And I thank those that are dedicated enough to the truth and dedicated enough to the word
of God to be here on a Tuesday night, not because it's a church time that they're checking
off that they attended church, but rather that they wanted to come and get extra preaching
and more truth and spend more time assembled with your people.
And we know that in these last days, as we see the day approaching, we need that assembling
together more than we ever have.
But God, I pray for myself now that you'd please just fill me with the Holy Spirit and
that you would fill me with boldness to preach your word as it's written.
And without you, I know that I can do nothing, and I pray that you would please just fill
me with your spirit.
In Jesus' name, I pray.
Amen.
So what is going to be different about our lives and our marriage?
Well our marriage is going to have to be based upon the Bible, if it's going to succeed.
It's going to be to have to be based upon the principles of the Bible.
Now I have three points tonight on what it takes to have a great marriage and one point
builds upon the next.
And so I'm starting out with something that's more foundational.
I'm going to build upon it as I go in the message tonight.
But first of all, in order to have a great marriage, number one, you must have the right
authority structure.
in your marriage. It must be there. Look, if you would, at verse 22, the Bible reads,
wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head
of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body.
Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in
everything. Now, if you would flip over to Colossians chapter 3, just a few pages to the right in your
Bible. Keep your finger there in Ephesians chapter 5. But Colossians 3 is a parallel passage with
Ephesians 5. And what I mean by that is that the book of Colossians deals with the exact same
subject matter in the exact same order in chapter 3 as Ephesians chapter 5. So, for example, when he
talks about wives and then husbands in Ephesians, we see the same thing in Colossians. Then he goes
on to talk about children. He talks about being filled with the Spirit. He talks about speaking
to yourselves in Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. You see, the same thing is parallel. It's
the same passage from two different angles. He's giving the same teaching to the Colossians that
he's giving unto the Ephesians, just using different words. And so, if we compare the
passage in Colossians chapter 3, which is much shorter to the passage of Ephesians 5, we can see
what is the emphasis of Ephesians 5. Because Ephesians 5 verses 22 through 33 deal with marriage.
That's 12 verses. But in Colossians, it's all boiled down to two verses. Look down, if you would,
at verse 18. It says, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord.
Verse 19, husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. So that sums it all up right
there. That just encapsulates the main points of what it is to have a great marriage according to
Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3. Now turn to Titus, just a few pages to the right in your Bible. We're
going to come back to Ephesians 5. But go to Titus, and we'll see this thing of the authority
structure driven in even further in Titus chapter 2 verse 3. The Bible reads, the aged women likewise
that they be in behavior has become of holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine,
teachers of good things, that they may teach the young women, Titus 2 4, to be sober, to love their
husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste keepers at home, good, obedient to their
own husbands, that the Word of God be not blaspheme. So what the Bible here is teaching is that the
older women or the more mature women in the church or the women who've been saved the longest should
be both verbally and also just through their life teaching the younger women to be sober, to love
their husbands, to love their children, and it says to be good and to be obedient to their own
husbands. Now look, how often do we hear today in churches preaching about wives being obedient to
their husbands? The answer is almost never. And you know, I've grown up in church my whole life,
and it seems like these passages were turned to very infrequently. Because this is not what a lot
of people want to hear today. And let me tell you something, it flies in the face of what our world
out there believes. But that's why they're failing. They're failing for a reason. You say,
oh, they're failing because they're not saved. That is wrong. Because let me tell you something,
throughout history for thousands and thousands of years, there were all kinds of unsaved,
unchristian people who stayed married, who had a happy marriage. I'm not saying that they're not
in hell right now, but they didn't believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. But you know what? 100 years
ago, 200 years ago, 300 years ago, even the world didn't have the type of a failure rate amongst
marriages that we have today, even amongst God's people. Why? Because it's not just being saved
that's enough, or just, you know, praying to God that's enough. No, we have to have a marriage
that's patterned after the Bible if we're going to succeed. And if we have a marriage that's patterned
after television, and a marriage that's patterned after Hollywood, and a marriage that's patterned
after worldly philosophy, we will fail. Pray to God from the time you wake up to the time you go
to bed. And if you don't obey the Word of God, He said, your prayer is an abomination if you turn
away from hearing the Word of God. And so we need to listen to what God is saying, and not think
that we know better, and that we have a better idea. And oh, Pastor Anderson, he's a young guy,
this young whippersnappers up there preaching, and he doesn't really know, he hadn't really lived
enough life. Let me tell you something. This book is older than both of us, and you need to listen
to what this book is saying. Forget who sang it. Forget who the messenger is. I am nobody. I'm the
voice of the Word of God here, just echoing the truth from His Word tonight. He said that wives
are to be obedient to their own husbands. He said that wives are submit unto their own husbands. Go
to Ephesians 5. Let's finish up there on this first point of having the right authority structure in
a marriage. And when I say the right authority structure, I mean that the husband is the head
of the home, and that the husband is the head of the wife. That's what the Bible says. Okay,
look at Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22. It says, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands
as unto the Lord. What does that mean? The degree of submission that you have to God should be
equivalent to the degree of submission that you have toward your husband. Did you hear that? That's
what the Bible says. It says in the next verse, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as
Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is
subject unto Christ, so let the wives be their own husband everything. Three times He said you
are to be as submitted to your husband as the church is to be unto Christ. Let me ask you
something. Who is the head of Verity Baptist Church? Who's the head? The Lord Jesus Christ.
It's not Pastor Roger Jimenez. The head of Verity Baptist Church is the Lord Jesus Christ. So let me
ask you this. To what degree should Verity Baptist Church be in subjection unto Christ? To what
degree? I mean, should Christ call most of the shots? Should most of what we believe and most of
what's preached and most of what we do be conformed unto the Word of God? Or is the Word of God,
which Jesus is the Word, if the Word of God is supposed to be our authority in all matters of
faith and practice, then why do we then go into marriage with a philosophy that says, yeah, okay,
the husband's the head of the home, whatever, but you know, we all kind of know that we don't really
take that seriously. I mean, is that how you come to church and say, well, I know Christ's the head
of the church, but we're really just going to do what we want. I mean, is that really the level of,
I mean, look, isn't this setting the bar pretty high when it says that they're to submit unto
their husband as unto Christ? I mean, isn't that setting the bar pretty high? Okay, but look,
he sets the bar pretty high for the husband as well, because not only does he set the bar pretty
high for the wife by saying that they're to be subject unto their husband as they are to Christ,
to the same degree, to the same level, in the same way as they are unto Christ, he sets the bar high
for the husband because he says, husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church.
He gave himself for it. You know, that is an example of love. Jesus said, greater love hath
no man than this, than that a man lay down his life for his friends. I mean, the love that Jesus
Christ had for the church, where he's willing to die, he's willing to be spat upon, he's willing
to be beaten within an inch of his life, and as he's hanging on the cross, bloody and bruised
and beaten, he said, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. That's love. I mean,
no greater picture of love could ever be shown. And God demands us as husbands to have that type
of love for our wives. And he demands in return that the wife have total submission and total
obedience to her husband. The only time that a wife should not obey her husband is when, you know,
it comes into conflict with obeying God, because obviously we have to obey the higher powers. And
obviously, just as children are to obey their parents, but when it comes to, you know, a parent
that's telling their child to disobey God, we ought to obey God rather than men. But you know
what? That's not the problem. It's so rare that what a husband is saying and what the Lord is
saying are coming into conflict. Usually disobedience is happening just because of
rebellion. It has nothing to do with coming into conflict with the Word of God. But let's keep
reading in the passage here. It says in verse 26, verse 25 talks about Christ loved the church and
gave himself four. Verse 26, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the
word. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or
any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives
as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own
flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheseth it, even as the Lord the church. For we are members of his
body, of his flesh, of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall
be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak
concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his
wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband. I'm going to get more into
the husband loving his wife a little bit later in the message, but let me just point out one aspect
of that love that's very important, extremely important in this passage. Because if we go back
to the beginning of where he started talking about marriage there, up around verses 25 and 26,
it says, husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church. And watch this, and gave
himself for it. So the picture of Christ's love for the church that we as husbands are supposed
to emulate is the fact that he gave himself for it. And also in verse 23, it says, even as Christ
is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body, he gave himself for it. Look, the
father sent the son to be the savior of the world. Why did Jesus Christ give himself to be killed
and to be buried and to be risen again? Why was he the savior? He's to save us from our sins. And
he came to bring forgiveness, right? The Bible says, and if we have redemption through his blood,
the forgiveness of sins. And if you remember when we were in Colossians, remember how he boiled the
whole 12 verses down into two verses? And he said, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands,
as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. What is
the opposite of being bitter against your wife? Forgiveness. And what did Jesus Christ die on the
cross for? To bring forgiveness. So one of the best ways that we as husbands can show love unto our
wives is to forgive our wives and not be bitter against our wives. That means when our wife makes
a mistake or says something wrong or does something wrong, we are able to forgive that
and not hang that over our head or ever bring that up again. You know, the Bible says, let not the
sun go down on your wrath. And the Bible says that if we don't forgive others, Christ won't forgive
us. And so it's so important in a marriage that we start out every day with a clean slate. And
that's one of the best ways we can bring love to ourselves. And really this could go both ways. I
mean, wives need to forgive and love their husbands also. But you know, I'm focusing more
right now on a husband loving his wife and forgiving her, but it needs to go both ways.
