Now, this morning I want to preach on a subject that I haven't done a whole sermon on in quite
a long time, actually, but it's a subject that's pretty important, especially in the
day in which we live, and that subject has to do with dating and singles and how they
should live their lives.
It's something that I haven't really done a whole sermon on.
Obviously, I've done a lot of sermons that touched on fornication and the things that
need to be avoided, but a lot of people have a lot of really ungodly ideas in the world
that we live because it's just, we've become so removed from what the Bible teaches that
when you start talking about biblical principles in regard to subjects like this, a lot of
people think that it's extreme or fanatical just because our world has become so permissive
and licentious and so forth.
And I don't want to spend a whole lot of time on the first point just because it's something
that I've covered in a lot of other sermons, but God does demand purity of his people.
The Bible says, for this is the will of God, even your sanctification that you should abstain
from fornication.
And again, I can go on and on, over and over again.
There are just scores of scriptures in the New Testament that condemn fornication, that
tell us that we need to be pure until we're married, and that the relationship that takes
place within marriage needs to be kept within marriage only between one man and one woman
till death do them part.
And the Bible says, marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers
and adulterers God will judge.
So I don't want to spend too much time on that point, but if you would turn to 1 Corinthians
chapter number 7, and let's look at some principles on this from the Bible.
I think that a lot of people that are in a position where they're single, where they're
living alone, are in a very dangerous position where they're open to a lot of temptation.
And there's a lot of temptation constantly being put in front of us today in 2015, whether
it's through TV, magazines, billboards, and just being out and about, because people don't
dress right, and it's just really hard today to be pure.
But God still demands it, and it is not impossible, and it is what God expects us to strive toward.
Now in 1 Corinthians 7 verse 1, the Bible reads,
Now concerning the things wherever you wrote unto me, it is good for a man not to touch
a woman, nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every
woman have her own husband.
Jump down to verse 7, it says,
For I would that all men were even as I myself.
Now this is Paul talking, and Paul is a single man, he's not married.
So he says, I would that all men were even as I myself, but every man hath his proper
gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as
I, meaning remain single, but if they cannot contain, let them marry, for it is better
to marry than to burn.
And so what Paul is saying here is that, you know what, being single does have advantages,
and people can really focus on serving God, but he says not everyone has that gift.
Every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.
And let me say this, the vast majority of people are better off being married, and that
is what the Bible teaches from Genesis to Revelation.
It says it's not good for the man to be alone.
You know, I'll make an help meet for him, and that's why God even created Eve.
Now there are some people, like an apostle Paul, who can just devote themselves to serving
God and doing great works for him, and they're not encumbered with being married.
But that is a small minority, and the Bible is real clear that it's better to marry than
to burn, and the burning there is talking about burning with lust.
That's a term that's used throughout the New Testament.
And so, then to be burning in lust, but unfulfilled, that's not how God wants us to live our life,
okay?
So he says it's better to marry than to burn.
Some people have that gift of God where, you know, to them it's just not a big deal being
single and they can handle that temptation.
But again, I believe it's a very small minority.
I think 99% of men, you know, are made to be married, and that's the answer to the fornication
and lust problems that we see.
A lot of people have come to me and said, you know, oh, you know, I struggle with temptation
and struggling with, you know, the temptation to fornicate or temptations with pornography
or temptations with lust and, you know, what do I do?
And they have all these solutions, but they don't talk about the biblical solution, which
is to get married.
That's the biblical solution to the problem.
Now, a lot of people will attack me for saying that and say, that's just so wicked and ungodly
to say that, you know, that the purpose of getting married is to avoid fornication.
But isn't that exactly what the Bible says?
That's what it teaches, okay?
This is just realistic.
This is just biblical teaching from the Bible.
Whether people like it or not, it's God's word.
So God demands purity, and it's better to marry than to burn.
That's what the Bible says, okay?
And to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife.
And to avoid fornication, let every woman have her own husband.
Now, unfortunately, there are some people who have already been married and been divorced,
and now they're in a situation where it would be sinful for them to marry someone else.
Look what the Bible says in verse number 10, and again, I don't want to spend too much
time on this because I've already covered it.
But in verse 10, it says, unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord.
He's saying, this isn't just coming from me, this is coming from God.
Let not the wife depart from her husband, but, and if she depart, let her remain unmarried
or be reconciled to her husband, and let not the husband put away his wife.
So the Bible's real clear in this passage, saying, look, if you're a woman, do not depart
from him.
Well, what about that?
No.
Do not depart from your husband is what the Bible says.
And the Bible says that a man should not put away his wife.
But God has joined together, let not man put asunder.
And the Bible says, whosoever marrieth her that is divorced, commiteth adultery.
That's what the Bible says.
And the Bible says that if a man puts away his wife, he causes her to commit adultery.
Okay, so the Bible's real clear that those who've been married are supposed to stay married,
and if they are split up, God forbid, it says that they should remain unmarried or be reconciled.
That's what the Bible says here.
Now once one of the people gets remarried, then reconciliation is impossible.
And then remain unmarried is the only alternative there.
And so it's just a bad situation.
That's why we need to think about who we marry and think about how we live our life once
we're married and follow biblical principles and so forth, because we don't want to find
ourselves in a bad situation like that.
Now the Bible says in, flip over to II Corinthians, chapter number six.
I have a bunch of stuff in my notes on that point, but honestly, I just, I want to move
on from that point just because I've covered it in so many other sermons.
You know, if you have a question about it, you can see me after the service.
But number one, the Bible teaches that we're to be pure, no fornication, and that to avoid
fornication, we should get married, okay?
Now some people have already been married, made mistakes.
That's another sermon, okay.
But first of all, let's talk about this.
How do you choose the right person to get married to?
You say, okay, well Pastor Anderson, if it's God's will for me to get married, how do I
pick the right person?
What's the criteria to guide me?
There are so many fish in the sea.
Well look what the Bible says.
First of all, in II Corinthians 6, verse 14, it says, be ye not unequally yoked together
with unbelievers.
For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?
And what communion hath light with darkness?
And what concord hath Christ with Belial?
For what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
So the first most important criteria of whoever you're going to marry is that they need to
be a believer.
They need to be saved.
Now this tells me that if you shouldn't marry an unbeliever, you shouldn't be dating an
unbeliever either, okay?
Now obviously you're going to come into contact with unbelievers.
You're going to be social and friendly with them and so forth, but you should not begin
a relationship or get emotionally involved or start thinking along the lines of being
romantic with someone until they are for sure saved and you should not even play around
with this because otherwise people get into a relationship thinking, oh I'm going to get
him saved or oh I'm going to get her saved and then it doesn't happen and it's too late
because they're already attached, they're already emotionally invested and it's too
late to get out of it.
I've lived just my short life on this earth of so far 33 years.
