Welcome back to Faith Ward Baptist Church.
So good to see you all here for Sunday Night Service.
Find your seats, please, and take a songbook.
Go to hymn 379.
We'll get started tonight at hymn 379.
Bringing in the sheaves.
Hymn number 379.
Once you find your place,
we'll start together on that first
sowing in the morning, sowing seeds of kindness.
Hymn number 379.
Sing it out together now.
Sowing in the morning, sowing seeds of kindness, sowing in the new tide and the new wind.
Waiting for the harvest and the time of reaping, we shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves.
We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves,
sowing in the sunshine, sowing in the shadows,
fearing neither clouds nor winds of chilly breeze,
by and by the harvest and the labor end,
and we shall come rejoicing, bringing in...
Bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves
We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves
Bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves
We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves
Going forth with weeping, slowing for the master
Though the lost, the stained, our spirit often reaps
We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves.
Amen, good start to our sing tonight. We want to go before Lauren prayer, so I've asked for the dance ceremony if you believe some privilege
Amen him number 389 number 389 bring them in him number 389
Again, it's Harktis the shepherd's voice sign here, hymn number 389, sing it out together now.
Harktis the shepherd's voice sign here, out in the desert, dark and drear,
Calling the sheen who have gone astray, one from the shepherd's voice.
of sin bring them in bring them in bring the one bring once to Jesus you will go and help this
shepherd's night help him the one bring once to mine you will bring the last one to the home
where they'll be sheltered from
Mountains wild and high,
Artists the masters speak to thee,
Draw by machine where air they need,
Bring them in, bring them in!
We'll go through our announcements together.
If you don't have a bulletin,
slip up your hand nice and high.
We'll get to you with one on the inside.
We have our service time Sunday mornings at 10 30
is our preaching service.
Sunday nights at six, Wednesday nights at seven
is our Bible study.
This week we will be in Psalm 74.
We've got the soul winning times listed there below
as well as salvations and baptisms.
Of course, the cruise mission strip
that I went on with Pastor Shelley this week.
was a great success. We went to the Bahamas. It's always just so receptive there.
One of the great things about soul winning in the Bahamas too
is that you're in the Bahamas. No, I'm just kidding. The cool thing that soul winning
about in the Bahamas
is that the people there are just genuinely interested
in the things of God. So that not only are they interested in just salvation
but they'll also just want to talk to you about the Bible. Sometimes I'll win people the Lord.
and then just kind of hang out and just continue to talk Bible with them and
they'll be asking questions.
I had people that got saved like tracking me down
later, hey I got a Bible question and wanting to talk and wanting to learn
and you know and then there were even some people that were just really wrong in
their doctrine
and I argued with them and showed them from the Bible and then they ended up
you know coming over to the truth and getting saved.
The interest is really genuine and so it's refreshing to be around especially young people that are really interested in the things of God, they really care about it and feel strongly about it.
And so it's number one best soul winning place I've ever been in my life and I've been a lot of places and done a lot of soul winning.
And so we had a great time and got 76 people saved which is obviously a massive number so we're super thankful.
And then also, it's not in the bulletin, but I think I saw that there was also like an online soul-winning marathon yesterday with the video chat soul-winning and I think that they, somebody have the stats on that?
It was like, they spent like, you guys spent like eight hours or something or what was it?
Oh, eight people.
Yeah eight people soul winning on a marathon and got 55 people saved and so that was another big success and
So good job to everybody who participated in that
Keep praying for our expectant ladies that they'll have a safe and healthy pregnancy and delivery
We've got the donations over here to my left not tonight, but typically on Wednesday nights
We'll have a lot of great free food over there to take home. So check that out
On the back we've got the note about the mother-daughter tea party coming up.
There are two different dates available so you pick the one that
fits your schedule best. I don't think either of these is actually Mother's Day.
So it's just you pick the one that works for you and you celebrate
on that day and of course it's free like all of our church activities are free
but we do want you to RSVP and don't just RSVP flippantly
And then just be like, oh, I might go and maybe I'll show up.
Maybe I won't.
Because obviously it does cost us money.
Even though it's free to you, still somebody's
paying for everything, right?
So make sure that you RSVP, according to the instructions,
and take that seriously.
Below that, other upcoming events.
Of course, the crew is heading out this Saturday and Sunday
for their mission strip to the Bahamas,
led by Brother Segura.
That group right now is about 25 people strong and so I'm really excited about that.
Pray that everything goes well logistically.
It should because the logistics are kind of a no-brainer on these things which is part of why it's cool.
But we just want to pray that everything works out because man,
if everything works out and falls into place and everything goes smoothly,
I believe a great work for God is going to be done.
in those five, six days of this cruise,
I think it's gonna be a big one.
And so I'm excited about that, be praying for them,
that it goes well.
And then, let's see, what else have we got?
Other upcoming events, Pastor Mejia's coming to preach
in April, and that's about it for announcements.
Let's go ahead and just quickly count up
the soul winning from the last few days.
So anything from Thursday to report from Thursday?
Gotcha, okay.
Okay, anything else from Thursday? Okay
Thursday how about Friday
Okay
Gotcha
Okay, anything else from Friday and then Saturday Saturday was that marathon that we just mentioned
So we'll go ahead and log that figure anything outside of that marathon that we just mentioned
Okay, and then what about today Sunday?
Okay, got it got it
Okay, I got you back there. Okay
Okay, is that a one Ramon, okay? All right, and then gotcha
Main group with brother Scott brother eight for brother Scott's group and then okay gotcha
All right, anything else from today?
Very good, keep up the great work on soul winning.
With that, let's sing our next song.
Come lead us.
All right, you should find the answer
in front of your hymnal with the hymn titled
Be Thou My Vision.
If you don't have an answer, please raise your hand.
You're receiving, we'll sing it on that first together.
Be Thou My Vision, O Lord of my heart.
Be Thou My Vision.
Bye-bye.
Be there.
Man, good singing, everybody.
Take your hymnals down.
Turn to hymn 394, hymn number 394.
To the work, hymn number 394.
We'll be going on that verse together.
To the work, to the work.
We are servants of God.
Hymn number 394, sing it out together now.
To the work, to the work.
We are servants of God, let us follow.
When the life of the weary be led, In the cross and its banner, our glory shall be,
While the air roll the tide.
And of the darkest an error shall come, And the name of Jehovah's office shall be
In the land where we pour His salvation is free.
the Lord, and the Rome, and the crown shall our labor reward, when the home of the faithful
are dwelling shall be, and we shall, with our hands of salvation, is free, for they
come.
Alright, this time we'll pass our offering plates around.
As the plates go around, let's turn our Bibles to Titus chapter 2.
Titus chapter number 2.
Titus chapter 2.
But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine, that the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound and faith, and charity, and patience.
The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as become of holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things,
that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste,
Keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands,
that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Young men likewise, exhort to be sober-minded,
in all things showing thyself a pattern of good works,
in doctrines showing uncorruptness, gravity,
sincerity, sound speech that cannot be condemned.
That he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed
having no evil thing to say of you.
Exort servants to be obedient under their own masters, and to please them well in all things,
not answering again, not perl- testing, but showing all good fidelity that they may adorn
the doctrine of God our Savior in all things, for the grace of God that bringeth salvation
hath appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we
looking for that blessed hope and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Savior Jesus Christ who gave himself for us
That he might redeem us from all iniquity and purify unto himself a peculiar people zealous of good works
These things speak and exhort and rebuke with all authority let no man despise thee
Dear Heavenly Father, Lord, we just thank you Lord for bringing us here tonight to to hear your word to sing praises to your name
We thank you Lord for your word, we thank you for your salvation that you've given to all of us.
We thank you for the preaching tonight Lord that you bring to us and we just ask that you'll
bless the pastor and let him bring it to us with boldness in your name, in Jesus' name, amen.
