Okay, we're in Proverbs chapter 18, look down at your Bibles at verse 22, it says,
it says, Whoso fineth a wife, fineth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.
And this evening I want to preach on the subject of dating, dating, or the title could simply
be guidelines and principles for dating.
And this is not like your typical sermon that you would hear from me, but I think this is
an important subject that our church needs to hear.
We have a lot of young people who are interested in dating, they're interested in preparing
for marriage, and so I feel it's necessary to preach this.
Now some would call it courtship, other people would call it dating, but at the end of the
day really those are just semantics.
And the reason I say that is because some would say dating is for recreation and that
courtship is for marriage, but the reality is at the end of the day, depending on your
convictions and preferences and what you believe about the Bible, there's simply preliminary
preparations for marriage is what it is.
And the reality is that the Bible never uses either term, it doesn't use dating, it doesn't
use courtship, it doesn't really talk about that really at all.
Really what it talks about is marriage and finding a wife.
So obviously if the Bible constantly talks about marriage, it talks about finding a wife
as we read in Proverbs 18, there's obviously a process prior to that that shouldn't be
so extensive, it shouldn't be so detailed necessarily, there's really not a whole lot
that's said about it, so because of that we need to use wisdom, we need to use prudence,
we need to use the guidelines of the Bible to determine how that process should go.
The type of dating that the world puts out isn't found in the Bible.
And what I'm referring to is this recreational type dating where people are just dating just
for fun and they date because they want to commit fornication, they date because they
just don't want to be alone, that's not necessarily the dating that we see in the Bible.
The dating that we see in the Bible are two people that are interested in one another
and they're getting ready for marriage or they just get married.
It doesn't really even highlight the process before that, it just talks about them getting
married.
We would say that the relationship prior to getting married has the purpose of working
towards marriage.
Now go to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, 1 Corinthians 7, and the first thing I want to mention is
the fact that marriage is a great thing, it's a wonderful thing, having a wife is a wonderful
thing, having a husband is a wonderful thing, and in fact the Bible says that he that findeth
a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord.
If you want to increase God's favor on your life, get married, amen.
I can honestly say ever since I got married to my wife, God's hand has been upon me, he's
been on me, I've been blessed beyond measure, I have four little blessings right there that
make my day and they make me happy and I rejoice in that and my wife makes me happy, my life
has been so much better now that I'm married.
It's true what the Bible says, I found a wife and I found a good thing.
You shouldn't call wives things, that's what the Bible says, find the wife, find the good
thing and he says that it obtaineth favor of the Lord.
And the reason for that is because really when you get married, you find that significant
other, it completes you, it kind of helps mold you into what God wants you to be, it
teaches you a lot of things and it's a wonderful thing.
You're in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, I'm going to read to you just a couple of verses here.
Proverbs 19 verse 14 says, houses and riches are the inheritance of fathers and a prudent
wife is from the Lord.
Genesis 2 23 says, and Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,
she shall be called woman because she was taken out of a man, therefore shall a man
leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one
flesh.
So this is obviously a union that God has sanctioned this matter of marriage and they
shall be one flesh, the Bible tells us.
Now today I'm going to give you some principles and guidelines that will walk you through
the dating process leading up to marriage.
Now let me just be real honest with you, some of these I don't have Bible verses for, okay.
Some of these we're not going to go down deep doctrinally, some of these are literally
my opinion, okay.
And because I'm the pastor, I get to give my opinion sometimes, all right.
Now you say, well, what gives you the right to give your opinion?
Well, one, I'm married, two, that means I succeeded in finding a wife, okay.
So I succeeded in getting someone to marry me.
Think about that.
I tricked my wife into marrying me.
So you got to learn from my, my tactics and methods, okay.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, you know, I got, I got someone to follow me, I got someone to marry me, you know, I'm
married, I have a, I believe, we don't have a perfect marriage, but I think we have a
great marriage, I think we have a wonderful family, I think we try to fulfill our biblical
rules as best as possible.
So I think I'm succeeding in the area of marriage, okay.
Not only that, but I, so I'm speaking from experience, but I'm also speaking from the
experience of other successful marriages.
You know, my wife comes from a home where there's a lot of successful marriages, you
know, not only my brother-in-laws, but also her parents.
Her parents were very successful in their marriage, they stayed, they're still married
to this day, and they're great testimony, and so I've learned things from my father-in-law,
from my mother-in-law, and obviously we differ on some things.
There's things that I don't agree with, but there's things that I do agree with that I
think are good principles that I want to share with you.
Now look at 1 Corinthians 7 and verse 39, it says, the wife is bound by the law as long
as her husband liveth, but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to
whom she will only in the Lord.
But she is happier if she so abide after my judgment, look what it says here, and I think
also that I have the Spirit of God.
So he's kind of giving his opinion, he's not necessarily speaking by permission, and he's
just saying, look, by the way, I'm saying this because I think I have the Spirit of
God.
So I'm coming to you as a pastor who maybe some of these principles I don't have a Bible
verse for, but I will say this, I think I have the Spirit of God.
I think I have the wisdom of God to impart this unto you.
And these are not commandments, obviously.
Some of these are clear commandments, but some of them are not.
And you would do well, you would be wise and prudent to adhere to some of these principles
that I'm going to give you tonight.
I think it'll help you in your dating process.
Now obviously this sermon is for those who are not yet married.
But it's also for the parents who have little ones who would want them to marry right.
So I want to encourage every single one of you in here to take notes.
And you know what?
Our bulletin, somewhere around here, has a section in the back that says sermon notes.
Don't think you're going to memorize all this, and don't think you know everything.
Take some notes, and if you don't want to take notes on all of it, that's fine.
But I would strongly encourage you to take notes on this to reference later on.
So none of these are in sequential order.
They're just kind of out of order.
I'm just going to throw them out there.
So number one, guidelines and principles for dating, let me just say this, is that most
people desire to be married, with a few exceptions.
So you should be preparing for that now.
Look at 1 Corinthians 7 verse 6, it says, But I speak this part by permission and not
of commandment, for I would that all men were even as I myself.
But every man hath this proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
What gift is he referring to?
He's referring to the gift of singleness.
And he's basically saying, there's certain people in this world that would actually prefer
to be single for the rest of their lives.
Now some of you are like, that doesn't sound like a gift.
I prefer to be married, but you know what?
There are individuals out there who really don't even have a desire to be married.
They don't have a desire to have a husband, they don't have a desire to have a wife.
They're actually content where they're at, and they can actually contain themselves.
Now that's not necessarily a calling that is very, that you see frequently.
It's not a common calling is what I'm saying.
And maybe you're sitting here today and you're thinking, well maybe that's me because I don't
really have a desire to get married.
