's what you're meant to do.
If someone's offended you, the first thing I just want to bring to your attention before
I say the alone thing is that you have the right to be offended.
You have the right to be offended, okay.
Jesus Christ has given the scenario where someone has offended.
One brother has offended another brother.
Let's talk about that for a moment.
You have the right to be offended.
Now I kind of cringe just saying that, okay, and I'll tell you why.
Not because of the words of Jesus Christ, but because of the society we live in.
Everyone's offended.
Generation snowflake, they call it, right?
I mean, everyone's offended.
You can just say anything, do anything, and the generation that's coming through, you
know, the schools these days, everyone's offended, everyone's a victim, right?
You know, everyone's got a reason to be upset at somebody else, and everyone thinks society
owes them something.
So they're constantly offended.
That's not what I'm talking about, okay, and that's not what Jesus Christ is talking about.
Jesus Christ is talking about, what did he call it?
He called it, verse 115, a trespass against thee.
When we think of trespassing, what do we normally think about?
You think of someone with a private property, or even your own personal home, and someone
breaks into your house.
What are they doing?
They're trespassing on private property, okay?
They've done something against you that they've actually sinned against you.
They've hurt you somehow, they've attacked you somehow.
That's what a trespass is.
It's not just that someone's living their life differently, you get offended that they
live their life differently, or you get offended that they have a belief in their head that
has nothing to do with you, and you get offended because they believe that.
Look, Christians get offended just because in your mind you've got a thought, you've
got a belief, and they get offended that you've got that belief or thought.
It's like, so what?
What impact does that have on you?
You know?
Now look, there are doctrines that we need to make sure we all stand strong on, the fundamentals
of the faith, the fundamentals of Christianity.
I mean, there are several doctrines that I hold true.
It's in our statement of faith in the church, if you're curious, you can go that.
And I believe in order for this church to be united of one mind, the mind of Christ,
we need to stand together on these doctrines.
I believe that.
But then there are other, I mean, there are so many doctrines in the Bible.
You know?
Are we going to argue?
Some people think Jesus Christ came, you know, at 3 BC.
Some people, when he was born, sorry, that Jesus Christ was born at zero, whatever it
is, 1 AD.
Some people believe he was born like 7 BC.
You know, people have different beliefs about certain things.
Are we going to fight about that?
Are we going to be offended that people believe that Jesus Christ came to the earth slightly
different years, you know, period of this time?
You know, this is what I'm talking about.
But people get offended at silly little things that just make no sense.
And that's not what I'm talking about.
That's not the offense that Jesus Christ is speaking about.
But I do want to drive home that you have the right to be offended.
And there are several reasons why people get offended.
The first reason that I have here is for personal insecurities, personal insecurities.
This might be an example where a brother, a brother or a sister in the church gets praised.
They have success.
Maybe they land a great job, or maybe a brother gets an opportunity to preach or to song lead,
and someone else is thinking, well, what about me?
Why can't I get the same kind of praise or the same kind of recognition as this other
person in the church?
And some people get offended by that.
That's just a personal insecurity.
One thing that you need to learn, and this is something we need to train our children,
is that when others are being praised, when others do well, we should rejoice with them.
Rejoice with the brethren.
Rather than get offended, again, I've seen this where someone has done well, and maybe
people have forgotten to recognize that or whatever, but someone else has done something
similar and everybody recognizes them.
And so, well, what about me?
Why haven't people recognized me?
Don't worry about it.
Rejoice with your brother.
If everyone's forgotten about you, there's always someone that hasn't forgotten about
you, and that's the Lord God.
Praise God.
I would rather it only be God that recognizes me, and He rewards me in heaven, eternal rewards
forever rather than some temporal praise of men.
That's what I would rather in my life.
So being offended just because someone else is doing well, that's not right.
That's just a personal insecurity about yourself.
The second one, which I already mentioned, people with different views.
People with different views.
And I'll give you one example of this.
Just one example.
Maybe you can probably apply many, many examples to this in life.
And I remember once in a church, I won't name the church, a lady came up to my wife, Christina,
and said, oh, you know, how's the family?
How are you guys doing?
Blah, blah.
And Christina said, oh, you know, we're doing well.
We started homeschooling again this week, something about homeschooling, you know, we've
been doing homeschooling.
And the lady that asked Christina, how are you doing?
Got offended.
Yeah, offended about what?
That Christina mentioned homeschooling, right?
