Man, the part of the chapter that I want to focus on is the beginning of verse 3 there
where the Bible reads,
Let nothing be done through strife or vain glory,
but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
And the title of my sermon tonight is How to Act Socially.
How to Act Socially.
This is a pretty important subject because we have a lot of social interactions in our
lives whether this is at church, at work, at school, in your neighborhood.
You know, whenever we interact with people, we're interacting socially.
And the Bible says,
A man that hath friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticketh
closer than a brother.
And a lot of people wonder why they don't have any friends.
Why does no one like me?
Why do people avoid me?
They don't want to be around me because you're not acting right socially.
And so what you ought to do is examine yourself and ask yourself if your behavior is right.
If nobody wants to be your friend, you know, part of that could be something wrong with
the way that you're acting.
So I'm going to give you some biblical principles tonight, some things that are straight out
of the Bible about how to act socially so that you can get along with people.
Why is this important?
Because if we're in a church with hundreds of people, we want to get along with one another.
We don't want to have all kinds of friction and strife and people at each other's throats.
And you know, I've noticed that there are people that can go to this church for year
after year or year, even more than a decade, and they're not a troublemaker.
They get along, they have friends, they're a blessing to the people around them.
And then there are other people who tend to be a bit of a pain.
And they tend to just cause problems and constantly be at strife with others.
You don't want to be that person that's creating drama or getting involved in social conflicts
that would slow down or hinder the work of Christ.
Now obviously there are going to be times where people butt heads.
We're all human.
We're all flesh.
We're all sinners.
And so there are going to be times when people don't get along or maybe blow up at one another.
And nobody's expecting us to be perfect.
We're not trying to tell you, hey, you've got to act perfectly.
But when it's just a pattern where somebody's just constantly causing trouble, you know,
that could really slow down the work of God.
And it could distract us from the important things in our lives like winning people to
Christ or raising our family or studying the Bible, praying, doing good works.
You know, when we're constantly caught up in having to deal with all these social problems
that are pretty easy to avoid.
So a lot of people, you know, they don't have any friends that can be depressing for them.
Well, you know, here's a way to get along with other people and have friends and you
can be a blessing to them and they'll be a blessing to you in return.
So let's start out with probably one of the most important points I could possibly bring
on how to act socially right here from Philippians chapter 2.
Point number 1 is this.
Don't be self-absorbed.
Do not be self-absorbed.
The Bible says in verse 3, let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness
of mind, that has to do with humility, let each esteem other better than themselves.
And verse 4 is the key.
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
So here's a big mistake socially when you're just only looking on your own things, not
on the things of others.
What do I mean by that?
When you have conversations with other people, you just talk about yourself.
Everything's about you, you, you, and if the other person brings something up, you'll just
find a way to bring it back to you.
You know what I'm talking about.
You've talked to people like that or you might have been guilty of that.
I mean, this is a very bad character trait that is going to cause people not to like
you, not to want to be your friend, because it's very off-putting when someone is full
of themselves, proud, arrogant, and self-absorbed.
The Bible says that we should look on the things of others, not just on our own things.
What does that mean?
It means that we care about other people and their issues and their lives, and so we want
to talk to them about the things that concern them, not just only talk about the things
that concern us.
So when you get together and talk with your friends, and this could even go with your
spouse, your siblings, your coworkers, talk about them.
Don't just talk about yourself and be self-absorbed.
So that's point number one.
Point number two, don't be a loudmouth.
Go to Proverbs chapter number seven.
Proverbs chapter number seven, we're going to start out with some verses that are specifically
directed at women, but there are also verses along these lines that are directed at men,
but there are a few in the Bible that are actually directed specifically at women.
While you're turning to Proverbs chapter seven, I'll read for you from first Peter
chapter three, verse three, where it reads, whose adorning, let it not be that outward
adorning of plating the hair and of wearing of gold or of putting on of apparel, but let
it be the hidden man of the heart in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament
of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
So the Bible is teaching that women should strive to have a meek and quiet spirit.
And notice in the same breath, he mentions them not wearing flashy clothing, and he mentions
them having a meek and quiet spirit.
Both of those two things go hand in hand.
They both have to do with just trying to constantly draw attention to yourself.
Hey, look at me being loud and loud clothing and a loudmouth, kind of go hand in hand.
So what does the Bible say about a wicked woman?
That was the godly woman in first Peter three.
