So 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse number 36,
but if any man think that he behave of himself
uncomely toward his virgin,
if she pass the flower of her age and need so require,
let him do what he will,
he sinneth not, let them marry.
The title for the sermon this afternoon
is finding a spouse part three.
Finding a spouse part three,
all biblical principles on dating
if you wanna call it that as well.
Okay, now part three,
if you're just tuned in to part three,
you're missing out.
Like you need to get back to part one.
And so part one was very foundational.
Part two, we looked at a biblical story,
took some principles from there.
This is gonna be my final part.
And a lot of this is gonna be my opinion,
but the point behind this is that my opinion
you would know that you'd line up with scripture.
Going through part one and two,
you'll understand why I'm telling you
some of these things that you're gonna hear
in the sermon this afternoon,
but finding a spouse part three.
Now, in the world, usually when young people
wanna start dating, parents often tend to think,
you know, well, what is that right age?
You know, they start to sort of consider
what is the right age to start dating?
Is it 12 years old?
Is it 15 years old?
Is it 18 years old?
Is it 20 years old?
People are generally looking for an age.
And if you understand what I've been preaching
over the last two sermons, it's not the age.
The age is not the deciding factor.
In fact, if you look at 1 Corinthians 7 again,
verse number 36, let's read it again.
I'll explain to you what's happening here.
It says, but if any man,
the man referring to here is a father,
referring to a father, okay?
If any man or any father think
that he behaves himself uncomely toward his virgin,
he's speaking here about his daughter,
his daughter who is a virgin,
his daughter who is a young lady.
If she passed the flower of her age,
oh, this mentions age there.
Is this referring that maybe
once she's passed the flower of her age,
and we'll talk about what that is in a moment,
then she's ready to get married.
Is that what it's teaching us?
And it says then, need so require,
let him do what he will,
his sin if not, let them marry.
So this is talking about a father
permitting his daughter to marry,
but you can see that there is a clear boundary
that she's got to at least
have passed the flower of her age.
And this is speaking about, of course,
a girl who has experienced her,
she's gone through puberty,
and she's experienced the first period.
All right?
What the Bible is telling us here
is that before that time,
they are not ready to start dating.
They are not ready for that decision to get married.
You say, well, maybe they can start dating,
but not get married.
No, no, the last two sermons.
The biblical reason you start dating
is because you're looking for a spouse, okay?
This isn't just about looking for a boyfriend
or looking for a girlfriend
and having a companion and having a physical relationship.
No, no, biblical dating is about finding a wife.
It's about finding a husband, finding a spouse.
That's why I call this series Finding a Spouse, okay?
But it is related to dating,
and she has to have at least passed
the flower of her age,
and then it says, well, let them marry.
Well, let's keep going there.
Verse number 30, is this saying,
all right, my daughter's gone through puberty.
She's had her first period.
All right, now we're just gonna,
now she's ready to get married
to some young person at the church.
Is that what it's saying?
Is it commanding us to make such a decision?
No.
Because verse 37, what follows is this.
Nevertheless, he that standeth steadfast in his heart,
having no necessity, but have power over his own will,
and have so decreed in his heart
that he will keep his virgin, doeth well.
So as a father, what this is teaching us
is that once again, the Bible's telling us,
you have authority over your daughters, okay?
And girls, maybe you don't like that.
I don't know, okay?
But the authority that God has put over your head
is for your safety, for your protection, okay?
Daughters, the head of a daughter is dad.
And when dad has given her over to marriage,
her head becomes her husband.
But while she's young, it's up to dad, okay?
This is not saying, all right, dads,
she's passed puberty, let her get married.
No, no, no.
You make a decision.
Is she ready?
Is she not?
This is not teaching us she's ready at a certain age.
The whole point of those two sermons before this
is not about age.
It's about preparedness.
Is my daughter prepared to get married?
Is the man that she's interested in,
is he prepared and ready to get married?
Because if they're not prepared,
they're not ready to start dating.
You see, this is just telling us,
putting the authority, the responsibility back on dads.
Dad, you have authority.
Please don't listen to this world.
You know, your kids at school, they're going to learn
that it's their call, it's their decision,
life is all about them.
No, the Bible tells us very clearly
there's authority structures in all areas of life.
And dads, please don't let it go, okay?
God's entrusted you with your daughters.
He's entrusted you with your wife.
You call the shots.
The Lord wants you to love them,
to direct them, to care for them,
to do the best for them.
So you've got to take authority.
You've got to take ownership over her.
Look at verse number 38, 1 Corinthians 7, 38.
So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well.
But he that giveth her not to marriage doeth better.
So you say, look, honey, okay, you know,
you're 15 years old, but you know what?
You're not ready to date.
You're not ready to get married just yet.
You're not prepared.
Or the guy that you like, he's not prepared.
And that guy that you like
has got to get off the video games,
and he's got to go and work.
He's got to go labor.
He's got to go save up first.
And then, hey, you doeth better
if you're withholding that.
You're doing better.
It's in what sense are you doing better
if you're preventing your daughter from marrying a guy?
Well, let's, we'll talk about that in a moment.
I want to talk about the context here
of the flower of her age.
What are we referring to exactly?
And I've already kind of explained to you, of course.
Let's backtrack a little bit, verse number 32.
In what ways is someone
that has been withheld from getting married,
in what way is that better?
What's the profit?
What's the advantage?
Well, number one,
you're going to protect it
from making some major mistakes in life, okay?
But that's not really the context of this passage.
Verse number 32 says,
but I would have you without carefulness.
He that is unmarried careth for the things
that belong to the Lord,
how he may please the Lord.
Young people, those of you that are single
that are unmarried,
you know what your purpose is right now?
To please the Lord,
to seek the Lord,
to love the Lord,
to serve the Lord.
This is your advantage right now.
This is your profit right now
that you can have your heart set,
not on some girlfriend or some boyfriend,
you can have your heart set on the Lord God
and serve him faithfully.
That's really the decision.
Is my time going to be used up in marriage
or is my time going to be used up serving the Lord?
If you're single,
the decision's made for you,
your heart is to the Lord, okay?
This is the advantage.
Look at verse number 33.
But he that is married careth for the things
that are of the world,
how he may please his wife.
This is not wicked or sinful,
it's just a reality.
