Amen, all right well thank you very much for being here tonight we're there in
1st Timothy chapter 3 and first of all I just want to say thank you for coming
and my wife and I and our family we're excited to be here and that's an
interesting story brother Jared told about the salvation is being like a
haircut and I don't never heard that that one before but something I had
heard it made me think about one time I was out soloing and this guy told me
that salvation is like taking a college course and he said you know you can
enroll in the class but that doesn't mean you're gonna pass the test and I'm
not really sure what that means but I'm pretty sure it's heresy so anyway people
got they have all sorts of weird thoughts about you know what salvation
is so it's our job to try to teach them what the Bible teaches the simplicity of
the gospel and so so praise the Lord for that and so we're excited to be here and
we're there in 1st Timothy chapter 3 I'm not continuing tonight I thought about
doing the habit series just jumping into brother Jared's habit series just because
I've always wanted to eat McDonald's while I'm preaching but you know I
figure I figure it's been done so you know it wasn't something that I wanted
to do but tonight I want to preach a very specific sermon and really to the
church family and you probably hear me say this a lot Lord willing this year
later on this year I will be ordaining brother Jared as the pastor of this
church and at that point this church will be an independent Baptist Church
you'll have a pastor and a pastor's wife and a pastor's family and pastors kids
and all of that and I see it as my job when I'm here and I'm not here very much
but when I am here to try to help prepare you for that transition for that reason
if you've noticed when I came here I'll preach sermons like how to be a great
church member or the working church and how to be a church that works in the
ministry and works together and I'll continue to preach sermons like that
because I want you to be ready for the day that you are independent that you
are not a satellite of our ministry in Sacramento but your own church here and
what I'd like to do is preach a couple of sermons as I prepare you for soon
having a pastor I'd like to preach a couple of sermons on the subject of how
to treat your pastor and how to treat your pastor's wife and how to treat your
pastor's family and so that's what we're going to be dealing with tonight
specifically tonight I'm going to preach to you on the subject of how to treat
your pastor's wife and family and we're there in 1 Timothy chapter 3
please keep your place there because we're going to come back to that but go
with me if you would to 1 Peter chapter 3 and if you're there in 1 Timothy
you're just going to go past 2 Timothy Titus, Philemon, Hebrews, James into the
book of 1 Peter keep your place in 1 Timothy we're going to come back to it
go to 1 Peter chapter 3 let me go ahead and say this the reason for the sermon
is to prepare you as a young church as a newer church getting ready to transition
into an independent church we want you to be ready to know how you should be
how you should act I'm not preaching the sermon because there's any problems or
anything like that but what we have learned in ministry is that
preventative preaching is always better than corrective preaching if you can
teach people ahead of time you know and prevent problems then to try to correct
problems after the fact and you know you might be here tonight or maybe even
listening online and thinking you know a sermon on how to treat your pastor's
wife you know what is this sermon for and who is this sermon for and let me
just go ahead and kind of just by way of introduction explain that number one it's
for the church people it's for a church family to know how to treat their
pastor's wife and it's not just the pastor's wife you know it's any wife in
ministry it could be a deacon's wife it could be a staff wife you know a very
Baptist Church we have a deacon and a deacon's wife we have staff that is on
on our staff and we have staff wives and really it's for the church family this
church family here in Fresno but any church family to know how they should
deal with how they should treat their pastor's wife and other wives in
ministry but the sermon is also for current pastor's wives and deacon's
wives and staff wives and and again not just here in this room but the Lord has
allowed our church to have a ministry that allows that people listen to the
preaching online and I'm sure there'll be some pastor's wives and deacon's
wives and evangelist wives that might listen to this sermon and I want them to
know that the sermons for them to to help them you know to really understand
their role in the ministry and and by the way let me just say this as far as
you know pastors deacon staff wives that we have in Verity Baptist Church or that
came out of Verity Baptist Church I will tell you we've got awesome ladies and
I've got nothing but good things to say about our pastor's wife my wife and and
any other leader leadership wives that we have in ministry but I will say this
unfortunately that's not the case in all churches and not all churches have you
know just great pastor's wives and if there are some listening you know this
is a sermon for them but also let me say this this is a sermon for future
pastor's wives because hopefully sitting even in this room there are some young
men and some young ladies that may go into ministry someday and they're gonna
have a pastor's wife they're gonna be a deacon's wife they're gonna be a staff
wife and this is a sermon for them as well and this is a sermon that needs to
be preached because in ministry the devil puts a big target on the pastor
and his family in 1st Peter chapter 3 and verse 7 if you're there the Bible
says this likewise ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge giving
honor unto the wife now once you notice these words as unto the weaker vessel
now usually when pastors or when guys get up and preach this verse you know
they talk about the weaker vessel they say the wife is the weaker vessel and
you know we have to help them and protect them because they are weaker and
to an extent that is true but I always like to point out the fact that I want
you to notice it doesn't say as unto the weak vessel right because if I said the
weak vessel then that would be in comparison to you know the man who's a
strong vessel but that's not what it says it says as unto the weaker vessel
that is in comparison to the man who is weak as well because we are the only one
that's strong is the Lord you know we're only strong in the Lord men are weak
women are the weaker vessel we all need to rely on the Lord but the point is
this that in ministry there is going to be a target on the pastor's back there's
going to be a target on the pastor's wife's back and on the family because
obviously if you can attack the pastor's family you can attack the ministry so
this is why a sermon like this is important because we want to teach the
church family how to treat their pastor's family and specifically tonight
we're talking about the pastor's wife and and how to protect her in that role
as well and I think next time I come I might preach a sermon on how to treat
your pastor but tonight I want to I want to specifically deal with how to
treat your pastor's wife and there's a lot of things that people believe about
this and things that maybe maybe thoughts you've had that may be
inaccurate I'd like to help teach you what the Bible teaches about that go
back to first to me chapter 3 if you would and look down at verse number 11
and let me just begin and I'm gonna give you four points tonight if you can write
these down I think it would help you and on the back of your bullets and of
course there's a place for you to write some of these things down and I'd like
you to first of all recognize the pastor's wife's place the first thing
that we should do when we talk about the pastor's wife and the pastor's family is
that you should recognize the pastor's wife's place now in 1st Timothy chapter
3 which is the chapter we read at the beginning of the sermon of the sermon we
find the ordination qualifications for both the pastor and the deacon and in
those ordinations we notice that the families are mentioned the Bible talks
about the pastor being the husband of one wife that he needs to be able to
rule his own house well here in verse 11 it's specifically about the deacon but
the qualifications are pretty much the same for the pastor as well and here the
wife is being mentioned verse 11 says this even so must their wives be grave
and the word grave means serious and that doesn't mean that they can't
smile or joke around a little bit but it means that they should take life
seriously that they should be grave in their purpose realizing that we are
living in what we're doing is serious business then it says not slanders that
means a slander someone who attacks the reputation of another by falsely