Man, this evening I'm preaching on the subject of a biblical marriage, a biblical marriage. Marriage
is one of the most rewarding relationships that we have in our lives but at the same time it
can also be one of the most challenging relationships that we have and it's also probably the longest
lasting relationship that you know hopefully is going to exist in our lives and so because it's
so important it's so fulfilling but yet it's so difficult sometimes want to make sure that we
people have all kinds of ideas, all kinds of books have been written and people have their ideas and
thoughts and philosophies that all contradict one another. At the end of the day what the Bible says
is the final authority and the Bible thankfully does have several clear passages on this in the
New Testament and that needs to be the foundation of how we have a marriage, is build it on the Word
Now Ephesians 5 is the big one, but before we go to Ephesians 5,
we're right here in Titus chapter 2, and he starts out in verse number 1 saying,
but speak thou the things which become sound doctrine. Become there means that they are
suitable for or appropriate for sound doctrine, okay? Things that go well with
sound doctrine, right? Because we want to believe the right doctrines
about Jesus Christ and about all of the things with salvation and end times and all those things.
But we also want to have a life that lines up with good doctrine
by having a life that is also in accordance with God's word,
sort of, what's the word I'm looking for,
like theoretical type things,
but the actual practical realities of, you know,
being a husband, being a child, being a worker,
doing all the things that we do just every day
or Monday through Friday in our lives.
And so he goes on to give advice to the aged man,
the young man, the aged women, the young women.
So he's kind of hitting all these different demographics.
And when he gets to the end of this,
These things speak and exhort and rebuke with all authority.
Let no man despise thee.
And what he means there by let no man despise thee is,
hey, don't let anybody give you any guff
for teaching what the Bible says, right?
Because this is Paul talking to his young protégé in the ministry.
Paul's the mentor and he's training guys like Timothy and Titus, younger guys.
And he's saying, look,
preach what the Bible says without apology, correct people that need to be corrected on this,
and don't let anybody give you any garbage about it, is what the Bible says, right?
These things speak and exhort and rebuke with all authority, let no man despise thee, he says.
And so today in 2025, the Bible's teachings on this subject are not necessarily on vogue.
But yet, we need to preach the word instant, in season, and out of season.
Reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine.
The Bible does not change, and so when it comes to these foundational, fundamental things of marriage, they don't change either, okay?
While we're here in Titus chapter 2, we're going to go over to the main marriage passage over in Ephesians 5.
But first, in Titus 2, look what the Bible says in verse number 3.
And remember, he's giving advice to these various demographics,
and so he says to the aged women that they likewise be in behavior as becomeeth holiness.
And again, this is the definition of the word become like goes well with or suits or fits, it's appropriate, right?
So they need to behave in a way appropriate to holiness.
not false accusers, not given to much wine,
teachers of good things, that they may teach the young women
to be sober, to love their husbands,
to love their children, to be discreet,
chaste, keepers at home, good,
obedient to their own husbands, that the Word of God
be not blasphemed. So right away in this passage we can get a few
foundational truths about marriage that are not necessarily that popular today.
But in this passage, it very clearly says that women are supposed to be those who love their husbands,
love their children, they're supposed to be discreet, chaste, and keepers at home, right?
And what does it mean to be a keeper at home?
Well, this is like the term that we have in English, housekeeping, okay?
The word keep there is sort of like where God told Adam, when he's in the Garden of Eden,
to dress and keep the garden, right?
Keep there means to take care of, right?
And also, you remember that elsewhere,
Paul says that they're to guide the house.
And that's kind of a parallel thought here.
Keeping the house or guiding the house,
basically means they're running things.
in the home, taking care of the home, their home making is what we would call this in 2025.
That's what it means when it says that they should be keepers at home.
It means that they're taking care of the house and the household.
Because traditionally, men are going to be out working making money and then who's left at home?
the wife, and she's there running things, right?
Making sure that everybody's doing what they're supposed to do,
make sure the kids are doing their chores.
If there are any household servants that they're doing their chores,
make sure that everything's going smoothly,
everyone's being fed, everything's staying clean and tidy and nice.
This is good home-making skills, right?
Cleaning, cooking, organization, having everybody on a schedule.
And so, you know, the woman does have authority in the home,
but she doesn't have authority over her husband, right?
She is the husband's lieutenant.
And so when he's gone, she's running everything
and taking care of everything.
And it could be a big responsibility,
especially if you have a big household.
And so that's the job.
That's the responsibility that she loves her husband.
loves her children, she's discreet,
chaste, and a keeper at home,
meaning that she takes care of the house
and doesn't neglect it, right?
How great of a marriage do you think
you're gonna have, ladies,
if you're neglecting the household?
Right everything's thrashed everything's filthy. There's just dirty laundry everywhere dirty dishes everywhere
It's unsanitary the bathrooms trashed right that's not really what men necessarily want to come home to
After a hard day's work. That's not really what their workplace or their office or work truck necessarily looks like and then they come
Home and it's just thrashed and then you got the wife. She's sitting on the couch
and she's got a tub of ice cream in her lap
and she's just eating it right out of the carton
and she's watching Days of Our Lives
or she's doing a, that's an outdated reference.
She's binge watching some series on Netflix or something,
right, like the more updated version of that, you know?
And obviously, you know, part of marriage
is that both parties in the marriage are doing their job.
If the man is supposed to be the breadwinner and the wife is supposed to be the keeper
at home, well, how are things going to go with your husband if he's not paying the bills?
This is going to cause marriage problems.
A man who doesn't go to work, a man who is just perennially unemployed and just constantly
fooling around, not serious about earning, not serious about his career or making money,
They're not able to pay the bills, they don't have what they need, boy, that's going to
hurt the marriage if the man's not doing his job.
And then likewise, if the woman's not doing her job, well then he's not going to be happy
to come home, everything's trashed, no plan for dinner, no plan for breakfast, no plan
for lunch, it's just, you know, warm up another frozen, you know, hungry man TV dinner or whatever.
So the first thing I want to point out about having a biblical marriage is that according to Titus chapter 2
the ideal plan here is that the woman is a keeper at home and
Obviously the reverse is true the husband's out there making a living and then everybody's in their proper role
Men are doing their job working hard bringing home the bacon and then the wife is at home
Taking care of the house making sure things go smoothly
Cooking cleaning caring for the children and that's a big job
It's a difficult job, but it's a rewarding job.
And so everybody's in their proper role.
Now, it also says here that women are to be discreet.
Okay, what does this mean discreet?
Okay, it basically means that they know what is appropriate to say
and what is appropriate not to say.
right? That's discretion. So they're not just blowing off their mouths
and just gossiping and being a busy body about other men's matters
or just saying embarrassing things about their husband because frankly when you
live with someone
you're gonna know every negative thing about that person.
especially a husband and wife, right?
And so discretion says,
hey, I don't just say everything
about my loved ones that I live with, right?
I'm not just gonna just publicly say things
to embarrass my wife,
and especially wives should not be publicly saying things
to embarrass their husband.
They need to have discretion.
And also not talking about things that are inappropriate,
that are sorted, that are, you know,
not seemly or becoming of women to talk about.
And so it says there to be discreet, chaste, obviously pure, not committing adultery.
That kind of goes without saying, keepers at home.
And then it says, good, obedient to their own husbands that the Word of God be not blasphemed.
Now look, the Bible is crystal clear that wives are supposed to be obedient to their husbands.
And again, this doesn't fly in 2025, right?
This is the exact opposite of what the world out there is going to teach you.
But let no man despise you, Titus.
wives are to be obedient to their own husbands, right?
Because there is a chain of command in the Bible
that the wife is to obey her husband.
And the Bible says that the wife is to obey her husband
so that the word of God doesn't get blasphemed.
According to the Bible, it gives Christianity a bad name when you have wives disobeying their husbands.
Wives refusing to submit to their husbands.
Loudmouthed women who are not in subjection to their own husbands gives Christianity a bad name.
But here's what's funny.