Well you never want to make some sort of covenant or agreement with God to say that you're just
going to remain single for the rest of your life, because later on in your life that desire
might change.
So it's good if you feel like, well I'm content where I'm at, I'm content being single and
just serving the Lord and just loving my parents and just having a job and being a blessing
to the church and just taking care of the things of God, that's great.
I think that's a wonderful thing.
I think that's good.
I think that's great.
I still think you should prepare for marriage in the areas that we're going to talk about
tonight.
But for the most part, most people want to get married.
He says in verse number eight, I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for
them if they abide even as I, but if they cannot contain, let them marry for it is better
to marry than to burn.
When he says he cannot contain, they're referring to the fact that maybe you cannot contain
your inner desires to be with a woman or vice versa and it's for that reason, then that's
fine.
You should seek to get married and do it appropriately so that you're not sinning, you're not committing
fornication.
Like the beginning of the chapters that tells us it is good for men not to touch a woman
and it talks about how they should basically marry in order to avoid fornication.
Now what does preparation look like?
So if you don't have a desire to get married right now, that's fine, but you should prepare
for it.
Or if you desire to get married, you should prepare for it.
How does that look like?
Well, let's talk about the men first and foremost.
How can you as a young man prepare for marriage?
Number one, letter A, maturing.
You should mature.
What does that mean?
Mature spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally.
You should at this moment learn how to read the word of God, learn how to pray, learn
how to walk with God, learn how to have God's favor on your life.
You need to mature spiritually.
You should mature emotionally.
Now this is very important.
Why?
Because of the fact that when you get married, your wife is going to be a very emotional
person.
That's just how it is.
Women are often emotional and they've got the hormones going on and everything.
So you need to be like a stabilizing force in your wife's life.
But if you're emotional and she's emotional, it's just a recipe for disaster.
So you have to learn how to be stable in your emotions.
It doesn't mean you don't weep, it doesn't mean you're not passionate, it means you control
and you have temperance over your emotions.
You don't wear your emotions on your sleeves.
We joke about this all the time, but honestly this is sometimes a big problem in our society
today and obviously it has to do with maybe the type of foods that men eat that make them
very effeminate.
We joke about the soy, but it is true.
Often it's because they don't exercise or whatever it may be.
Or it's because they just kind of grew up around their mom and their sisters and therefore
they become sort of soft and effeminate.
And you know what?
If that's you, okay, well you need to change if you're going to prepare for marriage.
Because you cannot be an emotional person in marriage.
You need to be that stabilizing force in your wife's life.
You need to be her protector.
You need to be the one who basically gives her hope and says, hey, we're going to get
through this.
With marriage comes hard times.
Comes difficult times, comes hardships, and you need to be able to stabilize your marriage
during that time.
So it's important that you mature now.
Grow up, put away the video games.
The Bible says when I was a child I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought
as a child, but when I became a man I put away childish things.
So it's important to young men that you start growing up and acting like a man.
You say, well how young or how old?
You know what?
If you're listening to me, you understand what I'm saying?
I'm talking to you.
Okay?
If you're a teenager, I'm talking to you.
It's time to grow up and be a man and mature spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally.
Think like a grown man, right?
Don't have this immature Peter Pan mentality where life is all about fun and Call of Duty
and video games and just living an immature life.
We need to raise a group of young men who are ready to get married.
They want to have children.
They want to take on responsibility.
They're maturing.
Let there be another way to prepare young men is get a job.
Make sure you get a job.
Learn how to have a good work ethic.
Learn how to earn wages.
Learn how to handle wages.
Have a stable job.
Don't jump around from job to job.
Learn to be consistent.
Another one is saving money, as I mentioned.
Another one, taking on responsibility.
This is good.
Hey man, you know, young men, you should learn how to take on responsibility and not avoid
responsibility.
Like, oh man, I hope pastor doesn't ask me to do this, or I hope my boss doesn't ask
me to do this.
I hope I can just do the bare minimum of wherever I'm at and just be happy like that.
No, you should take on more responsibility.
Let me say this, if you want to get married, that's a great thing, but just know this,
when you get married, you get a lot of responsibility.
You have another life to take care of.
Think about that.
You have a wife to take care of, then you have children, then they get sick, then there's
dentist appointments, there's doctor's appointments, stitches if they get hurt, and then there's
fevers, and then they've got to buy them clothes.
I mean, it comes with a lot of responsibility.
Sometimes there's sleepless nights, so you need to take on responsibility and welcome
that.
Don't have this modern day mentality that's like, well, I'm not ready to have kids right
now.
I'm not ready to get married or have kids, because I just can't handle that right now.
Folks, this is not the biblical model.
The biblical model is, give it to me straight, let's do it.
I want to learn.
I want to learn how to take care of a wife.
If I have to work two jobs, I work two jobs.
You know what I mean?
I want to have children, I want to have faith in God, I want more responsibility.
Responsibility brings on stress, and stress is actually good for you.
You need to learn how to be under pressure, how to withstand stress, and solve problems
and create solutions to issues or problems that come up.
This is what we're made for as men.
Learn consistency is the next one.
Learn how to be consistent in your life.
If you're a single young man, you should learn how to be consistent coming to church.
You have nothing that ties you down, you have nothing to keep you back, you should wake
up on time, come to church, be responsible, come to Sunday night, come to Thursday night,
go to church consistently, go so in consistency, read your Bible consistently, pray consistently,
be a consistent person.
Which is crazy because sometimes the most inconsistent people are singles.
You would think that the inconsistent people would be those who are married because they
got so many things going on, but often it's the other way around.
It's often the people who are married who are the most consistent and the singles who
are not.
And it shouldn't be that way.
You have more time on your hands, you don't have a whole lot of responsibility, you don't
have a whole lot of things tying you down so to speak, you should be open to learning
consistency and diligence.
Next one is this, learn how not to be led purely by emotions.
Don't be an emotional young man.
And I know that's kind of reiterating what I was saying before, but this is part of preparing
for marriage.
Because when you're married, you're going to go through some issues and you have to
learn to contain yourself, contain your anger, contain frustration, contain sadness, contain
depression, contain discouragement, and not be led by those things, you understand?
How about women?
So what does this preparation look like for women?
Same thing, maturity.
Ladies, mature, spiritually, emotionally, mentally.
The goal should be I want to be a wife and a mother one day.
That's what I would like to be, okay?
Next one, learning submission.
Learning how to submit, okay?
Now let me just explain something here when it comes to this particular point.
I'm not saying learn submission by picking some random dude here and be like, hey, can
I practice submitting to you or something like that?
Can you be my spiritual dad or something, my spiritual uncle, my spiritual whatever
and I submit to you?