Let me tell you something. If people would just get this one principle down of forgiveness,
this would end a lot of marriage problems right here. Because let me tell you something,
marriage problems get worse over time because they fester and they canker and they escalate. You
know, people don't just have a happy marriage. Everything's going great. And then all of a sudden,
they have a bad day and it's like, okay, let's go get divorced right now. And you did divorce
the same day. I mean, how long does it take to get divorced in California? I'm sure there's some
kind of a, I mean, you know, it takes 15 days just to buy a gun, right? I mean, how long does
it take the cool down period, you know, or whatever? You know, I'm sure there's a cool
down period involved with getting a divorce. And let me tell you something, that just shows
that people for 15 days are disobeying God's word and failing to forgive the wrongs of their
spouse. Because you know what, if we woke up every day with a forgiving attitude where the
Bible says, his mercies are new every morning, great is thy faithfulness. And we started out
every day with a clean slate. And we started out every day forgiving our wife, forgiving our
husband for anything that's gone wrong and saying, let's have a fresh start. Let's have a clean
start. I love you. Let's start out right. You know what? Problems wouldn't escalate. We wouldn't be
bitter. We wouldn't have these things just escalating. Husbands need to love their wives.
Wives need to submit to their husbands. We need to have the right authority structure in our marriage.
We must have the right authority structure. That's number one. But number two, and again, if we don't
have that right, the rest of the sermon, if you say, well, I didn't agree with that point, I'm
looking forward to points two and three. Points two and three are meaningless to you. Because if
you don't have the foundation, right, you cannot build upon anything. And so if you don't get point
one, you might as well just get up and leave right now because you're wasting your time listening to
the rest of the sermon. If you're not willing to submit unto what the word of God has just said.
But number two, it's not enough to just have the right authority structure in your marriage. Number
two, you must have the right feelings toward your spouse. You must have the right heart. You must
have the right frame of mind. Because let me tell you something, it is possible for the right
authority structure to exist without having a loving relationship and without having a loving
marriage or great marriage. Here's a great example, the military. Does the military have an
authority structure in place? You know, I mean, they have unquestioned obedience from the follower.
But let me ask you something, is there love there? You know, I was asking Pastor Jimenez, because he
spent time in the military. I asked him, I said, you know, did you have total, you know, obedience
toward your drill instructor when you're in boot camp? And I said, did you love him? And I said,
do you love him now? Like, do you look back on him with love? Or did you hate him? You know, and he
said, you know, what do you think he said? So what I'm saying is, you know, there can be authority
without love, can't there? Can't there be an authority structure where someone is totally in
submission, total obedience, a total power in the right place without having a great marriage,
without having any love, without having the heart in the right place? You see, if you're gonna have
a great marriage, you must have the right feelings toward your spouse, you must have the right heart,
you must have the right frame of mind. Because the Bible says, go to Matthew 23. Let me show you this
in Matthew 23. Because I feel like so many people today are going through the motions when it comes
to doing the right thing. And a lot of preaching, it seems like, focuses on the outward manifestations
of loving your wife, or the outward manifestation of obeying your husband. And you know, it's
possible for a wife to obey her husband. But on the inside, she's rebelling. You know, it's like
the old story of the of the child, he's told to sit down. And you know, he finally, the teacher
keeps telling him to sit down. And then finally, he sits down. And he says, you know, I'm sitting
down on the outside, but I'm standing up on the inside. And you know what, there are a lot of wives
that maybe might outwardly go through the motions of obeying your husband, but they're standing up
on the inside. And there could be a lot of husbands who maybe buy a lot of flowers and buy
a lot of gifts and do a lot of nice things. But on the inside, they're not really doing it out of
love. They're not really doing it because they love their wife. They're just doing it to get her
off their back. You know what I mean? Or they're just doing it just because they heard that they're
supposed to do that. And let me tell you something, when your heart is in the right place, it's so
much easier to do the right things. You see, when your heart is wrong, and you're just constantly
forcing yourself to do things that are not coming from the heart, and you're constantly forcing
yourself to do things that you don't really feel and constantly forcing yourself to say things that
you don't really mean. And you know, you're just going through, it's hard. And let me tell you
something that might work for you for a little while, you know, to hear a sermon, okay, I'm
supposed to be more loving, I'm supposed to express my love to my wife, and to start saying a lot of
things and doing a lot of good things. But you know, that's only gonna last so long, because it
takes a lot of effort, and you're not perfect. And eventually, you're gonna you're gonna get tired
of it. And eventually, you're gonna have a bad day. And when you have a bad day, you're gonna
revert to what I call like autopilot. You know, and when you when you stop making that effort,
then your true self is going to come out. And out of the abundance of your heart, your mouth's gonna
speak and you're gonna say what you really believe and say what you really think, because you can
only put on an act for so long. And when you live with somebody, you cannot put on an act 24 seven.
And if you don't love your wife, but you're going through the motions, and you know, doing all these
outward things to try to show love, but you don't really feel that love in your heart, let me tell
you something, you're not going to be able to do it all the time. Right. And a wife who does not
really respect and reference her husband, you know, she might be able to go through the motions of
a bank. But you know, as soon as she doesn't want to, as soon as you know, she gets in a bad mood,
as soon as you know, she just, you know, starts being herself, then all the wrong things are gonna
happen. All the wrong things are gonna take place. And look, wouldn't it be so much easier to just
have the right heart, and then just do the right things as they come naturally? It would just be
automatic, literally. See, look at Matthew 23, verse 25. The Bible says, woe unto you, scribes and
Pharisees, hypocrites, for you may clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within
they're full of extortion and excess. The blind Pharisee cleans first that which is within the cup
and the platter, that the outside of them may be clean also. You know, when you get the inside
right, the outside gets right. Amen. And so we should work on tonight, getting our inside right,
getting our heart right, getting our mind right, because if we can get our heart right and our mind
right, you'll find yourself as a husband just doing nice things for your wife without even
thinking about it, without even trying, without even putting forth an effort. It just becomes
automatic. You just want to express love. You just want to do nice things. You just want to say nice
things. And you'll find as wives that they'll just want to show love to their husband, and they'll
want to submit, they'll want to obey, they'll want to follow his lead, because their heart is right.
If we can get our heart right, it will fix the outside of the cup and of the platter. Now this
is what's interesting. In Ephesians 5, the passage that we were in, at the very end of those 12
verses, he sums it all up. He talks about a lot of different things. Then at the end, he has one
verse that just kind of ties it all in. And you know what? Both things mentioned in that verse
don't have to do with action. They have to do with the heart. Listen to the final verse of Ephesians
5. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself. Is that an
outward action, or is that a feeling of the heart? Love is something that's in the heart, right? We
love the Lord with our heart. You know, we love our wives from our heart. And he says that,
nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and the wife see
that she reverenced her husband. Let me ask you this. Is a wife reverencing her husband? Is that
an action, or is that something in her heart? Is that an attitude of reverence? Think about that.
These are both internal things. These are both things of the heart. And what God is saying here
is that, in verse 33, is that if we will fix our heart, the actions will fall into place. Now I
feel like we have a greater understanding of the word love than we do of the word reverence.
Because pretty much love is a word that we probably use every day, right? Everybody here
has heard the word love millions of times. And there are a lot of scriptures about love. We
could turn to hundreds and hundreds of scriptures about love. And if we read our Bibles, we're
constantly reading scriptures about love, and we know what love is. But let me ask you this. Do we
know what reverence is? Because as husbands, if our heart's going to be right, we have to love
our wife. And as wives, if your heart's going to be right, you have to reverence your husband.
Now the word reverence is used in the Bible 14 times. We're going to look at all 14 of them
right now. Go back to Leviticus. Leviticus. Well, the world's not reading Leviticus. That's why
they're familiar. I love the book of Leviticus. But let's look at every time the word reverence
is used. Because we could go to a dictionary, and actually in my notes I put down a dictionary
definition of what reverence is. That could be helpful. But here's the thing. Dictionaries are
written by human beings. Are they really authoritative? Are they really the final
authority? I mean, can we really look at a dictionary and say, well, that settles it.
