1 Corinthians chapter 7, there's definitely a lot of material to cover in this long chapter,
and so I'm going to do the best I can to preach as much of it as I can.
But at the end of chapter 6, Paul is preaching unto the Corinthians about how bad fornication is,
and just really trying to emphasize to them that fornication is a very wicked sin.
He says in verse 15,
Know ye not, this is back in chapter 6, we're going to jump back to verse 15,
Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ?
Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them the members of the harlot?
God forbid.
What?
Know ye not that he which is joined to it harlot is one body?
For to say that he shall be one flesh.
But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
Flee in fornication, meaning run away from it, that's what flee means.
Run screaming in the other direction.
Every sin that a man doeth is without the body,
but he that comitteth fornication sinneth against his own body.
What?
Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you,
which ye have of God, and ye are not your own,
for ye are involved with the Christ,
therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit which are God's.
So he's rebuking the sin of fornication and he's saying,
look, you're destroying the temple of God,
you are defiling your own body, you're sinning against your own body,
and he's saying you need to flee fornication or run away from it, try to escape it.
Now, did he say in chapter 6, see how close you can get to fornication
without actually committing the sin?
No.
Get as close as you can to it without crossing the line.
No.
He said flee it, get away from it, stay far from it.
And it reminds me of what he says in Proverbs when he's warning young men
about the temptations of strange women and he says,
remove thy foot far from her house.
You know, he says stay away from her and he's talking about promiscuous women.
And of course for those of you who might not know what the word fornication means,
the word fornication is talking about basically people going to bed together
that are not married to one another.
Before they're married, it's known as fornication.
Once they're married, it's all fine and dandy.
The Bible says marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled.
But, foremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Foremongers are those that are engaging in that kind of behavior
before they're married, fornicated.
And then the adulterer is the one who is unfaithful to his wife
or the wife who is unfaithful to her husband.
Now let's get into chapter 7.
And that ties in with where we started in chapter 7 verse 1.
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me,
it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife
and let every woman have her own husband.
And so he's saying here, although it is good for a man
to just basically be single, not to touch a woman,
not to be married, not to be in that kind of a relationship,
he says, although that's a good thing, he says,
nevertheless, in order to avoid fornication,
every man needs to have his own wife
and every woman needs to have her own husband.
Now you say, well is the Bible commanding us here that we must be married?
Well, if you jump down to verse 6,
I'm going to cover the verses in between,
but when he gets done explaining why people should be married,
he says in verse 6,
but I speak this by permission and not of commandment,
for I would that all men were even as I myself,
but every man hath his proper gift of God,
one after this manner and another after that.
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows,
it is good for them if they abide even as I.
He's saying even as I because Paul himself was unmarried.
But if they cannot contain, let them marry,
for it is better to marry than to burn,
and when he says to burn, he's talking about burning in lust,
and if we read this whole chapter, it becomes apparent
that that's what he's referring to.
So what we see here is that God's saying,
look, it's better for you to be married
so that you can avoid fornication,
so that you can avoid the temptations that are there.
You know, you can basically fulfill that appetite
within the lawful and righteous bounds of being married.
But he's saying in verse 6,
you know, I'm not commanding you that you must get married.
He's saying I'm giving you permission to be married,
but I'm not commanding you to be married
because there are some people who have that gift,
he says in verse 7,
that have the gift of God
where they could basically be able to remain single
and be able to handle that temptation
and not have a problem being single.
But you know what, I'll say this,
most people do not have that proper gift of God.
And that's why all throughout the Bible,
we see admonitions for people to be married, okay?
All the way back to the Garden of Eden, you know,
we see Adam, and God says of Adam,
it is not good for the man to be alone.
I will make him help me,
and he created Eve to be with Adam.
And all throughout the Bible,
we see a lot of admonitions
praising the virtues of being married.
You know, the Bible says,
do so, find it the wife, find it the good thing,
and obtain the favor of the Lord.
We see the qualifications for the pastor or the bishop,
and the Bible says the bishop then must be blameless,
the husband of one wife,
having faithful children, not accused of riot or unruly.
And so the Bible teaches very clearly
in both Titus 1 and 1 Timothy 3
that a pastor or a bishop must be married.
Now, tell that to the Roman Catholic Church,
and tell the bishop that he cannot be married.
The exact opposite of what the Bible teaches
when the Bible teaches that he must be married.
You say, why is that?
Because the reason that the Bible emphasizes that
and teaches that from Genesis to Revelation
is that the vast majority of people
are better off getting married.
They're better off to be married.
The vast majority of men are better off being married.
The vast majority of women are better off being married,
according to the Scripture.
I don't have time to turn to all the Scriptures.
1 Timothy 5 comes to mind when it comes to women.
There's so many different places that teach that in the Bible.
But 1 Corinthians 7 is a chapter
that's a lot different than the rest of the Bible
because it actually talks about the virtues of being single,
which is not something that the rest of the Bible really emphasizes.
But in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul, who himself was a single man,
and he said, you know what, I have that gift of God.
He basically is saying that being single
allowed him to just devote all of his time and energy
towards serving God.
And it was not a problem for him.
It was not a stumbling block.
It was not something that he struggled with.
He was able to just serve God and preach
and win souls to Christ,
and he didn't struggle with the temptations of fornication
or the temptations of lust.
He was given that ability by God
to be able to remain single.
But what he's saying in this chapter is,
that's not for everybody.
He's saying, man, I would love for everybody to be like me
and not have to worry about the domestic life
and just go somewhere.
And he basically is saying that that's...
And over and over again in this chapter,
he keeps saying that's not what God is saying.
He's saying that's my opinion.
He says that repeatedly throughout this chapter.
