Amen. All right, we're there in James chapter number one, and of course on Sunday mornings we've been going through a series entitled anger management.
We've been learning from the Bible about our anger and how to control our anger, and if you remember when we started this series on April 11th, the first week,
I preached a sermon called a theology of anger. We did a biblical overview of anger and what the Bible teaches about anger in general.
Last week we looked at a passage in James chapter number four. We dissected a few verses in James chapter four, and we talked about and learned about why we get so angry,
why is it that we get so upset. This week we're going to be talking about how to deal with our anger, how to deal with our own anger.
So we're right in the middle of a four-week, or we're past the middle, we're in the third week of a four-week series.
So I would encourage you, if you weren't here for week one and week two, you can catch up. You can go on our website, veritybaptist.com, and our sermons are there.
You can go on our YouTube channel, Verity Baptist Church on YouTube, and I would encourage you to catch up with those sermons if it's something that you feel like you could learn from,
and I would say that we could all learn from that. But this morning we're going to deal with a very specific subject on how to deal with our anger, how to deal with our anger.
And of course we've already laid a foundation biblically, what the Bible teaches about anger, and we've already talked about why we get so angry, so we're not going to deal with that this morning.
We're just going to deal with the idea of how to deal with our anger, and let me begin by saying this. Our anger, if you remember from the previous sermons, is a destructive force.
Nothing good comes from our anger in the flesh, and of course we know that there is a such thing as righteous indignation, but the truth is that it's very few times,
that you and I are experiencing righteous indignation, and the truth of the matter is that our anger doesn't produce anything good in our lives.
In fact, you're there in James chapter 1, look down at verse number 20, the Bible says this,
For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
Our anger is destructive. Our anger will destroy. It'll destroy us, and it'll destroy the relationships around us if we don't learn how to deal with our anger.
So this morning we're going to look at this idea. I want you to notice that we read James chapter 1 and verse 20. I'd like you to look at verse number 19.
I want you to notice three statements that James tells us in James 1.19. He says, Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be. I want you to notice these three statements.
He says, Swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. That's the context of verse 20. You say, Why would I want to be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath?
Here's why. For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. James gives us these statements, and they are statements that are meant to help us deal with our anger.
You say, How do you deal with your anger biblically? Well, we must be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.
These statements, I want you to know, are not three separate statements disconnected from each other or having nothing to do with each other.
Instead, these three statements are connected. They are a process. They build upon each other. Our goal for the purpose of this sermon is to learn how to control our anger.
And we cannot be in control of our anger until we can slow down our anger enough to keep it from getting out of control.
We have to be able to slow down our anger to be able to get in front of it, to be able to get control of it.
So I want to give you these three thoughts this morning, and I want to explain this to you. Keep your place there in James chapter number one.
And of course, we'll begin with point number one. If you're taking notes, and I would encourage you to take down some notes on the back of your course of the week, there's a place for you to write down some things.
Point number one this morning, of course, is swift to hear. When it comes to controlling our anger, what must we do? What are the steps that we must take?
And the first step is that we must be swift to hear. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear.
The word swift means quick or promptly. Now, I want you to know when James writes here these words swift to hear, the idea is not that you listen faster.
You actually can't listen faster because our ability to listen is dependent upon the person who's speaking.
If the person who is speaking is very slow, then you can't listen to them any faster than they are speaking.
When James says be swift to hear, he's not saying I want you to listen faster. What he's saying is I want you to be fast to listen.
It's not to listen more quickly. It is to quickly endeavor in your heart to listen.
Now, keep your place there in James chapter one, if you would, and go with me to the Old Testament book of Proverbs, Proverbs chapter number 14.
If you open your Bible just right in the center, you're more than likely following the book of Psalms. Right after Psalms, you have the book of Proverbs, Proverbs chapter 14.
Do me a favor and put a ribbon or a bookmark or something there in Proverbs because we're going to spend most of the sermon in the book of Proverbs this morning.
I'll have you turn back to James and a couple other places throughout the sermon where we're going to be most of the time in the book of Proverbs.
But before you keep your place in Proverbs, we need to be swift to hear. What does that mean?
Well, Proverbs chapter 14 and verse 29 says this, he that is slow to wrath, doesn't that sound like James?
Swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. He that is slow to wrath, notice these words, is of great understanding.
See, you can be slow to wrath. People say, you know, I just, I get out of control.
And the problem is when it comes with our anger is that we're not, the biblical word to control your anger, the idea is to be slow to wrath.
In fact, the way that we describe people with a bad temper is we'll say they have a short fuse.
The opposite of having a short fuse is being slow to wrath.
And if you're here this morning, you say, well, I've got anger problems.
And if you're here this morning, you say you have no anger problems.
You probably are the worst one with your anger problems because all of us have anger problems.
And if you say, well, how do I control my anger?
Well, the way that you control it is you go from being short fuse to being long fuse.
