["Pomp and Circumstance"]
Jesus came into my heart, song number 194.
Sing it out on the first.
What a wonderful change in my life has been wrought
Since Jesus came into my heart.
I have life in my soul for which long I had sought
Since Jesus came into my heart.
What a joy, oh my soul, like the sea billows roll
Since Jesus came into my heart.
194 on the second.
I have ceased from my wandering and going astray
Since Jesus came into my heart.
And my sins which were many are all washed away
Since Jesus came into my heart.
What a joy, oh my soul, like the sea billows roll
Since Jesus came into my heart.
I'm possessed of a hope that is steadfast and sure
Since Jesus came into my heart.
And no dark clouds of doubt now my pathway obscure
Since Jesus came into my heart.
Floods of joy hold my soul like the sea billows roll
Since Jesus came into my heart.
There's a light in the valley of death now for me
Since Jesus came into my heart.
And the gates of the city beyond I can see
Since Jesus came into my heart.
Floods of joy hold my soul like the sea billows roll
Since Jesus came into my heart.
You're singing it out on the last.
I shall go there to dwell in that city I know
Since Jesus came into my heart.
And I'm happy, so happy as onward I go
Since Jesus came into my heart.
Floods of joy hold my soul like the sea billows roll
Since Jesus came into my heart.
Amen. We want to welcome you to this meeting of the Verity Baptist Church.
We're so glad that you are with us and we have a wonderful service of course lined up here today.
And we'd like to begin the service with a word of prayer.
So let's go ahead and bow our heads together and let's pray.
Heavenly Father, Lord, we do love you. We thank you for allowing us to gather together today.
Lord, we pray that you'd bless the service today, the singing, the preaching, the fellowship.
We ask that you speak to our hearts.
Lord, we ask that you'd help us to learn something from your word and to draw closer to you.
In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
Turn to song 185.
185.
My Savior's love, 185 on the first.
I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene
And wonder how He could love me, a sinner condemned and free.
How marvelous, how wonderful, and my song shall ever be.
How marvelous, how wonderful, is my Savior's love for me.
For me it was in the garden, He prayed not my will but mine.
He had no tears for His own grief, but sweatdrops of blood for mine.
How marvelous, how wonderful, and my song shall ever be.
How marvelous, how wonderful, is my Savior's love for me.
He took my sins and my sorrows, He made them His very own.
He bore the burden of poverty and suffered and died alone.
How marvelous, how wonderful, and my song shall ever be.
How marvelous, how wonderful, is my Savior's love for me.
Good on the last, when with the ransom and glorious face I at last shall see.
Twill be my joy through the ages to sing of His love for me.
How marvelous, how wonderful, and my song shall ever be.
How marvelous, how wonderful, is my Savior's love for me.
Good singing.
Amen. All right. Well, let's take our bulletins and we'll look at some announcements real quickly.
If you do not have a bulletin, just raise your hand and one of our ushers can get one for you.
If you need a bulletin, just put your hand up and we will get one for you and they're coming with those.
If you look at the front page there, our verse for this week, Hebrews 12-14,
follow peace with all men and holiness without which no man shall see the Lord.
And that's a good verse there.
We like that. If you open up your bulletin, you'll see our service time Sunday morning service 1030 a.m.
and we are glad that you're with us, of course, on Sunday morning on the Lord's day for church
and the evening service at 6 p.m.
And we do invite you to be with us on Wednesday evening for the midweek Bible study at 7 p.m.
If you look at our soul winning times, our main soul winning time is on Saturday mornings at 10 a.m.
And then we have additional soul winning times on Thursdays and Sundays at 2 p.m.
So we'd love for you to join us this afternoon.
If you'd like to go soul winning, there'll be an opportunity for you to do that.
And we, of course, are a family integrated church.
What that means is that children and infants are always welcomed in the service.
We do not separate children from their parents for any reason.
However, we do have mother baby rooms and daddy rooms available for your convenience.
So if you have a child that's been distracting during the service,
so if you need some privacy, we would encourage you to use those rooms.
All of the rooms, all of the mother baby rooms and the daddy room,
they all have comfortable seating.
They have monitors set up so you can watch the service and listen to it,
or windows so you can watch the service and listen to it.
And if you're not sure where those rooms are at,
you can look at the back of the bulletin and you'll see a layout of our church building.
It'll show you where the mother baby rooms are, where the daddy room is.
It'll show you where the restrooms are.
If you need to be baptized this morning, we'd love to baptize you.
And you can just let us know on your communication card on the back.
Just check off that you'd like information about baptism
and we'll follow up with you and talk about that with you
and set up a time for you to be baptized.
If you look at the announcements and upcoming events,
we want to invite all the ladies to a baby shower for Ms. Taylor Marin.
That'll be on Saturday, June 1st at 3 p.m.
And Ms. Taylor is having a girl. She's registered on Amazon.
And it is a potluck, so if you can, please bring a dish to share.
And you can sign up for the baby shower on your communication card
and let us know that you're planning on attending.
Also, we have our graduation service coming up on Sunday, June 2nd.
That'll be in the evening service at 6 p.m.
And if you are part of our church's homeschool group
and you are graduating kindergarten or high school,
then you can sign up to participate.
What that means is that you'll walk across the platform,
you'll receive your diploma, and you'll be part of the graduation service.
You can sign up on your communication card.
And if you are not part of our church's homeschool group,
we still would love to recognize you if you are graduating from kindergarten,
sixth grade, eighth grade, high school, or college.
Then please let us know on your communication card,
and we will recognize you on that night.
And then, of course, that evening after the service,
we'll have pizza and fellowship in honor of the graduates.
So we'll have a time of eating after the service
to make sure that you come to that service
and come and, of course, support the graduates
and be here for them on that special night.
Make sure that you write down your name, your grade,
and your school on your communication card.
And then we have the Red Hot Preaching Conference coming up,
which is just right around the corner,
and we'd like you to make a note of the dates there,
June 20th through the 23rd.
You can make plans to attend,
and we've got some opportunities for volunteers.
If you'd like to help during the conference,
there's actually a separate communication card
for the Red Hot Preaching Conference volunteer opportunities,
and if you would not mind looking through those and helping us,
we would appreciate it.
You can volunteer to help clean, of course.
You've got the different days and times there
that will need cleaning during the conference.
That's, of course, cleaning the church building
for the next service.
After one service, for the next service,
you can volunteer to sit in the overflow section.
We're not sure that we will need that this year,
of course, because we're in a bigger building.
But just in case, you can volunteer to do that,
and then you can volunteer to serve Baskin-Robbins ice cream.
That's for the ladies,
and that'll be for the ice cream social.
Of course, on the back, we've got a place here
for people that serve on a regular basis,
and we would just like to know
your availability during the conference.
If you're part of the orchestra,
part of the safety team, or part of the ushers,
then please let us know
which of the services you'll be available for,
just so we can know and be prepared and ready,
of course, for the conference.
If you look at the announcements there,
we've got choir practice today at 5 p.m.,
and this is the adult choir.
They're practicing for the Red Hot Preaching Conference.
Home School Group,
they've got PE class this Thursday,
May 23rd at 10 a.m.,
and this will be the last PE class for the year,
and then, of course, they'll be on summer break after that.
