Right, so this is the last one in our biblical parenting series and, you know, if you've been here, you realise that we've been going through different age categories.
We looked at the beginning at pregnancy, labour and postpartum, then it was the first year, babies really, then it was young children, then it was children and then it was teens or you could say older children, teenage children.
And you might have thought last week that that would be the last one, however, there is one more age category left. Anyone know what that is? Max isn't allowed to say? No? Well, okay, you guys aren't with it today, so we'll have to sleep.
Okay, it's adults. Adults, it's adults, yeah? We've got adults left to do, isn't that by the lucky there, yeah? Just a last chance saloon, you're in there, aren't you? Okay.
Adults it is and so the title today is biblical parenting and adults, biblical parenting, adults. I'd like to pray before we continue this.
Father, thank you for the blessing of children, the blessing, you know, of having, you know, children to be able to raise and care for and knowing that really they're in heritage of yours and, you know, they're your reward.
But help me today to preach this concept today that, you know, once they become adults, well, they're still our children, basically, Lord, and they're still parenting that needs to be done.
Help us all to get this right going forward and help me to preach this, you know, in a way that's going to edify the room, help everyone to just take in what, you know, I believe your word is saying and help me to preach this clearly and accurately and boldly and fill with your spirit.
Please, Lord, in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
So, look, sorry to break it to some of you, but parenting doesn't stop at 20 years old.
That's not the end of it.
It's not kind of I can hang it up now and go and, you know, retire.
Some people do that, don't they? It's like sort of 20, kick them out and, you know, we'll go and move to the other side of the country or sometimes even the other side of the world.
And, you know, there's some weird stuff that goes on in the world out there.
But parenting doesn't stop at 20 years old.
And we talked about if you're sitting here wondering what's he on about 20 or we talked about this last week.
And, you know, the Bible teaches sort of it's from 20 years old where where someone is there for an adult in God's eyes and before that their children, whatever the world might say.
But parenting does change, though, doesn't it? It does change.
So it's not going to be the same as when you're when you're parenting children.
And today I want to look at some things to be aware of as our kids grow into adults, because as far as I'm concerned, if you're doing things biblically, then you're going to have your adult children living in your home for some, well, for some amount of time.
OK, we talked about this last week.
And, well, as far as I'm concerned, I see no reason for them to be getting kicked out of your home or leaving your home until they're adults.
And we're going to see for what reasons they might be leaving here.
And look, unlike the Koran, unlike the Babylonian Talmud and unlike probably the Book of Mormon, I would imagine as well, and probably most of these got wicked books of false prophets out there.
The Bible doesn't teach child marriage, believe it or not.
OK, the Bible doesn't teach that. The Bible doesn't teach children to get married.
The wicked weirdo religions out there do seem to be big advocates of this.
But the Bible isn't. OK, the Bible doesn't teach that. Whatever the slanderers and these people like to try and claim and say.
I've talked about that before. It doesn't teach that.
We look at Genesis chapter two, where we are, and it says in verse 18.
And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone.
I will make him and help meet for him.
And out of the ground, the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them.
And whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was a name thereof.
And Adam gave names to all cattle and to the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field.
But for Adam, there was not found and help meet for him.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam.
And he slept and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof.
And the rib which the Lord God had taken for man made he a woman and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.
She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.
Therefore shall a child, no, therefore shall this man, no, therefore shall a man, a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.
So, no, Adam, by the way, wasn't talking about this particular man.
He wasn't with a father and a mother, was he?
So this is talking about a man in the future, therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife.
And that's what it clearly says here, doesn't it?
That's when they leave their father and a mother, it's a man.
He didn't say, therefore shall a child.
And like we saw last week, God considers teenagers children.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.
And we're looking at biblical parenting adults and point number one is they leave home once they marry.
Biblically, if we're going to follow the Bible's teaching on this, they leave home once they marry, don't they?
It said, therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife.
And just a point here, in case we do have any closet Muslims or Jews or any of the rest of these nonce sort of religions out there,
it was verse 22 did say a woman.
He made him a woman, he didn't make him a child, he didn't make him a young girl, he made him a woman.
So just in case there's anyone there that's got any of those leanings.
But the man here leaves his father and mother to cleave unto his wife,
which isn't always the case by the world standards, is it?
Okay, this isn't what we see out there in the world.
We see in the world something very different.
And again, as with many, many just aspects of life,
doing it the world's way is often just going to be contradictory to how God wants us to do it and how the Bible does it.
And that could be the challenge as Christians, can't it?
To come out from among them, to be separate, touch not the unclean thing, sayeth the Lord.
And it's sometimes a very regular challenge, isn't it, to do that.
And none more so than with parenting.
And with parenting we see the opposite.
Because the Bible doesn't teach a bachelor pad, does it?
Is that what the Bible teaches?
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave to his best mate in some grubby, filthy flat or something else somewhere,
and just eat kind of takeaways and cold beans and the rest of it.
Doesn't teach that, does it?
Now look, some people might have lived in a bachelor pad, yeah.
Now I lived in a bachelor pad for a little bit, but it's not how I want my kids to live.
Okay, and I wasn't raised biblically.
Some ways I was, but many ways I wasn't.
And many here I'm sure are the same.
Whatever mistakes we've made or our parents have made doesn't mean that we want to then just remake those mistakes our kids.
Because look, I'm all right, aren't I?
Well, like we talked about last week, you know, all your kids here, they all have a big target on their backs.
Okay, they have big targets on their backs.
The Bible doesn't teach, you know, living with your...
Well, okay, well, not with your mates, how about with your brothers?
Oh, well, you know, we'll find somewhere for the brothers to live on their own somewhere.
That'll be all right, won't it?
Because the Bible doesn't teach that, does it?
And look, a lot goes wrong when that sort of stuff happens.
The Bible, like we spoke about last week, doesn't teach, well, once they get to teenage or even adult,
now it's time to kick them off to university.
Oh, well, okay, well, we'll wait, because the Bible does say 20 is an adult.
I don't want to kick them out as a kid.
So 20 years old, right, off you go to somewhere and go and live in some student slum somewhere
with a load of just wicked, you know, boozers and fornicators, and what could go wrong?
But the Bible doesn't teach that, does it?
And look, like I said last week, if there's something that you're adamant that this is what's for you
and you need a degree and something else for it, look, so be it.
I was speaking to someone afterwards, and I would, look,
there would have to be a very strong reason for me to send my sons to university,
a very, very strong reason, because, and when I say send them, that would be while living at home
and studying at university.
There's no reason to be kicking them out of my house and them going and living with,
whether it's student halls or flats or whatever it is,
there would have to be a really strong reason, because spiritually that is going to be a massive issue, isn't it?
Can you imagine that?
And I'm saying while living at home, and there would have to be, look, a strong reason for them to go there,
because what I see at university is a load of liberal brainwash.
I see a load of wicked people, I see a load of wicked professors and lecturers and everything else,
and I think that's going to be hard to get through that, isn't it?
Yeah, as a saved child of God, that's going to be a hard place to go
and not just be getting vexed your righteous soul every day.
However, however, let's move on.
