He hath made a decree which shall not pass Praise the Lord from the earth, ye
Dragons and all deeps, fire and hail Snow and vapour, stormy wind
Fulfilling His word, mountains and all hills
Fruitful trees and all cedars beast And all cattle creeping things and flying
fowl Kings of the earth and all people
Princes and all judges of the earth Both young men and maidens
Old men and children, let them praise the name of the Lord
For His name alone is excellent, His glory is above the earth
And heaven He also exalted the horn of His people
The praise of all His saints, even of the children of Israel
A people near unto Him praise ye the Lord
Please turn to your Bibles to 1 Corinthians chapter number 7
1 Corinthians chapter number 7, we'll pass the offering plates
And follow along as brother Nick is going to read the entire chapter for us
1 Corinthians chapter number 7, we'll pass the offering plates
1 Corinthians chapter 7, the Bible reads
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me
It is good for a man not to touch a woman
Nevertheless to avoid fornication let every man have his own wife
And let every woman have her own husband
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence
And likewise also the wife unto the husband
The wife hath not power of her own body but the husband
And likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body but the wife
Defraud ye not one the other except it be with consent for a time
That ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again
That Satan tempt you not for your incontinency
But I speak this by permission and not of commandment
For I would that all men were even as I myself
But every man had this proper gift of God
One after this manner and another after that
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows
It is good for them if they abide even as I
But if they cannot contain let them marry
For it is better to marry than to burn
And unto the married I command yet not I but the Lord
Let not the wife depart from her husband
But and if she depart let her remain unmarried
And be reconciled to her husband
And let not the husband put away his wife
But to the rest be guy not the Lord
If any brother hath a wife that believeth not
And she be pleased to dwell with him
Let him not put her away
And the woman which hath a husband that believeth not
And if he be pleased to dwell with her let her not leave him
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife
And the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband
Else were your children unclean but now are they holy
But if the unbelieving depart let him depart
A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases
But God hath called us to peace
For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband
And how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife
But as God had distributed to every man
As the Lord hath called everyone
Let him so walk and so ordained I in all churches
Is any man called being circumcised?
Let him not become uncircumcised
Is any called an uncircumcision?
Let him not be uncircumcised
Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing
But the keeping of the commandments of God
Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called
Art thou called being a servant?
Care not for it, but if thou mayest be made free, use it rather
For he that is called in the Lord being a servant is the Lord's free man
Likewise also he that is called being free is Christ's servant
Ye are bought with a price, be not ye the servants of men
Brethren, let every man wherein he is called therein abide with God
Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord
Yet I give my judgment as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful
I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress
I say that it is good for a man so to be
Art thou bound unto a wife? Seek not to be loose
Art thou loose from a wife? Seek not a wife
But if thou marry, thou is not sinned
And if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned
Nevertheless, such shall have trouble in the flesh, but I spare you
But this I say, brethren, the time is short, it remaineth
That both they that have wives be though as they had none
And they that weep as though they wept not
And they that rejoice as though they rejoice not
And they that buy as though they possess not
And they that use this world as not abusing it
For the fashion of this world passeth away
But I would have you without carefulness
He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord
How he may please the Lord
But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world
How he may please his wife
There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin
The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord
That she may be holy both in body and in spirit
But she that is married careth for the things of the world
That she may please her husband
And this I speak for your own profit
Not that I may cast a snare upon you
But for that which is calmly
And that you may attend upon the Lord without distraction
But if any man think that he behaveth himself
Uncalmly toward his virgin
If she pass the flower of her age
And need so require
Let him do what he will
He sinneth not, let them marry
Nevertheless he that standeth steadfast in his heart
Having no necessity
But hath power over his own will
And hath so decreed in his heart
That he will keep his virgin doeth well
So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well
But he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better
The wife is bound by the law
As long as her husband liveth
But if her husband be dead
She is at liberty to be married
To whom she will
Only in the Lord
But she is happier if she so abide
After my judgment
And I think also that I have the spirit of God
Let us pray
Father we thank you for this great church
We thank you for the congregation
And pastor and his family
I pray that you will just open pastor's heart tonight
And help him to preach what he has prepared for us
Lord we just pray that you will
Guide the soul winners feet and their past
As they go to Mexico
And I pray that you will soften hearts now Lord
And remove all obstacles and distractions for them
And that they will do a great work for you
And that they will lead many to Christ
And I pray these things in Jesus name
Amen
Look back at verse number 1
The Bible says
Now concerning the things where have you wrote unto me
It is good for a man not to touch a woman
Nevertheless to avoid fornication
Let every man have his own wife
And let every woman have her own husband
Let the husband render unto the wife do benevolence
And likewise also the wife unto the husband
The wife hath not power of her own body but the husband
And likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body but the wife
Defright ye not one the other
Except it be with consent for a time
That ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer
And come together again that Satan tempt you not
