Tonight, I had Brother Matthew scheduled to preach,
but because of some conflicts within our church,
I thought it necessary that I would preach through Matthew 18.
Now, as we were reading through Matthew 18,
I think you get a major understanding of what some of the theme there is, right?
It talks about offenses, it talks about conflicts, conflicts within a church,
it talks about forgiveness, and all these things, it's a great chapter.
If you're in a situation where you're facing conflict within a church,
you're facing conflict with family,
or people that haven't forgiven you, people that owe you,
I really recommend reading Matthew 18.
There's excellent nuggets of truth found in this chapter.
Okay, so the title of the sermon tonight is Conflicts in the Church.
Conflicts in the Church.
Now, let me say a couple of things very quickly.
You know, since we started our church, you know, October last year,
there have been conflicts in our church, okay?
And you might say, well, why is that?
Is it because, you know, we're these, you know, wicked Christians,
and, you know, we can't get along, or whatever? No.
The reason why there's conflict is whenever you get a group of people,
you know, from different backgrounds, with different experiences,
you know, with different understanding on maybe certain passages of the Bible,
differences in lifestyle, you know, differences in backgrounds, whatever it is,
as soon as you have a group of people that you're putting them together
for a lengthy period of time, not just a couple of services,
but for a whole year, you're going to have times when you clash.
There's going to be times when you don't see eye to eye with one another.
There's going to be times when things happen,
and you get offended by a fellow brother in the church, you know?
And you might say, well, you know, are you concerned about that as a pastor?
And the answer to that is basically yes and no, you know?
Yes, I'm concerned, you know, obviously, it'd be better if we had no conflicts in the church.
Obviously, that would be the preference, okay?
But I'm also not concerned because I know it's a natural part of life, you know?
I know, you know, in the churches that I've been in in the past,
whether it's this church or my previous churches,
there's always been conflicts, and there's nothing new under the sun.
It's always the same conflicts. It's always the same things.
And, you know, if you say to me, you know, I've been in churches where there's been no conflict.
I've been in churches where people haven't, you know, gotten upset with one another.
I'll give you two reasons why that's probably the case, all right?
Reason number one is because many churches have no fellowship whatsoever.
You know, a lot of churches, and I was part of one church growing up in the Baptist Union Church,
and my wife, Christina, who grew up as a Roman Catholic, was very similar.
You know, church is this thing that you attend, right?
And you sort of sit down, you sing songs, you hear preaching,
and then when the service is over, for a lot of people, you know, you pack up and leave, and you go home.
And, you know, you don't develop friendships, you don't really have fellowship in the church.
And in those situations, yeah, you're not going to have any conflicts
because you just sit in, you listen, you sing, whatever, you go home.
That's the end of it. You know, you don't need to cross paths with anybody that's in your group, you know, in your church.
That's one reason why maybe your previous church has not had conflict if that's your scenario.
The other possibility is that a lot of churches, as you know, have shallow preaching, have shallow teaching.
You know, it's all a feel-good message. It's a message to, you know, live your best life now.
You know, the preachers are not standing true on the Word of God.
They're not standing strong for what the Word of God says.
And when you're not standing on the Word of God, you're not going to have conflicts.
You know, if you're just preaching a positive, you know, feel-good message all the time,
you know, and it's very shallow, you're not going into deep doctrine,
then that's another example where you're not going to have conflicts
because you're not going to have people that really care about the Word of God.
They're not going to stand for things that are true.
You're just going to be, well, you know what?
You know, it's basically a come as you are church and leave as you are.
You know, you don't need to change anything.
Everything's acceptable. No matter how you live your life, no matter what you do, it's all good.
And if you have a church like that with a show of preaching, of course you're not going to have any conflicts
because everyone's good. It's all good. Live it up.
You know, God wants you to, you know, we're not under the law of God, et cetera, et cetera.
You know, and yeah, there's no need for anybody to get offended because it's all good, you know.
And come, feel better about yourself, put your money in, put your tithe in, go home and be happy.
Of course, in that kind of situation, you're not going to have conflicts in the church either, okay?
