And last week, I preached a sermon about divorce, and I explained what the Bible taught about divorce.
We went into the teachings of Jesus, the Apostle Paul, we went into the Old Testament,
and everything was consistent, everything matched up, that God was clearly against divorce,
and that He clearly pronounced that a person who gets divorced and then marries someone else is committing sin.
And we talked about that last week, and I did the whole sermon on that.
I'm not going to re-preach last week's sermon.
But this morning, I want to talk about the subject of marriage and how to have a biblical marriage,
and how to have a righteous marriage, because frankly, our world today is failing in the area of marriage.
75% of marriages are ending in divorce.
Now that is a serious, serious problem, and it has other repercussions on society.
It has repercussions on the children.
It has repercussions on our morals as a nation.
And so, you know, we need to lay the axe to the root of the tree, and at least solve this
problem amongst God's people.
Obviously, the world out there is not interested in living according to God's Word.
They're not interested in what the Bible has to say about this subject, and therefore they
are going to continue to fail.
But we as God's people should be different, should be a peculiar people.
And so those of us that are saved and in church, and you know, you might have made mistakes
in the past, but from here on out, you need to get on God's program, get on a biblical
program and realize that if we're going to be different than the world, in the sense
that we're not going to have 75% of our marriages end in divorce, we're going to have to do
something different.
We're going to have to live our lives differently.
We're going to have to have a different set of principles guiding our lives than what
the world uses to guide their lives because they are failing.
But people often quote statistics saying that Christians are divorced just as much as non-Christians.
You know, that's a statistic that's put together just basically anybody who claims the name
of Christ, just lumping them all in as Christians, that they get divorced just as much as the
world does.
But I can say this, growing up in independent fundamental Baptist churches, I saw just as
much divorce in those independent fundamental Baptist churches as I saw out in the world.
Now thank God that has not been the case in our church for the past seven years that we've
been in existence.
We've not had that type of an atmosphere here, thank God.
But I think part of the reason why is because there was a lot of preaching going on in those
churches where I saw all the divorce in the independent fundamental Baptist churches,
that was wrong preaching.
First of all, the sermon that I preached last Sunday morning, they all got that wrong.
And number two, they all got wrong some of the things I'm going to preach this morning.
And so let's just let the Bible be our guide and some of the things I say this morning
might be upsetting to some people, but I'll say this, everything I say this morning is
going to be very strongly backed up with a lot of Bible.
And so ask yourself who the problem is.
Is it Pastor Anderson that I have a problem with or is it the Word of God that I have
a problem with?
So let's look at Ephesians chapter 5.
This is probably the most famous passage about husbands and wives because it's the passage
where God goes into the most detail about how husbands and wives should interact with
one another.
Look at verse 22.
It starts out by saying this,
So right out of the gate when he's explaining the subject of marriage, he starts out by
saying first of all we need to understand that the husband is the head of the wife,
that the husband is the boss, the husband is in authority, and that just as Christ is
the head of the church, the husband is the head of the wife in the same way.
Now let me ask you this.
To what degree does Jesus Christ have authority over our church?
I mean just ask yourself that question in your mind right now.
To what degree, let me put it, where do we draw the line on his authority?
Where do we say well, he doesn't have that much authority, we're not going to be that
subject unto him.
No he said all power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
And that's what Jesus Christ said and the church had better be subject to Jesus Christ.
The church had better be obedient to Jesus Christ.
I am not the head of this church as pastor.
I am a shepherd that God is placed to.
That's what the word pastor means, but I'm not the owner of the flock.
You know I'm like a shepherd that has basically been appointed to take care of his flock.
He's the actual owner, I'm working for him.
He is the chief bishop of our souls.
He is the chief shepherd, I am the under shepherd, I am not the head.
The church doesn't have to be subject to me in everything, but let me tell you something,
the church has to be subject to Jesus Christ in everything.
And of course we know that the word of God is the mind of Christ, and so if we want to
know what Jesus wants us to do as a church, we go to the word of God.
And we are in total subjection unto the church.
And you say wait a minute Pastor Anderson, that is too extreme to apply to marriage.
Well what does the Bible say?
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord.
It says you submit to your husband as you submit to the Lord.
Well how submissive are you to the Lord?
Well that's how submissive you're supposed to be to your husband.
That's what the Bible actually says.
Now let's reverse that.
I can tell how submissive you are to the Lord by looking at how submissive you are to your
husband.
Because God is the one who told you to obey your husband, and if you're not doing it,
we see where the problem is, a problem of disobedience to the word of God.
And so it says here wives, submit yourselves unto your husband even as unto the Lord.
Basically as if the Lord were your husband, as if you were married to Jesus.
How would you treat Jesus if he were your husband?
And of course we know that Jesus Christ did not have a wife on this earth, but we know
that the church is subject to Christ, and we know that wives are supposed to use that
as a model for their marriage.
It says in the next verse, for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is
the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husband to
a point, in most things, in many areas, in spiritual areas only, in financial areas only.
What does it say?
It says in everything, okay?
And so this is a hard saying for many people to hear in 2012, or 2012, good night, 2013.
You know when you preach this in 2013, I mean people experience physical pain hearing these
words, but these are not my words.
This is the word of God, this is the Bible.
And if you're experiencing physical pain, and if you are just cringing as you hear what's
being preached, tell me what have I added to the word of God?
Nothing.
But yet this message is not being brought out in America today.
That's why we have failure today.
That's why homes are failing, marriages are failing.
And look, you say, oh this is an anti-woman sermon.
No, I'm going to get to it later in the sermon, but let me tell you something.
When we do think God's way, everybody's happier.
Everybody's blessed.
This isn't a, yeah it's great for the man, but no, it's better for everybody.