That's not what I'm talking about.
Obviously, you know, if you're, submit to your parents first and foremost, if your parents
are here.
Okay?
Obviously, that's what it's referring to.
If your parents are here, they're here in church with you, you should submit to your
father, submit to your mom, submit to your parents, submit to godly authority, have that
type of spirit.
But let's say you don't have that, well, mentally submit in a sense of prepare and understand
that when you get married, this is your calling in life is to submit to a husband, okay?
And this is actually a really important point because, you know, feminism has infiltrated
so many churches and Christians, sometimes women come to church already with that feminist
mentality and it has to be like kind of purged out.
And so they need like a renewing of their mind to recognize that the biblical model
is for a woman not to submit to everyone but to submit to her authority, which if you're
not married, your current authority is your father, your mother, right?
But if they're not necessarily in your life, you know, they passed away, they live far
from you, whatever it may be, you know, then you obviously want to submit appropriately
to spiritual authority or even just in your mind understanding that one day I'm going
to submit to a husband and obey my husband because this is right in the side of the Lord,
okay?
What's another way for a woman to prepare maturity, learning submission?
Cooking and cleaning.
That's a good way, that's good preparation.
Learning how to cook.
Learning not to use the microwave.
Learning how not to nuke your food to get it ready.
Okay?
It's good to learn how to cook.
Learn recipes, you know, I mean I don't know how much to say about this because I know
nothing of cooking, okay?
I can cook cereal and that's it, you know, that's, my wife obviously does all the cooking
and before I got married, you know, I just ate out, you understand?
I paid someone to cook for me, you understand?
But now I pay my wife to cook for me so she makes me good home cooked meals.
You know, learn how to cook.
If you don't know how to cook, get off of social media or if you're on social media,
you should be on social media looking up recipes, learning how to cook, prepare meals, et cetera,
okay?
Cleaning, learn how to clean, okay?
You should learn how to appropriately clean your house, how to wash dishes, how to clean
laundry and fold laundry, how to keep the house as the Bible puts it.
Oh, I don't like this sermon, you know, I don't really agree with this.
Then just say you don't agree with the Bible because this is what the Bible says.
Women are supposed to be keepers at home.
Learning how to do household things such as cooking and cleaning.
I would say sewing but that was like 20 years ago, we don't really, do we need that nowadays?
I don't know.
I mean it's a good, it's a good hobby I guess.
How about this?
Learning how to raise children, okay?
You should research how to raise children, you should research, you know, how to, what
midwife to go to when you have a baby or should you do it at a hospital, you know, these things
should be at the forefront of your mind.
This is how you prepare for marriage, you understand?
Practicing virtuous qualities such as having a meek and quiet spirit, okay?
Well, no, I'm just, you know, I kind of let it fly, I say how it is, oh yeah, that's cool
until you get married.
Yeah, that sounds really rad and cool and all these things until you get married.
I guarantee your husband's not going to appreciate that because the Bible talks about having
a meek and quiet spirit, okay?
So you know, you don't need to focus on having your own YouTube channel where you teach others
how to gently be led or whatever, follow.
You know, what you should do is learn how to lead your children when they come into
this world.
What you should learn how to do is how to have a meek and quiet spirit and follow your
husband and learn these qualities and how to love your husband and be a chase keeper
at home.
That's what should be learned, okay?
And who cares what the world thinks, oh man, if they get a hold of this sermon, they're
going to do this, let them do whatever they want, they're just confirming that what I'm
saying is true.
I don't care what the world says, the world's stupid.
The world has dumb philosophies, okay?
They get mad because my wife stays at home and cooks for me.
They think she should be out in some restaurant working and being kind and nice serving some
stranger, wearing some uniform that she probably doesn't want to wear, getting some lame tip
rather than just doing it for her husband.
At least with me, I don't care what uniform she wears, you know?
I don't care what you wear, and I'll give her tips too.
But somehow she's the crazy one because she decides to stay home and serve her husband
and make his favorite meals rather than serving complete strangers who are probably jerks
to them, you know?
It's nonsense, folks.
And so prepare for marriage, young men and young ladies, using those there.
Next one.
Go to 2 Corinthians chapter 6.
This is pretty basic, but this is very much important, and I'm sure all of us know this,
but it's worth mentioning.
Make sure you date a Christian.
I know that's profound, okay?
Date a saved person.
You should date a saved person.
Why?
Because the Bible says in verse 14, be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.
God does not approve of you getting married to an unbeliever.
Now do we make friends with unbelievers?
Absolutely.
Okay?
Do we want to win them to Christ?
Absolutely.
If you win your spouse to Christ, your future spouse to Christ, does God approve of that?
Absolutely.
Okay?
Let me give you an example of this.
Brother Jacob, right over there.
You know, Brother Jacob, we were out sowing one day, him and I, and he was just serving.
He being in the way, we're out sowing in El Monte, and he knocked on the door of this
young lady named Kimberly, you know?
And he got her saved, and, you know, you see the sparks flying, and, you know, I'm in
the middle, like...
Then he leaves, and I'm like, bro, follow up.
And you know what?
Jacob, he got a burden.
He's like, someone needs to teach her the ways of the Lord.
You need a disciple, Kimberly.
She needs the Lord, pastor.
She needs to learn the Bible.
She needs someone to invest in her, so, like, go back and do some follow up.
And he forgot where she lived, and I was like, I remember where she lived.
So we went back, and he brought us some DVDs, and they just kind of stood there and looked
at each other, and I was like, I think he wants your number, you know what I mean?
And then he got her number.
She came to church.
She heard how crazy I was behind the pulpit, and she was like, what, you know?
But you know what?
She's around here somewhere, right?
Isn't she in the building?
Hey, he got married, has a beautiful little daughter, has a wonderful family.
They're in church.
That's God's will, amen.
So obviously, that's appropriate.
But let me say this.
Often, the Jacob is like an exception to the rule.
It doesn't always work like that.
For Jacob, it works, but it often doesn't work out that way.
I know some guys, they have that dream to win their spouse to Christ so they can start
him from the ground up, teach him from scratch, because they don't know, they don't believe
in a preacher of rapture, they don't believe in Zionism, and they can just teach him right
off the bat, but sometimes it's not like that, okay?
So what God sanctions is that you marry someone who is a Christian, someone who is saved.
Now look, before Jacob was even interested in Kimberly, you know what I mean?
She wasn't saved, but he wasn't interested in her until she got saved.
So he actually followed this pattern right here, okay?
Now let me just say this.
If you're dating a Baptist, date a Baptist.
And if you're dating someone who's not a Baptist, make them a Baptist.
Bring them to our church, you know?
