The title of the sermon this morning is Tattlers and Tail Bearers.
Tattlers and Tail Bearers.
Let's start in verse 13 there of 1 Timothy.
Most of the sermon is going to be in the book of Proverbs where the Bible talks a lot about
this subject, but right here, a few places in the New Testament I want to point out.
1 Timothy 5, 13, and with all they learned to be idle, wandering about from house to
house and not only idle, but tattlers also, and busybodies, speaking things which they
ought not.
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none
occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully, for some are already turned aside after Satan.
Go ahead and keep your finger there in 1 Timothy 5 and just go a few pages over to 2 Thessalonians
chapter 3, just a few pages to the left in the Bible, 2 Thessalonians chapter 3, and
I want to show you a little similarity between these two scriptures.
First Timothy chapter 5 is specifically talking about women, 2 Thessalonians chapter 3 is
talking about men, but we have a lot of the same things in common.
Look at 2 Thessalonians chapter 3 verse 10, for even when we were with you, this we commanded
you that if any would not work, neither should he eat, for we hear that there are some which
walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies.
Now them that are such, we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ that with quietness
they work and eat their own bread.
So the Bible here is talking about a certain type of person who's being a tattler or a
tailbearer or a busybody.
In the female gender, we would refer to this also maybe as a gossip queen or a drama mama,
for example, all right?
And anyway, this is something that men can also be involved in, both men and women.
Now certain sins are predominantly toward men.
You know, if we were to think about certain sins, we would associate them mainly with
men, men having a tendency, you know, for example, to, you know, the lust of the eyes
or something.
We might point to men on that.
And when we talked about maybe gossiping or tailbearing or things like that, you know,
that's more of a female sin.
But both can be involved in this, both men and women.
But notice the common denominator between 1 Timothy 5 and 2 Thessalonians 3.
Why did they become a tattler and a busybody in chapter 5 of 1 Timothy is that they were
idle.
They didn't have a lot going on.
They're bored.
They have too much time on their hands.
They're not staying busy with the right things.
And then over in 2 Thessalonians chapter 3, it's the identical thing where men who are
not working become a busybody.
Women who are not taking care of their house and raising their kids, they become a busybody.
Those things are clear in both passages.
Now let's go back to the Old Testament.
Go to Proverbs chapter 11.
We're going to look at a whole bunch of scriptures in Proverbs.
Proverbs chapter 11.
While you're turning to Proverbs 11, I'm going to read for you from Leviticus chapter 19
verse 16.
The Bible reads, Thou shalt not go up and down as a tale-bearer among thy people, neither
shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbor, I am the Lord.
Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart, thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbor
and not suffer sin upon him.
Thou shalt not avenge nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou
shalt love thy neighbor as thyself, I am the Lord.
So the context of that famous phrase, thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself that Jesus
quoted repeatedly, the context is not to be a tale-bearer, not to talk bad about people
behind their back, not to hold a grudge against people, not to be bitter against people for
things from the past.
That's the context of loving your neighbor as yourself.
See, one of the best ways that you could love your neighbor is by not having bitterness,
grudges, or hatred toward them in your heart and by not talking bad about them to other
people and going up and down as a tale-bearer.
This is something that is a big problem or the Bible wouldn't bring it up over and over
again.
You're going to see how many times in Proverbs this is brought up.
Paul felt that it was such a big problem at the church of Thessalonica that he needed
to include it in the short second epistle to the Thessalonians, just a short letter,
but he made sure to cover that.
First Timothy chapter 5, Paul covers it with Timothy, the importance of people staying
busy with the right things and not just sitting around idle and talking smack about other
people.
That's what the Bible is talking about here, being a tale-bearer.
Now he says, thou shalt not hate thy brother in thy heart, thou shalt in any wise rebuke
thy neighbor and not suffer sin upon him.
What it's saying here is if you have a problem with somebody that you just really have to
deal with, you go directly to that person and you deal with it, you don't go to other
people and talk about it with other people first or before, during, or after.
You go straight to the person you have a problem with and you deal with them instead of just
talking bad about them to other people.
Now look at Proverbs chapter 11 verse 13.
It says a tale-bearer revealeth secrets, but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth
the matter.
Now keep that in mind, look at chapter 17 verse 9, we have a very similar statement.
Go to chapter 17 verse 9.
The Bible said in Proverbs 11 13, a tale-bearer revealeth secrets, but he that is of a faithful
spirit concealeth the matter.
Chapter 17 verse 9, he that covereth a transgression seeketh love, but he that repeateth the matter
seperateth very friends.
You see, not everything has to be repeated, does it?
Sometimes somebody might say something bad or say something stupid, do something bad,
do something stupid, and it doesn't necessarily have to be repeated.
It could just be passed over, covered, forgotten, who cares.
Let me just make it real clear, we're not talking about covering up murder, we're not
talking about covering up rape or molestation, or we're not talking about covering up grand
theft and covering up major sins of drunkenness and fornication and adultery.
Those type of things should not be swept under the rug, but little things, dumb things, bad
things that people do, they make a little mistake.
It doesn't need to be broadcast to the whole world.
When the Bible said in 1 Timothy chapter 5, them that sin rebuked before all that others
also may fear, you have to get the context of that and actually compare that with the
scripture in Deuteronomy that's being referred back to.
See, what he's referring back to in Deuteronomy is that if a false witness testifies against
someone that they committed a crime and the person didn't really commit that crime but
the witness was lying, then the Bible says whatever punishment that person would have
gotten, you give that punishment to the false witness.
Does everybody understand?
So someone falsely accuses someone, then they are to get the punishment that they wanted
the person that they're accusing to get, and the Bible says that when that happens, others
will also see and fear.
In 1 Timothy 5, Paul's referring back to that and he says, against an elder received not
an accusation but before two or three witnesses.
