In Ephesians chapter 5, the part of the chapter that I want to focus on is the beginning of verse 25 there,
where the Bible reads,
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself forth,
that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
that he might present it to himself a glorious church,
not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
but that it should be holy and without blemish,
so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.
For he loveth his wife, loveth himself, for no man ever yet hated his own flesh,
but nourished and cherished it, that even as the Lord the church.
Now what I want to preach about tonight is basically those first words of Ephesians chapter 5,
where it says, husbands love your wives.
Now what I want to talk about tonight is different ways that the Bible tells us
that we should love our wives and how we should love our wives.
Now, God likens the love that we should have for our wives to the love that he has for the church,
and the love that he had for us as individuals when he died on the cross to pay for our sins.
So this is an extreme amount of love.
The Bible says for God so loved the world that he gave.
He's talking about the depths for which he loved the world,
that he gave his only to God's son,
that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.
He said, but God commended his love toward us,
in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.
So God's love is obviously the ultimate love that anyone could ever have,
and he tells us that we should love our wives as he loves us,
and as he loved the church and so forth by giving himself for it.
So how can we as husbands love our wives?
Now, again, this sermon is not really directed toward the ladies.
I've done other sermons that were more directed toward the ladies,
where I focus more on the part of the passage where it talks about
that the wives are supposed to obey their husbands and reference their husbands
and treat them with respect and so forth.
But tonight is more geared at the men.
What is their part in this thing of marriage?
What is their role?
What does God require of them?
What is God expecting them to do?
Now, marriage, the Bible says, is honorable in all and the bed undefiled,
but for mongers and adulterers God will judge.
God ordained the institution of marriage all the way back in the book of Genesis,
chapter number 2, when God placed the man and his wife in the Garden of Eden.
Right there he started out with that married couple,
and he instituted the bond of marriage.
It's all throughout the Bible.
It's an important subject, and so we ought to take our roles as husbands seriously.
Now, maybe you're single tonight, and so you might think this doesn't apply to you,
but to those that are young or teenagers or young men,
someday you will be married,
and you're going to need to know this information now in advance.
Ladies, this is for you to just sit back and listen,
but these principles can be applied to a lot of other things
if you can teach your children these things and so forth someday.
But I think that there's going to be something in the sermon for everyone tonight.
So in what way should husbands love their wives?
Well, first of all, turn, if you would, to Deuteronomy, chapter 24, verse 5.
Deuteronomy 24, verse 5.
We'll start out at the very beginning here
because this is talking about when a person first gets married.
This is referring to the first year of marriage.
It says in Deuteronomy, chapter number 24, verse 5,
it says, When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war,
neither shall he be charged with any business,
but he shall be free at home one year,
and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.
So the principle that we can take from this verse in Deuteronomy 24, 5
is that God wants us to spend time with our wives.
Here he talks about people that are newly married,
and he says it's not right to pull that guy out of the home
and send him off to war somewhere,
or to make him do some kind of work in a distant city or something.
It says that he needs to be at home
and spend time with his wife for that first year to cheer up his wife.
Now, what does the word cheer mean?
Well, if you look throughout the Bible and the word cheer
it talks about being of good cheer or being cheery.
It's cheerful.
It basically is talking about joy.
It's talking about being happy.
And God wants us to be happily married.
And so he says, look, when you first get married,
you know, spend that first year
and really focus on just being happy with your wife
and just spending time with your wife.
And today a lot of husbands don't spend any time with their wives.
They'd rather be out with their buddies
and hanging around with the guys,
or maybe they just spend all their time at work
and they spend their time on hobbies and things that don't involve their wife.
And look, there are a lot of things in our lives that matter.
Church matters, soul-winning matters,
our service for God matters, our job matters.
Those are really important things.
But our marriage also matters.
And God is saying here that starting out
on the right footing in your marriage is important.
And he's saying, especially in that first year,
be sure to spend adequate time with your wife,
to cheer up your wife, to basically rejoice
and have fun with your wife
and to build that relationship and that friendship.
Now, notice what it doesn't say.
Does that verse say,
don't have children for the first two years?
Is that mentioned? No.
Because there's a teaching out there today
even amongst Baptists and independent Baptists,
and I've heard this in church literally
probably from ten different preachers
just in my life growing up.
And they all said the same thing.
When you get married, you should wait two years
before you have children.
Wait two years, wait two years.
And I always thought to myself, you know, that isn't biblical,
that isn't right, that doesn't make any sense.
And I didn't agree with that, but you know what?
It was several years ago, I was reading about Margaret Sanger,
the founder of Planned Parenthood.
Planned Parenthood.
And did you know that she said in her book,
and this is the woman who basically fought
to make birth control legal in America,
and this is the woman who fought to start Planned Parenthood,
which is a total abortion center,
which is a wicked place.
She literally is the one who came up with that.
And in her book, she said that married couples
should wait two years before having...
It didn't come from this book.
It came from a book of a racist,
genocidal, eugenicist Margaret Sanger.
That's where that doctrine came from.
