Thanks for watching!
In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
Amen.
Bless, Pastor.
Bless the message.
Please let it bring glory and honor to you.
In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray.
Amen.
All right, we're there in Matthew, chapter number 15.
And if you would, I'd like you to keep your place there in Matthew, chapter 15.
We're going to come back to it.
But if you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to go with me to the book of Proverbs, the Old Testament book of Proverbs.
If you open up your Bible just right in the center, you'll more than likely fall in the book of Psalms.
And right after Psalms, you have the book of Proverbs.
I'd like you to find Proverbs, chapter number 25.
And while you turn there, let me just give some introductory statements.
Of course, this morning we've talked about it.
We are starting a brand new sermon series on the subject of emotional intelligence.
And we're going to be learning how to biblically raise your EQ in all areas of life.
And this morning, the sermon will serve as an introduction to the subject of emotional intelligence.
Because emotional intelligence may be something that you are aware of, maybe it's something you've never heard of.
And what I'd like to do this morning, we're going to spend the next several weeks studying the subject of emotional intelligence, looking at it through the lens of the Bible.
But this morning will serve as an introduction to this series.
So if you're not sure what emotional intelligence is or why you should care about it, then we're going to learn about that this morning.
And today what we're going to look at is the what, why, and how of emotional intelligence.
The what, why, and how of emotional intelligence.
And just by way of introduction, we're going to get into the Bible here in just one minute.
But because emotional intelligence, the phrase is a phrase that is newer to our vernacular.
And it's maybe something you've never heard of or really know what it's about.
I'd like to begin by just reading to you an excerpt from a book to just help you understand and define what emotional intelligence is.
And I've read several books on the subject of emotional intelligence.
And throughout this series, I'll be, of course, looking at the Bible, looking at it through Scripture.
But I'll be quoting some excerpts from books and articles on the subject.
And I'd like to just read this to you just to help you begin with an understanding of emotional intelligence.
This is an excerpt from a book called The Emotionally Intelligent Leader or Emotionally Intelligent Leadership.
And it says this.
In 1990, Peter Salovey and John Mayer published a paper in which they coined the term emotional intelligence
and defined it as the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions to use that information to guide one's thinking and action.
In 1995, Daniel Goldman made EI popular in his book, Emotional Intelligence, and described it as the ability to recognize and regulate emotions in ourselves and others.
If you Google the term emotional intelligence, if you search for it on Amazon or YouTube, you're going to find a whole array of videos and books and coaching that deals with the subject of emotional intelligence.
It is something that is newer in our society, this understanding that there is more than just IQ.
There is another sort of intelligence that has to do with emotions.
And what is always interesting to me is that people find these concepts and they'll write books and it's good.
They're good books and there's nothing wrong with it.
But what they're often doing is they're catching up to what the Bible already says, what the Bible already teaches.
And this concept of emotional intelligence is actually found all throughout Scripture, which is what's interesting to me and the reason that I want to preach a series on it.
And I want to begin this morning by, just like I said, giving you an introduction.
So if you're taking notes, and I always encourage you to take notes on the back of your course this week, there's a place for you to write down some notes.
Then I'd like to give you several thoughts, the what, the why, and the how.
And let's begin this morning with what is emotional intelligence?
What is emotional intelligence?
Or it's often referred to as emotional potent or EQ.
What is emotional intelligence?
And I read to you from this book that it was coined in 1990 in a paper, a published paper, the idea of emotional intelligence.
But it was made popular in the book, Emotional Intelligence, which I'll be quoting from the book as well.
And the way that it's defined is, and I like this definition, to recognize and regulate emotions in ourselves and others.
To recognize and regulate emotions in ourselves and others.
So when we're talking about emotional intelligence, if you want to know what is emotional intelligence, and just to put it into a real succinct phrase,
it is the ability, it is the intelligence to be able to recognize and regulate, recognize and regulate both our emotions and the emotions of others.
And I would say to regulate yourself within the emotions of others.
And like I said, these concepts are found all throughout the Bible.
We're going to look at a lot of passages this morning and throughout this series.
But I'd like you to look at Proverbs 25 and verse 28.
This is a verse that I've showed our church family and brought up in sermons many times.
I think it's an interesting verse.
But I want you to notice that even in Proverbs 25-28, we already find this concept of the ability to recognize and regulate your own emotions and the emotions of others.
When it comes to emotional intelligence, there are two concepts or two focuses.
There's an inward focus and an outward focus.
It is the ability to recognize and regulate your own emotions and the ability to recognize and regulate yourself within the emotions of other people.
Notice Proverbs 25 and verse 28.
The Bible says this, he that hath no rule over his own spirit.
I want you to notice that that is an inward focus.
The Bible says he that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.
Now we're going to talk about that second part of the verse here in a minute, a city that is broken down and without walls.
But what I want you to notice is that the Bible here is saying that it is a negative thing to have no rule over your own spirit.
It says he that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.
We're going to come back to verse 28, Proverbs 25-28 here in a minute.
But go with me if you would to Proverbs chapter 16.
Proverbs chapter 16 and look at verse number 32.
Proverbs chapter 16 and verse 32.
Because remember, what is emotional intelligence?
What is emotional quotient?
What is EQ?
It is the ability to recognize and regulate your own emotions.
It's inward.
Proverbs 16-32, look at what it says.
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty.
