Okay, so Proverbs chapter 18, I want to focus on the final verse. So Proverbs 18 24, which
reads, a man that have friends must show himself friendly and there is a friend that sticketh
closer than a brother. And the title of my sermon today is being friendly, being friendly.
Let's go to the Lord in a quick word of prayer. Father, I thank you for your word. I thank
you for this church. I pray that you just fill me with your spirit now. Help me to preach
accurately, boldly, help people to have open ears and want to hear what you've got to say
to them today and help us to also go away and try and act upon your word as well. In
Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Okay, so we're a growing church here. We've, you know, we're
getting more and more people coming along. We've been here a little while now and, you
know, we've gone from being a kind of group of friends that were soul winning and to now
we're, you know, we're getting bigger and bigger and bigger and rightly so, aren't we?
Because, you know, we're, you know, we're a real church, aren't we? Preaching the Gospel,
we're preaching the Word of God, we're going out and doing things for God and we've got
the King James Bible. And, you know, that's just reminding me again today, a couple of
people that come along today that are coming to a church because it's got the King James
Bible and how rare is that in this country? And we are a new church and we're a real church
and with that, though, obviously, you know, there's going to be friendships formed, there's
going to be friendships ruined, there's going to be a lot of different things that go on
with time, aren't there? Because that's what happens when you have a large group of people
that are meeting every single week, you're going to have people that are better friends,
you're going to have people that aren't so good friends. And I want to focus on that
a bit today is the, basically, the art of being friendly and what the Bible says about
that. Now, is being friendly just smiling lots and being happy to chat? Because that's
how people, oh, they're such a friendly person because they smile a lot and they chat. Well,
no, because the Bible says friendly is, sorry, the dictionary, so it says friendly is one
definition is having the temper and disposition of a friend, kind, favourable, disposed to
promote the good of another. Now, it can also include being disposed to peace, amicable,
for example, we're on friendly terms, not hostile as a friendly power state, but particularly
the first definition of having the temper and disposition of a friend, kind, favourable,
disposed to promote the good of another. Now, there are three truths from Proverbs chapter
18, verse 24. There are three truths in that verse I want to focus on. But before I do,
why do we want or need friends? Why do people want or need friends? Because sometimes friends
can be a bit of a pain and other times they can be a great blessing. Well, what does the
Bible say about that? Turn to Ecclesiastes chapter four. Ecclesiastes chapter four and
verse nine reads, Ecclesiastes four, nine, two are better than one because they have
a good reward for their labour, for if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But
woe to him that is alone when he falleth, for he hath not another to help him up. So
friends can help you when you're down, can't they? They can pick you up, help you in times
of trouble. Look at verse 11. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat, but how
could one be warm alone? Now, I'm not suggesting you guys as friends go ahead and do that,
but I think you can apply that, that they do sustain you when you're not necessarily
low, but they can just keep you going, can't they? They keep you going on that level. They
can sustain you. Verse 12, and if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him and a
threefold cord is not quickly broken. So a friend can support you in times of attack,
can't they? In fact, the more the merrier is what it's saying there in times like that
when someone is trying to prevail against you. And look, when we're talking about friends,
we're not necessarily talking about the worldly best friend here, okay? Because there's the
best friend that's in every aspect of your life and marriage and knows every single detail
of your life, but almost sometimes rivaling your spouse for those of you that are married
in many areas of your life. But Proverbs 25, 17 says, Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's
house lest he be weary of thee and so hate thee. I think that could be a problem. A lot
of the times that is. I remember hearing, I think it was an auntie, an unsaved auntie
who made an interesting point once to us and said, If you make best friends with your neighbour,
the only thing left to do is to fall out. That's not a bad take, is it? Because a lot
of the time, and that's pretty rough when it's your neighbour, isn't it? And especially
when it's your next door neighbour. And you see that a lot, don't you? I mean, I used
to do a lot of work in people's gardens and the amount of people that had fallen out with
their neighbours and it was horrible. You know, there'd be so much anger that you're
daring to put a fence up, you know, and it's just, you know, people trying to argue that
you can't even step on their land and people, you know, throwing leaves back over that have
fallen from their tree. Absolutely crazy how people get. So obviously you want to be aware
of that because being a friend isn't necessarily best, best buddies. But, you know, we're talking
about people that you would call your friend, okay? So talking about someone that you would
call your friend and where there's a mutual desire for each other's wellbeing, okay? There's
a mutual desire for each other's wellbeing. So turn to Proverbs 27. Because friends should
be a benefit to us and to them, shouldn't they? Okay, a friend isn't just for yourself,
a friend is for them as well, for the friend. Proverbs 27, chapter 27 and verse 17, famous
verse here says, iron sharpeneth iron, so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friends.
So friends should help improve each other, shouldn't they? They should make each other
happier, okay? That's what it's talking about here is making them happy, improving their
countenance, sharpening their countenance. Proverbs 27 and verse 9, so go back a few
verses to verse 9, says, ointment and perfume rejoice the heart, so does the sweetness of
a man's friend by hearty counsel. So that could be through just good honest advice,
can't it? Talking to someone that you know wants the best for you, okay, can be really
beneficial, can't it? If it's a friend, if it's someone that you know actually wants
the best for you, then you want to listen to their advice, don't you? Okay, now, you
don't have to turn there, Proverbs 11, 14 says, where no counsellors are people full,
but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. So we often need counsel and friends
should be there to give honest advice, shouldn't they? Okay, a good friend should be there
to give honest advice, even if sometimes it's uncomfortable advice. Again, you don't have
to turn there, 1 Thessalonians 5, 11 says, wherefore comfort yourselves together and
edify one another, even as also ye do. We can receive comfort from friends, we can receive
edification from friends, can't we? Which is basically where we're improved in our faith
and holiness. And obviously I'm talking here to a room full of Christians, so especially
really we should be talking about fellow Christian friends here, shouldn't we? Okay, that should
be able to edify each other, should be able to comfort ourselves. Now, obviously that
verse there, 1 Thessalonians 5, 11 is talking to the church at Thessalonica, yeah? Okay,
now, shouldn't we also be able to call our fellow church members friends? Yeah, we should
be able to just look around the room and be able to call everyone our friend. Now, we've
got the most important thing in common, haven't we? Okay, everyone here, I hope, and if they're
not then, you know, please talk to someone after the service, but everyone here I'd hope
is saved, for starters. I mean, what a thing to have in common. I mean, you're going to
have to spend eternity with each other. Let's start off with a good footing, yeah? But we're
all saved, aren't we? So we're all saved, and what a thing to have in common, that we
all have the Holy Spirit in dwelling us as well, and that's, you know, what a great thing
to have and a great thing to have in common, but even more than that, even more than that,
we're not only saved, but everyone in this room is in this church and not in the fun
centre, not in the liberal church where they're all having a party, and not in, you know,
any of those sorts of places. They're here because they actually want to live by what
God says. They want a church that does it God's way and not man's way. They want to
listen to the Word of God. We're here because we want to hear the Word of God. We've got
the King James Bible in this church. We're here because we want to hear, I'd hope people
want to hear hard preaching and want to hear uncomfortable truths sometimes, okay? Not
everyone wants that, do they? They want to go and just be told how, you know, they're
just going to have a great day and a great week because they're Christians, but that's
not what the Bible says, does it? We're here because we want to hear the truth, and also
we're here because we want to go out and preach the Gospel, because we're a church where our
main ministry is to go out and preach the Gospel, not find a million different ways
to make everyone have loads of fun, okay? And we want to have fun at the same time,
don't we? Okay, and look, we have a lot in common here, so we should be able to call
each other friends, shouldn't we? Now, does that mean, though, that we're just automatic
best of friends? Does that mean that everyone here is just best buddies and should just
be in each other's pockets, should be just cuddling the whole time and, you know, it
doesn't mean that, does it? Should we all be sharing our secrets, every aspect of our
lives with each other? Should I just be pulling, you know, individuals to one side and just
telling them every single gory detail of my past and everything? No, no, because not everyone
suited for that, are they? They're not, and back to Proverbs 18 and verse 24, which is
our verse for today, Proverbs 18, 24 says, a man that has friends must show himself friendly,
and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. And point number one, one
of the truths in that verse is that there are categories of friends, okay, there are
categories of friends. It says here there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother,
does that mean everyone should be sticking closer than a brother? No, there is a friend
that sticketh closer than a brother. There is a type of friend that would hopefully always
be there, a close friend, a best friend, there is that category of friend, isn't there? But
They're few and far between, okay?