Them that sin, meaning the witnesses who sin, them that sin rebuked before all that others
also may fear, which is almost an exact quote from back in Deuteronomy.
The point is that them that sin rebuked before all that others also may fear is the false
witnesses are to be rebuked before all that others will fear to bring false witness against
their neighbor, against their brother, against their sister in Christ.
It's not saying every time anybody sins, just rebuke them before all no matter what the
sin.
I mean, you catch somebody sinning, rebuke them in front of everybody.
That's not what it's saying.
You got to get the context of what sin is being referred to, the sin of being a false
witness.
People should be afraid to be a false witness because they're punished openly.
That's what the Bible is teaching.
So when the Bible talks about covering a transgression, concealing the matter, we need to use discretion
and understand that not everything needs to be repeated.
Not every little mistake that people make needs to be brought out into the open and
the Bible says in verse 9 there, he that covereth the transgression seeketh love.
He that covereth the transgression seeketh love, but he that repeateth the matter, separateth
very fringe.
You can destroy relationships when you just repeat every little thing that anyone does.
Now we're going to come back to Proverbs but go over to Ecclesiastes chapter 7 and we'll
find something similar in Ecclesiastes chapter 7.
Ecclesiastes chapter number 7, the Bible reads in verse number 20, for there is not a just
man upon the earth that doeth good and sinneth not.
So the Bible is starting out by saying here that nobody's perfect.
Everybody sins.
Everybody makes mistakes.
Verse 21, also take no heed unto all words that are spoken, lest thou hear thy servant
curse thee, for oftentimes also thine own heart knoweth that thou thyself likewise has
cursed others.
What the Bible is saying here is that if somebody says something bad to you or something
bad about you or something rude to you or something offensive to you, the Bible is saying
you don't have to take heed to everything that everybody says to you and that everybody
says about you because if you are honest with yourself, you know that you've said bad things
about other people in the past and you've said rude things to other people in the past
and so you just need to not take heed to all words that are spoken.
A great verse for this is in Psalm 119 where it says, great peace have they which love
thy law and nothing shall offend them.
Great peace have they which love thy law and nothing shall offend them.
We need to not be so thin-skinned.
We need to not wear our feelings on our sleeve and if somebody is rude to you, stop and think
about all the people you've been rude to in your life.
I know I've been rude to people.
I've mouthed off to people.
I've said rude things or offensive things.
I've insulted people.
So if people are rude to me or insult me, I need to keep in mind, you know what, maybe
this person is just having a bad day or maybe this person is just going through bad things
in their life and, you know, forgive them for they know not what they do and not take
heed until all words that are spoken, you know, I got to make this right.
I need to be vindicated.
No you don't.
Just let it go.
If you're going to live at peace with the people around you, if you're going to live
at peace with the members of your own family in your home, your brothers, sisters, your
parents, your children, you've got to let things kind of be like water off a duck's
back sometimes and just tell yourself, you know what, I've said things like that too.
I've criticized people too.
Let's just let it go.
Let's just forget about it.
Let's just, as the Bible says, pass over the matter, you know, conceal the matter.
Pass over, not give heed to every word that's spoken.
Go back to Proverbs chapter 18.
Proverbs chapter 18.
So what are we talking about this morning?
We're talking about being a tattler or a tail bearer or a busybody.
There are certain types of people who delight in repeating bad things about other people.
This is not love because love, the person who conceals the matter is the one who's seeking
love, the Bible says.
And if we love our neighbor as ourself, we're not going to go up and down as a tail bearer
and we're not going to hold grudges and be bitter against people about what they've done.
But in fact, in 1 Corinthians chapter 13, the chapter that's all about charity or love,
the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13, 4, charity suffereth long and is kind.
Charity envieth not.
Charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, did not behave itself unseemly, seeketh
not her own, watch this, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity,
but rejoices in the truth.
Now think about the type of person who would rejoice in iniquity.
Rejoicing in iniquity.
You say no one would rejoice in iniquity.
Sure they would.
The tail bearer, the tattler and the busybody rejoice in iniquity because it is something
for them to talk about.
It is something for them to repeat.
It is drama for them to indulge in and so they glory in hearing the latest piece of
scuttlebutt, the latest sin or transgression of someone that they might repeat it.
See you have to ask yourself what motivates people or what causes people to go down this
road of becoming a tattler, a tail bearer or a busybody or a gossip queen or a drama
mama.
What makes a person do that?
First of all we saw that idleness.
Not getting busy with the right things, they are bored and so they are looking for a little
excitement, they are looking for something to do so they create drama or get involved
in other people's drama or they meddle with strife not belonging to them.
They do not have enough of their own strife to indulge in so they see that there is a
conflict between other people.
They want to get involved in that.
They want to get in the middle of it.
They want to find out the details.
They want to put in their two cents.
There are a lot of TV programs that sort of feed into this mentality.
The daytime talk show, I do not know if these are still around, but when I was a kid there
were the daytime talk shows such as Oprah Winfrey, Ricky Lake, Jerry Springer, what
are the other ones?
Sally, Jesse, Raphael, did I get them all?
Dr. Phil, Montel Williams, Geraldo, Rivera.
What else?
Jenny Jones.
One time I met a guy and he said, I said, oh, what was your name again?
He said, I am only going to tell you my name if you promise not to laugh.
And I said, okay.
And he said, Ricky Lake.
And I burst out laughing.
But, you know, I could not control it.
It was like a, it was just a knee jerk reaction.
But all, I mean, we just listed a lot of shows.
That is a lot of shows, right?
So somebody must be watching them or there would not be so many of them, right?
I mean, if there is that many shows that all operate on the same principle, there must
be a demand for that kind of a show of women who are at home, you know, folding the laundry
in front of the TV or whatever they are doing, eating a tub of ice cream in front of the
TV, whatever, and watching this stuff.
And all it is about is basically people bring their conflict, people bring their problems,
their strife, their iniquities, and they bring it out in the open and people at home
are vicariously getting involved in other people's drama.