But our church, and I think these are things that are very, very important,
I wouldn't have a church if I could not have these things.
You know, it's very important, I believe, for us to have fellowship.
You know, not just to come and sit in the formal service, but to spend some time.
You know, speak to one another, exhort one another, you know, understand what people are going through
so you can pray for each other, you know, lift the other person up, et cetera, et cetera.
Fellowship's important for your Christian growth.
You know, it's good to learn a lot of doctrine, but it's when you have fellowship that you can apply this doctrine,
that you can apply the things you learn about relationships toward one another.
It's going to make you a fruitful, mature believer as you grow.
And of course, I want to stand strong in the Word of God, all right?
You know, we're going to call, you know, what's right, right, and what's evil, evil.
We're not going to confuse those things.
We're just going to stand for the Word of God says, you know, let the chips fall where they must.
You know, if you get offended by the preaching, so be it, but I hope you get offended by the Word of God
and you change that rather than just get offended by the messenger, okay?
And because our church is built on fellowship, is built on the Word of God, naturally,
and we all come from different backgrounds, and we spend time together, naturally, there's going to be conflicts.
So does it concern me a little bit, but at the same time, what concerns me more is if we don't handle the conflicts in the right biblical way, okay?
So as we saw in Matthew 18, Jesus is just saying, hey, there's going to be conflict in the church.
And the first thing you need to accept is that's going to be the case, all right?
The first thing you just need to accept is there's going to be conflict in church.
There's going to be conflict in my life.
If I stand for the Word of God, I might even have conflicts with my family members.
You know, just accept it.
You know, if you try to deny it, you're not going to be able to move on, okay?
I'm not concerned about the conflict so much.
I'm more concerned that we don't handle conflicts in the right biblical manner, okay?
You know, and we'll see that conflict has its positive purposes as well.
There's good things that can come out of that, all right?
So let's have a look at Matthew 18.
Matthew 18, and we're going to only focus on three verses today, even though the whole chapter is fantastic.
But just verse number 15, well, I'm going to give you some points here.
Point number one, point number one is you have the right to be offended, all right?
You have, now I wish, you know, we live in a society where they're always offended.
And I'm like, what's wrong with you?
You know, the people have such thin skin, or you think differently, so why does they get offended, all these things?
But look, biblically speaking, you do have the right to get offended, all right?
There is proper offense that can take place.
If someone has trespassed against you, then yeah, you probably should be offended, okay?
And we see that here.
So, you know, when you are offended, the context tonight is in the church.
But of course, you can take some of these principles and apply this outside of the church if you want to, okay?
But I'm going to be focused primarily within the church, all right?
First thing to do, if you get offended by a brother in the church, you should take a moment to consider why you're offended, okay?
Take a moment, why am I offended by what's happened, you know?
And when I thought about this, I was kind of thinking about three things that people usually, three reasons why people get offended.
Let me share those with you.
Number one, three common reasons why people get offended.
Number one, because of personal insecurities.
Personal insecurities, all right?
So, for example, this is where somebody in the church, you know, they might achieve some type of success.
You know, they might be praised by other people in the church.
They've done some good things and they get attention, all right?
And you, you know, you might be aware of that person's faults.
You say, well, this person is not deserving of the praise and this is not deserving of the congratulations that they're receiving.
I know their faults, all right?
And you might, you know, you may, because of your personal insecurities, you might say, well, this person has faults, they don't deserve praise.
And you get offended by that.
You get offended that someone else is getting recognition and you're not getting recognition, all right?
Now, the truth is, we all have faults, all right?
If we're going to only praise people that have no faults, there will be never a time to praise anybody for any success in life, all right?
And, you know, you may have even achieved similar goals to that person, you know?
But that person gets all the praise, that person gets all the recognition.
You've achieved similar things, but you haven't received that recognition yourself.
You've not received that praise yourself.
So you'll take offense to that.
Hey, the reason you're taking offense is because of your own personal insecurities.
You're trying to compare yourself to others, all right?