Ladies Weight Loss Accountability Group,
they meet on Wednesdays at 615.
This is a group that my wife leads,
and they meet in her office.
Upcoming cleaning crew, you can check for your name there.
We appreciate your faithfulness with that.
Please don't forget to turn your cell phones off
or place them on silent during the service,
so that they're not a distraction to anybody.
And right now would be a good time
to just look at your phone
and make sure that it's on vibrate
or on silent or off or whatever,
so that it doesn't go off during this preaching.
If you look at the back of the bulletin,
you'll see the birthdays and anniversaries
for the month of May,
and today, May 19th, is Brother Joel Usher's birthday,
so happy birthday to Brother Joel.
They didn't give him the day off of being an usher.
They made him, they said,
you've still got to work, so,
but happy birthday to him.
Also today is Brother Nate and Miss April Deacon's anniversary,
so happy anniversary to them.
And then later this week,
we have Brother Jay Miller's birthday on May 21st.
Valente Perez has a birthday on May 21st.
Brother Serge III has a birthday on May 21st.
Brother David Puris has a birthday on May 23rd.
My daughter, Elizabeth Jimenez, has a birthday on May 24th.
And Michael Salazar has a birthday on May 24th as well.
Praise report, money matters,
all of those things are there for you to look at,
and I think that's it for all of the announcements.
So we're going to go ahead and sing the chorus of the week,
which is the insert in your bulletin,
and we're going to sing,
I'm standing on the solid rock
as we prepare to receive the offering this morning.
Let's go ahead and sing it out on the first.
Through my disappointment, strife and discontentment,
here on the Lord,
no matter what obsession, pain or deep depression,
I'm standing on the solid rock.
I'm standing on the rock
safe from all the storms that rage us rich,
but not from Satan's wages.
I'm standing on the solid rock.
Good, sing it out on the second.
Even though he's gone now, I don't feel alone now,
with comfort in the spirit of the Lord.
From temptation, hide me, I'm standing on the solid rock.
I'm standing on the rock of ages,
safe from all the storms that rage us rich.
But not from Satan's wages.
Solid rock.
Now I'm pressing onward.
Each step leads me homeward.
I'm trusting in my Savior day by day.
Correlation, firmest explanation,
solid rock I'll stay.
I'm standing on the rock of ages,
safe from all the storms that rage us rich,
but not from Satan's wages.
I'm standing on the solid rock.
Amen. Good singing.
We'll have the guys come up and help us with the offering at this time.
And let's go ahead and bow our heads and have a word of prayer.
Heavenly Father, Lord, we do love you.
We thank you for allowing us to gather together today.
Lord, we pray that you'd bless the offering, the gift, and the giver.
We pray that you'd bless the time set aside for the preaching of your word.
In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
Amen.
Turn your Bibles to James chapter 1.
James chapter 1.
If you do not have a Bible, please raise your hand and I'll bring you one.
James chapter 1.
We will read the entire chapter as our custom.
James chapter 1.
Just keep your hands up and I'll bring you a Bible.
James chapter 1, the Bible reads,
James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting.
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations,
knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience,
but let patience have her perfect work,
that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God,
that giveth to all men liberally,
and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him.
But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering.
For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
For let not that man think that he shall receive anything of the Lord.
A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.
Let the brother of low degree rejoice in that he is exalted,
but the rich in that he is made low,
because as the flower of the grass he shall pass away.
For the sun is no sooner risen with the burning heat,
but it with earth the grass and the flower thereof follow,
and the grace of the fashion of it perisheth.
So also shall the rich man fade away in his ways.
Blessed is the man that endureth temptation,
for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life,
which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
Let no man say when he is tempted,
I am tempted of God, for God cannot be tempted with evil,
neither tempteth he any man.
But every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed.
Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin,
and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
Do not err, my beloved brethren.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above,
and cometh down from the Father of lights,
with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
Of his own will begat he us with the word of truth,
that we should be a kind of first fruits of his creatures.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear,
slow to speak, slow to wrath.
For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness,
and receive with meekness the engrafted word,
which is able to save your souls.
But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only,
deceiving your own selves.
For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer,
he is likened to a man beholding his natural face in a glass.
For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way,
and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.
But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty,
and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer,
but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.
If any man among you seem to be religious,
and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart,
this man's religion is vain.
Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this,
to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction,
and to keep himself unspotted from the world.
Let's pray.
Lord God Almighty, thank you for this day.
Thank you for this opportunity to come together.
Please bless Pastor in the message.
Please let it bring glory and honor to you.
In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen.
Amen.
All right.
Well, we're there in James, chapter number 1.
And, of course, on Sunday mornings, we've been going through,
and we're going to continue to go through,
a series on Sunday mornings on the subject of emotional intelligence.
And we've been learning about emotional intelligence together
over the last several weeks.
And we've learned about why we need emotional intelligence,
and we kind of dealt with that in the first sermon,
if you remember many weeks ago.
We talked about the reason that we need emotional intelligence
is because our emotions are dumb.
And when we follow our emotions, we make dumb decisions.
We have the biggest regrets of our life
when we allow our emotions to take over
because of the fact that emotions are not logical,
they're not reasonable.
And then if you remember in the second week,
we learned about awareness of self.
The third week, awareness of others.
The fourth week, awareness of context.
The fifth week, we learned about social skills,
emotional, intelligent social skills.
And then, of course, last Sunday was Mother's Day,
and I preached a Mother's Day sermon
on the subject of the emotionally intelligent mother.
And today, we're going to deal
with the subject of conflict resolution,
and specifically with the idea of using emotional intelligence
to resolve our conflicts
because emotional intelligence is something that is needed
in every area of life.
It's needed in every sort of relationship,
but specifically when dealing with conflict,
we need to have some emotional intelligence.
And there are three steps that I'd like to give you this morning,
and if you'd like to jot these down,
then, of course, you're welcome to do that.
On the back of your course of the week,
there's a place for you to write down some things.
And I'd like you to actually look down in James chapter 1
and look at verse number 19.
James chapter 1 and verse number 19.
The Bible says this,
Wherefore, my beloved brethren,
let every man be,
and I'd like you to notice these three statements,
swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren,
let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak,
and the Bible says here, slow to wrath.
And I'd like for us to look at this idea
of conflict resolution in regards to emotional intelligence.
Let me just say this.
The sermon this morning, I honestly think it'll be a help to all of us.
It can be a help to all of us
because these steps that the Bible outlines for us
with regards to conflict resolution,
they'll help you in your marriage.
They'll help you at work.
They'll help you in church and with fellow church members.
And I would say, especially young people,
if you have not already developed some bad habits
in regards to how you deal with conflict,
then you need to listen up.
I mean, I think all of us need to listen up.
But this is something that would be good
for all of us to be able to think through
when we find ourselves in the midst of conflict
and to go through these steps that the Bible gives us.
So let me just give you the first step,
step number one, of course.
We see it here in our text.
The Bible says be swift to hear, swift to hear.
Notice it again there, James 1.19.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren,
let every man be, number one, swift to hear, swift to hear.
Now what does that mean?