damaging the reputation and deacon's wife a pastor's wife cannot be someone
who is a slander it says sober again the idea is to be serious not under the
influence of drugs or alcohol of course as well faithful that means to be
consistent loyal or dependable it says in all things notice verse 12 let the
deacons be the husbands of one wife and again not divorce ruling their children
and their own houses well so we see that God here mentions the wives in the
qualifications for ordination now there's a couple of things I want you to
notice in regards to the wife or just kind of takeaways in regards to the
wife in the ordination qualifications the ordination qualification shows us
that the pastor's wife does not hold an office in the church and we want to be
clear about that you know when you talk about the pastor's wife or the deacons
wife or the staff wives there are generally two extremes that people like
to go one extreme is to look at the pastor's wife as like a position in the
church that the pastor's wife holds an office in the church and this is this is
why you see you know Joel and Victoria Osteen right they're like co-pastoring
co-partnering you know she gets up there and preaches better than he does and you
know all that stuff you know and that's where you kind of get that idea
sometimes and I don't think there's anything wrong with this but you know
it's not something we do it's not our culture but sometimes in these types of
churches they'll call the pastor's wife the first lady right and we've had that
you know where sometimes people come to our church and they call my wife the
first lady and you know we always kind of chuckle and and and there's that's
not sinful you know I just I just they're gonna call her the first lady I
want them to call me the president is what I think but you know you know but
but sometimes people they have this idea that like the pastor's wife is like the
female pastor or the co-pastor or the lady pastor and that's not what the
Bible teaches the Bible if you notice if we look here in verse 83 the
qualifications when the wife is mentioned it is all a reflection on the
husband you know she needs to be faithful and not a slanderer and sober
and grave and all and and all these things because the Bible says the
husband is the the husbands of one wife ruling their children and their own
houses well it has to do with how the husband rules a house it is a reflection
upon the husband so one extreme is to say oh the pastor's wife is like the
co-pastor and that is an unbiblical extreme and the ordination
qualifications show us that the pastor's wife does not hold an office in the
church there's only a few offices in the local New Testament Church that is of
the pastor of the deacon and of the evangelist and the pastor's wife is the
wife of the pastor and the deacon's wife is the wife of the deacon and the
evangelist wife is the wife of the evangelist but they do not hold an
office in the church with that said let me say this the other extreme because
one extreme is the pastor's wife holds a position hold an office in the church
that's an unbiblical extreme but then there's another extreme that I believe
is just as dangerous and it is you know this extreme that says well the
pastor's wife is just like any regular church member just there's nothing
special about the pastor's wife there's nothing special about the deacon's wife
there's nothing special about any of these ladies you know they're just
they're they're they're just like a regular member but if you notice the
ordination qualifications show us that the pastor's wife not only does she not
hold an office but it also shows us that she's not a regular member you say well
what do you mean she's not a regular member well you know just think about it
if I'm talking to a man who's married who's a regular member just a regular
member here at Verity Baptist Church in Fresno or a regular member at Verity
Baptist Church in Sacramento let's say I'm talking to a man that's married and
let's say that his wife gets backslid in and quits the church then what do we do
I mean that's happened from time to time where a wife gets backslid in she quits
coming to church she she she goes she just stops walking with the Lord you
know in in a situation where it's just a regular man in the church and his wife
gets backslid in and quits the church what do we do we pray for her we reach
out to her we try to encourage her to get to come back to the Lord and do
things like that okay what if the pastor's wife gets backslid and quits
the church you know what happens the pastor has to step down in many cases
the church is closed out so you know this idea that says oh the pastor's
wife's just like any other regular church member well here's the problem
with that if the pastor's wife quits the church the pastor has to quit the
ministry so you know this extreme that says well the pastor's wives just just
like any other member there's nothing special about her that's not necessarily
the case either the ordination qualifications the fact that they
mentioned the wife of the pastor and of the deacon and of people that needs to
be ordained those ordinations and the fact that they're mentioned there it
shows us that yes the pastor's wife does not hold an office in the church that's
one extreme but it also shows us that the pastor's wife's not just a regular
member like anybody else because here's the thing when ladies quit the church
and leave the church our hearts break and we we break for them but you know
the pastor don't have to step down the deacon doesn't have to quit his job that
nobody has to leave the ministry as a result so the first thing I want you to
understand when it comes to how to treat your pastor's wife is recognize the
pastor's wife's place she does not hold a position or an office but she's not
just a regular church member just like everyone else because lots of people can
quit and the pastor continues on in ministry but if his kids quit if his
wife quits that affects his qualifications so recognize the pastor's
wife's place secondly go to Genesis if you would Genesis chapter 2 it's the
first book in the Bible should be fairly easy to find Genesis chapter 2 and look
at verse 18 not only would I like you to recognize the pastor's wife's place
but secondly tonight I'd like you to realize the pastor's wife's purpose what is the purpose of
the pastor's wife well like any wife the pastor's wife is to be a helpmate to her husband are you
there in Genesis chapter 2 look at verse 18 Genesis chapter 2 in verse 18 the Bible says
this and the Lord God said it is not good that the man should be alone I will make him and notice
these words help meet for him and help meet now what does that mean and help me the word meet
means suitable it means someone that is there that is fitted correctly to help a help meet is
a help suitable for who for him for the man the Bible teaches that the wife is to be the help meet
for her husband I realized today this is not preaching that's that's that's that's really
said a lot obviously I know here and I know you know brother Jared preaches these things but in
our culture today this is not something that's emphasized a lot but the Bible says that the
woman was created for the man the Bible says that she was created to be his help meet and
here's the truth the truth is this wife that it is your job in in this relationship it's your job
to be the help me for your husband and you will find your purpose in life and you will find joy
and contentment in life when you embrace that role you know the devil tries to get the the
ladies to do today is to say no you you got to let him be your help me you go be the president
United States you go be the CEO of some company you go be the governor have him stay home that
is not the roles that God and I'm not preaching on that tonight but the point is this God created
a wife to be a help meet to be a help suitable say well how does that apply to the pastor's wife
well because the pastor's wife is the pastor's help me she obviously is going to be heavily
involved in the ministry of her husband I mean it would make sense it would make sense that any
wife be interested and involved to whatever ability and whatever her husband is doing and
whatever her husband is passionate about so you say well okay the pastor's wife doesn't hold a
position but she's not just a regular person you know I understand the place but what about the
purpose well here's the purpose she's the pastor's wife she's the pastor's help me she was the one
that God gave that pastor to be suited to help him with the purpose of his life and if he's in
ministry if he has answered the call if he has chosen to be ordained and go in ministry then
obviously the pastor's wife as the pastor's help me is going to be heavily involved in ministry go
go to Titus chapter number two if you kept your place in 1st Timothy I'm not sure if you kept your
place in 1st Timothy I should have told you to do that but from 1st Timothy you got 2nd Timothy
then you have the book of Titus Titus chapter number two because the pastor's wife is the