For your incontinency
And we have a passage here where the apostle Paul is kind of addressing a couple issues
All in one particular statement or one kind of passage here in scripture
But he's mostly concerning himself with avoiding fornication
That's the main context of this section
But in answering this particular question or the idea about how do we stop people from committing fornication
He brings up that marriage is the solution
And of course that is the only solution to fornication is marriage
If you're really going to avoid this temptation and avoid this sin
That is what God has created and given us to avoid that particular sin
Now he also explains that technically speaking from his perspective
Marriage is not necessarily idyllic
Okay so I want to show this verse, verse 6
But I speak this by permission and not of commandments
So the apostle Paul is now going to give us kind of his personal opinion on this category
He says in verse 7
For I would that all men were even as I myself
But every man had this proper gift of God
One after this man and another after that
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I
But if they cannot contain, let them marry
For it is better to marry than to burn
So the apostle Paul is saying someone is not married or their spouse has died
He's saying technically speaking he personally believes that it would be better for that person to never get married
And to simply just serve Christ with their entire life
What he's not saying is to be a whoremonger
He's not saying don't get married and then be a whoremonger
He's not saying don't get married and be a catholic predator in the catholic church
He's not saying don't get married and commit all kinds of sin in this area
He's basically saying if you're capable of not sinning in this area
Like you don't have just this overwhelming burning desire inside that's kind of uncontrollable
Then it would be better to just technically not even marry
And then you could serve the Lord and as he describes it later
Serve the Lord without distraction
Now being real or realistic about this passage
People who can just control themselves in this area without having to get married
Has got to be less than 1% of the population
So for 99% of us or even higher whatever the number is exactly
God's will for our lives is not to abstain from marriage
It is God's will for us to be married
But you have to understand something
What is the deciding factor
And I'll say this
I personally agree with Paul
So I think that from a scriptural perspective everything Paul said makes sense
And I agree with it
I think theoretically if you didn't have a desire for marriage
It would be better to just serve God without having getting married
And just win as many people to Christ and just get plugged in in church and just be faithful and do whatever
You don't have to do that
But because that's such a rarity
Most people that's not what God's will is for their life
So I agree with this
But if we think about it
What is the deciding factor
Between a man deciding to get married
And a man deciding not to get married
It's one thing
If he has that burning desire
And so the title of my sermon is this
The main reason men get married
And you say why?
To avoid fornication folks
Okay
You say oh man that's just so misogynistic or whatever you know
That's reality
That is and that's not my
That's what the Bible is saying
There is one really good reason why men get married
And there's nothing wrong with it
Okay
And the Bible is saying that that is literally
What is the main reason to even get married
I mean this is not my opinion alone
This is the apostle Paul saying hey guys
There's one reason for you to get married out there
And this is it
Okay now let's dig through this chapter a little bit more closely
Look back at verse number one
Now concerning the things where have you wrote unto me
It is good for a man not to touch a woman
Don't take a hyper literal interpretation of this
This is not saying that if you poke a girl that's bad or something
Okay
What is basically insinuating is touching her in a way that you wouldn't touch her father
Okay
This is a good rule of thumb
If you wouldn't touch her father that way
You shouldn't touch her that way
If you're not married
That's basically what it's saying
You know men should respect women
And especially that they're not married to
And treat them like a sister
Until they're married
Now it says in verse two
Nevertheless to avoid fornication
Let every man have his own wife
And let every woman have her own husband
So the way that men and women avoid this sin of fornication
Is to get married
Why?
Because if you don't get married
And you have this strong desire
You're gonna sin
Like it's not like
Well but maybe they just won't sin or something like that
It's like no you're gonna sin in this area
That's one of the main reasons to get married
If not the only reason
But I'm not saying it's the only reason
Because that will offend too many people
I'm saying it's the main reason
Alright folks okay
Because of course men should want to have children
And a friend and everything like that
But you can have friends without being married
And there's more to life than just marriage
Now here's the thing
Marriage is I think the greatest institution
You know that humanly speaking I have
You know my wife is the closest
The most intimate relationship I have
But let me tell you the main reason I got married
Is to avoid fornication
Okay
Now it says in verse number three
Let the husband render unto the wife
Do benevolence
And likewise also the wife unto the husband
I like this phrasing
Do benevolence
Now what is benevolence?
You look it up in a dictionary
It's only used once in the Bible
Look it up in a dictionary
It says
A disposition to do good
An act of kindness
Or a compulsory contribution or tax levied
Now obviously that's a little bit different
But it's kind of the same thought process
And think about what it's saying
Do benevolence
It's saying what's owed
What's something that's due is it's owed
It's expected
It's demanded in fact
So it's saying you are demanded
To show benevolence unto your spouse
Men unto women and women unto men
As a contract of getting married
You are saying I owe you benevolence
It's like oh what do I owe you
You know you got to treat me nice or something
No no it's just owed
It's just expected
It's just automatic you owe this person benevolence
Because you got married to them
That is the whole reason you got married
It says in verse 4
The wife hath not power of her own body
Now some feminist needs to be told this verse
It's not my body my choice
It's my wife my choice
That's what the Bible says
Okay it doesn't say my wife gets a choice over her body
I get a choice over her body
But here's the flip side
She gets a choice over my body too
Alright
You guys that are like I'm in charge
Well not on this issue
Are you reading the same Bible?
Look at this
And likewise also the husband
Hath not power of his own body
But the wife
What is the Bible saying?
