Amen. We're in 1 Peter chapter 3, and I'd like to focus on just sort of the middle section of 1 Peter chapter 3.
We're just going to look at this section again. It's from verse 8 in 1 Peter 3, where we read this.
Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, lovers, brethren, be pitiful, be courteous,
not rendering evil for evil or railing for railing, but contrary wise, blessing,
knowing that ye are there and too cool, that ye should inherit a blessing.
For he that will love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil and his lips, that they speak no guile.
Let him astrue evil and do good, let him seek peace and ensue it.
For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers,
but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.
And who is he that will harm ye if ye be followers of that which is good?
But, and if ye suffer for righteousness' sake, happier ye, and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled,
but sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you,
and reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.
Having a good conscience, that whereas they speak evil of you as of evildoers,
they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ,
for it is better if the will of God be so that ye suffer for well-doing than for evildoing.
And the title of the sermon this morning is, Do You Have Good Manners?
Do You Have Good Manners? I'd like to pray and then we're going to get going with this message.
Father, thank you for your word.
Thank you for, well, the clear teaching.
Give us in your word, Lord, about how we should behave around each other, around those on the outside as well, Lord.
And please, please just help everyone to take this sermon in the right spirit, Lord,
and to want to improve in this area, for all of us to want to improve in this area, Lord,
and to just listen to what your word is saying, to not kind of get hard-hearted to it,
to not get stiff-necked to it, and just to listen to your word and try to apply it to our lives.
Jesus, thank you for all of this. Amen.
OK, so this is one of those sermon topics, OK?
I'm going to tell you now it's going to tread on some toes, all right?
It's not just going to tread on some toes. It's probably going to smash a few toes.
It's going to tread on some feet. It'll probably tread on some fingers.
It's going to tread on some hands.
If you come out of this sermon and you haven't had something trodden on, well, you're either completely stubborn or,
I don't know, maybe you're just the most polite person out there and you've got great manners,
because the reality of it is every single one of us can improve in this area.
And it is something that God wants us to improve in as well, and I'm going to show you that from the Bible today as well.
Now, if you're too sensitive to take this sort of sermon, then you might want to either sneak out now,
and we'll just look the other way, or maybe you can pretend that you've got important things to do in the church and stuff,
and you're just desperate for a drink or something else.
Is that someone leaving? No, I'm kidding.
However, God does, like I said, he wants us to get better in many areas, OK?
And he prescribes preaching for us to get better in areas of life, OK?
So if you're going, well, you know, it seems to be just practical sermons, the last couple of ones, you know,
last week he was talking about keeping our mouths shut and, you know, where's all the theology?
Where's all this? Well, you know, we have a balanced start in preaching here.
You need to listen to all three services a week.
We do Bible studies. We've got series on how to preach the gospel.
We're back to Proverbs. It will be practical.
We go through all sorts here.
Right now, this is something that I feel needs preaching on.
Timothy was charged in 2 Timothy 4 to preach the word,
be instant, in season, out of season, reprove, rebuke, exhort, with all long-suffering and doctrine.
So we are, as preachers, are told to reprove, to rebuke, OK?
And that's just a part of it. And that's how we improve as Christians.
That's how God wants us to improve. And sometimes it's going to feel painful.
Sometimes you're going to wonder, you know, you know, is he preaching at me?
Right. And some might be sitting there going, well, it's OK for you, Pastor Taverner.
Right. You're not the one getting preached at.
But I tell you what, when you study out a sermon, any of the guys will know here who preach sermons,
you're dwelling on those verses more than anyone has to dwell on them when they're sitting in a sermon.
You're sitting there and the word of God's talking to you as well.
And you're sitting there and you spend many more hours with those verses
and that one hour when you might hear that verse quickly or that example quickly.
So, you know, that's one thing to think about.
And ultimately, we should all be improving, whether you're writing a sermon or whether you're preaching a sermon.
It's all for us to be edified, to us improve in areas of life.
Now, some of this stuff might have been inspired by people in this church.
I'll be honest about that. And if so, thank you.
OK, because if it is you, then, well, you've probably helped others, too, now,
because I'll be using examples and things.
And again, I'm not going to be using specific things about people.
OK, I'm not going to be naming and shaming stuff, just things I've noticed over time.
But it's not just stuff in this church.
It might have been inspired by your behaviour,
but it might have been inspired by past members' behaviour or even people outside of church life as well.
OK, so bad manners are everywhere.
OK, and bad manners you see in church, you see out of church as well.
We're all here to improve, OK? You're not going to improve if you start growling.
If it applies to you, then great.
That's how you should really look at it.
Now, I know it's not always easy at the time,
but if you're thinking, that applies to me, I don't know, you know, is that even,
is that something I maybe have done that he might even be thinking about when he's preaching this?
Great, something to improve on. Great.
You can notch that down and make a note and go, OK, that's something I need to work on.
OK, now we're talking about good manners today.
And although speech is a part of that, behaviour is, too.
So it's not just speech, it's behaviour as well.
So I'm preaching on the full package. Why am I preaching on it?
Well, for a few reasons, OK?
If we want a harmonious church, then good manners, being polite, is important, isn't it?
OK, in, you know, for everyone really here, 1 Peter 3, look down again,
it said in verse 10 of 1 Peter 3,
So we want to have a peaceful church, we want to have people,
we don't want people to be offended often in church by each other.
And if we're going to effectively reach the outside world with the gospel,
then good manners is important with that as well, isn't it?
OK, verse 15 says,
That's humility, OK?
Humility, meekness, not pride or arrogance, OK,
which sadly often goes hand in hand with bad manners, doesn't it?
Verse 16 says,
So even with good conversation, that's behaviour, OK, they will speak evil of you.
Just basically, we don't want to give them an extra justification.
We want to give them more reason, they're going to speak evil of you anyway, right?
Now, if you go back to the previous chapter, 1 Peter 2, verses 11 to 12,
give us a principle here, an important principle.
It says in verse 11 of 1 Peter 2,
This is the gist among the Gentiles,
So if our behaviour is good amongst the unbelievers,
there's more chance of getting saved at a later date, basically.
So if they see good behaviour, and that includes good manners, OK,
there's a good chance, and it could be a slow burner with family,
where you want them to see with time that it's not a fad,
You want them to see the good behavior,
not because you're pushing it in their face,
just because with time, people are going to see
that unsafe family, unsafe friend, unsafe colleagues,
people in your life outside of church.
And then in that day, in that bad day,
in that time of trouble, in that time
when they're humble, in that time when it's like,
I need some help, in that time
when they realize their mortality,
hopefully they're going to then glorify God
in the day of visitation, okay?
So, politeness, manners, thinking of others,
not being rude is a big part of that, okay?
That's good behavior, that's good conversation.
Now, like I said, okay, it's also a big part
of church life as well.
And this is the way I see it, okay?
This is the way I see it.
If you don't have good manners in the church house,
then you probably don't have them
outside of the church house.
That should be a pretty good assumption.
And if it's the other way round,
if you don't have good manners in the church house,
but you do outside of the church house,
then you need to get right with God.
Then there's a problem, okay?
And he said in Romans 12, 10,
and you don't have to turn there,
be kindly affection one to another with brotherly love
in honor, preferring one another.
So in respect, in honor,
we should be preferring one another.
Your manners should be better in the church house
than anywhere else, really, okay?
He said in Galatians 6, 10,
as we have therefore opportunity,
let us do good unto all men,
especially unto them who are of the household of faith.
And that should be something that should be in our hearts
and we should be extra polite
and our manners should be extra good in church.
So like I said,
if I'm giving everyone the benefit of the doubt there,
then if your manners are bad in the church house,
you really need this preaching on
because what harm you're doing in the outside world,
what you're doing in your outside lives,
what harm you might be doing to your job prospects,
what harm you might be doing to your unsafe family
and friend and everything else would be a problem, right?
And he said here in 1 Peter 3, verse 8,
he said, finally be ye all of one mind,
having compassion one another,
love us brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.
He said, be courteous.