The biblical term is to be slow to wrath. And you say, well, how can I do that?
You can be slow to wrath if you take time to understand.
See, when we are in conflict with people, the reason that we just fly off the handle and lose control is because we don't take any time to try to understand the other person.
Here the Bible says in Proverbs 14, 29, he that is slow to wrath, notice these words.
You say, I don't understand how people can be slow to wrath. How do they, how can they just be slow?
Well, notice he that is slow to wrath is of great understanding.
The key to being slow to wrath is that you have a lot of understanding.
You have taken the time to hear. You have taken the time to listen. You have taken the time to try to understand.
Notice, but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.
The Bible says he that is hasty of spirit is going to exalt, is going to put folly on a pedestal.
And I would say this, when we are quick to wrath, when we are short tempered, all we do is folly.
All we do is foolishness. You say, what does it mean to take time to understand?
It means that we must seek to empathize. Empathy means to understand the feelings of the other person.
Look, here is the truth of the matter. When you are fighting with somebody, when you are in conflict with somebody,
if it is your wife, if it is your husband, I mean, come on, you call them all sorts of mean names and insulting things,
but the truth is you did not marry an imbecile. I mean, you may call them that, but you did not marry an idiot.
I mean, you married them for a reason. And the truth is this, that if they are upset, they are probably upset for a reason.
And when we take the time, and here is the thing, empathy does not mean that we agree,
but it means that we take the time to see it from their perspective, to see it from their point of view,
take the time to dissect and peel back the onion and understand. Why is it that they are so upset?
Because usually people are not just upset for no reason. It may not be a good reason, it may not be a legitimate reason,
but there is a reason. See, the Bible says, he that is slow to wrath is of great understanding,
but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly. See, what that means is that you can be slow to wrath if you take the time to understand.
We must seek to empathize with others. We must seek to understand, to put ourselves in their position.
And look, here is the truth. Sometimes, you know, I get upset about something or I get upset with somebody
and I start getting angry. My wife will often help me with these things and she will try to calm me down.
And one of the things that I have learned is when you stop to think, you know, maybe if I was raised the way they were raised,
maybe if I was raised in the home they were raised in, maybe if I had gone through the trauma. I grew up, I have been blessed of God.
The Bible says that the lines have fallen to me in a goodly place, that I have a goodly heritage.
And I am talking about me personally. I have been highly blessed of God in the sense that I was raised by my mom and dad.
I was raised in a home, and I know most people can't testify to this and I am not picking on you.
I am just telling you this is the truth. In my home, I grew up in a home where I honestly don't have a memory of ever seeing my parents fight.
I am not saying they didn't fight. I am just saying they were smart enough not to do it in front of us.
I grew up an independent fundamental Baptist. I have grown up under this type of preaching.
I mean, sometimes I look at the way that the people in our church and our types of churches deal in their relationships.
And I think good night, if the people getting this type of preaching are so bad at their relationships,
I can only imagine what these unsaved people are doing out there to their spouses and to their children and to their grandchildren and how they are dealing with situations.
And here is all I am saying. If I would have been raised in a single family home, if I would have been raised in the way that they were raised or where they came from,
maybe if I would have came from their background, and I am not saying that would justify it, but maybe it would add some context to what they are dealing with.
It is called empathy, seeking to understand the feelings of others.
See, we must seek to see things from the point of view of the other person, from the perspective of the other person.
See, the truth is this. You say, what is the step to controlling my anger? It is being slow to wrath is becoming a great understanding.
It is being swift to hear. It is the idea that you take the time to try to see what the other person is seeing.
It doesn't mean that at the end of the day you walk away agreeing with them. It doesn't mean that there is still not a conflict there, but it at least puts some flesh to the situation.
See, God gave you two ears and one mouth, and mathematically it would seem to me that God wanted you to do twice as much listening as you do speaking.
Some of us act like he gave us two mouths and one ear. Some of us act like he gave us three mouths and no ears.
The truth is this, that we tend, look isn't this true, can we be honest at church? The truth is this, that we tend to only see things from our perspective.
And isn't that true? We tend to only see things from our point of view. We tend to only see things from the place we care.
And God says, God says, and James says, hey you want to be slow to wrath? Here it is.
He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding. But he that is hasty of spirit exalts with folly.
And the truth is this, if you want to not have a short fuse, if you want to be slow to wrath, you must be swift to hear.
Because the truth is this, we tend to only see things from our perspective.
Let me read this little article for you. Psychologists and neuroscientists have identified a phenomenon in human beings called the self-serving bias.
Also known as the vain brain. This condition causes our brain to embellish, enhance, and aggrandize us whenever we are challenged.
Our self-serving bias or vain brain excuses our faults and failures and keeps us blind to our own inadequacies.
The self-serving brain, they did research on it and they found that people when asked will usually rate everyone else as a terrible driver and rate themselves as an above average driver.
In fact, they took the survey of people in the emergency room who had recently been extracted from their vehicles due to a collision that they caused and they still, they still identified themselves as an above average driver.