Because the other lady wasn't homeschooling her kids.
And she's like, well, what are you saying?
Are you saying that, well, because I don't homeschool that, you know, I'm not.
Christina's like, what are you talking about?
You asked me how I'm doing, right?
You asked me how I'm doing.
I'm just telling you, homeschooling is part of our life.
Every day of the week, we're homeschooling the kids.
Of course, that's part of our life.
That's quite a big part of the life.
You know, it wasn't about you.
You were asking about me.
And just because, you know, Christina was doing something differently in life than what
someone else does, well, that person got offended.
You know, that's ridiculous.
You know, that's getting offended just by people that have a different lifestyle or
a different view.
Like I said, maybe a slightly different belief about something.
People can get offended by those things.
Again, it's personal insecurities.
And I want you to realise this, this helped me a lot in life, when I would be attacked
or criticised by people, made fun of by some people.
I used to think there was something wrong with me.
I used to think, oh, maybe they've got a point.
Maybe by them criticising me, having a laugh at me, having a go at me, maybe it's because
I've got the problem.
And until I grew and I matured, I realised, hold on, I'm happy with life, everything's
working out for me.
The reason they're like that is because they've got the insecurities, they've got the problems.
And in order for them to feel better about themselves, what do they do?
What do people do to feel better about themselves?
They'll put other people down.
They'll put other people down because they're already down, they'll put other people down
to try to feel better about themselves.
One thing I learned in life, if you're downcast, the best way to feel better about yourself
is to make other people better about themselves.
Lift up other people.
When you lift up other people, when you encourage other people, when you edify the brethren,
you feel really good about yourself.
You go, man, I was a blessing to brother so-and-so this week.
I was a blessing to sister so-and-so.
It makes you feel a lot better.
It's contrary to what your flesh thinks.
Your flesh thinks I've got to put other people down, but really the right answer, the biblical
answer is to edify the brethren, that'll make you feel 10 times better about yourself.
You'll find great joy and you won't be offended by the little things.
Nevertheless, nevertheless, you do have the right to be offended.
You do have the right to offend.
Jesus Christ speaks about this and this is where you've been attacked personally, you've
been attacked mentally or emotionally by somebody in the church.
Whether intentional or unintentionally, it's happened.
You have the right to be offended.
Look at verse 15 again.
Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his faults between thee
and him alone.
And if he shall hear thee, thou has gained thy brother.
So we already saw that the offense here is a trespass or an attack.
And what I want you to notice is, what is the instruction already kind of covered a
little bit, what's the first thing we're to do?
Go to the offender alone, alone.
Now brethren, I'm sure you've all seen conflicts, maybe you've been part of conflicts in churches
maybe even.
How often have you seen the offended go to the offender alone?
I'm telling you, I've probably done even, well, here's the thing, if it's happened,
that's why you probably haven't seen it, okay?
So things have been done properly, that's probably why.
But I can think of situation after situation where it's not been brought to someone alone
and it's been broadcast to everybody else, okay?
Or broadcast on YouTube, broadcast on social media, okay?
Or innuendos in social media about certain people, things like this.
That's not what the Bible teaches, it says take it to your brother alone, approach the
offender alone.
And what I'm trying to tell you guys is that 99, now I don't know if these stats are correct
but just, you know what I'm saying, 99 out of 100 conflicts that you're going to go through
will be sorted if you just go one on one with that person alone, okay?
It's going to be sorted immediately.
Because look what Jesus Christ says, if he shall hear thee, thou has gained thy brother.
What a great thing, you know, to gain your brother is to basically strengthen that relationship.
You know, one thing in business that I learnt is in order for you to have your most loyal
customers, okay, now I used to work in customer service, okay, in order to have your most
loyal, trustworthy customers that keep coming back and back again, who do you think they
are?
Do you think it's the ones that never had problems with your business?
That's what you tend to think.
You tend to think it's always the one that's never had a problem, that things have always
gone smooth sailing, they've ordered something, they've purchased something, it's always been
perfect, you tend to think they're always going to be the one that comes back again
and again.
That's not true.
The one that's the most loyal customer is the one that has had a problem with your business.
You know, they've received a bad product, they've had a bad experience about something,
but then someone has stepped in and fixed the situation.
Someone has stepped in, listened, heard the complaints, heard the problem, have stepped
in and fixed it, that gives customers great confidence in the business, and they become
the greatest customers.
They become the return customers.