And here's a good indicator, if it's someone who is good for you, if they like yours truly.
I'm serious, because I'm your preacher, I'm your pastor.
Hey, if they like what I say, it's probably a good indication, okay?
It means you're both are in agreement.
And I joke about that, but it is true though, because there's been people who've come to
our church, and you know, they love our church, they love our preaching, but their significant
other does not like Pastor Mahiel, I don't know why.
But they don't really like me, they don't like my preaching, they think I'm abrasive
or whatever it may be, and it's cause for conflict, okay?
So you don't want that.
Date a Baptist, date someone in your church or someone from a like-minded church.
Make sure they have the same convictions or preferences, because that minimizes conflict
after you get married.
The more you have in common with each other, as far as convictions and preferences are
concerned, the more enjoyable the marriage becomes afterwards, because you don't have
to discuss a whole lot of that stuff, you guys already agree, okay?
Number three, dating should be with the purpose of marriage, not recreational, okay?
More in the Bible, do you see a couple dating just for recreation, and typically, if it
is recreation, it's fornication, you understand?
And so you should date with the purpose of getting married, not because you just want
to play the field, you want to be some sort of Christian player or something like that,
you know, you should date with the purpose of getting married.
Now obviously, men can have girls as friends, appropriate relationship with, they're just
friends with them and vice versa, where the relationship is appropriate, you know, you're
just kind of talking with one another, you're fellowshiping with one another, and it's appropriate.
But if there's interest involved, you need to rethink this and say, well, is this what
I want?
Because, you know, I should be dating with the purpose of marrying this individual one
day, okay?
Number four, the man should be the one pursuing the woman and not vice versa.
Go to Proverbs chapter two, if you would, Proverbs chapter two.
When you look at the examples of the Bible in the book of Proverbs, what you often see
is that the woman who pursues the man is often bad news.
Okay?
Bible says in Proverbs chapter two verse 16, to deliver thee from the strange woman, even
from the stranger which flattereth with her words.
By the way, the modern day word that we would use for flattering with the words is flirting,
which is very similar to flattery, they're flirting, okay?
Which forsaketh the guide of her youth and forgetteth the covenant of her God, for her
house inclineth unto death and her paths unto the dead.
None that go unto her return again, neither take they hold of the paths of life.
Go to chapter six, if you would, chapter number six.
So beware of flattery, beware of the woman who's flirtatious, you know?
The woman who just, you know, winks at you or, I don't know, what do they do to flirt
nowadays?
Wink and compliment you, like overly complimentary, I guess you could say, I mean, what do they
do nowadays?
Someone tell me.
Overly hospitable.
What?
DM's?
What?
DM's?
I mean, I guess that could be considered flirtatious.
DM's?
I'm talking about like in person.
Flipping their hair.
Beware of those who flip their hair.
I'm not going to agree with that because I don't even know if that's really a thing,
you know?
What do you mean, like they just kind of like go like this?
Okay, show me later, show me later, this is weird.
Show me a diagram later.
You know what flirtatious means.
Flirtatious is just when someone basically becomes, they compliment you too much or they
make certain facial expressions that you know is inappropriate, okay?
Where they're just trying to kind of get your attention type of thing, okay?
Look at what the Bible says in verse 23, for the commandment is a lamp and the law is light
and reproofs of instruction of the way of life to keep thee from the evil woman, from
the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.
Lest not after her beauty in thine eyes, neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
Hey, that's a good example of flirting.
When I read this, I actually think of the cartoons.
You guys remember the cartoons with the big eyelashes and they're just like.
Don't let her take thee with their eyelids.
And you know what, this is often actually literal because some girls have, their eyelashes
are so big, they can literally take you with her eyelids, you know?
Don't let her do it.
Now look at this dirty word here.
It's not a dirty word, this is God's word.
He's just trying to emphasize something here, verse 26, for by means of a whorish woman.
Man, a man is brought to a piece of bread, and look what it says here, and the adulteress
will hunt for the precious life.
This is referring to a woman who pursues a man.
Why?
Because she's hunting for the precious life.
And who is the precious life?
It's the young man who is virtuous.
It's the young man who is virgin.
It's the young man who is godly.
The whorish woman desires to destroy that young man.
And vice versa, obviously.
There are men who seek to destroy a young woman's life, by whatever means.
Some nefarious agenda that they have, they flirt with them, they compliment them, they
desire them, and they kind of reel them in with flattery, and tell them things that maybe
they're not used to hearing, they can entrap them, and then destroy their lives.
Men should be the ones pursuing the young lady, appropriately, obviously, but a woman
should not be pursuing the man, from a biblical standpoint.
Number five, in my opinion, young teens should not date.
Like I said, in my opinion, young teens should not date.
And I said young teens, because obviously, once you start getting 18, 19, if you're mature
enough, you're ready to start dating.
But the reason I say young teens is because the generation that's existent today as young
teens, they're not mature enough.
Have friends of the opposite gender, yes.
Fellowship with them, yes.
Talk in open settings, yes.
You never want to take this to the opposite extreme, it's like, don't talk to any girls
at all.
That's weird, because I've seen that, where it's just like, you cannot talk.
If you're seen talking to a girl, oh man, that's like, you're not above approach.
You're just, oh man, you're just asking for it.
It's like, what in the world?
At church, we're supposed to fellowship with everyone.
And not falsely accuse people in our minds, or even outwardly, to say, just because someone
is talking to a young lady, or a man is talking to a lady, or vice versa, that something bad
is going on there.
You know, it's okay to talk to people without you thinking that something bad is happening,
or oh man, are they interested in each other, or maybe they're just saying hi to each other.
Don't you just talk to people?
You understand?
It's not a weird thing, okay?
But that's different from dating.
Dating is obviously, you're both interested in one another, and you are verbalizing certain
things that maybe would not be appropriate at that time, okay?
Because here's the thing, teenagers often can't control their emotions either.
And I know this by experience, folks, because I grew up in the world, and you know, when
you're a young guy, and you fall in love with some girl, okay, or you meet some young man
who falls in love with a girl, man, they're like done.
You can't speak any sense into them.
I mean, you know what I'm talking about.
Isn't that true?
Like, they're just like, meh, you know, just kind of like, but I love her, just like, she
has babies.
He's like, but she's, she's my baby, though.
That's how typically teenagers can get.
And it sounds silly, but you know it's true, okay, because it probably happened to you,
so in my opinion, teens should not dare, I think they should wait.
And I think, you know, you said to what age, well, that's at the discretion of the parents,
obviously.
And if you don't agree with this as a parent, then, you know, just toss this, that's okay.
I'm just giving you my opinion.