Everybody's happy, everybody's blessed.
Look if you would at verse 25, let's get to the husbands.
So the first three verses are addressed at the wives.
He says wives, comma, and then he speaks to the wives, okay?
Now he's going to speak to the husbands.
He says, husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself
for it.
Now we're going to come back and expand on this about the husbands, but first flip over
to Colossians 3.
Flip over to Colossians 3.
We're going to expand on the topic of husbands loving their wives, but first let me just
show you this in Colossians 3.
Because Ephesians 5 goes into great detail, doesn't it?
In fact, the Scriptures on marriage here go from verses 22 to 33.
So we basically have 12 verses there dealing with marriage.
Now it's interesting because Colossians chapter 3 is a parallel passage to Ephesians 5.
And when I say it's a parallel passage, I mean that they both deal with the same subject
matter.
They both are saying the same thing.
Just one of them was said to the Ephesians, one was said to the Colossians.
But it's interesting because in Colossians, he doesn't spend as much time on marriage.
Instead he just boils it down into two verses.
He takes everything that's taught in Ephesians 5 in 12 verses and he boils it down into three
verses.
Look at Colossians 3.18 where he just addresses the wives and the husbands.
He says, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them.
So right there we see a quick synopsis of the whole picture of everything that he's
trying to teach in Ephesians 5.
When he gives it in Colossians 3, he just boils it down into two things.
Just one responsibility of the wives and one responsibility of the husbands.
So that's the main thing that basically husbands should give their wives and that wives should
give their husbands.
The Bible teaches here that the main thing that wives need to do in a marriage is be
submissive, to submit themselves unto their husbands.
That's their primary instruction, submit to your husband.
And then the primary instruction to the husband is love your wife.
And then he follows that up with, and be not bitter against them.
Now, go back to Ephesians 5 now with that in mind, with that synopsis in mind of where
just if we boiled it down, what is the main thing that God is asking wives to do?
Submit to their husbands.
And what is the main thing that God is asking husbands to do?
To love their wives.
But then he expands on it more in Ephesians chapter 5.
He says in Ephesians 5 that Christ is the head of the church as the husband is the head
of the wife.
Now think about this.
Jesus Christ loved the church, the Bible says.
Jesus Christ gave himself for it.
Look at verse 25.
Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he
might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So ought men to love their own wives as their own bodies.
He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
Now let me get to that and verse 29 in just a moment.
But just as Christ and the church is a model of submission for the wife, it's also a model
of love for the husband, the love that he's supposed to have.
Now, no one could compare any love on this earth to the love that Jesus Christ had for us.
The Bible says, greater love hath no man than this, than that a man lay down his life.
That's why the Bible says, for God so loved the world, meaning he loved the world so much
to such a degree, he so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever
believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.
What was the purpose of Jesus Christ giving his life?
What was the purpose of Jesus dying on the cross?
As the Bible says, if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.
The Bible says that if our righteousness or our salvation would come through keeping God's
law, then Christ is dead in vain.
Why would Jesus Christ even have to die on the cross if our righteousness and our works
and our following of the law could get us to heaven?
That's why it's so ridiculous to say, well, in the Old Testament, righteousness came by
the law.
Well, then Christ is dead in vain.
We could have just left that in place.
It's a false doctrine.
You see, righteousness does not come by keeping the law.
It comes by putting our faith in Jesus Christ.
So the purpose of Jesus dying on the cross was to forgive us of our sins, because if
he had not died on the cross, we would not have the forgiveness of sins because we have
redemption through his blood, the Bible says, the forgiveness of sins.
And if we didn't need the forgiveness of sins, then Jesus Christ died in vain if we were
righteous enough by keeping the law.
So do you see how the main reason why Jesus Christ came to this earth was to die on the
cross to pay for our sins and to forgive our sins and to offer us redemption and to reconcile
mankind unto himself.
So if God is giving that as a model for the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the
church and gave himself for it, and when it says he gave himself for it, it's talking
about the fact that he suffered and bled and died for our sins, to forgive our sins, and
the Bible sums all this up in one sentence over in Colossians by saying, husbands love
your wives and be not bitter against them.
Well what's bitterness?
It's the opposite of forgiveness, it's the exact opposite.
Forgiveness is when I let it go, when I do not hold someone accountable and continue
to hold them accountable for something.
Forgiveness is where it's done, it's over, it's forgotten, we forgive and forget.
Well what's bitterness?
The opposite.
Bitterness is where I look at past offenses and I look at past sins and I retain them
and I hang onto those sins and then I become bitter as I'm angry or brooding over those
sins.
Now think about this now, those who do not believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, their sins
are not forgiven, isn't that right?
Because the Bible says he that believeth on him is not condemned, but he that believeth
not is condemned already.
And God's wrath and the fire of God's wrath will continue to burn for all eternity toward
those who have rejected the gift of eternal life, won't it?
I mean the Bible says the smoke of their torment has ended up forever and ever, they have no
rest day or night.
He said depart from me, he cursed into everlasting fire.
He said these shall go into everlasting punishment prepared for the devil at his age.
I mean that's bitterness, I mean that's anger, that's wrath, that is not forgiveness, okay?
But to those who believe on Jesus Christ, they have that forgiveness, right?
He will not burn with his wrath toward them.
He will not be bitter against them.
He will forgive and forget and as far as the east is from the west, praise God, God has
separated us from our sins.
So now let's apply that to marriage here.
The Bible is saying that the primary thing that we need to do as husbands is to love
our wives and in order for us to love our wife as we should, we can't be bitter against
our wife or unforgiving of offenses.
Now even though the primary, and there's another aspect to love that I'm going to get to, but
this is the first aspect of love that I want to show, not being bitter, forgiving as Christ
forgave.