They are few and far between, you know, as much as,
and look, a lot of people probably like
to think they're that friend,
but they are few and far between.
Proverbs 20 verse six says,
"'Most men will proclaim everyone his own goodness,
"'but a faithful man who can find.'"
So most people like to think probably,
I would imagine most people in this film think,
yeah, I'm a sticking close
and a brother type of friend, but are we really?
Are we really?
Because here it says,
"'Most men will proclaim everyone his own goodness,
"'but a faithful man, a trustworthy, a loyal man,
"'who can find.'"
Because it is actually hard to find
the real trustworthy ones, isn't it?
That's hard to find.
They're few and far between.
And look, the ones that sincerely want what's best for you,
sincerely want what's best for you, okay?
Not that they just want to show that they do,
not just because then you'll stay as friends
if you look like you do,
but the ones that really want what's best for you,
and vice versa, people that you want what's best for you as well.
There might be some people that want what's best for you,
but you don't necessarily want what's best for them, okay?
That's the sad truth of it, isn't it?
Because a real close friendship isn't a one-way street,
is it, okay?
Because those friendships end eventually at some time,
or maybe they won't end,
but they'll just end up causing
probably more harm than good a lot of the time.
Now, here's the thing.
I believe that a lot of people
just aren't each other's best friend material, okay?
So not everyone here is suited
to be best friend with someone else here.
That's just the way it is, isn't it, in life.
We're all individual.
Praise God, he didn't make us all robots
and all just exactly the same.
So some people are gonna be closer friends
with other people.
Okay, that's not a slight
on anyone else in the room though, is it?
For whatever reason, they're just gonna be closer friends.
Now, Jonathan and David, if anyone remembers that story,
they weren't such close friends
just because they were both saved, were they?
Okay, there were a lot of saved people around.
They weren't just best friends
because they were both saved.
It wasn't because they were both
just such good friend material,
or they're just like the perfect people.
They would have been best friends with anyone else.
No, I think there was a brotherly love
that they shared there, okay?
There was a brotherly love.
There was something,
because you don't have to turn there again,
but 1 Samuel 18, one says,
"'And it came to pass when he had made an end
"'of speaking unto Saul that the soul of Jonathan
"'was knit with the soul of David,
"'and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.'"
That's a friendship there, isn't it?
I mean, that's a brotherly love there
that for, you know, that's a great thing if you have,
but that's not automatic, is it?
That's not just gonna happen with everyone.
Because David had other friends
that let him down, didn't he?
David had other friends that let him down.
Obviously, they were like full-on Judases,
and you can think of his son,
but think of maybe Ahithophel the Gilonite,
if you remember the guy that basically goes,
and he's giving advice to Absalom,
but he was David's counselor.
He's David's counselor, and he's going over to Absalom,
and giving him all the,
and remember, his advice was like the oracles of God,
wasn't it?
It was like someone's inquiring of the Lord,
and he was giving this great advice,
but he had been David's own counselor and friend,
and he just turned coated straight away,
didn't he, to Absalom.
I don't know if anyone remembers that story,
but turn to Psalm 41,
because maybe he's speaking about this,
maybe he's not, but this is David speaking Psalm 41.
It's quoted in John 13 as prophetic about Judas,
but it also had a present day for him
at the time application, didn't it?
Psalm 41, verse nine says,
"'Yea, mine own familiar friend in whom I trusted,
"'which did eat of my bread,
"'has lifted up his hill against me.'"
And sadly, there are friends that,
for different reasons, will turn on us.
There are friends that will turn,
and it's not because they're necessarily,
you know, right, must have been a Judas.
Friends do that, don't they?
Friends will sadly turn on each other,
and look, and there are friends that will turn on you,
and there are friends that will be like a Jonathan and David,
and there are, the majority are somewhere in between,
aren't they?
Okay, the majority of friends are somewhere in between.
They're neither Jonathan nor Ahithophels.
They're just somewhere in the middle,
and probably somewhere between,
and it can go either way,
and there's nothing wrong with that, is there?
There's nothing wrong with that.
It's not, oh, well, that person,
why don't they want to be my Jonathan
to me being David or whatever?
Because most people aren't suited to each other
to be that best friend, okay?
Because it's not going to work.
Everyone isn't your soulmate,
and we shouldn't try to make everyone our soulmate, yeah?
Okay, because it's only going to cause trouble.
You're going to start feeling bitter
when they don't want to be your soulmate,
or when things just don't work out.
Okay, turn to Proverbs chapter 22.
And we're going to get out of Proverbs in a minute,
but there are some great Proverbs on this set,
because there are people that we're told to avoid, okay?
There are people that we're told
as Christians to avoid as well.
Proverbs 22 verse 10 says,
"'Cast out the scorner and contention shall go out.
"'Yea, strife and reproach shall cease.'"
And there are people who make a mock of sin,
the judgments of God,
and I believe you could apply that to Christians as well.
I believe there are Christians that are scorners
that will mock at sin.
And of course there is obviously the unsaved,
there is obviously the reprobate scorner as well.
Look at Proverbs 22 and verse 24,
where it says,
"'Make no friendship with an angry man,
"'and with a furious man thou shalt not go,
"'lest thou learn his ways and get a snare to thy soul.'"
People can be a bad influence, can't they?
