John 15. So I was thinking tonight what, you know, it was kind of like a bit of a
last-minute decision as to what I was going to preach on. I normally have a
plan of what I'm going to preach on, usually a couple of weeks. I wasn't
really sure till this week of what I wanted to cover, and I thought about what
I've been preaching on. I've preached a lot of doctrine. I've preached a lot of
information, you know, why we're a Baptist Church, fundamental church, things like
that. I felt like I hadn't really preached much practical sermons for a
little while, so I thought, no, I'm going to touch on something practical,
especially in light of, you know, Christmas coming up. You know, we've got,
what is it, three weeks till Christmas, roughly. So, you know, Christmas is a time
where, you know, you sort of turn your attention to your loved ones, don't you?
You turn your attention to your friends and your family. You know, people
generally think, you know, well, let's, you know, let's go to someone's house for
Christmas. Let's have people over for Christmas. You know, people start thinking
about gifts, you know, who do I need to buy gifts for this year, and so on
and so forth. Generally, that's what happens, and look, some people get carried
away with Christmas, you know, but there's nothing evil in of itself, all right?
There's nothing wrong with remembering the Lord's birth. There's nothing wrong
with giving gifts. There's nothing evil about the day in of itself. The Lord's
created the day, right? So there's nothing wrong with, you know, having times, a time
where you, you know, fellowship with one another with your friends and with your
family. And so what I wanted to talk about today is, the title of this message
is, Be a Friend. Be a Friend. Okay, so I want to preach about friendship today,
okay, and in particular, look at John 15 verse 12. Let's read it again, just this
passage here from verse 12. Jesus says, This is my commandment, that ye love one
another. Okay, he's talking to his disciples, he's talking to his believers,
and he's telling his believers, This is my commandment, that ye love one another.
He wants us, as disciples, to love one another, and he says, As I have loved you.
So the same love that Jesus Christ has for us, he wants us to share that same
love toward our brothers in Christ, right? Toward our loved ones. Verse 13, Greater
love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Now
I'm not sure if the disciples realized at this point what Jesus was talking
about, you know, that Jesus Christ himself would lay down his life, but what does
he call us? What does he call his disciples? His friends. And that's an
amazing thing that the God of the universe thinks of the believers as his
friends. Can you say, I'm a friend of God? That we should be able to boldly say
that, right? Jesus Christ laid down his life for his friends. He died on the
cross for our sins, so we can be right with God. Then verse 14, what did he say?
What did he say? He says, Ye are my friends. Jesus Christ's disciples, you are my
friends. Ye are my friends, but there's a condition, right? If ye do, whatsoever I
command you. Henceforth I call you not servants, for the servant knoweth not
what the Lord doeth, but I have called you friends. For all things that I have
heard of my Father I have made known unto you. So Jesus says, you know we
talk a lot about serving God, we talk about serving Jesus Christ, and there's
nothing wrong with that. We are servants of the Most High, we are servants of our
Lord God Almighty, but Jesus Christ doesn't want us to just think of
ourselves as servants, you know? Where you might go to work and you don't know what
the manager's thinking, you don't know what the manager's planning, you don't
know what, you know, the long-term goals are, you know, you know what your
day-to-day job is, but you don't know necessarily what the long-term plans
of the business is, you know, that might be discussed amongst management and not
really passed on to the employees until the time is right. Jesus says, no, no, I
don't want you, that's not how it works in my kingdom, that's not how it works
with my friends, okay? You're more than servants, you're my friends, and I want you
to know everything. I want you to know the plan of God, I want you to know all
the scriptures, you know? Later on he talks about the Holy Ghost coming and
testifying of Christ and all these things. We won't go there, but you are a
friend of Jesus Christ, right? You are a friend. He wants to be your friend, he
wants to be your friend, and he wants you to be a friend back to him, okay? And
then verse 16, you have not chosen me, but I have chosen you and ordained you, that
you should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain, and
whatsoever you shall ask of my Father in my name, he may give it you.
