than great riches and loving favor rather than silver and gold.
The rich and poor meet together.
The Lord is the maker of them all.
A prudent man foreseeeth the evil and hideth himself,
but the simple pass on and are punished.
By humility and the fear of the Lord
are riches and honor and life.
Thorns and snares are in the way of the froward.
He that doth keep his soul shall be far from them.
Train up a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
The rich ruleth over the poor,
and the borrower is servant to the lender.
Ye that soweth iniquity shall reap vanity,
and the rod of his anger shall fail.
Ye that at the bountiful eyes shall be blessed,
for he giveth of his bread to the poor.
Cast out the scorner and contention shall go out,
yea, strife and reproach shall cease.
Ye that liveth pureness of heart,
for the grace of his lips the king shall be his friend.
The eyes of the Lord preserve knowledge,
and he overthroweth the words of the transgressor.
The slothful man sayeth,
there is a lion without
that shall be slain in the streets.
The mouth of strange women is a deep pit.
Ye that is abhorred of the Lord shall fall therein.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child,
but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Ye that oppresseth the poor to increase his riches,
and he that giveth to the rich shall surely come to want.
Bow down thine ear, and hear the words of the wise,
and apply thine heart unto my knowledge,
for it is a pleasant thing if thou keep them within me.
They shall withal be fitted in thy lips.
That thy trust may be in the Lord,
I have made known to thee this day, even to thee.
Have not I written to thee excellent things
in counsels and knowledge,
that it might make thee know the certainty
of the words of truth,
that thou mightest answer the words of truth
to them that send unto thee?
Rob not the poor because he is poor,
neither oppress thee afflicted in the gait,
for the Lord will plead their cause
and spoil the soul of those that spoiled them.
Make no friendship with an angry man,
and with a furious man thou shalt not go,
lest thou learn his ways and get a snare to thy soul.
Be not thou one of them that strike hands,
or of them that are sureties for debts.
If thou hast nothing to pay,
why should he take away thy bed from under thee?
Remove not the ancient landmark
which thy fathers have set.
Seest thou a man diligent in his business?
You shall stand before kings,
he shall not stand before mean men.
Let's pray to the Lord God.
Just thank you for your word,
thank you for preserving it for us.
Just ask that you would fill the past
from here now with the Holy Spirit,
and just bless the preaching for edification,
and in Jesus' name we pray, amen.
Amen.
Okay, we're in Proverbs chapter 22,
and look down at verse 24, it says,
Make no friendship with an angry man,
and with a furious man thou shalt not go,
lest thou learn his ways and get a snare to thy soul.
And the title of my sermon this morning
is how to deal with an angry person.
How to deal with an angry person.
I wanna give you some tips this morning
on dealing with people who just can't seem
to control their temper.
And this is something that's very practical
and applicable to all of our lives,
because we're all gonna deal with someone
who kinda has your short fuse,
or is soon angry, as the Bible puts it.
Whether it's your boss, it's your superior,
maybe it's your spouse, maybe it's a friend,
maybe you're on the freeway, okay?
And someone cuts you off, and you know,
you're the person who becomes soon angry, okay?
Hopefully, I'm not preaching about
how people should deal with you this morning,
but it's quite possible that there are people here
who are soon angry, and quite frankly,
I could be one of them as well.
I think all of us have a tendency
to kinda lose it every once in a while,
but may we as Christians not be characterized, though,
by being wrathful, by being furious,
or by being an angry person perpetually.
Now let me say a couple things by way of introduction.
First and foremost, let me just say is that
anger is not a sin, okay?
There's this narrative that's constantly being pushed
by churches that anger is wrong,
and you should never be angry over any reason,
and you should be soft, and you know,
just kinda this Jedi mindset, right?
Star Wars type of thing where, you know,
anger is almost considered a sin,
but you know, the Bible actually commands us to be angry.
It's important for us to be angry.
That is an emotion that God has instilled
within every person,
especially when it comes to believers,
and the Bible says to be angry and sin not,
implying that it's possible to have that emotion of anger
and still not transgress or be a part of some sin
or get into wrath, things of that nature.
Now the Bible does say,
let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
So whatever it is that you're angry about
should be resolved before the day ends, right?
And it says don't let the sun go down upon your wrath,
and then this is important, it says,
neither give place to the devil.
And what I believe that's referring to is the fact that,
you know, anger, although justifiable,
the Bible says that we should be angry
regarding certain things, and because we're human,
we're gonna be angry regarding certain things.
You know, giving place to the devil would mean
that anger begins to evolve into something worse,
meaning it begins to evolve into malice, violence, wrath,
at which point it does become sinful.
And so even though anger is definitely a normal emotion
for people to have, we need to have self-control
and temperance to be able to deal with anger
and not allow it to escalate to a point
where we begin to exercise violence upon someone,
become malicious and wrathful towards individuals.
But make no mistake about it, anger is not sinful.
We have plenty of examples in the Bible
of God being angry, and in fact,
when Jesus Christ was here in the book of Mark,
it says that he looked upon them with anger, okay?
He had anger as an emotion,
and so that's very much normal.
And in fact, God commands us to be angry
regarding sinful things.
Whenever there's false doctrine being espoused and promoted,
false prophets, people that are being led astray,
sin just in general, should infuriate the believer.
And we should not take a passive position
when it comes to things that anger the Lord,
it should make us angry as well,
and God commends us when we get angry
over the things that anger God.
And so make no mistake about it,
anger is definitely a normal emotion to have,
it's a biblical emotion to have,
it's a biblical response.
Now, let me also say this by way of introduction,
as much as lies within you, okay,
separate yourselves from an angry person.
Now, in some instances, this is 100% impossible to do,
especially if you're married to a angry person,
or if you have an angry person as your boss, okay?
Sometimes that's not possible,
but as much as lies within you,
you should not be associated with people
who have short fuses, they're easily angered.
Why is that?
Well, look at verse 24 again, it says,
make no friendship with an angry man,
and with a furious man, thou shalt not go, why?
Lest thou learn his ways,
and get a snare to thy soul.
You know, if you are constantly associating with
and befriending those who are angry,
you're gonna be like unto them.
And the Bible says, he that walketh with wise men
shall be wise, but a companion of fools
shall be destroyed.
And it is true that the people you hang around with
the most, you're gonna end up being just like them, okay?
Whether you like it or not.
You know, if you are around a person who is covetous,
you're gonna end up being a covetous person.
If you're around a person who is greedy,
you will become a greedy individual.
If you are around a person who is lukewarm,
as a Christian, you're gonna become lukewarm yourself.
If you're around a person who is apathetic
towards the things of God, you're gonna be apathetic.
Hey, if you're around a person who's constantly
criticizing the things of God,
constantly criticizing church,
constantly criticizing leadership,
you're gonna end up picking up on those traits as well.
And the same goes for anger.
You're around an angry person, believe it or not,
even if you are naturally a tender person,
a mild-mannered individual,
you will become a furious, angry person as well,
because we are like the people
that we hang around with, okay?
And it says there that we will learn their ways,
we'll get a snare unto our soul,
you'll see angry people and the way they deal
with other individuals, and somehow in your mind,
you will think, hey, that is a superior way to react.
And therefore, you will learn his ways,
you will end up suffering the consequences
of being an angry person.