Even the ones who spat in his face, buffeted him, whipped him, and nailed him to the cross,
what did he say?
Father forgive them for they know not what they do.
So he was the ultimate in forgiveness.
The ultimate in giving people another chance.
The ultimate in forgetting and moving on and loving in spite of negative things that had
happened in the past, right?
Jesus Christ loved the Apostle Paul even after Paul had persecuted him.
He said, you know, why persecutest thou me Saul?
It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
He said, I'm Jesus whom thou persecutest.
Yet he loved Paul, yet he reached out to Paul, yet he gave Paul a chance to receive the Lord
Jesus Christ as Savior even after he had rejected him.
So we see here that the primary thing wives are supposed to do is submit to their husbands.
The primary thing the husbands are supposed to do is love their wives, and in one aspect
of that is forgiving.
Now obviously it's a two-way street.
Obviously the Bible does also command wives to love their husbands, and obviously the
Bible does also command, just like it commands husbands to love their wives, it commands
wives to love their husbands and forgive them and not be bitter against them.
And obviously we can see that those go both ways.
We both need to forgive.
We both need to love each other.
But I'm saying the primary thing that God's telling husbands is to love their wives.
Now look if you would at another aspect of what that love is that a husband is supposed
to have in marriage.
It says in verse 28, so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.
He that loveth his wife loveth himself, for no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth
and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church.
So the Bible there says that just as the Lord Jesus Christ nourishes and cherishes the Church,
that we as husbands should love our wives, not just forgiving them and not being bitter
against them when they do wrong, but also it's our job to nourish and to cherish them.
Just as Jesus Christ nourishes and cherishes the Church.
Now let's look at those two words.
What does nourish mean?
Think about what does it mean if something is nourishing or nourishment?
What does it mean?
What do you think of?
Feeding.
Yeah, eating, right?
Nourishing.
You know, if I say, man, that was a really nourishing meal, it means basically it was
nutritious.
Okay?
It fed me.
So when the Bible says that we nourish and cherish our own flesh, he's saying, you know,
we feed ourselves, we take care of ourselves, and he's saying we should nourish our wife,
and just as Christ nourishes the Church.
See, Jesus Christ is the great shepherd, the Bible says.
He's that great shepherd of the sheep.
And what does he do?
He leads us in the paths of righteousness for his namesake.
He leads us beside the still waters.
He leads us to the green pastures.
He'll feed us, okay?
And the Bible says in Revelation 7 that when we're in heaven with Jesus, it says the lamb
which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them and shall lead them unto living
fountains of waters, and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.
So according to the Bible, Jesus Christ feeds us as a church.
He feeds the flock, and then he says to the under shepherd, the pastor of the church,
he tells us to feed the flock over the which the Holy Ghost has made us overseers.
So part of being a husband is to feed your wife.
Now I mean this in the most literal sense, you know?
Feed your wife.
And look, the secret to a great marriage is to get the right food in front of your wife.
You know, you feed her right and everything will be great, but anyway, I'm kidding.
But honestly, the Bible does say that part of how we show love is to nourish, basically
to give our wife nutrition to feed our wife.
Take it in the most literal sense.
What does that mean?
Well, part of that is that we're supposed to be the provider.
That's why the Bible says if any provide not for his own, especially for those of his own
house, he had denied the faith and is worse than an infidel.
So it's our job as men to go out and work hard and bring home the bacon, quite literally.
And I know my wife loves bacon, so you've got to bring home the bacon, you've got to
feed your wife, you've got to nourish your wife.
So part of that is paying the bills, you know, working hard, not being lazy.
And I realize it's difficult and it's a time of struggle.
And so obviously people are struggling to provide right now because the economy has
its problems.
But here's the thing, you know, we ought to be going out and doing our best though.
At least giving it our best shot, working every opportunity we get, you know, sun up
to sun down, six days a week, whatever it takes, you know, we need to be out there providing
and nourishing our wife.
But not only that, I believe that a spiritual application applies here as well.
Because if Jesus nourishes and feeds us, not by bread alone, but also by every word that
proceeded out of the mouth of God, I think it's also our job as husbands to feed our
wife spiritually, to nourish our wife spiritually.
See I believe that men as leaders in the home should also lead spiritually, not just leading
in financial matters, or not just leading in the everyday household and decisions.
But I believe that men should be a spiritual leader in the home, teaching their wives the
Word of God.
You say, I don't know about that.
Okay, well the Bible says this in 1 Corinthians 14.
It says, actually let's go there.
Let's see what it says, shall we?
I know what it says, but I just want to show you.
Look at 1 Corinthians 14.
It says in verse 34, man I've got to hurry up, I'm running out of time.
1 Corinthians 14.34, let your women keep silence in the churches, for it is not permitted unto
them to speak, but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.
Watch verse 35, and if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home, for it
is a shame for women to speak in the church.
Now correct me if I'm wrong, but is 1 Corinthians 14.35 teaching that husbands are responsible
to make sure that their wife learns the Word of God and to teach them the Word of God?
Isn't that what it says?
It says that they should be learning the Word of God, not just at church, but that they
should be learning the Word of God from their husbands.
They should ask their husband a question about the Word of God, and listen husband, you better
know the answer to that question.
Now I don't know everything, and you don't know everything, and obviously there are certain
questions that might be too difficult for anybody.
You know what, you need to study to show yourself approved unto God to where you won't just
always not know the answer.
You need to know some of the answers, and it's just a principle that's being set forth
here in 1 Corinthians 14.35 that says that husbands are responsible for teaching their
wives the Word of God.
