Amen all right over there in James chapter number four and of course this morning as we've announced
We are continuing to do a sermon series entitled
Anger management, and we started this series last week, and we are learning over the next four weeks
About this idea of controlling our anger the Bible teaches a lot about anger and managing our anger
It's very applicable sermon sermon series because all of us can have a tendency to allow our anger to
Get out of control and if you remember last week
I preached a sermon called the theology of anger we went through and looked at a biblical overview of what the Bible teaches about anger and
We saw that last week kind of laid the foundation if you weren't here for that sermon
I would encourage you to check it out on our YouTube channel or website. It's there for you this morning
we are going to be looking at the idea of why we get so angry and
I would encourage you to be with us next week and the week after that next week
We're going to talk about how to control our own anger in the week after that
We'll talk about how to deal with the anger of others
We're in James chapter 4 this morning and in the book of James James who is the half brother of Christ?
asks a very pointed and
crucial
relational question and
What I want to do is I want to walk you through this passage and give you several statements in fact
I want to give you four statements this morning
And I would encourage you to write these down on the back of you the course the week
There's a place for you to take down some notes and let me go ahead and just
Give you a little bit of a disclaimer or a heads up
I realize that what I'm about to teach this morning, and that's not the first time. I've taught it is
something that we
Generally as human beings
Want to push back on a little bit we want to push back and we want to say no
It's not that and no, it's not that simple
And what I would ask is
That you just listen to the sermon walk through the passage with us as we
develop it and
The truth is this if you embrace
What
I'm about to teach you this morning. It will help you to get control over your anger
It'll help you to get control over
the conflict that your anger produces in
Your life, and so I don't want to just think oh well. It's not that simple
It's interesting how most of the biggest problems. We have in life are really solved by very simple
Ideas, it's simple to hear them and understand them
It's a little more difficult to apply them, and we understand that before we get into James big
Crucial pointed relational question I want to I want you to flip back to James chapter 3 of you would
And I want to build up a little bit of context that leads to that question
Because as you know when the Bible was written. It was not written in
divisions of books or chapters or
Verse numbers name we're definitely thankful that the chapters and the verse numbers are there it allows us to be able to reference
places in Scripture much
More quickly however when James wrote the book the letter of James which we now refer to as the book of James
It's not like he was writing, and he said all right chapter 4 you know and okay now
We're in chapter 5 he was writing a letter and what I want you to understand is that the the the?
Verses at the end of chapter 3 are the context of the question
We're going to look at in chapter number 4 so let's walk through this a little bit and build up the
Context there a little bit if you look at verse number 13 he asked this question now
This is not the question the main question for this morning, but this is definitely a question worth looking at
He says who is wise he says who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you now
I think that if we were to take a group of people and ask the question
maybe most of us would want to say well, I am and
James asked this question and when he's done kind of
Going through this idea and when he's done
Unraveling this idea you may not want to be the wise man and dude with knowledge
But he says who is a he says who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you then he says this
After we initially say well, I am I think I'm wise or I think I'm in dude with knowledge. He says okay
Well let him show out of a good conversation his works notice these two words
with meekness of wisdom and
What James says here in verse 13?
He says that people who are wise people who are in dude with knowledge?
He says people who are wise are also meek
He says in fact if you would answer yes to the question who is a wise man and dude with knowledge among you
He says the way you prove that question is not by saying you're wise and in dude with knowledge
And it's not even by giving us your knowledge. He says the way that you know if you're wise is if you can apply knowledge
Because wisdom is not knowledge wisdom and knowledge are two different things knowledge is knowing
Concepts and ideas wisdom is your ability to apply
That knowledge into your life and here James says he says who is a wise man and dude with knowledge among you
He says well. Here's how you prove. You're wise let him show
This is not what you know. It's what you show. It's not what you know. It's what you do
He says let him show out of a good conversation his works. How are you going to show that you're wise?
He says with meekness of wisdom the word meek or meekness is defined and we'll see it here in the passage
But it means to be quiet
gentle
humble
especially in our relationships and
provocation of others
And here's what James says James says people who are wise are meek
people who are wise are
Quiet they're gentle. They're humble. They're not loud. They're not obnoxious
He says he says because there is no there is no wisdom in
running your mouth
There is no wisdom in losing control of your tongue
There is no wisdom so James says look if anybody is wiser and dude with knowledge
Here's how we'll know they are wise when they can show out of the good conversation of his works the meekness of
Wisdom and I want you to notice that phrase the meekness of wisdom because wisdom always comes with meekness
So here's a question for you, and I don't want you to answer out loud. This is just the introduction
We haven't even got into the sermon yet
Does the word meek describe you?
If we were to describe you
Would we be able to use the word meek?
