Okay. All right, just keep your finger there in Ephesians chapter 5. Ephesians chapter 5 verse 25.
Ephesians chapter 5 verse 25. The Bible says, Husbands, love your wives. Husbands? Husbands?
Which ones are your husbands here? The Bible tells us here, love your wives. The title for
the sermon tonight is, Love Your Wives. Okay. Now here's the thing that I want you to understand.
We know we're going through this series on the family. Last week, we were looking at, you know,
God's purpose for the woman. And the week before that, we're looking at God's purpose for the man.
But now we want to get into the marriage. You know, we're looking at, you know, what should
we be driving to do? You know, what are the steps that we should be trying to do before we get
married? And the purpose that God has given us in, while we're single, you know, while we're
developing, while we can gain the skills and knowledge that God gives us in his Bible, but
now that we are married, what's the command that God gives the husbands? Love your wives. You know,
here's the thing. As soon as you hear something like this, husbands, you're probably immediately
thinking, I do love my wife. I mean, I think it'd be very rare for a man to just openly say,
you know what? I don't love my wife. If someone's able to say that, man, there's major problems in
their marriage. But here's the thing. It doesn't just say love your wives, because a lot of people
have, you know, different ideas of what that love is. You know, some people think of a lovey-dovey
feeling. You know, if I've got that little bird in my heart for my wife, that's that I love for,
I have for her. But no, the Bible tells us that women to love our wives the way Christ loved the
church. Hey, that's a massive target that we need to aim for. I mean, how much did Christ love the
church? The Bible tells us that he gave his life, sacrificially gave everything that he had for the
church, and this is how husbands are to love their wives. Sometimes I hear women say, I've heard,
you know, ladies say, you know, it's not fair. You know, the Bible tells, you know, wives, you know,
you should be submissive to your husbands, and all the husband has to do is love his wife. Yeah,
but how much does he have to love his wife? With all his life, he's got to be willing to lay down
his life in order, you know, for his wife to live. You know, husbands, you ought to be willing to
sacrifice your life. You know, if there is a man with a gun, you know, being pointed to your wife,
you ought to be willing to jump in from that bullet and take the hit so your wife can live.
That's how much you are commanded to love your wife. So it's a huge calling. It's a huge calling
that God gives us here. And, you know, another thing that I've heard some people say, I've heard
some men say, you know what, I would love my wife more. I would love her more if she was just
more submissive to me, you know, because there in Ephesians chapter five, look at verse number 23,
sorry, verse number 20, verse number 22, it says, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands,
right? It says that first, and then it says in verse 25, later, husbands love your wives. So
I've heard this said, I've heard it said from some husbands, well see, God says to the wives first,
see, wives, you're meant to submit first, and then I can love you properly. Is that right? Do
you think that's right? You know, because here it's comparing the love of a husband as the love
of Christ. You know, did Christ come and sacrifice himself because we were submissive to him? Is that
why he came? Did Christ come to die for us because we were trying to do our best? We were trying to
follow his ways. We were trying to keep his commandments. Is that why Christ come to die
for us? No. You guys know, you know, Romans chapter, what is it? Romans chapter five verse
eight, you know, but God commandeth his love toward us in that while we were yet sinners,
while we're sinners, what? Christ died for us. Amazing. While we're yet sinners. So here's what
you need to understand husbands, even if your wife is not being fully submissive the way she should
be, and according to the word of God, you're still required to love her as Christ loved the church.
It's a huge calling for man. So we're looking at husbands today. Now look at Ephesians chapter
five verse 25 once again. I want to break this up a few ways. How are we to love our wives? I
already kind of covered it. Number one, we ought to love her with a sacrificial love. Ephesians 5
25, husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. Just
like I said, guys, this is something that we need to be willing to lay down our lives for our wives.
I mean, I hope you can say that. I hope you can truly say, yes, I'm willing to lay down
my life for my wife. And I think when I look at the husbands here, I truly believe, you know,
if it was a life or death situation between you or your wife, I think I truly believe you'll say,
yeah, you know what? I would rather die than allow my wife to die. You know, I truly believe that.
And that's one way of looking at it. You know, giving your life for your wife is surely one way,
hey, I'm willing to sacrifice myself for her. But you know, there's another way,
you know, because, you know, what's the likelihood that you will have to die for your wife?
It's probably very unlikely. But there is another way by which you can give your life to your wife.
And that's to make sure she's part of your life day in, day out. You give her the love,
you give her the comfort, you give her the assurance she needs day by day. Because not
only did Christ die for us, yes, He did. But isn't Christ there for us all the time? Every time we
need Him, every time we need to call upon Him, every time we need an answer to prayer, isn't
Christ always at hand? Isn't the Lord always at hand there with His love toward us? Of course.
And that's how men, that's how we are to love our wives, not just sacrificing our life,
but committing our lives to our wives, given of our time, given our attention, given our ear to
our wives, you know, making sure that her needs are being met. You need to love your wife with
a sacrificial love. It is an ongoing love. It should never end, okay, till death do us part.
