Amen. All right, we're there in Jonah, chapter number one. Of course, Jonah is a
very well-known book, very well-known story in the Bible, and I'm not preaching
necessarily on the story of Jonah this morning, although we're gonna look
at some things from Jonah, but of course we have spent the last many
weeks on learning about the subject of emotional intelligence. In
fact, this is the tenth sermon this morning on emotional intelligence, and if
you remember, we spent the first part of this series talking about emotional
intelligence just in general, dealing with the idea of emotional
intelligence. We've been looking at it through the lens of the Bible, and we
learned about awareness of self, awareness of others, awareness of
context, and we've learned that emotional intelligence is our ability to
regulate our own emotions, and to recognize our own emotions, and to
recognize the emotions of others, and regulate ourselves around the emotions
of others. And then several weeks ago, we kind of shifted into a different
phase of this series, and we've been dealing with some very specific things
that deal with emotional intelligence. We talked about emotional intelligence in
regards to conflict resolution. We talked about emotional intelligence in regards
to dealing with gossip and gossips. Last week, we learned about emotional
intelligence in regards to making judgment calls. This morning, I'd like
to preach a sermon entitled emotional immaturity, emotional immaturity, and for
all intents and purposes, this is basically the last sermon in this
emotional intelligence series. This will be kind of the last time we deal with
the subject of emotional intelligence. Now, let me just say this. Next Sunday is
Father's Day, and on Mother's Day this year, because we were dealing with
emotional intelligence, I preached a sermon entitled the emotionally
intelligent mother, and next Sunday, I plan to preach a sermon on Father's Day
entitled the emotionally intelligent father. So we'll still deal with
emotional intelligence in regards to fatherhood, and what we as fathers need
to know in regards to having emotional intelligence to be able to help our
children, but this will be the last sermon where we kind of deal with the
subject in specificity, and what I want to say today is this, that we've spent
many weeks learning about emotional intelligence, but the opposite of
emotional intelligence is not emotional stupidity, if you want to use that word
or maybe you don't want to use that word. It's not emotional simplicity or
emotional ignorance. The opposite of emotional intelligence is emotional
immaturity, emotional immaturity, and what I'd like to do this morning is give you
four common traits, four common tendencies of people who are emotionally
immature, and what I would encourage you is to really reflect on yourself.
Let's have some emotional intelligence as we listen to the sermon, and let's
recognize and regulate our own emotions, and you have to identify, do any of
these apply to me? Am I any one of these? Do these tendencies apply in my
life? Because if they do, they testify to the fact that maybe you are not
mature in your emotions, and the goal of the sermon is not to make you feel
bad. The goal of the sermon is to help you identify this so that then you
can go and do what a mature person should do, is go to work on it, and work
on yourself, and begin to grow and mature in this area of emotional
intelligence. I'd like to speak on the subject emotional immaturity. I'd like
to give you four traits, four characteristics, four tendencies that
people who are emotionally immature tend to have. Now we're there in Jonah
chapter number one, and I'd like you to look down at verse number one. The
Bible says this, Now the word of the Lord came unto Jonah the son of
Amittai, saying, Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry against it, for
their wickedness has come up before me. Now again, I'm not preaching
necessarily on the subject of Jonah this morning. In fact, we're going to look at a
lot of different stories throughout the Bible this morning, so I'm not going to
take time to develop this, but I will say this, that Jonah has received a
command from the Lord. Jonah has been commissioned by God to arise and go
to Nineveh, and for reasons that I do not want to get into this morning,
just for sake of time, Jonah has reasons why he does not want to go. He
does not want to go to Nineveh. He does not desire to go there. He has
received a commandment from God, and it's something that he doesn't want
to do. Jonah sees this as a problem. He sees this as a negative thing. He sees
this as something that it would not be enjoyable to him, something that he
would not want to participate in. He does not want to go. So what does Jonah
do? Look at verse three, But Jonah rose up to flee. Jonah rose up to flee, and
in fact, if you don't mind writing in your Bible, if you like to take notes
in your Bible, I'd encourage you to just underline that phrase there. But Jonah
rose up to flee, because here we see the first tendency of people that are
emotionally immature, emotionally immature people. You say, how do I know
whether I'm emotionally immature or whether my maybe spouse is emotionally
immature or my children are emotionally immature? How do I know if my employees
are emotionally immature? How can I identify emotional immaturity? When here's one
way that we identify emotional immaturity, and I'm gonna give you four of
these this morning, and if you'd like to jot them down on the back of your
course of the week, of course there's a place to write these down.
Here's tendency number one. Emotionally immature people have the tendency to
run from problems, to run from problems. Running from problems is an emotional
immature response. Here we see that Jonah has a problem. He has been
commanded to do something he does not want to do. Arise, go to Nineveh, that
great city and cry against it, for their wickedness has come up before me,
but Jonah rose up to flee. The Bible says Jonah rose up to flee unto
Tarshish from the presence of the Lord and went down to Joppa, and he
found a ship going to Tarshish, so he paid the fare thereof and went down
into it to go with them unto Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. And I
want you to notice here, and you can look this up later if you'd like, if you
look at a map and you notice where Nineveh is, and you notice where Tarshish
is, Jonah literally goes in the opposite direction. He begins to run and
his idea is to run as far away from the problem that he is having. He
wants to run. And here's what we need to understand. When you run from your
problems, well let me just begin by saying this, often immature people,
emotionally immature, please understand this, emotional maturity is not
something that is physical. You could be very grown, you could be very big, you
could have hair on your face, you could be very mature in a physical way,
and yet still be a child in your emotions. And emotionally immature people,
often when they are faced with difficulty, when they are faced with
something that is unenjoyable, something that they do not want to deal
with, something that they do not want to face, immature people will just run.