These things I command you, that you love one another, okay? So it's a very simple
commandment, love one another, okay? I'm your friend, be your friend to others,
right? Now Jesus tells us, basically from this passage, immediately,
immediately we know what a friendship is, okay? A friendship is not a one-way
relationship, it's a two-way thing. Friendships are a two-way street, it's
give and take, right? Jesus says, I give my life to you, okay? Because you're my
friends, right? And then he says, you are my friends if you do whatsoever I
command you. So there's a bit of give and take there, right? Jesus says, hey, I'm gonna
be friendly to you, I'm gonna be your friend, I'm gonna lay down my life on the
cross for your sake, and then you can be a friend back to me if you do the things
that I ask you to do, if you do the commands that I've left you with, in
particular this command of loving one another, okay? And the command of bearing
much fruit, right? Getting souls saved, you know, bringing people into the kingdom.
These are two main things that we ought to be doing, right? Getting people saved,
but also loving the brethren the same way that Jesus Christ loves you. But
first thing I just want you to realize about a friendship, it's a two-way
relationship, okay? If one person is trying to be friendly to one, but the
other person shows no, is not receptive to that, that friendship is not going to
last, okay? If you're just about yourself, you know, to who you
consider your friend, and you have no interest in the other person, that
friendship is not going to last. Jesus recognizes that there's a two-way street.
I give, and you give, you do the commandments. If ye are my friends, so ye
are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you, right? Now I'm always
interested in the etymology of a word. If you don't know what that means, it's just
looking at the root, because English has been influenced by many languages, by
Latin, by German, and even French has influence in the English language. I
often like to go back and look at the etymology of the word, where it's come
from. So I had a look at the word friend, and it comes back from a Germanic
background, but even further than that, this Indo-European word, and you know
what it meant? It meant someone to love. That's what friend meant, someone to love.
Okay, so when you think of a friend, that is what a friend is, right?
Someone that I love, someone that I care about, someone that I cherish, someone
that I appreciate, okay? That can be your wife, that can be your children, that can
be your family and relatives, but it also can be people in church, it can be people
outside of church, people that you know, that you're acquainted with, it's
someone that you love, someone that you care about, right? So we often tell the
kids, you know, hey, we want you to be friends. We don't want you to just be
brother and sister. We actually want you guys to be friends, right? So some
people think you can't be friends with brother and sister, you know, friends are
outside of that. No, brothers and sisters, brothers, you know, you guys can be
friends as well, you know, because quite often siblings like to fight, and you
know, obviously that's not friendly, so we teach them to be friends, we teach
them to be friends to one another, because it's someone they love. That's
what friend means, and so it seems perfectly good sense that Christ says
that you're my friends, but love one another, right? Because those two things
go together. You know, James 2 23 says, and the scripture was fulfilled which
saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness, and
he was called the friend of God, right? Why was he called a friend of God?
Because he believed God. He just put his faith on God. He believed what God was
saying, and that's what imputed righteousness upon Abraham, and because
of that he's called a friend of God. I mean, it's not difficult to be a friend
of God. Just believe what he says, and then do it, right? Do what he says. Now
what are some reasons that people avoid making friends? Some people don't like
making friends. Some people avoid, you know, avoid making friends. Why? I'll
give you some reasons for that. Number one, there's a fear of rejection, okay?
There's a fear of rejection. If I try to open myself up, if I try to be friendly
to them, then that person might spit in my face. That person might reject me, okay?
That's one reason. There's a fear of rejection. Maybe they've been rejected in
the past. They've been hurt in the past, and so they build up this wall, you know,
this protective wall, and go, no, I'm not gonna be friends because it's gonna hurt
me, you know? That's one reason why people don't avoid making
friends. A second reason is that they have a poor self-image about themselves.
You know, they think, well, nobody's interested in me, you know? I mean, that's
not because, that's just what they think. They think, I'm not an interesting person.