Courteous, okay, is polite, well-bred,
being of elegant manners, civil, obliging,
condescending and not in a bad way,
applied to persons.
Number two for the definition there is polite, civil,
graceful, elegant, complacent,
applied to manners, et cetera.
He said to be of one mind, okay?
So he said to be united in our beliefs,
in our goals, in our standards, okay?
We should be united in our standards here, shouldn't we?
And part of a sermon like this is to encourage people
to understand what the standards are here
to be united in.
He said having compassion, so that's caring about others.
We should care about others, shouldn't we?
And a big part of manners is caring about others, right?
Which is a lot easier by the way to care about others
when they're not talking to you like dirt,
so it goes both way around as well, right?
It's hard to care for people
when they treat you with bad manners,
when they treat you like you're scum
on the bottom of their foot.
To love like family, to be pitiful, to be courteous.
So he commanded us, didn't need to be courteous, yeah?
He commanded us to be courteous, he said be polite,
he said have good manners, basically, okay?
So a sermon like this is important for everyone
because it's a command of God.
So you could be like,
well, but I saw when I read my Bible, you know,
and I have some very holy talk and everything else,
but if you're rude to people, if you're impolite,
if you're not courteous, you're sinning, okay?
You're in sin.
So it's something that we all need to work on, okay?
Turn to Psalm 19.
Well, I'm gonna read Romans 15, two.
You'll turn to Psalm 19, but Romans 15, two,
we're told, let every one of us please his neighbor
for his good to edification.
So we should be looking to please someone,
we should be looking to honor them,
to not basically displease them
because it's for their good to edification.
And one way that you please your neighbor
is by being polite.
It's by treating them respectfully.
And the first area that we're gonna look at is speech.
Okay, speech.
The title is, do you have good manners?
And number one, question number one, a point number one,
do you have good manners in the way you speak?
Do you have good manners in the way you speak?
In Psalm 19, 14, the Psalmist David said,
let the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight,
O Lord, my strength and my redeemer.
So what comes out of our mouths important to God,
and although culture doesn't necessarily determine
what's acceptable to God,
it does determine what's considered courteous
in the culture you're in.
And if we're not being courteous
and those words aren't acceptable to the Lord, are they?
We've just seen the command was be courteous.
So if we want our words,
the words of our mouth to be acceptable in God's sight,
then they should be courteous
and culture will determine that to some degree.
So what are some of the cultural good manners in the UK,
which is obviously where our church is
and the predominant culture?
Okay, it's important to know, isn't it?
When you go to other nations,
especially if you're going to live in another nation,
you're going to associate with other people
and you're going to interact and everything else,
especially if you're going to soul with another nation,
you want to know what's polite there, don't you?
You want to know what's good manners.
That should be something that we're doing.
As Brits, we're famous for not doing that, aren't we?
People go over to other nations
and just tear the place apart and everything else.
You get all of that, the stereotypes of that.
Well, something we want to make sure is that we understand
what is being courteous in the UK.
Well, when it comes to speech,
something still a lot of children are taught growing up
and still a lot are, by the way,
even though sadly these things do get eroded with time,
is what's known as the Ps and Qs, yeah?
You will have heard that maybe when you're growing up,
don't forget your Ps and Qs.
Okay, what are Ps and Qs?
They're pleases and thank yous, okay?
Pleases and thank yous are really important.
They're very important, not just in our culture.
The equivalent is important in most cultures.
Now, not all languages have a direct translation,
but it is a universal concept.
A please is according to the Oxford Dictionary,
used as a polite way of asking for something
or telling somebody to do something.
This is definition number one here.
So for example, please sit down.
Or two coffees, please.
Quiet, please.
Please, could I leave early today?
Definition number three,
because we're applying it to manners here,
is used as a polite way of accepting something.
Would you like some help?
Yes, please.
Coffee, please.
You know, you can even say it without a yes, right?
Notice how both descriptions use what word?
It's polite.
Another word is courteous, and God said, be courteous.
So he said, be polite, right?
So you could add to those, for example,
and just some examples I thought off the top of my head.
Please, can I have a bulletin?
For example, please count me in for soul winning today
to whoever it is, the soul winning captain,
whoever's organized it.
Yes, please, to come into the latest event,
event, et cetera, that's being organized, yeah?
Okay, they're just standard stuff that we,
that's parlance, that's polite parlance
in England, in the UK.
Another saying, by the way,
is it costs nothing to say please and thank you.
You might have heard of that saying as well.
It costs nothing.
It's a split second extra
on the end of something you say to say please
or to say thank you for something.
It really doesn't harm you at all.
And you could also add to that,
it only takes an extra second when writing a message.
Because a lot of our communication nowadays is by message,
it takes a split, especially with predictive text.
I mean, you're talking, and I'll tell you what,
it will even be less of a second,
it'd be a split second if you started doing it regularly
because your phone is gonna suggest the please
on the end of something or the thank you, right?
If it's common for you and you do it,
if it's not coming up as a suggestion, you got a problem.
All right?
Okay, so it only takes an extra second.
It costs nothing to say please or thank you.
What's the point in the thank you?
Okay, well, the Oxford Dictionary says,
definition number one for thanks
is used to show that you are grateful to somebody
for something they have done.
How are you?
For example, just asking how you are.
Fine, thanks equals thanks for asking.
Thanks for doing something.
You know, for example, thanks for lending me the money.
Thanks for something.
Many thanks for your support.
Definition number two, a polite way
of accepting something that somebody has offered you.
Would you like a coffee?
Okay, thanks.
Or, oh, thanks, here's a change.
Thanks very much.
Do you want to come with us?
I'd love to, thanks.
Don't say they're not like,
it's not like someone's kind of changed
their whole life for you.
It's just a polite way of appreciating anything, right?
Definition number three is no thanks.
A polite way of refusing something
that somebody has offered you.
Would you like some more?
No, thanks.
Whether you wanted it or not, right?
What's the key word there again?
Polite.
It's polite, okay?
It's polite in our culture.
It's a polite way, a courteous way we could say,
and we're told, be courteous, okay?
Now, you could add to those.
So these are some things just off the top of my head,
again, that I thought of when making these notes.
Thanks when giving a bulletin.
For example, thanks, thank you.
Thanks when giving a soul-winning map.
Thanks for the meal, et cetera.
Just thank you when someone's done something,
given you something,
you've had something from someone else,
even just an offer, right?
Turn to Proverbs 18.
Now, in case you're sitting there thinking,
this is pretty obvious stuff.
Okay, I didn't come for this sort of thing.
I came for something a bit more involved here.
This should be too obvious, isn't it?
Well, apparently not.
Okay, apparently not.
And like I said, yeah,
if the manners are lacking in the house of God
to brothers and sisters in Christ,
I'm assuming they're lacking outside too.
So if people can't just use normal please
and thank yous in the house of God,
or when addressing people in the house of God
or in message to people in, you know,
their brothers and sisters in Christ,
then surely they're lacking outside as well.
Now, what are the reasons?
Maybe it was lacking in your upbringing.
So some people it's just something
maybe they weren't raised with and, you know,
that can happen.
Maybe it's a cultural thing.
Not everyone here who comes from British culture,
maybe they're not as used to this sort of thing.
Or maybe you're just too rich.
Maybe you're just too wealthy
because Proverbs 18, 23 says,
"'The poor useth in treaties,
but the rich answerth roughly.'"
And that is the truth in life, isn't it?
Rich people can be some of the rudest people.
They can have some of the best upbringing,
but they're rude.
And a lot of the time,
poor people are just generally more polite, aren't they?
A lot of the time.
Now, you could get to the point
where it's sort of like you get to kind of,
where you get into like, you know,
druggie kind of cultures type stuff
where they're like right at the bottom of society.
And then it could be the other way around.
Some of them, even then,
sometimes the drug addicts are pretty polite.
I've noticed when you knock on their doors,
you know, they can be pretty polite
whilst they're rejecting the gospel.
And sometimes they're not rejecting the gospel.
But some entreaties is being polite.
It's humble communication.
That's what an entreaty is.