They become the most trustworthy, loyal customers, and just about every business manager knows
these things.
They're going to be your most loyal customers when you step in and you rectify the situation.
Why?
Because they feel like, wow, this person, this business cares for me, they've listened
to me, I'm not just customer 1,155, I'm a customer with a name, they care about me,
they care about their customers, and they think, wow, then they'll go and broadcast
it to their friends, hey, this is a good business to be part of.
That's how you get your most loyal customers.
The same principle is here, Jesus Christ says, look, if you go and just approach your brethren
one on one, you're going to gain your brother, you're going to strengthen that relationship
with that brother or sister in the Lord.
And what I would recommend you to do is that, you know, you go and you present the evidence
of the offense.
If you're the offender, you go to the offender straight away and you present the evidence,
look, brother, I just want to talk to you privately, you know, I've not spoken to anyone
else, just so you know, you know, the Bible says to take these things to you alone, I've
been offended by something you said, I've been offended by something you did, I don't
know if it was intentional or if it was intentional, you know, people get offended a lot of times
by just something that was not intentional.
I do this all the time, okay, I do this, I wasn't sure if I'd make a good pastor, because
I'm very sarcastic, I've mentioned it before, you know, I like to joke around, I like to
make fun, you know, because I have no problem making fun of myself, you know, and I allow
people to make fun of me, you know, as long as it's all in good play, you know, good laugh,
I'll even make jokes about myself, all right.
So, I sometimes think that's how everyone is, but not everyone's like that, and sometimes
I might joke around, I might be sarcastic, and without knowing, not intentionally, I've
offended somebody, and that's when my wife steps in, all right, so Christina steps in
and goes, you know, Kevin, did you know that so-and-so got offended?
I'm like, nah, come on, what are you talking about, you know, we're mucking around, you
know, because no, no, I got offended, and sometimes I've had to make a phone call and
apologise, you know, and I realise, oh, they were offended, wow, I couldn't believe it,
you know, that it's happened, maybe sometimes in the past, because you've got the authority,
the positional authority, maybe that's why, you know, people don't take it the same way
as if you were just a regular church brother or sister in the Lord, maybe that's why, but
yeah, I mean, that's happened, and it's like, it was never my intention, I didn't want to
hurt anybody, you know, but at the same time, I just got to face the facts, this person
got offended, you know, and instead of waiting for that person to come and tell me, you know,
I already had my wife come and tell me that person got offended, so I just took it to
them straight away, okay, but the key thing is, you've got to take it to that person alone,
take the evidence, if someone has offended you, take the evidence, and make sure that,
you know, you understand from them that they may not have even intended it to happen, okay,
and this is important, because your natural reaction, if you've been offended by a brother
in the Lord, your natural reaction will be, why should I go to them?
They offended me, isn't that a natural reaction?
They offended me, they have to come to me, but here's the thing, what if they didn't
even intend it?
What if they don't even realise he got offended?
You know what's going to happen?
You're going to think they've been bad, they've offended you, they've done something wrong
to you, they have no idea, and you're like, you're growing in bitterness, you're growing
in anger, why haven't they come to me, they should have come to me by now, they don't
even know what's going on, they're going about life, you know, carefree, they're going to
church week in, week out, they're enjoying the fellowship, they're smiling, every time
you see them smile every week, look at that fake smile on them, they know they've offended
me, why haven't they come to me, they've got no idea, and you know, you're having all these
negative thoughts about them, the only person you're destroying is yourself, the only person
you're hurting is yourself and your family and your loved ones, you take the offence
and you go take it to your brother in the Lord, you take it to them alone, you take
it to them alone, and please take the evidence, take the evidence, whatever evidence you have
with you, take it, don't be vague, don't generalise, just tell them, look, this is what happened,
I got offended by this, whether I should or shouldn't have, I don't know, whether you
intended or didn't intend it, I don't know, I just want you to know, brother, I got offended
by it, can we just sort this out between the two of us, because I don't want any future,
any other problems to come, to come my way, and just be that person, be someone that can
go and do that, otherwise you're going to just grow in bitterness, in anger, week in,
week out, just going to destroy your life, destroy everyone around you, and you know
what it's like, then the bitterness grows, you think it's a greater thing, it's a storm
in a teacup, it's this little thing that could have been dealt with very easily, and then
it becomes this massive problem, you know, over time, that's what conflict becomes, it
becomes a massive problem, and of course this is why Jesus Christ has to deal with us here
in Matthew chapter 18.