It is saying when you get married
You forfeited the right to your body to your spouse
I didn't say that
That's what the Bible is saying
It is saying your spouse owns your body and writes to it
And you owe them
And you say for how long until you die
That is what the Bible is saying
Look at verse 5
Defraud ye not one the other
So if you don't do this
You're actually defrauding your spouse
Because the whole point of getting married
Was you were saying
This is guaranteed locked in for life
You have complete control over me
Whatever you want you get
It says the only exception
Except it be with consent for a time
So the only way you could say no
Is if both people say we both agree
We're not going to do this
For whatever a period of time
And notice it has a very specific purpose
That you may give yourselves the fasting and prayer
So the only reason you would ever deny your spouse
This benevolence that God has instituted for marriage
Is if you both said you know what
We're just praying and fasting for this day
Or this whatever period of time
And so we're going to abstain
But as soon as that's over
It's back on the table
And in fact think about it
At any point your spouse just demands it
It's supposed to be honored
It is a part of that contract
That you always deliver on
You always are supposed to be able to give
It's due
Now he's saying if you don't do this though
You're defrauding them
Why? Because that again
What's the main reason of getting married?
This, the due benevolence
The fact that it's supposed to be honored
It's supposed to be given
And notice what it says in the latter part of verse 5
And come together again
That Satan tempts you not
For your incontinency
So it's actually
If you think about what this verse is saying
This verse is saying
If your spouse
Gets due benevolence
Every single time they want
Just on demand
Just whatever they want
Then you're not even going to be tempted
Because think about what he's saying here
That Satan tempts you not
So he's saying if you're not
If you're doing it right
Satan can't even tempt you in this area
So why is it that there's so much temptation in this area
And why so many marriages are struggling
It's because they're not doing what the Bible says
They're not saying this is just a guaranteed
Locked in
Whenever
However
I mean
Look in a breast feeding church
We should learn what on demand means
Okay
I mean when that baby cries
It gets the milk right?
I mean it gets what it wants
When it wants it
If you apply this
To marriage
And what I'm saying
What the Bible is saying
Is that Satan can't even tempt you in that area
And you know what
It'll fix a lot of marriage problems
Frankly speaking
And I'm just trying to slow down
And tell you what the Bible is saying here
I didn't come up with any of this
This is what the Bible is saying
Defraud ye not one another
What is the main reason men get married?
Due benevolence
And you say
Well yeah if that was one of the cases
I could see why they want to get married
Of course
Look folks
There's a reason why the guy has to pay all the bills
And protect the whole family
And deal with all the hormones
And deal with all the nagging
And the crying
And the complaining
And all the
They're like
Why would a guy ever put up with that?
Due benevolence
You think
If you could explain
Like if you took that out of the marriage contract
And tried to explain marriage to guys
They'd be like
What are you talking about?
Why in the world
You know you say like
Oh man
Well why did God make men want that so much?
Because they have to deal with a lot folks
Okay
It's like
Why would you want to have to deal with all these problems
And again
Men are the stronger
Of the two right
I don't
I make so much more money than I need personally
In the sense that
I don't need all the money that I make for just me
I need all that extra money for my wife
And her shopping habits
And my children
And their clothing that they need
You know
They need all the matching purses
And shoes
It's like
I gotta put a lot of strength
To satisfy all of that
And I gotta put a lot of energy
And we gotta like protect things
And
There's a lot to do as a man
And of course
You could see why a lot of men would say
Like I'm not interested in that
Being selfish
Or just wanting to just go do their own thing
Or play games
Or whatever
You know
Some guys
They have
More fun talking about sports
And
And doing whatever
Hanging out with the guys or whatever
Maybe they're not as interested
In that kind of a
Human relationship
But you know what
God puts something inside of men
That says
Hey there's a specific need you have
That only she can fulfill
And you're like
I will tolerate all of it
For due benevolence
I mean you gotta think of like
God put a really strong desire
But see what happens is
When you don't do God's program
These things get screwed up
Because when you have an insatiable hunger
For a particular food that you can't have
It causes problems
You know imagine
Having had Texas brisket in your life
And then moving anywhere else
You know
Go to Florida
Okay
It's like
They don't even have brisket there
They don't even know what brisket is
And it's like
That's gonna cause problems
Okay
And the same thing is
In a relationship
Men have a very specific need
And women even have this need
It's not like it's just a man thing only
But what I'm trying to explain is
This world almost demonizes men
For like wanting
That
From their wives
Because they'll be like
Oh it's too often or something
Or oh man it's just
That's all they think about
And it's like
Okay well that's how God wired it
I mean aren't you thankful
That your husband has like zero desire
To go away
Like run away screaming
In the other direction
Or to like just quit
On the relationship
I mean there's
There's a reason why he's attached to you
Okay folks
And so if you take that away
You end up causing him to want to go away
Or to do something else
It's like you have this one magnet
That you're attracting
This metal to
You need to make sure to keep that magnet strong
Okay
And keep it burning
Keep that fire burning
But of course
If you don't
What's gonna happen
Well
Maybe the Bible
Has like at least one story
That could just enlighten us
On this topic
Maybe just one time
Go to Genesis chapter number six
I mean I wonder if there's ever been a time
When the marriage contract
Was not really going so hot
And it caused a problem
I don't know
Maybe let's just let the Bible fall open anywhere
Look at Genesis chapter six
Look at verse number two
Let's read verse one
Because it just starts with a that
And it came to pass when men
Began to multiply on the face of the earth
And daughters were born to them
That the sons of God
Saw the daughters of men
That they were fair
And they took them wives
Of all which they chose
Look right at the very beginning
It's like multiple wives
Bam
Go if you would to second chronicles chapter eleven
How about Abraham
Sarah and Hagar
How about Jacob
Rachel and Leah
How about Judah
Multiple wives
How about Saul
Multiple wives
How about David
Multiple wives
How about Solomon
Multiple concubines
I mean this guy
You think he satisfied
Seven hundred wives