And the reason being is the issue can be pride, can't it?
Obviously closely linked to wealth.
So the issue for many people is pride,
which is why they're unable to say please and thank yous,
to just show some gratitude for anything in life.
Now, this is a strange attitude to have
when going into the house of the almighty God, isn't it?
It's a strange thing to walk into the house of God
puffed up with so much pride
that you can't just say please
to someone or thank you to someone.
Okay, like I said,
it can just be that it's a lacking upbringing.
You're not really aware and everything else.
But it is a strange thing to have.
It's a sort of why should I say please
and thank you to you?
You should provide me this.
I should get that.
And that's a weird attitude to have.
And that's something that you need to correct
if you have that.
Now go to Colossians chapter three.
Pride is often a factor with the next word on my list.
It seems to be missing
in so many people's vocabularies as well in life.
So I'm not just talking about in church life,
but I have seen it in church life.
Colossians chapter three and verse 12.
Colossians 3, 12 says this.
Put on therefore as the elect of God,
holy and beloved, bowels of mercies,
kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long suffering,
forbearing one another and forgiving one another.
If any man have a quarrel against any,
even as Christ forgave you, so also do you.
If there's some kindness, some humbleness of mind,
some meekness,
do you know what should be an easy word to say?
Sorry.
No, it's not a dirty word.
You can say sorry.
Now you don't have to say it all the time,
but sorry is a normal word.
It's a good word to say.
Oxford's definitions that apply here are
feeling sad and ashamed about something that has been done.
Sorry about something.
We're very sorry about the damage to your car,
for example.
I'm sorry about the mess.
I haven't had a chance to tidy up yet.
Sorry for something.
She's obviously deeply sorry for what she has done.
We are sorry for the delay
and hope the train will be moving again shortly.
Sorry for doing something.
He says he's really sorry for taking the car without asking.
Sorry that she was sorry that she lost her temper.
For example, I am so sorry that this happened.
If you say you're sorry, we'll forgive you.
And it does help with forgiveness, doesn't it?
When someone actually shows some sign of regret
and says sorry.
Now feeling disappointed about something
and wishing you had done something different
or had not done something is another reason.
Sorry that used when you're apologizing for something.
I'm sorry I forgot.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Have I taken the one you wanted?
I'm sorry I can't make it tomorrow.
I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's an urgent call for you.
And here are some examples in church life, okay,
to add to those.
I'm sorry that I'm late for soul winning.
That should just be normal.
When you're running late, whether it's your fault or not,
whether it's, well, I just, it was the traffic.
Do you know that the polite,
so you don't have to be like,
well, I don't think I'm to blame for this one.
It's like the, it's just, it's manners.
It's politeness.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I'm running late for the soul winning time.
And you're having to wait and rearrange
and everything else, the soul winning captains.
For example, I'm sorry that I'm late for soul winning.
I'm sorry that I can't now make the event
that you've spent however long planning
and you've paid for.
Like the first word should be sorry, okay?
I'm sorry that I can't make whatever responsibility,
job, role, something I've committed to,
whether it's in church life or outside of church life.
Just, I'm sorry.
It's such an easy word
that should just come out of people's mouths, okay?
And believe me, I'm not going out,
you're not, oh, well, he's got high standards here.
This was normal when I grew up.
Believe me, this is standard.
In our culture, you apologize.
It's such a powerful word.
It makes such a difference when used genuinely.
It makes it so much easier to forbear
and forgive someone like we saw in verse 13.
It just, for me, it just solves it straight away.
Someone says, sorry.
It's like, yeah, whatever, you know?
But when they don't, it leaves such a gap.
It's like, it's glaringly obvious that it's missing
when someone doesn't.
When you get these messages where people are like,
I won't be making it now.
And you're just like, where's the sorry?
Like, it's weird.
And like I said, okay, with these,
if they're important with your church family,
then they're also important with your own family as well.
So all these things, all these manners,
if they're important with your brothers and sisters
in Christ, surely they're important
with your brothers and sisters in Christ,
who are your blood relatives you live with every day.
And that's something all of us need to remember sometimes
because we can be very polite with strangers
or with people that we don't see as often
or we only see once or twice a week.
We can be polite with people that we hardly see at all.
And then when it comes to our loved ones,
suddenly the please and the thank yous and the sorrys
and everything are taken,
and that shouldn't be the case, should it?
We should be showing respect to everyone,
especially those that we love and care about, right?
It's good to show your loved ones respect,
and ultimately you're going to get that back,
aren't you, as well, if you show people respect.
And I think some people get this wrong.
They think if they don't talk down to someone,
if they do, if they're too polite,
they're going to get mugged off in one way or another.
They're going to get treated badly,
but that's not the case.
Do unto others as you'd expect to be done unto you.
Treat people politely,
treat people with respect,
and they'll show you respect back.
Now back in first Peter chapter three said in verse eight,
finally be all of one mind,
having compassion one of another,
love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.
It's a command, not rendering evil for evil
or railing for railing, but contrary wise blessing,
knowing that you're there unto called
that you should inherit a blessing.
So another thing to remember
is to be courteous when greeting each other,
when greeting people.
Greeting, especially here,
we're talking about brothers and sisters in Christ.
When you're greeting them,
bless each other with a nice polite greeting.
Like for example, Paul in all his letters.
I mean, you read the beginning of some of Paul's letters,
some of those epistles, those churches,
and there's a good few verses sometimes of greeting
and a good few verses of farewell at the end.
And it's pretty polite, isn't it?
It's pretty respectfully showing honor
even when he's about to give him an absolute whooping
for having much of a letter,
for example, in first Corinthians,
but he still, he will introduce a letter
with manners, with courteousness.
So do you have good manners when you greet people?
Do you have good manners to even greet people?
And you know, here's another one with that, new people.
Does everyone here have good manners
that when someone new comes in a church,
you know what, that's a hard thing
to walk into a church.
To walk into a church for the first time is hard.
Do you greet them?
Now you don't have to go up, and don't do this,
don't go up to new people and interrogate them.
Don't go up to new people and it's weird
when there's a new person, no one's ever met them,
and suddenly they're talking like 15 minutes later
with someone and it feels like
they're just being interrogated, you know?
That shouldn't be the case,
but they should at least be greeted.
Hi, you know, great to have you here.
You don't have to preach them the gospel.
We organize that between myself and the ushers
with someone who's new, okay, when someone comes in.
Because otherwise what happens, they come into a church,
they've got three different people asking them,
four different people, if you died today, where are you going?
And they're just like,
that church is obsessed with people dying.
So you don't have to do that,
but just be polite, have a quick chat, say hello.
At least just say hi, nice to see you.
Just a small greeting, but it should also be
when we come in and out of the church house,
obviously saying hi, maybe asking how someone is.
And this is something we need
to train our children in as well.
So it's like everything in life,
there's not a switch that you just flick.
Now, different kids are different with this,
different kids will take longer with this.
Don't be like, people go too far,
this and that, the two-year-old,
they're like, say, you better say hello to that person now.
And you're like, this is really awkward, you know.
It's like the kids just say, I'm not saying hello,
and you'll stand there and go, say hello to them.
But you do need to, as kids are getting older,
remind them, try and train them with that, don't you?
It's something that we should be training our children
to be polite, to be respectful, because it is a blessing.
It's nice to have a nice greeting, isn't it?
It's nice for someone to actually seem like
they're pleased to see you and everything else.
We shouldn't just be trying to sneak off and sneak in
and sneak out and everything else.
Turn to Ephesians chapter four.
Leviticus 19, 32, you're turning to Ephesians four.
Leviticus 19, 32 says, thou shalt rise up
before the hoary head, and order the face
of the young man, and fear thy God, I am the Lord.
So it's good to try to train the kids
to show respect to adults.
And that does sometimes take time
to get the boundaries right.
So for example, your kids are different,
kids are different, they might see you joking around
with the adults, so they think they can just start
mocking them and making a joke,
and a lot of the time they're still working
on their humor a bit.
Yeah, that's probably a bit close to the mark
and stuff like that.