Now, that's a bad reason to get offended, okay?
Because nobody has actually trespassed against you.
You just don't like what's happened, all right?
You don't like what's happened and you get offended by that.
But no one's actually done anything wrong to you.
No one's attacked you, no one's criticized you.
You're just not happy that someone else is getting attention when maybe you think you should have been the one that received that at some point.
That's reason number one.
Reason number two, and this is the one that I experience a lot, is that people get offended because you have different views.
People get offended because you have different views.
Maybe your lifestyle is different, you know, their lifestyle is different to yours.
Maybe some of your doctrinal beliefs are different to theirs.
You know, maybe they think you should behave the way they behave, all right?
And people get offended and you know what I'm talking about because you know individuals where you may have, you know, spoken of doctrinal beliefs
and, you know, you have a different take on that passage or you have a different take on how that should be applied.
And that person, another person gets offended that you don't see it the way they see it, all right?
It blows my mind, right? It blows my mind.
You know, it's just a thought process in your brain and someone gets offended by that thought process in your brain, all right?
I mean that's a ridiculous reason to get offended.
I'm not talking about outright heresies here.
I'm just talking about, you know, secondary doctrines or whatever.
You know, things that aren't really considered the fundamentals of the faith, all right?
I mean a classic example is the death penalty.
You know, I believe in the death penalty, all right?
But some people get offended that you believe in the death penalty.
It's like why are you offended?
It's just something that's in my mind. I believe what the Bible says, all right?
I haven't gone and murdered anybody.
I'm not advocating that we should murder anybody.
But I believe that God hasn't changed and that his righteous judgment on certain crimes, certain sins in the Bible is the death penalty, all right?
So why are you getting offended by that, all right?
But some people do. Some people do.
And you know, that's offense number two.
You get offended just because someone has different views to you.
And again, it usually does boil down to personal insecurities.
Because it's like well why this person doesn't see eye to eye on me in this.
That must mean they think I'm an idiot or something like that.
Even though they've never said anything like that, even though they've not attacked you, they just have a different belief and you've taken it the wrong way.
Again, this is the second reason why people usually get offended.
And again, it's not because they've attacked you, they haven't trespassed against you, but you've just gotten offended by somebody's beliefs.
Or they live their life differently to the way you live your life, all right?
And this has happened.
You know, like mother-in-laws maybe sometimes interfere with wife.
You know, wife does cook in a certain way.
Wife folds clothes a certain way.
The wife hangs, you know, dries the clothes and hangs it a certain way.
There comes the mother-in-law and says no, this is the way you should be doing it. Why aren't you doing it like this?
That's an example of people getting offended by just a different way of doing things.
Just having a different lifestyle.
It's a stupid reason to get offended, all right?
But the third reason people get offended is because you've been physically or mentally or emotionally attacked.
Somebody has sinned against you.
Someone has caused you to get upset and frustrated because they may potentially, you know, intentionally aim to do that.
And you've been hurt by their actions, okay?
Now this is the one that applies to Matthew 18.
This is an offense that's legitimate, okay?
This is when you can come and deal with it with your brother, okay?
So this is why, look, when you get offended, it's emotion.
You're emotionally driven.
So before you react, you know, just take a moment.
Am I offended because someone has attacked me or has attacked, you know, somebody that I love or whatever?
Or am I offended for other reasons?
And if you're offended for other reasons, then you've got to get thicker skin, essentially, okay?
You've got to learn to just love the Word of God, you know, have a clear conscience before God,
do what's right that you see in the eyes of God and let people go about their business.
But yeah, if someone has come and attacked you, yeah, now there's a legitimate reason to come and deal with this.
Now there's a legitimate reason to come and bring resolution within the conflict that the conflict created, all right?
So you do have the right to be offended, you know, biblically speaking.
I'm not talking about the millennials, how they get offended, the snowflake generation we live in.
I'm talking about biblically, all right, biblically being offended biblically.
Matthew 18 verse 15. Matthew 18 verse 15.
Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee.
You notice that it says that, it doesn't say moreover if you get offended, okay?