That person is quiet
It doesn't mean that you don't like conversation enjoy conversation. It means that you don't get loud
Could we say they're quiet. They're gentle. They're humble
By the way if you're a Christian this morning our job is supposed to be
To be a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ and the Bible says that he was meek
So
James begins by saying people who are wise or meek then he gives us the contrast of verse 14. He says but
He says but
Just in case you thought you were wise
But then you realize that
Business comes with meekness and maybe meekness is not really a word that describes you he says but if you have bitter
Envy what's Envy?
Envy is wanting or desiring something you don't have
He says, but if you have
Bitter Envy notice not just Envy. It's bitter you're bitter about it
Bitter Envy and strife what's strife?
Strife's conflict that's fighting he says, but if you have bitter Envy and strife notice these words in your heart
Glory not and
Lie not against the truth now. It's interesting to me and James James is one of these books that you know
It's written by James of course the half-brother of Christ
But it's one of these books that when you really begin to dig into it
You have to realize that it's written by none other than God Almighty God
Because here we have a man who wrote a book maybe a letter maybe 2,000 years ago, and yet he gives such
insight into the understanding of
Human nature because he says but if you have bitter Envy and strife in your heart
Glory not now the words glory
Mean to boast or brag and he says don't boast or brag about it
And you and I would think to ourselves you and I would think well
Why would somebody be boasting or bragging about the fact that they have?
Envy and strife in their hearts that is of course until you meet some people
Some people who actually take pride in
some people who actually
Boast about and brag about and glory about not not that they're boasting and saying well
I'm just full of Envy and strife in my heart. They don't say that, but here's what they do say they say well
That's just the way I am I
Just I just tell the truth. I
Just you know I just I just put it out there like it is no no no
Why don't you tell the truth because notice that he says glory not and then he says this he says and lie
Not against the truth because the truth is this it's not just that you just tell the truth
And you just say it as it is. Here's the truth. You're a jerk
It's not you say well, I just saw truth really cuz Bible says that we can tell the truth in love
The Bible says that the Lord Jesus Christ told the truth the Bible says that he was truth and yet was meek
So you being loud you being obnoxious you being crude you being?
Hurtful has nothing to do with you being someone who tells the truth or tells it as it is it has
everything to do with your anger
She says who is wise
Who's a wise man and dude with knowledge among you let him show out of good conversation his work with meekness of wisdom
But if you have bitter Envy and strife in your heart glory not
Don't boast and brag about well. I'm just that's the way I am I just like to tell the truth
I just say that is it is
There's a line not against the truth quit lying to yourself
He says this wisdom
This wisdom that you supposedly say you have
Descended not from above
But it's earthly sensual devilish
He says for where envying again. What's envy?
Wanting desiring something that doesn't belong to you for where envying and strife again
What's right conflict and fighting for where envying and strife is there is noise these words there is?
confusion and
every evil
work
He says people who have envy and strife in their hearts
Can justify anything and their relationships? I mean really ask yourself is this the life verse of your marriage?
Could these words describe your marriage
or your relationship with your parents or
your relationship with your children or your relationship with your boss or your relationship with your co-workers or your
Relation with your pastor or your relation with your pastor's wife or your relationship with your fellow church members or your relationship with your in-laws
or your relationship with your neighbors or your relationship with pretty much anyone you've ever had a
Relationship with could it be described this way there is confusion and every evil work
Because that's the opposite of meekness
That's the exact opposite thing of being meek
Then James says he says see here's the truth people who are meek are wise and people who are wise live in peace
You say well, I want to live in peace. You know it's not my fault that I don't have peace well
Here's what James says James says people who are wise and meek
They live in peace
Because they make peace knows what he says over 17
But the wisdom that is from above because he said the wisdom that you think you have from this world it doesn't not from above
But he says but the wisdom that is from above he says is first pure
then peaceable
Look, we're not talking about
Losing our purity. I'm not saying lie to your spouse in order to keep the truth. No we must tell the truth
We must live in purity, but it's first pure then peaceable
You know that you can confront
You know that you can confront someone without being confrontational
You know that you can contend for the truth without being contentious
he says but the wisdom that is from above is first pure then peaceable then notice he says gentle and
easy to be
entreated
What does that mean entreated it means to accept?
He says the wisdom that is from above it's pure. It's peaceable. It's gentle
It's easy to accept see some of you something you say
I don't understand why my wife you know I keep telling her and she just won't under you know listen
She won't hear me out. She won't accept what I'm saying. I don't understand why my husband
I keep trying to tell you know this and this and he just won't hear me
I don't understand why my teenager cannot understand. Maybe it's not what you're saying, but how you're saying it
Because
Wisdom that is from above hey, it's pure. It's true. Yes. It's true, but it's also peaceable
It's also gentle
It's also easy to be entreated full of mercy and good fruits without partiality and without hypocrisy
And by the way, you know what he just described there in verse 17 meekness
You say what's meekness to be pure peaceable gentle easy to be entreated
Full of mercy full of good fruits without partiality without hypocrisy isn't that how you would describe the Lord Jesus Christ?
Look at verse 18 and the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace
It's sown in peace you say I would like to have peace. It's not my fault. We don't have peace notice
It's sown in peace of
them that make
peace
And say what do wise people do they live in meekness
What do meek people do they make peace?