People can be a bad influence on you.
There are angry, furious Christians walking around,
fuming at everyone and everything, aren't they?
And it can rub off, according to this.
It says here,
"'With a furious man thou shalt not go,
"'lest thou learn his ways and get a snare to thy soul.'"
Because again, you're with people
that are just constantly angry at everything.
I don't know if you've ever been around people like that.
You start to get a bit angry yourself at things, don't you?
There's moaning and complaining and livid
at whoever it is in government or whatever else.
Sometimes some of it's quite valid, isn't it?
But if someone's just always angry, always furious,
again, we're told here,
make no friendship with that person.
Turn to Psalm 101.
Psalm 101 is where David tells us
of people he avoids making friends with.
So there are people to avoid making friends with.
Psalm 101 and from verse one,
this is the Psalm of David,
reads, "'I will sing of mercy and judgment.
"'Unto thee, O Lord, will I sing.
"'I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way.
"'O, when wilt thou come unto me?
"'I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.
"'I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes.
"'I hate the work of them that turn aside.
"'It shall not cleave to me.'"
Verse four, "'A froward heart shall depart for me.
"'I will not know a wicked person.'"
Froward is disobedient.
Now, I hope he might, he could be talking about his own heart,
but I think he's talking about other people there.
He's saying, because he then goes on,
"'I will not know a wicked person, a froward heart.'"
Disobedient heart.
He does not want to know a wicked person.
Then he says, "'Who so privily slandereth his neighbor?
"'Him will I cut off.
"'Him that hath an high look and a proud heart
"'will not I suffer.'"
Okay, now, this is obviously, this is a psalm
written under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.
This is, I believe, God telling us
how we should be looking at things as well here.
He's saying, someone who's slandering his neighbor,
he'll cut them off.
Someone that has a high look and a proud heart,
he will not suffer.
So people are just puffed up.
You know, they have this high look.
They just think they're great and act like that.
He doesn't want to be around them.
Okay, David doesn't want to be around people like that.
Whisperers, backbiters, all of that.
He says, "'No, I will not suffer them.'"
They're proud and arrogant.
Because, you know, sometimes, look,
I believe sometimes that can be
depending on the friendship, though.
So I think that sometimes you can create that
or vice versa in someone.
So there might be some people in life
that just, for whatever reason,
just maybe make me behave a little bit prouder
and I get a bit of a higher look around them.
I don't know why.
And that's a bad friendship for me
and a bad friendship for them as well, isn't it?
There might be someone that, for whatever reason,
when I'm around them,
I just end up gossiping and slandering people.
Well, then it's a negative friendship for both of us.
It's not just one or the other, you know?
And I believe when you're in those situations,
you're around people that encourage
that sort of behavior out of you,
you need to either check yourself quickly
or you need to decide, okay,
that's not a good friendship.
That's not someone I want to be a close friend with.
Okay, and there's nothing wrong with that
because it's not good for them either, is it?
Oh, well, it's them, you know, it's good for them.
You don't want them to behave like that either.
Okay, David said he won't suffer then.
He won't be around them.
And it's not because he's just saying,
because I'm such a great person,
because the negativity, the problems,
the sin that that can lead you into in them as well.
He says,
mine eyes shall be upon the faithful of the land
that they may dwell with me.
He that walketh in a perfect way, he shall serve me.
He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house.
He that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight.
So liars, dishonest people,
people the way you just, you know,
just dishonesty, a lot of lies.
Again, he doesn't want to be around them.
And same with us.
We shouldn't want to be around those people.
Again, in both reasons, if people draw that out of you,
you find that you just, you're a bit dishonest.
You just kind of lifted yourself up
being a bit dishonest about things.
You're around a certain person.
Well, you know, maybe that's the time
to step back from that friendship a little bit.
Until you can get that right and work it out
and make yourself right with God there.
He said, I will early destroy all the wicked of the land
that I may cut off all wicked doers
from the city of the Lord.
Now, obviously, and we're not going to go there.
1 Corinthians 5 gives us a list of, you know,
Christians to end friendship with.
Okay, and they're serious sins
that they should be kicked out of the church as well.
And obviously, if and when, and that will happen,
if we're going to be a biblical church, okay,
we are going to have to kick people out for these sins.
Okay?
So it's going to happen.
Okay?
Oh, well, we just will never have anyone that's on that list
and we're not going to go into that just for sake of time.
But when we do, again, the responsibility
of every single person in the church
is to also cut fellowship with that person.
You do understand that?
Okay, so it's like, okay, well, they've been kicked out,
but we'll just meet up on the weekend.
We'll meet up on Saturdays instead
and we just won't see them at church.
Okay, because that's not how it works, is it?
Okay, because ultimately you want them to get right
and to come back afterwards.
Okay.
But for the average church member,
so look, there are some wicked people.
And obviously, hopefully this stuff doesn't apply
to people here too much that I've just gone through
from Psalm 101.
For the average church member,
they're just going to be somewhere in between, aren't they?
They're, you know, someone that you consider a friend,
but that you're maybe not ready to swap clothes with
just yet.
Okay?
So someone that you would, you know, yeah,
that's a friend of mine.
Oh, you would refer to people from church as a friend.
You know, I'd hope, you know,
that should be the terminology.
I will reply, yeah, it's a friend from church
rather than some bloke or some woman
that I go to church with.
Yeah?
We should at least be on some level,
even if it's literally the hire and buy friend.
And there's not much more
and there's a bit of small talk.
There's nothing wrong with that, is there?
Okay?
Which leads on to point two,
is there are friends that aren't friendly.
Okay?
There are friends that aren't friendly.
Okay?
So Proverbs 18, 24 said,
a man that have friends must show himself friendly.
And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
It didn't say that if you have friends,
you will show yourself friendly,
or you must be friendly to have friends.
Because like I said,
hopefully most people in here consider them
to be some level of friends with someone else here.
And some, you know,
hopefully with most people,
hopefully with all people here,
but does that mean you're a good friend?
Does that mean because you could call yourself friend,
you're a good friend?
Is that what it said?
Oh, because if you've got a friend,
you must be a good friend.
If you've got a hundred friends,
I've known some people,
I've known some popular people in my life.
You know, some people when I was young and growing up
and they were scum.
You know, they were absolute.
And they weren't just scum.
They were bad friends as well,
but they had a lot of friends.
That doesn't mean they're good friends, does it?
Okay, so if we have friends
and everyone here should be able to say they have friends,
then we have a responsibility to show ourselves friendly.
Okay, like I said, Proverbs 18, 24 says that,
clearly a man who has friends must show himself friendly.
And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
So like I said,
the command is to show yourself friendly.
You could have many friends and not show yourself friendly.
Now you could be sitting here and maybe just thinking,
look, come on brother Ian,
we're all brothers and sisters in Christ.
We love each other.
You know, we're going to be pretty friendly to each other.
You know, we want what's best.
You know, we're Christians.