Now I'm not preaching on anger this morning.
I'm sure we'll cover it at some point during the emotional intelligence series.
But notice the last part of verse 32, Proverbs 16-32.
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty.
Look at the last part of verse 32.
And he that ruleth his spirit, then he that taketh a city.
He that ruleth his spirit, then he that taketh a city.
What is the Bible saying here?
The Bible is saying that it's better to be able to control your own spirit than even to be able to take and conquer an entire city.
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty.
And he that ruleth his spirit, then he that taketh a city.
Go back to Proverbs 25.
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.
So when we ask the question, what is emotional intelligence?
What is EQ?
It is the ability to recognize and regulate your emotions, your own emotions inwardly.
It is the ability to regulate.
What does regulate mean?
It means to control.
But often times you cannot control what you cannot understand.
And it's interesting to me how little we often understand about our own emotions.
So we must recognize and regulate our own emotions.
But that's just one part of emotional intelligence.
The other part of emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and regulate yourself within the emotions of others.
Look at Proverbs 25-28.
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.
Now obviously the Proverbs is written during what we would call an ancient period or ancient times.
And during these times, a wall around a city was the defense mechanism of a city.
A city without a wall was a city that was susceptible to others' attacks.
A city without a wall was a city that was open to outward circumstances.
A city without a wall was a city that anyone could come up to, anyone could write up to, anyone could influence in both a positive or negative way, anyone could take advantage.
And this is the idea that God says here in Proverbs 25 when an individual has no rule over their own spirit,
when they are not able to understand their own emotions, recognize and regulate themselves, the Bible says they're like a city that is broken down and without walls.
And when you understand that in the context of emotions, you understand that oftentimes the problem with emotions is that they are out of control.
We're not able to regulate them.
And a lot of times the reason that people say they cannot regulate their own emotions is because of outside reasons.
People will often say, well, why did you get so angry? Why did you hit him? Why did you hit her? Why did you say that? Why did you throw that? Why did you break that?
What happened? Well, they made me so angry. They made you angry? So are they in control of your emotions? Are they in control?
Well, he said this and when she said that, and you don't understand, if they wouldn't have, but please understand this, he that has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.
See, someone who has emotional intelligence has developed walls around their emotions to where they can understand them, they can identify them, they can recognize them, and they can regulate them.
And they are not susceptible to the influences of others.
See, if the actions you take and the things you do, the places you go and the way that your life goes, if it's all dependent on what other people do, say, how they treat you, how they look at you, if they sit in your seat, don't they know?
Everybody knows that's my seat. Why are they sitting in my seat? Relax, they're a teenager that's here for the youth rally. They actually don't know that that's what you said.
But if your emotions are connected, if your emotions are influenced by the actions of others, please understand this and I'll say this as emotionally intelligent as I possibly can.
You're immature. You're not emotionally intelligent. What's the opposite of being intelligent? You're emotionally dumb. I'm saying that as kindly as I can.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and regulate your own emotions. But we must understand that that's only the inward focus. The outward focus is then the ability to recognize and regulate yourself within the emotions of others.
Because you say, well, I understand my emotions, but you can't understand the emotions of others or the influences of others, then you're only halfway there.
See, he that has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls. What is emotional intelligence? It is the ability to recognize and regulate your own emotions inwardly and to recognize and regulate yourself within the emotions of others.
That's outward. Go back to Matthew chapter 15, if you would. Matthew chapter number 15, where we started. I said that I wanted to give you three thoughts this morning and I've given you the first.
What is emotional intelligence? Again, this is just an introductory sermon. We're going to get deep into all these different subjects, self-awareness, awareness of others, awareness of context, social skills, conflict resolution.
We're going to give each one of those subjects its own sermon and we'll dig into it. For this morning, I just want you to understand what emotional intelligence is and why you should care about it and how we will go about doing that.
What is emotional intelligence? It is the ability to recognize and regulate your own emotions and the emotions of others. Then this morning, let's talk about why.
Why you should want to raise your emotional intelligence or your EQ because, of course, that is the question. That is the question that maybe an immature person would ask. They would say, okay, I understand.
I understand what emotional intelligence is, but why should I care about that? Why should I care? You're there in Matthew chapter 15. We're going to dig into Matthew 15 here in a minute, but before we do that, let me just read to you from another excerpt.
This is from a book called Emotional Intelligence by a man named Brandon Goldman. This is probably the most famous popular. This is what put emotional intelligence on the map and here's what he wrote.
He said, for the longest time, excuse me, this is by Brandon Goldman. For the longest time, being smart and working hard were believed to be the perfect combination for success.
Anybody who was not gifted in these two areas was viewed as having gotten the shorter end of the stick. People who scored well on intelligence quotient tests or IQ scales were seen to have an advantage over others when it came to succeeding in life.
Unfortunately, book smart can only get you so far. After paying attention to people who excelled in school and went on to be less successful than anticipated, psychologists have determined that there is something else required.
Something else required in the recipe for success, this extra ingredient is referred to as emotional intelligence. And I'll just kind of break down for you. Here's what happened.
A bunch of researchers decided that they wanted to quantify the value of IQ. They wanted to see if they were able to study people that had a high IQ, which IQ is a measurement of your intelligence.
They've developed tests that allow you to determine how intelligent you are in comparison to other people or whatever. I think that 100 is probably the average IQ that they say people have.