Now that's the context
Leading us into the passage of Scripture that I'd like to preach to you out of
Some of you are like wait what?
Yeah, that was just the introduction
If that didn't go over well, you might want to buckle up
James chapter 4 verse 1
That's the context that leads us into this question this question that James asked this question that is so indicative of human beings
I mean, it's a very crucial very relational very just beyond the wisdom of any man
It had to have came from God
He leads us by explaining that wise people live in meekness and that meekness
Produces peace and that when we don't have those things in fact when we have envying and strife in our heart
Then we will produce all these things that are the opposite of meekness and all of that leads us to this question
And the question that I'd like you to consider this morning
And I'd like to wrestle it down with you this morning if we can in James chapter 4 in verse 1
He says this from whence come wars and fighting
among you
And
look if we were to ask that question today, we're not going to
if we were to divide into small groups and
Sit around a round table
If we brought couples together and families together and friends together
And we asked them from whence come wars and findings among you you know what would happen if?
We ask people if we ask people from where comes
Conflict and arguing and fighting if we ask that question
The question and the answer to the question would lead to conflict and arguing and fighting in
fact the reason why we're not going to divide into small groups and have you asked this question is because the
discussion itself would lead into an argument and
Because the truth of the matter is this and you know it to be true when we ask the question
From whence he the word whence means from what place from what source from where is a modern way?
We would say James is saying from where come wars and fighting among you
And if you and I just didn't care what people thought and didn't care about you know letting people know
How we really think and if we were just being real honest
Because that's just how I am I just tell it how it is
We wouldn't say no James. You're wrong. It's not a where it's a who
It's not from where come wars and fighting among
Among us is from who?
Come wars and fighting among us because all the conflict in my home comes from him
Comes from her
Comes from them see all the
Conflict in my life comes from my husband comes from my wife comes from my children comes from my employer
Comes from my pastor see we have this idea. We think that the source of conflict comes from somewhere out there
It's not my fault. I want to live in peace. I'm just telling the truth. I'm just telling it how it is
It's them
It's her
It's the in-laws
It's the neighbors. It's anybody anywhere, but me
See we think James asked this question because he says from whence come wars and findings among you and
We say no James. It's not where it's who and I already know who it's everyone who?
upsets me and
We think the source of conflict comes
From out there and James says no no see that's where you've got it wrong because he says the source of conflict James says the
Source of conflict does not come from out there
it comes from in
here
No, it's just wondering from whence come wars and findings among you
He he asked the question you answered it
from my husband from my wife from my teenager from my neighbor from my boss and
Then and then James answers
Gives you the biblical answer says come they not hence the word hence means from which place
He says come they not hence even of your loss, and then he says this that war in your members
See James says the conflict comes from you
If you're taking notes, and I'd encourage you to maybe write these statements out here statement number one
We get angry and fine
because the source of our anger
The source of our anger which is among you comes from inside you I?
often tell people this when I'm counseling with them and trying to help them I say
Where's all this drama coming from?
Where are all these issues coming from I?
Mean it's not like you're dealing in your marriage with an invading force
It's not like the axis of evil has decided to land on your beaches and try to you know take over
I mean, it's not like you've got some other family trying to come in and take over your land
He says the war that you fight in your family is just coming from you
It's just your own drama your own issues your own conflict your own inability
to make peace
He says from whence come wars and findings among you come they not hence even of your loss
He says that war in your members. I'd like you to keep your place right here in the book of James
This is our text for this morning and go with me view would to the book of Genesis Genesis chapter number four in
The Old Testament the very first book of the Bible is the book of Genesis Genesis chapter number four
And what I'd like to do this morning is I'd like to dissect the passage in James
but use a story in Genesis to kind of highlight the idea and
the idea
the story we're going to look at is actually the
First time in the entire Bible that we see somebody get angry
It's the very famous story of Cain and Abel. You know it is
The first time in Scripture we see somebody lose control of their temper
James chapter 4 if you would excuse me Genesis chapter 4 keep your place in James 4 Genesis chapter 4
and look at verse 3
The Bible says this and in the process of time it came to pass
that Cain brought forth of the fruit of the ground an
offering unto the Lord and
Abel he also brought of the firstlings of his flocks of course we know that Cain and Abel were two twins
born to Adam and Eve
Apparently somebody had told them
That they needed to bring a sacrifice to God either
God himself said it to them or Adam and Eve explained that to them
But they were under the understanding the Bible doesn't tell us this but the fact that they both brought a sacrifice
Leads us to believe that somebody had explained to them you must bring a sacrifice to God
We actually talked about this last week in our declaring doctrine series
How as a result of Adam and Eve sin the first sacrifice had to be made the first animal?