Proverbs chapter seven, verse nine says, in the twilight, in the evening, in the black
and dark night, and behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot and subtle
of heart.
So we see this woman is wearing clothing that is designed to draw attention to herself.
She's in the attire of a harlot.
That's going to turn some heads, right?
That's going to get people's attention, and that's the goal of that kind of clothing.
And it says, she is loud and stubborn.
So this is the exact opposite of the meek and quiet spirit of the woman who is in subjection
to her husband, first Peter chapter three, verse five.
This is the one who is loud and stubborn, her feet a bite not in her house.
Now is she without, now in the streets.
And then look at this last phrase, and lieth and wait at every corner.
What's that mean?
Women like this are a dime a dozen.
They're everywhere, every corner.
It's not hard to find a woman like this.
Whereas the woman who has the meek and quiet spirit is of great price.
Who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies.
Whereas this woman is on every corner, the loud and stubborn.
So it's not hard, ladies, to be loud and stubborn.
And it's not hard to dress like a harlot either.
All you got to do is go to the mall, and they have plenty of harlot type clothing styles
available for you, all the low cut tops and the short skirts and the tight fitting clothing
is there for you to dress like a harlot.
Anybody can do that.
You know, it takes character, godliness, and having some security about yourself and the
value that you have as a person on the inside to dress modestly and to act in a godly manner.
So that's for the ladies.
How about the men?
You're in Proverbs anyway, go to chapter 17.
You're already there in chapter 7, go to Proverbs 17.
While you're turning there, Ecclesiastes 5 verse 3 says, for a dream cometh through the
multitude of business, and a fool's voice is known by a multitude of words.
So it says his voice is known by a multitude of words, meaning that you can just always
hear him, no matter where he is, just blowing off his mouth, just saying too much, a multitude
of words loudly coming out of his mouth.
So don't be a loud mouth, okay?
The Bible says in Proverbs 17, 27, he that hath knowledge spareth his words, right?
He doesn't talk too much, he uses his words sparingly, and a man of understanding is of
an excellent spirit.
Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise, and he that shutteth his lips
is esteemed a man of understanding.
Now the Bible's not telling us to just be silent and not say anything at all, but the
Bible's telling us don't be a loud mouth, don't be one who's just constantly blowing
off his mouth.
And doesn't that kind of tie in with point number 1 about being self-absorbed, dominating
every conversation, talking about yourself, being really loud, constantly trying to draw
attention to yourself?
In fact, the first several of my points are kind of all along those lines, because this
is just a big part of how to act socially, is learning to be humble.
Learning to care about other people, take an interest in other people, listen to what
other people have to say, and not just be self-absorbed.
Have you ever talked to someone and you felt like the whole time you're talking to them,
they're just thinking about the next thing they're going to say, and nothing you're saying
is getting in?
I'm sure you've all had that feeling before.
Which leads me to my third point, don't be a know-it-all, okay?
So number 1, don't be self-absorbed, number 2, don't be a loud mouth, number 3, don't
be a know-it-all.
Go if you would to Psalm 131.
Psalm 131, what is a know-it-all?
Well, a know-it-all is one where when you begin to tell them something, they cut you
off and tell you that they already know that.
Or they just pretend to know about every subject, anything that's brought up, they just jump
in as an expert, even if they have no experience.
And there are many people that will just talk about subjects that they know nothing about.
Instead of just sitting back and saying, well, this isn't really a big subject for me, I
don't really know anything about this, I'm going to defer to someone else, because the
type of person who always has to be the center of attention and is very self-absorbed, well,
they're just going to weigh in on every subject, whether they know anything about it or not.
And this could be very annoying to the people around you.
I love this verse, Psalm 131, verse 1, Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor mine eyes lofty,
neither do I exercise myself in great matters or in things too high for me.
You see what he's saying there?
I don't get into things that are above my head.
I don't get into things that are too high for me.
If there's a subject that goes over my head, I don't just pretend to know about it so that
I can dominate the conversation once again.
But I don't exercise myself in great matters or in things too high for me.
The Bible says in Proverbs 24, verse 7, wisdom is too high for a fool, he openeth not his
mouth in the gate.
If you don't know about something, then listen to other people, and you don't have to weigh
in on every subject.
And there's nothing wrong with saying, I don't know, if somebody asks you a question about
something that you don't know about.
Don't just feel like, well, I had to say something.
So I just kind of shot from the hip and threw something out there.