Now what does that mean to be swift to hear?
It's not talking about physically listening to somebody.
It's not like the Bible is telling us
that we need to listen quickly.
In fact, the act of listening is not something
that you and I have the power to be able to decide
whether it needs to be done quickly or not
because of the fact that when you're listening to somebody,
you're listening to their tempo and their cadence,
and they're the ones that are either speaking quickly
or speaking slowly, and you are going to be listening
to that individual at the cadence in which they talk.
When the Bible says here that we are to be swift to hear,
the phrase here means that we are to be quick to listen,
that we should be quick to hear someone out,
that the first step that we take
in regards to conflict resolution,
when we find ourselves in the midst of conflict,
when we find ourselves fighting with somebody,
arguing with somebody, being at odds with somebody,
the first step that we should take is to be swift to hear.
And again, the idea is that you and I
should be quick to listen to someone else.
We should be quick to try to hear somebody out.
And as we go through these steps this morning,
we're going to tie in some of the other things we've learned
in regards to emotional intelligence
over the last several weeks,
and I would say that right here
is where we need to remember empathy.
Remember empathy.
Remember we preached an entire sermon
on the subject of empathy.
We were learning about awareness of others
and being aware of the feelings of others,
and if you remember, empathy is different than sympathy
because sympathy is feeling for someone.
Empathy is feeling with someone.
We are trying to feel with them.
We're trying to put ourselves in their shoes,
in their context, to see things from their perspective.
And when the Bible says here that we are to be swift to hear,
that is exactly what we're talking about.
We are to seek to see things from the other person's perspective.
We are to try to see things from their point of view.
Now, please understand this because oftentimes
when I teach this to people or I talk to people about this,
the pushback is, well, I'm never going to see it their way.
I'm never going to agree with them.
I'm never going to think that they're right.
But we must understand this, that the idea of being swift to hear
or to trying to see things from the other person's perspective
does not mean that you're going to necessarily agree with them.
In fact, you might see things from their perspective.
You might see it from their point of view.
You might understand the context in which they're looking at something
and still not agree.
That's okay, but the idea is that we take the time
to see things from the other person's perspective.
We must be swift to hear.
We must be quick to try to listen to the other side,
to try to empathize with the other side,
to try to see things from the perspective of the other person.
I'd like you to keep your place there in James chapter 1.
That'll be our text for this morning.
We'll be coming back to it frequently.
But if you would, go with me to the Old Testament book of Proverbs,
Proverbs chapter number 18.
If you open your Bible just right in the center,
you'll more than likely fall in the book of Psalms.
Right after Psalms, you have the book of Proverbs,
Proverbs chapter number 18.
I'd like you to keep your place in Proverbs.
If you can, put a ribbon or a bookmark or something there
because we're going to leave it,
and we're going to come back to it.
I'd like you to be able to get to it quickly,
Proverbs chapter number 18.
When we're talking about being swift to hear,
being swift to hear,
let me just give you a couple of thoughts
regarding being swift to hear.
First of all, being swift to hear means
that you do not jump to conclusions or make assumptions,
that you do not jump to conclusions or make assumptions.
Notice Proverbs 18 and verse 13.
The Bible says this,
He that answereth a matter before he heareth it,
it is folly and shame unto him.
The Bible says that you and I should not answer a matter.
We should not make a decision.
We should not form an opinion before we hear it.
Now you might think, well, isn't that just common sense?
I mean, wouldn't just common sense dictate
that you would not answer a matter before you hear it,
that you would not give your judgment before you hear it,
that you would not form an opinion before you hear it?
But I have found that most people
actually answer a matter before they hear it.
And the word for that is assumptions.
And when we are going to be swift to hear,
what that means is that we should not jump to conclusions
and we should not make assumptions.
And I'll just say to you this morning,
I hate the idea and the concept of assumptions.
I hate it.
I hate it with a passion.
I mean, if you want to, you know,
push my buttons and try to upset me quickly,
I'll try to have emotional intelligence
and I'll try to be swift to hear.
But assumptions are something that completely
and utterly irritate me.
And you say, well, what is an assumption?
An assumption is this.
When you decide that something is true
of someone else without asking them,
without looking into the matter,
you just of your own volition decided,
well, this is what is going on.
This person, they must know this
or they did that or whatever.
You've not asked.
You've not investigated.
You've not tried to look into the matter.
You just make an assumption.
And when it comes to assumptions,
here's what you and I need to understand.
Assumptions are the lowest form of communication.
I mean, they're the lowest form of communication
because communication is basically nonexistent.
And I would add to this,
not only are they the lowest form of communication,
they're the dumbest form of communication.
And I would also add to it,
just to show you how much I hate assumptions,
they're the most prideful form of communication
because it takes a pretty prideful person
to just, without talking to anybody,
without looking at anything,
without asking any questions,
to just assume I must be right about this situation.
You say, well, Pastor Mendez,
why do you hate assumptions so much?
You know, I hate assumptions so much
because I'm a pastor and I'm in the ministry.
My wife and I, over the last 13 years of ministry,
I mean, we have learned to just hate
this concept of assumptions
because here's what often happens in ministry.
People will falsely accuse me
or they'll falsely accuse my wife
and they'll say, oh, Pastor Mendez is allowing this
or Pastor Mendez is doing that
and Pastor Mendez,
and then people will ask them like,
well, have you talked to him about it?
It's like, well, of course he knows.
And like, we're constantly being like,
situations are happening
that people just assume we know.
And what's so asinine to me about it,
what's so upsetting about it,
is like you, the person assuming we know something,
you have not taken the time
to open your mouth and communicate it to us,
but you're gonna assume we just know something.
And what's upsetting to me
is that in a church setting,
the pastor and pastor's wife
are usually the last person to know anything
because here's what everyone does.
Everyone just assumes, well, of course pastor knows.
Well, have you told pastor?
No.
Have your friends told pastor?
No.
Has anybody tried to talk to Ms. Joanna about it?
No.
And this idea that people just assume like,
and here's the thing, you wanna assume,
I mean, some of you people think that
we're God or something, like we know everything.
And it doesn't bother me
that people make assumptions.
I understand people make assumptions,
but then when they take it a step further
and they falsely accuse,
they judge us and say,
well, Pastor Jimenez is wrong
because he knows this and he's doing it.
And it's like, well, you're assuming we know something.
Have you told us?
Have you came to us?
What's funny to me is that people,
and we'll talk about this in a later sermon,
is that people like to talk to everyone
about everything except the person
they're supposed to talk to,
the authorities in their life.
Don't make assumptions
because assumptions are prideful,
assumptions are ignorant,
and they're the lowest form of communication
because assumptions are no communication.
As a pastor, I often deal with this concept
of conflict resolution,
and of course, myself and my wife,
being in ministry, we practice confidentiality,
which means that when you say something to us,
we don't spread that,
and we take that very seriously.
We don't talk to people
about the things you talk to us about,
and we practice biblical confidentiality,
and what's so irritating to me
is that we'll have one person
or one party come to us,
and they'll say these things,
and of course, we keep that confidential
so we don't say that to anybody else,
but they're fighting with someone,
and then we'll have the other party come to us
and do the same thing.
