Number one of Proverbs 18 is actually one of my favorite verses in the whole Bible.
I don't really have per say a life verse, but this has been a verse that has guided
me through my life and it's been one of the defining verses in my life.
It says, Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all
wisdom.
One thing that I've learned about people is that they pretty much believe what they want
to believe.
It starts with desire.
You'll never have the wisdom and knowledge and understanding of the Bible unless you
desire to be wise.
And before wisdom comes separation.
It goes, desire, this isn't what I'm preaching about this morning, this is by way of introduction,
but you start out with a desire to have wisdom, to have knowledge, then you separate yourself.
Then having separated yourself, you seek an intermeddleth with all wisdom.
That's the pattern here.
But what I want to preach about is actually found later in the chapter, it's a great chapter,
I want to start in verse number 22, it says, Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing
and obtaineth favor of the Lord.
Turn over to chapter 19 verse 13, the Bible says in Proverbs 19 13, a foolish son is the
calamity of his father and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.
The souls and riches are the inheritance of fathers and a prudent wife is from the Lord.
So if you wanted to give a title to this morning's sermon, I guess you could call it finding
a wife.
Now, in chapter 18 it said, Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor
of the Lord.
Therefore, you finding a wife is God blessing you.
It's God shining his favor upon you.
The Bible said in chapter 19 that a prudent wife is from the Lord.
And so if you're a young single man and maybe you're a teenager and you're not really to
that point yet, but you still want to get these truths and let them sink down into your
ears at this age so that when you do get to the age where you're looking for a wife you
will know what you need to do.
And the first thing I want to point out here is that it's a blessing from God.
Being right with God, living for God, seeking first the kingdom of God is what's going to
ensure you that God blesses you with a prudent wife, with a godly wife.
So instead of worrying so much about finding the right person, the first thing you need
to worry about is being the right person because God will look down upon you in that case and
bless you with a righteous wife, a prudent wife, a godly wife.
But notice verse 13 of chapter 19, it said a foolish son is the calamity of his father
and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.
Let me tell you something.
Be not deceived, God is not mocked, for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
If you want to one day have a godly righteous wife, if you want to one day have a prudent
wife, then you better watch how you treat the authorities in your life right now.
Because notice here, he says that the foolish son is the calamity of his father and the
contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.
The same kind of young lady, and I can speak to the young ladies now, the same kind of
a young lady who can't obey mom and dad is the same kind that's never going to be able
to obey her husband and the same kind of a young man that mouths off to his parents and
disobeys his mother and father is the same young man that God is not going to bless with
a submissive, godly and righteous wife.
Because what goes around comes around and you'll reap what you've sown.
And so God is saying, look, you need to understand that a prudent wife comes from the Lord and
therefore you need to be right with God and right with the authorities in your life.
If you want God to make you a leader some day, and being a husband is being a leader,
it's just that.
The husband is the head of the wife, the Bible says, as Christ the head of the church.
Now if you would, turn to Genesis chapter number 2, Genesis chapter number 2, and while
you're turning there I'll read for you Ephesians 5 29, it says, for no man ever yet hated his
own flesh, but nourished and cherished it, even as the Lord the church.
For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones, for this cause shall a man
leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be
one flesh.
Look down at your Bible at Genesis 2 verse 24.
For shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall
be one flesh.
You see, the best preparation for me having a family, being married, which results in
having children, is that I lived in a family my whole life up until that point.
I grew up having a mother and father and siblings that I learned to get along with, that I learned
to obey, and therefore God blessed me with a family.
But the problem today is that we don't have young people leaving father and mother and
cleaving unto their wife.
We have people leaving father and mother to go do their own thing.
To go room up together, two guys living together, two girls living together, and to do their
own thing because of the fact that usually the reason why they did that is because they
have a problem getting along with their parents.
Now let me tell you something.
When I was, and I understand people are in all different situations, and I'm not trying
to rip on anybody personally whatsoever, I'm just preaching some biblical truth here.
Not trying to criticize anybody, but when I was a teenager, my goal was to move out
when I turned 18.
And I was counting down to that time, boy, get out of this house, and part of the reason
why was because I didn't like certain things about the way things were living with my parents.
And so I said, man, when I turn 18, I'm out of there.
But you know what, something changed in my heart because about the time I turned 17,
I got into a Bible preaching church, and I started to learn a lot more biblical truths.
I read through the Bible several times, cover to cover, and I got to a point where I said,
you know what, I need to obey my parents and get right with my parents and honor my parents.
And I also came to the point where I realized that I should leave father and mother and
cleave unto my wife.
I read that scripture.
And so basically what I decided to do was to learn to get along with my parents.
And it wasn't easy, you know, and I'd had trouble getting along with my parents at a
different time.
Nothing too bad, but just, you know, you just wanted to get out and do your own thing.
But when I was 18, throughout my 18th year, I honestly could say I learned to get along
with my parents.
And I developed a very good relationship with my parents while I was 18.
And when I turned 19, I got married and continued to have a very good relationship with my parents
to this day.
Because of the fact that I learned to get along with my mom and dad, I think God might
have looked down at that and said, okay, well, this guy's ready to be married now.
This guy's ready to have a family because he's learned to get along with his family.
But you see today, many young people just want to run away from that and just say, well,
you know, I'm just going to go do my own thing.
But you know, is that what you're going to do when you're married and things don't work
out?
You know, you just go, you'll just leave, right?
You know, that works when you're turning 18, right, and you don't get along with your
parents.
Well, I'll just go find somebody.
But is that what you're going to do when you're married?
When you say till death do us part?
You don't have the option to just get out and just say, oh, well, you know, I'm sick
of this.