Well, turn to Ephesians chapter four,
because you would have hoped that the Ephesian church
would be able to say the same, wouldn't you?
Okay, well, let's see what was commanded by Paul
because Paul told them in Ephesians four and verse 29,
He said, let no corrupt communication
proceed out of your mouth,
but that which is good to the use of edifying
that it may minister grace unto the hearers
and grieve not the Holy Spirit of God
whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor
and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice
and be ye kind one to another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
So what did Paul say there?
Paul said to put away the bitterness, the wrath, the anger,
the clamor, which is basically loud complaining,
evil speaking, malice, which is extreme enmity of heart,
unprovoked malignity or spite.
If it needs putting away,
that suggests it's there, doesn't it?
Okay, that suggests that it's there,
or at least there's a risk of it being there
for him to tell them to put it away, yeah?
Look, there are Christians in churches,
sadly, with all of that stuff towards other Christians,
or with something on that list,
maybe multiple things on that list,
maybe all things on that list.
And that's not being friendly, is it?
Okay, that's not someone who can call himself friendly.
Now, notice verse 29 there.
So verse 29, he said,
let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,
but that which is good to the use of edifying it,
it may minister grace unto the hearers.
What's a corrupt communication?
Well, when it's corrupted,
it's being changed from good to bad, yeah?
But often subtly, okay, often subtly.
First Corinthians 15, 33, that of Thana says,
be not deceived, evil communications corrupt good manners.
So it can all be very polite,
seem very friendly, but behind it is evil intent.
Okay, that's the sort of communication
we're talking about here.
There's a nasty ulterior motive to what they're saying, okay?
Now again, he's talking to a church here,
do you think that none of us are capable of that?
I mean, every single person here is capable of that.
The Ephesian church obviously needed warning about it,
didn't they?
Okay, and we also need to ensure
that we're not hiding behind so-called innocent remarks,
yeah, because there is like, look,
a lot of people can do this,
it's in the world, it's in the church as well, okay?
And you get people that are like this,
you don't have to turn to Psalm 34, 13 says,
keep thy tongue from evil and thy lips from speaking guile.
Okay, keep thy tongue from evil
and thy lips from speaking guile.
Again, talking to believers here, what's your intent?
What's your intent when you say something?
If your goal is to point score, to make someone feel bad,
to lift yourself up, yeah?
You know, in your mind, it's just like,
if I say this at this point,
that's going to make me look that little bit better,
it's going to lift me up,
or it's going to make them feel a little bit worse.
Well, you know, whoever it is,
I just need to bring them down a little bit,
you know, just ground them a little bit more,
say something, little comment here, little dig there,
little sly comment, you know, just a little insult,
you know, but make out like it's just a joke,
just a, you know, oh yeah, you know,
well, you're a bit like this, aren't you?
But you know full well that in your mind,
you're trying to hurt them, okay?
And that goes on throughout the world,
and sadly it goes on throughout churches, doesn't it?
Okay, and he says, keep thy tongue from evil
and thy lips from speaking guile.
What about when there's some extra motivation
to what's coming out of your mouth?
That's guile, isn't it?
Yeah, we should just be plain,
we should ideally just be plain talking, shouldn't we?
Just talk what you want to say
without it being some ulterior motive,
some way I'm going to get across this point,
something I've needed to deal with
from last week or the week before,
I'll just slip it in or something here.
Again, that's just guile, isn't it?
You've got to deal with something,
say, oh, there's something I need to deal with.
Do you see what I mean?
And look, that stuff goes on all over,
and we need to strive not to be like that.
Okay, because people are like this,
and it's a funny thing with that as well,
because a lot of the time when you have people like,
I've been around people that are really bad for this
over the years, and look,
they always think they're so clever.
They think like you don't realise
they're trying to manipulate you
and trying to make you feel bad,
or trying to say a dig, and I'm not saying everything.
Sometimes you can overthink things.
You can go home and be thinking,
oh, they were definitely saying this,
and it's like one comment
that maybe they didn't even think about saying, okay?
But some people are just,
when you're just getting it all the time,
you're just like, what?
You know, and it's funny,
because they think, they either think you don't realise,
or they don't even care.
They're just so intent on trying to make you feel bad,
trying to bring you down, trying to put you down,
and sadly, people that call themselves your friends
will do that, okay?
And we don't want to be like that.
Proverbs 18, 21 says,
"'Death and life in the power of the tongue,
"'and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.'"
And there are sadly people in the world
that love the power of the tongue, don't they?
They love the power of the tongue, the manipulation,
the way that they can make someone try and coerce someone
to feel a certain way, to do a certain thing,
or behave a certain way, all because of the tongue,
or to make themselves something they're not
because of the tongue, and they love it.
But I think here, it's saying, look,
if you do that, you're going to reap what you sow.
It says, "'Death and life in the power of the tongue,
"'and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.'"
And I think that's what it's saying there.
Turn to Galatians 5.
So, you know, you might be sitting here thinking,
well, why would Christians do this, though?
Why would a Christian behave like this?
You know, they must be a reprobate.
They must be.
They must be an infiltrator to behave like that.
And sadly, you know, again, you don't want to behave
like this because, sadly, that is one of the, you know,
characteristics of someone who is just there
to cause strife and trouble, you know,
on behalf of the devil in a church.
But, you know, the vast majority of people
that behave like this, it's not because of that.
It's because we all still battle with the flesh, don't we?
Okay, we all battle with the flesh.
Galatians 5 and from verse 13 says,
For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty,
only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh,
but by love serve one another.
For all the law is fulfilled in one word,
even in this, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.
But if ye bite and devour one another,
take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.
By the way, when you go through this stuff,
isn't it just ridiculous that anyone can read the Bible
and think that you're just going to automatically be sinless
because you're saved?
I mean, it's just time and time again,
the battle with the flesh, don't do this,
encouraging you to behave like this,
and then you get to these people and go,
oh, well, no, no, you know, once you're saved,
you wouldn't do something like that.
Well, here it's talking about biting
and devouring one another.
That sounds pretty harsh, doesn't it?
Take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.
This I say then, walk in the spirit
and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
For the flesh lusteth against the spirit
and the spirit against the flesh,
and these are contrary the one to the other
so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
But if ye be led of the spirit, ye are not under the law.
Now, the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these?
Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, the siviousness,
idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations,
wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings.
That's sort of stuff we're talking about here, isn't it?
Okay, and that's works of the flesh.
Everyone's capable of that.
Murders, drunkenness, revelings,
and such like of the witch.
I tell you before, as I've told you in time past,
that they which do such things
shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
Now, he's not saying, like, that's it,
you lose your salvation, is he?
Here he's saying, look, those people that are like that,
those people that do that, yeah,
they're unsaved people, don't behave like them.
You don't behave like them.
Do your best not to behave like them.
We should be going, I don't want to behave like that
because all that stuff, every single one on that list
would disqualify me from heaven,
wouldn't it?