We've got a bunch of people teaching the opposite today saying that I'm giving Christianity a bad name
by preaching that wives have to obey their husbands and that men are to rule their houses.
So if I say the man rules his castle and the wife is to submit to her husband,
I'm supposedly turning people away from Christianity.
It's funny, the Bible taught the exact opposite, you know?
And I would like to see a Bible verse that says,
hey, authoritarian husbands turn people away from Christ.
I would like to see that verse.
It isn't there.
But yet this feminist garbage does cause the name of God to be blaspheme.
And it's why throughout the world, many cultures like Hindus and Muslims,
they'll talk down on Christianity and criticize Christianity
because of all the feminism that we've allowed to creep in,
and it's an embarrassment to the whole world.
And so I want to make sure that we have this biblical foundation of man and women in their proper roles and
wives obeying their husbands. Okay, that's the way the home is supposed to work. Now go if you would to Ephesians chapter 5
Ephesians chapter 5
And look, I understand that some people's living situation is different than this.
You know, unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world,
and so not everyone is going to have that perfect ideal family situation
where you've got the husband going to work, paying all the bills,
you've got the wife staying at home, taking care of the kids, running the house.
But this is the ideal that the Bible sets forth,
and it's what we should strive for.
It should be our worldview that this is the norm.
This is what God has ordained for the family.
And we dead sure need to understand the chain of command in marriage that the husband is the head of the wife,
as the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 11.
Look at Ephesians chapter 5.
And again, we're not even turning to 1 Corinthians 11, but I just said it.
It says, the husband's the head of the wife, right?
Just as Christ is the head of the church, and the head of Christ is God.
You know, and so that's what the Bible says.
And so it's very clear the chain of command there.
But look at the Bible in Ephesians 5 verse 22, this is the most classic marriage passage
in the Bible that's the longest and most clear teaching on marriage in the Bible.
And it says in Ephesians 5 verse 22, wives, submit yourselves under your own husbands
as unto the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife.
even as Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body,
therefore as the church is subject unto Christ,
so let the wives be to their own husbands in certain areas."
Is that what it says?
It says, in everything.
And here's what's funny, people are like,
you're teaching this too extreme.
You're taking this.
I mean, what is the Bible literally says?
Everything.
How do you go further than that?
Oh, yeah? Well, everything and a little more stuff, too.
You can't really go beyond everything, can you?
No, you can't. And so this is what the Bible teaches, it says,
that as the church is subject to Christ,
so the wives are to be under their own husbands in everything.
Now stop and think about this. We would say as a church
that Christ is the boss, amen?
I mean, do we just kind of do whatever we want and say hey Jesus, thank you for dying
on the cross, thank you for rising again, thank you for purchasing our salvation, but
we'll take it from here Jesus and we're going to run this institution.
It's a great institution that you founded, the church, but we're going to sort of run
it the way we want to run it and some of your teachings are a little outdated so we're going
to sort of just do things in a more 2025.
You know, you'd say that's horrible.
You'd say, no, Jesus didn't just found the church.
He's also the head of the church.
And so he's the boss, and obviously Jesus Christ is not physically here running the church,
but we've got the Bible here representing the mind of Christ, his will, his word.
Thus sayeth the Lord.
So this is the instruction manual for how to run the church.
So how submitted are we to the Bible as a church?
How submitted are we to Christ as the head of the church?
We'd say, well, in everything.
I mean, you know, whatever he says.
We're going to say, okay, he's the boss.
Well, that's literally what the Bible says,
that wives are to be submitting to their husbands
the way that the church submits to Christ.
These are very strong statements here,
you know, making it very clear
that there's definitely a chain of command
and that it's not a situation where, you know,
men and women are just both kind of calling the shots
in a marriage or in a home or in a family.
I mean, it's just simply not what the Bible teaches.
And again, I know you're probably a lot smarter than God and smarter than the Bible and smarter
than Jesus and smarter than me, but you know, this is what the Bible says.
And so, you know, I would just go with it because maybe you're not as smart as you think.
that wives are to obey their husbands, be subject unto their husbands, submit to their husbands.
Then he follows up with advice for the husbands.
He says, husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.
That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing.
But that it should be holy and without blemish so stop and think about this
The Bible saying that husbands are to love their wives and this is also a very strong statement as
Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church?
Well, the Bible says greater love have no man than this than that a man lay down his life
for his friends, right? That's the ultimate sign of love where you'd be willing to die for someone,
take a bullet for someone. That's the greatest love. And the Bible is saying that that's the
kind of selfless love we are supposed to have for our wives as husbands, where we would be
willing to take a bullet for them anytime, anywhere we should be ready to die for our wives.
That's how much we should love them. That's a lot of love.
So therefore, this kind of leadership that we're supposed to practice as husbands is
supposed to be a selfless leadership.
Even though we are the boss, even though we're the one making the rules, it's not so that
we can just selfishly have someone to just wait on us hand and foot, but rather it is
so that we can provide our wives and our children with the best life that we can possibly provide.
the best godly leadership, you know, the best home that we can provide.
And so we're out there working hard not just so that we can spend up all the
money on our own fun and just kind of leave her to scrounge and scrape and
not have what she needs. You know, we're out there providing for her.
right? Want to make things nice for her? We want to be good to her because God is in heaven,
giving us all these blessings, and Christ has given the church all these gifts, so we want to also
take care of our wives, love them, sacrifice for them, be good to them, be unselfish. But what's
interesting here is that it says, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, we understand
that. It's talking about him dying on the cross. But then it also says that he might sanctify and
with the washing of water by the word
that he might present it to himself, a glorious church.
So we see that Christ's mission
in dying on the cross for us,
in coming to this earth
and being the Lamb of God
to take away the sin of the world,
it was not only just to save us spiritually.
but also to purify unto himself a peculiar people zealous of good works, right?
Which is why the Great Commission, yes, it's to preach the gospel to every creature,
yes, it's to baptize people in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost,
but then it's also to teach them to observe all things whatsoever Christ commanded us.
We're supposed to teach the whole Bible.
Because again, Christ came not just to save us spiritually,
a more excellent way to give us an example that we could follow in his steps and so if you think
about that in regard to marriage it's saying look Christ died for the church Christ is married to
the church metaphorically speaking okay why so that he can basically take the church to the
You know, he's going to get them to be the best possible church that they can be.
That's the goal.
That's why the church runs the way it does.
That's why the Word of God's been given to us, to edify us, to strengthen us, to purify us, to make us better.
Okay?
And so the kind of right spiritual leadership that a husband should provide
is taking his wife in the right direction spiritually, taking her to a right destination.
You know and and here's the thing the sad thing is that there are a lot of homes where the wife ends up being the spiritual leader
Because sometimes the husband just doesn't really care about the things of God
And then the wife kind of steps in and she kind of sets the tone and she's the one saying hey
Let's go to church. Hey, let's read the Bible. Hey, let's get more involved in
Witnessing or missions trips or soul winning or the things of God right and it's a shame
Because what we'd rather see is rather see men, you know, giving a rip about the things of God.
And we want to see men stepping up to the plate and leading the home spiritually
and saying, hey, we want to go to this church and we're going to read this Bible
and this is the kind of Christianity we're going to do
and actually providing strong godly leadership to take the family in a right direction.
See, obviously God ordained this thing of marriage to be a blessing to everybody involved, right?
It's supposed to when it works, right?
It's a blessing to everybody, right?
You know, the wife, she loves it because, number one, she's got a meal ticket, you know what I mean?
She's got somebody putting food on the table.
I mean, what's bad about that, right?
Who wants to be out there, you know,
trying to make money and doing all this stuff, right?
Hey, isn't it nice to be able to stay home?
It's a luxury.
to be able to be a stay-at-home wife.
Stay-at-home mother.
So what does she get out of this deal?
Hey, she gets to stay home and do something meaningful.
She can spend her time doing stuff that she wants to do,
spending time with the kids,
working on her own house rather than somebody else's house.
Right, because you know what's funny is that
there are women who go and clean other people's houses.
