Amen. Alright, we're there in the book of Genesis, Genesis chapter number 29, and today
we're continuing our series on the subject of the family. If you remember six weeks
ago we started this series, and we started with the focus on children. We started the
series talking about breaking generational curses and establishing generational blessings,
and then we talked about how to raise children that know and love the Lord. We talked about
how to properly discipline your children, and if you remember not last week, but the
week before that, because last week we took a break from the series, we talked about
principles for a good marriage. We talked about what good marriages do in order to
have a good marriage. Today we're going to continue the focus on marriage, and I
want to talk to you, and I want to teach you or preach to you on the subject of
what husbands and wives really want, what husbands and wives actually want, and
this morning's sermon is going to probably be more what wives want. Today you may
feel like we get halfway through a sermon and then we stop. That's
because that's kind of what we're going to do. We're going to just get
through about halfway of this thought or this idea, and then we're going to
pick it up again next week. So just, you know, kind of stick with me with that
and understand that, and hopefully it'll make sense. But we want to answer this
question, what do wives really want? I want to ask the men, you know, in the
room, those that are married, what does your wife really want? This is the
question that I think has haunted men for centuries, right? What is it
exactly that my wife wants? Because men sometimes seem clueless to this idea, but
here in Genesis 29 we find a story that I believe sheds a little bit of
light on this subject. Look at verse number 15, Genesis 29 verse 15. We'll start in verse 15 just to get a little bit of the context.
The Bible says, and Laban said unto Jacob, now Jacob has been living with Laban for
about a month now. If you remember, Jacob ran away from home. He ran away from
home. He's running from his father Isaac, running from his brother Esau,
because of the fact that he deceived Isaac, and he deceived Esau, and took the
blessing, and now he has been living with Laban for a month. And the Bible says,
Laban said unto Jacob, because thou art my brother, shouldest thou therefore serve
me for not? Tell me, what shall thy wages be? And Laban had two daughters.
The name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah
was tender-eyed, but Rachel was beautiful and well favored. And Jacob, I want you to notice the emphasis that is put on these wives in
Scripture. Jacob loved Rachel, and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel, thy younger daughter.
Laban said, it is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man, abide with me.
And Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed unto him but few days,
notice the emphasis, for the love he, talking about Jacob, had to her,
Rachel. In the story we find that Jacob goes to Laban and says, I will work for you
for seven years, if I can marry your daughter. He is basically working, working so that he can marry her.
And the Bible says he loves her so much, that the seven years seemed like nothing to him.
Look at verse 21, and Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her.
And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast.
And it came to pass in the evening that he, this is Laban, took Leah, his daughter, this is the older daughter,
and brought her, brought who? Leah to him, to who? To Jacob, and he, Jacob, went in unto her, Leah.
Laban gave unto his daughter Leah, Zilpah, his maid for an handmaid.
And it came to pass that in the morning behold, it was Leah.
And he said to Laban, What is this that thou hast done unto me? Did not I serve thee for Rachel?
Wherefore then hast thou beguiled? The word beguiled means you tricked me, you deceived me.
He says, I worked for Rachel, and you gave me Leah. He said, you tricked me, and you beguiled.
And remember that, again, we see in the story Jacob is simply just reaping what he sowed.
Because the fact that he beguiled his father, and he deceived his father, and he stole and lied and did those things.
That is now coming back to him.
Notice verse 26, Laban said, It must not be so done in our country to give the younger before the firstborn.
Fulfill her weeks, and we will give thee this also for the service, which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years.
And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week. And he, Laban, gave him, Jacob, Rachel, his daughter to wife also.
And Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah, his handmaid to be her maid.
So basically, now he has two wives. Now let me just say this, and I'm not preaching on this this morning,
but let me read for you from Mark chapter 10 and verse 7.
Jesus said this, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother in cleat to his wife, and they twain, shall be one flesh.
So then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
I just want you to understand that the Bible teaches, the word of God teaches,
God and the Lord Jesus Christ all taught against the idea of polygamy.
Jesus said twain shall become one. Alright?
So the Bible is very clear that you should only have one wife.
And in the Bible you'll see men that practice polygamy here like Jacob having two wives.