The Bible, by the way, doesn't teach your kids going off into the army, does it?
Or any version of the forces.
Now, this is what's so bizarre, or not bizarre even, but just so contrary.
What age is it? It used to be 16. Is it still 16? Anyone know this?
I think 16 plus, you could join the army.
I remember it was the Royal Marines, I remember looking at that when I was younger,
and I know that you could from 16 years old.
I mean, that's pretty wicked, isn't it?
To encourage children of 16, because you know why?
You know why? Because, look, I had some thoughts about this when I was young,
because when you're 16, that sounds pretty fun, doesn't it?
It sounds pretty cool, it sounds pretty exciting,
and it sounds like that's not a bad shout.
Whereas a lot of the time, as you start to get older,
you start to think, wait a second, that doesn't sound quite so sensible now, does it?
So they try and catch them early.
And once they're in, it's actually quite hard to leave as well, isn't it?
And they make that very difficult for many reasons, you know?
You've got a contract there, really.
So, look, the Bible doesn't teach that.
In fact, the Bible, what does the Bible teach?
It was 20 years old and above.
20 years and over.
And by the way, that was many, many years ago,
you know, when they try and go, oh, things are different then,
you know, like, kids were kind of more like adults.
No, no, we're talking about thousands of years ago,
when they probably needed every man they could,
when they were going to war, going and trying to take over all the lands that they'd been given,
they were getting attacked from this side and that side and everything else,
and what did God say? 20 years and over.
20 years and over and not under.
There were no teens going off to go and get murdered in war.
And if you're going, well, you know, because then you get the kind of, you know,
the I'm proud of British forces and they gave your life for you,
how dare you stand behind a pulpit and say not to join up,
and, you know, if someone wants to do it...
Look, let's be honest, what really, sadly, nowadays especially,
is really going on in the army and the force and everything else.
Shall I tell you what's generally going on?
They're going off to foreign lands to kill people to make rich people richer.
That's the truth.
And look, if people have done that unwittingly, unknowingly,
look, fair enough, you know, many of us have made many mistakes in life,
but I'll tell you what, there is no way I'll be encouraging my children,
and you have to say children now, don't you, as well,
because nowadays, I mean, they're having...
Oh, you know, for them, women in there, it doesn't really matter, does it?
To go off and fight some land, are they protecting the country?
I mean, anyone who believes that's a moorland, aren't they?
They're going off and invading nations to take control of nations,
whether it's for the banking systems, the resources or whatever else it is,
for rich people behind the scenes,
the great men that exercise authority upon the governments, yeah?
OK, so, look, for me, crazy, crazy.
OK, so, but the Bible doesn't teach any of that, does it?
The Bible doesn't teach that.
And on that, on that, there's something I thought about as well.
Where did a rich man who fared sumptuously every day in Luke 16
beg Abraham to send Lazarus to speak to his five brethren?
Can you remember? Where did he send them?
Well, you don't have to turn there. Luke 16, 27 said,
then he said, I pray thee therefore, Father,
that thou would have sent him to my father's house.
Five brethren, he was a rich man, he seemed to have lived an all right life.
I'm guessing not all of them were children,
but where were the five brethren at his father's house, hadn't they?
He said, before I had five brethren. That's what he said to him.
And, look, I'm not saying that that rich man and his family,
the rich guy was unsaved, but I'm saying that was pretty normal, wasn't it?
It's pretty normal that as you grow up and grow into an adult,
it's not like, right, quick, get them out of the hole.
Get them out and whatever, whichever way we can, let's get them out,
because, and even with marriage, not necessarily.
Let alone before.
Now, you might be sitting there going, hold on, hold on, hold on, brother.
How on earth are you going to feed however many, all of these adult men?
What happens if all my boys get older, they don't get married early,
how am I going to feed those adult men here?
Suddenly you've got all these mouths to feed, haven't I?
What am I going to do?
Well, if they're adults, they need to be working full-time, don't they?
Yeah?
If your sons are adults, they ought to be working full-time.
For me, 20 years old means working full-time.
Now, what about further education?
What if they need to do this?
You know you get these eternal students, there are some out there sometimes.
They've done three, I'm going to do a doctorate in this,
and then I'm going to do a PhD, and they just keep putting,
because really they don't really want to go to work, do they?
So many of them find anything they can.
Well, the way I see it is if you're an adult, it's time to work,
and if you want to do further education, you can do it at the same time, can't you?
How many hours are there?
Look, you want to sleep eight hours a day?
There's 16 hours there, aren't there?
All these jobs are only eight hours a day.
That's eight hours to study.
Doesn't sound bad to me.
Look, there is time, isn't there?
People can do that.
It is possible.
And again, we're talking about here that, for me,
what I consider to be the biblical way,
because 2 Thessalonians 3.10 says,
For even when we were with you, this we commanded you,
if any would not work, neither should he eat.
If any would not work, neither should he eat.
And here, when you look at the passage, it's referring to men.
So, as far as I'm concerned, when my sons are men,
if they want to eat, they'd better go to work.
And, well, you've got to go,
well, what if they're the other side of the coin?
What if they're the sorts that just want to sit at home and play computer games?
Because there's a lot of them out in the world right now, aren't there?
You know, the kind of 30-year-old eternal child
who's just going to sit at home playing computer games.
Well, what are you going to do?
Because you can't kick them out, can you?
Because then you'd be sending them off.
Well, if any would not work, neither should he eat.
He's got time to play computer games and work great.
But do you know what? You know what, yeah?
Nothing gets a work-shy going like a bit of hunger, does it?
Seriously, throughout history, nothing gets a work-shy going
like a bit of good old-fashioned hunger.
And that quickly gets people into work, doesn't it?
Yeah? If my son's being told,
well, if you want to eat, you'd better go to work, boy.
I'm sure he'd be quickly down at the building site
going, anyone got any work for me?
Maybe he'd be quickly down, not just kind of, well,
ticking the box at the job center,
maybe he's going to actually spend 40 hours a week or more
filling out his CV and everything else
because he's getting a bit hungry
and actually going and trying to get work.
And really, if half the benefit claimants in this world,
in this nation at least, would go hungry,
I would imagine they would suddenly get a little bit lively.
Don't you think?
I think there'd be a little bit more effort going in
if there wasn't such a fullness of bread.
Because there's a fullness of bread in this nation, isn't there?
I see a fullness of bread
and I see a lot of people with many excuses why they can't work.
And many, many excuses.
And I'll tell you what,
a lot of those excuses would be out the window.
To all those ones who claim, and again,
I'm sure there are some genuine manic depressives out there,
but there are many who say,
I'm just so depressed I can't go to work.
And I bet as soon as that hunger starts,
as soon as that hunger started kicking in,
suddenly forget that, I need to go to work.
And it's a big issue, isn't it?
A big issue and it would be so easily solved.
And here's another one.
What about the homeless?
You think they'd be, what?
They'd be so willing to be lying on the street
if people weren't just giving them food, money.
So many of these, I've seen what this trap is.
What they do is they'll have a so-called Christian organisation somewhere
who would basically come in for free food every day.
And then what happens, because I knew someone who wasn't even homeless,
he had accounts placed and he was going there
because he was a drug addict.