This is the self-serving bias. This is the vain brain. We think we're better than we really are. We tend to be blind to our own inadequacies.
We tend to make excuses for our faults and our failures. We tend to embellish and enhance and aggrandize our position.
And here's the interesting thing about the self-serving bias and I preached about this in the past and we could preach a whole sermon on it.
But when it comes to the self-serving bias or the vain brain in the context of conflict, it serves against us in our ability to be swift to hear.
The self-serving bias or vain brain in regards to conflict, here are the characteristics.
When we disagree, we begin with the assumption that there's only one right answer.
If we, for whatever reason, don't have the right answer, we will find it by proving the other side wrong.
We listen only, some of you already stopped listening, be swift to hear. Tell me this doesn't sound like the average marriage.
We listen only to find flaws in the other person's arguments and in order to build counterarguments.
Because after all, we know we are right on this, whatever this is.
And the self-serving bias keeps us blind. It keeps us from seeing our own fault.
It keeps us from seeing our own problems. It keeps us from seeing our own issues.
It keeps us from taking responsibility for our own actions. It embellishes and enhances and aggrandizes our beliefs.
But if you want to be someone who is slow to wrath, the Bible says you must be of great understanding.
Well, how can I do that? How does that work? Well, here's the point.
You cannot understand someone until you take the time to listen to them.
Go to Proverbs 18, if you would, Proverbs chapter 18.
Proverbs chapter 18, let me help you out with some of these things.
Being swift to hear means that you don't jump to conclusions.
Being swift to hear means that you don't make assumptions.
Being swift to hear means that you take the time to listen to the other side.
Proverbs 18, verse 13, notice what it says.
He that answerth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.
That could be the life verse of the average conflict that happens within people's lives.
People jump to conclusions. They jump, they make assumptions.
They say, well, because, you know, this person, you know, they did this, and they're doing that, and they believe this, and they're saying, well, how do you know that?
Well, I just assume because, you know, I just thought because, well, have you ever talked to them about it?
And we want to run from conflict. We want to run from conflict and do the exact opposite of what God tells us to do.
God says don't run from conflict. Run to conflict and try to understand.
How can you do that? By being swift to hear? By taking time to listen?
See, being swift to hear means you don't jump to conclusions or make assumptions.
Being swift to hear means that you may find, please, please, please get this.
You're going to want to hear this one. Proverbs 25. Proverbs 25. Look at verse 8.
Being swift to hear means that you may find that you are wrong or incorrect.
You ever heard the phrase having egg on your face?
You know, being swift to hear will keep you from looking foolish because he that is slow to wrath is of great understanding,
but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly, the Bible says.
Proverbs 25. Look at verse 8. Proverbs 25a. Go not forth. By the way, that's not a suggestion. That's a command.
Go not forth hastily to strive. What's strive? To conflict, to fight. What's the word hastily mean? In excessive speed.
He says, go not forth hastily to strive, lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof. Notice, when thy neighbor hath put thee to shame.
Sometimes we make assumptions, we jump to conclusions, and we just jump into a fight, and we start saying things and doing things,
and at the end of the battle, it becomes clear to everybody that we didn't know what we were talking about, that we were completely wrong.
Hey, listen, before you get mad at somebody and you've not even spoken to them about whatever it is you're mad about,
why don't you take the time to ask them questions in a non-judgmental, in a non-aggressive way?
Why don't you just in your heart say, well, there must be a reason why they're doing this. There must be a reason why they said that.
There must be a reason why they're going about it this way. I may not agree with it, but can I see it from their point of view?
See, James says we must be swift to hear. You can be slow to wrath if you take time to understand, and you cannot understand until you take time to listen.
Listening means we don't jump to conclusions. We don't make assumptions. Listening means we might find that we are wrong or incorrect, that we made the wrong assumption.
Keep your place right there in Proverbs. Go back to James chapter one. We're going to come right back to Proverbs. I just want you to see the second statement again.
You say, how can I control my anger? Well, step one is we must be swift to hear.
Step two, James 1-19, wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear. Here's step two, slow to speak. Slow to speak.
Slow to speak. Go back to Proverbs, if you would. Proverbs chapter 17. Proverbs chapter 17, verse 27.
We need to be swift to hear. That means that we take the time to listen, to empathize, to understand, to put ourselves in the other person's position. We might not still agree with them.
It means that we try to understand the situation. We try to understand the circumstances. We try to get all the details, and that might mean that we don't jump to assumptions. We don't jump to conclusions.
It may also mean that we find that we are wrong because our self-serving brain sometimes leads us astray, and maybe we're not as good of a driver.
Or maybe we should be humble enough to not rate ourselves as a 9 or a 10 when we're in an emergency room because we got extracted from a vehicle in the collision that we caused.
We should be swift to hear. Then he says this, slow to speak. Here's the truth. You cannot listen. It's so basic. You guys come here for very deep teaching, I know.