Three hundred concubines, folks
It's like
Oh my husband likes me a lot
How much do you think Solomon
Had a desire for that
How much do you think Solomon
Had a desire for that
A thousand women
Oh if my husband was more spiritual
Was he as spiritual as Solomon
Is he as spiritual as David
Is he as spiritual as Abraham
I mean what
What man of God in the Bible
Virtually speaking
Where are you going to find these guys
That don't have that desire
It's all over the Bible, folks
Okay
But of course
Why did David have this problem
Well
When his first marriage was a train wreck
And she wasn't even there with him
Think about it
This guy's been out in the wilderness
For a long time
And then he's just like
Just stacking wives after that
Ahinoim
And Nabal the Carmelite is his wife
You know Abigail
He's just like
He just started stacking wives
And Hebron
And then goes back
Oh
I gotta take Uriah's wife now too
And I mean he just keeps stacking wives
There's a reason why
Look at 2 Chronicles chapter 11
Look at verse 22
Let me tell you
If there is a sin that is common to man
It's this sin
Because just every man in the Bible
Virtually speaking
With the exception of the eunuchs
I mean it's hard to find any guy
That's a godly man or guy
Even the good guys
That didn't have this problem
That didn't struggle
I mean
How about Samson
There's a guy that didn't struggle
With this problem right
Oh wait no he didn't
Obviously
And
Of course you know
Desiring
Many wives
Why do you think it is
That Rehoboam desired many wives
He just really likes that conversation you know
He was just hoping to get those
Those biscuits right you know
No there's one reason folks
Okay
And it's the main reason men get married
It's the main reason they
They even added all the wives unto them
But
What did 1 Corinthians chapter 7 actually say
It said that Satan
Could actually not even be able to tempt you
If what
The wife and the husband are showing each other
Due benevolence
And there's no defrauding one another
For any reason
But the problem is
Is when you're defrauding one another
You're gonna give the devil
So much area to tempt you
And so much option
And folks
Some sins are easier than others
This sin
Has never been easier than 2022
When you are not
Giving due benevolence
Under your spouse
In this country
Your spouse has
A million
A million other options
At their fingertips
And it's so easy
It's never been easier
There's never been more temptation
There's never been more
On the table
And you say
Well I
Don't want that to happen
Show due benevolence
It's not
That your husband has a problem
Okay
It's not that your wife has a problem
Okay
This is just a normal need
Just like eating food
Is a normal daily need
Breathing oxygen
Okay
There's certain
Things that we all just need
That are normal
I need sleep
You know if you tried to keep me up
I would eventually just fall asleep
Because I can't just stay up forever
If you
Stop giving me food
I would eventually find something to eat
If you stop giving me a drink
I'd find something to drink
Right
That's just because your body has certain needs
And when you just shut off certain needs
That the body has
The whole point of the person getting married
You know what
You're almost driving them
To seek an alternative
You know if you just stop making food
Like you just never made dinner
For your husband ever again
I guarantee he might sneak at McDonald's
And you're like
Oh you like McDonald's
Well some people in this room do
They need prayer right
But you know what
Is
You know why people eat McDonald's
Because it's better than nothing
That's why
Frankly speaking it's better than nothing
Okay
Now is it better than other good food
No absolutely not
And sometimes people get
They get confused about this
And sometimes women
Who have a husband that makes a mistake in this area
They might think like
Oh well
Why would my husband want McDonald's
It's not that he doesn't want
It's not that he wants
McDonald's over filet mignon at home
He wasn't getting filet mignon
He's getting nothing
He's starving to death
So then he gets McDonald's
And you know frankly speaking
When men cheat
Usually it's McDonald's
Have you ever seen Tiger Woods cheat list
Dude it does not look like Ellen Nordogen
Okay
It is like ugly as sin
And you're thinking like
What did you get
I mean he got like Indian food
He got like Indian food covered in ranch dressing
It was like what is this
Okay
It was like what are you doing dude
And it's like
When men
Are getting filet mignon at home
What they're not gonna do is stop
At the McDonald's on the way
Cause they don't want to spoil that dinner
And so it's important to realize
That you need to
Serve up filet mignon at dinner
Right okay
That was the message right
Go to Proverbs chapter 5
Whether your men in this room
Are gonna scream amen
At this sermon or not
They are in their heart okay
And you know what
God bless it
I mean there's women that
Have a stronger desire
Than their husband at times
And that's okay too
You know
It slices both ways
But let me tell you something
It's wrong to defraud your spouse
And I think because
People don't bring this up
It enables people
To have marriage problems
Or marriage issues
Or there's just so much television
There's so much messaging out there
That's like well if your husband's mean
Then you know
Defraud him
It's like that's wicked advice
I don't care if you're scream fighting each other
You don't defraud each other
It doesn't matter
What the situation is
It's just not
It should just never be an option
And what you and your spouse should do
Is you should just both mentally agree
And say you know what
I'm not gonna ever use that
As a weapon
Or a tool in our marriage
That's off the table
Yeah we can disagree
We can get upset
We can talk about it
But that is not something
That's allowed to be taken off the table
Because the alternative
Is just so much worse
And you don't want to drive your spouse
Into the arms of someone else
Okay
Look at Proverbs chapter 5 look at verse 15
Drink waters out of thine own cistern
And running waters out of thine own well
Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad
And rivers of waters in the streets
Let them be only thine own
And not strangers with thee
Let thy fountain be blessed
And rejoice with the wife of thy youth
Let her be as the loving hind
And pleasant roe
Let her breast satisfy thee at all times
And be thou ravished always
With her love
I love this
Ravished always
You say hey Pastor Shelley
Put a timeline on this
Always
Like how often
Always
You say how often
Whatever your spouse says
That's what it is
And you know what
I eat three meals a day
And you know
You know why I eat three meals a day
Because I get hungry three times a day
Right
That's different for every person
Okay
Whatever it is
It is what it is
You know
I can't sit here and be like
Oh why did God make me want three meals a day
He did
Folks
Okay
It just is what it is
Also notice that it says in verse 18
Rejoice with the wife of thy youth
Now if you kind of think about this verse for a moment
If this is true
She's not young
Because he's like saying
Rejoice with the wife of thy youth
Meaning you married her
What?