I've already seen this happen a ton of times where Christian people marry unchristian people
and where people marry an unbeliever and the problems and the heartache and the nightmare
that it causes, it's not worth it, don't even play around with it, you need to just be not
unequally yoked with unbelievers.
Now this passage right here says what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?
If you're living a godly Christian life, you shouldn't really have much in common with
unbelievers anyway and I have to wonder how can you have such a relationship that's as
deep as the relationship that would be marriage, how can you even have that relationship with
a person that's not saved unless you're just totally walking in the flesh yourself?
I mean if you're just a completely worldly Christian that's walking in the flesh, yeah
then you're going to have a lot in common with the unsaved, but if you actually care
about the Bible and the things of God and soul winning and church, how could you even
have that serious of a relationship with somebody who's not saved when Christ is supposed to
be our life, the Bible says.
So that's what this passage brings to mind when it says what fellowship hath righteousness
with unrighteousness, what does fellowship mean, having something in common, that's what
fellowship means, communion, what communion hath light with darkness, what concord hath
Christ with Belier, or what parteth he that believeth in infidel, and some people think
well I think a marriage between an unbeliever and a believer can work, how can there be
concord, how can there be fellowship, how can there be peace and unity in that home,
it's not going to work.
You say okay pastor Anderson how do I find the right person though besides just making
sure that they're saved, well first of all I think this is a big part of it right here,
this verse that's on the wall behind me, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall
direct thy paths, you know we need to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to God
and trust for God to lead us through our lives, because I can tell you this, in my life I've
not been perfect, I've made mistakes, but I've always loved the Lord throughout my life,
even as a child I loved the Lord, I loved Jesus, I loved the Bible, and I can think
of a lot of girls that I would have wanted to get involved with or think about dating
and it's like God just protected me from some of the wrong people because of the fact
that when you love the Lord and when you're walking with him and serving him, he's going
to guide your path.
The Bible says the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and he delighteth in his
way.
So if we would focus on living a godly, righteous, Christian life to the best of our ability
and focus on serving God, reading our Bibles, praying, then God's going to direct us and
hopefully he can keep us out of the snare of the strange woman that flattered through
the lips.
You know the Bible says that a whorish woman, the adulterous woman, it says is a deep ditch
and he that is a hoard of the Lord will fall therein.
So God can't protect us from the wrong type of a woman, or if you're a woman, from the
wrong type of a man.
So the Bible says, of course, seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and
all these things will be added unto you.
God will give you what you need when you love him and serve him and put him first in
your life.
But not only that, the Bible says, who so findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and
obtaineth favor of the Lord.
Again, walking in God's favor is going to get you the right outcome in your life.
The path to God's blessing is through the door of obedience.
The Bible says in Proverbs 19, 13, you know, turn to Proverbs 31 if you would.
I'm going to read for you from Proverbs 19.
The Bible says in Proverbs 19, 13, a foolish son is the calamity of his father and the
contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.
Now what's that talking about, the contentions of a wife?
This is basically arguing.
You know, a wife that continually argues with you is like a continual dropping and this
calls to mind the Chinese water torture.
You know, that continual drop, you know, just that little drip, drip, and it seems like
a little thing, the arguing, except when it keeps happening it becomes torture.
So God's warning you about the wrong kind of woman here.
He says the contentions of a wife are continual dropping.
He's also warning wives not to be that continual dropping, okay.
But then he says in verse number 14, house and riches are the inheritance of fathers
and a prudent wife is from the Lord.
Did you get that?
A prudent wife is from the Lord.
So it's a gift from God is what the Bible is teaching.
But then right after that he follows up with this verse, slothfulness casteth into a deep
sleep and an idle soul shall suffer hunger, okay.
And maybe I should have had you turn to this passage, but you know, the idle soul will
suffer hunger.
So what's the Bible saying here?
God gives us things that we need.
The Bible teaches that God gives us food and God gives us raiment and that God will give
you a prudent wife.
But does that mean that we don't go to work?
Because we just sit at home and say, you know what, every good gift is from above.
Every good gift, every perfect gift is from above and cometh down from the Father of lights
with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.
And just sit back and say, well, God promised to provide my needs.
God promised to provide me with food.
God said he's going to keep me clothed.
Sit back and just wait for it to happen.
Just pray it down, brother.
I mean, is that really going to work?
No, because God commanded us, right?
Six days shalt thou labor.
He tells us to go out and work and earn our bread and our clothing and so forth.
Well, it's the same thing.
He puts these two verses together for a reason.
He says, hey, a prudent wife's from the Lord.
But if you're slothful and if you're idle, you're going to suffer hunger.
And there's another hunger besides a hunger for food, my friend.
And God says you're going to be hungry and not be satisfied because you're slothful,
lazy.
You're not idle.
What does it mean to be idle?
You're not doing it.
Yeah.
You're doing nothing.
Idle means you're not doing anything.
So here's the thing.
If you want to get married, and this part is more directed at the men.
If you want to get married, you can't be idle about it.
You can't just do nothing and you expect you're going to just end up being married someday.
Well, I'm just waiting on the Lord.
I'm just waiting.
Well, is that going to work when it comes to your meal?
Is that going to work for your paycheck?
Is that going to work for your clothing?
No.
You still have to go out and get it.
And what God does is guides you, directs you, blesses you.
He makes your job productive and so forth.
But He doesn't do it for you.
And just as He's not going to earn your money for you, make your food for you, get your
clothing for you, He's not just going to give you a wife in the sense of just, here it is.
You know, here's your wife.
There you go.
Just, you know, signed, sealed, delivered, just wrapped up for you.
No, that's not the way life works, is it?
In any area.
So you must not be idle.
You must go out and find the wife or, you know, you have to go out and put forth some
effort is what I'm saying, to actually meet people and talk to people and so forth.
Now in Proverbs 31, he talks a little bit about finding a virtuous woman.
He says in verse 10, who can find a virtuous woman?
Don't cry.
You've got a long time before you have to worry about any of this.
Who can find a virtuous woman?
Her price is far above rubies.
So God is saying, you know, this is one of the greatest things that you can attain in
your life is to find a virtuous woman.
And it says, the heart of her husband does safely trust in her so that he shall have
no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
She seeketh wool and flax and worketh willingly with her hands.
And I'm not going to read the whole passage, but a lot of what God describes in the virtuous
woman, if we were to read the whole chapter, has a lot to do with her being a hard worker
and not being an idle soul, you know, someone who just kind of sits around not doing anything.
And over and over in this passage, it talks about her, you know, working with her hands,
making food, you know, making clothing, just being an industrious, virtuous, hardworking
woman.
But then if we jump down to the end for the sake of time, it says in verse 25, strength
and honor are her clothing, and she shall rejoice in time to come.