They'll run, they'll cut ties, they'll forsake relationships, they'll run away
physically, emotionally, socially, whatever it might be, and they spend their
entire lives running. What does Jonah do to respond to his problem? He runs. Now
the problem, you say, well what's the problem with running? The problem with
running is this, and I'm gonna say this and you're gonna, maybe I want you
to just listen to what I'm gonna say and I want you to try to
understand it. It's not complicated, I just want you to see it, what I'm
saying. The problem with running from problems is that you run to other
problems. Now I didn't say, you say, well no, no, I ran from that problem, and
here's what you need to understand. You may be able to run from a problem. Now even
that, honestly, my personal opinion is that that is unlikely if you're a child
of God. God doesn't just allow you to run from problems, he often brings
those things about, he circles those things around and makes you deal with
it at some other point in your life. But let's say even if you could, even if
you say, this problem, this is a problem, and I'm gonna run from this
problem, here's the problem with that. The problem from running from a
problem is that you simply run to other problems. And you say, well how
can you say that? Well here's the reason why. Life is full of
problems. Notice Jonah chapter 1 verse 3, but Jonah rose up to flee unto Tarshish,
notice, from the presence of the Lord. In this case, the Lord was the problem.
He goes to run from the Lord and went down to Joppa, and he found his ship going to Tarshish, so
he paid the fare thereof and went down into it to go down with them unto Tarshish.
Notice again, from the presence of the Lord. Look at verse 10, then were the
men exceedingly afraid and said unto him, why has thou done this? For the men knew
that he fled, notice these words, from the presence of the Lord, because he had
told them. And I want you to notice this, and I just want to highlight this for
you real quickly. In verse 3, Jonah 1 3, the Bible says, from the presence of the
Lord. Last part of verse 3, it said again, from the presence of the Lord. In
verse 10, it said again, from the presence of the Lord. The Bible is
very clear about the fact what it is that Jonah was running from. What was
Jonah running from? From the presence of the Lord. And the Bible's clear about that.
And I think Jonah understood that. I think it's very clear in Jonah's mind
that he was running and what he was running from. He was running from the
presence of the Lord, from having to go to Nineveh. He did not want to go. But
here's what's interesting about the passage, and it's interesting because
when you understand this, and when you deal with people, when you do
counseling, and you help people, and you do what my wife and I have done
for the last 13 almost 14 years now, is try to help people is this, that
oftentimes when people run, they are very clear about what they're running
from. But you know what Jonah wasn't too clear about is what he was
running to. See, people often they think, no, no, no, I just need to
divorce to get away from this problem. I just need to quit the job to
get away from this problem. I just need to quit church to get away from
this problem. This problem that I'm having at church right now, this
problem in this relationship, I just go somewhere. But here's the problem
with that problem, is that that problem will meet you wherever you're
going. Because when you run from a problem, you just run to other
problems. And I'm not saying you run to the same problem. I'm just
here to say this, that problems are a way of life. Problems are
things that we will always have. And here's all I'm saying to you. And
again, I understand it's simple. But if you could grasp this, I think
it might revolutionize your life. If the way you learn to deal with
problems is by running from them. I'm not talking about a problem,
I'm talking about problems in general. How do you deal with
problems? I run, then you will be running for the rest of your
life. Because you will always have problems. There will always be
issues. You can divorce that guy, but the next guy is going to
have problems. You can divorce that gal, but the next gal is
going to have problems. You can run away from this pastor, but
the next pastor will probably have things, do things, say
things you don't like. You can run away from that boss. But
here's the thing, though. You say, well, it's just this
boss, I got to run away from this boss. But the next boss
is probably going to want you to show up on time too. Do
you understand what I'm saying? The next boss is probably
not going to like you taking too long of a lunch break, you
shopping on Amazon or being on social media while you're
supposed to be working. The next boss is probably going to
be a problem also. So if the way you learn to deal with
problems is by running from problems, then you, my friend,
have a bigger problem, because you will spend the rest of your
life running from problems. Because problems are a way of
life. You're there in Jonah, go with me to the book of John, if
you went to the New Testament, Matthew, Mark, Luke,
John. When people run away, they're often focused on what
they are running away from. But not where they are running
to. The focus is often what they're running away from. But
you know, before you run, you have to ask yourself, what
are you running to? When I was a boy, I've told the story
before. When I was a boy, I ran away from home. I don't
know if I should tell the story. Honestly, I don't want
to give kids the wrong impression. But I ran away from
home. I don't know how old I was. I think I was maybe 10
or 11 years old. It happened during summer, while we
were off on summer break. And I ran away from home, not
once but twice. Not my run, my run away from home
didn't last very long. It lasted I think till lunchtime.