I mean, is that not what the show is about?
I mean, tell me what it's about if that's not what it's about.
It's about vicariously getting involved in other people's messed up situations and lives.
Well, guess what?
It doesn't just stop at TV.
There are people who go to school and do that.
They go to work and do that.
They go to church and do that.
And they've been practicing in front of the TV perhaps, maybe, maybe not, but either way,
there are people out there who rejoice in iniquity.
I mean, how could you watch Jerry Springer if you're not a person who rejoices in iniquity?
I mean, you'd love it that they cheated and lied and the paternity is in question.
I mean, somebody is rejoicing in that filth, in that garbage, to even watch that stuff.
But that mentality comes into churches, schools, families, workplaces, where people have their
own little show going on in their mind of all this drama.
But charity does not rejoice in iniquity.
But not only does charity not rejoice in iniquity, charity is not puffed up or vaunting itself
or envying.
This is another motivation of the tail bearer.
Number one motivation is idleness, boredom, not staying busy with the right things.
And you know, we all can fall into that trap because in 2016 America, we live kind of an
easy life.
We don't have to work a whole lot of hours sometimes or women have all kinds of conveniences
that are doing a lot of the chores for them, the washing machine, the dishwasher, you know,
they can order the groceries online and they show up at the house and everything like that.
So therefore, there's extra time that could be used for good or evil.
So we need to be careful that we don't plunge into idleness as men or women, but that we
stay busy doing the right things.
So number one is idleness.
But number two, another thing that could lead to this is what 1 Corinthians 13 is talking
about, when someone is envious, wants to vaunt themselves and wants to be puffed up.
You see, when people want to elevate themselves, they want to take other people down a notch
sometimes and being a tail bearer is a good way to do that.
You know, if you want to maybe make yourself look good, you could drag down the people
around you by criticizing the people around you and bringing out all the bad dirty laundry
of those people.
Hey, they're not as great as you think they are, let me tell you what they've been into
to try to make yourself look better.
This is another motive for being a tail bearer, a busy body and a tattler.
Let's go all the way back to childhood and think about children.
They tattle more than anybody, don't they?
And babes in Christ are the ones who are tattling.
A mature Christian needs to get past this and grow up past this, but little kids, they
tattle more than anyone.
I mean, they start this when they can barely even talk.
Toddlers, when they're one, two, three, I mean, it's like some of the first words is
just, you know, he hit me or something.
You know, it's like the first full sentence that comes out of their mouth.
I mean, my kids come to me, the little ones that is, constantly with tattles.
Just constantly, he hurt me really bad, you know.
They have a real low threshold of what hurt really bad means, by the way.
But you know, they come and they tattle all the time, okay.
So the question is, why do they tattle?
What makes that little kid come and tattle?
Well, number one, it's because they're not staying busy.
They're not working.
They're just sitting around, goofing off, and so they create strife, number one.
Number two, why do they tattle?
Because they want to make their sibling look bad to mom and dad and make themselves look
better to mom and dad.
Sibling rivalry is what we're talking about.
And then thirdly, the reason why they would tattle is to retaliate because of some perceived
wrong.
Oh yeah?
Well, I'm going to tell on you about this and that.
I mean, I remember when I was a kid, having these conversations with my big brother and
big sister.
Oh, you're going to do that to me?
Well, you know what?
I'm going to tell about what you did three months ago, you know.
And there's a famous story, you know, and forgive me if this is crude.
It is crude, but sorry.
It illustrates the perfect point though.
When I was a little brat myself, and you know, when we were kids, the Bible says foolishness
is bound in the heart of a child.
I was a kid, I was a little brat, and my brother, who's six years older than me, did something
that I didn't like.
He made me mad.
And so I said, I got something on you.
And that was a common statement in our house where we'd say, I got something on you.
Well, you don't have anything on me.
Oh yeah, I got something on you.
And we'd use that to hang it over people's heads.
And my brother, he wasn't doing what I wanted or for whatever reason, so I just barged in
to my mom and dad, and they had people over or something.
I just barged in and marched right up, and I said, Mom, and this is when I was like a
toddler, okay, little kid.
I said, Mom, Clint said fart a year ago.
I just marched in and just spouted that off.
And my mom just looked at me like, you idiot, like, what in the world?
But to me, it was like, yeah, I got him good now.
He's busted now.
You know, because we weren't allowed to say that word.
And I just marched in and said, he said it a year ago.
And it was just, my mom just laughed and thought it was stupid.
You think my brother, Clint, got in trouble?
Or you think I got in trouble for being stupid and announcing that?
The point is that this is the kind of foolishness that little toddlers do, but it's pretty sad
when grown adults are engaging in the same juggle, oh, you did this a year ago.
And you know what, don't think that people don't tail bear about things that happened
six months or a year ago, two years ago, three years ago.
Hey, don't hold a grudge.
Don't get bitter about something that somebody did in the past.
Let it go.
You know, God's mercies are new every morning.
We need to move on, forget about things, and let things go, and let people live it down.
Now are you in Proverbs 18 there?
Look at Proverbs chapter 18 verse 6.
It says, a fool's lips enter into contention, and his mouth calleth for strokes.
Okay, so a fool gets involved in other people's fights, right?
They enter into contention, and they're calling for strokes.
You know, demanding that someone be punished for something that doesn't even pertain to
them.
It doesn't even regard them.
It says in verse 7, a fool's mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of
his soul.
The words of a tail bearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts
of the belly.
I mean, that's a pretty strong statement about how bad it is to be a tail bearer.
You're wounding people with wounds that are doing permanent damage and going down into
the innermost parts of the belly.
And then it says in verse 9, surprise, surprise, he also that is slothful in his work is brother
to him that's a great waster.
Isn't it interesting that the slothful man is brought up in the next verse, right after
we talked about people saying things they shouldn't say, repeating, tail bearing, etc.