So these are some of the attributes that we should look for in a woman, virtue, you know,
godliness, someone who works hard and is not idle, someone who is strong, and again, that
has to do with working hard.
It says someone who's strong and someone who is honorable, someone who has honor.
And then the Bible says, she shall rejoice in time to come.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom, okay?
So are we looking for just a dumb, you know, I don't want to say a dumb blonde, you know,
because obviously it has nothing to do with it.
But, you know, should we be just looking for the ditzy, dumb, air-headed type?
I mean, the Bible says, you know, if you're really going to find the virtuous woman, she
opens her mouth with wisdom.
That means intelligent things come out of her mouth.
See, these are the type of things that we should be looking for when we're looking for
a wife.
And a lot of men today are looking for the wrong things today.
We ought to be looking for a woman who loves God, who works hard, who is honorable, who
is a strong character, and who opens her mouth and intelligent things come out.
I mean, that's what the Bible is saying.
It says, she openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Kindness is another great attribute in a woman.
It says, she looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excelest them all.
Watch this.
Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain.
But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.
So according to the Bible here, is the main criteria that we should be looking for in
a wife outward appearance?
Just go for the, you know, whatever's the most beautiful woman that we can get to say
yes to us, is the one that we should be after.
Is that what the Bible?
The Bible says, favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain.
And so that should not be the main criteria when you're looking for a wife.
And yet, from what I see from a lot of single guys, they put this as way too high of a criteria,
and then they end up going after these women.
And here's what I think a lot of Christian guys are looking for right now.
They want a woman that dresses and looks like a hooker, but then they want her to have the
morals of being a fundamental Baptist, and they just don't understand why they can't
find it.
I don't understand, you know, and they just say, oh, and I hear some of the most stupid
statements coming out of the mouths of perpetually single guys.
It's true.
Just the perpetually chronically single men have some of the dumbest things come out of
their mouth.
Just, oh, all the girls, all the girls in my area are ungodly.
Every woman in the city where I live is ungodly, and they'll even call them worse things than
that.
And just, oh, you just can't find these godly girls.
You just can't find any of these Christian girls anymore.
You know, nobody wants to serve the Lord.
Nobody wants to do what's right.
And you know what?
It's so dumb, because they're going after that which looks on the outside completely
worldly and ungodly and dressing like a hoochie mama, and then they want to go to her and
expect to find all these morals and godliness, and she just wants to be a stay-at-home mom
and wants to have your babies.
Well, you know what?
You can't always just expect to find those two things together, you know, because the
godly woman's probably not even going to be dressed like that in the first place.
The virtuous woman's not going to look like that.
And so people just have weird ideas about what they're looking for, and they put too
much emphasis upon the outward appearance, okay?
And here's the thing about that, okay?
I don't think that you should marry someone that you just are not attracted to, okay?
But you know, obviously that's not going to make for a good marriage.
Obviously there has to be some chemistry there.
Obviously there's an emotional aspect of love.
It's not just a checklist on paper, is she strong?
Check.
Honor?
Check.
You know, obviously, hard worker, yes.
You know, obviously you have to like who you're going to get married to.
But you know, and I'll use Brother Chris Sosi's illustration, because I'd rather it come out
of his mouth than out of my mouth, but you know, one of the things that he said was,
he said getting married is like chewing a piece of gum.
You know, you put the gum in your mouth, and at first, it's going to have more flavor at
first when you first put the gum into your mouth, right?
But then as you chew it for a while, there's less flavor.
But he said, look, you're going to be chewing that gum for the rest of your life.
You know, you better make sure that you pick gum that you like.
You know?
I'm not saying I agree with that.
That's just what he said.
But look, it's true though.
You know, obviously the newness, listen to me, the newness of anything is going to wear
off.
Okay?
Now, you know, I wouldn't use such a carnal illustration as that chewing gum illustration.
But you know, that was what he said.
Here's an illustration I would like to use, is like getting a new car.
Okay?
Now, when you go out and buy a new car, there are a lot of things that are glamorous about
cars that get your attention, and you get excited about the V8 or the V6, or you get
excited about, you know, the fancy, sporty look of the car.
And let me tell you something.
When you get a new car, all those bells and whistles and fancy things, after a while,
they're not that cool anymore, and it just becomes your car.
I remember I had a friend when I was in high school, and he lived in a mansion.
I mean, his parents were very wealthy.
And they lived in this huge mansion.
And I just remember the first time walking into his house just being in awe of it.
Just, whoa, man, you know, tennis courts in the backyard.
I mean, this place was huge.
We would play hide and seek in this place, and it was a good game of hide and seek.
I mean, it was just huge.
Viral staircase.
I mean, I've never been in a house that fancy to this day.
And I remember just being blown away by it.
But you know what?
After I had gone over to his house 10, 15, 20 times, it got to where you weren't impressed
by it at all anymore.
And it was just his house.
And honestly, whenever you move into a new house, like, whoa, look at that, you know,
you get a new car, oh, man, you know.
But then the newness wears off.
And then it's your house.
Then it's your car.
And then you start caring about practical things.
Think about it.
You know, and like, for example, my famous car that I had, the 2008 Hyundai Sonata that
just never had a problem, never broke down for the first 328,000 miles, even though I
treated it roughly.
And it went 355,000 miles in total before it finally gave up the ghost.
But that car was not the coolest, sportiest car that you'd get all excited about.
It was a nice car.
But here's the thing.
I liked it from the beginning.
I liked that car.
I liked the way it looked.
I liked it.
I sat in it.
I felt comfortable with it.
You know, that car and I had chemistry from the beginning, OK, but you know what really
made me just love that car with a deep abiding love was the fact that it didn't break down
and the fact that it got good gas mileage, all right, and it got like 29 miles to the
gallon.
And you know, it's like, ah, you didn't get the V6.
Yeah, but you know, that one mile a gallon that I saved by having the four-cylinder over
the course of 355,000 miles is a substantial car.
You know, and that car did me good and no evil all the days of its life, OK?
So what I'm saying is, you know, you can go out and just, yeah, you know, I'm going to
go out and get that Mustang convertible.
It's not going to go 355,000 miles.
It's not going to be, get the gas mileage.
It's not going to be as reliable.
It's not as practical.
You're not going to be able to fit as many.
The people in the back are going to be cursing you because they have no leg room, OK?
You know, so what I'm saying is, don't be foolish and short-sighted and just think all
about the looks because you know what, at the end of the day, the Bible says that beauty
will fade over time, OK?
And the Bible says here that favor is deceitful, meaning that it can trick you, it can deceive
you into, you know, believing something that's not true.
Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain.
What does vain mean?
It's meaningless, OK?
And honestly, like I said, I don't want, I think that the Bible in a lot of various teaches
balance.
You don't want to go to one extreme or the other.