And I'm sitting here, and I've got both sides,
and I'm thinking to myself,
this person is assuming this about this person.
This person is assuming this about this person.
They're going to war with each other,
but nobody has enough emotional intelligence
to actually just have a conversation,
to actually just talk to each other and say,
hey, is this true?
No, of course, that's not true.
That's not what happened.
Being swift to hear
means that you do not jump to conclusions
and you do not make assumptions.
Here's what I would say to you.
If you do not have the character
or the integrity or the backbone
to walk up to somebody
and instead of accusing them of something
or thinking something of them
or jumping to a conclusion,
if you don't have the,
you say, well, I'm shy, and I'm timid,
and I'm scared, and I don't like to talk to people,
I like confrontation,
okay, well, then just don't make an assumption.
Don't make a judgment call about that individual.
And definitely don't go around spreading that.
The first step to conflict resolution
is to seek to hear the other person out.
And if you haven't taken the time
to talk to the other person,
you haven't taken the time to clarify
with the other person,
you haven't taken the time
to do anything with the other person,
you've just jumped to conclusions,
you've made assumptions,
and you've falsely accused,
then you're wrong.
Oftentimes, assumptions are the reason that people,
my wife and I, through the years,
we've called it fighting a one-sided battle.
Oftentimes, people are fighting these one-sided battles,
and let me tell you something,
look, I'm not mad at you,
I'm trying to help you,
but when you're fighting a one-sided battle,
say, what does that mean?
That means you're sitting there,
and you're really angry at this one.
The other person's just like,
ah, yeah, yeah, are you doing good, okay, everything,
and you're...
Why don't you just talk to them?
You fight these one-sided battles,
sometimes my wife will ask me,
or I'll ask her,
what's going on with so-and-so?
I don't know.
My wife's like, what's going on with so-and-so?
I don't know, apparently,
they're fighting a one-sided battle against us,
but we don't know what it is,
and it's probably not even true,
but they don't have the character
to actually just walk up and talk.
Ask the question.
Say, I think we might have an issue here,
I'm not sure, can we talk?
Being swift to hear
means that you do not jump to conclusions
or make assumptions,
and here's all I'm saying to you,
some of you have spent your entire lives
fighting battles against people
that are not fighting battles against you
because you make assumptions,
and you're too prideful to consider
that maybe you don't know everything,
and maybe you don't have all the sides to the story,
and maybe you should take the time
to open your mouth
and carefully and respectfully communicate.
So being swift to hear
means that we do not jump to conclusions.
We do not make assumptions.
You don't just decide,
that's what they did,
and that's why they did it,
and I know it,
and I don't need to talk to anybody,
and I'm just gonna be angry about it.
That is called being emotionally stupid,
but an emotionally intelligent individual says,
let me be swift to hear.
Let me at least hear them out.
Let me at least talk to them
and try to see things from their perspective.
Maybe I still won't agree with them
when it's all said and done,
but at least I haven't fallen into this idea of assumptions.
Being swift to hear also means this,
and we've already talked about this,
and we actually talked about it earlier in the series,
but it means this,
that you realize that you may be wrong
or incorrect about a situation.
Remember when we learned about awareness of self?
One of the key elements to being aware of self,
and I'll just say this,
one of the key elements
to proper and successful self-leadership,
because all of us are leaders
in the sense that we at the very least lead ourselves,
and one thing that we should all continuously
remind ourselves is maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe I'm wrong about this.
Maybe I'm not correct in this situation.
Being swift to hear means that you understand,
that you understand that maybe I'm wrong.
In fact, there's been lots of times
where I've been given information,
and I have to deal with something,
and because I try to have emotional intelligence,
I'm not just going to make assumptions about an individual,
and I will walk up to somebody and say,
hey, can I talk to you?
And this is how I'll begin the conversation.
Hey, I could totally be wrong about this,
but I was told or I heard, you know, X, Y, and Z.
What can you tell me about that?
I don't walk up and say,
because here's emotionally, you say,
well, I'm trying to be swift to hear,
and it didn't turn out well.
Well, it didn't turn out well
because you walked up to somebody and said,
you did this!
You did this as an accusation.
You did! I know you!
You don't know anything.
You're not God.
I'm not God.
So being swift to hear means that you and I realize
that we may be wrong.
We may be incorrect.
We may not have the full story.
We may not know all the details.
Are you there in Proverbs?
Look at Proverbs 25 and verse 8.
Proverbs 25 and verse 8.
Proverbs 25 and verse 8, the Bible says this,
Go not forth hastily.
What's the word hastily mean?
With excessive speed.
Proverbs 25 and verse 8.
Go not forth hastily to strive.
What does that mean?
To conflict.
Look, don't go hastily to fight someone,
argue with someone,
get in a fight with somebody.
You say, why not?
Notice it.
Lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof,
when thy neighbor hath put thee to shame.
There have been times when someone accuses us falsely
and maybe they don't even have the character to come to us,
but eventually we go to them.
And we say, hey, here's what you don't know.
Hey, here's what you don't know.
Here's another piece of evidence that you're not aware of.
And it's like, oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah, we know you didn't know that.
Been fighting your little silent battle against us for six weeks.
Why don't you just talk?
Look, you might find when you go forth hastily to strive,
that at the end of that thing,
thy neighbor hath put thee to shame.
Because when you hear their side
or you get the full picture,
all of a sudden it's like, oh, wow.
But see, someone who has some emotional intelligence,
they don't walk into a fight saying,
you did this and I know you did.
No, no, no, that's dumb.
But when you walk up to somebody and say,
I could totally be wrong about this, but I just wanted to ask.
And then maybe you are correct.
You're like, okay, well, I wanted to confirm that.
We, of course, here at Radio Baptist Church,
go back to James 1.
Here at Radio Baptist Church, we believe in church discipline.
And what that means is that there are things
that somebody could do that'll get them kicked out of church.
And I've walked up to individuals in the past
or communicated with individuals in the past,
and I said, hey, look, I could totally be wrong about this,
and I was told that you're doing X, Y, and Z.
I just wanted to ask you about that.
Oh, yeah, I am doing X, Y, and Z.
You know, I could totally be wrong about this,
but I was told that you're living in fornication, you know,
and I'm not sure.
Is that, you know, one time, oh, yeah, well, I'm living.
It's like, well, you know, at that point,
once the situation is confirmed, then we deal with it.
You understand what I'm saying to you?
I realize that there are some of you that are grown adults
that have never heard, nobody ever talked to you this,
you don't have parents that taught you how to deal with conflict,
but this is how adults deal with conflict.
You open your mouth, you smile, you aren't arrogant,
you communicate with someone, you say, hey, did you, can we talk?
I don't want to have a problem with you,
but I feel like maybe step one is be swift to hear,
swift to hear, and here's the truth.
The truth is that we naturally tend to only see things from our perspective.
Isn't that true?
We naturally tend to only see things from our perspective, from our,
but someone who has emotional intelligence says,
I know what I'm feeling and I know what I'm thinking
and I know how it looks in my mind,
but let me just be a little smart about this
and let me be swift to hear.
Let me be swift to hear the other side before I make an opinion,
before I form a judgment, before I decide.
