Man, the title of my sermon today is Strife, Contention, and Frowardness, Strife, Contention,
and Frowardness.
Now, these three words are not necessarily words that roll off our tongues in everyday
speech in 2019.
They're words that we don't use constantly, but the Bible uses these words a lot, right?
Strife, contention, and frowardness.
So let's start out by defining what these words mean.
If you just look them up in the dictionary, here's what the dictionary would say for strife.
Number one, vigorous or bitter conflict, discord or antagonism.
Number two, a quarrel, struggle, or clash.
Then if you look up contention, it says, a struggling together in opposition, strife,
strife and debate, dispute.
So there's a lot of crossover between strife and contention.
And then when you look up froward, it says someone who is willfully contrary, not easily
managed.
So that's what the dictionary says.
Let me just kind of give you a down to earth definition of these from studying the Bible
and understanding these words.
Strife is basically arguing and fighting with people.
Not getting along is probably how we would describe this in our modern vernacular.
Contention is again fighting, arguing, bickering, things like that.
And then someone who's froward is one of these people who just argues for the sake
of arguing.
That is what a froward person is.
The word froward, think about the expression of to and fro.
A froward person, word is like where you're pointing.
Like if we said toward, if we said leeward, starboard, you know, forward, backward, froward
means they're just inclined to take the opposite direction of what they're being told.
You tell them to go left, they're going to go right.
You tell them it's up, they're going to say no, it's down.
That is a froward person.
Someone who is contrarian, they're willfully contrary, they are not easily managed because
you tell them to do something and they want to argue for the sake of arguing.
So I hope that helps with these three words, strife, contention, and frowardness.
So let's look to what the Bible says about these things.
Go to Proverbs chapter 21, Proverbs chapter 21.
And while you're turning to Proverbs 21, I'm going to read for you some other scriptures,
some of which are in the New Testament.
Romans chapter 12 verse 18 says this, if it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live
peaceably with all men.
So it should be our goal as Christians to try to get along with people if we can.
So at our job, we should try to live peaceably with all men, try to get along in our neighborhood,
in our family, at church, at work.
We should be peacemakers, people who are trying, if it's at all possible, to live peaceably
with all men.
To avoid what?
Strife, contention, and frowardness.
We should try to avoid these things.
Okay, Psalm 133 one says, behold how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell
together in unity.
It's obviously better for people to get along than to be at strife and variance, etc.
Ephesians 4 three says, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Now this verse is telling us that this is not going to come naturally or by itself.
We must endeavor.
Endeavor means we have to work hard at something, be diligent to keep the unity of the Spirit
in the bond of peace.
And then Matthew 5 nine says, blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called the
children of God.
We should try to seek peace and ensue it and we should try to avoid strife, contention.
We shouldn't be a froward person.
What's a froward person?
Someone who's argumentative.
Someone who is contentious.
Someone who's just constantly bickering and fussing and arguing.
And one of the places where this can manifest the most is in the home.
And if you have little children, you know this is an issue.
What do little children do?
I mean, they argue with each other, right?
They're constantly fighting with each other.
You have them in the backseat of the car.
They're fighting in the backseat of the car.
You know, this is the law.
He crossed my line.
He touched me.
He looked at me.
Stop looking at me.
You know, little kids tend to fight with each other, right?
And at home they fight.
And as they grow up, hopefully they learn not to be like that.
So as an adult, hopefully you are learning or have learned not to be a contentious, argumentative
person who bickers and fights with everyone around you, okay?
It's a sign of maturity to be able to get along with people, diffuse a situation, put
out a fire, be a peacemaker.
So let's start out talking a little bit about the home.
Look at Proverbs 21 verse 19.
It says, it is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and an angry woman.
Now, when the Bible says wilderness, it uses that term synonymously with the desert.
So when we talk about the wilderness, just think of being out in a desolate, dry desert,
wilderness, middle of nowhere, out by yourself.
There's nothing to do, but at least it's quiet.
At least there's peace is what he's saying here.
Hey, it's better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and an angry woman.
Look if you would at Proverbs chapter 27 verse 15.
Proverbs chapter 27.
You say, man, why are you going straight after the late?
Well, ladies first.
You know, we'll get out of the men later.
I was trying to be a gentleman.
So go to Proverbs chapter 27 verse 15.
It says, a continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
Just that inexorable drip, drip, drip, drip, like a Chinese water torture, right, of someone
just having that dripping.
It says that's what a contentious woman is like.
And what would a contentious woman be?
The woman who's argumentative, the woman who's arguing with everything, always contrary.
This is so annoying, right, that it's like a continual dripping on a very rainy day.
And then it says in verse 16, whosoever hideth her, hideth the wind.
Let me explain something.
It's not possible to hide the wind.
You cannot gather the wind up in a garment and gather it in a bundle.
Only God can control the wind.
We cannot hide the wind.
It's impossible.
And then it says, and the ointment of his right hand, which beareth itself.
That's an old word for betray, beareth, betrayeth itself.
What's it saying?
It'd be like if you put some kind of lotion on your right hand, some kind of an ointment,
lotion, something that's fragrant, something that smells, you're not gonna be able to hide.
People are gonna smell it, right?
It's on your right hand.
You know what?
What kind of girly?
No, I'm just kidding.
But anyway, he's saying, look, it's embarrassing.
It's an embarrassment.
What's the Bible saying here?
So hideeth her, hideeth the wind.
It's saying, look, if you're married to a contentious woman, she will humiliate you
publicly.
She will embarrass you publicly and you will not be able to hide that fact.
Now let's flip that.
So the moral of the story is don't marry a contentious woman.
Don't marry someone who's loud and stubborn and obnoxious.
But then on the flip side of that, let's say you are a woman who struggles with this.
And maybe you're a woman who tends to be somewhat contentious.
Let me explain something to you.
It's only a matter of time before you publicly humiliate yourself and your husband.
And you say, well, no, because I only, you know, nitpick him and argue with him and contend
with him behind closed doors at home.
That's not true because you know what?
You don't put on manners like a coat is what my mom used to always say to me.
If you practice being rude at home, you're going to eventually be rude publicly and people
will see that about you because that's who you are.
So you've got to not be, if you want to be a good wife, you've got to not be a contentious
person.
Don't be a person where your husband says something and it's just you argue, you fuss,
you bicker.
You know, just let it go.
Now obviously this isn't just about the women.
This goes both ways, okay?
This goes for the husband, wife, children, everything.
Look if you would at chapter 17, verse 14, chapter 17, verse 14.
And while you're turning there, let me read another verse, Proverbs 15, one, a soft answer
turn at the way wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.
So we want to have peace in our homes, okay?
Our homes should be a peaceful place.
It shouldn't be a place of bickering, fussing, yelling, rat fighting.
Even people aren't going to want to be at home.
You know, even if there's fighting and bickering out in the world, the home should be a refuge,
a haven, a pleasant place to be.
We should enjoy being there, okay?
You know, when your husband comes home from work, he wants to come home to a peaceful
place.
Maybe he's been out having a hard day at work.