Why would anyone be interested in me? You know, I don't want to put myself out
there again. It's the same kind of idea, just, by the way, there's a lot of
self-centeredness in this, by the way, okay? There's a lot of self-centeredness, looking at
themselves, that fear of making friends, you know, no one's interested in me, you
know? The third reason is shyness. You know, some people are very shy, and what
it means to be shy is that there's a fear of others. They don't like to be in
a group of other people because they have a fear of other people. They have a
fear of making friends, right? Shy, you know, a lot of people think being shy is a
positive thing. It's actually not. Again, it's a very self-centered thing. Hey, I'm,
I'm scared of other people, okay? I'm scared of making friends, and a lot of
people sometimes confuse shyness with humility, right? Because when you're, when
you're humble, when you, when you show humility, what are you doing? You're kind
of taking, you're taking a step back, you know, you're eating, you're taking down
your pride, you're taking down your ego, and you're saying, hey, I'm gonna put
others before me. I'm going to hold them higher than I hold myself. I'm gonna
esteem other better than I esteem myself. That's humility, right? But that's, that's
being outward focused. That's looking at other people and saying, hey, I'm going to
humble myself so I can get along with them, right? So I can be a blessing to
them and not think of myself as high and mighty. But shyness is different. Being
shy is fearing others because I'm afraid of what others think of me, okay? I'm
afraid of what others think of me. Again, it's very self-centered. It's very
self-focused, okay? Now, 2 Timothy chapter 1 verse 7, I'll just read it to you. It says,
for God hath not given us the spirit of fear, okay? So being shy, being afraid of
other people is not something God wants us to have. He doesn't want us to feel
that way. God has not given us a spirit of fear, but then look at this, but of
power and of love and of a sound mind. So your shyness, your fear of others, is
going to stop you from loving other people, okay? Because the spirit of fear
is not the same spirit as the one of power, of a sound mind, and of love. And if
we're commanded to love one another, we need to try to get over that self-
centeredness and put our focus on other people, okay? A fourth reason why people
avoid making friends is just selfishness, okay? Being selfish. What I mean by that
is they look at someone and say, look, there's nothing that I can get
from that person. There's no benefit of me making friends with that person.
That's very selfish, right? That's very selfish because you're saying, I can't
get anything positive out of that person, so I'm not going to impart anything to
that person. But what about friendships give and take, right? So if there's
someone that you think, you know, I can't get anything out, I can't, you know,
someone in church, I don't think I can work, I don't think I can be friends with
that person. I can't get along with them. Hey, maybe you can impart a blessing to
them. Maybe you can be a friend to them. And then once you take that first step,
they can bless you in return, and that friendship can develop. And quite often,
it's a very judgmental approach, right? Again, it's really being full of
pride, because maybe you might think, hey, I'm of a spiritual level, you know,
higher than others. And, you know, if I talk to that person, they're just going
to pull me down spiritually, you know, they're not adding anything to my
spiritual life. You know, very judgmental, or, you know, I don't like the way that
person lives. I don't like the way that person dresses. I don't like the way that
person, look, you need to impart your wisdom and your love toward that person,
okay? Because if you're just thinking about who I can be friends with, and
who's going to benefit me, that's very selfish. All you want to do at that
point is take, take, take, and not give, give, give to other people, okay? Now, of
course, the Bible says in Acts 20 35, it is more blessed to give than to receive.
There's a greater blessing to give than to receive. So when you're looking at
making friends, don't consider just what can I get out of that person, but what
can I give to that person. God will bless you greater if you have that mindset,
first and foremost, okay? Now, I'll give you one quick example. I remember one of
my former churches, I won't name the church or the person, but Christina, my
wife, was trying to make friends with a lady, and then for several weeks, for
some reason, that that lady stopped talking to her, you know, just ignored
her, wouldn't even greet her, and Christina would come to me and say, you
know, what have I done wrong? Have I done something to, you know, upset her?
And I'm like, I don't know, and then eventually she said, like, I'm just
going to ask, I'm just going to talk to him, I'm going to say, you know, what's
happened? Why are you, why are you ignoring me? Like, you know, I thought
we were becoming friends. So Christina asked the question, you know, what's
happening? And she said, oh, and by the way, at this point in time, we were
pretty new at the church, and we didn't have the convictions of attending every
church service, you know, we weren't going, you know, eventually we were,
eventually we were attending all the church services. At that point, we
weren't, we were going Sunday morning, Sunday night, but not the midweek
service. And she said, oh, it's just, I've decided to stop talking to you,
because you're not attending all the services, you're not attending all the
church services, so, you know, I don't want, you know, I'm only looking for
people that will uplift me, and I'm looking for, you know, very spiritual
people. I mean, that's very selfish, right? That's very selfish. I mean,
look, some people just don't have the same convictions that you do at that
point in time. Maybe no one's even, and I don't think anyone even came to us
and said, hey, you should be in church, all three services, we were just going
to two, no one really questioned it, we never felt bad about it, you know, we
just, you know, and she's like, no, you know, and here's the funny thing,
like, you know, my wife and I, we had a few kids at that stage, so, you know,
people with kids, you know how hard it is to get to church and get everyone
organized and all that, and then eventually when she got married and had
kids, you know what, she's not at every church, in fact, she's at less church
services than what we were at at that time, right? But just showing you how, you
know, people avoid making friends because they're too judgmental,
too selfish, too, hey, what can I get, rather than what can I give.