When y'all were young
And you're what
Now you're still married
Meaning what
It's not like
The world will say this
Oh how
How frustrating it would be
To be with the same person
Your whole life
And it's like the Bible's saying the opposite
It's saying to rejoice
That you're still with the same woman
That you were with
When you were young
It's saying hey
Rejoice with the wife
Of thy youth
It's not saying hey
Rejoice with another young chick
What do most guys
They're upgrading right
In their mind
Let's get another young bimbo
And let's get another young bimbo
No no no
It says rejoice with the wife of thy youth
Stay with the woman you got when you were young
And never depart from her
And notice it's saying
Let her breast satisfy thee at all times
And be thou ravished always with her love
You know a problem
That you're gonna have
In your marriage
Is when you're not being intimate with one another
When you're not showing due benevolence
It's gonna cause friction in your relationship
No matter what stage of your marriage you're in
This is a crucial
Crucial element
Of a relationship
And men and women need to realize
This is something that's gonna
Keep the fire burning
And I'll say this
Maybe
It's not burning that hot right now
But when you decide
Hey
Whenever however
It can rekindle those fires
It can actually change a lot of things
You know
When you're fighting
And then you show due benevolence
You might stop fighting
It's gonna end fights for you
Okay
It's gonna fix a lot of things
Now
I don't want you to get the wrong impression
I'm not saying though
That men
Should just be a jerk
And then just
Take advantage of the situation
Because oh my spouse is willing to feed me whatever
So I should be a jerk
Hey you should still be as sweet as you can
You should still be as romantic as you can
You should still try to
Have that relationship be something you both desire
But what we are saying is
Even when the fireworks aren't there folks
It's still on the table
And let's be honest
Is every meal at home
Flame and yawn
No
Sometimes it's chicken fried steak
Sometimes it's chicken
You know
With vegetables
Sometimes it's chicken salad
Right
It's not always gonna be the same meal
But you know what
There's always food on the table
And that's what has to be the key ingredient
That there's always dinner served
It's not that
It's always filet mignon necessarily
Okay
You can't always have
The greatest meal
Otherwise the greatest meal
Wouldn't even be the greatest meal anymore
You know having a variety
Ends up making
The good meals that much better
When you get to have them
You know if you eat out of your favorite restaurant
A lot of times in a row
It can start to get to a point
Where you're not even wanting anymore
You don't even like it as much anymore
It kind of is
Is whatever
So that's why it's nice to have
A little bit of
Variety
And when it comes to a relationship
You shouldn't expect
That it's gonna always be the exact same
Sometimes it's gonna be better than others
That's okay
There's gonna be different situations
But what is gonna happen
Is you just say hey
Always
You're always getting meals
You're always getting fed
You know
It's always there
It's always ready
And notice that the Bible is wording it
Ravished always
With her love
Now, go if you go to Proverbs chapter number 6
We're right there really
Verse 23
For the commandment is a lamp
And the law is light
And her proofs of instruction
Are the way of life
To keep thee from the evil woman
From the flattery of the tongue
Of a strange woman
Lest not after her beauty and thine heart
Neither let her take thee with her eyelids
For by means of a whorish woman
A man is brought
To a piece of bread
And the adulterous will hunt
For the precious life
Can a man take fire in his bosom
And his clothes not be burned?
Can one go upon hot coals
And his feet not be burned?
So he that goeth into his neighbor's wife
Who's over toucheth her
Shall not be innocent
What the Bible is saying is that
You can't go
Down a certain road
And not end up making a big mistake
Is what is basically insinuating
You know, you can't play with fire
And not get burned
And when it comes to men
You know, you need to avoid relationships
With other women
Period
You know, I
You don't want to get close to them
You don't want to ever be alone
With another woman when you're married
You want to have eyes for her
Eyes only for her
And of course, here's the thing
Sometimes men will be served filet mignon every night
And they'll still be looking at the McDonald's billboard
And they'll still like sneak in a Big Mac
Or something
It's like
Don't do that
But you know why you did that?
It's because you started looking at the billboard
And it looked
It always looks better on the billboard
Than real life, folks
You look at the billboard
And you're like
That actually looks kind of good
But then you open the box
And you're like
What is this?
It's trash, folks
And let me tell you something
Everything outside of your marriage is trash, folks
Okay
Of course, it'll give you a temporary satisfaction
But you know what?