He wants there to be peace at home, you know?
Same thing with the children.
You know, they go out and deal with whatever in this world and you know, everybody wants
to have a peaceful home.
So the Bible says that a soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.
So every once in a while, someone is going to get angry, someone's going to say something
stupid, someone's going to blow off their mouth.
Everyone is going to do that because everyone is human and no one is perfect.
Husband, wife, children, somebody's going to say something offensive at some point.
But usually, it's how we respond to that that determines whether our home is just going
to descend into just some angry, contentious place or whether a soft answer can turn away
that wrath, okay, instead of grievous words stirring up anger.
So if someone gets mad and says something, why not give them a soft answer to try to
diffuse the situation?
And by the way, the same thing happens out in public at work.
You bump into someone, hey, watch where you're going.
You know, the best response to that is, hey, man, I'm sorry, and just kind of diffuse it.
Not like, what do you mean watch where I'm going, you watch where you're going, you know.
And this is where road rage comes from and just where things escalate.
You know, a lot of times, the person who bites your head off in your home or bites your head
off at work or bites your head off at church or bites your head off out and about or whatever,
you know, a lot of times they're in the wrong, but you know what, sometimes even if they're
100% wrong, it's okay to just say, hey, I'm sorry, man, sorry to bump into you.
Even if they were wrong.
Just to, just why?
Just to avoid meaningless conflict.
Now look, there are some fights that are worth fighting.
Hey, it's worth fighting when it comes to the salvation, when it comes to the Gospel,
when it comes to the Word of God, when it comes to the Trinity or something.
You know, yeah, there are some fights that we need to have.
I get that.
But do we really need to have a fight about, you know, who got in the front seat of the
car first or who, you know, who sat down in this chair first or who drank the last milk
or who, you know, we need to not be a contentious person who's just always fighting about every
little thing.
And we need to just pass over things and maybe people do us wrong and maybe we didn't get
as many cookies as the other child got or whatever, but you know what, let it go.
Someone bumped into you, they knocked you over.
You don't have to just make a big deal.
You don't have to be like these athletes where they just barely get touched and they just
like fall over.
Who knows what I'm talking about?
Just so that the foul will get called or whatever.
A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.
We should strive for peace and try to get along.
Look at chapter 17 verse 14.
The beginning of strife is as when one leadeth out water.
Therefore leave off contention before it be meddled with.
And what the Bible is painting a picture of here is something very small turning into
something huge.
You know, you think of like a dam that has a little hole in it, a little bit of a trickle,
and what the Bible is saying is that pretty soon that dam could burst and then you just
have a flood.
It starts small.
Fix it while it's small is what the Bible is saying.
So leave off contention.
The beginning of strife is as when one leadeth out water.
So when that water begins to flow of someone, you know, getting angry, biting your head
off, being rude, hey, try to diffuse the situation before it just turns into a knockdown dragon.
How many times in our lives has there just been a minor disagreement, just something
tiny, something meaningless?
Somebody misunderstood what the other person said or somebody just dropped something, spilled
something, and then next thing you know it's just a knockdown drag out fight, screaming,
yelling, and five years ago you did this and three, you know what I mean?
The Bible is saying don't let it get to that point.
Go to chapter 15 verse 17.
Flip over to chapter 15 verse 17.
While you're turning there, chapter 17 verse 1 says better is a dry morsel and quietness
therewith than a house full of sacrifices with strife.
What's that saying?
What it's saying is you'd rather eat the most lame possible meal, a dry morsel, just bread
and water, than the ultimate meal where people are screaming and fighting with each other.
You know, imagine the ultimate Christmas dinner or Thanksgiving dinner but there's bitterness,
there's fighting, there's hatred.
You would have rather just eaten a piece of bread dry with water than that wonderful meal.
And notice it used the word sacrifices because it says a dry morsel and quietness therewith
is better than a house full of sacrifices with strife.
Now obviously sacrifices have to do with eating meat because they would sacrifice part of
the animal to the Lord and then they would eat the other part.
I get that.
But also, you know, sometimes people, they think they're making a big sacrifice maybe
by let's say going out and making a ton of money and so they sacrifice and work hard
to make a bunch of money to put this really primo food on the table.
But if you come home and act like a jerk, that pretty much undoes whatever sacrifices
you made.
And then same thing, you could have a wife who's slaves in the kitchen for hours to make
the ultimate meal and praise God for that.
But you know what, you would have rather just had a grilled cheese and some tomato
soup and a loving reception when you got home.
So what we need to understand is that the home needs to be a peaceful place and the
anger, the fighting, it doesn't matter how much money you have.
If you have an angry, contentious home life, you're going to be miserable.
You'd rather have less money and everybody loves each other, okay?
And it doesn't matter how good the cooking and housekeeping and cleaning is, you know,
if there's anger, bitterness, strife, it's an unhappy home is what the Bible is teaching.
Are you in chapter 15 verse 17?
Better is a dinner of herbs where love is.
He's saying you'd rather have a vegetarian meal, if you can imagine that, where love
is than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.
You know, then all the beef and all the good cuts of meat, you'd rather have the vegetarian
meal if everybody's being nice, okay?
Verse 18, a wrathful man stirreth up strife, but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.
So what I'm trying to get across to you from all these scriptures is that the Bible teaches
it is a virtue to diffuse the situation, to create a loving atmosphere in your home, to
have peace, to not fight and bicker and fuss over every dumb little thing.
We need to teach our children not to be that way.
We and our wives need to be that way and we need to teach people to not fight over every
little thing.
Choose your battles.
Fight over something that actually matters.
Don't just die on every hill of every dumb thing, all right?
Proverbs 30 verse 33, you turn to chapter 29, but in chapter 30 verse 33 it says, surely
the churning of milk bringeth forth butter and the wringing of the nose bringeth forth
blood so the forcing of wrath bringeth forth strife.
What the Bible's saying is that, look, if you just keep pushing, yeah, eventually you're
going to create an explosion in your house.
I don't care how patient your wife is, I don't care how patient your husband is, I don't
care how patient your parents are.
If you keep pushing it, you will create an explosion.
If you force the wrath, there's going to be strife.
Just as sure as if you keep churning the milk, you're going to bring forth butter.
If you wring someone's nose hard enough, it's going to start bleeding.
And if you force wrath, you're going to bring forth strife.
Verse 22 of chapter 29, an angry man stirreth up strife and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.
We don't want to be an angry person.
Now, the Bible teaches there are times when anger is appropriate.
Jesus himself was angry on this earth.
And there are times when the Bible says, be angry and sin not.
But let me tell you something, though.
We don't want to be angry people.
If you're angry on Monday, angry on Tuesday, angry on Wednesday, angry on Thursday, angry
in the morning, angry at night, that's bad.
That is a bad attribute.
Now, are there times when anger is appropriate?
Yes.
People who that's just who they are.
They're always angry.
They're just known as an angry person.
That's a bad person, according to the Bible.
We need to get that out of our lives if we are guilty of that, right?
