And man, the title of my sermon this morning is Rights and Responsibilities in Marriage.
Rights and Responsibilities in Marriage.
Today in 2018, there's a lot of conflict in marriage.
There's a lot of fighting, a lot of disagreement, a lot of marriages are falling apart.
And of course, this has been going on for many thousands of years because there's nothing
new under the sun.
But as our society drifts further and further away from what the Bible teaches and God's
principles on how a marriage should operate, there are going to be more and more problems.
Things are going to get worse and the closer we are to God's word, the less problems that
we're going to have in regard to marriage.
If you look up a list of what the common marriage problems are and they're all different lists
out there and they might put things in a different order or word things a little bit differently.
But it's really just the same few problems that keep coming up over and over again.
And the Bible has the answer for these things.
And the thing about this list of things that you see over and over again for marriage problems,
a lot of it would just be solved if people would understand what the responsibility of
the husband is and what the responsibility of the wife is.
And because this line is not being clearly delineated of what is your responsibility
versus what is my responsibility, there's all kinds of conflict.
It would be sort of like if two countries did not have a well-defined border and they're
constantly arguing about the border.
We see this throughout history where there are countries that have border disputes.
And even now, if you look at really detailed maps, it'll be like, okay, well, this is where
this country says the border is and then this is where this country says the border is.
And what does that mean?
There's a lot of conflict in that zone right there where they're fighting over that territory,
right?
So a lot of fighting in this world comes from not knowing where the proper boundary is.
I mean, imagine if you and your neighbor didn't really know where his property ended and where
yours began.
And then he starts building things on your property or you start spilling over into his
property.
That's going to create conflict.
And a lot of the conflict today comes from our society's trend of blurring that border
between the genders or even saying there is no border.
And then it's like, okay, well, who's going to make the money?
Who's going to do the housework?
Who's going to get this done?
And then it's a big fight that's opened up because of the lack of a defined order or
defined boundary to keep everybody in their proper place and their proper role.
And also men are naturally created by God to be men and they're going to be happiest
doing the things that men were created to do.
Women were created to do other things and they're going to be happiest when they're
doing what God created them to do.
Men don't want to do things that are designed for women to do.
You know, a little bit of it's okay, but you don't want to just spend your life as a stay-at-home
dad or something.
You know, it's just not natural.
And then contrary, women, they don't want to be out working like a man.
That's not their proper role and they're not going to be happy in that position.
So this is the list that you'll see a lot and then we're going to dig into a lot of
scripture to address these things.
But this kind of blew me away that now this is starting to top a lot of these lists of
marriage problems, division of housework.
Who's going to do the housework?
Now, you know, that's a no brainer right there.
Okay.
Well, we're going to deal with that a little.
It's the wife friend.
Okay.
Sorry to burst your bubble there, ladies, but that's your job.
All right.
And we're going to get into more of that.
But housework is a big thing.
Obviously money is a big thing.
Kids, in-laws, intimacy.
These are the things that come up over and over again, how they're going to spend free
time, et cetera.
But the Bible actually has the answer for these questions.
And throughout the sermon, we're going to solve these problems.
Okay.
And I'm going to give you some solutions to implement from the Word of God so that these
things are not points of contention.
Okay.
So let's start out here in the famous passage in Ephesians 5.
Did I have you turn to Ephesians 5?
We'll come back to Titus, but flip over to Ephesians 5.
This is kind of the number one marriage passage in the Bible.
Obviously the Bible talks a lot about marriage, all the way from the very beginning of the
Bible when God creates a married couple, Adam and Eve, all the way to the very end of the
Bible when he says, the Spirit and the Bride say come.
So marriage is a theme throughout the Bible.
But if you had to pick one chapter as being the marriage chapter, Ephesians 5 would stand
out as being probably the most important or significant.
Go to chapter 5, verse 22 of Ephesians.
Ephesians 5, verse 22 of Ephesians 5, verse 22 of Ephesians 5, verse 22 of Ephesians 5,
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of Ephesians 5, Colossians chapter 3, 1 Peter chapter 3, here in Titus. I mean it's just again and again and again. And you know what? If you don't believe in it, you don't believe in the Bible. It's that simple. It couldn't be any clearer. And the Bible's crystal clear that God's will is for women to marry, bear children, and guide the house. That's God's will. That's God's plan. That's what God desires from our lives.