When I got hungry. And you know, I was fighting with my
siblings, I think honestly, I was fighting with my sister,
Michelle, who was my older sister watching us and very
upset about it. I was very focused on what I was running
from. And I mean, I don't know, I may have watched too
many cartoons, but I literally grabbed a broomstick and pillow
sheet cover thing and I put my two pieces of whatever I
owned and marched across the street. We lived across the
street from a school. I marched across the street. I angry and
upset sat down at the bench and I thought to myself, No
one. And that's often what people do. They quit a church,
they quit a marriage, they quit a job, they quit a
relationship, very angry, very upset, very clear about
what I'm running from. And then you get there. And you
ask the question you should have asked before you put in
the resignation. Now what? Now what? See, before you
run, before you run, the mature person doesn't ask,
What are you running from? That's easy. A 10 year old
kid could figure that out. And by the way, I did that
twice. And the first time nothing happened. The second
time I was taken into my dad's bedroom when he got
home from work and had a very stirring conversation about how
that's never going to happen again. The point is this,
mature people ask themselves, Well, where are you running
to? Are there in Jonah chapter or excuse me, John
chapter six, verse 66. John chapter six and verse 66. The
Bible says this from that time, many of his disciples
went back and walk no more with him here, Jesus has a big
church split, literally has thousands of followers at this
time. And they most of them, many of them quit on him right
here, John, just a coincidence, 666. From that
time, many of his disciples went back and walk no more with
him, then said Jesus unto the 12. Will you also go away?
Then Simon Peter, now Simon Peter, sometimes he's on,
sometimes he's off. Sometimes he says great things.
Sometimes he says really stupid things. This is a moment
where he's on, he's filled with the Holy Spirit. And I
want you to notice that he makes a very emotionally
intelligent response to the question. In fact, he kind of
pulls from the Lord Jesus Christ and he responds to the
question from Christ with a question. Jesus says, he looks
at the disciples, he says, Will ye also go away? Then
Simon Peter answered and said, Lord, to whom shall we go?
Why don't you notice he doesn't ask, What are we
leaving? But he asked, Where are we going? To whom shall we
go that out? He says thou has the words of eternal life.
Oh my God, understand that our church isn't perfect. I've
never stated that our church is perfect. No church is
perfect. But maybe before you quit a church like this, you
should ask, How is this going to affect your children?
Well, I know what you're running from, but what are
you running to? It does not require much maturity to get
upset and angry and say, Well, I gotta leave and I gotta go
and I gotta cut ties and I gotta just get out of here. No
maturity, but requires a mature individual to say, To
whom shall we go? Jesus, you're asking if we're going
to leave you, to whom shall we go? Thou has the words of
eternal life. An emotionally immature individual is constantly
running from problems. And here's the truth, you may be
able to run away from a problem. But if that's how you
learn to deal with problems, then you've got a bigger
problem. Because problems are a way of life. And if the way
you deal with problems is by running is by cutting ties is
by withdrawing physically, emotionally, socially, if that's
how you deal with problems, you will be running for the
rest of your life. So why not stop running? By the way, let me
just say this. And again, I'm not preaching on Jonah. But if
you go back to Jonah, chapter number one, I don't think I
asked you to keep your place there. And I apologize for
that. I meant to ask you to keep your place there. Jonah
chapter one. Once you notice that when Jonah runs, when
Jonah runs in verse 17, the Bible says this, they throw
them out of the ship. And in verse 17, the Bible says this,
Now the Lord had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah.
And I'm not preaching on this this morning. But let me just
say this. If your problem is God, let me just say this.
You can run from God, but you cannot outrun God. God will
meet you wherever it is you happen to go. And all I'm
saying to you is if the way you run from problems, and
look, I'm trying to help some of you. Maybe this is why
you've you've had. Maybe this is why you've had 17 jobs in
the last 17 months. Maybe this is why you're on your fifth
sixth marriage. Maybe this is why you had so many problems
with so many people and so many relationships that have
been cut and tied and you don't really have a
relationship that you've had for just long for decades, a
long term long life friend. Maybe the reason is because the
way you deal with problems is by running from them. And
look, that's your prerogative. But I'm just here to
tell you this, that if the way you deal with problems is
you run from problems, then you've got a bigger problem.
Because problems are a way of life. I don't care where
you go, there will be problems. I don't care where
you hide, there will be problems. I don't care who
you decide to marry next or be friends with next or how
many other children you decide to have or whatever. They're
all going to give you problems. So maybe instead of
being so clear on what you're running from, we should
begin to get some clarity on what are we running to?
Where shall we go? Thou has the words of eternal
life. So we see number one this morning, and I'd like
you to go with me if you want to the book of
Genesis. Genesis chapter three, the first book in the
Bible should be fairly easy to find. We're talking
about emotional Lee immature people, tendencies of
emotionally immature people, what are they number one
running from problems running from problems, running from
problems is a problem. Because you'll never run from
problems, you'll always they'll always be chasing
you, you'll always be running. Number two, let me
give you another tendency of emotionally immature people. I
said number one running from problems is a tendency of
emotional immature people. Like you notice number two, we
see it here in our in our chapter, Genesis chapter three
is a very famous chapter. Of course, the story of Adam
and Eve. I believe that the story of Adam and Eve was
literal, I believe that Adam and Eve were literal
individuals. There are liberal Christians out there who
will say no, this is mythology, this isn't real. I
don't believe that. But even if you believe that, which I
don't, I think Adam and Eve were actual physical real
people and that the Bible is literal in regards to the
origins of man. But even if you believe that the story of
Adam and Eve is mythical, it's a legend, it's not literal
and it's just what's put in scripture just to give us
something to believe. Even if you believe that you've got
to admit that the Bible must be the Word of God.