That's a bad idea.
And I was taught, and I've emphasized this to my children many times, because I think
this is pretty important, when someone tells you something that you already know, you pretend
like you didn't know it.
In fact, I've even been criticized for this sometimes, because I've been in a conversation
with someone, and someone was excitedly telling me something about the Bible.
And I was like, wow, that's really interesting.
That's amazing.
Wow.
Because it is amazing.
It is really interesting.
And I was taking such an interest that someone actually turned around and said, well, that's
just so embarrassing that Pastor Harrison didn't already know that.
That guy had to tell him all that.
But you know what?
Whether I know it or not, that's how I'm going to react.
Because I don't want to be, oh, I already knew that.
You know what?
That's called being a know-it-all.
When somebody tells me something that I already know, a better reaction is just to say, wow,
that's interesting, and just listen and learn and maybe grasp some new part of it.
And if I pay attention, I'm sure there is something new or a new angle or something
to what they're saying.
I don't know everything.
You don't know everything.
Let's not go around acting like we know everything.
I'm constantly learning new things.
People come up to me after my sermon sometimes and say, hey, here's another point.
And often, it's something that I've never thought of.
And I say, wow, where were you an hour ago?
That would have been great to put in my sermon.
A lot of times, people give me great points after the sermon.
And I'm blown away that I didn't think of it because it seems so obvious once you know
about it, right?
But I'm constantly learning new things.
I've learned new things this week, last week.
And sometimes, even a child could teach you something or even a babe in Christ could teach
you something because sometimes, out of the mouths of babes and sucklings, some pretty
profound truths can come.
So don't be a know-it-all.
Don't be afraid to learn something new.
And if someone comes up and tells me something that I already know, a better reaction is
to just act like I didn't know it or just take it as a new piece of information, especially
at work.
Don't be that guy where your boss tries to give you instruction or correction on the
job.
You're like, oh, I already know.
I know.
No, you don't know.
You need to listen because you might think you know that the boss is trying to fix something
about your performance.
And maybe he's just being subtle about it.
So don't be a know-it-all.
Let people tell you new information.
Don't cut them off and say, oh, I already know that.
In fact, I even know more than you.
So sit down and shut up and let me take over and take the driver's seat of this conversation.
So number one, don't be self-absorbed.
Number two, don't be a loudmouth.
Number three, don't be a know-it-all.
Number four, don't be a braggart.
Don't be a braggart.
Turn in your Bible to 1 Samuel, chapter number two, 1 Samuel, chapter number two.
While you're turning there, I'll read you some other verses about not being a braggart.
The Bible says the fear of the Lord is to hate evil.
Pride and arrogance and the evil way in the froward mouth do I hate.
I mean, God hates pride and arrogance, being all puffed up and full of yourself, bragging.
The Bible says that in the last days, men shall be lovers of their own selves.
And that will be manifested by these attributes.
Number one, covetous.
Number two, boasters.
He said men shall be lovers of their own selves.
What's that?
Self-absorbed.
Covetous.
Boasters.
Proud.
Blasphemers.
Disobedient to parents.
Unthankful.
Unholy.
James 4 16 said, but now you rejoice in your boastings.
All such rejoicing is evil.
Look down at your Bible there in 1 Samuel, chapter two, verse three.
Talk no more, so exceeding proudly.
Let not arrogance come out of your mouth, for the Lord is a God of knowledge and by
him actions are weighed.
God is the one who weighs the actions, not the talk.
Talk is cheap.
And God says don't let all this arrogance come out of your mouth.
You know, boasting, bragging, it's foolish because we're not as great as we think we
are.
We ought to be humble and not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think.
And so we don't want to be a braggart.
What does it mean to be a braggart?
It means to be like Donald Trump.
And pretty much every other politician who's ever existed, right?
Where they brag about themselves and talk about themselves and glorify themselves and
tell you how wonderful they are and I'm so good at this and I'm so good at that.
Here's a key verse.
Let another man praise thee and not thine own mouth.
Strangers and not thine own lips.
You know, there's nothing wrong with other people praising you.
If someone else gives you a compliment, don't be one of these people who can't take a compliment.
Let another man praise thee.
It doesn't say, hey, if somebody tries to praise you, shut them down.
It says let another man praise thee but not thine own mouth.
Strangers, not thine own lips.
So don't be a braggart.
Don't be a boastful person talking, oh, I'm so good at this.