You don't want to go to this extreme that just says, well, looks don't matter at all.
Because then you can marry somebody that you have no chemistry with, you're not attracted
to.
That's not going to make for a good marriage.
But at the same time, it needs to be much lower on the list of priority than where most
people have it.
And a lot of guys need, especially, and you know, women also, obviously, this could apply
to, but it seems like men are the ones who usually judge more on looks, is that, you
know, you need to just open your mind a little bit and open your eyes a little bit and kind
of broaden your, you know, your pool of choices.
And not just only look at just the most super attractive, you know, and it's, a lot of times,
it's what the world is telling us is attractive anyway.
A lot of people aren't even going by their own taste.
It's like they're just going by some model that the world has put out there, you know,
which, you know, to a lot of godly men, it's not really impressive anyway, because we don't
like that look anyway.
But anyway, I don't want to spend the whole night, or the whole morning on that either,
especially not the whole night, because it would really be here for a long time.
But number one, we saw that God demands us to be pure, and it's better to marry than
to burn, so we should seek to get married.
Number two, there are some people who have already messed this up and made the mistakes,
and therefore they have to remain single or be reconciled to their spouse.
Number three, we talked about choosing the right person.
First of all, you need to make sure that they're saved.
Secondly, you need to look for actual points of character and intelligence, not just look
at what their outward appearance is and make that the main thing.
That should take a back seat.
We should be looking at character, intelligence, and look, I can honestly, and you say, well,
it's easy for you to say, because your wife's beautiful, but here's the thing, though.
When I was looking for a woman to get married to, the main criteria that I was looking for
was intelligence.
I mean, that was the main thing that I was looking for.
You know, because I know how boring it can be to be with somebody who doesn't have any
brains.
Okay?
And you know, here's the thing, you know, you don't just marry somebody just to look
at them.
You know, you're going to look at them, but you know, I didn't just sit and stare at my
Hyundai Sonata.
I mean, it was a beautiful car, but I'm not just going to sit there and look at it.
I really want to get behind the wheel and drive it, okay?
And so, you know, you're going to do a lot of talking with your spouse.
You're going to spend hundreds and thousands of hours talking and having communion and
fellowship and eating meals together and talking together and making decisions and so forth.
You know, that needs to be real high on the list is what's going on up here in the woman
that you're thinking about getting married to.
And you say, well, I know I'm kind of emphasizing it from the man's perspective.
That's just because I'm a man, okay?
So obviously, a lot of this stuff, you could turn it around if you're a woman and apply
it the same way.
So that should be amongst the choices.
And we also talked about the fact that you can't be idle about it.
You can't do nothing.
And look, I can honestly tell you, I did not get married when I was 19 years old by osmosis.
And it did not just come to me and just fall in my lap and just boom, I'm married.
No.
Actually, if you talk to anybody who knew me back then, okay, I literally brought in
the year before I got married from the time I turned 18 to the time I turned 19, I brought
at least, and I'm not exaggerating, you can ask anybody, I brought at least 15 or so different
girls to church at least in that final year before I got married.
Just because I was constantly out, you know, meeting people and I would bring them to church
because my philosophy was always, if you know like church, I know like you, all right?
You know, and I would make sure that they like my church.
So I would bring them, that was kind of the first test was like, yeah, come to church
with me and then I'll take you out to eat, okay?
Because if they hated Pastor Nichols preaching, then it's not going to work because Pastor
Nichols preached hard, you know, sort of like another preacher that I know, but Pastor Nichols
would get up and preach hard.
And if they walked out of there like, what in the world, like, what is that guy talking
about?
Then it's like, see ya.
And so that was one of the things is that, you know, I would test that, but look, I brought
like 15 different girls to church.
It's like every Sunday, every Sunday, different girl, different girl, different girl, you
know.
And it's not that these were all my girlfriends or that I was involved in a relationship with
all these girls.
It's just that I was just trying to meet people.
I had a lot of hooks in the water as it were because the idle soul shall suffer hunger.
And some of you guys wonder why you're just perpetually, perennially, you know, chronically
single.
It's because you're not talking to any girls.
You're not meeting anybody.
Well, there's no girls at our church.
And then when single girls do come to our church, you don't talk to them.
And not only that, but there are about 40 independent fundamental Baptist churches in
the city.
And if you don't want to miss a service at Faithful Word, a lot of them have services
on Monday nights, Tuesday nights, Thursday nights, Friday nights for special revivals
and things going on.
And you can go visit them at that time.
And also, it wouldn't kill you to miss a service on a Sunday night or a Wednesday night at
Faithful Word.
Visit one of these other fundamental Baptist churches if you don't think there's enough
options here.
Because this is kind of an important decision in your life.
It's kind of an important thing.
And you know, a great place to meet your future spouse is a church.
You know, and this church or another Baptist church that's KJV and fundamental, and they're
out there, my friend.
But you've got to go out there and work at it.
You know, and a man that has friends must show himself friendly.
You have to go out and approach women, and you can't expect them to do it.
You need to do it.
You need to man up and get out there.
And I remember my dad yelling at me when I was a kid and yelling at my brother.
And you know, not because he was mad, he just yelled at us a lot.
But he would yell at us and say like, he said, I'm the shyest person in the world.
But he said, you know what?
You just have to force yourself to just talk to girls, you know.
And he would always preach to us how we needed to be out meeting girls and you know, we needed
to, and we're like, okay, you know.
And I remember he taught us and we forced ourselves and we actually said hi and met
people, you know.
Okay, but let's get off that subject.
That's a sore subject.
No, I'm just kidding.
Let's get off that and let's talk about some principles of dating, okay.
So we talked about the fact that, you know, getting married is a virtuous thing.
We talked about what type of person you should be looking for, what should be the priorities
and the criteria.
But now, what about how to go about the dating itself, okay?
How do we go about actually getting to know the person and deciding if this is who we
want to be married to?
And by the way, that should be the purpose of dating.
The only purpose of dating should be to get married and that's why any girl that I knew
I wasn't going to get married to, I would not continue to date because that's the whole
purpose.
Now, what should we do in regard to dating?
Well, first of all, go to Romans chapter 13 if you would, Romans chapter 13 because I
think that one of the best pieces of advice for dating is that you should date in public
places and not be off in private together alone somewhere where temptation is going
to be strong and where there's going to be nothing to stop you from committing a sin
that is very easy to fall into, the sin of fornication.
Now, the Bible says in Romans 13 verse 14, but put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, watch
this, and make not provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust thereof.
So the Bible says don't make provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust thereof.
Don't give the flesh the opportunity to commit sin.
Now, this would be like if you were going on a diet and you said, you know, I'm going
to be on this really strict diet and, you know, I don't want to eat any junk food or
sweets or anything and basically the fridge is just full of candy bars and Twinkies and
Ho-Hos and all you've got is chips and it's all just right there in a refrigerator by
your bedside, okay?