I'm leaving.
You can't leave.
So learn to get along with the people that God has put in your life as your parents.
And if you can get along with your parents, then God will help you to get along with your
wife and God will help you to be a leader because you've been a great follower.
And this is a biblical concept.
That's all by way of introduction.
But Romans 12 says this, if you turn to Romans 12, famous passage, verse number one, because
this is all introduction.
I'm going to get into three major points about finding a wife and most of this can apply
to finding a husband as well for young ladies.
But in Romans 12, one, it says, I beseech you, therefore, brethren, by the mercies of
God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy.
That's the key word right there, holy, separated is what that means, sanctified.
He says acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service and be not conformed to
this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that
good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
So right there, we see that we are not to be conformed under this world's way of thinking.
He says, be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
We shouldn't think about finding a wife or dating or getting to know the opposite gender
in order to get married in the same way that the world thinks of it.
We shouldn't be conformed to this world in our dating.
And let me explain to you three areas in which we need to renew our mind in Faithful Word
Baptist Church here and decide, hey, we're going to go God's way when it comes to finding
a wife, finding a husband.
Number one, you should not be dating an unbeliever.
Okay, now this is the most rudimentary basic point, okay?
And we're going to go to 2 Corinthians chapter six, just a few pages to the right in your
Bible, 2 Corinthians chapter number six.
The Bible says in 2 Corinthians chapter six, verse 14, be ye not unequally yoked together
with unbelievers.
There's a reason why.
Or what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?
And what communion hath light with darkness?
And what conquered hath Christ with Belial?
Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
And let me ask them, how good of a Christian do you think you are when you have so much
in common with the unbelieving worldly crowd out there that you can just go on date after
date after date?
Where's the fellowship?
Where's the common ground?
It's because you're like the world.
That's why there's common ground.
Because you see a godly and righteous person, their life revolves around the things of God.
And their conversation revolves around the things of God.
It's not just sports.
Sports is not my life.
You say, are sports a sin?
No, but sports are a religion to many people.
It's true.
There's nothing wrong in and of itself with sports, but sports can become a religion.
That's why it's on Sunday.
That's why they get together on Sunday and have sports instead of going to church.
It's true.
Professional sports operate on Sundays.
It's a fact.
My dad was really skillful at riding dirt bikes in motocross.
And in fact, we had a video cassette when I was a kid called On Any Sunday, and it was
all about riding dirt bikes.
Who's ever seen that old documentary?
It's a documentary about dirt bikes, and I've seen it five million times.
On Any Sunday.
But guess what?
My dad never got into professional motocross racing for one reason.
Even though he's pretty much the greatest motorcycle rider I've ever seen.
Because of one thing, he said, it's on Sunday.
The professional races are on Sunday, he said, I can't do it.
And therefore, he would only race as an amateur on Saturday, because amateur was Saturday,
professional on Sunday.
He didn't do professional sports on Sunday.
Let me tell you something, today, too many Christians are too carried about and choked
out with the cares of this world, and they're so used to just talking about everything besides
the Bible.
It says in Deuteronomy, he said, this law shall be in my mouth, he said, this word which
I speak unto you this day, he said, talk about them when you rise up in the morning, talk
about them when thou goest by the way, talk about them when you sit down to eat a meal,
talk about them when you go to bed at night.
We ought to eat, breathe, and sleep God's word.
This word ought to be in our mouth, and we should be meditating during day and night,
Christ who is our life, the Bible says in Colossians chapter 1, not sports is life,
soccer is life, baseball is life, football is life, no, Jesus Christ is life.
And so that's what my life's about.
And therefore, I can't just hang around with unsaved worldly people, and we just get along
great for hours and hours and hours, because we don't have that much in common.
Because they want to talk about Twilight, they want to talk about the movies, they want
to talk about all the ungodly things out there, and I want to talk about Jesus.
And I get bored talking about other things.
Now I might talk about other things for a little while, but it gets boring to me.
And it seems to always come back to this right here.
And that's how we ought to be.
But you got to ask yourself, how is it that I'm looking for someone to have a close relationship
here of marriage?
And I'm even considering someone who doesn't even have the most basic thing in common with
me, which is salvation.
Look at the next place that I'll have you turn, 1 Corinthians chapter 9, 1 Corinthians
9, and while you're turning there, I'll read you 1 Corinthians 7, 39, the wife is bound
by the law as long as her husband liveth, but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty
to be married to whom she will only in the Lord.
So God's saying here, look, marry whoever you want, ladies, only in the Lord.
They've got to be saved.
Look at 1 Corinthians 9, verse 5, it says, have we not power to lead about, what's the
next words, a sister.
That's talking about your sister in Christ, a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles
and as the brethren of the Lord and Cephas.
So he says, look, get married to a sister, get married to a woman who's saved, get married
ladies to a man who's saved, he's saying, a Christian.
Now look at 2 Corinthians chapter 6.
We were just in 2 Corinthians 6, but I'm going to show you a different verse.
2 Corinthians 6, you say, well, Pastor Anderson, wait a minute, you won your wife to the Lord
though.
You know, she wasn't saved when you met her and your best friend, Roger Jimenez, you know,
soon to be Pastor Jimenez, he's starting, his church is starting in Sacramento, California
this next Sunday.
Man, am I excited about that.
And he's going soul-willing all week this week, every day, getting prepared for that,
getting some people saved, getting them in there.
Let me tell you something.
My best friend, Roger Jimenez, who I just spoke to a few days ago, we were talking about
this, he explained to me exactly how it went and I already knew this, but he refreshed
my memory.
He said, you know what?
