our ears to your word in the name of Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.
Amen. All right.
Well, we've been going through a series on Sunday mornings called Tongue Tied,
and we've been learning about the proper use and control of our words.
And this morning, I'm going to be speaking to you on the subject
of toddlers, gossips and busybodies.
And I don't think that you can preach a series on controlling your tongue
and controlling your words without dealing with the subject of gossip.
And, you know, gossip is something that is sometimes and I shouldn't
say sometimes, often it is known as something that women struggle with.
But, you know, the Bible teaches
that it's not just something women struggle with, something everybody struggles with.
Now, of course, the Bible does mention the fact that women struggle
with the sin of gossip.
If you're there in First Timothy, chapter five, look at verse number 13.
First Timothy, chapter five and verse 13 says this.
And with all, they learn to be idle.
The word idle means doing nothing, means not accomplishing anything.
You're not going forward.
You're not when your car is an idle.
You're not going forward.
You're not going backwards. You're just doing nothing.
And he says they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house.
And I'd be nice if they were wondering about from house to house.
So one thing, but that's not what they're doing.
They're wondering about from house to house
tale bearing there are gossiping today.
You say, well, I don't go from house to house today.
The version of going from house to house is from Facebook page to Facebook page.
And it's done on social media now more often than not.
But he says, and not only idle, notice the words, but toddlers also and busybodies.
Notice those words, toddlers and busybody.
What's a tattler?
A tattler is a person who tells secrets or who tells tales.
A tattler is someone who goes around and they are telling stories.
They are telling tales.
They are telling secrets about others.
Notice the word there, busybodies.
It's a person who pries or meddles into the affairs of others.
Sometimes you'll have people ask you very prying type questions.
And when someone walks up to you and they want to know where you were on Sunday night,
you weren't here on Sunday night, where were you?
That is a busybody.
That is someone who is prying and meddling into information that does not pertain to them.
So we see here that it says that they're wandering about from house to house, and not only idle,
but toddlers also and busybodies.
Notice what it says, speaking things which they ought not.
They're not speaking good things.
They're not going from house to house preaching the gospel.
Oh no, they're speaking things which they ought not.
You're there in 1 Timothy 5, flip back to 1 Timothy chapter 3, look at verse 11, 1 Timothy
chapter 3 and verse 11.
1 Timothy chapter 3 and verse 11 says this, even so must their wives.
This is qualifications for ministry, and in ministry there are qualifications for your
wife.
Today, you have many preachers who try to push this agenda that, oh wives, they're not
important in ministry, and it doesn't matter if your wife is spiritual, it doesn't matter
if your wife is a soul winner, it doesn't matter if your wife is right with God, God
calls the man or God uses the man.
No, there are qualifications for the wife.
If you're going to go into ministry, you better make sure your wife is spiritual.
You better make sure your wife is doing what she should be doing.
And in 1 Timothy 3, 11 it says here, even so must their wives be grave, notice, not
slanderers, sober, faithful in all things.
The Bible says they are to not be slanderers.
What's a slanderer?
It's a malicious, false, or injurious statement that is meant to bring injury, that is meant
to bring harm to the reputation of someone else.
So here we're told that their wives must be grave, not slanderers.
Now go to 2 Thessalonians chapter 3, you're there in 1 Timothy, so you're just going to
go backwards from 1 Timothy to 2 Timothy, 2 Timothy chapter 3, and let me show you that
the Bible does not just deal with this for women.
We often want to apply it only to women, and the Bible definitely talks about this in regards
to women, but it also talks about it in regards to men.
And some of the biggest gossipers I've met have been men.
It's not just something that pertains only to women, are you there in 2 Thessalonians
3?
Look at verse 11.
Now we're going to come back to this passage later on, and we'll look at it in a little
more depth, but I just want you to notice or understand that the context here is in
reference to a man.
Paul is speaking to a man, to men, and he says this, for we hear that there are some
which walk among you disorderly, notice these words, working not at all, but are busybodies.
What are they?
They are a person who is prying, who is meddling, who is trying to get more information, who
is trying to get, know all of the details, they want to know everything that's going
on.
Here Paul says that there are men who are busybodies, and it's interesting that he calls
them busybodies because he says they're busybodies when they're working not at all.
He says the women were busybodies when they were idols.
They are busybodies because their bodies are not busy doing anything.
They're not busy accomplishing anything.
They're not busy doing anything, so then they become these busybodies, these priors, these
people who are trying to get information so that they can report information.
They're trying to get information from people so that they can then run and tattle it and
tell it and be a tattler, and the Bible generally commands us as Christians and as believers,
as followers of Christ and as followers of God, to not be those types of people.
Now, keep your place there in 2 Thessalonians, we're going to come back to it, so put a ribbon
or a bookmark or something there, we're going to come back to it, but go with me to the
book of Leviticus in the Old Testament, Leviticus chapter number 19.
You've got Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Leviticus chapter 19, and let me show you how God in
general commands for all to abstain from the sin of gossip.
You ought not be a tattler, a gossip, or a busybody.
Leviticus 19 and verse number 16, notice what the Bible says.
The Bible says, thou shalt not, now look, that phrasing is used for a command, right?
The 10 commandments, thou shalt not, thou shalt not, thou shalt not, here's another
thou shalt not, thou shalt not go up and down, notice, as a tail bearer among thy brethren.
Look, you should not have the reputation, and let me just say this, you should not be
proud of the fact that you are known as the person, there are people in every church I've
ever been a part of, including this one, there are certain individuals and certain
ladies who are just known as, man, if you need information, just go to Sister So-and-so.
You want to know what's going on?
Go to Brother So-and-so, because his wife just knows everything that's going on, you
know?
And certain women will just pry for information, they're just trying to get information, and
get questions, and get info, and sometimes, you know, my wife and I, people are trying
to get information, what do you need to know that for?
Well, I just want to pray for them.
Sure you do.
I'm sure that's exactly what you'd like to do.
Thou shalt not go up and down as a tail bearer, you know how you can pray for someone without
knowing all the details?