Oh, man, I did really well over here.
Let me tell you about my other achievements and my other skills and so forth.
That's very rude.
It's a bad way to act socially.
Now, on the flip side of that, let another man praise thee.
What does that mean?
When somebody gives you a compliment, know how to receive a compliment, okay?
So let's practice this.
Let's demonstrate this, all right?
I'm going to give out some compliments, all right, to some people in the front row here.
I'm going to see how they react to my compliments.
Hey, man, I really like that tie.
Appreciate it.
All right.
Hey, man, you were playing great on the guitar.
It sounded great, man.
It sounded good.
Yeah.
See, these are good way to handle compliments.
He said, thank you very much.
I'm glad you liked it.
That's a good way to receive a compliment, right?
Here's a bad way to receive a compliment.
Go ahead and give me a compliment.
You're really preaching well tonight, huh?
Yeah, I know, huh?
That's a bad way to receive a compliment, right?
You know, you give somebody a compliment, you don't say, yeah, I know.
Isn't it, though?
Yeah, wasn't it awesome?
Am I killing it or what?
I mean, that's a bad way to receive a compliment, right?
The right way to receive a compliment is something a lot, you know, these guys are doing good.
I put you guys on the spot.
It's a good thing you know how to receive a compliment.
But, you know, if somebody gives you a compliment, and especially children, can sometimes be
socially awkward.
They need this kind of training.
I remember my parents having to teach me this, because I remember being a little kid,
and having someone giving me a compliment, and I just kind of froze up.
I didn't really know what to do.
You know, you're at that age where somebody tells you happy birthday, and you say, hey,
happy birthday.
You know what I'm telling you now, because you don't know how to respond, just socially
to things.
So you got to teach your kids sometimes how to act, right?
So, I was always taught, hey, when somebody gives you a compliment, you receive it.
So, this is another bad way to take a compliment.
Okay, give me a compliment.
You can give me the same one, or a different one, or whatever.
Just take your pick.
You're the funniest pastor I know.
That's not a compliment.
Okay, you think I'm joking around up here?
No, I'm just kidding.
So, give me a compliment.
That's a great haircut you got today.
Yeah, here's what you don't want to, here's another bad way to receive a compliment.
Okay, he's like, no, it looks horrible.
I got a really bad haircut.
So, you don't want to be the one who, when they get a compliment, starts being down on
themselves.
Oh, that's a beautiful dress you're wearing.
Oh, this old thing?
If somebody says, hey, you're wearing a beautiful dress, you say, oh, thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
People come up to me and compliment me sometimes after I preach, or maybe I meet them somewhere,
and they tell me that I've done something to help them.
And what I say to that person is, I say, hey, thanks for encouraging me.
You know, something like that, or just, hey, thank you so much.
I really appreciate that.
So, receive the love.
Receive the compliment.
But don't say, yeah, I know.
I really am that great, huh?
Can you come explain this to my wife so she knows who she's living with?
So, we don't want to, like, augment the compliment.
If somebody gives you a compliment, you don't want to augment it.
But at the same time, you don't want to be self-deprecating and be like, oh, no, that was the worst sermon I've ever preached.
I really bombed it up there.
I really laid an egg up there.
You know, you don't want to be like that either.
So, let another man praise thee.
Take it in humility.
You know, or a lot of people I've heard use this when someone compliments their preaching is they said,
well, yeah, it's a great Bible story.
Right?
And somebody said, hey, that was a great story.
Yeah, isn't that a great story?
Or isn't that a great chapter?
Isn't that a great truth from the Bible?
That's what my pastor back in Sacramento used to always say.
You know, he's receiving the compliment, but he's not self-glorifying and augmenting it.
But he's also not saying, oh, what are you talking about?
I did a terrible job.
Because a lot of times when you compliment somebody and they say, oh, this old thing,
what they're doing is they're fishing for another compliment.
A lot of times when people talk about how bad they look, it's because they want you to tell them how beautiful they are.
And so that's called fishing for compliments.
This is not a good thing to be doing socially.
So, number one, don't be self-absorbed.
Two, three, four, five, don't be self-absorbed, don't be self-absorbed.
That's pretty much the whole sermon.
But anyway, just kidding.
There's more.
But number one, don't be self-absorbed.
Number two, don't be a loudmouth.
Number three, don't be a braggart.
Number four, don't be a know-it-all.