If you're married,
your time is going to be used by your spouse
and that's good and proper.
But you need to understand
that your time will be less toward
the things of the Lord.
And of course if a spouse will then come children
and the more children you have,
the more time you're going to have
to give toward your family,
which again is a good thing,
but you won't be able to use that time
to serve the Lord as much.
Some people have more time than others.
And again, this is just,
you have to understand this is the reality of life.
This is why I tell people
never compare yourself to other believers, right?
Like a single man who's got no authority,
sorry, got no responsibility.
You know what?
If you're able to read the Bible 10 times a year,
you're able to go soul winning five times a week.
You know, it's not you to thumb your nose up
on someone who's married with children
who has less time,
who has more responsibilities,
who can't do as much as you.
We're all different.
But young people, you use your time now.
If you're not married, it's for the Lord.
I'm going to give my time and attention,
my focus toward the Lord and His word.
And I promise if you do that,
it's going to help you for the rest of your life.
The wisdom that God gives you is invaluable.
Let's keep going there, verse number 34.
There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin.
The unmarried woman care for the things of the Lord.
Stop there a moment.
Unmarried women, young ladies, teenage girls,
is that true about you?
The unmarried woman care for the things of the Lord.
Girls, do you care for the things of the Lord?
Is that on your heart?
Are you thankful to be in church today
to hear about the Lord?
That's where your heart wants to be.
If you say pastor, it's not.
And I assume it's not going to be, probably,
for a lot of you.
Okay, well, you know, don't get offended.
Say, you know what, pastor, you're all right.
My heart should be toward the Lord.
That's what the Bible's teaching me here.
You know, I've got to stop being selfish.
I've got to stop thinking just about my needs
and I want to seek the needs of God's will in my life.
What is it that I need to accomplish?
You see, there's no rush in dating.
You rush out there, you know, you find some boyfriend.
Look, you won't be able to give your time
and attention to all the things of the Lord.
Is there anything wrong with finding a boyfriend
or girlfriend?
Of course not.
Have I reached the age?
Are you prepared to get married?
And is the person you're interested,
are they prepared to get married?
It's not about age.
It's about whether you're prepared.
Okay, let's keep going there.
Verse number, sorry, let's read verse number 34 again.
There is a difference between a wife and a virgin.
The unmarried woman care for the things of the Lord
that she, this is so important,
that she may be holy, both in body and in spirit.
But she that is married care for the things of the world
how she may please her husband.
That's true.
But notice, young ladies, the reason you don't want
to start dating a man who's unprepared
and you unprepared is because that relationship
can go for months, can go for years
and it's not going anywhere
because you're not ready to get married.
And the longer that time goes,
your body will not be holy.
Holy means separated, set apart for the things of the Lord
and I've already covered this in previous sermons.
The longer a relationship goes,
the longer that desire burns, okay?
And it's very easy, the power to overcome
this temptation, you're not strong enough,
you will give in to fornication.
Keep your bodies holy, pure, okay?
Until you're ready to get married
or until the person you're interested in
is ready to get married, you kept yourself pure,
you kept your hands off each other.
That person might not even be,
the person you're interested in today
might not even be the spouse that you marry.
Why would you want to give your body
and your hands over to somebody
that you're not going to spend
the rest of your life with?
Verse number 35, and this I speak for your own profit.
This is profitable toward you, okay?
Not that I may cast a snare upon you,
but for that which is comely,
that you may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
You see that?
Without distraction.
You know, young people that start dating
when they're 12 and 13 and 14 and 15,
they're distracted.
They're distracted with that relationship.
They're not ready to get married.
The Lord's given them their youth
to love Him, to learn of Him,
but when they start looking for that boyfriend
or girlfriend early in their,
before they're married, before they're ready,
they're going to be distracted.
They're not going to profit from the things of the Lord.
They're going to be thinking day in, day out
about their relationship, okay?
This happens.
This is the reality.
And there's nothing wrong with love.
There's nothing wrong with getting married.
There's nothing wrong with dating.
All of that is awesome and exciting and very special.
But do it when you're ready.
Do it when you're prepared.
Forget the age.
When are you prepared?
You might be prepared when you're 17.
You might be prepared when you're 20.
You might be prepared when you're 40.
Isaac, how old was Isaac when he got married?
40.
Okay?
Forget an age.
Are you prepared?
And you want to get married earlier in life?
Then get prepared earlier in life.
Like I know, if my daughter comes up to me,
Dad, I want to start dating this young man over there.
Number one, are you prepared, honey?
Number two, can he look after you?
Is he ready?
I hope so.
Like I want to marry off my kids.
I don't want to hold onto my kids
for the rest of my life.
I want my kids to get married
and bring the grandkids along
and all that fun stuff.
I'm really excited about grandkids.
I think it's going to be awesome.
Because you can hand them back, right?
That's what I hear.
Like you can have fun with them,
but you can hand them back when they get rowdy,
when they get noisy.
Yeah, that sounds awesome.
I'm not trying to stop people from dating.
I want it to be done,
but done in a biblical manner
with the right attitude,
with the right preparedness,
not wasting your time and your emotions
when God has given your youth to love and to serve Him.
Life is going to get more complicated as you get older.
Life is simple right now.
Don't use the simplicity of life right now
chasing some relationship
that's not going to go anywhere for now.
Use it to serve the Lord.
Use it to know the Lord much more.
This issue about the flower of her age.
People often say about the Bible,
it's saying there that you know what?
She might have a first period
when she's like 13 or something like that, 12, right?
Or is the Bible saying at 12 years old,
they're able to get married?
No, are they prepared at 12?
No.
Has it always been that age
when girls have come through that flower of her age
as the Bible says?
It's not always been that case.
I was doing some research here.
If you don't know, it's already commonly accepted
like in our world that girls are going through puberty
and having their period much earlier as the years go on,
as the decades go on,
earlier and earlier and earlier and earlier.
And some research was, I'll just read to you,
research is something I found online.
I checked a few sources, so this is definitely correct.
It says researchers found that in 1860,
1860 is not that long ago really, okay?
That in 1860, the average age of the onset of puberty
in girls was 16.6 years old.
16 years old to 17, the onset of puberty.
We're not even talking about the period right now.
That comes a bit later.