What's the reason why you would deal with this situation and approach your brother is because they trespassed against you.
That's why you need to spend time and figure it out.
Have they attacked me, you know, physically, mentally, emotionally?
If thy brother shall trespass against thee, look at this.
This is the best advice you're ever going to get to deal with conflict, the next phrase, the best advice you'll ever get.
Go and tell him his faults between thee and him alone.
That's the best advice you'll ever get, I promise you.
You take this advice on board, you'll be able to resolve 99% of your conflicts.
Someone has done something wrong to you, you take it to them alone.
You take the trespass, you take the situation, the evidence, you bring it before them.
Look, I got offended by this action, you did this to me and it's upset me.
Can we deal with this? Can we sort this out? Can we resolve this issue?
But you take it to him alone. You don't take it to the church pastor.
You don't take it to your best friends. You don't take it to the offender's friends.
You don't take it anywhere except to that person alone.
Very, very important because the temptation is going to come where you're going to be like,
I'm offended and I need to justify the fact that I'm offended.
And I'm going to justify that by contacting others and making sure they line up with me.
That they agree with me that you do have the right to be offended.
Don't worry about it, you don't need to take it to anyone else.
You do have the right to be offended. Jesus has given you instruction what to do.
You take it to that person alone. No one else needs to know about it.
No one else needs to know, I'm sorry. You take it to that person alone.
And look, if you take it to that person alone, don't you think the offender is going to appreciate that?
Don't you think they're going to appreciate that instead of you making a big deal with everybody around you on this,
that you've just gone to them privately, you know?
Because look, if you take it to other people, and I've already preached on this stuff.
I remember preaching on this, I think it was last year I might have preached on this.
But no, it was actually this year, this year.
But you know, if you do take the problem to other people,
what you're essentially doing, you think you're trying to justify your actions and justify your feelings,
but what you're actually doing is taking the offender's name and basically just dragging it through the mud.
You're just bringing bad reputation. You're gossiping about that person.
And you're making others see them in a bad light.
And the offender may not even know they offended you.
They may not even have intentionally done it.
And here you are taking their name and destroying it amongst the church brethren, amongst other people.
And look, that action could be a greater offence than what you got offended by in the first place.
Really serious, you know? Take it to that person alone.
And look, as we go through this, there's a proper process that gets brought to the church.
You know, eventually somebody might even be kicked out of the church because of it.
But if I find out that step one has not been done, that you did not take it to the person alone,
then I'm not carrying through with church discipline.
Because you've already failed at the first step.
In fact, if you fail the first step, you might be the one that's been brought before everyone else.
Because you've tried to destroy somebody's reputation.
Alright?
So, approach the offender alone, present the evidence, and...
Yeah, present the evidence so that they know what you're talking about.
Without the evidence, without the facts, without the situation that unfolded,
the offender may have no idea what you're talking about.
Honestly, they may have no idea whatsoever.
Quite often, people get offended and the offender doesn't even know it's taking place.
And this is why God has given us such a good process.
You know, approach the person.
Because if you don't approach the person and you're offended, what's going to happen to you?
The offender's going to go about life as per usual, but you're going to grow in bitterness.
You're going to grow in anger.
You're going to get frustrated.
And you're going to develop, you know, create tension within your relationship with that person
or maybe tension within the church.
You know, Jesus Christ wants us to resolve the problem.
He wants us to resolve it.
We're still in verse 15.
Now look at this.
There has gained your brother.
Now look, more often than not, if you come and you tell someone, I've been offended by you,
more often than not, they're going to give you the time of day to hear you out.
And when the Bible says, if he shall hear thee, it's not just, I heard what you said,
but it's more about that person receives what you're saying.
They acknowledge that you've been offended.
And I'll cover that in a minute.
But let me just cover this thing once again, coming to the person alone.
I strongly recommend that if there's an offence, that you take that situation to them face to face.
Strongly recommend that you take it to them face to face.
Deal with it in person, okay?
Because when you communicate a message, it's not just the words.
It can be your tone of voice that can, you know, that's important.