Because the human tendencies described in this very first
interaction with mankind. It's amazing. Genesis chapter three,
look at verse nine, notice how well God illustrates for
us humanity. Genesis three and verse nine, this is the Lord
speaking to Adam, this is after they have sinned, after
they have ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and
evil. Genesis three and verse nine, the Bible says this,
And the Lord God called unto Adam and said unto him, Where
art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden,
and I was afraid because I was naked. And I hid myself. Of
course, they've now ate of the tree of the knowledge of
good and evil. They now understand that they are naked
verse 11. And he said, Who told you that was naked? Has
thou eaten of the tree? Whereof, the word whereof means
which I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat. And the
man said, The woman. I mean, I mean, if this is mythology,
it's right on. God shows up to a husband and says, What
have you done? Why did you do that? And the words that come
out of his mouth are the woman. It was that woman. Look
at it. And the man said the woman who now gave us to be
with me, she gave me of the tree and I did eat. This is
an emotionally immature response. What is it? Shifting
the blame. Shifting the blame. You know what emotionally
immature people do? They shift the blame. Has thou eaten of
the tree? Whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not
eat. You know what the proper, you know what the
mature response is? Taking responsibility for yourself
and saying, Yes, yes, God. Yeah, that's what I did. Yes,
Lord, I'm sorry. Not Adam. Oh, no, not Adam. He does what
the average man at Verity Baptist Church does, blames
his wife. What the average man in this world does. And
the man said, The woman whom thou gave us to be with me,
she gave me of the tree and I did eat. Now, before
you beat up too much on Adam, let's see Eve's response.
Verse 13. And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is
it that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent.
So, he asked Adam and Adam says, My wife made me do it.
He asked the woman and she says, The devil made me do it.
Isn't that what people say? The devil made me do it.
What has thou done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled
me and I did eat. You know what we see in the origins
of man, the story of Adam and Eve, we see the human
tendency to shift the blame, to deny responsibility.
This is an immature emotional tendency, an emotional
tendency of immature people to shift the blame, deny
responsibility, say it's not my fault. It was that woman.
It was that man. It was that person. It was the devil.
The devil made me do it. They tricked me.
Now, here's the thing. Why do we shift the blame?
We shift the blame because it makes us feel better.
Isn't that true? I mean, if I'm the one to blame,
we began this series. We began this emotionally
intelligent series with a sermon entitled,
Emotionally Dumb. We learned about the fact that
our emotions are dumb. Our emotions were there.
They're there to be alarms. They're there to set
off alarms and make us aware of certain things,
but they are not there to guide us.
Our emotions are not logical. They are not reasonable.
They are illogical and unreasonable.
We're not supposed to be led by our emotions.
In fact, when we are led by our emotions, we've
said this several times. We end up masterminding
the biggest regrets of our lives.
The stupidest things you've ever done in your
life, the things that you hope no one ever
finds out about, the things that you regret,
you were the mastermind behind that.
But you know why you'll blame your spouse?
You know why you'll blame your parents?
You know why you'll blame society?
Blame anyone and everyone that you can,
except for yourself.
It's because if you actually just take responsibility,
that doesn't feel good.
It doesn't feel good.
So it's better to say, I'm a bum because my parents.
I have this problem and I have that problem
because my mom and dad and they were this
and they were that.
Look, I'm not here to tell you that your
mom and dad were perfect.
I don't know your mom and dad, but I don't
need to know your mom and dad.
Here's what I know about your mom and dad
and you and everyone in this room, including
myself, is that we're all sinners.
And I'm not here to minimize your story
and say that some of you have some real stories
with real trauma, with real difficulty
and real things that you've dealt with in your life.
And I'm not minimizing that or making little of that
or belittling it.
But here's what I'm saying to you.
The problem with shifting the blame,
the problem with not taking responsibility,
the problem with saying, no, it's not my fault,
it's their fault, it's that person, it's that guy.
It's all those 17 bosses.
That's why I've had 17 jobs in 17 months.
It's not me, it's them.
Here's the problem with that.
Even if you shift the blame, well, look at the text.
Adam says it's the woman.
The woman says it's the serpent.
Notice what God says, verse 16.
Genesis 3 16.
Unto the woman, he said, I will greatly multiply
thy sorrows and thy conception.
In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children,
and thy desire shall be to thy husband,
and he shall rule over thee.
Verse 17, and unto Adam he said,
because thou was hearken unto the voice of thy wife,
and thou was eaten of the tree,
of which I commanded thee, saying,
that thou shalt not eat of it.
Cursed is the ground for thy sake.
In sorrow shalt thou eat of it,
all the days of thy life.
Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee.
And thou shalt eat of the herb of the field,
and the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread,
till thou return unto the ground,
for out of it was thou taken for dost thou art.
And unto dust shalt thou return.
See, I understand why we're reading this.
Here's what I want you to understand.
Adam and Eve did what every human tendency is to do,
is to shift the blame.
To deny responsibilities.
It's not my fault.
Somebody else's fault.
But here's the problem with that,
and I'm trying to help you.
The problem with shifting the blame
is that you still have to live with the consequences.
You still have to live with the consequences.
Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
So if you say,
no, Pastor Jimenez, you don't understand.