pastor's help me she is obviously going to be heavily involved in the ministry and and here's
what you need to understand the Bible teaches that it is appropriate for ladies to take roles
of leadership among other ladies now obviously we're not you know we're not Joel Osteen with
Victoria Osteen we're not Joyce Meyers we're not going to have a lady come up behind the pulpit
and preach and teach in a mixed group with male and females the Bible teaches against that the
Bible calls it usurping the authority of the man who's supposed to be the one the pastor who's
supposed to be the one teaching and preaching but the Bible does teach that it is appropriate
for ladies to be able to minister to other ladies Titus chapter 2 notice verse 3 notice what the
Bible says the aged women the aged women likewise that they be in behavior as becometh holiness not
false accusers not given too much wine teachers of good things notice verse 4 that they may teach
the young women to be sober to love their husbands to love their children to be discreet
chase keepers at home good obedient to their own husbands that the Word of God be not blasphemed
notice the Bible says here that it is appropriate for the age of women to be able to minister unto
the young women usually when we look at this passage we we look at it and and the primary
application is that we're talking about older women being able to minister to younger women
but let me just say this this could you know you can also apply this to the fact that it could just
be talking about someone who's more spiritual or further along because obviously you know just
because you're old doesn't mean you're godly the by you know there's many older people that have
ruined their lives so in the same way that the Bible says that the pastor is the elder these
these three terms are used interchangeably in the Bible Bishop pastor elder the pastor is called
an elder in 1st Timothy the pastor is called the elder but yet in 1st Timothy Paul says to Timothy
let no man despise thy youth Paul says to Timothy hey Timothy you're a young man people might despise
you because you're a young man so obviously being an elder does not necessarily mean you have to be
old you say well why do you call a pastor an elder because they're supposed to be spiritually
mature they're supposed to have been not a novice they're supposed to have been someone
who knows the Bible reads the Bible has some experience well in the same way you you know
you could look at your pastor's wife and say well she doesn't look very aged praise God but you know
she's got some experience you know she's been doing this for a while and you say well what
about this you know we've got an old lady an older lady here yeah but you know if she just
got saved last week so you could also apply this to spiritual maturity the age of women could be
talking about spiritually mature spiritually has raised children has served the Lord has been
serving in ministry and they can teach the young women yes physically young but you know what they
can also spiritually young they can come alongside some younger women and be able to help them in
ministry you know I have found in ministry that God has allowed me to be able to have a ministry
that helps other pastors and oftentimes I get phone calls from other pastors I'm always happy
to help in any way I can you know what's interesting is that oftentimes I have pastors calling me that
are physically older than I am I'm 35 years old I'll be 35 years old here in a couple of weeks you
know I'm not an old man but I've been in the ministry for 10 years and because of that I've
I've I have some experience that they just have not they might physically be older than I am but
they've been in the ministry for one year two years five years and because of that you know
even though I'm younger than they are they call for advice they say what do you think about this
have you dealt with something like this so realize that in the Bible it's it's not necessarily always
just about age it's about how mature you are it's about how much experience you have it's about how
long you've been serving the Lord and doing these things and look in the Bible the Bible teaches
that some of these ladies that have some experience that have done some things that have raised some
kids that have homeschooled some kids they are able to come alongside some that are younger
maybe physically or younger in the faith and help them and here's the point that I'm trying to make
obviously the pastor's wife is going to be best suited to play a role in leading the ladies
ministries in the church I mean I don't know of any church I've ever been to except you know if
the pastor's wife is just completely back so then usually is the pastor's wife who's kind of heading
all of the ladies ministries the ladies event I've never seen this where a pastor is just the one
that's you know putting on the baby showers right putting on the ladies tea putting on you know the
ladies Christmas party obviously the pastor's wife you know does not hold a position make sure you
understand her place she does not hold a position she does not hold an office she should not be on
staff there are some churches where the pastor's wife on staff she's getting paid up you know get
a paycheck that is not biblical but she's not a regular church member either just ah she's like
anybody else no she's the pastor's wife which means she's the pastor's help me which means
that as a good help me she's going to be very involved heavily involved in the ministry and
then obviously as being a spiritual lady she's going to be involved in being able to minister
to those that are younger either physically or just younger in the faith newer in the faith
babes in Christ and you know let me just say this you ought to respect and I'm thankful for
the spirituality of the ladies that we have at Verity Baptist Church I'm glad go to Philippians
if you would Philippians chapter 4 if you're there in 1st Timothy keep your place there in 1st
Timothy but if you go backwards you have Titus 2nd and 1st Timothy 2nd and 1st Thessalonians
Colossians Philippians Philippians chapter number 4 you know let me just say this ladies you ought
to be spiritual you should be a soul winner you should be involved in mystery I'm not just talking
to the pastor's wife now I'm just saying all ladies should be spiritual Philippians chapter
4 in verse 3 the Bible says this Paul said this and I entreat thee also through yoke fellow notice
Paul said Paul said help those women which labored with me in the gospel notice the
apostle Paul here says hey let me tell you something about my ministry because we talk
a lot about Paul Paul the church planner Paul the evangelist Paul the Apostle Paul the great
man of God that took the gospel to the Gentiles and and really you know I got the the local New
Testament a church movement off the ground Paul but you know Paul said Paul said I got a lot of
help from the women help those women which labored with me in the gospel with Clement also and with
other my fellow laborers whose names are in the book of life and let me just say this again I've
always been thankful that at Verity Baptist Church our pastor's wife and the pastor's wives that we've
trained and the staff wives that we have at our church and the deacons wife you know they have
all been faithful weekly soul winners they've all been involved in the service and in serving in the
church they've all been faithful hey I'm thankful for that because believe it or not there's a lot
of pastors wives who don't go soul winning there's a lot of deacons wives and evangelist wives who
don't go soul winning who don't serve in the church and you know what ladies ought to serve
they ought to be spiritual and that's why I believe at Verity Baptist there's lots of churches where
the women don't go soul winning I mean I've been to so many churches where it's just you know soul
winning is like a guy thing and the ladies are involved I'm thankful that at our church we've
always had men and women and families out so many but I believe that part of that is because we've
had a pastor's wife we've had satellite leaders wives we've had staff wives we've had evangelist
wives who are involved who are spiritual who are you know involved in the things of the Lord so
look realize that your pastor's wife is suited to play a role in leading not in a position not
holding an office but to be able to minister to other ladies and you know you ought to respect her
knowledge and her experience every once in a while I'll have a lady and you know some lady
will come to one of our services and they'll they'll want to talk you'll want to counsel or
need some advice and you know I tell ladies you know I don't meet with ladies alone and you know
I'll meet with you and your husband or if that can't happen then I'll meet with you and my wife
but I'm not just gonna meet in an office with some other lady but sometimes you know I generally
if lady wants to talk to somebody I'll just kind of you know say hey you know my wife you know she