But it should never end while that marriage is in effect. And the second thing I want to mention,
look at Ephesians chapter 5 verse 23, Ephesians chapter 5 verse 23, and I've already covered this
before. It says, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church. But notice the next words, and He is the savior of the body. He is the savior of the body.
And so the next thing that I want to mention here, not only number one, love her with a sacrificial
love, but number two, you're required to love her by providing safety and security. Because when the
Bible says here that Christ is our savior, it means that He saved us from death, right? He saved us
from sins. He saved us from hell. He saved us from the danger of losing our souls in the lake of fire.
And so husbands, if you're going to love your wives the way Christ loved the church, then you
need to make sure that you give your wife safety and security as well. That's what you're required
to do. You know, wives, ladies, you know, you probably had security. You know, you had the
comforts of your father before you got married. You know, you probably knew my dad will look after me.
If I need anything, he's going to be there for me. If there's going to be, if there's an attacker,
my dad will step in and protect me. Well, husbands, guess what? When that father gave her hand in
marriage to you, guess what you're required to do now? You're required to protect your wives.
You're required to give us safety and security, okay? And one, I'm just thinking about one
practical way, you know, when we were living in Bonnerig, my wife and I, we bought our first,
our second home there in Bonnerig. The door that we had, we had a single door, and then on the other,
on the sides of the door, there was this like, these windows, but they were glazed. They were
glazed windows. But if you came up to the windows, you could actually see through to the living room,
okay? And of course, my wife, and I'm at work, my wife's there with the kids, and of course,
my wife did not feel comfortable, right? Because any random person can look through the window
and see the whole living room, can see the family. She didn't, she didn't feel safe about that.
So what was my role then? If she doesn't feel safe with that, well, we got that fixed. Got a
carpenter in there, got a couple of double doors. We got rid of those windows. We got a security,
what do you call them? Security gate, not gate, security door, whatever, you know,
and gave her the comforts, gave her the security. That's my job, to make sure she feels safe.
She feels secure. When Christ died for you, we often say, hey, it's once saved, always saved.
You're always secure. You're always safe in the Lord Jesus Christ. That's how your wife ought
to feel about your love, about your attention toward her, that she's always safe and secure
in your hands. And so, and the next thing is, how else can you give security? It's not just
a physical security of the body, you know, and looking after the body, but men, sometimes we
have random ideas. You know, we think, you know, we might start this project or, you know, we'll
leave, you know, we'll leave Sydney, we'll go somewhere. In fact, I know a story, I know the
story of a man who did not communicate with his wife, you know, and he sold the house in Sydney
and bought a house in Northern Territory. And like, he didn't even say a single thing to his
wife until it was basically time to move. It's like, honey, we're going to the Northern Territory.
I mean, that's not giving security to your wife. She doesn't, what in the world? And of course,
she wasn't happy about that, having to leave the loved ones and everybody she knows, you know,
just like that at the drop of a hat. Of course, men, we need to be people that communicate with
our wives. You know, if we're going to make changes, we recognize we need to take a new
direction in life. We need to give our wives stability, security. That's what they're looking
for. For men, we kind of like the adventure. We like the random things. We like to, you know,
change it up a little bit, but our wives not so much, or at least let them know what's going on
before you go on some crazy adventure. So they know the safety and security with my husband,
you know, men, we shouldn't be people that are jumping around from idea to idea. You know,
do we do this? Do we do? No, no, you need to be a leader. You need to say, Hey, this is the
direction we're going with. This is what we're doing wife. So she knows she has confidence in
the leader that you are the head of the home that you're required to be, you know, don't be erratic
in your behavior and in your decision making. Okay. I personally think it's better for you to
just make a decision, even if it's the wrong decision. Then bouncing around doing this,
doing this, doing this. And I personally think, look, as a leader, as the head of your house,
make a decision, do it, even if it ends up being a wrong decision, at least, well, you know what,
that was wrong. You know, let's go back and try that again. It's better just having that security,
the safety of going one way, rather than having, you know, your wife not knowing, Hey, which way
are we going as a family? The third thing that I want to mention here, look at Ephesians chapter
five, verse 26, Ephesians chapter five, verse 26. The Bible says here that he might sanctify
and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word that he might sanctify and cleanse it with
the washing of water by the word. And of course, this is referring to Jesus Christ, that he has
washed us. He has sanctified us with the washing of the water of the word of God. You know, in your
Christian life, as you mature, as you grow, as you gain more knowledge, as you become more righteous,
you become more blameless, you become more like the Lord Jesus Christ, you know what's going to
be cleansing you in that spiritual walk in your life? It's the waters of the word of God. You know,
knowing the word of God more is going to give you the guidance. It's going to help you be more like
the Lord Jesus Christ. It's going to help you examine, am I walking in the spirit or am I walking
in the flesh? Many times we're walking in the flesh, we're not even aware of it. We're walking
in ways that do not delight the Lord, but getting our heads into the scriptures is going to open up
our knowledge and understanding of what the Lord desires from us, how the Lord wants us to walk
in his ways. And so the comparison he has made that Christ has washed the church with the water
of his word, then what does that mean for men? The third point that I have here, guys, is to
love her by being the spiritual leader. The third point that I have for husbands, love her by being
the spiritual leader, okay? Now husbands, listen, maybe when you got married you weren't even saved,
or maybe you've only been saved a short period of time. It doesn't matter. God has made you the
head of your house, and therefore, now that you are saved, now that you are in Christ,
you are now the spiritual leader of your home. You say, well, I don't know much. Well,
teach what you know. You know, be influential in what you know. You know, if you don't know much,
bring your family to church so they can, you know, all of you can learn the Bible together.