And then you're saying, you know, yeah, I'm going to stick with this diet.
It's not going to work.
It doesn't make any sense.
I mean, if you're going to stick with something, you have to remove the temptation, okay?
Now, there are different schools of thought on this.
Now, some people will talk about courtship.
Who's heard the term courtship?
Now, here's the thing.
I hear a lot of people talk about courtship and they'll demonize the very word dating.
Now listen, there's nothing wrong with the word dating because you know what a date is?
January 25th, 2015.
Like, is there anything wrong with that?
No.
What dating means is that you're making an appointment to get together and spend time
with someone that you're thinking about getting married to.
That's what dating means to me.
And I've explained a lot of my teachings and my principles on dating that I would have
for my kids and those in the courtship crowd, a lot of that would say that they totally
are in agreement with what I've said.
I just don't feel the need to use an antiquated term, courtship, that has a lot of baggage
associated with it too because some of those in the courtship crowd have a lot of really
strange and weird ideas where they take things too far.
So I just use the word dating, okay?
But I will say this.
I think that dating should be done in a public place.
Now, obviously, if you're going to get married to someone, you need to have private conversations
with that person because you can't really get to know someone in a group.
Because a lot of people say it should only be done in a group.
Well, the problem is it's hard to get to know someone personally when there are a whole
bunch of people there because you can't really dig deep in conversation and so forth.
So I think that a wise way to do this would be to be alone with the other person in public,
okay?
So you're still having a conversation just you and them, but there's no opportunity to
fulfill the lust of fornication.
You know, for example, I can remember when I was a teenager, I was interested in a certain
girl and her parents were strict and had rules like this.
And I remember one date that I went on with this girl was basically, you know, we sat
in her backyard like hundreds of feet from the house on like a swing or something and
we were drinking hot cocoa and talking and hanging out.
But they could still see us out the window.
So we could still have a private conversation, we could still get to know each other, but
you know, dad is right there, you know, making sure that everything is as it should be.
Yeah, he was like, well, he was cleaning his shotgun.
So you know, another date that I went on like that was, you know, we went out to eat at
a restaurant and the parents were there.
But basically it was my parents, but my parents were at a distant table in the restaurant.
So you still have the feel of oh, it's just us, we're out to dinner, but there's still
somebody there that's keeping things accountable.
Now the other side of this would be, hey, let's just go on a date where you come over
to my apartment.
And we sit on the bed and you know, hang out and read books together, you know, it's like
what in the world?
So what I'm saying is you have to think about these things because the temptation is so
strong and because of the fact that there is the lust of the flesh, we don't want to
make provision for that.
So you can be outside, you can take walks together, you can have a picnic in the park,
you can go out to eat together, you can do things that are outside or in a public gathering
even though you're still in private, okay?
But this thing of just going over to a house, doors closed, you know, that's not a good
way to be dating.
You're just opening yourself up to temptation is what you're doing there.
And the Bible says make not provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust thereof.
And there are some people that will go so far as to even spend the night at somebody
else's house and say like, oh, but there's no fornication going on, oh, they're just
sleeping on the sofa.
Look at night when people are tired is when people's guard are down.
Number one, the Bible says abstain from all appearance of evil.
And when people see that going on, they're going to assume that fornication is going
on.
And secondly, it's just opening yourself up to a very strong temptation that's going to
be very hard to resist.
And so it's a foolish thing to do.
You know, when you study the Bible on this, you'll find a lot of people getting into trouble
where they're alone in a house with someone of the opposite gender.
For example, Joseph, when he was working in the house of Potiphar's wife, he's alone with
her in the house.
She lays hold on him and says, lie with me.
And he says, he's not going to do it.
She grabs him and attacks him and literally rips his clothes off.
He runs out of the house and she has part of his clothes.
And then she lies.
This is found in Genesis chapter 39.
She lies about it and says, well, he tried to attack me.
He tried to force me in bed.
And so therefore he ends up going to prison.
Okay.
So therefore we need to be careful to protect ourselves, protect our reputation, and even
just to not make provision for the flesh.
And by the way, I don't do that.
Like for example, there will be situations where, you know, a woman will come to me as
a pastor and say like, oh, I want, you know, let's, can I talk to you in your office?
I want to talk to you in private.
And the answer is always no.
I always say, this is as private as I get.
We can step a few steps away from the rest of congregation and talk.
That's as private as I get.
Because I don't want to, number one, be in a situation where I can be lied about or just
that temptation can be there.
And you say, well, Pastor Anderson, you would never give into that temptation.
Well, you know, I don't think I would either.
But here's the thing.
The Bible says, let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.
And so we shouldn't be so prideful and arrogant to think that we're all above sin.
You know, I don't believe I would ever do such a thing, but it doesn't mean that I'm
just going to constantly put myself in a position to where it could happen.
It's ridiculous.
It doesn't make any sense.
It's prideful and arrogant to do that.
And not only that, but other people look at that and they see people going, the door shuts,
they're in the office for a half hour, you know, and people could lie or gossip or get
the wrong idea.
You know, it's just better to keep yourself above reproach.
We're living in perilous times.
And you know, we need to just keep ourselves clean and pure and above reproach.
And then we see Dinah, for example.
And if you would, turn to Deuteronomy 22.
Dinah was the daughter of Jacob.
And basically, she goes out to see the daughters of the land.
So basically what Dinah is doing is, she leaves her parents' house and just goes into town
by herself just to kind of meet all the worldly girls.
And she's hanging around with the worldly girls.
Next thing you know, a guy comes on to her and she ends up committing fornication with
that guy.
Because look, think about the situation, first of all, with Potiphar's wife and Joseph.
If she would have been stronger than him, you know, it probably would have taken place.
Because I mean, she's grabbing him, she's laying hold on him, she's ripping his clothes
off.
Obviously, he's a man, he's stronger.
Okay, what if we were to flip that coin over?
There are a lot of women that could get in a situation with a man where they could be
overpowered and defiled.
And this is where the date rape comes from and so on and so forth.
And so, especially of girls or women, they need to be protected and guarded from these
type of situations.
Now look at Deuteronomy chapter 22 verse 13.