Thou shalt not go up and down as a tail bearer among thy people, this is what the Bible says,
what's a tail bearer?
A person who spreads, gossips, spreads secrets that cause trouble or harm.
Now, you're there in Leviticus, I'd like you to go to the book of Proverbs, if you open
up your Bible, just right in the center, you're more than likely to find the book of Psalms,
right after Psalms, you have the book of Proverbs.
Proverbs chapter number 11, and let's begin by just answering this question, what is gossip?
Because what I've noticed is that a lot of people don't understand what gossip is, so
they're not even really sure when they cross the line into gossip, and I think that might
be a willful ignorance, or it may be a legitimate ignorance, you know, is this gossip?
Is it gossip when we're talking about X, Y, and Z, or what are some rules to know what
gossip is?
I want you to notice that the Bible talks a lot about the subject of being a gossip,
or a busybody, or a tail bearer, are you there in Proverbs 11?
Look at verse 13, notice what the Bible says, Proverbs 11 and verse number 13 says, a tail
bearer reveal its secrets.
You're saying, how do I know when someone is a gossip, how do I know if I'm a gossip,
how do I know if I'm being gossiped to, or if I am, you know, involving myself in gossip?
Here's how you know.
Here's how you know you're dealing with a gossip, because a tail bearer, that's a gossip,
they reveal secrets.
So if you find yourself in a conversation saying something like this, or thinking something
like this, I didn't know that about her, well then you're probably talking about gossip.
Because what a gossip does is they reveal secrets, they reveal information that other
people didn't know.
I didn't know that they went through that.
I didn't know that he used to be into that sin, or that they almost had such problems
in their marriage.
Look, you know that you're a gossip, or you know that you're being gossiped to when the
tail bearer is revealing secrets.
Go to Proverbs chapter 17, you're there in Proverbs 11, just to flip a few pages over,
Proverbs 17, look at verse 9, Proverbs chapter 17 and verse 9.
How can we identify gossip?
Well, if you're being revealed secrets, and I'll explain this in a minute, but let me
just get through the verses and then I'm going to give you some real practical things here,
but that don't pertain to you, that you don't need to know that you're being gossiped to
or you are gossiped.
Here's Proverbs 17, 9.
He that covered the transgressions, he could love.
Notice these words.
But he that repeateth a matter, he that repeateth a matter.
How can you identify gossip?
When there's drama, when there's issues, when there's things going around and it doesn't
pertain to you, it doesn't apply to you, you don't need to know this information, but someone
just wants to make sure, I just thought that you should know.
Well, why?
Why that?
So we could pray.
Right.
It's funny how, man, I wish people prayed as much as they act like they do.
I mean, we would be conquering the world for the gospel if we could get everyone who spends
time gossiping actually on their knees praying to God about it, but it says that he that
repeateth a matter and repeating a matter and spreading a matter and giving out information
is gossip.
Go to Proverbs chapter 20.
Look at verse 19.
Proverbs chapter 20, verse number 19.
Proverbs chapter 20, verse 19 says this, he that goeth about as a tale bearer revealeth
secrets.
Right.
So what does the gossip do?
They're giving out information that people don't know or don't need to know and they're
repeating and they are spreading a matter.
He that goeth about as a tale bearer revealeth secrets.
Go to Proverbs 25.
Look at verse 9.
Proverbs 29 and verse 5.
The Bible says this, debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself, notice, and discover
not a secret to another.
You say, how can I know that I'm not being a gossip when you are choosing to not give
out information?
Maybe you've been made aware of some things.
Maybe you for some reason have discovered some things, understand some things, and you
choose not to reveal that to other people.
That's what the Bible says we ought to do.
When you choose to go about as a tale bearer revealing secrets, repeating a matter, revealing
secrets, that makes you a gossip.
That makes you a busybody.
That makes you a tale bearer.
Now in this series, what I've attempted to do over the last several weeks as we've gone
through and learned about these subjects of tying our tongues, controlling our tongues,
I've tried to give you some memorable phrases to remember some of the principles that we've
learned.
If you remember the first sermon, I talked about a bit for your mouth, and I went through
and I gave you three questions to ask yourself, three questions to ask yourself before you
allow the words to come out of your mouth, before you allow the words to be communicated
to someone else.
You ought to ask yourself, is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
And I tried to drill that into your mind.
I'm hoping those words will always be in your mind and you'll ask yourself, is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
In the second sermon, I gave you these phrases straight out of the book of James that we
are to be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to rap, swift to hear, slow to speak, slow
to rap.
And I kept repeating that over and over and I was hoping that you would catch that and
remember that, swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to rap.
So when you find yourself in the midst of that kind of heated conversation where you're
not really listening to what the other individual is saying, you're just kind of waiting for
them to take a breath so that you can jump in and say what you want to say, hopefully
in your mind these words would cross, you would hear them in your mind, in your head,
be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to rap, be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to rap.
And that would slow you down enough to ask yourself, is what I'm about to say, is it
true, is it kind, and is it necessary?
Now what I'd like to do this morning is to give you another phrase that hopefully you'll
write down and remember in regards to gossip.
If you're asking yourself, is this gossip, am I involving myself in gossip right now?
Am I being a gossip or am I being gossip too?
I'd like you to write down this phrase or these two questions and maybe you can ask
these questions to yourself.
But here are the questions for you to identify whether you are either being a gossip or you
are being gossip too, whether you are involving yourself in the sense of gossip.
Here are the questions.
Is it my place?
Is it my problem?
Is it my place?
Is it my problem?
When someone walks up to you and says, hey, I just wanted to let you know about, ask yourself,
is it my place?
You say, what do you mean by that?
Here's what we mean by that.
Do I have the proper place or the authority to deal with the information that's about
to be given to me?
Or am the person that I'm speaking to, do they have the proper place and the authority
to deal with the information that I'm about to give them?
Before we engage in gossip, either as the gossiper or as the gossipee, we should ask
ourselves, is it my place?