The Bible also says in Proverbs 19, verse 19,
a man of great wrath shall suffer punishment,
for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again,
hear counsel and receive instruction
that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.
And I think this will probably more so apply
to younger people, especially younger men,
who have a tendency to surround themselves
with a lot of dumb people that are their same age,
and sometimes they surround themselves with people
who are wrathful, who have something to prove,
who are prideful, who are arrogant,
and sometimes that can influence young people
to be the same, and I know this to be the fact,
because I went to a public school,
and I know the peer pressure of having to prove yourself
and having that pride and being around people
who provoke you to be that way,
and so as much as lies within you,
separate yourself from angry people,
and I don't think we have angry people in our church,
but if we do, you shouldn't be around them, you know?
I would separate from people like that.
If someone is just a short-tempered person in our church
who is just easily provoked,
and you can't seem to get along with them,
they don't get along with anybody else,
you know, I would do my best
to just say hi and bye and that's it,
and not associate with a person like that,
because obviously, that's an indicator
that that person has no self-discipline
and no ability to govern themselves, okay?
So as much as lies within you,
separate yourself from angry company.
Now the next thing I want to say by way of introduction
is that sometimes it's necessary
for the leader to become angry.
So don't think that,
because I'm giving you this instructional guide
on how to deal with angry people,
I'm saying that the angry person is always wrong,
because sometimes it's necessary for leaders to get angry.
Go to Proverbs chapter 25, if you would,
Proverbs chapter 25.
You know, sometimes it's necessary
for the father to get angry.
It's necessary for the pastor to get angry.
Hey, it's necessary for the boss to blow a gasket.
Why?
Because then, at least people will know
that you mean business, okay?
And sometimes that is the responsibility of the leader.
Look at what Proverbs 25 verse 23 says.
The north wind driveth away rain,
so doth an angry countenance a back-biting tongue.
You know, sometimes when you're dealing with the boss,
and you do just a really bad job,
and you get the look from the boss,
you know you're in trouble.
And you fear, you're afraid that something,
you know, he's going to reprimand you,
he's going to castigate you for doing a terrible job,
and he looks at you,
or he actually verbally assaults you or something, you know?
He abuses you verbally or something.
But you know, at least we'll make sure,
he'll make sure that you won't do that again.
So sometimes anger is definitely necessary,
and so you shouldn't view every angry leader
as a person who's just bad.
Now obviously, if there's a leader
who's just constantly angry,
can't control their emotions, they're always losing it,
and they don't seem to be a joyous or happy person,
okay then obviously that person has anger issues.
But you know, most of the time,
a leader will have to blow a gasket
to kind of show people that they mean business, okay?
And so wives, don't get upset
when your husband blows a gasket
if things aren't running well at the home, amen?
Amen?
Amen.
Because they're the leader,
and so sometimes as a leader,
you can't just be all roses and daisies.
Sometimes corrections need to be made,
and so make sure you take note of that,
that this is often necessary for leaders.
Now let me just give you points this morning
on how to deal with angry people.
And I'm not referring to just people who are always angry,
sometimes you just find yourself in a situation
where you're dealing with a person
who is angry towards you, they're furious,
they're borderline becoming wrathful,
they're borderline becoming furious with you,
how do you deal with a situation like that?
Number one, go to Proverbs chapter 14 if you would,
number one, be a person who is slow to anger.
In other words, don't fight fire with fire.
One of the worst things you can do
is be just as angry as they are.
They're going off on you, they're angry at you,
they're pointing the finger at you,
they're getting in your face,
and you reciprocate that
by essentially doing the same exact thing.
You're only gonna make matters worse, okay?
Be a person who's slow to anger.
And so don't be an angry person yourself,
and here's the great way to exemplify this.
Everyone's anger should be like a stick of dynamite, okay?
Everyone's anger should be like a stick of dynamite.
The difference is how long that fuse is.
You should determine that your stick of dynamite
has a very lengthy fuse.
In other words, it takes a long time
from when that fuse is lit for that dynamite to blow, okay?
But if you're a person where the fuse is about this short,
and you know, just anything can just take you off,
then obviously you're not a person who's slow to anger.
You're a person who has no control over their emotions,
and therefore you're only gonna make matters worse.
Be a person who is not easily provoked,
as the Bible says.
Proverbs 14, verse 17 says,
he that is soon angry dealeth foolishly,
and a man of wicked devices is hated.
If you are a person with a short fuse,
you're gonna end up saying or doing
something really stupid in that confrontation.
Let's just be honest.
And I think everyone can attest to the fact
that there was a time where you,
or someone that you know, was angry,
and you reacted, and then later on,
you kinda regretted whatever it is that you said,
whatever it is that you did.
You just kinda acted out of passion in the moment.
That is what the Bible calls dealing foolishly
for someone who is soon angry.
Look at verse 29.
He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding,
but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.
You know, the Bible tells us
to exalt a lot of things, right?
The Lord Jesus Christ, to exalt virtue,
to exalt others, but what the Bible considers
to be shameful is when you exalt stupidity.
That's what folly means.
And so a person who is not slow to wrath,
they have a short fuse,
you're only displaying to the world how dumb you are.
Put it that way.
You're exalting your own stupidity, your own folly.
But the Bible's saying here
that if you're slow to wrath,
you have great understanding.
You know, if you're able to control your emotions
and not lose it at the drop of a hat,
you're considered an individual
who not only has self-control,
but obviously has a plenary understanding
of how to deal with the situation, okay?
Go to Proverbs chapter 15, Proverbs chapter 15.
I'm gonna read to you from Ecclesiastes chapter seven
in verse number nine.
It says, be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry,
for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.
Now again, anger is a complete normal emotion,
but it shouldn't just rest in your bosom.
You know, you're just kinda letting it fester.
It's just dwelling in you.
You're just dwelling on that anger.
You're dwelling on bitterness.
You're just constantly angry.
It should not rest within the heart of an individual.
Just deal with it and move on.
Don't be a hasty person in your spirit
to be angry with another individual.
Proverbs 15 verse 18 says,
a wrathful man stirreth up strife,
but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.
So it sounds like the person who's slow to anger
is not looking to prove a point, right?
They're not looking to make sure that they're right
and that the person knows that they're right.
It actually says that they want to appease strife.
What does that mean?
Hey, you know what?
Let's just be friends again.
I don't want to fight about this.
You know, you're right about that.
You know, I was wrong.
I apologize.
Oh, but yeah, but if I do that though,
then they're gonna think I'm wrong.
Who cares?
Who cares if someone thinks you're wrong?
If you know you're right, then move on.
Appease strife, be slow to anger.
And the Bible says that a wrathful man stirreth up strife.
So what does that mean?
You just add more gasoline to the fire.
If you are a person who is not slow to wrath,
you're hasty in your spirit,
you're the kind of person who just continues
to throw gas on that fire of their anger.
You're just making matters worse.
And I think all of us to a certain extent
like to throw a little gas on the fire sometimes
here now and then,
but you know what the Bible tells us not to do that,
not to stir up strife,
not to piss people off
even more than they already are, okay?
Look at chapter 16, if you would,
chapter 16 and verse 32.
Here's a great illustration of what it means
to have a controlled spirit.