So if we're reading that passage
that the flower of her age,
we're now talking about a 17 year old girl.
That seems a little bit more reasonable
if you thought, okay,
as soon as that happens, you can marry them off.
That sounds a little bit more reasonable, doesn't it?
Then it says in 1920, it was 14.6 years.
In 1950, 13.1 years.
1980, 12.5.
And in 2010, it had dropped to 10.5.
10.5 when a girl starts to, years old,
when a girl starts to enter those first stages of puberty.
What's happening?
Now, if that was the case in 1860,
16 to 17 years old,
and then we think about the time
when Paul wrote this epistle
talking about the flower of his age.
Do you think the age will be closer to 10 years old
or do you think the age will be close to 17 years old?
Maybe 18 years old.
Okay, maybe 19 years old.
We don't really know, okay.
Now, why has this happened?
Well, in the same research,
this is what's generally accepted, okay.
Most people realize that this is down to obesity, okay.
Poor diets, okay.
Obesity is a cause that can bring forth puberty early.
A diet that is high in sugar and fat, okay.
I mean, a lot of things that we take
just too high in sugar, it's not good for you.
Decline in physical activity,
that's a cause that a person can go
through puberty earlier.
And this was another interesting thing,
endocrine disruptors.
Has anyone heard that term before?
Endocrine disruptors.
These are chemicals in the environment
that act upon hormones.
Like even just your cleaning agents
that you might have at the house
can have an effect on the hormones
of your children growing up.
They're saying all of these factors combined
are causing girls to go through puberty
and have that period earlier and earlier
and earlier and earlier in their life.
So look, the Bible is not unreasonable.
I think most of us would say,
yeah, a girl that's 17, 18,
that's probably as early you might want
someone to get married if it allows.
But again, it's not so much about the age.
It's about how prepared are you to get married.
The verse that I left with you last week,
actually, can you take your Bibles
and turn with me to Luke 14.
Turn to Luke 14.
And the passage that I left with you last week
at the end was this one.
And I explained to you that this is like my life verse.
Proverbs 24, 27.
I love it, I love it so much.
Prepare thy work without.
Prepare.
Whatever it is that you want to accomplish in life,
prepare.
I wanted to become a pastor.
It did not happen overnight.
I had to prepare.
I was preparing since I was in my early 20s.
I became a pastor when I was 37.
That's a lot of preparation.
I didn't go, I want to be a pastor
and then next door, can you ordain me
so I can just start a church?
I would have failed.
I would have been a failure of a pastor
if I just got ordained immediately.
There are men like that
who just want to get ordained overnight.
Whatever it is that you do,
you got to prepare.
Before I got married, before I had children,
before I got married,
I already decided, I'm going to homeschool my kids.
I'm a young man, like at that point,
18, 19, 20.
I said, you know what?
I don't want my kids to go through high school
the way I went through high school.
I don't want them to learn all this rubbish
and deal with all this emotional struggle.
I'm going to homeschool my kids.
So what do you do?
You prepare.
You start to research, you start to study,
you start to organize yourself.
You say, pastor, I want to win souls.
We'll prepare.
Learn the verses.
Put a plan together.
Come out as a silent partner.
Observe, watch.
And at some point, you're just going to be like,
all right, I'll take the next stool,
because you prepared.
You want to start dating?
You prepare.
Prepare yourself.
You want to date earlier in life?
Prepare earlier in life.
Everything requires preparation,
or it's going to fail.
The Bible says, prepare thy work without,
and make it fit for thyself in the field,
and afterwards build thine house.
Don't have the attitude,
I'll start working toward marriage
when the Lord leads me to someone that I want to marry.
No.
You prepare before you find that person.
So when the Lord leads that person to you,
you're ready to go.
You're ready to date.
You're ready to assess, is this the person
I want to spend the rest of my life with?
And when you're both able to make that decision,
yes, this is the person.
That's it, you're ready, get married.
Praise God.
Now, I'm not a supporter of rushing.
And I'm definitely not a supporter of delaying.
I'm a supporter of preparing.
When you prepare, it's not a rush,
because you prepared for a long time.
And when you're prepared, you're not delaying,
because you're ready to go.
That is the answer, being prepared.
Young people, I want you to date.
I want you to find someone that you love.
I want them to love you.
I want you to find companionship.
I want you to be able to leave the home
and have joy in marriage, but you gotta prepare.
Prepare now.
Use your youth.
Know the Bible, search the Bible.
Learn how to mature, how to grow,
how to do the things that God would have for you.
And you know, if you're doing what God commands,
God will bless you.
And take the concern to God,
and say, Lord, I wanna get married one day.
I don't wanna waste my time in relationships,
and heartache, and breakups.
Lord, send me to the person when I'm ready.
And when that person is ready, Lord, help us to meet,
so we can just love each other and move on with life.
Take it to the Lord.
You're there in Luke 14, Luke 14, verse 28.
You guys know this passage.
For which of you intending to build a tower
siteth not down first and counteth the cost,
whether he hath sufficient to finish it,
lest haply, after he have laid the foundation,
and is not able to finish it,
all that behold it begin to mock him,
saying, this man began to build,
and was not able to finish.
I know what that's like.
I started dating Christina when I'm 18 years old,
or 19, I can't remember, around that age.
I was not ready.
Christina was not ready.
We were not prepared.
I wish I heard this sermon when I was 12 years old,
when I was 15 years old, when I was 18 years old.
I wish I could hear this being taught behind the pulpit,
so I can prepare.
I'm just a young guy, I'm a stupid young guy,
trying to find a girlfriend
because everyone else is finding a girlfriend,
so it might as well be my turn now.
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I'm very thankful for Christina.
God's been very gracious, very merciful.
All right, but I was not ready.
I was not prepared, okay?
So what happens?
Well, we got engaged two years later.
Two years, okay?
And even when I got engaged, guess what?
We still weren't prepared.
We still weren't ready.
What did we learn in that passage?
For which of you intended to build a tower,
sit it not down first, and counter for the cost,
whether he have sufficient to finish it?
You know what people say to you
when you go and date them for that long?
You guys ever gonna get married?
Ha ha ha.
Yeah, that's the Bible principle.
They begin to mock.
Is this ever gonna happen in life?
And then we're engaged,
we're engaged for another two years.