We need to get rid of anger, put off anger, and learn to be a peaceful person.
So where do these three things come from, the strife, the contention, the debates?
Where do they come from?
Well, they come from, number one, people who are just contentious and froward by nature.
And what do I mean by that?
I mean people who just, no matter what you say, they just say the opposite.
They love to argue for the sake of arguing.
They're like Socrates or something, where they just, everything is a dispute.
You say something, and they just pick it apart, and they're trying to find fault.
And if you tell them to do something, they always have a quip.
They always talk back.
And what does the Bible say about employees and workers says, not answering again.
They talk back.
But the froward person just always talks back.
The froward wife, you tell her to do something, she's just going to talk back.
You tell the children to do something, they talk back.
They're froward, right?
So number one, where is the strife coming from?
It's coming from contentious froward people, people who just, that's who they are.
They are contentious, they're froward, they argue, they're argumentative, and they just
argue for the sake of arguing, or they just have a bad habit where they have to just correct
everything that's wrong.
What if I told you that someone could say something wrong around you, and you don't
have to correct them?
Someone can say something that's inaccurate, and you don't have to just stop and correct
them every single time.
If you want to right every wrong in the world, you're going to be a very frustrated person.
Because this world was wrong before you got here, and it's going to be wrong after you're
gone, and people are saying and doing wrong things a million times a second in this world.
And so don't just feel like you have to right every wrong.
You know, sometimes you need to be like that meme where the little cartoon kind of has
his finger up, and he's like, and he's just like, who knows what I'm talking about?
Who's seen that one?
And he's like starting to say something, and then he's just like, no.
Just sometimes it's better to just not say, look, I have people come up with me all the
time.
Like sometimes there will be brand new people at church or something, it's like their first
time visiting or something, and they'll come up to me saying all kinds of wild and crazy
things.
And I'm just like smiling and nodding and just like, hey, it's great to have you here.
I'm not just like, okay, you just told me like seven things that are all wrong.
Let me just correct them all.
And I mean, you know, when we're out and about, especially out in the world, and people aren't
saved and people aren't even claiming the name of Christ in many cases, people are going
to say and do wrong things around us all the time.
We don't always have to just jump in and just fight every battle, right every wrong, die
on every hill.
Don't be a contentious person, okay?
Just learn to let things go and just move on and only choose your battles for things
that really matter, things that are important, and things when, you know, it's expedient
for the cause of Christ.
So don't be a contentious person.
Number two, where's the strife coming from?
Besides being a contentious person, being an angry person.
And we saw several verses where those two things were in tandem, the angry and contentious
woman or, you know, the angry man that stirs up strife, okay?
So contentious, number one.
Number two, people who are angry, right?
They're just angry people, just all the time.
That's a bad attribute.
You need to deal with that anger and you need to chill out, okay?
Number three, go to Proverbs chapter 25.
Number three is the tail bearer, okay?
So where is the strife and contention coming from?
None of us wants it in our life.
And if we do want it in our life, you're the person that I'm preaching against if you want
it in your life.
Am I right?
I mean, if you're like, well, no, I like to fight with my wife.
I like to fight with my...
No.
It's no.
So if we're normal people, if we're right people, we don't want this in our lives.
We want to have a peaceful home.
We want people in our house to get along.
I think 99% of people here want to have peace in their house, whether they're a mother,
a father, a child, want to have peace.
So how do we have peace in our life?
Well, we stop being contentious and froward.
When mom and dad tell us to do something, we just need to just do it.
We don't like it, do it anyway.
They make a rule we don't like, we shut up and do it anyway.
They say no to something we want, we just accept that.
Your husband says something that you don't like, let it go.
Your wife loses her temper and says something stupid, let it go.
Your husband tells you to do something that you don't like, just do it.
I mean, look, and yeah, there are sometimes when we need to fight, sometimes when we need
to hash things out, I get it.
But how many times could we just avoid conflict by just letting things go?
That way we don't have fights every day.
That way we don't have anger and contention every single day, okay?
So don't fight every battle.
Let things go.
Somebody bumps into you and then tells you to watch where you're going, you say, sorry
about that.
Who cares?
Is it really going to hurt you?
No.
And this is a good philosophy to have in your life to just be a peacemaker and avoid these
things.
Number one, the contentious person.
Number two, the angry person.
And then number three, a source of strife, according to the Bible, is the tail bearer.
What is the tail bearer?
The tail bearer, well, let's see what the scripture says.
Chapter 25, verse 8, it says, go not forth hastily to strive.
Now, isn't that what I've been saying in the sermon so far?
Hey, don't be in a hurry to fight every battle.
Don't be contentious.
Don't be argumentative.
Go not forth hastily to strive.
Hurriedly means hurriedly.
Lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof.
Why?
Because it's like the letting out of water.
It could create a flood that you're not ready to deal with.
Solve it while it's small, okay?
Lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof when thy neighbor hath put thee to shame.
Debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself and discover not a secret to another.
Lest he that heareth it put thee to shame and thine infamy turn not away.
Now, if you actually go back to the Hebrew in this, it actually means don't create unlisted
private videos when you have a problem with what your friends are doing and spread those
around secretly.
You should actually go to that person and tell him what the issue is.
No, I'm just kidding, of course.
But the point is, you know, when the Bible says, debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself
and discover not a secret to another, is that a lot of times when you have a problem
with someone, if you just go straight to that person, you can actually just resolve that,
be a peacemaker, fix the conflict, come to an understanding.
Instead of just going around and telling everybody else how offended you are and how mad you
are and what the problem is, it's better to try to fix it with that person.
Now, look, in the book of Matthew, we have, of course, the famous scripture about, you
know, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone, otherwise take two or three
witnesses.
And that's really a very abused passage because people try to apply that to every situation
and a lot of times it doesn't apply.
But what that scripture is actually teaching is that it's saying if you have a problem
with somebody that nobody else knows about, it's best to keep it that way by going directly
to that person, resolving it and not involving a bunch of other people.
That's what the Bible is saying.
Now, if something's already public and it's already out there, it's like, well, did you
go privately to that person?
It's already public.
It's already out there.
It's already a big stink.
It's a common report, as the apostle Paul said, you know, in 1 Corinthians 5.
Then it needs to be dealt with publicly.
It's too late once the cat's out of the bag at that point.
But in our life, there are many situations where it's just a problem between us and one
other person.
We need to keep it that way.
Go there.
Give a soft answer.
Try to calm things down.
Try to talk that person off the ledge.
Try to make things right.
And then the purpose of bringing the two or three witnesses is, you know, if sometimes
you can't talk sense into someone, you know, if you bring in a mediator or you bring in
two or three witnesses, every word can be established.
We can make sure that, you know, nobody's lying about what was said.
You know, you bring in as a record.
But the whole point there is just to resolve it between those three or four people.
Okay.
Why?
So that everything doesn't have to come before the whole church.
So that everything doesn't have to come and become a big stink in front of everybody.
That's what that is teaching.
So when the Bible says, debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself and discover, discover
means uncover in this context, discover not a secret to another.