It says in verse 32,
he that is slow to anger is better than the mighty.
We often think that mighty people, muscular people,
people who are capable of fighting
or they're just visibly manly and strong,
we think they're mighty,
but the Bible actually says that the person
who is slow to anger is better than them.
The person who is able to control their emotions
is far greater than the person who get deadlift the most
the person who has won the most matches
in the UFC or whatever,
the champion of the world.
God says you're actually better than them
because you are slow to anger.
And you know what?
This is true because you know,
a lot of those UFC fighters tend to have a tendency
to lose their temper a lot in public, okay?
You know, you would think that learning martial arts
should cause them to be humble and have self control.
Yet you have many UFC fighters and MMA fighters
who lose their temper out in public.
I mean, I think one of them, Joe Jones,
is notorious for just kind of going crazy
out in public, getting drunk.
Obviously it shows that even though he's a great fighter,
the man is not slow to anger, okay?
He doesn't have control of his own spirit.
And the Bible says that those who are slow to anger,
they're better than the mighty,
and he that ruleth his spirit,
then he that taketh the city.
So God says the person who's able to control
their spirit, and their spirit's not referring
to the new man, okay?
We gotta make a distinction what the Bible means
when it says spirit in the Bible.
It often is referring to that new man,
that regenerated aspect of our being,
known as the new man.
But it also is just referring to your mind, okay?
Your attitude, understand?
This is what the Bible says,
to be renewed in the spirit of your mind.
It's referring to your attitude towards something.
And so it says here that the person who rules
his spirit, rules his emotions, rules his mind,
is greater than an army that can take over a city.
And we would have seen like an army
who's able to conquer a city, pretty powerful,
their discipline to implement strategies,
or whatever it may be.
But in God's eyes, the person who's able
to rule themselves, conquer themselves,
overcome themselves, restrain themselves,
restrain their tongue, they're better than the mighty,
and they're better than an army
who can take over a city.
Think about that.
So what am I saying here?
What I'm saying is, before we even deal
with the angry person, we gotta deal with you first.
And you know, all these other principles
will completely fall apart if you don't even know
how to control yourself to begin with.
Go to chapter 25, chapter 25, on that same thought
of being slow to anger and ruling over the spirit.
Look at chapter 25 and verse 28.
It says, he that hath no rule over his own spirit
is like a city that is broken down and without walls.
That's a great illustration.
To signify what it means to not have control over yourself.
Why?
Well because the illustration that's being portrayed here
is a city that has breaches in the walls.
And when there's a breach or a hole in the wall,
the enemy could easily infiltrate and cause chaos.
Well in like manner, the person who has no control
over their own spirit, it's like they have a breach
in the spirit and therefore any person can just come in
and anger them and infuriate them.
Satan can come and tempt them.
Why?
Because they don't have control over themselves.
And so it's important for us as Christians
to seal up the breaches, right?
If you have a breach, something that easily makes you mad.
You have a breach that, you know,
a way a person talks to you makes you mad.
You know, you need to control that
and not view yourself in such a lofty way
that you think, well, you know,
people shouldn't talk to me like that, you know.
I deserve more respect than that.
And again, you know, obviously we do deserve
to be respected and people deserve to be respected,
but not everyone's gonna respect you.
You know, not everyone's gonna esteem you
as being an important person.
And most of the time, sometimes,
especially as a Christian, they're gonna disrespect you.
And in those cases, you need to be like that city
without broken walls, without breaches,
and be able to rule yourself.
Don't fight fire with fire.
You don't have to turn there.
Go with me if you would to, go to Proverbs chapter 29.
Proverbs chapter 29.
I'm gonna read to you from some New Testament scriptures.
James chapter one and verse 20 says
that the wrath of God worketh not the right,
or excuse me, the wrath of man
worketh not the righteousness of God.
So sometimes you think,
well, I'm gonna match that person's vibe, you know.
That guy's yelling at me, I'm gonna yell at him back.
But you know what?
Here's the thing is, you're not doing God any honor
raising your voice and yelling at them
and screaming at them.
It doesn't help.
And in fact, you could end up suffering
a lot of severe consequences when you do that.
And you know, one of the,
an example that I can think of
is just road rage, for example.
I mean, road rage within the last 10 years
has been pretty wild.
People have lost their lives over road rage, okay.
You know, someone cuts them off or whatever
and disrespects them on the road.
You know, just recently within the last couple of months,
this took place and a woman who with children
got road rage because some guy, I don't know,
cut her off or something like that
and she caught up to him
and she started yelling at him through the window.
But you know, she had a short fuse,
but the guy had a shorter fuse.
And unfortunately, he pulled out a gun,
shot and missed her, but hit the child.
And so, you know, I'm sure that woman regrets
having that short fuse.
She should have just let it go
and just moved on with her life
and lived happily ever after with her children.
But because she was not slow to anger,
her children suffered the consequences because of that.
So think next time when you're on the road
and someone makes you angry
and they're not driving fast enough
or something like that and you know,
they cut you off, they tell you you're number one,
you know, with one of their fingers, you know.
And they might tell you twice, you know.
They might be like, you know, look, Ma, no hands.
You know, they're just kind of like,
and they're trying to make you mad,
just kind of, you know, just look forward,
drive and think pleasant thoughts
because quite frankly, you know,
people are crazy out there
and you just know, you don't know who's having a bad day,
who's armed, who's on, you know,
what's the straw that's gonna break the camel's back
in that person's mind.
You might be that person
and so it's better to just move on
and recognize that your wrath
isn't working the righteousness of God at all.
Be a tempered person.
I'm gonna continue reading from some scriptures
in the New Testament.
First Corinthians chapter 13 and verse four says,
charity suffereth long and is kind.
Charity envieth not.
Charity vonteth not itself is not puffed up,
doth not behave itself unseemly,
seeketh not her own, listen to this,
is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.
What does it mean to not be easily provoked?
Basically, you know, they don't get ticked off easily.
Okay, you know, you're trolling them,
you're trying to make them angry
and they just kind of brush it off.
They're just not easily provoked, you know.
Now, you know, often people who are not easily provoked
are sometimes the most dangerous though.
Okay, because it takes them a lot to get angry
and then when they do finally react,
you might not like it
and so it's better to just not mess with people like that
but the Bible's telling us here
to not be easily provoked
and that is a manifestation of our charity towards others
is that we are not easily provoked, we're slow to anger.
Let me continue reading here from Galatians chapter five,
verse 22 when talking about the fruit of the Spirit,
it says that it's love, joy, peace, long-suffering,
gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.
Against such there is no law, the Bible says.
And so one of the characteristics
of a Spirit-filled Christian is that we're meek, right?
And what is meekness?
It is strength under God's control.
It's the ability to know,
I can whoop this guy if I wanted to
but I'm not going to because I have self-control.
You don't have to say that either, okay?
I just want to let you know
I'm being really meek right now.
I can kick your you-know-what,
I can mop the floor if you want to
but I'm not going to because I'm a meek person.
Meekness is not weakness,
meekness is strength under God's control
and it says that temperance is also fruit of the Spirit,
to be mild and tempered, to not lose your cool,
to be cool, calm and collected, amen, at all times.
Look at Proverbs 29 and verse 22,
it says, an angry man stirreth up strife
and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.