Like Taco Bell
It hurts afterwards
And it can burn
In places you don't want it to burn
That's why you don't go there
You don't make the late Taco Bell run
Okay
So as a man
You know if your wife is one that's willing
To satisfy your needs
Even if she's not
Frankly speaking
You just
Get excited about her only
And you think about her only
And you don't let yourself
Have the stupid poster in the garage
And you don't have the stupid filthy
You know mag
Somewhere that you hide
You don't go look at all the other trash
Because
You know
It's not like
It's not like I don't desire all kinds of food
You know
I could enjoy food from all kinds of restaurants
And all kinds of places
And of course
You know it's not like men are only attracted
To one woman on the planet
That's not reality
You have to force yourself
To have eyes for only one person
And when you start going down the wrong road
You have to shut it off as soon as possible
And you know where it really
It starts here
You have to stop it here
And then you have to start trying
I mean
No matter where you're at in the process
You need to put a stop to it
But
Really you shouldn't even be daydreaming
About the other stuff
And that's what
Movie and Hollywood
And all this stuff
Is just so wicked
Because
Virtually every movie
And every TV show
And all these things
They're always trying to plant these seeds
In your mind
Of other women
And looking at other things
And
And of course
It just leads down a dark road
And it's not like
Oh
Bad men do that
Every guy does that
Constantly
You have to fight against it
The flesh
Loves to do this
The flesh would love to just eat
Every meal that it could possibly eat
But you have to say no to it
You have to not think about it
And you have to think about the flame
And yawn at home
See what's the goal of this sermon?
It's for spouses to realize
That every spouse needs this all the time
And
You know
I kind of joked with somebody the other day
But I was like
You know
If you want to fix your marriage problems
I have three steps for you
Okay
If you feel like you have any kind of marriage issues
This is how
If you both agree to this
This is how you fix it
Number one
Wife obey your husband every single time
Number two
Show due benevolence
Every single time the other spouse wants it
And number three
Take your wife to the right church every time the doors are open
Now if you're doing all three of those
Then come tell me later that you have marriage problems
You won't have any marriage problems
And I'll say this
It's never hard to know what to do
It's hard to do it
The right thing is easy to know what to do
It's hard to do it
Wives obey your husbands
That was easy to say
But you know it's hard for wives to obey their husbands
You know what
It's easy for me to get up and say
Show due benevolence
But you know what
You got to do it
And it's easy to say go to church
But you know it's a little bit harder to actually drag yourself out there
And always show up at church sometimes
Sometimes it's not always the most fun
I remember me and my wife when we were dating
I don't know what it was
But it was like we always got in an argument
Right before going to church
I'm not going to ask for a raise of hands
But
I guarantee there's been people in this room
That argued
Before church
Right after church
They may even give each other a couple of looks during the service
Okay
That's life folks
But you know what
You can get over all the silly
A lot of the silly and the dumb stuff
When you realize what
Hey God gave you this relationship for a reason
And there's a lot of things to enjoy
Marriage is honorable and all in the bed undefiled
But adulterers and whoremongers God will judge
And so
You have to realize God
Is the one that blessed us with this
And I'll bring up a few reasons why people don't do this
Number one is because of birth control
And it's weird because you would think like
Oh birth control is a green light
But actually what birth control does to women
Is it lowers their hormone level
It lowers their testosterone level
And yes women have testosterone
And it actually causes them to not want to do this at all
And so it's like the worst thing you can do
Is put your wife on birth control
Because number one she won't even want to
And then number two
You're possibly going to murder children
In the process
And yes birth control murders children
It didn't say conception control
It's called birth control folks
And it's accurately named
So it'll take
Very young fertilized eggs
That are trying to implant in the uterus
And flush them out
And basically just murder fertilized eggs
Which I believe our children do
Okay you say when is it a child
When it's been fertilized
You know at that point
It's there
Now of course you know
Fundamental Baptist
Historically I believe that
But even now a lot of Fundamental Baptist
Won't preach against birth control
You know I will still preach against birth control
I believe all forms of birth control
You know should be eliminated
Now there's a lot of things
Now there's a lot of variations
There's the pill and all that
You should never take that
Okay
Now when I say birth control
I'm meaning artificial medication type things
Okay or devices
There is a natural birth control
That I'm all for
It's called on-demand breastfeeding
It's called the LAM method
Is the technical term
Lactational Ana Maria method
But you know that's what God gave us
So there's nothing wrong with birth control
That God gave you
In fact I say hey let my wife nurse until
You know they're five
No I'm just kidding
They can nurse as long as they want
And there's nothing wrong with that
You know you're not like sinning by
Your wife not having a cycle
Because she's breastfeeding
That's a blessing folks okay
That is not a bad thing
Ride that until you can't anymore
But there is other forms of birth control
That people practice
You know Onan practiced birth control
And God just straight killed him
Now I'd say this you know
He was just refusing to have a child in general
So of course God looked down on that
And just wanted to destroy him
There's this weird idea from the Catholics
That they say
Any kind of pleasure between husband and wife
That is not purposely trying to get pregnant
Is sinful
Wait a minute
Marriage is honorable and all
And the bed undefiled
Okay
So no I don't I don't believe that at all
You know I believe that whatever the
Husband and wife do that's natural
Is great
And it should be done as much as they
Are both wanting to do so
And frankly speaking you know sometimes
There might even be activities that need
To be done that are not procreation design
That's fine
That's great
That's wonderful
As long as you're just showing due benevolence
Okay
Unto your spouse
But if you're if you're deciding
You know what
I'm too afraid of having a kid
So I'm just gonna do nothing
That is wrong
Of course I believe that hey
You can serve up chicken tenders
You can serve up chicken fried steak
You can serve up
Hey cold sandwiches
But you don't serve nothing
Nothing is not an option folks
Okay
That is that should be eliminated
From all marriages
There should never be a time when the spouse
Is wanting due benevolence
And they're not getting it
And I believe that wholeheartedly
Here's another reason why people do feminism
But it's not my body my choice
And feminism is a movement that's trying to liberate women
From oh man you need a man to
You know a man's gonna tell you what to do
And a man has control over you
Look folks he pays the bills
You can't have it both ways
What do you want?