You know, I strongly recommend husbands, you know, make time, you know, if it's not every day,
maybe every second day, if that's too much, maybe once a week, have a time when you open up the
Bible as a family. Say, kids, we're turning off that stupid TV right now. We're going to sit down.
We're going to open the Word of God. We're going to read a chapter together, and I'm going to ask
you guys what you believe this chapter is all about, you know, and then maybe even give a
five-minute message, a five-minute, you know, lesson from that chapter that you read. Hey,
look, even if you don't know much, you know, you're saved. The Holy Spirit can work in you,
and God is expecting you to lead your family, okay, in understanding the Word of God. Your
wives need to be cleansed by the water of the Word. Your children need to be cleansed by the
water of the Word, and it's your job, husbands. It's your job, okay. It's not, oh, that's pastor's
job. No, no, well, that's part of it. Bring them to church so they can learn, but the pastor's only
with your family one hour a week or whatever it is, right? I come down here on Tuesday,
you guys are there 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Who has the greater influence? Dads,
husbands, you're the one that has the greater influence in your family. You need to be that
spiritual leader, and so you need to seek to improve your wife's, not just your own,
but you need to be seeking to improve your wife's spiritual walk, your children's spiritual walk,
okay, and here's the thing, guys. You know, many times when we, well, actually, look at verse
number 27. Ephesians 5, verse number 27, so we just saw how, you know, we need to wash by the
water of the word, but look at this, that he might present it to himself a glorious church,
not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Now wives, if you look at these words, you know, without blemish, without spot or wrinkle,
what's the first thing you're thinking about probably? Huh? The laundry. I would have thought,
I would have thought like the makeup or something, right? No spot, no blemish, no wrinkle. You know,
isn't that why ladies put on makeup? Because they're trying to get rid of the, you know,
trying to hide those little imperfections on their face or whatever. You know, that's kind of the
idea. That's kind of the idea. You know, you wake up in the morning, even men, come on, man, admit,
you kind of do this. You don't go to work just the way you wake up, right? You brush your teeth,
you wash your face, you know, maybe you put a little gel in your hair if you need to,
just to, you know, make it presentable when you go to work. We all do this. We all look in a mirror,
see the little imperfections, go, I need to fix that up a little bit before I get out there
and do my job. But here's the thing, of course, we're talking about the spiritual matters here.
You know, all of us are spiritually blemished. We all have, none of us are perfect, okay? Now,
if you're saved, you've got the imputed righteousness of Christ, don't get me wrong.
When God looks at you, he sees you through the righteousness of Jesus Christ, don't get me wrong
about that. But when it comes to our spiritual walk, when it comes to our walk, hey, our feet
get dirty. You know, as we go through life, our feet get dirty. This is why we need to cleanse
our feet. This is why we need to confess our sins on a regular basis to the Lord, because we do get
dirty. We do sin. We do have spots and wrinkles and blemishes in us. But husbands, just like Christ
would look at this in the church, husbands, you're meant to look at your wife and notice
the spiritual blemishes that she has and fix it up, okay? Now, the husbands are like, oh man,
I couldn't do that. You know, if I had to go to my wife and say, honey, this is a problem,
we need to fix this. She'll have a go at me. Hey, look, it's your job. It's your job,
man. It's your job, man, to be leaders and to notice the little things in your wife that are
not consistent with the word of God. And what are you meant to wash it with? You take the Bible to
wife. Say, honey, can I just show you this in the passage? You know, those things that you were saying
about, you know, sister so-and-so in church the other week, you know, the Bible says we shouldn't
be busybodies. We shouldn't be gossipers. Can I show you this in the word of God and try to
change this about you, you know? And here's the thing, husbands, you need to take her to the word
of God. If you're not showing, if you're not opening up the Bible, if you're not showing her
what the Bible says, she's going to think you're just attacking her, okay? Because our wives are
kind of weak in that way, right? They're kind of more emotional than we are. You know, you come
with a criticism. They're going to think you hate them. No, no, no. But this is an act of love. This
is an act of love. We love our wives by being that spiritual leader. And wives, let me ask you this.
Let me tell you this. If your husband is seeking to improve something about you, okay, it's not
that he hates you, it's that he loves you. I mean, look, when God comes and shows us something in
the Bible, and we say, hey, I need to fix that about myself, do we think God hates us when he
does that? No, we think, man, God loves us. Thank you, God, for showing this in the word of God.