The blood of that animal had to be shed that Adam and Eve might be clothed with the coat of that animal and here we
See their children bringing a sacrifice as well and in verse 3 it says in the process of time
It came to pass that Cain brought of the fruit of the ground notice. He brings fruit
Grown from the ground vegetables fruits, whatever it is and offering unto the Lord
Not a sacrifice that required death
Not a sacrifice that would shed blood
Verse 4 and Abel he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof he brought an animal sacrifice a
Blood sacrifice, and there's so much in the story. We could go into in regards to lessons on salvation all that
I'm not gonna deal with that this morning
I'm just looking at this idea of contention and the Lord notice and the Lord had respect unto Abel and to his offering
What does that mean means that God saw the offering of Abel, and he liked it he accepted it he respected it of
course Abel brought a
sacrifice of an animal
God himself sacrificed an animal earlier in the book with Adam and Eve we saw that last week look at verse 5
But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect
God did not accept it. God did not want it
God said that's not what that's not the sacrifice that I need and by and again
I don't want to preach on it
But here we have a great example of salvation in the sense that you can bring the fruit of your works
You can bring your labor because obviously Cain had labored in a field
Planted and and and produced fruit and he brought that to God, but God said no, that's not good enough
I need the sacrifice of a lamb
Salvation is not you bringing your good works to God salvation is the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ
He says but unto the Cain of his offering he had not respect notice and Cain was very
Roth
First time in the Bible we see somebody get angry and his countenance fell. I love that
Because oftentimes you can tell people's
Attitude by their demeanors I
Want to ask you this question about Cain and Abel?
If we were to ask Cain from once come wars and findings among you Cain. What is the source of your anger? I?
Mean let's ask it was it God
Was God wrong in
Not accepting the works of the field and requiring a sacrifice lamp and the answer is no God is never wrong
Was it able?
Was able wrong to bring the sacrifice that God accept accepted and wanted
Even though Cain brought the wrong side was that Abel's fault no
Whose fault was it? Why is Cain so angry and the reason that Cain is so angry is because of himself
His anger and his wrath
Comes a result of him keep your place in James 4 keep your place in Genesis 4 go me the book of Proverbs if you
What Proverbs chapter 15 from the center of the Bible you have the book of Psalms right after Psalms you have the book of Proverbs?
Proverbs chapter 15 we talked about this last week if you remember we looked at the idea that we
Oftentimes don't get angry we are angry
And this is what James is referring to he says your anger
Does not come for the source of your anger that is among you does not come from outside of you it comes from inside of
you
We saw last week that anger is not caused by something outside of you
It's caused by something inside of you often. We don't get angry. We are angry
And we saw this idea last week
Let's just look at them real quickly if you would again Proverbs 15 look at verse 18 Proverbs 15 verse 18 a wrathful man stirs up
stripes
Canes about to stir up some strife why cuz he was wrathful see you and I we think no
I'm wrathful because of the stripe. I'm angry because of the fight and God said no. No you're fighting because of the anger
You've got it backwards
You think no, I'm angry because of something that happened outside and God said no
No, you're causing something outside because of the anger inside
Proverbs 16 verse 28 a
froward man
Remember in James we saw the words easy to be entreated
The opposite of easy to be entreated is being froward being difficult to deal with you ever met somebody like this
Doesn't matter what you know there's always a problem. There's always an issue doesn't matter what the solution
You know you can give them five different solutions. There's gonna be something wrong with all of them
They're just a difficult person a froward man, so it's strife
Go to Proverbs 26 look at verse 21
Proverbs 26 verse 21
Proverbs 26 verse 21 as coals are to burning coals and wood to fire
Notice Proverbs 26 verse 21 last part of the verse so is a contentious man to kindle strife
We're not contentious because strife got kindled we kindle strife because we are contentious
Proverbs 29 verse 22 Proverbs 29 verse 22 an angry man stirreth up strife
We think no
Strife gets stirred up, and then that makes me angry because the no no you're angry
And you stir up strife and a furious man abounded in transgressions see we like to think no no I get angry
Because they made me angry and and they caused a fight
And they said something that upset me and that's why I got angry and God says no no here's what you need to understand
They may have said something to upset you they may have said something that was rude
They may have done something that they shouldn't have done
But that's not why you got angry because a meek person could
Understand that and respond to it in a proper way you got angry because of something inside of you
See James says that the source of our anger
Come from inside of us
So look if you say my husband, and I we fight like cats and dogs. That's because of something inside of you and
inside of him
I'm not saying that our lives are absent of conflict there may be conflict and things that need to be confronted
But the reason you get angry out of control destroy
We're not talking about righteous indignation here very few of us ever actually
experienced righteous indignation
We're talking about the name-calling. We're talking about the rude things. We're talking about the cussing
We're talking about the yelling we're talking about with a breaking stuff that stuff. That's not righteous. There's no righteous indignation in that
That's tough. That's all you
That came from you
So James asked this question keep your place in Genesis 4 go back to James chapter 4 if you would he says from whence come
Wars and fighting is among you and he says statement number one
We get angry and fight because the source of our anger among you
comes from inside you
Then he says this
James chapter 4
Look at verse 1 again
From whence come wars and fighting is among you then he says this come they not hands
So don't they come from?
