Man, the title of my sermon tonight is, Being Disrespectful.
Now before I get into the sermon about being disrespectful, I want to start out by making
it clear that the Bible does not teach for us to respect anyone and anything and to just
respect everyone and everything.
Why?
Because the Bible, the first time it actually mentions respect in the Bible, it's God looking
at Abel's offering and saying that he respected Abel's offering but he did not respect Cain's
offering.
He respected Abel but he did not respect Cain.
But there are some people that we really need to make sure that we have respect for and
that we treat these people with respect.
And so I'm going to go through tonight some ways that people are disrespectful, some common
ways that people disrespect, primarily what we're going to talk about is your parents,
your boss at work or wives disrespecting their husband.
Those are the three that I'm going to focus in on, the three that this passage deals with.
And I'm going to go through some common ways that people are disrespectful toward authority
in their life and so that you could work on maybe avoiding these things and maybe check
yourself tonight and say, you know, is that something that I've been doing?
I need to fix that, right?
But let's start out in verse number 1 of Ephesians chapter 6, it says, children obey your parents
in the Lord for this is right, honor thy father and mother which is the first commandment
with promise that it may be well with thee and thou mayest live long on the earth and
ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath but bring them up in the nurture and admonition
of the Lord.
So obviously our parents are people that we should hold in respect and treat them very
respectfully, honor them, obey them.
The Bible said in Leviticus 19, you don't have to turn there, but it says in Leviticus
19, 3, ye shall fear every man his mother and his father and keep my Sabbaths, I am
the Lord your God.
So if the Bible is telling you to honor your father and mother, fear your father and mother,
obey your father and mother, then that means you don't just blow off your mouth to them
and be disrespectful to them.
In fact, the Bible even states and Jesus himself reiterated this.
He said if you smite your parents, you should be put to death.
If you curse your parents, you should be put to death.
Jesus talked about that even in the New Testament.
He brought that up and so we need to be respectful to our parents.
Children need to obey, respect and honor their parents.
Next it says in verse 5, servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to
the flesh, watch this, with fear and trembling.
And singleness of your heart adds unto Christ.
And you might think to yourself, well my parents don't really evoke fear in me, or my boss
at work doesn't evoke fear and respect in me, but wait a minute, we ought to fear the
Lord if nothing else.
And when we disobey and disrespect our parents, we're disobeying and disrespecting the Lord
because he's the one who told us to obey our parents in the first place.
And when we're disrespectful and rude to the boss at work, we're actually disobeying Christ
because the Bible said that servants are to be obedient to their masters according
to the flesh in fear and trembling and he said to do service unto them as unto Christ,
as unto the Lord, to treat them as we would treat Christ.
Then let's back up to Ephesians 5 verse 33 and it says, nevertheless, let every one of
you in particular so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence
her husband.
So again, respect.
And in fact, reverence is a much stronger word than respect.
So the wife is to respect her husband.
The children are to respect their parents.
And employees and servants are to respect their bosses.
Now let's go through some common ways that people are disrespectful and you can do a
little self-check.
Hopefully you're not guilty of these and if you are, it'd be something to work on, something
to avoid going forward.
Number one, here's a great sign of disrespect.
Go to Proverbs 29, silence, silence.
I'm talking about the silent treatment.
I'm talking about when someone says something to you and you simply do not answer them,
you refuse to answer them.
This is something that people do as a passive aggressive way to be disrespectful to authority
in their life.
It's a way to irritate people and just show them disdain and disrespect.
Proverbs 29 verse 19 says, a servant will not be corrected by words for though he understand,
he will not answer.
And the context here is about a guy who basically needs physical discipline because he won't
listen to just a verbal correction.
And one of the attributes of this guy who's such a fool that you can't just tell him,
you have to like, you know, physically punish this guy, is that this guy won't answer.
He understands what you said but he doesn't say, yes sir, I understand, all right, let
me get that done for you sir, 10-4, okay.
You know, he's the type of person where you say thank you and he forgets to say what?
You're welcome.
Or you do something for him, he's not going to say thank you, he doesn't say you're welcome,
he just walks away.
You say, hi, how you doing?
Nothing.
Now, don't you think that's pretty disrespectful?
If I were to say hi to somebody and they don't say hi back, I say thank you, they don't say
you're welcome, I say I'm sorry, they don't say it's okay, it's all right, I forgive you,
right?
These are just common courtesies but what people will do to be disrespectful to their
parents, their boss, their husband is the silent treatment, they'll just say nothing.