And then number five, and this one's pretty important, go to Galatians chapter five.
Galatians chapter five.
Sorry that I was fishing for compliments earlier.
I had to for illustrative purposes.
So, Galatians chapter number five.
And this is a pretty important point.
Don't be insecure.
Do not be insecure.
What do I mean by that when I say don't be insecure?
I mean to be content with who you are and what you have.
Right?
All of us have been made by God the way that we are.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made.
I'm talking about our physical appearance now.
Right?
You know, God made us, whether we're short, whether we're tall, you know, whether we're
just naturally good looking or maybe we have the face only a mother could love.
But, you know, however God made us, we're beautiful in His sight.
You know, and God made us the way that we are for a reason.
We shouldn't wish to be something that we're not.
We shouldn't wish to have a different skin color.
We shouldn't wish for a different height or a different physique.
You know, obviously there are some things that we can control about our appearance and
obviously we should do our best to be well groomed and take care of our bodies.
But, you know, there's certain things about our appearance that are just the way that
we're born.
That's how we look.
That's how we are.
Be content with that.
Be secure in your outward appearance.
This is who you are.
This is how God made you.
And, you know, also your personality, your skills, your talents, your attributes, your
weaknesses, this is who you are.
And we should try to be the best person that we can be, but all we can be is the best that
we can be.
We can't be someone else.
We can be the best possible Stephen Anderson or the best possible, insert your name here,
but don't try to be something that you're not.
Be content with who you are and be content with the things that you have.
Be content with the amount of money that you make, the car that you drive, or maybe you
don't even have a car.
Maybe you ride a bicycle or you ride a bus or walk or whatever.
You know, just be secure and just understand, hey, God loves me.
God made me the way I am.
Jesus is my savior.
God can use me.
There are certain things that I can do for the Lord that nobody else can do.
I have my own mission.
I have my own plan that God has for my life that only I can fulfill.
And I don't have to be somebody else.
I just have to be the best possible version of me.
Now, this is called being secure.
The opposite of that would be insecurity, where you're uncomfortable with who you are.
Now, the problem with being insecure is that people who are insecure, they tend to try
to tear down other people or pick on other people to make themselves feel better.
Because they're not comfortable with who they are, and they have a low view of themselves,
they want to tear down other people to make themselves feel better.
Or maybe they feel like a little bit of a dork, so they feel like they can make somebody
else look bad in order to elevate themselves.
Right?
And we've all seen this, and this is especially common amongst children.
It's almost universal amongst children and teenagers, unfortunately.
Hopefully, you've grown out of this if you're an adult, and you've come to grips with who
you are and what you have, and you're content and secure with who you are.
But I hope that the children and the teenagers are listening to me right now, because children
and teenagers, they tend to find somebody and pick on them and make fun of them and
tear them down in order to make themselves look cool, make themselves look better.
And this is what we don't want to do.
Look what it says in Galatians 5, verse 26.
Let us not be desirous of vainglory, provoking one another, envying one another.
See, when we envy other people, we want to be them, or we want to have what they have,
and we provoke one another, desiring vainglory, basically trying to lift ourselves up and
tear others down.
That's what the Bible's talking about here.
Being desirous of vainglory, provoking one another, and envying one another.
Go to James, chapter 3, the book of James, chapter 3.
Anytime we're glorifying ourselves or trying to make ourselves look cool in a group, that's vain.
Vain means it's empty, it's meaningless, it's of no value.
That's vainglory.
You know, the right kind of glory is when we bring glory unto the Lord.
Or the right kind of glory would be where we actually achieve something, and someone
else might praise our actions and bring glory to that.
But vainglory is when we attempt to bring glory to ourselves, because it's empty.
And when you receive the glory that you crave so much, when you get it, you know what you're
going to realize?
There's nothing there.
It's not as fulfilling as you thought it would be to be seen as the coolest guy, or
the coolest girl, or whatever that means.
This is all vain.
This is for children.
This is for teenagers.
Grow up and don't seek after vain glory.
We have today pastors even, grown men, 30, 40, 50 years old, who their goal is to be
cool.
I mean, they put on the jeans with the holes in them, and they just want to put forth this
image that they're so cool.
And especially as they get older and they continue to dress like a teenager, even as
they get older.
Why?
Because they want to be seen as, look how cool I am.
But what they're really projecting is, look how insecure I am.