The reason that I'm a drunk
is because my mom or my dad,
they did this or they did that,
and look, and your mom and dad,
I'm not minimizing them.
They might have done those things,
and they might have mistreated you,
and I'm not saying that they didn't,
but you're still the one
having to live with the consequences.
The reason I can't hold down a job, Pastor,
it's not my fault,
it's because my wife
and because my kids
and because of this and because of that,
and maybe that's true,
but you're still the one that's unemployed.
And all I'm saying to you
is that you can shift the blame,
and you can shift the blame,
and you can deny responsibility.
You can say, it's not my fault,
and it's this person and that person
and these circumstances,
and if things would have been different,
but here's the point.
When you shift the blame,
you still have to live with the consequences.
So if you're still living
with the consequences anyway,
why not just take responsibility and say,
it doesn't matter whose fault it was.
In fact, I'm sure it was my fault
to some extent,
and there's other people
that maybe played a part,
but I'm going to take responsibility
for what I can do,
and I'm going to begin to work on myself,
and I'm going to change things with God.
You see, I can't do that.
Really, I can do all things
through Christ who strengthens me.
And it is an emotionally immature
individual who shifts the blame.
You can deny responsibility.
You can deny responsibility all day long,
but you have to live with the consequences.
You have to live with the consequences.
Number three, go to 1 Kings 21,
if you would.
1 Kings 21, if you're there in Genesis,
you go past Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy,
Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1 Samuel, 1 Kings.
The one, two books are all clustered together.
1 Samuel, 1 Kings, 1 Chronicles,
find 1 Kings chapter 21.
We're talking about the tendencies of immature,
emotionally immature people.
What are they?
Number one, running from problems.
Number two, shifting the blame.
You say, well, what's the problem
with running from problems?
The problem with running from problems
is that you've got a bigger problem
because you will always have problems.
And if the way you deal with problems
is by running from problems,
you will be running, my friend,
the rest of your life.
And let's just be honest,
isn't the truth that usually the problem is God?
And when you get to wherever it is
that you're going,
you don't even know where you're going,
you end up in the middle of the sea,
the Lord will meet you there.
The Lord has prepared a whale.
Because the truth is that you can run from God,
but you can't outrun God.
So why not just grow up
and face problems?
The problem with shifting the blame
is that you can go ahead
and blame everybody else,
but you're still the one
that has to deal with the consequences.
You're still the one that is incarcerated.
You're still the one that has the addiction.
You're still the one
that can't hold down a job.
You're still the one
that is on multiple marriages.
You're still the one.
So why not stop shifting the blame
and just take responsibility
for what you can take responsibility for.
And with the power of God
and the Holy Spirit
and a good church,
change things.
Number three,
emotional tendencies
of immature people.
Notice our story here.
First Kings 21 and verse one.
I won't take the time
to read the whole thing,
but here we have a man,
king by the name of Ahab.
Ahab is a wicked king.
And he desires to have a vineyard
that is owned by another man,
Naboth.
Notice there in verse number one,
First Kings 21 verse one,
Bible says,
And it came to pass up to these things
that Naboth the Jesterite had a vineyard,
which was in Jezreel,
hard by the place of Ahab,
king of Samaria.
And Ahab spake unto Naboth,
saying, Give me thine vineyard,
give me thy vineyard,
that I may have it for a garden of herbs,
because it is near unto my house.
So Ahab looks at this vineyard,
said, You know,
this is a nice vineyard over here,
and I need a garden of herbs,
and this one is near to my house,
so I'd like to have this one.
So he goes to Naboth, the owner,
and he says, Give me your vineyard.
And notice that he's not even
trying to take it by force here at this point.
The Bible says that he says to him,
And I will give thee for it
a better vineyard than it,
or if it seem good to thee,
I will give thee the worth of it in money.
And Naboth said to Ahab,
The Lord forbid me
that I should give the inheritance
of my father's unto thee.
Now there's a lot of reasons
why Naboth says no.
In fact, we're going to learn about it
in Numbers 36.
Tonight we'll be in Numbers 35.
Next week we'll be in Numbers 36.
We'll learn about why it is
that Naboth actually said no
to this proposal in Numbers 36.
I won't go into those details for now.
The point is that Naboth says no.
No.
An offer is made.
Hey, I'd like your vineyard.
I'll give you one that's better for it,
or I'll give you the worth of it in money.
And Naboth said to Ahab,
The Lord forbid me
that I should give the inheritance
of my father's unto thee.
Verse four.
And Ahab came into his house.
Look at the words.
Heavy and displeased.
I mean, just irritated and upset.
And Ahab came into his house
heavy and displeased
because of the word which Naboth,
the jesterite, had spoken to him.
What was the word?
The word was no.
For he had said,
I will not give thee
the inheritance of my father's.
Look at it.
Look at verse four.
And he laid him down upon his bed.
We're not talking about a four-year-old here.
We're talking about a 40-year-old.
And he laid him down upon his bed
and turned away his face
and would not eat no bread.
Look at verse seven.
And Jezebel, his wife, said unto him,
Does thou now govern the kingdom of Israel?
Arise and eat bread and let thine heart be married.
I will give thee the vineyard of Naboth, the jesterite.
And of course, if you know the story,
she conspires with false prophets
and false witnesses
and has Naboth put to death
to take by force.
You say, what do we see here?
We see a tendency of emotionally immature people.
What is it?
Throwing fits when they don't get their way.