If you have like 130, then you're really smart. You're down in like the 80s and you're not so smart.
And what they wanted to do was they wanted to find out the influence that IQ had on people's success. So researchers went to universities and colleges and they found individuals that all tested with very high IQ.
They had very high test scores and they were very intelligent people. They tested them, they documented it, and they got their information. They signed them up for this research and they allowed time to go by.
They would check in with them after 5 years, after 10 years, after 15 years, after 20 years. They would also find people who had maybe average IQs. Maybe they weren't considered high IQs.
They were just considered normal. They found people that had low IQs. And they also documented them, registered them, and kept up with them as well.
What they were expecting to find is that with people with higher IQs would do better in life and people with maybe average IQs would not do as well as the people with the higher IQs and people with less IQs and so on.
That's what they were expecting to document. When they got to the end of their study, the findings surprised them.
And what they found was that although of course having a higher IQ helps you in certain situations for sure and helps in many sorts of ways, what they found was that having a high IQ did not necessarily mean that you would be rich or wealthy or happy or successful in life.
In fact what they found was that there was lots of people who had average IQs who not only did better than people with high IQs, what they actually found and what was surprising to them was how many people were working for, how many people with high IQs were working for people with lower IQs.
And when they looked at it, they realized, okay, there must be another factor here. There must be something else that determines the success of an individual, that determines how healthy their relationships are, how they can climb maybe a career ladder, how they are able to do in life.
And what they determined was or what they identified was this idea of not just IQ but EQ, emotional intelligence.
Why should you want to raise your emotional intelligence? Well you should want to raise your emotional intelligence because what research has found is that being high in emotional intelligence will have an effect on the success of your life.
Not just career, not just financially, in your relationships, in your marriage, relationships with your children, relationships with other people.
You say why should I want to raise my emotional intelligence? Well just to put it bluntly, the reason you should want to raise your emotional intelligence is because emotions are dumb.
Are you there in Matthew 15? I'd like you to look down at verse number 1. Matthew 15 and verse number 1, the Bible says this, then came to Jesus scribes and Pharisees which were of Jerusalem, same.
So the scribes and Pharisees come to Jesus, and by the way, let me just say this, if you want to study an individual with high emotional intelligence, study the life and the ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Then came to Jesus scribes and Pharisees which were of Jerusalem saying, why do thy disciples transgress the traditions of the elders?
They're accusing the disciples of transgressing or breaking the traditions of the elders, and they're coming to Jesus, they're asking the question, and they say for they, here's their big problem, why they transgress the traditions of the elders.
For they wash not their hands when they eat bread. Now let me just say this for those of you mothers who, see my emotional intelligence is telling me that even reading this verse for some of you mothers is making your heart rate go up.
And let me just tell your children, this has nothing to do with hygiene. This was a religious washing. Okay, so when your mom says wash your hands, wash your hands.
Why do thy disciples transgress the traditions of the elders? For they wash not their hands when they eat bread. This was a religious tradition, a religious ritual of washing your hands, and here's what I want you to understand.
The scribes and the Pharisees were concerned with an exterior factor, with an exterior influence. They're not washing their hands before they eat bread.
And Jesus responds, we won't read the whole chapter, we already read the whole chapter in its context, but look at verse 7, Jesus responds, ye hypocrites, well did Isaiah's prophesy of you.
And Jesus is going to quote from the book of Isaiah, Isaiah 29, 13, if you want to have that for your notes, saying, here's the quote,
This people draw nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoreth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.
And the way that Jesus responds, because remember, what are they upset about? Your disciples did not wash their hands before they ate. Why do they transgress the traditions of men? Why do they not wash their hands?
They were concerned with an exterior factor, they were concerned with an exterior dilemma, but Jesus responds to them, is that your problem is not on the outside, your problem is on the inside.
He says, their heart is far from me. And then he goes on to teach this little parable in verse 9, he says,
But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men. And he called the multitude and sent them to them, hear and understand. Here's this parable, Jesus is going to teach a lesson with this understanding.
The context is this, they're concerned with the exterior, Jesus is concerned with the interior, they're concerned with the cleanliness of their hands, Jesus is concerned with the cleanliness of their hearts.
And in that context he gives this parable, verse 17, Matthew 15, 17.
Do not ye yet understand that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth. Now why is Jesus using this example? Because they're talking about the fact that the disciples ate with unwashed hands.
They didn't wash their hands before they ate. Again kids, bad idea, wash your hands, alright?
But this was a religious ritual type thing and they were bringing it up in a pharisaical, literally not hygiene, but just religious way.
And Jesus says to them, verse 11, not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man, but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.
He gives this little parable, skip down to verse 15, and then the disciples, they respond, then answered Peter and said unto him, declare unto us this parable.
So he gives this little quick parable, not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man, but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.
And Peter and the disciples, they say, declare this unto us, explain this parable to us, to which Jesus is going to do, verse 16.
Matthew 15, 16, and Jesus said, are ye also yet without understanding? Do not yet ye understand that whatsoever enterth in at the mouth goeth into the belly and is cast into the drop?
Do you understand what Jesus is saying? He says what you put into your mouth goes down into your gut and comes out in the restroom.
Comes out in the toilet. I don't know, maybe I'm not being emotionally intelligent right now by even reading this.