You know, your body language is important as well.
You know, I find when there's conflict or there's some situation,
I just rather deal with it face to face, okay?
Now if you can't arrange that, then probably the next option is a phone call, okay?
Because at least with a phone call, you can carry a certain tone in your voice
and people can understand what you're trying to convey.
But then you lose the body language, which is a big disadvantage, okay?
But one thing I would really recommend, guys, is never take it to text.
Never go on Facebook Messenger or whatever text messages you use, WhatsApp.
Don't deal with conflict as a text message.
Don't deal with it as an email, okay?
Because it's just text and the person that reads it can basically read it and, you know,
without the tone of voice, without the body language, they can lose what you're trying to say.
They might see it as an attack rather than, you know, a legitimate concern that you have.
So please, please, any conflict, take it face to face primarily.
You know, if you can't do that, telephone, avoid the text messages, avoid it.
Don't do it, don't do it, all right?
Someone sends you a text message about a conflict, say,
hey, let's have a chat about it on Sunday when we're in church, whatever, okay?
Point number two, point number two is aim for a quick resolution.
Aim for a quick resolution.
So as we saw, the offender should hear thee, hear thee, you know?
If you're the offender and someone has come and told you,
I've been offended, the thing you should do, according to Jesus, is to listen.
Take it on board, receive it, accept the offence, all right?
You know, apologise and make things right, that's common sense.
Apologise and make things right.
Learn to listen, learn to listen.
Look, when someone's offended, that person can be emotionally charged, all right?
And I don't know if you've ever spoken to people that are emotionally charged.
Okay, something has gone wrong, but because it's gone wrong,
they get really upset, really frustrated,
and it might just take you to have the patience to listen to someone, you know,
filter through the emotion and recognise where the problem is,
recognise what the situation is.
And this is something that I learnt just, you know,
I worked as a customer service manager, you know, for an electrical company.
And so our company, we're an electrical distributor,
and we would send about 1,000 parcels per day across Australia.
And the promise was that they would get their electrical components
next day guaranteed, pretty much, okay,
unless they were, like, completely rural in Australia or something like that.
But usually most metropolitan customers would receive their delivery
anywhere in Australia next day guaranteed.
And when you're sending 1,000 parcels per day, you know,
you can understand where it's not always,
not every 1,000 parcel is going to get there the next day, right?
And some people have production plants, they have conveyor systems,
something has broken down, and they can't run the business.
And as the business is not running, they're losing thousands and thousands,
tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of dollars every day
as the business, you know, as the production has shut down.
But they might need a part that's only, like, $20, you know,
a part that's $20 that they need delivered,
and then they can get things happening, all right?
And I never, I was never on the phone, but I was a manager,
so sometimes I would get calls escalated to me.
They'd be like, I need to talk to your manager and sort things out, okay?
But the training that we taught the customer service staff
is just let the customer vent, you know, and don't get emotionally charged.
Don't respond emotionally.
Just let them vent and listen.
You've got to listen to the customer.
This is how you're going to fix the situation.
You listen, you let them vent, figure out what's gone wrong,
and then respond and say, look, I can understand why you're upset
from what you've explained.
You know, you've ordered this part, and you're expecting it to arrive by midday,
and you've still not received it.
Let me check it right now and see where it's at, okay?
But immediately, the customer, as soon as you do something like that,
the customer just, the emotions just drop
because they appreciate that the other person has listened to them,
and they appreciate that you spent time trying to figure out what went wrong, okay?
So that's how we ought to be with our brethren.
Let them vent a little bit, and then pay attention
and work out what's gone wrong, all right?
And that's going to help calm the emotions down.
Now, when someone gets offended, and they're saying they've been offended by you,
it's not up to you to determine whether that person should be offended or not.
That's going to be very tempting, right?
You've offended somebody, and then they're telling you about the problems,
and you're thinking, hmm, you know what?
You shouldn't be offended by that.
Well, that's not for you to determine.
That person is offended. That's the fact.
You don't need to waste time trying to figure out
whether that person should be offended or not.