Look, I still got married pretty young, 22 years old.
I got still pretty young compared to most people, okay?
But my point is, we were not prepared, all right?
I mean, if I couldn't, not that you can go back in time,
and not that I have any regrets
because of those regrets
and those mistakes you learn in life, don't you?
But if I had another chance in life, you know what?
I would have been just a good of a friend to Christina
as much as I could.
Instead of giving her the gospel
in the midst of a relationship,
I would have given the gospel just as a friend,
kept in touch, invited her to church,
and say, you know what?
I wanna marry her.
I need to go get myself a full-time job
as soon as possible.
I better start saving up now
because I don't wanna go two years and then engage,
two years and then get married.
I wanna get this all done in a year.
So I'm gonna go out and apply biblical principles,
work hard, labor, save up, prepare myself
so I'm not wasting time.
So I don't wanna be hard on the young people,
but again, I wish I could hear this if I was your age.
I wish I heard this sermon.
I wish I knew these biblical truths.
And who knows?
Maybe I'd be a father of 20 by now
if we prepared a little bit earlier.
It's all in the Lord's hands.
But see, in verse number 29,
let's happily, after you had laid the foundation
or after you have started dating
and is not able to finish it,
not able to get married,
and all that behold it begins to mock him,
saying, this man began to build,
this man began to date and was not able to finish.
I did get finished in the end,
but you learn these things over time, right?
You learn, hey, things could have been done better.
And I wanna make sure my kids do things better than me.
I wanna make sure our children in this church
do better than us.
Please come with me to Exodus chapter 22.
Exodus 22.
Exodus 22 verse 16.
Actually, can you turn to Deuteronomy?
You're not far from there anyway.
Deuteronomy chapter 22.
Come with me to Deuteronomy chapter 22.
I'll read to you from Exodus 22.
So one of the things that I covered last week,
just very quickly, is man, you need to labor,
you need to work, you need to save up.
You wanna show your girlfriend, wife-to-be,
and their family that you are financially secure,
that you can put a roof over her head,
that you can take care of her needs.
That's critical.
That is important.
That's part of being prepared.
Well, this was already put through.
This is already something,
this is a principle that you already find in the Bible.
I wanna show you a few places we can see this.
But I just wanna show you in the laws of Moses,
I'll read to you from Exodus 22 first.
Exodus 22 verse 16 says,
and if a man entice a maid that is not betrothed,
and lie with her, so they've committed fornication,
he shall surely endow her to be his wife.
And then it says this,
obviously that's not the ideal scenario,
that's just if it happens.
Then it says in verse 17,
if her father, and this again,
the authority of the father is mentioned here.
If the father utterly refuse to give her unto him,
he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins.
You see in the Old Testament,
if you wanted to take a wife,
you had to pay a dowry.
You had to make payments.
You had to buy her basically from her dad.
And again, this is a financial demonstration
that you have the finances to take care of someone.
You have the finances to take this young virgin
from her father.
Okay, and you're rewarding the father.
Thank you for raising her.
Thank you for nurturing her.
Thank you for giving everything you've given her in life
so I can have her as my wife.
Here's a gift, here's a dowry to make up for it.
Again, so important that men are financially secure.
And the reason I mentioned this last week,
because financial problems again,
is the second highest reason people have divorce.
You don't wanna start your marriage
with financial problems.
And in this scenario, this man committed fornication.
And even then, you know what?
If you've done such a thing like this,
then look, take that girl.
She's been defiled.
Take her if you love her as a wife,
and then you were to pay the dowry.
But if the father refused, guess what?
That young man still had to pay the dowry.
I mean, that would stop fornication, right?
Say, well, I wanna pay the dowry once.
All right, then get married.
You wanna pay the dowry multiple times?
Then commit fornication,
and the fathers of these girls will know you're a loser,
and you still have to pay the dowry anyway,
multiple times.
You'll be broke.
I like the Bible.
I like the Old Testament system of things.
Like, it makes sense.
I ask you to turn to Deuteronomy 22.
Deuteronomy 22, verse 28, same principle.
If a man find a damsel that is a virgin,
which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her,
and lie with her, and they be found,
so they've committed fornication,
then the man that lay with her
shall give unto the damsel's father,
look how much it is, 50 shekels of silver,
that's the dowry, and she shall be his wife,
because he have humbled her.
He may not put her away all his days.
No divorce.
Okay?
What is 50 shekels of silver?
Well, I had to look this up.
Shekel, a lot of the Bible,
wait, it's not really always known.
Sometimes certain weights are known in medieval periods,
but going all the way back to the Old Testament,
Tom Moses, it's hard to know the exact weight.
But it's estimated that based on today's value of silver,
like if you took today's value of silver,
50 shekels of silver, it's about $500.
It doesn't seem like much.
You got 500 bucks, yeah, I can afford that.
But one of my hobbies, just one of my personal hobbies,
is financial history and gold and silver,
and how finances, the economy works throughout history
and different kingdoms and societies.
It is pretty well accepted
that silver is highly undervalued, okay, today.
Okay, because everything's running on debt and credit.
Okay, and it's not, today's money or currency
is not linked to anything of substance
like it has been in the past.
But using a very moderate view
on what the cost of silver should be,
the dowry of 50 shekels of silver would be closer
to a minimum of $10,000 today.
Okay, minimum, probably a lot more than that.
You don't wanna be sleeping around with multiple people
paying $10,000 off every time, you know,
someone says, no, you can't marry her
because you're a loser.
Make sure that's a one-time thing.
That's a decent amount of money, 10,000.
Let's say that's a very moderate view.
All right, young man, I'm not asking for a dowry
and I don't think any of you men here
would be asking for a dowry necessarily.
I don't know.
But can you at least have $10,000 in your bank
before you start dating at the very minimum
because that would have been the dowry
in the time of the Old Testament, at least minimum.
Can you at least start with that?
Is that too much to ask you think $10,000 in the bank?
Look, obviously, if you're unemployed,
you know, you're working a part-time or casual job,
then that might be hard to save up.
But if you just go, you know what,
the Lord says, six days, dash out labor,
and I go out there six days, full-time work,
you'll save up that $10,000 very easily.
But it requires you to be a good steward.
Not to go out and just waste it on junk,
requires you to save it up.