By the time the story is said and done, you'll have four wives.
And just because people did that doesn't make it right, it's just God is telling us what they did.
He's given us an account of their actions.
But I want you to understand that this is not something that God desired, but the story is there.
And it sheds some light, and this story kind of acts as a magnifying glass,
and it sheds some light as to the desires of a wife.
Notice verse 30, And he, like Mark Jacob, went then also unto Rachel.
Notice the emphasis in the story.
And he loved also Rachel more than Leah.
It's probably a good idea why you shouldn't have multiple wives.
And served with him yet seven other years.
And when the Lord saw that Leah was, notice the emphasis of the story.
When the Lord saw that Leah was hated, what's the opposite of hate? Love.
She wasn't loved, she was hated.
Rachel was loved, Leah was hated.
He opened her womb, but Rachel was barren.
And Leah conceived and bare her side.
And she called his name Reuben, for she said,
Surely the Lord hath looked upon my affliction.
And I want you to notice the statement that Leah makes.
The statement that God in his word, in this weird account of a relationship,
as we get to sit in the living room, or sit in the house of a marriage that is practicing polygamy.
We get to hear from the heart of a wife,
and she kind of expresses to us in a raw way the desire that Leah had.
But it's really the desire that every wife has, and notice what she says.
She says, Now therefore my husband will love me.
Doesn't that kind of break your heart?
Here you have a wife who's saying, maybe if I can give him a child.
Maybe if I can meet his expectation.
Maybe if I can do more than my competitor.
And her competitor in this story is another woman.
Her competitor is another wife, because of the fact that they are polygamy.
But I will submit to you this morning that there are some wives that may feel like they are in competition
with the affection and love of their husband, maybe to their career, or to sports, or to a hobby.
And here we kind of get to see into the mind and the heart of a wife, and we see what wives really want.
And it's simply this, that her husband will love her.
Now therefore my husband will love me.
Notice how God continues to emphasize this, verse 33,
And she conceived again and bare her son, and said, Because the Lord has heard that I was what?
That I was what? Hated.
Again the idea, I'm not loved. I'm the one that's not loved.
I hope he will love me. I hope he will accept me.
But because the Lord heard that I was hated, he hath therefore given me the son also.
And she called his name Simeon, verse 34,
And she conceived again and bare a son, and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me.
Because I have born him three sons, therefore his name was called Leah.
And she conceived again and bare a son, and she said, Now will I praise the Lord.
Therefore she called his name Judah, and left bearing.
Skip down to chapter 30, verse 17.
Notice again she begins to have children.
I just want you to notice the emphasis on the side of Leah, verse 17,
And God hearkened unto Leah, and she conceived and bare Jacob a fifth son.
And Leah said, God hath given me my hire, because I have given my maiden to my husband.
And she called his name Issachar, and Leah conceived again, and bare Jacob a sixth son.
And Leah said, verse 20, And Leah said, God hath endued me with a good dowry.
Now will my husband dwell with me.
Because I have born him six sons.
And she called his name Zebulun.
And afterwards she bare a daughter, and called her name Steiner.
See when you ask the question, what do wives really want from their husbands?
What is it that a wife wants? It seems simple, but the answer is this.
Love. They want love.
They want affection.
They want to feel and perceive that they are loved by their husbands.
Actually, I'm sorry, don't keep your place there. Go to the book of Ephesians.
We're going to come back to Genesis, but it should be easy to find.
Go to Ephesians chapter number 5.
Ephesians 5 is the quintessential chapter on marriage in Scripture.
Ephesians chapter 5, in your New Testament, you've got Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, Romans, 1st, 2nd Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians.
Ephesians chapter 5. Now do me a favor.
When you get to Ephesians, put a ribbon or a bookmark or something there,
because we're going to leave it, and we're going to come back to it.
Ephesians chapter 5 and verse number 21.
We saw there the story of Leah, and we see that a woman there whose heart yearns for love.
She wants her husband to love her. She wants her husband to dwell with her.
She wants her husband to be with her.
She wants to be the first choice of her husband.
She wants to be the only choice of her husband.
When you ask the question, what is it that wives really want from their husbands, the answer is this, love.