You know, especially you shouldn't be ringing your friends
and trying to work out whether that person should be offended or not by your actions.
You know, stick to the facts.
The fact is that person is offended, and this is because I love my brother,
because I esteem others better than I esteem myself according to the Bible,
then I'm going to take that on board and accept it.
I'm going to accept the fact that they're offended.
I'm going to accept the fact that I've done something to upset them.
Don't waste your time trying to defend yourself.
It's not necessary, okay?
Just take the offense and think about it, all right?
And let me say something else as well.
If someone has wronged you and you're considering,
am I offended by this?
Is this serious enough for me to raise it to that person?
And you determine that, no, actually, you know what?
It's not that big of an issue.
I'm going to let it slide. We'll put it behind us and move on.
And that's cool. That's your option. That's your freedom.
That's your free will.
But don't allow others to get behind you and say,
well, you should be offended.
You should be taking that to them.
Hey, that's not their business.
Whether you're offended or not is based on you, okay?
Based on how you feel.
Once you've made the assessment, is it worth addressing,
or is it worth, you know what, maybe it's already been dealt with
in some certain ways.
Maybe, you know what, it's not really worth raising.
It's probably going to blow away anyway.
And that's your call.
If you want to make that call, that's up to you.
It's not for others to tell you whether you should be offended by that
and take it to anyone else, okay?
The offended party makes the decisions.
You're the one that takes it to the offender, all right?
Point number three.
Respond quickly, but not immediately.
When someone has told you that you've offended them,
what's the first thing that's going to happen?
What's the first thing you're going to want to do?
You're probably going to want to defend yourself.
Immediately, all right?
As soon as someone says, you've done me wrong,
just the natural reaction of man will be,
I've got to defend myself, all right?
No, I didn't offend you.
I didn't mean to, no, don't, okay?
Respond quickly.
You don't want things to fester for too long,
but don't respond immediately,
because if you find yourself wanting to defend yourself straightaway,
it's because now you're emotionally charged.
Now you're responding by emotion.
Instead of just taking in the facts,
taking time to consider it, think about it,
if you respond too quickly,
you're going to respond out of your emotions
rather than out of something that's factual or logical, all right?
Now, if you know that you purposely offended that person,
like they're offended and you know,
yeah, you know what, I did have a dig at you.
I did say those words.
I did take that action, and I know what you're talking about.
At that point, you know you're guilty.
At that point, just apologise.
I mean, at that point, just fix it right there and then.
You know what? You're right.
I've taken on board. I realise you're offended.
I've said, yes, I did say those words.
Yes, I did do those actions.
Yes, I did do it to have a dig at you, to have a go at you,
and I'm sorry. I'm sorry about that.
I reacted the wrong way.
I shouldn't have said those words.
I shouldn't have reacted that way.
I'm sorry, and please forgive me.
Please accept my apology.
I think that's the best thing to do.
If you realise that you have done wrong,
you immediately recognise that. That's cool, all right?
Because often, you're not going to maybe even recognise that you did wrong.
Because maybe it wasn't your intention.
And many times, it is not your intention.
You know, like, people don't come to church
to intentionally hurt other people, all right?
People don't come to church to intentionally attack other people.
That's not why people come to church.
People come to church because they want to please the Lord.
They want to be obedient to his commands.
They want to hear the word of God and grow in knowledge and wisdom.
That's usually why people come to church, right?
So, you know, quite often, you might offend someone.
You don't really know why. You don't really know how it happened.
But it's the case... And in those cases, you know,
don't respond immediately.
Just be, you know what, I take on board what you said.
I acknowledge that you've been offended.
I apologise that I've caused you to feel that way.
But can you give me a couple of days?
Can you give me a couple of days just to think about this?
Because obviously, you may not have...
It's probably not something that's on your mind.
It's probably not something that's on the top of your mind.
And you might need some time to process and consider it
and think about, hey, you know, were my actions rude?
Were my actions this way or that?
Think about it and go, well, you know what? Maybe they were.
You know, you need a couple of days to work that out.