So these are some reasons why people avoid making friends.
Now the reason why I think a lot of friendships suffer,
and I'll be just honest with you, I think it's the public school system,
the public school system, right? A lot of people take their kids
and put them in, and look, I'm not actually against
giving your children over to someone to educate them, just to let you know, right?
We've given them over to a piano teacher to teach them piano,
swimming lessons, you know, I'm not against that concept, as long as the
parents are still involved and taking
accountability of the education of their kids, but a lot of people put
their kids in public school, all right, and then they struggle, you
know, especially if they want to homeschool, they struggle
once they pull the kid out of public school, because the child's, you know,
being brought up in this public school system, and the way
friends are understood in that system. Let me give you some examples.
So some errors with friendships based on the school system. Number one,
people think, children think, kids think, that I can only
make friends with people of my age or my grade,
okay, now I've been there, you know, I was in school, and I felt that way when I was
in my grade in my year, I thought, you know, I can only make
friends with the people in my year, all right, I can't make friends with the ones
lower than me or the ones above me, that's, you know, especially if you make
friends with the kids in lower grades, that's a bit dorky,
that's a bit nerdy, like, you know, there's something wrong with you if
you're making friends with people of a younger age, but that's
generally what happens, right, and people think, hey, when they're,
when they're in public school, that they're, you know, they're being
socialized, but really, all they're learning is how
to be friends with that same age group, you know, when kids are homeschooled,
they learn to be friends with all the children, they learn to be friends with
the parents, they learn to be friends with neighbor kids if they play with
them, things like that, and so that's one big
issue, right, now let me, let me ask you this
question, when we think about friendship in the Bible,
and you guys can answer, who do we normally think about when we talk about
friendship, what relationship do we normally think
of?
Our best friend, our best friend, but just some characters from the Bible
when we talk about friendship, you want to give it a go guys?
Jonathan and David, yeah, number one, right, as soon as we think about
friendships in the Bible, David and Jonathan, best friends, and
sometimes people read that, and they think, you know, Jonathan and David were
these teenage kids, you know, they grew up together,
and they were buddy-buddy, but let me show you something,
you won't realize, you probably don't realize just how different in age they
were, so first of all, turn to First Samuel
chapter 13, First Samuel 13,
First Samuel 13, I'll give you a bit of a Bible study here,
First Samuel 13, now another question, anyone can answer it,
does anyone know how long King Saul reigned for?
How long was Saul the king of Israel, how long did it rain for?
Anybody want to give it a shot? 40 years, yeah,
so King Saul reigned for 40 years, okay, keep that in mind, now let's read First
Samuel 13, verse one and two, it says Saul reigned
one year, so now he's reigned one year at this
point, and when he had reigned two years over Israel,
Saul chose him three thousand men of Israel,
where of two thousand were with Saul in Mishmash,
and in Mount Bethel, and a thousand were with Jonathan,
in Gibeah of Benjamin, and the rest of the people he sent every man to his tents,
so this is now the second year of Saul's reign, right,
and who was one of the captains of the army here?
Jonathan, his elder son, did you see that? So Jonathan,
now anybody know how old you had to be to join the army in Israel?
At least 20, you had to be at least 20, so in the second year
of Saul's reign, Jonathan was at a minimum 20 years old, right,
he's probably older than that, but you know, at a minimum he was 20 years old,
so if Saul reigned for 40 years, how old was
Jonathan when when Saul died? So at 40, well it's two years that he's
reigned, right, there's 38 years left, so it's 38 years plus minimum of 20
years, so when Saul died, Jonathan, his elder son,
was at least 58 years old, do you guys get
that? 20 plus 38, at least 58 years old,
now does anyone know how old David was when he reigned, when he began
to reign? When David first became king, how old was David? Does anyone
remember? He was 30 years old,
David was 30 years old, let me just read it to you, 2 Samuel 5-4,
David was 30 years old when he began to reign and he reigned 40 years, so he also
reigned 40 years, so he's 30 years old after the death of
Saul, right, so how old was Jonathan at a minimum at that point? 58,
David was 30, 28 years at least difference in what we consider the best
friends in the Bible, right, so doesn't that blow the whole
idea that I can only make friends with my age group or my grade,
you know, we ought to be people that can make friends with all age groups, right,
all peoples, no matter how different it is, you know, he was old enough to be his
father, Jonathan was old enough to be
David's father, and yet they were best friends, they got along just fine,
and so, you know, it's a big misconception that we learn in public
school, hey, that we've got to make friends just
with our age group or there's something wrong with us.