And obviously we're training kids with that, aren't we?
We're trying to encourage them,
help them to get right with that.
But what we should be teaching everyone
is to give respect to their elders, especially,
and with kids that's pretty obvious, isn't it?
So when they do come into a church,
when they leave, we're trying to encourage them
to greet the people as they come in,
to say hello, to not just walk in,
to not just ignore you, to not just say
a quick kind of flippant remark or something else.
I mean, you'd be amazed sometimes, you know,
and sometimes older kids as well, over the years here.
And in our culture, we generally shake hands as men, okay?
That's something that we do in British culture, okay?
And when I say we shake hands as men,
you're going, why are you telling us this?
Because we don't cuddle, okay, as men.
That's not really a thing that we do as a culture here.
Some women, if they know each other,
maybe give a polite hug, okay?
And they could do it, and if you don't like that,
if you're one of those women that's like,
I don't want anyone to do it,
they just put your hand out,
you can shake hands, right?
Some, you know, that's up to them.
The opposite genders, though, it's polite to shake hands.
And I say that for a reason,
because some people go too far with this stuff,
where they're like, I'm never talking to anyone
of the opposite gender in church,
and even greeting them or saying hi.
And it's like, what is this in Christ?
Say hello to them.
You know, it's don't worry,
then I'm gonna think you're trying to have an affair
with their wife or husband because you've said hi.
You know, it's like, and shaking their hand.
Now, if they really don't want,
we have had people before where it's like,
you've gotta shake their hand, they're like this.
And it's like, okay,
if their husband's got issues like that, whatever, okay?
But it's a bit extreme, okay?
But again, that's up to you.
Just make it clear if that is your issue
and everything else.
But otherwise, like, you could greet each other.
Now, you could go too far the opposite way
and be having quiet little, like, private chats
with someone's husband, wife, or someone single,
or whatever it is, you know, in corners of the church.
That's weird, just show respect.
If I'm talking to a lady in the church,
I generally make sure I'm just a couple of steps,
I'll just show them polite manners,
just boundaries, respect.
I'm not breathing down their neck
while I'm talking to them and stuff like that.
Obviously, right?
Okay, but, so there is weird behavior.
Weird behavior, I remember Pastor Thompson preached
a while back about, they had a guy in their church
who used to give all the women
in the church full frontal hugs.
Okay, that ain't happening in this church, all right?
We'll turf you out, you do that, okay?
Because that's just weird, right?
Okay, but there's weird behavior,
but then there's going too far
where you're, like, blanking women.
So I'm not going to be like, hey, you know,
give a handshake to some guy
and then just, to his wife, you know?
Or just look the other way
and find the next guy to shake hands with.
That's weird, yeah?
And same with the women the other way around
and stuff as well, okay?
But, you know, you can understand
where there's a line with this stuff, okay?
We want to be polite to each other.
Okay, now, you don't want to go too far
the other way with that as well, okay?
So wives are to submit unto their own husbands.
Their own husbands.
And obviously, including, everyone should submit
unto the authority of the church to some degree,
but not every man in the church, okay?
So our wives aren't to submit
to you random men in the church, okay?
They're not there for you to tell what to do,
for you to boss around, for you to tell, okay?
That's not how it works, yeah?
Get your own wife for that, okay?
Don't start bossing around our wives, okay?
Okay, that's not how it works.
And in general, just don't be talking down
to the women in the church, okay?
Because they ain't your wife, you know?
And if it's your wife,
you shouldn't be talking down to her either, okay?
Bossing them around or anything like that,
treat them with respect.
I mean, you should be treating your own wife
with respect, let alone someone else's wife,
just treat them with respect, okay?
And obviously, that goes for women in the world too.
So if you're in the workplace,
don't be that Christian guy that just like,
talks to women like they're scum.
And I don't think we've got many people like that.
Hopefully, we don't have anyone like that.
But there are people like that out there, okay?
Who just like, women are like some sort of, you know,
something to tell what to do to like,
I can't believe she's in the workplace,
not even ever gonna like acknowledge her or say hello
when I say hello to everyone else.
Like that's weird, I don't think,
I'm sure no one does that, okay?
But you'd be surprised how far people take things.
Turn to Ephesians, you're in Ephesians chapter four,
which says in verse 29,
"'Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,
"'but that which is good to the use of edifying,
"'that it may minister grace unto the hearers,
"'and grieve not the Holy Spirit of God,
"'whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
"'Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor
"'and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice
"'and be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted,
"'forgiving one another,
"'even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.'"
And of course, that applies to how we talk
to both our brothers and our sisters in Christ, okay?
We should be putting away the bitterness,
the wrath, the anger, the clamor, okay?
We should be kind one to another,
we should just be tender,
we should just be nice, be polite, be kind.
And on that point about brothers and sisters, though,
is it impolite to not call someone brother so-and-so
or sister so-and-so?
Because you'd be surprised.
People kind of get confused about this stuff.
Now, I've explained this before, okay?
There's no biblical command or even precedent, okay,
to call someone by that title before their name.
We see the apostle Paul and others
talking about brethren and talking about
a brother in Christ or a sister in Christ, okay?
But there isn't brother this and sister that,
and there's no command, there's no like,
there's no cultural impolite with this either, okay?
Neither British culture nor even, I would say,
fundamental Baptist culture requiring it.
It's not required, okay?
Just to make this clear,
it's something that we do use
to distinguish a leadership position, okay?
Such as an evangelist and to distinguish
whether a preacher is a pastor or not.
So when, for example, we put on our channel
and someone preaches, we'll put bro dot
as a short for brother, that person,
just to make it clear they're not a pastor preaching
and that it's just a brother in the church, et cetera.
But when talking to each other in the church gate,
being in Britain, just to make it clear,
we don't have an independent fundamental
Baptist culture in Britain, okay?
Like I said, it's not a requirement
in an independent fundamentals Baptist church,
but it's more normal.
If you're in America and you walked into a church,
you probably would have heard it and seen it
and seen people talking to each other,
calling each other brother, this or sister, that.
It's a bit less weird.
In Britain, it's just weird.
It comes across as weird.
Now, yeah, we don't get rid of biblical things
for their win.
I'm not saying we need to get rid of it.
If you want to call someone brother or sister,
that's your choice, okay?
I'm not gonna be like, ultimate patrol, never!
You know? No.
But I do think it does, like, if you're a new person,
you walk into a church and it's like,
oh, my name's brother this, my name's sister that.
It's just like, it's a bit weird,
because they're not used to it.
And it's also, it's not a biblical thing.
It's not, come on.
Now, you can if you want.
If you want to call people brother and sister that,
you know, you go ahead, okay?
But I personally believe, yeah,
calling someone your brother or sister
in a loving, endearing way is nice.
So I might just say, yeah, thanks, brother.
Thanks, sister.
But I don't know, when it becomes a formal title,
it kind of loses that love anyway, doesn't it?
Do you know what I mean?
Like, when I'm like, brother this,
it's no longer like, hey, my brother.
It's more like, right, now we've got a title.
A title because, you know,
you need that extra respect for the title.
Now, like I said, in leadership,
I do believe it's important, okay,
to have a distinguishment.
And I think, for example, evangelist this,
if we have an evangelist in the future,
I'll probably encourage to be called brother this or that.
That's kind of, in Baptist culture,
that is kind of what people are known as,
as an evangelist.
Evangelist starts to sound a bit long.
It's what, is it four syllables on the front of a name?
Probably deacon, I'll just say deacon this, deacon that.
Okay, because again, it's just making that clear
that that's a position of authority,
and we do need that in life a lot of the time, right?
But here's the thing,
if you're referring to yourself as brother this
or sister that, that's even weirder, okay?
It really is.
And when I was an evangelist,
I found that hard to do,
especially at the beginning as well,
because it's just a bit weird.
So if you're going up to people and going,
hello, my name is brother this.
You know, it's like, come on, man.
Like, it's just weird.
Why do you need, why?
Why do you need that?