He said, we met at Subway, because he worked at Subway, she worked at Subway, and they
got to know each other just in a work type of environment, and he kept giving her the
Gospel, giving her the Gospel.
He finally wanted a Christ, okay?
She got saved, and you know what their first date was?
She came to the Sunday morning service at Regency Baptist Church, and he had a gift
for her.
You know how you're supposed to have a gift, right?
You know?
He had a gift, a Bible.
You know what the gift that I gave my wife was the first time I met her?
A Bible.
You know what the first conversation that I had with her was?
The Gospel.
You know what every conversation was after that until she got saved?
The Gospel.
The Bible.
The things of God.
You could ask her, she was probably sick of hearing it, because that's all I talked about
any time I was around her before she got saved, and then guess what?
After she got saved, I still kept talking about it, and in fact, I compromised all morning,
because that's who I am!
And let me tell you something, the fact that I won somebody to Christ and then dated and
married that person is not saying go out and date unbelievers hoping that eventually they
get saved.
That is garbage, and I've never stood for that.
I've never approved of that, and if people tell you that I approve of that, they're lying
to you.
I've never approved that.
I've said, you know, and you say, well, what's a date?
What's defined as a date?
Well, a date, like, what's the date today?
Nine point four.
That's what a date is, and a date, listen, a date, you're like, huh, I don't get it.
A date is when you make an appointment, right?
That's why it's called a date, because you make an appointment at this time and this
place, on this day, I'm going to get together with this person.
That's what a date is, right?
You say, hey, you know, me and such and so young lady are going to go out and get an
ice cream cone on such and such a date.
You say, well, it's not a date, though.
What were you, are you in some alternate universe or something where it was not September 29th?
You know, it is a date, you know, and you can sit there and play semantic games with
me, but when you're paddling around with the world, you're paddling around with the world.
You can call it what you want, but if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a
duck, I don't care what you call it.
And so when you're going out to ice cream, you say, well, what am I supposed, look, if
you go get an ice cream cone with some young lady that's an unbeliever, it should be walking
in with a Bible in your hand.
This is the only way I'll condone it.
Walk in with a Bible in your hand and say, the reason I brought you here today was just
to show you how to be saved from the Bible.
That sounds great.
That sounds fine.
And I used to bring all kinds of unsaved girls to church with me and try to get them saved,
but you would never find me going on a date or paddling around with unbelievers without
giving them the Gospel.
Because the only reason to hang around with unbelievers outside of work, you know, where
you have to interact with unbelievers, the only reason to go get together with an unbeliever
and to set a time and a place and an appointment to be with an unbeliever is to give them the
Gospel.
That's the reason.
Look at 2 Corinthians chapter 6.
You say, well, I've been dating this girl for a couple of weeks.
When should I give her the Gospel?
You think she's ready?
Let's see what the Bible says.
For he saith, I have heard thee at a time accepted, 2 Corinthians 6.2, and in the day
of salvation, have I suckered thee, behold, now is the accepted time.
Behold, now is the day of salvation.
When do you give a girl the Gospel?
Now.
And you know what?
Forget dating.
Forget finding a wife.
If you're together with an unbelieving man and you're a man, give him the Gospel.
If you're a girl and you're out with a girl that's unbeliever, you shouldn't be going
out with a bunch of unbelievers and hanging around because the friend of the world is
the enemy of God and it ought to be just to give them the Gospel.
That's it.
And if you start becoming buddies with unsaved people, it will drag you down and you will
become backslidden.
And that's why God warns us so many times about the friendship of the world and being
a friend of the world and being unequally yoked together with unbelievers.
Look, we're going to interact with unbelievers.
I've had a great relationship with people that I've worked with.
You know, there were men that I would work with and go out of town with and we would
share a hotel room together, you know, on out of town jobs in the fire alarm business.
But let me tell you something.
I didn't get together outside of work with people that weren't saved.
I didn't say, hey, let's go get together and hang out because we don't have anything
to come.
All the places they want to go are places that I don't go.
The stuff that I want to do, they don't necessarily do.
Usually once I won them to Christ, now we have fellowship.
Now they're coming over for dinner.
You know, now we can have some common ground here.
But let me tell you something.
If it's so easy for you to fit in with the world, maybe it's just because you're worldly.
You know, you got to think about that.
So on and on, I'm going to have to skip some things here for sake of time, but turn to
Mark chapter eight, Mark chapter number eight, it says, everybody understand everything I'm
preaching so far?
Pretty, pretty simple stuff, right?
Because the whole purpose of dating is what?
To find somebody to get married to.
So why would you even be dating a girl that's an unbeliever?
It doesn't even make any sense because what happens if you get all emotionally involved
and infatuated and in love with this girl and then she's not safe or vice versa ladies,
especially as dangerous for the ladies to get, to hang around with an unsaved guy and
get infatuated with him.
Very dangerous.
So you shouldn't even be going to getting that ice cream cone with him.
You shouldn't be going to dinner with him, you know, and, and it's, it's just, I won't
stand for it.
You know, you do what you, I'm not, well, are you telling us, no, you do what you want
to do.
I'm telling you what the Bible says.
And if you're wise through desire to be wise, you'll separate yourself and seek an inner
metal with all wisdom.
If you're a fool, then you'll be a fool and there's nothing I can do for you.
But he says in Mark chapter eight 38, whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me.
I think about this, whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words and this
adulterous and sinful generation of him also shall the son of man be ashamed when he cometh
in the glory of his father with the holy angels.
Are you ashamed of the fact that you're a Christian?
Are you ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ?
I'm not ashamed of the gospel of Christ for it is the power of God unto salvation to every
one that believeth, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.