And then what can I do moving forward to make sure I don't do that again?
And then you can apologise properly, et cetera, et cetera, okay?
But don't delay it longer than you need to.
Give yourself a couple of days.
Give yourself a couple of days to work it out.
And even if I didn't intend to do wrong,
what is it in my actions that has caused them to get upset?
Okay?
And notice, guys, this is all step number one.
This is all about approaching your brother privately, you know?
Alone, all right?
Aim for a quick resolution.
And as it's said there in Matthew 18, verse 15, it said,
And if he shall he thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
I mean, that's the best part of it.
That's the best part of conflict,
is that you can resolve it and gain your brother.
You can strengthen your relationship.
You can strengthen your friendship.
Quite often the people that you're closest to
are the people that you've gone and had some difficulties with,
that you've had some trials with.
I mean, this is a common thing in business.
You know who your best customers are in business?
The one that has never had any problems with your business?
No.
The best customers, the most loyal customers,
are those that had a problem with your business
and they had a satisfactory resolution,
it's been sorted, they're happy,
they've heard their complaint heard,
they've seen action, and they're like,
You know what? This is a good business.
I'm going to continue coming here.
That's how you develop the best customers, is through conflict.
Every business owner knows this.
It's the same in church.
It's the same in your relationships.
The strongest relationships are those that have a rocky period,
sorted out, they hear each other,
you know, you learn to love one another,
you recognize that person actually cares about me,
that this person wants to resolve it,
this person has not intentionally gone to hurt me or whatever,
that usually is going to help you to develop even better friendships.
You gain your brother, as Jesus Christ said here in verse 15.
Alright?
So, point number three was respond quickly, but not immediately.
Give yourself time to consider.
And don't jump to defend yourself straightaway.
Okay?
Usually someone jumps to defend themselves very quickly.
It's usually an admission of guilt,
that they have done wrong, but they don't want to admit it.
Okay?
Point number four.
Point number four is if you're the offended person,
accept the offender's apology.
I shouldn't make this point, but it happens.
Alright?
The offender goes, You know what? Yeah, I did mess up.
I did offend.
I'm sorry.
You know, I stuffed up.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
You know, I'll be more cautious about how I say those words in the future,
et cetera, et cetera.
And you apologize.
But you know, sometimes the offended person does not accept the apology.
Alright?
Point number four is accept the offender's apology.
Look, if the offender has heard you, has taken it on board,
apologized, offered resolution, accept their apology.
Accept it.
Alright?
Now sometimes, some people don't want to accept the apology.
And those people that do not want to accept the apology
is because they're not wanting the resolution.
They want further conflict.
They want potentially destruction of that person.
Okay?
And a prime example of this in the Bible is the prophet Jonah.
Remember Jonah?
God sent him to Nineveh to preach against their wicked works,
to preach that God was angry at them,
to preach that God would destroy them.
And at first, Jonah didn't want to do that.
But eventually, you know, the story swallowed by the whales, spat out.
He was forced to go to Nineveh.
It was God's will for him.
He preached against the Ninevites.
And then what happened?
The Ninevites, they fixed it.
They resolved the conflicts they had with God.
Okay?
They repented.
They turned from their wickedness.
And God looked at that.
And this is how God is.
This is how we should be.
God looked at that and go,
wow, you know, these heathen,
they want to fix things with me.
You know, they want to turn from their wickedness.
They've listened to the word of God.
And you know what?
I'm going to turn from,
I'm going to repent from the,
what to say, from the evil that I would do to them.
I'm not going to destroy them now.
You know, I've resolved it with the Ninevites.
You know, that's how God responded.
But how did Jonah respond?
He was not happy.
He was not happy that the Ninevites resolved it with God.
Jonah wanted the Ninevites to be destroyed.
Right?
I mean, his heart was in the wrong place.
Eventually he obeyed God, but still,
you know, he wasn't looking for resolution.
He didn't want this city to fix things with God.
He wanted their destruction.
Okay?
And sometimes you might be the person that,
you know what, you just cannot accept the apology.