Another thing that our school does wrong, it based friendship
on popularity, normally the popular kids make the most friends, right,
that's what we think of, we need to make friends with the popular kids,
but you know what, Christians will never be popular in the world,
just get used to it, you'll never be popular in the world, Jesus says in the
same, in John 15 19, if you were of the world, the world would love his own,
but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world,
therefore the world hate of you, so if you think you're going to be popular
as a Christian, just forget it, if you're going to try to make friends with the
popular Christians, it's because they're of the world, if
you think as a Christian that's very popular,
I mean, I went to youth group, you know, some churches have youth group in this,
and again, the popular kids, were they the most Christian kids,
were they the most biblical minded kids, no, they were the worldly kids, they were
the ones going and knowing all the movies, and
maybe smoking the cigarettes, you know, in,
you know, behind closed doors, and whatever, they were the worldly ones,
they were the popular ones, even amongst the Christians,
they were the popular ones amongst the Christians, but you know what, if you're
going to be a God honoring Christian, forget it, you know, you're not going to
be popular, okay, so this idea of making friends with
the popular kids, or trying to be popular, and making friends,
that is not a biblical concept, that's a worldly concept,
another problem that you do with, that public schools create,
is friendships get based, are based on common interests,
there's nothing wrong with common interests, I think it's a good place to
start, you know, when you start to make friends,
and you want to get to know each other, it's good to have those common interests,
ask questions, oh yeah, I also do that, and you know, you can build from there,
but quite often, and this is what I observed, I don't know, I'm sure you guys
observe the same thing, but quite often, kids would make friends
with the same ones that like the same music, for example,
right, the kids that like the heavy metal music, they were all,
you know, they were all together, and the kids that like the hip-hop, you know, they
were all together, and the kids that liked, I don't know,
the the douche douche stuff, you know, they were all friends
together, right, no one admitted to like the the pop music, right, no one admitted
to liking that, everyone must have heard it, or maybe
the common interest is sports, you know, they like the same sport, you
know, they like soccer, or they like rugby, or they like
tennis, or what have you, I also, you know, sometimes you'll notice that friends get
made by those that want to be more academic,
you know, often, you know, the term used in my day were nerds,
you know, the nerdy kids got together, they wanted to be academic, they studied
together, did their homework during lunch instead
of playing and things like that, you know, their common interest was the
academics.
Now again, there's nothing wrong with finding that common ground,
but when your friendship becomes about your common interest,
then it doesn't become about the person anymore, it becomes about that interest,
becomes about that hobby, and that's all your friendship is based on, it's not
based on you as a person. Let me give you an
analogy of this, if someone was able to clone another
Kevin, just like me, another Kevin, we've got the exact same interests, don't we,
another Kevin, exactly the same, we're going to have the same interest,
we're going to be so alike, and people often say, ah, I just want to
find a friend that I can, that I can, you know, that have the same
interests as me, you know, the same eight, but look, if there was another Kevin,
it'd be a very boring friendship, right, because I already know everything that
that Kevin wants, that likes, right, finding someone just like you is very,
is a very boring experience. What makes friendships exciting
is meeting someone that doesn't have the same common interest, and then
learning about that person, learning about their hobbies, learning about their
interests, it opens up your mind to other things
than just the things you're interested, you already know the things you're
interested in, right, but it opens your mind to other
things, so don't be in a mindset that I must make friends with just those that
are just like me and have the same interest,
they take very school-based mentality of friendship.