If you are a person who is not slow to anger,
you're easily provoked, more than likely,
you're going to be committing a lot of sins, okay?
Because a person who is incapable of ruling their spirit,
they're not only incapable of ruling it
in times when they're confronted
with another person who's making them mad
but they probably have no self-control
in other areas of life either, okay?
They abound in transgression,
their spirit is incapable of not only
refusing a confrontation with a person
but they probably can't refuse
other things in life as well, okay?
And so they're easily provoked
and they're probably very fleshly.
Now I remember growing up, you know,
there are certain people at my school
that were just easily provoked,
and you just knew, don't make this person mad
because any little thing can just drive them
over the edge because they have something to prove,
they're always angry, they're not slow to anger,
and in fact, I remember there was an instance
at my school where these two guys, they were friends.
I mean, they were like childhood buddies,
they grew up together, they were friends,
but one was a part of one clique
and the other was a part of another clique, okay?
And one of them just mocked the guy's,
his friend's clique, just kind of jokingly mocked it,
said a joke about it, and the guy just lost it,
he punched his friend, and then he proceeded
to stomp on his head, basically trying to kill him,
and you know, the police got involved,
he's bleeding out of his ears,
and he just had no memory after that of who he was,
the guy is basically in prison for attempted murder,
all because he couldn't take a joke, right?
By the way, let me just say this,
be a person who can take a joke.
Don't be so, don't be like these liberal,
these soft liberals out there that can't meme
if their life depended on it,
and they can't take a joke for any reason.
You know, we shouldn't think so highly of ourselves
that we can't take a joke even about ourselves,
and here's one of the, if you're the type of person
who's just easily offended,
then this is what you do to overcome that,
make fun of yourself every once in a while, okay?
Don't be a person who's just like,
you're just the Lord's anointed.
You cannot be touched with the feelings
of anyone's infirmities or something like that.
Be a person who can even poke fun at themselves
every once in a while.
That's a healthy thing to do, in my opinion.
Go to Proverbs chapter 14, Proverbs chapter 14.
So the first thing you can do
when dealing with an angry person is this,
be a person who's slow to anger themselves.
It doesn't work when a person is infuriated with you,
they have fire in their bosom,
and then you come along and just add gasoline to that fire
because you're also angry, you also have a short fuse,
it's gonna result in further transgression
and further offenses.
Here's another thing that you can do
when dealing with an angry person, don't provoke them.
That's a good one, don't make them mad.
Oh, my boss is always mad,
what are you doing to make them mad?
Maybe just do your job and he won't get mad at you.
That's a good one.
Oh, my husband's so, you know, he's just always angry.
What'd you do to make him mad?
What'd you do?
Oh, he said so many bad things.
Yeah, but what did you say before that, though?
What are some of the disrespectful things
that you said to your husband that made him mad?
And all of a sudden now you're the victim,
and you're like, oh, he just has an anger problem.
Sounds like you have a provoking problem.
How about that, right?
And so here's one of the best things,
this is one of the best advice
that you're gonna get in this sermon.
If you get nothing else, get this, don't provoke people.
Don't provoke your boss, don't provoke your spouse,
and obviously when it comes to marriage,
it works both ways.
You know, if you have an angry wife,
you know there's a corner of a house top
that the Bible says you can go,
or a wilderness that you can visit as well,
but if that's not an option for you,
then this is what you do,
you don't provoke them to anger, okay?
And obviously people who have anger issues need,
you know, they need to be in their Bibles,
they need to make sure they're walking with God,
they need to apply these practical principles
of the word of God,
but we're talking to people
who deal with those angry people,
and the best thing you can do
is not be a button pusher, you know?
And he often, especially when it comes to marriage,
you know, this is the case because of the fact
that they're not following the principle that tells us
that we should not render railing for railing
or evil for evil.
In other words, you have a spouse
that just says something to you, angers you,
provokes you, you provoke them back.
You feel like, well, I'm gonna get you back for that.
You know, I see that railing,
I up you one more railing.
I'm gonna say something evil to you as well.
And you escalate the situation further than what it is,
because you don't understand the principle
of just not rendering evil for evil,
but rather blessing for blessing, okay?
Don't push each other's buttons.
And when it comes to marriage,
that's easy for us to do, is it not?
Because we already know each other's buttons.
We know what makes each other mad,
and we know what buttons we need to push
to really tick them off and all that.
Well, you know what?
You should have charity towards your spouse
and refrain yourself from provoking them unto wrath,
provoking them unto anger.
Look at Proverbs 14, verse 35.
It says, the king's favor is toward a wise servant,
but his wrath is against him that cause it's shame.
So basically it's referring to a fact that,
you know, your boss is gonna favor you
if he esteems you to be a wise employee
who doesn't bring his business shame.
If you're lazy, if you're inept,
if you're just not doing your job correctly,
if you're always late,
if you're not fulfilling the tasks at hand,
if he has to keep repeating himself,
yeah, of course he's gonna be angry with you, okay?
And look, don't be a generation
that's just always upset or offended
because your boss cusses you out or something.
Well, I'm just gonna go look for a new job.
Well, you know what?
You might get a worse boss at that job.
So what are you gonna do then?
You're just gonna go from job to job to job?
You know, sometimes employees
need a little roughing verbally.
And no, it's not a verbal assault either.
Oh, my self-esteem.
You know?
Well then, you know, if you want your self-esteem
to be increased, you want your boss to respect you,
then go the second mile with your boss then.
I've never known a boss who is just an unjust boss
when their employee is just doing a terrific job,
especially as a Christian because at the end of the day,
you're serving them as unto the Lord,
the Lord provides promotions, the Lord grants favor.
But you know what?
If you are a shameful employee who can't be on time,
you're not performing the tasks,
you're letting things fall through the cracks,
yeah, of course your boss is gonna be angry at you.
Okay?
And don't, by the way, let me just say this
is that don't be the kind of Christian
that only needs to find a boss as a Christian.
That happens all the time.
We're just like, oh, I can't work here.
My boss is not a Christian.
He's reprobate, you know?
He's just so weak and he's so white
because he doesn't like you.
There's people in the church who probably don't like you.
It's like, oh man, they just have to be
a fundamental Baptist.
They just have to be King James only.
They have to be, you know,
they have to see eye to eye with me.
No, you have to see eye to eye with them
because they're paying you.
And so don't look for a boss who's a fundamental Baptist.
And look, it's sometimes you might get lucky
and get yourself a boss who is a fundamental Baptist.
I mean, brother Ulysses Hernandez got lucky, amen?
He got himself a fundamental Baptist as a boss.
He's a new IFP guy.
He's King James only, you know?
But even then I cuss him out every once in a while
if he doesn't do a good job.
You know, no, I'm just kidding.
But you know what?
That's not always gonna be the case.
You're not always gonna get someone who's a Christian.
Let me just say, you might not even get someone
who's kind to you.
Because your boss is actually not supposed to be your friend.
I know that in these Gen Zers out here,
they just, they're so soft, so effeminate,
they can't just handle any criticism whatsoever.
No, you might not even get a boss who even likes you,
but they like what you do,
and so this is the way they show their appreciation,
and it's not even by a thank you either.
It's by paying you.
It's like, oh, can I get a thank you?
No.
The paycheck is the thank you.