It's being repeated in churches today.
That's not what the Bible says, because they say,
well, you know, you've got to wait two years
to have children so you can get to know your wife.
Well, first of all, you should probably know your wife
a little bit before you get married.
That'd be a good idea.
But even if you got married and your wife became pregnant
right away, you've still got nine months
along with your wife before the baby comes.
And you're like, Brother Rodriguez is a new dad.
You know, he just had the baby born a few days ago.
I'll tell you right now,
that baby being born in that house,
that's going to strengthen that relationship.
It's not going to take away from it.
I mean, I'm married, and my wife and I,
we had children pretty much right away.
I mean, our first child was born
about a year after we got married.
So we pretty much jumped right into having children.
And you know what?
The more children we have, and today we have six children,
it has strengthened our marriage.
It has brought us closer together.
And did you know that the most common time
for people to get divorced
is either in the first two years of marriage
or in the first two years
after the last child leaves the home?
Did you know that?
That's just statistically,
those are the most dangerous times for your marriage.
Why? No children.
So just based on those statistics,
it sounds like children will help strengthen your marriage,
not tear it apart.
You know, if you're a young married person,
you're in that danger zone
if you're in those first two years,
just statistically speaking.
Maybe that's why God said,
you know, don't get too busy with everything else
if you just took a wife.
You better take that first year
and make sure that you build your marriage.
That's important.
And so in Deuteronomy 24, 5,
we see the principle of spending time with your wife.
That's one way that you can love your wife
is by giving of your time, giving of yourself,
always being too busy to just have a little fun
and cheer up your wife, okay?
Now, I don't really understand
why this wife even needs to be cheered up or something.
Like it's bad getting married or something.
I don't know, but, you know.
I don't think it necessarily means, like,
cheer her up like she's sad,
but rather just rejoice and, you know, enjoy
and be cheerful and have a good time
is what that's referring to,
because of the fact that, you know,
you want to build that relationship.
Let's go to 1 Corinthians 7.
I'm sorry, go to 1 Corinthians 14.
That's another part of the sermon.
1 Corinthians 14.
So first of all, we see that one way to love your wife
is to spend time with your wife
and build that relationship.
But not only that, it says in 1 Corinthians 14,
in verse 35, it says,
And if they will learn anything,
let them ask their husbands at home,
for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.
Now, this is a verse that's often used
to explain why women should not be speaking in church.
You know, why we have a man behind the pulpit preaching
and why everybody who does the speaking role
in church is a man.
But what we can learn from this subject also
is that a husband in his proper role
should basically be equipped
to be able to answer the spiritual questions
of his wife, right?
So part of the husband's role is to be a spiritual leader
where his wife can ask him a question about the Bible
and he doesn't just go,
I don't know.
Right?
Because he hasn't read it.
And that's why the Bible says,
Study to show thyself approved unto God
a workman that needeth not to be ashamed,
rightly dividing the worship.
Because if you don't know the Bible,
that's embarrassing.
That's a shame.
You know, your wife keeps asking you stuff about the Bible
and you don't know what you're talking about.
You better study God's Word and read it
so that you can be equipped to lead your wife spiritually
and so that you can speak the truth to her in love.
Amen.
And God's Word is truth.
Now, as a pastor, people expect me to know the answer
to questions that they ask me.
People ask me Bible questions all the time.
You know, Brother Davis asked me a question before the service
and he's asking me about them putting the oil
on the right ear and the right thumb
and I just say, you know,
I'm not really sure what that means, Brother Davis.
You know, he stumped me right before the service.
But it'd be pretty sad if every time he or anyone else
walked up to me and asked me a question about the Bible,
I didn't know the answer.
Now, I'm not ashamed every once in a while
when I don't know the answer, you know,
about why the oil was put in the palm of the left hand
and put on the tip of the right ear.
You know, that's a tough question, okay?
And I don't know everything.
But at least I know a lot, you know?
Otherwise, I wouldn't even be qualified to be a pastor.
And you know what?
You ought to know a lot of Bible
as a husband because really that is your church,
if you think about it, because the Bible says
if a man know not how to rule his own house,
how shall he take care of the church of God?
You know, you start out,
I started out long before I pastored a church.
I pastored the Anderson family.
You know, I led that family.
I taught that family.
And so part of your role as a husband
is to be the spiritual leader,
to know the answers to questions,
to know your Bible,
and to be able to preach the Bible
and teach the Bible unto your wife in love.
So you've got to be there.
You've got to spend time with her.
And you want to be the leader
that can teach and preach the Bible
and answer the questions that your wife has.
Go to Colossians 3, 19.
Colossians chapter 3, verse 19.
So basically we're just hitting
a lot of different passages in the Bible tonight
just showing different things
that God commands us to do as husbands,
ways in which we can love our wives
and show our wives that we love them.
Look at Colossians chapter number 3, verse 19.
This is kind of a parallel passage
between Galatians 5.
It says in Colossians 3, 19,
husbands, love your wives
and be not bitter against them.
Okay.
What is bitterness?