No, because a dictionary is written by man. But the Bible's written by God. So if I want to know
what a word means, what I like to do is I like to look up every time the Bible uses that word. And
I feel like if a word is used 14 times in the Bible, if I look up all 14 of those mentions,
can I get a pretty good picture of what that word means? And if I wanted to get a picture of what
love meant, that would take more than one sermon. You'd have to look up a lot of mentions. So I'm
taking the easy way tonight. Let's focus on reverence. Fourteen mentions. But we probably
understand reverence less. If I went around and asked everybody, hey, what's love? People would
have all kinds of ideas, and they'd say a lot of good things that made a lot of sense and a lot of
righteous ideas about it. But if we were to ask what reverence is, is it reverent? Isn't that what
you call the pastor or something? I don't know what that is. I know it's irreverent when a
comedian blasphemes Christ. I mean, that's pretty much the only two ways that we ever see that word
used in 2013. Irreverent humor and, you know, reverent so-and-so. I mean, you know, whatever.
But look at Leviticus chapter 19. Did I tell you to go to chapter 19? Go to Leviticus 19. We're
going to look at all 14 mentions of reverence because I want you to learn what this word means.
I want you to understand what this word means. And listen to me right now. When you're done with
these 14 mentions, you might be pretty surprised by what it means. But you know what? If you sit
there and have this attitude that says, well, I've been in church for decades and I've never heard
this before. You know what? That doesn't mean that it's not true just because you've never heard it
before. You know, you don't know everything. I don't know everything. We need to be constantly
open to learning new things from the Bible and not just have this attitude. Well, I've been in
church for the last 50 years and I never heard this before, so I don't know what this guy's
talking about. Just look at the Bible tonight. The Bible says in Leviticus 19.30, ye shall keep
my Sabbaths and reverence my sanctuary. I am the Lord. In chapter 26 verse 2, it's the identical
verse repeated again. If you want to turn over there, you can, but it just says the same thing.
So what does he mean by that in that verse? What does reverence mean in that verse? When he says
reverence my sanctuary, he's talking about the physical building. In those days, they built the
tabernacle and a part of that tabernacle was known as the sanctuary. And if we look at quotations from
the Old Testament into the New Testament, God doesn't call it the sanctuary in the New Testament.
He calls it the holy place. Okay? So he calls the sanctuary the holy place and it was a part of the
tabernacle, which was basically at that time the house of God. But now in the New Testament, we
know that the church is the house of God. But in the Old Testament, that physical building, the
tabernacle was the house of God. And when he's saying there that they were to reverence the
sanctuary, wouldn't you say that that means that they're supposed to treat it with respect? Don't
trash the building. Don't treat it as profane or common. Realize, hey, this is a holy place. Let's
have a healthy respect for it. Let's not trash this building. That's what it means in this
passage. Okay? Go to the next mention. Second Samuel chapter nine. Second Samuel chapter nine
verse six. So the first view that we have of reverence in the Bible is one of a deep respect.
And reverence there is referring to looking at something and saying, hey, this is an important
building. This is an important place. I need to treat it with respect. I need to not trash it.
Look at Second Samuel chapter nine verse six. The Bible reads, now when Mephibosheth, the son of
Jonathan, the son of Saul, was come unto David, he fell on his face and did reverence. And David
said, Mephibosheth, and he answered, behold thy servant. Go to the book of Esther chapter number
three. And while you're turning to Esther chapter number three, let me read for you from First Kings
131. Then Bathsheba bowed with her face to the earth and did reverence to the king and said,
let my lord, King David, live forever. So the first two mentions we saw in Leviticus were a
feeling of respect for the building of the tabernacle. But in Second Samuel nine six
with Mephibosheth and in First Kings 131, reverence is described as the act of literally bowing down
on their face to the earth. That is described as doing reverence. Basically, getting down on their
face and bowing down, whether it was Mephibosheth bowing down to David the king, or whether it was
Bathsheba bowing down unto David the king, saying, let my lord, King David, live forever. Look at
Esther three two. And all the king's servants that were in the king's gate bowed and reverenced Haman,
for the king had so commanded concerning him, but Mordecai bowed not, nor did him reverence. So
two mentions in that verse. Look at verse five. And when Haman saw that Mordecai bowed not, nor
did him reverence, then was Haman full of wrath, or he was filled with anger. So basically, the
first two verses showed a very deep respect. The next four verses talked about bowing down unto the
earth. Go to Psalm 89. Psalm 89. We're going to look at Psalm 89, then we're going to look at
Psalm 111. And I think it's worth it to take the time to do this so that we can understand what the
word reference means. I think this is time well spent in the sermon. Look at Psalm 89 verse seven.
God is greatly to be feared in the assembly of the saints, and to be added reverence of all them
that are about him. And again, it's respect that we see here, isn't it? And it's respect that's
coupled with fear. God is greatly to be feared in the assembly of the saints and to be held in
reverence of all them that are about him. Look at Psalm 111. It's just a few pages to the right in
your Bible. Psalm 111 verse nine. He sent redemption unto his people. He had commanded his
covenant forever. Holy and reverend is his name. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
and a good understanding have all they that do his commandments, his praise endureth forever. So
that's all the mentions from the Old Testament. Let's go to the New Testament. Go to Matthew 21.
That's all our mentions from the Old Testament. Now, I'm not going to turn to all three of them,
but the next three mentions of reverence are in Matthew, Mark, and Luke. But they're all the
same story. They're all the same statement. It's a parable that Jesus gives. And if you know the
Bible pretty well, you might remember the parable about the man who goes into a far country, and he
leaves behind his servants to take care of the vineyard. And he keeps sending his servants to
receive the income, to receive the fruits of the vineyard. And remember, they beat one and stoned
another. And look what it says in Matthew 21, 37. But last of all, he sent unto them his son,
saying, they will reverence my son. Okay. And again, it's the exact same thing in Mark 12 and
in Luke 20. Same exact thing. So they say, they'll reverence my son. What does that mean? That means
basically they're going to have respect for him. When he shows up, they're not going to treat him
the way that they treated everybody else. They treated everybody else like garbage, but when he
shows up, they're going to reverence my son. Of course they didn't. You know, they killed him and
hung him on the cross. But the next mention, we don't necessarily need to turn to because we've
already been there, which is Ephesians 5, but go to Hebrews chapter 12. Ephesians 5 is the next
mention, which says that the wife should reverence her husband, right? And so far, what have we seen
that that means? Profound respect, looking at something as important, holy, giving it respect,
fearing, bowing down. I mean, these are the associations with the word reference in the
Bible. I don't know about you, but this seems like a pretty strong word because, you know,
the word respect is used in the Bible. The word respect is used a lot in the Bible. But you know
what the difference is? If we looked up every time the word respect is used and we looked up
every time the word reverence is used, the word reverence is a much stronger word. Because if
someone was irreverent, that's a lot worse than being disrespectful. And reverence is much stronger
than respect. But look down at Hebrews chapter 12. There's two mentions of reverence in Hebrews
chapter 12. It says in verse nine, furthermore, we have had fathers of our flesh, which corrected
us, and we gave them reverence. Shall we not much rather be in subjection? So do you see how
reverence and subjection go hand in hand? Shall we not much rather be in subjection under the
father of spirits and lift? So in Hebrews 12 here, we see children having reverence for their
parents. And it says we had reverence under them because they correct us. Of course, it's the
passage that talks about parents, you know, scourging and chastening their children. And it
says we gave them reverence, you know, we respected our parents is what that means. You know,
my dad's here tonight and my mom is here. I respected them when I was growing up. And I feared
them. Okay. And I did not, you know, mouth off to them all the time, you know, but, but look, there
were a lot of times I wanted to mouth off and I didn't because I had respect and reverence. Of
course, I didn't have as much respect and reverence as I should have. But you know what, we
had reverence for our parents. We look at our parents. What does that mean? We look at our
parents as an authority in our life. Not as somebody that we, you know, I didn't look at my
parents as they're here for me. You know, they're going to, they're my servants. I'm going to make
them do what I want them to do. I'm going to tell them what to do. I'm going to talk to them with,
with disdain. But look, if you would, at the last mention, Hebrews chapter 12, verse 28, the Bible
says, wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace whereby we may
serve God acceptively with reverence and godly fear. Amen. For our God is a consuming fire. Let
me just read for you the dictionary definition of reverence with that in mind, giving precedence to
what you saw in the Bible over what the dictionary says. But the dictionary says, number one, a
feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe, veneration. And then number two, the outward
manifestation of this feeling to pay reverence. Number three, a gesture indicative of deep
respect, an obeisance, bow, or curtsy. Number four, the state of being revered, or to regard or
treat with reverence to venerate. The origin of the word reverence goes back to the 1200s, 1300s,
and it's from the Latin word that means respect, fear, and awe. That's why all the old, and look,
I believe that the King James Bible is the perfect word of God. But you know, before the King James
Bible, did you know what all of the old Bibles, like the, you know, in an older language, because
you know, the King James Bible came out in 1611, right? But before that, the English language had
been around. And you know, when the Bible was first translated into English from the original
Greek and Hebrew was in the early 1500s. It's when it was first translated into, you know,
modern English. And it was translated by, who knows who it was translated by originally? William
Tyndale. And I have a copy of the Tyndale New Testament. You know what it says? See that the
wife fear her husband. That's what it says. Okay. Now you say, oh man. But that, that's correct.