can talk to you we'll set up a time for you to be able to talk to my and this doesn't happen a lot
but every once in a while you'll get someone to kind of roll their eyes like I don't want to talk
to the pastor's wife I want to talk to the pastor and you know and I don't ever say this but you
know what I want to say I want to say my wife has read the Bible cover to cover more times than the
average pastor I know you know she's been she's been you know you say oh well you've been in
ministry for ten years well you know who's been a minister for ten years with me my wife you
fought all these battles well you know who's fought those battles with me my wife you know
you you've dealt with a lot of issues and you've dealt with a lot of people but you know who's
helped me with that my wife so don't you know discount the pastor's wife and say oh well she's
just like anybody else no it's it's not you know if you quit we keep going if she quits we got to
find a new pastor and she's been there and she's been spiritual and she's been a soul-winner and
gained the experience and she's raised some children and she's done something so don't
just discount that don't discount her knowledge and her experience realize yes recognize the
pastor's wife's place she doesn't hold an office she's not on staff she doesn't get a salary she
but she's not like just any regular church member either and realize the pastor's wife's purpose her
purpose as in help meet her purpose doesn't help me means that she's obviously going to be heavily
involved in the ministry and means that she's going to be able because of her experience
because she's met some qualifications that have allowed her husband to be in ministry because
they've worked together she's going to be able to serve and help and especially with the ladies to
help with the ladies and to minister to the ladies so don't discount that as well go to
1st Thessalonians if you would 1st Thessalonians chapter 5 if you're there in Philippians you're
going to go Colossians into the book of 1st Thessalonians 1st Thessalonians chapter 5 and I'd
like to read a few quotes to you if you if you would not mind and my wife my wife actually has
a class that she does from time to time at our church in Sacramento it's called the ministry
wife's class and this is a class that she teaches to ladies not and there's no men there she
teaches ladies and these are ladies that are either on staff at our church or ladies whose
husbands are going to go into the ministry miss Heidi was in her ministry's wife's class for a
year or two before brother Jared came out here to start this church and this is something that
my wife has done to kind of help prepare some of those ladies and in preparation for this sermon I
wrote the outline but then I I pulled out her her folder on our computer of all her outlines
and lessons she's written and I just started kind of going through them and looking at them and and
see some things I pulled some of the some quotes from her classes that I just wanted to read to
you this is a quote from my wife miss Joanne Jimenez's ministry's wife's class here's here's
what she said in one of her classes to the ladies she said you should never be too busy to be a soul
winner remember people will look up to you and look as a as a pastor's wife and you have a
satellite leader here's wife who's what is going to very soon be a pastor's wife you got to be
thankful for a ministry wife that goes soul winning that's faithful because look I'm telling
you there are some Pat it's funny they have time to do everything else they've got time to be on
everything else but they just can't find the time to go solely what you know what as a pastor's wife
you need to make the time to go so many and you got to be thankful you have a pastor's wife and
you have a satellite leader's wife and we and we're thankful we have staff wives and ministry
wives that are our consistent solar so I said number one recognize the pastor's wife's place
number two realize the pastor's wife's purpose number three respect the pastor's wife as a person
you know that you ought to respect the pastor's wife as a person you say as a pastor's wife no
just as a person you got to have respect for the person that plays that role the role of the
pastor's wife is probably the most unappreciated role in ministry you you deal with all the same
negative things that the pastor does you deal with all the same harsh criticisms all the attacks on
your family all those things but yet you never go and be the you know keynote speaker at a
conference everything you do is in the background everything that you do is is is you know not in
the spotlight everything they do has oftentimes much to do with the things that nobody else wants
to do she say well how is a church family how is the church family should we treat our pastor's
wife well recognize her place well recognize her purpose but you know what respect her as a person
you say what does that mean here's what it means appreciate what she does realize that everything
that the pastor's wife does and I realize that here it's all different this is a satellite but
you know eventually you'll have a pastor you eventually Lord willing your pastor will be a
full-time employee which he should be the Bible teaches that he'll get paid for the work Bible
says that the laborer is worthy of his reward the Bible says that you got to pay your pastor
but you know what you're never gonna pay your pastor's wife so all those ladies tea and all
those ladies Christmas party and all those baby showers and all those homeschool activities and
all those whole field trips and all the all the events and all the things that she does all of
that all of that is done as a volunteer period because she wants to say well how should we treat
our pastor's wife you got to appreciate what she does first that's learning is five look at verse
12 and we beseech you brethren to know them which labor among you you say oh this isn't about this
is about the pastor well we're in first Thessalonians this is not a pastoral epistle it's not first second
Timothy or Titus this is written to the church at large just in general know them which labor
among you and are over you and you say oh well that's referring to the pastor and I would
definitely agree that that's a it can be applied to the pastor but you know what in ministry even
even just volunteers we have leaders we have team leaders we have people that lead certain ministries
and the pastor's wife is definitely leading a lot of ministries that involve the ladies so you can
apply this to her know them which labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you
and esteem them notice verse 13 and esteem them very highly in love for their works sake and be
a peace among yourselves and look I'm not trying to beat up on on this congregation or our
congregation I realize we're in ministry and everything we do we do for the Lord but do you
realize something you know you show up to an event you show up to a conference you show up
to a party you show up to this and you show up to that and it's like people people people get this
idea that they show up they enjoy themselves they leave and it never even crosses their mind
somebody set this up somebody organized this thing somebody paid the bill somebody cleaned
the building somebody put up the decoration somebody cooked the food somebody put the tables
up somebody got all this ready and look I'm just telling church family appreciate what your pastor
does appreciate what your pastor's wife does appreciate what your staff does realize that
there are people working very hard they're not doing it for the appreciation but y'all
appreciate it esteem them very highly and love for their work sake y'all respect the pastor's
wife as a person you say how do I do that well you out appreciate what she knows you
got to realize everything she does everything she does it doesn't volunteer and by the way
everything the pazars keys do is as a volunteer here right now they don't get paid we don't pay
them the Lord will pay them the Lord will bless them then why they do what they do because they
love the Lord and because they love you you got to appreciate that you got to think about that
from time to time you have some big party you have some big event you have some great conference
you have some great thing realize planning and energy and effort and work went into that and
realize somebody did that and you and everything that you enjoyed that you did not see get done it
was probably your pastor's wife who did it appreciate what she does let me say this go to
Matthew 23 if you would first book in the New Testament Matthew 23 you got to respect the
pastor's wife as a person how do you do that appreciate what she does how do you do that
listen to me very carefully go to Matthew 23 don't put impossible expectations upon her you
know what I've noticed in ministry what I've noticed in ministry is that people expect more
from the pastor's wife than they do from themselves it's a very Pharisaical hypocritical