Look at chapter 20 verse 19.
The Bible says, he that goeth about as a tail bearer revealeth secrets.
Therefore, meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.
Now this verse is very deep.
Don't just read over this.
It almost seems like it's talking about two different things, but it's one sentence.
He that goeth about as a tail bearer revealeth secrets, therefore, meddle not with him that
flattereth with his lips.
What the Bible's warning you here is that some of these people that are flattering you
to your face are the same people who are going to talk bad about you behind your back.
So he's saying, look, watch out for the flatterer because he's probably a tail bearer that's
going to reveal your secrets.
They might just be with you.
So here's the picture that the Bible's painting here.
How about this?
Someone who befriends you tells you how great you are, tells you how much they like you,
and actually what they're there to do is just to watch you and find your faults so that
they can go and repeat them to others.
That sounds pretty bad, doesn't it?
But that's what the Bible's describing, and it's out there, it exists.
People who are friends with you for one reason, just to pump you for information, or just
to watch you, just to go to your house, just to look around and see what they can report
to others that they saw in your house, or that they hear you say, or pick up.
And look, if you want to come to my house and find everything that's wrong with me,
you're going to find it.
If you want to observe me, if you want to watch me 24-7 or pump my wife for information
or pump my kids for information, and nobody has done this to my knowledge, but I'm just
saying, you know what?
If you were to do that theoretically, you're going to find stuff about me that's not right.
You're going to find weaknesses, you're going to find faults.
Everybody has faults, everybody has weaknesses, everybody makes mistakes.
But it's not our job to go hunting for it so that we can then report to other people
so we can have our own little daytime talk show going on of creating drama.
Look at chapter 20, or you already looked at 20, look at chapter 26, chapter 26.
And this is an important topic, that's why the Bible devotes a lot of scripture to it.
Go to Proverbs chapter 26 and verse number 17.
Why did I give that stupid tattle to my parents a year later?
Was just because I was trying to take him down a notch, I was just trying to retaliate.
Was that a loving thing for me to do?
No, it was me, bitter, angry, trying to take him down a notch, trying to just retaliate
against him, and this is not right.
Look at Proverbs 26 verse 17, he that passeth by and meddleth with strife not belonging
to him is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.
Hey, we need to stay out of contentions and strife that don't belong to us, just leave
it alone.
If somebody tries to get you involved and say, hey, did you know what they said, just
say, hey, I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to be involved in it, leave me
out of it, I have no dog in that fight, you know, just keep me out of it.
Don't meddle with strife not belonging.
Can somebody explain that to the US government also and the Department of Defense, can someone
explain that to them?
It says in verse 18, as a mad man who casteth firebrands, arrows, and death, so is the man
that deceiveth his neighbor and sayeth him, not I in sport.
Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out.
So where there is no tale bearer, the strife ceaseth.
Look, strife ceases when there's no tale bearer, that's what the Bible says.
Now let's just stop and think about this in a practical manner, how the fire would
go out if there's no wood there, okay?
It's sort of like if you think about a forest fire, right?
And fire's raging out of control and then there are these dirt roads called fire roads
or firebreaks, right?
So that it'll stop the fire from just continuing on forever or maybe a burning grass fire comes
toward a freeway and it gets to the freeway and it stops because there's no fuel, right?
It just gets to that firebreak and it can't go any further and the fire goes out.
It can't keep going.
Whereas if there's just a continuous supply of dead grass and trees, it could just keep
moving and keep on continuing and keep going, okay?
So let's illustrate.
Brother Dominique, come on up here, okay?
So let's say Brother Dominique and I have some kind of a personality conflict, okay?
And of course we don't, which is why I'm using him as an illustration.
You know, I wouldn't pick somebody that I really had a problem with, that'd be really
awkward.
So anyway, you know, so let's say Brother Dominique and I, we have some kind of a conflict,
I offended him, he offended me, whatever, okay?
Well look, let's say I go to him and bring it up and we talk about it, I mean how long
can that conversation really last?
Hey, I didn't like what you said, you know?
And we're gonna come to some kind of a resolution in a matter of minutes, you know, or whatever.
Or otherwise if we can't come to a resolution, we're just gonna have to agree to disagree
and then in that case, let's say I come to him with my grievance and he's not getting
it.
He's just not seeing it my way.
He says, hey, I've done nothing wrong here.
I was totally justified.
Then at that point, what we have to do at that point is just agree to disagree and you
know what, I might just decide to myself, you know what, this isn't gonna be one of
my friends at church.
This is gonna be somebody, I'm not gonna hold a grudge, I'm not gonna be rude, I'm not gonna
talk bad about him to other people, but I'm just gonna smile and shake his hand.
But he's not coming over to my house for dinner, I'm not gonna go to his house for dinner,
because we're just not compatible as friends.
Does everybody understand that?
Now look, if it's something serious, if it's something very serious like he stole $2,000
from me or you know, he rammed his car into my car or you know, or whatever, or he's been
getting drunk or something or fornicating or flirting with my wife or something, okay.
Well at that point, if it's something serious, then you'd go into the Matthew 18 mode of
like okay, we need to bring the two witnesses and you know, we need to bring it before the
whole church or something.
That's for serious matters though.
That's not for, hey, you were kind of rude to me the other day, let's go get two witnesses.
Let's escalate this.
You see what I'm saying?
So you need to be smart enough and have the discretion to understand what is a big issue,
right?
What is a big issue that needs to be dealt with that you just can't get over and what's
a little issue that you can just conceal the matter, pass over a transgression, forgive
and forget and move on.
But here's the thing, if he and I clash, we don't have to be friends.
Does everybody understand that?
There are 7.4 billion other people in the world for me to be friends with, I'm just
going to skip this one if he and I can't get along.
And look, you laugh at that, but I wish people would understand they don't get this.
They think like everybody has to be my friend.