So it meant he had more money for drugs
if he went along and got his free meal each day
and he's going, oh, you can eat loads,
they'll give you what you want there.
So he'd just be feeding himself up and not going to work, of course,
and just spending all his money on drugs.
That's nuts, isn't it?
I tell you what, if you had to work,
well, it's a bit harder to be high on work, isn't it?
There are some jobs out there, I'm sure.
Anyway, but the nature would be different, wouldn't it?
If any would not work, neither should he eat.
And here's the thing.
Think about, yeah, how much better,
how much better would the finances be of your household
if your adult sons are going to work?
You're like, oh, well, wait a second.
If they're coming back and bringing home a pay packet
and they're paying, you know, a fair amount for their upkeep,
they're paying for their rent and everything else,
well, suddenly, instead of it,
kids can be a financial burden for many years,
suddenly it's, well, actually, now we're seeing some better times, yeah?
We've got more than one earner in the house.
And in fact, how much better for that adult son
before he gets married,
because he should be able to save a good little savings
to be able to go and get a house, or at least get the start,
or maybe even if it's renting and furniture, whatever it is,
some head start, because he's been able to actually,
not just sitting at home waiting and, oh, I'll get a job once I'm married,
I'll get a job once I move out.
No, get a job once you're an adult.
If any would not work, neither should he eat.
And if you've raised them biblically
and they have a respect for their parents,
it shouldn't then be this terrible hardship.
You might be sitting there going, oh, I can't,
because we look at the world state
and we see all these just unruly kids, really, adult kids
who are just a disgrace
and you're thinking, poor, poor parents,
want them to live another year in their house once they're past 20.
But it shouldn't have to be like that, should it?
You know, as they grow older, look,
they've got more in common with you than anyone else.
Yeah, look, they've been putting up with your bad dad jokes
for years, haven't they?
Yeah, they're getting used to it.
They've been putting up with a lot of stuff
and often they have so much in common with you, don't they?
OK, and it shouldn't be this hardship.
And, look, having a household with adults in it,
if they're your family and they're your kids that you love
and they love you, you know, this should be a good thing.
But what about the women?
So we talked about the men, what about the women?
Well, turn to number 30.
I would say it's the same thing,
other than I don't believe she should be sent out to the workplace.
I don't believe that God wants your women sent out into the workplace.
Now, I appreciate that there were maidens working for Boaz,
there were midwives, et cetera, we've seen in the Bible,
but I believe that it's a risk and should be avoided if possible.
OK, and again, we're talking about doing things as best as possible here.
Number 30, it's talking of vows to God.
Numbers chapter 30 and verse 1 says,
And Moses spake unto the heads of the tribes,
concerning the children of Israel, saying,
This is the thing which the Lord hath commanded.
If a man vow a vow unto the Lord,
or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond,
he shall not break his word.
He shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth.
So whether that man's at home or moved out and married,
once he's a man and he's making vows,
he's held accountable for his vow.
OK, and then verse 3,
If a woman also vow a vow unto the Lord,
abide herself by a bond,
being in her father's house in her youth,
that's young, it's not talking about a child here,
it's a woman, it said a woman, but in her youth,
and her father here a vow and a bond wherewith she hath bound her soul,
and her father shall hold his peace at her,
then all her vows shall stand,
and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand.
But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth,
not any of her vows or of her bonds
wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand,
and the Lord shall forgive her,
because her father disallowed her.
So if a woman, this is a woman, OK,
not a child is still living at home and vows a vow,
then her father can override it.
OK, the father's ahead at this point.
Until she's married,
she's under the responsibility of her father.
OK, and he has the responsibility of going,
no, actually, I don't agree with what your vow is there,
and you can look at that in many areas of life, couldn't you?
Where he's still guiding, he's still the head,
he's a spiritual head, isn't he, as well,
and the head of that household,
it said, and the Lord shall forgive her,
because her father disallowed her.
Now, this woman is still living at home, OK,
she vows her vow, her father overrides it,
then we see the next option, look at verse 6.
And if she had at all an husband when she vowed,
or uttered aught out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul,
and her husband heard it and held his peace
at her in the day that he heard it,
then her vow shall stand,
and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand.
But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it,
then he shall make her vow which she vowed,
and that which she uttered with her lips,
wherewith she bound her soul of none effect,
and the Lord shall forgive her.
So the same thing, the husband,
once she's stopped being under her father,
her head is now her husband.
OK, and he can basically disallow that vow.
He's now responsible for her.
Now, what's the third scenario?
Is it a young lady sharing a flat with her friend?
You know, is it a young lady, is it a young working woman now?
Well, now we've got the working woman.
No, let's see what it is, verse 9.
But every vow of a widow and of her that is divorced,
and we looked at the one biblical reason for divorce,
however, sadly, many would get divorced anyway,
because there is that wickedness out there
where people will just divorce regardless.
Wherewith they have bound their souls shall stand against her.
So, but then it goes on to say this,
it says unless it was when they were still married,
then we go back to the same as before,
it's basically her husband's responsibility.
OK, so third scenario is someone widow or divorced, OK?
Verse 15, jump forward, it then says,
but if he shall anyways make them void
after that he hath heard them,
then he shall bear her iniquity.
So responsibility isn't always a good thing, is it?
OK, you go, oh, what's this about?
A head of a house, a husband, a father?
Well, he's got to bear her iniquity, OK?
That's not always a good thing, is it?
And having to be responsible for whether it's a daughter or wife
isn't this kind of, oh, what a great job,
because it must just be such a privilege to do that.
No, it's a big responsibility.
Horses for courses, yeah?
Verse 16 then says these are the statutes
which the Lord commanded Moses between a man and his wife,
between a father and his daughter,
being yet in her youth and a father's house.
So three scenarios for a woman were still at home,
married or widowed, divorced, wasn't it?
Still at home, married and living,
you would assume they're with the husband most likely,
or maybe still in the family home, I'm not sure,
or widowed and divorced.
And if you go back to Leviticus 22,
just quickly go back to Leviticus chapter 22,
where the rules for eating of the holy offerings
is being given to the priesthood.
And it says here in Leviticus chapter 22 and verse 12,
we see if the priest's daughter also be married unto a stranger,
this is Leviticus 22 12,
if the priest's daughter also be married unto a stranger,
she may not eat of an offering of the holy thing.
So these are things which the priest was bringing home.
But if the priest's daughter be a widow or divorced
and have no child and is returned unto her father's house,
as in her youth, she shall eat of her father's meat,
but there shall no stranger eat thereof.
So basically, if a priest's daughter is widowed
or divorced without children,
it seems common that she would then return to her father's house
and he would then provide for her.
Okay, that was basically, that was a common scenario.
Because it's talking about, well, you know,
even in the case that maybe something's happened there,
maybe the guys ended up divorced.
Look, it's not saying that she was necessarily old
because she must have been fornicated,
because we see other things for that
where she could have been stoned for that.
However, for whatever reason she's been divorced or widowed,
she could return back to her father's house.
Now, you might be sitting there going, hold on, wait a second.