Some of you need to write this down though. You cannot listen until you stop talking. Proverbs 17, verse 27. Notice what the Bible says.
Proverbs 17, verse 27. He that hath knowledge. What does that mean? It's somebody who understands. They know some things. They've gathered the facts.
He that hath knowledge. Notice, notice. He that hath knowledge spareth his words. What does that mean? It means they use their word sparingly.
And a man of understanding. What's a man of understanding? Someone who takes the time to listen. Someone who takes the time to know. Someone who takes the time to get knowledge, to get the facts.
Notice, and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit. An excellent spirit. What does the word excellent mean? It means good or outstanding.
So you look at some people and they just have an excellent spirit. The Bible says about Daniel that he had an excellent spirit. What does that mean?
It means that he had a good or outstanding spirit. It means you got around them and you felt positive. You felt good. They felt like good people.
Well, look, the Bible says that someone who has an excellent spirit is a man of understanding. He that hath knowledge spareth his words. And a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.
And by the way, let me just say this. An excellent spirit, meaning good or understanding, is the opposite of the spirit that someone with a short fuse has, which is crabby or irritable.
I don't understand why people don't want to be around me. Because you're a jerk.
But he that hath knowledge spareth his words, the Bible says, a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit.
Look at verse 28. Even a fool. Look, don't get mad at me for what the Bible says. I didn't write this.
Even a fool when he holdeth his peace is counted wise. And he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of, don't miss it, understanding.
A man of empathy. Someone who takes the time to listen. Someone who takes the time to understand. Someone who takes the time to see things from the other person's perspective.
Go to Proverbs 21. I always think it's funny how people get angry when you preach on anger.
I mean, if there's a clue that you need the sermon, I'm so angry he's preaching at me. I'm just preaching the Bible. I don't know if you've noticed. I've just been reading verses.
We must be slow to speak. You cannot listen until you stop talking. Why does that matter? Here's why.
Because you will keep from saying and doing the wrong thing when you stop. Proverbs 21, verse 23, notice what the Bible says.
Proverbs 21, verse 23, the Bible says, whoso keepeth, the word keep means to guard, to refrain, to hold back.
Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from trouble.
Look, here's the truth. Most of the troubles we have in our lives come because we opened our mouths.
Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from trouble. Go to Proverbs 13. Look at verse 3. Proverbs 13 and verse 3.
Proverbs 13 and verse 3 says this, he that keepeth, the word keep means to guard, means to refrain, means to hold back.
He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life. But, here's the contrast, he that openeth wide his lips, just lets everything out of his mouth that comes into his brain.
Look, we need to learn to put a filter between our brain and our mouth and realize that not everything we think has to be said out loud.
But he that openeth wide his lip shall have destruction. You'll destroy your relationships. You'll destroy your reputation. You'll destroy your testimony.
See, you say, why do I want to be, stop talking? Why do I want to be slow to speak? Here's why, because you cannot listen until you stop talking.
Here's why, because you will keep from saying the wrong things when you stop talking. Here's another reason, go to Proverbs 15 and verse 2.
When you're slow to speak, when you're swift to hear, when you're slow to speak, when you take the time to listen, when you take the time to understand, when you take the time to think about what you're going to say, it will keep you, you will respond properly when you seek to understand.
Proverbs 15 and verse 2, a tongue of the wise, excuse me, the tongue, notice these words, the tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright.
First of all, the wise person does not just let their tongue loose, they use their tongue once they've gotten some knowledge is what the Bible says.
Well, how do they do that? Well, they're slow to wrath and they're swift to hear. They take time to perceive, they take time to learn, they take time to understand, they take time to get all the facts, they take time to try to gather everything.
The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright, but the mouth of the fools poureth out foolishness. Fools don't put a filter on their mouth, they just let it all come out.
The Bible says that out of the heart proceedeth all manner of evil things and a foolish person just lets everything come out, but God says a wise person, a wise person, the tongue of the wise uses knowledge aright, does not speak without knowledge and understanding.
They don't speak. Sometimes people ask me, what do you think about this situation? I think it frustrates people. I've had pastors call me and say, what do you think about this situation going on?
And I'll say, well, I don't have enough information to have an opinion about it. Well, you know, you got to take a position. Well, why do I need to take a position?
I don't have all the facts. If I don't know all the knowledge, all I know is what you told me.
You told me. Proverbs 15 verse 28. Proverbs 15 verse 28. Proverbs 15 verse 28 says this, the heart of the righteous studieth to answer.
Think about that. Notice that word studieth. But the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.
I mean, what if this was the characteristic of your life? Remember being in school and you were going to have a test and you wanted to pass the test?
Some of you actually want to pass the test and you would spend time studying and learning and getting all the facts and getting all the information so you could give the right answer.
Hey, you did that for school. Some of you need to do that in your marriage. Some of you need to do that with your parenting. Some of you keep getting fired because you just say whatever you want to your boss.