That is part of the nourishment, a Bible nourishment, a teaching of the Word of God, a speaking
of the Word of God, a reading of the Word of God unto your wife, not just feeding her
with bacon, but feeding her as well with the Word of God and the truths of God's Word.
So back in Ephesians 5, let's move forward.
So we've seen that wives are supposed to submit themselves to their husbands.
That's pretty simple.
That's pretty easy to understand I think.
Then we get into husbands loving their wives.
We see a few examples, forgiveness as Christ forgave, even as God for Christ's sake hath
forgiven us.
We see also that he also commands us to nourish, and then look at the next word, but nourisheth
and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church.
So what does it mean to cherish?
Well my understanding of the word cherish, I think it's related, in fact I know it's
related to the word care.
Care and cherish.
Notice if you just took out the H of cherish, you know, those words are related etymologically.
I've actually studied into it and I know for sure that they are.
That's why charity in Spanish is caridad, which is very similar to our word caring.
And I think when you cherish something, if I were to say hey this is something that I
really cherish, what does that mean?
It means it means a lot to me.
If I said boy I really cherish such and so, or I really cherish this time that we had
together, it means that I care about it.
It means that it has meaning and value to me, and I guess our modern vernacular word
would be to appreciate.
You know, when we say to cherish something, it really means that we appreciate.
And I think he's saying that we should appreciate our wives, care for our wives, love our wives,
rejoice in our wives.
The Bible says rejoice in the wife of your youth, and not to take your wife for granted.
Not to just not care about her.
Not to just think of her as something that's not an important part of your life.
Go to Deuteronomy chapter 24.
Let me show you how important a part of your life your wife should be.
Go to Deuteronomy chapter 24, because the Bible says, for no man ever yet hated his
own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.
Look if you would at Deuteronomy chapter 24, and we'll show you the importance here of
your wife in the scheme of your life.
Look at verse number 5, it says, when a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out
to war, neither shall he be charged with any business, but he shall be free at home one
year and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.
Now, that shows right there that this is a major event in your life when you get married,
isn't it?
Is this just a little minor, oh you got married, life went on, everything was the same the
next day?
No.
This is a major life event where he says that even the government is commanded to not allow
anyone who just got married to be forced to be apart from their wife for at least a year.
You see in those days there would be a war, for example, and men would be called upon
by the government to go out and fight a war somewhere, and they'd be drafted into the
service of the military.
But in the Bible it was a voluntary thing, because in the Bible they would all be called
together and any man who had taken a wife within a year was sent home.
Any man who was fearful and didn't want to fight because he was scared was sent home.
And the Bible teaches here that men should not be forced to go to war or to be charged
with any business, sort of like when Solomon put a levy upon the land where men had to
go work on the temple and they had to go bring in the timbers and everything to build
the temple and bring in the stones to build the temple.
You know, anybody who was newly married, that didn't apply to them.
Because God has explained the importance of investing in your marriage as a husband.
And if you're gone, if you're traveling, you know, and obviously later on they're going
to have to travel from time to time.
But in that first year he says no, you need to be there that first year, and he says you
need to cheer up your wife which you've taken.
So let me ask you this, is marriage according to this verse just a business transaction?
No, it's a relationship there that's built and it's the husband's job to basically try
to make his wife happy.
Isn't that what cheerful means?
He's trying to make her happy and to please her and to cheer her up.
And look, he has to be there and spend time with her to do that.
So we as husbands, part of loving our wives, and notice also the similarity in the word
cheer and cherish, okay, we need to be there to cherish our wife, to nourish our wife,
and to cheer her up, to spend time with her.
And you know there are going to be times when you've got to be gone, you know, and God understood
that, but he said not in the first year.
He said in the first year it's really important to build a strong foundation in that relationship.
But this shows that God is telling us that, you know, husbands have a responsibility to
establish a loving relationship with their wife from day one.
And we see that in Deuteronomy chapter 24 verse 5.
Go back to Ephesians 5 in the New Testament if you would.
So the Bible's pretty clear here about what it means to love your wife.
It means taking the time necessary to build that relationship, you know, not being off
doing everything else.
He said, you know, take the time necessary to establish that relationship.
Feed, nourish, cherish, provide, and also forgive.
You know, don't be bitter because, you know, there are going to be wrongdoings there because
no one is perfect.
Look at Ephesians 5 again.
So he says in verse 29,
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourished and cherished, even as the Lord
the Church.
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife,
and they too shall be one flesh.
Of course, God is never condoned of polygamy.
All the way back to Genesis chapter 2, he lays down, they too, they twain, shall be
one flesh.
And he lays down the model of one man and one woman constituting a marriage.
He is never condoned of polygamy even though people in the Bible committed that sin and
paid the price for it.
But look if you would at verse 32.
This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the Church.
Now in verse 33, he sums it up again.
He gives us a little synopsis, sort of like he did back in Colossians.
He says, nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife, even as himself,
and the wife see that she reverents her husband.
So there's the synopsis again, right?
If you're just going to give one instruction to the husband, and if you're just going to
give one instruction to the wife, what is it?
Well in Colossians, it was submit, love.
In Ephesians, it was wives, submit, husbands, love your wives.
Then at the end when he gives the synopsis, he says, love your wife, and the wife needs
to reverence her husband.
So the synopsis is always the same, but notice here that reverence is used in substitution
for the word submit, okay?
So according to the Bible then, part of what it means to submit under your own husband
is to have reverence for your husband.
Now what does the word reverence mean?
Well have you ever heard of pastors being called reverend?
You know, hey reverend, it's probably more of a southern thing, right?
I've never, who's ever gone to a church where the pastor was called reverend?
Yeah, several people, okay, well maybe it's more widespread than I thought.
But a lot of pastors call themselves reverend.