You tell your child, you know, go clean your room, right, just walk away without saying
anything, without acknowledging anything or good morning, right, it's rude.
And so, you know, we want to make sure that we're not disrespectful about being silent.
Now, when we're out soul winning, I've seen people, and this isn't about disrespecting
authority or anything like that, I'm just going to throw this in, I've been out soul
winning with people before where they went to give somebody the gospel and the person
didn't want to hear the gospel and they were rude to that person by being silent to them.
Like for example, they asked if they could show them the gospel and the person was like,
oh, no thanks, you know, I'm busy and they just went, that's super rude, right?
They should say like, all right, I understand, have a great day, see you later, right?
So you see how silence can be rudeness, silence can be disrespectful, silence can be really
irritating.
Think about a story where Jesus is before King Herod and he just gives Herod the silent
treatment because he didn't respect Herod, okay?
He was trying to basically show disdain for Herod by refusing to speak to him.
So he was just silent to Herod and what was Herod's reaction to that?
Herod got angry, ordered him to be beaten and mocked and scourged and everything else.
Jesus did the same thing to Pilate where he gave him the silent treatment, right?
And then Pilate gets upset, he gets worked up.
You want to know why your husband's upset at you, you want to know why your boss is
upset at you, you want to know why your parents are always on your case because you're probably
giving them that silent treatment and you're not talking to them.
And another thing that kids will sometimes do or that people will do to be disrespectful
is they know they can't get away with being silent so they just turn the volume way down.
And give you just a super quiet good morning, super quiet thank you, super quiet yes sir,
super quiet yes ma'am, and then it's like, I said good morning, I said thank you, I said
good morning.
Look, if I didn't hear it, you didn't say it.
That's the policy in my house.
If I didn't hear it, you might as well have not said it.
Perception is reality and it's a little passive aggressive, a little peeping and muttering
you need to, you know, lift up your voice and answer someone, that's a respectful thing
to do.
You know, the military takes this to an extreme, right?
Sir, yes sir!
You know, and I'm going to say, you know, you don't have to get that volume but they're
taking that to an extreme, they're doing a caricature of that life because of the fact
that this little super quiet thing is a form of disrespect, real quiet or silent treatment.
We've all heard about the silent treatment, we've all experienced the silent treatment.
We've all given people the silent, you know, the border patrol checkpoint, but anyway,
so let's go to Nehemiah chapter number one, what are some ways to be disrespectful?
The silent treatment.
Have you been giving your husband the silent treatment?
Have you been giving your parents the silent treatment or the super low decibel treatment?
You know, do you answer your boss at work loud and clear or do you just kind of mess
with his mind by being quiet or silent to him?
It's very rude to not answer someone, to ignore someone is a very rude and disrespectful thing.
So number one is silence but number two is pouting, right?
It's another way to be disrespectful to people is that whenever they get around, you get
sad and down in the mouth and gloomy just to show them how you feel about them.
You know, people that you can't get away with mouthing off to, you know, most kids can't
get away with mouthing off to their parents, hopefully they can't, amen?
Most, you know, workers aren't just going to walk in and start mouthing off to the boss
and you know, most wives hopefully wouldn't just start laying into their husband mouthing
off to him.
So do something a little more passive aggressive by just kind of pouting around him as a form
of disrespect, moping, sad, just gloomy down the mouth, it's disrespectful.
It's rude.
Everybody likes to be around a sour puss or a sad down in the mouth person, right?
Everybody would rather be around people that are in a good mood.
And especially, you know, if somebody is in a real good mood and then you walk up and
they're just like, that's not nice, is it?
Well, let's look at an example of a guy who was not a powder, okay?
And that's Nehemiah.
Nehemiah was a great employee.
And because he was a great employee, his boss was pretty much willing to give him whatever
he wanted.
What's that sound, guys?
Would you like to be able to walk into your boss at work and get whatever the time off
you need, get the raise that you need, get the accommodations that you need?
Well, Nehemiah was that kind of guy where he just walked in, he got time off, he got
bonuses, he got benefits, his boss was ready to take care of him because he was a great
employee, okay?
Well, look what it says in verse 11 of chapter 1, Nehemiah, oh Lord, I beseech thee, let
now thine ear be attentive to the prayer of thy servant, and to the prayer of thy servants
who desire to fear thy name and prosper, I pray thee, thy servant this day, and grant
him mercy in the sight of this man, for I was the king's cupbearer.