And that shouldn't be too surprising because the overwhelming command that God gives to husbands is to love their wives.
Ephesians 5, 21. Notice what the Bible says.
This is the main passage about marriage in the New Testament.
Please keep your place there. We're going to leave it, and we're going to come back to it.
Ephesians 5, 21, the Bible says this,
Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body.
Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands and everything.
We're going to come back to that later on.
Look at verse 25.
Husbands, love your wives.
Even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.
That he might sanctify and be pleasant with the washing of water by the word.
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Notice verse 28.
So, amen to love their wives as their own bodies.
He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourished and cherished it, even as the Lord of the church.
For we are members of his body and of his flesh and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man lead father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
There's other passages that talk about marriage and lots of other places we can learn about marriage.
But like I said, Ephesians 5 is the number one passage on biblical marriage, Christian marriage,
what a Christian marriage should look like.
And he gives us these ideals and we're going to come back to them this week and next week.
But I want you to notice in verse 33.
And verse 33 is kind of wrapping it all together.
He's putting it all together and he says this, Ephesians 5, 33.
Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife, even as himself.
But I want you to notice what's interesting.
He says this to the wives, and we're going to get to this next week.
And the wives see that she love her husband, is that what it says?
And the wives see that she reverence her husband.
Why is it that God tells husbands and wives to do two different things?
He tells husbands to love their wives, but he tells wives to reverence their husbands.
He tells husbands to love their wives, but he tells wives to submit to their husbands.
And you say, well, what's that about?
And here's what you need to understand.
Men and women see the world differently.
Men and women value different things.
Men and women respond to different things.
And when it comes to the marriage relationship, God looks at a husband and he says,
the number one need, the number one desire, the number one thing that your wife is looking for from you is summed up in this one word, love.
And then he looks at a wife and you would think he would say the number one need,
the number one thing your husband needs from you is love, but he doesn't say love.
He says reverence.
He says submission.
He says honor.
You say, why is that?
And the reason for that is this.
Men and women respond to different things.
Men and women see the world different ways.
And I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, and I'm not saying that men don't need love, and we'll see that next week.
Men do need love, but you see the world, by and large, men look at the world through the eyes of respect.
Reverence.
You know that a man would rather be respected than love?
A man would rather feel respected than love.
But women, women desire to be loved.
Now keep your place on Ephesians.
Go to 1 Peter, 1 Peter.
You got Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, 1 St. Thessalonians, 1 St. Thuemens, Titus Paul, even Hebrew, James, 1 Peter.
Now let me say this.
Let me say this, because I don't want you to take me out of context here.
That's not to say that women don't need respect.
And that's not to say that men don't need love.
Men need to be loved as much as women need to be loved.
Women need to be respected as much as men need to be respected.
In fact, the Bible says it.
1 Peter, chapter 3, look at verse 7, notice what the Bible says.
1 Peter, chapter 3, verse 7.
1 Peter 3.7 says this,
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife.
The word honor means to give value to them, to treat them as they are valuable,
that they are worth something to you, that they are a great price.
He says, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel,
as being heirs together of the grace of life, and that your prayers be not hindered.
So please don't misunderstand me.
I'm not getting up here this morning and saying, all your wife needs is love.
You don't need to respect her. No, you should honor her.
But the primary need that your wife is looking for from you husbands is one word, love.
And wives, we'll deal with this next week, your husbands need to be loved.
But the primary need, the primary desire they're looking for is not necessarily love, it's reverence.
Now they both need love, they both need reverence.
But when God speaks to the spouses, he tells the husbands, overwhelmingly emphasizes the idea of love.
Why? Because that is what women are primarily looking for.
And he looks at the wives and he emphasizes the idea of submission and reverence,
and coming under the subjection of your husband.
Now husbands need love, but that is the primary need, desire they are looking for.
Go back to Ephesians chapter 5.
Now here's the problem, what men consider love and what women consider love are two different things.
And by the way, we'll deal with it next week,
what men consider reverence and women consider reverence are two different things.
See a man thinks he's loving because he perceives it by what he desires.
What does a man desire? Reverence.
So he gives to his wife reverence and he thinks that's love.