He separates between what God is commanding in this chapter,
and he separates what is his opinion,
that he's saying me being single and being able to serve God,
he's giving the virtues of that.
And you know what?
There are some people who are single today,
and 1 Corinthians 7 is a great chapter for them
to encourage them and strengthen them in their singleness.
There are other people who've been divorced
because they've been divorced
and they're not supposed to get remarried.
And so this is a chapter that explains the virtues of that
and so on and so forth.
And so let's get into the chapter,
but I just wanted to kind of point that out
and explain what he's saying here.
When he says to avoid fornication,
let every man have his own wife
and let every woman have her own husband.
Why is that?
Because the vast majority of men and women
do not have the ability or the desire
to go through life being completely celibate
their entire life, okay?
And so therefore, in order to avoid a sinful relationship
such as fornication, he says get married
and then you can have that relationship that you desire.
And look, it's a normal and natural desire.
It's a desire that God has given us
and God created us that way.
You know, God created Adam and Eve in the garden
and He told them to be fruitful and multiply
and replenish the earth.
You know, God wants us to get married.
God wants us to have children.
It's a normal part of our lives
and it's a very righteous thing
for me to have a relationship with my wife
or for any husband to have that relationship with their wife.
And so God's telling us, you know what,
instead of going out and committing fornication,
why don't you just get married
and not be a sinner about it and just do what's right?
You see, I'm here to tell you tonight
that the world out there has nothing to offer you.
That is of any value whatsoever, okay?
Now, I personally, you know, when I got married,
I was a virgin when I got married.
You know, when I got married, I mean,
that is the only person I've ever been with
in my entire life is my wife.
And I got married when I was 19 years old, okay?
Now, there are people out there that are 19 years old
or 25 years old or 30 years old
that are basically going out to strip clubs
and they're going out and fornicating
and they're going out and just going to bed
with people that are dating.
And I'll tell you something.
What am I missing that they have
that's so wonderful that I'm missing out on?
Nothing.
Because God has provided a righteous way
for me to have the exact same enjoyment
as a Christian, as a Bible-believing saint
that wants to do what's right.
You know, I can have that.
You know, I can have my cake and eat it too.
You know what I mean?
I don't have to go out to some filthy barroom somewhere.
I don't have to go out to some filthy dormitory,
some filthy strip club and commit a bunch of wicked sin
in order to have that enjoyment in my life.
You know what?
I can get married and have that same enjoyment.
And that's what God's saying here.
Why don't you just get married, avoid fornication.
Just get married.
It's better to marry than to burn.
And he says the marriage bed's undefiled.
But for among us and adulterers, God will judge.
Now, we live in a day that is very backwards
and this chapter flies in the face
of what our world teaches and believes today
on so many levels.
Because our world today discourages people
from getting married.
I mean, young people want to get married
and everyone's going, no, don't do it.
You know, you're destroying your life.
You're never, you know, you're putting yourself into bondage.
You know, you're, what's the word I'm looking for?
You're, what's that?
Yeah, the ball of chain.
You know, you need to live life first.
You need to go backpacking across Europe
and do all this stuff.
Now look, I'm not saying that everybody has to get married
when they're 19 like I did.
Or that everybody has to get married when they're 18
like my best friend Pastor Roger Jimenez
in Sacramento, California did.
You know, he got married when he was 18.
My parents got married when they were 19 and 20.
You know, I'm not saying everybody's going to get married
at that age.
That's not what I'm saying at all.
But I am saying this, there's no point in just waiting
until you're 30 years old to get married
just for the sake of waiting.
In today's world that we live in, you know,
if you find the right person, then get married.
Instead of just, you know, going through your life
listening to everybody saying,
well, don't give it, you're too young to get married,
wait until you're 30 years old.
Because you know what, most people in their 20s,
they're going to make the worst decisions in their life
during that time.
During those years of 18, 19, all through the 20s,
that's when they're going to make the big mistakes
in their life.
And a lot of that can be avoided if they would just,
you know, grow up, be a man, be a woman, you know,
settle down, get married, and live life
and do what they're supposed to do.
I don't think there's anything wrong with waiting
until you're older to get married.
Everybody matures at different levels, and plus, you know,
you may not have found the right person
at that point in your life.
But let me say this, you know, this philosophy that teaches
that a young man turns 18 years old
and then leaves his father and mother
and cleaves unto his roommate,
or leaves father and mother and cleaves unto his dormitory,
you know, leaves father and mother and cleaves, you know,
that's not a biblical concept.
The Bible says that a man should leave his father and mother
and cleave unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh.
And what we see here is a trend in our society today
where young people, they grow up, and when they turn 18,
they leave the home, and then they're alone.
And the Bible says it's not good for the man to be alone.
Some people have that gift of God.
Some people can handle that.
Some people can live a righteous life alone.
But guess what? Most people can't.
Most people do better in a family environment,
and that's why God has given us the family to help us.
And, you know, we go from being a child in the family
to being a parent in the family.
And you know what? I remember when I was a teenager,
I had a rebellious streak in me, and I wanted to,
as soon as I turn 18, man, I'm going to leave home.
I'm going to move out. I'm going to get my own place.
But you know what?
I became convicted of that as I read the Bible
and as I heard Bible preaching,
and I realized, you know what?
That's not a right philosophy.
I need to stay living with my parents
and, you know, have a good relationship with them
and obey them and do what they tell me to do
until I get married.
And then, you know, I stayed with them.
I didn't move out when I was 18.
I stayed with them, and then I moved out when I was 19
because that's when I got married.
So I left my father and mother and cleaned them to my wife.
And, you know, and again,
I'm not saying there aren't exceptions to this
because Paul is very specifically talking about the fact
that there are exceptions to this.
But, you know, if everybody thinks they're the exception,
then it's no longer the exception.