You're saying that biblically raising your daughter
means they either stay at home or they get married and move out,
and that's kind of it,
barring something happens further down the line,
you might even bring them back home.
What if you've got a load of daughters?
You're thinking, well, you're going to have to go
to this Chinese system here and just start, you know,
trying to find a way of only having sons or something else
and, you know, all this wicked kind of stuff that the world does.
Well, firstly, you better get a good job, okay,
because you might be provided for your daughters.
But back to last week, what was last week's point?
There was plenty that an industrious, sorry, well-raised, you know,
woman of God can do to help out with the finance at home
without being sent out to submit to some other man's husband,
without being sent out into the workplace away from your protection
and everything else, without being sent out, you know, to wherever,
oh, so she can just kind of feel like one of the daughters of the land.
Yeah, there's plenty that a woman can still do,
if that's needed, as she starts to get older,
but there's also plenty that can be done to help at home, isn't there?
Look, there's plenty that needs doing in a big family home,
plenty that can be done and, well, you'll have a clean house at least.
You're like, oh, I've got a lot of daughters.
This could get expensive, well, at least you'll have a clean home
because, let's be honest, women are much better at that sort of thing,
aren't they?
And you've got a load of sons and you're thinking, oh, no,
well, I have these sons for into adulthood.
Look, regardless, there is stuff they can do
and there's stuff they can do from home
and if you're raising them well and everything else,
they're not just some work-shy bum who's just sitting at home
thinking they're so special and, you know,
they're just waiting for that, you know,
Prince Charming to come by and until then, you know,
they're just sitting at home doing their make-up and their nails every day.
Yeah, that's not what we're trying to raise, is it?
Okay, but that for me is what I see there.
They're your options there, aren't they?
Now, I don't see in the Bible saying, right,
when the woman's of age send her out into the world,
send her out to the children of the land,
look what happened with Deena with that.
What happened? She ended up in fornication
and, well, then we ended up with all sorts of bizarre, you know,
slaves and we won't go into it.
So biblical parents, we're looking at biblical parenting,
we're looking at adults and point number one is they leave home once they marry.
That's what I see there.
That's what I see from Genesis 2, it's once they marry.
Okay, now, they might stay at home and be married.
They might not have somewhere to move to but I would hope that, you know,
for them and I think for the health of their marriage,
it's probably going to be better if they do find a way of leaving home
once they marry, okay?
Number one, they leave home once they marry.
Number two, they still need parenting though, don't they?
They still need parenting.
Look at verse 24, go back to Genesis 2 and look at verse 24.
Genesis 2 and verse 24 says this, says,
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother
and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh.
Verse 24 said his father and his mother, not his landlord and landlady, did it?
It didn't say, Therefore shall a man leave his landlord,
now landlord and landlady.
Or, Therefore shall a man leave his biological parents, you know,
and now cleave unto his wife.
And, you know, here's the thing is that once he left them,
that didn't stop either.
Yeah, they're still his father and mother, aren't they?
Yeah, they're still his father.
Parenting doesn't, all right, adults, married, that's it.
Written off, don't need to speak to them again, job done.
Adults still need some parenting, whether they're living in your home or not.
And if they're in your home, here's the thing,
there are still some house rules though, aren't there?
So, again, it's like, oh, right, well, they're still an adult,
they, for what, you know, look, some people might find a long time
to find the right spouse, they might find a long time to find that person
and look, and obviously there are going to be the exceptions to the rule
and people that maybe that's not their desire in life,
maybe they are, you know, in inverted commas,
a eunuch for the kingdom of God's sake,
but that's pretty few and far between, isn't it?
Okay, and most people do desire that and they might be there a while
and that doesn't mean, well, they're adults now,
they just do as they want, they just kind of, you know,
there's nothing I can say to them anymore.
Is that the case?
Wait, hopefully they've been taught to honour their father and mother,
we're talking biblical parenting here, aren't we?
Hopefully we've got the first part right
and it all builds upon each other, doesn't it?
You haven't done the first bit and you've just got some wayward sons
or daughters that have no respect for you at all,
that have no respect for the teachings of God
and they're just going to, you know, just float around your house,
talk to you how they want, acting how they want,
refusing to do as you ask them to do in your home.
Well, you've got a problem there, haven't you?
Well, the Bible says to honour thy father and mother, doesn't it?
You know, and that includes, well, they're adults
and hopefully you're not going to have, especially older boys,
end up needing an old man beat down.
Dads, you better make sure, you're going to biblically parent,
you better make sure you're able to give your sons an old man beat down.
And I don't know, like, some of these boys might get pretty big,
you might need some weapons or something.
There's always a way.
I've always said to my sons, I said,
especially to Jack as he's old enough to understand this concept,
he will never beat me.
I don't care if I'm in a wheelchair, he will never beat me.
I will find a way.
But you better make sure that you can control them.
But ultimately, you want to make sure that once they get to adulthood,
they don't need that old man beat down
because they should be honouring their father and mother,
they should be respecting the fact that they're living in your home
and that they abide by your rules, right?
And same as if you live in anyone else's home
and it's their house and they're having you to live there
and they should understand as they grow up
if they're raised biblically and in the Bible,
they're going to understand what a blessing that is,
what a blessing that is to not be out in the world,
what a blessing that is to have a home to be able to live in,
what a blessing that is to not have to pay the extortionate amounts of...
I don't even know how anyone could rent a place on their own,
even sharing with people, let alone get a mortgage or something.
I mean, it's unbelievable, isn't it?
For some young lad early into the workplace to do that,
what a blessing it is to be able to be in a home
and hopefully they would respect that.
Look, there are exceptions of all.
There might be a point where you do have to kick them out.
I would say if they slipped into 1 Corinthians 5 sins
and some of the others that we covered,
you've got some just complete wicked wayward child,
then maybe there is a time when, right, I'm kicking them out
and you're going to have to cut fellowship with them, right?
That's what the Bible teaches about.
Hopefully we're all raising kids where that's not going to be the case, yeah?
But they need to still be able to abide by your rules, don't they?
There still should be a respect there, shouldn't there?
Now, look, you're going to start to become...
I wouldn't say more of them,
but there's going to be a friendship there as well,
more so than maybe when they're really little kids.
And look, you know, you still have your kids are your friends,
but ultimately you're still their parents first, aren't you?
However, that's probably that's going to start to the balance
or go a little bit less like that.
You're still going to be their parent first,
but you should have a friendship with them,
should be a respect there.
That's kind of what you're trying to hope to build there, right?
Well, turn to Proverbs chapter 1,
because with that, whether they're there or married or moved out,
they will still need guiding in life, won't they?
Look, does the 20-year-old suddenly know it all?
They'll need guiding, they'll need wise counsel.
Look, everyone needs wise counsel in life, don't they?
Anyone here thinks that they don't need wise counsel?
Look, in a multitude of counsels there's safety, isn't there?
So, when it comes to your children,
who's going to be some of the wisest counsels?
Your parents, shouldn't they?
And who knows you best?
Who knows you best? Your parents.
Look, you know your kids, don't you?
You know your kids better than anyone else pretty much does.
You'll know them better than their spouse does for a while.