How about that?
Start with that, I think that's a good principle.
Why not start with that in your bank
before you decide, you know what,
now I'm gonna start looking for a spouse.
Now I'm gonna start dating.
Come with me to Genesis 29, Genesis 29.
Now, we've looked at the story
of Isaac finding his wife.
Isaac was the son of Abraham.
Now let's look at one of Isaac's son, Jacob.
Let's look at his story about finding a wife, okay?
Now you may recall when we looked at Isaac
that the servant demonstrated to Rebecca
and Rebecca's family that this is a wealthy man.
This is a man that runs the family business,
and he brings some of the jewels and the gold
and gives it out to the family to demonstrate, yes,
look, she'll be looked after if she marries Isaac.
Well, Rebecca has the twins, Esau and Jacob,
and now we're following the story of Jacob.
You may recall the story that Jacob,
because he got the birthright from Esau,
that Esau sought to slay his brother,
and Jacob flees, right?
He flees, even though his father has a great business
and there's great wealth in the family,
Jacob flees, he's got nothing.
He's got nothing to his name at this point in time.
Okay?
And the story is that Jacob goes and finds his uncle,
and he finds Rachel, the story of Jacob and Rachel.
And look at Genesis 29 verse 18.
And Jacob loved Rachel and said,
I will serve thee to the father,
seven years for Rachel, thy younger daughter.
Wow, how about that, young men?
Before you get married, part of getting prepared.
What about work in seven years?
What about, I'm not saying you have to,
I'm just saying, why not?
Let's say you finish high school,
you're 18 years old, you go out and work.
Seven years of labor, how old are you gonna be?
25 years old, you're still pretty young.
25, you work in seven years full time.
I tell you now, if you don't go around wasting your money
and you have your heart set,
that you know what, I wanna get married one day,
I wanna find the right person,
you labor for seven years, asking God,
God, can you please send her my way when you're ready,
and when she's ready and when I'm ready,
at the end of seven years,
without any other responsibilities, okay?
You would have definitely paid off an apartment.
Even in today's world,
even in today's overpriced property market,
after seven years, not even needing a mortgage,
you can put that money down
and buy yourself an apartment.
Or have a good deposit,
maybe half the amounts of a larger house, easily.
If you don't waste it on junk,
if you say seven years I'm gonna labor
so I can provide for my wife,
boy, you start working hard when you're young,
you're gonna make your life a lot easier
as you get older.
You wanna make your life hard when you get older?
Yeah, waste all your money while you're young.
Go ahead and waste it.
Waste it all while you're young.
I'm telling you, when you're 40, 50, 60 years old,
you're gonna regret all that waste.
But when you're young, you put it toward things of value,
things to prepare yourself for a marriage,
you're gonna make your life a lot easier,
a lot smoother.
Paying the bills will be a lot easier for you, okay?
But it's all about being prepared.
You either live for yourself
and waste it all for your own selfish needs,
or you think about your spouse,
thinking about providing for her.
It says there in verse number 18,
and Jacob loved Rachel and said,
I will serve thee seven years for Rachel,
thy young authority.
He said, pass, I can't wait seven years.
Verse number 19, and Laban said,
it is better that I give her to thee
than I should give her to another man, abide with me.
Look at this, and Jacob served seven years for Rachel,
and they seemed unto him but a few days.
You see, if you have the right perspective on life,
seven years might look like a lot of time,
but you know what?
If you're doing it to serve your wife,
even though you've never met her,
it's gonna be to you as a few days.
And they seemed unto him but a few days
for the love he had to her.
And look, that's not my expectation.
I'm not expecting,
if someone wants to marry one of my daughters,
okay, have you worked seven years?
That's not my, look, can you do one year?
Can you do 18 months, full time work,
demonstrating yourself to have a good work ethic?
I'm not asking for seven years,
but can you demonstrate that you just
got a good work ethic
because you're preparing yourself for marriage?
It's doable, young man, it's doable.
You know, I really want my sons
especially to be hard workers.
And you know what?
Having the mindset that I'm doing it for the Lord,
I'm serving the Lord when I go to work,
I'm getting ready to get married.
So even though it's year after year,
a dead end job, dead after dead end job,
it's gonna seem to me just like a few days
because I'm getting ready for marriage.
I'm getting ready to love the one
that the Lord will send to me.
So again, age is not the determining factor.
A young man and a young woman who is prepared
is the determining factor.
That's when you're ready, yes, I'm gonna start dating.
Yes, Lord, I'm going to go and put myself out there
and meet somebody because I'm ready to go.
I'm ready to make this happen.
All right, what are some advantages
to being prepared before dating?
Number one, we've already seen
that you can give your heart to love
and to serve the Lord without distractions, all right?
The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 12, one,
remember now thy creator in the days of thy youth,
while the evil days come not.
In other words, the evil days are coming
for you young people.
But before that, before you have
any major responsibilities in life,
it says remember now the creator in the days of thy youth.
And it says while the evil days come not,
nor the years draw nigh,
when thou shall say I have no pleasure in them.
Life is gonna get more challenging,
it's gonna get harder, okay?
You're gonna have less time as the years go by.
Use your time now to just love the Lord, serve the Lord.
And you love Him and you serve Him,
you obey Him, He'll bless you.
He'll reward you, He'll help you.
He'll help prepare you for the time for marriage.
So that's advantage number one.
Adventure of being prepared before dating
is that you can give your heart and love now
while you're young to the Lord
rather than your heart and love
to a boyfriend or girlfriend
that's very likely gonna break up
because you're not ready to get married
and maybe another boyfriend or girlfriend,
another boyfriend or girlfriend,
broken hearts everywhere, emotions everywhere,
tears everywhere.
Why don't you just give all that love to God?
That's the advantage.
The other advantage,
advantage number two of being prepared before dating
is that you're not entering into a long-term relationship
that can turn physical.
Fornication.
You're keeping yourself from that temptation.
Because if you're not prepared again,
you're gonna go month, month, month,
year, year, year, unmarried.
And the temptation's too great.
You're gonna commit fornication.
No, keep your body wholly separate.
You know?
Keep it for the one that you will marry.
So many regrets.
There are so many regrets of people
that have given themselves over to someone else
and not to their loving spouse.