Is this information something that I have control and authority over?
Is it my place?
But here's the second question.
Is it my problem?
You might say, well, I don't have authority over this area, but this does affect me.
I don't have authority over this area, but this has now become my problem.
It's become something that is an issue with me or with those whomwith I have authority.
So you got to ask yourself, you say, I don't know how to identify gossip.
OK, ask yourself, is it my place?
Is it my problem?
Is it my place?
Is it my problem?
Do I have authority and does it affect me?
Is this something that I can control, that I can fix, that I have to deal with, that
I need to be aware of?
Or am I going to someone who has authority, someone who can control it, someone who can
fix it, someone who can do something about it?
Or am I being affected by this?
Has this become a problem for me, or am I going to someone who is being affected by
it, or for whom it is becoming a problem?
Is it my place?
Is it my problem?
Let me give you some.
That's the easy statement.
I'm going to give you some statements that are a little more difficult to remember, and
if you want to write these down, maybe you can.
But I want you to understand what gossip is, because people have to say, well, I didn't
know that was gossip.
What is gossip?
So let me give you just a couple of things to consider, and you can write these down
if you'd like.
But what I want you to remember is this.
Is it my place?
Is it my problem?
Is it my place?
Is it my problem?
Now, sometimes people will say, well, that's not my problem in a situation where they do
have authority, and they're trying to avoid that.
That's not what we're talking about.
We're talking about, ask yourself, is this my problem, or am I going to, right now, meddle
into a situation that does not pertain to me?
The Bible says that you are a fool if you insert yourself and if you meddle in to situations
that do not pertain to you.
So ask yourself, is it my place?
Is it my problem?
Let's talk about what gossip is.
Number one, it is gossip.
And this is wordy, and you can write down if you'd like, but if not, you can just listen
to this.
Some of you that are gossips need to listen to this maybe multiple times, all right?
It is gossip if the issue you are discussing has already been dealt with by those who have
authority over it, right?
Is it my place?
Or by those who are affected by it, is it my problem?
When you and your girlfriend are standing in the corner of the church building talking
like this, Miss Joanne walks by.
It's like some of you need to just work on being a little less obvious in your gossip.
You know, you're talking, and there's three of you, and you're like, I can't believe that.
Pastor walks by, God bless you, but we're at a prayer meeting.
It is gossip if the issue you are discussing has already been dealt with by those who have
authority over it or by those who are affected by it.
You say, I don't know what that means.
Okay, let me give you an example.
And I came up with some real specific examples just to make sure that nobody walks away saying,
I don't know what that means, all right?
So let's say that there's a couple in our church, and the husband has a gambling problem,
all right?
And I have no idea if there's anybody in this church that has a gambling problem, okay?
So I'm not picking on you if you do.
I'm just using an example.
Let's say that the husband has a gambling problem.
He's just spending away the money, not paying, not helping his, you know, not taking care
of his wife, not taking care of his children.
But that was in the past.
You know, he was confronted by his wife.
They involved the pastor.
They helped him.
They helped him get over it.
That was years ago.
You know, he's not gambling anymore.
He's doing right.
But for some reason, you come across that information.
Oh, brother so-and-so used to have a gambling problem.
Well, you know what?
It's a gossip if you go about and repeat a matter and reveal secrets and tell people
about something that's already been dealt with.
If it's already been dealt with, if the people that have been affected by it have already
been involved, if the people that have some sort of authority over it have already been
involved and already helped it, then you are just gossiping by going around and spreading
somebody's business.
It's gossip.
So you've got to ask yourself, is it my place, and is it my problem?
Let's say someone is—and here's what I want you to understand.
Let's say, and Lord willing, this never happens in our church.
I hope we never have to deal with this in our church.
But let's say that there's some guy who's committing adultery in the church, and you
find out about it.
You say, well, what's gossip?
Here's what—you've got to ask yourself, is it my place, is it my problem?
Here's what's not gossip.
You find out some guy's committing adultery, and you go to his wife and say, hey, listen,
I feel like it's my place to tell you your husband's committing adultery.
And here's the proof, and here's whatever, here's what he said, here's what I saw,
whatever.
That's not gossip.
You say, why?
Because you're going to the person that's being affected by it.
What's gossip is when you go—and here's what's funny about information like that that's
found out sometimes is that people will go to everyone except the person who's being
affected by it.
They'll tell the whole church, they'll tell everybody, they'll spread everybody,
they'll make sure, did you know that so-and-so, did you know that I saw them, did you know
that I saw them at a bar, do you know that I saw them drinking, do you know that I saw
her doing this?
And they'll go to everyone except the person that's affected by it.
That's gossip.
You're a gossip.
You've got to ask yourself, is it my place, is it my problem?
Is it my place, is it my problem?
It is gossip if the issue you are discussing has already been dealt with by those who have
authority over it or by those affected by it, and it is also gossip if the issue you
are discussing cannot be dealt with by you or the person you're talking to because neither
one of you has authority or neither one of you is affected by it.
What if you find out that some teenager in our church—and I love our teenagers.
I think we've got some of the greatest teenagers in America in this church.
We've got teenagers that love the Lord and serve the Lord, so I'm not, you know, our
teenagers are great and I hope that this isn't true, this isn't happening—but
what if you find out that some teenager in our church is smoking pot?
Well, look, if you go to his mom and say, hey, listen, your son was talking with my
son and he told him that he's smoking pot and he showed him pictures and this and that,
that's not gossip.
You're going to the person who has authority in that situation to deal with it.
You're going to mom.
You're going to dad, right?
Is it my place?
Well, is it my problem?
Well, it's their place and it's their problem, so I'm going to go to them with the information
that I have.
Here's where it's gossip when you go to every other mom except the mom whose kid it is.
Can you believe how they're raising their kid?
You wouldn't even know, but their kid is smoking pot.
And you go and tell everybody.
You're spreading, you're revealing secrets, you're a tail-bearer, you're a tattler, you're
a busybody, you're a gossip.
How do I know whether it's gossip?