The other thing that I want to mention here is when you approach your brother alone, that
you do it face to face, you do it face to face, that's the preferred method, okay, now
I know these days we have phones, we have Facebook, we have text messages, and things
like that, emails, don't, don't, okay, you're going to be tempted, because you're like,
ah man, I don't want to face that person, I don't want to talk to them on the phone,
maybe it's easy if I just text them, don't, okay, text messaging doesn't carry the right,
you know, you lose a lot of your personality in a text message, and people can read that
text message in whatever tone they want, however they're feeling at that point in time, it
could be read very differently to what you even intended it to be like, okay, now when
you communicate with someone face to face, they can pick up the words, they can pick
up your tone, your language, your body language, your mannerisms, all these kinds of things,
communication isn't just words, communication is body language as well, seeing someone face
to face is going to help you understand the most clearest way, or the most clearest things
that person is trying to communicate to you, okay, and again I used to work in customer
service, there was a call centre that I managed, and one of the things that was taught there
is that, well, here's the thing, when you're on the phone with a customer, is that you
lose like 80% of your communication abilities, because now all you are, are a voice on a
phone, that's all you are, okay, and so, you know, customer service call centre people
are taught how to be very, what's the word, very, maybe animated, or very, you know, like,
you know, to be very clear in the way they speak, you know, one of the rules for example
is whenever you talk to a customer, have a smile on your face, like literally force a
smile on your face, so when you talk to a customer, it actually sounds like you're smiling
on the phone to the person, when you're not smiling, people can actually pick that up
by the tone of your voice, and so sometimes some people would have mirrors next to their
phone so they could look at their face, do I look grumpy, do I look happy, and try to
change their face to be more happy, so then that voice would carry through on the phone,
because you lose a lot of that communication, okay, so what I'm trying to say with you guys
is please take it first face to face, if it's not possible face to face, then pick up the
phone, pick up the phone, okay, but don't do text messaging, I mean, how many times
have I seen text messages misunderstood, misrepresented, oh, you said this, did you, it's like, what
are you talking about, that wasn't even my intention, but someone's just because they
were in the wrong state at that time, misunderstood, misrepresented what was being communicated
via text message, please do not deal with conflict via text, not via email, not via
phone messages, not via any other communication like that, face to face, and if you can't
do face to face, do it via the telephone, okay, do it via the telephone, and again,
take it to him alone, take it to him alone, and what I want to say there, especially,
I was going to say especially ladies, but we can all do this, okay, we can all do this,
sometimes, if you've, I'll cover that shortly, I'll cover that shortly, point number one,
point number one was you have the right to be offended, okay, understand that, there's
nothing wrong, if you've been offended, and you think, man, I've got to sort this out,
then go and sort it out, Jesus Christ has given you that opening to begin with, okay,
number two, number two, aim for a quick resolution, aim for a quick resolution, what did it say
then, verse number 15, if he shall hear thee, if he shall hear thee, the offender should
be someone that hears thee, now listen, if you offended a brother, and a brother has
come up to you and told you, what do you need to do, you need to hear them, you need to
listen to what they're saying, okay, because your natural reaction, think about this, just
be honest about yourselves, if someone came up to you, came up to you, and said brother
or sister, you've offended me, you did this the other week, and I got offended, you offended
me, what's your natural reaction straight away, what are you going to just want to do,
you're just going to want to defend yourself straight away, aren't you, you're going to
want to, no, I didn't intend, I know what I was trying to do, what are you talking about,
you're taking this too far, why are you doing that, you're going to just desire to defend
yourself straight away, that's why Jesus Christ says look, here, you've got to listen to what's
happening, and again, I'm just taking these examples because these are the things you
see happening in business, again, in a call center environment, what happens, you get
a lot of cranky customers, you know, in the business that I was at, we used to send a
thousand parcels per day to all places in Australia, and they had to be delivered the
next day, a thousand parcels, think about a thousand parcels every day going out, and
the promise was to the customers, they'll get it the next day, do you think every thousand
parcels will make it to a customer next day, every day, no, there was plenty of call backs,