It comes out into the drought. That word drought means waste or filled. He says, look, look, Jesus said, look, you're concerned with eating something without washing your hands.
But don't you understand that which goes into your mouth, goes into your belly, and then even if it's dirty, your body has systems in place to get it out.
Verse 18, but those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart and they defile the man.
See, what Jesus is saying, he's telling them, you think your main problem is on the outside, but what you need to understand is that your main problem is actually on the inside.
And what you need to become interested in is you need to become interested not with that which comes out, not from that which is exterior, but that which comes from within, that which is interior.
See, if you're here this morning and you're saying, I'm really looking forward to this emotional intelligence theory because I need you to fix, then you need to understand the lesson that says your problem is not outside of you.
Your problem is inside of you. And what we must become interested in is not what is coming at us, but what is coming out from us.
Look at verse 17, do not yet ye understand that whatsoever enter at the mouth goeth into the belly and is cast out into the drought.
But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart and they defile the man.
Look at verse 19, for out of the heart proceeds evil thoughts.
The word evil in the Bible, when we think of the word evil, we often equate it with the word sin, and sometimes evil is definitely sinful and there's a connection there.
But in the Bible the word evil does not mean sin, it means hurtful.
Evil is when something is hurting. Now oftentimes sin hurts, so all sin is evil, but not all evil is sin.
We know that because the Bible says sometimes God does evil.
And what Jesus is saying here, he's saying look, out of the heart proceed evil or hurtful thoughts.
And then he says this, those evil thoughts turn into actions, for out of the heart proceed evil thoughts.
You know the Bible says that the thought of foolishness is sin?
He says out of your heart come hurtful thoughts, and those thoughts become hurtful actions.
He says for out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, Matthew 15, 19.
Then he says murders, adulteries, fornication, theft, false witness, blasphemies, these are the things which defile a man.
But to eat with unwashed hands defile is not a man.
And here's what Jesus is saying.
Jesus is saying you must concern yourself not with the exterior but with the interior, why?
Because in the inside, because in your heart you have these things called feelings, you have these things called emotions.
And the problem with our emotions is that emotions are dumb.
The reason we want to raise our emotional intelligence is because emotions all on their own are dumb.
And when we allow emotions to take control, they are evil and they are hurtful.
And here's what I know about you, and I don't even have to know you to know this about you,
and what is true of you and true of me and true of every human being that has ever lived is this,
that you were the mastermind and I was the mastermind behind our greatest regrets.
Isn't that true?
Aren't all the things that you look back on in life as a regret, aren't all the things you look back on in life with some shame,
aren't all the things you look back on in life and you think to yourself,
man if I could go back I would do that differently if I had a time machine I wish I could erase that,
I wish I could make that go away, I wish I wasn't.
Isn't it true? Let's just be honest with ourselves.
We're going to be emotionally intelligent, we're going to have to begin with self-awareness,
we'll talk about it next week, but let's just give you a hint in the next week's sermon.
Let's be honest with ourselves.
Isn't it true that all your deepest regrets were your idea?
Now you can say the devil made me do it, my wife made me do it, my husband made me do it, my boss made me do it,
you can say that but you know that's not true.
You sold yourself on the idea.
The thought came out of your heart.
Evil thoughts, why should I want to raise my emotional intelligence?
Here's the reason, because emotions are dumb.
Now you say well did not God create emotions? Yes he did, absolutely.
Go to 1 Corinthians chapter 11 if you would.
1 Corinthians chapter 11, you're there in Matthew, go past Mark, Luke, John, Acts, Romans, 1 Corinthians.
1 Corinthians chapter 11, God created emotions but please understand this,
God created two aspects of our mind, our heart, our mind, whatever you want to call it.
In fact science understands this as well.
There is an emotional brain and there is a logical brain.
And here's what you and I need to understand.
God created emotions as an alarm system.
When things happen, oftentimes you feel it before you understand it.
You're not sure why this bothered you.
You're not really sure why this made you uncomfortable.
You're not even sure why this upset you so much.
And oftentimes our logic lags behind our emotions. Why?
Because your emotions are there to be an alarm system.
Your emotions are there to protect you from something that could hurt you
before you even understand how it could hurt you.
Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
However, we were not meant to be guided solely by our emotions.
And by the way, let me just say this, we were also not meant to be guided solely by our logic.
You ever met that guy?
Mr. Logical, no emotion, never emotion, just a robot.
You need some passion in life.
You need some emotion.
I told our musicians around here, hey, make sure you know music, but put some heart into it.
Have some passion with it.
You need both logic and emotion.
You need both intelligence and emotion.
You need both. You can't just be logical all the time, no emotion, just make decisions, just let AI decide for me.
But you also can't be Mr. or Mrs. head in the clouds, just go with whatever, don't think anything through.
That doesn't work either.
God has determined for us to use logic and emotions side by side, together.
But when we allow our emotions to take control, when we allow our emotions to just lead us and guide us,
and we make decisions, and people often say, I said it before I even thought about it.
Yeah.
I did that, I didn't even realize what I was doing.
We know.
It was dumb.
It was emotionally dumb.
Why? Because your emotions are dumb.
They were never meant to lead you.
Our emotions must be coupled with logic.
Logic was not meant to lead us on its own either.
God made you a human being that can both reason and feel.
And we are to couple these together and have some emotional intelligence.