Here's how you know.
Is it my place and is it my problem?
And is it the place of the individual I'm speaking to or is it the problem of the individual
I'm speaking to?
Here's the point.
You should tell those who are affected by it and you should tell those who have authority
to fix it.
It is not gossip.
Let me say this.
When you are telling someone who has authority over it or when you are telling someone who
is affected by it, it is not gossip when you're going to someone who can actually do
something about it and you're saying, I thought you should know.
You may not know this, but you've got authority.
You've got control.
It's happening in your house.
It's happening with your kids.
It's happening in your marriage or whatever it might be.
It's happening in your ministry, in your church.
I thought you should know because you've got authority.
It's your place to deal with it and I think you should know that X, Y, and Z is happening.
Or I thought you should know because it's affecting you.
It's hurting you.
It's hurting your family.
It's hurting you.
I thought you should know about this.
That's not gossip.
It's gossip when you take that information and go to people who have no authority and
are not affected by it and just tell them.
Just to tell them.
Just to spread a secret.
Just to be a tail-bearer.
I tell people, often if you don't know what to do with some information you've got and
you feel like something should be done, talk to me.
Talk to my wife.
Say, well, is it gossip going to you, Pastor?
Here's the interesting thing.
The Bible says, obey them that have the rule over you and to some extent, if you are a
member of this church, you are under the spiritual authority of the pastor of this
church.
And you know what?
You can come to me and I can say, hey, you know what?
Just don't spread that.
Pastor, I ran into Sister Sosa.
She was smoking outside of Costco.
What should I do?
Thanks for telling me.
Genuinely pray for her, but don't tell anybody.
It doesn't matter.
That's between her and God.
That's between him and God.
We can help you with that.
My wife and I can help you.
And I'm not trying to mock you.
We can tell you, hey, not a big deal.
I ran into Sister Sosa and she was holding hands with some guy she's not married to.
Okay, thanks for telling us.
We've got some authority here where we're going to deal with that as spiritual leadership
because obviously we're going to allow adultery and fornication and things like that to be
part of our church.
And let's go to the husband or let's go to the wife.
Let's go to the individuals that are affected.
But look, if you're just going and telling everybody, and here's what's interesting about
church life.
And let me just go ahead and take this moment to explain this to you.
Don't assume that my wife and I know anything.
People often come to me after something's been known for like eight months.
Well, I just thought that you would know.
You're the pastor.
And I'm like, yeah, the problem is that you and everybody else thought the same thing.
And nobody ever actually came to us.
It's interesting because as I've been in ministry for the last eight years and as I've talked
to pastor friends, it's kind of this just known thing that usually the pastor and the
pastor's wife are the last people to find out about anything.
Because people just assume, well, I just assumed you'd know.
Yeah, but everybody assumed we'd know.
Nobody actually came and told us.
Here's the point.
It's gossip when you're going to everyone except the person that has authority and when
you're going to everyone except the person that's actually affected by it.
And what's interesting or what's funny, and it's not really funny, but what's funny is
that usually we, by nature, want to go to everyone except the person who can actually
do something about it and the person who's being affected by it.
So you say, well, pastor, how do I know?
How do I know if it's gossip?
Well, you've got to ask yourself, is it my place?
Is it my problem?
When somebody walks up to you and says, hey, I'm really burdened about it.
It's funny how these psychos, they're always really burdened about something.
I'm really burdened about it.
I just thought that you should know.
Sister so-and-so, you say, wait a minute.
Before you say what you're going to say, let me ask you a question.
Is it my place or is it my problem?
And here's what I mean by that.
Can I do anything about what you're about to tell me?
Do I have any authority, control, power over what you're about to tell me to actually fix
the situation?
Is it hurting me, my family, my life, my reputation?
Is what you're about to tell me my place or my problem?
Because if it's not, I don't want to hear it.
Or you should ask yourself before you have that urge to tell, I don't want to tell you.
You've got to ask yourself, is it their place and is it their problem?
Is it their place or is it their problem?
Because here's the thing, if it's not, it's gossip.
If it's not, you're a busybody.
If it's not, you are a tail-bearer.
You are someone who is hurting and destroying people's lives.
Go to Proverbs 26, Proverbs 26.
I hope you all remember these statements.
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
Swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to rap.
Is it my place?
Is it my problem?
Is it my place?
Is it my problem?
And here's how people often justify themselves with gossip.
They'll say, well, I'm not the gossiper.
I just heard the gossip.
Here's the disclaimer I have for you.
And here's the, I should say, the warning I have for you.
Those of you who justify yourself saying, well, I don't gossip.
Just my best friend's gossip.
I don't spread the news.
I just hear it all.
Just realize this.
Anyone who would gossip to you about someone else
will gossip about you to someone else.
Anyone who would talk smack about you for,
I don't know where that word came from, from the 90s,
I guess.
Anyone that would talk crap about you, forgive my French.
Anyone that would say negative, hurtful things to you
about someone else will turn around and do the same thing
to someone else about you.
So just remember that the Bible says,
be not deceived, God is not mocked, for whatsoever a man
is so, if that shall he also reap.
And when you're listening to gossip,
you ought to ask yourself, if it was me, if it was my past,
if it was my secret, if it was my children,
if it was my wife or my husband, if it was my issue,
would I want someone else to defend me?
And to say, hey, listen, you know what?
I don't need to hear that.
I don't need to know about their marital past.
I don't need to know about the issues they've
had with their teen.
There's nothing I can do about it.
And it's not affecting me.
I don't have kids.
They're not influencing my kids.
Why are you telling me?
Is it my place?
Is it my problem?
So I hope it's clear to you what gossip is.
But let's talk about this.
You say, OK, yeah, I get it.
What's gossip?
You know what, pastor?
What's wrong with it?
It's fun.
It's fun to pry.
And I don't know why it is, but our flesh just thinks it's fun
to pry and to learn.
I think it's a pride thing.
The more we can see other people's failures,
the better we feel about our own.
The more we can make other people look bad or feel bad,
it makes us feel and look better.