I'm not ashamed of the gospel of Christ and it's a sad thing when someone could be ashamed
of the gospel and not want to give the gospel to that young lady or that young man or whether
their friend or whether you're thinking about day or if it's the same gender, just don't
be ashamed and you know what, don't be ashamed of God's word in this filthy generation that
we live in.
You know what, if I were you, I'd be more ashamed of wickedness than you are of this
church.
Why are you ashamed of faithful word about this church?
There's nothing to be ashamed of about this church.
You know you're embarrassed of our church.
You know, oh I don't know if I should bring this girl to church, I might scare her off.
Well good, let me weed her out for you.
Let me be the bad guy, you know what I mean?
And it's like this, Jesus said look, if you're ashamed of me and of my words, in this wicked
and adulterous, like you're actually ashamed of me, why don't you be ashamed of the filth
of Hollywood?
Why not be ashamed and blush about the garbage out in the world instead of being ashamed
like oh, do you go to that church, you know a pastor in, yes I do, because he preaches
the Bible and said be ashamed of it.
I'd be proud to bring a visitor to this church.
I brought a visitor today, I'm proud to bring my visitor today.
You know and I try to bring a visitor just about every week if I can and I'm proud of
faithful word about this church, am I not ashamed?
Now if I went to some watered down little pussyfoot and ear tickling back scratching
pink tea lemonade pansy of a church, I'd be ashamed.
I'd be apologizing to him on the way in saying oh well, you know, let me just warn you, the
worship leader is a little bit effeminate, I'm just warning you, you know what I mean?
That's what I'd be saying, I'd be saying well let me just warn you, it's you know a little
bit corny, a little cheesy, you know, but it's just all part of Christianity, you know.
That ought to be ashamed.
But to sit there and be ashamed, ashamed of a Bible preaching, Bible believing, soul winning
church because the adulterous wicked generation thinks we're crazy, I think they're crazy
and they are crazy and there's nothing to be ashamed of about a Bible believing fundamental
independent Baptist church and you know what, if you're ashamed of Jesus, he's ashamed of
you.
He said I'm ashamed of you, I'm ashamed to call you my son and you know what, I'm ashamed
of you if you're ashamed of faith, Pastor Steven Anderson is ashamed of you if you're
ashamed of faith for a Baptist church.
You know, I don't understand it, is there something wrong with our church, can somebody
help me out or do we have two heads or something, I mean is there something wrong here where
we ought to be ashamed and afraid of what people are going to think because we go to
this church, if we bring visitors, what, because oh, he might hit on the queers, so
what?
Thank God for, you know, that somebody's hitting on the queers and straightening them out.
You know, you want to go to your little, you know, your little, like the Bible says they'll
heap under them teachers having itching ears, you know, the community fund center Baptist
church and, you know, the little, the little, you know, ear scratching, you know what I
mean, like, he said they'll have itching ears, you know, the ear tickling, back scratching,
the pussy footing, little, you know, like a little pussy cat, little cat, kitty cat,
like, oh, I better watch out, you know, I don't want to step on anybody's toes, you
know, this is not pussy cat Baptist, this is, this is bulldog Baptist, okay?
The Bible says in the book of Isaiah chapter 58 that a preacher who won't preach on sin
is like a dumb dog that can't bark, you know, and they can't bark like they need to bark
and this is Pastor Watchdog up here at Bulldog Baptist and I am not up here preaching anything
that's radical, you know, extreme, you know, I don't understand why people use these words
to describe our church.
Now I can understand why some filthy sodomite would call our church that, but you, our church
member, you Bible believing Christian refer to us as radical, extreme, no, there's nothing
extreme about the Bible, it's just the truth, I mean, it's normal, they're weird, okay?
And this is, you know, and I've been to some weird churches, you know, there are some weird
people in this world, but we're not one of them, you know what I mean?
We just believe the Bible and so I'm sick of it, don't be ashamed of this church, if
you can't bring a visitor to this church, then why are you even hanging around with
a person that would be so offended and it's funny because I've seen all kinds of unbelievers
come to this church and they can handle it, you know, and a lot of them got saved later
on, thank God, but let's move on to the next point, number one, date a believer, you know,
and if you love that unbeliever so much, well, you know what, step one, get them saved and
if you can't get them saved, then you can't hang out with them, you can't marry them,
it's just not going to work because you don't have fellowship, you know, but getting them
saved is the first step. I heard a young guy recently say, not in our church, this is outside
of our church, a young guy say, well, you know, when I'm going to date a girl, I don't
even tell her I go to church because, you know, I don't want to scare her off, you know,
if that's going to scare off just the fact that you go to a church, you know, that's
probably not the right girl if she's that opposed to just church in general since most
people go to church somewhere, okay, and so let's move on to the second point, number
one, don't date unbelievers, don't pal around with unbelievers, don't be friends with
unbelievers, if you start hanging around with them, our church will start to seem extreme
to you because you'll get used to worldliness and then we'll seem like we're off the deep
end or something because you're so used to having your head stuck in the TV or whatever
at your friend's house, so don't be ashamed of God's word, date a believer, but number
two, you should not have a physical relationship before you're married, okay, and today, again,
this is about not being conformed to the world, the world, what it basically means to have
a girlfriend or to have a boyfriend is that you're being physical with that person and
that is not right, let me give you some scriptures on this, look at 1 Corinthians 7, 1 Corinthians
chapter 7 says this in verse number 1, while you're turning there, I'll read you a different
scripture, 1 Corinthians 6, 18 says, flee fornication, flee fornication, he's saying
run screaming the other direction from fornication, every sin that a man doeth is without the
body, but he that committed fornication sinneth against his own body, what, know ye not that
your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God and
you're not your own, for you're bought with a price, therefore glorify God in your body
and in your spirit which are God's, look at 1 Corinthians 7, he just finished telling