You know, maybe take some time to study, the Bible says. I mean, look what it says. It says, the heart of the righteous studieth to answer.
Some of these people call me. I just gave an illustration. Some people call me and say, what do you think about this position? What do you think about this? What do you think about that?
You might say, well, you know, let me look into it and let me pray about it and I can get back to you if I have to.
Well, you got to take a position right now. No, no, no. See, the heart of the righteous studieth to answer. You take time to gather the facts. You take time to see things from the other person's perspective.
You take time to try to talk to people and try to understand and put yourself in their shoes and you study before you speak, before you take action.
Look, I'm not sitting here. I hope you understand. I'm not sitting here. Like, I just got it all figured out and I've got, you know, all the issues. Look, these sermons are for me.
I'm studying this and learning this and trying to apply it in my life. Every one of us is anger. But I will tell you this, every time that I've allowed anger to take control of my life,
every time that I've allowed anger to get ahead of me and I haven't slowed it down and I've allowed it to get out of control, I will tell you I have done things that I'm embarrassed about.
I have done things that I regret. In fact, let me tell you, you know, can I tell you a story? But you got to promise I got to stay in here, okay?
Just got to stay in this room. I'm a little embarrassed about it, to be honest with you. Now, keep in mind, this was a long time ago. I was very immature. Long time ago, maybe like two years ago.
And we had, I should have asked my wife about, she has a better memory than I do. I don't want to get the details wrong, but we had an event here at church where we had been here late at night.
I want to say it was a New Year's Eve service. And you know how New Year's Eve service are. We stay here until midnight. We pray in the New Year and then for about 20, 30 minutes people fellowship.
And we got home and it was like 12.30. We had these neighbors who moved in across the street from us. And, you know, we have always had real good relationship with our neighbors.
And the neighbors that were across the street from us that we really liked, you know, they moved away and whatever, and this new family came in.
They literally, they had literally been in that house. They had been in our neighborhood for like three days. And it's New Year's Eve, which we understand.
We get home around 12.30 a.m. and they've got music just blasting. I mean, so loud, you know, and they were Mexican and they had this Mexican.
And we're like, you know, wow, that's kind of loud, you know, but we go in the house. We get the kids ready for bed, get them on their pajamas and whatever, and they go to bed and the kids start coming into our room saying we can't sleep.
The music is too loud. And we're like, yeah, we can't sleep either. It's really loud. I mean, it's obnoxiously loud.
And by the way, let me say this. If you listen to music, nobody else wants to listen to your music. I don't understand, you know, where people come up with this stuff.
Our kids are saying we can't sleep, and we're telling the kids, look, you know, it's already past midnight. It's almost one in the morning. I'm sure they're going to be done soon. Just, you know, go to bed, just lay down. It'll be fine.
1 a.m., 2 a.m., 3 a.m. This is when we had a New Year's Eve service on Saturday, and I had to get up to preach the next day. Sunday was the first.
3.30 in the morning. And I'm thinking to myself, who do these people think they are? They just moved into our neighborhood, and they're holding us all hostage.
And my wife is saying, honey, be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to write, you know, and I didn't listen. And I got up, and I'll tell you, I was angry, and I'm not proud of this.
I said, yeah, I'm going to take care of this. I went downstairs. Very mature, very mature. About two years ago, very mature.
I get in my car, my Honda Civic. I drive over toward their house. They're in a little cul-de-sac where their backyard is facing a street, so I could drive up right to their backyard.
I put my car right up against their fence. I turn my lights on high beams, and I start honking for about 25 minutes.
And they're like, what's your problem? I'm like, what's your problem? My kids are falling asleep. And it was this big chaos.
Eventually, they turned the music off. But, you know, a few days later, I thought to myself, that was so foolish.
You say, well, you know, they should have been playing their music at 3 in the morning that loud. I agree, they shouldn't have.
But, you know, there probably would have been a wiser way to respond to that situation.
You say, well, you know, what's the problem? Well, I'll tell you this, it didn't help our relationship with our brand-new neighbors.
I'm up here preaching one day about the fact that you need to preach the gospel to your neighbors. I'm thinking about my neighbors across the street. I'm thinking, good night.
You know, we have had other situations where they were drunk, and they almost assaulted one of our other lady neighbors, and whatever.
We've had issues, and, you know, I've sent soul-runners there to give the gospel to them, and I'm like, don't tell them I'm the pastor. Just go there, you know.
And don't invite them to church, either. Just make sure they're saved.
I'm just telling you, we can all lose our temper. We can all get out of control. We can all do things that are silly and stupid.
We can all respond in inappropriate ways. But if we would be swift to hear, you say, well, there's no excuse for that. Yeah, I agree, but maybe if I would have taken the time to think to myself, these people aren't even saved.
They're going to die and go to hell. Maybe if I would have grown up in, you know, their culture and their context, maybe if I thought that that loud clown music was cool, you know.