You say, well, what's wrong?
What's the problem with gossip?
So let's answer that question.
What's wrong with gossip?
And here's a couple of reasons why we should not gossip
and what's wrong with gossip.
The first one is this.
Gossip hurts reputations.
Gossip destroys the reputations of others.
The Bible says that a good name is
rather to be chosen than riches, than rubies, than anything.
And what gossip does, it will often destroy and ruin
the name of an individual.
And sometimes for something they did years ago
that's already been dealt with by those in authority
and who have been affected.
Gossip hurts reputations.
Look at Proverbs 26, look at verse 21.
As coals are to burning coals and wood to fire,
so is a contentious man to kindle strife.
Verse 22, the words of a tale bearer are as wounds.
The words of a gossip are as wounds,
and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
See, the problem with gossip, that it hurts people
when something about their past is spread.
Look whether it's true or false.
It hurts people, and it hurts their reputation.
It hurts people when things are spread about them.
It hurts their name.
And you say, well, why would I care?
And again, the Bible says that we
ought to treat others the way we'd like to be treated.
And you ought to ask yourself, if it were me
on the other side of this, if it was my information,
if it was my past, if it was my deal, if it was my issue,
if it was my thing that was being dragged out and spread
in front of everybody, how would I feel about it?
And if you tell yourself, well, I would be deeply hurt.
I would be angry.
I would be upset.
I would be bitter about it.
If you honestly feel like, if this was spread about me,
I wouldn't like it, then you ought to stop yourself right
there.
Because the Bible says that we ought to love one another
and care for one another, and we ought
to treat each other the way that we would like to be treated.
So gossip hurts reputation.
I remember when I was a teenager,
we went to a church that had a youth pastor.
Our church doesn't have a youth pastor,
but we went to a church that had a youth pastor.
I remember our youth pastor would often talk about gossip.
And he would use this illustration.
He said, here's how gossip works.
He said, imagine that you had one of those old pillows.
Remember those, I think they're called down pillows,
the pillows that were filled with feathers?
Imagine if you took a pillow that was just
filled with feathers, and you went down
to downtown Sacramento, and you found the biggest skyscraper,
the tallest skyscraper.
You went all the way up to the highest
they would allow you to go to the roof,
and you walked out to the ledge, and you ripped open that pillow,
and you just let all those feathers just
fly into the air.
And then you went downstairs and tried
to pick every single one of those.
It'd be impossible.
And when we spread gossip, and when
we go about as a tale bearer, when we tell secrets,
and when we spread gossip, we spread it,
and it's impossible for us to go back and pick it all up.
And the problem with gossip is that it hurts
the reputations of others.
They are words that are as a wound, the Bible says.
The other problem with gossip is that it hurts relationships.
Doesn't only hurt reputations, but it hurts relationships.
Go to Proverbs chapter 16.
Proverbs chapter 16, look at verse number 28.
Proverbs chapter 16 and verse 28,
notice what the Bible says.
Proverbs 16 and verse 28 says this,
a froward man soweth strife.
Notice what it says, and they whisper.
Isn't that how we usually gossip?
And a whisperer, notice, separated chief friends.
What does a gossiper do?
They hurt relationships.
What does a whisperer do?
They separated chief friends.
Go to Proverbs 17, look at verse 9.
Proverbs 17, verse 9.
Proverbs 17 and verse 9 says this,
he that covereth a transgression seeketh love.
But he that, notice, repeateth a matter,
separateth very friends.
You say, why does it say that?
Here's why it says that.
Because gossip not only hurts reputations,
gossip hurts relationships.
You separate very friends.
You separate chief friends.
And the worst type of gossip, the worst type of gossip,
is the kind that leaves you speculating.
You know what I'm talking about.
You've had that woman, that guy that says,
well, I'm not going to tell you.
I'm not going to say, but you should just
know that they're having marriage problems.
You should pray for them.
I'm not going to tell you what it is.
The worst type of gossip is when you leave people speculating.
You say, why is that?
Here's why.
Speculation never goes positive.
Well, I'm not going to tell you what's going on,
but I think you should pray for their marriage.
Nobody's thinking like, oh, man, he's taking her to the Bahamas.
I'm not going to tell you.
It's a secret.
I can't tell you, but something's going on.
It's a secret.
No one's thinking like, oh, they're
going on a second honeymoon.
Speculation never goes positive.
You know what often happens?
Let me just help some of you who like to listen to gossip.
When people tell you, I'm going to gossip to you,
but I'm not going to give you the details,
here's why they don't give you the details.
Because the details are so stupid.
The details are so small.
The details are so insignificant that you
would roll your eyes and laugh.
So they say, well, I'm not going to tell you, but you should know.
I'm not going to tell you, but you should know.
They're having issues with their kid.
They're having issues in their marriage.
They're having issues with X, Y, and Z, and your mind just runs.
I'm not going to tell you.
You should know, though.
He's had issues with the law in the past.
You're thinking, he's got buried bodies in the backyard.
This guy's a serial killer.
I mean, this person, because what?
Because speculation never goes positive.
And let me just say this, because it says in the passage
there, a whisper separated chief friends.
He that repeated the matter separated very friends.
Let me just say this.
In general, in general, things that are done in secret
are generally wrong.
Just know that.
Things that are done in secret are generally wrong.
If someone needs to take you aside, whisper, talk real low.
You're talking at a normal thing,
and then someone walks by.
And all of a sudden, you start talking like this.
You're talking at a normal.
All of a sudden, someone walks by, and you stop talking.
If somebody walks up to you and says these words,
please listen to me.
Don't tell Pastor, but it's wrong.
It's bad.
Don't tell Miss Joanne, but look.
It's bad.
It's wrong.
Men love darkness rather than light
because their deeds are evil.
And here's the thing.
I'm not saying people have to agree with everything
we say or everything we do.
But if you have to hide it, it's probably wrong.
If you're trying to do it in darkness,
it's because your deeds are evil.
Go to Psalm 101.