You know, the Bible is still teaching
that the main plan for humans throughout the Bible
is that they leave father and mother
and clean up their wife.
And there's a lot of scripture about, you know,
men and women staying with their parents
and staying under their parents' authority
until they go out and get married.
You know, that's a great way to live your life
and to avoid problems
because we see people in their late teenage years
and in their 20s going out and committing fornication
because there's no accountability,
because there's no structure in their life,
and they go out and commit a lot of bad sins.
And so it'd be avoided if people would just, you know,
read the Bible and do it that way.
But anyway, let's read this.
It says in verse 2,
nevertheless, even though it's good to be single,
even though it's great, you know,
you can really focus on serving God,
but he says, you know,
nevertheless, to avoid fornication,
let every man have his own wife
and let every woman have her own husband.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence
and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
The wife hath not power of her own body,
but the husband,
and likewise also the husband hath not power
of his own body, but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other,
except it be with consent for a time,
that ye may give yourselves to fasting in prayer
and come together again,
that Satan tempt ye not for your incontinency.
Now, without being graphic here,
because of course the Bible's not being graphic here,
let me just explain to you the important teaching here
in 1 Corinthians 7, 3 through 5.
When the Bible says in verse 3,
let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence,
what he's referring to there is that the husband needs
to have a physical relationship with his wife.
And when it says that the wife should render
unto her husband due benevolence,
it's saying that the wife needs to have
a physical relationship with her husband.
That is an important intrinsic part of marriage.
In fact, that is the primary focus of marriage
in this chapter.
He's explaining, you know,
that's why you need to have a wife.
That's why you need to have a husband,
is so that you can avoid fornication.
Now, let me ask you this.
Is being married helping you to avoid fornication
if you're not having a physical relationship with your spouse?
Is that doing anything to help you avoid fornication?
Absolutely not.
And so that's why that's so important.
And then he says this in verse 4.
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband.
Now, that again is a philosophy that is not agreed with
by the world that we live in today.
But, you know, I believe the Bible.
But also he goes on to say,
and likewise also the husband hath not power
of his own body, but the wife.
So here it's a two-way street.
The Bible is teaching that, you know,
when you get married, you know,
your wife's body belongs to you.
And when you get married,
the husband's body belongs to the wife.
Is that not what the Bible is teaching?
And then he says in verse number 5,
Defraud ye not one the other,
except it be with consent for a time,
that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer,
and come together again,
that Satan tempt ye not for your incontinency.
And so here we see that when one person or the other,
whether it be the husband or the wife,
and I'm gonna go into that in a moment,
whether it be the husband or the wife
does not have a physical relationship
or refuses to yield their body unto the other.
Because that's what the Bible says.
The husband doesn't have power over his body.
The wife does.
And the wife doesn't have power over her own body.
The husband does.
When either party will not yield their body
and will not have that physical relationship,
the Bible calls that fraud.
Now, what does the word fraud mean?
What does it mean?
Well, think about this.
It's like when you lie or falsify something.
For example, if I went into the bank
and, you know, I stole somebody's checkbook
and write myself a big check and bring that into the bank,
that would be called bank fraud
or that would be called check fraud.
And when we hear the word fraud,
what we're talking about is people using deception
or using trickery or lying or cheating or stealing.
Now, if I make a vow unto my wife that says,
you know, I take thee to be my wedded wife
to have and to hold from this day forward
for better or for worse, you know,
and then I basically do not live up to my end
of that bargain of marriage,
then I'm committing fraud, according to the Bible.
You know, if I marry my wife,
that's with the understanding that my wife believes
that that is the relationship she's getting
out of this marriage.
And if I don't give her the relationship
that she signed on for, then I'm defrauding her.
I'm committing fraud.
And if I get married to her
and, you know, she's basically agreeing to be my wife,
this is part of what she's agreeing to.
This is part of what the husband's agreeing to.
Withholding that relationship is fraud.
It is sin.
Okay, it is not biblical.
And the Bible says that the only time
that husband and wife should defraud one another,
he said defraud thee not one the other,
except it be, what are the next two words?
With consent.
Now, again, our world has this exactly backwards,
because our world will say,
well, there must be consent to have the relationship.
When the Bible says the exact opposite,
there must be consent when denying the relationship.
There's consent not to have this relationship.
Now, is that not what the Bible says?
Does everybody in the Bible say the same thing mine does?
But, see, the world has everything backwards, don't they?
And so the Bible says here that, you know,
when you got married,
that's when you consented to that relationship.
Just a carte blanche for the rest of your life.
You are relinquishing the power of your body
to that person for the rest of your life.
Now, look, maybe you should think about that
when you get married,
how serious of a decision it is to get married.
I mean, the person that you're getting married to,
are you willing, and this goes for male or female,
are you willing to basically trust them
and give them that relationship?
Well, that's what the Bible teaches,
is an intrinsic part of marriage
that cannot be separated from marriage.
Okay, so he says defraud thee not one the other,
except it be with consent for a time
that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer
and come together again,
that Satan tempt you not for your incondency.
Say, look, when the time of fasting and prayer is over,
you need to come together again
so that Satan will not tempt you for your incondency.
Now, let me say this.
He says fasting for, why is that?
Well, because a time of fasting
is a time of afflicting your soul.
And so if you're fasting, what does it mean to fast?
Not eat.
You don't eat, right?
You abstain from food.
Sometimes there are extreme types of fasting in the Bible,
where you even go without food or water.
That's a very short time period, okay,
because that'll kill you very soon
or harm you very soon.
But there are a lot of people in the Bible
who go without food for one day
or go without food for three days.
Some people even went without food for 14 days.
Some people, even a few people in the whole Bible,
three people, went 40 days without eating, okay?