They're all things that basically God hates,
and praise God that I'm saved,
that it's got nothing to do with me
because we're all guilty of that stuff, aren't we?
We can all do any of this list.
But he's saying, look, those people,
those sins are all things that stop you going to heaven
if you're unsaved, yeah?
Every single one of them is one of the reasons
you're going to hell when you're unsaved.
We're saved, we shouldn't behave like that, should we?
Okay, we should not behave like that.
He says here,
but the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness,
temperance, against such there is no law.
And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh
with the affections and lusts.
But if we live in the Spirit,
let us also walk in the Spirit.
Again, he's encouraging us to live like that, isn't he?
He's not saying, well, look,
because people that do that, you're saved,
so you're not going to do it.
He's saying, look, behave right.
If you're in the Spirit, walk in the Spirit.
Verse 26, let us not be desirous of vain glory,
provoking one another, envying one another.
Okay, and that stuff is just rife in any group you go to,
in any work setting, in any social setting,
in any school setting, kids as well.
I hope you're not switching off here.
And look, you should be listening to this as well
because that's how we shouldn't be behaving
and it will happen in a church as well.
Desirous of vain glory, wanting to be the man,
wanting to be the one, wanting to be known,
to be the best soul winner, the best preacher,
the best whatever it is, the most Christian,
the most hospitable, the cleverest,
the one with the most knowledge,
the lady who's her best mother,
the lady who's the most knowledgeable,
the best soul, whatever it is.
And we shouldn't be like that.
We should not be desirous of vain glory, should we?
Provoking one another, trying to score points,
trying to show everyone how we're better,
envying one another, wanting what they've got,
wanting their position, wanting their role,
wanting their knowledge, whatever it is.
We shouldn't be like that, should we?
Okay, and that's all the problem.
That's all the problem in a church
because in the flesh it so quickly
becomes about ourselves, isn't it?
In the flesh it will so quickly become about ourselves
and we don't want to be like that, do we?
Our own glory, all about me,
trying to get a reaction out of someone,
envying someone, all of that.
We want to put that away, don't we?
Glory to God, amen.
And that's what it should be, shouldn't it?
Everything should be glory to God.
So, okay, Proverbs 18 is where we started.
Go back to Proverbs 18 and verse 24.
It says, a man that have friends must show himself friendly
and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
Okay, and point number three is all friends
are commanded to be friendly, okay?
So here it's not saying, you know,
well, if you've got friends, like I said,
it's not saying that, oh, well, you will be friendly.
It's saying a man that have friends
must show himself friendly.
You're commanded, if you have friends,
you have a responsibility.
You have a responsibility to be a good friend,
to show yourself friendly.
Okay, and even more so when your friend is a child of God.
That's right.
Because I know, I mean, I know the parents here,
I don't know how you would feel
if you saw someone just mistreating your kids,
mistreating your sons, your daughters,
just being some lousy friend, you know,
just constantly trying to upset them, trying to hurt them,
trying to just bring them down,
trying to dig them out because of your own envy,
your own issues, your own problem.
Well, how are you going to feel as a parent?
A bit angry.
Angry?
Oh, you're going to feel angry.
Sometimes it's hard, like,
sometimes you watch your kids doing, you know,
if you watch kids doing sport or anything else like that,
and, you know, sometimes someone goes in and, you know,
gets a bit dirty, dirty tackle or something
or whatever the sport is,
and sometimes you've got to check yourself
because the mums especially, they usually, you know,
they sometimes let the emotions go a bit more than the men.
And I've seen it on football pitch,
when they start screaming out,
Oi, get it, you know, because the kids are like,
done a foul, which wasn't even on purpose.
They get really angry and upset
because they're a parent, aren't they?
You know, some dads do as well.
You know, I mean, the old, you know,
sidelines of the football pitch is,
I'm real in this country sometimes.
Kids' football gets rough, you know,
and the parents on the touchline
and they're screaming and shouting
and swearing at other kids.
And, you know, you get all of that.
They, when I managed Jack's team a few years back,
they used to have this, like,
they tried to do it once again
and they started doing it more and more,
where they basically had this silent day
where it was no parent on the sideline
was allowed to say anything.
Boy, did those kids play well.
Because they didn't have all this,
pass, pass, shout, you know, like, do this, do this.
The whole, like, you know, the expert dad, you know,
who's probably never played a game in his life, yeah,
who's screaming at the kid.
And every time they give an instruction,
it's like, by the time they've registered it and done it,
it's too late and they've just messed it up as well.
But they used to have these silent weekends
and it was great.
And we were managing, we were like, this is brilliant.
Everyone's quiet.
There's none of the screaming and shouting.
It didn't matter, as many times you told those parents
that we're managing them.
We want, you know, you start telling them
to do something else, it's going to mess it up, yeah.
And believe me, even like,
this was like six-year-old's football
and these parents, you know.
But this is serious business, yeah.
In fact, we actually left that club because,
they were like all in these different,
they were all going to all these, what they call them,
I'm trying to think of the word for it,
but basically like these extra sessions
in the academy nights.
They're taking down these academies and do all this.
And they were, you know, they get scouts come down
and they were like, can I make it?
They're going to make it.
Like, less than like much beneath 1%
would ever even make professional,
let alone a top professional.
But for them, like, if I just drill little Johnny, you know,
just drill the football into him from young, you know,
he's going to make it to football.
And obviously they never did,
but it was ridiculous down there.
It was just stressful.
It wasn't fun.
They just want to play some football,
kick a ball about, you know.
Yeah, anyway, we got out of there, thankfully.
But yeah, these guys, so yeah, point being,
anyway with that, where was I?
I don't want to tag in there.
Yeah, point being that, say again?
Feeling angry about your kid, that's it.
And that's it, because they just cared so much
about their kids, you know.
And now and again, you know,
you hear of punch ups on the touch line,
but think how God feels when we're mistreating his kids.
Feel how God feels when you're just, you know,
just basically using another Christian
for your own benefit,
using them to make yourself feel good,
using them to make them feel bad, whatever it is.
God doesn't want that, does he?
Thanks for reminding me while I was on there.
So, okay, so Proverbs 17, 17,
where it said a friend loveth at all time.
Sorry, we haven't been there.
Turn to Proverbs 17, sorry.
Okay, I'm back where I am now, okay.
So yeah, we all have friends, don't we?
We're commanded to be friendly.
Proverbs 17 and verse 17 says,
a friend loveth at all times
and a brother is born for adversity.
So this is talking about all time.
So not just a good time friend, yeah?
Not just a friend that's only your friend
when things are good, you're all just, you know,
the conversation's light, you know,
everyone's in a good mood, you know.
Well, that's a nice time to be their friend.
They're doing all right, you know,
they've got money, they can enjoy the things I enjoy,
whatever it is.
It's not talking about that, loveth at all times.