and here's the other thing you need to realize, because we're an electrical company, we used
to sell our products to a lot of the big businesses or the mining companies, and so
if production had stopped because something had gotten faulty, it might just be a $20
part, okay, but every hour that production plant is down, it's costing that business
tens of thousands of dollars, and so they're expecting that component to arrive the next
day, and when it hasn't arrived, it's costing them literally tens of thousands of dollars
every hour, so of course you're going to get cranky people on the phone expecting, hey,
what happened to my parcel, okay, and of course how do you train these people to take
these calls, you know, it's a tough job to be on the phones there, you know, taking these
complaints, taking these issues, and so one thing you tell them is don't interrupt, just
let them vent, let them get it off their chest, all right, and this is what happens, customers
ring, they're going on for five minutes, six minutes, seven minutes, but how bad, the companies
are disastrously, you failed us, blah, blah, blah, the thing is don't, you know, we always
tell them don't react, just listen, just let them vent, just let them get them off their
chest, but listen, listen to what they're saying, because somewhere in that complaint,
somewhere in that ten minute rant, you'll find the problem, okay, so like they won't
just tell you this didn't arrive at this time, we're expecting it to come, they'll tell you
about how bad your business is, they'll tell you about how bad your customer service is,
they'll tell you all these things, that's what they want to get off their chest, but
somewhere in that phone call, they're going to give you the information about what went
wrong, and that's what you need to listen to, and I'm telling you, this worked all the
time, okay, and sometimes the manager, I'd get the escalated calls and things like that,
okay, but you just let them vent, and then they're tired once they've vented, right,
it's like, oh man, because it takes a lot to vent, it takes a lot to get things off
their chest, but then when you're able to say, okay, sir, I realise that this situation
has happened, look, I'm sorry, I apologise that this has happened, yes, our company has
failed to provide this item at this time, from what I'm hearing from you, is you're
expecting product so-and-so to arrive at this point, it hasn't happened, let me look into
that, and I'm telling you, that like solves almost all of the complaints, like all those
escalated complaints, that almost solves all of it, because the person that was complaining
to the customer thinks, man, I just vented for the last 10 minutes, this person has not,
you know, been aggressive in return, this person has actually listened to me, they've
worked out what the problem is, and now they're trying to fix it, now they're trying to fix
it, why, what did that person do, all they did was listen, you know, and sometimes they'll
be like this on the phone, sometimes they'll put the phone over here, and then they'll,
you know, just like that, but you know, they'll start, they'll make sure that they'll wait
for the point, you know, that's what made the best call centre person, is that when
they wouldn't take things personally, and they do the best to listen to the customer
and rectify the situation. I'm just telling you this, not because what the business world
does isn't necessarily the best thing to do, but it ties in very nicely with what Jesus
Christ says, Jesus Christ wants us to listen to brethren that have been offended by you,
because the first reaction will be to defend yourself, and that's what happens, when you
get a new call centre person coming to the business, they get their first cranky call,
their first reaction is to defend themselves, you know, and to blame the customers, and
you've got to teach them, they need training, they need to be taught how you've got to
just bear, just put, they're not angry with you necessarily, they might be angry at the
company, but they've got this issue, you need to listen and find out what the issue is.
I would never take an escalated call unless the person under me had first figured out
what was the problem, okay, and if they had figured out what the problem was and they
still wanted to talk to me, then I would take the call, okay, but anyway, here the offender
should be someone that listens, and listen, if you've offended someone, even if you didn't
intend it, you know, even if you think they're overreacting, it doesn't matter, they've got
the right to be offended according to Jesus Christ, just receive it, just accept the fact
that, okay, I did wrong, you know, I've hurt them somehow, even though I didn't mean to
do that, just accept it, apologise and make things right, just do it, you know, why be
so prideful, you know, and here's the thing, if you, you know, they're wrong, let's say
they're wrong and they shouldn't have been offended by it, well, I mean, isn't that just
good character for you to show, hey, you know what, even if I think they're wrong, I'm still
going to go and apologise to them, I'm still going to edify them because they're my brother
and I love them and they have the right to be offended, I'm just going to sort that out