It says, If any man take a wife and go in unto her and hate her, and give occasions
of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman
and when I came to her I found her not a maid, that means a virgin, then shall the father
of the damsel and her mother take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity
unto the elders of the city in the gate, and the damsel's father shall say unto the elders,
I gave my daughter unto this man to wife and he hated her, and lo, he hath given occasions
of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid, and yet these are the
tokens of my daughter's virginity, and they shall spread the cloth before the elders of
the city, and the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him, and they shall
immerse him in a hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel,
because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel, and she shall be his wife,
he may not put her away all his days, but if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity
be not found for the damsel, then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's
house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die, because she
hath wrought folly in Israel to play the whore in her father's house, so shalt thou put away
evil from among you." Now, what I want to take from this, obviously there's a lot to
cover in this passage, and I, you know, we don't have time to go through it, I've done
it in other sermons, but the thing I want to point out here is that the father of this
girl is actually responsible for her virginity. You know, when the girl is said to be a virgin
and found not to be, it's the father that's held respect, you know, hey, you know, your
daughter is not a maid, what's going on here? He's, and he basically feels that he can or
cannot guarantee the virginity of his daughter, okay? Now, I believe that we as fathers should
guard and protect our daughters, and to make sure that they remain pure and virgin until
they get married. I believe that's our responsibility as fathers today. Now, let me say this, there
is a difference between boys and girls. There is a difference between men and women. Ah,
it's a double standard. Yes, it is a double standard, because you know what, there's a
difference today between men and women, but our world today wants to blur all difference,
and so anybody who just gets up and says, hey, we're going to treat our sons and daughters
differently, people freak out about that, because they have this weird sense of equality
and fairness. It's not biblical. Okay, what does the Bible teach, that there's a big difference?
Now look, men have to be a leader, because that's part of being a man, is that you're
going to grow up one day, you're going to get married, and then you're going to have
to lead your wife, and then you're going to lead your children, and you have to be a leader,
you have to be independent, you have to make money, you know, you have to go out in the
world and get something done and make something happen, and do something. Okay, that is not
the path that God has laid out for women, according to the Bible. You know, women, according
to the Bible, in a perfect world, God's plan for their lives is that they would grow up,
be given in marriage unto a man, so they're going to go straight from their parents to
their husband, and then they're not going to be the leader, they're going to follow
their husband, and they're going to help him, and be his wife, and get on board with
his program, and live with him, and they're going to marry, bear children, and guide the
house, and cook, and clean, and take care of the house, and get old-fashioned, of course
it's old-fashioned, unlike this new-fangled garbage that we have in America today that
doesn't work, that makes everybody miserable, half the people get divorced, a bunch of the
other people that stay married are miserable and dysfunctional. Look, God's way is the
right way, and so God's plan for women is that they would marry, bear children, and
guide the house, and it is a full-time job to cook, clean, take care of the house, and
take care of the children. It's a full-time job. Do you think that my wife is just struggling
every day with what to do with all her free time? She has eight kids to deal with, and
then she has me to deal with. That's enough to deal with. She's busy, she doesn't need
a career. Therefore, and listen to me, and look, people are going to disagree with me,
hey, disagree with me all you want, if you read the Bible and you come to different conclusions,
that's fine, I mean everybody's got the Bible, everybody's got the Holy Spirit, you can believe
whatever you want in this church, but let me tell you this, as for me and my house,
I've studied the Bible, I read these scriptures, and I am not going to let my daughters go
out and get a job when they're 16, 17, 18 years old, not happening. There's no reason
for it, they need to grow up and get married, and until they get married, I'm going to support
them and pay for them. I will provide their needs, I will give them the money that they
need, and they're not going to go out and go get a job somewhere, and have all this
freedom and drive all over town, and drive out to see the daughters of the land, and
go out and get it all, no, it's not going to happen. I'm going to protect my daughters
and their character, and their reputation, and even now, I give my sons, of course my
sons are older, but I give them a lot more freedom, because look, as your sons get older,
you have to start giving them freedom. You can't just give your sons no freedom, and
then all of a sudden it's like, alright, you're 18 now, you know, there has to be a transition
where they start learning to take responsibility, learning to have money, learning to go to
work, learning to be out there and resist temptation, and so forth, but with girls,
it's different, okay, and they need to be protected and guarded, because they're not
strong enough. I mean, look, if some woman throws herself at my son and starts trying
to rip his clothes off, he's going to be strong enough to resist that, okay, and I'm talking
about physical strength, whereas a daughter, not necessarily, especially when, you know,
people go out and they go to parties and there's drinking and all kinds of crazy things happen,
and you know what, women need to be guarded and they need to be protected as young girls
from just being unfettered out there, and look, you see the Christian girls that go
bad today, the ones that I've seen in my own life, and what is it, they get involved with
some guy, some wicked, unsaved guy, at school or at work. Those are the two places where
they're going to meet these guys. It's not some guy from church, it's the guy from school,
the guy from work, and look, sometimes, the Bible does call women, and this is not a criticism
of women, the Bible teaches that women are the weaker vessel, and the Bible says Adam
was not deceived, but Eve was deceived, because women are more trusting and easier to beguile
than men. Now, women have other strengths that men don't have. For example, a great
strength of women is cooking, no I'm just kidding, but anyway, that is a great strength,
but you know, a great strength of women is that, you know, women are way better at reading
people's expression, their body language, their mood, I mean, women are practically
mind readers, whereas men are not that perceptive. Men, you know, you have to, if you want to
get something across them, you better drop it in front of them like a pile of bricks,
you know. Hello, is anybody home? You know, women are a lot more attuned to little subtle
cues and body languages and signals, and they can read people, whereas men can't. There's
just a difference there. You know, and that's why my wife is usually much better at busting
the kids, you know, when they do wrong. I'm like, what, everything's fine, you know, the
kids were all taking a nap, everything's fine. You know, she knows that, you know,
what they're up to and everything like that. It's called feminine intuition, right? So
women have strengths, men have other strengths, men are usually better at math and, you know,
have other skills, but obviously more physical strength and so forth, but men are also more
skeptical. Men are more skeptical and more discerning, and women are a little bit more
naive sometimes, and believing, and women are easily influenced because they're born
to be a follower, whereas men are born to be a leader when it comes to the marriage
relationship, which it's good for a woman to follow and to submit in the marriage relationship,
and it's good that the man is the leader and the dominant one, and that's just the way
it works. That's the way life is, that's the way we've been created by God, and so this
submissive creature that is woman should not just be sent out amongst the wolves in sheep's
clothing to be defiled, and that's what we see with Dinah and other stories in the Bible
of the same thing. So my daughters will not go out and get a job. I will provide their
needs, and they will not be sent into the school system because they're homeschooled,
and they're not going to be sent out to college. Oh, it's a Christian college. That's where
the worst wolves in sheep's clothing are, by the way, the worst of the worst, and then
they're not going to be just, oh, I'm 18, I move out now. No, they're not. Now, obviously,
if somebody just leaves at 18, there's nothing I can do about it, but you know what? I'm
teaching my children that they should remain with father and mother until they get married,
and that goes even for the boys, because the Bible says that a man should leave father
and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. It doesn't mean that
they can't go anywhere or take a trip or anything. For example, I took a trip to Germany when
I was 18 and went over there, but it was all with my parents' consent and blessing,
and they were still an authority over me, and by the way, when I was in Germany, I spent
every single night sleeping in a pastor's home or some godly Christian home. I wasn't
just unaccountable, just out with my roommate and my boys and out just hanging out. No,
I was actually in a family atmosphere even when I was over there. I came back to the
United States, submitted myself unto my parents, and I lived with my parents until I got married,
okay, because the Bible says a man should leave father and mother and cleave unto his
wife, and they too shall be one flesh. And again, you know, a lot of people will say,
well, what about this situation? What about that situation? You know, because sometimes
parents get divorced, and then there's some other step person brought in, and you know,
they just want to get out of there, you know. Okay, but here's the bottom line, though.