Well, if you look at bitterness in the Bible,
it's when people brood over past wrongs
that were done to them.
The Bible talks about holding a grudge
against thy people in Leviticus.
He tells us we should not grudge one against another.
We should not be bitter against our wife.
You see, part of what Jesus Christ showed,
the love that He showed
when He died on the cross for our sins,
was that He was forgiving us.
He forgave us of all our sins
if we believe on them.
Well, the Bible teaches us as husbands
that we should be forgiving of our wives.
There are going to be times
that your wife makes a mistake
and does wrong or says the wrong thing.
We should not be bringing that up again
and being bitter about it.
And weeks later,
oh, I'm still mad about that.
You know, I shouldn't be mad about something
that my wife did yesterday.
Did you hear me?
I shouldn't be mad about something
that she did yesterday
or mad about something that she did a week ago
or a year ago or a month ago.
I'm supposed to let that go.
I'm not supposed to be bitter.
He said love your wives,
and here's how you're going to do it
by not being bitter against them
because it's going to be hard for you
to show your wife the love that you owe her
if you're bitter and angry at her
because of something that she did in the past.
That's why the Bible says
let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
You know, from day to day,
you shouldn't hold a grudge
or have bitterness
toward any of your fellow brothers
and sisters in Christ, period.
Anybody in this church,
you shouldn't hold a grudge about,
you know, six months ago,
the way that she looked at me,
and I appreciate how she kind of
didn't shake my hand.
She kind of walked over.
You know, we shouldn't hold a grudge against anybody,
but especially not against your wife
because part of your job
as being a Christ-like husband
is to forgive,
to let things go.
Just like Jesus said,
Father, forgive them,
for they know not what they do.
We should forgive our wife
every wrong that she's ever...
You see, I should have a completely clean slate
with my wife today
except for all the stuff she did this afternoon.
You know what I mean?
No, I'm just kidding.
But anyway, you know,
it should be a totally clean slate.
It shouldn't be something from yesterday
or the way, you know,
if I'm mad about something,
it's something that happened today.
It ought to be, okay?
Because we should never hold a grudge.
And, you know, isn't it good
to just wake up every morning
with a clean, new start?
You know, you don't want to wake up,
and you already know your husband's already mad
or your wife's already mad at you
because they're bitter
and holding a grudge about something else.
That's going to destroy your relationship.
That bitterness is going to...
is going to canker and spread and get worse.
And so part of the way that we love our wives
is by being forgiving
and not being bitter about past wrongs
that they've done to us.
You say, well, you know what?
Your wife's going to do you wrong?
Well, obviously.
Obviously, husbands are going to do wrong
with their wives.
Wives are going to do wrong.
We're all human.
None of us is perfect.
And so we have to be able to let things go
as Christians.
That's part of being a Christian.
So first of all,
we need to spend time with our wife.
Take the time necessary
to cultivate that relationship with our wife.
That's important to our spiritual life.
We also need to, you know,
be able to learn the Bible
and be the spiritual leader.
We also need to be forgiving
and show our wife love
by forgiving and letting things go.
But not only that,
it's our job to provide for our wife.
Go to Exodus chapter 21.
Exodus chapter 21.
And while you're turning there,
I'll read to you a more famous passage
from 1 Timothy chapter 5
where it says,
But if any provide not for his own,
and especially for those of his own house,
he hath denied the faith
and is worse than an infidel.
So the Bible teaches us
that it's our job
to provide for those of our own house.
And if we don't,
we're as bad as an infidel?
No, we're worse than an infidel.
The Bible says we need to provide
for those of our own house
that we feed and clothe our wife.
But here in Exodus 21,
now this is a verse
that you're probably not often
going to hear preached in church
just because it's a little bit of a...
I don't know what you say.
It kind of alludes to something
that we don't accept in our society
because, you know,
it's wrong in the first place.
But back in the Bible days
and back in the time
when Exodus 21 was given
to the children of Israel,
you know, there were a lot of people
that had multiple wives.
Now, listen,
it was never right
for people to have multiple wives.
God never ordained that.
He says that no one
who has had multiple wives
could ever be a bishop
or a deacon in the church.
He said at the beginning,
he made them male and female
and said that a man shall
cleave unto his wife
and they too shall be one flesh,
not three.
He said two shall be one flesh.
And what God has joined together,
let not man put aside.
God never condoned multiple wives.
He said in Deuteronomy,
thou shalt not multiply wives.
So, you know,
we should not have multiple wives.
God never condoned of that.
But in the book of Exodus,
we have not only spiritual laws,
we also have civil laws
about how to govern their sight.
They didn't have a whole
separate set of laws
for their government.
Basically, the biblical law,
that was all their law.
It handled all their civil needs.
It handled all their criminal needs.
And it was their spiritual work also.
So it was all in one.
And so multiplicity of wives
in the Bible days
was a reality.
God never condoned it.
It was always a sinful,
wrong thing to do.
But it existed.
That's a fact.
It did exist.
And there were men in the Bible
who had multiple wives.