You know, you can't accept the resolution
because your goal was to,
what was to desire that person to be destroyed,
to hurt them further,
for them to be kicked out of the church
or whatever it is.
All right?
So, point number four is accept the offender's apology.
I mean, that's the right thing to do.
All right?
When you go and you confess your sins to God,
does he reject you?
No.
You know, he's merciful.
You know, he's faithful towards you.
And he forgives your sins.
You know, that's how we ought to be.
All right, let's look at Matthew 18, verse 16.
I'm almost done now.
Because if you don't accept the apology,
if there's no resolution,
then the situation will progress.
Okay?
And it will make things more serious.
Verse number 16.
But if he will not hear thee,
so if he doesn't listen, he doesn't receive it,
he doesn't take it on board,
doesn't apologise,
then take with thee one or two more,
that in the mouth of two or three witnesses,
every word may be established.
Now, I've taught on this before.
I don't want to rehash it all.
But, you know, you should be bringing with you
mature, impartial believers in the church
to be those witnesses, to hear it out, okay?
To determine whether this person
has truly not heard you,
has truly not wanted to fix things up.
Or they might even turn around to you and say,
hey, you're actually in the wrong.
This person does want resolution,
but you won't accept their apology.
That's why it's good to have impartial people.
You know, people that hear this for the first time
can establish every word that's being said.
Alright?
And hopefully at that point,
with the impartial people, with the other voices,
then a resolution can come to fruition.
You know, because you have, you know,
usually the voice of others saying,
hey, this is how things ought to be fixed.
Alright?
And then look at verse 17.
And if he shall neglect to hear them,
take it unto the church.
But if he neglect to hear the church,
let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
So you can see immediately,
if you don't want to resolve things,
it escalates very quickly.
First to the mouth of two other witnesses,
then to the entire church if there's still no resolution.
Alright?
And at that point, when the church gets involved
and the church speaks,
and as the pastor, at the end of the day,
I'm the, you know, I rule over this church,
so it would be my opinion.
You know, if I see that somebody does not want to have resolution,
somebody does not want to fix this conflict,
then the next step is to cast them out of the church,
to kick them out.
Let them be unto thee as a heathen man,
like an unbeliever,
someone that doesn't even believe on Jesus Christ,
and a publican.
You know, somebody that's, well,
a publican was a government worker,
but somebody that's really not part of the church,
someone that's outside and has outside interests.
Let them be like that.
Let them be like somebody just of the world, basically.
And cast out of the church.
So, obviously, that's not what we want to achieve.
We don't want to be able to just kick people out.
Obviously, if there's a conflict,
we just want to resolve it.
Jesus Christ has given us these instructions for a reason.
Alright?
Step number one will usually fix 99% of problems.
Okay?
And I'm, like, if you get to step number two,
I'm already concerned.
There's a major problem if we need to get to step number two
and involve other witnesses.
Alright?
And then eventually, step number three.
But look, guys,
all I want to end on is this.
Conflict within church is normal.
Alright?
I don't panic when there's conflict.
I don't, like, oh, man, God, you know.
No, I'm just like, alright, Lord, you know,
you've given us another situation.
You've given us another experience to go through
and pray that the Lord will help these people
resolve the problems.
Alright?
Help that they would go through these steps,
as we see in Matthew 18,
and gain a brother.
You know, fix friendships.
You know, make relationships stronger.
You know, and for people to recognize,
hey, maybe my actions are a little bit crude.
Maybe I do need to fix myself a little bit
and make sure, you know,
I don't offend people all the time.
And I've told you, guys,
I'm a very sarcastic person.
I keep offending people all the time.
And I'm trying to fix that.
I'm trying to fix that.
You know, but if people don't get offended,
I'll never fix it.
I might even get worse.
Alright?
Then when people get offended
and I need to fix it,
I need to go and apologize.
You know, it's humbling for me to do that.
And, you know,
we all need to humble ourselves a little bit anyway,
don't we?
Alright?
And accept our brother.
Esteem them better than we esteem ourselves.
Alright, let's pray.