A wife will give to her husband love.
She says, well I love him for coming to my office for counseling.
I love him, I tell him, but the problem with this marriage is not that you don't love him,
it's that you don't respect him.
Because see, a woman desires love, so what does she think she's supposed to give to her husband love?
That's not what God said.
A man desires reverence, so what does he think he needs to give to her wife?
Reverence, but that's not what God necessarily said, the primary thing is.
See a husband will walk into my office and say,
well I don't understand why she doesn't think I love her,
I mean I pay the bills, I go to work every day, I do this, I do that,
I make sure she has a car that works, I make sure that the air condition is working.
And they perceive love as respect.
They say, well I honor her and I value her and I take care of her financial needs.
And a woman will come in and say, well I don't understand why my husband doesn't,
he's so upset, you know, I try to spend all this time with him and cuddle with him
and talk to him all this time and blah, blah, blah.
But you're critical of him, but you talk down to him, but you're condescending to him.
And they say, well yeah, but I love him, but see here,
what he's looking for is not necessarily love right now.
It's love, but it's primary language is respect.
And a woman needs respect, she needs to be honored, she needs to be valued.
But what she's looking for in a relationship, in a marriage, is love.
You say, well I love her, but you've got to love her the way she wants to be loved.
You've got to do it the way she wants it.
You say, well what does that mean?
Well, you know, it's interesting because God breaks it down for us, Ephesians 5.
Isn't it funny how God gives us all the answers?
Ephesians 5.25. Ephesians 5.25.
Ephesians 5.25 says, his husbands love your wives.
You say, okay, I got it, but God knows men aren't very smart.
So he said, let me explain to you what that means.
And he's not really explaining to you what it means,
he's explaining to you what your wife perceives it to mean.
You say, what does your wife, what does my wife perceive love as?
And it's characterized by two words.
Number one, sacrifice.
That's what he says.
Husband loves your wives, okay?
Even as, or in the same way that Christ also loved the church.
Well, what did Christ do for the church?
He gave himself for it.
He sacrificed.
See, you want to know how women perceive love?
Here's how women perceive love.
Not that you take care of their needs, but that you're willing to sacrifice yours.
Not that you take care of their requirements,
but that you would be willing to lay down your life for theirs.
See, they perceive love through the eyes of sacrifice.
Not only that, look at verse 28.
So ought men to love their wives, even as their own bodies.
So he that loveth his wife loveth himself.
For no man yet ever hated his own flesh,
but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church.
Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love, verse 33, excuse me.
Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife, notice these words,
even as himself.
You want to know how women perceive love?
Two words.
Sacrifice selflessness.
You know the number one thing that you hear women often say about their husbands
when they're having problems?
You know the number one thing that's often said about men?
He's inconsiderate.
Now, you don't have to raise your hand, men,
but I'm sure you've probably heard your wife at some point say,
you are so inconsiderate.
You're only thinking of yourself.
You don't think of me or you don't think of the children.
You don't think what?
You say, well, what's the problem?
Here's the problem.
Women perceive love as selflessness, as sacrifice.
When they look at someone who says he's willing to sacrifice,
he's willing to put my needs over his,
if someone has to suffer, if a decision has to be made,
if someone has to come out winning,
he's willing to esteem me better than himself.
Now, when you preach this, guys get mad at you.
You know why?
Because they'll say,
Pastor, I showed up to this sermon because I thought you were going to tell wives to submit to their husbands.
We'll get to that next week.
Here's what you've got to ask.
Does this hurt my leadership?
Does this selfless, sacrificial love when there is a decision that needs to be made,
when my wife and myself come to odds and I'm the leader and I get to make that choice,
I choose as the leader to hurt myself to make sure she wins,
to put her first, to put the children first,
to love her like I would love myself,
to nurture and cherish her the way that I would do my own body.
Does that put my leadership in trouble?
Because isn't there leadership within the whole?
Doesn't God teach that?
Look at verse 23, Ephesians 5, 23.
For the husband is the head of the wife.
That's not talking about value.
That's talking about a position of leadership.
Often times people think you preach and say,
are you saying that men are better than women?
Now here's what's interesting about that.