expectation Matthew 23 we have Jesus speaking about the Pharisees I want you to notice what
he said to the Pharisees he says this for they for they the hypocritical Pharisees bind heavy
burdens and grievous to be born and lay them on men's shoulders notice but they themselves will
not move them with one of their fingers you know people will often expect more from the pastor's
wife ladies will expect more from the pastor's wife and from the pastor men will expect more
than they do themselves they got no problem just laying heavy burdens grievous to be born
on someone else but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers you know don't be
that church member who puts these impossible expectations on your pastor or your pastor's
wife I've had people over the years I've had people wildly and they're offended you know
because I don't know their kids birthday you know I very much as we have a homeschool group that my
wife runs we've got on our homeschool group roster we've got 80 kids over 80 kids I mean
there's there's 80 80s some odd kids in our church and I'm you know we're supposed to remember
everybody's birthday I can barely keep track of my own kids birthdays I got six kids I can barely
remember their birthdays I'm supposed to remember everybody else's birthday it's like well you're the
pastor or you're the pastor's wife well you don't remember my kids birthdays like do you remember my
kids birthday do you remember the 80 kids birthday in this church but you know here's what people do
with pastors and pastor's wife is they have this expectation they're supposed to be Superman and
Superwoman they're supposed to get it all done remember everything never mess up you know they
they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be born but they themselves will not move them you know
don't put these impossible expectations on the pastor's wife people expect more from her than
they do from themselves here's what I've noticed people expect more from her than they do from
themselves and then resent her when she meets and exceeds those expectations when she actually gets
done everything they expect from her so it's like you can't win because they put these heavy burn
well you're the pastor's wife which means that your kids are never supposed to you know do
anything bad your kids better always look good you better be always you better always be early
you better always be like you better always be willing to talk to me no matter how many times I've
brought up the same thing to you and no matter how tired you might look you know you're supposed to do
this they have all these heavy three then she actually meets those expectations and they they
don't know they resent her for it what does she think he is look don't put impossible expectations
realize people in ministry are people just like you and I we're all people we all get tired we
all mess up we all make mistakes you know over the years my wife and I we've had I've had so
many situations like this I don't know you know so many examples over the years we've had several
situations we've had several situations over the years where were my kids you know we're doing
something that they should not have been doing and you know and I'm not excusing them you know I'm
talking about our kids are young obviously I'm like they're running around they're doing
something they shouldn't be doing alongside with like all these other church kids and I'm not
excusing them either any of them you know what's funny you know what we've learned or misery is
that it's like you can have all these kids you know all you know doing something you know getting
into the cubs or important you know we're talking about toddlers and babies you know getting the
sugar out whatever and then the only ones that get called out for it are our kids or you know
when the story is told it's like oh well the pastor's kids it's like your kids were there
too you left that part out of the you know and it's like oh somebody will come talk to me and my
wife we're like okay have you told her no we're only just telling you well why well because you're
the pastor what does that mean that we're just supposed you know our kids are just supposed to
never do anything wrong look be careful about just subconsciously having this idea that the
pastor's wife's just supposed to be you know and the pastor they're just supposed to be without
fall always just perfect and don't put impossible expectations on her so how do I respect her just
treat you know realize that she's a woman that your pastor is gonna be a man just like you are
so appreciate what she does don't put impossible expectations on her you know understand the load
she carries I try to bring this up you know a lot whenever I preach on this subject I try to bring
it up because I think it's an interesting thing you know I try to tell our church people like hey
realize that my wife at church she's like a single mom he said what do you mean by that it means that
she's doesn't have her husband sitting next to her to help her because I'm up here preaching all
the time that's one of the reasons why whenever we do have a guest speaker you know not to offend the
guest speakers but whenever we do have a guest speaker I usually try to take the baby from her
and you know go sit with the baby in the daddy baby room or whatever so she can actually sit
through a service because 99% of time at church she's a single mom you know here's my wife with
six kids in a row trying to keep them quiet with a little baby then you got all these church people
the toilet paper ran out in the back in the bathroom can you change is that some single guy
and it's like hello I got a baby and six kids here my husband's preaching like can you ask an
usher you know can you find can you can you do it look realize realize that they have boundaries
they're people like everyone else and especially during church time a lot of times they don't have
any home so set you know realize that there are boundaries you ought to try to protect her you
ought to try to protect the pastor's wife from attacks on her and her family there are subtle
subtle ways that people try to attack the pastor something I've noticed over the years is there's
people will do this they'll play this game you know divide and conquer well they'll act like
they love me we just love the pastor the pastor is so amazing his preaching is so great you know
but then the pastor's wife they're like rolling their eyes you know that an attack on the pastor's
wife is an attack on the pastor or or vice versa the pastor's wife is great and you know but we
don't like the pastor now when that happens I'm like I don't care like my wife I'm fine that's all
you you know I don't I got enough friends but you know people will try this divide and conquer thing
and and oftentimes you know they they try to pin the pastor and the pastor's wife look just
realize just just please understand this when somebody as a church I'm trying to I'm saying
this is a church family when somebody usually it's a lady starts just you know criticizing the
pastor's wife attacking the path acting like oh we love the church we love the pastor but the
pastor's wife the pastor's wife no you know what they hate the church and they hate the pastor and
they're attacking the pastor's wife because that's an attack on the pastor that's an attack on the
church look you know that if you can get a pastor's wife to get discouraged and and the ladies we have
here they're strong in the Lord they've got thick skin nothing's gonna stop them you know in the
Lord but you know that if you can get the pastor's wife discouraged and get her to not want to be
part of church and get her to quit church, you can destroy church. So when you attack
the pastor's wife, you attack the pastor. Let me say this, when you attack the pastor's
kids, you're attacking the pastor. You're attacking the pastor's wife, especially a
pastor's wife. You know, moms are like that mama bear. They can take a lot, but you start
messing with their kids, you start trying to do things to their kids, and they could
really hurt the ministry. So look, as a church, just realize, realize, if you've got some,
you know, grumpy, unhappy lady or guy, and it seems like they love the church, but they're
just always just taking jabs at the pastor's kids, those people hate the church, hate the
pastor, and are trying to discourage the pastor. They're taking jabs at the pastor's wife,
oh, the church is great, but the pastor's wife, you know, she doesn't, she should do
a better job. They hate the church, they hate the pastor, they're trying to destroy the
church. An attack on the pastor's family is an attack on the church. And you know,
let me just say this, you know, in regards to how to treat the kids, the pastor's kids,
you know, really two thoughts. Don't burden them with ministry expectations. I've had
people do this at our church, and you know, I've tried to teach and preach and correct
it. Well, people, you know, they walk up to your kids, they're talking to an eight-year-old.