Let me ask, because people that are swift to hear,
they don't jump to conclusions, they don't make assumptions.
People that are swift to hear,
they realize that you may be wrong or incorrect about something.
Are you there back in James chapter one?
Look at verse 19 again.
I said number one this morning, when it comes to conflict resolution,
we must be first, step one is to be swift to hear.
Step two, slow to speak, look at it.
James 1-19, wherefore, my beloved brethren,
let every man be swift to hear,
and then here's step two, slow to speak, slow to speak.
These are, by the way, these little statements here
given to us by James are deep in emotional intelligence.
It requires a lot of emotional intelligence to be swift to hear,
to want to hear somebody else out
and want to see it from their perspective.
It also requires a lot of emotional intelligence,
a lot of temperance and self-control to be slow to speak,
to be slow to speak.
You say, what does that mean, to be slow to speak?
Well, but to be swift to hear means that you seek to see things
from the other person's perspective.
To be slow to speak means that you take the time
to think about what you're going to say before you say it.
You take the time to think about what you're going to say before you say it.
Isn't that a novel idea?
To think about what's coming out of your mouth
before it comes out of your mouth.
Now, I understand that we all mess this up from time to time,
but here's what you and I need to understand.
When we are slow to speak, when we are slow to speak,
it is better for us, it is better to be slow to speak
than to say something in anger that you will regret.
It is better to be slow to speak
than to say something in anger that you will regret.
Can you go back to Proverbs chapter 10?
If you would keep your place there in James, go back to Proverbs.
You should have your place in both.
Proverbs chapter number 10.
Proverbs chapter 10 and verse 19, notice what the Bible says.
Proverbs chapter 10 and verse 19,
the Bible says,
In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin.
In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin,
but he that refraineth his lips is wise.
You say, what does this verse mean?
In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin.
The idea is this,
that the more we say,
the more likely we are to say something we shouldn't say.
In the multitude of words, the Bible says,
there wanteth not.
What does that phrase wanteth not mean?
It means there is not a lack of.
There is not a lack of sin.
In the multitude of words, there is not a lack of sin.
But, here is the compare and contrast,
but he that refraineth,
the word refrain means to stop oneself from doing something,
from saying something,
but he that refraineth his lips is wise.
Do you understand that you can always say it later?
You say, well what I was going to say was true and it needs to be said.
You can always say it later.
You can always say something later,
but once it comes out of your mouth,
you can't take it back.
In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin,
but he that refraineth his lips is wise.
Look at Proverbs 17 verse 28.
Proverbs 17 verse 28.
Even a fool, look at what the Bible says,
even a fool when he holdeth his peace is counted wise.
You say even a fool?
Even a fool when they keep their mouths shut.
They're counted wise.
And he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.
Look at Proverbs 29 and verse 20.
Proverbs 29 and verse 20.
Look, I'm just reading Bible verses to you.
If you and I take this to heart and practice it,
it'll help us.
It'll solve so many problems in our lives.
Proverbs 29 and 20.
Seest thou a man hasty in his words?
A man that is fast or quick with his words?
There's more hope of a fool than of him.
Someone said this, it is better to remain silent
at the risk of being thought a fool
than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Someone said this, silence may be misunderstood,
but it will never be misquoted.
People may misunderstand your silence,
but they'll never misquote you.
They'll never say, well, you said, and you.
No, no, see, we need to be slow to speak.
Because of the fact that it's better to not say something
in anger than to say something and then regret it.
It is better to be slow to speak
than to say something that you will later on regret.
And then let me say this about being slow to speak.
Before you speak, you ought to think and consider
what is the real reason that you are so upset?
Now, I'm gonna tell you right now,
this is where I'm probably gonna lose some of you
because this is where emotional intelligence
really comes in.
And it requires someone that is in tune with themselves,
with their emotions, aware of self,
someone that's willing to look in the mirror
and not lie to themselves.
And look, when I say not lie to yourself,
some of you, you've got this appearance and this image,
you gotta keep up your image or whatever
and do that or whatever, but at the very least,
don't lie to yourself.
I mean, can you at least be honest with yourself?
I mean, if you're gonna lie to your wife
and lie to your kids and lie to your family,
you're gonna not tell the truth.
Can you at least look in the mirror?
Be honest with yourself.
Because before you and I speak,
before we engage in a conflict and we give our sentence
and we say, well, here's what we think
and here's what we, before we do all that,
we should take the time to consider
what am I really upset about?
Because here's what I've learned in 13 years of ministry,
that 99.9% of the time,
the things that people say they're upset about
are not true.
99.9% of the time,
the things that people say, well, I'm mad about this,
that's not the real reason you're mad.
There's usually a real reason you're mad
that you're not willing to say out loud,
so you gotta find another reason
that it's a little more justifiable.
And if you wouldn't lie to yourself,
you don't have to say amen,
but if you wouldn't lie to yourself,
you would know that what I'm telling you is true.
And most of the time that you're mad at your wife,
and most of the time that you're mad at your husband,
and most of the time that you're mad at your kids,
and most of the time that you're mad at your pastor,
and most of the time, it's not really
whatever you're making a big deal about.
It's not the real reason.
There's something else there.
James chapter 4, if you could.
I think you kept your place in James 1,
James chapter 4.
I love the book of James
because it's such a deep book,
the book of James.
It's an amazing book.
I mean, just one verse we've been looking at.
Let every man be swift to hear,
slow to speak, slow to rap.
In James chapter 4 and verse 1 and 2,
you find these two verses that I think,
I mean, forget the world's psychology and philosophy.
You cannot get deeper psychology
than what you get here in true psychology,
than what you get here in James chapter 4 and verse 1.
Because James is about to explain to us,
and by the way,
when we do premarital counseling
and these types of things,
what I'm teaching right now,
these lessons are taught to every couple
before we perform weddings for them or whatever,
because this is good for your marriage.
It's good for everything.
In James chapter 4 verses 1 and 2,
James is going to explain to us
the source of all conflict,
the source of all fighting,
and it does not matter what level you find yourself at.
Whether it's two toddlers fighting in the playroom over a toy,
or whether it's two nations sending young men to fight and war and die,
no matter how low or how extreme conflict is,
the Bible, James through the Holy Spirit of God,
is going to explain to us that all human conflict has the same source.
And look, I'm telling you right now,
some of you may not be ready for this,
but let's look at it.
James 4, 1.
He says,
From whence?
The word whence means from what place or what source.
From what source, he says,
From whence come wars and fighting among you?
And he uses the term wars and fighting,
though he's talking to Christians,
because he's kind of taking extreme,
but the idea is that this is true of wars,
and it's true of people bickering at church.
He says,
From whence?
From what source come wars and fighting among you?
Come they not hence, even of your lusts?
I want you to notice this word lust.
Oftentimes when we use the word lust in our modern vernacular,
we are talking about some sort of a physical attraction between a male and a female,
and though the Bible does use the word lust in that sense,
in the Bible, the word lust has a broader sense,
which just means a desire or a want.
And here the writer of the book of James,
James, the brother of the Lord Jesus Christ,
he says,
From whence come wars and fighting among you?
He said,
From what source comes conflict?