So there's no marriage and remain single? Sure. But that's something that the Bible teaches rare. Not everyone has this gift. You know, there are certain people who, they're not interested in getting married. Or they're mildly interested in it, but they're perfectly happy just serving the Lord as a single. And you know what? That's okay to remain single. But that is the exception, not the rule. The vast majority of us need to get married. And when we do get married, we need to strive to the best of our ability to get married.
To pattern our marriage after the word of God. And to have our marriage look as close to God's standard as it can. Now look, I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. Our marriages are never going to be perfect. But this is the standard. This is the goal. This is the target that we're aiming for. Amen? What the Bible teaches. So we see here that it is the wife's responsibility to guide the house. And that is a big job. Taking care of the house is a big job.
It's a huge job in and of itself. So don't ever think of a woman as not working. Oh, you don't work? You're unemployed? No. Because guiding the house is a huge job. It's more than 40 hours a week if you're doing it right. If you're doing it right, it's at least 40 hours a week or more. Okay. If it's taken you less than 40 hours a week, you might not be doing it right. Or you're just super efficient and I take my hat off to you.
Men are not able to provide in less than 40 hours a week. Most women are not going to be able to guide the house in less than 40 hours a week. It just takes a serious effort and time. What does guiding the house entail? Well, it has to do with cooking. It has to do with cleaning. And a big part of it is being the primary caregiver of the children. And that's a lot of work.
You know, whatever paperwork or just whatever day-to-day administration and things in the house, it takes intelligence, it takes skill, it takes creativity. I mean, it's a major job. You know, of course, the Bible describes the virtuous woman and the works that she does. And it really paints a pretty impressive picture. You know, and again, don't fret if you're not that virtuous wife.
It's kind of a caricature in a sense. It's kind of like telling men to be exactly like Jesus. Right? And then it's like, I'm not just like Jesus. I failed. You know. Obviously, don't despair because we're human, right? But Jesus is the standard. Amen? So the virtuous woman chapter in Proverbs 31 is the standard. Now, obviously, you're not going to measure up to that perfectly. I don't think anyone is. Okay. Just like I'm not going to measure up to Jesus perfectly, neither are the men.
But we should be striving toward being Christ-like. And obviously, women can look at the virtuous woman and see, okay, here's a standard. And it's a lot of work in that Proverbs 31. I mean, you know, she's doing all kinds of work. She's bringing her food from afar. And she's making clothing and doing all kinds. You know, I mean, it's intense. She's getting up early, staying up late. And obviously, that's, again, a high standard. But it gives us an idea of what a godly woman looks like. What a godly man looks like.
When we look at the standard that the Bible sets. And so the wife is the primary caregiver of the children. Now, let's go into some of these problems again that people have in marriage. Again, the housework. Who's going to do the housework? Well, let me explain to you where this problem is coming from. Okay. In the Bible's paradigm, this is not a problem. The husband goes out and works all day to pay the bills, to make the money, to make the money.
To bring home the bacon. Therefore, the wife's job all day is to take care of the house. I mean, that's her job. The house. Cooking, cleaning, caring for the children. But what happens is, if you send the wife to work, now you have a problem. Because if you send the wife to work, all of a sudden, we got man working 40 hours outside the home. We got wife working 40 hours outside the home. And then man comes home and says, what's for dinner?
What's this mess? You know, why isn't this clean? Now look, obviously there's a problem there because the husband is basically outsourcing half his job to the wife. And then he's asking the wife to do her whole job. That's not really fair, is it? Because now you have the woman doing one and a half portion and you have the husband doing half. Well, that's not going to work because then the wife's doing three times as much as the husband.
And working a full-time job. Obviously the math just doesn't add up, does it? So the big problem why housework is such a fight in today's world is because men don't like doing housework. And let me just tell you right now, I don't like doing housework. You know, I don't like cooking and cleaning. Now, you know, doing it on occasion is fun.
But I don't want to do that day after day. And I'd rather do very unpleasant jobs outside the home than to be doing the housework and stuff because it just goes against my programming. Now look, like I said, I'll do it sometimes. And sometimes I'll even enjoy it. But it's sort of like one of those places where it's okay to visit but you don't want to live there. You know what I mean? So I'll visit that place.