Well, you're going to be the future pastor of Verity Baptist Church, aren't you? You're
going to go into the ministry and be a pastor. Why are you going to start a church someday?
They're talking like a nine-year-old. Don't put that, don't put that on my kids. They
don't need that pressure. And by the way, our goal with our kids ought to be that they
love the Lord and they serve the Lord, and that's all we care about. And I can tell you
this for my wife and I, you know, you say, what do you care about your kids? I couldn't
care less if my children never go into ministry as long as they love the Lord and as long
as they walk with God. If they decide to go into ministry one day and be a pastor or a
missionary or something like that, that'll make me proud. If they decide to go start
some business and work in the secular world, and as long as they're faithful to church
and they're soul winners and they decide to come alongside and help a pastor in the ministry,
you know what? I'd be just as proud. It's not like I'd be like, oh, well, you know,
my kids are, you know, they're soul winners and they're three to thrive, but you know,
they never went into ministry, so they disappoint. That would never cross my mind. You know,
the Christian life, let me just say this, in the Christian life, you're either a pastor
or you're helping a pastor. That's it. You know, you're either starting a church or you're
involved in a church, but look, we should all be in the work of the ministry. We should
all be involved. So don't put these expectations on these kids. We want them to serve the Lord.
We want them to walk with God. We want them to be soul winners. But whatever they do for
a job, who cares? As long as they're walking with God. And then you know what? With the
pastor's kids, let me just say this, realize that they're going to mess up like everyone
else's kids. They're going to do stupid things, say stupid things, do things that they shouldn't
do. They're going to do things and look, you should never, you need to correct yourself.
If there's a situation and you're just like freaking out, but the only reason you're freaking
out is because they're the pastor's kids. And if it was anybody else's kids, it wouldn't
be that big of a deal. If it was your kids, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. That is
the wrong mentality. Now obviously the pastor's kids, especially as they grow up, they can't
be riotous. They can't just be drunkers. We understand that. We're talking about just
normal things that all the kids do, all the teenagers do. Look, you ought not put this
heavy load and these expectations on them. You've got to realize, they're kids like everybody
else. They're a family like everybody else. So protect against that. Let me say this,
have boundaries. You say, how can I be a blessing to my pastor's wife? Have boundaries.
You know she does not have to be available for you 24 hours a day. I mean have some boundaries.
Here's a quote from one of the classes that my wife taught. It says this, just because
you're home, this is what she taught the ladies, just because you're home doesn't mean you're
available. Learn to say no to church members during the school days. And this was specifically
about homeschooling. Don't overcommit. There is no such thing as a woman who can do it
all. If you attempt to, you will burn out. She wrote this, just because you're the pastor's
wife doesn't mean you have to do everything. Learn to delegate. You know, have boundaries
in regards to the pastor's family. And this is for the pastor's wife and the pastor. Have
some boundaries and realize that they've got a family. Look, they've got a marriage and
they need time for their family, for their kids, to raise their kids. You know, and look,
I'm not, sometimes you've got to be careful because you say things and people get offended
you know because maybe they've done these things. And I don't know anybody here that's
done this and I can't even really think of anybody that's done this in a long time in
our church. But look, we've had situations in the past where people just randomly show
up to our house. Just unannounced. You know, just show up and just you know want to like
hang out for like two hours. And it's like, we're busy. And look, no offense we love you
but we got six kids. Like when you got six kids, my wife you know keeps the house pretty
tidy or whatever but when you got six kids you're not just guests ready 24 hours a day,
seven days a week. And she shouldn't have that expectation either. You know, so just
realize there are some boundaries. You know, fellowship with your pastor and your pastor's
wife but realize you know at three in the morning they've got to go home on a Sunday
night. You know, you've been counseling and asking them all these questions. You know,
realize that they need time. You know, they need to rest. They need time with their family.
So respect their boundaries. Protect them. Help them. Go to First Timothy chapter five
if you would. First Timothy chapter five. And again, I just want to give you some kind
of just some ideas, a little bit of insight. One day I'm going to preach a series called
types of church members. There's all sorts of different types of church members that
we've kind of noticed and learned about over the last decade of ministry. But I want to talk to
you about two types of church members that can really hurt the pastor and the pastor's wife.
There are two different types of church members that will try to hurt the pastor's family.
The first type is the person who's just against all leadership. You know, the pastor and the
pastor's wife, they can't do anything right. Everything they do is wrong. You know, every
decision they make is a wrong decision. This is not personal against the pastor or the pastor's
wife though. These people are just against leadership in general. Like once you hire
staff, you know, everything the staff does is wrong. The staff is lazy. The staff wives can't
do anything right. You know, it doesn't matter who. You put somebody in some position, they don't
know what they're doing. They're not right. So there's these certain people who are just against
all leadership. Anyone in leader and a lot of this is motivated by envy. So look, don't be that
person who's just, you know, as soon as somebody gets hired, as soon as somebody becomes a soul
winning captain, as soon as somebody becomes a song leader, you know, you just start criticizing
them. And look, just realize you're an envious person. And you know, you need to fix that in
your heart. But don't be that person. And those of you around that person realize, okay, this
person just has a problem with leadership in general. Anybody who gets promoted into
leadership, anybody who gets hired, they can't do it right. They're all doing it wrong. But then
there's a different type of person that will attack the pastor's wife and attack the pastor's
family. This is the person who just believes that the pastor and the pastor's wife need to be
brought down a notch. You know, and this person, they're not necessarily against leadership. They
just, and what we've learned is that these people are generally, maybe they've been hurt in the past
by a pastor and a pastor's wife or a pastor's wife. Or you know, they just feel like the pastor
and the pastor, they just get too many compliments. They get too many nice things done for them. And
they just think it's their job to just kind of bring them down a notch. And what we've learned
with these people, it's really interesting, because when you hire staff, they'll love the
staff. I mean, they'll just lavish gifts upon the staff. If it's the staff's, you know, birthday or
anniversary, they're just going all out, all these great gifts, all these things, you know, but you
have a pastor appreciation day, and they'll just not come to that service. Or you know, they're
doing something special with the pastor's wife, and they just won't get involved in that. And it's
just these people who just want to bring the pastor and bring the pastor's wife down a notch.