and Jesus Christ, God, you know what's going on, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to apologise
but I'm going to leave everything in your hands, Lord, if it's not, if the book's unbalanced
here, I'll let you deal with it in the future, Lord, I mean, that's the best way to be, that's
the best character to have in church, okay, we're all different, you know, you're not
always going to see eye to eye on certain things but just be that person that apologises
and makes things right, learn to listen, filter through the complaints and pinpoint
where the offence took place. Next thing is accept the fact, accept it, accept the fact
that your brother is offended, just accept it, you know, don't waste your time thinking
oh, you know, he or she shouldn't be offended by that, why waste your time, you're just
wasting your time thinking about these things, they are offended, that's the point, you don't
have to try to figure out yourself should they be offended, they are offended, too late,
okay, now you've got to deal with the conflict, you know, or you might say well I wouldn't
be offended by that, you know, therefore I won't apologise, I wouldn't be offended by
that, so I'm not going to apologise, they are offended, just deal with it, okay, or
you know what, some people do, this is what happens a lot, you know what, before I go
and apologise, I'm going to take this matter to my friends, you know, I'm going to see
my friends think about this situation, what are they doing, they are just trying to seek
emotional support, you know, try to find other people that would be on the same page as you
and then you have a reason to not want to apologise to that other person, but what did
Jesus Christ say, take it to them alone, this should remain between the offended and
the offender alone, nobody else needs to know about it, nobody, okay, because here's what
happens, this is what happens, people take the complaint, they take the conflict to everyone
else in the church, they take it to their best friends, do you know brother so and so
or sister so and so got offended by this, like oh yeah, why would they get offended
by that and all of a sudden, now instead of the conflict between one and one, now it's
a conflict between a bunch of people and that one person and that one person, they probably
just read Matthew 18, Jesus says go to my brother alone, I'll do that and you've
gone and you're destroying the reputation, destroying how other people see that brother
or sister in the Lord, who's doing worse actually, okay, even if that person is wrong
for getting offended, who do you think is doing more damage, the person that's trying
to deal with things biblically or the one that goes and spreads it to everyone else,
who's doing more damage, obviously the one going and spreading it, you know, dragging
that person's name through the mud, destroying the reputation, when you could have just dealt
with it, apologised, moved on, gained a brother, moved on, okay, that's what Jesus Christ
teaches us, the other thing that I want you to understand is that it's not your place
to tell others when they should or shouldn't be offended, okay, it's not your place to
tell others, again you have the right to be offended, we covered that, let's say you
know of a situation where you've got a brother in the Lord and they've been offended by
someone else in the church, okay, they've been offended by someone else in the church,
you because you're righteous, you know, you're not better than most people, right,
will go up to that brother and say, you know what, that person said that about you or did
that to you, you should go and deal with that with them, okay, but what if that brother,
yeah, might have got offended but then they're like, you know what, who cares, it's not
a big deal, they probably didn't mean it, I'll just put it behind me, do they have the
right to do that? Absolutely, okay, because they might assess the situation, yeah, my
feelings got hurt, you know, because that brother said that but you know what, probably
didn't mean it, maybe I'm being a bit too sensitive, maybe I'm not reacting the right
way and they go, you know what, nah, forget it, it's not important, I'll just put it
behind me, okay, but then another brother knows about that situation, you know what,
I'll take it to that person, it's not your place to tell other people whether they should
be offended or not, everybody has that right, has that decision to decide for themselves
whether they just want to put it behind them and not to worry about it and you know, that
can happen as well but if that person tries to put it behind them but they're growing
in bitterness and all those problems, they should go to their brother and sort it out,
is what I'm trying to say, okay, but everybody can make their own decision on whether or
not they should deal with that conflict personally or if they think it's not a big deal, they
just put it behind them, they have the opportunity to make that decision themselves, okay.
So point number one guys was you have the right to be offended, point number two is
aim for a quick resolution, like what I said to you is hear the matter, listen to it, don't
go and try to justify yourself, okay, hear the matter, try to aim for a quick resolution.