Look at verse 5.
You're then in Proverbs, just one book back.
Psalm 101 and verse 5.
Psalm 101, verse 5 says this.
Who so privately slandereth his neighbor?
Him will I cut off.
Him that hath an eye look and a proud heart will not I suffer.
So be careful about involving yourself in gossip.
Say, how do I know if it's gossip?
Well, ask yourself.
Is it my place?
Is it my problem?
How do I know if I'm gossiping?
Ask yourself.
And the person that I'm speaking to, is it their place?
Is it their problem?
And if the answer is no, then you're being a gossip
or you're entertaining gossip or you're
involving yourself in gossip.
Say, well, why should it matter?
What's wrong with it?
Well, what's wrong with it is that gossip hurts reputations
and it hurts relationships.
You say, OK, pastor, well, how do we deal with gossip?
How do we deal with gossip?
Go back to Proverbs.
You just went to Psalms.
Just go one book back to Proverbs chapter 11.
Proverbs chapter 11, you say, someone told me something.
How do I deal with it?
Proverbs chapter 11, verse 13.
Proverbs chapter 11, verse 13 says this,
a tail bearer reveals his secrets.
That's what a gossip does, right?
A tail bearer reveals his secrets.
But he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth a matter.
He that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.
Go to Proverbs 17, verse 9.
Proverbs 17, verse 9.
Proverbs 17, verse 9 says this.
He that covereth a transgression seeketh love.
Look, if you are given information and you cannot do
anything about it, you don't have power over it,
you don't have authority over it,
it doesn't affect you.
The people who have authority over it,
who have power over it, who've been affected
have already been told.
You say, what do I do?
Here's what you do.
You shut your mouth.
You don't repeat it.
Because he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.
He that covereth a transgression seeketh love.
Now let me just give this disclaimer.
And I feel like I shouldn't have to do this,
but you just have to do this nowadays.
We're not talking about hiding major sins.
Look, if somebody in this church
is molesting their children, should we conceal the matter?
No, I'm telling you, go to the people with authority.
Go to the cops.
Look, if you come to me and tell me
so-and-so is molesting their children, I'm calling the cops.
We're not hiding child molesters.
You're not helping pedophiles.
We're not going to help reprobates.
What I'm telling you, go to the cops.
They're the authority.
If someone molested their children,
you're not gossiping if you call the cops.
They've got authority.
Someone who's living in fornication,
you're not gossiping if you come to me and say,
so-and-so is living in fornication.
You say, why is it that gossip?
Because the Bible tells me as a pastor,
I'm supposed to throw fornicators out.
That's why.
It's not gossip.
We're not talking about hiding people's major sins when
they're hurting others, when they're affecting others,
when there's someone in authority that can deal with it.
What I'm talking about is these little petty things
that there's nothing you can do about it anyway.
There's nothing you can do about it anyway.
The people that have been affected
or the people in authority have already known,
they're already aware, they're already dealing with it,
there's already counseling, there's already whatever.
Hey, if you find out about something,
you spread it, you're a gossip.
You say, what do I do if I've got information?
Well, do the people who have the place of authority
and the people who have been affected by the problem,
are they aware?
Yeah, they're aware.
Okay, then shut your mouth.
Then leave it alone.
Because a faithful spirit conceals the matter.
Because he that covereth a transgression seeketh love,
but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.
You say, okay, well, what if I've been given information
and the person with authority doesn't know
or the person who's been affected by it doesn't know,
what do I do?
Proverbs 25, look at verse nine.
Proverbs 25, verse nine.
I became aware of something.
I got information about something
and the person who's being hurt by it,
the person who it is their problem
or the person who it is their place,
they're not aware of it.
What should I do?
Proverbs 25, verse nine.
Debate thy cause with thy neighbor and all of Facebook.
Is that what it says?
Tweet it to the person that is affected by it.
Is that what it says?
Make a YouTube video directed to the person
who's affected by it.
Is that what it says?
Debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself
and discover not a secret to another.
Look, go to the person who has authority.
Go to the person who's been affected.
Go to the person in the proper place.
Go to the person with the problem
and then don't tell or involve anyone else.
Look, it's not that hard, it's not that complicated.
Is it my place?
Is it my problem?
Go to the people who have the proper place
and go to the people to whom it is a problem
and leave everyone else out of it.
Debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself
and discover not a secret to another.
And look, if someone's done a sin worthy of death,
take them to the police.
If someone's done a sin worthy of being
thrown out of church, take it to me.
Take it to my wife, whatever.
Tell somebody with authority,
someone that can actually do something about it.
Someone that can get the information.
But when you go around and you're telling everybody,
everybody else's business and it doesn't pertain to them,
they don't have authority over it, it doesn't affect them.
That is a gossip, you are a gossip,
you are involved in gossip.
And it's just funny, it's funny how people
want to take this authority.
They want to deal with issues.
I'm gonna take you aside and talk to you,
let me talk to you about whatever.
It's like, what authority do you have?
You got into pastor about it?
Nah, no.
Or the, well I went to pastor and he didn't do anything.
Okay, so you're gonna take it upon yourself
to usurp his authority?
Maybe pastor knows something you don't know.
Maybe pastor understands something you don't understand.
Maybe pastor's been doing this for a long time
and maybe you should give pastor the benefit of the doubt
and if you can't give him the benefit of the doubt,
then go find a pastor you can.
But you know, well I went to pastor
and he didn't do anything about it,
so you're gonna take it upon yourself
to do something about it, okay.
Go for it.
You want to fight me, we'll fight.
Because you are gossiping, you are spreading rumors,
you are meddling in situations that do not pertain to you
when you involve yourself in these things.
Or you say, okay pastor, well how do we deal with gossips?
Go to First Timothy chapter five.
First Timothy chapter five.
We began the sermon by talking about the fact
that ladies and gentlemen are both affected by this sin.
It's not just a woman thing.
It's a everyone thing.
But the Bible tells us how both men and women
should deal with this issue.
First Timothy chapter five and verse 13 says this.