You know?
Keep children pleased.
Protect yourselves.
You know?
Listen to this pastor.
Listen to other people in this church.
Okay?
Keep yourself pure.
Keep your virginity for the person
that you're going to marry.
The Bible says in 2 Timothy 2, 22,
flee also youthful lusts.
But follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace,
with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
Don't defile yourself.
You defile your body, you defile your mind,
you defile your emotions.
The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6, 18,
flee fornication.
This is what I'm saying to young people.
The Bible doesn't use these words without reason.
When you're tempted to commit fornication,
you can't be like, ah, I can deal with this.
Flee.
Get out of there.
Physically.
Run away.
That's the only way to overcome.
That temptation.
Flee fornication.
Every sin that a man doeth is without the body,
but he that commit a fornication
sinneth against his own body.
What?
Know ye not that your body is a temple
of the Holy Ghost, which is in you,
which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
For ye are bought with a price.
Therefore glorify God in your body
and in your spirit, which are God's.
This body does not belong to some girlfriend
or some boyfriend.
It belongs to God.
Flee fornication.
Why enter in a relationship that will lead
to fornication because you're not prepared?
Get out of that.
And look, I don't know exactly where you're all at.
I don't know if you're interested in here or that
or you're talking to such and such or,
I really don't know.
And really, it's not my business.
Every father needs to be accountable for his own family.
Okay?
But there might be a relationship
that you're having right now
and you're not prepared.
You're not prepared.
Neither of you are prepared.
But you care for each other.
Might be that scenario.
You say, well, I don't want to commit fornication.
I want to have my heart set upon the Lord God right now.
Why don't you end it?
And say, look, neither of us are prepared.
I care much for you.
You obviously care much for me.
But we're not ready.
This doesn't have to be a heartbreak,
tear-jerking situation.
So look, we're not ready.
We do care for each other.
How about we step away for now?
Let's put our hearts and minds on the Lord.
If we do love each other the way we think we do,
how about we prepare now then,
let's not waste time.
Instead of having this relationship,
let's use our time wisely
to prepare ourselves for that relationship
and when we're ready to go,
we'll come back together.
Why not that?
Another advantage to being prepared before dating
is that marriage becomes a special thing.
Life together becomes something special.
You know something what upsets me
when I hear about young people getting married?
I might go up to a young person that got married
and so how's married life?
Oh, it's the same.
What do you mean the same?
I mean, we've already been seeing each other
for the last 10 years.
I mean, it's just that we're just together.
We've been together since 10 years ago,
five years ago, two years ago.
That's the same.
What does that tell you?
They can't value the marriage
because they've spent so much time together already.
They already feel like a married couple
and once you enter into marriage, oh, it's the same.
If you prepare yourself to get married,
obviously the dating time will be a lot shorter
and going into marriage,
spending time together with that person
for the rest of your life is gonna be something special,
something unique,
something you've never experienced before.
You'll value marriage
instead of going, oh, it's the same.
There's a lot of people like that.
I've asked that question a lot
to a lot of young people that have gotten married.
How's married life?
Oh, it's about the same.
It makes me sad
because it's meant to be special, unique
but the issue was they weren't prepared
so the relationship went on and on and on and on.
They got sick of each other.
They know each other's defects
and they know what they love about each other.
They know what they hate about each other
even before they got married so it's nothing special.
I don't think that's a good way to start your marriage,
having that view on marriage.
Can you come back with me to 1 Corinthians 7, 25.
1 Corinthians 7, verse number 25.
We started in 1 Corinthians 7.
There's just one thought
that I wanna take out of this verse here.
1 Corinthians 7, 25.
Paul writes this saying,
now concerning virgins,
so that's young people that are unmarried,
now concerning virgins,
I have no commandment of the Lord
because what I'm about to tell you,
this is not a commandment of God.
He says, yet I give my judgments
as one that have obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful
because what I'm gonna say to you is not from the Lord
but it's my judgment.
It's my opinion is what he's gonna say.
He's gonna have his opinions toward young people
on dating and marriage.
Now you say, hold on,
then are the verses that we're about to read here,
are they all uninspired words?
Are they not from the Lord?
No.
The Bible says in 2 Timothy 3, 16,
all scripture,
all scripture is given by inspiration of God.
So even though Paul thinks this is just my opinion,
no, it's under inspiration of the Holy Ghost.
These are the words of God.
Now I'm using that as a principle
because I wanna give you my judgment.
I wanna give you my opinion.
I hope you respect me as a pastor,
as a man who has dated, obviously,
a man who has gotten married, obviously,
a man who's had kids,
a man who's had to work hard to provide for his family,
single income.
So apparently it's not possible, they say.
So I've got life experience.
I've got my own kids that I love and care about
and I want them to be successful in their dating life.
So just like Paul,
can I give you my judgment?
This is not a commandment of the Lord,
but I'll give you my judgment,
I'll give you my opinion,
which I believe lines up
with what we've covered in this series so far.
Now I shared with you that,
and again, I don't know where I got this from exactly,
I don't know if,
but when I started dating,
I dated a few girls before my wife, Christina,
I only dated once or twice,
mostly once, sometimes twice.
And then at the end of that first date,
I decided, is this someone that I can marry?
Immediately, I just made that decision,
is this someone that I can marry?
And if my thought was, no, I can't,
I don't think we're gonna work out,
I can't see her as my wife,
then I would end it right there.
Let me encourage you to do the same,
take the same approach.
Your first date, or even your second date,
treats it as a meeting,
rather than a relationship.
Treat it as a meeting,
rather than a relationship.
Treat it as an opportunity
to get to know the other person.
That's the only way, right?
You gotta get one-on-one with someone,
to know, is this someone
that I can really spend my life with?
Treat it as a meeting, not as a relationship.
This is not all that different to working a job, okay?
Before you get offered a job,
before there's an agreement between the company and you,
what do you have to do?
You have to go to an interview.
The interview is so they get to know you.
Sometimes you've gotta go for a second interview, okay?
There's no commitment,
we're just getting to know each other.
Employee, potential employee,
potential employer, we're having a conversation.
Are you the right fit for this company?
Is this company the right fit for me?
All right?
And guess what?