Then he says these words
even of your loss
Now the word loss usually when we think of the word loss we think of like a physical relationship
Between a man and a woman, but the word loss simply means desire or wants
Obviously in the Bible loss is often used to a fit for a physical relationship
But in the Bible you find people lusting after money we find people lusting after food
Loss is just something that you want and here's what James says he says from whence come wars and fighting among you come they not
hands even of your loss
Even of your desires even of your wants in verse 2 he says he lost
He says you desire you want something he says you lost and have not
He said you want something and you're not getting what you want
he says you kill and desire to have the word desire there means loss and
cannot obtain
See here's what James is teaching us
He's saying not only do we get angry because the source of our anger is from among us is from inside of us
he says this we get angry when we do not get what we want I
Mean says come they not hint is that from where come wars from whence come wars and fighting's among you come they not
Hence even of your loss that war in your members you lost and have not you kill and desire to have and cannot
Obtain James says this he says we get angry and we fight and we strive and we get mad we get angry
When we do not get what we want
Look anybody
Anybody who has more than one child knows this is true I
Mean if you don't believe me just go observe the kids in the playroom after church
You won't be there that long and you'll see two kids start fighting. You know why kids fight
Because one of them is not getting what they want
One
Of them wants that toy they want that doll they want that car they want that one has it the other one doesn't have it
One is angry because they want the car they want the doll they want and they're not getting it and
Then they go and take it and the other one gets angry
Because now they're not getting what they want you say pastor. It's not that simple really
That's
The exact same reason why every war that has ever been fought in this world was fought
That's the exact same reason why every Memorial for every soldier that ever died on a battlefield
Why did they die because one country wanted something that they weren't getting?
You say it can't be that simple
Let me introduce you to the Word of God from whence come wars and fighting's among you they come from you
because you want something you're not getting I
Mean let's go back and look at our story Genesis chapter 4
look at verse 6 and
the Lord said unto Cain
The Lord said unto Cain he has the question kind of like James. He says why art thou raw?
Don't you hate him people ask you that why are you angry?
I'm not angry. Oh, right
I'm not angry
I just talk like this
And the Lord said unto Cain why art thou wroth
Why is thy countenance fallen? He says this if thou doest well shall thou not be accepted
Because he God highlights for us. Why exactly Cain was upset. You know why Cain was upset because he did not get what he wanted
He didn't want to bring the sacrifice that God has he wanted to bring his own sacrifice
the sacrifice that made him look the best that made him look good to show off and brag about look at all this fruit that I
Had and when it was not accepted. He did not get what he wanted. That's why he's mad. That's why anyone ever gets mad
We get angry when we do not get what we want
We get angry when we don't get what we want I mean isn't this true look especially when you're wrong
Don't you hate it when you're in the middle of an argument, and it all of a sudden dawns on you wait. I'm wrong
When you're wrong and when your anger is not justified
But you're still angry, so you're still gonna fight you're still angry, so you're still gonna cuss you're still angry
So you're still gonna throw things you're still angry, so you're still gonna threaten
Why?
Because you're not getting what you want
Because what you want what you want is to continue drinking even though you know you have a problem with drinking and
People that love you are trying to tell you hey you've got a problem
You need to deal with it you want to keep drinking and even though you're wrong or you want to keep getting high or you want
To keep gambling or you want to keep spending money that you don't have or you want to keep you know?
Sleeping in and taking days off of school when you're a homeschool mom and your kids aren't getting educated, but you want what you want
I mean you don't want to abide by a curfew you don't want to tell anyone where you're going after work
You don't want to be accountable to anybody you don't think you have a problem with gambling you don't think you have a problem with anger
Look the truth of the matter is this why do you get angry whenever you get angry some of you are angry right now?
You know why
You're not getting what you want I
Brought my husband to this anger management series, so you would tell him everything that's wrong with him
Now you're telling me. I'm the problem
Let me let you in on a little secret that James kind of tease us out for us
It's this every time you're angry is because you're not getting what you want
You want
Her to respect you you want him to show you affection you want to be appreciated you want to be acknowledged
This is true when you are wrong
And not justified, but let me go ahead and answer the question for those of you that are smart. Oh, yeah, pastor
Well, what about when I'm right?
What about when my anger is justified I?
Mean that's true
What when they owe me
When they promised
When I earned it
when they broke their vow
when they lied
And look I'm not
Taken away from those things and if you got up here
And we gave you the mic and you told your story we would all side with you and side against whoever it is you're talking about
But the truth of the matter is this even when you're right even when you're justified. It's still
You're not getting what you want
Can we at least acknowledge that?
Yeah, but they promise right?
So what are you angry about they didn't keep their promise and what do you want from them?