You know, people have called me reverend before, and I'm just like, you know, just call me
brother or pastor.
But you know, and the Bible says, you know, I've heard people say, well the Bible says
reverend is his name, you know, so I don't want to be called by his name, you know, God's
name is reverend.
But here's the thing, reverence means respect, is basically what that means.
And someone who's reverend is basically someone who is respected.
I don't really care for the term reverend, and I don't think we should use it about a
pastor, and I never have used it and I never will, and I don't like for people to call
me that either.
But I do like my wife to treat me like I'm reverend, because that's what the Bible says.
Okay, the Bible says, see that the wife reverends her husband.
And what reverence, okay, have you ever heard this term, irreverent?
What does it mean when somebody's being irreverent?
It's usually spoken of like a comedian or an entertainer who's very irreverent in his
humor.
You know what it means?
He's disrespectful of God, or disrespectful of religion.
And so when someone's irreverent, it's usually in reference to God, they're irreverent toward
the Bible.
But this can also apply toward a wife and her husband.
A wife can be irreverent toward her husband, meaning disrespectful toward her husband.
You see, I believe that wives, more than anything, want to be loved by their husband.
And husbands, more than anything, want to be respected by their wives.
They want to be reverenced.
Now just as hurtful as it would be for me to treat my wife in an unloving way, meaning
that I'm not forgiving her, instead I'm just bitter against her.
I'm holding all this bitterness toward her.
Or I'm unloving in the sense that I don't care about nourishing her or feeding her.
I'm not going to feed her physically, I'm not going to feed her spiritually, right?
That's unloving, isn't it?
I mean this is the Bible's definition of a husband's love toward his wife.
I'm not feeding, I'm not feeding spiritually, I'm not feeding physically, and I'm also being
bitter toward her, and I'm also not appreciating her or cherishing her or caring about her
or seeing her value, okay?
That would be unloving and that would be hurtful toward my wife, right?
If I did those things.
But just as hurtful is a wife when she is not respectful toward her husband.
That's what he's looking for more than anything.
The wife is looking for love and affection.
The husband is looking for respect and reverence.
And nothing is worse to a man than being dissed by his wife.
And what does it mean to be dissed?
Disrespected, that's what it means, right?
And so I'm trying to get down to the vernacular of the people here, okay?
I'm trying to be understood.
When wives are dissing their husbands, I mean that is the exact antithesis of what the Bible
is telling us here in Ephesians 5.30, that's the opposite of what you should be doing.
And so ask yourself this question, wives, do you speak to your husbands in a respectful
way?
Or do you talk to them like you talk to one of your children?
Or do you talk to them like you talk to someone that you don't respect or don't have?
Think about other people that you respect in your life.
How do you talk to them?
Okay, now how do you talk to your husband?
See what I mean?
And so treating your husband with respect is paramount.
It's the last verse in the chapter here.
It's the final word.
Wives reverence your husband.
Husbands love your wives.
That's how he sums it all up in one word, reverence, love.
And reverence is sometimes substituted with submission because reverence and submission
are both going hand in hand.
When you are respectful, you're basically submitting there and vice versa.
Now go if you would to Titus chapter 2, Titus chapter number 2.
Titus chapter number 2, and let's just reinforce some of these teachings here from the Bible.
And I've got to hurry because I want to get to some other stuff here and I'm running out
of time.
In Titus chapter 2, the Bible says in verse 3, the aged women likewise that they be in
behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things,
that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their
children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands,
that the word of God be not blasphemed.
So there's a teaching right there that says that wives are to be obedient to their husbands.
Go back if you would to 1 Timothy, 1 Timothy chapter number 2.
Now you say, well why do you feel the need to reinforce this doctrine about wives obeying
their husbands?
Because of the fact that when I preach on husbands loving their wives, I'm probably
not going to get an argument out of the world that much.
I'm probably not going to get a big argument out of the liberal pastor down the street
if I say, you know, husbands are supposed to love their wives.
I'm probably not even going to get a big fight with Hollywood over that or a big fight
with the most liberal left wing foaming at the mouth feminist.
Now obviously they think that the woman can provide for herself or whatever, but the bottom
line is though, that's not a real controversial subject.
Saying that husbands should love their wives, you're probably not going to get into a lot
of hot water with that sermon.
But it's still a great sermon, it's still something that needs to be taught and preached
and you know what, a lot of husbands need to hear that and I hope every husband in the
room is listening and understanding, hey, I need to cherish my wife, I need to love
my wife, I need to care about her, I need to not take her for granted.
I need to invest in that relationship and maybe I didn't do it in the first year like
I should have and it's time for me to make up for lost time or push a reset button and
rebuild that relationship and invest time and energy into having a marriage that mirrors
the relationship of Christ and the church.
That needs to be preached, but the thing is, when you preach that wives are supposed to
obey their husbands though, now all of a sudden you're going up against the entire world.
And let me tell you something, the reason that I'm preaching this sermon is that I'm
trying to help you because I know that if you try to have a marriage that is in accordance
with God's word, no one else is backing you up on this except our church, because honestly,
I'm serious.
And it's hard, you know, just like it's hard for somebody who doesn't attend a soul winning
church just to go out soul winning by themselves, I mean that's hard.
How much do they preach except they be sent?
It's hard today as a husband or even as a wife, it's hard today to have a biblical marriage
in a world where nobody's supporting you and nobody's backing you up and nobody's helping
you.
And look, does God expect us to do it anyway?
Yes.
Even if the whole world's against us, yes, we should stand.
But that doesn't change the fact that it's a lot harder when you're not getting any help,
you're not getting any support, you're not getting anybody who's backing you up.
And today, our country today, the nation today is not going to back you up if you try to
have a marriage where the husband's the head of the home and the wife is in submission
and obedience to her husband.