It's a pastor.
Do people do this?
Join the ministry.
You know, one of my jobs as a pastor is to say no.
No.
We want to do...
No.
Now look, the job really of any leader is to say no.
In fact, I would say this.
If a leader never says no, he's not really a leader.
Because anyone can say yes.
It takes a leader to say,
no, that's not the direction we want to go.
And no, no, no, that's not the culture
we want to create here.
No, no, that's not the steps we want.
It takes a leader to say no.
And you start saying no to grown men
and grown women
and be ready to watch grown men
and grown women
throw temper tantrums like children.
Because you know what emotionally immature individuals do?
The pastor says no.
The boss says no.
Your biblical authority says no.
Your parents say no.
Maybe your husband says no.
And they just throw a fit.
Angry and puffy.
Well, I'm just going to take my toys
and play somewhere else.
And you know, as far as I'm concerned,
take your toys and get out of here.
I don't need a bunch of overgrown babies around me.
You know what I need is, I need men.
Men who understand that sometimes
the boss is going to say no.
Throwing fit when you don't get your way
is just a sure sign of your immaturity.
And look, you say, well, what's wrong with that?
What's wrong with that is this.
Then in life, you will not always get your way.
Do you understand that?
You're not always going to get your way in life.
Somebody asked me recently about something
that we were doing here at the church building.
And it was a project that I wanted done
and I wanted done a certain way.
I wanted done a certain time and whatever.
It didn't happen.
And it didn't happen because of lack of my organization
or whatever just happened because people
just let you down sometimes.
And somebody asked me, they said,
what do you think about that?
How do you feel about that?
And my response was, I have grown accustomed
to being disappointed.
Unfortunately, I have grown accustomed
to being disappointed because in life,
you don't always get your way.
Sometimes you plan and sometimes you decide
and you set aside money and you do this, you do that,
you get the schedule, you get it all ready
and it just doesn't work out.
And look, sometimes just things don't work out
the way that you expected them,
the way that you wanted them,
the way that you planned for them to work out.
What you do in that moment says a lot about your maturity.
You throw a fit when things don't go your way.
You throw a fit when your biblical authority says no.
Years ago, I preached a two-part series
on the subject of telling people no and taking a no,
how to tell people no and how to take a no.
And someone, I want to say it was my kids,
but maybe it was somebody else,
somebody after that, they bought me this button
and it said no on it.
And when you pressed it, it would say no
in all sorts of different ways.
I want to get that button back.
I'm gonna put it on my desk.
You press it and it'd be like, no.
And you press it again, like, no.
You'd be like, no!
You know, and it's like, no, no, no.
It's just different ways of saying no.
And I just want to, people come to my office, no.
I want to get a divorce, no!
You know that life doesn't always go your way?
You know, life only goes your way until you're like one.
And then people start saying the most common word
that babies first say, no.
Now, why is it that babies most commonly say
the first word they say, not all babies,
but most babies, many babies,
first word they say is no, why?
Because they're constantly being told no.
And look, some of you need to grow up
and stop throwing grown men fit at your job.
When your boss says no, and you can't figure out
why you've had 17 jobs in 17 months,
but maybe it's because every time someone says no
to you, you do a little thing.
Hey, some of you teenagers, time to grow up.
Mom says no, dad says no.
You know what a mature person says?
All right, it's your call.
Yes, sir.
No, I'm not good on stage, I'm big now.
You sure are acting like it.
Your wives do it too.
You say you're submissive, you act submissive,
you grow up to church and you act like,
oh, I'm the submissive wife.
Do it, your husband says no.
Then you become a dragon.
Then you become a monster.
You're gonna say no to me?
You're gonna live with this for the next three,
you know what that is?
That is immaturity.
That is ridiculousness.
Pastor says no.
Pastor says we're not doing that.
Pastor says we're not gonna go in that direction.
Pastor says I don't want that call.
I'm just gonna tell a thing.
You are immature.
Grow up.
You know that life doesn't always go your way.
And sometimes people say no.
And by the way,
this is why you parents need to make sure
that you don't give in to your children
when they throw fits.
Because here's what happens.
Some of you had parents who threw,
they gave in to you every time you threw a fit.
And that's why you are the way you are.
And look, can we just be honest right now?
Emotional maturity?
Let's just be honest.
Some of you are bullies.
And you've lived your life throwing fits,
getting angry, being upset,
and because the average person
doesn't like confrontation,
everyone just kind of like,
okay, yeah, no problem, okay.
And then you come to Verity Baptist Church.
And then you try that with me.
But you've never met someone like Pastor Jimenez.
Because Pastor Jimenez isn't afraid of confrontation.
In fact, he kind of secretly likes it.
And the more you throw fits,
and the more you get upset,
and the more you throw your little temper tantrum.
See, some of you,
if you just fix your face,
I'd get off the point a lot sooner.
I start preaching on things you don't like.
How long are you going to be on that point?
I'm going to be on that point till you fix your face.
We're not going to be on that point
for the rest of the sermon.
And there are people out there
who are not going to give in
to your temper tantrum.
One of them is a biblical pastor.
The other one is called the police.
And maybe your boss,
you might actually come across someone
that's got a backbone
and some hair on his legs,
and he says,
No!
So why not learn to mature?
Remember, several weeks ago,
I preached a sermon on social skills,
emotionally intelligent social skills.
Remember, one of the social skills
was this flexibility.