I want them to keep their promise so you're angry because you're not getting what you want
Yeah
But I earned it I
Deserve it so why are you angry because I didn't get it and what do you want? I want to get it
Why cuz I earned it so you're angry because you're not getting what you want I
Guess
But they lied
And you're angry because they like yeah, cuz what should they have they should told the truth
And what do you want? I want them to tell the truth, and they didn't do what they didn't tell the truth
so you're angry because they
Didn't do what you want them to do
But I'm justified I didn't say you weren't justified
I'm just trying to let you in on a secret whenever you're angry. It's cuz you're not getting what you want
You may be justified you may not be justified you may be right you may not be right the point is this whenever
Anger rises up inside of you. Just stop just stop and ask yourself
What am I not getting that I want?
Because that's the reason for the anger you say well when I'm justified is there anything wrong with that well go back to James
up to 4 look at verse 2
You
Lost and have not he says this you kill
You kill and desire to have and cannot obtain you fight and war
You kill
You know that every murder came about as a result of anger and all anger came out of us
Not getting what we want
Well, it wasn't that I wasn't getting what I want is that they weren't doing what I want
Which is you not getting what you want?
Genesis chapter 4 look at verse 8
And Cain talked with Abel his brother
Did Abel have anything to do with Cain's anger
Did Abel have anything to do what where came the anger of Abel from where did it come it come from Cain came from?
And Cain talked with Abel his brother
And it came to pass when they were in the field that Cain rose up against Abel his brother notice and slew him
James says you lost and have not you kill and desire to have and cannot obtain you fight in war yet
You have not because he asked not
And look you say well, I'm not physically killing anybody
But are you killing your relationships
Some of you are killing are killing your parenting and
the influence that God has given you as a parent because of your uncontrolled anger and
I'm not saying it's not justified. They should come in at curfew time. They should obey. They should be accountable
I'm not saying it's not justified
I'm not saying that there are not times when you need to confront someone and deal with a legitimate problem
I'm not saying that at all. I hope you understand that
They
Lied they broke their promise. They broke their vows. They broke their commitment
They didn't do what they said they were going to do I get that
I'm not saying that there's not a time that there's not a time when we must confront someone and
Deal with legitimate problems what I am saying is that even when you are right even when you are
Justified even when you are dealing with a legitimate problem that does not give you the right to
Engage in the flesh without of control and destructive anger that kills relationships
See we like to think no, I'm right. So therefore everything I do is justified
You may be right but what you're doing the way you're handling it the things you're saying the way you're attacking
The people you say your love is not right
That anger that anger that didn't come from God and that didn't come from your justification that just came from you
You may be justified. I'm with you
You may be correct in your analysis
They broke their promise they lied they broke your trust
They didn't do what they were supposed to do you may be justified that does not give you the right
to lose control
to become destructive
to kill
James chapter 1 look at verse 20
James chapter 1 and verse 20
We saw this last week for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God
For
The wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God when you allow yourself to enter into uncontrolled wrath
You're not doing the righteousness of God
Here's the funny thing you may be right and you're not righteous
See sometimes you try to explain this to couples
You know why you fight you're not getting what you want and they can't look past the fact that yeah
But what I want is is my right, and I'm not arguing with you that maybe you're right
But it doesn't make you righteous the way you're acting
You may be just in your belief, but you're not justified in the way you're going about it I
Mean you hear people fighting you hear parents fighting with their children you hear couples fighting with each other you fear you hear church
Members fighting you hear the worst things possible
I
Hate you. I will never forgive you. I will keep this anger towards you till the day of my death
And I mean those are just the things I've said to church members much less the stuff you guys have said
The point is this
We're never justified in
losing control of our anger
Even when you're right in fact I would say especially when you're right
See here's why we push back on this concept
Some of you are like this is stupid
I'm not angry
Things I'm angry because I'm not getting what I want you. You want to know why you push back on that concept
Here's the truth
Because I've explained this to so many people in counseling
I don't know how many times and I get very little positive feedback on this
And and you know I'm not picking on you. I've talked to you. I'm done for 10 years 10 years
I've said this to lots of people. It's very rare people like yeah pastor. You know what you're right
I'm just throwing a fit because I'm not getting what I want. It's very rare people usually we push back on it
You say well
Why do people push back on I've thought a lot about this because I've dealt with a lot of people and here's what I came
To the conclusion I've came to this conclusion the reason that we've pushed back on this concept the reason that this is probably not going
To be your favorite sermon to listen to once a month or whatever to encourage you
The reason that you think like I don't know past just kind of you know
I don't let feel on this one the reason we push back on this is because of this when we must take part of the
responsibility for our anger
Then we must also take part of the accountability to resolve our anger
See when you take responsibility
When you have to sit there and say okay, maybe I was justified and why I got angry
But I wasn't justified in everything. I said and everything. I did when I got angry
So therefore I'm not completely innocent in this situation
Maybe it's not 50% my fault and 50% their fault
But there is some sort of account responsibility that I have to take for the things that have passed in this relationship
See when you have to take responsibility for the problem, then you must take accountability for your response
and
That's what we don't want
Because you know what we all want
The reason that we always act like we're right even when it dawns on us in the middle of the fight that oh man
I was wrong oh
Man, I did miss that appointment, and I didn't write it down
And I now I do remember that that's what I said I was gonna do even in the midst of a fight we refuse to
You know admit that we're wrong
You know why because we want to give in to our out of control destructive anger
We want to give in to our out of control destructive behavior, and we want to feel justified in doing so
and
If I have to admit
Okay, maybe I shouldn't have acted that way you were wrong
But maybe I shouldn't have said those things
You were wrong
But maybe I shouldn't wrote those things about you on social media
You were wrong
But maybe I shouldn't have called your boss
Or maybe I shouldn't have called your parents and said all those mean things see when we have to take responsibility for the anger
Then we don't get to just throw a fit and feel justified in our fit and
Isn't that what you want?