I'm going to give you some verses here in a minute from 1 Corinthians,
but before that let me just read to you a couple of things or give you a couple of things.
Just in case, because remember, this is just an introductory sermon.
This is just kind of to help you understand.
This is why you want to know this.
What is the difference between someone that has high emotional intelligence versus someone that has low emotional intelligence?
What does someone with high emotional intelligence look like versus someone that has low emotional intelligence?
I've written out five things and I've thought a lot about this.
I've read a lot about this. I've done a whole lot of counseling.
And these are five things that I think are pretty, and I didn't come up with these on my own.
I took these from different places and worded them and reworded them.
But these are five things, and look, and you might want to write this down.
I don't know. Maybe you do, maybe you don't.
But these are five things that describe someone that has high emotional intelligence.
This is because I want you to understand and I want you to identify,
do I need to work on some of these?
Five things that describe someone with high emotional intelligence versus low emotional intelligence.
Number one, people with high emotional intelligence understand the what, what I'm feeling,
and the why, why I'm feeling of their emotions.
People with, we've already been talking about that.
People with high emotional intelligence understand the what and the why of their emotions.
And again, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I'm trying to help you.
Let me just say this. If you've ever said, I don't know.
Why'd you do it? I don't know.
But why did you take an ax to the furniture? I don't know. Something just came over.
You are probably low in emotional intelligence.
I didn't say you weren't smart. See, some of you are already offended.
Remember, IQ is different than EQ.
We've all met the brilliant individual that has no social skills.
Says rude things, doesn't know.
I didn't say you weren't smart. I said, I'm not, I'm not insulting your intelligence, your IQ.
I'm telling you, if you do things, if you say things, if you take actions,
and then you're asked, why did you do that? Why did you, I don't know.
I don't know why I did that. I'm not sure why I crashed the car into that other car.
They cut me off and I assumed that they were being rude to me.
When you don't know why you do what you do, you might be low in emotional intelligence.
And by the way, let me just say this. And look, my wife and I, we've been in the ministry for 13 years.
We've done a lot of counseling. I'm not trying to offend any of you or whatever.
But I have found that when we counsel individuals, especially in times of conflict,
that most people, I'm not going to say all people, but most people, there definitely are exceptions.
Most people cannot understand why they're so upset.
Oftentimes all we do is help them kind of unravel that onion.
But why did that upset you? I don't know. It just might be so upset.
But what about, how did you feel at the moment when he said that, when she said that,
when he came home late, or when she spent that without letting you know.
When that situation, what made you so, I was just so mad.
People with high emotional intelligence understand the what and the why of their emotions.
What I'm feeling and why I'm feeling.
And by the way, let me just go ahead and say this, and this might offend you, whatever.
Generally speaking, women are better at this than men.
Men, when it comes to their emotions, I'll tell you, they're usually really confused.
I mean, usually with guys, I'm not even asking them what they're feeling.
I'm just telling them, this is what you're feeling.
We could talk about it for three hours and get you there, but I don't have the time.
You're feeling disrespected. Oh yeah, no, that is what I'm feeling.
Yeah, I know. I already knew that.
I never really thought about that. No, well, yeah.
Number two, people with high emotional intelligence understand the what and the why of their emotions.
Number two, people with high emotional intelligence control their emotions
as opposed to being controlled by them.
See, I'm catching some of you because you're like, oh, I know why I'm mad.
I wanted to take a sledgehammer to all his gifts he gave me.
Well, that doesn't mean you're emotionally intelligent
because an emotionally intelligent person would not only know what and why,
they would also be able to control as opposed to being controlled.
When your emotions are in control, you will make bad decisions
because emotions are dumb.
People with high emotional intelligence control their emotions
as opposed to being controlled by their emotions.
Number three, people with high emotional intelligence communicate more effectively
by reducing polarizing statements.
Reducing polarizing statements.
Something that affects conflict so much is people saying rude things to each other
and not even knowing that they're being rude.
I mean, it's amazing to me. Sometimes I'll be talking to individuals and I'm like,
when you say X, Y, and Z to your wife, it makes you feel like you don't love her.
When you say X, Y, and Z to your husband,
it makes him feel like you're treating him like a child,
like you don't respect him.
And yes, let's stop doing that. Okay.
But, and then in the next statement, they'll do it again.
And I'm just like, we just talked about it.
People with low emotional intelligence will say rude things,
polarizing things, triggering things.
And not even know it.
And then they walk around saying, I don't know, everybody's mad at me.
Listen to me. I'm not trying to offend you.
When everybody at work hates you,
when everybody at church hates you,
when all your neighbors hate you,
when your spouse hates you, your pastor hates you, I'm just kidding.
That one's not true.
And then we all hear the same, well, everyone's the problem.
No, no, no, no, the problem is not out there.
The problem isn't here.
You are the common denominator.
Look, I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.
I'm really just trying to help you.
But when you understand this, when you have a problem with everyone,
there is no conspiracy out there against you.
You're not that important.
That's another emotional intelligence sermon for another day.
When you have a problem with everyone,
you're the problem.
The common denominator is you.
Emotionally intelligent people
communicate more effectively
by reducing polarizing statements,
by not saying things and doing things
that are going to trigger others,
that are going to offend others,
that are going to, and this is,
and you get two emotionally and not so intelligent people
in a room then, I mean, they're just triggering each other
and they don't even know why they're upset
and why they're mad and, you know.