Every story you look at
where men had multiple wives,
it was all kinds of problems.
It led to all kinds of trouble
and strife and friction.
Because that's never been
God's plan.
It never will be God's plan.
It's one man and one woman
is what the Bible defines
as marriage.
Not a multiplicity of wives.
But today, did you know
that there are countries
in the world
where multiple wives exist?
Now in America,
having more than one wife
is illegal.
In places like,
I don't know,
Saudi Arabia or something.
Who's ever been
to Saudi Arabia before?
Anybody been in the military?
You been over there, Kirk?
Do people have more than one wife
there to some people?
Yeah.
Because it's an Islamic place.
And in Islam,
according to Islam,
you're allowed to have
up to four wives.
And I always ask the Islamic people,
why did Mohammed have five?
They say,
well, that was just an exception.
Okay, whatever.
But anyway, they say,
four is the limit.
I don't know
where they come up with that,
but they claim.
So look,
if you're living
in an Islamic country,
you're going to be surrounded
by some people
that have multiple wives.
Doesn't make it right.
It's never been right.
The Muslims are wrong about that.
But here, he's explaining
that if a man
takes a second wife,
okay, this is just,
if a man is not,
he's not saying it's right.
He's never condoned with it.
But he says in verse 10
of Exodus 21,
if he take him another wife,
her food,
her raiment,
and her duty of marriage
shall he not diminish.
Now, what is this talking about?
Well, this is explaining
the fact that,
let's say a guy
is married to a certain wife.
Let me turn there.
I lost my place here.
Give me one second.
He's saying, you know,
a guy's got a wife,
and it's his job
to feed that wife,
to clothe that wife,
and then the duty of marriage,
that's basically, you know,
talking about
what husbands and wives do,
you know?
And he's basically
explaining the fact
that if he has a second wife,
then he's still responsible
for giving, you know,
fulfilling his first wife's
three needs there
that are listed.
Okay.
So right there,
we see clearly
that the Bible teaches
that it's our job as men,
and God is even demanding
that we treat our wives
in such a way
where we don't diminish
their food
or diminish their clothing
or diminish their duty,
our duty of marriage
toward them.
You say,
why would you turn
to such a bizarre person?
You know,
all scripture is given
by inspiration of God
as profitable for doctrine.
You know,
I'm not afraid
of the passage of the Bible.
You know,
God's law is perfect,
and he was dealing with,
obviously,
realities that existed.
God's perfect plan
was not followed by people
who had a second wife,
but he explained,
well, look,
if you do have two wives,
you know,
you cannot treat them poorly.
And he explains,
you know,
we could go on and on
because he explains
other things like,
you know,
you can't treat the kids
of the one wife
better than that wife
because your life
has got to be just
and fair and handle
that situation.
Because even when we do
things that are wrong,
God doesn't just,
you know,
throw us under the bus.
He still has
a plan for our lives,
and he still used
people in the Bible
who had made this mistake
of having multiple lives,
okay?
And so that's what
he's explaining here.
But that shows that,
you know,
I should provide for my wife
a good standard of living.
I'm not saying to be
rich or wealthy.
The Bible says that having
food and arraignment,
that we should be
there with content.
And notice,
that's the two things
he brings up here,
isn't it?
You know,
maybe I may not be able
to provide my wife
with a mansion to live in
and a fancy vehicle
and all the different things,
and maybe you can't,
but you know,
you are demanded by God
to provide your wife
with three square meals a day,
you know,
healthy, good food
for your wife.
Don't send her to McDonald's.
You know,
don't give her junk to eat
or diminish it.
You know,
put her on a ration.
You know,
feed your wife.
And it's funny because
the Bible gets said
and it feeds you sacrifice
that we should nourish
and cherish our wives.
You know,
what is nourishment?
What's nourishment?
No,
McDonald's is not nourishment.
You know,
nourishment is nutrition.
You know,
so we should provide
a standard of living,
I'm not saying,
you know,
anything fancy,
but you know,
to feed our wife quality food
and to keep our wife
in decent clothing.
That's part of our job.
It says,
that's what God demands of us,
to keep her in decent clothing.
And then he also said
the duty of marriage.
You know,
part of our job as husbands
is to basically have
a physical relationship
with our wife.
And it's not optional.
Okay,
and you know,
people who are single
and unmarried,
you know,
this often boggles the mind
that why anyone
would have to hear this.
And you know,
it boggles my mind today.
But there are people out there
who abstain from this activity
within their marriage.
It's true.
There are people out there today,
and go to 1 Corinthians 7,
this is where I almost
heard you a little bit earlier.
This is part of the way
that we show love
toward our wives.
You know,
first of all,
we need to be a provider.
We need to spiritually lead
and teach the Bible
and be able to answer
our wife's spiritual questions.
We should be forgiving
and not bitter.
We should spend time
with our wife
and build the relationship.
But not only that,
but we should basically
fulfill our wife's physical need.
And it says in 1 Corinthians 7,
verse number 1,
it says,
Now concerning the things
whereof you wrote unto me,
it is good for a man
not to touch a woman.