You want to say to her you this and you that and blankety-blank you want to say to him you?
Stink and you're this and blankety-blank you want to throw things and cause and be angry and fight and kill and destroy
and walk away I
Did nothing wrong?
When everything you did was wrong
Everything the way you responded was inappropriate
The way you responded I'll put it this way was not me
And it was not like Christ
So James says the source of our anger
The source of our anger from among us
comes from inside of us
he says we get angry when we do not get what we want and
Then he says this and this is the third statement. We've already developed it
I just didn't give it to you the anger that comes from within flows out towards others
That's why cain killed Abel
That's why some of you are killing your marriages
That's why some of you are killing your relationships
with your family members
Because this anger that comes from inside of you it flows out to others
You say well pastor. What do we do about it?
I'm glad you asked
First of all realize that when you take responsibility for your anger
It makes you be accountable for your response
That immediately brings the tension down brings the temperature down
Allows you to control your anger
But James kind of gives us a
Little bit of insight into how to deal with this or the proper perspective to deal with it next week
We're going to talk about how to deal with your anger
But before you can get there before you can get there you have to
lose this idea
That I'm justified in everything I do because she's an idiot
I'm justified in everything I do because he's a moron
No, you may be right, but that doesn't make you righteous
And when we have to take responsibility for the things we do for the things we say for the actions we take
It allows us to bring the temperature down a little bit
but then James
He does this thing
Where he kind of gives us a little bit of insight and in some ways
It's it's a little hidden or cryptic and and I don't mean that it's not there for us to see
But you really have to be looking for it
It's really interesting because in James chapter 4 in verse 2 he says this
you less than have not you kill and desire to have and cannot obtain you fight in war and
When you look at James chapter 4 in verse 1 and James chapter 4 in verse 2
Up to this point in the verse. It's very relational
In fact when you go back and look at the context which we did we went back and looked at the context of James chapter 3
What led us to this conversation? It's highly relational. It's about meekness and envying and strife in your heart
It's all about our relationships
Then James says this these phrase this phrase at the end of verse 2
Which in some ways I don't want to say it's sad
But in some ways it's too bad that James chapter 4 in verse 2 because of this part at the end
It kind of shifts gears and takes us into a different context and it's so famous and so well known that this passage has become
about that
Instead about relationships and it's about both. So what are you talking about? Well, notice what he says in verse 2
Yet ye have not
because ye ask not
Says he lost and have not you killed and desire to have and cannot obtain you fight in war yet
Ye have not because he asked not and when you read those verses yet you have not because he asked not you would say well
I know what that's about. That's about prayer and I would say yes, you're absolutely right
That's about prayer and because of that most people go to James chapter 4 verses 1 & 2 and deal
Only with the subject of prayer and they look past the subject of relationships and you might be looking into the same thing
Well, what does prayer have to do with relationships? He's talking about the fact that I'm not getting what I want from my spouse
I'm not getting what I want from my children. I'm not getting what I want from my job
I'm not getting what I want from my church
that's what causes me to fight and kill and destroy and fight and war and and then he shifts gears and it seems almost
abruptly
And starts to talk about prayer
Yet you have not
because he asked not
He said what is James talking about go to Matthew chapter 7 if you would
We're almost done. We're gonna look at Matthew 7 Genesis 4 and then we'll finish up in James 4
Matthew 7 and verse 7
When James says ye have not because he asked not who is it that James is referring to
And
He's referring to God
James chapter 7 verse, excuse me, Matthew chapter 7 verse 7 I ask and it shall be given you
Ask who ask God?
And it shall be given you
See and you shall find
Knock and it shall be opened unto you
For everyone that asketh receive it then he that seeketh findeth and to him that knocketh it shall be opened
Or what man is there of you whom if his son asked bread
Will he give him a stone or if he asked a fish?
Will he give him a serpent if he then being evil know how to give good gifts unto your children how much?
more shall your father
Your heavenly father in fact Jesus when Jesus taught his disciples how to pray
He said when you pray he said you should say this say our father which are in heaven
Our heavenly father. He says how much more shall your father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask
him
You say well pastor I don't understand
What does prayer?