The third point that I have here is when I say quick resolution, I want to be clear
about this, is respond quickly but not immediately, now those two words can sound very similar
but they're quite different, respond quickly but not immediately, okay, and once again
it's just because when people have been offended, it's not just the facts, you know, it's
not just the facts of the offence, there's also emotions, okay, there's also emotions
and sometimes your emotions can override the actual facts, is what I'm trying to say,
or the facts are blurred by how you feel about the situation, okay, someone might hear about
your story and think that's not such a big deal but because you're emotionally hyped
up, you know, you've blown it into this massive thing, what I'm trying to say to you is if
someone's been offended, they come up to you, again I talked about this, your natural reaction
will be to defend yourself and that's an emotional response, you're going to choose to defend
yourself but again just listen to the situation and say look, if it's not clear to you because
your emotions are blinding you for a minute, you know, you might want to react and say
something harsh back to them, you know, because they brought that offence to you, what you
should do is say look, thank you for bringing that up to me brother, let me think about it,
let me process this for a couple of days and I'll get back to you, okay, don't respond
immediately, is what I'm trying to say, I mean, yeah, don't respond immediately, take
time out, think about what happened but then still address it quickly, don't let it go
for weeks after weeks after weeks after months after months after months and then get back
to them, no, aim to get back to them within a week or two or something like that, pretty
quickly but not necessarily immediately, make sure you've got any emotions out of your system,
you're just dealing with the facts and then go and approach them and sort it out between
the two of you, okay and once again, this usually happens because maybe you think they
overreacted, maybe you think they should have been offended by what you did, again, they
have the right to be offended, I just want to keep driving that home to you, they have
the right to be offended, you don't need to justify whether they should be offended or
not, okay, this is why Christ gives us these instructions and the fourth point that I have
here is accept the offender's apology, accept the offender's apology, now this should
be common sense, right, now if you've been offended, you go to brother so and so, I've
got a brother David, David, you've offended me and then brother David comes up to me a
week later, you know what, I've thought about it, you're right, I shouldn't have said that,
I didn't intend to hurt your brother but I realised how that could have been seen that
way, I'm sorry, please forgive me and I'd be like, David, I don't accept it, now that
happens, that happens, look sometimes it happens like this, thanks brother, I accept that apology,
you walk away, I don't accept it, that happens as well, right, you've told him, yeah, it's
all good, it's all forgiven but internally, you haven't accepted it, okay, I'll tell you
why this happens and this is usually because, this is, you know, sometimes you want a harsher
punishment on the person that hurt you, okay and it's like, well, and by accepting their
apology, you realise you're now closing the book there, you're saying, okay, this is done
and dusted now but I wish they had a harsher punishment to this, right, they've hurt me,
I want them to be hurt, again, it's just that sinful nature that we have in us and
just keep your finger there in Matthew 18 and go to Jonah chapter 3 please, Jonah chapter
3 in the Bible and I can't help but think about this story and you guys, you know, Jonah
is a pretty famous story in the Bible and of course, God sent Jonah to Nineveh to preach
against Nineveh, that wicked city, it was a very wicked city, God was going to destroy
that city, he sent Jonah to preach destruction against that city, Jonah was not expecting
the city to get things right with God, all right, but look at Jonah chapter 3 verse,
let's have a look, verse number 8, oh, verse number 7, let's look at Jonah chapter 3 verse
7, so after, no, verse number 6, let's go to verse, Jonah chapter 3 verse 6, so after
Jonah preaches to the Ninevites, tells them God's going to destroy you, you're a wicked
city, you've offended God by your wickedness, Jonah chapter 3 verse 6, it says here, the
word came unto the king of Nineveh and he arose from his throne and he laid his robe
from him and covered him with sackcloth and with ashes, so this is just a way of saying
that the king started to mourn for what was being preached against he and his city, verse
number 7, and he caused it to be proclaimed and published through Nineveh by the decree
of the king and his noble saying, let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste anything,
let them not feed nor drink water, but let man and beast be covered with sackcloth and
cry mightily unto God, yea, let them turn everyone from his evil way and from the violence
that is in their hands, who can tell if God will turn and repent and turn away from his
fierce anger that we perish not, so the king of Nineveh says look, let's try to get right
with God, maybe God will turn away from destroying this city, verse number 10, and God saw their
works that they turned from their evil way and God repented of the evil that he had said
he would do unto them and he did it not, so look, God was offended by the Ninevites because
they were wicked, right, then God sends his prophet Jonah to preach against them, the
king says man, we've got to sort this out with God, so they try to clean themselves
up, they turn from their wicked ways, God sees it and he goes alright, apology accepted,
alright, that should be the end of it, but look at the next chapter, Jonah chapter 4
verse 1, but it displeased Jonah exceedingly and he was very angry and he prayed unto the
Lord and said, I pray thee, O Lord, was not this my saying when I was yet in my country,
therefore I fled before unto Tarshish, for I knew that thou art a gracious God and merciful,