And I have heard of people,
and I don't know if this is true or not,
correcting others for not using this title
when talking about people.
And if that's you, please don't do that.
Don't correct people and tell them off
because they didn't refer to someone as sister this
or brother that.
That's weird, okay?
And you know what that's not?
It's not courteous.
It's not polite to tell someone off
for not referring to someone with the name brother
or sister before when there's,
I have no rule about that in this church, okay?
So it's up to you.
You want to call someone brother or sister, do it.
If you want to call them brother or sister
by their name, it's up to you, right?
What you want to do with kids that's up to you,
I don't know.
Personally, it'd just be,
probably take a lot of training.
I'd probably prefer my kids to call people
by their, like, Mr. or Mrs. by their surname.
I just know that it would take a long time
to get all that sort of stuff.
I don't know, because I do believe with kids,
they should show some respect for an adult.
They should rise up before the hoary head.
They should call them something,
the brother or sister thing.
Again, look, if you want to do that,
and that's you, cool, you know?
And my kids do, like my older kids,
they've kind of got used to that.
And I just, I don't know, it's not a rule.
Let's put it that way, okay?
And it's up to you what you want to do with that.
Okay, go back to first Peter three.
The title is, do you have good manners?
And number one in the way you speak,
do you have good manners in the way you speak?
Like I said, it's not rude to call someone
by their God-given name, okay?
By the name that their, or at least,
that their parents gave them, okay?
Do you have good manners in the way you speak?
Now, however, you can use the most polite words
and still have bad manners, okay?
He said in verse eight,
finally be ye all of one mind,
having compassion one another.
Love is brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.
Not rendering evil for evil,
or railing for railing, but contrary wise blessing,
knowing that ye are thereunto called,
that ye should inherit a blessing.
For he that will love life and see good days,
let him refrain his tongue from evil,
and his lips that they speak no guile.
So you can be as polite as you like,
but full of guile, full of manipulation,
you're still not being courteous, okay?
So obviously it's not just, you know,
there's some smiling, very polite,
wicked people in the world, unfortunately, okay?
So it's not just about the manners,
but the, you know, in terms of how you speak,
but how you speak is important.
He said, let him eschew evil and do good,
let him seek peace and ensue it.
For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous,
his ears are open unto their prayers,
but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.
And who is he that will harm you
if ye be followers of that which is good?
Okay, so having good manners also applies to our actions.
Okay, it's not just about what comes out of your mouth.
Following that which is good, okay?
Doing good in other areas, not just the way we speak.
So turn to Philippians chapter two,
the title is, do you have good manners?
Number one, do you have good manners in the way you speak?
And number two, do you have good manners
in the way you behave?
Do you have good manners in the way you behave?
Philippians chapter two says in verse one,
Philippians two, one says,
if there be therefore any consolation in Christ,
if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit,
if any bowels and mercies, fulfill you my joy
that ye be like-minded, having the same love
being of one accord of one mind, okay?
So we should be of one accord of one mind.
We should kind of get us, you know,
understand what's expected,
what's our sort of polite standards in our church,
which is what I'm explaining today
and I probably haven't done for a couple of years now.
Said in verse three, let nothing be done
through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind,
let each esteem other better than themselves, okay?
And this is a big part of manners
when it comes to your behavior.
You can have it polished, you can have the please
and thank yous, the sorrys and everything else,
but in lowliness of mind,
are you esteeming others better than yourself?
Do you esteem other people as better than you?
Do you esteem other people's time as better than yours?
Do you have good manners
when it comes to other people's time?
And the obvious one is lateness, okay?
That's an obvious one because it's just bad manners.
It's bad manners wherever you come from, really, okay?
Wherever your culture is, whatever you, you know,
whatever, however you've been raised, just bad manners
because ultimately what you're doing
is you're saying your time is less important than mine.
You can wait for me to come and meet you.
You could wait for me for this rendezvous,
whatever situation, for this meeting, for whatever it is.
Your time isn't so important to me,
so I'm gonna leave it till the last minute or beyond
because I've got other things to do.
And it's rude, isn't it?
It's impolite.
Lateness is impolite.
Making people wait for you is impolite.
Getting a lift and then making people wait for you
is impolite, isn't it?
So if you get a lift from someone,
someone comes to pick you up, whatever,
and you're not there ready for it, it's impolite.
You know, be ready, be ready to go,
be ready for that lift, be ready, you know,
for whatever it is that you,
make sure you're there when you've told someone
you're gonna be there unless you think
that them waiting is more important or is less important
than you actually leaving on time.
So other ideas for this, okay?
Agreeing to a soul winning time,
maybe a marathon and making the captain
and therefore, as well, your partner wait for you.
It's just rude, it's bad manners.
Now, there are emergencies, there are problems,
there are situations, I get that, okay?
But when it becomes irregular, it's bad manners.
You know, and you know what?
It has a far-reaching effect as well
because you're basically preventing people getting saved.
So if I'm kind of standing there with someone else,
you know, who's got a soul winning time
and you're like, I don't know if they're coming,
I don't know if they are or not, said they were coming.
The meet up time was this time,
but we're now an hour later,
or maybe they've messaged, said,
oh, I'm gonna be like an hour late.
And it's like, okay, well,
someone's got to wait for you then before they can go.
So it's just rude, it's just bad manners.
I get it, what happened every now and again?
I get that, the emergency time,
things happen now and again.
But when it becomes irregular, it's bad manners, okay?
How about esteeming the organizer
of whatever it is that's been arranged,
is steaming them high enough
for you to not just cancel on a whim?
Because look, we organize a lot of stuff for this church
and it never ceases to amaze me.
How many people will agree to something
and then just cancel?
And some people, it can be a habit, okay?
So to not flip a coin in the morning
to decide whether or not you're gonna turn up
to the thing that was organized
and often paid for as well.
It's like paid up for, paid for,
paid for heads on this, organize that, book this.
And it's like, nah, can't be bothered.
That's impolite, it's bad manners.
Again, it will happen every now and again.
There might be an emergency situation, okay?
So I'm not getting at you if that's you,
but you've got to assess your heart with that.
Is there time?
Is there organizing?
Is whatever it is,
are you esteeming that more important than yourself?
Or is it down to you?
Well, yeah, but I could be doing this instead now.
It's rude.
Go to 1 Corinthians 13.
To have respect for commitments,
for other people's time, for other people's schedules,
is in lowliness of mind,
esteeming other better than yourselves.
And that would include
what time you arrive in God's house, by the way.
I'm just gonna make that clear now, okay?
That includes what time you arrive in God's house.
Now, I understand some people
come far on public transport.
And I understand that some people come far,
and now and again, there might be an issue
on the roads or something else.
There are rare extreme circumstances,
but for everyone else,
if it's possible to get here on time,
just get up earlier.
That's esteeming others better than yourself.
That's basically saying, look, me getting nailed up.
That's esteeming God better than your lying.
Okay, better than the warmth of your duvet
is just get out of bed.
You know, put an alarm on and get out of bed.
Show God some respect.
Show the ushers some respect as well.
Because if every single time you come to church,
you have to get up and open the door for you,
they've just missed part of the service
every single time.
Now, if it's not possible, I'd prefer you here
than you'd not be here at all.
But if it's possible,
then it just comes down to a respect thing, doesn't it?
And it comes down to therefore not esteeming others better
and it comes down to bad manners.
1 Corinthians 13 says of charity,
so the kind of love that we aspire to,
charity suffers long and is kind,
charity envieth not,
charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
does not behave itself unseemly,
seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked,
thinketh no evil.
Are you self-important?
Do you behave unseemly or inappropriately
for where you are?
Are you just self-driven?
And again, it's bad manners if you are.
It's something that we should all assess regularly,
make sure that we're putting other people first.
Do you have good manners
when it comes to thinking of others?
So for example, things that, again,
in church or out of church,
same with the lateness stuff,
it works with everything, right?
Do you have good manners?
For example, do you leave behind you
a deluge of mess everywhere you go?
Is it, well, someone else can clear that up.
Someone else can pick up after me.