This man is the king of the great Persian Empire.
And it came to pass, verse 1 of chapter 2, in the month Nisan, in the 20th year of Artaxerxes
the king, that wine was before him.
And I took up the wine and gave it unto the king, and look at this key phrase at the end
of verse 1, now I had not been before time sad in his presence.
I mean this guy's worked there for years and he's never been sad, never been sad?
No, no, no, never been sad in his presence.
Of course he had days where he's happy, days where he's sad, good days, bad days, but you
know what?
When he shows up to work, he's ready to work, he's ready to be cheerful and do a good job,
and he's not disrespectful to his boss by pouting and moping around him.
So when he shows up sad in chapter 2, verse 1, look what it says in verse 2, Wherefore
the king said unto me, Why is thy countenance sad, seeing thou art not sick?
This is nothing else but sorrow of heart.
Then I was sore afraid.
And then of course he explains to him why he's sad, and the boss says, Hey, let's fix it.
What can I do for you?
Let me fix it.
You see, everybody's going to be sad from time to time.
It's okay to be sad.
There's a time to be sad, there's a time to be happy, but then there are people who just
are sad all the time, and then you kind of just lose the privilege of being sad anymore.
When you're just always just down in the mouth, sad, all the time, then it's like you're like
the boy who cried wolf.
Then when you're really sad, nobody even cares or believes you, oh, that's just how he is.
He's just like that.
But you know, if normally you're doing a good job, you're cheerful, you're keeping a good
attitude, then when there's a legitimate reason to be sad, then your husband's not
going to be offended that you're sad.
Your boss, your parents, they're not going to be offended.
They're going to say, hey, what can we do to help you?
What can we do to cheer you up?
Let's help you out.
Let's get you what you need.
But when you're just moping and pouting to be disrespectful, just as a way to mess with
that person and play mind games with them, you know, then it's not going to work.
It's like the boy who cried wolf.
So number one is the silent treatment.
Number two is pouting.
These are major disrespect indicators.
But number three is talking back.
Go to Titus chapter 2.
Talking back, arguing, and refusing to admit that you've ever done anything wrong.
These are pretty common.
So if it's not the silent treatment, if it's not pouting and being down in the mouth and
gloomy, then it's this thing of talking back or arguing.
Let me give you some examples of this, okay?
Stop being mean to your sister.
I'm not.
That's talking back.
Obviously your parent has evaluated the situation and decided that whatever you're doing toward
your sister is not acceptable in their sight.
So the right answer is to say, yes, sir, I'm sorry, or yes, ma'am, I'm sorry, I'll stop.
Not to admit, I'm not, I'm not.
Or to make excuses.
Well, you don't know what she did to me, right?
And you know, making excuses, arguing, talking back, it's disrespectful.
The respectful thing to do is just immediately just take the correction.
When somebody has to correct you and tell you you need to stop what you're doing, then
you say, I'm sorry.
Now if kids are doing something around the church, let's say they're running around,
tearing around, banging into people, roughhousing or something like that, and another adult
has to correct them, usually if another adult is correcting your child, your child's behavior
is probably pretty out of control because most parents aren't just at the drop of a
hat going to correct someone else's kids.
So if it gets to that point where someone else has to tell your kid, hey, you need to
tone it down, you need to quit roughhousing, you need to settle down, you know, and then
kids will just, you know, silent.
Or come back with, you know, I'm not, I didn't.
Apparently the boss thinks you did.
And let me just give you a little tip if you want to succeed at your job, if you want to
succeed in life, if you want to be respectful is that when someone corrects you for something,
they will think more highly of you if you just take the blame, say you're sorry and
tell them you're not going to do it again than if you try, oh, you don't understand
and try to explain your side.
Sometimes it's better, even if you're not even in the wrong, sometimes it's better to
just take the rap for it than to be that guy who will just never admit.
Look, I've been an employer, you know, in the fire alarm business, I had employees working
for me.
As a pastor, I have employees working for me and I have to tell you the most irritating
thing ever as a boss is when you go to correct your employee and tell them, hey, you made
a mistake here, I need you to fix this and they start telling you why it wasn't their
fault or how it's not really a problem and arguing with you, it is the worst.
Like, the number one attribute in an employee is someone who can be corrected because even
if somebody makes mistakes, has problems, character flaws, if they can be corrected,
if they listen when you tell them, then you can work with that person, right?
You can help that person.