Molly maid, Mary maids.
Right, they're clean it, you know, hey, wouldn't you rather clean your own house then to be just going to clean and everybody else's toilet?
Look, I'm not saying cleaning the toilet is ever fun
But it's a lot more fun to clean your own toilet than to clean strangers toilets, you know
I remember one time we got out of the car and
My one of my siblings stepped in dog do and and and they said well at least I just hope it was our dog
You know, and it was kind of funny because it's like I don't know if our dogs do is really that much cleaner than somebody else's
Dogs do you know, but I'd rather be cleaning my own toilet than a public toilet
Right, and here's the thing is that you know everybody works in this world
You know, it's like you're either gonna be working for yourself or you're gonna be working for other people. Hey the wife
Marriage what does it do for her? It provides her with?
a breadwinner so she can stay home
and she can run the household, keep it nice,
make it how she wants it, make a nice atmosphere
and it's all paid for. You know, my wife does not
worry about how to pay the bills, you know, in the last 25 years that we've been married.
She's never getting the money together to pay
the house payment. She's making a face like, what is it? What are you talking about?
House payment? That's not my problem because it's never been her problem.
You know, she doesn't have to worry about the electricity bill, the water bill, she just doesn't, you know, all she has to worry about is just saving up for her next little trip or whatever fun thing, you know, that she wants to do, right?
She doesn't have to worry and stress, she just knows that the bills are just paid, they're just magically paid.
By moi, okay, and so that's what the wife gets out of this relationship
You know obviously she also gets leadership meaning that she doesn't have to stress and worry about making big decisions for the family
Because big decisions can kind of be stressful. You don't really know. What's the right decision?
You know at least the buck doesn't really stop with her because there's someone else
Making that final decision and when it all goes wrong, you know, it's his fault
Because he's the one who has to make that decision.
So, you know, we as men, as leaders,
we have that responsibility of having
to make those decisions, whereas what do wives get to do?
They get to stay home, they get to enjoy,
they get to spend time with their kids,
not be dropping off their kids with other people,
cleaning somebody else's toilet,
cooking somebody else's food,
answering somebody else's phone,
they can answer their own phone,
answer their own door,
take care of their own little kingdom at home.
and not have to worry about where the bills are coming from,
and then big decisions, well, they just leave that on their husband.
So if this thing is working the way it's supposed to,
that's a pretty sweet gig for them.
Okay, and then on the flip side, what does the husband get out of this deal?
Well, he gets to have the household all taken care of and he can just focus on his career and his job and
Go out and work hard and then he just comes home and there's food just like for her the bills are magically paid
For me food is magically cooked and appearing on the table
Clothing is magically clean and just it just keeps just it's just back on the hanger
You know, it's just clean, it's just on the hanger,
it's just this endless cycle of,
and I don't even do anything, and it's just done.
You know, I get to enjoy the house with a woman,
so if you ever walk into someone's house
and you can just instantly tell a woman does not live here.
You know because it just it lacks that female touch, right?
It's a lot nicer to walk into a house where there's a woman living there and kind of put a little woman's touch on things
You know because as a dude, you know, we're not gonna go out and buy these little decorations and stuff
But we kind of like them to be there. We don't want to put them there
We don't want to buy that so you know we're not gonna hang that stuff, but like, you know, you kind of want it to be there though
You want somebody else to do it
Otherwise you end up with just this really like bleak stark like white walls man cave type of an atmosphere and
So women are making a pleasant home. They're keeping the home. They're taking care of the kids
They're cooking the food. They're cleaning the place up so that you can focus on
Being you know someone who reaches your full potential in your in your job in your career
Both people out of this marriage are getting companionship
Friendship, right?
Someone to talk to, someone to hang out with,
someone who understands what you're going through,
and someone that you can really be intimate with
and really share details and get to know one another.
And this is where the discretion comes in, right?
Because obviously when you're really close,
you're gonna know all the faults of one another
and obviously you don't wanna go around
making your spouse look bad
by telling everybody they're faults.
You wanna keep that discreet.
and not be inappropriate with the things that you share.
Because look, nobody wants to live with the KJB in their house.
You know, nobody wants to feel like they're living in East Germany under communism.
And they just, you know, they don't know who is the mailman spying on me.
Is my neighbor a spy?
You know, my neighbor's here tonight.
You know, I hope he's not spying on me.
No, I'm just kidding.
But anyway, the point is that, you know.
We don't want to feel like we're being watched and spied on.
And so therefore, you know, we want to be able to be open around our family,
kind of let our hair down around our family and know that they're going to have the discretion
in the good sense, not to go around just telling all of our private details to the whole stinking
world. Amen. Amen. You know, want to have discretion. And so back to the text here.
It says that the husband is supposed to love the wife with this supreme sacrificial love that Christ had to the point where he's willing to go to the cross.
You know that's how much we should love our wives be ready to take a bullet for our wives, right?
Love them, but not only just love them in that sense of being a protector
but also love them by providing the leadership that's going to get them to the destination spiritually of
really fulfilling their Christian calling as as ladies and and you know, what's so funny is that over the last
20 years of pastoring and even before I started being a pastor
I cannot even count how many women I've had say to me,
man, I wish that my husband would tell me what to do.
I wish that my husband would actually
lead the family spiritually.
I wish that he would actually make some rules in our house
or lay down the law a little bit on things
or at least tell me what he wants me to do
or tell me what we should do.
A lot of women are actually craving leadership
from their husband because that's what the husband's
leadership. Have you ever shown up at a job and nobody's telling you what to do,
and it makes you really uncomfortable, right? If you've ever been in a job site
and you're just like, you're kind of standing there, you're trying to look
busy, but like nobody's really giving you a clear directive, and you ask, hey, what
are we supposed to do? I don't know, what are we supposed to be doing? And nobody
knows, and you're really awkward and uncomfortable. You know, I remember when I
went to Germany as an 18-year-old, I stayed with a bunch of different pastors.
And some of these pastors, like, kept me really busy
and gave me work to do, and they had a plan,
like, okay, here's what we're gonna do, go do this.
And I had this one pastor that I stayed with
on that first trip.
And this guy worked me hard, okay?
His name was Pastor Thomas Hastings, okay?
And he was a great guy, loved staying with him.
But man, alive we worked hard.
Like, I remember it was just six days
of just long days, morning through night.
It was almost like, you know, you think of people
going to prison and being sentenced to hard labor
because he literally had me breaking rock.
You can imagine that.
So like this is what it was in Germany,
things aren't built the way they're built here.
Everything's like a thousand years old there.
So you have these buildings where the walls
are like this thick and it's just rock, just stone.
So basically there's just this super thick stone wall
and they were working on building a new auditorium
for the church and he just walks up
and he just outlines a door.
He just draws a door and says, okay, put a door there
and then put a window here.
So I had three different tools to do this.
I had, number one, a jackhammer.
But usually when you think about a jackhammer,
you're using it on the ground.
Like you see people tearing up the ground with a jackhammer.
But when you're holding the jackhammer up
and jackhammering horizontally, it's pretty tiring, okay?
And then I had a sledgehammer.
just swinging a sledgehammer and then I had like a little hammer and a chisel.
So I would like drill the chisel and make these holes to create like weak points
and then I would like swing a big sledgehammer and try to break it and beat it
and then I'd get out the jackhammer and we did a bunch of other stuff but that was one of the things I did
and you know we were pouring concrete, we're putting in all this rebar,
we're just doing all this really hard construction work.
and, you know, just morning to night.
So I did this Monday through Saturday.
Then on Sunday, we go to church in the morning.
And in the afternoon, man,
you know what I wanted to do on Sunday afternoon?
Man, I just wanted to just lay in bed
until the evening, it's like, get me up
when it's time for the evening service.
I'm just laying in bed.
The pastor comes into my room.
I'm in, I'm in bed in the afternoon.
And he says, hey, we got to go do visitation.