Come they not hence, the word hence means from,
or because, or for this reason.
Come they not hence, even of your desires?
Even of your wants?
Even of your lusts?
He says that war in your members?
See, there are desires you have in your heart,
desires you have in yourself.
And James says that's the source of wars and fighting among you.
Look at verse 2.
He says,
Ye lust.
What does that mean?
You desire.
You want.
Ye lust,
and here's the problem,
and have not.
There's something you want that you don't have.
There's something you want that you're not getting.
Ye lust and have not.
Ye kill and desire to have,
and cannot obtain.
Ye fight in war,
and then he says this,
Ye have not because ye ask not.
What is it that the writer of James is telling us?
He's telling us this,
that the only times that we fight,
the only times we engage in conflict,
the only times we argue with people
is because we're not getting something we want,
or the reverse could be,
which is the same thing,
we're getting something we don't want.
I mean, why do these toddlers
go into the playroom after the service?
I'm sure it won't take very long
before you see a bunch of little kids fighting.
Why are they fighting?
Because one has a doll,
the other one wants.
Because one has something,
the other one wants.
Now, when they're little,
they don't hide it,
so it's very clear,
but as we get older,
we learn to hide it,
and we learn to come up with other reasons,
other reasons why we have to go
fight this person
and be against that person,
but you know, at the very least,
you ought to be clear with yourself.
What is it that I'm actually bothered about?
Because the truth of the matter is this,
you're not really angry about that situation,
you know, whatever that situation is.
You're not really upset that
your wife didn't have dinner made on time.
Man, let's be honest,
that's not really the reason why you're upset.
Really the reason you're upset
is because she doesn't have dinner
made on time any night.
In your mind, you say,
well, I get up,
and I get up early,
and I go to work,
and I work hard,
and all she has to do,
she stays home,
and I work hard to provide for her,
and all she has to do
is have dinner at a certain time,
but see,
the dinner's not really
what you're upset about, is it?
And here's what I'm saying to you,
and whatever,
if you like that example
or don't like that example
or whatever,
ladies, you're not really upset
that he can't figure out
how to get the socks
in the hamper.
That's not the real reason
you're upset.
I mean, you don't really get that,
ah, I'm going to my mom's,
or you're sleeping outside
because the socks
weren't in the hamper.
That's not the real reason.
And if you and I had
some emotional intelligence,
we would take the time
before we opened our mouth
to ask ourselves,
what am I actually upset about here?
You say, well,
how can I get there?
Well, ask yourself this,
what am I not getting that I want?
Or what am I getting
that I don't want?
Because you might find
that the actual answer is,
I'm not actually upset.
Once you start rolling that onion,
you know, and peeling that onion,
you might find that
what I'm actually upset about
is not this situation,
is that I'm feeling disrespected.
What I'm actually upset about
is not this situation,
but that I'm feeling unappreciated.
What I'm actually upset about
is not this specific situation,
it's just that this specific situation
is indicative of the fact
that you're always gone
and you're always missing
and you're never there.
You understand what I'm saying to you?
And what you might actually find
if you have an emotionally
intelligent conflict resolution
is that you walk up to your wife,
you walk up to your husband,
you walk up to your coworker,
whatever, and you say,
you know,
I'm not actually upset
about this, but I am upset
because when you do this,
it makes me feel like.
And now we start having
intelligent conversations,
intelligent conversations
about our emotions.
Is what your spouse is doing,
is that what's making you so upset?
Or is it what you're not getting?
Or what you are getting?
That makes you so upset?
And look, you say,
well, I'm not comfortable
having that conversation.
Can you at least have it
with yourself?
Can you at least ask yourself,
why am I so upset about this?
Why am I so upset about this?
Before you speak,
you have to think and consider,
what is the real reason?
What is the real reason
that I'm so upset about this situation?
Go back to James chapter one,
we'll finish this up.
I'll give you the third point,
we'll finish up as quickly here
as we can.
Step one, we're talking about
emotionally intelligent
conflict resolution.
Step one, be swift to here.
Be swift to here.
What does that mean?
That means you don't jump
to conclusions,
that means you don't
make assumptions,
that means you realize
that you may be wrong
or incorrect,
so you actually take the time
without falsely accusing somebody
to ask a question,
to look into the matter,
before you make a judgment.
Step one, be swift to here.
Step two, be slow to speak.
It means you stop this thing.
You stop it from flapping,
you stop it from saying,
you stop it from wounding,
you stop it from hurting.
Because you realize,
because you realize
that the more you speak,
the more likely it is
that you are to say something
that's wrong.
And look, by the way,
let me just say this,
this is true of everything,
this is true of my job.
This is something that James
also says,
I ask you to go to James 1,
but actually go to James 3
real quickly,
and look at verse 1.
James 3, 1.
James says,
My brethren, be not many masters,
knowing that we shall receive
the greater condemnation.
The word master,
they're talking about
being the leader in charge.
He says,
don't get excited about
being the person in charge.
And here specifically,
he's talking about a pastor.
And he says,
here's why you should not
be excited about being
a pastor,
or at least,
let me say it this way,
if you want to be a pastor
one day,
you should consider this
or be aware of this.
We shall receive
the greater condemnation.
Why?
Verse 2.
For in many things
we offend all.
If any man offend not in word,
the same as a perfect man,
and able also
to bridle the whole body.
And here's what James says.
James says,
look, as a pastor,
this is what I often tell people,
as a pastor,
I literally get up,
and for an hour,
three times a week,
I speak.
And as a result,
I'm going to say things
that may offend you,
or may be offensive.
And here's what
I'm trying to say to you.
Maybe I'm preaching
the word of God,
and that offends you.
I'm okay with that.
I mean, that beef
is between you and God.
Don't shoot the mailman.
Don't shoot the messenger.
I'm just bringing you
the bill.
Here's what God said.
But you know, oftentimes
people are offended.
I mean, this is so common.
This is so common in church life,
where people,
someone will say something,
and then somebody
will just assume,
he's talking about this.
He said that because of this.
And I have no clue
what they're talking about.
When it finally does come to me,
if it comes to me,
I'm like,
I don't know who that person is.
I've never heard of that person.
I've never,
I didn't know that they were,
I didn't know,
but people just
make these assumptions,
and oftentimes,
the more you speak,
the more trouble
you can get yourself into.
Now, here's the thing.
I'm a pastor,
and my job is to do it,
and whatever God said to do it,
but I'm just saying,
let's be careful
with the amount of words
that come out of our mouths.
Be slow to speak.
Before you speak,
you have to think and consider
what is the real reason?
What is the real reason?
And I'm so upset.
And then number three,
I'd like you to notice there,
if you go back to James 1 and verse 19.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren,
let every man be.
Number one, swift to hear.
Number two, slow to speak.
Number three, slow to rap.
Slow to rap.
Endeavor to not get angry.
Endeavor to not sin
while you're angry.
And endeavor not to stay angry.
Endeavor to not get angry.
Look at verse 20.
For the wrath of man
worketh not the righteousness of God.
Your anger will never do anything
that's righteous before God.
My anger will never do anything
that's righteous before God.
Why does he tell us
to be slow,
swift to hear,
and slow to speak,
and slow to rap?