That's what it means. If we study the Bible, and if we say this passage, that's what it means. Now
go, if you would, to First Peter chapter number three. First Peter chapter number three. Now let
me ask you something. With all that I just showed you from the dictionary, which doesn't mean much,
and with all that I just showed you from the Bible, 14 mentions, do you feel like you have a
pretty good idea of what reverence means? Okay, now ask yourself, is that the attitude that you
see women in 2013 America having toward their husband at all? Even close? And you know what?
Television has programmed us and brainwashed us that it is normal for a wife to have disrespect,
disgust, and disdain for her husband. Every time we watch TV or every time we watch a movie,
whenever there's a man who's a strong man and a man who's worthy of respect, he's never a family
man. He's a whore monger. He's out whoring around. He's out, you know, doing whatever. And he's
never, it's never a man that's a family man. Whenever we see a family man on TV, whenever we
see a man in his home and with his wife or with his children, he's a bubbly idiot every time. You
know that's true. It's not father's nose best anymore. Oh no. It's a tearing down of the image
of a man who's worthy of respect. That's what we see on TV. We see a bubbling idiot on the couch,
slovenly, a slob. All he cares about is drinking beer. All he cares about is watching sports. All
he cares about is playing a video game. He's a bubbling idiot. He doesn't make the decisions.
His wife has all the brains. His wife has to be the voice of reason. His wife always has to shut
him up and his wife always has to take control because he's a fool and he's an idiot and he's
a moron. And that is what TV has taught us that men are weak in the home. And you know what? We
don't see women who fear their husband. We don't see women who reference their husband. We don't
see women who respect their husband. And that's why this preaching today is so foreign when we
hear it. And some of you might even be thinking right now, Pastor Anderson's extreme. He's over
the top. But everything I'm preaching to you is directly out of the Bible. And you've got to
somehow reach deep down into your heart and find the voice of the Holy Spirit and shut up all the
garbage that's been pumped into your mind for decades and say, this is the truth. Do you want
to have a great marriage? Amen. The Bible tells us how. Are you listening? It's good. 1 Peter 3
verse 1. And remember, what was the first point? The right authority structure. But what was the
second point? The right heart, the right attitude, the right mentality, the right frame of mind. Look
at verse 1. That's what we're talking about today. What's the husband's attitude? Love. The ultimate
love. Self-sacrificing love. An unselfish love. A giving love. A forgiving love. A love that is
greater than the love that any man has on this earth for any other person. Jesus Christ's love
is the love that we should attain unto in our marriage for our wife. And what is the wife's
attitude supposed to be? One of respect tinged with awe and fear. One of deep respect and
veneration for her husband. What does that mean? She's looking at him as a great person. Not looking
at him as a slob. Not looking at him as a fool, as a bumbling idiot. Part of that is that you need
to stop being a slob and a bumbling idiot. But here's the thing though. But again, you know,
we'll get to that. But honestly though, wives need to, it doesn't say, reverence your husband
if he's just like King David. Is that what it said? No. Reverence your husband if he's Jesus. No,
it just said reverence. You just need to reverence him. That's right. But honestly,
some of you guys are making it pretty hard on your wife. Come on. Appreciate it. And let me
tell you something. That's good. It might be kind of hard for your wife to reverence you when you're
not worthy of respect. And here's the thing. Maybe she's just going to have to go through the motions
and it's not going to work. And let me tell you something. You might think to yourself,
as you've been listening to this sermon so far, hey, this sermon is hard on women. But you know
what? Honestly, women are not the problem. And I hope, I hope you're not getting that from the
sermon. Because let me tell you something. I strongly believe right now that men are the
problem. And I don't think that men are most of the problem. I think that men are the whole
problem. I think that men are 100% of the problem. And I'm going to explain that a little bit more on
the sermon. But look at 1 Peter chapter 3. You know, and you know, it's a weak man who blames
women. But let me prove that to you. Look at 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 1. Likewise ye wives,
be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, meaning if any husband obey
not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wise. Now I've often
looked at this verse and heard this verse in the context of an unsaved husband. You know, if you
do right, you're going to win your husband to Christ. But you know what? This says a husband
that obey not the word. This could be a Christian husband who just doesn't obey the word. This could
be a saved Christian husband who's just not living a life of obedience to God's word,
couldn't it? And it says, you know, he's not obeying the word. They may also without the
word be won, won over is what that means, by the conversation of the wise. While they behold your
chaste conversation, coupled with fear, who's adorning, let it not be that outward adorning
of plating the hair and of wearing of gold and of putting on apparel, but let it be the hidden man
of the heart in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit.
Which is in the sight of God of great price. Verse five, for after this manner in the old time,
the holy women also who trusted in God adorn themselves, being in subjection under their own
husbands, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters ye are, as long as you
do well and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise ye husbands dwell with them according
to knowledge, giving honor under the wife, as under the weaker vessel and as being heirs
together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered. Now, turn back if you went to
Genesis chapter 18, Genesis chapter number 18, because let me say this, the Bible here in 1 Peter
chapter three, verse six, it actually covers the first two points of my sermon in one breath,
because he says, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, that's the right authority structure.
But then it says, calling him Lord, that's the right attitude, that's the right feeling,
that's the right heart, that's the right frame of mind. You say, no, no, no, calling him Lord was
just something that she did as an outward manifestation. Okay, look down at your Bible,
Genesis 18, 12. The Bible says, therefore Sarah laughed, what are the next two words?
Within herself. Do you see that? It says, therefore Sarah laughed within herself saying,
after I am waxed old, shall I have pleasure, my Lord being old also. Let me ask this,
is this something she's saying out loud? Is this something she's saying as an outward show,
as an outward manifestation, as an outward token to her husband of the respect that she has for
him? No, this is an attitude that is real in her heart because she's actually just saying it within
herself. I mean, just when she thinks about her husband, she's not trying to impress anyone,
trying to put on a show. It's in her heart, she just knows, this is my Lord.
She just thinks of him that way, even when she's thinking within herself.
That's the right heart, that's the right frame of mind. So we see both things there in 1 Peter,
go to 1 Peter 3 again where we're, but we see both things there in 1 Peter chapter 3,
because we see, number one, she obeyed Abraham, that's the right authority structure,
and then number two, she called him Lord. That's the right attitude, that's the right heart,
that's the right mentality, because that's what was going on in her mind,
because that's the only example that we have that I know of in scripture where Sarah called Abraham
Lord. I'm not saying that she didn't at other times, but we see it in her heart,
in her mind, within herself. Now, in 1 Peter chapter 3,
he says, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters ye are, as long as ye
do well and not afraid with any amazement. This is being held up at an example, isn't it?
Saying Sarah's an example. Now, let me ask you this, a lot of people will say this,
well, Pastor Anderson, you got to understand the Bible is written 2000 years ago and times change,
right? Times change, man, we're not living back in those days anymore. But think about this,
the book of 1 Peter was written approximately how long ago? About. How long ago was the book of 1
Peter written? About 2000 years ago, right? Okay. Well, let me ask you this, when Peter is
preaching it, how long ago had Abraham and Sarah been alive? I'll tell you exactly, about 2200
years. So here's Peter saying, hey, look at Sarah and Abraham as an example. Oh, that's 2200 years
ago. And that's the same, we're saying right now, oh, 1 Peter's written 2000 years ago. Well,
Peter said, let's take an example from 4200 years ago. Amen. So if it was good enough for
Peter to quote 2200 years later, it's good enough for Steven Anderson to quote it 2000 years later.
I got 200 more years before you could start telling me this was too long.
You know, for the next 200 years, I'm gonna be saying, and then I'll revisit it. And you know,
then I'll listen to your dispute there. It's not outdated, my friend. Amen.
You say Pastor Anderson, I'm listening to your sermon.
And it's making a lot of sense to me, you know, I'm seeing what the Bible says. But I just don't
think that women can handle this in 2013. You know, I mean, you know, the men, you know, men
are sitting there thinking, you know, this all sounds great. This sounds right. I just don't
think that the ladies can handle it. But you know what, the ladies can handle it more than the men.