He's saying, if you have a problem with somebody, take it to that person and resolve it.
And you know, those of you that follow all the drama that goes on in the line and everything,
you know, well, I had a pastor friend, a friend of mine, I use that word very loosely.
Okay.
A pastor friend of mine, you know, come to me with an issue that he had six months ago.
He didn't like the fact that I made that going back to the Greek movie.
He didn't like the fact that I was friends with a local pastor here who is an independent
Baptist, but he's a Calvinist, so he's reformed Baptist or whatever.
And obviously he and I disagree on a lot of doctrine, but we're friends.
He's a brother in Christ.
He's saved.
He's King James.
This guy had a problem with me about that.
And he actually wrote to me an email where he said, Hey, I loved your movie.
It was great.
And I'll just name the name, Pastor Michael Johnson, those who know about it.
He wrote me an email and said, Hey, you know, um, I love your movie.
It was inspiring.
It was a great movie, very effective.
He just went on and on about how great it was.
And he said, you know, the only issue I have with it is, you know, I don't approve of having
that other pastor in there that's a Calvinist, but he said, I'm not going to fight you on
it because he said, you know, it's a great movie, but I'm not going to do anything to
undermine this movie.
I'm not going to go against this movie in any way.
And I'm just going to totally drop this, you know, but I just want you to know, I'm not
going to promote the film because of that issue that I have.
I'm just going to drop it, but, but all the while he's been secretly, and that was the
only communication we had about this was him telling me how great the movie is.
He has an issue with it.
That's why he's not going to recommend the movie, but that I'm not going to do anything
to undermine it.
I'm not going to do anything with it.
And then he has this secret YouTube channel and a secret anonymous unlisted videos.
And he's just been on a phone campaign.
Like everybody I've ever known practically has called me and said, yeah, he called me
too to talk bad about you.
And he's just been on a phone campaign.
He's calling pastor Aaron Thompson and he's calling pastor McMurtry.
He's calling pastor Manley Perry.
He called a pastor, Rocky Randall, you know, he called just layman filmmakers, just everybody.
He's just calling to talk bad about me after he told, but to my face it was, Oh yeah, everything's
great.
Everything's cool.
See what I, that, that is a tailbearer.
That is a backstabber.
That is a snake.
Okay.
I'm just going to call it out for what it is.
Now look, if you have a problem with somebody, you tell them to their face, you know, I'd
rather have somebody just walk up my face and say, Hey, I'm mad at you.
Hey, you're wrong.
I don't like you.
You know, I, I'd rather have somebody just come up to me and say, I don't like you, pastor
Anderson.
And I've had people say that to me.
And sometimes I've even said, Hey, I, I like you anyway.
I'm sorry.
You don't like me, but you know, that's a lot worse than the person who just flatters
you and tells you that you're, that you're their friend and says all these nice things
to you and then lies about you and stabs you in the back.
Okay.
And by the way, you know, I, I called this guy out publicly and they're like, you're
backbiting.
Really?
Because last time I checked, backbiting takes place behind someone's back.
Does everybody understand that?
I just, you know, let's, let's learn the definition of words here.
Backbiting isn't done in the front, it's done in the back.
All right.
Now look, it calling out hypocrisy, lying wickedness, someone who basically used me,
who's preaching to a tiny audience, then hitches their wagon to the faithful word train and
now they're suddenly preaching to thousands of people all the while going behind my back,
flattering me to my face.
And this is what this Michael Johnson weasel is, flattering me to my face and then going
around behind my back, calling every pastor friend I have, calling laymen, calling everybody,
making private unlisted secret videos.
That's backbiting.
Me calling him out for the lying little weasel that he is, that's not backbiting.
That's a public open to the face rebuke.
Well go to him privately.
Really?
Because he's already involved hundreds of people.
Before I even found this out a few days ago, he'd already involved hundreds of people.
So what do you do at that point?
You have to address it publicly when hundreds of people have been involved by his own little
slimy self.
So what does the Bible say?
It says in verse nine, debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself and discover not a secret
to another, lest he that heareth it, that's Pastor Anderson, put thee to shame and thine
infamy turn not away.
Oh, you're ruining this guy's reputation.
Well, you know what?
That's what you get.
You want me to make you famous?
Well now you're famous for being a backstabber, you know, and somebody just wants to use me
to get famous.
Well you're famous now.
Good job.
Go to chapter 26.
Chapter 26 verse 20 says, where no wood is, the fire goeth out.
So where there is no tale bearer, the strife ceaseth.
So you know, let's say there's a conflict, there's a dispute, people have a disagreement.
And look, lots of people disagreed with me about making that film.
Lots of people disagreed with my friendship with a reformed Baptist pastor.
I get that.
And you know what?
Everybody who said to me that they disagree with me, you know what I said to them?
I said, hey, I totally see where you're coming from.
I get it.
I completely understand.
And that doesn't offend me at all because I can totally see where you're coming from.
That's what I told these people that had a problem with it.
And I said, look, I get why you have a problem with it.
I understand how you feel and I respect your opinion.
But you know what?
I don't share your opinion.
I think I am doing the right thing here.
And so this is what I'm going to do, even though you disagree.
That's okay.
Okay.
And you know what?
With most people, that was the end of it.
It's like they have an opinion.
They express that opinion to me.
I have an opinion.
I express my opinion to them.
And you know, sometimes you agree to disagree people, right?
Look, I guarantee you that everybody in this church disagrees with me on something.
There is nobody in this church who agrees with me on every single thing.
I can promise you that.
We're all human beings.
So we're going to have different opinions.
And look, I'm going to do stuff that you don't like.
I'm going to say stuff that you don't like.
Sometimes I say and do stuff that I don't like.
I mean, isn't that what the apostle Paul said?
He said I do stuff I hate.
Look, sometimes I go home after preaching a sermon and think, you know, I think I went
a little too far in that sermon.
Sometimes I go home and think, man, I don't like the way that sermon came out.
So if you go home every once in a while and don't like one of my sermons, I feel the same
way sometimes.
Sometimes I don't like my own sermons, okay?
But what you have is people expecting the pastor to be perfect or to be exactly what
you want.
It's not going to happen.
And you know what I find funny is they're like, you contradicted yourself.
You said this five years ago and now you said this.
Look, here's a little secret.
If you listen to the last 14 years of my preaching over 2,000 hours of sermons, you're going
to find contradictions.
You will find contradictions in my preaching.
Well, how can we trust anything that you say?
Don't.
Trust the Word of God.
Okay, if I'm going to get up and preach for three hours a week and never contradict myself,
then that would make me God.
It's like, ah, I gotcha.
Folks, look, when people come to me and they're mad about a decision I made, they don't like
something that I preach, you know, oftentimes I tell them, hey, I totally see where you're
coming from.
It's a gray area.
It's a difficult decision.
I see where there are scriptures that would back up your point of view, but you know what?
Here's what I think.
Here's my opinion.
And you know what?
We often just end peacefully, even if we don't agree, of just saying, hey, you know what?
I love you anyway.