They'll probably be eventually across a swap over there.
But at the very beginning, you know your kids well, okay?
And that means you're able to counsel them well.
You know really what they're good at, what they're not,
how they can respond to certain instructions and et cetera,
what motivates them.
Proverbs 1 says this in verse 1.
The proverbs of Solomon, the son of David, king of Israel,
to know wisdom and instruction, to perceive the words of understanding,
to receive the instruction of wisdom, justice and judgment and equity,
to give subtlety to the simple, to the young man,
man, knowledge and discretion.
He's still learning, isn't he?
That young man is still learning.
Verse 5 says, a wise man will hear and will increase learning,
and a man, still a man of understanding, shall attain unto wise counsels.
So here's the thing, God-fearing, God-serving parents
should be wise counsels, shouldn't they?
I mean that's a pretty, look, I'll tell you what,
you kids here, you lucky bunch of kids here,
what a fortunate bunch of kids to think that you actually have
some God-fearing, God-serving, but the fact they were here in the first place
means a, they're God-fearing and b, they're God-serving parents
to be in a soul-winning church, to be in a church which isn't, you know,
just giving you a feel-good message every week because they're here to serve God.
And you've got parents here, look, you're growing up with wise counsel
and if you think about, compare it to the counsel of the world,
compare it to the counsel out there that you hear out there
and you see out there with the world's parents, with their kids,
what a blessed bunch of kids here.
You can imagine there's kids in the world who go to their parents
and they'll hear stuff like, if it feels right, if it feels right, then do it.
You know, what does that even mean?
If it feels right, it's nonsense, isn't it?
Absolutely, but that's kind of like the mantra of the world, isn't it?
Or it'll be this one, you know, there may be, there's some marriage problems.
You don't have to be spoken to like that, whether it's male or female.
No, no, you need to, you know, well, you don't need to put up with it.
You know, maybe you've fallen out of love.
Maybe you've just fallen out of love, it's time to move.
That's the nonsense going on, isn't it?
And all you kids here, I would hope, I hope,
are not going to be receiving nonsense like that.
You're going to be receiving biblical guidance, biblical counsel
and what a blessing that is because, look, most of the adults here
didn't grow up with anything like that.
Most didn't grow up with anything like that
and can't go to someone right now to a parent who knows them better
than everyone else and expect to get some godly counsel
or anything close to it.
Verse 6 says, to understand the proverb and the interpretation,
the words of the wise and their dark sayings.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Remember, the fear of the Lord is the beginning.
You haven't suddenly made it because you got saved.
My son, hear the instruction of thy father
and forsake not the law of thy mother.
So, one of the goals of the book is to give the young man
knowledge and discretion, isn't it?
Verse 4.
When you read the Book of Proverbs,
and of course we spoke earlier this morning,
it's just got these eternal truths, this eternal wisdom,
but it's constantly addressed to my son, isn't it?
It's constantly addressed to my son
and you feel like he's particularly talking to his adult son,
perhaps Rehoboam, you know, he goes on obviously to be king,
but it's constantly sort of like,
it's almost like that's like the primary audience for it, isn't it?
And he said in verse 8,
My son, hear the instruction of thy father
and forsake not the law of thy mother,
for they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head
and chains about thy neck.
That's something that benefits and is always with you, okay?
That's what he's saying,
something that benefits and is always with you.
And look, we as parents,
want to always be there for our kids, don't we?
We want to always be there, ready to give that instruction,
ready to give the law,
the guidance and the instruction of a mother as well.
It's not just the father here.
Turn to the last chapter, chapter 31 in Proverbs,
and while you turn there,
I'm going to read Proverbs 3, which started with my son.
Okay, remember we were there earlier.
My son, forget not my law,
but let thine heart keep my commandments.
For length of days and long life
and peace shall they add to thee.
Okay, and again, talking to an adult here,
talking to the young man, the son here,
for when you put it all together,
and he's saying, look, don't forget my law,
keep my commandments.
Okay, length of days, long life, peace.
We want our kids to have length of days,
long life and peace, don't we?
And when I say kids here, our adult children,
you know, our adult offspring, if you want.
And in Proverbs 31,
it's definitely talking to an adult son,
and he needs to hear both his father and mother, okay?
It's not just, oh, I want to come around,
and dad gives me a bit of wisdom.
Or the opposite way,
or the daughter just comes round for mum
to tell her how to do this and that every now and again.
Look, both, it's both, yeah?
Both for a son and for a daughter.
He said in verse one,
the words of King Lemuel,
the prophecy that his mother taught him.
What my son, and what the son of my womb.
Okay, this is from his mother.
And what the son of my vows.
Give not thy strength unto women.
Definitely talking to an adult son here.
Nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.
It is not for kings, I Lemuel.
It is not for kings to drink wine,
as King Lemuel,
nor for princes strong drink.
Lest they drink and forget the law,
and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.
Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish,
and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.
Let him drink and forget his poverty,
and remember his misery no more.
There's clearly talking to an adult there.
There's clearly parents here,
talking to their adult children, to even a king.
Talking to a king and giving him advice,
giving him guidance, giving him instruction.
Okay, and really, is that ever going to end?
Now, however, there should be a shift in the relationship, shouldn't there?
So although, yeah, we're always going to be there
to give guidance and instruction,
we're always going to have that wisdom
that those adult children of ours don't,
we also don't want to just be talking to them as children, do we?
Okay, and we need to kind of get,
we're going to need to get that balance, right?
All the parents here,
Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13, 11,
when I was a child, I spake as a child,
I understood as a child, I thought as a child,
but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
And we need to remember that, don't we?
As our children become adults,
they're no longer children, okay?
And they're going to need some respect, don't they?
They need guidance, not babying.
Yeah, and look, and in your house as well,
like I spoke about last week,
there needs to be a slow shifting there,
a kind of lengthening of the apron strings and everything else,
because if you think they're just going to go from being,
you know, basically a child in your house
to suddenly just being able to run a house
or be the spiritual and physical head of a house
or whatever else,
well, you're living in a dream world, aren't you?
So they, and that same,
and even when they're out of the house,
if they think that, well, you know,
it's just like the mommy-daddy safety net with everything,
they're never really going to man up in life, are they?
Okay, and they need to be able to stand on their own two feet.
So we need to get that right.
They need teaching.
They do need teaching, but not patronising.
And they're less likely to go to you
if you're constantly telling them off
and rebuking them and improving them,
but maybe they're more likely to go to you
if you do it in a guidance way.
And again, and it's solicited advice.
And look, and I think that's going to be hard, isn't it?
Because sometimes you're going to be watching your kids
thinking they're making mistakes and other things,
but look, you kind of want them to want the advice,
want the guidance, and that, look,
I don't know how to get that right, okay?
I'm not claiming to be an expert here,
but it has to be, for me, from that teenage onto adult stage
where you're trying to find a way for your kids
to just want to trust and listen to your advice
and know that it's for the best,
and hopefully maybe if we raise them biblically from young,
they're going to understand that, yeah?
Or you're going to end up with our attic room gamer, okay?
That's the other option.