He tells us that because,
verse 20,
the wrath of man
worketh not the righteousness of God.
Your wrath and my wrath
and our uncontrolled anger
is not ever going to cause us
to do anything good,
to do anything righteous,
to do anything that God approves of.
Go back to Proverbs, if you were.
Proverbs chapter 17,
if you kept your place there in Proverbs.
Proverbs 17, verse 14.
The thing about anger and wrath is this,
that once you let it out,
you can't control it.
So for that reason,
you ought to endeavor not to get angry.
You ought to endeavor not to get angry.
Look at Proverbs 17, 14.
The beginning of strife
is as when one letteth out water.
I love these proverbs
because they use these illustrations
and this image,
and I really love this image,
and you kind of have to get
the mental image to understand it.
The beginning of strife
is as when one letteth out water.
So what does that mean?
Well, I've got this bottle of water here.
I always have a bottle of water
when I preach.
But what he says is that,
strife and conflict,
it's like you have water
contained in a bottle,
or contained in a container,
contained in a bucket.
But once you,
I'm not going to dump it.
But once you dump it out,
the idea is this,
I can control this water
while it's in the container.
But what if I just dumped it out on the floor?
And then said,
oh man, I didn't mean to make that mess.
Let me try to get that water
back into the bottle.
Would I be able to do it?
I didn't mean to dump
this bucket of water on the floor.
Let me try to get that water
back into the bucket.
See, the beginning of strife
is as when one letteth out water.
If you let it out,
once you let it out,
you can't control it.
You can't bring it back in.
So what do we do?
Well, here's the advice.
Therefore, leave off contention.
Before be meddled with.
Endeavor not to get angry.
So how do I do that?
You know that anger is an emotion
and emotions pass.
Anger is an emotion
and emotions pass.
So I'm really angry
about this situation.
Here's what an emotionally
intelligent individual does.
And here's,
I'll be honest with you,
here's what I try to do
this in my own life.
Often as a pastor,
my job is to deal with conflict
and deal with situations
and I often tell myself,
I'm not going to deal with this
until X amount of time is passed.
I'm going to wait 24 hours
or 48 hours or 72 hours
or I'm going to wait until next week.
I'm not going to deal with this now
because I'm really angry right now.
But emotions pass.
By the way,
you say,
how can I not get angry?
Well, the truth is,
you can't not get angry.
We all get angry.
But what you can not do
is not make decisions
and not take actions
while you're angry.
So here's two steps.
Number one,
let time pass.
Let time pass.
Decide.
Before you have that conversation
with your teenager,
before you have that conversation
with your employee,
before you have that conversation
with whatever, whoever,
you're going to let some time pass.
It might be 24 hours.
It might be 48 hours.
It might be a week.
But you're going to let some time pass.
Number two,
do not dwell on it.
Don't dwell on it.
Why let time pass?
I was so angry.
Yeah, but you were thinking
about it the whole 24 hours.
Just angry about it,
talking to people.
I'm so angry.
I'm just...
Why?
Oftentimes,
I have found myself
having to deal with problems
and I tell myself,
I'm not going to deal with this right now.
I'm going to let three days pass
and then I'll deal with it.
And I tell myself,
I'm not going to get bitter about this.
I'm not going to think about it.
I'm not going to dwell on it.
I'm going to just move on with my life.
And when I come back
to deal with the situation,
I find myself
just not angry about it anymore.
And with a clear mind, though,
I sometimes think to myself,
well, this still requires
some sort of correction
and chastisement,
but I've told you this before.
Sometimes,
I just have to like
act angry.
Because the situation,
after a week has passed,
after some time has passed,
after I've not been thinking about it,
after I've not been dwelling on it,
I go back and revisit it
and I'm like, no, yeah,
it is still pretty bad.
I'm not angry about it,
but people need to know
that it's not okay.
So you say, well,
anger can be used as a tool.
God gave us the ability
to get angry
because it's a tool
that when it's controlled,
can be used.
But isn't it true
that every time
we can't control it?
Proverbs 15,
look at verse one,
if you wouldn't.
Now, how do I deal with someone
if they're angry at me?
Proverbs 15, verse one.
A soft answer
turneth away wrath.
But grievous words
stir up anger.
A soft answer
turneth away wrath,
the Bible says.
And sometimes,
it's that soft answer
that we need to give
to just endeavor
not to get angry,
to not make people angry,
to not allow ourselves
to get angry.
So we should endeavor
not to get angry.
Go to Ephesians, if you would,
just real quickly.
Matthew, Mark,
in the New Testament,
Matthew, Mark, Luke, John,
Acts, Romans, 1, 2 Corinthians,
Galatians, Ephesians,
Ephesians chapter four.
Number two,
under this idea
of being slow to wrath,
step three, slow to wrath,
what do we do?
Number one, endeavor
not to get angry
or at least not
to make actions,
make decisions,
say things, do things
while you're angry.
Number two, endeavor
not to sin
when you are angry.
Ephesians 4, 26,
be angry and sin not.
Let not the sun
go down upon your wrath.
Be angry and sin not.
What does this mean?
Here's what it means.
It means that it is possible
for you to be angry
and not to sin.
Now what that probably means
is that you need
to separate yourself
from the situation.
Go give it some time,
not dwell on it
and calm down.
But it is possible
to be angry.
So you say,
I'm really angry.
Okay, well you should
endeavor not to get angry.
Endeavor not to get angry.
And by the way,
let me just say this,
when you understand
emotional intelligence
and you understand
that you are the one
in control of your emotions,
it should give you
some insight into the fact
that like people
can't make you angry.
Do you understand that?
You make yourself angry.
People have to say,
well so-and-so made me so mad.
They made you mad.
Nobody made you anything.
You're a grown man.
You're a grown woman.
Nobody made you
put your fist through the wall.
Nobody made you
scratch the cart.
Nobody made you
do all those things.
You did that.
Control yourself.
Endeavor not to get angry.
You say, well I am angry.
Okay, then endeavor not
to sin while you're angry.
Be angry and sin out.
Decide, I might be angry right now,
but I'm not going to say
something that I'm...
And look,
you want to be selfish about it?
Here's how you can be
selfish about it.
Sometimes I find myself
in the midst of conflict
and I find myself getting angry
and here's the selfish motivation
that I tell myself.
I'm not going to say
something right now
that the angry me
wants to say,
that the spiritual me
24 hours from now
is going to be apologizing for.
So maybe at the very least
go into conflict saying this,
I don't want to say something
that I have to apologize for later.
Endeavor not to sin
when you're angry.
And then number three,
endeavor not to stay angry.
Look at it again,
Ephesians 4-26,
be angry and sin not.
And then the Bible says this,
and let not the sun
go down upon your rock.
We used to have a youth,
my wife and I had
a youth pastor that would say,
get glad in the same shoes
you got mad in.
And the idea was this,
before you go to bed at night,
before you take the shoes off
that you've been wearing all day,
make a decision
that you're not going
to let the sun
go down upon your wrath.
Look, it's not good.
We'll actually talk about this
in our Hebrew study.
We'll get to it eventually.
The Bible talks about
a root of bitterness.
It's not good to carry anger
over from day to day.