slow to anger, and of great kindness and repentance, thee of the evil, therefore now, O Lord, take
I beseech thee my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live, so Jonah,
man, he succeeds as a preacher, he succeeds, he preaches damnations, destruction, they
listen to him, they fix things up with God, God accepts their apology, but Jonah's angry,
Jonah wants God to destroy them, right, Jonah, but what do we learn about God, Jonah says
look, I knew you were a gracious God, I know you're merciful, slow to anger, great kindness,
that's how we need to be as brothers and sisters of the Lord to one another, okay, but sometimes
people apologise, they want to get things right with you, and instead of you being kind
and merciful and gracious, you're like, I want you destroyed, you know, I want you to
go, I want you to be hurt the way you hurt me, no, no, no, God is a great and merciful
God, we would not be saved if we did not have this God of the Bible, thank God for his great
mercies, and we need to show that great mercy, the great forgiveness that we see of God in
the Bible here in Jonah, not be like Jonah, the way he reacted to the preaching that he
did there in Nineveh, alright, so please accept the offender's apology, now look at verse
number 16, sorry, Matthew, go back to Matthew 18, Matthew 18 verse 16, we're almost done
now, Matthew 18 verse 16, like I said, I've focused a lot on that one point, about taking
it to, you know, you and your brother alone, because that will sort out, again, 99 out
of 100 issues, okay, but then look at verse number 15, sorry, verse number 16, verse number
16, but if he will not hear thee, so if you go to your brother alone, but he does not
hear you this time, but if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more,
that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established, so here's the
thing, if you go to a brother, and you say, look brother, you've offended me, they don't
listen, they don't want to sort it out, they don't want to fix the situation, then the
Bible says, well now, you've got to take it to the next level, now you take one or two
more brothers with you, and try to get them involved, because they might not want to listen
to you, but they may listen to the voice of many, of a couple of others, okay, and then
they're like, oh yeah, you know, then they come to reason, oh yeah, okay, maybe he's
got a point, because, you know, even these other brothers here recognise that I've done
wrong, or whatever, in fact, those other brethren might even recognise, say that maybe
you're the one that actually did wrong, alright, I mean, this is what's important, because
you take some impartial people of the situation, and let them assess the situation, and try
to deal with it, and again, it's just to create two or three witnesses, to create two or three
witnesses about the situation, look at verse number 17, now hopefully, that gets sorted
out there and then, okay, with the two or three witnesses, the one or two others that
are there to help with that situation, look at verse number 17, and this is where it gets
really bad, and if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church, so that's the
next step, let's say you've gone to a brother that's offended you, they don't want to sort
it out, you take two other brethren with you, they still don't want to sort it out, the
next thing to do is to take it to the entire church, it gets brought to the pastor, it
gets brought before the whole church, okay, church, you know, there's a situation, this
has happened with this person, this is what's happened, this is what we've done, now we're
bringing it before the whole church, and we allow the whole church to assess and try to
bring resolution between those two, but look at verse number 17, the rest of it, but if
he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican,
that's another way of saying kick them out of the church, because what's an heathen man?
That's like a non-believer, that's like someone that does not worship the God of the Bible,
let him be as that heathen man or that publican, you know, like the government worker, the
one that's not there for, you know, religious or worship purposes to be in the church, they're
there for other issues, they're there to tax or whatever, right, let him be as a heathen
or a publican, that's what I was saying is basically, you know, kick them out of the
church, okay, because they shouldn't be in the house of God, and you can see how these
things escalate very quickly, you've got a conflict, one on one, most things will get
sorted out like that, okay, next thing you take two brethren, they still don't want to
figure out, take it to the whole church, maybe the church will be able to turn that person's
heart, and if they still don't want to hear the whole church, then you kick them out of
the church, let them be as an, it doesn't say here that he's unsaved, it's just like
let him be unto thee, like treat him as if he were an unsaved heathen man, that's what
it means, okay, and you kick that person out of the church, this is church discipline,
and it will protect the church from being destroyed from within, you want to make sure
you get rid of the bad eggs out of the church before it starts to taint everyone else, everyone
else out of the relationship within the church, and that is church discipline, that's how
you deal with conflict in the church, Jesus Christ has given us these examples for a reason,
and let me tell you brethren, please, if you do have conflict, if you have been offended,
you start applying these things, you go to that person one on one alone, alone, alone,
you don't need to come to me and tell me about the situation, I don't want to know about
it, you go and take it to them alone, if I find out that you haven't taken it to that
person alone, and you've gone spreading the rumours, you might be the one that goes through
church discipline, because you're the one going around destroying that person's reputation,
okay, you need to take it to that person alone first, please do that, if you have any questions
for me, I'll answer this one, okay.