Yes, it's going to be hard to change this in my life, but I realize I need to change this because
it's damaging my spiritual walk, or it's damaging my relationship with my brethren, damaging my
relationship with my family. Thank you, Lord, for showing me this truth. Well, that's how husbands
ought to be. You need to show this to your wife and fix up the blemishes, the spots and the wrinkles
that she has spiritually, okay? Don't be afraid to do that. That's what you're commanded to do.
That's how you're commanded to love your wives. And one question that comes up with me to me
quite a bit is, you know, some wives know more Bible than their husbands. You know, maybe they've
been saved longer. Maybe they're just more spiritual. You know, they've been reading their
Bible more. They've been desiring to go to church, and maybe the husband drags their feet, you know,
to get to church, those kinds of things. It can happen, okay? It can happen. And, you know, you might
be a husband that says, you know, yes, you know, my wife knows more of the Bible than I do. How can I
be that spiritual leader? Well, one thing that I've learned about leadership, okay, and I've, you know,
I've worked many, many jobs, and I've had many jobs where I was a supervisor, where I was a manager,
you know, as a team leader. I had many jobs like this where I had people under me.
One thing that I had to learn through that process, I thought, I thought to be a leader,
I had to be the best at everything. I thought I had to know it all. I had to be the best,
and then by being the best, I can then, you know, show other people what to do. But one thing that
I noticed as I got, you know, when I had more and more employees, I had more and more responsibilities,
as I climbed the ranks, you know, and got in higher positions, I started to realize I cannot
possibly know everything, you know, and one of the greatest challenges was to be put in a
leadership position of a department that I had never worked in, that I had never done a single
job before, okay, but I was put into that leadership position. Why? Because my manager
saw that I had leadership abilities, okay, and what I'm trying to say to you is this, being a
leader is not necessarily about being the best at everything. Being a leader is about delegating
work to other people. Being a leader is about finding the strengths of people that are under
you and utilizing those people to do their strengths, okay? It's about delegation,
making sure the work is getting done, you know, putting the right people in the right positions,
in the right places, and making sure the work is being done. You don't need to know it all.
You can use the people that have the knowledge to do the work, but you can just be that leader,
guiding the ship going that right direction. What I'm trying to say to you guys,
if you do have a wife that has greater spiritual knowledge, you say, you know what? I don't know
much. How do I teach my family? You can still be the spiritual leader. You can still be the one
that says, hey family, you know, turn off the Netflix. Hey family, turn off the internet. Let's
sit down as a family. Let's open up the Word of God. Let's read this chapter. I will do the best
I can to teach my family what the Word of God says, but honey, you know what, honey? You know
more than I do right now. Do you mind sharing what you believe this passage is about? Hey,
that's great. You're utilizing the skills and knowledge of your wife. That's a great thing,
but you're still being the leader. You're still being the one that takes charge. That's
directing the way in which the family needs to walk and to grow and to learn.
There is one caution that I have with that though. There is one caution. I think that's
a wise thing to do, especially if you're not spiritually mature. You're still the leader
if you're the husband, but I'm going to read to you just quickly from 1 Timothy 2, 14. You don't
need to turn there. 1 Timothy 2, 14. It says, an Adam was not deceived, but the woman being
deceived was in the transgression. So there is one thing you need to be careful about. And this
is in the context of teaching. That ladies, I know this is going to sound really bad and harsh on you
guys, but ladies, according to the Bible, it's easier for you to be deceived in the Word of God
than a man. That's just the way it is. Now I'm just saying men, yes, utilize your wives,
utilize their knowledge in the family environment, yes, absolutely. But also be careful because your
wives are more likely to be deceived by the devil than what you are. So how is that possible?
For those of you that go through the soul winning, how many of you guys go through the
soul winning? Just quickly? All right. From your experience, you've seen people get saved,
or at least you've seen people being more receptive to hear what you have to say.
What's the ratio like? Is it more ladies that want to hear what you have to say or is it more men?
Which one do you think? More ladies, absolutely. It's usually more the ladies that are willing
to hear you out, right? Okay. So I mean, that's great. That's awesome. The fact that they're
willing to listen, hear the Word of God, hopefully believe the gospel and be saved.
But what if it wasn't you that came to the door? What if it was a Jehovah witness? What if it was
a Mormon? What if it was someone else? Who do you think is more likely to listen to them? The ladies
again. The ladies again. Okay. Now here's the thing. It's great that they're more willing to
be receptive, more willing to listen to the things that are being said, but this is why they're also
more likely to be deceived. Okay. This is why men it's like, you know, I'm not interested in that.
They close the door. Okay. Now they can, they can, they're deceived in one way because they're
not hearing the truth, but they're also stopping other deceptions that they think is a waste of
their time. Okay. So they might slam the door on you, but they're also slamming the door on the
JWs and the Mormons. You know what I mean? So, but this is why, you know, men, you know, we're
more kind of had that tunnel vision, you know, we're more sort of stubborn a little bit in these
spiritual matters. This is why it's less likely for us to be deceived than for a lady. So, you
know, just be mindful in that. Yes, men, be the spiritual leader in your house, but be mindful,
you know, use your wife's knowledge, but be mindful that it's possible for your wife to
be deceived. Okay. So just keep that in your mind as well. Look at Ephesians chapter five now.