But the person who won't take correction and the person who won't take responsibility when
they make a mistake and they always want to blame someone else or make an excuse, you
know, this is a person that you just can't do anything with except just fire them and
hire someone else.
I mean, that's pretty much what that person is good for.
So just keep that in mind when you go to your job.
Very important that when someone corrects you, you're superior, you don't say, yeah,
yeah, I know, I know.
No, you don't know or we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I get it, no, you don't.
You need to listen and take the correction and be respectful.
Don't be a know-it-all and don't be someone who's low on personal responsibility.
Titus chapter 2 verse 9 says, Exhort servants to be obedient unto their own masters and
to please them well in all things, here are the three key words, not answering again.
That is the King James language of saying not talking back.
Talking back, translation, answering again.
It means when you're told to do something, not just, oh, well, no, that's not fair or
this or that.
It was his fault.
No.
Just take the blame, get it right, fix it, move forward, be respectful.
Now there are several other things that the Bible says about how to be respectful.
I'm just going to hit some of these quickly.
I'm not going to preach, I preached very long this morning and I'm going to preach shorter
tonight because I'm not feeling well.
And so if you balance the two sermons together, it's going to equal two appropriate length
sermons.
All right.
So go to James chapter 2, I think if I would have been well, I could have got through my
sermon this morning in about like 15 minutes less, but I wasn't very efficient.
My brain was not working at maximum efficiency, so it ended up getting a little dragged out.
So I'm preaching a shorter sermon tonight.
Here's another mention of respect.
James chapter 2 verse 1, my brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ the
Lord of glory with respect of persons.
Now if you look up the word respect in the Bible, this is something you're going to see
a lot of, respect of persons.
What does it mean?
Well, if you study all the various mentions of this phrase in the Bible, what it means
is where you're preferring one person above another and you're not being fair.
So let's say one person's rich and the other person's poor, you treat the rich person better.
That's called having respect of persons.
Or let's say somebody's black, somebody's white and you're more respectful to the one
or the other because you're black so you're going to treat the other black guy well or
you're white, you're going to treat the other white guy well.
It's just when you're not treating people fairly, but you're treating some people really
well and then other people poorly because you're respecting their person, whether it's
their ethnicity, whether it's their economic standing, whatever it is, they're famous.
We're supposed to treat people well no matter what.
If somebody comes into the church, if they're rich, poor, whatever the ethnicity, whatever
the background, we should treat them well.
And then equally, people who do wickedly and abominably should all be treated ill and we
shouldn't have respect of persons where, well, I'm going to let it pass because this guy's
my buddy or he's from my hometown or he's my style.
No.
It needs to cut both ways.
If someone's guilty, they need to be condemned without respect of persons.
And if someone is a visitor at church, they should be treated well without respect of
persons.
We shouldn't sit there, oh, the mayor of Tempe is here.
We fall all over.
If the mayor of Tempe is here, we'll escort him to the door.
Is it a man or a woman?
Who's our mayor right now?
Do we have a mayor?
Who knows who the mayor of Tempe is?
Boy, we're really into our civic government here in Tempe.
Does anyone even know?
Does anyone even care?
We got hundreds of people here tonight and nobody gives a rip.
You must have Googled that though.
Somebody had to Google it.
We don't even care.
You know why we don't care who the mayor is?
Because we don't have respect of persons.
He doesn't matter to us.
If he walked in, he'll be treated like everyone else.
If he shows himself a worthy man, we'll extend unto him the right hand of fellowship.
If he walks in and is a bozo, he'll be dragged out just like that weirdo a few weeks ago
or months ago or whatever that was.
There's no respect of persons.
That's what that means, right?
Here's the example.
It says in verse 2, for if there come unto your assembly, assembly is another word for
church, if there come unto your assembly a man with a gold ring in goodly apparel, and
there come in also a poor man in vile raiment, and you have respect to him that weareth the
gay clothing, gay means happy and cheerful, it doesn't mean a homo, and say unto him,
sit thou here in a good place, and say to the poor, stand thou there, or sit here under
my footstool, are you not then partial in yourselves and have become judges of evil
thoughts?
That's kind of what I just finished explaining to you, right?
Just treating people the same based on their money or whatever.
But what we see here is that showing respect is what?
Sit thou here in a good place.
And what's the disrespect?
Stand thou there or sit here under my footstool.
How could we apply this then in being respectful to our authority figures in our life?
That means that give your husband a good place at the table.
Put him at the head of the table, amen?
At the dinner table, don't put him under the footstool.
Put him at the head of the table.