Flexibility.
The ability to roll with the punches.
The ability to accept changes.
The ability to realize
that things are not always going to go your way.
They're just not.
So what do you do?
You just press on.
You keep a good attitude.
You say, Okay.
You say, Sure, that's what you want.
Yes, sir.
Look, men at work,
you want to get promoted?
Let's say these words.
Yes, sir.
Go to 1 Kings 21.
If you're not there already,
I'm not sure if I have you there.
We're talking about tendencies
of emotionally immature individuals.
Number one, running from problems.
Number two, shifting the blame.
Number three, throwing fits
when you don't get your way.
You know, let me say this.
As a leader,
here's what I've learned,
is that I don't give in
while people are throwing fits.
By the way,
you should apply this to parenting.
Even if in the process
you change your mind.
Even if in the process
you're like,
Okay, yeah, maybe.
I usually just wait
till people are done throwing a fit.
And then I wait a long time
after that before I change something.
Because I do not want to develop a culture
that tells grown men and grown women,
All I have to do is throw a fit.
And pastor will.
No, not this pastor.
Maybe your husband's a weakling.
But I'm not your husband.
I'm not.
You know, sometimes
you're going to come across people
and some of you are bullies
and you've gotten through life
by just pushing people
and pushing,
coming out real aggressive.
And then pastor says,
Hmm, you done?
No.
And it's shocking.
Somebody said.
Running from problems,
shifting the blame,
throwing fits
when you don't get your way.
Anger, upset.
It's immaturity, my friend.
Number four.
Look at 1 Kings 21 verse 25.
But there was none like unto Ahab.
Look, I get that my sermons
are not funny.
I'm not up here
just entertaining you.
But if some of you
got a hold of these things,
it would actually help you.
But there was none like unto Ahab,
which did sell himself
to work wickedness
in the sight of the Lord.
Notice these words.
Just look at these words.
In fact, you should
underline these words.
Whom Jezebel his wife stirred up.
You know what we find
in the story of Ahab?
Well, we find a man
who wanted a vineyard.
He went to Naboth and said,
I like your vineyard.
He wasn't trying to rip him off.
He wasn't trying to steal it.
He said, look,
I want your vineyard
just because of the location.
It's near to my house.
I'll give you a better one
than this one.
I just want that.
I have a better one than this one.
It's just this one
is where I need it to be.
And if you don't want
the better one,
I'll give you the worth for it.
He wasn't trying to rip him off.
Naboth says no.
He throws a fit.
And then his wife
gets him on board
to bring false testimony,
false witness to have Naboth killed
so he can take the vineyard.
You know what the Bible says?
That Jezebel his wife stirred him up.
Here's a fourth tendency
of immature people.
I said number one,
running from problems.
Number two, shifting the blame.
Number three, throwing fits
when you don't get your way.
Number four,
allowing people to rile you up.
Allowing people to rile you up.
It's immaturity.
Go to 1 Samuel 18.
1 Samuel 18.
I'm going to say this.
You're not going to like it.
I don't care.
I'm not your husband.
I don't care.
My wife is great.
She actually is a godly woman,
submissive, feminine,
all those things.
So I don't care
if you're mad at me.
But you know that 90% of the problems
we deal with in ministry?
And I just hear every church,
90% of the problems,
you're not going to like it.
You're not going to like it.
I'm just telling you the truth.
90% of the problems
we deal in ministry is women.
Women.
Most of the problems
we deal with in ministry is women.
You know what the other 10% is?
Women rallying up their husbands.
You know, you should not be the type of person
that allows yourself to get riled up.
First time you're 18, look at verse 6.
They came to pass as they came
when David was returned
from the slaughter of the Philistines
that...
Look at it.
You got to love it.
The women.
Came out of the cities of Israel
singing and dancing
to meet King Saul with Taboritz,
with joy,
and with instruments of music.
They're coming back after
they've won a battle
against the Philistines
and the women are just singing
and dancing.
Verse 7.
And the women answered one another
as they played and said...
Here's what they said.
Look at it.
Saul...
Remember Saul is the king.
Saul has slain his thousands.
Pretty impressive.
Saul's slain thousands of people.
Probably not true, but whatever.
Saul has slain his thousands.
Saul's the king.
And David...
David's not the king,
but David is the guy
who just killed Goliath.
David is the superstar
that just came on the scene.
David is the guy
who's in the spotlight right now.
And here's what the women said.
The women said,
Saul has slain his thousands
and David his ten thousands.
So what do you think about that statement?
I think it's stupid.
And untrue.
You think that David
really killed ten thousand people?
You think Saul killed a thousand?
It's not true.
But notice how
immature Saul responds.
Verse 8.
Saul was very wroth.
What wroth means angry.
And the saying,
look at it, displeased him.
And he said,
they have ascribed unto David ten thousand.
To me, they have ascribed but a thousand.
And what can he have more but the kingdom?
Look at verse 9.
And Saul eyed David from that day and forward.
You know that you should not be the type of person
who allows yourself to get riled up?
Look, I'm just,
you do what you want with it.
But you're going to find yourself in situations
where people are trying to get you
to do things you shouldn't do.
Some of you husbands,
I'm not mad at your wife,
I'm not trying to attack your wife,
but some of you husbands
are going to find yourself in situations
where your wife is like,
you're going to let him do that,
you're going to let that happen,
you're going to let that.