us in chapter 6, no fornication, don't commit fornication, he says in 1 Corinthians 7, 1,
now concerning the things wherever you wrote unto me, it is good for a man to what, not
to touch a woman, nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and let every
woman have her own husband, now does that scripture lead you to believe that you should
be making out and doing all this stuff before you're married, is that going to help you
avoid fornication, I think I'm going to avoid fornication by getting all physical with a
girl, you know I'm not going to fornicate but I'm going to do everything but or leading
up to it and that's going to help me avoid fornication, now look, you say well pastor
Anderson, what do you mean, not to touch a woman, is it wrong to just touch at all, well
hold on a second, if we let the bible be our guide here, there were times in the bible
when for example, you know, Jesus, his feet were washed by a woman and he blessed her
for doing it, so she touched his foot, okay, you know and you'll see these type of things,
like for example, right now, like right here, I'm going to shake brother Jordan's hand right
here, okay, now look, I'm going to shake Amanda's hand in the front row right here, that's fine
right, you say pastor Anderson, but where do I draw the line, okay, come on, brother
Dave, come on up here, you're going to be my victim here, I mean my, I'm sorry, my illustration,
now look, here's me and brother Dave, we're both men right, so we shake hands right, hey
you know, alright buddy, you know pretty comfortable right, you feel comfortable about this, this
right, okay, now here's a good rule of thumb, if I can do it with him, you know what I mean,
then it's probably not, you know, and I don't, you know, little ears are listening, so I
don't want to use the word that the world would use here, I'm just going to use the
word amorous, you know, you know what I mean, I don't want to use any terminology to defile
little kids' eardrums, but you know, there's nothing amorous about a head shake is there,
you know what I mean, go ahead and have a seat, but you know what, would you do, would
you be that way with another guy, the way you're being with the opposite gender, no,
because you're going way out of bounds, you're getting into a physical amorous relationship
is what you're doing, you think I'm going to kiss brother Dave on the mouth, you know,
you think I'm going to get all cuddly with them, there's no way, now look if you would
sit at Proverbs chapter 5, sorry to embarrass you brother Dave, I had to bring a real tough
guy up here just to really mess with them, you know, anyway, Proverbs chapter 5 says
this in verse 15, it says in Proverbs 5, 15, drink waters out of thine own cistern and
running waters out of thine own well, let thy fountains be dispersed abroad and rivers
of waters in the streets, let them be only thine own and not strangers with thee, let
thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth, let her be as the loving
hind and pleasant roe, let her breast satisfy thee at all times, talking about you're married,
your wife, and be thou ravished always with her love, and why wilt thou my son be ravished
with a strange woman and embrace the bosom of a stranger, so you should not embrace the
bosom of a woman that you're not married to, and by the way, I'm married and I don't embrace
the bosom of any woman that I'm not married to, and I've had many women come up to me,
you know, and try to give me a hug, you know how sometimes people do this, you know, sometimes
even in churches, you know, a woman will come up and try to give me a hug, and I always
do the same thing, I just take a step back and put on my hand like that and shake hands,
this is not huggable Baptist Church, and there are churches that are like that, where, you
know, the pastor's going around and just hugging every teenage girl and hugging every young
lady, that is ungodly, I'm sorry, it's ungodly, that is not appropriate to just embrace the
bosom of every stranger in the church or outside the church, and you ought to think about this,
when God, what God's saying here, hey, it's good for a man not to touch a woman, to avoid
fornication, just get married, it's not that God doesn't want you to enjoy the blessings
of the male-female relationship, he just wants you to do it within the bounds of marriage.
Once you're married, that's available to you, but until then, you want to avoid fornication,
you want to flee fornication, you don't want to embrace the bosom of a stranger, you don't
want to be touching and having this physical relationship, because it's going to lead you
into sin, and listen to me, young man, you may think that you're gratifying some kind
of an appetite, no, you're just creating a bigger appetite that you cannot fulfill, righteously,
you can't fulfill it without committing sin, all you're doing is torturing yourself, all
you're doing is making it worse, because the right thing to do to avoid fornication is
to not even start down that road, you see, if someone's trying to quit smoking, or if
someone doesn't want to smoke, you know what the worst thing for that person is to be around
somebody else that smokes, like it's really hard for the husband to quit smoking if the
wife is smoking, or for the wife to quit smoking, because that temptation is there, and you're
putting yourself into temptation, look at Romans chapter 13, I'll read another scripture
for you while you're turning there, Proverbs 6 29 says this, so he that goeth into his
neighbor's wife, whosoever toucheth her, shall not be innocent, so I would say don't touch
my wife, and that's what the Bible teaches, but he says you can shake her hand, you can
wash your feet, that's about it, but anyway, but it's sad, just kidding, don't wash your
feet either, just kidding, 1 Peter 2 11, where did I have you turn? Stay in Romans 13, first
Peter 2 11 says, dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from
fleshly lusts that war against the soul, and when you become physical before you're married,
any physical activity outside of what brother Dave and I just demonstrated, a handshake,
you know, or whatever, all you're doing is just feeding the lust, and creating a war
of lust in your soul, you're just making it that much worse and harder to do what's right,
you ought to get married before you engage in these kind of relationships, period, let's
go to Romans 13, he says this in verse 12, the night is far spent, the day is at hand,
let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light, let
us walk honestly, as in the day, not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness,
not in strife and envy, but put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision
for the flesh to fulfill the lusts thereof, he's saying don't even provide an opportunity
for yourself to fulfill the lusts of the flesh, and he talks about walking honestly as in
the day, not as in the night, basically he's saying be open, not hiding, not in the dark