The Bible says
that it is of the Lord's mercies
that we are not consumed.
The Bible says that
His mercies are new every day.
Look, every day ought to be
a new start to a new day.
Every time you wake up
and the sun comes up,
it should be a fresh start.
Let it be a fresh start
in your marriage.
Let it be a fresh start
with your children.
Let it be a fresh start
in the relationships
that we have in life.
Don't allow anger
to move on from night to night
and week to week
and month to month.
You'll develop
a root of bitterness.
We'll talk about it in Hebrews,
but the thing about bitterness
is that it's a poison.
It only hurts you.
It's like these one-sided wars
that people have against us.
I mean, I'm happy in the Lord.
I have a clear conscience.
As far as I know,
I haven't done anything wrong
and they haven't taken the time
to communicate to me,
but they're simmering
and I'm so angry.
Stop doing that.
It does something to you.
It does something
to your stress
and your face
and your hair.
Trust me.
You see all these white hairs?
Be angry and sin not
and let not the sun
go down upon your wrath.
Get gliding
in the same shoes
you got mad in.
I'm going to give you
several verses.
You don't have to turn to these.
I'll just read these for you.
We're talking about
emotionally intelligent
conflict resolution.
Three simple steps.
Simple to understand.
Difficult to practice,
but you and I
should practice them in our lives.
Number one,
be swift to hear.
Be swift to hear.
And if you say,
well, I don't know
what they're thinking.
I don't know why they did that.
I don't know.
Then you need to
stop making assumptions,
stop jumping to conclusions,
stop fighting
and just
talk to them
without falsely accusing.
Realizing that maybe
you don't have all the details
and maybe you're not
correct about everything.
Be slow to speak.
Realize that it's better
to not say something
than to say something
you're going to regret.
And you ought to
consider the fact
that maybe you don't
know everything.
You ought to consider
the fact that maybe
you don't know
everything about your own self
and you have to stop
and ask yourself,
why am I actually upset?
Why am I so upset
about this?
From whence come
wars and fighting among you?
Come they not hence
even of your lusts
that warn your members.
You lust
and have not.
You kill
and desire to have
and cannot obtain.
That's the real reason.
And then,
I didn't mention it,
but in James he says,
you ask and receive not,
he says because you ask
amiss that you may
consume it upon your lusts.
He says this,
you have not
because you ask not.
And the truth is that
often we're trying to
get something from someone
that they were never intended.
Look, you understand
that your wife
and your husband
was never intended
to be the complete
fulfillment of your life.
You're trying to get
something from your children,
you're trying to get
something from your spouse,
you're trying to get
something from your job,
you're trying to get
something from money,
drugs, alcohol,
and you're trying to get
something that only God
can give you.
You have not because
you ask not.
The idea is that you're
trying to get something
from the wrong person,
you need to start asking
the right person
and that person is gone.
So step one,
be swift to hear.
Step two,
be slow to speak.
And then three,
be slow to rock.
And never not to get angry
or not to act
while you're angry.
Never not to sin
when you're angry.
And never not to stay angry.
Here's some verses,
you don't have to turn to these,
I'll just read these to you.
Matthew 5-9,
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called
the children of God.
See the peacemaker,
the Bible says
blessed are the peacemakers.
And people sometimes read that
and they think,
oh when you make peace
that'll be a blessing,
but that's not
what the verse is saying,
at least that's not
what I believe it's saying.
The person who
endeavors to live their life
as a peacemaker,
they are blessed.
They're blessed.
You say why?
Because they're not
fighting one-sided wars.
Angry at people
that aren't angry at them.
Mad at people
that aren't hurting them.
Blessed are the peacemakers.
Romans 12-18 says this,
if it be possible,
as much as lieth in you,
live peaceably with all men.
Hebrews 12-14,
follow peace with all men.
Conflict resolution.
Emotionally intelligent
conflict resolution
should be resolution
that is trying
to bring us to peace.
Trying to bring us
to the place
where we live peaceably
with all men.
Where we follow
peace with all men.
Where we are blessed
because we are
the peacemakers.
So I leave you
with the plan.
Be swift to hear.
Be slow to speak.
Be slow to write.
Let's bow our heads.
Heavenly Father.
Lord, we do love you.
And we thank you for the fact
that you have given us
all the information
we need for life
and godliness.
Everything we need to know
about relationships,
everything we need to know
about conflict resolution,
everything we need to know
is in the Bible.
And Lord, I pray you
to help us
to just apply it.
Apply it to our lives.
I understand that
conflicts can be difficult.
And sometimes our anger
and our emotion
gets the best of all of us.
That's understandable.
But help us to get
this mantra in our head.
Be swift to hear
and slow to speak
and slow to rap.
Swift to hear,
slow to speak,
slow to rap.
Swift to hear,
slow to speak,
slow to rap.
It will solve
so many problems for us.
Lord, I pray you
to help us with this.
In the matchless name
of the Lord Jesus Christ,
we pray.
Amen.
Well, God bless you.
Thank you for being here
this morning.
And I do want to,
of course,
remind you a couple of things.
First of all,
if you'd like to help us
with the Red Hot
Preaching Conference,
just don't forget
that we have some
volunteer opportunities
in your bulletin
with this communication card.
So please make sure
you take a moment
to look through that
and sign up
for whatever area
you can help with,
whether it's cleaning
or sitting in the overflow
or serving Baskin-Robbins.
And of course,
if you serve in the orchestra
or safety team
or ushers,
let us know about
your availability
so that we can make
plans for that.
And I want to encourage
you to be back tonight,
6 p.m.,
for the evening service.
And this is just
another opportunity
to be with God's people
under the preaching
of the Word of God.
And we have a wonderful service
lined up for you today.
Tonight, I'm going to be
preaching a sermon.
I kind of did this
in reverse.
Usually when I preach
somewhere else,
I'll preach a sermon
here first,
and then I'll preach
somewhere else.
We're in Georgia,
and I was preaching
at a family camp there.
And I appreciate those of you
that were praying for us
as we were traveling.
And I preached a sermon there
that I'm going to preach here.
So I want to encourage you
to be here tonight
for the evening service.
If there's anything,
of course,
that we can do for you,
please let us know.
We'll have Brother Matt
come up and lead us
in a final song.
I heard a song,
157.
One, five, seven.
Come and reign over us, ancient of days.
Come, thou incarnate Word,
Turn on thy mighty sword,
Our prayer attend.
Come, and thy people bless,
And give thy word success,
Spirit of holiness, on us descend.
Come, holy comfort, turn,
Thy sacred will in despair,
In this glad hour.
Thou who almighty art,
Thou rule in every heart,
And near for us to burn,
Spirit of heart.
Good, on the last.
To the great one in three,
Eternal praises be,
And sever more,
His sovereign majesty
May we in glory sing,
And to eternity,
Out of the door.
Amen, good singing.
Before we leave here,
if anybody has questions about salvation,
church membership, or baptism,
the pastor will be at the door.
We'd love to talk to you,
direct you to someone
who's trained to talk to you about that.
Brother Montel,
will you close a prayer for us?
Father, in the name of Jesus,
and in the name of the Father,
and in the name of the Father.