Here's the thing, don't be that person. And just, you know, for those of you in ministry,
and if you're listening online, just realize, you know, it's a normal thing. I've talked to pastors,
and they all be like, yeah, I got that too. I got one like that. You know, it's funny, years ago,
my wife and I had just celebrated an anniversary. And we just had a wedding anniversary, literally
like two days had passed. And we had this individual walk up to us, and this person had not,
you know, said anything about our anniversary, had not mentioned it, didn't say happy anniversary,
didn't write us a card, which is fine. They don't need to, we don't expect that. There's
absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's just interesting, though, because we just had an
anniversary, and this person just completely ignored it. But they walked up to me and my wife,
and they were like, hey, you know, Brother So-and-so and his wife, and they just talked
about this random couple in the church, not even on staff or anything. Like, they're having an
anniversary in a few weeks, I was thinking that the church should just raise up money to send
them to Hawaii. And this is like my wife and I had never been to Hawaii at this point. And it's
just kind of like, okay, so we just had an anniversary, and you didn't mention it at all,
which is fine, you don't have to, but now you're wanting me to like raise up this money to send
this random family to Hawaii. And, you know, you just kind of walk away from that thing and like,
are you trying to hurt my feelings? Like, are you trying to offend us? Like, are you trying to just
make a point? Like, this random family that's just a regular couple, you know, let's do this,
but you, let's not. Don't be that person. Those are the type of people you deal with in ministry,
and sometimes you're just like, what is the point of this? What is the point of bringing that up or
trying to do that, you know? What is the point of these things? Let me read to you another quote
here from the class. This is something that we've taught the ladies in ministry. As a pastor's wife,
you will encounter many situations with people being critical towards you, your husband, the
church, or your children. Women tend to be more verbal than men with complaints, so unfortunately
this oftentimes will fall on the pastor's wife. So look, realize that there are people who are
like this. There are people who do this. There are people who feel this way, and don't be that
person and be careful to protect your pastor's family from these types of people. 1 Timothy
chapter 5, if you would. Look at verse 14. Let me give you point number 4. Point number 1 was
recognize the pastor's wife's place. Point number 2 was realize the pastor's wife's purpose. Point
number 3 was respect the pastor's wife as a person. Point number 4, remember the pastor's
wife's priorities. And by the way, let me just say this. Her priorities are the same as any
other lady's priorities. 1 Timothy chapter 5 verse 14, the Bible says this, I will, therefore,
that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to
speak reproachfully. If you're married, this is God's will for your life. In fact, here Timothy
says, I will. He says, this is God's will that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the
house. Titus chapter 2 and verse 5, if you would, you're there in 1 Timothy, just flip over to 2
Timothy and Titus. Titus chapter 2 and verse 5 says this, to be discreet, chaste keepers at home,
good, obedient to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed. Hey, remember
the pastor's wife's priorities. Say, well, what are her priorities? Her priorities are the same
as any other lady's priorities. You say, what are they? Number 1, first God. And look, by the way,
those are everybody's priorities. It should be everybody's priorities, right? God, that in all
things, He might have the preeminence. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness,
and all these things shall be added unto you. Hey, her first priority is her walk with God.
And by the way, ladies and men, that ought to be everybody's first priority.
Say, what about the pastor's wife? What's her second priority? Her husband.
In fact, what makes her special in this church is that she is her husband's wife. She is the
pastor's wife, which means she's the pastor's help me. So you know what her priority is?
Her husband, her marriage, and her being in help me for her husband. What's her third priority?
Her children. God has given her a great responsibility, just like He's given every
mother a responsibility to raise children for the Lord. And her priority are her children,
the children that God has given her and her husband to raise. What's her fourth priority?
Here's her fourth priority, the church. You say, well, aren't the church and God the same thing?
No. Now look, church is a priority. Church is a priority. But church and serving in church is
different than having a walk with God. You know that you can serve in a church and be completely
backslidden and not right with God. So you say, well, what are the priorities? God,
her husband, her children, then serving in the church. The ladies tea, the ladies Christmas party,
the baby showers, the cleaning ministry, the bringing food to moms that just had a baby and
bringing food to ladies that just had a surgery, you know, and all the millions of other things
that our pastor's wife does, all of those things are not even the first, second or third priority
in her life. Now we're thankful. We're thankful that we have a pastor's wife, we have a satellite
leader's wife that's not lazy, that they get up early, they stay up late, they love the Lord,
they work hard, but realize everything they do is because they want to because they love the Lord
and it's their fourth priority. So realize they've got a priority to be keepers at home.
They've got a priority to marry, bear children and guide the house. Their first priority is to
God. Their second priority is to their marriage. Their third priority is to their children. Their
fourth priority is to the church. So here's the point. Don't put these expectations on them to
try to get those mixed up. Well, you have to help me because I'm in the church. Well, okay,
not at the expense of her children. I mean, when we started in ministry, this was years ago,
we started ministry, we literally would have, and of course we started the church, you know,
different than how, you know, when this church gets started, you started with a nice building
and with a group of mature Christians. When we started, we started in our living room and we
had, you know, a few people that were mature, but for the most part, it was all brand new Christians.
I mean, we would have this thing where we'd have these ladies who would go to the store,
buy groceries, have like three carts full of groceries, then call Miss Joanne,
can you come give us a ride? We're at the grocery store, you know, we're in the parking lot. We got
five, you know, just in the middle of the day. And of course, you know, when we were young in
ministry, it was like, yeah, of course, you know, but after a while, it's like, no, sorry, figure
it out. You say, oh, that's me. No, you know what? She needs to raise her kids. She needs to homeschool
her children. You should have planned it out better. Your plan shouldn't be, oh, just call
the pastor's wife, she'll bail us out. At that point, you're putting yourself above her children,
you're putting yourself above her marriage, you know, realize that she has priorities,
she has a purpose, respect those, and everything she does, appreciate it, and defend her when
people try to criticize her, and they try to, you know, bring her down, because that's really
an attack on the church. Just by way of conclusion, go to 1 Thessalonians chapter 1,
if you would, 1 Thessalonians chapter 1. While you turn there, I'll paraphrase some of these things
that my wife wrote in her class. These are not direct quotes, these are just paraphrases, but
often there are troublemaking ladies that put themselves in competition with the pastor's wife.