Nevertheless,
to avoid fornication,
let every man have his own wife,
and let every woman
have her own husband.
Let the husband render
unto the wife,
do but him.
Let's likewise also
the wife unto the husband.
Let the wife have not power
of her own body,
but the husband.
And likewise also,
the husband hath not power
of his own body,
but the wife.
Defraud ye not,
one the other,
except it be with consent
for a time,
that ye may give yourselves
to fasting and prayer,
and come together again,
that Satan tempt you not
for your incontinency.
So right there,
the Bible says that
we should not defraud our wife,
or that our wives
should not defraud us
of the physical relationship.
And you know,
that's a pretty strong word,
fraud.
I mean,
what if someone was
convicted of fraud?
You'd think,
well, they wrote a bad check.
They told a bunch of lies.
Well, you know,
part of what you're getting into
when you get married
is you make that vow
that says to have and to hold
from this day forward, okay?
And that's part of being married.
You know,
otherwise,
why not,
why wouldn't my wife
just be friends
for the rest of her life?
You know what I mean?
That's the reason
why you get married
to one person,
because that's the difference
right there.
That's part of it.
And so just as much
as I should not tell my wife,
sorry,
no food for you today,
I'm saving up
for that new bass boat
or whatever.
You know what I mean?
I'm not into fishing.
Somebody might relate
to that illustration.
I don't know anything
about fishing.
You know,
you're going to have to
cut back on your meals
a little bit.
I mean,
you know,
wouldn't you say
that would be defrauding her?
Or,
you know,
I know your clothes
are falling apart,
but sorry.
You know,
can't buy you any clothes.
But, you know,
it's the same thing here.
We shouldn't basically abstain
from that relationship
with our family.
And you know why
a lot of people have
abstained from that
relationship with their spouse?
Because of bitterness, too.
You know,
spouses get angry
at one another,
and then they basically abstain
from the marriage bed,
as the Bible calls it,
and then you know
what's going to happen?
Basically,
it's going to lead
to a divorce.
It's going to lead
to making sure
that we keep the relationship
with our wife right.
And if we follow all these steps
that I'm giving you,
you're going to have
the right relationship
with your wife.
If you're providing.
If you're paying,
not saying,
you go to work
so that you can buy
food and clothes for yourself.
My wife does not have
separate finances
where I say,
well, this is my money.
You better,
you go out,
if you want to eat,
you want to have clothes,
go do it yourself.
No.
It's my job,
as a husband,
to provide the food
and clothes in my house.
It's not her job.
Why didn't he say
in Exodus 21,
well, if he gets
a second wife,
then she gets
a second job
to pay for it.
No.
He said,
no, it's your job
as a husband
to pay for the food
and raiment
in that house.
And so,
if I'm doing
what I'm supposed to do,
I'm going to have
the right relationship
with my wife.
And you know,
we can blame
a lot of problems
in the marriage and say,
oh, it's all her fault.
But wait a minute,
who's the leader?
You know,
the buck stops here.
If there's a problem
in my house,
I'm not going to go around
whining about it
and say,
oh, it's just my wife,
and I married
the wrong person,
and oh, it's just she's this
and she's that.
You know what?
Don't ever,
don't ever look at me
and whine at me
about your wife.
Because you know what?
That is not
a manly attribute
to go around
and whine
and complain
and fail to leave.
Okay?
Because if there's
a problem in your house,
it's your failure to leave.
I mean,
who would you blame
if our church was wrong?
Who would you blame?
Ah!
It's just these stupid
church members.
You know,
like let's say
I'm pastoring this church,
right?
And let's say
nobody goes soloing.
Yeah,
a bunch of stupid
church members
don't go soloing.
I don't get it.
Well,
if the church member
is not going soloing,
there's probably
a problem with the leader.
You know,
because if you look
at a church
with a strong leader,
the people are
out soloing.
You know what I mean?
And let's say
you have a church
where everybody's
worldly and sinful
in their lifestyle.
The first place I've looked,
just stop and think
about it for a second.
Look at a church,
you walk in,
everybody's sinful
and worldly
and ungodly
in their lifestyle.
Where's the first place
you're going to look?
Wait a minute.
Is this guy preaching
on sin?
Isn't that the first thing
a pastor ever preached
on sin?
I remember
we walked into a church
one time.
I was with my family
when I was a child.
You know,
I was with my parents.
We walked into a church
and everybody in the pew,
the pastor preached
at King James,
but everybody in the pew
had all different versions.
You know,
my dad was kind of
looking over the pew
and he was seeing
the NIV
and the Living Bible.
And my dad said,
well,
you know,
this isn't a good church
because he said
this pastor
is failing to teach.
I mean,
you know,
you can look around
at a church.
Let's say I walk in a church
and all the ladies
are dressed wrong
and they're dressed
contrary to God's word.
Who are we going to blame?
Ah,
there's a bunch
of lame women today.
No.
You're going to look
at the pulpit and say,
this guy has failed to teach.
This guy has failed to preach.