Give him a preeminent place.
If you want to be respectful to your husband, put him in the nicest seat in the house.
Now a lot of mothers make the mistake of, oh, put the children first.
You're not doing any favors to your children because you're making them a spoiled brat
that thinks the world revolves around them.
And you're certainly not treating your husband with respect when you put him in the worst
seat.
You put him in the worst place.
He gets served last while you're serving the kids all their plates and meals.
He's an afterthought.
You're doing wrong by your children and you're doing wrong by your husband by not serving
your husband first.
Put your husband at the best seat and serve his meal first.
Then serve the children.
And then they realize, guess what?
The world doesn't revolve around us and dad is the boss.
So you're reinforcing his authority.
And let me explain some of you mothers out there.
By lifting up your husband's authority, you know what you're doing?
You're making your kids respect you more too.
Because guess who else is in authority to your children?
You are.
So if you're undercutting your husband's authority, if you're disrespecting your...
If they see you doing what to your husband?
Putting him in the silent treatment, pouting, talking back, putting him last.
You know what they're going to do?
They're going to give you the silent treatment.
They're going to pout.
They're going to talk back to you and treat you with disrespect.
Why?
Because you reap what you sow.
Every wife who is disrespectful to her husband is going to be disrespected by the children
period.
It's a fact.
It has to happen.
Why?
Because you taught them to be that way through your own actions.
I don't understand why the kids are so disrespectful.
Well, look in the mirror.
How respectful are you to the authority in your life?
Think about that.
Put them in a good place.
You know, your parents, let them go first.
Put them first.
You know, when your children, I'm saying, living at home, living with your parents.
You know, don't jump in and me, me, me.
And the same thing with the boss at work.
He walks into the boardroom.
He walks into the safety meeting.
Right?
Hey, pull him up the best chair and say, here, have a seat right here, sir.
That is a, oh, you're kissing him.
No, you're being polite and respectful.
That's the way that the bosses should be treated anyway.
Not only that, the Bible tells us in, and go to 1 Peter chapter 3, the Bible tells us
in Leviticus 19 verse 32, you don't have to turn there.
Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honor the face of the old man, and fear
thy God, I am the Lord.
So the Bible is telling us that the hoary head, hoary, is meaning very light in color
like a light gray or white.
Like the Bible talks about the hoar frost.
This is H-O-A-R, the hoar frost.
It's talking about a white icicle or frost or sleet or snow, right?
So hair that's that color, the hoary head, that's the light gray, the silver, the white
hair.
The Bible says that we should treat elders with respect, and he says, rise up before
the hoary head, and honor the face of the old man.
What does that mean?
That means that we're all sitting around the table, grandpa walks in with his hoary head,
and you know what we do?
We stand, we get out of our chair, and we greet him.
That's what it means to be respectful to old man, to rise before the hoary head, not just
you just sitting there, oh hey, oh grandpa's here, hey.
You rise up, and you stand when he enters in order to show him respect.
It's considered common courtesy in our western culture, in our English culture, American
culture, also to stand up when a lady enters the room.
People will often do this.
A lady walks in the room, they stand up just as a sign of respect, just being civilized.
And so the Bible says, stand up before the hoary head, honor the face of the old man,
and fear thy God, I am the Lord.
And then the Bible says in 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 6, these are just some other miscellaneous
verses on respect.
Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters ye are, as long as you
do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
So this right here gives us the principle of calling people by their correct title or
name.
So Sarah had a great attitude toward her husband Abraham, that she even referred to him as
my Lord.
That sounds odd to us because in our modern English vernacular in America, when we hear
the word Lord, we automatically think deity, don't we?
Like if we hear Lord, we think God.
Well most languages aren't like that.
The vast majority of languages are not like that.
For example, let's take Spanish.
Who here speaks Spanish?
Put up your hand if you speak Spanish.
Well in Spanish, the typical word for Mr. or Sir, even if you don't speak Spanish, you
know what it is.
What is it?
You don't even speak Spanish, you know that.
It's Señor.
Right?
But did you know that the word for the Lord in Spanish is also Señor?
So they have the same word for El Señor and just saying hello sir, you know, buenos dias
Señor.
It's the same word.
Okay.
Guess what?
It's the same way in Hungarian.
Os ur is both the Lord in heaven or it's just the man, the sir, Mr. so and so.
Right?
In German, der Herr is the Lord.
But then you would also say, you know, guten tag Herr Anderson, you know, Mr. Anderson,
Herr Anderson.