I've said this many times, you know,
it's amazing.
I think what you end up experiencing,
seeing in the house of God,
it's the house of God,
with brothers and sisters in Christ.
They have to pick up after you,
clear up after you.
You know, they're empty cups,
half-drunk tea cups, coffee cups,
everything just half-drunk.
You'd be amazed at the end of a day
and there's just cups all over the floor,
up on here, down there.
It's like, it's not good manners, right?
If you went into someone's home,
I'm assuming, you'd be like,
oh, where would you like me to put this cup afterwards?
Well, it's pretty obvious here in the bin.
If it's a china mug, wash it up.
Are you leaving dirty plates?
I spoke about it the other week, this is bizarre.
It's like, you know, we don't even have to have
plates here for you to use.
We need to lock them all away.
It's like, use the plates.
Yeah, someone else could wash them up.
I mean, that's bad, that's bad manners, right?
Okay, kids' food all over the place.
It's like, look, whether we're in this church
or I've been in past churches, you know,
when we fed our kids in a church,
we just looked around after
and picked up stuff off the floor.
To the point of picking up crumbs,
sandwich crumbs off the floor, because it's just rude.
It's bad manners, isn't it?
You're a guest somewhere, right?
And that would include toilets and stuff as well.
So it's like, if you know, because you know, parents,
if your kid is incapable of going to the toilet at home
without trashing it, yeah, okay,
then they can't do it at church.
However much you want to chat to someone
or not have to get up, they're incapable.
So it's just, it's bad manners, isn't it?
Because you know that there's a chance
that that toilet's been left who knows how, you know?
It's just, it should be like, this is normal stuff,
you know, so it's not stuff you would hope
that you'd have to kind of explain,
but unfortunately we do sometimes, okay?
Some of the way the church house
has been treated over the years,
I dread to think how people therefore must behave
when they're not in God's house.
Because this is God's house.
God's house with brothers and sisters in Christ
cleaning up after you.
Can you imagine what it must be like then
when people are going around their friends, family,
wherever else, I'm assuming.
Do you care about others when it comes to your kids?
Should everyone else be expecting
to find them cute as well, for example?
You know, like, so when the kid's like
literally screaming at the top of their lungs
and it's like, everyone else, ah!
So, I mean that's, it's bad manners, you know?
Now look, sometimes we can't help it,
kids make noise, stuff like that,
but we want to be on top of that,
we want to be caring about other people, right?
You know, it's something we have to be aware of.
It's, you know, with a family integrated church,
it's important to get that balance right, you know?
Look, you don't have to rush them out
when they make a breath, when they talk or something,
you know?
But sometimes it's like the complete opposite, you know?
You've got like a kid just like smashing something,
you know, for like, or in the back
with like a noisy toy, you smash, smash, smash,
you know, everyone's just like, what on earth, you know?
And then, it's like, that's bad,
that's beyond bad manners.
It's like, what do you want to do?
We're in the church service, you know?
So stuff to think about, right?
Do we care, are we seeking our own,
or are we thinking not our own?
Okay, are we behaving unseemly or not?
Do you leave everyone else to look after your kid?
That's another one you see people do often.
Well, you get your important fellowship time
and then people having to discipline and tell off your kids.
Like now, that happens every now and again, right?
Now and again, it's like, okay,
I didn't see my kid had gone and done that,
but when it's coming, happening regularly and regularly,
that's bad manners.
And if you're going out places or whatever else,
it's like, yeah, kids can sit with someone else
while I go and, you know,
I've got some important conversation to have.
Like, that's bad manners, okay?
We're here to look after our kids as well.
It's not someone else's job.
Do you have good manners in the way you behave?
Turn to Luke chapter 14.
Do you have good manners when invited for a meal?
Now, this is something I want to hit as well, okay?
Because I think people need some lessons on this stuff, okay?
Luke chapter 14, you're turning to.
Do you have good manners when invited out for a meal
or when invited round someone's house for a meal?
Verse eight says,
"'When thou art bidden of any man to a wedding,
sit not down in the highest room,
lest a more honorable man than thou be bidden of him.
And he that bade thee and him come and say to thee,
give this man place,
and now begin with shame to take the lowest room.'"
This is verse 10 now.
"'But when thou art bidden,
go and sit down in the lowest room,
that when he that bade thee cometh,
he may say unto thee, friend, go up higher.'"
"'Then shalt thou have worship in the presence of them
that sit at meet with thee,
for whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased,
and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.'"
So do you take the head of your family member's table,
for example?
Would you be invited round someone's home and just go,
well, I'll just sit here
in maybe their favorite spot or at the head of their table.
Do you organize the seating
when you're invited somewhere for food?
Because I've noticed that happen a lot for years, you know?
You don't quite get there early enough,
and suddenly someone's already just organized,
we're sitting here, these people are sitting there,
we're gonna have a kid's table here,
we're gonna do that, they're like,
is that what you're doing?
Because if you're invited out for meal,
there should be respect when you're invited somewhere,
right?
Do you decide that where you sit
is more important than everyone else?
There'll be people do that, right?
Or do you show manners and wait to be directed?
Now, again, sometimes it's just obvious,
just a load of tables, sit down at a table, right?
But sometimes people do some weird stuff with this,
and obviously that will therefore include
when they're at people's homes and things like that.
Do you ask where your host would like you to sit
when you go around someone's house?
Because that's normal manners.
So if I go to someone's home for dinner,
and they go, right, dinner's served on the table,
I don't just go, right, this looks like a nice seat for me.
I'll usually stand there and hover.
And again, I'm not saying because I'm gray,
I'm just, that's how normal people behave, you know?
So I was taught to behave,
and I'm sure most people would do the same.
You just wait or go, where would you like me to sit?
And should be normal stuff, right?
Turn to 1 Corinthians 10.
Do you have good manners when being offered food?
Okay, and this is another thing
that we need to also teach our kids about, okay?
1 Corinthians 10, 27, 1 Corinthians 10, 27.
Do you have good manners when being offered food?
Paul said, if any of them that believe not
bid you to a feast and ye be disposed to go,
whatsoever is set before you eat,
asking no question for conscience' sake.
So the context is me offered to idols, okay?
Not asking whether it is or isn't.
But the principle is eating what you're given.
That's the principle that you can take from that verse.
Whatsoever is set before you eat, okay?
So for example, not don't like that,
don't like that sort of food.
You know, it's just like, just eat it, okay?
It's not gonna kill you, okay?
Just eat it.
I mean, we had before, you know,
like people have made things, baked things.
We had like, obviously a load of lunatics here.
Just be like, has it got this in it?
Cause I don't like that.
It's just like, what on earth?
It's been made for you.
It's like, if you don't want it, don't eat it.
Like, it's just, no, it's like, is it all goatee?
It's like, has it got goat's butter?
Goat's butter doesn't taste of goats.
It tastes of butter.
Like cow's butter doesn't taste of cows.
If it did, it'd be quite nice for the meat eaters.
But it's stuff like that, right?
It's like, just eat it.
If you don't want it, don't eat it.
You know, like people who like what they like
and don't like it, it's so important,
or, you know, it can be worse than that, right?
You know, I don't like this or that.
Loudly exclaiming, I don't eat that.
Don't have that sort of food.
It's like, well, okay, great.
Yeah, don't eat it then.
But people are rude like that, right?
When it's paid for, it's prepared,
or people have lovingly brought stuff in.
What's in it?
It's just like, just eat it.
Shut up.
You know?
Does it fit with my latest diet?
Just eat it.
Yeah?
You're still with your diet the next day
when you're doing it.
Oh, well, it's got too many carbs in it.
Hmm, what are you preparing for the church this time?
Hmm?
Because on my diet, I won't be able to,
it's like, just shut up.
If you don't want it, don't eat it.
If not, eat it.
You know?
What are the additives?
Can I see the ingredients?
So if you do that when you go around someone's house,
you've got severely bad manners, yeah?
Just don't eat it.
And now, obviously, the caveat would be food allergies
and intolerances.
And I know, look, some people think,
none of them are nonsense.