I've also seen friendships based on ethnic
identity, you know, an ethnic background, in my school,
you know, the South American kids, you know, I'm South American, but there was a
group of South Americans, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't want to be part of that,
you know, or, you know, sometimes you'll have the international Asian students,
you know, they, they make, you know, they'll be friends just with one another, and
they don't, they don't, you know, make friends with other people, I don't know if
you guys have experienced that as well, and I've actually been in a church that
was very much like that, like the church I was at,
it was just one ethnicity, again I won't name it, or the,
you know, just one, and we tried our best to be part of it, it was very hard to be
friends, why? Because they break out into their
language, and we didn't know what was going on,
you know, when you have people of one ethnic background, they have certain
traditions, they have certain ways of doing things, they have a certain culture,
and it's hard for you to break through and make, make friends, and we eventually
had to leave that church, not because the church was, you know, look, the people
were friendly, don't get me wrong, they were friendly,
but it was very difficult to just be part of the church,
and we had to look elsewhere, where there was a bit more multicultural,
you know, you know, the Bible says, what did Jesus say about his,
the temple, the house, or the, we can talk about the church being the New Testament
house, that my house shall be called of all
nations, the house of prayer, but you have made it
a den of thieves, you know, it's a house for all nations,
okay, we shouldn't worry about making a church for one ethnicity,
and a church of one language, nothing wrong with having an interpreter,
hey, you know, if you live in an area where there's a lot of one ethnic
minority, and they can only speak one language,
nothing wrong with you preaching English and having an interpreter
preaching in the other language, that's fine, but hey, keep the church together,
don't break it up, because now you're going to hurt the
friendships that can develop amongst ethnic variety of people, so
these are some things that the school teaches
how to make friends, and then people struggle when they get to work,
because when they go and get a job, they realize, hey, I'm working with people of
all ages, I'm working with people with all backgrounds,
all different interests, and they find it hard to adjust from going to school,
where they just amongst their peers, and now they've got to get into the real
world, and now they've got to work with everybody,
so let's move on to some biblical principles in making and being a good
friend, Proverbs 18 24, can you turn there,
Proverbs 18 24, I think this is a, this is a very, and
look, the Bible has a lot to say about friendship,
and I don't have time to go through everything, but I think this is a really
good principle, and we can build a lot of this, a lot of
things from this, Proverbs 18 24, now if you're struggling to make
friends, this is a really good verse to meditate on,
it says, a man that have friends must show himself friendly, and there is a
friend that sticketh closer than a brother,
just that first bit, a man that have friends
must show himself friendly, if you're someone that doesn't have a lot of
friends, it's probably because you're not showing
yourself friendly, and if you see people that have a lot of friends,
it's probably because they're showing themselves very friendly, they're being
very kind, and very nice, and very considerate of other people, so
some, some principles of make, being a good friend, making friends, and being a
good friend, number one is take the first step, take
the first step, remember it's, you're more blessed to give than to
receive, don't wait for that person to make that
first step, don't wait for that person to start the
conversation, you go, you go and start that conversation,
oh I went to church but they didn't say hello to me, oh I went they didn't say
bye to me, hey you go and say hello, you go and say
bye, you know, I mean people forget there's
those people, there's a lot of people in church,
you know people are packing up, and organizing their kids, and what have you,
people might forget to greet you, might forget to say bye,
don't get offended, just, just you take, you know, you take initiative, you take
that first step, and go say hello, and say bye, and smile, you know, learn to
smile to people, because it's, it's, it's the smile
that's going to draw them to you, right, if you have a grumpy face, and you look
frustrated, and you look angry, you know what, if
you're that way, I'm going to think, I don't know if I should approach that
person, I mean they look pretty upset, you know,
I might make things worse if I go and talk to them, no, but you know, have a
smile, take that first step, number two, show an
interest in another person, show interest in another person,
now you might say to me, but Kevin, I'm not interested in that person,
just force yourself, force yourself to show some interest,
ask questions, right, the best way to have a conversation is ask questions
about, that person knows more about themselves than anything else,
so a good place to start is just ask them questions, hey, you know, what do you do
for work, what'd you get up to this week, you know,
is there anything I can pray for, are you, are you struggling with anything, you
know, you need prayer for, ask questions, learn about that person,
don't worry right now about you trying, you know, you having to get things off
your chest, hey, learn about that person, and you know what, even if you force
yourself to show an interest, I'd say, I promise you this, if you force
yourself to show an interest and ask questions,
as you start to hear them talk, you are going to become interested,
you are going to start caring for that person and loving that person,
especially when you hear about their struggles and trials in life, you want to
be someone that can help them, show an interest in them, ask questions,
you know, find common ground, make them feel comfortable, when you find common
ground, that's what helps someone be, you know, we do this when we go soul winning,