I'm not saying that I would have come to an agreement. Maybe if I would have just stopped and put myself in their shoes and realized these people just need Jesus.
If we would have been swift to hear and slow to action, we would have been swift to hear and slow to speak, we'd have less regrets. We'd have less problems.
Go back to James, if you would. Let me show you the third statement. I hope you don't lose all respect for me. James 1. Look at verse 19.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren... By the way, because of the protest, people in my neighborhood kind of already think I'm crazy. I'm sure that didn't help.
Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak... Here's the third statement, slow to wrath. Slow to wrath. The opposite, the opposite of a short fuse.
Go back to Proverbs, if you would, Proverbs chapter 15. When you are slow to wrath, you make things better, not worse.
You'll never hurt, look, you'll never hurt anything by taking your time. By the way, that's just a rule of life.
Pretty much any time you have a decision to make, you will probably never, you will probably never regret slowing down.
I'm so angry! Okay, but how about this? Can we slow down a little bit? You can still be angry tomorrow if you want.
You can still be angry a week from now if you want. The truth is you probably won't be angry tomorrow. We'll look at that from the Bible.
But the truth is that it's very rare, it's a very rare instance that you lose out on opportunity by going faster.
In fact, usually, usually our regrets are when we don't slow down. And this isn't just about anger, this applies to anything.
Single couples, dating couples, you want to get married? Hey, you will have no regrets by slowing down.
I wish people could sit in my office sometimes as my wife and I counsel with people and number one thing we hear is we just move too fast.
We just went too fast, we made too many fast decisions. Hey, you know what? If she's the will of God for your life, if he's Prince Charming and he's God's will for your life, then he'll be God's will for your life six months from now.
He'll be God's will for your life a year from now. You won't regret, look, 20 years into my wife and I here in a couple of weeks in June, we'll be celebrating 17 years of marriage.
And when you're 17 years into your marriage, you're not going to regret that we took a little time to slow down.
But many people get divorced and we're just going too fast. Look, we make purchases we regret. What do salespeople do? This is this deal is only going to last today.
Five minutes from now, you're going to miss out. They're trying to get you to move fast. Look, it's always good to take a night.
You know, my wife and I, we have a role in our home. We don't make major purchases of anything without saying, we're going to sleep on it.
I mean, we go to places and we've got already the right deal and we've already done our research. We know it's the right price. We know everything's good.
And these sales guys get mad at us. We say, we're going to sleep on it. And we walk out and sleep on it.
You probably won't make the wrong look. You will make more mistakes in life by moving quickly. When you are slow to wrath, when you're slow to anything, you make things better, never worse.
And by the way, be wary of people that are trying to push you to make a decision right now. Usually they've got something to gain. And usually you're the one that has something to lose.
This applies in the area of marriage too, by the way. When somebody's like, oh no, we've got to get married right now. Three weeks. Three weeks has been long enough. We've got to get married right now.
What kind of skeletons do you have in your closet you don't want me to know about? Slow that thing down. You make things better. You make things better, not worse, when you slow down.
Proverbs 15, 18, a wrathful man stirs up strife, but he that is slow to anger, appeases strife.
Proverbs 14, if you would, flip back to Proverbs 14, verse 17, he that is soon angry, dealeth foolishly.
And a man of wicked devices is hated. When you are slow to wrath, you make things better. You appease strife, not worse. You don't deal foolishly.
Go to Proverbs 16, just flip over a couple of chapters over, Proverbs 16. When you are slow to wrath, you make things better.
When you are slow to wrath, when you don't have a short temper, you make things better because you maintain control.
Proverbs 16, verse 32, he that is slow to anger, don't miss this, don't miss this, he that is slow to anger, notice these words, is better, is better than the mighty.
What's the mighty? The mighty, the Bible, our King James Bible word for mighty is what we would today call a warrior or a soldier, a professional fighter, someone who fights for a living, someone who has been trained and equipped to fight and to win battles.
Notice what God says, notice what God says, he that is slow to anger is better than the mighty. Here's what he's saying, he's saying it's better to avoid a fight than to win a fight.
You know it's better to avoid a fight than to win a fight? Well, I don't think so, I don't think I win every fight. Okay, let's put it in the context of relationships.
So you win the fight with your teenager, so you win the fight with your husband, so you win the fight with your wife, so you win the fight, you shut them down, you make them feel like idiots, you prove them wrong, you know, because you've been listening intently just to, you know, break apart all their arguments and the arguments done, you won, they feel like an idiot, they feel like a moron, they walk away, you won.
In your marriage, you know what's better? To avoid that fight. With your children, you know what's better? To avoid that fight. I made them feel like a moron.
Then you wonder why you don't have your children's hearts. You know what Jesus, you know what the Bible says? The Bible says he that is slow to anger is better than the mighty.
It says it's better to avoid a fight than to win a fight. It's better to avoid a fight than to win, because when we think of winning a fight, when we think of winning a fight, we think of like a complete stranger, somebody we don't even care anything about, but here's the thing.