Ephesians chapter five, verse 28.
Ephesians chapter five, verse 28. We're getting to my fourth point now. It says here,
so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, he that loveth his wife loveth himself.
And I remember just having a really hard time understanding this because I'm thinking, okay,
I got to love my wife as my own body, but do I really love my body? I don't know. I don't think
I love my body that much. Does that mean I'm not meant to love my wife all that much then if I
don't love my body properly, you know? I kind of, you know, I kind of didn't really understand it
until I sort of started just meditating on it and thinking about it. But look at verse number 29,
it keeps going. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherished it,
even as the Lord the church. Okay. So here's what it's saying. It's saying here, look, we nourish,
we cherish our bodies. And here, look, look, man, when you're hungry, what do you do?
You eat something. That's nourishing your body. When you're thirsty, you go get a drink,
right? When you're cold, you know, you cherish your body. When you're cold, what do you do?
You put on a coat, you put on a jumper, you look after your body. You know, you may not even
realize it. Just as you go, you know, through day to day, you're constantly looking after yourself.
You know, your body has a need and you're going, yes, I'm going to, you know, you know, fulfill
that need of that body. You know, you're thirsty, you'll get a drink. If you cut yourself, you hurt
yourself, what are you going to do? You're going to put a bandage on there, right? You know, you
break, you break your arm, you're going to go to the hospital, you're going to go and fix that.
You're not just going to leave it. This is what I mean by looking after yourself. It's not just
trying to look nice on the outside to go to work. No, you know, just throughout the day,
you're constantly, hey, body, what do you need? You're hungry, I'm going to feed you. You're
thirsty, we're going to drink. You're tired, we're going to go to sleep. You know, you're constantly
loving, nourishing and cherishing your body. You know what that means then? You need to be doing
the same thing that you do to yourself, to your wife. Every need she has, you need to be taking
care of that need, okay? You're the leader. God's put you in charge of your wife, what she needs.
And here's the thing, it's easy for us to listen to ourselves. We know when we're hungry. Sometimes
it's harder to listen to our wives because the things that we communicate, man, when we talk men,
we can talk like two sentences and we understand each other, okay? But it's not a true husband,
sometimes your wife can be talking many, many paragraphs and you still don't know what she
wants. That means you've got to listen, right? You've got to pay attention, honey. What is it
that you need? You know, isn't it true? When you say, you know, you think your wife's upset, you
say, honey, is everything okay? And she says yes. No, that means no, right? When she says yes, it's
all good. It means no, there's a problem, you know? So when it comes to communication with your wife,
you've got to be a little bit more attentive. You know, men, when we talk to men, we're more
just straightforward down the line. We finish our conversations very quickly. You know, I might ring
a brother, say, hey, brother, blah, blah, blah. You know, in 30 seconds, we finish the conversation,
we hang up the phone. That same conversation with a wife could have taken like five minutes,
you know, just would have taken 30 seconds with a man could be, you know, five minutes with a wife.
And here's the thing, you just have to accept that, you know, God has created us differently.
You know, wives are important. We'll look next next week, the importance of the wife,
how you need to be, you know, living your part, you know, in the marriage. But right now,
right now, I'm just focusing on the man, man, you know, you're the leader, you're in charge,
you've got to nourish and cherish your wife, the same way you nourish and cherish your body.
Let me give you some practical things to think about here. And, you know, men, we go to work,
you know, you might be at work for eight hours, nine hours, 10 hours, 11, 12 hours
of the day, possibly, you know, and if you've got a family full of kids,
sometimes you just want to get home and crash, don't you just want to come home, and you don't
want to really talk, you know, your wife probably wants to talk to you, especially if she's been
home looking after the kids, right? She's looking for some adult stimulation, you know, she's just
been spending all those hours with the children, she just probably wants to talk to an adult.
And you're like, Oh, honey, look, I'm just so tired. I've had a rough day at work. I've been
busy. I'm tired. And you just want to get home and crash. Okay. Now, look, I think there's a time for
that. But one thing you need to learn, men, husbands, and, you know, of course, as a father
with 10 kids, something that I really had to learn is that I need to learn how to rest. And,
you know, how to, you know, and how to, how to, how to have joy and joy when I get home from work
with my family, with my family. You know, here's the thing, sometimes with the kids are thinking,
Oh, man, I've got to spend time with the kids and listen to them and play with them.
But actually, if you sit, if you just after work, go and play with them, that's a great stress
relief. That's, that's, that's exactly what you need. You sit down and draw a picture with your
little girl. You know, sit down and kick a ball with your son. You know, sit down and speak to
your wife and see, honey, how was your day today? Because here's the thing, men, we think about how
tired we are after, you know, 10 hours of work. Well, guess what our wives were doing for the last
10 hours? They were working as well. They have needs as well. They're looking for adult stimulation
and conversation. So make sure you keep that in mind as well. You're to look at, look, you're
looking out for yourself. You're saying I need a rest. Yeah, but your wife needs a rest as well.