you know, we go soul winning, it doesn't matter what, I've said this before in
another sermon, it doesn't matter what they say behind,
if they know about Christ, they know about the cross, I'll often
try to find that common ground with them, hey, so, oh, so you know about Jesus
Christ coming, what happened to Christ, oh, he died on
the cross, those kind of things, you know, that interaction, oh, that's
common ground, yes, you know, we come from, you know, we
have different religions, we have different beliefs,
I'm bringing you the gospel, and you don't understand the gospel just yet,
but try to find where you can to have that common ground to build that
friendship as you preach the gospel to people,
same thing with church, find common ground with people, you know, try to find
something that you can relate to, and then take
note of what they have to say, don't just ask questions and forget about
it, take note, focus on what they're saying, I'll tell you why,
because next time you see them, you can ask them about what you just spoke about
last week, or whatever, you know, you can ask them,
so how'd you go with that, you know, oh, you're struggling at work with that
person, you know, have you managed to find a way to
to deal with that person in your workplace, whatever it is, you know,
bring up that, because you know what's going to happen, and this has happened to
me, when people ask me something, and then I forget about it, then they come, oh, how'd
you, I was like, oh, yeah, I forgot I mentioned that to you,
and what does that, oh, you're interested in me, you're interested, you love me,
you care about me, you want to know, you're a friend,
you know, you've been praying for me, you've been thinking about me, you know,
you don't realize the impact you have just by bringing up
things that were talked about in the past,
in their personal life,
and next one, use their name, use their name,
and you know, when you talk to someone and use their name, it makes it personal,
all right, if you're saying to me, Kevin, I'm gonna, it's gonna draw attention to
me, because you're using my name, right,
you know, I was talking to someone just yesterday, I was talking,
what, no, when did we get yesterday, I was talking to Matt on the way back
from the coffee we had, and I mentioned Jason's name,
and Jason was like, huh, you know, you heard his name, right,
you know, there's a saying that goes, you know, take it, yeah,
I didn't take it down, but there's a saying that says something like,
there's no sweeter word than someone's name,
like, there's no sweeter word to that person than their own name,
something like that, and even when we do have coffee in the mornings,
what's the lady's name, is it Sue, Jan, Jan, Jan, Jan, Jenny,
Janet, doesn't Janet use your name, when you go, right, you go there, and I,
you know, I asked for my cappuccino, she goes, oh, Kevin, you know,
and she called me Keith the other day, and then she was upset about it, like, oh,
but she's trying to use your name, why, you know, she's a salesperson,
but you feel special, don't you, hey, you remembered my name,
you're using my name, I'm an important customer to you,
I'm going to come back, right, I mean, Callum knows this,
Callum uses, when I talk to Callum, I realise Callum uses our names a lot,
because it comes from a sales background, right,
that's something you get taught, you know,
because you're trying to build rapport with people,
you're trying to make this person use their name,
and, you know, this is a biblical principle, 3 John 14,
but I trust I shall shortly see thee, and wish I speak face to face,
peace be to thee, our friends salute thee,
greet the friends by name, greet your friends by your name,
and guys, what did we read on Wednesday, we read Romans 16,
right, what did Romans 16, what was the first half of Romans 16,
I salute this person, that person, name after name after name after name,
why, because Paul was friendly with them, Paul cared about them,
Paul was considerate, he used their name,
so use people's names when you talk to them,
they like it, next one, be self-sacrificing,
be self-sacrificing to your friends, you might sacrifice your time,
you might sacrifice money, you know, someone has a need,
and you can provide them some monetary assistance,
you can assist them with resources that you might have,
or, you know, your knowledge, you know,
you can sacrifice many ways for your friends,
what did Jesus say, greater love hath no man than this,
that a man lay down his life for his friends,
Jesus Christ was self-sacrificing for his friends,
you know, that's a good lesson for us,
find a need, hey, my friend, what need can I fill,
you know, and I'm very thankful when we came to the Sunshine Coast,
so many of you were saying, hey, is there anything we can do,
do you need food, do you need this, do you need that,
hey, I felt very appreciated, I felt very loved, very touched,
you know, and you, you know, you've been self-sacrificing,
I really appreciate that, that's being a good friend,
next one is, don't be overly negative, don't be too negative,
right, as a friend, now there's a time to be negative,
there's a time to be depressed and down,
and a good friend will hear you out, hey, but mix it up a bit,
talk about positive things as well,
if you're constantly negative, if you're constantly depressed,
you know, your friend will stick by you for some time,
but it's going to come a time where they're going to be like,
hey, you know what, this is really depressing being with you,
like, is there anything that you're thankful for,
is there anything that you're happy about,
is there anything that you're joyful about,
because when you're dealing with someone that's constantly negative,
you know, constantly, you know, being judgmental,
constantly complaining, constantly,
then, you know, it puts a strain in that relationship,
you know, same as a marriage, you know,
if one spouse is always negative to that other spouse,
constantly negative, never thankful and appreciated
for what the other person does,
it's going to have a strain on the marriage, you know,
don't be overly negative, Ephesians 5 20 says,
giving thanks always for all things unto God
and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Hey, we're commanded to give thanks always for all things.