And withal they learn to be idle,
wandering about from house to house,
and not only idle but toddlers also and busybodies,
speaking things which they ought not.
I will therefore, notice the context.
He says because they learn to be idle,
because they are toddlers and also busybodies,
speaking things which they ought not,
he says because of all that, the context,
verse 14 is, I will therefore that younger women marry,
bear children, guide the house,
give non-occasion to the adversary
to speak reproachfully.
What is the answer to the question?
Here's the answer to the question of ladies
who have a problem with gossiping is to get busy.
Quit being a busybody and just get busy.
He says marry, bear children, guide the house,
and give non-occasion to the adversary.
And what am I about to say is not politically correct
and some of you are gonna get offended and I get that.
This sermon's already been offending you
so it's fine.
But let me just tell you something.
As a pastor, some observations,
and I talked to my wife about this
because I wanted to make sure
that I wasn't going out of line, you know.
I was talking to her and I was saying,
this is what I've seen, and we've talked about this already
in the past, but I just wanted to refresh, you know.
And so my wife, you know, she's in agreeance with this,
and she's a woman, so don't sit there and say,
ah, you're just a male chauvinist pig.
You know, the observation that I have found
and my wife have found over the last eight plus years
of ministry, and this is anecdotal,
this is what we've dealt with, our experience,
but what we have found is that the people in church,
without a doubt, who give us the most problems,
or has given us, and I'm not talking about right now,
I'm just talking about through the years,
the people who have given us the most,
have been the most major source of problem,
have been women that don't have children
or don't have a lot of children.
That's just the truth.
I can't believe you're saying that.
Well, it's funny because Paul said it.
And that's, I mean, the major source of issues
that we've had through the years have been women
with a few amount of children or no children.
Here's what's funny, at the same time,
this group that has given us the least amount of problems
over the last eight plus years of ministry
have been women with a lot of children.
And when I say a lot of children, I mean four or more.
You say, oh, women with four children,
are they more spiritual?
No, I just think they're busy.
Oh, they just must be godlier.
No, I just don't think they have time
to go from house to house.
It's not that women with four or more children
are more godly or more spiritual, they're just busy.
And here's the thing, we have,
I don't think we have a large family,
but when we're out and about,
everybody always acts like we have a large family.
We have six children, I think we're definitely
in the category of large family with six children.
But four is definitely the magic number.
It's interesting because having a large family,
many of you have a lot of children, large family,
and we have a lot of friends outside of this church
that would be considered large family,
four or more children.
And what's interesting is, as we talk to people,
we have learned that that is the magic number,
and that's making it sound positive,
and it's not necessarily positive.
But that's the magic number as far as
being overwhelmed and just like,
what in the world did we get ourselves into?
Is that number four?
People complain about their one kid,
and it's like, okay.
Don't complain to someone with six kids
about your one kid, okay?
There's not a lot of pity there.
But you know, it's like, here's the thing,
with one, you say, well, what's the problem?
Here's the problem.
With one kid, you outnumber the kid.
I mean, there's two of you and one of the baby.
There's two of you.
Take shifts, okay, do whatever you wanna do.
You say, what about when you have two kids?
Look, when you have two kids,
you go to the man-to-man defense.
You know what I'm talking about?
You know in basketball, you have the man-to-man defense?
You have two kids, you go to the man-to-man defense.
You get one, she gets one, right?
Once you have three kids, then you go to zone defense.
You know, now you just cover zones.
But when you get to four kids,
it gets overwhelming, here's why.
It gets overwhelming because, generally speaking,
when you get to the point where you have four kids,
you have the most amount of kids at the youngest age.
Because it does get a little easier
once you have five or six kids,
because by then, the first ones are getting older
to the point where they're able to help
and they're able to be a help.
But that four is just that number.
Ladies, those of you that have four children
and you're feeling overwhelmed, it's normal.
We're with you, okay?
Just weather the storm.
Time is on your side, they're getting older every day.
All right?
And maybe you're going into that fourth kid,
just realize, it's hard.
And somebody said to me,
well, having six kids can't be that hard.
I mean, don't they entertain themselves?
It's like, yeah, that's the problem.
They entertain themselves, that's the major problem.
When you've got a couple of kids that entertain themselves,
it's like a little mess in the living room.
When you got six kids that entertain themselves,
it's like a whirlwind came through the house.
When you've got a couple of kids that entertain themselves,
you know what moms do?
They go have coffee, they go on Facebook,
they get on the phone and tattle a little bit.
When you've got six kids that are entertaining themselves,
you know what moms do?
They do laundry for six kids.
They do three meals every day for eight people.
You know, it's just work, it's overwhelming.
So here's the thing, you know, you say,
what's the problem, you know, I'm a woman, I gotta,
how do I solve the problem of being a gossip?
Have children, say we can't have children.
Okay, then listen to me, listen to me.
Then realize, realize that you are in a position
where you, it would be easy for you to delve
into the sin of gossip and keep yourself busy.
My kids are grown, they're out of the house.
Okay, you didn't do anything wrong.
I had six kids and they were grown, out of the house.
Great, realize that you are in a position
where you are, it's very easy for you to go into idol mode.
So keep yourself busy.
Keep yourself busy so that you do not become a busy body.
Somebody asked me, how does it feel to have six kids?
I told them, it feels like you're drowning
in a body of water and someone throws you a kid.
You know, it's just like, it's overwhelming sometimes.
But you know what, it keeps you out of trouble.
Go to 2 Thessalonians chapter three.
Here's what's interesting.
Over the last eight plus years of ministry,
what we have found, and this has been my experience,
but I've talked to other pastors about it and they agree.
What we have found is that when men, when men,
generally speaking, the major source of problem
is women that have few children.
Either they don't, they're single,
they have just a couple of kids,
or they've already raised their kids
and their kids are gone.
And look, I'm not saying every woman
in those positions is a, I'm not saying that at all.
But generally speaking, that's where the problems come from.