We got to go visit some people and I'm like I said hey, I hope you don't mind. I'm just gonna sit this one out
And he's like no you're coming with me. I'm like, okay
Drag myself out of bed and and this guy worked me to the bone
But you know, it's funny is when I went back to Germany the second time the first time
I stayed with like five six different pastors when I went back the second time
I spent all of my time with that guy 100%
Because I hate myself. No, I'm just kidding. No, but the reason the reason I spent all my time with that guy is because you know what?
I said to myself when I was with that guy I
Knew what to do and I felt useful
And I felt like there was a purpose in me being there and that I was actually doing something meaningful and helping him out
Whereas a lot of people just had nothing for me to do. They're not giving me any instructions
You know so even though the work was a little harder than my 18 year old self would have really chosen
You know I went back and work with that guy again because I was like you know and the food was good
That was the main thing his wife was an amazing cook
But I just kept working with that guy because at least I liked the fact that this guy's at least telling me what to do
And giving me a job and making me feel useful making me feel like I have a purpose now
That was obviously kind of an extreme example of doing like hard labor as a print like a prison convict
But the point is that like, you know, I even as a young man, I liked
Being in a situation where I knew what to do and there was structure and there's a plan and so and you know
What's so funny? You see all these young people joining the military
You know they just they're just looking for someone to give them some direction or tell them what to do and so forth
And again, you know, it's not necessarily the smartest idea
But that's what they do. Okay, and and the point is and you know, it's funny
You even see a lot of girls joining the military, you know, I was at the airport
The other is all these female soldiers and stuff, you know, you know, they're just I guess dad didn't tell him what to do or whatever
But the point is
that, you know, there's something to be said for being in a situation where you at least know what the rules are,
you know where you stand, you know what to do, you know what needs to be done,
and there are women out there that are just craving for their husband to take a lead,
and obviously they don't want their husband to be a slave driver.
I'm not saying that for one second.
They don't want to be, all right, here's a hammer, honey.
You know, jail, swung a hammer, so can you.
You know, that's not what they're looking for.
But what they do want though is at least
they want a husband that says, hey, you know,
this is our Bible reading plan
or this is where we're gonna go to church
or this is, you know, what we believe
and just really at least laying down some things
and teaching the family and guiding the family
and providing some leadership.
saying, hey, this is, you know, here's the most annoying thing, right? You know,
hey, honey, what do you want me to make for dinner? Oh, I don't know, I don't care.
You know, if my wife asks me what I want to have for dinner, I'm gonna tell her
what I want. You know, like, I can tell her exactly the food that I want to eat,
and she doesn't have to wonder what I want to eat and what I don't want to eat.
I'm just gonna tell her.
And that's a silly example, but the bottom line is that the husband's job is to provide leadership, okay?
It's not just, oh, the husband's in charge, that means he just gets what he wants, and it's his way, or the highway.
That's true, but at the same time, the flip side of that is that he's also supposed to provide like a plan, right?
I mean, think about, think about like the President of the United States.
The President of the United States lives in a fancy house called the White House.
And I'm not even saying specifically Donald Trump because he obviously he already has his own fancy house and everything
I'm saying like every president who's ever been a president
They get to be in the White House. They get to fly in Air Force One
They get to have chefs cooking them five-star meals.
You think that Donald Trump has to figure out
what he's gonna eat?
You think he's just like scrounging the cupboards?
Like, you know, Yvonne, what's his name?
Yvonne, yeah, Yvonca?
Yvonca?
He's like, hey, Yvonca, what's for lunch, man?
What's going on?
Oh, that's a daughter.
What the heck, dude?
You lied to me!
What's her actual name?
Melania! Wow, that was way off. Okay, sorry.
All right, sorry, sorry, sorry, Mr. President,
if you're watching, he usually tunes into all my sermons.
So he usually watches them live is the way it works
because the time change, it works out perfectly for him.
But anyway, Melania, he's not gonna be sitting there.
Well, he might be asking his daughter
to raid the fridge too,
because my daughters make me food all the time too.
But you know, hey Melania, what's going on?
Where's dinner?
Where's lunch?
You know, they've got all these chefs doing all that.
They've got chefs, they've got the private jet,
he's got the security detail.
I mean, I guarantee you he's got all kinds
of personal assistants and people that'll just fetch him
whatever he needs, take care of whatever he needs,
but you know what we expect in return?
We expect him to do something, to lead something,
to build something, to make things happen.
We want him busy working for us,
and then he gets those perks.
What we don't want is like Louis XIV or something, right?
We don't want Marie Antoinette basically just living in all this luxury,
hey, it's good to be the king or something, it's good to be the queen,
but then they're not actually doing anything for the people.
Am I right?
So the point is we don't want to be, you know, in our home just a leader
who's just self-serving, but rather a leader who's leading.
And the most important leadership is spiritual leadership.
You know, and setting the tone, caring about the things of God, talking about the things
of God, laying down some principles for how the family is going to run according to the
Word of God, knowing the Bible and taking the family in a good direction, helping the
wife become more spiritual, helping the children become more spiritual.
That should be the goal, providing leadership.
not just, oh, obey me because I'm the boss,
but obey me because I'm the boss,
now let me take you to a great destination.
You know, I mean, look, it's the same thing.
And so the Bible says that he might sanctify it and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word,
that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
but that it should be holy and without blemish.
And so part of what Christ is doing with the church is trying to get the church to be less sinful and more godly.
Isn't that part of the goal?
Like we should be getting sin out of our lives.
We should be living clean lives, doing right.
And so also as a husband,
we should be trying to get sin out of our family,
making sure that our family is living a clean and godly life.
And so not just letting anything go in our house as men.
Morally speaking, not just letting anything go,
not just letting the teenage daughters just wear anything
and just not letting people drink in the home
or take drugs or fornicate or shoplifting.
You know, we gotta quash all those things
and say, not in my house.
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
That's what the Bible says.
And so that's part of the idea here that men are to lead so that they can purify and sanctify
and present a church without spot or wrinkle, you know, present a family that is doing right,
not a family where anything goes.
Okay.
Meaning that there has to be authority, you can't just be this guy that just lets anything go.
That's not leadership, okay?
And obviously, yeah, people can take this too far and become too authoritarian.
Anything could be taken to an extreme.
You know, anything could be an unbiblical extreme.
But in general, though, men do need to be somewhat of an authoritarian in their home
and lay down some rules, lay down the law, and enforce some things.
and it's what the Bible teaches.
So it says,
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it even as the Lord, the church, for we're members of his body and of his flesh and of his bones.
So if you look at this passage where it says, men ought to love their wives as their own bodies, right?
What it's saying here is that, you know, we have a sense of self-preservation about our bodies.
You know like like if someone asks you to hold your finger in a candle or something
You're instinctively just gonna jerk your finger right out of that candle as soon as it starts to burn
Because we don't have the ability to harm ourselves in many ways like
If I just tried to fall flat on my face right now my arms would catch me my brain would say no
You're gonna protect yourself if you get hungry you're gonna feed yourself if you're thirsty you're gonna drink
It's instinctive and the Bible saying
that we ought to love our wives as we love our own bodies,
meaning the way that we take care of the needs of our body,
we should take care of our wife's needs in the same way, right?
We should be just as cognizant of the fact
that she needs something to eat,
she needs something to drink,
and we should just have that same instinct to protect her,
take care of her, nourish her, cherish her.
If we would do that for ourselves,
we should do that for her, right?
We love our neighbor as ourself,
And then it says this, it says,
he that loveth his wife loveth himself.
And what does that mean,
he that loveth his wife loveth himself?
He's saying here, look, if you take care of your wife,
you're really taking care of yourself.
Because if you take care of your wife,
you're gonna live a better life too.
I mean, what do you think's gonna make a happier marriage?
The guy who takes care of his wife nourishes
and cherishes her, or the guy who's just in it for himself
and not taking care of her.
He's saying, look, by loving her,
you're actually loving yourself.