They're just being funny.
Believe me.
My family were much preferred not to have food allergies
and intolerances and family.
It's, do you know why?
Do you know what the main reason?
Because you feel rude.
Even though you know it's going to cause
a load of problems and ill health and everything else,
you still feel rude saying,
look, could you, you know, sorry,
do you mind telling me if it's got this in it?
And often, we just don't say anything
and then just have to boycott certain foods
because you don't want someone to have to make
all this effort for you, right?
And that's kind of normal, is it?
Because someone's preparing, someone's making stuff,
you're going somewhere, someone's buying food
or putting on food.
The normal thing is to just eat what's given to you.
And there are situations where you can't
because where possible,
we should just eat what's put in front of us.
And like I said, if you get the choice,
so if there's like a buffet,
you get the choice to put something in front of you
or not, just avoid the things
that you don't want to put in front of you.
It's pretty simple.
Just subtly don't eat
if it's so important, your latest diet.
You know, be discreet about it.
Not just like, well, I can't eat that
because I don't eat these things.
And it's just like, oh, thanks, okay.
So just like paid a load of money,
got all this stuff and you can't eat it, you know,
and you need to advertise that as well.
You know, it's just like, and again,
just stuff to think because really,
what we taught growing up, eat what's given you.
And that's what you need to teach your kids,
by the way, okay?
You need to teach your kids from young
to eat what's put in front of them.
And you know what you need to do
because otherwise you're gonna end up
with a kid that grows up that doesn't eat anything.
And they're gonna miss out on so much enjoyment in life,
so much pleasure from different foods, everything else.
Do you know what the simple rule for me is, okay?
This is how we run it in our house.
If you don't eat it now, you're eating it for breakfast.
You better, it's better to have it when it's warm
and they will eat it for breakfast.
If they don't eat it for breakfast,
you ain't getting no breakfast.
You'll be having it for lunch.
And you know what, it solves, it's pretty quick.
Do you know what then happens with time?
Suddenly they eat most foods.
And it's pretty simple, right?
And if you don't, if you're like,
oh, they just don't like any vegetables.
Just can't work it out.
They just don't like all these healthy things.
They only like crisps and chocolate.
They must just have been born like that.
No, you're an idiot, okay?
You should have dealt with it.
Okay, so, sorry, if someone is an idiot there,
but it's idiotic, let's put it that way.
Okay, turn to Proverbs 23, okay?
Another one I wanna just hit, last one, okay?
I'm gonna think food, last couple, okay?
Proverbs 23, do you have good manners
when being served or ordering food
when taken out for food?
Proverbs 23 says it like this in verse one.
Proverbs 23 one, when thou sit is to eat with a ruler,
consider diligently what is before thee
and put a knife to thy throat
if thou be a man given to appetite.
Be not desirous of his dainties,
for they are deceitful meat.
So he's saying don't be greedy
when you're invited out, basically, okay?
Don't be covetous of the fine foods.
Don't be covetous of lots of food.
Look, if you're invited around someone's house for dinner,
okay, don't pile up your plate.
It's pretty normal, isn't it?
Don't go around someone's house
and they go, oh, well, help yourself.
You're just like shoving it all on.
You got a mountain of food and everything else.
Even if, look, and this is normal manners,
they might say, oh, have what you like,
and you still, you kind of, you're still careful
if they're really insisting.
They're really, because it's like,
I really want to eat as well.
I don't want them to feel rubbish
if they're like insisting as well.
Then you're like, look, if you insist,
they're like, oh, please,
and there's a certain amount of insistence
that kind of makes you go, okay,
will I have a bit more, isn't there?
Because some people go, oh, yeah, have what you like,
but really, you're looking at it,
you're assessing it,
it's probably not that much there anyway,
so maybe I need to be a bit careful about this,
you know, okay?
Because some people obviously could be rude with that.
People will say things like,
don't worry about being polite.
Why?
Because it's polite not to just eat everything
in their home, you know?
Not just, oh, man, we just had like
the Taffner family around,
and they've just like, you know,
they've gone through the house
like one of those cartoons in about five seconds,
and everything's empty, you know?
Okay, and that could easily happen, all right?
Okay, well, it's the same
when you're taking out somewhere for dinner, okay?
In fact, you could even say more so, okay?
Don't be a pig.
I mean, I know you're laughing,
but you'd be amazed.
Don't be a pig.
Now, I've preached the opposite with this,
because there are people that are like,
I better just have like the side dish,
because, and it's like, no, look,
like if you're taking out for a dinner,
like church takes you out,
just get a normal dish off the menu, yeah?
You don't have to get just like the side dish
to show extra manners,
but on the flip side,
don't get the most expensive things on the menu
every time you go out for your kids as well.
It's bizarre.
It's so, it's such bad manners, yeah?
And I've seen this happen.
You'd be amazed over the years.
Like, like, right, doo, doo, doo.
Ah, the mixed grills.
Like, it's like, what on earth?
It's like, yeah, dessert as well, please.
It's like, you're being taken out for dinner.
Like, have some manners.
Just eat something normal off the menu.
Just, everyone kind of knows, that's kind of standard.
You know, it's like, when I used to pay for the drinks,
and I had to stop that, you know,
it got so silly because it was like milkshakes,
all these expensive drinks and everything else.
I stopped paying for the drinks,
and all those same people started ordering tap water.
And it was like, oh, so it's all right
if the church pays for it.
It's like, what on earth?
Like, you're the only thing you got to pay for
with your drinks, and now I just want three drinks.
But when the church will pay for it, bring it on.
Teas, coffees, afterwards, milkshakes.
It's like, that's really bad manners.
And like I said, if you're doing that,
if you're doing that with God's money,
you're doing that with church,
you're covetous in church with that stuff,
what are you doing outside?
What are you doing when your family member
takes you for a meal?
I'll have everything off the menu.
Please give me a doggy bag as well.
And you're a bad testimony.
If you're doing that with God's money,
you're doing that amongst God's people,
what are you doing when your boss
takes you out for something to eat?
He's just going, I don't know about getting this.
I don't know about employing this guy for much longer
because he's going to cost me a fortune
on all the work dos.
But it's such bad manners, yeah?
Again, you don't have to go hungry, just eat.
And if you're really hungry, still afterwards,
get a kebab on your way home, right?
It's like, if you just need like, just throwing food,
someone needs to throw food down your throat
for you to be happy,
go somewhere like, afterwards it's cheap.
Two portions of chips or something
with some dodgy donner meat on the top.
Instead of like, right, what's the most expensive thing?
I'll get that, that, that, that,
few adults, a few adult meals for the kids.
Honestly, I've seen some crazy stuff
over the years with that, okay.
So, okay, point being, okay,
if you're invited somewhere,
if you're invited to someone's home,
just be polite, just show good manners.
Good manners to just be polite with these things, okay.
And obviously you don't want people to think,
it seems like pure covetousness,
greed, gluttony, whatever else, okay.
Now, you could also, last bit to add to that,
you could also add the way you eat, okay.
So, and I'm not thinking about anyone here, okay.
Honestly, I'm not, okay.
So I usually sit opposite my kids and my family
when I eat, and that's horrific enough.
They're my material.
Okay, but it is bad manners, isn't it?
And just something, just maybe to think about,
you know, when you're out eating,
nothing worse than seeing everyone's food
pouring out of their mouth, spilling out,
you know, talking to you with mouths full of food
and chewed up.
I hate chewed up food, okay, it really disgusts me.
It disgusts me more than a lot of probably
much nastier things in life.
Chewed up food and stuff and just
seeing food all over my own kid's face.
I'm like, ah.
It's just, it's one of my bugbears, all right.
But you know, when you're out and eat your stuff,
you've got to be careful there.
And here's, I'll give you a tip on this.
It's like on a lighter note, okay.
Think about what you order.
So for example, don't order the spaghetti
because you're going to be slurping it up.
It's going to be slapping around your face,
stuff like that.
Now, I made an error with this.