Because the men are failing today. And let me explain it to you. First of all, because I want
to say this, you know, there are certain things that can derail this right mentality and this
right heart that I have for my wife and that she has for me. And one of those is a weak husband,
a weak man, it's hard to respect a man who's weak. Right? So if you live a life of weakness,
if you're a weak person, I'm not just talking about your physique, I'm talking about your
spirit. I'm talking, you know, and maybe your physique might be something to work on too,
you know what I mean? If you're, if you're, if you're real weak. But I'm saying, you know,
you know, having the right masculinity in your life is going to help your wife. You know,
when you're going around and you're stinking little queer, skinny jeans and you're
Abercrombie and Fitch and you're walking like a girl and you're acting like a queer and then,
you know, and then it's like, oh, why doesn't my wife reference me?
She treats you like a little girl because you act like a little girl. You act like a little
kid. And you know, if you're going to sit there and play video games all night and then I don't
know why my wife doesn't, I don't know why my wife is not standing in awe of me. I don't know
why she's not bowing down to me and calling me Lord because you're being a loser. And let me
tell you something, I'm not going to stand up here tonight and say that women are not right with God
and these feminists and all these women have the wrong attitude. No, it's men who have failed to
lead because the woman is a natural follower all the way back to Genesis chapter three,
when God told her your husband's going to rule over you and you're going to have a desire unto
him. But yet we don't see that. Why? Because men have dropped the ball. I'll prove it to you right
now. Let me just put it for you real simple. Men are stronger than women. Come on. And I'm talking
about physically stronger. And let me say this. If women have taken over, if women are ruling our
nation or our world or our home or our church, that means a man let them do it. Because men are
stronger than women. It's that simple. I mean, women have not overpowered men and taken this by
force. It's just men and they just let it happen. That's what's going on. We need to make it easy
for our wife to respect us. We need to be a respectable person. We need to be a godly man,
a righteous man, a strong man. And we have all these role models of weak men in music,
Hollywood movies. We see all these weak men. I haven't watched TV in like a decade or something,
but that guy with the home improvement guy, what's his name? Wasn't he just kind of a weak leader?
I don't really remember the show. Am I getting this right? Wasn't he just kind of like his
wife was kind of running the show and he's just kind of a slovenly, a little bit of a
henpecked kind of a guy or whatever? You know, I've learned a lot about marriage since we got
a rooster in our backyard. No, I'm just kidding. But we have a rooster in our backyard. It's funny.
But anyway, that's another sermon. But anyway, the bottom line is, you know, we see these weak
men lifted up to us and we see this mentality that says women want a man who's weak. They're
looking for a man who's sensitive, who's soft. You know, and when we see this effeminate queer
image lifted up and said, man, be like this. This is what they want. They want the pink
thigh. You know, they want, you know, weakness. They want femininity. They want that. You know
what? And it's lifted up. Let me tell you something. The Bible said be strong in the
Lord and in the power of his might. The Bible talks about real men who went to battle and
their hand claved to the sword and a bow of steel was broken by their arms. You know,
we need to be men today. If we're men, we'll be referenced by women. And if we're weak and
we're slovenly and we're losers, then, you know, it's going to be hard for them. You know,
they still commanded to do it, but it's going to be tough. If we would lead, if we would get
a mentality that says I'm the leader, I'm the boss. And there are some things that can derail
that. Let me give you some things that will derail that. First of all, a weak husband.
But second of all, anger can derail your leadership as a man. You want your wife to
have a bad attitude toward you? Are you listening to me? This is a very important point. Go to
Proverbs 16. It's a very important point. If you want your wife to not respect you,
if you want your wife to not reverence you, if you want your wife to have a bad attitude toward
you and be nothing like Sarah, you know, what you do is you get angry at her. Why? Because anger is
a sign of weakness. Because, see, a person who's really in control and in charge has control of
their spirit. They're cool. Why did all the girls like the Ponzi? Because he's cool. That's why.
He was cool. Because let me tell you something. The Bible says,
he that is slow to wrath is of great understanding. But he that is of a hasty spirit exalt the thought.
Chapter 15 verse 17. You're in 16. But better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a stalled ox
and hatred therewith. A wrathful man, meaning a man of great anger, stirreth up strife. But he
that is slow to anger appeases strife. Chapter 16 verse 32. He that is slow to anger is better than
the mighty. Are you listening? Come on. Being slow to anger, controlling your spirit is a sign of
great strength. And if you want your wife to respect you, you must show strength in all areas.
Because women do not respect a weak man. They're looking for a strong man. I mean, look, if you
follow a leader, don't you want to follow a strong leader? Do you want to follow a weak pastor when
you go to church? Do you want to follow a weak husband? You know, you want to follow a strong
leader. And the Bible says he that is slow to anger is better than the mighty. And he that
ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. Anger is weakness because it's a lack of control
of your own spirit. It's showing that you're not in control even of yourself, let alone are you
the boss in your marriage. Anger is the worst thing that you can do. And there's two reasons
why anger is so destructive. And look, I have a whole list of verses on anger. And you know,
you could say, well, there are some times when the Bible tells us to be angry. And that's true.
But let me tell you something, there are a lot more verses in the Bible telling us not to be
angry than the ones that are telling us to be angry. Anger is more often than not a sin. It's
not always a sin. Jesus was angry. He chased him out of the temple with a whip. But more often than
not anger is a sin. And it is something that we need to work on getting out of our life. The only
time anger is a righteous anger is a righteous indignation is when we're mad at sin. You know,
Jesus was mad at sin. And you know, preacher gets up and gets mad at sin or, or, you know,
I get angry at wickedness and perversion that's going on. That's the right thing. But you know,
when I'm getting angry at my wife, I'm getting angry at my children. I'm getting angry at my
friends all the time. You know, that's, that's just showing that I'm just a weak person that
doesn't have control of my temper and control of my spirit. And I'm telling you, this will derail
your leadership more than anything. If you're a husband, you'll take heed to what I'm saying. You
must learn to control anger or you will never be in charge. You will never have a right authority
structure and you'll never have the right attitude from your wife. But for two reasons
why anger is so destructive to your wife. Number one, it's showing her weakness and, and, and it
doesn't make her respect you because you're having to resort to yelling and screaming and anger.
That's your weak leadership. And she sees that. But number two is that women have a natural desire
to please. They want, I mean, women want to please their husband. They want to, you know,
obey their husband. They want to do good on him. They want to cook him a meal and serve it to him
and he's happy with it and he enjoys it. They have a desire to please their leader, to please
their husband. That's a natural God given desire of women. And when you're angry at your wife and
yelling at your wife, it makes her feel worthless as a person because it makes her feel like a
failure. You know, because here she is, the Bible says that the white Eve was made for Adam to help
Adam. You know, that's her main purpose in life is to be there and to be a help to her husband.
And when he's angry and yelling, she just feels like a failure, you know, and then she just gives
up. You know, I think of my, my great grandfather who committed suicide because he was not able to
lift a sack of potatoes because he said that he felt that he was worthless as a person because
his identity was wrapped up in his work. And that's how we as men are, aren't we? I mean,
you know, we have a very strong desire to work. That's where we get our identity in life is the
work that we do. And you know, women get their identity from, from being behind their husband
and being a help to him. A stone is heavy in the sand weighty, but a fool's wrath is heavier than
them both. Wrath is cruel. Are you listening? Wrath is cruel and anger is outrageous, but who
is able to stand before envy? Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry, for anger resteth in the bosom
of fools. And on and on we could go. Turn to first Corinthians step number seven. So some of the
things that can derail this right mentality between a husband and a wife, love on the part
of the husband and reverence on the part of the wife. Number one, weakness in the man.
That's the big problem. Weak men, weak men in all areas, physically, spiritually,
emotionally, you know how that weakness is often exhibited to constantly getting your wife's
approval for everything that you do. Are you listening to me? Every time you have an, Oh,
I got to go ask my wife, constantly getting your wife's approval for decisions that you make
is showing that you are a weak leader. You say, no, no, no. That's just me trying to make her
happy. I'm just, I just want to make sure that what I'm doing is right for her. I just want to
make sure that she's happy with what I'm doing. No, no, no. This is how you make sure that your
wife is happy. You get to know your wife because the Bible said in first Peter three that we need
to dwell with our wife according to knowledge. And let me tell you something. I should know my
wife well enough and I should study my wife and work very hard to learn what my wife wants
and just give her what she wants and not constantly go to her approval and say, Hey,
is it okay if we do this? Hey, is it okay if I go here? Hey, is it okay if we do this? You know what
you're showing? You're showing that you're not a confident leader because a confident leader says,
I know where I'm going. I know what needs to happen. I'm going to do this. I'm going to make
this happen. And women see that and they respond to that. And they say, you know, this is somebody
I can follow. Here's somebody who knows where he's going. He's confident. He's bold. He's a
leader. You know, this is the age old thing of where are we going out to dinner? I mean,
it's a perfect example. Women don't want you. Hey, where do you want to go to dinner? Where
should we go? And then women are like, Oh, I don't know. You know, there's this place,
there's this place. And you sit there, go back and forth. And your wife's just like,
oh, you disgust me. Oh, you weakling. You disgusting weakling. Take me to dinner. Tell
me where to go. And look, they want you to order off the menu for them.