You know you're taking care of her and in the in the process you're happier
Everybody's happier and and I think that that's the thing that a lot of people miss when we talk about marriage
Especially the feminazis don't understand this is that marriage is not a zero-sum game
Marriage is not a zero-sum game where it's a battle to, you know,
if I get more, she gets less, and if she gets more, I get less,
and I got to make sure I get my share.
That's called a zero-sum game.
No, marriage could be a win-win, a win-win,
where we both do better if we're both taking care of each other.
You know if I'm doing my part and she's doing her part everybody's gonna be happier the wife who obeys and submits to her husband
She's just not just making her husband happy. She's making herself happy and
The husband who loves his wife and his sacrificial
Nourishes and cherishes, you know what he's gonna be happier too. He's actually he's actually just taking care of himself
Being nice to your wife is being nice to yourself
Being a jerk to your wife. You're really being a jerk to yourself
You're shooting yourself in the foot. You're cutting off your nose to spite your face. And so I love that statement
He that loveth his wife loveth himself, right? And and really it's just a statement of fact like come on guys, duh
If you take care of your wife, you're gonna be everybody's gonna be happier including you
Why would you want to create an unhappy situation in your home by not taking care of your wife not loving your wife?
And so it says in verse 29,
for no man ever yet hated his own flesh.
And this kind of goes back to what I was saying about
how it's almost impossible for us to hurt ourselves.
because we have that instinct to not hate our own flesh,
but to nourish and cherish it even as the Lord, the church.
Verse 30,
For we are members of his body, of his flesh,
and of his bones.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother,
and shall be joined unto his wife,
and they too shall be one flesh.
This is a great mystery,
but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular,
so love his wife.
even as himself, and the wife see that she reverents her husband.
So in this final verse, we have sort of a final statement just summarizing everything.
So we went through all these different verses about the man's responsibility, the wife's responsibility,
and the synopsis is this in verse 33, that the wives are supposed to reverence their husband.
That's like their main duty. And what is reverence? It is respect.
But it's more than disrespect, it's a stronger word than respect.
It's really to honor and respect them, to revere them, right, to reverence the husband.
And so look, if you're always just mouthing off and disrespecting your husband, it's not
You know, you're not reverencing him when you make light of him.
You're constantly mocking him, talking down to him.
That's not reverence, right?
So the main thing that the wife needs to do is reverence her husband, and the main thing
that the husband needs to do is to love his wife, right?
So the main thing that husband needs to do is love your wife.
Now obviously, she is supposed to love her husband back.
That was in Titus too.
And obviously, the husband is supposed to honor his wife as the weaker vessel.
The husband should respect his wife.
But the main thing, the big important thing, if you only get one thing, is husbands love
your wives, wives reverence your husband.
Therefore, if a wife is talking and acting disrespectfully to her husband, she's not
doing the main thing.
she's in breach of the main commandment to wives,
reverence your husbands, right?
So if you're mocking him, making fun of him,
treating him with disrespect,
he tries to tell you what to do
and you don't take him seriously
and you laugh at him and despise his authority,
you are in violation of the big thing.
Just as a husband who just doesn't love his wife,
you'd say, oh man, that's horrible.
What if a man just said, I don't love my wife?
You'd be like, that's horrible.
That's a shocking, horrible thing to say. That's terrible.
Well, it's just as terrible if a wife said,
I don't reverence my husband.
But today, that's what women will say.
Well, I don't respect my husband because he's just not very respectable.
Okay, well, then you could just say,
well, I don't love my wife because she's not very lovable.
But then again, that's not what the Bible says.
It doesn't say love the lovable and respect the respectable.
It says, respect your husband, period.
Love your wife, period. Okay.
And so there aren't exceptions to this.
You know, you're married, you want to have a good marriage,
you as a wife, don't wait for him to make the first move.
And you as a husband, don't wait for her to make the first move.
Let's it because I guarantee you there there are marriages out there where both parties have failed on this
Where the husband is not loving his wife like he should and the wife is not
Revencing the husband like she could and it's kind of like you know
It's like they're they're standing out there high noon and they got you know
And it's like who's gonna draw first, you know, and it's just like you know
Who's gonna who's gonna don't wait for the other person to make the first move you make the first move
Right? You don't have to wait for your husband to love you to start referencing him.
And you don't have to wait for your wife to start referencing you to start loving her and sacrificing for her and doing good unto her.
Nourishing and cherishing her. You make the first move.
Flip over, if you would, just a few pages of the right in the Bible to Colossians chapter 3.
Now, Colossians and Ephesians
are very, very similar epistles.
And so they have a lot of parallel passages between the two.
So it's almost like, you know, Paul sat down
and wrote one of these epistles and then, you know, shortly after wrote the other
epistle with a lot of the same things on his mind saying,
hey, the stuff that I said to Ephesus, I need to say to Colossae as well.
And, you know, they're just very similar.
You know, I don't know, of course, you know, for sure the order or, you know, when they were written,
but you can tell that they're extremely similar.
And so they're definitely like the same stuff is on Paul's mind when he's writing these.
Obviously, ultimately, it's the work of the Holy Spirit as inspired scripture.
But here's the parallel passage.
It's much more brief.
He spends a big section on marriage in Ephesians 5.
Here he just barely touches on marriage.
And he says it very briefly, beginning of verse 18.
So we're in Colossians chapter 3 verse 18.
It says wives, submit yourselves under your own husbands
as it is fit in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them.
Again, when Paul wants to give the quick version,
it's just, what is it?
Wives, submit.
Husbands love. Isn't that pretty similar to wives' reverence?
Husbands love. You get the idea here. This is the big responsibility.
Now here, it says submit yourselves under your own husbands.
This doesn't say women submit to all men, and that's not what it says.
Women don't have to obey all men. Women have to obey their own husband, is what the Bible's saying.
And then it says, husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them.
Right? So here's what the Bible is saying.
Let's say that your wife has burned you in the past.
Because what does it mean to be bitter?
It's when somebody does you wrong and you don't forgive them,
you don't let it go, you sort of just let that fester
and you let that root of bitterness spring up, troubling you
and you just let it just go on and you harbor all these grudges
and bad feelings.
It's saying, look, be not bitter against your wives,
meaning that if your wife has disrespected you in the past,
done you dirty in the past, done wrong in the past,
let it go, forgive and forget, move on,
and just have loving, warm, fuzzy feelings toward your wife
and not be bitter against her.
Okay.
And again, you could flip these over.
Obviously, you know, God doesn't want wives
to be bitter against their husbands either.
But apparently this is a big thing that husbands need to hear and it's being emphasized. Let's go to one final passage today
First Peter chapter number three another classic marriage passage. This is the last place. We'll turn tonight first Peter
chapter three and
So the Bible is really consistent on this topic and look obviously there's a lot to learn about marriage
That can't really be taught from the pulpit. You really just have to just live it
and experience it. And also, everybody's marriage is going to be different.
So you have to get to know your wife, you have to get to know
your husband, and everybody's situation is going to be different. And the stuff
that works in my marriage
is not necessarily going to work in your marriage and vice versa.
We're not living the same life, we're not married to the same people, everybody's
different.
And so that's why the Bible doesn't just have a ton of detail on marriage,
it sort of just lays down a few big principles.
Husbands, love your wives.
Wives, obey your husbands.
Wives, submit.
Husbands, don't get bitter.
Wives, be discreet.
Take care of the house.
Husbands, go out and work by the sweat of your face.
Bring home the bacon.
You know, the Bible's just giving
like some basic foundations.
It'll get you started.
But you gotta just spend the rest of your life
learning how to do your marriage.
Okay? And not only that, you know, there's a lot of wisdom and proverbs that's not even necessarily about marriage.
It's just about life. You end up applying a lot of those things to marriage.
You know, you just end up applying all the fruits of the Spirit toward marriage.
You just apply whatever teachings of the Word of God to marriage and it's a big subject and it's your whole life and whatever.