Your wife needs attention. Your wife needs to be looked after. These are important things you need
to remember. And sometimes men, we have our hobbies, don't we? You know, sometimes some men
like to go out and play soccer, right? Some men like to, I don't know, like some people spend
hundreds of thousands of dollars. I think it's ridiculous, but some people do this, right?
On just nonsense on their hobbies. You know, I know people that, you know, just constantly working on
some car, some car that's worth nothing, but they're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars
fixing up some old car, you know, because it's a hobby. And it's for them, it's not the value of
the car. It's just the enjoyment of doing that. You know, that's something that they love doing
that, you know, that's cool. I don't know, you know, if you've got the money, you know,
that's something that gives you some satisfaction in life. And I don't think it's a major problem
with that as long as it doesn't become an idol. You know, I remember going door knocking up there
on the Sunshine Coast and, and this man invited us into his house and in his living room, he lived
by himself. In his living room, he had his huge train set, you know, so, you know, it's all,
all the trains will move in and go in. And he's like, you know, how much money do you think I've
spent on this? And I was like, I don't know, $20,000? I'm thinking, man, if you spent $20,000,
you're crazy. He says, no, I've spent $100,000 on this train set. On toys. He's a man. He's,
he's like 50 years old and he's spending $100,000. We find that hard to save up and buy a house,
right? That's enough for a great deposit for a house. He's spending that on toys.
You know, what I'm trying to say to you guys is, look, it's fine to have our hobbies. Maybe not
that hobby, maybe not those crazy things again. It's fine to have the things that you need to go
to and just blow off some steam and, and relax and fine. But here's what I want you to be thinking
about when you're doing that. Or let's say you go on the internet, you go online, you go to YouTube,
you listen to sermons, you listen to watch some videos, whatever. That's cool. That's fine. You're
blowing off some steam. That's fine. But here's what I want you to think about. If you're going
to love your wives as you love yourselves, if you needed an hour to blow off some steam,
you know, to get away from your family and just spend an hour on some hobby,
why don't you now, if you're going to love your wife as you love yourself,
why don't you now commit an hour to your wife? That's what he means to love your wife as your
own body. You've loved your body that much to give it an hour of playtime, whatever that was.
All right, well now give your wife an hour of your time. Are you willing to do that?
Or do you love the hobby more than you love your wife? You know, what is it that you actually
care about in your life? You know, sometimes you might say, honey, you know, I just want to
hang out with the boys a little bit, you know, go and catch up with my some friends. I think
that's okay. You know, once in a while, it's okay to do those things. But then, you know,
you might be out there for two hours with your mates catching up, whatever. Are you now willing
to say, honey, you know what I did this last week? You know what, honey, this week, why don't you go
out two hours with your friends? You know, I'll stay home. I'll stay home and look after the kids.
We'll have some fun. We'll come up with some ideas. Don't worry. I'll take care of the food.
Why don't you get out there and spend a couple of hours with your kids? Are you willing to do
that sacrifice for your wife? Because you've done it for your own body. You should be doing that
for your wife. Better yet, better yet than hanging out with your friends. You know what, honey,
how about we go on a date? How about we spend time together? Instead of me hanging out with my mates,
instead of, you know, you hanging out with your girlfriends, why don't we drop off the kids,
this family that we know, maybe the family relatives. Hey, we trust these people. Let's
leave them there so we can spend some time together. What about that one? Hey, that's
blowing up some steam. That's getting away from the workload, but now you're bringing your wife
with you. You say, Pastor Kevin, I got nobody that I can leave the kids with. Then bring them
along. Bring the whole family along. Bring the kids along. You know, spend time with them as
well. You know, God has given you a family so you can enjoy, so you can be influential, you know,
in their lives. And if you're spending time with your wife, she's going to know that he loves me.
You know, saying I love you only goes so far. Now you need to say that. You need to say that
to your wife. Honey, I love you. You need to say those things. But you know what's more
loving than that is when you show her sacrifice from your part. When she sees you come home tired
from work, you're still willing to sit there with her and talk to her for an hour or see what her
needs were. See what her struggles were during the day so you can try to be a help and support to her.
Give her some guidance. Give her some advice. You know, be there for her. Love her as much as you
love yourself. You might not realise how much you love yourself until you work out. How many hours
do I spend on stuff? You know what's crazy things about the latest iPhones these days?
Now they kind of measure how long you spend on certain apps. Do you guys want to talk about it?
Like if you're on Facebook, it kind of says, you know, you spent this much time or some other,
if you've got games or something, it says, oh, you spent this much time playing this game.
Well, I had no idea. I don't know if you guys have that function. I had to switch it off because I
got, you know, I got convicted by it. But like there were certain things and I'm like, what?
There's no way I spent two hours today on this. But that's what it says. I spent two hours today
on this app. What? Hey, but what a waste of time. I could have spent that time with my wife.