Same word.
In fact, every language I've ever seen, every language I've ever studied, you're nodding
your head.
Is it this way in Polish as well?
What is it?
Pan?
Okay.
Yeah.
Who knows another language where it's like that?
Portuguese.
Yeah.
I mean that's just another form of Spanish, right?
No.
Same in Portuguese.
Right?
What else?
Who else?
Another language that it's like that.
Who knows a language where it's not like that?
The word for Lord is just totally different than the word for sir.
Anybody?
Anyone?
No one.
All right.
So English in its current form is kind of unique where that word Lord just kind of means
deity to us.
Okay.
Because we don't say, hello, Lord so and so, you know.
That would sound really weird to us.
So that's why when we read this, you know, she obeyed Abraham calling him Lord.
It's not saying she's calling him God.
It's not saying she's referring to him as deity.
What it would say in our modern vernacular is that she called him sir or something like
that.
Right?
She's basically just giving him the respect of calling him sir.
And in fact, I was talking to my father-in-law and he told me that back in the olden days,
in Hungarian, Hungarian has like a formal and a familiar form of address.
Sort of like in Spanish where you have two and usted.
He said in the olden days in Hungary, wives called their husband by the formal mugga is
the Hungarian word which is like their form of usted.
And the husband was called his wife, te, which is like the Spanish two.
So like the wives are calling their husband usted and the husbands are calling their wives
two.
And I'm using the Spanish because that's what everybody here would understand.
But in Hungary, he said that's how it used to be.
That's what it's saying here when it says she called him Lord.
She's just being respectful in her form of address unto him.
Calling him sir.
There's nothing wrong with telling your husband yes sir.
Nothing in the world wrong with that.
And you know what?
People call me sir all the time when I'm at restaurants, when I'm on airplanes, right?
I mean, whoever goes to a restaurant, airplane, whatever, and somebody calls you sir at the
store all the time, right?
Oh, how demeaning.
Oh, how degrading.
Nobody thinks that.
Everybody thinks it's as natural as rain.
But you know what?
There's nothing wrong with being respectful to your husband.
That's what Sarah did.
And I teach my children not to refer to adults by their first name either.
I don't like it when my kids come home and say, you know, of someone at church, you know,
oh, Dustin this or whatever.
It's like, hey, it's brother loan or brother Dustin at least, right?
You know, just giving some kind of a time.
And I don't even like to call people at church mister.
I feel like calling people at church mister is a little bit insulting because I think
we should upgrade them to brother, right?
You know, if I call somebody mister, it's probably because I doubt their salvation.
You know what I mean?
Because otherwise I'd be calling them brother so and so.
You know, if you ever hear, hey, mister so and so, you know, it's probably because I'm
thinking to myself.
I don't think this guy is my brother.
I don't think this guy is sane.
I think brother is an upgrade from mister, right?
I'd rather be called brother.
And look, people sometimes they get all upset because someone like myself, we refer to as
pastor Anderson.
Like, well, who do you think you are?
You know, well, I'm the pastor, good to meet you.
But you know, there was a time at our church when there was this thing where everybody
just started calling me Steve.
And it got ridiculous.
It got to the point where there was this one guy that was pushing this and it even got
to the point where somebody would say pastor Anderson, he'd be like, oh, you mean Steve?
So he's trying to get everybody in the church to just switch to calling me Steve.
And you know what?
Naturally, I'm the type of person, I don't like to try to push for any kind of respect
or title or anything.
You know, I'm more of a naturally just kind of a laissez faire kind of a guy.
I'm kind of a hands off kind of a leader and I don't like to be pushy or anything like
that by nature.
So I just let it go, you know, because I didn't really think it was important.
I didn't think it was a big deal.
You know, I learned that was a mistake because it got to the point where the people in the
church, this is like, you know, a long time ago, like seven, eight years ago, maybe even
eight or nine years ago, started to just treat me with such disdain and disrespect and just
be rude to me, mouth off to me, tell me how it is.
And I couldn't even believe it.
It was really messing up our church.
And I got to the point where I realized, you know, I need to make sure that people don't
call me Steve because this is just, it changes the way they look at you or something.
When they start calling you Steve, pretty soon they just think you're one of their buddies
or something and they're not giving you the respect or the position.
And it's not that I'm anything special, it's just that I'm the pastor.
So people have to realize that I'm the pastor, okay.
And you know, there are people in the church that I'm really close friends with and I hang
out with them outside of church and we get together socially or maybe do fun things together.