You know, I think it's appropriate if you feel like you've raised a teenager who's very
mature, who is responsible, then of course, yeah, prepare them for marriage, and once
they're 18, 19 or whatever, you know, may they start preparing and looking for someone
and seeking to get married, okay.
Number six, you should be ready for marriage before the beginning of a relationship, okay.
Now what do I mean by that?
What I mean obviously is I mentioned in the beginning, mental, emotional, maturity, leadership,
financial stability, but also, you know, when you begin to date a person with the purpose
of getting married, you should be appropriate, obviously, but you should discuss certain
things.
There's nothing wrong with discussing certain things, okay.
Discussing what?
Goals, ambitions, children, family, ministry, just kind of, that's kind of what dating is
for is to see, is this person right for me?
Do we share the same commonalities when it comes to these things, okay.
Now I'm going to give you a personal example.
I forgot to ask my wife for permission for this, but it's great to be the boss because
I don't have to ask for permission necessarily, no, I'm just kidding.
I told her this story.
Years ago, I was dating, I started dating this girl, she was a Baptist and this is at
my old church, this is, I don't know, maybe 2009, 2010, 2009, and someone had introduced
me to her.
She was like a missionary and she, you know, she liked winning souls to Christ and all
these things and so we got introduced together and I remember thinking to myself, okay, cool,
you know.
Miss Susie was you, you, Miss Susie, you introduced me to her, yeah.
Now I remember, Miss Susie's the one who introduced me to her.
Sorry to put you on blast like that, but we go back like that now, don't we?
Yeah, and you know what, she was a nice lady and we, you know, I was basically talking
to her and I remember going to my pastor saying, hey, there's this young lady that I was introduced
to, you know, she lives in a different, I think she lives like in Fresno or something
like that and, you know, I just think maybe I could pursue her, you know, she seems like
a good girl.
I didn't really know a whole lot about the Christian life, I was still fairly new and
he's like, yeah, you know, go visit her church, go visit her pastor, go visit her family,
go visit her parents, see, you know, just kind of hang out and stuff, you know.
So she ended up coming down to where I was at, we hung out, we had a good time or whatever
and then I went over there and I remember thinking to myself, well, you know, if I go
over there, I should meet her dad and her family and I should see how like she interacts
with her family and I remember just thinking to myself, I should see how she behaves around
her dad because if I become her husband, she's going to treat me the way she treats her dad,
you know what I mean, it was just kind of those common sense things to me, you know,
it's just like, maybe I should do that and so I get there and it was just a weird experience,
it was super weird, okay, because I met her pastor and her pastor was weird and he's like,
you know, I met him and he called me to his office and then he sits down or whatever and
he's just like, so, you got any skeletons in your closet, I'm like, what's that, he's
like, you know, things in your past, I'm like, things in my, like, did I do bad stuff in
my past, he's like, yeah, I'm like, well, yeah, I got saved when I was 21, like, where
do you want me to start, like, do you even want me to divulge that to you, like, isn't
it enough for you to know that I got saved when I was 21, you know, and he's like, I
want to meet with you more often, you know, and it was so weird, like, he was keeping
in contact with her dad and saying like the eagle has dropped like right when I got there
and stuff, super weird, so I was like red flag number one, I was like, dang, this is
getting crazy and I haven't even, we haven't even gotten started yet, I was supposed to
be there for the weekend, so I think I got there like on Friday and I met the pastor
and he's like, okay, well, you know, they're waiting for you at her house, you know, they,
her family and stuff, like, they're setting me up or something, you know, I'm like, okay,
he goes and I want to meet with you again before you leave, because I was supposed to
stay there till Sunday, I was like, all right, and I was actually staying at a church member's
house from his church that was a friend of mine and so I go to her house and I meet her
brother and her brother was cool and everything and then her dad comes and then I said, I
told her dad and her dad wasn't in church or anything and she came and I told her dad,
I said, hey, I'm actually here just to kind of spend time with you and he was just like,
why?
And I was like, I just want to get to know you, you know, I just, I've never met you
before and, you know, I think it'd be a good idea for me to just hang out with you.
I was like, you want to go eat, let's go eat and he was just like, okay.
So we went to go eat and, you know, he's just, he was a cool guy and everything and then
when we came back, then I started seeing how she would treat her father and how she would
treat her, her family, her mom and she was kind of like really disrespectful and I was
just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, so I was just like, all right, well, you know, and
then I started hanging out with her and she was like, well, tell me about, you know, you
and your church and I was like, well, you know, my father-in-law really promotes the
family and he's instilled within us the desire to just have a big family, you know, he has
like eight kids and stuff, so I think one day I would like to have a really big family
and she was like, oh, no way, not me, I don't want to have a lot of kids and I don't want
to, I'm like, really?
And she was like, I was like, but it's biblical and she was like, oh no, uh-uh, yeah, I'm
not really for that stuff and I'm like, okay, cool, well, you know, I got to go, you know,
like, and that was like Friday night and there's other things that she did and I was just like,
red flag, red flag, red flag, it wasn't Susie, it was Susie's fault, you tried your best,
she looked out for me, you know, I can say these things to the Gutierrez's folks, we've
known each other for a very long time, okay, so I remember thinking to myself like, this
is a bad idea, this is a really bad idea, because I was trying to share with her dreams
and convictions and just things that, you know, and it wasn't like, hey, we get married,
you're going to have all my babies, I'm going to have 10 babies, it was more like, you know,
there's a vision, you know, I told her, I was like, yeah, our pastor just really emphasizes
large families, I like to have a large family, I came from a small family, you know, I only
have a brother and sister, one day I'd like to have a lot of children, I think that's
like a good goal to have, and she was just like, kind of freaked her out, and it wasn't,
I'm telling you, I wasn't like, so you're cool with that, right, you know, we get married,
right, like that's what we're going to do, right, we're going to have a lot of kids,
right, and so she kind of like balked at that, and that was kind of like an indication to
me, and then so I ended up leaving, and I spoke to her authorities, and I told the pastor,
I was like, hey, just to let you know, it's probably not going to work out, I really appreciate
everything you guys have done, I came here to meet her parents, I came here to meet you,
and it just doesn't seem, and he kind of like blew up on me, he was like, who do you think
you are, she's a jewel, she's a gem, I'm like, Zirconia, I'm just kidding, I didn't say that,
I didn't say that, I was just like, hey, I'm really sorry, things didn't work out, it just
didn't work out, I said, we weren't dating or anything like that, we're not dating, we're
not, we're just friends, I'm just telling you, I prefer not to continue to pursue this,
and I'm trying to be as respectful as possible, that's why I'm approaching you, and I will
call her dad and tell him the same thing, and you know what, I have no fear talking
to the dad, by the way guys, don't be afraid to go talk to the dad, have some guts, have
some tenacity to go and approach the father, look him eye to eye, shake his hand, spend
some time with him, be a man about it, and I told him, I said, hey, I'm not really interested,
and so it's not going to work out, and he's like, well, I appreciate that, and he said,
you know, I'm sorry to hear that, because I actually liked you, and I was like, well,
I appreciate that, but it's just, you know, sometimes things don't work out, but God bless