But like, I preached about this a while back,
not a bad time friend either.
There are friends that only really like their friend
when they're going through a bad time
because it makes them feel good about themselves.
So you get the bad time friend who's only really around.
Then when that friend starts doing better
and seems to be happier, that kind of starts to upset them
and then they want to bring them back down again
and put them down.
No, a friend should loveth at all times, shouldn't they?
Okay, and so what is that love?
Is that schmoozing and whispering to each other?
Whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears
and is that the sort of love we're talking about?
No, it's not the worldly version of love, is it?
It's wanting what's best for each other
regardless of whether we're best friend material, okay?
So we should, we should all be able to call each other
friends that all want what's best for each other, okay?
In this church, it's being prepared to give
and help in times of adversity, isn't it?
Being able to, wanting to help each other,
wanting to give to each other.
Turn to John 13.
John chapter 13.
And while you turn now, I'm going to read Job 6, 14
where Job says, to him that is afflicted,
pity should be showed from his friend,
but he forsaketh the fear of the Almighty.
That's Job speaking there.
He's saying, when a friend's afflicted,
there should be pity from their friends, shouldn't there?
Okay, there should be pity there.
As friends, we should pity our other friends
in their afflictions.
And again, it might sound crazy to think,
well, of course everyone does that, but you know,
there are those that when their friend is going
through hard times, he said,
they're going to be muttering to the other friend.
Well, they probably deserve that.
Well, it's because of sin in their life or whatever else.
Now, I'm going to shout that from the pulpit now and again,
you know, but, but really, really,
we shouldn't be doing that, should we?
You shouldn't, we should just be showing pity
and wanting to help and wanting what's best
and ultimately wanting, wanting happiness.
Whether that is, it might be that they have to go
through a trial in life, you know, to get that,
but we should be wanting what's best.
Now, John 13 and verse 34,
John 13, 34, Jesus said,
And you commandment I give unto you
that ye love one another as I have loved you,
that ye also love one another.
By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples,
if ye have love one to another.
Now, we spoke about this before,
the disciples weren't all on John's level, were they?
Okay, so it wasn't that they were all who Jesus said
the one that he loved, you know,
or was described as, sorry, as the one that Jesus loved,
on that Mary, Martha, Lazarus level,
they weren't all like that.
In fact, they didn't all,
they didn't even all get taken
to the Mount of Transfiguration, did they?
Okay, like who was it?
Peter, James and John,
who were at the Mount of Transfiguration,
they didn't all get taken there, you know,
so they could have been going,
well, not as good friends.
Oh, well, Jesus got a problem with me, has he?
Because he's not, you know, best buddies.
He didn't tell me to look after, you know,
to look after his mum,
because as we're going to see tonight in John 19.
Well, and some of the disciples,
we basically just hear a lot less about, don't we?
There are some disciples
you don't really hear much about in the gospels, do you?
But Jesus still loved them all, didn't he?
They still loved them all.
Okay, he still had love for all of them.
And that love should distinguish us from the world,
shouldn't it?
Okay, so that love should distinguish us from the world.
But it's not a fake love
to prove to the world that we're Christians.
It's not, well, everyone will just see, you know,
it's just kind of this loud, big show of love
and everything else.
That's not what it's talking about here.
Okay, it's not a fake love.
Or to prove to other Christians how loving you are, okay?
Because sadly, they're going to be Christians
that do that as well.
They just want to show how loving they are.
So in the group setting, it's just constantly,
just again, it's back to that guile, isn't it?
It's just slipping in a,
oh yeah, yeah, did I mention that I've, you know,
that I helped this one with it?
Oh, I did this for this person.
I did that for that.
Oh yeah, I saw a thingamabob the other day
and, you know, and they just happened to, you know,
stay around my house for a week
while I, you know, waited on them hand and foot,
because I'm just so low.
That's not what it's talking about.
Okay, look, obviously, you know,
if anyone has helped someone,
I'm not saying that you're necessarily doing it
for people to know,
but I'm just saying that, look,
it's not to be shown, is it?
It's not for show.
We should help each other, we should love each other,
but it's not for show.
Proverbs 27, 14 says,
he that blesseth his friend with a loud voice,
rising early in the morning,
it shall be counted a curse to him.
Okay, and that's someone basically
that's trying to make this big deal
of blessing their friend, of everyone,
but that's just a curse, isn't it?
Okay, that's just a problem.
Now, turn to Proverbs 27, in fact.
That was Proverbs 27, 14.
Now, love has to be tough love sometimes, doesn't it?
Okay, real love is,
sometimes you have to do the uncomfortable stuff, don't you?
You have to say the awkward stuff.
Proverbs 27 in verse five says,
open rebuke is better than secret love.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
And sometimes love calls for a hard truth, doesn't it?
And that can be hard,
and that can sometimes attest to your love for someone,
for them to be a bit,
they're going to be a bit upset with you.
They might be a little bit offended.
They might feel a bit funny,
and look, you don't have to prove that every week
when you speak to someone
and just keep telling them hard truths,
because you've got to gauge it as well.
Some people don't take them well, do they?
And some people there's a way,
and ultimately you should be trying to learn.
That's part of learning to deal with people
is learning how and when
and how you can rebuke or approve gently people
without them just getting upset
and not listening to what you're saying.
But open rebuke is better than secret love though.
And faithful are the wounds of a friend,
but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
So you might feel wounded
by a friend's real honesty at times.
You might feel a bit wounded.
Oh, why do they have to say that?
Why do they have to give me that truth?
But it's better than the fake love of an enemy, isn't it?
It's better than the fake love
that sadly, as we've seen,
there's that example of Judas
and many others in the Bible, we do see that.
And that's not the sort of love
that we're looking for, is it?
And look, but there's another thing here.
In a church, in a church growing
and already in a church this size,
in fact, in a church with five people it will happen,
but there's going to be times when we do each other wrong.
Okay, that's going to happen.
There's going to be times when people behave badly.
There's going to be times
where they do trespass against each other, aren't there?
Because we're fleshly, aren't we?
And sadly, we live in the flesh a lot.
We shouldn't, but we do.
And we're going to get things wrong.
So how does a good friend or someone friendly deal with that?
So how do you deal with that
when someone does treat you badly,
when someone treats you wrong?
Do you just forgive and forget everything and anything
and just let people walk all over you?
Well, I don't think so.
Turn to Matthew chapter 18.
Do you just ignore it?
But things fester, don't they?
Things fester in life.
When you just ignore things,
when you just let someone just keep doing this,
saying that, acting,
especially when they're serious things, they fester.
And then it gets to the point
where it becomes a real problem when it happens.
So how do we deal with that?
How do we deal with that as a church?
How do we be a good friend?
How are we friendly with a friend
who's done something wrong and done something bad?
Is that it, just cut them off?
Well, let's see how the Bible says to deal with it.
Matthew 18 and verse 15 says,
Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee,
go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone.