And you know what, those are the people that know how to treat me with respect.
And even when we're joking around, having fun, playing a board game, you know, doing
something, traveling together, whatever, you know, they always remember that I'm the pastor.
And even when we're, we let our hair down, they still give me some respect, okay.
And those are the people that I continue being friends with.
And then I've tried to be friends with people outside of church sometimes and all of a sudden
they start talking down to me and disdaining me and I kind of realize I can't be friends
with this person outside of church because I can't be both their friend and their pastor
because it doesn't work for them.
Some people can be both my friend and still see me as their pastor.
It's sort of like your children.
You kind of want to be your children's friend, right?
Don't you kind of want to be their buddy and their friend a little bit?
But at the same time, you got to be their parent.
And if you have to choose between being their parent and their friend, always pick being
their parent.
That's more important, right?
You want to be both.
And here, some kids can handle you being both with them.
Great.
Some church members can handle interacting with the pastor socially and some can't because
some people will just get out of control with it, you know.
And I, you know, here's a, I'm going to give a great example of this.
Paul Wittenberger is a great example of this because Brother Paul and I have spent a lot
of time together outside of church.
We've worked together on these movies.
And when we work on these movies, he's actually the director and producer of the films.
So at the end of the day, he makes the final decision on a lot of things.
He has the final say on a lot of things.
And I'm submitting to him on a lot of things and saying, hey, you know, you're the boss
here, right?
Because in that realm, it's his movie, it's his company, you know, the church, obviously,
I'm the pastor of the church, but I'm not the pastor of the whole world, you know.
So when we're outside of church, you know, it's sort of like some people, the pastor
works for them at their job.
So you know, on Sunday, they're looking to him with respect, but then on Monday, he has
to look to them with respect because he's their boss at work.
But you know, Brother Paul Wittenberger and I, we've spent tons of time together outside
of church.
We've traveled together.
We've done things together socially.
We've worked together on projects.
And you know, we've argued with each other and gotten heated in arguments because, you
know, we just felt strongly about issues and everything, but you know what?
He's always been respectful to me.
Even in the midst of, you know, arguing or working together, traveling together, stressful
situations, I've never felt disrespected by him.
He treats me, he knows that I'm the pastor.
You know, and you know, I respect him in return.
And so, you know, you just need to be careful how you address people or what you call them.
When you go to work, you probably err on the side of caution with your boss by calling
him by his last name.
And now it's just, hey Jimbo, hey there buddy old pal.
You know, it's probably better to err on the side of being a little too formal.
What do you think?
When you go into your work?
When you go into your job?
Then to just start calling everybody by their first name, people you don't know.
And you know, it's so funny when people don't even know me and they walk.
Now, let me say this.
When visitors come up and call me Steve, I'm not going to say, hey buddy, it's Pastor Anderson
to you.
And you know what?
If you don't want to call me Pastor Anderson, call me Brother Anderson.
I don't mind being called Brother Anderson.
And you know, look, I have pastor friends that are older than me and they always tell
me, call me by my first name and I won't even do it.
I won't even do it because I feel weird about it because they're older than me, they have
more experience than me.
They keep telling me, call me so-and-so, I'm just like Pastor so-and-so, Brother so-and-so.
Because I want to be respectful to them.
It's just when we call people by the wrong name, it can change our view of that person.
So don't start calling your parents by their first name, teenagers, all right?
Call your parents mom, dad, whatever, until you go to the grave.
I don't call my dad Ray, I don't call my mom Susie, okay?
Those are my parents' names, but I don't call them that.
I call them mom and dad, okay?
And you know, I call people that are older than me and people that are of a, you know,
pastor or whatever, I strive to call them by their last name, Brother so-and-so, Pastor
so-and-so.
When I teach my kids, when it comes to people at church, call them by their last name, call
them Brother.
Now, you know, since we're not from the south, we don't typically call people sister.
Hey, Sister Anderson, we don't really do that usually.
Who does that?
Who's used to that?
Anybody like that, a couple of people?
Yeah.
There are churches where it's Brother and Sister so-and-so, but typically the term Sister
is not really usually a fundamental Baptist thing, at least in this part of the country.
There's nothing wrong with it.
I'm just saying it's not really a cultural thing here where we call people Sister this
and Sister that.
So I think Mrs. is appropriate for ladies in the church, for your kids, you know, that
way a little kid isn't just calling adults by their first name.
It's probably good for a child to just call them Brother so-and-so and Mrs. so-and-so.