you, hope everything goes well, and that was it, you know, and so the point that I'm making
here is that it's important to share those goals in an appropriate way, obviously, okay,
and what I mean by appropriate, you know, you shouldn't discuss the physical relationship
before marriage, hey, when we get married, you know, this is what the Bible says you
need to do, and that's inappropriate, okay, it's inappropriate, you know, hey, when we
get married, you're going to, I'm planning to have 12 kids, and you need to be fine with
that, you know, that's inappropriate, oh, you don't need to say those things, you know
what I mean, for me, I literally said those things in an appropriate way, not thinking
that she was going to balk at it, I thought she was going to be inspired by that vision
of just having large families, and raising our children for the Lord, and all these things,
and obviously, she wasn't cool with it, but what I'm saying is, like, you don't need to
impose those things upon the individual you're dating, that's why I say it's good to just
narrow it down to, like, our church, and Baptist, because more than likely, you're going to
find someone who has that same conviction, has that same desire and standard, okay, but
look for, here's the thing, look for indicators of a teachable spirit, look for indicators
of a teachable, you should write this down, write this down, because I'm not going to
repeat this to you again, afterwards, when you come ask me, I'm not going to tell you,
I'm like, sorry, you should have listened, hey, look for indicators of a teachable spirit,
now, what do I mean by that, well, sometimes, guys, they want this perfect girl, it's like,
oh, no, she needs to be willing to submit right now, she needs to be willing to have
15 kids, as soon as we get married, she needs to submit, stay home, and midwife, home birth,
she needs to do all those things, right off the bat, and they, like, they, like, divulge
that, those things, and you know what, that's really stupid, folks, don't do that, you're
like, what, why not, that's my list, he's like, you basically call out everything that
I would want, like, isn't that what I'm supposed to tell her, that's what I want, no, look
for a teachable spirit, and here's a phrase you should write down, young men, young ladies,
it's not about where they're at, it's about the direction they're going in, it's not about
where they're currently at, it's about what direction are they going in, so, yeah, they
may be a little imperfect, you know, according to your standard, but if they're going in
the right direction, that means they have a teachable spirit, you understand, so it's
just like, you know, if you tell her you want to have, like, 20 kids right off the bat,
you're probably going to scare the crap out of her, okay, but you know what, if you recognize
this person has a teachable spirit, they seem to love the word of God, they'll come around
on what the Bible teaches on a lot of things, that's just the way it works, okay, you don't
have to say, hey, you better submit to me, hey, you better call me Lord, some guys just
have a complex, I've known people who literally told her, call me Lord, do you really need
to establish your authority like that, isn't that weird, like isn't it, the fact that she's
marrying you, doesn't that already indicate that you're like the boss already, do you
have to do those things, it's called insecurity, folks, don't be that young man where it's
just like, no, this is the way it is, this is the way it's going to be, no, just look
for the teachable spirit and then bring her along lovingly, and by the way, you're not
necessarily a package of yourself, right, there's some areas that you're probably lacking
in as well, you're not necessarily the prize bowl, you know, you probably have some areas
you need to work on too, you want a Sarah, but don't forget, you're kind of like an Abraham
too, and Abraham has some flaws, what we should be looking for is a teachable spirit,
a teachable spirit is a person who's willing to just learn, as long as you're kind about
teaching them, and patient and long suffering with them, now if you're married, you know,
then you're married, now it's time for you to learn this as well, you can still apply
this, like I'm having a hard time in my marriage, okay, it's probably because you're trying
to impose things upon your spouse that they're not necessarily ready for, so why don't you
just be patient with them, and bring them along kindly and patiently with long suffering,
and not give them your to-do list, here's my to-do list, now that you're married to
me, okay, it's not the way it works folks, and look, you know what, God has a to-do list
for you too, did you know that, have you taken care of your to-do list, funny how you don't
want to take care of your to-do list, but you have a list of a hundred things that you
want your spouse to do, God has a list of five things that you haven't even done one,
so you know, be teachable, appreciate the fact that your spouse has a teachable spirit
and bring them along in that manner, okay, and so prepare, discuss, look for indicators
of a teachable spirit, as I mentioned, men should not tell their girlfriends that they
should submit to them, that's an indicator that you're probably very insecure actually,
okay, women should not tell their boyfriends to make sure that they are a good leader,
I only want to marry a pastor, I only want to marry a good leader, you know, this is
not appropriate, if you are wise, you will be able to see these red flags prior to establishing
a relationship, spend time with each other's parents so that you know who you're getting
into, hey, you know, spend time with the mom, because that's basically who like you're
going to marry, because your wife will become like her mom, I'm not being disrespectful,
this is true, you know, when I was according, dating my wife Sarah, you know, I really appreciated
the virtuous qualities of her mother, because her mother loved her husband, she would just
do anything for her husband, she was there for her husband, she just like was an awesome
wife, she still is an awesome wife, and I remember thinking to myself, this is what
I want from me as a wife too, okay, and so observe their parents, observe their friends,
observe how she treats her father, observe how he treats his mother, okay, so you obviously
should observe how she treats her dad, because that's how she's going to treat you, but in
like manner, ladies, you should observe how he treats his mom, does he treat her like
trash, does he disrespect her, does he talk back to her, does he put her down, well, when
you get married, that's going to transfer over to you, and if you're listening to this
and you're guilty of those things, guess what, now you're not going to do them anymore, now
you're going to be the sweetest child to your parents, because you want to sow good seeds,
hey, this is good, number seven, perfection can never be the standard, and I've already
hit on that a lot, don't expect perfection from your future spouse, okay, number nine,
number eight, excuse me, parents are responsible for protecting and guiding their children
in their dating relationships, parents should approve and the children should choose, okay,
now, there needs to be a balance to this, folks, okay, and what I mean by that is this,
parents, you know, you can actually get so involved that you kind of make the relationship
a little bitter, okay, and I'm not saying don't get involved at all, because you have
a responsibility to get involved in the lives of your children when it comes to who they
choose as a spouse, dads, you know, you're responsible to take care of your daughter,
you understand, you've got to be involved, but here's the thing is that dads sometimes
think like, oh, there's no one good enough for my daughter, I'm sure I'm going to think
that way towards Kyla and Helen and, you know, my future daughters, I'm sure that's just
a natural mentality, but at the end of the day, we're not looking for perfection, we're
looking for Christ likeness, we're looking for someone who's going in the right direction,
okay, and you know, like, when I was dating my wife, she was not my wife at the time,
when I was courting my wife, you know, this is kind of like the standard that I was held
to, to a certain extent, and it's grievous, folks, it's a grievous thing, it's very difficult,
it's very grievous, because like, good is never good enough, so you never want to hold
someone to that standard, perfection should never be the case, because you can always
find some flaw in that individual, you can find a flaw in any individual, because we're
not perfect, we're sinners, we need to emphasize that which is important, which is what direction
are they going in, are they learning?