That's how things work.
Well, can I get a please?
No.
And you know, the people in here are like,
well that's kind of like, I don't know about that.
It's because you don't understand
how a job should actually work.
You know, you go there, you perform the task,
and the boss is satisfied with your work.
The way he shows you honor is by giving you money.
Keep the thank you, I take the money.
Keep the please, I'll take the money.
You don't even gotta look at me.
I translate the money as a thank you and as a please.
Please and thank you.
And so, you know, be the type of servant,
and when I say servant, meaning employee,
that is their boss's joy
because you're performing your tasks,
you're doing a great job,
you're going above and beyond,
you're doing overtime even when not asked of it, okay?
And you say, well that's too much,
I don't get paid enough for that.
Well, in all labor there's profit,
and do you think that any of your extra labor
that he's not paying for
will not be recognized by the Lord?
And you know what, I've never known a successful person
who didn't do just a whole lot of overtime.
I've never known a really successful person
who doesn't work beyond the clock,
even at home, believe it or not.
I've actually never known any successful person,
and I'm talking about millionaire status,
someone who's very wealthy,
who doesn't work beyond what is required of them.
They always bring their work back home.
And even if they finish all their work,
when they're at home,
they're looking for ways to just improve in their job.
They're just like a go-getter,
they are a self-governing person,
they encourage themselves,
they don't need necessarily supervision
or a governor over them,
they just are happy to do a job
and they're constantly working
and getting better at what they do.
And so at the end of the day,
you're like, well, I don't get paid enough for this,
then do something to get paid enough for it.
Yeah, but that's gonna be like months down the road.
Well, you don't think
that the Lord will recompense you for that?
And you know what,
sometimes your boss does need to yell at you,
he does need to cuss you out a little bit
to kind of toughen you up a little bit
because you know what,
in the future, you might be someone's boss
and you're gonna be like,
wow, now I know why my boss cussed me out so much,
and now I'm gonna use those same words
on this employee.
You know, it's different when you're in charge.
It's different when you are actually the leader,
the boss, you're cutting the checks,
it's different for that person.
And so just keep in mind,
you know what, he's angry with me
because this is his company, this is his business,
and I'm supposed to be doing it in a certain way
and if he doesn't like it, then that's my fault.
But you know what,
one day if you aspire to be a boss
in charge of your own business,
you're gonna be employing people
and you know what,
you're supposed to do the same exact thing.
And so you don't like how your boss talks to you,
then don't provoke them by doing a bad job.
You don't like the way your husband talks to you
and says to you, then don't provoke him, okay?
Don't make him mad, plain and simple.
And I don't believe in verbal abuse either.
I grew up in a Hispanic home, okay?
So don't come at me with,
oh, verbal abuse is gonna affect you mentally.
I'm a pastor today, I'm fine.
Nothing wrong with me, you know?
There's no such thing as verbal abuse.
Like it does something to me physically or something.
It toughened me up is what it did.
And you know what, I'm thankful for the verbal abuse
that I got when I was a kid,
because you know what,
now people everywhere say all kinds of stuff about me.
And you know what, I just laugh at it.
You know, that people mock me, they threaten me,
they say all manner of evil against me,
and I'm just not like, I can't believe it.
I don't cry about it.
I'm just like, whatever.
It's just like water off a duck's back.
You know, and so don't provoke an angry person.
Go with me if you would to Proverbs chapter 30,
Proverbs chapter 30.
And the same goes for just any person who is angry.
You find yourself in a situation
where someone is yelling at you,
you got a Karen in your face or something.
You got a person who is extremely angry.
You know, don't add gas to the flame.
Don't provoke them to wrath.
Look at Proverbs 30 verse 33 says, why?
Surely the churning of milk bringeth forth butter,
and the ringing of the nose bringeth forth blood.
So the forcing of wrath bringeth forth strife.
Really want to force yourself in a situation
where you get your butt kicked
because you're just provoking people with your words.
You don't want to be in that situation.
I've known plenty of situations
where people are just provoking people with their words
and they're just saying stuff.
And then what happens?
Well, their nose brings forth blood.
Their mouth calls for strokes.
Not saying it's right, I'm just saying
that is the result of often provoking another individual.
Don't do it.
And let me just say this is that, you know,
the Bible also says fathers provoke
not your children to wrath lest they be discouraged.
Don't provoke them to anger.
And what this is referring to is that
you should be just with your children, okay?
No parent is perfect.
We all make mistakes, but in general,
we should seek to be just and not just, you know,
doing things just to make them mad
that can become discouraged because they're forced
to be under your authority for whatever 18 years
or under your roof or whatever.
Don't provoke them to anger
that can discourage them in the long run.
Galatians 5, 26 says, let us not be desirous
of vainglory, provoking one another and being one another.
Now, let me just say this disclaimer is that
I'm not saying that if you guys are joking
amongst yourselves and you guys are provoking each other,
that that's bad because brothers do that, okay?
And I would say like the guys in our church
are very much brotherly oriented, right?
You guys know what I'm talking about?
You guys are like you live with each other or something.
You guys are literally like brothers.
And I think that's great, you know?
Obviously, we're brothers in Christ,
but there's instances where the brothers
just get on each other, and I think that's healthy, okay?
Because you guys know each other,
you guys have your best interest in mind,
and at the end of the day, you love each other, right?
Amen?
So I'm referring to when you find yourself
in a situation where someone who has lost their temper
is becoming irate with you, they're getting in your face,
and we did have a situation like that actually
one time in our church.
Now that I just think about it,
we did have a situation like this
where it was just like these guys,
they were arguing, the AC brother, Eli,
that's what I was pointing at.
Do your job, man, I'm just kidding.
You know, there's a situation where these two guys,
they were kind of getting on each other,
and it got to a point where
they're about to like fist fight,
because both of them were incapable
of actually controlling themselves.
And you know, be men, be not children, amen?
You know, when it comes to malice, be children.
You know, don't be the type of person
that's just like, oh, my brother in Christ said X, Y, and Z,
I'm gonna go punch his lights out or something.
Obviously, that's not tolerated here,
and I had to get involved and you know,
kind of broke them up,
and they didn't do anything thereafter,
but each of them was guilty
of provoking one another with their words.
And so don't be that person, appease them.
So number two is don't provoke angry people.
You'll save yourself a lot of confrontational situations
if you just don't be that person
who's constantly pushing the buttons of your husband,
pushing the buttons of your boss,
pushing whoever's buttons
that you know has a short temper.
Here's the next point on how to deal with an angry person.
Give the angry man some space.
One of the best things you can do
is just leave them alone.
If they're angry, give them some space.
And it kind of goes along with not provoking them.
Go to Genesis 27, if you would.
Hold your place in Proverbs
because we're gonna come back to that.
Sometimes you gotta just, gotta let people cool off.
Okay, let them cool off, let them cool down.
If you are in a situation in marriage, for example,
where you guys are fighting, you guys are arguing,
pans are being thrown across the room,
knives are being pulled, you know, just stuff like that.
One of the best things for you to do
is just go take a walk by yourself.
And one of the best things for a spouse to do
is let that person go take a walk.
Let them go cool down, okay?
And don't persist to hound them
and just yell at them as they're going out the door.
Be a person who just gives the angry man their space,
okay, to let them cool off.