But what the Bible is doing, at least giving us a foundation.
for a biblical marriage. And let me tell you something. If you say, well, we have a marriage
where it's 50-50 and there's no boss and we both make all the decisions together and not one of
us is in charge, you don't have a biblical marriage. You know, the biblical marriage is laid out a
certain way. And so this is what the Bible is teaching. First Peter chapter 3 verse 1. And just
in case you thought it was just Paul that was really into teaching on this, this is Peter now,
Chapter 3 verse 1, likewise ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.
And I pointed out recently in a sermon that the likewise, their conjunction,
is taking us back to chapter 2 verse 18, where it says,
Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear,
not only to the good and gentle, but also to the forward.
So in 2.18, he's telling servants to obey their masters, even if they are not good masters, even if they're bad masters.
Likewise, in the same way, ye wives be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any what, obey not the word.
So is this a great husband? No, he's not obeying the word of God.
Great husbands do what? They obey the word of God.
Right? Who, you know, you want to be married to a husband who obeys the word of God. Am I right?
That's loving you nourishing you cherishing you taking care of you leading you providing good godly leadership
Sacrificing for you being unselfish for you. That's what you want. You want a husband who obeys the word amen
But this is not talking about that. This is saying hey
You need to likewise be in subjection to your own husbands so that even if there's a husband that doesn't obey the word
Just like in 218 it says even if there's a master
who is froward and not gentle and not a good guy.
Same way, if your husband's not obeying the word,
it says that these husbands also may, without the word,
be won by the conversation of the wives.
So here's what he's saying.
He's saying wives, be in subjection to your own husbands,
even if they're not obeying the word of God.
Because then you can actually win them over
to wanting to serve God by your godly example.
Okay?
So even though the husband is supposed to be the leader and call the shots and make the
decisions, you know, the wife can still be a godly influence on her husband, just by being
a good Christian.
And what this does not look like is her usurping the authority, but rather the opposite.
By being in subjection, she ends up influencing him.
because then he looks at his godly, submissive wife and says,
wow, that's wonderful.
You're a great person.
I want to be a godly Christian too, just like you are.
You know, and so the husband could be inspired by his wife's godly example.
If she makes the first move and reverences him, he'll be inspired by that because,
hey, guess what?
I think all men probably just want to be reverenced by their wife,
whether they're a Christian or not a Christian.
I think atheists men today want to be reverenced by their wife, okay?
If they're normal men, that's what they want.
And so, if you have a godly Christian wife,
let's say she's married to an unsaved husband.
Or a saved husband who just doesn't follow the Bible.
Either way, her godly example can win him, right?
He'll be won by the good conversation of the wife.
While they behold, talk about the husbands, while they behold your chaste conversation
coupled with fear, whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plating the
hair and of wearing of gold or of putting on of apparel, but let it be the hidden man
of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit
which in the sight of God is of great price.
And what the Bible is saying here is that the most important attribute that you have as a wife
is not how you physically look on the outside,
but rather it is your godly character on the inside.
And the outer beauty of women is going to be corrupted over time.
So that a woman is probably, and I know some of you are the exception out there,
that a woman's probably not going to be as beautiful as she gets into her 70s, 80s, and 90s
as she was when she was in her 20s, 30s, and 40s.
40s is peak, beauty.
Okay, for men and women, amen?
And so the point is that, you know, that's corruptible.
Right, you know, if that's if that's the only thing that you like about your wife
You know, then how's that gonna work as she gets older and the beauty fades
You know, but but what what's really beautiful about your wife should be what's on the inside
And so God is saying that you women, you want to impress your husband and you want him to even be won over
and be a more godly Christian because of you and be inspired by you,
then it's not just about making yourself look pretty on the outside,
it's more about having a righteous godly character on the inside.
The hidden man of the heart.
in that which is not corruptible, right?
Because that can get more beautiful.
You could be 90 and you could be peak, peak beauty
on inner beauty, okay?
Even if on the outside you're not quite
the smokin' hottie that you once were.
Okay.
And again, there are exceptions to this.
And then verse number five says,
four, after this manner in the old time,
the holy women also who trusted in God
adorned themselves being in subjection
under their own husbands.
And again, it's incredible how much this comes up.
Like, how many times have we seen this in the Bible?
Submit, subject, submit, submit,
head, obey, it's just like so much.
And then there are people who still argue with this.
Amazing.
It says in verse 6, even as Sarah, are you there in 1 Peter 3.6?
Because you'll have to see this verse to even believe it.
Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are, as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement.
Here's what's interesting, okay?
Back in verse 2, it said it's good for the wife to have what?
Chased conversation coupled with fear.
So in verse 2, fear is a good thing, but then in verse 6, we have a negative reference to fear talking about being afraid with amazement.
Does everybody see the difference?
So in verse 2, he says that women should have a godly, chaste conversation coupled with fear.
But then he says, as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement, okay?
So what does that mean? You know, not being afraid with any amazement, okay?
Is that obviously a woman should have a
healthy
reverential fear toward God and a healthy,
reverential fear respect for her authority in the home or husband, okay?
But
Not to be terrified, okay, because obviously we don't want to be terrified of God and obviously we don't want women to be terrified of their husbands.
Being afraid, amazement is like what, astonishment, like just, you know, being just in shock or just, you know, you know, paralyzed with fear or just, you know, just not being able to exist in that relationship because of...
being afraid with amazement, okay?
And so, obviously, there's a balance here of,
you know, yes, godly fear, coupled with fear,
chased, you know, reverencing her husband,
having a healthy respect for him,
not just, you know, disdaining him
and just thinking that she just treats him
however she wants, act however she wants,
and God's not gonna do anything.
You know, it's a bad attitude, right?
But the Bible says in verse number six that Sarah obeyed Abraham, you should be like her,
then you're like her spiritual daughter whose daughters you are as long as you do well and
are not afraid with any amazement.
And again, what can cause sometimes a terror or dread?
The wrong kind of fear is what?
What would cause, stop and think about it,
and I know I'm kind of dwelling on this point,
but I'm doing it because it's kind of a strange verse,
and so I want to make sure that we understand it.
What would cause me to have an unhealthy fear of God,
to be terrified of God, to be in dread of God,
run and hide, you know,
run and ask for the mountains and rocks to cover me
and hide me from his face?
You know, having a guilty conscience, am I right?
Having a guilty conscience, living in sin, blaspheming God,
and then all of a sudden the second coming of Christ is happening.
It's like, oh man, this is really scary.
Whereas, you know, if the second coming of Christ happened
and we're saved Christians, we're like, yeah, bring it on.
Even so, come Lord Jesus, it's the best day of our lives.
Whereas if you're unsaved, if you're wicked,
you know, you're gonna be freaked out.
You know, and so I think that you know the idea obviously you could have some weird psycho
Monster husband where you're just terrified of him because he's a weirdo
Okay, I'm trying to think of any examples of that and you know
Such as an L. I don't know never mind
But anyway, you know, there could be a weird crazy psycho scary husband out there
That's something like that, but but you know, it's out there
But here's why I don't and obviously that's an unhealthy situation, you know
If you're just a scary
Wildman that's freaking out your wife. Yeah, that's an unhealthy bad situation
But I don't think that that's exactly what's in view in this passage because this particular verse is from the wife's perspective
Like what she should you know as long as she does well and is not afraid with any amazement. Does everybody following me?
Here's what it sounds like to me, if you're doing well, you're not afraid with any amazement
because you're doing well.
See, that's the actual context.
So what's the Bible saying? You know, rulers are not a terror to good works,
but to the evil.
Will thou then not be afraid of the power?
Do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same, but if thou do that which is evil, be afraid.
Be very afraid.
So, here's how you're afraid without any amazement.
As long as you do well and you're not afraid with any amazement,
because you're doing well, you're not afraid with any amazement.
You're not just thinking like, oh man, you know,
what would make you think this thought,
oh, my husband's going to absolutely kill me?