Look how I have to put on these fancy clothes, or trendy clothes, or designer clothes, just
in order to impress people, because I'm not comfortable with who I am just putting on
normal clothes and just being me.
I have to pretend to be some rock star, or some teen idol, or some Hollywood star.
You know, quit dressing like Hollywood stars, and rap artists, and rock and roll singers,
and pop singers, and just be comfortable dressing in normal clothes, being humble, modest, and
letting your light so shine before men that they may see your good works.
And glorify, you know, let them glorify your Father which is in heaven.
You know, don't be so craving of man's praise, and man thinking that you're cool, and so
on and so forth.
And these pastors, I guess they think they're going to reach more people by being this cool,
teenage persona when they're 50.
But you know what it just projects is just immaturity and insecurity.
And it really just makes them a laughing stock.
And the kind of people that they attract, yeah.
What my pastor back home used to always say was, what you win them with, you'll win them
too.
What you win them with, you'll win them too.
So if you win them over with a rock and roll image, you've won them over to rock and roll.
You know, oh yeah, we're going to fill up the church because we're going to put on a
smoke and light show and have a rock band.
Well, that's what you've won them to.
But you know what, if you actually attract people the right way through what?
Through the word of God, through preaching, through doctrine, through loving the Lord.
That's what you're winning them to.
Okay.
You're putting the emphasis where it needs to be on the things of God, on that which
is spiritual, not on that which is carnal.
Okay.
So the pastors that appeal to the flesh, what are they going to bring in?
A bunch of carnal people, a bunch of people who in many cases aren't even saved.
Why?
Because they're appealing to the natural man.
So unsaved people are going to love it.
That's all they've got is the natural man.
Their spirit's as dead as a doornail.
Okay.
But what we want to do is appeal to the spirit.
And we want to reach people with the Bible, with the word of God, with preaching, with
doctrine, with salvation, not just with a cheap gimmick.
Right.
And, you know, the same thing with young people who are thinking about getting married.
You know, you want to attract that wife or that husband.
Well, you know what you attract them with is what you're attracting them to.
I mean, if you're just going to dress in a sleazy way, young ladies, that's what you're
going to attract.
Guys that are interested in that.
And you know what?
They're going to be interested in the next one too.
And the next and the next and the next.
Right.
And if you're a godly woman, you're going to attract a godly man and vice versa.
So, we want to make sure that we're comfortable with who we are, that we understand why God
made us the way that we are.
And, you know what?
Faults that we have, imperfections physically, you know, maybe you're overweight, maybe you're
underweight, maybe you're tall, short, whatever.
You know what?
Just realize this is who I am.
And just be comfortable with that.
Don't feel like you have to tear other people down to somehow exalt yourself.
Just be comfortable with that and don't be insecure.
Be comfortable with who you are.
Don't envy other people.
The Bible says in verse 13 of James 3, who is a wise man and a dude with knowledge among
you, let him show out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.
So, what we should be projecting is works, not being prideful, arrogant, and talking
big about ourselves, but just, you know, letting our actions speak for ourselves.
Right.
And just doing the right thing.
And what does meekness mean?
Humility.
Right.
Not being puffed up.
But, if you have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not and lie not against
the truth.
Now, envying and strife go hand in hand.
The Bible says only by pride cometh contention.
So, when people are puffed up, arrogant, self-absorbed, they're the ones who end up getting in fights
with other people and having strife with other people.
It's often because they're insecure about themselves and they envy other people.
The Bible says, this wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.
Verse 16, for where envying and strife is, there is confusion in every evil work.
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle and easy to be
entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.
And this leads me to my next point.
Be a peacemaker.
Number six, be a peacemaker.
Be a peacemaker.
What does that mean?
Strive to be at peace with those who are around you.
And when people are not at peace with one another, if it's within your power, if you're able to do so,
be the diplomat, be the peacemaker.
Set them at one again.
Be a peaceful person and a peacemaker.
The opposite of that would be the tail bearer, who stirreth up strife and meddleth in strife not belonging to him.
You see, there are people that want to solve the problem and help us have peace,
and then there are other people who just enjoy the fight.
They enjoy the battle, they enjoy the drama.
Now look, all of us have a part of us that enjoys fighting, and that's normal.
And that's actually good because there's a good fight for us to fight.
The Bible says, fight the good fight.
So there is a struggle or a fight that we should be involved in.
But what we don't want to do is fight the wrong enemy.
We want to fight the true enemy.