My wife is laid up and I have to step in. Or she just had a baby and I have to step in. Hey, no problem. I'm glad to step in where needed. But I don't want to live there. Okay? I'll visit it. It's a great place to vacation but I don't want to live there. Okay? So we could eliminate that marriage problem by letting the husband do 100% of his job of providing.
And then the husband can say, I'm doing my job. You need to do your job. Now he has that high ground. But you know, when your wife's working as many hours as you are, you've kind of lost some of that high ground. And now it's time for you to pick up the vacuum most likely and help out. Just from a common sense standpoint. Now I'm not commanding you to do that because I don't have the right to command you to do that because it's not my problem. I'm just kind of stating the obvious here of the calculus of how many hours there are in the day and how many people there are in that family.
You know, at the end of the day, if your husband just wants to work 40 hours, send you to work for 50 hours and demand that you do all the housework, well, you know what? You married a jerk and you're married to him and you need to just do what he tells you to do. Cinderella and just tough. It's not cool but you know what? What does the Bible say? But I'm talking to the men when I say, hey, look guys, if your wife is going to work, then the right thing to do, I believe.
Would be to balance that out a little bit and not expect her to do the work of three people or two people while you're doing the work of less than a person. Okay? Now you say, well, we just can't make it on one income these days. It just doesn't work anymore. Well, here's the thing about that is that, number one, it depends on what your priorities are. You might just have to live a more humble life than the Joneses. And you might have to do without things but it is possible to get it done.
But number two, let me say this from experience, not in theory, I'd rather work two jobs than for my wife to go to work. And there have been many times in my life when I worked two jobs and there have been many other times when I worked 70 to 80 hours a week on a continual basis. Okay? And I've even had certain weeks, and Scott Brook is my witness, I've even had certain weeks where I worked well over 100 hours.
For weeks on end because brother Scott was with me on trips where we would literally sleep while the other person drove and I had like a laptop and a portable printer in the back seat. I was like running an office in my back seat of my Hyundai Sonata while he drove me to the next job. We'd get to the next job. I'd jump out, throw all my tools, go do the physical work. Then I hop in the back and I'm doing the invoicing and paperwork while he drives me to the next stop.
And I mean we would do that for like a month sometimes. So I've been there, but you know what, my wife didn't have to get a job outside the home. I was able to make ends meet. It's not always easy. Sometimes you have to struggle and sacrifice or do without things. You might have to work a second job sometimes. Or maybe the ideal thing would be to gain some skills to where you can actually make more money at your first job.
You know, ladder, you know, make more money so that you can do it. Look, I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I'm saying it can be done. You know what, I guarantee you this auditorium is filled with people. How many men here, your wife does not work outside the home, put up your hand if you're a man. Look, hands all over the building. And go ahead and put them down. I'm not trying to embarrass anyone. But my point is you just saw hands all over the building where the husband works, the wife stays home. So it must be possible or else how are all these people doing it?
Now it doesn't mean that they're living high on the hog necessarily, although some of them might be. It doesn't mean that they're only working 40 hours. Some of them may be working 50, 60, or even 70 or 80 hours a week. But you know what, that is still a better lifestyle than fighting and bickering about housework and sending your wife off to work, putting your kids in the public school system. It isn't worth it, friend.
Now, what are we talking about here with these marriage problems? Housework's a big one. I think that's an easy fix, folks, when you get in the Bible. Another contentious issue has to do with in-laws. We already dealt with that. That's a no-brainer. Always side with your spouse. Amen? And your parents need to stay out of meddling in your marriage.
Number three, the children. We hear them crying right now as I speak. But anyway, the children. You know, when it comes to fights about the children, a lot of this has to do with a philosophy on rearing the children. Well, again, number one, we need to put the husband in charge. But number two, we need to understand that the Bible commands corporal punishment for the children. And so that should be a point of agreement. That should not be a point of contention.
We need to all just rally around the Bible's child-rearing principles at the end of the day. Okay. I'm not going to spend a lot of time on that. That's a whole other sermon about children. What about money? Another big fighting point in marriage, point of contention, is money. Why is money such a big deal? Well, first let me just start by saying this. The love of money is the root of all evil. The love of money is the root of all evil.