somewhere, not out of sight, walk honestly as in the day, in other words, if you're out
in public, if you're out in the daylight where everybody can see you, then that's gonna keep
your behavior proper, isn't it? That's why I've said before, and I understand that you
guys and gals, you want to get to know somebody, you say I don't want to be in a group because
it's hard to talk, or it's embarrassing because I'm trying to have a little bit more of a
deeper conversation here, but you know what, you can still go in a public, open, exposed
venue and you can basically be alone without being alone, you can sit at a table in a restaurant,
you can sit somewhere, not in your bedroom, let's go in the bedroom and shut the door,
that's not in the daytime, that's not exposed, that's making provision for the flesh, there's
a reason why it's called the bedroom, it's not a good place to hang out with the opposite
gender when you're not married, period, because it's right there, nobody's around, the temptation's
there, I mean there's nothing to stop you, and you say well I can handle it, let him
the thing to be standard, take heed lest he fall, it's amazing how King David couldn't
handle it, and he was a man after God's own heart, he had a weak moment, he was in the
flesh, he was backslidden, and he gave in to temptation, even worse than fornication,
adultery, even worse, and so let me tell you something, you ought to be out in the open
with your dealings with the opposite gender, not only that, but the Bible says in 1 Thessalonians
chapter 5, you don't have to turn there, verse 22, abstain from all appearance of evil, what
do you think it looks like when you go into the bedroom with the opposite gender and shut
the door and come out a few hours later, I mean what does that look like, is that a good
testimony, that's the appearance of evil, I abstain from the appearance even if I'm
not doing it wrong, for example, I don't even to this day, I won't be alone with the opposite
gender, I won't be alone in my house with the opposite gender, you know I won't be alone
at someone else's house, you know if I'm out soul winning and a lady answers the door,
I say oh come on in, you know I'm not going to come in and sit down and just be in that
house, because guess what, people could lie about me also, people could make something
up like they did with Joseph, remember when Joseph was alone in the house with a woman
that was not his wife, and they all lied, he ended up getting thrown in jail, because
they accused him of trying to force her, and so we ought to try to live above reproach,
above bored, out in the open, live an open book, you don't need to go into some bedroom
or hotel room or whatever, to get to know the opposite gender, unless you're trying
to do something that's simple, because if you're doing right, you do it in the daytime,
good deeds are done in the daylight, and evil deeds are done in the night under the cloak
of darkness, or hidden away some day where behind closed doors, behind lock and key,
you want to be alone with that girl so much, then marry her, and then you can be alone
with her for the rest of your life, and you can shut the door and put ten locks on the
door and come out three days later, you know what I mean, but guess what, it's called being
married, and until then, where you're developing these physical relationships, it's just opening
the door to fornication, it's just making the temptation that much stronger, that much
works, and you'll begin to rationalize and justify the sin that you're going to commit.
But thirdly, let's do a quick review, first of all, we said, hey, you need to be equal
to yokes, you need to find a Christian girl, or a Christian man, and if someone's not saved,
that you have so much love for, that you know someone that's not saved, and you're interested
in that person, you know what, they should be saved before you even think about going
out and hanging around with that person, getting to know them more, dating them, whatever you
want to call it, you know, since people want to play semantic games and change what, you
know, what it is, some people say, oh, I'm against dating, and it's like, well, you know,
I'm against what the world does when they date, you know, too, but I mean, I'm not against
getting together with someone of the opposite gender when you're single and talking with
them and getting to know them and having an ice cream cone, having dinner, whatever,
but you know, why don't you do it in a public place?
You know why?
Because you're trying to do something that's wrong.
That's why you don't want to do it publicly, you know, be in public, that's all I'm saying.
But number, number three, your interactions with the opposite gender should be unselfish
and above reproach and Christian-like in their behavior.
This goes back to being conformed to the world, but look if you would at Philippians
chapter two, this goes back again to being conformed to the world.
You know, the world is into dating for one reason, me, right?
Pleasing me, I'm going to please myself, it's all about me.
You know, we ought to think more about other people's feelings and other people's agenda
than ourselves.
Look at Philippians chapter two, verse number three.
And by the way, you say, why are you preaching?
This is a needed sermon today.
This is necessary preaching and it's God's word, by the way, I preach everything in the
Bible, but more than ever today in 2010, this is needed.
We need to hear this.
He says in Philippians two, three, let nothing, so wouldn't that include any kind of dating?
Let nothing be done through strife, or being glory, but in lowliness of mind, let each
esteem other, better than themselves.
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
Romans 12, 10, you don't have to turn there, be kindly affectioned one to another with
brotherly love and honor, preferring one another.
So the Bible says we should put other people first, right?
Put them before us.
So therefore, we should try to make sure that we are being the right way toward them, more
worried about how you're treating them than how they treat you.
You know, I shouldn't come to church and just, oh, I don't like the way, you know, let's
get off dating.
You come to church, it shouldn't just be, well, how did they treat me?
How did you treat them?
Oh, no, nobody came and said hi to me.
It's like, you know what, who did you go and say hi to?
Nobody called me or nobody contacted me.
Who did you contact?
You know, a man that has friends must show himself friendly.
And there is a friend that's taking it closer to a brother.
But our society is just a me, me, me, what are people doing for me?
What am I receiving here?
And if you go into dating with that kind of an attitude, it says, oh, what can I get out
of this relationship?
Instead of, hey, what can I do for this person to make them a better Christian, to help them
grow in the Lord, to help them succeed, you know, am I a benefit to them?
Not what can they do for me?
It's what can I do for them?