Now, a great example is found here in Genesis 27
in verse 43.
Says here, now therefore my son obey my voice.
Arise, flee thou to Laban my brother to Haran,
and tarry with them a few days
until thy brother's fury turn away,
until thy brother's anger turn away from thee,
and he forget which thou hast done to him,
then I will send him fetch thee from thence.
Why should I be deprived also of you both in one day?
And obviously this is referring to Jacob and Isaac,
where Jacob provoked him by stealing his birthright
and the blessing of his father.
And Esau was so angry that he wanted to take his life.
And, you know, he ended up fleeing
in order to kind of peace and allow him to cool down,
and he did end up cooling down later on.
In fact, they met up later on in life,
and Esau was very happy to see his brother.
He hugged him, he kissed him on the neck,
and they honored each other.
Now, throughout the whole time, Jacob's just afraid
that Esau is just still gonna take his life.
But time had already passed.
And this is a great point from a practical perspective,
that sometimes you just need
to just cool down for a little bit, okay?
If a person is angry, if you're an angry person,
before you make any decision whatsoever,
any decision, go eat, go to sleep, or go take a walk.
Go punch a bag or something.
Go do anything but that major decision
that you wanna make.
Because people always wanna make a decision
when the tempers have flared.
I'm moving, I'm going to whatever, Texas, you know?
I'm going over here,
and then they just end up regretting it,
because the passions are high,
the anger is at an all-time high,
and they can easily make a hasty decision
that they're gonna regret in the long run, okay?
But for the person who is the recipient of that anger,
give them their space.
If they tell you, leave me alone,
this is what you do, you leave them alone!
If they say, you know what,
I don't wanna talk about this anymore,
just leave me alone,
I need to think about what's going on,
they'll be like, no,
we're gonna talk about this right now.
We're settling this right now, you know?
Don't be that person.
Obviously, things need to be settled,
conflicts need to be resolved,
but if that person is like, leave me alone,
I'm just telling you right now,
don't grab the tiger by the tail.
Let them cool off.
And in fact, let me just explain something to you,
is when you let a person cool off,
they're more likely at the end of that period
to see your way.
They're more likely to come back and say,
I'm sorry, you're right, I was wrong,
and let's move on.
It's more likely to happen.
But if you continue to provoke them,
you're not letting them cool off,
you're not leaving them alone,
it can result in disaster.
And so, let an angry man, or an angry woman,
cool off, give them space, give them time,
don't try to resolve it right away.
You're like, well, I like to resolve things immediately,
I like to just take care of things,
and we need to resolve, and I do too.
But if you're dealing with a person with high passions,
maybe now is not the time to do so.
Go to Proverbs chapter 15, Proverbs chapter 15.
Here's another way to deal with an angry man,
and that is, your goal should be to be a peacemaker.
Reconciliation should always be the goal.
Right, restoration of that relationship
should always be the goal.
The goal is not, I just need to show him that he's wrong,
and then he'll see it my way.
You know, I just need to show him how right I am,
I just need to show her how right I am,
and then this whole thing would just be taken care of.
No.
The goal should always be, let's reconcile this.
Let's have peace one with another, okay?
The goal should be to diffuse the situation,
not escalate it.
The goal should always be reconciliation.
Look at Proverbs 15 verse one.
How do you do that?
A soft answer turneth away wrath,
but grievous words stir up anger.
If they're yelling at you, don't yell back.
What does it mean by a soft answer?
It means that you answer softly.
Just switch them around.
It means that if they're yelling at you,
you just speak at a very controlled pace,
controlled tone, and often your lack of volume
will cause them to realize
that they are kind of losing it,
and that often appeases the anger of a person.
What increases the anger of a person
is when you reciprocate that anger
through your volume and tone.
You understand what I'm saying?
Because they want to match that.
However, when you kindly speak to them,
you speak in a soft manner, in a loving manner,
not a condescending manner.
Kind of make that distinction there.
Not a mocking, condescending kind of manner
when I say soft manner,
referring to just a very kind and loving way,
you can often diffuse the situation
so that it doesn't escalate any further.
But you know what, if you have all these words
and all these points that you want to make,
these grievous words, as the Bible puts it,
you're going to stir up their anger even more.
Look at verse two.
The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright,
but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.
The eyes of the Lord are in every place,
beholding the evil and the good.
A wholesome tongue is a tree of life,
but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.
You can do a lot with your tongue, okay?
There's a lot that you can do.
You know, death and life are in the power of the tongue,
that's what the Bible says.
You can bring death to your marriage,
you can bring death to your friends,
your friendships and relationships
with how you speak to them.
And the Bible says here in verse two
that if you have a wise tongue,
you're going to use the knowledge you have
of your relationship and how to appease anger
in a proper way.
But you know, if you just pour out everything
that's in your heart, all the foolishness,
you're only going to make matters worse.
It's not going to end well.
Look at verse 28.
The heart of the righteous studieth the answer.
Now this is very powerful because what it's implying
is that you should know what you're going to say
before you get into a situation like that, right?
Act, not react.
Person who reacts just kind of blurts out
whatever comes to mind, you know, at that point.
You're ugly, you know?
You're fat.
You know, you just, I shouldn't have said that.
It's too late, you said I'm fat.
Now I know what you really believe, you know?
But the heart of the righteous, they study to answer.
Meaning that they think about what they're going to say
before they say it.
Now let me just make a disclaimer here
when it comes to that particular principle.
And that is, you know, there are people in this room
who are introverts who practice this
in a very extreme way.
Where, you know, it's hard for them
to kind of have conversations in church.
So then they actually like prepare
what they're going to say to every person.
Now I don't know this by experience
because I don't know if you know this,
I'm very extroverted.
I know you can't see that.
But other people are very introverts
so they like plan out what they're going to say.
But sometimes it can be very extreme about it though.
To the point where they just become overly analytical
about what they say or how the person reacts
or what they say.
So you don't want the pendulum to swing
so extreme in the opposite direction.
But there is a bit of space there
that you should use to learn how to deal
with angry people.
Especially if you are in a relationship,
you're with a spouse that is easily angered
and you know that, then you should already have
a list of things that you know you're supposed to say
when that situation takes place.
To not further anger them.
Study to answer.
Know what you're going to say before you say it.
It'll save you a lot of trouble.
Go to chapter 16.
Chapter 16 if you would.
Now dealing with the boss here,
of course this says kings,
but we can also apply it to bosses.
Proverbs 16, 13 says,
righteous lips are the delight of kings
and they love him that speaketh right.
So you know what a boss likes?
Is when a person brings all kinds of problems to them.
They love that.
They love it when you just bring all kinds,
no they don't, they don't.
I'm being facetious here.
Now it'll be unrealistic to think
that no problems are going to happen in the company.
But what they want is for you to bring a problem
with a solution.
Or bring a problem with many options of solutions.
It's easy to point out a problem.
You don't need skills for that.
People think like, oh man,
you're so skilled for pointing out problems
or something like that.
Everyone can do that.
The skill comes when you can point out the problem
and come up with three different solutions.
And if you want your boss to favor you
and not to be angry with you,
then what you do is,
if there's an issue,
you bring up the issue and you say,
now here are three things that we can do.
Here's one, here's two, here's three.