So look, if you have the love of money in your heart, or if your spouse has the love of money in their heart, you're going to have problems. You're going to have problems. So, obviously, this is a big one with the world out there. But if it's a big one amongst Christians, then shame on us. Because where are these money problems coming from? A lot of it could be greed, covetousness, materialism.
Now, when it comes to the finances, I believe that the husband should do his best to provide a decent living for his family. I don't think that we as men should just say, hey honey, you got food and raiment, be content, you know, roll over under that park bench and just be happy with that. Okay. Here's some newspapers if you're cold.
Okay. Look, the Bible commands us as an individual Christian, if we have food and raiment, no matter what condition we're in, to be content. So that means if we're sitting in a jail cell, we're content. If we're stuck out in the wilderness but we've got food and raiment, we pray and thank God every day.
That's not a manual on how to be a husband though. Okay. We should nourish and cherish our wife. We should provide her with safety, health, protection, security, give her a decent living. But it's not our responsibility to be rich or to have lavish luxury type things.
But we should provide basic shelter, basic climate control in Arizona, amen, and basic meals and so forth, you know, nutritious food, whatever. Okay. But a lot of the fighting that we see in marriage is not over, you know, whether we're getting enough protein in our diet.
Okay. A lot of it has to do with the boat, the RV, the motorcycle, you know what I mean, kind of these extravagant purchases. And so I think the answer to this is that we beware of covetousness, we put other people before ourselves.
I think the husband's job is to go out and work and make as much money as he can while still serving the Lord faithfully and not making a God out of money, but just work hard to provide a good living.
And then I think it's the wife's job to be as frugal as possible so that the money can go further. And you know what, if the husband works a little extra, makes a little extra money and wants to splurge on something for himself, great.
And if the wife maybe scrimps and saves a little bit extra and cuts a little corner here and there and gets a little mad money and wants to splurge on something, great.
But I think the fighting comes with a love of money. And if any one person is just dead set on having just the dirt bikes and the gun collection and the boat and the RV and just overboard like that,
or maybe the wife is just overboard on every kitchen gadget and everything under the sun that's extravagant about the house or whatever, you know, obviously we need to just put other people first.
Husbands need to put their wife first. Wives need to put their husband first. Don't get caught up in the materialism and the covetousness and the desire for money.
We need to basically both parties take pride in being frugal and living a simpler life and not getting caught up in the overboard materialism and spending and so forth.
And at the end of the day when a major financial decision needs to be made, obviously the wife has to submit to the husband. He can get her input and listen to her and see what she wants.
At the end of the day, somebody's got to pull the trigger and make that decision. And you know, when your husband makes a hard decision, don't second guess his decision.
You know, sometimes wives would even say like, well, it's totally up to you, honey. I don't know what we should do. I don't know what we should do in this situation.
You know, you're going to have to decide this. I don't even have any input. You make decisions. And then the husband's like, all right, here's what we're going to do.
And then it's just like, oh, that was a dumb decision. Oh, that was stupid. Why did you do that?
Back up your husband's decision. Don't make him feel bad. Men are going to make mistakes.
I mean, even if their intentions are right, they might decide to move to a certain city or switch jobs and it could just totally fail.
Start a business. It's a flop. I mean, guess what? Stranger things have happened.
But don't say to your husband, I knew it. You've led us astray. Curse God and die. You know, don't be like that.
You know, understand that being, yeah, look, I like being the boss, but you know what? It's also a responsibility.
It could also be stressful. You know, it's some things about being a wife are easier because you don't have to make the decisions.
You're just along for the ride. Now, you know, you could say, well, I wish I were in charge. Yeah, but there's pros and cons to both.
God created you, woman. He created us as men. That's the way life is.
So let's flip over to First Peter, chapter number three. First Peter, chapter number three.
And, you know, we're just surveying a lot of Bible this morning and understanding the rights and responsibilities in marriage.
Hopefully we can get rid of some of the marriage problems that are plaguing our American society, at least within the house of God.
It would be nice if we as Christians would stay married and not just stay married. I don't want to just stay married.
I want to be happily married. I don't want to just say, well, we've hung in there for these 30 years and it's been hell.
But when you're going through hell, keep going. You know, that's not really my goal.
Now, if that were to happen, that's what I would do. But that's not what any of us wants. We want to have a happy marriage, right?