And tell your wife, here, let me show you what you want. And look, you know what? Let me tell
you something. And you say, no, no, no, you're going to order the wrong thing. No, because I
know my wife. You know why? Because I pay attention. Because I love my wife. I care.
Now if you don't care, if you don't pay attention to your wife's desires and her wants and wishes,
I mean, look, I've been married for 12 and a half years. You don't think I know what kind of food
my wife likes after 12 and a half years. If I don't, I'm not paying attention. If I'm not,
I don't care. If I'm not, I'm not putting forth the effort to have a good marriage.
Because God said to dwell with her according to God. And you say, well, I don't have to put all
this effort into my marriage. Okay. Look at 1 Corinthians 7. Let's see how much effort you're
supposed to put into your marriage. Look at 1 Corinthians 7 verse 32. It says, but I would
have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord,
how you may please the Lord. Let me ask you something. Is this talking about a good guy or
a bad guy? This is a good guy, right? I mean, a guy whose whole life is wrapped up and pleasing
the Lord. So he's saying a godly unmarried man. He cares about the things that belong to the Lord.
That's all he cares about. He just spends all his time serving God and doing what God wants
him to do. But look what it says next. But he that is married careth for the things that are
of the world, how he may please his wife. It says there's a difference also between a wife and a
virgin. And by the way, those should be the two types of categories. A wife and a virgin. Okay.
It says the unmarried woman care or widows, of course, but the unmarried woman careth for the
things of the Lord, that she may be holy, both in body and in spirit. But she that is married
careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And the Bible is not saying
this is a bad thing. The Bible is explaining that a man who is married, a great deal of his time and
his energy is spent trying to please his wife. And that's a good thing because it says in Deuteronomy,
you don't have to turn there. But in Deuteronomy 24 five, the Bible says, when a man had taken a
new wife, this is a newly married man, when a man had taken a new wife, he should not go out to war,
neither shall he be charged with any business, but he shall be free at home one year and shall
cheer up his wife with he had taken. The Bible said when you first get married, the first year,
put everything else on the back burner, put everything else aside and spend a year just
cheering up your wife. Now that's a major investment in marriage, wouldn't you say?
And look, do you think that God here is saying, you know, our marriage should be on the back burner
in our lives from these passages that we just looked at? My understanding of marriage from
the Bible is that second only to serving God, my marriage is the most important thing in my life.
Did you hear me? It has to be the most important thing to me. I mean, God is always number one,
but the next thing on the list is pleasing my wife. You know, why? Because look, if I love her,
I want to please her. You know, and when you say, oh, you know, you're preaching that a husband
should be a dictator, that his wife, no, because I'm talking about a husband who loves and
unselfishly cares for his wife and does not just what's good for him, but he's a self-sacrificing,
giving, unselfish leader. Does he have total power? Yes. Does he have total authority? Yes.
Is she supposed to obey him and everything? Yes. But he's unselfish. He doesn't abuse that power.
He wants to please his wife. And so look, if I know my wife, I should be able to do things
that I know are going to make her happy. And I know her what's best for her without always having to
ask her for her approval all the time. Because if I have to ask her for approval all the time,
you know what that shows? Number one, I don't know her because I have to go, is it okay? Is it okay?
And then I'm just showing I'm a weakling and I'm not the real leader. Because if I'm getting my
wife's permission for everything I say and do, who's really in charge? Come on. Think about it.
If my wife gives me her permission for what I do, am I in charge or is she in charge? If she can
veto everything I want to do or say, and look, we know every time we talk to her, oh, I got to ask
my wife, I got to ask my, let me check with my wife, I got to find out with my wife, you know,
I don't know if my wife, you know, where are we going to go to dinner? I don't know. Let me see
what she wants to do. You know, just take her where she wants to go. You say that's not what
women want. Women want to have a say. Women want to have an equal say. Women want to have 50% of
the authority. That is a lie. That's feminism that is lying. And women on the outside, and look,
if you get in your car after the sermon and say, honey, is it really true? Is that really what you
want? You have, the whole sermon went over your head. You know, a lot of men are literally going
to get in the car with their wife and say, honey, is that how you feel? Do you feel that I'm not a
strong enough leader? Honey, do you, do you feel that I should take more authority and that I
should tell you what to do and that I should be the ruler of the home? Do you really want me to
take charge? Do you really want me to be the boss? I mean, do you really want me to be your Lord?
You know what? If you get in the car and ask that you missed the whole sermon. You're failing
already. You already failed. Because look, why don't you just believe me? I'm telling you the
truth. The Bible's telling you the truth. You don't need to ask your wife whether the sermon
was right. Ask your wife whether what I'm saying is right. Look, let me just give you a perfect
illustration. Are you still in 1 Corinthians 7? We're going to get there next. You say,
this is a long sermon. Yeah, it's a long sermon. I'm trying to undo decades of garbage that you've
been listening to your whole life. It's going to take a little time. So just sit down and relax.
And let me tell you something. I was preaching in a community college. Now,
is a community college a godly place where the Bible is lifted up as the sole authority
of all matters of faith and practice? I was speaking at South Mountain Community College
two weeks ago. And I spoke to a college class of college young people of basically most of them
of a liberal left wing type persuasion because they're in a public school. They're in a public
college. And in this college classroom, there were about 30 students. And about 22 of them
were women and about eight of them were men. And in this college classroom, everyone was young.
No one was married except me and the instructor of the class who was just sitting in the back
observing as I taught the class. And if you wonder how someone like me can come in and speak
in a public community college. And let me tell you something. When I go in there, I do not tone
anything down. And let me just listen to me. What I'm preaching right now, I preach this exact same
doctrine less than two weeks ago in a public community college. Amen. Okay. And I've gone in
there and preached everything. And they tell me, they tell me, you can say whatever you want. You
say, how does that happen? You know, well, how did God part the Red Sea? I mean, it's a miracle.
I don't know. But anyway, so I went into this college. And I asked for raise of hands at the
beginning of the class. I said, how many of you here would say, I'm a Christian, just in some way,
shape or form, you're a Christian. Less than half the hands went up, but close to half. So maybe I
have these 22 ladies, maybe 10 of them put up their hands. Now, do you think all 10 of them
were saved? Just because they're just saying, I'm a Christian, some type of Christian. I mean,
that could be Catholic, that could be, you know, whatever. But 12 of them are not even identifying
themselves as a Christian whatsoever. Right. And I preach this exact doctrine. And at the end of it,
every single girl in that room was nodding her head saying, that's exactly what I want. I want
a man to rule over me. I want to stay home. I want to be married and have kids. And these are women
that are in an honors class in a college. They're working on a career. They're trying to get a job.
They're trying to get a career. But when the Word of God was preached, they said, yes, that's exactly
what I want. I mean, I was preaching everything that was contrary to what the world will tell you
women want and that feminism teaches. And I was able to cut through all that in an hour. And
they're all just saying, yes. I mean, look, when you have a classroom full of women that are not
even claiming to be a Christian saying, yes, I wish that men would be more dominant and assertive.
I wish I would find that man that would take me and marry me and love me and rule over me and be
my leader and be somebody. Look, I can follow. Look, this is what women want. It's men that
are failing to give it to them. Forget the Bible. I mean, forget the laws of God. I mean, this is
just human nature. Men are not women and women are not men. And as much as our culture tries to
dress the women like men and tell them to look like men and tell them to act like men, inside
there's still a woman inside. Behind all that programming, all that garbage inside, there's
still a woman. And by the way, you want your wife to have an attitude more like a woman. How about
getting her to dress more like a woman and act like a woman? You know, sometimes those type of
things can make a big difference. You know, if I'm not looking masculine or acting masculine in my
demeanor, it's probably going to be harder for my wife to feel about me like I'm the man and the
head of the home. It's a two-way street. Look at 1 Corinthians 7 verse 1. So that was number one
and number two. I have one last point. Number one, what do you need to have a great marriage?