We got to get to the bottom of this.
Look, if I go to him and I talk to him, hopefully we can resolve it, hey man, it's just a misunderstanding.
Yeah.
Oh, you didn't even mean it that way.
Okay, now I see what you were saying.
Hey, we can be friends now, right?
We go our separate ways, we get along great.
Nine times out of ten, that's probably what's going to happen over a little issue.
You just talk to somebody, hey man, did you really have to say that?
You know, or what?
Oh man, I'm sorry.
Okay, cool.
But let's say we don't resolve it, we still need to just agree to disagree, live at peace
and I just might make a mental note, hey, this isn't going to be one of my close friends.
This isn't one of my best buddies.
He and I, we clash, better just stay away from him.
But I'm still going to be civil, friendly, say hi, whatever, he's just not coming over
to a barbecue or something.
Does everybody understand?
Okay, but now, now let's think about what happens with, instead of me just going to
him or him going to me, he starts talking to all his friends about what's going on.
And then I start talking to all my friends, right?
I start talking to my wife about it, I start talking to my kids about it, I start talking
to my friends about it.
He's talking to people, right?
And then they start talking to each other.
You know what's going to happen inevitably is that the facts of this matter are going
to get skewed.
Things are going to get exaggerated.
So that a molehill becomes a mountain, right?
And little grievances, little bits of strife are going to escalate into a big issue.
And then here's the thing, then let's say he and I come to an agreement, right?
And we solve the problem.
Yeah, but our factions, they still might be mad about it.
They still might be talking about it.
And you can see how that forest fire could just spread.
Whereas if it's just the two of us, how big can this fire get?
There's only two sticks here.
You rub two sticks together, you got to fire for a minute or two, right?
But it's when you start piling on all the wood and the person who does that is the tail
bearer.
Right.
You understand?
And he tells the wrong person, the tail bearer, and then she gets on the phone or he gets
on the phone or gets together at this activity or that activity and starts spreading it and
it spreads and it escalates and it gets out of control.
But without the tail bearer, it's not even possible for this to become a big issue.
Right.
Because how big can it get when it's a church of 300 and some people and there's only two
of us talking about it?
How big can it really get?
Is it really going to bring down the whole church?
Is it really going to split the whole church because he and I have an issue?
No.
Go ahead and sit down.
But whereas if the tail bearer gets a hold of it, it could split the whole church where
everybody decides whether they're on Pastor Anderson's side or Brother David's side and
see what I'm saying?
So the Bible says, where no wood is, the fire goeth out.
We want the fire to go out.
We don't want to live lives of contention, strife, conflict, bickering, fussing, right?
I mean think about it.
In your house, do you want your children to fight with each other and fuss with each other
and bicker or is it annoying?
Drives you nuts, right?
Parents, don't you hate it when your children are fighting with each other all the time?
Well here's the thing.
Where no wood is, the fire goeth out.
Where there's no tail bearer, the strife ceaseth.
As coals are, verse 21, to burning coals and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle
strife.
So the contentious man comes and picks a fight with somebody, right?
That hot burning coal.
He ignites the fire, right?
And then the tail bearer starts throwing wood on the fire.
So both of these people are necessary to create this conflagration, this forest fire in a
church or in an office.
And look, don't just apply this to church.
Apply this in your family, apply this at school, apply this at work.
A conflagration is started by the contentious man and then the fuel is piled on by the tail
bearer by getting other people involved, just throwing more logs onto the fire until it's
out of control.
Burning lips, the Bible says, or let's look at verse 22.
The words of a tail bearer as wounds and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
Burning lips and a wicked heart are like a potsherd covered with silver dross.
He that hateth dissembleth with his lips and layeth up deceit with him.
When he speaketh fair, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart
whose hatred is covered by deceit.
His wickedness shall be showed before the whole congregation.
Whoso diggeth the pit shall fall therein and he that rolleth the stone, it will return
upon him.
The lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it and a flattering mouth worketh well.
The Bible is making it real clear that the people who are involved in this are committing
a grievous sin.
What they are doing is hateful, it's unloving and they're also using deceit by pretending
to be nice people, pretending to be your friend when they're stabbing you in the back, talking
bad about you, criticizing you behind your back.
Let's go to the New Testament, Ephesians chapter four.
Ephesians chapter number four.
And while you're turning there, let me just park it on this subject of you don't have
to be friends with everybody.
Because I think a lot of people, they get mixed up on this, they get the wrong idea
about this because they misunderstand the concept of unity in the New Testament.
Now, the New Testament talks about unity.
That there are a lot of people who take this concept of unity too far.
If we study the scriptures on unity, we're going to look at one of them right now.
The unity that we have as believers has to do with the fact that we all are rallied around
the same Bible.
We have the same Bible.
We have the same doctrine.
We have the same love for soul winning.
We have the same love for the Lord.
We have the same gospel of Jesus Christ, his death, his burial, his resurrection as
providing the only way to heaven.
This causes unity.
Now the kind of division that we don't want is where there are a lot of people believing
heresy.
And that's why the Bible talked about in 1 Corinthians 3, well that if there's divisions
among you, there must also be heresies among you.
He said if there's division among you, there must also be heresies.
So that goes to show that the type of division he's talking about is what kind of division?
Doctrinal division, heresy, yeah.
We're talking about division on not believing the same.
And obviously we don't have to believe identical on every small point, but on the major points
like salvation, like the Bible, like heaven and hell, obviously we do need to believe
the same or else we shouldn't be in a church together.
If you believe in another gospel, you need to go to another church.
Now if you have different thoughts on Bible prophecy or different, you're still of course
welcome to be a part of our church, but when it comes to the major issues of the King James
version, salvation by faith alone, eternal security of the believer, those are essentials.
And we have to have unity.
We can't have heresy dividing us on those major points.
But a lot of people, when they hear about unity and being in one accord with one mind
striving together for the faith of the gospel, they think that means, oh, we all need to
be buddies.