The Bible says that the husband is the head of the wife.
But you know what's interesting about that is that 1 Corinthians teaches
that God the Father is the head of Christ.
Does that make Christ inferior to God the Father?
Does that make Christ of lesser value than God the Father?
Because last I checked, they were equal.
Last I checked, it was the Trinity.
Last I checked, God the Father wasn't any more God than God the Son is God.
So it's not a value issue.
It's not an issue of, well, he's better than I am or I'm better than she.
No, no, no. It's just an authority.
See, there has to be authority.
When there is no head, when there is no head, you're dead.
But when there's two heads, you're a freak.
Isn't that true?
I mean, if you're born with two heads, what are you?
You're a freak of nature.
And if you're born with no heads, what are you?
Dead.
And you know what in marriage?
When people say, oh, it's a 50-50.
There's no authority. There's no head.
There's no one in charge.
Your marriage is dead.
And you say, well, we both run this show.
We're both in charge.
You're just a freak of nature.
You're not going to survive.
Does it hurt my leadership in the home to be expected to love my wife sacrificially and selflessly?
Well, let's look at the greatest leader the world has ever known.
Go to John chapter number 13.
John chapter 13. Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.
John chapter number 13.
Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.
John chapter 13.
Look at verse number 3.
John chapter number 13 and verse 3.
And I know what I'm preaching right now is not popular in our society.
People don't want to teach that the husbands should be the leaders in the home.
They should lead spiritually and financially and all of those things.
And that the wives should submit to the husband.
I get that.
People don't want to hear that.
But let me explain something to you.
That's what the Bible says.
That's what the Word of God says.
We don't apologize for the Bible.
We don't water down what it says.
But what we're asking is this.
If husbands are to love their wives selflessly and sacrificially,
meaning that my goal in life is that if someone's got to win and someone's got to lose,
she will win and I will lose.
If someone's got to hurt, I will sacrifice and I will be selfless.
I'm not telling you I do that.
I'm just telling you that's what God expects of all of us.
And that's what we should all be attempting to do.
And I will lead her and I will love her in such a way that is a sacrificial,
that she can identify that my husband is willing to lay down his life
in the same way that Christ was willing to lay down his life.
For the church, you say, does that hurt my authority in the home?
John 13, look at verse 3.
Jesus knowing, Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands.
What is that?
Isn't that authority?
He's in charge.
Jesus was running the show.
Jesus knowing that his Father had given all things into his hands
and that he was come from God and went to God.
Notice verse 4.
He rises from supper and laid aside his garment and took a towel and girded himself.
After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet.
Now, I don't know about you,
but if there was a volunteer sign-up sheet for the church that Jesus was running here,
the last thing I'd want to do is wash a bunch of grown men's feet, right?
I mean, here you've got 12 men, and these aren't Americans living in 2017.
These are men living in Bible times, wearing sandals, walking everywhere they go.
And he laid aside his garment and took a towel and girded himself.
And after that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet
and to wipe them with a towel wherewith he was girded.
Notice verse 12.
We'll skip some of this for sake of time.
Look at verse 12.
So after he had washed their feet and had taken his garment and was set down again,
he said unto them,
Know ye what I have done to you?
Ye call me Master and Lord.
Aren't those titles of authority?
He said, You call me Master and Lord.
And you say, Well, it's right for you to call me that.
Why? For so I am.
He says, I'm your Master.
I'm your Lord.
I'm your authority.
I'm your boss.
I'm in charge.
Verse 14.
If I then, your Lord and Master.
If I then, your authority.
If I then, your head, your boss, the one that makes the rules,
the ones that you're supposed to submit to and follow.
If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet.
What's the idea there? What's he saying?
I have humbled myself to serve you.
I have humbled myself.
Keep in mind, this is right before the Lord Jesus Christ is getting ready to lay down his life
for these men and for the church that he's going to establish.
If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet, have served you.
Notice what he says.
Ye also ought to wash one another's feet.
Now we're not starting a feet washing ministry, alright?
Don't worry about that.
But here's what he's saying.
If I, being your boss, have served you, then ye should serve each other.
Verse 15.
For I've given you an example that ye should do as I have done to you.