When it comes to men, what we have found,
the major source of problems for men,
the men that give you the major source of problems,
they fall under two categories.
Category number one is a man who is clearly
and obviously controlled by his wife.
Because why?
Because women bring the major source of problem.
And when you got a guy who's just a puppet to his wife
and just, she says dance and he dances
and she says go and he goes and she's running the show
and they might look like she's being submissive
and he's running the show, but really,
you know, everybody knows who's actually running the show.
That's a major source of problem.
Now that's a sermon for another day, okay?
We'll leave that for another day.
Here's another, but the second category
for men that have been a major source of problems in church
are men who are chronically unemployed.
You say why?
They're just guys who just don't work.
Just as a way of life.
It's not like they got laid off and they're looking for work
and they're out every day looking for work.
I'm not talking about that guy.
I'm talking about the guy who just lives his life
not working.
Just lives his life, just not looking for work,
they're just surviving off their mom or whatever.
You say why is it?
Same problem, they're idle.
They just have too much time on their hands.
Listen, we've got some of the greatest single guys
in this church, I love the guys in this church,
the single guys, we've got some great guys,
they love the Lord, they play in the orchestra,
they're soul winners, I praise God for them.
But that category of single guy is one of the major
categories of issues in our church
and churches all over America.
You say why?
Because they just happen to have a lot of time
on their hands.
Those are the guys that are just always trying
to push the envelope.
Well why can't I?
Because pastor said that's why.
Well why can't I?
I don't understand why.
It's generally not the guy that's just working
40, 50 hours a week, leading his wife, leading his job.
It's usually just the guy who's just sitting around
doing a whole lot of nothing.
You say well I don't like that.
Well that's what the Bible says,
2 Thessalonians chapter three.
2 Thessalonians chapter three verse 11.
For we hear that there are some which walk
among you disorderly.
Working not at all.
He's talking to men who don't work.
He says but our busy bodies.
Now them that are such we command and exhort
by our Lord Jesus Christ that we with guiltiness,
excuse me, that with quietness, excuse me,
they work and eat their own bread.
You know what he's saying?
Here's what he's saying, get busy.
And look, you say I'm a single guy, I'm not married,
I don't have kids, it's not my fault.
You're right, it's not your fault.
But realize that you happen to be in a place in life
where it would be easy for you to sink into idleness
and become a busy body and a troublemaker
so make sure you stay busy.
Make sure that you're occupying yourself
with healthy, righteous things to do.
You say I've raised my kids, they're out of the house,
it's not my fault that I've got a lot of time.
You're right, there's nothing wrong with that.
The Lord hasn't given us children
or I haven't found a husband, I'm not married.
You're right ladies, that's not your fault.
But realize that you happen to be in a place in life
where it might be real easy for you
to just kinda go down the road of becoming idle
so fight against it.
Stay busy.
Make sure that you are not becoming a busy body.
Go back to Proverbs chapter 26.
We're not saying you're wrong by being in those positions.
Look, there's nothing wrong with being in those positions.
Just make sure you don't allow those positions
to trip you up.
And those of you who are overwhelmed with kids
and you feel like you're drowning, stick with it.
Hang with it.
It gets better.
You'll be fine.
Time is on your side whenever we're overwhelmed
with our kids and we just, you know, I mean we love our kids
and our kids are good too.
You know, they're not, it's great traveling with our kids
and whatever, we go to the store and we,
I would rather go to the store with my six kids
than go to the store with one brat, you know.
And so I'm not down on my kids, they're great,
but you know what, it's just, no matter how good they are,
you got six kids, it's work.
You know, you got four kids, five kids, six kids,
eight kids, it's work.
And you know, so we're not down on kids,
but sometimes when I'm feeling a little overwhelmed,
I just look at my wife and I just tell myself,
time is on our side.
They're getting older every day.
One day they're gonna get married.
Then we'll have grandkids that we can give back.
Proverbs 26, Proverbs 26.
So we can talk about this tongue type,
controlling your tongue, controlling your words.
What do you do?
What do you remember?
Remember, is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?
What do you do?
What do you remember?
Remember, swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to rap.
Swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to rap.
You say, what about this gossip issue?
How do I know if it's gossip?
How do I know if I'm being involved in gossip?
Ask yourself, is it my place, is it my problem?
Is it my place?
Do I have the authority, the control
to do something about it?
Is it my problem?
Am I being affected by it?
Am I going to someone who has the proper place?
Am I going to someone who has the problem?
Proverbs 26, verse 20, the Bible says this.
Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out.
Notice what it says.
So where there is no tailbearer, the strife ceases.
Look, we need to learn how to deal with gossip,
and we need to learn how to deal with gossips,
because there will be less problems.
There will be less strife.
There will be less issues when we learn
to control those situations.
This is my prayer.
Heavenly Father, thank you, Lord, for your word.
Thank you for the Bible.
Lord, I pray that you would help us to receive
the instruction and the warning of what you say.
You say a lot about this subject, Lord,
and I realize that our flesh wants to just go towards that,
and it gravitates towards that.
And Lord, I pray that you would help us to just be mindful,
Lord, to treat others the way we'd like to be treated.
Help us just remember, is it my place?
Is it my problem?
Is it my praise?
Is it my problem?
And Lord, help us to, especially those individuals
that maybe find themselves in those times in life,
those seasons in life, where the Bible says
that they might be more prone to the sin of gossip.
Maybe they're not married, so they've got some time
on their hands, or you haven't blessed them
with more children, or their children are grown
and out of the house, Lord.
Help them to just realize that in those stages of life,
where we could be more prone to getting ourselves
in trouble, help them to just defend against that,
to be on purpose, not tail bearers and toddlers
and busybodies.
Lord, I pray that you would help us to learn
to have the maturity to deal with these issues, Lord,
to take issues to the proper place of authority,
and Lord, help us to be people who seek love
and who cover a matter, not major sins
where people are being hurt, but just petty things
that as we come across them and we hear them,
we just don't repeat the matter.
We just love one another.
In the matchless name of Christ, we pray.