We want to have joy and blessing. And marriage can truly be the greatest relationship this side of heaven.
The marriage relationship. Or it can become the most painful thing in your life.
It can either be the best or the worst thing in your life, humanly speaking. So it's important.
So we need to dwell on these scriptures and understand them. Let's look at 1 Peter 3, verse 1.
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.
What the Bible is saying there is that you've got to use the word of God when you give people the gospel. That's obvious, right?
Faith cometh by hearing, hearing by the word of God. The word of God is the seed that germinates into salvation.
Salvation is impossible without God's word. We're born again by the word of God.
So we always start by preaching the gospel with the word of God. Amen?
Romans 3.23, John 3.16, we go through the word of God.
But what the Bible is saying here is that when you preach the word of God, some people don't get saved the first time they hear it.
Or even a couple times they're hearing it, they don't get saved.
So what's the Bible say here in 1 Peter 3.1?
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word.
Now listen, it's impossible to obey not the word if you haven't been presented with the word.
So here's a husband that's presented with the word. He doesn't obey it.
He doesn't believe it. He doesn't obey the gospel. He doesn't believe the gospel. He doesn't follow it.
It doesn't mean anything to him.
So now it says they may also be one without the word by the conversation of the wives.
Conversation there means lifestyle or the way that they live their life.
So what the Bible is saying is that the best way to get your husband saved, yes, of course, preach him the gospel if you're married to an unsaved man.
Preach him the gospel, but don't just keep preaching him the gospel over and over again, just beating him over the head with it.
You know, preach him the gospel, present him with the word of God.
But now start letting your actions preach. Show him the love of Christ.
Show him what obedience to the word of God looks like.
Show him a godly testimony.
And by the way, this goes at work too.
If you give somebody the gospel at work and they don't get saved, you know what?
Now it's time to show them what a great worker you are and what a good friend you are and how loving you are and how you will excel through your faith in Christ.
That's called having good testimony.
Now the problem with the neo-evangelical crowd is they want to eliminate the step of actually giving the gospel and just go straight to just lifestyle evangelism, just testimony only.
But the problem sometimes amongst independent fundamental Baptists could be that they want to preach the gospel, but they don't give a hoot about their testimony, being a great worker, being a great husband, being a great wife, being a great employee, being a great father, being a great son.
What we need is both. We don't choose. We have both.
And by the way, when you preach the gospel on the job, you don't do that on the boss's time.
You do that when it's appropriate. You do that in situations where you're driving in the work truck, you're hanging out, you're having lunch, you're after work, before work, or whatever.
And you know what? When you have a great testimony of being a great worker, you'll find that people will listen to you when you preach the gospel.
People will respect you and they'll want to hear what you have to say.
Whereas if you're just beating everybody over the head with the Bible while you're slacking on the job, breaking all the company's policies, well, you're going to notice that you don't get very far with that.
So what's the Bible saying here? That even the unsaved husband, submit to him, obey him, be a subjection to him, that could be the secret to winning him to Christ.
Your great testimony. But obviously, this is not an absence of the word.
A lot of people just take this without the word and run with it. They forgot that earlier in the sentence it said they didn't obey the word.
So then you, without the word, you win them over with your conversation.
Now let's keep going.
While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. What's the fear there? Fear of the Lord. Fear of God.
The Bible says in verse 3, whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair and of wearing of gold or of putting on of apparel.
But let it be the hidden man of the heart in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of great price.
For after this manner in the old time, the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands.
Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered.
So the Bible is saying that the husband should honor and love his wife, and that the wife should obey her husband.
Again, same thing as we've seen over and over in the New Testament's teaching.
So, the bottom line is this. When you get married, you are signing up for some responsibilities and some rights.
You've got some rights, and you've got some responsibilities.
And you say, well, I don't know if I signed up for it. When you got married, that's what you signed up for, according to the Lord.
I don't care what the world thinks you signed up for. In God's eyes, God looks down from heaven, and he sees you getting married, and he says, okay, these are your rights, these are your responsibilities, this is what I expect.
That's his perspective, okay? So, some of these are shared. Some of them are specific to men, specific to women.
What are the shared responsibilities, first of all? What responsibilities do both husband and wife have to each other when they get married?
Well, they have a responsibility to be faithful to each other, meaning that they're not going to be physically intimate with anyone outside of that marriage.