This is the God's, this is God's will in a normal situation. This should be God's plan.
This is the ideal, and for those of us that are in a Christian godly home, this is how
we should order our houses, and this is coming from the Bible. These principles are taught
in the Bible, that a man should leave father and mother and cleave unto his wife. They
too should be one flesh, that a father should hold himself responsible for the virginity
of his daughter. That's why, you know, when I'm preaching hard against fornication, I
want my sons to hear that preaching and to keep themselves pure and godly. I'm not as
concerned with my daughters, because you know what, it's going to be physically made impossible
for them to commit fornication. I'm not kidding. Stop laughing. No, I'm just kidding. I'm not
kidding, because of the fact that they're not going to be allowed to just go out and
do whatever. They're not going to be allowed to, ah, you're just going to keep them all
locked up. Well, no, obviously we're training them and teaching them in biblical principles,
but we're not just going to give them unfettered access to the car and just, you know, they're
going to go places with me or my wife or with their brothers to make sure that they're protected
and safe and that they're not just out partying and going to work with a bunch of heathen
and all this stuff. And therefore, you know, I'm not as worried about it with them, whereas
my sons, I have to really sit down and talk to them and really ingrain in them. Look,
you have more freedom, you know, and you need to make sure that you don't put yourself in
these positions to fulfill the lust of the flesh and so on and so forth. There's so much
to cover in so little time, I've got to hurry up and finish here. But, um, last thing I
want to talk about is, ah, you know, being physical before you're married. Okay? Because
a lot of people will say, well, you know, they're not going to commit fornication, but
then they'll get very physical in other ways. And basically what that's doing is, again,
making provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust thereof. You know, trying to get
as close to the line as you can without going over the line is not wise. Now, this is not
wise for several reasons, and I'm going to show you biblically what I believe, where
I believe we should draw the line on this. Okay? First of all, if you gratify and satisfy
the lust of the flesh, that's not going to make it easier for you to resist fornication.
It's going to make it harder, because you're not going to be fully gratified unless you
commit fornication. Okay? So therefore, what I'm saying is that you don't want to just
sit there and indulge the flesh and indulge those appetites of just, and again, I don't
want to be graphic for sake of children or anything, but you know, just the making out
and whatever else. You know, you don't want to sit there and get yourself all worked up.
That's just making it harder to resist temptation. And honestly, even though it might seem satisfying
at the time a little bit, you know what you're doing is just torturing yourself. Because
you're just making it harder to resist temptation. Because here's the true story. You know, out
of sight, out of mind. And part of the reason why it's so hard for men to remain pure in
2015 is because we're constantly being reminded of these things with images everywhere we
turn. Because the advertising industry for the last hundreds of years has used our primordial,
you know, reproductive urge that God gave us that's been programmed as instinct to try
to sell us everything from cars to food to, you know, appliances, right? And these psychologists
have tapped into our brains and our most primitive needs for food or reproduction or whatever.
And then basically they're using those to try to get us to spend money. And so constantly
that part of our brain is being accessed through the sorcerers on Madison Avenue. Okay, that's
what's really going on. So therefore, you know, if you're wise, and listen, I want you
single guys to listen up carefully, teenagers, young men that are single, listen to me, the
easiest way that you're going to get through this period in your life where you have these
desires but you're too young to get married, or you haven't found the right person to get
married to yet, the easiest way is not to dwell on it and not to think about it and
not to look at it. And if you're going to sit there and watch all the TV and watch all
the movies and look at all the magazines and just go to the beach and look at all the babes,
you know what you're going to do is torture yourself and it's going to be very difficult
for you to resist that temptation. You need to stay away from these sources of temptation
as much as possible and keep these things out of your eyesight as much as possible because
it's going to be a temptation. And then if you start getting physical with a girl, you
know what, that's just going to really ramp up the desire and it's going to make it even
harder and look, it will destroy your life. Fornication is a major sin, especially when
you're a godly Christian young person who's heard Bible preaching, unto whom much is given
of him shall much be required and God will not bless you if you go out and commit this
major sin of fornication. Don't downplay it. It's a big deal. And therefore, the wise
thing to do is to not get all those appetites all worked up in you by looking at all this
stuff or by getting physical, okay? Now you say, well, where do you draw the line with
getting physical? Now, let me give you some scriptures. I got to hurry. But first of all,
turn if you would to Proverbs 6. I already read for you from 1 Corinthians 7 where it
said, it's good for a man not to touch a woman, right? He said, concerning the things wherever
I wrote unto you, it is good for a man not to touch a woman, nevertheless to avoid fornication,
you know, have your own wife and so forth. But you say, well, Pastor Anderson, does that
literally mean just don't touch at all, like just don't, like just don't even, just don't
even touch them. Is that really what it's saying? Okay, well, if we let the Bible kind
of define itself, if we study the Bible, I think we can find the answer, okay? First
of all, here's another verse that used the term touch, okay? It says in Proverbs 6, 25,
lust not after her beauty in thine heart. This is talking about the strange woman, the
whorish woman. It says, neither let her take her with thine eyelids, for by means of a
whorish woman, a man is brought to a piece of bread and the adulterous will hunt for
the precious life. Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Can
one go upon hot coals and his feet not be burned? So he that goeth into his neighbor's
wife, whosoever toucheth her, shall not be innocent. So again, using the term toucheth
her about, you know, committing adultery or being inappropriate with your neighbor's wife.