So if I call you Mrs., I'm not doubtful of your salvation.
I just don't want it to be like, to me when I hear Sister, it sounds like a nun a little
bit.
But again, nothing wrong with it, it's just not our culture.
But if I'm calling you Mr., it's time to get nervous at that point.
So those are just some miscellaneous points at the end of being respectful, give people
a good seat, stand up, serve them first, call them by their proper title or their proper
name and be respectful.
Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer.
Father, we thank you so much for your word and we thank you for having respect for us
as your children, Lord.
We know that you don't respect Islam or Buddha or Hinduism and that you don't respect a lot
of wicked things but, Lord, help us to respect the things that are good, the things that
you respect.
Help us to respect our parents, our bosses, help the wives to respect their husbands,
help us to treat each other respectfully and courteously as the Bible tells us to be courteous
and in Jesus' name we pray, amen.
We've spent tons of time together outside of church, we've traveled together, we've
done things together socially, we've worked together on projects and, you know, we've
argued with each other and gotten heated in arguments because, you know, we just felt
strongly about issues and everything but, you know what, he's always been respectful
to me.
He's always been respectful to me.
Even in the midst of, you know, arguing or working together, traveling together, stressful
situations, I've never felt disrespected by him.
He treats me, he knows that I'm the pastor, you know, and I respect him in return.
And so, you know, you just need to be careful how you address people or what you call them.
When you go to work, you probably err on the side of caution with your boss by calling
him by his last name and not just, hey Jimbo, hey there buddy old pal, you know.
It's probably better to err on the side of being a little too formal.
What do you think?
When you go into your work, when you go into your job, then to just start calling everybody
by their first name, people you don't know.
You know, it's so funny when people don't even know me and they walk, let me say this,
when visitors come up and call me Steve, I'm not going to say, hey buddy, it's Pastor
Anderson to you.
And you know what, if you don't want to call me Pastor Anderson, call me Brother Anderson.
I don't mind being called Brother Anderson.
And you know, look, I have pastor friends that are older than me and they always tell
me call me by my first name and I won't even do it.
I won't even do it because I'm like, I feel weird about it because they're older than
me, they have more experience than me.
They keep telling me, call me so and so, I'm just like Pastor so and so, Brother so and
so, you know.
Because I want to be respectful to them.
You know, it's just when we call people by the wrong name, it can change our view of
that person.
So don't start calling your parents by their first name, teenagers, all right.
Call your parents mom, dad, whatever until you go to the grave.
You don't need to call, I don't call my dad Ray, I don't call my mom Susie, okay.
Those are my parents' names but I don't call them that.
I call them mom and dad, okay.
And you know, I call people that are older than me and people that are of, you know,
pastor or whatever, I strive to call them by their last name, Brother so and so, Pastor
so and so.
When I teach my kids, when it comes to people at church, call them by their last name, call
them Brother.
Now, I, you know, since we're not from the south, we don't typically call people sister.
Hey, Sister Anderson, we don't really do that usually.
Who does that?
Who's used to that?
Anybody like that, a couple of people?
Yeah.
There are churches where it's Brother and Sister so and so but typically the term Sister
is not really usually a fundamental Baptist thing, at least in this part of the country.
There's nothing wrong with it.
I'm just saying it's not really a cultural thing here where we call people Sister this
and Sister that.
So I think Mrs. is appropriate for ladies in the church, for your kids, you know, that
way a little kid isn't just calling adults by their first name.
It's probably good for a child to just call them Brother so and so and Mrs. so and so.
So if I call you Mrs., I'm not doubtful of your salvation.
I just don't want it to be like, to me when I hear Sister, it sounds like a nun a little
bit, you know.
But again, nothing wrong with it.
It's just not our culture.
So I, you know, but if I'm calling you Mr., it's time to get nervous at that point, okay.
So those are just some miscellaneous points at the end of being respectful.
Give people a good seat.
Stand up.
Serve them first.
Call them by their proper title or their proper name and be respectful.
Let's bow our heads and have a word of prayer.
Father, we thank you so much for your word and we thank you for having respect for us
as your children, Lord.
We know that you don't respect Islam or Buddha or Hinduism and that you don't respect a lot
of wicked things.
But Lord, help us to respect the things that are good, the things that you respect.
Help us to respect our parents, our bosses.
Help the wives to respect their husbands.
Help us to treat each other respectfully and courteously as the Bible tells us to be courteous.
In Jesus' name we pray.
Amen.