Now, that's an extreme type of fasting.
And there are people even in present day
who've done that.
Now, you know, I'm not necessarily recommending that.
You know, that's between you and God.
But, you know, I know that someone with my bill,
I don't think I could go 40 days without food.
I'd probably be dead, okay?
But, you know, the most common fasting
in the Bible you see is for one day.
That's the most common fasting.
And you'll see a lot of three-day fasts, okay?
So that's probably where you should start with fasting.
And so fasting is when you, you know, go without food.
And you just, for a short time, you go without food,
and you spend that time praying and basically
just going through that suffering of being without food
just in order to show your humbleness
and supplication before God.
Now, wouldn't it make sense that since food
is a very enjoyable, I mean, food's an enjoyable part
of my life, right?
You guys like to eat?
You know, you enjoy breakfast, enjoy lunch, enjoy dinner.
So food is employment.
So basically what God is saying here is that, you know,
it wouldn't really make a lot of sense if you're fasting.
You're trying to go through a period of a short period
of suffering.
You go through a short period of affliction
and a short period of, you know, of pain
to then be enjoying pleasure with your spouse
wouldn't really be compatible with fasting and prayer.
Does everybody understand that?
And so he's saying, you know, that...
Now, look, did he say...
Is there a little footnote at the end of verse 5
that says, you know, see the appendix of the Bible
for all the other millions of reasons
to defraud one another?
No.
So he says,
"...defrauding not one another,
except to be with consent for a time
that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer."
Now, let me ask you this.
How long...
And this is a rhetorical question.
Don't actually answer me.
But how long do you actually fast for?
I mean, is there...
I mean, I'd be shocked if anybody in this room
fasted for an entire week.
I mean, I'd say the majority of people in this room,
if we were to go around the room and just ask people...
And we're not going to,
because the Bible talks about how when you fast,
you know, you're not supposed to brag about it.
It's not a public thing.
It's a private thing between you and God.
So I'm not gonna ask for a raise of hands.
Who's fasted for three days?
You know, who's fasted for seven days?
You know, I'll tell you right now,
I have never fasted beyond three days.
And I felt like I was gonna die after three days, okay?
But, you know, there are people who fasted longer than that.
But typically, people fast for a day of three days.
You know, I think a week-long fast would be very extreme, okay?
There are people who've done it.
It's rare.
Okay, so does this...
Does it sound to you,
like from reading 1 Corinthians 7,
that the physical relationship between the husband and his wife
is something that's meant to happen once a month?
No.
I mean, is that the impression you're getting from this passage?
You know, if you're gonna do a 40-day fast,
you know, instead of being 30 days apart,
now it's gonna be 40 days apart.
I mean, is that the way you're getting from this passage?
So I would say this.
You know, if you're not going more than one day or three days without food,
why are you going extreme lengths of time
without having a relationship with your spouse?
That's not biblical, okay?
And so, you know, we need to understand what God is saying here,
that this is an important part of being married.
And this is an important part of keeping yourself pure and righteous.
Because I honestly believe...
And go back to Genesis 3, verse 16.
I honestly believe that 99% of adultery
would not exist if the marriage relationship were right.
99% of adultery would not exist
if the married couple had a right relationship biblically.
But what happens is, marriage,
long before adultery usually happens,
the marriage breaks down.
And, you know, I look in the Bible,
and I see men in the Bible who are taking on multiple wives.
And, you know, there are a lot of men in the Bible who took on multiple wives.
And you see men and women in the Bible committing adultery.
And I'll guarantee you
that when you see a man going out committing adultery,
and you see a woman going out and committing adultery,
and it happens just as often,
and when you see a man, you know, being polygamous,
and I know it's illegal in the United States,
so we don't see that.
We just see adultery instead.
But in other parts of the world
where people are taking two wives, three wives, four wives,
that has never been God's will.
God has always commanded it to be one man and one woman.
And he said,
these two shall be one flesh.
What God has joined together, let not man put asunder.
But I'll guarantee you
that when you see a man committing adultery
or a woman committing adultery,
there's something wrong with their marriage in the first place.
Because if their marriage were right,
then that wouldn't be happening.
It wouldn't even be an issue.
It would not happen.
Now, ask yourself this question.
Why would a husband defraud his wife?
I mean, if it's enjoyable for both parties,
which the Bible makes it clear that it is,
why would a husband not want to have that relationship with his wife?
I mean, think about this.
Why would a husband reject his wife in that way?
Or why would a wife reject her husband in that way?
Something's wrong.
Something's wrong in that marriage
when that kind of a rejection is taking place.
Now, let me dispel a myth that's out there
that a lot of people have bought into and a lot of people believe.
And there's a lot of just really false doctrine,
just a lot of stupid doctrine today being taught in churches
and being taught in independent Baptist churches about marriage.
A lot of false teaching.
And then we have all the brainwashing that Hollywood and TV
and the music industry is doing.
And when you put the two together,
you have very few people today who understand
what marriage is supposed to look like
and understand what the biblical roles are in marriage
and what a good marriage relationship is really like.
And I'll be honest with you, I've been brainwashed too.
You know, I grew up watching TV, watching movies, listening to music.
You know, I've had to let the Bible renew my mind on a lot of things
because we've all been brainwashed by our world and by our society.
And I've heard a lot of stupid preaching.
Like, for example, I've heard preaching in independent Baptist churches
that said that, you know, husbands and wives are supposed to submit to each other
instead of what the Bible teaches that wives are supposed to submit to their husband
as unto the Lord, as unto Christ,
and that the husband is supposed to be the head of the home.
That's biblical preaching.
But we see preaching now that downplays that and wants to say,
hey, it's a 50-50 thing.