Which one would you like for me to execute?
Oh man, King's favor, they delight in that.
They love him to speak right.
Cause they obviously see this person
wants to get the job done
and they're just not pointing out the error
or what's going wrong.
They're actually trying to figure out the solution.
Look at verse 14.
The wrath of a king is as messengers of death,
but a wise man will pacify him.
In the light of the king's countenance is life
and his favor is as a cloud of the latter rain.
It's basically showing us that a wise servant
will appease the wrath of the king
when something goes really wrong
when they actually bring a solution to the problem.
Okay.
You know, because if the boss is mad,
then you're just not gonna have a good day at work.
But if you can catch the problem before he catches it,
which is a big thing by the way,
catch the problem before your boss catches it
and bring a solution,
not only will you pacify his anger,
you're actually gonna gain his favor.
So you pacify his anger,
but you gain his favor as well
because now he views you as a very wise employee.
Go to chapter 21.
Now what if you're just dealing
with the person who's just angry at you,
you offended some brother in church
because you know you're pouring out foolish things
or whatever, you said something dumb
and now they're mad at you.
What do you do?
They don't wanna talk to you.
They're just like, I don't wanna talk to you.
And you give them space
and they still don't wanna talk to you,
you just feel really bad about it.
What's one of the most practical things you can do
to regain that relationship again?
Well, look at verse 14.
A gift and secret pacify his anger
and a reward in the bosom, strong wrath.
So basically,
one of the best ways to appease the wrath
of a person who's angry with you
is by giving a gift, but giving a gift in secret,
not in the bosom.
What does that mean?
You know, it's just like,
I know Jio's mad at me.
And I come to church and be like,
he's really mad at me
because I called him out in church
and I used him as an illustration
and I just, in front of Rumble
and all social media platforms,
everyone knows that this guy
is the one that I've been talking about, right?
So I know he's really offended, he's really angry.
I mean, he's like, I don't wanna talk to you.
I don't wanna hang out with you.
And what if like, during a sermon, I'm just like,
hey, I know you're mad at me, but I got you this.
You know?
Hope you enjoy it.
That's gonna make him even more mad.
Everyone's watching, he's already mad as it is.
And then I just like further shame him
and embarrass him by doing something like that.
When everyone else already knows that he's mad at me,
a gift in the bosom does not help that way,
you know, to just be, have a display of,
oh, you know, I'm the good person here.
He's the one who's in the wrong.
You guys see that I'm trying to reconcile this situation
by giving him the gift and you know, so on and so forth.
So what is the best way to do it?
You give it to him in secret.
If I wanna win Jio over, I pull him aside somewhere
and I give it to him in secret and say,
hey, I just wanna say I apologize for what I did
and I got you something.
You know, there's no eyes.
You're like, well, if there's no eyes,
you're not gonna be able to see
how great of a guy I am.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, everyone knows how great of a guy you are, okay?
We don't need you to show us again.
So a gift in secret is like you give it to him in secret,
you pass him an envelope, you give him a little gift card,
you give him a handshake and it's something in there.
It's a little 20 piece, $20 handshake or whatever.
And you say, I just wanna say I apologize
and I hope you can forgive me.
That will pacify his anger.
Because he obviously sees at that point,
this person's not trying to make a public spectacle
of what our situation is.
He is genuine, he is sincere about it.
He actually esteems my relationship,
which is why he's pulling, you know,
he's pulling me aside privately to do so.
That make sense?
So if you can't appease an angry person with your words,
you're giving them space and they're just not having it,
one of the best things you can do is give them a gift,
but just don't do it in the bosom in front of everyone.
Yeah, I know you're really mad at me,
but because you're mad at me, I got you something.
And it's just like, just so everyone can hear
what you did.
Pull them aside, give them a gift,
or you didn't even have to give it to them,
you can mail it to them or have, you know,
just put it on their desk or where they can find it
or something like that.
That'll appease their anger.
That works wonders, okay?
Go to Proverbs chapter 19, if you would,
Proverbs chapter 19.
Let me continue reading here from Proverbs chapter 25,
verse 15, says, by long forbearing is a prince
persuaded and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.
What does it mean by the soft tongue breaking the bone?
Well, sometimes if you are dealing with an angry person
and you give them that soft answer,
you know, it kind of breaks them down a little bit.
It's like, oh, all right, I'm not mad anymore.
You know what I mean?
That's what it means by breaking the bones.
It's just like, oh man, now I feel bad.
All right, I forgive you, we could be friends again.
Because that person obviously sees
that you're being genuine,
you're not trying to escalate the situation,
you're not trying to say that you're right,
you're just being a kind individual.
Proverbs 29, verse eight says,
scornful men bring a city into a snare,
but wise men turn away wrath.
If a wise man contended with a foolish man,
whether he rage or laugh, there is no rest.
Don't be a scornful individual
when you are trying to appease
the anger of another individual.
You know, a scornful person will apologize and say,
but you did do this though.
I apologize, but I'm just saying that you,
you know you're wrong though, right?
I'm sorry, but you know you're wrong too.
You know, you're scorning.
You're just making matters worse.
All right, number five, how to deal with an angry person.
I'm a breeze through this point.
Don't think you always have to defend yourself.
So when you're dealing with a person who's angry at you
over something that maybe you think to yourself,
I didn't do, I don't have,
you know, I'm not responsible for this, what do I do?
Well, don't think you have to defend yourself.
You know, the Bible says,
wherefore, my beloved brethren,
let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak,
slow to wrath.
What does that mean?
It means listen more than you talk.
Sometimes someone is mad at you,
sometimes they just want to vent.
And you know what?
You don't have to defend yourself.
You don't have to just keep going on and on.
Like, well, here's three points why I'm right.
And I got three sub points under that.
Here's the evidence.
I have the text messages.
I got the screenshots.
Here's the, here's the security camera footage as well.
You know, you don't, sometimes you don't have to.
Sometimes you just need to let them talk, okay?
And the Bible also says, you know,
agree with that adversary quickly too.
And even if you're in the right,
look for reasons to agree with them on.
Because remember the previous points is,
the goal should be reconciliation.
You don't always have to defend yourself.
All right, next point is,
how to deal with an angry person.
Learn to walk away from unprofitable arguments.
Someone's arguing with you,
and you know, anybody got keys?
Who's got keys?
Has anybody used keys anymore?
Who's first, who's first?
Oh, he was quicker.
Oh!
You try to make me look bad, Christian.
I saw that.
I'm angry with you now.
Gift in secret.
You know, you start arguing with someone,
and someone's really mad at you.
After a while,
you're like, what is that?
Vein jangling.
Okay?
It's just a bunch of vein jangling.
It's just unprofitable.
So this instance is, thank you man, for your keys.
Sorry brother Jacob, almost got you there.
I apologize.
I want to appease your anger.
I'm just kidding.
Sometimes you get in an argument,
and it's just a bunch of vein jangling.
And you know, it requires maturity to just be like,
it requires the maturity to just do this.
You just walk away.
Not walk away and come back and say,
by the way, also.
Sometimes you just got to walk away.
Look at Proverbs 19, verse 11.
Why is it better to just walk away
from an unprofitable argument?
Look what it says in verse 11.
The discretion of a man defereth his anger,
and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.