You want the guy to pay all of your bills
And then tell him what to do
That's not how my marriage works
And that's a stupid relationship
That's never gonna work
And you know what?
He's gonna desire a woman that's actually meek
Somewhere else or something like that
TV and movies they also do this
They try to romanticize everything
And make it seem different than reality
Look TV and movies is a lie
I don't know if you needed a reminder about that
It's not real
And so husbands and wives
Sometimes they get disillusioned
With Hollywood films
And they think that these activities
Have to be you know
Ten times different than they really are
You know
It doesn't have to be this romantic novel
Where you're in France
Watching the Eiffel Tower with fireworks
With no children
For you to be like oh
Now I'm in the mood
Sorry folks that's not reality
I have five children
Yes five children
You know how many times we're not around five children?
Never
And you know
Sometimes you just gotta figure out
How to make it work with your schedule
You gotta figure out ways to be creative
You gotta figure out ways to
Get in the mood or whatever you need to do
But you know
Don't have to think that it's gonna be this
Sleepless in Seattle movie or something
It's not gonna be just this romantic drama
Every single time in your house
It might be drama but it might not be romantic okay
It's fine
And you know for honeymooners
They don't even understand what I'm talking about right now
But eventually you will okay
And you need this sermon too
You have to realize that it's just reality
And I'll say this
Married couples I guarantee
Are way more fulfilled
Way more fulfilled
In this area
Than the world is
You know all these guys that act like they're a big shot
And they're just like oh man
I could have women whenever I want
I guarantee the married men in this room
Are doing way better than them
You know it's a fools
Area to think like
Oh outside of marriage it's so much better
It's like no it's not it's way worse
It's way uglier
It costs way more money
It's just it's not what you want
It's a lie out there
Just like I said the billboard
Of McDonalds kind of looks good
But it does not look like that in real life
Okay
Sometimes it looks like they dropped it on the ground a few times
And it's just like
What is this?
You know
That's not what you want
We should as God's people
Obey all of the Bible
Not just the parts we like
And some things you have to understand
Some parts of the Bible are obedience
You know you have to obey in this area
But I'll say this
Even though it might seem like oh man
I have to do something that I'm not that into
God will make it where
You actually like this more
And you can have
You can have the desire for these things
And it's going to fix so many problems
In your life that you didn't know
Were related to that
Like there's so many marriage problems
That are related to this issue specifically
That I'm saying
That you don't know
Like you're fighting with your spouse because of this issue
But you're not bringing up this issue
Because you don't know that that's the issue
It's like you just have to fix this area of your life
And this area of your life
Fixes so many other problems
It's kind of like
Those commercials where there's this person
It's like screaming at you
Like Joe Pesci is screaming at you
And then all of a sudden they're like
And they eat a Snickers and they transform back into the person they are
And you're like
The Joe Pesci character
Was mad about something else
You didn't even know
But the problem was he was just hungry
And it's like you may not realize
That your wife's mad at you
Because you're failing in this area
Or you might not realize your husband's mad at you
Because you're failing in this area
I'll be honest with you
It's many times even the guy's fault
It's more than you realize
If you actually study the Bible
It's often
Almost always the case
Where it's the guy not showing
Dude benevolence as opposed to the woman
I mean you can think about Leah and Rachel
They're fighting over the husband
And there's times
I'll go to one more verse here
Go to Exodus chapter 21
The Bible even has to give commandment
On this issue
Because it's something that
You know both parties have to
Be interested in
And participate
Exodus 21 look at verse number 10
So it's like commanding this guy
To not diminish this from the relationship
Why? Because
Even men at times
Can diminish this from the relationship
And it's a necessary
Component that needs to be
A regular component of marriage
And this will keep
Healthy marriages in this room
You say why preach a sermon on this
Pastor Shelley
Well you know the expecting ladies list
Is getting kind of low
No I'm just kidding
No I want you guys to have a healthy marriage
Because
Whether you realize it or not
Having a healthy marriage
Is really important to serving God
And why I say that is
I see so many people stop serving God
Because of an unhealthy marriage
Now they don't come up to me
And say hey Pastor Shelley I'm not coming to church
Because of an unhealthy marriage
But I
It's some other reason
But then I can identify I can realize
It's the unhealthy marriage is the reason why you're having problems
They're not coming to church together
Because they have marriage problems
Or they're not being equally yoked anymore
There's sin issues even sometimes
That happen
And look
A Baptist committing adultery
You would not be the first
It happens way more often
Than you would ever want to know
And it's frustrating
It's disgusting
It's filthy
There is no excuse for it
But I'm telling you there's a way to try
And take that off the table
As the Bible says
I'm not trying to blame the victim here
I'm not trying to say if your spouse committed adultery
On you it's your fault
Because I don't believe that
But at the same time
You know I don't believe in this doctrine
That says that girls that dress like whores
And walk through dark alleys to a nightclub
Are completely innocent when they get raped
It's like
Don't dress like a whore
And go to the wrong place
And then just expect nothing bad to happen
That's stupid
Is it cool that you got raped?