You know, I love myself, you know, entertaining myself for those few hours on that app.
I should have just spent that with my wife or one hour on that app and the other hour with my wife
if I'm going to love her the way I love my body. So please be thinking about this, men. You probably
say, yeah, you know what, I didn't care about myself. No, you do. Okay, when you start breaking
it down, all the things you waste your time on, all the vain adventures, all the hobbies,
all the desires you have that you spend time on, the blowing off steam that you want to do it by
yourself, that's all time that you're spending for yourself. Looking after yourself, you need to make
sure you give that equal measure back to your wife. Okay, be thoughtful about that. I think
that's probably one of the hardest things out of these things that I've got listed here. I think
this is going to be the hardest thing for the husbands to do. And I'm going to read to you from
Colossians 3.14, it says, husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them. Be not bitter
against them. Do you know why God writes these things? Why does God say in Colossians 3.19,
husbands love your wives? That's obvious. Why does God need to tell us? Why does it say,
be not bitter against them? I'll tell you why, because we're probably naturally inclined to be
that way. We're naturally inclined to not love her the way we need to. We're probably naturally
inclined to become bitter toward our wives when we're not getting things the way we want it to be.
Okay, God writes these things because he knows you struggle with this man, therefore I'm going
to tell you again and again and again. You know, we can't be bitter toward our wives. You know,
if you're having a hard time at work, you've got the pressures and the stress of work, you don't
come home and take it out on your family. You don't go home and take it out on your wife. You
don't go home and take it out on your kids. They didn't make you feel pressured. They didn't stress
you out. It was your employer. It was your work colleagues. It was the customers and the clients
that you dealt with. They're the ones that made your life difficult. They're the ones that stressed
you out, not your family. Okay, don't be bitter toward your wives. And you know, I know that I've
done those mistakes many times where I've been stressed at work. I come home and I'm angry. I'm
frustrated. I'm on a short temper because you know, I've had enough from work and I just want peace
and quiet. Now I'm meant to love my wife as much as I love myself. So you know, a hard day at work
is not an excuse to take it out on your wives. And the last thing that I've got here, point number
five, look at Ephesians chapter five, verse 31, please. Ephesians chapter five, verse 31.
Ephesians 5, 31. The Bible says, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall
be joined unto his wife and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak
concerning Christ and the church. Look at this. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular
so love his wife, even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband. So the Bible
says here in verse 31, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined
unto his wife and they too shall be one flesh. I can't drive this home enough when it comes to a
marriage. You're one flesh, okay? Yes, you started out as two. You were two single people. When you
got married, as far as God is concerned, you're now one flesh, you're one team. Your marriage
needs to operate as one team, one flesh. This is why you need to spend time together, you know?
This is what's gonna help you mature and grow in your marriages when you spend the time together,
when you speak to one another, when you take care of each other's needs emotionally, you know,
physically, all those things that come in marriage, you can't live separated lives. I'm so sad when I
see married couples, especially married couples in church where husband's out doing that and the
wife's out doing that. They don't spend time together. They don't talk to each other. You
know what guys, after we get married, you know, things change, you know, time changes. Time changes
you, okay? And you know, when I got married to my wife, we didn't have 10 kids, did we? When I got
married to my wife, it was just me and her, you know? And so what do I do? I go to work, you know,
you start saving up, you've got to pay for the groceries, you know, maybe start saving up for
a house, you start thinking about church, importance of God, you want to put God first in your life,
you do all these things. And then there comes a point in your time when later on, this is what
happened, you know, I had to quit my job. There came a point in my time when I said, honey,
I've got to quit my job. First of all, I'm spending too much time at the job, you know? Secondly,
it's getting in the way of me being a godly father. It's getting in the way of me being
more involved in the church as much as I like. This job right now is not fitting the requirements
we need as a family. And so I quit the job for a while. And for the next few weeks, for the next
few months, my wife and I, we just sat down and said, what's the new direction we have for our
lives? Yes, when you took on this job, we had no kids. But today, you know, now we've got six kids,
what are we going to do? You know, is your desire to be a pastor? You know, are we going to be moving
out of Sydney? We need to re-examine these things. But I needed to stop and spend time with my wife,
I need to communicate with her. We're one flesh. What are we going to do, honey? What's the new
priorities we have in our lives? We've got six kids now. How are we going to homeschool these?
How are we going to educate them? You know, how are we going to raise our kids? We need to now
rethink this. You know, we're still living our lives as though we were just newly married.
But sometimes life changes, kids come in, into play, and you need to rethink what's going on,
what's the goals in our life? And the only way you're going to come with a new goal and new
purpose is when you talk to your wife, when you communicate with your wife, she would have some
really great ideas. You know, she's usually the one at home spending time with the kids,
she knows what the kids needs, she knows what the family needs, and you need to stop sometime and
think, hey, are we going? Are we just continuing the same way? Or do we need to re-examine how
we're living our lives? We're one flesh, we're one flesh, we should be doing things together.