You did something I don't like, but I love you anyway.
But here's the problem is where the tail bearer comes in and goes around something that was
already resolved six months ago, something that everybody said their piece.
We all talked about it.
People had their opinions.
Some people felt this way.
And then you got the tail bearer that just goes around, well, what about this?
What about this?
And just creating more strife because they want the fight to continue instead of just
letting people walk away.
And you know, I don't want to spend the whole morning on this Michael Johnson thing, but
just tell me that this isn't the weirdest thing ever in the world.
The guy, while he's secretly attacking me, spreading all these videos that are all unlisted,
anonymous secret videos attacking me, he comes out here to go on a camping trip with
my family and with other pastors and our families, he comes out and fellowships with
us during this big nothing but smiles and he's my best buddy and whatever.
He comes to our skating rink, roller rink activity, okay?
And while he's there, you know, the Reformed Baptist pastor was there.
So people, you know, some people shook his hand.
You can imagine that, okay?
Couple weeks later or a week later or whatever, Manly Perry's calling pastors on the phone.
Hey brother, how did it feel to shake hands with a Calvinist?
How did it feel to shake hands with a Calvinist?
What kind of backbiting, tail bearing garbage?
Like Michael Johnson's just there as a spy so he can catch pastors shaking Dane Johansson's
hand so that they can say like, hey, hey, uh, Manly Perry, hey buddy, did you know that
Aaron Thompson shook Dane Johansson's hand?
Oh, let me call it, how did it feel to shake Calvinist's hand?
And you know, people act like, why am I even bringing this up?
Why should I have to put up with this?
Why should I have to put up with people pretending to be my friends so that they can fill their
churches up with my listeners and have a platform to preach to thousands of people while that's
how they're acting?
They're spying on me because I'm trying to just reach out to somebody who's not like
us and try to help him and be his friend and, you know, I like the guy.
I don't care if people like it or not and you don't have to agree with me.
But you know, at least have the decency to just debate your cause with me alone and not
discover things to someone else.
Okay.
That's just weird.
And I'm not going to just sit back and you know what, maybe you say, why do you do this?
So that others can fear as well because you know what, I don't want these kinds of friends.
So if people want to be my friends so they can spy on me and, and go around lying about
me and maligning me to other people, well then you know what, then they're going to
get called out.
What does the Bible say?
I mean, it's just, you're going to be put to shame.
Look at verse 20, where no wood is the fire go without.
So where there's no tail bearer, the strife ceaseth.
As coals are to burning coals and wood to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife.
The words of a tail bearer as wounds, they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.
Burning lips and a wicked heart are like a potsherd covered with silver dross.
He that hateth dissembleth with his lips and layeth up deceit within him.
When he speaketh fair, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart
whose hatred is covered by deceit, his wickedness shall be showed before the whole congregation.
Now look, you could take that verse one of two ways, either descriptive or prescriptive
when it says he that covereth his hatred with deceit, his wickedness shall be showed before
the whole congregation.
But you know what?
It's not going to happen one way or the other, you know?
If you go around backbiting, tail-bearing, pretending to be someone's friend and then
talking bad about them behind the back, eventually it's going to come out and eventually you're
going to have egg on your face when you practice this.
Okay, it says, whoso dig at the pit shall fall therein.
He that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him.
A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it and a flattering mouth worketh ruin.
Go if you would to chapter 16 of Proverbs.
While you're turning there, the Bible says in Proverbs 18, a fool's lips enter into contention
and his mouth called for strokes.
A fool's mouth is his destruction and his lips are the snare of his soul.
The words of a tail-bearer has wounds and they go down into the innermost parts of the
belly.
Now when we talk about this tail-bearing or gossip, backbiting, a lot of times social
media often gets all the blame.
You know, if it just weren't for that darn Facebook, we wouldn't have all this tail-bearing,
gossip, and backbiting.
What if I told you that those things existed before the internet was even in existence?
You know what I mean?
Like everybody just wants to blame Facebook and just, oh, it's just this darn social media.
Really?
This has been going on since long before social media.
And by the way, when I think about some of the people that personally have stabbed me
in the back, it's often been people who love to pontificate about how they don't use social
media.
Oh, man, I don't use social media.
Oh, man, Facebook's so wicked and all the gossip and all that.
But you know why a lot of these people shy away from Facebook?
Because then there's a paper trail of their actions.
That's why they don't like it.
Because they'd rather pick up the phone and gossip.
And look, even before telephones were in existence, gossip was around.
Am I right?
I mean, there were no telephones in the Bible days.
And you know what the Bible says that women who gossiped would do back in those days?
It said they would go from house to house.
So even without a telephone, even without Facebook, even without the internet, what
did they do?
They just physically went over to people's houses.
They physically took people aside and said, hey, did you hear about so-and-so?
Hey, man, what do you think about this?
Oh, how about this?
So we can't just have this cop-out of just blaming it all on social media.
At least social media is a little bit more public.
That's why a lot of backfires avoid it.
Now, look, there are a lot of reasons to avoid social media because it is the biggest time
waster on the planet.
Some people do need to scale back their social media if they get addicted to it and just
spend a bunch of time.
It can definitely waste your time.
But you know what?
It is not the cause of tail-bearing and backbiting.
Oh, no.
The cause is the sinful heart of man.
And it existed before social media, and if social media ever goes away, it will exist
after social media because it isn't the problem.
That's like saying, you know, guns kill people or something.
You know what I mean?
The same person who's going to use social media to backbite is going to do the same
thing outside of social media.
You know, it's just that's not the issue.
The Bible says in verse 27 of chapter 16, an ungodly man diggeth up evil, and in his
lips there is as a burning fire a froward man so with strife, and a whisperer separateth
cheap friends.
You know, like calling my friend, Rocky Randall, who I've been friends with for six years,
and we run together and stuff, and he's going to call him and say, hey, what do you think
about what Pastor Anderson's doing?
It's like, what?
What does that have to do with anything?
Nothing.
Number one, we have the contentious froward person.
Number two, we have the angry person that's always getting in strife because any time
somebody says or does something they don't like, they lose their temper, just blowing
up every day.
Okay, the angry person, then there's the tail bearer, number three, right, that goes around
and basically, you know, people have an issue that they resolve, they fix it, they talk
about it face to face.
The tail bearer goes around and tries to keep like stoking that fire, you know, and like
something that's already been dealt with, they keep bringing it up and stirring the
coals and kind of fanning the flames, right?
That's what the Bible says.
You know, where no wood is, the fire go without.
But the tail bearer keeps the fire going, right?
They just keep fanning the flames and just keep on creating strife, contention, bickering,
fussing, et cetera.
Number four, the prideful person, the prideful person.
Look at chapter 13 verse 10.
Chapter 13 verse 10 says, we're in Proverbs all morning, if you haven't noticed.
Chapter 13 verse 10, only by pride cometh contention, but with the well advised it is
wisdom.
So let's go back to the home, okay?
Only by pride cometh contention.