You're nice to those people. You're nice to the complete stranger. You're nice to the person you don't know anything about. You're nice to the person that you have no relationship with. You're only mean to the people you love.
So yes, he that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, because usually we only fight with the people we love, and if the choice is don't fight with the people I love or fight and win with the people I love, it's always better to not fight.
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he that ruleth his spirit. What does that mean? Self-control. And he that taketh the city. Proverbs 25, look at verse 28. Proverbs 25, verse 28.
Proverbs 25, verse 28. The Bible says this. He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.
It's funny to me. We tend to connect meekness with weakness. Be careful about looking at somebody who's meek and thinking they're weak.
First of all, the Bible says that Moses, the greatest prophet in the Bible, aside from the Lord Jesus Christ, of course, was meek. And then the Bible tells us that our Lord Jesus Christ was meek.
So don't compare being meek with weak. But see, here's what we think. We think, oh, that person, that guy, don't get him mad, don't get them angry, don't get her angry.
They'll fly off the handle. They'll say everything that they're thinking. They're going to blow up on you. And we think that's strong somehow.
That guy, don't mess with him. He'll honk at your house for 20 minutes in the morning. And we think that's strength or something.
You know what the Bible says? He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.
That's an interesting verse to me. You know what that means? It means when you don't control, when you can't control yourself, then you are allowing everyone else to control you.
He that hath no rule over his own spirit, the Bible says, is like a city that is broken down and without walls.
What were the purposes of the walls of the city in the ancient times? It was to protect them. It was to protect them from outside forces.
It was to protect them from allowing people to come in and influence them and take advantage of them.
And when you walk around with your short temper, you're just allowing everyone to direct your emotions.
You're angry at the clerk at the grocery store. You're angry at your wife. You're angry at your kids. You're angry at your boss.
You're angry at your pastor because he's been preaching about anger for three weeks.
You're angry at everybody and you've got no control over yourself because anybody can press your buttons.
You've given access to everyone to control you and someone who's meek puts up some walls and says, I'm not going to let you destroy my emotions.
You can go ahead and ruin your life. I'm still going to have a good day.
This is the day that the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.
The Bible says, great peace have they that love thy law and nothing shall offend them.
You think you're big and tough because you blow up and cuss and throw things and yell and say whatever?
You are someone that is at the vulnerability of a red light, of anything, of anyone.
You're not tough. You're weak. A city without walls was not something, that's where I want to go. That's where the safety is.
No, you say, that's where I don't want to go. That's where people get robbed and killed and murdered.
It kind of sounds like last week's sermon. We kill, we fight in war.
He that had no rule or his own spirit, the Bible says, is like a city that is broken down without walls.
When we learn to take control, when we learn to say, you know what, you're not going to control me.
You're trying to press my buttons. You're trying to irritate me. You're trying to make me upset. You're trying to get a reaction out of me.
But I'm not going to let you do that. I'm going to be swift to hear.
Whether you want it or not, I'm going to listen and I'm going to empathize and I'm going to try to see things from your perspective.
I may be wrong or I may still find out that you're wrong, but at least I'm going to try to see it from your perspective.
I'm going to be swift to hear and I'm going to be slow to speak. I'm going to be slow to respond.
And in that process, you'll find that I'm in control of my emotions, not you, that I can be slow to wrath.
Go to the book of Ecclesiastes, if you would. You're there in Proverbs. One book over is Ecclesiastes.
We're talking about dealing with our anger. What are the steps to dealing with your anger? Here they go.
You will control your anger when you can be slow to wrath. Being slow to wrath is the opposite of having a short fuse.
You will be slow to wrath when you can understand, when you can empathize with the other person.
You will understand when you take time to listen. You can take time to listen when you're slow to speak.
And you will be slow, when you're slow to speak and swift to hear, you'll be slow to wrath.
Ecclesiastes chapter 7, verse 9, notice what the Bible says.
Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry. Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry, for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.
We need to be slow to wrath if we want any chance of controlling our anger.
Look, your anger is going to destroy every relationship you have.
Quit excusing it. I just have a short temper. I'm Irish. Like if it's genetics? No, it's your sin.
Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry. We need to be slow to wrath if we want any chance of controlling our anger.
Go to Psalm 37. We're almost done. We're going to look at Psalm 37 and then a verse in Ephesians will finish up.
Psalm 37, you're there in Ecclesiastes, head backwards, pass Proverbs into the book of Psalms. Psalm 37.
Here's the truth. Anger is energy. Anger is energy inside of you. And that energy can be very destructive.
We should control it. We should slow it down, control it, and stop it from destroying everything around us.
Psalm 37, verse 8, look what the Bible says. Cease from anger and forsake wrath.
Fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
It's interesting to me how those statements are connected because usually we do evil when we don't cease from anger and when we don't forsake wrath.