That's the kind of unselfishness that ought to esteem Christianity, preferring one another,
esteeming others better than yourself.
Now it says in Ephesians 4-32, be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Now inevitably, when people, you know, date or get together and spend time together, you
know, sometimes there could be hard feelings, right?
If they, quote, break up.
And part of the problem with this is that people develop too close of a relationship
to people they're not married to.
You know, if you develop this close relationship that's too close and then you break up, you
know what you're basically doing?
It's almost like the mentality of when people get divorced.
You know, you see these people who date for years and years and they're so close and then
they break up, it's like a divorce.
And look, a lot of times people who are divorced, they really have a lot of animosity toward
that person, don't they?
Because of the fact, you know, I can think of a lot of people I know who are married
for 30 plus years, divorced, you know, there's animosity there.
Part of the problem with this animosity that develops between people who've been dating
is because they get too close to that person and then it's too painful or whatever when
they break up.
But you know what?
If we're Christians, we ought not have animosity or hatred or disdain for our brother and sister
in Christ, should we?
You know, because of some, you know, the date went sour or whatever.
And we have animosity and disdain toward our brother and sister in Christ, shouldn't we
just not let the sun go down on our wrath and honor preferring one another, forgive
one another, let it go.
And yet the Bible says here, and we'll turn back to Proverbs if you would, Proverbs chapter
number 15.
And this has to do with not being conformed to the world because you know what?
Everybody out in the world that you know, as soon as they finish dating that young lady,
they're going to tell everybody what a piece of trash she is.
That's why they're not dating her anymore.
They're going to trash talk that person.
Or young ladies will break up with this guy and oh, he's this, he's that, hey, is that
what we are as Christians?
We're just like the world, right?
Just because we are not dating somebody, we're going to attack them and call them names and
rip on them.
Hey, that is not right.
It's wrong.
And especially when we're in a church, you know, and this isn't exactly a mega church.
You know, this isn't exactly the Houston Astrodome with your pastor Joel Osteen up here.
And let me tell you something, if you date anyone in this church, you know, or, or, or
anyone who comes to this church, you should leave the relationship in such a way where
that person can keep coming to church.
You know, because it says you still can be friends, you can still just, you know, maybe
you got to know each other and you know, just isn't the person that you're going to spend
the rest of your life with.
But you know what?
Be nice to that person, love that person, pray for that person.
That's your brother or sister in Christ and get along in the body of Christ here.
You know, love one another.
But here's what the world does.
It says in Proverbs, I tell you where to turn it up.
Go to Proverbs 15 three, Proverbs 15 three.
It says this, just talk about who's going to abide in the tabernacle.
Okay, let's just go to the beginning of the chapter.
Let me, let me turn there.
Cause I was just going off my notes and I told you Proverbs, I meant Psalms.
I'm sorry.
I'm losing my mind.
But look at Psalm 15, Psalm 15.
I said Proverbs, didn't I?
Sorry about that.
Psalm 15 says this in verse one, Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle?
Who shall dwell in thy holy hill?
He that walketh, so who's going to stay in the tabernacle?
Who's going to stay in church?
Who's going to stay in God's blessings?
He that walketh uprightly and worketh righteousness and speaketh the truth in his heart.
He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbor
or doeth evil to his neighbor, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbor.
Because it's wrong to be a backbiter.
Now you say, what does it mean to backbite?
You say, well, I've heard you criticize people, Pastor Anderson, and you know what?
When you hear me criticize people, you'll hear me criticize them to their face.
You'll hear me tell them to their face what I think about them.
You're not going to find me going around and pretending one thing and then going around
and backbiting with my tongue because backbiting is talking bad about somebody behind their
back.
That's backbiting.
And yeah, I've said some mean things to people, but I said it to their face.
And I'll say it again.
And I'll stand for everything that I say.
I've said things that could be perceived as harsh from behind this pulpit.
But you know what?
There's nothing secretive about what I'm doing up here right now, is there?
I'm just spelling it out right here, just openly to the world.
Take it or leave it.
But I'm not a backbiter.
I'll tell you to your face what I think about you, you know?
And I love you.
It's good, you know?
Because you go to the church, I love you, you know, you're my friend.
But if I did have a problem with you, I'd tell you about it.
Honestly.
And I've had very few problems with anyone in our church in the history of our church
because we have a great church and we have great people who go to our church.
But when I do have a problem with somebody in the church, I'll go to them and tell them
about it.
And I'll say, this is my problem with you, okay?
Because I don't want to be a backbiter, okay?
Look how you should handle the backbiter.
Proverbs, this is why I said Proverbs, Proverbs 25.
This time it really is Proverbs.
That was Psalm 15-3.
Go to Proverbs 25-23.
The Bible says, the north wind driveth away rain, so doth an angry countenance a backbiting
tongue.
So how should I respond to the backbiting tongue?
When somebody comes to me and backbites, when somebody talks bad about someone behind their
back and says something wrong about someone behind their back, I should have an angry
face about it.
I should have an angry countenance and my angry countenance will drive away the backbiting
tongue.
Guess what?
They're not going to come to me next time and talk garbage to me because they'll figure
out real fast that I don't want to hear it.
You know, and this backbiting and gossiping is something that the world does where they'll
go behind the back and rip on other people.
And when somebody comes to you and wants to rip on somebody behind their back, without
them knowing about it, you know, you ought to give them a mean face.
You ought to tell them what you think about it.
You ought to stand up to them.
You know, people have been backbiting me in the past and you know what?
I hope you stood up for me.
I hope you gave them a mad face instead of just, oh yeah, well, he's just kind of like
that.
Yes, I am like that.
Yes, that's how I am.
I'm a fundamental Baptist.
Yes, I do believe in holiness.