And the husband's the provider and the wife obeys.
You know, our country, the United States of America is not going to back you up on that.
The state of Arizona is not going to back you up, the city of Tempe is not going to
back you up, Maricopa County is not going to back you up.
Okay, that's in the political realm.
They don't believe in that.
They're not going to back you up.
Okay, now, your friends and family, they're not always going to back you up on this either.
On both sides, I mean, as a husband, your friends and family will tell you not to lead
your home, will not to rule in your home, they'll tell you that that's not the way to
do it.
TV is going to tell you that's not the way to do it.
And then wives, you know what, if you go get advice from, you know, friends and family
out there, a lot of times they're not going to back you up when you say to them, I want
to be a submissive wife, I'm going to do what I'm supposed to do.
You know what they're going to tell you?
Oh, you're weak, you're just his doormat, you need to take charge, you need to show
him who's boss.
And so both the husbands and the wives are not getting backed up on trying to be in a
traditional biblical marriage today in 2013.
They're not getting the support from most friends, from most family, from most co-workers,
from most politicians, and the sad thing is that today, even in most churches, you're
not going to get backed up on this.
I remember when I was newly married, and you know, I love my former pastor, and you know,
God bless him for teaching me so much, but you know what, there were many times when
I felt like, you know, I'm not getting backed up on this, you know what I mean?
And I never went and got marriage counseling in my life, you know, I just went to the counselor,
the Holy Spirit, and the Bible.
But I'll say this though, I felt like some of the preaching in most independent fundamental
Baptist churches I've been in was very weak on this subject.
And when I read the Bible and compared it to the preaching that I was hearing, there
was a big, big difference.
And I remember there were sermons where I had to go home, and I'm not afraid to say
this because I'll tell you right now, I'm not afraid of people questioning my preaching
because I'm not God.
Question my preaching all day long, judge my preaching all day long.
I am not infallible, I am not God, I am a human being, and everything I say is not gospel.
I have gone home from a sermon at an independent fundamental Baptist church and said to my
wife, I don't care what the pastor said, I'm the boss of this home, and I'm going to show
you what the Bible really says because what he preached tonight was not biblical.
And you know what, if I get up and preach lies, then go home and do the same thing.
I'm not afraid of that, because what I'm preaching is the truth.
But I'm telling you, I've gone home from a sermon and said to my wife, honey, I love
our pastor, I love our church, but what he preached tonight is not biblical.
I'm going to show you what the Bible actually says on this subject, and in my house, this
is the way we're going to do it.
And I thank God for a submissive wife, but I'll say this though, I wasn't feeling like
I was getting backed up based on the preaching, because the preaching was not backing me up,
and the preaching was not backing her up.
And the preaching in many churches is not backing us up.
The world's definitely not going to back us up.
TV and rock and roll and Hollywood are not going to back us up.
And so we need to come to church and be bolstered and be strengthened on the truths of the word
of God.
You need to come to church and have somebody tell you the truth, because you're not going
to hear it anywhere else.
The only other place you're probably going to hear it is in your personal Bible reading.
Or Alexander Skorby might tell it to you.
You know, that's the only person you're going to hear tell you this stuff often.
And so I'm preaching this sermon to try to help you, because honestly, you get to feeling
like nobody's in your corner.
Nobody believes like you.
And you know, that's why I love Faithful Word Baptist Church, a church where we're surrounded
with people who actually believe like us.
They believe the Bible, and not afraid of this kind of preaching.
You say, well I don't agree with this kind of preaching.
Well, I don't know what to tell you.
Are you even saved?
If I'm reading you verses from the Bible and you don't hear them, because the Bible says
he that is of God heareth God's words, ye therefore hear them not because you're not
of God.
You know, now if I were preaching my own opinion and you didn't agree with it, that's fine.
But when I'm just reading scriptures and adding very little commentary here compared to what
the Bible's saying, you know, I wonder if you're even saved if you don't believe this
stuff.
Because I mean, you've got to believe the Word to be saved, my friend.
And that's a whole other sermon.
Anyway, if you would, where did I have you turn?
First Timothy 2.
First Timothy chapter 2.
Go to First Timothy 2.
So that's why I'm spending a little bit of time just reinforcing this controversial point.
Because it's controversial, because it's something where most people don't agree, I'm going to
spend a little extra time on it.
Look at First Timothy chapter 2 and verse 11, it says, Let the woman learn in silence
with all subjection.
But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in
silence.
You say, well which man?
The man.
The woman isn't supposed to usurp authority over the man.
Okay?
Well, look at the next verse.
For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
That sounds like a marriage to me.
That sounds like Adam and Eve, okay?
And so it's not right for the woman to usurp authority over the man.
You say, well what about this situation?
What if I'm more spiritual than he is?
Let me tell you something.
If you're not submitting to your husband, you're not more spiritual, because you're
in disobedience to God's Word.
And I'm tired of wives saying, well I'm more spiritual, so I've got to take the lead.
You just stopped being spiritual, when you took the lead.
Because now you're disobeying the Bible.
So it's like this paradox, it's like a circle.
I'm more spiritual, oh now I'm not spiritual anymore.
It doesn't work.
Because how can you say I'm spiritual, as you disobey God's command?
And you'd be better off to let your husband be the leader and not try to have authority
over him, even if he's a fool, even if he's making a lot of mistakes.
You know what?
Don't try to be in authority over him, because it is not your job.
You say, well but if I don't take authority over my husband, and punish him and make him
do what I say, if I don't rule over him, then here's what he's going to do.
He's going to smoke pot.
Or he's not going to go to work.
You know what?
That is not your responsibility.
You can't fix him.
You can pray for him.