Number five, excuse me, number four.
People with high emotional intelligence
can perceive how they are being perceived.
People with high emotional intelligence
can perceive how they are being perceived by others.
Sometimes it's shocking to me.
I mean, people will say things.
I'm not talking about in counseling.
I'm talking about just in life, just in general.
Husbands and wives talking to each other.
Parents and kids talking to each other.
People just talking, and I'm thinking to myself,
you can't perceive how you're being perceived right now.
You can't tell that the way you're talking
to your husband right now in my presence
makes you look like a brat.
People with low emotional intelligence
cannot perceive how they are being perceived.
Look, we all have crazy thoughts.
I have crazy thoughts.
I think that, but oftentimes,
there are things that pop in my head,
things that I think are true, things that I believe,
but I don't say them out loud.
You know why?
Because I know if I say that,
people are going to think I'm crazy.
The problem with crazy people is they say it
and then they don't understand why everybody else,
you know, they think everybody else is crazy.
People with high emotional intelligence
can perceive how they're being perceived,
can perceive how their actions are looking to other people,
make other people think about them,
make other people feel about them.
People with high emotional intelligence
can perceive how they are being perceived by others.
Number five, people with high emotional intelligence
can recognize the emotions of others.
This is a word we'll talk about a lot
in the next several weeks.
The word is empathy.
People with high emotional intelligence
can recognize the emotions of others.
They understand if I say this,
how not only am I going to be perceived,
but how it's going to affect this other individual.
These are things that characterize
an individual with high emotional intelligence
versus someone with low emotional intelligence
and all I'm saying to you is I want to help you
raise your EQ.
Let me read to you an article
just to give you, because some of you,
you're like, ah, still not convinced, still don't care.
Okay, let me give you a selfish reason
why you should raise your EQ.
This is from an excerpt from an article
from a website called inc.com.
Inc.com, for those of you who don't know,
it's an American business entrepreneur magazine
and inc.com is in incorporation.com.
This is an article entitled
Richard Branson says EQ is more important
than IQ for success.
The subtitle is
Don't let less than stellar academic performance
hold you back from your dreams.
Brandon urges.
A boatload of science backs him up.
That's the subtitle.
Let me just read to you a little bit of this article.
Sir Richard Branson famously flunked out of school
at the age of 16 never to return.
He still managed to amass a net worth
of several billion dollars,
earned himself a knighthood,
and appears to have a boatload of fun in the process.
So perhaps it's no surprise
that when he was asked whether EQ or IQ
was more important for success,
he answered firmly in favor of emotional intelligence.
I think being emotionally intelligent
is more important in every aspect of life
and this includes business,
Brandon said in a LinkedIn interview.
Being a good listener,
finding empathy,
understanding emotions,
communicating effectively,
treating people well,
and bring out the best
is critical to success.
It will also help you build a business
that really understands people
and solves their problems
and it will make for a happier
and healthier team too.
He added this.
If I had let my IQ and my school grades
determine my success,
I certainly wouldn't be where I am today.
Now please understand this.
I'm not making an argument for it.
Be dumb and be proud of that.
Look, work on your intelligence.
I think you ought to read.
I think you ought to study.
I think we should all be growing
our knowledge and our brains
and trying to become smarter every day.
You should be a lifelong learner.
But along with being a lifelong learner,
how about also raising your emotional intelligence?
Because there is a connection.
There is a connection
between your success at work,
with your college, with your children,
and every relationship of your life.
There's a connection to that
and your emotional intelligence
and here's why.
Because you don't get to live isolated.
As much as you want,
as much as you try,
at some point you're going to need other people.
And at that point,
your emotional intelligence will come into play.
And if you have the ability,
have had the ability
to connect with people,
work well with people,
invest in others,
love others, be there for people,
have empathy.
If you have a high EQ,
it'll help you in every area of life.
So number one,
we saw what is emotional intelligence or EQ.
The ability to recognize
and regulate your own emotions
and the ability to recognize and regulate yourself
within the emotions of others.
Number two,
why should you want to raise
your emotional intelligence or EQ?
Simply stated,
because your emotions are dumb.
And when you don't understand
your own emotions
and you cannot comprehend
or regulate your own emotions,
you're going to make dumb decisions.
Number three,
let's talk about how to improve
emotional intelligence.
How to improve emotional intelligence, EQ.
And what I want to do
is just take a few minutes
and let me say this.
Go to First Corinthians chapter 11
and let me say this.
When it comes to emotional intelligence,
there are two schools of thought out there.
One school of thought is this.
That it can be raised in everyone.
The other school of thought is
that it can only be raised in children.
And emotional intelligence has to be taught
while your brain has not yet
metastasized
and that it can be taught to children
or adolescents.
And there's a school of thought out there
that says this,
that by the time you're 30 years old,
if you haven't figured it out,
you're not going to figure it out
and there's nothing that can be done about that.
Those are the two schools of thought.
You say,
Pastor, which one do you fall on?
I'll let you know in about six weeks.
I'm banking on this one,
but I'm not holding my breath
because I get it.
Sometimes you're helping people
or you're coaching people.
I mean, sometimes I'm telling people,
just say this.
Word for word, here's what I want.
Don't add anything to just say this.
And it's like, why don't you get it?