Or you've got the overgrown kid who's still in the attic,
you know, just ringing up pizza on your credit card
and playing games online, and you can't get them out,
you can't do anything with them, you know?
And that's not what we want, is it?
And there's a lot of them about, by the way.
Okay, so biblical parenting adults,
number one, they leave home once they marry.
Number two, they still need parenting.
But however, with that, number three,
they need space in their marriage, okay?
They need space in their marriage.
And that's something we're all going to have to remember, okay?
Every parent here, as your kids grow up,
and especially as they get married,
you need to remember to give them space in their marriage.
Verse 24 said, back in Genesis 2 and verse 24,
Therefore shall a man leave, leave his father and his mother,
and shall cleave, cleave unto his wife,
and they shall be one flesh.
Leave and cleave, leave and cleave.
That means that once they're married,
they become the most important person in each other's lives.
They are now the most important people, not Mummy and Daddy.
Okay, and that's something you've got to deal with.
You've got to accept that.
Once they get married, now suddenly,
the spouse is more important than you.
Yeah, the spouse is the person they've cleaved to.
They've left you and cleaved to the spouse.
And that's going to be hard for some, you know?
It might be easier with some of those kids, you know,
the less popular ones though.
I'm kidding, okay?
But that's going to be sometimes tough, isn't it?
Tough to deal with.
Because, look, the loyalty then has to be to their spouse.
And if it's not, they're going to have a problem in their marriage, aren't they?
Okay, they have to have that loyalty.
And that's something that obviously we need to show them at home as well,
with ourselves, with our spouses.
But you want to encourage on them and not be one of those,
look, you don't want to be encouraging them to be coming
and complaining about their spouse to you.
Okay, you don't want to be one of those parents who's just kind of,
oh, what's he doing now?
Or what's she, oh, what, she's, you know, at this or at that again.
You know, whatever it is, that's not healthy, is it?
You shouldn't be doing it.
You should have loyalty to your spouse.
Yeah, more loyalty than you do to your parents.
That loyalty now has to be like you're cleaving to your spouse.
And look, obviously you need to find a good spouse for that, don't you?
Someone that obviously you can give that to.
Because what happens when you do that?
It causes animosity.
Because animosity then it causes a problem.
And then you've got a problem because your mother,
your father has an issue with your spouse
because you've been moaning too much about them.
And they're obviously going to take your side,
mostly if they don't, well, you've done something wrong there.
But most of the time they're going to take your side, aren't they?
Yeah, they're going to have a love for you that they don't really have for your spouse.
So now suddenly they're kind of seeing everything they do,
they're just seeing it badly and then they're almost encouraging it
and then there's this undertone of a dislike or an annoyance or an irritation.
And that's a big pressure on your marriage.
You know, marriage is already hard enough.
In this modern day and age, marriage, there's already a lot of pressure
and you don't need the pressure from your parents as well, do you?
And not just the parents, maybe it's the brother, maybe it's the older brother.
You know, suddenly you've been moaning about your husband to your older brother
and suddenly they're more likely to want to give him a slap
than they are to want to come round and basically submit to the fact
that he's ahead of that house.
Look, that's a big problem, something that as parents you've got to not encourage, yeah?
Because sometimes people want to vent, don't they?
And who they want to go to, the people that they feel most comfortable going to.
And they're going to listen to them and they know they're loyal to them
and that's something that you don't want to encourage.
Now, advice is different, okay?
Sometimes you need advice, okay?
But you need to be careful that that advice doesn't turn into, you know,
the family just have got a problem with the husband or wife of your child, yeah?
And advice is different.
Advice, you know, if they've got a problem and they need some advice,
they want to be able to come to you, right?
And again, they want to know as well that they can come to you
maybe needing some advice in this situation
and not think that you're now going to turn on their husband and wife.
So it kind of works both ways, doesn't it, as well with that.
Turn to Judges Chapter 19.
Look, you can't interfere in their marriage, okay?
And what's, you know, one of many ways that this happens in the world?
Oh, you've had a row.
Come and stay with us.
You've had a row.
Just come and stay back with your mum and dad for now,
you know, until you sort things out.
They're thinking, great, we've got to pack, you know.
And this happens so often, doesn't it?
But it's a problem.
Because then suddenly they feel awkward and uncomfortable.
And you know this, don't you?
Looking back in time and looking back on life,
when you feel like someone's probably been moaning about you to someone else,
not only is the moaner suddenly thinking you get angry with them,
but the person who's probably just some innocent third party in it,
you start to kind of not really want to be around them, do you?
You're thinking, oh, they probably don't like me
because someone's been, you know, kind of saying this about me
or saying that about me, yeah?
And then you've got all sorts of issues, haven't you?
Okay, and definitely not the come and stay here.
Look, there's not a reason for that, is there?
Obviously, you can look for extreme circumstances.
We're not talking about those, okay?
We're just talking about regular run-of-the-mill marriages here
and it's not a reason to be, oh, just come on in, come on in.
You know, you need some space from them or something else.
That's not healthy, is it?
They need to sort out their problems.
Judges 19, there's a story that starts exactly with this scenario.
Verse 1 says,
Now, this is basically a lower rank wife
and I understand that some people have different views on what this is
but for me, it's just someone who didn't have the same status as a proper wife.
However, they're still married, okay?
So for all intents and purposes, they're still a spouse.
This is still a wife, okay?
Now, obviously not God's intention and it was a recipe for disaster.
We see that here and we see it in many situations
when they're taking second, third wives, concubines, whatever you want to call them, okay?
It never really works out well.
God's not advocating this, however, this is something they did.
Okay, verse 2 says,
So basically, it seems like she's been sleeping around, okay?
She's committed adultery or something
and then runs off to her dad's house.
That's what I see there.
His concubine played the horror games and went away from her
and went to her father's house to battle him.
It was there four whole months.
Now, four months, yeah?
He should have kicked her out on day one.
He should have said,
What are you coming here for?
You've played the horror.
Go back and you'd better sort that mess out.
Let alone come and live with me now for five.
She's meant to be a wife.
She's got wifely duties, hasn't she?
She's got things she should be doing and helping
and she's got a home to run.
But instead, she's gone off to her father for four months
after playing the whore.
And look, this probably is happening in this nation
while we speak, yeah?
All over the nation, probably.
This sort of situation is going on, yeah?
Some woman's playing the whore and then running off to her mum
and going,
Oh, well, he just wasn't giving me the love that I needed.
You know, he just didn't, he wasn't there for my emotional needs.
So no wonder I had to go and run away with whoever it was
or go and, you know, do it.
Oh, well, he just wasn't giving me what I...
Look, this happens, doesn't it?
Happens all over.
Verse three then says,
And her husband arose
and went after her to speak friendly unto her
and to bring her again,
having his servant with him in a couple of asses.
And she brought him into her father's house
when the father of the damsel saw him.
He rejoiced to meet her.
So it sounds to me like, sorry, to meet him,
that the father is likely a bit lonely, isn't he?
It sounds like when you see the rest of the story,
he's kind of just, I can't wait.
They haven't even met, yeah, but he's like,
I can't wait to meet this guy.
Come on in.
And his father-in-law, the damsel's father,
retained him and he abode with him three days
so they did eat and drink a lodge there.