You can be an example.
You can try to show your godly and chaste conversation and be a role model in godly
attributes.
And you can be an example of the believers and you can pray and you can do what you're
supposed to do.
But you know what?
At the end of the day though, you can't rule over your husband no matter how unspiritual
you think he is or how spiritual you think you are.
Women should not usurp authority over the man.
That's what the Bible says.
Period.
Plain and simple.
Adam was first formed, then Eve, and Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived
was in the transgression.
Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith and charity and
holiness with sobriety.
God always talks about drinking a lot with women.
He always talks about being sober.
It's a sad thing when women become drunks.
It's sad, but in the day that we live it's very common.
I look at them and I'm like, wow, I can't even imagine that.
Just stop by one of these convenience stores or one of these liquor stores and alcohol
depots and you'll see a lot of women there loading up the car with all their wine.
It's a sad thing, but many women are alcoholics today and I realize sobriety has other meanings,
but it also means that as well.
But look at what you would at 1 Timothy 3.
So let's get the context here.
Let's get this in context.
So we just talked about the woman not being in authority over the man and about Adam and
Eve and so forth.
Look at the next verse in 1 Timothy 3.1.
This is a true saying.
If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.
So being a bishop or being a pastor, it's about work, isn't it?
It's not about just having a title or having authority like, wow, it's so great to be the
pastor because I rule the house of God and I have all this authority.
But wait a minute, the Bible says that the pastor is a minister, a servant.
It's work.
He says if you desire the office of a bishop, yes, you have authority in the church, but
you're also doing a lot of hard work.
You know, yeah, yeah, you get to be the boss, yeah, but wait a minute.
There's a big responsibility, a lot of hard work and ministering and servitude that goes
along with that.
Say what in the world does that have to do with marriage?
Well go down a few verses with that in mind.
Look at verse 4.
It talks about the qualifications for being a bishop and it says, one that ruleth well
his own house, having his children in, what, subjection, right?
And the Bible talked about wives being in subjection to their own husbands.
Well now it's saying not only that, but children need to be in subjection as well.
And it says, one that ruleth well in his own house, having his children in subjection with
all gravity.
For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church
of God?
So notice here that ruling and taking care of are used together.
Do you see that?
He says that if he doesn't know how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the
church of God?
Jump down if you would to verse 11.
It says, even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things.
Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses
well.
So here the Bible is saying that to be either a bishop or a deacon, the man must rule his
house.
He must have his wife in subjection to him and his children in subjection to him in order
for him to rule the house of God because if a man know not how to rule his own house,
how shall he take care of the church of God?
Because see, taking care of the church is really what it means to rule the church.
Just like when you're a husband, being a ruler doesn't just mean you're just this dictator
who's just a self-serving, like it doesn't mean I just go home and I basically just lay
down on the sofa and my wife comes and fans me with a palm branch and puts grapes in my
mouth, okay?
That's not, that's what people say, oh that's Pastor Anderson's vision of what marriage
is supposed to be.
Well yeah, what's wrong with it?
But what I'm saying is, I have a palm tree in my backyard for a reason, but what I'm
saying is that it's not about, it's not just about being served, do you understand?
Just like being the pastor is not about being served, it's about serving.
It's about ministering, it's about nourishing, you know, it's about working hard, you know,
and paying the bills is hard work.
Running a church is hard work, preaching a sermon is hard work, okay, so that's our job.
So basically it's not just this one-way street of yeah, the Bible is just everything in the
man's favor, you know, and it's just anti-women.
No, the man has got to be a ruler, but being a ruler is a big responsibility, it's a lot
of work and it involves taking care of also.
Now you say, well you lost me Pastor Anderson, because I believe that the Bible is only teaching
in these verses that we should rule over our children, but not over our wife.
We should never rule over the wife.
Well go to Genesis chapter 3, because when the Bible talks about ruling your own house,
and it says ruling their children and their own house as well, okay, and I believe if
you look at the grammar of that particular use of the word and there, I think we're talking
about two different things when we look at that grammar.
When he says ruling their children and their own house as well, okay.
So I believe that if a man is not ruling over his entire household, he's not fit to be a
pastor.
That means if his wife is the boss in the home, he shouldn't be the pastor, okay.
He's not fit to be a bishop.
But look at Genesis 3, because I've even, I've sat in church, and this is what I mean
about church not backing you up.
I've sat in church and heard it preached that husbands should not rule over their wives.
Those exact words came out of the mouth of pastors.
And they said, you know, you should not rule over the wife or whatever.
But look what the Bible says in Genesis chapter 3 verse 16.
Under the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception.
In sorrow thou shall bring forth children and thy desire shall be to thy husband and
he shall rule over thee.
Do you see that?
I mean, that says right there that the husband shall rule over the wife.
Now again, this is not a, you know, we might hear the word rule and we might have a negative
connotation with that, but that's not God's fault.
We need to get on God's definitions here.
And being a ruler in the Bible, yes it means you're the boss.
Yes it means that you have authority.
Yes it means that obedience is required.
But it also is a role of taking care of, nourishing, cherishing, serving, and being a leader that
is, you know, you've heard people talk about different forms of government and they talk
about democracy and then there's the benevolent dictatorship.
That's what a home should be.
A benevolent, you know, and if you don't know about political theory then just let that
go right over your head.
But it's a benevolent dictatorship, okay.
You say, ah, you're a dictator.
Yes I am.
So what I'm not supposed to, what does dictate mean?
Isn't that when I tell somebody what to do?
That sounds like ruling to me.
And again, it's not a self-serving thing.
It's not like, well I make all the decisions so everything's going to be about me, me, me.
No it's about me being in charge and then doing what's best for my wife and kids and
making them happy, cheering them up.