When I went to Switzerland a while back, yeah,
we went to a restaurant before their thing went,
it was like a burger place, yeah.
And I was like, that burger looks nice, yeah.
And got this burger and it was just,
you know like nowadays, burgers are like this, yeah.
And they got some bit of wood in the middle of them
because otherwise they're just going to fall apart
because there's just so much stuff in them, right.
So I'm sitting there and a lot of these people
I hadn't met before, they had a couple of people
come for baptism as well.
I'm just looking at this burger thinking,
how am I going to tackle this?
So I'm lifting it up and trying to eat it.
And I like a bit of mustard in my burger as well.
I think I had a bit of ketchup and a bit of mustard.
And it's going everywhere, yeah.
So I'm eating this burger, it's going down my face,
it's all over my hands.
And then as I'm eating it, people are coming in
and going, oh, hi Pastor Taverner, I haven't met you.
And I just like covered in food, yeah.
They're just like, what the hell, yeah.
The error, the error was what I ordered, okay.
So I should have thought about this
and looked at the ingredients of the burger,
thought that's going to be a big burger.
It's got too much in it.
I think it might have had some bacon and stuff as well.
It was a tipping point of being reached, right.
So I had it all over my hands,
all over my face and everything else.
Now, Pierre had ordered the exact same thing.
I'm turning around,
he still hasn't touched his burger yet.
So I get to the end, he's just eating his chips slowly,
talking to people politely and everything else.
I'm just covered in food,
trying to avoid, I've gone through about 10 napkins by now,
wipe it all off my face, off my hands.
I've managed to keep my tie all right,
I think at this point, but it's been a messy old thing.
I haven't wanted to shake people's hands.
It's pretty embarrassing.
I finished mine, I think he did this on purpose, yeah.
Then he gets out his knife and fork,
starts cutting his burger and eating little bits.
That's how I should have done it.
Now it wasn't as nice,
but I reckon it's a bit more flavorful
when you get the whole thing shoved in your mouth.
The problem was I was meeting people for the first time.
It was, look, it was bad manners.
It was bad manners,
and the problem was I chose the wrong thing
and I was thinking,
do I really eat a burger with a knife and fork?
I don't know if they do that here,
am I going to get mocked for this?
Well, in fact, that's what they do, it seemed,
or at least what Pierre did, and he had it right.
Anyway, quite big, yeah?
When you eat, how you eat,
is obviously there's some manners involved with that as well.
We're not going to go into all the different ways with that.
The title is Do You Have Good Manners?
Number one, the way you speak.
Number two, the way you behave.
And if not, why not?
Okay, so with all those things,
if you listen to those and you're not going,
okay, yeah, fair point,
I hadn't thought about it like that,
or maybe, yeah, that's something that I'm thinking,
you know, why not?
Okay, firstly, it's a command,
but also it can make such a difference in eternity.
Let's look at 1 Peter 3 last time.
Verse 8 said,
finally be all of one mind,
having compassion one of another,
love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.
Not rendering evil for evil.
Excuse me, or railing for railing,
but contrary wise blessing,
knowing that you're thereunto called
that you should inherit a blessing.
For he that will love life and see good days,
let him refrain his tongue from evil
and his lips that they speak,
no gar, let him astue evil and do good,
let him seek peace and assure it.
So good manners, considering one another,
can be the difference between
provoking to love and good works,
or not really, okay?
Because we're basically, you know,
we're trying to encourage others to be loving,
to do these things.
It can be demoralizing, for example, for leadership.
You can imagine, right?
It can be demoralizing, not just for myself,
like I said, so many captains and things like that,
as well, it can be hard, you know?
Organizing another one, who knows?
Who's gonna blow out five minutes before this time?
Who's gonna turn up an hour late
while I'm trying to work out pairings and do that?
Who's gonna, you know,
and same like when you're running a church
and it's just like, right,
who's gonna just try and take as many liberties
as they can this time, you know?
Who's gonna just suddenly cancel, do this, do that?
It can be demoralizing.
It can be the difference between a peaceful church and not.
People get offended by bad manners, okay?
Offended by how people talk to them,
how people treat them,
whether or not they think you're the,
and again, like, I just picked some
that came into my mind,
but you could add a hundred different ways
of ultimately whether or not you're steaming other people
as better than yourselves,
whether or not you're being compassionate,
you're thinking of others,
whether or not you're having empathy towards others,
or you're just like, no, I'm more important.
What I say is more important.
What I wanna do is more important, okay?
So it all goes, you know,
there's many other areas you could go into with them.
What's the knock-on effect ultimately,
of not having that peace of the church,
of demoralizing people,
demoralizing leadership, et cetera?
What's the knock-on effect?
Salvations.
Salvations is ultimately gonna be,
if we lost people because of bad manners,
if we lost people because people can't even greet them
when they come in and out of the church,
we're not gonna go back there.
All those things, the knock-on effect, it's important, right?
But on that, okay,
outside of church work can also affect salvation.
He said in verse 12,
for the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous,
his ears are open unto their prayers,
but the face of the Lord is against them that are evil.
And who is he that will harm you
if you be followers of that which is good?
But, and if you suffer for righteousness' sake,
happier ye, and be not afraid of their terror,
neither be troubled.
But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts,
be ready always to give an answer to every man
that asketh you a reason of the hope
that is in you with meekness and fear.
Okay, we should be ready to basically preach the gospel.
Having a good conscience.
Now, whereas they speak evil of you as of evildoers,
they may be ashamed that falsely accuse
your good conversation or your good behavior in Christ,
for it is better if the will of God be so
that you suffer for well-doing than for evildoing.
So don't suffer for being rude, for being offensive,
for treating people badly, for having bad manners, yeah?
Work on having good manners
in the way you speak and the way you behave.
Okay, how do you work with it?
Make it a habit, just make it a habit.
Start with the house of God.
So you've just heard it preached at the house of God,
so a good place to start is the house of God.
Don't growl, don't go home and go,
you know, I'm gonna get, I'll teach him,
I'm not gonna come in for a few weeks
and you know, and everything else.
I'm gonna, you know, it's like, make it a habit, right?
House of God is a good place to just be preached on,
good time to get it right.
And if you make it a habit in the house of God
and around God's people, you'll also, therefore,
hopefully be able to make it a habit
with your loved ones because your loved ones
are gonna be like, why are you so polite
to people at church, but you don't say please
or thank you to me, and you know
that you can make it a habit at home,
and then it might become second nature with everyone.
I don't think it's ever too late to learn good manners.
It's easier if you're drilled into your young,
and I think we should drill it into our kids' young,
because it does make a massive difference to people.
People do care, people do judge people on their manners,
but you can learn it, okay?
Make it a habit, and you know, use this sermon
hopefully as inspiration to do that,
and show that past the tabernacle, okay?
Who's just hopefully smashed everyone's toes in here.
Okay, and on that, we're gonna finish in a word of praise.
Well, thank you for your word, thank you for,
well, you know, clear instruction like, you know,
being courteous and other things like that,
and you know, wanting to have a good conversation
amongst others, good behavior, showing that good behavior
that, you know, we'll be a good testimony.
We wanna be a good testimony, Lord,
not just to each other, but to the world as well.
Help us to start that in the house of God,
to, you know, preferring one another above us,
you know, above others, Lord, above, you know,
having, you know, having each other in high esteem,
and just make sure that we treat each other
with the respect and honor that you expect us to,
and help that to then have a knock-on effect
to be able to be polite and have good manners
to the outside world as well,
so that we don't affect the chance of salvation,
this is a chance for people to wanna hear the gospel
either now or in the future.
Help us to have good manners,
we've got soul-winning as well, Lord.
Help us to find people this afternoon
that wanna hear the gospel, to be polite
to those that either do or don't, Lord,
and Lord, just to show people our good conversation,
show people our good behavior,
help us to just be shining lights
to those around us, but also at the same time
without, you know, without going against anything
that you want us to teach, preach, believe, et cetera,
help us to get the balance right, Lord,
and help us to just get many people saving the term
for this evening's service, Jesus, no problem with this.
Amen.