No of course not
Let's kill the rapist
But at the same time
Don't encourage women to do such stupid activities
Or to go to nightclubs
And just drink whatever liquor is set before them
And it's like
Oh I got taken advantage of
You're a whore
And at the same time
If you just say hey I'll get married to you
And then completely defraud the contract
And then your spouse commits adultery
Yeah I personally believe you have some fault
And some liability there
Because the bible says you were wrong
You defrauded them
Now of course is it right for your spouse to commit adultery on you?
Never
They should never do that
That's super wicked you should be put to death for doing it
But at the same time
You know
You can't just
Force someone
To not take in the daily
Or the weekly
And expect them to just live with that
You know
If my wife says I'm never going to cook a meal again
I'm still going to eat
You know it's just reality
Okay
And that's why I even think about this
Jesus Christ is saying when someone divorce their spouse
They're causing them to commit adultery
Now why I bring that verse up is this
When you divorce your spouse
That's not adultery
You know it's adultery when they go and sleep with someone else
That's the adultery
Why did he say by divorcing them you're causing them to commit adultery
Because it would be the same thing
As just saying like
Hey I'm never feeding you again
So you're never allowed to eat
It's like by not serving your husband
To eat food
He's going to eat food from somewhere else
Because it's just a reality
It's just something that's going to happen
People will sin in this issue
If they don't have an outlet
Notice that in 1 Corinthians 7 it says
Nevertheless to avoid fornication
It was to avoid sinning
You have to have your own wife
You have to have your own husband
And they have to be showing due benevolence
Otherwise you're basically just asking
For sin to be in your relationship
Sin to be in your marriage
And I don't want to excuse it
I'm not going to excuse it
I'm not going to say oh well you know what
You're not doing your part
You know I'm going to say hey the guy sinned
Or the woman sinned if they go and seek an alternative
But I'm also saying this
Don't drive them to that alternative
Don't give them that option
You know try to take it off the table
And you know you got married for a reason
God gave you it as a blessing
And as married couples we should enjoy that
Because the world doesn't really enjoy that
They're never satisfied with that
And the world will never bring you satisfaction in that
And as a young woman in this room
You better realize
If there's one reason
That men get married
Never ever ever
Give it to someone that you're not married to
That is the worst thing you can do
As a young woman
Who is not married
The worst thing you can do
Is give them away your virginity
You need to
For your sake
I'm not saying for anybody else's sake
You for your sake
Should never give that away
Because think about this
If the only reason the guy is going to get married is that
And then you give that to him
Why will he ever marry you?
You want to know why men are not getting married in America?
It's because they can get access
To that need
Without getting married
But think about it
If every woman was a virgin
And refused to give that away until they got married
A lot more people would get married
Men would not get married
They'd be like, I'm getting married
But whenever women are whores
And harlots
And they don't realize the value that they have
It causes for marriage to decline
The reason why marriage is declining
Is because of this issue
And we need to teach and educate the young people
We need to just drill it in their heads
And teach our young daughters this
And you know what, the men in this room that have daughters
You need to just go ahead and make sure
That that's not even a possibility
And say, hey, I know why you're interested in my daughter
That's why you're going to date me
You can marry her, but you're going to date me
It's like, I'm not interested in letting you date her
You can have fun when you're married
But you know what, now
It's grill time
Where's your DNA sample?
I'm going to clean my gun
You have to look down the other side of the barrel
Just to see how much you trust me
I'm serious, though, folks
We need to protect our daughters
And by protecting your daughters
You're protecting the men in this world, too
And their future husbands
And we need to teach our daughters
That there's a time and a place
And it's after marriage
Let's close in prayer
Thank you, Heavenly Father, for giving us such clear instruction
Thank you for giving us the institution of marriage
I pray that we would be obedient
To how you've instructed us to behave in our marriages
I pray that you would bless the husbands and the wives in this room
That you would encourage them to show due benevolence
That they would not defraud their spouse
And even if they struggle in this area
That you would just help them with the right desires
I pray that you would help the marriage issues in this room
That you'd help couples to be closer and more intimate today
Than they've ever been in their lives
And I pray that you would help us to see the importance of this
To protect the virginity of our children
And that we teach them the right things on this issue
So that they aren't defrauded before they get married
In Jesus' name we pray, Amen
We'll sing our last song
160
Crown Him With Many Crowns
Song 160
And 60
Crown Him With Many Crowns
The Lamb upon His throne
Mark how the heavenly anthem drowns
All music but its own
Awake my soul and sing
Of Him who died for thee
Unhail Him as Thy matchless King
Through all eternity
Crown Him the Lord of love
Behold His hands and side
Rich wounds yet visible above
In beauty glorified
No angel in the sky
Can fully bear that sight
But downward bends His wandering eye
At mysteries oh so bright
Crown Him the Lord of life
Who triumphed o'er the grave
Whose rose victorious to the strife
For those He came to save
His glories now we sing
Who died and rose on high
Who died eternal life to bring
And lives that death may die
Crown Him the Lord of heaven
One with the Father known
One with the Spirit through Him
Give from yonder glorious throne
To Thee be endless praise
For Thou for us has died
Be Thou, O Lord, through endless days
Adored and magnified
God bless and have a good night.