You must have the right authority structure. You must. Number two, you must have the right
mentality, the right heart, the right attitude. Because you know what? Your facade and you're
going through the motions, you better get to the place. And you know, it's a whole other
sermon of itself about love. But you know what? You must love your wife from your heart, not just
going through the motions. And wives, you have to respect and reverence your husband and fear him
from your heart and not just going through the motions of obedience. But actually look at him as
an authority. Okay. But number three, you must have the right physical relationship in your
marriage. Now I'm not, don't get nervous or anything. I'm not going to be explicit. You know,
of course the Bible is not explicit and I'm not going to be explicit either. But this is something
that must be there in order to have a great marriage, in order to have the right marriage.
Number one, there's got to be a right authority structure. Number two, there must be the right
heart, the right mentality, the right frame of mind, the right attitude, the right spirit. And
number three, there must be the right physical relationship. It has to be there. Otherwise,
you know, and frankly, when I married my wife, I wasn't marrying a roommate or a business partner.
You know, I was marrying a wife. And a physical relationship in marriage is something that is
essential. Okay. Now let me say this. When I say having a great marriage, I don't just mean the
absence of screaming and yelling. Now that's a good place to start. I'm not just saying this is,
you know, the absence of throwing things and screaming and yelling and fighting,
the absence of going to your mother, you know, on law and trying to get your wife to come home.
Okay. I'm not saying that that's, I don't think that's a great marriage because, you know,
there are a lot of people who've gotten, you know, they figured out a way to not scream and
yell at each other and curse at each other and throw things. But does that mean that they really
have a great marriage? So you might be sitting there thinking, well, I have peace in my home.
I mean, we don't fight or yell, but do you have a great marriage? Because let me tell you something,
a great marriage to me, yes, it is the absence of the screaming and yelling and anger. Yes,
it is the absence of the fighting and bickering and fussing, but it's also the fact that my wife
and I are madly in love with each other. Now, look, you say, well, where do you get that in
the Bible? Okay. Read the book of Song of Salt. You have eight chapters of two people expressing
extreme amounts of love for one another. I mean, just extreme burning, passionate love
from the wife to her husband and from the husband to her wife. I look at that and I say,
that's a great marriage. Not just a wife who obeys me, not just the absence of screaming and yelling.
No, I want a wife that I adore and that adores me. And then I have a burning and passionate love
for and that she feels the same way about me. You know, we would probably refer to this in
2013 maybe as romance. Okay. But if we read Song of Solomon, we get a picture of just
very strong feelings for one another. And to me, that's part of what a great marriage consists of.
And so even if you say, well, I don't need this sermon because there's not a lot of fighting in
my marriage. Yeah, but how strong are your feelings toward your spouse? And if you get
point one right, and if you get point two right, you will have stronger feelings for your spouse
and they will have stronger feelings toward you. It's true. See, I don't want to rock the boat,
you know, but you know what? You need to get it right. Amen. It's worth it to get it right.
But look at first Corinthians chapter seven, verse one. Let's look at the physical relationship
quickly. I'm running out of time, but it says now concerning the things where have you wrote
unto me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication,
let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband. And in this chapter
of chapter seven, Paul spends a lot of time explaining the virtues of being single.
He talks about the benefits and the advantages of being single because there are some benefits
and advantages of being single, but he's also quick to explain that the single life is not
for everybody. In fact, it's not for most people. In fact, it's very few men that could live that
life without being tempted toward fornication. You know, it would take a special type of person
to be able to live that life. Most of us men need to be married and most women need to be married.
Just honest truth. Paul was an exception. There are exceptions, but the vast majority of people
need to be married and God wants us to be married. It's not good for the man to be alone,
but it says here, nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife
and let every woman have her own husband. You say, why would being married cause me to avoid
fornication? Well, because if I'm not married, then basically I might have a much greater
temptation obviously to go out and find that physical relationship outside of marriage,
which is a very wicked and major sin. Fornication. Fornication is that relationship
being before marriage. And the Bible, the Bible explains to us in Proverbs five,
you don't have to turn there, but in Proverbs five, the Bible reads,
let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Say, oh, wait until you're older to get married. Well, here he says, you know, rejoice with the
wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant robe. Let her breasts satisfy thee
at all times and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou my son be ravished
with a strange woman and embrace the bosom of a stranger? What is God saying there? He's saying,
look, if your wife's breasts satisfy thee at all times, and if you're always ravished with her
love, you're not out looking for a stranger. You don't need a stranger because you're satisfied
at home. You know, you have a wife at home and you don't need to go out looking somewhere else.
And you know what? 99% of adultery would not be there if people had a right relationship with
their spouse and not just physically on all levels. If people had a right relationship
with their spouse on all levels, there's no, why would you commit adultery? You know, polygamy,
people in the Bible have multiple lives. I believe anybody who is taking on a second wife just
doesn't understand marriage. And it's just failing at their marriage. You know what I mean? They just
don't get it. Why, you know, what do you need a second wife for? There's no point. Sounds like
a pain in the neck. And I'm not saying that because, you know, I don't love my wife, but
I'm saying, you know, why would you want to have two wives? That's not God's plan. That's just going
to create all this strife and friction and jealousy and envy. And it sounds like a nightmare.
But the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7, where we were reading there, it started out by saying,
to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and let every woman have her own husband.
Let me ask you this. If there's not a physical relationship between the husband and the wife,
is that helping to avoid fornication? Is that helping a man or a woman to resist temptation?
No. It says, let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence. And likewise, also the wife
unto the husband, verse four, the wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband. And
likewise, also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the
other, except it be with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer
and come together again that Satan tempt you not for your inconstancy. So what is the Bible telling
us here? That my wife and I should not abstain from having a physical relationship. Because if
we do abstain from having a physical relationship, then the Satan will use that to tempt us for our
incontinency, or not being able to contain ourselves, is what that means. And the Bible
is saying here that it is our duty and part of our marriage, and that when we got married,
we have basically given over control of our body to that other person. I mean, what does the Bible
say? And look, it says that, verse four, the wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband.
But then he even says it the other way. And likewise, also the husband hath not power of
his own body, but the wife. So do I have the right to basically withhold a physical relationship from
my wife and tell her no, and turn her down? And does she have the right to withhold herself from
me and tell me no? And here's what the world will tell you. And look, you say, oh man, you're really
getting controversial now. You're really getting, you know what? Ask me if I care.
You think I give a rip what this wicked and adulterous generation thinks about what I'm
saying right now? This wicked, perverse, corrupt generation that is failing in every area and in
marriage above all, you think I care what they think about what I'm saying right now? I don't
care at all. I'm going to tell the truth. I've never heard this before. Well, that's why you're
here tonight so that you can hear it now. And the Bible says here, defraud ye not one the other.
You know what that tells me? That tells me that if I withhold a physical relationship from my wife
or vice versa, I am committing fraud. That means I lied. That means I deceived. That means I'm
ripping her off of something that I committed to when I got married. When I got married,
I committed to that physical relationship. And so did she. Now he says defraud ye not one the
other except to be with consent. Now what does the world teach? The exact opposite.
It must be consensual even within marriage. No, the Bible says not doing it has to be consensual.
That's what it says. Not doing it has to be consensual. That's what the Bible says.
And it says here, don't let me confuse you with the Bible or anything, but it says defraud ye not
one the other except to be with consent for a time, for a time that you may give yourselves
to fasting and prayer. And then there's also a million other reasons why you're going to
defraud one another. Is that what it says? It gets worse. It says except to be with consent
for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again
when that time's over. That Satan tempt you not for your incontinence. Now let me ask you this.
Fasting, what is fasting? Somebody tell me what fasting is. What is it? Denying what? What do you
deny specifically? What do you not do? You don't eat. I was looking for the simple answer.
You don't eat food. So look, why do we eat food? Because we enjoy eating food,
right? Isn't that part of it? I mean, yeah, we eat for strength and not for drunkenness,
but we do enjoy food. It tastes good, right? Isn't it a pleasurable part of our lives? Breakfast,
lunch, dinner. I just look forward to it. Okay, but here's the thing. So here's the thing. If
we're fasting, we're denying ourselves. We're denying the pleasure. We're denying that pleasure
of eating. So wouldn't it make sense then that if we're going to deny ourselves food,
wouldn't it make a lot of sense not to indulge in pleasures of marriage if we're denying ourselves
food for purposes of prayer? It wouldn't really be consistent for us to be fasting from food
and then indulging in that kind of pleasure. It's supposed to be a time of afflicting our souls,
not a time of indulging in the flesh. Not that there's anything wrong with indulging in the
flesh, whether it be eating or whether it be the marriage relationship. Those are both righteous
things to do. But here it says, you know, that you may give yourself the fasting prayer. No,
I mean, it's just how long do you fast for? 40 days and 40 nights. Are you Gandhi? Yeah. Are you,
I mean, Jesus passes it for 40 days and 40 nights once that we see. Moses did it. Elijah did it.