It's not his glory to win the argument.
It's not his glory to show them that they're wrong
and that you're right.
His glory is to pass over the transgression.
He esteems and values just not talking anymore.
Like this is getting out of hand,
so I'm going to glory in the fact
that I'm just going to walk away.
Let them have the last word.
He has enough discretion to defer his anger,
to yield his anger.
That's what deferred means, and to pass over it.
The king's wrath is as a roaring of a lion,
but his favor is as the dew upon the grass.
Go to Titus chapter three, if you would.
Titus chapter three, hold your place
there in the book of Proverbs.
And so we need to redefine what it is
to have a good conversation,
or to how to walk away from an unprofitable argument.
It's not walking away because you just had the last word,
you did a mic drop or something.
Sometimes it's just like, oh, I hear vain jangling.
You're just like, all right,
I'm going to go get a drink of water,
or I'm going to go talk to so-and-so,
or just walk away.
Sometimes I just walk away.
What are you doing?
You're just like, there's a transgression,
and you're just like, excuse me,
let me just walk over that real quick.
Whereas a lot of people,
sometimes there's a transgression there,
they're just like,
they're like jumping in the transgression
because they want to prove that they're right,
and it just makes the situation worse.
Look at Titus three, nine.
It says, but avoid foolish questions and genealogies
and contentions and strivings about the law,
for they are unprofitable and vain.
A man that is an heretic after the first
and second admonition reject,
knowing that he that is such is subverted
and sinneth being condemned of himself.
So here's two applications to this.
Number one is the fact that,
when you are arguing,
let's say with the brother or sister in Christ,
there comes a point,
and this is how you know a conversation
becomes unprofitable, okay?
Let me explain something to you.
There comes a point, if you guys are arguing,
and then 30 minutes down the road,
you're still making the same points,
like he's saying the same point
and you're saying the same point,
you're just kind of like rewarding it,
but it's the same,
and sometimes you don't even reward it,
it's just saying the same thing,
then at that point, you're just,
that's unprofitable.
He's not getting it,
you're not getting it,
so just walk away.
So if after 30 minutes,
you're just, the conversation's going around in a circle,
and I'm talking about like an argument, okay?
If it's an argument
and you guys are making the same points
that you made 30 minutes prior,
it's an unprofitable vain jangling type of a conversation.
Move on.
But also, when you're out soul winning,
don't get involved in vain jangling
when you're out preaching the gospel.
Amen.
You know, you give them a first and second admonition,
meaning you give them a few verses here,
a few verses there,
they wanna keep arguing,
then in your mind, you're like, oh, he's a heretic.
That's what the Bible says.
They've subverted,
they undermine the word of God,
time to move on to the next door, okay?
And so learn to walk away from unprofitable arguments.
Number seven, I'm gonna breeze over this,
go with me, if you went to Colossians chapter three,
this will be the last verse.
By the way, Proverbs 20 verse three says,
it is an honor for a man to cease from strife,
but every fool will be meddling.
Number seven, beware of timing and tone.
When you're dealing with an angry person,
here's something really important to do.
Beware of your timing and your tone.
Because you know, sometimes you're involved
in some sort of conflict or discussion
that requires a solution.
It requires some sort of reconciliation,
there needs to be resolve to the conflict,
but here's the thing,
you need to keep timing and tone in mind.
Meaning, maybe what you have to say is the right thing,
but it's just not the right time to say it.
Maybe you can wait a little bit before you say it.
And secondly, maybe what you have to say
is the right thing,
but you need to make sure you watch your tone
when you say it though, okay?
Maybe you have a,
I mean, you're gonna hit the nail right,
you're gonna be a jail
and just hit the nail right on the head, okay?
And it needs to be said, however, watch your tone.
Because again, we don't want to escalate a situation.
Don't speak in a condescending way.
Don't mock the person.
Don't be the person's adversary.
Say what needs to be said, but watch your tone, okay?
And here's the last thing
when it comes to dealing with an angry man,
and this is a very important point,
and that is forgive the angry man, okay?
If you have an angry husband, forgive him.
It's better to have an angry person
than someone who just doesn't get mad about anything
at all whatsoever for any reason whatsoever.
Forgive him, why?
Because he's not perfect, just like you're not perfect.
If you have an angry wife,
forgive her.
If you have an angry boss,
he doesn't care if you forgive him or not.
Go get a new job if that's the case.
Learn to forgive the angry person.
Look at verse 12 of Colossians chapter three.
Put on therefore as the elect of God,
holy and beloved, boughs of mercies,
kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering,
forbearing one another, and forgiving one another.
If any man have a quarrel against any,
even as Christ forgive you, so also do ye.
And above all these things, put on charity,
which is the bond of perfectness,
and let the peace of God rule in your hearts,
to the which also ye are called in one body,
and be ye thankful.
And so, you know, and of course,
this is somewhat reiterated in Ephesians chapter four,
it tells us, let all bitterness and wrath and anger,
and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you
with all malice, and it says, be kind one to another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
And so at the end of the day,
if you have angry people around you
that you just can't do nothing about,
well, you're just gonna have to learn
how to forgive them when they fall short.
If these other principles do not work,
in a certain instance, this one always works.
You know why?
Because it always works when you forgive someone.
So, you know, speaking to them kindly,
giving them space, not provoking them,
and they're still mad at you.
They're just still angry with you,
they're pissed off at what you said to them,
they're just like, ah, you know what,
and you've done all you could on your part.
Then in your heart, forgive them.
Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.
Okay?
Because at the end of the day,
that's what God commands us to do.
But here's the thing, folks, is that all of these work.
All of these principles in the Bible work
when dealing with an angry person.
And you know, I haven't met anybody who's just like,
oh yeah, I did all that.
And by the way, don't be that person.
Don't be the person who's like,
oh, I did all that though.
I did all that for my husband, it just didn't work.
I did all that for my wife,
and it doesn't work, you're lying.
Because you're basically saying the Bible doesn't work.
You mind repeating that in a little different way?
That's basically what you're saying.
Saying the Bible doesn't work, but the Bible does work.
Okay, these principles do work, they will always work,
and at the end of the day,
you're never gonna have a situation
where you have to implement all these
all at the same time, you understand?
It's a case-by-case basis,
and so we will be dealing with angry people
for the rest of our lives.
We need to learn how to approach them,
how to deal with them from a biblical perspective,
not lose our temper, not have a short fuse ourselves,
not be the individual who is not slow to anger,
we're just hasty in our spirit,
we're just adding gasoline to the fire.
Implement these so you can live happily ever after
in whatever relationship that you have, amen?
Let's pray.
Father, we thank you so much for your word,
and thank you for the principles
in the book of Proverbs, Lord,
and how they assist us and help us, Lord,
in living a quality life, Lord,
and so I pray that you'd help us, Lord,
when we're dealing with people who are angry with us,
that we would institute these principles,
and Lord, give us grace and give us mercy
when we fall short and we don't institute
these principles, Lord, help us to re-implement them
in our relationships, whether it's in marriage,
it's with friends, it's with strangers, Lord,
it's with our superiors, it's with our subordinates.
I pray that you would help us to take these things
into account and think upon them throughout the week
as we apply Christian principles to our lives.
We love you, we thank you,
pray these things in Jesus' name, amen.