So, the man is keeping himself only unto her so long as they both shall live. The woman is keeping herself to him so long as they both shall live.
So, there's no adultery, right? There's no intimacy outside the marriage. You are both to be faithful.
Number two, you both have the responsibility to love each other, okay? To love each other, because the Bible tells the husband to love the wife, but it also commands the wife to love her husband in Titus chapter 2.
Both to love each other. Both to honor each other. The Bible says for the husband to honor the wife. For the wife to reverence the husband.
What does honor mean? Respect. Be respectful to your wife. Be respectful to your husband. We both need to honor one another.
Not only that, but we have a shared responsibility to provide companionship. You know, I am to provide my wife with a friend to go through life with, a companion.
And she is to provide me with that same companionship. These are shared responsibilities for husband and wife.
Not only that, but when we get married, we have a responsibility to provide physical intimacy, okay?
Yes, the Bible commands against adultery, but he also commands that within marriage, we indulge in that physical relationship in a godly, proper way.
Now look, that was one of the things on the list for marriage problems. In addition to housework, free time, money, in-laws, kids. Another thing was physical intimacy.
Why would physical intimacy be a point of contention? Well, the main bone of contention here is when one party wants to engage in that activity more than the other.
Okay? Everybody has their different needs, okay? Everybody has their different appetites. Now, when it comes to food, some people eat three meals a day.
Who eats less than three meals a day, regularly? Okay, see, here's the thing. So you're saying, hey, I eat less than three meals a day.
Well, guess what? I don't want to necessarily join you in that. Now, there are times when I'm trying to lose some weight or something when I might engage in that type of, you know, two-meal-a-day type of situation.
Or whatever. But in general, let's just, for the moment, for sake of argument, let's just say, I'm not interested in that. I'm eating three meals a day, buddy.
I'm eating three big meals a day. That's what I desire. That's what I crave. That's what's good for me. That's what keeps me at the right weight, keeps me at the right energy level.
I want to eat three times a day, right? And then what if my wife said, well, I only want to eat two meals a day, so that's all I'm going to provide.
Honey, I mean, it's your job to cook and clean. Where's breakfast? Or where, you know, or where's fourth meal, you know?
And I've been known to demand fourth meal at times. But anyway, you know, what's wrong with the English language for not having a name for it, amen?
But anyway, the point is, you know, what if she just looked at me and just said, well, no, I only eat twice a day, so that's all any of us are going to eat.
Like, what in the world? No, because the right solution here is you provide the three meals.
And, you know, you might only eat two of them, but you provide that third meal for my sake, right?
Or, conversely, let's say I say, well, I'm a man, I only eat two meals a day, right?
And here my wife is making three meals a day for her and the children, and I say, uh-uh, no kids, no honey, I eat two meals a day, if that's good enough for me, that's good enough for you.
You need to quit cooking this third meal for everyone else. Get on my program. Right? Does everybody kind of see what I'm saying?
Well, it's the same way with physical intimacy. The Bible says that we should not defraud each other, and I don't have time because this is not the focus of the sermon,
but in 1 Corinthians 7, the Bible's clear that if the husband wants to engage in that, the wife is not allowed to say no.
If the wife wants to engage in that, the husband's not allowed to say no. They don't have power over their own body.
They basically have yielded themselves to the other person. That's what marriage is.
And so, if a husband wants to engage in that activity, the wife must say yes and vice versa.
Now, statistics have shown that it's about 80% of the time the man is looking for more in that area.
And about 20% of the time, the woman is looking for more in that area as far as frequency.
But here's the thing about that. That shows that it could go either way. Even if it's 80-20, it still could go either way.
And the bottom line is, no matter which way it's going, you need to go with whoever has the greater appetite, you need to satisfy that appetite.
Why? Because the Bible's clear that if you don't, you're allowing Satan and Enrode to temptation.
Look, here's the thing. Let's say my wife doesn't feed me the meals that I need at home.
Then, guess what's going to be a temptation? The drive-thru window.
Right? And let's say we don't have the money for that.
But here I am just being tempted by all these burgers and fries and hot dogs.
Now here's the thing. Obviously that doesn't make it right to go out and buy that junk food.
But what do you think is more likely to happen?