There are some places in the Bible that talk about touching that would be acceptable, I
believe. For example, in Luke chapter 7, you don't have to turn there, but in Luke chapter
7, you know, the woman comes and washes Jesus' feet and she kisses his feet and washes them
with her hair and so forth. And other people are rebuking, you know, the fact that she's
doing that and they use the word touch, they say, well, let me read it for you. It says
in Luke 7, 39, now when the Pharisee which had bidden him had saw it, he spake within
himself saying, this man, if he were a prophet, would have known who and what manner of woman
that is that toucheth him, for she's a sinner. And of course, he rebukes them and justifies
what she's doing. But here's the thing about that, though. When she's washing his feet
and she, you know, that's clearly not, and I don't want to use the word S-E-X-U-A-L because
of the fact that, you know, I don't want kids to just get desensitized that word. So I'll
use the word amorous. All right. But everybody knows what I mean. Okay. So obviously that's
not amorous of an action of washing his feet. Okay. Just that wasn't that Jesus and her
had nothing going on there. It was just she's washing his feet as a sign of just humility
and deference and just, you know, respect and so forth. Now also in the Bible, there's
the term where it says, you know, greet one another with a holy kiss. But what a lot of
people don't focus on when they try to bring that out is that it says, greet all the brethren
with a holy kiss. Okay. So you have to understand that in other cultures, and this is not an
American thing, and I don't want it to become an American thing, but in other countries,
when you greet people, they kiss each other on the cheeks. That's just a greeting that
they do. They just grab their face and just, okay. And there's only one person that I do
this with, and this is my father-in-law because he's Hungarian and he's like a Hungarian of
the Hungarians. He's really proud of being a Hungarian. He's really into the culture
and everything. So when my Hungarian father-in-law greets me, he'll come and give me a big hug
and mwah, mwah. You know, that's the only person that I greet with a holy kiss, okay.
But you have to, again, nothing weird or amorous there. It's a greeting. Now what's the American
greeting that would be the equivalent? Handshake, right? So look, there's nothing amorous about
a handshake, is there? Okay. Or that type of a kiss on the cheek greeting of Europe
or the Middle East or for example, you know, washing the feet or whatever. So I think that
a good rule of thumb, and this is what I believe, because obviously God does not want us getting
our passions inflamed because he says that we should not have lust. And what is lust?
Desire. And if we get physical with each other, you know, desire and lust are going to be
inflamed. It's a fact. You know it's true. And even if you're not physically committing
it, it's being committed in the mind and in the heart and in the desire and in the lust.
So therefore here's the rule of thumb that I would put forth is that if it's something
that you wouldn't be comfortable doing with another man or with a member of your family
like your mom or your sister, then it's clearly amorous. It's clearly igniting something else.
That should be where you draw the line. Because that allows for just normal social human contact
without the passions being inflamed. Because if you do it with another man or your sister
or your mom, then it obviously isn't. Now I will say this. Are you in Proverbs? Look
at chapter five of Proverbs. I want to just point out one other thing too though. So,
and again, just use that as a rule of thumb. If you would do it with another man, fine.
If you say I would never do that with another man or I would never do that to my mother,
I would never do that to my sister, then you know what? It's obviously over the line then.
But it has to do with being amorous or whatever word you want to use there. But look what
the Bible says about your spouse. It says in verse 15, drink waters out of thine own
cistern and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad
and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own and not strangers with thee.
Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving
hind and pleasant roe. Let her breast satisfy thee at all times and be thou ravished always
with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman and embrace
the bosom of a stranger? Now, this is one thing that I think, number one, like I said,
you should only do that which you would be willing to do with another man or your sister
or your mother. Okay. But number two, I would say that, you know, according to this passage,
I don't think that you should embrace the bosom of her which you are dating. And by
the way, as a married man, I do not hug other women front on. I don't do it. And I've, I've
frequently had women like try to just give me a big hug front on. So even though I would
do this with another man, a hug, but you know, there's that whole bosom thing that separates
men and women. Okay. So again, you know, I don't embrace the bosom of a stranger because
of this passage and because of the fact that I do find it to be inappropriate. Okay. And
as a married man, you know, whenever I have a woman come up to me and try to give me a
big hug like that front forward, you know what I always do? I just take a step back
and put it on my hand like this. Just that's the best way to handle it. You know, just
somebody's coming at me, I was just like, hey, how's it going? And you know, you say,
well, you're strict, but you know what though? It keeps you from temptation. It keeps you
out of trouble. And you go to some churches, it's like this hug fest. And by the way, by
the way, there are some modern versions that take major liberties with the Bible, like
the message and the living Bible and stuff. I've seen some of them that said, greet one
another with a holy hug. And they just take the liberty to change the kiss to a hug. But
remember in the Bible, men are kissing each other, you know, Jesus and Jesus goes over
to the Pharisee's house and saying that you didn't give him a kiss. You know, it's just
kiss the son, lest he be angry. It's just a greeting. Okay. But a hug, you know, when
you're going to sit there and hug and embrace front on, yeah, that is amorous, you know,
between a man and a woman. And so it's better just to do it as a handshake, you know, or
at least try to spin to the side and do the side hug maneuver or whatever. But honestly,
don't try to hug me. You know, unless, and I always say, you know, and sometimes women
are offended by it. But I always just say to them, I always just say, if it gets real
uncomfortable, then I always just say to them, I always just say, well, look, I only hugged
my wife. Because I don't, you know, I don't want her hugging other men, you know, it's
nothing, nothing against you. And usually most women, they hear that, oh, okay, I understand.
You know, people understand that. Okay. So that's all I got for this morning. But just
to, to quickly review, just to quickly just give you the points in a nutshell, is that
we need to be pure, we need to abstain from fornication. And you know what, if you're
a young single guy, and you're saying, wow, how do I remain pure? How do I, I'm struggling
with pornography, I'm struggling with lust, I'm struggling with, you know, temptation
to fornicate or fornication. You know what, the answer the Bible says is to get married.
Better to marry than to burn. To avoid fornication, have a wife. Okay. Is it going to just fall
in your lap? No, you can't be idle. You have to go out looking for a wife. And you have
to meet people and talk to people and greet people and get over the shyness and get the
boldness and the courage, you know, to meet people. How do you choose the right person?
They need to be saved. And you need to look for inner qualities and character and loving
God. And being a good worker and a person with integrity and character and brains, that's
what you should be looking for. But obviously, there should be some chemistry, you should
like the person, you have to like them to, you know, like them and want to be around
them. And then obviously, we as we should stay in public places, when we're not married,
when we're with the opposite gender, stay in a public place, that the especially of
daughters, dad needs to guard and make sure that she is protected at all times and have
rules and so forth. And then when it comes to being physical, you know what, don't get
all entangled and inflamed physically, you need to make sure that you draw the line at
that which is not something you'd be comfortable with doing with another man. And that you
know what, there's not much I'd feel comfortable doing with another man. Right? So there you
go. All right, let's bow your heads and have a word of prayer. Father, we thank you so
much for your word, Lord, and we live in confusing times, Lord, and our culture is one that
literally laughs at and makes fun of the idea of being a virgin when you get married.
I mean, they scoff at that they think it's ridiculous. They think but Lord, it's what
you demand. And God help us never to become desensitized and start thinking, well, maybe
it's not that bad. Help us to work hard to live our lives in a way that's honor and glorifying
to you and Lord help us as parents to teach our children properly and to guard them and
keep them safe from these temptations. In Jesus name, we pray, Amen.