Then, you know, the most common fasting in the Bible is like a one day fast, a three day fast.
I don't know if we were to go around the room and, you know, and I'm not going to because the Bible
says when you fast, you're supposed to fast in secret and it's not something you're supposed
to brag about and tell everybody about, right? But if we're to go around the room and say,
how long have you fasted? You know, we probably get answers like a day, three days, right? Maybe
if we have some spiritual giant here tonight, you know, maybe a seven day fast and that would
probably kind of blow us away. And remember when I say fasting, I'm not referring to the juice fast.
I'm talking about, you know, I'm referring to basically water only fast, you know, just water.
And there are people who, believe it or not, even in the modern day have gone 40 days without eating.
And I'm not recommending that type of an extreme fast, especially for someone, you know, like
myself or your pastor, you know, you know, who don't have a whole lot of reserves. But let me say
this, you know, let me say this. When we see fasting, it's, you know, it's a time that's not
a big, long time. So let me ask you something. Why are you going 40 days and 40 nights without
having a relationship with your spouse? Well, that's getting a little personal. I'm not trying
to get personal. I'm just telling you what the Bible, I mean, the Bible is saying, hey, you know, abstain
from that relationship for a time of fasting and prayer. How long is the time of fasting and prayer
in your life? I mean, are you fasting for 21 days? Like, you know, are you fasting for 14 days? I mean,
what are you doing? You know, you, you have got some willpower. But let me tell you something. In marriage,
though, there are marriages today that are going through very long periods of abstinence. And I
don't believe in it. And I don't agree with it. And I find it to be unscriptural and unbiblical.
Okay. The Bible is teaching us that this physical relationship is a part of marriage. And that if
we are not participating in that, that we're giving a foothold unto the devil in our lives.
Now, not only that, but today in our world, we have been brainwashed into believing that this
is only something that men want. Isn't that what the feminist garbage is out there? Oh, that's all
men think about. Yeah, that's all men want. That's what men are so into. Isn't that what we hear all
the time, you know, and the proverbial, yeah, you know, the woman has to go along with the man who
wants that, you know, the proverbial she's got a headache or whatever. And let me tell you something
that is not a biblical concept. Come on. Right. Because in the Bible here, this looks to me like
a two way street. I mean, as I read first Corinthians seven, one through five, I don't see
a difference between the man and the woman in this regard. I see a woman and a man who equally desire
this relationship and are equally defrauded when it's not there. And they're equally feeling that
something is missing when it's not there. Their desire is on both sides. Let me explain to you why
today we have this lie in this misconception. And sometimes it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy
that this is only something that men are interested in and not women. Go back to Genesis
three 16 and I'll show you why. And I'll close with this Genesis three 16. You see, if we were
to go to the book of Song of Solomon, I could show you plenty of places where a wife is very
interested in that physical relationship with her husband. And I'm going to say this right now,
first Corinthians seven said that if the feelings mute, it's supposed to be mutual.
It's supposed to be both people that desire that physical relationship. And it looks very equal.
You know, you want equality in marriage. I mean, that's the one place where he says
there is equality because he says the wife doesn't have power over her body and the husband has that
power. That's the one place where there is equality in marriage there. But that's not
what we're taught. That's not what we're told. And in many cases, that's not the reality in
people's marriages. And let me explain something to you very quickly here. If that desire is not
there, if there's a husband who doesn't desire to have a physical relationship with his wife,
something's wrong with that relationship. And if there's a wife that does not desire to have
a physical relationship with her husband and it's a drudgery, something's wrong in that relationship
because it's not biblical. And in Song of Solomon, we see so many examples and you know,
I don't have time to go to them, but this is the last place I want to show you. Genesis 3.16. Now,
what's the most famous verse in the whole Bible? John 3.16. Now, everybody knows John 3.16, right?
It's on the bottom of the cup at In-N-Out Burger. And we could all quote it right now. And people
go to a football game and hold up John 3.16. Well, as John 3.16 is the most famous verse,
and I'm saying this because I want you to remember this verse. This is the most non-famous verse.
So, so the most famous verse, what's the most famous verse? John 3.16. What's the least
favorite famous verse? Jen 3.16, right? So we have John 3.16 and Jen 3.16. Well, you know,
nobody's going to hold this sign up at a football game, but this is an important verse, okay?
Listen to me. Genesis after 3.16. Nobody's writing this under their eyelids, you know,
as a quarterback or whatever. You're not going to find this on the bottom of the cup at In-N-Out
Burger. Anyway, it says in Genesis 3.16, it says, unto the woman he said, he said,
I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow shalt thou bring forth
children, and here's the key, and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over
thee. Now, correct me if I'm wrong. Does that not say that the wife will desire her husband?
Does it not say that? Isn't that what it says? Amen. Now you say, well, but that's not always
the case. Well, the Bible also said that the man's going to work by the sweat of his face
six days a week, right? Is that always the case? Does every man on this planet work by the sweat
of his face six days a week? No, but let me tell you something. Men who don't work by the sweat
of their face are miserable men. They're unhappy. People that are unemployed, they don't have a job,
they're not happy. And when they get a job, they feel so much better about themselves because
they're in the role that God has given them, working. Men love to work and to do something
reductive with their life. Now, you might say, well, there's men who choose not to work. You
know what? But they're losers and they're not happy. And it says here in Genesis 3 16,
I'll greatly multiply this around like seven, and so are stuff that bring forth children.
You can say, well, there's women who choose not to bring forth children. There's women who choose
not to desire their husband. There's women who choose not to be ruled over by their husband.
Yeah, but they're not happy. They're just as unhappy as an unemployed man.
Not in the roles that God gave them. Not where they need to be. Not where they want to be.
He says, and listen, I want these words to sink down into your ears. Thy desire
shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over thee. Let me tell you something. Those two things
go hand in hand. You have a husband that does not rule over his wife. You have a wife that doesn't
desire her husband. Did you hear me? I said, if there's a wife that is not ruled over by her
husband, that is a wife that's not going to desire her husband because women do not have
desire for a weak man who's not leading. But when the man takes charge, when the man takes the reigns,
when the man takes the lead, when the man rules, and when the man is in total authority,
you're going to find a wife that has a great deal of desire for her husband.
And you say, I don't agree with that. Well, what part of Genesis 3 16 do you not understand?
And it's a hard saying, but it's the truth. And so let me just quickly say this. Number one,
get the right authority structure in your home. You cannot have a good marriage without it.
Even if you don't even believe the Bible, you know, it's just a fact. But the Bible,
you know, I thank God for the Bible because without the Bible, we wouldn't know this wisdom.
Number one, get the right authority structure in your home. Number two,
get the right heart, the right attitude, the right mind. Feel it. Don't just do it. Don't
just put on an outward show. Don't go through the motions. Feel right. Love your wife. Reverence
your husband. Love your husband. Love each other. Feel it. Let it be real. Amen. And number three,
have the right physical relationship. The right physical relationship is a piece of the puzzle.
Let's prioritize that word of prayer. Father, we thank you so much for wisdom. And God, I thank
you for my wife who I love dearly, who I love passionately, who I love more than anyone else
on this earth. God, I just pray that you would help others to put these lessons into practice.
Many of these lessons I've learned the hard way over the last 12 and a half years. I definitely
have failed and made a lot of mistakes. But God, I thank you for revealing these things unto me.
And I thank you that at this time I have a wonderful marriage and the marriage that I've
always wished I had. I pray that others would let these words sink down into their ears
and that they would be motivated to improve their marriage and to start putting things into practice,
concrete things, tangible changes that would be instantly made. It's not going to happen by
accident. This sermon is going to be forgotten in a week or two. I've been preaching long enough
to know that. But Lord, help the changes to be immediate and help marriages to be improved. Help
us not to fail as the world fails. Those that are here on a second marriage or even a third marriage,
help them to forget the past and just decide, you know what? I'm pushing a reset button. I'm not
going to make the same mistakes. I'm going to do it right this time. And Father, we love you and
we thank you for everything that you've done for us. And I thank you for my wonderful wife and I
thank you for the wisdom that you've given through your word. Help everyone here to take heed to it.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen. Amen. All right. Brother Jimenez. Amen. Thank you, Pastor Anderson.
Think you can find something to apply to your life out of that? I think you might be able to.
And uh, amen. You know, you ought to be thankful for a man who'll stand up and preach the truth.
Praise the Lord for that. And some of you are going to walk out of here tonight and say,
I don't like that type of preaching. And let me cue you in on something, Mr. Obvious. Nobody likes
that type of preaching. It's what you need. So don't be a hearer of the word. Be a doer of the
word also. All right. That was a great sermon and praise the Lord for it. Thank you, Pastor Anderson.
Thank you.