So if you have a lot of fighting in your house, if there's a lot of fighting between husband
and wife, if there's constant fighting with the children, with each other, with you, if
your house is a place that's not peaceful, pride is one of the major sources of this
because the Bible says only by pride cometh contention, right?
So is it possible to have a whole bunch of contention without pride being involved?
No.
Pride is going to be a factor.
That's what the Bible is saying.
Only by pride cometh contention.
Now why is this?
Because of the fact that what we talked about earlier in the sermon where you don't like
something, you don't agree with something, somebody says something wrong, somebody bumps
into you, somebody eats the last of the dinner, someone, you know, just says something in
the wrong tone of voice.
How can we often diffuse that, just let it go, right?
Isn't that what we're saying?
Like don't fight every battle, just kind of, and then hold your tongue.
But see, a prideful person can't do that because they have to show that they're right.
They have to prove that they're right all the time.
Well if you have a husband that's hell-bent on proving that he's right and a wife that's
hell-bent on proving that she's right, do you see how this could turn into a big fight,
big contention, big strike, and how it could go on for one hour, two hours, three hours,
days, weeks, right?
Because it's like I'm not going to back down.
But see, a humble person can actually just take the blame when it's not their fault.
I mean what did Jesus do when he died on the cross for us?
He basically took the blame for the sins of mankind.
Did he commit any of those sins?
But yet he took the punishment, right?
So basically, let's say there's some big strife and friction between you and someone else
in the family, you know, you can basically just act like they're right.
And I don't mean in a patronizing way like, oh yeah, well, okay, you're right, you know.
I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about just for the sake of peace, for the sake of getting along, just saying
something along the lines of, you know what, you know what, I'm sorry.
Let's just, you know, I shouldn't have said that.
Let's just move on.
And a lot of times that can just end it like that.
Or you can spend the next three hours proving that you're right.
Is it worth it?
Is it worth it to make yourself angry, to make your spouse angry, to make your kids,
you know, you're just hiding in the bedroom, crying and, you know, drawing pictures of
parrots screaming at each other, you know, or whatever.
I'm just saying it's not worth it, right?
You know, sometimes, if it's just something dumb, if it's just something minor, if it's
not something that really matters, why not just say, okay, you know what, I'm sorry.
And you know what you'll find is that a lot of times when you do that, when you say, you
know what, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it.
You know what you'll find?
A lot of times the other person will say, no, no, no, it was me.
You know what I mean?
A soft answer turns away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.
So don't be a prideful person who always has to be right and they have to die on every
hill and they have to fix everything and right every wrong.
Only by pride cometh contention.
Some things are worth contending.
Contend for the faith once delivered to the saints, okay.
But you know what?
Some things are petty and they end up being the biggest fights.
Sometimes it's the pettiest, dumbest thing.
I mean, if we were to think back over, you know, different strife and fights we've had,
a lot of times it was over dumb things that didn't matter, you know.
And there's no use crying over spilled milk, right?
But a lot of people literally spilled milk will become a huge fight to them.
Who spilled it?
Why was it left so close to the edge of the table?
Why did you fill his glass so full when you know he's a little kid?
I mean, you know, you could just, you know, you can always try to, or you can just clean
it up and who cares and enjoy life, all right?
Go if you would to chapter 17 of Proverbs, chapter 17, almost done here.
So number one, where does, you know, where does all this strife and contention and debate
come from?
Number one, it just comes from contentious people, people who just love to argue and
fight, they're just argumentative contrarian people, we've all known people like that.
Number two, it comes from angry people, people who are just always mad all the time.
Every little thing makes them mad, they have a bad temper, they have no self-control, and
they're just always in a bad mood, angry, upset, whatever.
Don't be an angry person.
Number three, it comes from tale bearers, they're like the catalyst that keeps conflict
going, you know.
There will be some, some maybe legitimate contention, some legitimate strife, some legitimate
debate over something, and then, but the tale bearer wants to just jump in and seize
on that and foment that.
And look, we see this in the home as well, where you'll have a couple kids have a conflict
and then another kid could take them aside and say, hey, do you know what he said about
you after you left the room, or do you know what's going, you know, hey, do you know,
what about, hey, did you know that that toy is, you know, is something he doesn't even
normally play with?
You know, just all, you know, just basically the one who tries to just kind of stir it
up and fan the place, and you'll see this tale bearer type child just sit back enjoying
the carnage when they're able to create conflict.
And they're often not even involved in the conflict, they're often just kind of on the
sidelines and so they're not getting any of the spankings or anything, they're just kind
of like enjoying their handiwork.
You know, they go around sewing discord, sewing strife, creating conflict, and then they just
kind of sit back and watch it.
You know, that's wicked.
And you know, when you see adults doing that, it's just that their parents didn't teach
them and they're acting like a child, okay?
We should not thrive on getting people to fight each other and then just sitting back
and enjoying it, you know, we should seek for peace, the Bible says, okay?
So the tale bearer.
But number four, the prideful person, right, the person who always has to be right and
they have to basically right every wrong and fix everything and any time somebody says
something that's incorrect, they jump on it because they're a know-it-all and they're
pride.
The Bible says in chapter, where did I have you turn?
Did we read it yet?
Okay, chapter 17 verse 19 says, he that loveth transgression, he loveth, watch this, he loveth
transgression that loveth strife and he that exalted his gate seeketh destruction.
Isn't it interesting how the guy who loves strife is the same guy who exalts his gate?
He exalts himself, he's prideful and he loves strife.
Now why does he love transgression?
Because transgression is a source of strife.
So he loves it.
Basically like if he can catch Pastor Anderson screwing up, he loves that because now he
can create the strife that he's been wanting to create.
And look, if someone's just waiting in the wings for me to screw up, they're not going
to have to wait long because I'm human.
They're going to catch me saying something wrong or doing something wrong and then basically
they're ready to just jump on that, right?
Or let's go back to the home.
You know, if you're just waiting for your wife to do something you don't like so that
you can bite her head off, you're probably not going to have to wait long for your wife
to say or do the wrong thing.
Or if you're just waiting for your husband to say or do the wrong thing so you can jump
down his throat, you're not going to have to wait long.
If you're just waiting for your sibling to make a mistake so that you can go run and
tell mom and dad, mom, dad, you know, and you delight in that.
You know, the Bible says that we should not rejoice in iniquity, but he loveth transgression
and loveth strife.
I mean, he loves it when the people around him mess up.
He loves it when he can catch someone sinning because then he gets to make a big deal out
of it.
If he catches someone sinning, he can make a big stink.
He loves it.
And isn't it interesting he's the same guy who exalts his gate because he's a prideful
person.
Look at verse 20.
He that hath a froward heart findeth no good.
They find the bad in everything.
Instead of seeing the good things, instead of finding the good in other people, instead
of focusing on things that are good, he doesn't find any good, he finds everything wrong with
people around him.
He finds everything that his siblings and his spouse did wrong and picks a fight with
them.
He doesn't find any good.
And then Proverbs 28, 25 says he that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife, but he that
putteth his trust in the Lord shall be made fat.
Some of you have put a lot of trust in the Lord.