Have to do with the fact that I can't get my teenager to do what I think they should do
What does prayer have to do with the fact that I can't get my adult children to do what I think they should be doing?
What does prayer have to do with the fact that I can't get my spouse to do what I want them to do
The point that James is trying to make us this that we fight because we want something from someone
That they either will not
That they may never
Or that they possibly are not capable of giving you
You
You got married and he was the knight in shining armor
And he was supposed to make you fulfilled in every area of your life
and he was supposed to appreciate you and care about everything about you, and you were gonna find your fulfillment in him and
Then after the honeymoon you found out he's an idiot
And
You're trying so desperately to get your fulfillment out of him
When the only one that can give you that fulfillment is God
See you you want your kids
they have to go to a certain school and they have to get a certain education and they have to get a certain degree and
They better do a certain job
And they're not doing the job that you told them that they should do they were supposed to be a doctor now
they're not a doctor and
I'm gonna feel like a failure
And you're trying to get something out of them that they're not giving you
But you should be getting it from God
See
James kind of shifts gears abruptly for us and it kind of like James, you know, are you bipolar?
What are you talking about all this relational stuff this deep, you know?
Psychological stuff and then all of a sudden you say you have not because he asked on here's what he's saying
Here's what he's saying. Sometimes sometimes you're just not gonna get what you want
They're either just not gonna give it to you because they're just backslidden because they're sinners. They're gonna break their vows
They're gonna break their promises
They're not gonna do what they said they were gonna do or it may just be they can't give you
What you're trying to get out of them?
They're just not gonna make you happy
They're just not gonna make you fulfilled
they're just not gonna give you peace and
James says you're asking the wrong person
Because if you would turn your direction to God
God can give you the peace
God can give you the appreciation
God can give you the love God can give you the respect God can give you all those things
You're trying to squeeze
Out of your neighbor
Out of your boss
Out of your wife
Out of your husband out of your children
You
Here's a fourth statement we get angry and fight because we're trying to get something other people cannot give or will not give
Imagine what would happen in your relationship
Whatever relationship you find yourself in conflict in if you stop for a moment and said, you know, I'm so angry right now
If you just thought this in your mind because I'm not getting what I want
And maybe I'm even justified in what I want, but this guy this gal this group
they're just not gonna give it to me and
I can't look as long as you believe that your happiness and your peace
Will be found in something else and someone else
You'll never be happy
You'll never have peace
But when you say
I want my wife to keep her commitments. I
Want my husband to keep his vows I
Want my children to do right to do what I've taught them to do. I
Want these things I've earned these things I expect these things
But at the end of the day my fulfillment is in God and
Even if everyone else fails me
Even if everyone else leaves me even if everyone else
forsakes me I
Don't have to respond and uncontrolled and destructive anger because I'm not trying to find my peace in them
Anyway, I'm trying to squeeze something out of them. They can't give me only God can't
So James says
From whence come wars and fightings among you
Come they not hence even of your loss that war and your members
He lost and have not he killed and desire to have and cannot obtain you fight and war
He says yet you have not because you're asking the wrong person
He says you have not
Because he asked not
The truth of the matter is this
The anger you feel it comes from inside
The
Reason it comes out is because you're not getting what you want
whether you're justified or not and
the reason we don't want to
Acknowledge that is because when we have to take responsibility for our anger
Then we must take accountability for the response of our anger, and we don't want to do that
We just want to throw a fit and get angry and cuss and throw things and yell and say the worst possible things and walk
away feeling justified and
It's hard to do that when you realize when you realize
That that response is not meekness, and it's not christ-like
when you take responsibility and accountability for your anger the temperature goes down and
You are now able to begin to control your anger
and in fact
If you can ever get to the place where you say I
Don't find my contentment in anybody else I
Don't find my contentment
Yeah, they promised me. I was gonna get the promotion. Yeah, they told me if I took these classes
They would give you the promotion yeah
I went ahead and did all those things and then they gave the promotion to somebody else to their buddy
and
I'm angry
But when I don't find my contentment in that and I find my contentment in God I
can control
the response
that comes from me
So James says James says
Anytime your anger gets out of control
It comes from inside
And I want to encourage you to be with us next week because that thought that idea
Leads us into the context the things that we'll learn next week
About okay pastor, and how do I deal with my anger?
We'll talk about that next week. Let's fire heads and have a word of prayer. Heavenly Father
Lord when you dissect these passages of Scripture it becomes abundantly clear that they were not written by man
This philosophy in this psychology that we find in Scripture
It's not written by human beings because human beings think
If I can make everybody do what I want I'll be happy if I can get all my ducks in a row
I'll be happy if I can make everything just go the way I want it to go
I'll be happy, but the truth is this that true contentment can only be found in God
Lord help us to remember that
Help us to realize that thank you for this passage
And help us Lord to just become keenly aware of why we get so angry
In the matchless name of Christ we pray
Amen