We're all just one big happy family.
Well, here's the problem with that.
Families don't come in sizes of three to four hundred people.
That's not a family.
You say, well, I don't know, Pastor Harrison, you have a lot of kids, yeah, but not even
close to that.
No matter how many kids my wife and I have, we're never going to get to the point where
we have three hundred people living in our house.
And thinking that three hundred people are going to make one big happy family or that
a thousand people are going to make one big happy family or that two thousand people are
going to come together and make one big happy family is unrealistic and misguided.
The purpose for coming together in a church here is we unite around the Bible.
We unite around doctrine.
We unite around the gospel.
We don't necessarily unite that we all have the same personality and we all get along
really well in a social setting, okay?
People are different.
Now look down at your Bible there in Ephesians chapter four verse one, I therefore, the prisoner
of the Lord, beseech you that you walk worthy of the vocation wherewith you're called, with
all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love.
These are tips on getting along, right?
Being humble, that's the opposite of vaunting yourself, envying, being puffed up.
He says being humble, lowliness, meekness, with longsuffering.
What's longsuffering mean?
You put up with little grievances and don't freak out about every little thing.
You let things go.
Longsuffering forbearing one another in love.
Again, forbearance means you're putting up with things.
You're not blowing up about every little offense.
Great peace have they which love thy law and nothing shall offend them.
Why?
Verse three, because we're endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of
peace, right?
We want to keep that unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
We want peace in our church, not war, not strife, not contention, not conflict.
What's the goal?
The goal is peace.
The reason we want peace is so that we can do the work of the Lord unhindered.
You see, fighting, contention, bickering, fussing, strife, these things can hinder the
work of God.
We want the work of God to go forward.
More important than my feelings, more important than your feelings, more important than our
personal lives or social lives is the work of the Lord.
That is always paramount, right?
Winning people to Christ, the Gospel, is number one.
So sometimes we have to put aside our own feelings, our own agenda for the sake of the
Gospel because that needs to be number one.
So we want to have peace in the church that the Gospel might be able to go forth unhindered.
So we endeavor.
Endeavor means you're putting effort forth to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond
of peace.
What's he say next?
There's one body and one Spirit even as you're called and one hope of your calling, one Lord,
one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all.
He's not saying one personality.
But there's one God, one doctrine, one Gospel.
That's the unity.
Okay, but unity does not mean that I have to be best friends with everybody in the church
or that you have to be best friends with everybody in this church.
Let me just give you some advice.
This is some very practical advice that everyone needs to hear.
If there are people that you don't like in the church, stay away from them.
Now to a lot of people, they don't agree with that.
There are probably people in here right now that don't agree with that.
But I'm telling you that wisdom sayeth that if you don't like somebody or if somebody
doesn't like you, it's best to just stay away from that person that we might have peace.
If I know that there's, I mean, look, it's kind of common sense if you think about it.
If I know that there's a person where when I get around that person, they make me mad
or when I get around that person, I make them mad, then I should probably just stay away
from that person.
I mean, is that really so radical of a concept to just say, stay away from that person?
But then people have to say, no, no, we can't stay away.
We all have to have unity.
That's our brother and sister in Christ.
We're going to be with that person for all eternity.
We got to resolve this.
We got to figure this out.
Look, heaven's a big place.
Just don't build my mansion next to that guy, no?
And I'm kidding, but seriously though, I can honestly tell you that in my Christian life,
I can think of people in churches that I used to go to where there was a person that I just
kind of clashed with.
I just didn't get along with that person.
And you know what, it wasn't even that they were a bad person.
It's not that I was a bad person.
They just weren't my type.
And so I was friendly to that person.
I was kind to that person.
I was loving toward that person.
I didn't say anything bad about that person to other people, but I personally just chose
other friends.
Does everybody understand?
We're not saying to be a jerk, to be rude, to ostracize.
We're saying pick people in the church that you like and be friends with them because
you can't humanly be friends with everybody in this church.
It's too big of a church.
Now of course, these house church bozos will say, well, it's just too big then because
you got to be one big happy family.
I'm not looking for a second family.
I already have a big happy family.
Oh, the church is too big.
That's why you need to have us four no more.
They want to have 10 people in a living room for the rest of their lives.
That's called my family.
Sorry, my family's 11, so I already got you beat by one there.
The point is that when you have a church of hundreds, which is biblical, the early church
in the book of Acts had thousands of people in it, thousands.
You say, yeah, but they also broke bread in the houses.
Yeah, right.
So here's the thing.
The church has hundreds or thousands of people in it, and then you go home and break bread
with the people that you get along with, people that you like.
Now look, you need to learn.
This is just a good social skill too.
Look kids in public school, and I know, look, I'm against public school.
I believe in homeschooling, but I know that there are kids that go to public school that
are in the service right now, and I love you kids.
I don't look down on you kids.
I went to public school.
I graduated from public school.
I don't believe that's the best way to live your life, to put your kids in any kind of
school.
We are strongly for homeschooling, but look, I love you.
You're in public school.
I love you.
You're in Christian school.
I love you.
Let me give you some advice kids that are in public school.
In public school, there are different elements.
You stay away from the bad element, and you gravitate toward the good element.
I mean, isn't that good advice?
Don't hang around.
You can still live for God in the public school.
You can still be a righteous Christian young person in the public school.
You can bring your Bible to school.
You can win people to Christ.
You can stand up for what's right.
You can live clean and godly, whether it's at your job, whether it's at school.
Look, if you're in public school, stay away from the drugged out stoner crowd.
Stay away from the goth chicks that are carving into their arm with a razor blade.
Stay away from the wicked, fornicating, you know, bad element, and try to gravitate toward
a quasi-Christian element.
Try to gravitate toward nice kids, kids that are not dragging you down and leading you
into sin because you just need to be smart about it.