We want to fight against wickedness and sin.
We want to fight against the false prophets and false teachers.
But we don't want to have fighting and strife within the church.
We don't want to have fighting and strife within our family.
We don't want to have fighting and strife amongst good people, amongst godly brothers and sisters,
amongst other preachers that are good guys, and even if they're not exactly like us,
but if they're good guys and they're preaching the gospel and they love the Lord and they're serving him,
we don't want to have friction with them.
We want to try to be a peacemaker and try to, if at all possible, live peaceably with all men.
Now, it's not always going to be possible to be at peace with all men.
Some people become an enemy, and that's life.
But the goal should be peace.
Now, it's not peace at all costs.
Why? Because what does the Bible say?
You're right there in James 3.
It says in verse 17,
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable.
So what's the priority?
First purity, then peace.
So it's not like, hey, let's just put aside purity in order to get along with everybody.
And this is pretty popular right now, saying, hey, let's just put aside doctrine,
and it's all about being peaceful, so we're going to get along with everybody.
We're going to be ecumenical, and we're going to get along with the Lutherans and the Catholics
and the Mormons and the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Jews,
and we're all going to get together and have an interfaith prayer breakfast
and hold hands and sing kumbaya.
But the problem with that is that's not pure.
We need to be first pure, then peaceable.
So it's not peace at all costs, but it's peace if at all possible.
If we can be at peace.
If you can go to your job and get along with everybody at work,
even though they are unbelievers, even though you work with the unsaved
or you might work with backslidden Christians or whoever you work with,
if you can go to work and get along with everybody, do it.
That should be the goal.
Don't just go in there trying to start trouble at your job.
Don't come into church trying to start trouble at church.
Try to get along with people.
If there's a situation that gets tense and edgy and good people start to get at each other's throats,
be that guy who diffuses the situation, who finds a solution, who makes everybody happy,
who's able to talk people down.
You ever get around somebody that's just, oh, they're so mad at some other church member?
And what do you do? You talk them down.
You talk them down.
I mean, this is my job as the pastor.
I'm constantly talking people off that ledge, talking people down,
and people are like, oh, I'm going to go tell her.
I'm going to go tell him.
I'm telling them, hey, why don't you just let it go?
He's a nice person. He's a good guy.
Sometimes I've told people, I've said, hey, that person that you're so mad at right now,
they actually have some really bad things going on in their life right now,
so you should probably just give that person a break.
Cut that person some slack.
That person's got enough problems. Be nice to them.
And then they say, okay, yeah, you're right.
That guy is going through kind of a hard time.
I'm not going to pick him apart for this.
Forgive. Let it go. Be a peacemaker.
So try to get along.
Look around the room right now. Look around at everybody.
Try to get along with everybody.
Every single person that you see, try to get along with them to the best of your ability.
Now, there are going to be some people that you just clash with.
Then just stay away from that person.
But still be friendly. Still be civil.
Shake their hand. Smile.
That's not going to be your best buddy.
You don't get along with that person. You're not going to gravitate toward them. No problem.
You've got hundreds of other people to choose from.
But you want to be at peace with everyone.
You want to be at peace with everyone.
This should be our goal.
Your goal should be that every single person at Faithful Word Baptist Church has no beef with you.
Now, I'm not saying that that's always going to be possible.
But that should be the goal.
That should be the ideal.
Why? Because we want to have unity in the body of Christ here.
That's the goal. That's the ideal.
That's what we're striving for.
Now, it's not always going to be perfect.
It's not always going to happen.
But that is the goal.
And if that's not your goal, then you're not right with God.
If you want to just make sure that you right every wrong and you're going to solve every injustice in the universe.
You know what?
There are things in the world that just aren't fair.
There are people that say rude things and you know what?
You just let it go.
You don't have to always prove you're right.
You don't have to always win every battle or revenge every wrong.
You got to learn to just let things go and truly let them go.
Ladies, truly let these things go.
And I mean, people bring up stuff from a year ago, two years ago, three years ago.
And it's just like, what in the world?
Petty things.
Just the dumbest things.
And you're just like, how do you even remember that?
You know why?
Because you've been thinking about it.
That's why.
Getting all bitter and mad.
People are going to say things you don't like.
Look, I get up here and preach three times a week.
And just by virtue of standing up here and talking for three hours a week, I'm sure I'm going to say things that make you mad.
I'm going to say things that are even wrong.
Because I'm human.