You know, hopefully, you know, you don't just feel that way
because you made like a small mistake.
You know, you burnt the dinner.
It's like, I'm dead.
I mean, that's an unhealthy relationship, right?
That's weird.
But I mean, what if a woman went out
and really did something horrible?
Like, and let's just use kind of a crazy example.
Let's just use an extreme example,
say a wife like committed adultery.
That's like an extreme example.
You know, she's probably gonna be super scared
and super terrified and super freaked out
because guess what?
Sometimes husbands, when they catch their wives
committing adultery, sometimes they just kill people.
Sometimes they just start killing everybody, you know, because they just lose it.
You know, right or wrong, I'm just saying, like, that's just something that happens, you know.
So here's the thing, if you're committing these big crimes as a wife or big sins or just doing horrific, horrible things,
that's going to cause you to be afraid with amazement, where you're just like super freaked out,
terrified because of the fact that you know that you've done something super wicked.
And again, this is not a healthy relationship.
You don't want wives with that guilty of a conscience
because they're, you know, so keep your nose clean
and do well.
And if you do well, you're not gonna be afraid
with any amazement.
And then obviously we as husbands need
to have reasonable expectations, reasonable rules.
reasonable and not obviously be too overbearing.
We don't want to be these little hitlers in our house
and just these little Nazi warlords in our house.
Obviously we want to have reasonable expectations
and have a peaceful, gentle atmosphere,
but be firm where we need to be firm.
but be gentle and also be firm, you know, just depending on what's appropriate.
I gotta hurry because I'm out of time.
The final verse here, it says,
Likewise ye husbands,
dwell with them according to knowledge,
giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel,
and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered.
And what the Bible is saying here,
Dwell with them according to the knowledge.
First of all, we need to know what the Bible says,
which is what we're doing tonight.
We're all sitting here and reading this together.
You guys all know what the Bible...
If you've been listening for the last hour,
you know what the Bible says about marriage.
We just looked at the big passages and went verse by verse,
and you know.
And knowing is half the battle, right?
So, you have knowledge.
But then also...
You want to dwell with your wife according to knowledge, meaning you need to know your wife and learn your wife how to really love your wife and dwell with your wife.
Every woman has different needs emotionally, physically.
So you need to know your wife so that you can be the best possible husband.
You know what that takes you caring.
loving her, spending time with her, learning about her,
so that you can provide what she needs according to knowledge.
You know what the Bible says and you know your wife as a person
and that's why I said everybody's marriage is different. I could tell you
exactly how I do my marriage but it might not necessarily help you because
your wife is just a totally different person
and I'll be like well this is what my wife likes and then you're like oh no my
wife hates that
or vice versa. We all have our own
you know proclivities and idiosyncrasies.
And so it says,
dwell with them according to knowledge,
give honor unto the wife
as unto the weaker vessel.
Yes, you're stronger,
you're the boss,
but you should still
treat her with respect
as the weaker vessel.
Honor her,
love her,
cherish her,
be gentle with her
because she is the weaker vessel
and as being heirs together
of the grace of life,
meaning that in Christ's sight
you're both of equal value.
The husband, just because the husband has authority over the wife, the husband is not better than the wife or
more spiritual than the wife or
more important in the sight of God, you're both heirs together of the grace of life.
And it says that your prayers be not hindered because if you as a husband
do not love your wife,
honor your wife, and dwell with her according to knowledge,
then when you're praying to your father up in heaven,
He's going to treat you the way that you're treating her, right?
Because you're a boss over her, and so if you're not treating her well,
then what goes around comes around.
And so then, you know, your wife's asking you for stuff,
and you just never give her anything, you never do anything she wants,
you're never filling her needs, and then you're like,
okay, now God, give me what I need.
Isn't that what prayer is, asking for stuff?
Well, you go to ask for God, and God's like, well, hold up.
Why would I, you're not giving good gifts unto your children.
You're not giving anything to your wife.
Why would I be generous with you when you're a tightwad and a cheapskate and a skinflint and you're selfish?
If you're a selfish leader, I'm gonna be selfish with you.
And so therefore, I'm not gonna give you what you're praying for.
So you see how that would hinder your prayers when you're being...
a jerk of a husband, well then, God doesn't like that.
He's not gonna take care of you in that sense.
So all that to say this, we covered a lot of ground tonight.
We looked at the big passages, Ephesians 5, Titus 2,
Colossians 3, 1 Peter 3.
I mean, if you ask any pastor,
hey, name the five big marriage passages,
those four passages are gonna be on his list, guaranteed.
Okay, we went through them, we saw what the Bible says,
It's clear, I think we all know what we're supposed to do, right?
We as husbands need to work on being more loving and sacrificial
and be like Christ and be a strong leader for our family
and give our wife some direction,
not just self-serving but for her benefit and for the kid's benefit.
And then also, wives, you need to work on being more respectful to your husband.
Do not tell him off.
bark at him, talk down to him,
you know, treat him kindly with respect.
You know what?
And think about this, ask yourself this question.
Is this how I would talk to a boss at work
or how I would talk to my parents when I was a kid
or is this how I would talk to, you know,
the pastor of the church or is this how,
you know what I mean?
Because, you know, why would you talk down to your husband?
Well, he's just my husband, we live together.
So I, well, but you know what?
Just cause you live together.
you shouldn't get so familiar with each other
to the point where it's like,
oh, we're just so familiar with each other.
I can't treat him with respect or deference anymore
because we're just like too close or something.
You know, sometimes you get really close with people.
You know, but hey, maybe you need to have
a little bit of distance there
so that you can actually have a little bit of reverence
and respect for him, he's the man.
And you should have an attitude about your husband
that he is the man.
Well, you've already failed and you need to get your heart right with God tonight and start praying for God to help you
Be more respectful to your husband in your heart because you know what?
You know, it's funny about Sarah calling Abraham Lord. She never if you read the story she never calls him Lord to anybody
You know when she calls him Lord in her heart
She's thinking in her brain and says my Lord
So, you know, you need to feel that way about your husband and say yeah, he's just not respectable. Well, I don't like you either
I already don't like you.
Just because you said that one statement.
So, hey, maybe we all are imperfect and you should find something.
And I think everybody can find something to respect about their husband.
Right? Like, maybe, well, these are all the things he's failing at.
Find something.
And if you can't find anything about your husband that you respect,
why did you marry this guy?
What were you thinking?
Okay, but I bet you if you try hard enough you can find some respect and you know what love your wives and
You know what you say? Well, I just don't love my wife
Well, then you need to change and maybe go back in your mind to why you even married her and think about the things that you
Do like and sit around dwelling on the parts you like and not thinking about the parts you don't like
And, you know, let's work on our marriages and let's have a biblical marriage, because,
you know, at the end of the day, people can criticize my teachings, they can criticize
our church, our friends' churches, and say that we're teaching it wrong.
But at the end of the day, you have the same Bible I have, and I think that if you study
the Bible, you're going to come to the same conclusions that I've come to.
We know what the Bible says, we just need to put it into practice.
Let's pray it's enough word of prayer.
Father, we thank you so much for your word.
And Lord God, please help us all to be better husbands, better wives.
For those that are single, Lord, I pray that they would put all these things into their brain
and remember them so that when someday they're married, they can live by these things.
And Lord, those that are maybe older, maybe they're widowed or divorced,
and they're not in this situation, Lord.
I'm sure that there are biblical principles that we can all draw from this because we
all have people in our lives that we need to show love to, and we all have authorities
that we need to submit to in one way or another.
Help us to just apply these principles more broadly as well, and in Jesus' name, we pray
amen.
Amen.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, take your hymnals, please.
So send IU, hymn number 373, sing this out together and be dismissed tonight, hymn number 373.
So send IU to labor unrewarded.
Die you to fight the bruised and bruised...
So stand by you, to lose your life and mind, So stand by you.
But his fence is there not,
So stand by you,
In the taste of Calvary.
As the Father has sent me,
So stand by you.