Look, it's the same thing in church.
You know, you come to church, there are going to be people that you get along with more
than others.
There are going to be people that you like more than others.
That's okay.
That's normal.
And if you have a problem with somebody, be friendly and polite to them, but they don't
have to be in your inner circle, all right?
We can have an inner circle of real close friends, and I only have a few people in my
inner circle of close friends.
And then you might have like a medium circle of friends, and then you just have an outer
circle of friends where everybody at this church, you should love everyone at this church
to some degree, right?
Because we do have something in common.
The gospel, we're saved.
We love hard preaching.
We love soul winning.
So yeah, we should have love in our heart for everybody in this church, and we shouldn't
have bitterness or, oh, I've got to stay away from him.
But you don't have to have an attitude of, well, I better stay away from him.
You can just have an attitude of like, you know what?
I'm going to stay away from him, and you can be nice about it.
And you don't have to go telling other people, oh, I stay away from him.
Oh, I stay away from her.
You don't have to tell that to other people.
You could just make decisions of, hey, I'm going to go to a different soul winning time
maybe, or hey, I'm going to sit in a different part of the auditorium if I just keep butting
heads with this certain person.
There's plenty of other fish in the sea.
And then you might say to yourself, yeah, but everybody's doing that to me.
Then there's something wrong with you.
Then you're the problem.
Think about it.
I mean, a man that hath friends must show himself friendly, the Bible says.
If everybody's avoiding you, everybody's ostracizing you, you walk in and it just parts like the
Red Sea, you've got a problem.
And you say, well, I better just go to a different church.
You know what?
You're going to go to a different church.
You're going to bring your problems with you.
Yeah, you can change jobs, change schools, change spouses, change churches.
But you know what?
You're going to have the same problem at the next place if you're the problem.
And you know what?
You can find a way to win people over.
And you know what?
If there are people that you've burned in the past and they don't like you and you can
tell that they avoid you, a bad thing to do is to go to that person like, why do you avoid
me?
Why don't you want to spend time with me?
Why don't you want to hang around with me?
Be my friend.
Look, that makes people hate you more.
Does everybody understand?
I mean, look, if I told, or how about with kids?
If I told my kid, you have to be friends with this other kid, be friends with him.
They're going to just resent that kid more and not like that kid even more.
Nobody likes to be forced to be friends with people they don't want to be friends with.
So you don't go to people and be like, be friends with me.
Spend time with me.
It's like, whoa, get away from me.
You know, you're a stalker, right?
Instead what you do is you win people over by being nice.
You want to have friends?
Be a nice person.
Everybody will be your friend if you're kind and nice and treat people well.
You come to church and you're friendly, you're nice, you treat people well, you buy somebody
a soda, you know, you're friendly, you help people, you care about people, you love people,
you pray for people, you're, you know, you're not a pain in the neck.
People are going to like you.
I mean, think about the people at your job.
Think about at your job.
Let's depersonalize this from church.
Think about people at your job that everybody likes.
Who's got somebody in mind at your job that everybody likes?
Put up your hand.
If you can think of somebody at your job, everybody likes this guy.
Think about what he's like.
Somebody call out some attributes of this guy.
Why do people like him?
He buys people drinks.
See how easy this is?
What else?
They're upbeat.
Okay, that's a big one.
Upbeat.
People come to work with a positive attitude, everybody likes them.
They're upbeat.
They buy you a soda.
They're thinking of you.
What else?
They listen to you.
They pay attention to what you're saying.
You know what?
People like you when they talk to you and you look at them and you pay attention.
You listen.
You don't just go, uh-huh, uh-huh, and then just change the subject.
You actually listen to what they say and then talk about what they're talking about.
Oh, I got a better story than that.
Just take it somewhere, you know.
What?
Has anybody got anything else?
What else?
Yeah, they're eager to help.
They want to help you.
Okay, now think about that guy that nobody likes at your job.
Now I'm thinking of a particular guy from a job that I used to have and this guy was
a pain.
Nobody liked this guy.
Nobody wanted to work.
He's very good at the job.
That's why he still kept the job, but he'd usually work by himself.
Nobody really wanted to work with the guy.
Why was he such a pain in the neck?
Because he came to work every day in a bad mood.
Hey, how you doing?
It was Monday.
He was always complaining.
I mean, it was like he had Tourette's Syndrome.
He'd be in the shop just yelling and throwing things around, just cussing at nobody in general.
And then you try to talk to him and he'd just bite your head off.
No, you know, the guy was a jerk and he would talk bad about other people.
He'd criticize other people.
And he never bought me a soda.
I can't even think of a single.
But you know what?
One time, one time, one time this guy, he laid into me hard.
I walked up to him and just asked him a question and he just bit my head off in front of somebody
else.
I mean, he just chewed me up and spit me out.
And I stood there and instead of reacting, I just, you know, other times I would talk
back to this guy.
I just stayed cool and I just said, hey man, you know, you must just be in a bad mood,
man.
I'm sorry you're having a bad day.
And I just walked away and I bought the guy a soda for lunch.
I said, here man, maybe this will make you feel better, you know, here you go.
But I wasn't patronizing.
I was trying to be nice.
And after that, the guy treated me a lot better.
You know, you can win people over.
You can overcome evil with good.
But you can't force people, and look, some people just, they never want to be friends
with you no matter what you do.
It's time to move on and find other friends and not just like, oh, why won't you be my
friend?
It's creepy.
And look, this is all, this is not all theory.
I've been pastoring here for 11 years.
I've seen all of this repeatedly.
Not to mention in other churches and in other jobs and other schools, you know, you've got
to learn to just find people that you like and find people that you get along with.
Be friends with those people.
Be nice to everybody.
Be kind to everybody.
But not everybody has to be in your inner circle.
And look, you could even apply this to marriage.
I mean, there are a lot of women who complain and say, my husband never wants to spend time
with me.
Are you upbeat?