If he shall hear thee, thou has gained thy brother.
So a trespass is to commit any offence
or to do any act that injures or annoys another
to violate any rule of rectitude,
which is uprightness to the injury of another.
So this is someone that just looked at you a bit funny.
Okay?
This is someone that, oh, I don't know,
were they being a bit rude?
I'm not sure.
Okay, that's not what it's talking about.
This is a trespass, okay?
This is something that warrants
something being done about it, okay?
And look, we could probably think of many examples
of things that would warrant something being done about it.
They've wronged you, they've hurt you, they've upset you.
And let's say purposefully as well.
Again, if someone's just said something
and you're sure they didn't really mean it,
they don't have history of just constantly
trying to needle you and upset you,
then look, you don't really have to deal with that.
But if it's something, there's a blatant trespass here, okay?
Didn't say if you think,
it said moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee.
Okay, now often talking to someone
just clears it up, doesn't it?
And sometimes it's a fear of that
and what's going to happen that puts you off.
But when you actually do it,
it actually is just solved so much quicker, isn't it?
Okay, so talking to someone here,
go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone.
Okay, that's not telling everyone at the church
and then dealing with it, okay?
That's not, well, telling your best mates first,
make sure they don't like them first
in case it all goes wrong.
No, that means go and deal with them alone.
Okay.
Because often just talking to them,
you've talked to them, you've gained a friend
because you haven't lost a friend.
That's what it's talking about here, isn't it?
You haven't lost that brother.
He says, if he shall hear thee, thou have gained thy brother.
Okay, and that's better than just not,
just basically pulling away from them.
They said something, they did something,
because it might be something that can be solved.
Now, this is against you.
Just remember here, this isn't,
well, this person was doing something
which is a church kicking out offense, okay?
That's different.
Then you come to the leadership of the church, okay?
Okay, now, but this is talking about an issue,
a trespass against you as an individual, okay?
Verse 16, but if he will not hear thee.
Okay, so remember, he has trespass.
Not that your view, okay?
It's not, well, it depends who would look at it.
I think that they're a bit,
no, this is someone who has trespassed against you.
If he will not hear thee,
then take with thee one or two more,
that in the mouth of two or three witnesses,
every word may be established.
So something can't be cleared up,
then the biblical principle is two or three witnesses
to that issue, okay?
It's not what, and I believe, look, yeah,
obviously we want witnesses
when we have awkward conversations as well,
but ultimately here,
that one or two more are the witnesses
to whatever the issue is, yeah?
Rather than, right, well, now I've got a witness,
now that's it, because if it was a one-on-one situation,
you don't have a witness to that, okay?
There has to be two or three witnesses.
Look, in a dispute, it's much better,
it's much easier getting to the bottom of something
when there's witnesses, isn't there?
Okay, that's much easier.
Two is enough, isn't it, if that witness is independent.
But if that witness isn't, that's why I think two or three.
So if, I don't know, if I had a dispute
with Brother Charles, for example, here, yeah,
we had a bit of an issue, we had a fallout, okay,
and the only witness was Sister Sarah,
then the odds are a bit stacked against me there, aren't they?
I'm trying to say, okay, there's a problem.
So ideally there's going to be a third witness,
ideally my wife,
but we've got a real standoff there, no.
Ideally there'll be an independent witness,
is what you'd like, wouldn't there?
At least a third witness, and then you're hoping
that you're not going to get, you know,
three people just lying through their teeth, yeah?
Okay, whatever side that is.
Okay, but the point here is that if you accuse something,
if you accuse someone of something and they deny it, okay,
so if you accuse someone of something and they deny it,
without witnesses, you just have to move on, okay?
You have to move on,
because you don't have the witnesses to it,
and look, it's time to move on from that.
Look, unless it's something massive, because look,
if you have witnesses to the trespass, yeah,
remember verse 16 didn't say if you think, yeah,
it is a trespass, okay?
It says then in verse 17, now we move on, okay?
So you have witnesses, okay?
I believe here, you've gone with two or three witnesses,
they will not hear you.
It's not that, well, yeah, he'd gone there
and they've said, okay, fair enough, that's it.
Now it's got, look, they will not hear you.
And if he shall neglect to hear them,
tell it unto the church.
But if he neglect to hear the church,
let him be unto thee as in he the man and the publican.
So if they, like I said, actual trespass,
maybe someone's slandering you, okay?
You know they're slandering you,
there's witnesses to them slandering you,
try to sort it out with them alone,
because that's what we should do first, shouldn't we?
Go to someone first.
And then if you have them, you bring the witnesses,
then you bring it to the church.
And if that person still weren't here,
then it's time to break fellowship.
Rather than, well, that person annoyed me a bit,
so I'm just never talking to them again.
You know, and then there's this rift in the church,
but you never went through the biblical way of doing it.
You know?
First go yourself, and look, that could be uncomfortable.
Look, most people here are bold enough
to go knock on a door, aren't they?
Okay?
Bold enough to knock on some stranger's door
and most likely get it slammed in your face, yeah?
Going up to a brother or sister in Christ
and just saying, look, you know,
and it's going to be uncomfortable.
Sometimes you don't want them conversations, you know?
Sometimes you want to try and avoid it
and want to hope for the best,
but if it's something that is a trespass,
you know it's a trespass, it needs sorting out,
then go to them and talk to them about it, yeah?
Now, this can be harder when it's, like I said,
someone who's, it's just,
they're just not that friend material.
They're just constantly digging,
constantly nitpicking,
constantly trying to make you feel down,
but there's no real big choice.
With those people, I'd say just politely avoid them.
You know, you don't have to be best friends, just,
but it doesn't have to become a rift, yeah?
Is what I'm trying to say here.
So, okay.
And if there's no witness, like I said,
you've tried to discuss it, okay?
You've tried to discuss it.
They're not agreeing.
You don't have any witnesses.
Where possible, give them the benefit of the doubt.
You know, where possible, move on.
That's being friendly, isn't it?
Okay?
Okay, if it's not something that you just cannot
possibly move on from, just try your best.
You know, remember, being friendly is kind, favorable,
disposed to promote the good of another, okay?
And sometimes things can get awkward,
can't they, between friends?
And that's the time to just say, okay, look, you know,
maybe for their own good, for my own good,
we just have to move on from this
because there's not a way forward from this.
And that result might be to provoke them
unto love and good works, you know?
To be able to exhort them, as we've seen in Hebrews 10,
and we won't go there again.
But remember, exhort them not to bear grudges, you know?
To forgive where possible.
That's what we want.
No, we want to encourage others to be like that.
Because if it's so serious that you can't do that,
if it's so serious that you really just can't forgive,
you can't move on, well, it's surely then more
of just a difference of opinion that's happened, isn't it?
Okay, if you really got to that point,
and I think that's pretty rare, really.
I think a lot of the time mountains
get grown out of molehills, don't they?