Now, does that mean we'll never get depressed
and never get down and in the dumps?
Of course we will.
But even then, there's an expectation that as believers,
we give thanks for the things that we have.
Hey, we ought to appreciate, hey, we're not like,
you know, we don't live in a third world country
where we're dying of hunger,
we don't have a roof over our heads,
you know, real problems.
Our problems that we deal with, what are they really?
You know, if people in these third world countries
could swap their problems with ours,
they'd do it in a heartbeat, right?
We get so down and depressed for things and you know what?
We're clothed, we got food, we've got friends,
we've got family, you know, no one's life is perfect,
but we have things to be thankful for.
And God wants us even when we're down and depressed
to thank God for the things to show our appreciation, right?
You know, if a husband's out there working,
sweating, you know, the sweat of their brows,
working hard for their family, you know,
making sure they can make ends meet,
that there's food on the table, you know,
and the wife's constantly complaining and nagging,
that's gonna make the husband feel down and like,
oh man, I'm trying so hard to supply for my family.
And I'm constantly, you know, where's the appreciation?
Where's the thanks?
Same thing with God, hey, we ought to thank God for all things.
And I didn't say wife to the husband,
it can be the other way around as well, right?
A wife can be, you know, raising their kids
and helping where they can and, you know,
making sure that a meal is being cooked
and all this kind of stuff and the husband comes complaining,
oh, why isn't that clean and why isn't that done?
You know, the reverse can happen as well,
not appreciating one another.
So don't be overly negative.
There's a time to be negative, there's a time to be down.
A good friend will stick by you, but if that's all you do,
it's gonna be a strain on your friendship.
And so the reverse of that is be a positive influence.
Hebrews 10, 24 says,
let us consider one another to provoke unto love and two good works.
All right, let us consider one another.
Let's think about other people, not just yourself,
and provoke others unto love, why?
Because we ought to love one another and two good works.
You see, that's been positive, that's been a positive influence, right?
When you're down in the dumps and you're negative,
it's hard to grow in love, it's hard to do the work,
but when you're positive, when you're upbeat,
when you're trying to, you know, encourage one another,
that's when we can do great things for the Lord.
So be a positive influence to your friends.
So in conclusion, just to wrap this up,
if you've heard me preach right now and you're going,
yep, I know who you're talking about, Kevin,
you know, so-and-so needs to be a better friend, right?
Then you're not getting the sermon, if that's what you're thinking.
You know, so-and-so needs to be better to me,
you know, they need to be a better friend to me.
No, you missed the point of sermon.
You need to take this on board.
You need to be the better friend, right?
I need to be the better friend.
You need to be the better friend.
You need to make the first step, okay?
You need to stop being so judgmental.
You need to be accepting and have patience and have love
and provoke your friends to love and to good works.
So I thought this message was just good to meditate on
since we're approaching Christmas, right?
We start thinking about the people that we know,
people that we love,
maybe even people we've not even spoken to for a long time,
and then it comes Christmas and we think,
do I write him a card?
Do I send him something nice?
Do it!
Be a good friend.
Let's pray.