So when men ask the question,
I don't know about this, Pastor.
This whole sacrificial, selfless love thing,
isn't it going to hurt my authority and my home?
Isn't it going to hurt my leadership?
Doesn't it hurt the leadership of Christ?
Because see, the Bible actually teaches this concept of servant leadership.
Now servant leadership doesn't mean that you do the dishes, okay?
Look, if a man works all day long, he shouldn't have to come home and do the dishes.
If wife's at home all day.
Now look, if you're sending your wife off to work, then split the dishes.
But you know, I don't think it's right for these women, you know,
a guy's been working 12 hours, comes home, his wife's in her pajamas,
he's got to make dinner and do the dishes. What is that?
But I also don't think it's right for these guys who,
well, my wife goes to work 40 hours a week,
I go to work 40 hours a week because we've got to go on our cruise
and we've got to have our big house and we've got to do this and we've got to do that.
I know that's what the Bible says, but we've got to do this.
And then you expect her to do the dishes and do the laundry again.
That's not right either.
Well, isn't she supposed to keep her at home?
Yeah, so keep her at home.
You want her to take care of her home?
Then let her stay home.
Then go get two jobs and do what you've got to do.
Get up early and do a paper ride.
I don't know what you've got to do.
We'll talk about that tonight financially,
getting yourself out of financial problems.
But here's what I'm telling you.
The Bible never teaches this idea of leaders lording over those that follow them,
but it always teaches this idea that as leaders,
it is our job to esteem others better than ourselves.
It is our job to look to the needs of those that follow us.
It is our job, not necessarily to do their job,
but it is our job to make sure that they succeed.
And you will be a good leader when your sole intention is that my followers succeed.
My desire is that my wife is successful in her position that God has given her.
Why? Because if I can make sure she succeeds, I succeed.
My goal as a father, my wife's goal as a mother,
is that our children are set up for success spiritually, educationally, financially.
Why? Because if they can do better than we've done, we've succeeded.
My goal as a pastor, my goal as a pastor is to serve you and to help you.
Look, if I just wanted to be a successful pastor,
I wouldn't spend all the hours that I spend every week studying the Bible,
teaching you things from the Bible that you don't even like.
You know what I'd do? I'd go rent out some rock concert hall.
I'd go get some country western that couldn't make it in professionally,
pay them eight bucks an hour to come sing songs here on Sunday morning.
I'd go golfing Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday like most pastors do.
And then I'd get up and preach a five-minute sermon on how God loves you,
says, everything's great, you're awesome, let's take the offering again.
The Holy Spirit's leading me, let's just take it three times this time.
You are so awesome. You know, that's what I would do.
I would preach and say things and teach you things that you don't like.
You say, well, why do you do that? Why do you teach these?
Why do you try to... because here's my goal.
If you can succeed, then I'll be able to stand before God and give account with joy.
Sometimes people don't like me, sometimes they are bothered by me,
sometimes they say, well, pastor said this, pastor said that.
You don't have to like me, just make sure you know the truth and you're following it.
I don't need a million friends on Facebook.
I just need to make sure my wife likes me and God likes me and we're good.
And not necessarily in that order either.
See, your wife is looking from you to perceive love through sacrifice and selflessness,
and that doesn't diminish your leadership, it enhances it.
It actually is what leadership is.
Now let me just give you a little bit of a motivator.
Go back to Genesis. Genesis chapter number 3.
I'm often asked by... not often, I shouldn't say that.
I have been asked by men over the last 7 years, sometimes having trouble in their marriages.
And they'll ask me this question, they'll say, how do I get my wife to submit?
She won't submit. How do I get my wife to submit?
And I, you know, I don't know.
Should have married a better wife, I don't know.
I used to think to myself, I don't know what to tell you.
I mean, good night.
Because a lot of it is their own desire, they have to choose to submit.
So how do you answer that question? How do you get a wife to submit?
And you know, I think I found the answer to that question.
It's this.
Are you there in Genesis? Look at chapter 3, look at verse 16.
That's what he says.
Genesis 3, 16.
Until the woman he said, until the woman he said,
I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception,
and sorrow thou shalt bring forth children.