When they reject your application,
it can be a little bit sad sometimes,
but it's not gonna be as sad
as you working a job for two years
and getting fired with this commitment,
with those expectations, right?
When you apply for a job and it doesn't work out,
what do you do next?
You apply for another job.
But after one or two interviews,
by then the decision's been made,
is this gonna be the right fit for us or not?
I'm saying take the same approach when you start dating.
The first time, the second time.
You know, don't be like,
oh, I can't wait to get my hands all over this person.
Wrong, that's how the world thinks.
You wanna know what is this person like?
Could this be my spouse?
Could I be sitting across the table
from my wife or from my husband right now?
And if you say, you know what?
I don't believe so.
Then just end it.
You haven't committed, right?
You got a date to get to know each other.
There's no commitments.
And there's very small amount of emotion, right?
You're not gonna have someone
after the first date going crying,
oh, he dumped me, if it didn't work out.
And all the broken relationships,
all the hurt that happens.
You won't have all of that.
Maybe a little bit, okay?
A little bit, but you'll get over it quickly.
And then you go and try and date someone else.
And if you treat this as a meeting
rather than a relationship,
then this also allows,
and again, this is my opinion,
and dads, it's up to you.
I personally don't think there's anything wrong
with having a meeting with someone that is unsaved.
Getting together, having a coffee,
getting to know each other,
because that is your opportunity to give them the gospel.
It's not relationship.
It's not emotions, at least hopefully not so much, okay?
I mean, this could happen,
or you might be working a job
and you find someone that you just think,
wow, she's special.
But she's not a Christian.
She's not saved.
How am I gonna give her the gospel?
Hmm, I might ask her out on a date.
And you treat it professionally, like an interview.
You go out, you buy her a drink,
and you say, look, if you were to die today,
would you be 100% sure that your soul would go to heaven?
And if she gets up and go, you're crazy.
All right, she's not right for you.
And if she gets saved, why not?
There are many people that have gotten married
to the person they've been able to lead to the Lord.
I have, and surprisingly, a large amount of pastors
have won their wives to the Lord,
that I've come across anyway.
Why not?
You're not committing to anything.
And even if that person gets saved,
you're still not committing to anything.
And look, if it doesn't work out,
you say, look, I don't think we're, you know,
no, this is not gonna work out.
At least she got saved.
At least she got saved, praise God.
That's awesome.
Again, dad, it's up to you.
I'm just giving you my thought on that, okay?
So I really believe, you know,
having this approach, treating your first few dates
as a meeting rather than a relationship
is really beneficial.
You won't get overly emotional.
You'll be able to assess with your mind
rather than your heart, is this the right person for me?
Okay, and you might open the door to get someone saved.
All right, so that's my first judgment.
My second judgment, my second opinion is this.
Actually, I already covered it.
So after your first and second date,
assess the person as a spouse.
Assess that person as a spouse,
not as a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Don't take the attitude, oh, I think he,
for the girls, I think he will make a good boyfriend.
No, wrong.
Say, I think he will make a good husband.
So if he would have me
and he would like to continue seeing me,
then he'll become my boyfriend in that sense.
But that's because you can see
husband material in him already.
Don't take the view, oh, I want a boyfriend.
I hope he becomes husband material.
No, wrong, he should have prepared himself.
You should prepare yourself.
He should already be husband material.
You should already be wife material
if you've done the right steps,
if you follow the biblical principles of dating.
Number three, boys.
Now this will take time, obviously.
You know, you might decide,
yes, I think this is the right person
and you might see her more often.
I would say observe the girl's relationship with her father.
Is she submissive to her father?
Is she obedient to her father?
Because if she's not, if she's rebellious toward him,
she's not gonna be submissive toward you.
She's gonna be rebellious toward you.
Assess her relationships, her family relationships,
the people that she loves, supposed to love the most.
If she's in conflict with them,
rebelling against them, fighting against them,
I mean, you can still marry her if you want,
but I'm telling you, it's gonna be a hard marriage.
She'll be stubborn, she'll be rebellious, okay?
Girls, same thing.
Observe your boys' relationship
with his mother and his sisters.
How does he treat the opposite sex?
How does he treat girls?
Is he nurturing toward them?
Is he caring?
Is he protective for his sisters?
Is he loving toward his mother?
How does he look at other ladies,
especially the ladies that are important to him
in his life?
Again, if you see him being disrespectful to mom,
if you see him fighting with his sisters,
then he's gonna be fighting with you in your marriage.
Okay?
It might be he's not prepared.
He still might be the right person,
but he's not ready.
He needs to fix all of that in his life.
He needs to fix his character traits,
show himself to be someone that he's respectful for,
and then maybe he can date him.
But I'm not saying, once you've decided that's it,
it's all over, that person's not,
he's just not ready.
He may never be ready, but he might be ready.
He just might need time to mature and grow
and realize just how serious relationships are.
But look at your boys' relationship with his mother,
not just his mother, but his sisters, if he's got any.
That's important.
Okay?
Opinion number five, or judgment number five.
Does he or she love the Lord?
That's important.
Has this individual used their youth
to love and to serve the Lord?
If he loves the Lord, he's going to appreciate you more,
because he's going to see you, or she,
whichever way you wanna look at this.
They're gonna see you as a gift from the Lord.
They're gonna see you as an answered prayer.
If they want nothing to do with the Lord,
they're not gonna appreciate you.
Does this person love the Lord?
I gave you the example, what if you get someone saved?
You know?
Well, they haven't had much time to love the Lord,
but hey, are they willing to get plugged into church?
Are they willing to learn and to grow
and get baptized and to develop themselves
and to know what the Bible contains and to win souls?
That can take time, a little bit of time,
but hey, might be the right person.
Remember, you haven't committed yourself to them
in a relationship just yet.
You've just met with them a few times.
And again, I'm telling you what to look out for.
At the same time, I'm telling you young people,
this is what you need to prepare for.
You need to learn to love the Lord.
You need to learn to take relationships seriously.
Girls, you need to learn how to be obedient
and submissive to your father.
And men, you need to learn how to love
your mom and your sisters.
They're a weaker vessel.
They need your help.
They need your protection.
Boys, don't have this attitude.
The next one is this.
Don't have this attitude that she has
to line up perfectly on doctrines.
And I don't know if you all know this,
but we believe in a post-trib pre-raft rapture here.