No, that's not what the Bible teaches, okay, number one.
And then I've heard a lot of other foolish preaching that said this,
and maybe you've heard this before,
but I've heard preaching that says the Bible does not command anywhere
for wives to love their husbands.
Who's ever heard that teaching?
Well, look around the room.
I mean, I've just seen five hands go up and say,
hey, I've heard preaching that says that when the Bible says in Titus chapter 2
that women are commanded to love their husbands.
Yes, it says husbands love your wives,
but it also says that wives are supposed to love their husbands.
It's a two-way street, my friend.
Now, look, the Bible's real clear that either party,
and when you read 1 Corinthians chapter 7,
there's an equivalent emphasis on both the husband and the wife being defrauded,
and there's an equivalent emphasis on the fact that either one of them
could be tempted for their incontinence.
Is there not?
I mean, that's the way the Bible reads it.
Now, we today in 2013, because the brainwashing is so deep with us,
we have this totally mixed up and backwards, and here's what we think.
We think, oh, it's only the husband who desires that relationship,
and it's the wife that just has to be coerced or whatever.
That's what we always hear taught, but you know what?
That is not a biblical doctrine because according to the Bible,
again, it's the exact opposite.
Look at Genesis chapter 3 verse 16.
Genesis chapter 3 verse 16 says this,
unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception.
In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children,
and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Now, look, does that scripture not say right there
that a woman's desire will be to her husband?
Isn't that what the Bible says?
So let me ask you this.
If a woman does not desire her husband,
wouldn't you say there's something wrong with that relationship?
Because if the Bible is telling us that in general
the wife's desire will be to her husband,
and then we see a marriage where the woman does not have desire toward her husband,
there is something wrong with that marriage.
And then we could also do the flip side and say,
even though it's not explicitly in the passage here,
we could say that if there's a husband that does not desire his wife,
wouldn't you say there's something wrong with that relationship?
There's something wrong with that marriage.
And you say, well, what's wrong with it?
Well, go to Song of Solomon, first of all.
Go to Song of Solomon, and let me show you some other scriptures to explain this.
Because I believe that the answers are in the Bible tonight.
And you say, well, why do you spend so much time preaching about this?
Because it seems like everybody I know,
and I'm not talking about in our church,
but thank God this is not a problem in our church,
but it seems like everybody you know is getting divorced.
Everybody you know's marriage is messed up.
Everybody you know is committing adultery.
I mean, we're living in a day where 75% of marriages are earning a divorce,
and even the 25% that are staying married are having serious marriage problems.
And they're having serious issues in their marriage.
So I'm going to show you part of the reason why that is.
But first let me just lay this foundation.
Did we not see in Genesis 3.16 that the wife's desire would be to the woman?
Thy desire shall be thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Okay, keep in mind those two things.
Thy desire shall be thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Two things that will make every feminist sick to their stomach.
Every feminist who wants to run screaming out of the building when they hear this preaching.
Ask me if I care.
This is Bible doctrine, and I don't care what the trend is.
I don't care what the fads are.
Look, what the world is doing is not working.
Yep, that's right.
And you know what?
The church has followed the world for far too long,
and that's why what they're doing is not working.
That's why the world will be so quick to point out,
well, you know, Christians have just the exact same divorce rate as the world does.
And it's true.
Statistically, Christians have the same divorce rate as the world.
You know why?
Because Christians are living their lives just like the world does,
and they're following the marriage philosophies of the world,
and they're letting Hollywood and TV and the music industry teach them about marriage,
and that's why they're doing everything wrong,
and that's why they're failing just like the world out there is failing.
I don't want to fail, and I don't want you to fail.
That's why I'm going to preach to you the truth tonight,
and if you're wise, you'll take heed to what God's word is saying tonight.
Because you can't just look around and say,
well, I think I have this all figured out.
No, you open the Bible and figure it out.
The Bible's going to tell you what's going on, okay?
And again, this is not a subject that I preach about very often,
but it's a subject that's dealt with in 1 Corinthians 7 and needs to be dealt with.
But look if you would at Song of Solomon.
Tell me if the Bible teaches this feminist garbage
that teaches, oh, women don't want that kind of a relationship.
You know, women are not interested in desiring their husband.
Okay, let's see if that's what the Bible teaches.
Look at Song of Solomon chapter 2 verse 5.
This is a woman speaking.
Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples, for I am sick of love.
His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me.
Look at chapter 3 verse 1.
By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loved.
I sought him, but I found him not.
Look at verse 4.
It was but a little that I passed from them,
but I found him whom my soul loved.
I held him and would not let him go
until I brought him into my mother's house,
into the chamber of her that conceived him.
Now look, are we seeing a picture of a woman here that desires her husband
in Song of Solomon?
Look at chapter number 5 verse 4.
My beloved, and of course the word spouse is used like ten times.
I mean, this isn't unmarried people.
These are people that are married, of course.
This type of relationship would not be right outside of marriage,
and it would be fornication.
Look at verse 4 of chapter 5.
My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door,
and my bowels were moved for him.
Verse 8, I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
if you find my beloved, that you tell him that I am sick of love.
Not saying she's tired of it.
She's saying she's sick, like sick to her stomach,
with the intense feelings of love that she has for her husband.
Look, if you would, at chapter 8 verse 6.
Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm,
for love is strong as death, jealousy is cruel as the grave.
The coals thereof are coals of fire, which have the most vehement flame.
Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it.
If a man would give all the substance of his house for love,
it would be utterly contempt.
And look, we can read the whole book of Song of Solomon,
and we can show you the opposite,
where the man is expressing his feelings toward his wife.
I'm just choosing to show the feelings of the wife toward her husband,
because that's the one that we've been brainwashed by society doesn't exist.