Let's say you go
to the grocery store
and this is important
what I'm saying right now.
You go to the grocery store
and a kid's throwing
himself on the ground.
Oh,
that's a bad,
bad kid.
No,
you're going to say
it's a bad,
what?
A bad parent
because you know
that that is the one
who's responsible.
That's the leader.
Well,
you know,
when you see a bad marriage,
where's the first place
you want to look?
Bad husband,
bad leader,
okay?
And this is not an excuse
for ladies
to be ungodly
and to just blame their husband.
He's not leading me.
But what I'm saying today
is that men need to man up
and take the responsibility
and say,
if there's a problem
in my house,
it's my problem.
If there's a problem
in my marriage,
I'm going to take
responsibility for it.
I'm failing to lead.
I'm failing to teach,
okay?
And that's not to say
that ladies
don't do anything wrong
or that wives
do not commit.
But tonight,
I'm not preaching to the wives.
I'm preaching to the men
and I have had other sermons
where I preach against the wives
that are disobedient.
But you know what?
Right now,
I'm preaching to the men.
And I'm saying
that the men
don't cop out
and hide behind it
and say,
oh, it's just,
you don't know what
my wife is like
or what she's done.
They're all like that.
Grow up,
man up,
and take care of the problem.
You know,
and what I'm saying is,
and that was not meant
to be insulting.
But the point is
that we as men
need to take the responsibility
and say,
hey, the buck stops here.
You know,
we're the leader.
We ought to set the example
and you know what?
Show your wife
a lot of love.
You know,
give your wife a gift.
Spend time with your wife.
Provide for your wife financially.
Show your wife love physically.
Show her love
by your forgiving attitude
and by teaching her the Bible.
And you know what?
Do all of those things
and I think that
your marriage will be fine.
You know,
no matter who you're married to.
Honestly.
But I think that it's just,
it's easier just to point
the finger at someone else.
And just say,
well, she's this
and she's that.
When you know,
you gotta ask yourself,
wait a minute,
have I really done everything
that I was supposed
to be doing biblically?
Everything that I'm
laying out right here?
All these different things
that I'm showing from the Bible
that God commands us to do?
You know,
if you're not doing
all of the above,
then you're probably gonna
have problems in your marriage.
And you can't really blame
anybody but yourself there.
Look at Proverbs chapter five.
Proverbs chapter number five.
And look,
new marriage is perfect.
That's why so many
marriages end in divorce.
Because,
you know,
being married is not
always easy.
It has its ups and downs.
It has the really good times
and it has some bad times.
But you know what?
You just gotta stay with it.
And you gotta stay
till death do us part
and keep that vow.
And if you put these
principles into practice,
you're gonna have success.
But he says in
Proverbs chapter five,
verse 15,
he says,
drink waters
out of thine own cistern
and running waters
out of thine own well.
And just to give you
the context here,
he's talking about
before this,
you know,
adulterous women.
And basically women
that will try to
seduce a man into adultery.
Okay?
He says in verse 16,
let thy fountains
be dispersed abroad
in rivers and waters
and thy streets.
Let them be only thine own
and not strangers with thee.
Let thy fountain be blessed
and rejoice with
the wife of thy youth.
Now,
rejoice with the wife
of thy youth?
That kinda reminds me
of Deuteronomy 24-5
about sharing your wife.
He says,
rejoice with the wife
of thy youth.
It comes from the word
joy.
Rejoice.
He says,
let her be as the loving
kind and pleasant
throat.
Let her breast
satisfy thee
at all times
and be thou ravished
always with her love.
And why wilt thou,
my son,
be ravished with
a strange woman
and embrace
the bosom
of a stranger?
You know,
the Bible's telling us here
that one way
that we can love our wife,
too,
is by being faithful
to our wife.
Here,
he's talking about
embracing the bosom
of a stranger.
Here,
he's talking about
committing adultery.
And you know,
as a husband,
we need to be faithful
to our wife.
And obviously,
that means not
committing adultery.
But you know,
as I alluded to this morning,
what about our thought life?
What about inside
of our heart?
We need to keep
a pure heart
where our love
and affection
is for our wife only
and not for other women.
Right?
We shouldn't have
all these feelings
toward other women
instead of our wife,
which is basically
covetous things.
Instead of being
content with the wife
that God has given us,
oftentimes,
men are covetous
of someone else's wife.
That's why it's even
in the Ten Commandments.
Thou shalt not covet
thy neighbor's wife.
And we see today
men lusting after
other women,
whether it be on the
TV screen
or on the billboard.
But you know,
even if you don't watch TV,
which I don't watch TV,
and you ought not
watch all the worldly
prophets on TV,
but let's face it.
In our lives,
as men,
we are going to be
faced with women
that are not dressed properly.
We're going to be
faced with women
whose goal is to seduce,
just like he said
in Proverbs,
the way that they
wear the attire
of a harlot,
the clothing of a harlot,
the Bible says
in Proverbs 5.
And they go out
and the Bible says
that the adulterous
will hunt
for the precious life.