Number nine, date, oh, okay, this is a big one here, okay, you're not going to like this
one, hey, date with chaperones, and avoid physical contact that can arouse inappropriate
desires, oh, yeah, you said, what does chaperone mean, I don't know, I don't speak French,
I just know it means you should have someone there with you when you're dating, okay, why?
Because we're Christians, folks, and as Christians we are to abstain from all appearance of evil
and make no provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust thereof, so we don't want to put
ourselves in a position where we can potentially commit fornication, which is a grievous sin,
you understand that?
And here's the thing, we all say, oh, yeah, fornication is wicked, well, if you think
it's so wicked, why would you put yourself in a position where you could potentially
commit that, if you think it's that bad, you understand what I'm saying?
The Bible says this is the will of God, even your sanctification that you should abstain
from fornication, that every one of you, listen to this, should know how to possess his vessel
and sanctification and honor, you should know better, okay, now, I would include in this
necking and petting, now we're getting uncomfortable, what is necking and petting?
Kissing, making out, rubbing, these are things that would arouse sexual desires and could
potentially lead you to commit fornication, and I'm serious, and you know what, those
things should be saved for marriage, why not wait?
When you get married, you can do that as much as you want, and it's all appropriate, amen?
And so, when you date, you should have chaperones, and look, let me just say this, the chaperones
should be someone who is of age who'd be willing to rat you out, don't pick someone who's just,
you can pay off or something, and bribe them to not say anything, you know, parents, if
you send your children with your children as chaperones, you better make sure that they're
willing to rat them out if something were to happen, okay, parents could be chaperones,
now, one thing I appreciated with my dating experience with my wife, is that when my father-in-law
and his wife would chaperone for us, we would go to a restaurant, and he would tell us,
you two, go way over there, and we're gonna be over here, you guys have your own conversation
over there, your own dating thing over there, they weren't like all up in our business or
something, you know what I mean, you know, because if they're sitting at the same table
with us, it's just like, this isn't a good time, you know what I mean, like, I can't
really let my hair down here, you know, like, I'm afraid of my pastor, it's like, I fear
you, okay, and I can't have a good time with you being here, so what he would do is just,
he just let us go, you know, in the same restaurant, like around the corner, sitting at a table,
and you know what, I wasn't thinking, oh, okay, now I can, you know, we can play footsies
or something, no, because in my mind, I'm like, my father-in-law, or my future father-in-law
is right around the corner, you understand, now the only thing I didn't like is that my
father-in-law, he, the guy was just always in a hurry, so it's just like, we sat down
like 20 minutes later, we have to go or something, it's like, the food hasn't even gotten here,
we were already leaving, you know, but chaperones are good, why, because it keeps you from doing
something you shouldn't do, okay, and when it comes to kissing, okay, oh man, hey, doesn't
the Bible say it's good for men not to touch a woman, yeah, but, you know, it's innocent,
folks, let me just say this, when you're dating, the relationship has to grow, it has to grow,
and what I mean, like, your love has to grow, literally, it has to grow into a physical
relationship, so when you hold hands, you can't just stop at holding hands, right, I
mean, I'm not talking to a bunch of sodomites here, I'm talking about normal people, hey,
you know, when you're holding hands, eventually, you're gonna grab her by the waist, and then
guess what, then there's kissing, and when there's kissing, certain desires are aroused,
and then you open yourself up for temptation, where you can commit a grievous sin, I'm not
gonna tell you that kissing is sin, because nowhere in the Bible does it explicitly say
that I can point to 1 Corinthians 7, but I will say this, it does, it can lead to it,
you know, I don't know any man, and if you're him, then wow, you must be some powerful Christian
or something, any man who would be able to kiss a girl and not be aroused by it, am I,
I mean, am I, is that weird for me to say that, I mean, I'm talking to, like, red-blooded
men in here, let's just be real honest, okay, I don't know if anybody would be able to kiss
a woman who actually they have emotional attachment to, someone who they love, right,
like if you're dating someone who you're planning to marry, that means you love this person,
there's not just a physical attraction, there's like an emotional attraction there, where
you desire this person, it's like it's your soulmate, and if you're to physically kiss
that person, don't tell me that's not gonna arouse you, that's what it's meant for, folks,
that's what it's meant for, okay, I know this is uncomfortable, but don't worry, I don't
care, I'm just kidding, date with chaperones, avoid physical contact that can arouse inappropriate
desires, just wait till you're married, just wait till you're married, I didn't kiss my
wife until we got married, at the wedding altar, that's when we kissed, okay, I never
held hands with my wife, and I'm not saying holding hands is bad, you know, I'm just saying
we never did that, you know, because I'm a red blooded American, you know, and I don't,
and you know, it's just, it would not be good for me, okay, next one, number ten, which
leads me to my next point here, dating shouldn't be too long nor too short, too short, you
don't really know one another, too long, temptations increase, love has to grow, okay, so when
you are ready to start dating, in my recommendation, you know, you should probably get married
within six months to a year, okay, now that may be too long for some of you, but there's
a reason why, if you're going to have like appropriate marriage, where it's like you're
going to have a ceremony, I mean there's preparation for these things, okay, now for some others,
they can just get married in the next six months, and it's all good, because they have
their ducks in order, everything's ready to go, or whatever, but you should never date
for too long or too short, I was of the case where we dated for way too long, seven years,
but it wasn't my choice, it was her dad's choice, it was her family's choice, they kept
putting it off, and putting it off, and putting it off, I mean, but hey, for me it was but
a few days because I loved her so, you know, but it was too long, okay, and it was hard,
it was very difficult, you understand, and why, because love has to grow, we have to
move on to the next stage, that's why marriage is like the culmination of that relationship,
okay, where you can fulfill that desire in an appropriate godly way, you understand,
and so don't date for too long, but also don't do it for too short either, okay, don't say
well we're going to date for like five years, and we'll see what happens on the sixth year,
you're just opening yourself up for temptation, next one, I'm almost done, if you are on your
own, parents are not around, you know, you don't live with them, or whatever it may be,
the burden does fall on you to make the right decision, and you know what, that may be your
lot in life, okay, if your lot in life is that you don't have parents in your life that
even care what you do, okay, the burden falls upon you to make the right decision, and that's
why you're getting the sermon, this is why you have godly authority, you have the Bible,
so you can't plead ignorance, you understand, go for and take heed to godly counsel, but
at the end of the day, you will be marrying the person and committing to them for life,
so you must seek god's wisdom on whether they are right for you, so you know, ask for counsel,