But if it really is, and there's no doubt
they've done serious wrong, they won't accept it,
you've brought it to them, they won't hear it,
they won't repent, yeah, they won't change their mind,
they won't, they won't, they're just carrying on.
Well, that's either someone extremely wicked, isn't it?
Or they're so stubborn,
which is as iniquity and idolatry, isn't it?
That they probably entered into that Psalm 101 category
that we saw earlier anyway.
And with that, I would say without witnesses,
so you can't involve other people,
start telling everyone they need to distance
or whatever else, without the witnesses,
you can still do it with grace, can't you?
You just gracefully, okay,
we're just going to have to agree to disagree,
and you just have a bit more distance between you.
Doesn't have to be a big rift in the church,
doesn't have to be a big problem,
but if that's like that, you can't move on,
you can't move on.
You can still bless them and pray for them though,
can't you?
Yeah, you can still bless them,
you can still pray for them, still love them.
You don't have to put yourself in the position
to be angry and walked over
and much maligned and everything else.
But these are rare cases, aren't they?
Serious trespass with no witnesses
and that you can't move on from
that that person won't admit to either.
And I'm sure they happen, but I think they're quite rare.
And I think people are trying to look for that
sometimes a lot of the time
because of their own anger and lack of forgiveness
for people.
And let's be honest, if we're friendly,
then most things can be forgiven and forgotten, can't they?
Most things can.
Now turn to 1 Peter 4,
we're going to finish up in a second.
Remember Proverbs 18, 24 was what we focus on today.
A man that has friends must show himself friendly.
And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
And there were three truths
I wanted to work on from that verse.
So number one, just a reminder here at the end,
there are categories of friends, okay?
There are categories of friends.
Sometimes you bring the worst out in someone.
You don't have to be best buddies.
It's not always some slight on them, yeah?
Every time I speak to, I don't know,
every time I speak to brother John here,
I'm just constantly puffing myself up.
I'm constantly putting him down.
Or maybe I'm encouraging sin all the time with him.
I'm just trying to encourage him to do something
a bit sinful and trying to just,
to make me feel a bit better about my sin.
I've got, like I said before,
I've got as good a reason to spend less time with John
as he does with me as well.
Because ultimately it's going to affect me,
isn't it, as well, okay?
So maybe that just doesn't work, that friendship.
So I've just got to spend a bit less time.
But without that, even without any of that,
maybe we just don't click that much.
I'm not picking on brother John.
I'm just saying, you know.
Everyone's like, wow, okay.
But maybe we didn't.
Maybe just me and John, we just don't really click.
You know, you get those people
where just kind of things are just taken
a bit the wrong way.
Your jokes are just kind of taken badly.
Like, you know, when you're being serious,
they think you're joking, you know, it just doesn't work.
You know, it's just a bit uncomfortable,
a bit, there's awkward silences.
You tend to, like, you fill gaps a lot
because it's just awkward, you know,
and then you're like over-speak or under-speak
or whatever it is, it's just not comfortable.
Well, so be it, you know.
It doesn't mean I don't have to hate John for that.
He doesn't have to hate me.
You know, I still should pray for him.
I should still, you know, I want what's best for him.
I should still love him, yeah?
Okay, there are categories, aren't there?
It doesn't mean that we just, you know, that's it.
You know, we've had a fallout now because we don't clear.
And number two was there are friends that aren't friendly.
Okay, there are friends that aren't friendly.
Just because someone's a friend
doesn't mean that we don't then need to work
on being friendly, okay?
We still need to work on all this stuff.
We still have the flesh.
We can easily fall into a lot of that stuff, yeah?
We can easily, it can creep up
where you just start getting a bit bitter with a friend,
a bit nasty with a friend.
We need to assess why we behave like that,
make sure we don't have that garlic.
We are, why, why?
What's the reason that we're just, you know,
we're a bit manipulative.
We're a little bit, you know, plotting and planning
with the words we say and the things we say.
Why are we being like that?
You know, and assess that in yourself
and get right with God with that.
You know, improve yourself.
Because also realise that your behaviour
will affect your friends, yeah?
So if they're your friend
and you really want them to be your friend,
why do you want them to feel crap?
Why do you want them to think that you're the great I am?
Why do you want them to feel, you know,
and make them feel a bit bad about themselves
or any of the rest of it?
So that's number two.
And number three, remember,
was all friends are commanded to be friendly.
So we must show ourselves friendly, okay?
And, you know, that kind of goes with point two,
but that means you're not right with God
if you're treating your friends like dirt.
Okay, remember that?
So you could be at church, you could be soul winning,
you can be, you know, have a good prayer life,
a good Bible reading.
You know, you're ticking the boxes.
You've got the main boxes.
You're getting some sin out of your life,
but you're treating God's children like dirt.
You think he's happy with that?
No. No.
No, he's not.
You know, if it is, then question your heart
and then get your motivation right.
So why am I being like that?
Why is it I just have this animosity towards whoever it is?
Why do I have this bit in this?
Why do I feel like that?
And again, if anyone's sitting here thinking,
yeah, come on, you know, of course I'm not like that.
Of course no one's.
Look, we all have the ability to be like that.
We all in the future will probably sadly
do things like that.
And we all need to make sure and check ourselves
and make sure that if we're going to make this church
work well and we want it to be a nice environment
where people aren't coming, you know,
just feeling a bit like,
oh, I don't want to be around that person
because they're just going to be lifting themselves up,
puffing themselves up, putting me down.
You know, we don't want to be around that.
But we're all sinners, aren't we?
Okay. Every single person here is a sinner.
Okay. Every one of us is a sinner.
So what's the one thing we can do to focus,
you know, if there's just one thing we can focus on
and be better friends?
Well, 1 Peter 4 is where you are in verse 8.
It says,
So we're going to get things wrong.
We're going to maybe be a bit rude sometimes,
a bit off sometimes.
But if we really have that character,
really have that love in our heart for each other,
we want what's best for each other,
we focus on that,
then it's going to cover a multitude of our sins.
Yeah. On that, let's pray.
Father, I thank you for your word.
I thank you for this church.
I thank you for this group of people.
I pray that you just help us all to be those,
you know, to show ourselves friendly,
to be those better friends,
to be able to lift each other up,
to exhort each other,
to help each other,
to be what you want us to be to each other,
and to just get rid of all that,
you know, all that strife and all those issues
that you give us examples of in New Testament churches
that we want to not let creep in here.
You know, we get lots of different people here
just to help us to just be loving to each other,
to want what's best for each other,
to behave in the right way.
And I pray that everyone here will just take this
in the right spirit and, you know,
and just listen to it and want to act upon it
and want to just be better people for you,
every single one of us.
And I pray that you'll also bless our soul winning
this afternoon.
You know, bless our time together as well,
and bless our lives as well.
And I pray that you'll also be able to help us
to be better people for each other.
Bless our time together as well,
and help us have a good evening this evening
with our four o'clock service.
In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.