You know, some, I'm not saying this is wrong necessarily, but you know, some marriages have
like, you know, the husband has a bank account, and the wife has a bank account. It's like,
well, that's my money, and that's your money. You know, look, if that works for you, that's fine.
Okay, I don't have a problem with that. Here's the thing, sometimes it prevents you from being
that one team. You know, my wife, we got one bank account, it doesn't matter. Whatever money's in
there is ours. It's not like that's my money, and that's your money. You know, I trust my wife,
she's going to take care of things. I trust my wife, she's not going to waste money. She trusts
me that I'm not going to buy $100,000 worth of train toys. You know, we're one flesh, we're one
team. When we separate ourselves too much, you know, we can lose that connection. You know,
if we're not communicating, you can go the years, you can go down 9, 10 years, and you've got the
six kids, and then you're like, I don't even know who you are. And you turn around to your wife,
I don't know who you are. Your wife says, look, I don't know who you are, because you've not been
communicating, you've changed, you've matured, you've grown. You're not exactly the same person
you were when you first got married. You're one flesh. It's so important for you to remember this,
please. It's not like you're two flesh, now you're an institution, you're back to two flesh. No,
you're one flesh. You need to be doing things together, keeping her involved in your life.
Keeping her involved in your life. Please go to 1 Peter 3 now, we're wrapping up.
1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7. 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7.
1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7. The Bible says, likewise ye husbands dwell with them,
that their wives, according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife. Now,
are you giving honor unto your wife? In what way? Let's keep going. As unto the weaker vessel.
Did you know your wives are weaker physically? Your wives tend to be weaker emotionally,
they can get a bit more emotional than you. Your wives in general, not in every case,
but in general, your wives are weaker spiritually. But you know what? Recognizing that they're
weaker, the Bible tells us that we're here, we're commanded here to give honor unto our wives.
We're meant to recognize those things and go, honey, you're weaker in these areas,
therefore I've got to be the strength for you in these areas. You know, you're weaker physically,
therefore you can't open that jar, then give it to me, I'll open that jar, right? Honey,
you're weaker spiritually, well I'm commanded to be that spiritual leader, let's open up the Bible
and see what God has to say for us. You know, they're weaker emotionally, something happens,
some situation, honey, let me help you understand this position, let's reassess, you know,
that lady at church that didn't say hello to you that one time, you know, and your wife's getting
all upset, you know, your wife's all upset about it, honey, let's just re-examine this, you know,
99 out of 100 times she said hello to you, she just must have forgotten that one time,
don't worry about it, she doesn't hate you, right? You know, help them, recognize them,
they've got that weaker, but hey, giving them honor, giving them honor for who they are,
because they're different to you, because they're made to compliment you, they're made to be that
help unto you, all right? So let's keep reading there, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being
heirs together of the grace of life. You know, God's made us joint heirs, husbands and wives,
of life, the grace of life. God wants us to be in the things that we receive as married couples,
that we have that as joint heirs, we're sharing that together in life, and then it says here,
that your prayers be not hindered, that your prayers be not hindered. See guys, men,
if you're not having healthy marriages, if you're not honoring your wife, you're not loving your
wife the way Christ loved the church, the Bible tells us here that your prayers will be hindered,
okay? So you could be praying to the Lord and the Lord's just not receiving them, they're
stopping before they reach the Lord's ears because you've got marital issues, because you're not
being the spiritual leader, you're not being the head of your house the way you're commanded to be.
Now I don't know if you've experienced that, you know, I don't know all your lives, I don't know
all your marriages, I don't know how all it is, but you know, if you feel like and say, you know what
Pastor Kevin, I feel like God's not been hearing my prayers, I feel like he's not answering my
prayers, well the first thing I'd say to you is, well how's your marriage? You know, are you
honoring your wife? Because if you're not honoring your wife, if she doesn't feel love from you,
that's probably why. Maybe the Lord has hindered your prayers because you're not doing the role
that God's asked you to do as the head of your family. All right, so keep that in mind.
Let's wrap it up now. In conclusion, the five points that I had for you guys tonight.
Number one, men, love your wives with a sacrificial love. Number two, love her by providing
safety and security. Number three, love her by being the spiritual leader. Number four, love her
as much as you love yourself. And number five, love her by keeping her involved. Let's pray.
Heavenly Father, Lord I just want to thank you for your word, thank you for the instructions that we
see in the Bible. Lord, we thank you for the great love that Jesus Christ has for the church.
And Lord, for those that are husbands here today, Lord, I pray you'd help each one of us
to grow in love for our wives. Help us to be like Christ and the sacrificial love that he gave to
the church, Lord. Help us to be able to emulate that in our marriages, Lord. And for the men that
aren't married just yet, but are desiring to be husbands, Lord, I pray that they start preparing,
they start recognizing these things, these truths that you're having in the word of God.
So Lord, when they do find a wife and they do get married, they will be best prepared, Lord,
to do things in accordance to your word. We pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen.
Let all the people praise thee. Oh, let the nations be glad and sing for joy.