Be careful, be careful with those, these women that put themselves in competition with the
pastor's wife. Men will do this too, I call it the Absalom Effect, where they try to like outdo
the pastor or the pastor's wife, you know, they'll sit there at the gate and spend all this time and
energy with people, and then it's like this subtle criticism like, oh, the king doesn't have time for
you, just like Absalom did. But here's what's always funny to me about that, is that, you know
what, Absalom, yeah, it's easy for you to sit at the gate for 40 years, 8 hours a day, 12 hours a
day, when you're not actually running a kingdom. David's actually running a kingdom. Oh, you know,
the pastor's wife, you know, she doesn't have time to spend time with you like I do. Yeah,
because she's throwing up, putting together all these events that you're criticizing her at. Well,
the pastor, yeah, because he's preaching three times a week, because he's studying and meeting
with people and helping people, you know, just keep your eyes open for them. And realize that
when people are criticizing the leadership, there is an agenda behind that. But, oh, here's another
quote I want to read. No, this isn't a quote, it's a paraphrase. But here's what I took away from some
of the points that I saw. There are many pastor's wives detached from the church and the ministry.
And look, I will say this, I wish I could say I've only seen this once or twice. I've seen this so
many times in my life. It's crazy. I mean, I've been to churches where the pastor's wife just did
not come to church for like six months. And it was because people were attacking her. And people were
just criticizing her and criticizing her kids and just finding every excuse to just be mean to her.
And, you know, and obviously it wasn't right. And it wasn't right for her to not come to church. I
mean, I've known of churches where the pastor's wife took her own life, literally committed suicide.
And look, I'm just telling you, you may think like, I don't know, you really need a whole sermon on
this? Look, the attack is real. The devil will try to attack a church and oftentimes it's done
through the pastor's family. So you got to protect her. You got to encourage her. You know, when it
comes to your pastor and your pastor's wife, and I'm thankful at Verity Baptist Church Sacramento,
we have a church family that loves us and they take care of us and all that. But, you know,
I'm telling you, remember their special days, remember their birthdays, remember their
anniversaries. You know, be thankful for everything they do. Honor them in God for the work's sake.
You know, love them for the work they're doing. So just by way of conclusion, go to 1 Thessalonians
chapter one if you would. And let me just end by saying this, to any future pastor's wife or future
deacon's wife or future staff wife that's listening right now, maybe in the room there's
a young lady that will one day be a pastor's wife or maybe online we've got some pastor's
wives or future pastor's wife that may be listening to the sermon. Let me just end by
giving you some characteristics of a great pastor's wife. And obviously this is aside
from what the Bible specifically says in 1 Timothy 3, but just some things that I found that are some
great characteristics for a pastor's wife. And maybe if you're a future pastor's wife, you know,
you can kind of see, do you have these? And if you don't have these, you should work on them. But
here's some characteristics. They ought to be silent. And when I say silent, I mean, they should
have a meek and quiet spirit. That's what the Bible says. They shouldn't be a loudmouth, just
obnoxious person, but they also should not be a gossip. And you know, the pastor's wife often just
knows a lot of information and has a lot of information about, you know, things she deals
with in church and counseling other ladies and, and whatever. And so, you know, a pastor's wife
needs to be somebody who needs to just know how to keep her mouth closed. And oftentimes in our
church, you know, sometimes people will start trying to ask my wife questions and pry information
out of her. And she's like, no, I'm just not, I'm not going to talk about that. And that's something
that a pastor's wife needs to have. And if you're a gossip, you know, and you're going to go into
ministry, your husband wants to go into ministry, you, you need to be careful with that. And
obviously, you know, all of these things are things we've already seen in Miss Heidi, which is why
we've sent, you know, Brother Jared here to start this church. But, you know, have a meek and quiet
spirit, not be a gossip, not be this woman that's talking bad about her husband or her kids. Here's
another characteristic, be a hard worker, you can't be lazy. Look, ministry is hard work. The work of
the ministry is what the Bible says. So and the wives work hard. So you're gonna be a pastor's wife,
you can't be lazy. Here's one, you need to be independent. Sometimes, you know, because we
train people for the ministry in our church, sometimes I see these ladies, and I think to
myself, like, these people are not going to make it in ministry. And here's why. The wife is just a
big baby. Like, she's very needy. She needs all, you know, all this attention. That is not going
to work in ministry. The wife needs to be independent. I'm not talking about like, you
know, feminist, independent, I'm talking about the fact that she can, she can get things done
and doesn't need to be pampered and babied. Because again, in the church, you're running a
lot of stuff as the pastor's wife, you're also like a single mom at the church. So the pastor's
wife needs to be very independent. She can't be babied. You know what I'm talking about? Sometimes
these, there's wives are just completely babied by their husbands. And you know, that's you,
whatever, more power to you, but you can't probably aren't gonna make it in the ministry.
Here's another one, thick skin. In the ministry, you're gonna get hurt, people are gonna attack
you, they're gonna criticize you unjustly. They're gonna hold you up to expectations that they
themselves won't meet. So you gotta have some thick skin, be able to take some, some of those
criticisms. And then you have to have good people skills. In ministry, and as a pastor's wife, you
cannot be rude. You cannot be oblivious to people's feelings. You have to be able to have empathy and
realize, you know, how to deal with people and love people and be gentle. And just, you know,
to end, let me say this, to my wife, to Miss Joanne Jimenez, who serves as the pastor's wife at
Verde Baptist Church, to Miss Heidi Pazarski, who will be the, Lord willing, the future pastor's
wife here and has been the satellite leader's wife, and to, you know, the staff wives at Verde
Baptist Church, to any pastor's wife who's maybe listening online, you know, let me just say this,
thank you. Thank you for everything you do. Thank you for the work you do. I realize that you're
often just not appreciated and often criticized unjustly. But again, the Bible says, 1 Thessalonians
chapter 1 verse 3, remembering without ceasing your work of faith and labor of love and patience of
hope in our Lord Jesus Christ in the sight of God and our Father. So you say, well, how do I deal
with my pastor's wife? How do we deal with the pastor's wife? Recognize her place, realize her
purpose, respect her as a person, remember her priorities, appreciate her, don't put these
impossible expectations on her, and protect her, protect her kids, protect her family, because there
will be people who will try to come in and just criticize and discourage and try to just bring
them down and think they're getting, you know, too much attention and just protect them against that
attitude in general. Let's bow our heads and have a little prayer.