I'm not perfect.
You know, are you just going to just, oh, you know, ever since Pastor Anderson said that, I just can never respect him again.
He made me so bad.
Just get over it.
Just move on.
You know, try to be at peace.
Try to get along.
And try to be a peacemaker.
If somebody comes to you all fired up and mad at somebody and complaining about somebody, you know, try to talk them down if you can.
Because, yeah, there is a time when things do need to be fixed and things do need to be ironed out.
But a lot of this friction and fighting that happens between church members, a lot of it is just petty and people just need to just chill out.
And people just need to relax.
Right?
Other issues are serious and need to be addressed.
But whatever we decide whether something needs to be addressed or whether something needs to just be let go, either way, the goal is to make peace.
Right?
Be a peacemaker.
The fruit of righteousness, verse 18, is sown in peace of them that make peace.
Matthew 5, 9 said, blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.
Romans 14, 19, let us therefore follow after things which make for peace and things wherewith one may edify one another.
Ephesians 4, verse 2, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
And so when we talk about how to act socially, do you want to have friends?
You want people to like you?
You should.
Do you want to be a blessing to the church?
Or do you want to be that pain in the neck that slows down the church because we're too busy trying to put out all the fires that you've started?
Because the Bible talks about how the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity.
Even so is the tongue among our members, right, that it will set on fire the course of nature.
It's set on fire of hell. Behold how great a matter a little fire kindleth.
You know, people can just go around just setting all these little fires by blowing off their mouth, being a tail bearer, meddling in strife, not blowing them.
Not trying to be a peacemaker, but just trying to spread the fight and build the alliance against their perceived enemy or whatever.
So what we need to do is think to ourselves, okay, how can I act better socially so that I can have friends, people who like me, and I'm a blessing to the church, and I help the church grow and succeed.
I'm not one that is a liability, dragging people down, slowing people down, wasting Pastor Anderson's time, wasting Mrs. Anderson's time, other people in the church's time by just causing problems.
Now look, there are problems that are legitimate and they need to be addressed, so I don't want you to be afraid to deal with things that need to be dealt with, okay.
But the goal with dealing with things should always be to fix the problem and to restore peace, right.
To restore peace and to edify one another, right, to edify others, to help people come out of it a better Christian, stronger, more godly.
That's the goal with any kind of a conflict resolution.
So how do we do it? How do we be a success socially?
And look, you ought to apply these in your marriage.
Well, she's stuck with me. He's stuck with me.
You know, you should still try to be a good friend to your spouse, right.
You should apply this when you go to work because there is some degree of social interaction at work.
At church, we talked a lot about church just because we're in church right now.
But this could go in all areas of life, whether it's your neighborhood, whatever.
How do we act socially? Number one, don't be self-absorbed.
Take an interest in other people. Ask questions about their life.
And don't just go through the motions but actually care, actually listen, actually be interested in other people's things, not every man on his own things.
Okay, number two is don't be a loud mouth. Don't just dominate every conversation at the top of your lungs.
Number three, don't be a braggart and just talk about how wonderful you are.
Number four, don't be a know-it-all, right. Learn things from other people.
And if you've already heard that story, just act like you're hearing it for the first time.
Number five, don't be insecure. Be content with who you are and what you have.
Don't feel like you have to prove something all the time. You have to prove to everybody how cool you are and drag other people down.
And lastly, be a peacemaker where you're not one who's going around setting little fires and putting wood on people's fire.
And when they come to you all bent out of shape and fired up at somebody, talk them off the ledge, talk them down.
Don't just pour fuel on their fire. I can't believe she said that to you. Boy, she's got a lot of nerve, you know.
Let me tell you about encounters that I've had.
You know, it's better to try to talk the person down from the ledge and try to get people to love each other, forgive each other, forbear one another.
These are all biblical virtues. And strive to be at peace at your job, in peace with the neighbors, at peace with your church.
Strive to be a peaceful person if it's possible to do so. Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer.
Father, we thank you so much for your word, Lord, that it can guide us in all areas of life, even in our social interactions, Lord.
You can help us to be better socially.
And Lord God, I just pray that you would help us all to be meek and humble.
Lord, I pray that you won't have to humble us to make us humble.
I pray that we would all have the wisdom to humble ourselves so that you don't have to abase us, Lord.
And Lord, I pray that you would just truly give us a love for other people so that we would care about them, be interested in them, and make peace with them.