You know what a mature individual says?
A mature individual says,
I'm not going to let you row me out
and take steps that I'm going to regret.
Some of you teenagers,
you'll have friends that will try to row you out.
You'll have co-workers and individuals,
they're going to try to row you up,
they're going to say things.
And I'm not even talking about friends,
I'm talking about people just saying things.
Why are they singing the song?
What is the point of the song?
But you know what the proper response
should have been?
When these women come out
and they're singing,
Saul has slain his thousand,
and David has done that.
You know what the appropriate response
from Saul should have been right there?
To just laugh.
Just say, you know what?
Yeah, David is awesome.
David is great.
In fact, I could use a few more Davids.
That would have been the appropriate response,
but what was Saul,
immature Saul's response?
He's after my kingdom.
And Saul eyed David from that day and forward
and made an enemy of David
who was not his enemy.
So I would say this,
don't be the person who allows yourself
to be riled up,
but also let me say this,
don't be the person who tries
to row people up.
What's wrong with you?
That you're trying to cause problems
between people.
Notice, go to 1st Samuel 24.
1st Samuel 24.
It wasn't just these women.
I mean, these women definitely started it.
When David is now running from King Saul,
remember the whole story
where Saul goes into the cave
and David is there
and David cuts a piece of his robe
and then he comes out
and he shows him
and he's basically showing Saul,
I could have killed you,
but I didn't.
Look, I'm not your enemy.
1st Samuel 24, 8.
David also arose afterward
and went out of the cave
and cried after Saul saying,
my Lord, the king.
And when Saul looked behind him,
David stooped with his face to the earth
and bowed himself.
And David said to Saul,
look at it,
look at what he says.
Wherefore hearest thou men's words,
saying, behold David,
seeketh thy heart.
There were people
who were actively trying
to turn Saul from David.
And I know this in ministry,
just because in ministry
I've got pastor friends
and over the years
there have been people
who have actively tried
to turn us on each other.
And I think to myself,
why?
What's wrong with you
that you enjoy seeing other people fight?
Relationships broken down.
Go to Proverbs chapter six,
if you would,
you open up in the center of the Bible.
You have the book of Psalms,
right after Psalms you have Proverbs,
Proverbs chapter six.
Hey, don't be the person
who's trying to rile people up.
I mean, literally sometimes
people say things to me
or say things to my wife.
And I think to myself,
what is the point of you saying that?
I mean, we've literally been
in counseling situations
where a wife is coming to my wife
or something and asking for advice.
And then in that situation,
like, and by the way,
here's what my husband said
about your husband.
And it's like,
what is the point of you saying that?
You're literally just trying to get me
to like turn on your husband
or fight with your wife.
And of course I and my wife
try to be mature people.
So we just kind of laugh
and we're like, you're an idiot
and you're pretty evil.
But why be that person?
Know what the Bible says?
Proverbs 6 16.
These six things that the Lord hate.
Isn't that pretty serious?
These six things that the Lord hate,
yea, seven are an abomination unto the Lord.
There's seven things the Lord hates
and they're an abomination.
What are they?
Verse 17, number one, a proud look.
Number two, a lying tongue
and number three,
hairs that shed innocent blood.
Number four, a heart
that devises wicked imaginations.
Number five, feet that be swift
to running to mischief.
Number six, verse 19,
a false witness that speaketh lies
and look at number seven.
He that soweth discord among brethren.
What's discord?
A lack of agreement,
a lack of harmony, hostility.
You know that God hates it
when people try to sow discord among brethren?
And look, you should not be
the type of person
who allows yourself to get riled up.
Don't be that person.
But even worse than that person
is a person who tries to rile people up.
I'm not.
Let's sing this song,
see how Saul likes it.
Why?
Why are you trying to turn Saul against David?
Why are you trying to come between relationships?
It's an emotionally immature thing to do.
To be the person
who tries to cause problems
and to be the person
who gets riled up.
Look, Saul, Saul, Saul.
If I could have talked to Saul,
I would have said, Saul, listen, Saul.
You're the king.
David's a boy.
David showed great skill and ability
by killing Goliath.
And he works for you.
He's on your team
and he's loyal to you.
So stop worrying about
what these women are singing.
And don't allow yourself to get riled up.
Because it's an emotionally immature thing to do.
And look, I'm just I'm just telling you.
It may be your husband,
the husband trying to rile up a wife.
It may be a wife.
We need to leave that church.
I don't like that pastor.
Why?
Because for the first time in your life,
you found somebody said no.
For the first time in your life,
you found somebody that didn't back up
to you turning into a dragon and crazy.
Is that why?
We look, people are going to try to rile you up,
rile you up, rile you up, make bad decisions.
And then here's what.
Look, can we just put it all together?
And then you'll come to the end of the thing
and you'll say it was the woman.
And it was a woman.
And it was the serpent.
And it was the women singing.
And it was those people saying those things.
But why don't we grow up
and take responsibility for our actions,
face consequences, face problems
in a way that's responsible and tactful and kind
and mature?
Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer.
Heavenly Father,
Lord, I pray you'd help us.
I pray you'd help us to become
mature people,
emotionally mature.
Help us to not be the people
that are running from problems,
that are shifting the blame,
that are throwing fits,
and that are allowing other people to rile us up.
Help us to grow past that
and to become better than that.
In the matchless name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we pray.
Amen.