No, I'm just kidding.
But anyway, when the, you know, the Bible talks about being made fat is a positive thing
because it's basically saying, you know, you got the money to get all that food, you know,
you're being blessed.
All right.
It was before, you know, modern times we have a different view of fatness than they did
back then.
But lastly is the envious person.
Okay.
As I said, number one, the contentious person, number two, the angry person.
These are things we want to get out of our lives.
Number three, the tail bearer.
Number four is the prideful person.
Then number five is the envious person.
Now, envy and pride are closely related.
Envy is when they hate you because they ain't you.
All right.
Envy is when you look at someone else and you wish you were them or you wish you had
what they have.
You wish that you had the success that they had or the money that they had or the friends
that they have, the spouse that they have, whatever.
That's envy is when we look at other people and wish that we had what they have.
Now, turn if you would to Philippians chapter one.
And while you're turning there, Luke 22, 24 says this, there was also a strife among them
which of them should be accounted the greatest.
Now you see there that among the apostles when they were immature in their faith and
Jesus was still teaching them and training them, they had a fight about who was going
to be the greatest.
Now that's the wrong kind of strife.
That's the wrong kind of contention about how you're the best.
Then this is obviously pride and envy when you're fighting about who's going to be the
best.
And sadly, there are some people who actually go into ministry because of their ego.
And they even serve the Lord because of their ego and because of pride and because of envy.
Look what the Bible says in Philippians 1 verse 15.
Some indeed preach Christ even of envy and strife and some also of good will.
The one preached Christ of contention, not sincerely, supposing to add affliction to
my bonds, but the other of love knowing that I am set for the defense of the gospel.
What then?
Notwithstanding every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is preached and I there
and do rejoice, yea and will rejoice.
So the apostle Paul's looking on the bright side here.
He's saying, look, there are people out there who are preaching Christ.
They're going soul winning.
And if you would turn to Isaiah 58, but they're going soul winning.
They're preaching the gospel, not because of any sincere reason, but they're actually
doing it just like, hey, look at me.
They're doing it for ego.
They're doing it for pride.
They're doing it to strive and point out, hey, you're not doing it.
I am.
Look how I'm better than you.
Right?
There are people out there who do the right things for the wrong reason.
And Jesus warned about people who just everything's to be seen of men.
Anything they do is so that they can get accolades from other people.
And it says people are preaching Christ of contention.
And then the apostle Paul just tries to look on the bright side and says, well, hey, I'm
just glad that they're out preaching the gospel because at least people are hearing the gospel.
Even if there are some people that have the wrong motives, at least people are hearing
about Jesus.
He's just trying to find the silver lining there.
But the Bible says in Isaiah 58 verse three, wherefore have we fasted, say they, and thou
seeest not.
Wherefore have we afflicted our soul, and thou takest no knowledge.
Behold, in the day of your fast you find pleasure and exact all your labors.
And then look at verse four, behold, you fast for strife and debate.
Isn't that interesting?
You're fasting for strife and debate and to smite with the fist of wickedness.
You shall not fast as you do this day to make your voice to be heard on high.
He's saying, look, if we fast, it should be between us and the Lord.
That's why Jesus later is gonna teach, hey, when you fast, don't tell anyone you're fasting.
Don't make other people think you're fasting.
Anoint your head, wash your face, perk up, and don't act like you're fasting.
Because the Bible's saying there are people who are fasting just for strife, just for
debate, just for contention, just for envy, just to pick a fight with, just look at me.
Look what I'm doing.
What's wrong with you?
And just for their ego to be seen of men.
And then we'll close in James chapter three.
Go to James chapter three.
While you're turning there, Proverbs 3, 30 says, strive not with a man without cause.
If you've done thee no harm.
Proverbs 20, verse three, it's honor for a man to cease from strife, but every fool will
be meddling.
First Corinthians 3, three, for yet are ye carnal, for whereas there is among you envying
and strife and divisions, are ye not carnal and walk as men?
So how many verses have we seen this morning telling you strife is bad, contentions bad,
debate bad, right, envying, all of this fighting, bickering, fussing, arguing is bad, is what
the Bible's saying.
We should avoid this stuff.
How do we avoid it?
Well, I'm giving you five ways to avoid it this morning, okay?
Look at James here in verse 13 of chapter three.
Who is a wise man and a dude with knowledge among you?
Let him show out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.
But if you have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not and lie not against
the truth.
This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.
For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle and easy to be
entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.
That's who we want to be.
We want to be people who win souls in peace.
We want to make peace.
We want to get along and have a peaceful home.
Now look, this is not a sermon saying never fight.
My goal is not to never fight.
I mean, you know what?
Sometimes we need to fight.
There are times when we have to fight for doctrine.
We have to have a fight in the church.
Sometimes a fight needs to happen.
Sometimes a fight in our family needs to happen.
There are some things that are worth fighting for.
There are some times when God says earnestly contend for the faith.
There are some times when the Bible says we have to stand our ground and we have to draw
the line in the sand and as for me and my house, we're going to serve the Lord.
There are times when the Bible talks about false teachers, false prophets and says rebuke
them sharply.
Rebuke them sharply.
There are times when the Bible says them that sin rebuke before all that others.
There are times when people need to be exposed, when fights need to happen.
But let me tell you something.
Ending strife, contention, bickering, most of it is carnal.
Most of it is carnal.
We don't want to just take a carte blanche and say, well, you know, the Bible says fight
the good fight and that's just what I do every day.
It's like whoa there.
We need to balance that.
What about all the Bible's teaching about avoiding contention?
I mean did we just look at a few verses this morning or did we look at a lot of scripture?
You know, I have about 60 scriptures in this outline that we just went over, about 60 verses
that specifically deal with the subject of getting along with people and not being argumentative.
Now you want a New Year's resolution?
I'll give you a New Year's resolution.
Why don't you make your home a more peaceful place in 2020?
I don't care if you're living with your brothers and sisters.
And look, you kids, you listen up kids.
This is for you too.
You little children, you need to start learning now how to get along with people.
I don't care if it's your brothers and sisters.
I don't care if it's your mom and dad.
I don't care if it's your children, your spouse, people, you know.
You need to decide that in 2020 you're going to have a peaceful home.
And you are going to do the best that you can to keep the peace in your home and to
have a nice, peaceful atmosphere in your home.
Because God said it's pleasant when brethren dwell together in unity.
And we often apply that to brethren as in Christianity, but how about literal brethren,
literal brothers and sisters?
Isn't it good when they dwell together in unity too?
We all love it when we look over and our kids are all playing nicely with each other.
We take a picture and we get excited about that.
We like that, okay.
Why don't you decide that you're going to start biting your tongue when your wife says
something you don't like and just saying, you know what, Father forgive her.
She knows not what she does.
Or biting your tongue when your husband says something you don't like and saying, Father
forgive him.
He knows not what he does.
And just not, or just saying, you know what, or just ask yourself, does this really matter
who finished the yogurt, you know, or who didn't refill the toilet paper holder or who's
squeezing the toothpaste from the middle instead of the back?