Anger is this energy inside of you. You know it. You know it when it's triggered. You know it when it's there.
You know it when you go from la la la, everything's a good day, then she says something, he says something, they say something, you read something, they did something.
You read the text, you saw the Facebook post, and that flips switches, and now you're upset, agitated, irritated.
Anger is energy that can be very destructive to our relationships. Some people, some people let it out and allow it to destroy everybody around them.
Some people like a volcano, just let it out and allow it to destroy everybody around them.
Other people, and this is not right either, keep it in, keep it pent up, and allow it to destroy them.
Because you know what unresolved anger, you know what unresolved anger eventually becomes? Bitterness.
When we keep it pent up. See, I'm not getting up here this morning and saying, don't ever get angry and just lash, I'm definitely saying don't ever lash out.
But I'm not saying just keep it all pent up and keep, that's not good for you either. I'll just end up being bitterness.
A lot of husbands, it's a common trait for men when they're in conflict to just shut down. That's why we have the existence of man caves.
That's why the Bible says that men would rather be out in the wilderness than with a contentious wife, be in the corner of a house top, they'd rather be in their garage working on something than with a contentious wife.
You know what the Bible also says? The Bible commands men to be not bitter against their wives.
Well, I control my anger because you keep it all pent up and never deal with it. No, you don't. That's not control.
Because you just flee from conflict, you don't ever want to talk about it, that's not control.
See, what we need to do is learn to control it and resolve it.
Sometimes there are conversations, difficult conversations that need to be had. Sometimes there are things that need to be resolved.
Sometimes we need to sit our kids down and have some very difficult conversations and confront them with their sin.
Sometimes there are conversations that must be had within a marriage or conversations that must be had with your employees.
I'm not saying to run from conflict, I'm saying control your anger and resolve it.
Dealing with anger means you can release it in a non-destructive way and let it go.
Ephesians 4, if you would, this is the last place we'll look at this morning. Ephesians 4, New Testament, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, Romans, 1st, 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians.
1st, 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians. Ephesians chapter 4.
Let me explain something to you. You say, pastor, I don't know if this sermon applies to me. I don't think I have a problem with anger.
Okay, ask your spouse, ask your kids, and if they say, look, listen to me. Please listen to me carefully.
If you say to your wife, do you think I have a problem with anger? She says, you know, maybe just a little bit. What? Just sometimes.
Yeah, you have a problem with anger. You ask your kids, they're like, sometimes. You have a problem with anger.
But you say, I don't want to have that conversation because I already know what that answer is going to be.
Okay, let me give you a way to identify yourself. If you find yourself being angry over multiple days, you have a problem with anger.
Hey, pastor, we're going to get angry. Yeah, but you know what? We should be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, and it should be done very quickly.
It should not be something we carry over into the next day. Ephesians 4, 26.
Be ye angry and sin not. Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
I used to have a pastor who would say, you should get glad in the same shoes you got mad in. Before you take your shoes off to go to bed at night, you should resolve conflict.
Listen, look, I'm not trying to pick on you, but husband, if you've slept on the couch or if you've been ordered to sleep on the couch, you guys aren't dealing with anger properly.
Anger should be resolved with. It should be something that we deal with. We realize it's there. Something brought it about.
Let me try to understand why you said that. You should try to understand why I hold my position. Let's talk about it. Let's deal with it in a productive way and let's be done with it.
If it's this thing where she's been giving you the silent treatment for eight days or you've been giving her the silent treatment for three weeks, that's ridiculous.
You got anger problems. The Bible says, let not the sun go down upon your wrath. That's one son, not like 31 sons.
Be ye angry. Look, you're going to get angry. We're all going to get angry.
If my neighbors are playing loud music at three in the morning, I'm going to be angry. I can't control that, but you know what I can't control is this and sin not.
I can control my response. How do you know if you've controlled your response? When you can let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
When it doesn't carry over into the next day, to the next week. Look, let me explain something. You know why people get divorced?
Let me explain to you why they get divorced. Because they let anger go past a day, a week, a month, a year. That's the truth.
Be ye angry and sin not. Let not the sun go down upon your wrath. Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer. Heavenly Father.
Lord, I know that sermons like these are difficult for us to hear. Look, they're difficult for me to hear.
We all have issues of anger. We've all lost our temper and gone out of control and done things we're embarrassed about.
But Lord, I pray you'd help us to learn to deal with our anger. Our anger is this destructive force and when we let it out, it'll destroy everything and everyone around us.
But if we could be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, we could get ahead of our anger. We could get control of our anger.
We could resolve the conflicts and we could have a long fuse, not a short fuse. Lord, I pray you'd help us.
I pray you'd help us, Lord, to learn to deal with our anger. Help us not to have this vain brain that embellishes our position while only seeing fault in the other people.
Help us to take a humble look at ourselves and at them. Help us to be men and women of great understanding and help us to be slow to wrath.
In the matchless name of Christ, we pray. Amen.