Yes, I do believe in what's right and wrong.
And let me tell you something.
I don't believe in talking bad about somebody just because you have a personal problem with
them in this church or outside of this church.
If it's your brother and sister in Christ and you're going to trash on and this, you
know, just because you broke up with a girl doesn't make her a whore.
Did you hear me?
And to say, oh, that girl's a whore.
You wash your mouth out with soap, you little foul mouth punk, because that is garbage to
talk that way about your sister in Christ who's pure and godly and has not committed
the sin of whoredom and you just use words like that to describe that is ungodly and
filthy and wicked and I won't stand for it and I want it out of here and I'm not saying
anybody's guilty of it, but I'm saying I've been exposed to it in the past and I'm sick
of it and I will not put up with it.
That is the kind of garbage that I'm preaching about when somebody says that, oh, I like
this girl.
I don't like her anymore so she's this and she's that or he's this and he's that.
You're just like the world.
You're a back biter.
Can somebody say amen or am I preaching something wrong up here?
Is there something wrong with the acoustics of the new auditorium?
You having trouble hearing me?
I'm sick of it.
I'm not going to put up with this kind of garbage that's this worldly dating.
Holy dating will not be a part of our church as long as I'm the pastor, you know, you can
go ahead and do it, go out and do it, but I'm going to get up here and huff and puff
and scream and yell about it because you have the right to go date whomever you want, however
you want, and I have the right to get up and scream and yell about it.
That's the freedom that we mutually have together in this church.
Isn't it great to be free in Christ?
You have the freedom to go do what you want to do and I have the freedom to say that I
will not sit here and condone dating of unbelievers, I'll not condone pawing all over each other
and being all over each other physically, I won't condone breaking up with somebody
and ripping on them and calling them dirty names, I will not condone it.
You're to be kind one to another and here's what the Bible says in John 13, 34, a new
commandment I give unto you that you love one another as I have loved you that you also
love one another, by this shall all men know that you are my disciples if you have love
one to another.
That should be the defining characteristic of the believers is that they love one another.
You know why that's so definitive?
Because people in the world don't have love because everyone that loveth is born of God
and knoweth God.
He that loveth not, knoweth not God for God is love because the Bible teaches that love
comes from God.
Out in the world it's all backbiting, it's all selfishness, it's all about just using
people and dating a girl so that you can use her and then toss her aside and when you're
through with her, nuts to her.
That is selfish, that is ungodly, it's unrighteous and you ought to approach this thing of finding
a wife or finding a husband as hey, I'm a Christian, I want to find another Christian
that I can be equally yoked with, I want to get to know this person to see if they're
a godly person, to see if we match up, to see if we can get along together and spend
the rest of our lives together, not to try them out physically, not to get ungodly with
them and create the lust of the flesh and a provision for the flesh and not when you're
done and decide that that person is not for you.
You ought to still love that person, pray for that person, be kind to that person and
not say bad things about that person.
Now this is the type of dating that I can condone, Christian young people getting to
know each other so that they can find someone to marry because getting married is important,
finding a wife is finding a good thing, it comes from the Lord, God wants us to get married,
He wants you young people to get married to the right person to find the right type of
person.
But you know what, you're not going to find the right type of person when you're prowling
around with unbelievers, when you're being physical and when you're going around mouthing
off and blowing off your mouth.
Do you think God's going to send you the next girl if you're still trash talking the last
one that you spent time with?
No way.
And you know any girl that you date that comes to this church should still feel comfortable
coming to this church when you're done dating her.
Any young man, for example, if I want somebody to Christ and they came to church and I was
maybe thinking about being romantically involved with this person, if I was a single guy, then
even if I decide not to she should still be able to come to church, grow in the Lord,
get baptized.
Because guess what, I happen to think that this church is more important than your love
life.
Did you know that?
We ought to be seeking first the kingdom of God.
It should be about winning souls and getting baptized and teaching them to observe all
things whatsoever Christ commanded us, not just this selfish pursuit of your love life
and you'll trample over everybody else in your way and back bite and stab each other
in the back.
No, keep things first, the things of God and God will bless you with a prudent wife because
let me tell you something, any man who found a godly righteous wife, it was given to him
by God, period.
Why does Roger E. Mendez have a godly wife?
He's a prudent wife from the Lord because God looked down at him and blessed him with
a godly wife.
Many of you here today under the sound of my voice have a godly wife, that's a blessing
from God.
That's something God has blessed you with.
God has blessed me with a prudent wife, so stay right with God and not get caught up
in the world's dating.
Don't get caught up with it.
Stay right with God.
Get out soul winning, love God, obey your parents and you'll find the right person because
God will give it to you.
Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer.
Father, we thank you so much for your word and I thank you so much for the godly wife
that you blessed me with and Father, I realize nobody's perfect, I'm not perfect, Roger E.
Mendez isn't perfect, the people in our church aren't perfect and God, we're all sinners,
we're saved by grace, we're saved by the faith of Jesus Christ but Father, help us
all never to fall into this worldly trap of dating as the world dates, of making friendship,
even friendship, making friendships the way the world makes, help us to do things according
to your word Father and I pray that the scriptures that I preached this morning, one of these
scriptures would sink down into somebody's ears and would help them grow in the Lord.
I pray that my young children, far from dating but God, I pray that my young children are
listening to me and forming some opinions now that will guide them for the rest of their
life.
I pray that every teenager is listening to me that they will not play with fire by palling
around with unbelievers and getting emotionally involved with unbelievers.
I pray that every young person would not play with fire by embracing the bosom of a stranger
dear God.
Please help these words to sink down into our ears, in Jesus' name we pray, amen.
Amen.