So, if it's true
that emotional intelligence cannot be raised
only in children,
then this sermon series is for your kids.
But if it can be raised
and if it can be taught
and that's what I'm banking on,
then what we need to do
is learn the areas
in which we have to raise emotional intelligence.
So, what are we looking at
over the next several weeks?
First of all,
we'll be talking about awareness of self
and self-control.
Are you there in 1 Corinthians 11?
Look at verse 28.
I'll just show you this.
1 Corinthians 11, 28, the Bible says this,
but let a man examine himself.
But let a man examine himself.
Now, the Bible teaches
that you should be taking examination of yourself.
I understand 1 Corinthians 11
is in the context of the Lord's Supper.
There's other verses that say the exact same thing
in different contexts.
I just want you to understand
this is a concept that is found throughout the Bible
that you and I ought to often be examining ourselves.
Self-awareness and self-control.
1 Corinthians 11, verse 31.
For if we would judge ourselves,
we should not be judged.
I'm tired of people judging me.
They're always judging me.
They always think,
well, how about you start judging yourself
and then it won't get there?
For if we would judge ourselves,
we should not be judged.
So, we'll be looking at next week,
awareness of self.
Awareness of self and self-control.
We'll also be looking at,
12 and verse 26,
awareness of others.
Awareness of others.
This is empathy and relationship management.
I mean, people want to talk about
emotional intelligence or whatever.
Let me tell you something.
By the way, let me just say this.
All of the best sellers,
when we're talking about books
like emotional intelligence or things of that nature,
all of those books, all they do
is rip off the Bible.
They find principles from the Bible.
They find the Word of God.
Everything you need is in the Bible.
You say, awareness, emotional intelligence,
show me that in the Bible.
Okay, here's what Jesus taught.
He said to love the Lord thy God
with all your heart, with all your soul,
with all your mind,
and to love thy neighbor as thyself.
That is probably the best definition
for emotional intelligence.
He didn't say just to love your neighbor.
He said to love your neighbor as yourself,
which requires you to know yourself,
self-awareness,
and to be aware of others.
We're going to talk about awareness of self,
awareness of others, empathy,
1 Corinthians 12, look at verse 26,
for whether, this is how it's supposed to work
in church,
for whether one member suffer,
all members suffer with it.
Did you just read that?
That's how it's supposed to work.
Not whether one member suffer
because all the members made it suffer.
That's not what it says.
And whether one member suffer,
all members suffer with it,
or one member be honored,
all members rejoice with it.
That's empathy.
That's being aware of the feelings of others.
Go to Romans chapter 12.
If you're there in 1 Corinthians,
go back to Romans, Romans chapter 12,
look at verse 15.
Romans chapter 12 and verse 15.
Real quickly, we'll finish this up.
Romans 12 and verse 15,
Romans 12, 15,
Rejoice with them that do rejoice
and weep with them that weep.
Rejoice with them that do rejoice
and weep with them that weep.
That's awareness of others.
We'll be learning about that
in week three.
Week four, we'll learn about awareness of context.
Awareness of context.
If you don't believe in this stuff,
you don't believe in emotional intelligence,
okay, we know who you are.
This is probably the one,
to me like this is the most awareness of context.
Go to Philippians chapter one.
Real quickly, Romans, 1 Corinthians,
Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians,
Philippians chapter one.
Awareness of context.
Do you understand in the Bible,
Jesus taught this, alright,
this is Jesus.
If you don't attack me,
come back for week four of the series.
Do you understand that there are
times to say things
and times to not?
There are times where it's appropriate
to do something and times
when it's not appropriate to do something.
Isn't that common knowledge?
You pastor a church for 13 years
and tell me if you think it's common knowledge.
Awareness of context.
Understanding the context
of the situation.
Understanding who I'm talking to
and what we are talking about
in the context in which we find ourselves
and whether it's appropriate for me
to say what I'm thinking right now.
Philippians 1, 9.
And this I pray,
may abound yet more and more
in knowledge and in all judgment.
Paul said to the Caribbean church,
or to the Philippian church,
I want you to abound more and more
in knowledge and judgment.
What's judgment? Discernment.
The ability to have the discernment to say,
no, right now is not the right time.
Or right now is the right time.
No, we need to have this conversation
now.
Or no, we need to wait a while
before we have this conversation.
Awareness of context.
Then you're there in Philippians 1.
Go to Philippians 2, if you would,
look at verse 4.
We'll be learning about social skills.
We're gonna have a whole sermon
just on the idea of social skills.
Social skills.
Philippians 2, verse 4.
Look not every man on his own things
but every man also on the things of others.
Social skills.
We're gonna spend lots on that.
We're gonna spend a lot of time in Proverbs
in that sermon.
Into one sermon I'm gonna just give you
a lot of practical things
regarding social skills
and how to not be an idiot socially.
I don't know how to say it.
Excuse me.
Develop emotional diligence.
And then lastly, go to Ephesians if you would.
Ephesians chapter 4.
You're there in Philippians if you just
go backwards into Ephesians.
Ephesians chapter 4.
We're gonna learn about conflict resolution.
How to resolve conflict,
how to go into conflicts
with some emotional intelligence.
Ephesians 4.32.
And be kind one to another, tenderhearted.
We're gonna come back to those words here in a minute.
I just want you to see the last part of this verse.
And be kind one to another, tenderhearted.
Look at this.