Do you think it's more likely that I'm going to withstand the roach coach temptation, or withstand the temptation for spending money that we don't have on eating out, if I've been fed properly at home, or if I'm being withheld meals at home?
See what I'm saying?
So the point is, and look, this isn't some philosophy that I concocted.
This is what the Bible states in 1 Corinthians 7, that you don't defraud each other, that the husband does not have power over his own body.
The wife does not have power over her own body.
And that they render unto each other due benevolence and not defraud each other because he says that Satan tempt you not for your incontinence.
God does not want us living in a state of temptation.
That's why the Lord's Prayer says, lead us not into temptation.
So even though, obviously, a godly man is not going to commit adultery no matter what happens, or doesn't happen in his marriage.
He's still not allowed to commit adultery.
He has no excuse or justification to commit adultery.
God does not want men out there in that state of temptation.
That's a bad place for a man to be.
And God doesn't want women out there in this world in that state of temptation.
He wants us to fulfill that in a godly way.
That's what the Bible says.
And 1 Corinthians 7 is impossible to ignore.
So that solves the intimacy problem when we understand, hey, it's my job to satisfy my wife in that area, period.
And it's her job to satisfy me in that area, period.
That solves that issue.
Now the world's going to teach you the opposite of that.
The world's going to tell you, oh, that's abusive. That's horrible.
You know, it's marital rape or something, you know.
But guess what?
This world has lost their minds.
They're marrying two dudes with each other out there.
Are you going to listen to them tell you how to have a marriage?
No, I'm going to listen to the Apostle Paul.
I'm going to listen to 1 Corinthians 7.
I'm going to listen to the Word of God.
I don't care what some bold dyke lesbian has to say about it. Amen?
She's not going to tell me what is right and wrong within the bounds of marriage.
Hey, look, within the bounds of marriage, the Bible says that we're to not defraud one another.
And not to, unless there's consent to not withhold that relationship,
unless there's consent for a time of fasting and prayer or whatever,
but, you know, it has to be consensual.
And notice I didn't say that the physical act in marriage has to be consensual.
I said not doing it has to be consensual.
So put that in your pipe and smoke it.
So anyway, we see that those are the shared responsibilities of faithfulness,
love, honor, companionship, and physical intimacy.
Then the men have a specific responsibility of what?
Providing, leading spiritually, and providing security and protection to the family.
And then the women, they have the specific responsibility of keeping the house,
which involves cooking, cleaning.
They also have the obedience and submission responsibility.
And they also have the responsibility of being the primary caregiver of the children.
Look, we just solved all the world's problems, my friend.
Now, you say, well, that's easy.
Well, the hard part is obeying it, though.
Look, if I obeyed this list perfectly and my wife obeyed this list perfectly,
we're not going to have any marriage problems.
Okay, but guess what?
We do have marriage problems from time to time. Why?
Because I'm not perfect and she's not perfect.
So don't go into this expecting perfection
because you're human and your wife is human, your husband's human.
So go into it with a reasonable expectation of striving for the goal,
trying to reach the standard, doing the best you can.
But you know what? Don't expect your spouse to be perfect.
And you know what? Don't be too hard on yourself, either.
There are going to be times when you screw up.
You know, there are times when I screw up, I lose my temper or something.
I knew I shouldn't have blown up and lost my temper.
Or there are times when I fail in this area, fail in that area, or I'm bitter or whatever.
You know what? We need to just realize that we don't have to beat ourselves up and,
oh, I'm horrible, I'm horrible. No, no, no.
What we need to do is just, you know, just say you're sorry and move on.
Just tell your spouse you're sorry, sorry about that.
Let's start over, move on, move forward.
And you know, give your spouse that fresh start every day
and just keep trying and keep striving for the goal.
And God's advice is perfect.
It's just that we're not perfect in executing it.
So therefore, marriage is never going to be perfect.
But we can have a lot of joy in our marriage if we both strive to follow God's principles
and get the world's junk philosophy out at the curb where it belongs,
throw it in the trash, and get on God's program.
Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer.
Father, we thank you so much for your word, Lord,
and thank you for not throwing us into this challenge of marriage
without a map or a compass or a guide, Lord.
Thank you for these scriptures.
And Lord, I pray that every single person here would be renewed in their mind
and not follow the world's philosophy but to follow your philosophy.
In Jesus' name we pray, amen.