Did you hear me?
I'm using my power and authority to make her happy and to make the kids happy and to keep
everybody fed and clothed and happy and godly and doing what they're supposed to do.
Not a self-serving, self-gratifying thing.
And I've got to skip over some things, but look at Genesis 1, Genesis chapter 1.
See it's always good to get back to the beginnings of things.
That's why I like the book of Genesis.
And you know in Genesis 3 we have the first instructions on the interactions between a
husband and wife and it says that the husband is supposed to rule over the wife.
Okay, look at Genesis chapter 1, because it's interesting, and this is the last thing I'm
going to close with, I notice that there's a correlation in the Bible between the sun
and the moon, and I know it sounds crazy but it's in the Bible many times, between the
sun and the moon and the husband and the wife.
This is actually an illustration that God uses several times when we're talking about
ruling and there are a lot of verses that talk about ruling in regard to the household
and about the husband and wife.
Look at Genesis chapter 1, and of course this is the scripture where God's creating the
world and on the fourth day, verse 16, Genesis 1 says,
And God made two great lights, the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light
to rule the night, He made the stars also.
Now go to Psalm 19.
Psalm 19 is the first place that we're going to see this illustration about the sun and
the moon.
Look at Psalm, and it's actually pretty interesting, it's pretty consistent in the Bible.
Look at Psalm chapter 19 and look at verse 4.
The Bible says,
Their line has gone out through all the earth, and their words to the ends of the world.
Talking about the heavens declaring the glory of God.
And then it says this,
In them hath He set a tabernacle for the sun, which is as a bridegroom coming out of His
chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race.
His going forth is from the end of the heaven, and is circuit unto the ends of it, and there
is nothing hid from the heat thereof.
Now that right there compares the sun to a bridegroom, right?
And what is a bridegroom?
A man who just got married.
Now if you would, go to 2 Samuel chapter 23, 2 Samuel chapter 23, and I'm just showing
you this correlation and I'm going to take it into the New Testament where God applies
this to marriage.
2 Samuel 23.
And while you're turning there, of course, let me remind you that in Genesis 37, Joseph
dreamed a dream, and in his dream his parents were represented by the sun and moon.
The Bible says that he dreamed a dream and said, Behold I have dreamed a dream more,
and behold the sun and the moon and the eleven stars, talking about his eleven brethren,
made obeisance to me, and he told it to his father and his brethren, and his father rebuked
him and said unto him, What is this dream that thou hast dreamed?
Thou I am thy mother and thy brethren indeed come down to bow ourselves to thee of the
earth.
So in Joseph's dream, the sun represented his father, the moon represented his mother,
and the eleven stars represented his eleven brethren.
We saw that in Psalm 19, the bridegroom was compared to the sun.
We saw that in Genesis 1, the sun is a ruler.
Look at ruling the day.
Look at 2 Samuel 23, 3.
The God of Israel said, The Rock of Israel spake to me, He that ruleth over men must
be just, ruling in the fear of God, and he shall be as the light of the morning, when
the sun riseth, even a morning without clouds, and as the tender grass springing out of the
earth by clear shining after rain.
Go to 1 Corinthians chapter 15.
So in 2 Samuel 23 there, we saw that a ruler of men is compared to the sun, and the shining
of the sun, and the sun coming up and ruling over the day.
Now I know this is kind of heavy, but let me get to the point here.
Look at 1 Corinthians chapter 15, there's just a lot of comparisons here that I want
to make.
1 Corinthians chapter 15, and then we'll get into the point I want to make which is actually
found in 1 Corinthians 11.
1 Corinthians 15 verse 40 says this, There are also celestial bodies and bodies terrestrial.
Now you say, what in the world does that mean?
Well celestial bodies means heavenly bodies, talking about the sun, moon, and stars.
And then terrestrial bodies are things upon the earth, earthly bodies.
It says, But the glory of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another.
There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the
stars, for one star differth from another star in glory.
Now what does glory mean?
Glory means brightness or shining, is what it's referring to.
So the Bible is saying here is that the sun shines and has a certain brightness doesn't
it?
Does the moon have brightness as well?
Okay.
And do the stars have brightness that vary from one star to the other?
So God compares, go to 1 Corinthians 11, I'll close with this, God compares the husband
to the sun, the bridegroom is as the sun, Joseph's parents were like the sun and moon,
the sun is a ruler, he rules over the day, the sun and moon have varying degrees of glory
or brightness or shining.
But look what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 11 verse 3, But I would have you know that
the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head
of Christ is God.
Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonereth his head.
But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth, with her head uncovered, dishonereth her head.
For that is all one as if she were shaven.
For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn.
But if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.
For a man indeed ought not to cover his head for as much as he is the image and glory
of God.
Now look at verse 7, But the woman is the glory of the man.
Okay, so what do we get from this?
The Bible says here that the woman is the glory of the man, and if you get the context,
he's talking about the length of your hair.
When he says head covered, he says the woman has been given long hair as a covering, and
that's why it's a shame for a man to have long hair.
But to a woman, it is her glory to have long hair, okay?
But the Bible says here in verse 7, For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, or
have long hair, is what that's saying, for as much as he is the image and glory of God.
So man is the image and glory of God, right?
But the woman is the glory of the man.
Now think about this, if you think about the sun and the moon, does the moon emit its own
glory?
Does it shine with its own glory?
Or is not the glory of the moon the sun?
All of the moon's glory or brightness or shining actually comes from the sun.
And the moon just takes the glory from the sun and reflects it and bathes in it and is
crowned with that glory from the sun, okay?
Well it's the same thing here, the Bible says the woman is the glory of the man, okay?
And so basically what the Bible is teaching here is that the husband is a ruler.