And so today,
when you go to work,
or when you're out
to eat,
or when you're out
living your life,
there are going to be
ladies around
that are not dressed right.
And there are going to be
wicked women out there
whose goal is that
men would lust after them,
whose goal is that
they might commit adultery
with a married man.
It's true.
The Bible says
that they're out there.
And so therefore,
you've got to make
a decision.
As Job said,
I made a covenant
with my eyes.
How then should I
think upon a maid?
David said that he would
look right eye.
He didn't want to turn
to the right hand or the left
and that he didn't want
to set any wicked thing
before his eyes.
We need to decide,
you know, let's face it,
you're going to see
women that are dressed wrong.
But are you going to,
as Job said,
think upon that maid?
Or are you going to
lust after her
and commit adultery
with her in your heart?
You cannot help
in your life
but to see
women who are dressed wrong.
You're going to see.
You know,
unless you just walk yourself
up in a cave somewhere,
you're going to see it.
You're going to see,
especially as we're
getting into summertime,
you're going to see
the short shorts.
You're going to see
the halter top.
You're going to see the,
you know.
And like, you know,
you obviously want to
limit your exposure to it.
But see, here's the thing.
When you see it,
do you take a second look
or do you look away?
You know,
just because somebody
walks by or just because
that billboard is there,
you might see it
and you can't help that
but to see it.
But you know what you can
help is when you stop
and take a second look
or when you continue to look
or when you think about it
and dwell upon it
and when you think
a lustful thought
toward a woman
that is not your own.
Let me tell you something.
I know for a fact,
I'll tell you right now,
that my wife would not
feel loved if I was looking
at some other woman.
That's not going to make
her feel loved.
Right?
I mean, do you think
that ladies feel loved
if they found that their
husband has pornography?
Or if they found that
their husband is staring
at some other woman?
Or staring at some billboard?
Or staring at some advertisement?
Or staring at some
young girl going by?
That's not going to
make her feel loved
because that's going to
make her feel like,
well, I'm not good at that.
So he has to look elsewhere.
You know, we have to
show our wives love
by keeping ourselves
only unto them
so long as we both shall live.
And that includes
not just physically.
Obviously, we should not
embrace the bosom
of a stranger.
But not only that,
we should also keep our
mind and our heart
in love with her
and not someone else.
And to be ravished
always with her love
and not with someone else's.
And not always be
looking somewhere else.
And by the way,
the grass is greener
on the other side
of the fence sometimes.
You know, you might think,
oh, I wish I had
this other wife.
It's a foolish thought.
You know, because God
has blessed you
with the wife that you have.
You ought to be
thankful for her.
You ought to, you know,
praise God for her.
You ought to love her.
Spend time with her.
Build that relationship.
Provide for her.
Care for her.
Nourish her.
Cherish her.
Don't look at all the
other women out there
and lust after them.
Have all of that desire
only pointed
where it ought to be pointed,
which is at your
lawfully wedded wife.
And that's going to make
your wife feel
a lot more love,
I'll tell you right now.
Because I'll tell you right now,
I wouldn't feel very loved
if I thought that my wife
was in love with another man.
Even if she didn't
commit adultery.
Just to think that
if my wife were infatuated
with some other man,
or idolized some other man,
that wouldn't make me
feel loved at all.
That'd make me upset.
That'd make me angry.
Well, it's a two-way street.
You know, what if I,
you know, this could be silly,
but what if I found my wife
has some Hollywood star
that she's on into?
You know what I mean?
I mean, I'm using it
as a joke, obviously.
It's not legit.
But let's say I just found,
you know, she's just really,
and who, what guy,
what's the guy that
these married women are,
think is so cool
out in the world in Hollywood?
Who's, come on,
help me out, worldly ones.
Obama.
Not Obama.
Now that would be,
that would be,
I wouldn't feel
very loved at all.
That would be a bummer.
So, you know,
you know what I'm
talking about, though.
What's the guy that they
think is so, you know,
oh, Tom Cruise or something.
Is that one of them?
Wouldn't that be one
that they think is so cute?
Brad Pitt.
There we go, Brad Pitt.
Now we know who's really,
you know, looking at these
Hollywood stars.
But anyway, yeah,
thank you.
You know, Brad Pitt.
What if my wife
just went around saying,
oh, Brad Pitt is so cool.
Brad Pitt is so good looking.
Wait a minute,
I thought I was good looking.
You know, I thought I was cool.
I thought I was the guy
that you think is so cool.
But stop and think about that, guys.
And I think if you stop
and think about that,
maybe then you realize
that all things whatsoever
you would that men should do
to you, that you would
even do so under that.
And if I don't want my wife
idolizing Brad Pitt
and Tom Cruise
and all this stuff,
you know, then I shouldn't be
looking at the women stars
of this world and thinking
that they're so beautiful
and they're so wonderful
and so talented and so cool.
You know, I wouldn't want
my wife to be praising
some other man to me,
telling me how great
and how wonderful he is
and how good looking he is.
You know, I'm a very
jealous husband.