And it came to pass,
so he's now like kept him there three days
and it came to pass on the fourth day
when it arose early in the morning that he rose up to depart
and the damsel's father said unto his son-in-law,
comfort thine heart with a morsel of bread
and afterward go your way.
And they sat down and did eat and drink both of them together
for the damsel's father had said unto the man,
be content, I pray the Ontario night
and let thine heart be merry.
So he's just like constantly just going, stay, stay, stay.
When the man rose up to depart,
his father-in-law urged him, therefore he lodged there again.
So this guy just wants him there.
It's like almost like he can't let go of his daughter.
He's just like, oh, maybe I can just get them to live with me.
He won't let him leave.
And it's kind of like, you know,
it made me think of like the in-laws, you know,
with the kind of, that just want the family holidays.
You know, every year we're all going to go away together,
you know, and then maybe we'll also do it, you know,
in sort of in the winter as well.
And Christmas becomes, instead of like a Christmas visit,
it's like a three or four day affair.
Yeah, and it's like, I'll just stay over.
Oh, well, we'll do Christmas Eve, then we'll do Christmas Day,
then we'll do Boxing Day
and it's just like they just kind of don't want him to leave.
They don't want him to have their own life.
And look, it's not like you've got to cut them off.
But however, this is what it seems like.
This is this sort of guy.
He's just like, no, no, no, just stay, stay.
Stay some more.
Look, they've got to sort their marriage out, don't they?
Instead he said, oh, just stay with me.
We'll sort this out here.
And he arose early in the morning on the fifth day.
This is verse eight.
And the damsel's father said,
Comfort thine heart, I pray thee.
And they tarried until afternoon,
and they did eat both of them.
And when the man rose up to depart,
he and his concubine, his servant, his father-in-law,
the damsel's father said unto him,
Behold, now the day draweth toward evening.
I pray you, tarry all night.
So he's just at it again.
Behold, the day groweth to an end.
Lodge here, that thine heart may be merry,
and tomorrow get you early on your way,
that thou mayst go home.
But the man would not tarry that night,
but he rose up and departed.
So he's like, finally had enough of this, yeah?
And came over against Jebus, which is Jerusalem,
and there were with him two asses saddled.
His concubine also was with him.
So he's had enough.
He's managed to shake him off, okay?
But none of this should have happened in the first place,
should it?
Okay, none of this.
He shouldn't have been there for that long.
She shouldn't have been there in the first place,
let alone for four months.
The whole thing's a mess, isn't it?
Okay, now they leave.
They're not going to Gibeah, okay?
And then this old man that's also from Mount Ephraim,
he takes them into his home.
And guess what happens?
We get this horrible familiar,
and we're not going to go into it in depth,
but this familiar story to the events of Sodom.
And in verse 22, Judges 19, 22 says this,
Now as they were making their hearts merry,
behold, so this is now he's with this old man
in this place called Gibeah,
behold, the men of the city, certain sons of Belial,
beset the house round about and beat at the door
and spake to the master of the house,
the old man saying,
bring forth the man that came into thine house
that we may know him.
So these reprobate sons of Belial,
and we know what really they mean by knowing him.
This is a euphemism here.
And they want to just do vile things
to this new guy into town.
Now, what's interesting is that
they were called sons of Belial, weren't they?
And we know that sons of Belial were children of the devil,
sons of the devil, what we also call reprobates.
And what are they doing?
Exactly what those in Sodom did.
Because what were those in Sodom?
Reprobates, sons of the devil, children of Belial.
Exactly the same thing.
It's almost like an identical verse, isn't it?
They beset and they're predators.
And they beset the house man,
but I'm not going to go off on a tangent on this,
but they want to abuse this poor man.
Now, in the end, we're not going to go into it,
but they send out his wife, the concubine,
and eventually they kill her.
And it's a horrific story, absolutely horrific.
But what's the moral of the story?
Before we get even onto the reprobates,
before we get onto the sons of Belial,
is don't interfere in your children's marriages.
Don't interfere in your children's marriages.
Don't start bringing the wife back to you
for four months because they've had her out,
whatever the reason, let alone because she's played the hall,
but whatever the reason.
Don't interfere because the whole thing
could have been avoided from the beginning, couldn't it?
And I'm not saying you interfering in your child's marriage
are going to end up with a gang of vile sodomites
kind of encamped outside the house.
Look, but I'll tell you what,
it's not a good end anyway, is it?
And that could have all been avoided in the beginning.
Number one, she shouldn't have been her father's,
and number two, he should have let them go straight back
and sort it out between them,
instead of just finding excuse again.
Just finding excuse to keep them there.
So turn to Proverbs 17, don't interfere.
In-laws can be a massive factor in failed marriages, can't they?
They're a big factor in many failed marriages.
While you turn to Proverbs 17, I'm going to read Mark 10, 9,
which says, what therefore God has joined together,
let not man put asunder.
So suddenly they're rowing because,
and when we say man here, that includes in-laws, by the way,
but they're rowing because what?
Maybe it's because your son can't understand
why his wife wouldn't want to spend every waking minutes
with his parents, or vice versa.
And a lot of rows come from this sort of stuff.
Well, my mum just wants to come round for the fifth time this week.
You know, what's the problem?
It's like, well, you know, I don't really know your mum that well.
I don't want to suddenly spend all day with your mum.
You know, I've married you, I didn't marry your parents, or vice versa.
And there are many situations like that, aren't there?
That's something we're going to have to respect
as our kids grow old and not just think, well, you know, they like us.
I mean, why wouldn't they want to spend all day every day with us?
Why wouldn't they want to hear all the same corny jokes
I've been telling you for 20 years, you know?
What's the problem?
Well, you know, the problem is that they've left you
to cleave unto their spouse.
And if we get the balance right, then maybe they're going to want you there.
But when you get the balance wrong, suddenly you've got a problem now
and he's having to choose between you.
And sadly, many people don't make the right choice, do they?
Often they choose their family instead of their spouse.
And that's something that we don't want to happen either, do we?
And then suddenly those years of enjoying your grandchildren
consist of a quick visit on birthdays and maybe, you know,
a three-hour time slot on Christmas before they get off to the next family.
And all those kind of dreams of this time
when you're going to be around the grandkids
and they're going to be playing around at your feet and everything else,
it's kind of twice a year if you're lucky.
Or they've suddenly decided,
oh, actually, I'm going to move to the other side of the country
or, worse, the world, because, you know, they don't see that
as maybe a very kind of nice-looking prospect
of being close to the in-laws and everything else.
And you don't really want that, do you?
You don't want that.
So, Proverb 17, did you turn there?
And this is the same when it comes to those grandchildren, OK?
You have to remember who their parents are, don't you?
OK, so it's not just with them, it's the same with the grandkids,
because, look, many grandparents get this wrong as well.
Proverb 17.6 says,
Children's children are the crown of old men
and the glory of children are their fathers.
So, for me, look, you might cherish those grandkids,
be so proud of them.
And, look, many grandparents are really proud of their grandkids.