Forgiving one another,
forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
We'll be learning about conflict resolution.
So what are we gonna learn in this series?
Next week, we'll be looking at the subject
of awareness of self and self-control.
Week three, awareness of others,
empathy, relationship management.
Week four, awareness of context.
The next week, social skills.
The next week, conflict resolution.
The best time to be in church,
it's always good to be in church.
The best time to be in church though
is at the beginning of a brand new series.
And here's what I wanna encourage you
and here's the challenge for you this morning.
Good on you.
You joined us at the beginning
of a brand new series.
Would you make the commitment
to be with us every week
in this emotional intelligence series?
Because we need it.
We all need it.
I need it.
Every single one of us needs
to raise our EQ.
Notice there Ephesians 4, 32.
Be kind one to another.
Emotional intelligence.
Tender hearted.
That's emotional intelligence.
How we treat each other.
How we perceive others.
How we're perceived by others.
How we feel and how we make others feel.
All of that is connected to this idea
of emotional intelligence.
And I wanna encourage you to join us
on this little journey as we study
how to biblically raise
our emotional intelligence
in every area of life.
Let's bow our heads together.
Have a word of prayer.
Heavenly Father.
Lord we do love you
and we thank you
that the Bible truly has the answers
for everything.
There's no new thing under the sun.
Anything that has been developed
by humanity that is helpful
it was already in the Bible.
And Lord I pray you'd help us
as we focus on this idea
for the next several weeks.
Emotional intelligence.
We should care about it.
We should care about others.
We should care how we're perceived
and how we perceive.
And Lord I pray that you would help us
to learn this, study it,
apply it to our lives,
help us to become better
at dealing with each other.
We love you.
In the matchless name of Christ
we pray.
Before we do that let me just give you
a couple of ending notes.
First of all I want to remind you
that this week is our youth rally week.
Tuesday April 9th,
Wednesday April 10th.
We already have several families
with us for the youth rally.
We have many more coming in
the next day or so.
So I just want to encourage our church family
to be in prayer for the youth rally.
Pray for these young people
and pray that they have a good time
but also that the Lord speaks to their hearts.
There's going to be preaching, games, fun.
It's going to be great.
It's going to be geared for its teens
so just know that.
It'll be loud and all those things.
But we want to encourage you to be here
and participate and encourage these young people.
Of course just keep in mind that the activities,
the meals and all those things
are for registered teens
and for their accompanying families.
If you'd like to help tomorrow
with setting up for the youth rally
my wife will be leading a group of ladies.
There's shirts that need to be folded,
that need to be put up for the activities.
Also the wrestling ring is going up tomorrow.
All sorts of things.
So just make sure that
if you'd like to help with that
we have a sign-up sheet in the foyer
so go by there and sign up for that.
And then I want to encourage you
to be back tonight at 6 p.m. for the evening service.
And if you're here this morning
and you're like, ah pastor, you know,
that was a little too heavy for me.
That kind of cut a little too close.
I'm the guy that people keep telling me
you say rude things.
It's a very interesting sermon.
I'm going to be preaching from Numbers 29,
our number series, but we're going to be
finishing the second part of what we started last week
of the prophetic symbolisms of the feast.
And we're going to look at the feast.
Remember last week we saw the spring feast
and we saw how they correlated
and connected with the first advent of Christ.
This tonight in chapter 29
we're going to look at the fall feast
and we're going to see how they correlate
with the second advent or the second coming of Christ.
So if you're interested in learning about
the abomination of desolation,
the timing of the rapture, the millennial reign,
if end times prophecy is something
that's interesting to you,
I want to encourage you to be back tonight
at 6 p.m. for the evening service.
You don't have to feel guilty
about the abomination of desolation
because that's the anti-Christ
having bad emotional intelligence, not you.
So you'll be fine and it'll be interesting
and we think you'll enjoy it
so I want to encourage you to be back tonight
at 6 p.m. for that.
And then of course I want to encourage you
to invite somebody, bring somebody with you
recently.
You know, don't go to your spouse
and say you really need this.
Let me tell you something.
Be careful how you communicate that
but invite somebody.
Bring somebody with you this week.
We had 300 in church this morning.
Praise the Lord for that
and we appreciate you being here.
Let's go ahead and have a round of applause.
Amen.
We appreciate you coming.
If there's anything we can do for you
please let us know.
1, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
Sing it out on the first.
Be still my soul
The Lord is on thy side
Bear patiently
The cross of grief or pain
Leave to thy God
To order and provide
In every change
He faithful will remain
Be still my soul
Thy best, thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways
Leads to a joyful end
Be still my soul
Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future
As He has the past
Thy hope, my confidence
Thy blood, my shame
All now mysterious
Shall be lost
Sing it out
Be still my soul
The waves and we'll still know
His voice through room
While He dwell below
Good, sing it out on the last.
Be still my soul
The hour is hastening on
When we shall be
Forever with the Lord
When disappointed, grief and fear
Are gone
Sorrow forgot
Love's purest joys restored
Be still my soul
When change and tears are past
All safe and blessed
We shall meet at last
Amen. Good singing before we leave here.
If anybody has questions about salvation, church membership, or baptism
Pass will be at the door.
He'd love to talk to you or direct you to someone who's trained
to talk to you about that.
I'm going to ask Brother George, would you close in prayer for us?
Amen.