ask for wisdom, you know, ask me if you want, if you say, you know pastor, I need some wisdom
about this, what do you think I should do, I'd be more than happy to help you, I've helped
people in our church who are dating, I think I have words of wisdom that can benefit you,
I think it's wise to ask for counsel, I think the person who refuses to ask for counsel
is just a fool, because they think they have everything figured out, and we don't have
fools in our church, because as far as I know, a lot of people have come to me and said what
do you think about this, what should I do about this, and that's a wise individual who
does that, okay, I still ask for counsel and I'm a pastor, so that should tell you something,
you know, I call my pastor friends and I say, I don't know what to do in this situation,
what would you recommend that I do, I need wise counsel, okay, let's see, you can get
to know someone without flirting with them, I kind of already went over that, and here's
the last point, go to 1 Timothy chapter 5 and I'm done, and this isn't necessarily for
the young men and young ladies that are dating, this is for the people who are around those
people who potentially might be dating, okay, you guys ready for this one, don't give unsolicited
dating advice or try to play matchmaker, don't give unsolicited dating advice or try to play
matchmaker, are all the speakers on in here, now is it good to encourage, absolutely, we
encourage the young men, hey you need to start dating man, you know what I mean, you're just
kind of floating, I do that, you know some people don't like that, but I do that to some
of the young men, I'm like this guy's floating, he needs something to do, he needs to get
married or something, you know, but here's the thing is that, you know, most of the time
we should just kind of mind our own business, okay, don't try to play matchmaker, don't
try to give unsolicited advice, and I'm going to say it, I'm mainly talking to the women,
okay, talking to the women, yeah, I said it, okay, you know, ladies if you're married already,
you know, and you should not seek to give unsolicited advice to another young lady in
our church or a young man in our church, stay out of the business, unless they ask you for
it, because sometimes there's been situations where a lady will give another lady advice
contrary to what we believe here or something, something that's inappropriate, right, there's,
I mean the lady we just kicked out, you know, a couple weeks ago was giving unsolicited
unbiblical advice to another individual in our church, that's not correct, it's not biblical,
and that's what I'm talking about, that's an extreme case, okay, but ladies don't be
busybodies, amen, amen, don't be afraid to say amen, well you scared, who would fear
to say amen Jose, look at verse 11, but the younger widows refuse, but when they have
begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry having damnation because they have cast
off their first faith, and with all they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to
house, and not only idle, but toddlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they
are not, I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house,
give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully, the Bible says, don't get involved
in other people's business, and who's dating who, and who's interested, and you should
do this, and what did he say, and what did you guys do, and all these things, oh man,
he said this, and start gossiping, because then you're going to create problems, you're
being a busybody, they got quiet, I think we're going to go for 30 minutes, hey folks
I'm telling you, this can create issues, now look ladies, they commune with one another
in our church, and that's great, they get advice, but the Bible teaches us that the
elder ladies should teach the younger ladies how to love their husbands, keep the house,
you know, et cetera, not gossiping about so and so, and how they hurt each other's
feelings, and just getting involved in things that just doesn't pertain to you, go take
care of your kids, go take care of your husband, go buy your husband a meal, make him a meal,
or see what he's doing, or learn how to crochet, or whatever, allow the young ladies, if they
need help, they can come to you, hey young ladies, go to the older ladies in our church
who have been married for quite some time to ask for advice, okay, if they've been married
for quite some time to have a successful marriage, go to them, you understand, but you don't
need to be a busybody, or a tattler, getting involved in other people's situation, and
just, you know, whatever, giving unsolicited advice, and I think this can be a problem,
this can be a big issue in our church if we're not careful, and you know what, other
than the ladies, husbands, check your wives, make sure they're not doing that, so everything
I just said before, just ignore what I said ladies, I'm gonna just talk to the men, men,
just talk to your wives, say hey don't be doing that, okay, like I know you guys talk
and stuff like that, but don't get involved in that, let them do whatever they gotta do,
if they want advice, they'll come seek it, but don't give unsolicited advice, mind your
business, you don't have to tell them in that way, but I wouldn't, I'm just kidding,
I told my wife, I'm like hey don't get involved in stuff, you better not be saying anything,
I told my wife, don't get involved in things, don't be a busybody or a tattler, it's gonna
cause problems, don't do it, understand, and so, sorry to end on that weird note, sorry
but not sorry, cause I'm, you know, I wanna look out for the young people in our church,
cause it can be uncomfortable for them to date in our church if that stuff is going
on, they're getting all kinds of pressure and all this stuff, and you know, they're
just, they play telephone, where it's just like he said, she said, and by the time it
gets to the person, it's just like, it's just been blown out of proportion or something
like that, you understand, and young people, if you have questions, come talk to me, I
met with two young people a week ago or two weeks ago, and I was just like hey, here,
this is what you gotta do, there's nothing weird that you guys like each other or you're
interested in each other, it's cool, this is how you do it though, okay, bada bing,
bada boom, we're cool, alright great, get out of my office, no I'm just kidding, you
know, and it was cool, and then they've been giving heat to it, it's appropriate, we're
good to go, we don't want to create some sort of environment here where people are like
afraid to date, because oh man, people are gonna talk, people are gonna say this, and
oh man, I'm just gonna, oh man, they're looking at us talking, they're gonna be whispering
one with another, don't do that to our church, please, do not do that, this needs to be an
environment where people can just hang out and talk without people, without you speaking
in tongues or something, about what's going on, let people talk, let people fellowship,
this is a great environment to do it in, don't defile it with being a tattler in a busy body,
so then they have to do something out there or something, may this be the environment
where they're happy to come and talk and date and have a good time and it's appropriate,
amen, alright, let's pray, Father we thank you so much for your word Lord, thank you
for the principles thereof, thank you for the experience of others that have taught
me Lord and I pray God that you bless our young people who desire to get married, I'm
so proud of so many of them and Lord, of course we hold them to a high standard but the reality
is a lot of the young people in our church are a lot years ahead of many of the young
people in this world and they're godly young men and women who love the Lord and I just
pray that you'd help us to guide them along Lord and encourage them and not shame them
or embarrass them Lord, be there for them when they need it and may they give heed to
these principles, we love you and we thank you, pray these things in Jesus' name, amen.