Like is this really what life is about?
Like look, we all have little things that annoy us, don't we?
You know, we go to use the bathroom, the toilet paper roll is empty.
Or somebody put it on backwards where it's coming off the, that's the wrong way.
It rolls over the top, okay.
Toilet paper must roll over the top.
Who's with me?
Amen.
All right.
None of this backwards stuff.
You know, we all have little things that irritate us, the toothpaste will scream, but how hard
is it to just go up to the toothpaste and just fix it?
How hard is it to just get a roll of toilet paper and just put it there?
Do you have to yell like, who did this?
You know, you just, hey, you just uninstall the toilet paper and you put it on right.
And if thy brother seven times in a day turns it the wrong way, then seven times a day you
just put it back the right way.
Seven times 70.
All right.
Just let things go.
You don't have to announce every time you find something in the house that isn't right.
You don't have to make a big announcement.
Somebody left their dirty clothes in, just pick them up and put them in the hamper.
Am I right?
And just you're saving your throat, you're saving everybody's nerves, like everybody
can be happy and peaceful.
You know what I mean?
You're not making a big deal about everything.
Let things go.
It's the glory to pass over a transgression, you know, and just let it go and just not
fixate on every little, I just hate it when my husband says this, why don't you just sit
down and just say, you know, that's something that my husband says and he's going to keep
saying it and he's just going to keep doing it and you know what, I love him anyway and
I'm just going to start ignoring it, right?
Or, you know, my wife, she always nags me about this one thing, she's going to keep
doing it until I die and I'm okay with that.
Or maybe just whatever she keeps bugging about, why don't you just do it for her?
You know, if it's not a big deal, now look, sometimes, you know, your wife might want
something that you can't afford or something.
I'm not saying, hey, just give her what she wants, you know.
Giving your kids everything they want isn't the answer.
Giving your wife everything she wants isn't the answer.
Doing, you know, that's not the point, but the point is sometimes we can just give someone
what they want and it's not a big deal.
Why don't we just try to make other people around us happy and keep the peace?
And when people say stuff we don't like, ignore it.
People do stuff we don't like, ignore it and just choose your battles, okay?
I think this is something that probably affects everyone because I guarantee you, if you don't
and you say, well, I already have a peaceful home, what about at work?
You know, what about at church?
What about in the neighborhood?
Look, you know, when my neighbors are blasting loud music and I don't like it, it doesn't
bother me, you know what I do?
I just shove earplugs in my ears and just roll over and go to sleep.
You know what I mean?
It's just like, and I understand sometimes, you know, okay, they're keeping the kids up
and sometimes you have to deal with things, I get that, but you know what, I try hard
to be at peace with my neighbors because the last thing you want to do is have some Hatfields
and McCoy thing going on with your next door neighbor.
And I love my next door neighbor and I hope that we can just grow old together with these
neighbors, you know, because they're just, because my neighbor's cool and I think that's
a big blessing and I live on the corner so I only have one neighbor and he's cool.
Life is good, but you know what, sometimes, you know, you got that, you got that Hispanic
family down the street that every week they're having a quinceañera in their backyard and
it's just like, but you know what, it's not like it's some wild drunk party over there.
Usually those quinceañeras are pretty mild, aren't they?
They could be doing, they're not snorting Coke over there and they're not, you know
what I mean?
They're not vandalizing anything.
It's like, so what?
Right?
You don't have to go over there and right every wrong.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Everybody's just like, ugh.
I'm just saying I want to get along with my neighbors.
I want to get along with my family.
I want to get along with you in the church and you know what, if the standard for us
getting along is that you agree with and like everything I do, we're not going to get along
and you're not going to get along with your spouse like that.
And you know what, by the way, you know what my mom told me when I was a little kid?
And you kids need to listen up to this.
My mom told me this.
She said, you know what?
If you don't learn how to get along with your sister, you won't get along with your wife.
That's what she, who's ever had their parent tell them that?
Well, you guys need to step up the parenting because I always saw two hands go up.
All right?
But I'm serious.
I mean, my mom used to tell me, she would say, hey, if you're going to fight with your
sister Lisa all the time, you're not going to go along with your wife either.
And I remember thinking to myself, that's not true.
My mom is so wrong.
My wife and I are never going to have any conflict because we're just going to be in
love, you know?
And I'm not going to marry someone like Lisa, you know what I mean?
That's what you're thinking.
But you know what?
You know what though?
My mom was right.
My mom was 100% right.
Okay.
And you know what?
I thank God that I got things right with my parents and I got things right with my siblings
before I got married.
Okay.
And I still had a lot of fights when I got married because, you know, we're human.
Everybody's human.
Okay.
So the point is, you need to learn to be at peace with the people around you.
When I was a teenager, I had all kinds of fighting with my parents and I thought it
was their fault.
When I was a teenager, I thought my dad was the problem.
And he, I remember thinking my dad's impossible to get along with.
But you know what?
I learned how to get along with my dad.
And guess whose fault?
It was my fault.
I was the problem.
And it turned out that when I started doing things the way my dad wanted me to do them,
he actually turned out to be really easy to get along with.
He actually, when I was 18, 19 years old, 20 years old, he would bend over backwards
to help me out and do stuff for me.
Okay.
The person who just a few years earlier, I felt like, this guy's impossible to please.
You know, I'm just getting yelled at every day.
Yeah, you're getting yelled at every day because you're being an idiot.
Okay.
So the point is, you know, quit blaming everybody else.
Oh, it's my sister, it's my brother, you know.
You know what?
Hey, learn to get along with your siblings.
Learn to get along with your parents.
And you know what?
When you get married, you'll have already been practicing how to get along because I
know you think that Hollywood is reality, but guess what?
When you get married, you and your wife are going to annoy each other sometimes.
I guarantee you that I do things that annoy my wife, she does things that annoy me, but
you know what?
We love each other and we get along and have peace because over the years we've learned
just hey, we're not perfect, let things go, choose your battles.
You know what I'm saying?
And so every child in this room, every adult in this room, you need to apply this somewhere
in life, I guarantee you, and work on being a peacemaker, not a contentious person.
Let's bow your heads and have a word of prayer.
Father, we thank you so much for your word, Lord, and thank you for these practical things
that we can apply to our lives, Lord.
And Lord, I just pray that everybody who hears this sermon doesn't just try to apply it to
someone else.
Oh, man, too bad my brother isn't here to hear this, or too bad my wife isn't here today.
Lord, help us to apply this to ourselves and to realize that the majority of the time we
have the power to fix the strife in our home.
Lord, help us to do our level best to have peace in our homes, peace in the church, peace
with the brothers and sisters in Christ that are outside the church.
Help us to strive to live peaceably with all men, whether it's work, neighborhood, Lord,
help us not to be sources of strife and contention.
And Lord, when the tail-bearer comes to us and tries to foment strife and friction, Lord,
help us to try to do the exact opposite by trying to set people at one again, as Moses
did, and trying to resolve conflict and create peace.
In Jesus' name we pray.