Most Baptists believe in a pre-trib rapture.
You know, does the person I want to date
and marry have to line up with me
on the perfect timing of the rapture?
Is that the most important thing?
I was saying this to someone this week.
I'd rather my daughter marry someone
that differs on the timing of the rapture
as long as he loves her and loves the Lord
and is working hard to provide.
I'd rather my daughter marry that guy
who's got a different timing on the rapture
than some bum, lazy, selfish man
that lines up perfectly with me on every doctrine,
secondary or tertiary doctrines.
Same with the girls and our boys.
Sometimes I talk to young men,
oh, but she doesn't believe in this doctrine.
You know what the Bible says in Ephesians 5, 25?
Husbands, love your wives,
even as Christ also loved the church
and gave himself for it,
that he, Christ, might sanctify and cleanse it
with the washing of water by the Word.
This is describing a relationship
between husband and wife,
you know, with Jesus Christ and his church.
And Jesus Christ is the one
that washes his church with the Word.
Men, you have to be a spiritual leader as well.
You're not going to find a girl
that's going to line up perfectly with you
on every doctrine you believe.
Does she love the Lord?
Is she saved?
Does she love you?
Is she prepared to get married?
Does she major on the majors?
Has she got the fundamental doctrines right?
Then marry her.
And then you, as a spiritual leader,
teach her the Word of God,
wash her with the Word of God,
and help her line up a little bit more with you.
I'm not trying, look, doctrine's important.
By getting prepared and loving your spouse
is more important.
I'm talking about secondary tertiary doctrines here.
Okay?
Don't have this attitude.
She's got to line up perfectly.
She's got to be the perfect wife.
It's the wrong attitude.
And girls, she's got to be the perfect husband.
It just has to be prepared
and ready to look after you and to love you.
No one's going to be a perfect husband on day number one,
and no one's going to be a perfect wife
on day number one,
because it takes time to grow and to learn.
It's like a job.
You start a job,
are you going to be the perfect employee
on day number one?
It's going to take time,
weeks, months, years,
to grow and be the best employee you can be.
Your marriage is the same.
Oh, I just can't find anyone that's perfect,
that believes all the right things.
Just takes time.
How much time did it take you to learn
all the things that you know in the Bible?
You expect God to just send you
someone that knows it all immediately?
Man, it's your job to be the spiritual leader.
It's your job to guide your wife or your girlfriend.
The word of God.
Teach them.
You're the leader.
God's given every man the ability to be a strong leader.
I should ask you to turn to Ephesians.
Come with me to Ephesians 5 again.
Ephesians 5, 23.
I'm almost done.
Ephesians 5, 23.
And this one's really important
because this final one that I have for you
is very damaging if you haven't got this right.
We know that, well, let's read it.
Ephesians 5, 23.
For the husband is the head of the wife,
even as Christ is the head of the church
and he is the savior of the body.
This does not say for the boyfriend
is the head of the girlfriend.
Doesn't.
Doesn't say that.
Boys, when you start dating,
you do not have authority over that girl.
She belongs to her father.
You look after her.
She doesn't belong to you.
You can't boss her around.
You can't tell her what to do.
And again, this is another issue
with long-term relationships
because it is natural for the man to be a leader.
It is natural for a man to desire authority.
The longer you go in relationship,
you're gonna start demanding that on her
and you've overstepped your boundary.
It's not your responsibility.
She belongs to her dad.
You're gonna start commanding her
and you'll be like,
pastor, I don't think she's,
I don't think I can marry her.
Why?
Oh, she's not submissive to me.
Because you're her boyfriend.
You're not her husband.
You're not her father.
And you're still young.
You haven't learned what it is to be a man,
a husband,
and you're trying to boss her around while she's a girl,
while she's your girlfriend.
This will damage relationships,
having this attitude.
I told you earlier, young men look to see
whether she's submissive to her father.
Don't make the judgment that she,
oh, she's not submissive to me.
You got no authority over her.
Not till you exchange vows,
not till that dad hands her over,
her hand in marriage to you,
then you have authority.
But yeah, some men become very possessive.
The longer the relationship goes,
the more possessive, the more possessive,
and they'll be like, oh, see, you're not submissive.
I don't know if I should marry you.
Yeah, because you're an idiot.
You're not her husband.
You got no authority.
It's like me going to any job out there
and trying to be the boss when I've got no authority
in that job over there.
That's gonna break your marriage,
sorry, break your relationship.
It's gonna cause a lot of hurt, a lot of damage.
That's gonna cause her mom and dad to say,
you know what, that guy is way too possessive.
That guy's not looking after your best interests.
But you could be.
It's just that you're not applying it in the right place.
You're not prepared.
You're trying to take ownership of her, okay?
You're overstepping your mark, okay?
And you're causing tensions in relationships.
I'm against long-term relationships.
I'm against rushing.
I'm all for preparedness, being prepared,
getting yourself ready, okay?
Serving the Lord with your youth,
loving the Lord, asking the Lord to guide you.
I'm all for dating.
I'm all for finding someone that you can love,
someone that you can find companionship with,
someone that you can look at and say, wow,
I believe this person can be my husband.
I believe this person can be my wife.
Dating is a beautiful thing.
I don't wanna scare the young people.
I don't wanna scare you.
But I want you to understand it's serious.
It's a serious part of life.
It's not fun and games like the world teaches you.
It's not try before you buy.
Make the right decisions now.
Prepare yourself now.
Take on my opinions and my judgment if you want.
If not, go and talk to dad.
Go and talk to your parents.
Ask them for some guidance.
Ask them for some biblical principles
that you can make for the best decisions in life
for you to find that spouse.
And of course, above all things,
make sure you submit your prayers,
your requests, your desires to the Lord God.
He'll guide you.
He'll help you.
Again, just one.
You only need to find one.
One person that will love you.
One person that is prepared for you.
That is dating.
It's a beautiful thing.
It's an exciting thing.
And not only do I want you to enjoy dating,
I also want you to, when you get married,
to have the time of your life
for you to go,
man, this is the best thing that I've ever done.
The best decision I've ever made.
Rather than, ah, it's the same.
All right, finding a spouse, part three.
I think I'll end the series there.
All right, let's go to word of prayer.