And to think that there's a difference there between man and woman.
Oh, that's what the man wants.
But actually the Bible teaches it's what both husband and wife want.
And that either one can be defrauded.
And that either one can not be getting what they need from the relationship.
And let me tell you this.
You know, men are different than women in the sense that men...
And go to Ephesians 5 if you would, I've got to hurry.
But you know, men and women are different in the sense that men,
they're more explicit with what they say.
Men say what they mean, right?
Men are very direct and to the point, and they say what they mean.
And they tell the truth about it.
You know, they just say, hey, this is what my problem is.
You know, women on this...
See, my wife's getting up and walking out right now.
She can't handle it.
You know, men, they just say what they believe.
They just say what they mean.
But women aren't like that.
You know, you ask a woman, no, honey, what's wrong?
Nothing.
All right?
I mean, you know, people that are married understand what I'm talking about.
And you know, if you're...
I mean, if you think that if she says nothing's wrong that nothing's wrong,
you're not married.
Okay, because women don't express themselves the way that men do.
Men are just like, here's what the problem is, here's how we're going to fix it,
you know, point A to point B.
Women aren't really like that.
They don't tell you what's really going on in their mind.
They don't tell you what's really going on in their...
They keep a lot more inside than men do.
Men are much more open about the way that they think and the way that they feel,
whereas women don't always tell you.
So look, you have two choices, my friend.
You can either go by what your wife says,
or you can go by what the Bible says and what reality is, okay?
Because let me tell you something.
Your wife is going to tell you, and women, just don't listen to me right now.
I'm talking to the men right now, okay?
Just ignore what your wife says, okay?
Because you know what?
Your wife is not always going to tell you what the problem really is
if there's a problem in your marriage.
You can't go to her and ask her, what's the problem with our marriage?
Because there's nothing wrong.
You need to figure it out, man.
And let me tell you something.
If the Bible has the answer, she's not going to give you the answer, okay?
You must figure it out on your own.
Now, unless you're a mind reader, which you kind of have to be to be a husband.
That's one skill.
And look, that's why the Bible tells husbands,
he says you need to dwell with your wife according to knowledge.
You have to know your wife.
You have to get to know your wife and learn what your wife wants.
Because the Bible says, if you go down in the chapter,
Did I have you turn somewhere else?
Ephesians 5.
Okay, keep your finger to Ephesians 5. Let's go to 1 Corinthians 7.
We're going to go back to Ephesians 5.
But in 1 Corinthians 7, we're going to skip down a little bit.
The Bible says in verse number 32, are you in 1 Corinthians 7, 32?
But I would have you without carefulness.
He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord,
how he may please the Lord.
What the Bible is teaching there is that a person who is unmarried,
you know, they should really be wrapped up in serving God.
I mean, that should be what their life is all about, right?
But look what he says in verse 33.
But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world,
how he may please his wife.
Now look, a righteous single man, according to verse 32,
his time and energy is spent just trying to please the Lord only.
Now obviously, a married man is supposed to be pleasing the Lord too.
No question about that.
No question that we should all be seeking first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.
No question about that.
But according to the Bible, a righteous man, a godly man,
is also putting forth a great deal of effort in pleasing his wife.
Is that not what the Bible says?
You know, the Bible says that husbands are supposed to...
And go if you went to Ephesians chapter 5.
Now obviously, that should never come before pleasing God.
You know, obviously, we ought to serve God number one and please God number one.
But a big part of a married person's life is their marriage,
is their relationship with their spouse.
And God says that the husband is going to spend his time also trying to please his wife.
Now Ephesians chapter 5, we find similar doctrine here in verse number 25.
It says, husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.
So that's a sacrificial love.
So the Bible is telling husbands, you know, you should want to please your wife
and sacrifice for your wife and give to your wife, right?
And your goal is to please your wife.
Now look, pleasing your wife is not as simple as, honey, what do you want?
Because she's not going to tell you.
That's why you have to just figure it out.
That's why you have to dwell with her according to knowledge and just understand what she wants.
Become a mind reader, okay?
But not only that, it's true.
You know, and all kinds of examples and stories are coming to my mind right now
from my own marriage that I'm not going to tell.
But just all the times that my wife won't tell me what she wants, you know,
I just have to just give it to her, you know.
Now I have to tell her.
You know, we were coming home a few weeks ago.
This is a perfect example.
We're coming home a few weeks ago.
Don't look at her, she's embarrassed.
We're coming home a few weeks ago and, you know, she had a really rough day
and, you know, she'd been through a lot of things that day and she was having a bad day.
She was really busy.
And so I said, honey, I'm going to take you out to dinner.
And I named her favorite restaurant.
So I'm going to take you out to dinner at this restaurant.
And she said, no, no, don't eat me there.
I don't want to go there.
No, no, no.
And I'm saying like, no, we're going, we're going, we're going, you know.
No, you have a hard day.
She's like, and it's funny because she says things like,
she names like the most boring possible meal.
Like, no, I have so and so waiting at home.
You know, it's like some really boring meal that doesn't sound exciting.
No, no, I'd rather, no, no, I'd rather have, you know, oatmeal tonight.
It wasn't oatmeal, though.
No, honey, honestly, I don't want that steak dinner.
I want oatmeal, honey.
And I'm like, no, we're going.
So then she's just so vehemently telling me, no, I don't want to go there.
So then finally at the last possible second, you know, I pull into our subdivision,
you know, because we were kind of going by there to the restaurant,
and then I pull in the driveway and she starts crying.
You know, because we weren't going.
Because she wants you to just take her anyway,
even though she said she doesn't want to go to dinner.
Of course she wants to go to dinner, you know.
I mean, it should be awkward.