And thy, and thy.
Now listen to me, this is God speaking.
So God is right, and everyone else is wrong.
Because sometimes you teach this and women will be like, that's not true.
Here's what I believe.
If anybody's lying, it's you.
If I got to choose between, is God lying or Hillary Clinton, it's Hillary.
If I got to choose between, is it God lying or the feminist movement lying,
is the feminist movement lying?
Because I just believe that God doesn't lie.
I just believe that everything in the Bible is true.
I just believe that everything God says is true.
And when God tells you, this is how women think, this is what they want, this is what they desire,
then you just go along with it and by faith you just follow what God tells you to do and watch it work out.
And it's interesting how as you watch marriages that are good marriages,
you will see that they leverage the Biblical principles for their advantage.
Genesis 3, 16.
And to the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy desire,
I will greatly multiply thy sorrow, excuse me, thy conception and sorrow,
thou shalt bring forth children, notice the phrase,
and thy desire shall be to thy husband.
You know what God says?
That whether they want to admit it to you or not,
women secretly desire a husband that will lead them lovingly.
You say, how do you know that's true?
You know how I know that's true?
Because little boys, you know what little boys play?
They pretend to be astronauts, generals, police officers, superheroes.
I wonder why they do that?
Maybe because they want to be honored and admired and reverenced and respected.
You know what little girls play?
Getting married, house, mom.
One of the things we have to break up in our house from time to time is,
she got to be mom last time, I get to be mom this time.
Why do they play that?
You know why?
Because deep down there's a desire that God put there for a husband.
See, the odds, man, are stacked in your favor.
She may not say it.
She may lie about it.
She may be mad and angry and trying to hurt your feelings
because you're not that great of a husband.
But God says, thy desire shall be to thy husband.
Notice the last part of verse 16.
And he shall rule over thee.
You say, how do you get your wife to submit to reverence, to respect you?
How do you get your wife to give you what you want?
Here's the whole sermon. Here it goes. Don't miss this.
When you give them what they want, they will give you what you want.
I'm not talking about what some of you guys are thinking about.
When you give them sacrificial, selfless love, when they know they are the priority,
they're not in competition with your hobby,
they're not in competition with your old college buddies,
they're not in competition with your career,
they're not in competition with some other woman,
when they know there is a man who is leading me and loving me
and if he has to lose so that I can win, he will even sacrifice his love.
He always puts me first. He nourishes and cherishes me as if I were his own body.
She will willingly submit to that type of love.
So how do you get women to submit? Well, you've got to give them what they want.
And when you give them what they want, they will give you what you want.
Go back to Ephesians. Ephesians 5-28.
Pastor, why can't I get my wife to submit to me?
Because you keep yelling at her and telling her,
The Bible says you should submit!
And that's not perceived as love.
Well, you need to respect. That's how I treat my employees.
She's not your employee.
That's how I treat my boys! She's not your boy.
And when you give them what they want, they will give you what you want.
Ephesians 5-28. Notice what God says.
So what men to love their wives, even as their own bodies?
Notice what he says. Don't miss this. Don't miss this.
He that loveth his wife, don't miss this, loveth himself.
What's that about?
Well, because you're one flesh. Here's what he's saying.
It's in your best interest.
It's in your best interest to love your wife as your own bodies.
And he, see the guy that can figure that out, he that loveth his wife,
really, really, you guys, you need a selfish motive, really loveth himself.
You know why? Because it's in your best interest.
It's in your best interest.
So what do women, what do wives really want?
Here's what they really want.
Love.
It took me 39 minutes to explain that.
Women, wives, want, love. How do they perceive it?
Sacrifice and selflessness.
Now next week, next week, we're going to come back and talk about,
well what do husbands really want?
And we'll look at some stories in scripture that will highlight for that and magnify that for us.
And we'll learn how to leverage those things together,
and then we're going to talk about, we're going to end next week,
this idea of love and reverence,
with how this truly works,
and how it can work without one taking advantage of the other.
Alright, ladies, don't go getting sick next week.
You know, I can't come to church, you know, that was a good sermon, pastor, but next week,
we're going to be out of town.
Let's bow our heads together. Have my father.