And every real man
is a jealous husband,
by the way.
God's name is jealous.
I'm sick of people,
I'm sick of these bunch
of feminazis telling me
it's wrong to be jealous.
Jealous is my middle name.
You know, I mean,
literally, my wife
will say something like,
my wife will literally
just casually say something
like, oh, he's a nice guy.
I'm like, what's that
supposed to mean?
I'm just kidding.
But the bottom line is,
I don't want her idolizing
some other guy.
I wouldn't want her
to have some,
do you think I want her
to have some poster
of Brad Pitt on the wall
in her sewing room?
Right about the sewing machine.
There's Tom Cruise.
You know, but then,
but wait a minute.
Then why do the guys
have out in the garage
the bikini poster?
Think about that.
And you know,
a lot of wives today,
they'll act like they don't care
just because they want
to be cool,
they want to fit in,
and you know,
I don't mind if my husband
has the bikini calendar
out in the,
but I guarantee you
they're probably
hurts them on the inside.
That their husband
has that bikini calendar
out in the garage.
That's not love in your wife.
You know when you've got
a bunch of pictures
of everybody else
that you think looks better?
You know,
why do you have to
look at other women?
That just shows that
she isn't loved
like she should have.
Because all of your love
should be directed at your wife
when it comes to that
aspect of love in your life.
And so think about that.
If you don't want her
to idolize,
you know,
then you shouldn't have
the bikini calendar
or the bikini poster
or all these other women
that you think are so beautiful.
And you know,
I don't go with my friends
at work and say,
oh, so this woman's hot.
That should never
come out of your mouth.
So and so on would start,
oh she's hot.
Oh man,
she's beautiful.
You know,
that shouldn't
come out of your mouth.
You know,
if I'm praising
a woman's beauty,
it ought to be
my wife's beauty.
I don't want her saying,
oh that guy is so handsome,
he's so rugged.
You know,
that's not going to make
me feel very loved.
And so I'm not going
to say it to her
and she's not going
to say it to me.
You know,
look,
I'm the only rugged man
that you need honey,
all right.
So anyway,
I'm just kidding around.
But the bottom line is,
we ought to love our lives.
You know,
and we ought to be thankful
that we have a wife
that God has blessed us with.
And let's not take
it for granted.
Let's treat her right.
You know,
treat her first class
and do all these things
that are listed,
not look elsewhere,
but just love her,
feed her,
clothe her,
you know,
spend time with her,
hang out with her,
you know,
show your love physically
to her and no one else.
And to keep your thoughts
and your heart
and your affection,
you know,
for God,
number one,
to love him with all the heart
and love him more than anyone.
But you know what,
on this earth,
you know,
as a man right here,
there's no woman
that I love more than my wife
and there ought never
to be another woman.
Even if I,
well,
I just love her
in a different way.
You know,
it's platonic.
Plato was a stinking sodomite.
That's why he had all these,
he was so platonic
because he's a fag.
Get real.
Don't tell me,
well,
I just,
you know,
I'm just really close
with this guy at the office,
but it's just platonic.
You know,
that's not right.
I don't hang on the phone
to women that I'm not with.
I don't just get together
and hang out
and just have lunch
with women
that I'm not married to
because,
you know what,
this is the main woman
in my life right here.
And yeah,
I have other peripheral relationships.
I have,
you know,
relationships with my sisters
and my mother
and obviously the ladies
at church
are my sisters in Christ.
You're not going to see me
getting together
with ladies from church
and having lunch
hanging on some big phone call,
you know,
talking for hours.
You know,
you're not going to see me
hanging on some big phone call,
you know,
talking for hours,
getting together recreationally.
It isn't right.
And,
you know,
that can go for the ladies as well.
We need to keep ourselves
only under her,
man.
That's who you,
and you know what,
that's who you chose.
That's who you married.
And you say,
well,
and look,
I hope that this doesn't fit
anyone's example,
but let's say you just say,
well,
I just don't love my wife.
Well,
then shame on you
because God didn't say
that love is some feeling
that's going to come over you.
He wants you to love your wife.
That's your choice to love your wife.
And I guarantee you
that if you stop and think about it,
there's going to be a lot of things
that are lovable about your wife
that you can focus upon
and grow in love with your wife.
And get to know your wife more
and you'll find more things
to love about it.
And so don't just have this attitude of,
well, you know,
the ball and chain
or whatever.
You know,
you need to love and cherish
and nourish your wife.
Let's borrow this and have a word of prayer.
Father,
thank you so much
for this biblical truth tonight
about how to have a good marriage, dear God,
and how to be a proper husband.
And Lord,
I just pray that every husband
that's here tonight
would take this sermon seriously
and really let it sink in.
You know,
we joked around a little bit,
but I just pray
that they would really take it seriously
and really treat their wife well
and treat their wife
the way that they would want to be treated.
And to love their wife
and cherish their wife
and please just strengthen the marriages
of our church, dear God,
and help us to be able to raise children
that would bring glory to you.
And I just today pray.
Amen.