So what I'm saying is like you have to get to know your wife
and learn, okay, this is what makes her happy.
Now listen, let me tell you something.
In Ephesians 5, and I don't have time to preach all of this,
but in Ephesians 5, God lays out the way a home is supposed to be ordered, okay.
And he says very clearly in verse 22, wives, are you in Ephesians 5?
Verse 22, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church,
and he is the savior of the body.
So, therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ,
so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Now that's a very strong statement saying that a husband has total authority over his wife in every area.
That's what the Bible says, okay.
And the Bible says many, we can turn to all the other chapters in the Bible
that say that wives are supposed to obey their husbands,
to be obedient to their own husbands, Titus chapter 2, verse 22.
I mean, how many, we can tell, it's a whole sermon in and of itself, okay.
But this should be enough for now, okay.
And then it says that husbands are supposed to love their wives,
and it says that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands,
and that wives are supposed to reverence their husbands or give them respect.
Reverence, okay, reverence is a very strong word for respect.
Now, let me explain to you what your wife wants, whether she says it or not.
She wants you to be in charge.
Your wife wants you to be in charge.
And here's the thing, women today, is that what they're screaming from the rooftops?
No.
Please rule over me. Please be the boss.
Please, please lord over me and be the one who wears the pants in the family.
Is that what you see on TV?
No.
No, because TV has shown you and taught you to be a weak man, weak.
Every TV show, every sitcom, every movie just shows this weakling of a husband.
He's always the idiot, he's always stupid, his wife's always so much smarter,
and she just tells him to just shut up and she'll handle everything.
I mean, isn't that the truth?
He's just this slovenly sitting on the sofa with a beer, watching the game, playing a video game,
and he just doesn't care what she does, and he doesn't whatever, you know.
And then whenever he has to make a decision, he's got to go ask the old ball and chain,
or he's got to go, you know, he's got to go ask the boss.
That is what TV teaches.
And you say, oh, it's just a joke. I don't think it's funny.
Because it's a little too close to home with the society we live in of how men have become.
It'd be funny if it weren't so true. It'd be funny if it weren't real.
But that is what men have become today.
Weak.
Weak today, my friend.
Let's be strong in the Lord and the power of his might.
And I'm going to tell you something, we have a generation of weak men who don't know how to lead,
and let me tell you something, women hate their guts for being weak and spineless and lame.
That is the truth.
And you're going to get in the car tonight and your wife's going to say, oh, Pastor Anderson,
what he's saying is totally not true.
And just ignore everything she says because she's lying.
Because I'm going to tell you something.
The Bible says, thy desire shall be to thy husband and he shall rule over thee.
And let me tell you something, those two things go hand in hand.
You're not ruling over your wife, she's not going to desire you.
It's that simple.
You say, oh, man, I can't believe this explicit preaching.
This is Bible preaching.
And if you don't believe in it, then go ahead and be the 75%.
Go ahead and eat a hungry man tonight out of the freezer.
Go ahead and sleep on the couch for the next three weeks.
And enjoy your 21-day fast while you're at it.
This is the truth.
And look, we have a man today who their wife tells them,
no, I'm going to be in charge, and they go...
And then their wife's like, you play.
And she has no respect for them.
Because women are looking for a strong...
Look, men, let me ask you this, men.
Are you happy when your wife's the boss?
Are you happy when you have no authority and are powerless in your home?
Is that a good feeling?
Well, let me tell you something.
Just as much as you despise not being the boss,
your wife despises being the boss just as much.
Because just as unhappy as you are when you're not in your proper role,
your wife is just as unhappy.
But she wants you to take the lead.
She wants you to take the bull by the horns.
She wants you to take charge and rule that home.
And until you do, your wife is never going to respect you,
and your wife is never going to desire you,
and your wife is never going to love you the way that she should,
because you're not leading.
And you can blame your wife all day long and say,
oh, my wife's just rebellious, or my wife is just a feminist,
or my wife is just brainwashed.
No, you're failing.
You take the responsibility.
If there's a problem in your marriage, you take the responsibility, husband,
and say it's my fault and I'm going to fix it.
Quit blaming your wife.
It's not your wife's job to run the marriage.
It's not your wife's job to rule the home.
You're supposed to take charge, and if you'll do your part, you can fix things.
And really, I think either party can fix things.
Because you say, well, I'm a wife, and my husband doesn't love me.
Be more submissive to your husband, and then he'll love you more.
I think if either person steps into their proper role,
it helps the other person get into their proper role.
You're saying, oh, my wife doesn't want to submit.
Well, quit asking her if she wants to submit.
And let me be very clear.
I don't want people to misunderstand me, because when I talk about,
and again, I'm not a perfect person.
You're not perfect.
No husband is perfect.
No wife is perfect.
But you know what?
We need to at least get a biblical philosophy
and be striving toward a biblical style of marriage.
Nobody's going to be perfect.
But at least this can help us improve, right?
Let me tell you something.
A lot of people confuse ruling or being the boss.
They confuse it with being selfish or mean or being angry.
Now, do you see how those are completely different things?
Now, is it possible to be the boss without being angry?
Is it possible to be the boss without being mean?
Is it possible to be the boss without being selfish?
Because the Bible is commanding us as men not to just rule,
but also to please our wife, also to give unto our wife,
also to sacrifice ourself for her, put her first, okay?
But see, a lot of people have a very hard time, you know,
drawing the line and fighting asunder between these two things.
They think, oh, well, if I'm going to be the boss,
that means I have to deny my wife everything she wants,
we're going to do everything my way and deny her what she wants.
No, you know, you can give her what she wants, but you be the leader,
and when it comes to decisions, you make the decision,
and when you make a rule, you enforce that rule,
and when you say it's going to be this way, that's how it's going to be,
and you stand firm in authority and you call the shots, okay?