Or when he walks in the house, are you complaining, angry, mad?
And then all of a sudden, he's like, whoa, I just thought of something I've got to go
do.
Spend time with me.
Here's an idea.
Make yourself appealing.
And then your husband will want to spend time with you or vice versa.
You know, your husband, his wife doesn't want to be around him.
He doesn't understand why.
Make yourself appealing.
Be nicer.
You know, and you know, buy the soda or whatever.
And you know, women respond real well to food and drinks, by the way.
You know, so you need to understand, and look, go down to verse 31, I'll close the sermon
with this.
Because this is kind of a unity chapter, Ephesians 4 talks a lot about unity.
But look at verse 31, it says, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking
be put away from you with all malice and be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving
one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you.
Now, he's not saying here, don't be mad about anything.
Don't ever have any anger or wrath.
No, no, he's saying, don't have it among you.
Get rid of that stuff and be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even
as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you.
We should not have anger and bitterness toward other people in church.
And let me tell you something.
If you right now have bitterness, anger, or the desire to retaliate with someone in church
right now, you're not right with God, unless it just happened this morning before the service.
Now, if you got here this morning and somebody picked to fight with you right before the
service, okay, then I'll give you a pass on your anger.
But on Wednesday night, it better be gone.
But I venture to guess that the people who are in here right now who do have hard feelings,
bitterness, anger, it's not from this morning.
It's from a week ago, two weeks ago, two years ago.
Right?
And people just hold on to that bitterness.
Look, forgive and forget.
Be tenderhearted.
Forgive one another.
I've had people bring up stuff to me and I'm like, you know, I know that was like three
or four months ago.
Why are we still talking about that three or four months ago?
And I've even said to people like, you know, we already approached that person and told
them no, and they already fixed that.
So that's a non-issue.
You know, when somebody repents, it's over.
Move on.
You know?
And if they don't repent, then you might just decide, you know what, this person's not going
to be in my inner circle.
But you don't have to tell that to other people.
You don't have to be rude.
You can still be nice.
You can still be friendly.
And listen, if you're on the receiving end of that, here's an important point.
If you notice, I can tell, that person heard Pastor Henderson's sermon and they just locked
me out of their inner circle.
I can feel it.
Here's what you need to understand, is you need to be willing to accept that.
Hey, if this person's taking a step back from me, that's okay.
And you can try to gently win that person over with being nice, being friendly, a track
record of being a good friend.
Buy the soda as necessary.
But you need to just come to terms with the fact that not everybody likes you.
Not everybody wants to be your friend.
You know, listen guys, not every girl wants to date you.
Right?
Girls, not every guy wants to date you.
I mean, look, if you asked a girl out on a date and she tells you no, and you ask again
and she tells you no and it's clear that she has no interest in you, what do you do at
that point?
What does a normal person do?
A normal person goes and asks another girl on a date.
But a creepy stalker, right, makes a fake Facebook account and befriends them with that
account and trolls and stalks and...
We need to have unity in our church, right?
Because look, our church is doing a great work for God.
There's no question about that.
Anybody who can't see that's blind.
I mean, we're getting thousands of people saved, right?
We're starting churches all over America.
We're starting a church in Nashville, Tennessee in just a few weeks.
Man, it's exciting.
You know, we're going to be starting another church in Africa.
This time, you know, in a country where the government likes us.
We're going to be...
We're training up a whole bunch of guys to start churches.
This church is growing.
We're constantly breaking the record.
We're constantly having solid attendances.
We have more people out soul winning than any church I've ever seen.
Hundreds of people out knocking doors every week.
It's unbelievable.
You know, the devil would love to get in here and just start a bunch of fights with people.
But you know what?
Let's just decide right now that, you know what?
If there are fights, because there are always going to be fights and little sparks, that
we keep those contained by not being a tail bearer or a tattler, let the fire go out.
Let it just be a little spark, a little flash in the pan, a little fire like a Roman candle
and then it's gone.
Don't just pile that wood on.
And you know, if you're the type that loves those TV shows that I mentioned, you need
to be very careful to get that sin out of your life.
And if you're one who gets offended at every little thing, you need to toughen up a little
bit and realize, you know what?
This is life.
And you know what?
The kids that are real sensitive, you know what?
You're not doing them any favors by always coming to their defense all the time.
Because honestly, when they get out in the real world, people are going to be rude to
them.
I mean, look, I know that the rudest things that were ever said to me were not said to
me in school.
They were said to me in the workplace as an adult.
But thankfully I was prepared for them because I had been mocked and ridiculed and attacked
so many times as a kid.
You get into the workforce, it's like water off a duck's back.
Because my parents didn't come running to my defense every time somebody criticized
me.
You know, one time there was a kid that was way older than me, like twice my size.
So my parents, you know, had my brother go deal with this kid or whatever, my big brother.
But most of the time my parents would tell me how to deal with it myself, how to handle
it myself.
They didn't just go running in and defend me all the time.
So we need to be careful that we don't involve a bunch of other people in strife, but that
rather we just let things go, forgive and forget, move on, and keep it contained in
small groups, not involving a hundred people in the fight.
Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer.
Father, we thank you so much for your word, Lord.
Help us all to beware of this tendency that we all could have if we're not busy, Lord,
we could get a tendency to start creating drama or getting involved in other people's
drama or wanting to hear the latest, Lord.
Help us to realize that curiosity is what caused Adam and Eve to eat of the forbidden
fruit, Lord.
And help us to just realize that some things are just none of our business and we should
just kind of just stay out of it and just keep our noses clean, Lord.
And God, I pray that people would find good friends at church.
I hope that church is the best place for people to find friends, Lord.
I hope that great lasting friendships are forged here at Faithful Word Baptist Church,
Lord, but I hope that they're all consensual and voluntary on both sides, Lord, friendships
that are formed here.
And in Jesus' name we pray, amen.
Amen.