I remember when we moved into our current house,
our neighbour, we've got a funny neighbour, yeah,
just kind of appeared suddenly like he does at the side fence, yeah,
kind of backside fencing,
because he's always just, like, cutting the hedge
that doesn't really even exist there, yeah,
and just glancing at our house, yeah.
And he suddenly appeared, and I thought,
I'd better go and talk to this guy,
and within, I'd say, about five seconds,
he was telling me all about his grandkids.
One had got into this grammar school and one was this,
and what a great footballer the other one was.
Look, look, look, that's just the way it is, isn't it?
You know, it says here,
Children's children are the crown of old men,
and they're glorying in them, this is like, you know,
what a treasure they are.
However, the glory of children are,
does it say their grandfathers?
Does it say the... No, the glory of children are their fathers.
So you might, yeah, you might be, like,
really into your grandkids, be so proud of them,
but their father's still the main man.
OK, their father is still the main man,
and he's a man of their house as well,
and we have to remember that,
and I would say, look, Dad's especially here as well,
you're going to have to remember that,
is once you marry off your daughters, yeah, look,
he's now the, he's the man of that marriage,
he's the man of that house.
Now, I'm not saying that you've got to go there
and kind of, you know, bow before him and everything else,
but, however, you've got to respect him, don't you?
You've got to respect that.
You've got to respect the fact within your grandkids as well,
that they're not, like, they're grandparents out there,
like, they're my grandchildren.
Like, suddenly they have ownership over them.
But they don't have ownership over them.
They're a crown, yeah, they're something that you can be
so proud of and everything else,
however, the glory of them is their father,
their father is a boss there,
their father's the man of that house,
and we, as men, will have to respect that.
And, look, whether that's your son,
because that might be your son, it might be, look,
my son's now got children, I have to respect the fact
that when I go round that house, he's a boss there.
OK, he's the one that makes the rules in that house.
And I might not like some of those rules,
you might be like, you little pipsqueak,
I remember when you were young and, you know,
why are you doing it like that?
But, look, it's up to him, isn't it?
But it's the same if your daughter's gone and married
some little snotty-nosed brat while you look the other way
and you're on a good day and you let it happen.
And then suddenly he's the boss of that household
and suddenly your grandkids are being raised by this guy
that you might be thinking,
well, I wouldn't be doing it like that,
I don't like the way he does this, does that.
Doesn't matter, he's a boss, he's a boss,
so we have to remember that, don't we?
And not interfere and start thinking that, well,
there are grandkids, they need to raise them like we'd raise them.
That's not how it works.
Now, you can guide them if they want guidance,
you can instruct them if they want instruction,
you can help them if they want help,
but for me, once they've left and cleft,
I don't know if that's a real word, but that works, yeah,
it's not your responsibility anymore, is it?
That has to be something that they're willing,
that has to be something that they want, okay,
that has to be something that they desire,
otherwise it's not your place, is it?
If they say, look, Dad, Mum, I need some help,
I need some guidance for this,
I feel like we're getting this wrong or not sure about this,
great, give them help, but if not, it's not your position, is it?
And that's the same with mums with their daughters, okay,
and you've got to say especially daughters-in-law, okay,
but daughters and daughters-in-law,
she's now the keeper in that home, once they've moved out
and they've got themselves a home and she's married
and she's got a family, she's the keeper, not you.
It's not for you to go round and start telling her,
right, you need to do this, move that, do this, that,
especially not with your daughter-in-law,
because that's going to go badly wrong, yeah,
but with your daughter as well, okay,
you've got to give them the respect,
she's the keeper at home, isn't she, not you?
And again, mums, that's something you're going to have to remember
and not just be kind of muscling them out of the way
and going, what are you doing?
You don't do it like that, because I've seen it often,
I've seen it where especially new mums feel really insecure
around not even just their mums,
but especially the mother-in-law and stuff
and they're just thinking, you know, am I doing this right?
Am I doing this wrong?
And then it's even worse when they're just like,
don't do that, do this, do that,
and then they're just like a mess
and they don't just learn to do it themselves,
you know, and they just kind of crumble a bit
and you don't want that, you know,
and, you know, there's a great verse in Proverbs
about removing thy foot from thy neighbour's house,
lest he grow weary and hate thee,
and look, when you've got your, you know, as parents,
I think we need to remember that as well
as our kids become adults, yeah?
So, look, they're not necessarily going to do it the best way,
yeah, but it's kind of probably best to be asked
before you start showing them
their mothering or fathering failures, isn't it?
Yeah, it's best to be asked
and maybe to do it in a sensitive way and everything else.
Remember, they're not children anymore, okay?
They're not children.
They need to be respected as adults
and if you want them to then act as the adults
that you want them to be
and that young man to be the leader of his home,
the leader of his family,
that woman to be the keeper at home,
to be someone who's going to raise
and make those children what you want your grandchildren to be,
they need to be treated as such, right?
They need that respect to do that
or they're always just going to end up
just shrinking and just calling you up
and not really learning to do it for themselves, yeah?
So, biblical parenting and adults,
number one is they leave home once they marry.
Number two, they still need parenting.
Number three, they need space in their marriage.
There were three big things that I was thinking of
when I was kind of writing the notes for this
and I'm sure there are many other areas, okay?
I'm sure there's many other things that we could look at
and I'm preaching it in the future sometime as well,
but for me, there were some things
that kind of I had on my heart for this sermon.
I hope this series has been a help
and like I said, I've got a lot to learn myself
and everyone here, we've all got a lot to learn.
We're all going to keep learning
as we go through life with this sort of thing,
but I hope that some of that,
I feel a lot of that is biblical
and some of that's going to be my point of view on stuff
and hopefully you can sift between that
and apply what you think you can apply
in your lives going forward
and maybe look back on this
and remember things that maybe you think might work
and might help,
but none of us are going to be perfect parents,
but we all want to be the best parents we can, can't we?
And hopefully that series has been a help with that.
We'll be starting something new next week.
Obviously, I might do a one-off sermon
or I might start a new series and see how we go
and that was biblical parenting
and that's the end of the series, so on that, let's pray.
Father, thank you, well, for all the children here.
Thank you for the blessing of children.
Thank you that you let us well look after those children
that ultimately are yours,
that they're your possession really
and we want to give them back to you in a good condition
and Lord, we pray that you help us to do that,
help us to be the best parents we can,
help us to just take heed to what your word has to say.
Hopefully I've managed to apply it to today in the right ways,
but where I haven't, that we just,
you know, we kind of sift between that
and just really try and do things as close
to how you'd want them done as we feel we can,
help us to just be the best parents we can, Lord,
help us to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off
when we do make mistakes and have failures
and help us to just keep ploughing on forward,
keep trying to get things right,
keep trying to raise these kids how you'd want them raised, Lord,
and that goes into adulthood as well,
as our kids become adults to keep being the parents
that you want us to be, Lord.
I pray that you just help everyone here with that,
you help us now with our week going forward,
not only this message but the message we heard this morning
and just all of your word just kind of just stays in our heart
with this week and we managed to show up for soul-winning times,
managed to get here for the Wednesday evening service
and also to return next Sunday for another day in your house
and in Jesus' name we pray all of this. Amen.