Now, that doesn't mean that you scream and yell about it.
That doesn't mean that you are mean or rude or abrasive about it,
but you know what, you can stay cool and calm and collected
and just say, you know what, this is the way it is,
and I'm done talking about it.
I'm done discussing it.
This is the way it is, you know, and you can be calm,
and then here's the thing, you can be generous.
You can be the most loving husband that does everything your wife wants,
but you know what, you remain in authority and you remain the boss
and you remain the leader and you be in charge at all times,
and you make the decisions, and a lot of men are indecisive today.
You know, they have a hard time deciding, okay,
and that is a feminine attribute, okay, because God made men and women different.
You go to, I mean, I go to a restaurant, you know how long it takes me to decide?
I mean, two seconds, just give me the number one, whatever.
I mean, that's how men are.
I mean, men are just, I mean, we drove through something,
we drove through In-N-Out Burger last night on our way home
or the night before or whenever it was.
A couple days ago, we were coming back from somewhere.
We drove through In-N-Out.
I didn't ask all the kids, you know, what do you want, what do you want?
I just said, give me X amount of double doubles and X amount of fries.
Done.
And my wife's like, hey, why don't you order this?
I just said, honey, it's done.
You know what I mean?
I said, we're going to pull up to the window.
There's going to be a bunch of food.
We're going to distribute that food.
It's going to be and everybody's going to be, you know.
That's how men are, right?
But women are like, you know, they get it all figured out
and then it's like they get to the window and then the change comes.
And look, I'm not criticizing women.
I'm just saying there's a difference between men and women.
Women are more indecisive, right?
So they need a strong leader that's going to be decisive and say,
hey, this is what we're going to do, you know, and stick with it, you know,
and not be a man who's like, man, I don't know what are we going to do.
I don't know how we're going to do this financially.
I don't know what we're going to do with this.
Women are looking for security of a man who knows where he's going.
He knows what he's doing.
I mean, look, do you want to follow a leader who doesn't know what they're doing?
I mean, would you come to a church where the pastor's like,
I mean, I think it's after the tribulation.
I mean, would you want to go to a church where the pastor's license plate says,
KJV, I think so?
You know, you want to follow somebody who's a competent leader.
And when you as a husband are indecisive, you are being an incompetent leader.
You know, and if you're an indecisive person,
then you need to do that indecisive thing somewhere else where your wife can't see it.
And then flip a coin, for crying out loud, and then just do it.
I mean, it's almost better to just make a decision and just stay with it,
even if it's not even the best decision, just to be a leader and just do something.
You know, again, I'm not saying don't listen to your wife's input,
but I'm saying be the boss. Lead. Be in charge, you know?
And here's the thing. Your wife will often fight you every step of the way.
But you know what? On the inside, she's saying,
I'm so glad that you're telling me no right now.
You know, this is the most accurate sermon I've ever preached in my life.
Let's go back to 1 Corinthians 7, you know. This is kind of a little sermon in and of itself.
But anyway, 1 Corinthians chapter 7.
And again, remember, listen guys, yelling, anger, screaming, not getting the job, not helpful, bad.
You know, being rude, being unkind. You know, and look, have we all lost our temper? Of course.
Have we all said things we shouldn't say? Of course.
But is that the best way to handle it? No.
Firm, in charge, cool, calm, collected, etc.
But anyway, so we see this in 1 Corinthians chapter number 7.
You know, I pretty much spent the whole sermon on the first few verses here.
But the Bible says in verse number 9,
For if they cannot contain, let them marry, for it's better to marry to burn.
And unto them married I command, and watch this, yet not I, but the Lord.
So this is God talking. Paul's saying, look, this isn't my opinion, this is God talking.
He says, Let not the wife depart from her husband.
But, and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband, and let not the husband put away his wife.
So here's a real clear commandment coming straight from the Lord saying, look, wives do not depart from their husbands.
And that husbands should not put away their wife. Period, end of story.
And he says, if it happens, if the wife departs from her husband, she needs to either remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband.
And then the next words are, but to the rest speak I, not the Lord.
So everybody get this straight for a minute.
In verse 10, he said, unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord.
So he's saying, this commandment's from God.
He just makes it really clear, don't get a divorce, don't be separated from your spouse,
and if you do, you must remain unmarried, or be reconciled to your spouse. Period.
And then he says, okay, now I'm going to give my opinion, and this is not coming from the Lord.
Does everybody see that?
He says, but to the rest speak I, not the Lord.
And here's what's funny, people will try to take the part that Paul explains, and try to use it to contradict what the Lord said.
I mean, the clear command of the Lord, and by the way, the clear command of the Lord, in verses 10 and 11,
is the same thing that Jesus taught in Matthew, Mark, and Luke.
Five passages very clearly teach the same doctrine.
Romans 7 teaches the same doctrine.
The Old Testament teaches the same doctrine.
And then people will take the part where Paul is speaking his opinion,
and giving a viewpoint of being single, and explaining the viewpoint of being single,
and they'll use that to contradict the clear teaching of God.
It's ridiculous. I didn't want to hear about it.
Well, 1 Corinthians 7 says it's okay to get divorced and be married.
No, it doesn't teach that.
And if it did, it would be contradicting what the Lord said in verses 10 and 11.
What Paul does go on to explain in this passage, and look, if you're single today,
and you know, 1 Corinthians 7 is an important passage for you if you're single.
Because it's a comforting passage, it's a strengthening passage, it's an encouraging passage.
Because look, there are some people today who are single who wish that they were married, right?
There are also some people who are married who wish they were single,
because they didn't listen to the last 30 minutes of my sermon and implement it, okay?
But what I'm saying is...