["Pomp and Circumstance"]
Good morning, everyone. Welcome to Faithful Word Baptist Church.
Great to see you all here for our Sunday morning service.
If you all please have a seat, grab a envelope.
And open up that envelope, the song number 167.
Begin this morning's service by singing the song number 167.
All hail the power of Jesus' name.
Song number 167.
["Pomp and Circumstance"]
Where ever the power of Jesus' name
Where angels' hearts may go
Bring forth the Lord of the heavens
And place where I live, Lord of the halls
Bring forth the Lord of the heavens
And place where I live, Lord of the halls
Come, children, sing of his praise
We grant so from the Lord
Hail him who saves him by his grace
And crown him Lord of all
Hail him who saves him by his grace
And crown him Lord of all
Wherever you live and preach
Drive on his terrestrial call
To give all majesty a strike
And crown him Lord of all
To give all majesty a strike
And crown him Lord of all
Let them know the sacred ground
We at his be faithful
We'll join the everlasting song
And crown him Lord of all
We'll join the everlasting song
And crown him Lord of all
Amen.
Dear Heavenly Fathers, thank you for gathering us here together, Lord,
to sing praises to you and hear the preaching of your Word.
I pray that you bless all aspects of the service, Lord.
I pray that you fill deacon with your Spirit
and preach boldly unto us, Lord God.
I pray that you would help us to receive it
and apply it to our lives.
Your sons, we pray, Amen.
Amen.
Let's turn our angles to a song number 10.
The sons of the 10, be of the cross.
Song number 10.
Jesus, be, be, be of the cross.
Here a precious fountain, free to all that live in street,
moves from down with fountain.
In the cross, in the cross, lead thy holy ever,
till thy raptured soul shall find,
rest beyond the quiet earth.
Here the cross, the trembling soul, and mercy found me.
Here the minded one is home, cheering me around me.
Here the cross, in the cross, lead thy holy ever,
till thy raptured soul shall find,
rest beyond the river.
Here the cross, O Lamb of God, brings his feet before me,
help me walk through day to day,
with its shadows longed me.
In the cross, in the cross, lead thy holy ever,
till the raptured soul shall find,
rest beyond the river.
Here the cross of God shall reign,
holding trust me ever, till I reach the golden sun,
rest beyond the river.
Here the cross, in the cross, lead thy holy ever,
till my raptured soul shall find,
rest beyond the river.
OK, guys, at this time, we're going to do announcements.
Are they following?
We'll be doing song number 43.
All right, well, good morning, everybody.
Thanks for coming.
I have a bulletin this morning due to some technical errors.
It's not for one of trying.
It's for one of using cheap aftermarket
third-party ink cartridges.
So that's my first announcement this morning.
Use original equipment, OK?
So we will have that back next week.
I got the black ink coming in.
But not a whole lot.
Actually, there's quite a bit going on,
so I've got some notes written down.
As usual, we'll be back here tonight at 5.30.
Again, Thursdays at 7.
We'll be in Acts chapter number 27 this week.
And then very quickly, just a few things here.
Don't forget, next Sunday is going to be Donut Sunday
in honor of everybody celebrating a birthday
in the month of December.
So come on out at 10 a.m.
and we'll have some donuts ready for you.
And then a couple other events coming up this next month.
One, a new thing we're going to be trying out this year,
and I know we already spoke to several of the ladies,
and it sounds like it's a go.
So I'm going to put it in the bulletin.
I'm going to announce it here,
but we're going to do Tamale Tuesday, OK?
And hopefully I'm trying to make this a tradition.
Are we still feeling good about this?
I know there's just an handful of ladies
that are helping with this.
And we'll get some more details
exactly how this will all work.
But basically the idea is that we want to make
a bunch of tamales and then go back out
and then go and hand them out to some of the people
that have gotten saved and other people
that have just expressed interest in the church.
And I know the last two Saturdays
where we've been soul winning,
it hasn't been very receptive,
but I've got two really good leads on people
I think that would come out to church
if they were prodded a little bit.
So just that kind of a thing.
So we're keeping track of those salvations.
So again, that leads me on to my other point
is that whenever you're out soul winning
and you have those maps,
make sure if you get somebody saved
or you find a prospect,
anybody that expresses any kind of an interest
in coming to church,
go ahead and write down a name, your name,
the address, the date, all that good stuff.
There's a little spreadsheet on the back of the maps
for you to do that.
So take advantage of those
and it's been great seeing those get filled out.
But I figured what better way to get people
to come to church by convincing them
that we just hand out tamales to random folks.
So if a tamale won't bring them in,
I don't know what will.
So we're gonna get together on Tuesday the 19th.
So it's tamale Tuesday
because I just love alliteration.
So that's on the 19th, kind of the middle of the week.
And then we'll hand them out on the 23rd
with an invite to the candlelight service
which is gonna be on Christmas Eve.
It falls on a Sunday this year.
So it's kind of a special service.
So the evening service will be our candlelight service
that we typically do.
So we won't have a sermon.
If you've been here, if you know how that goes,
we just read the nativity story,
we light the candle, so on and so forth.
It takes about 20, 30 minutes.
It's not a very long service.
It's a really great service to bring folks out to,
bring visitors to, because you can rest assured
that I'm not gonna get up and say anything too crazy
because I'm kind of stuck to the script.
And it's a nice way to just remember
why we're celebrating Christmas.
We're celebrating because of the birth of Christ.
So anyway, you said you started with tamales.
You ended up on the birth of Christ.
How do those things connect?
The tamales are being used to get people
to the candlelight service that we've contacted
in the community.
And basically we'll make those on Tuesday the 19th
and then on that Saturday, myself and maybe a few others,
we'll just go out and take that day
to just go out and personally invite them out to church
and give them three or four or nine tamales.
I don't know, we'll see how many we end up with.
And then the good news is
is that whatever we don't hand out,
you see where I'm going with this, right?
We can have that Sunday.
So we'll have it, which will be Christmas Eve.
Anyway, so tamale Tuesday, that's Tuesday the 19th.
And I'll get more details as far as time
and all that other stuff.
I know there's a lot that goes into those
and I really appreciate the ladies
and others being willing to help with that.
I think it'll be a great way to reach out.
And then also some bittersweet news.
The Elliott's will be moving up to Washington
and they are in the process of selling their home,
so pray for them that that all goes well.
And we're going to be having a farewell potluck dinner
on the Sunday the 17th after the morning service.
So just more food, more food, more food.
It's that time of year, right?
So that's going to be on Sunday the 17th.
We'll have that potluck,
just wishing them well in their journey
and the next chapter in their life.
Also next Sunday in Tempe,
I almost don't want to tell you about this
because I feel like it's just going to affect
the services down here.
But just to show how unbiased I am,
I'm so fair and balanced,
I'm going to let you know
that Pastor Mejia is going to be in Tempe next Sunday.
He's going to be preaching
both the morning and evening service.
I had forgotten about that until just this morning.
So that's next Sunday.
So if you want to go up there,
I won't take it too personally,
but just don't come back and tell me how great it was
and how you just love his preaching
and you wish you had a pastor like that
or something like that.
I'm just kidding.
By all means, go up there and enjoy it.
If I could get out of this gig,
I'd be up there too.
But go up there and enjoy that preaching.
And then also on December 19th,
and I know I'm throwing a lot of dates at you
real quick here,
so on December 19th,
that's not going to work with Tamale Tuesday then.
We're going to have to move Tamale Tuesday.
We might have to do Tamale Thursday.
No, we can't do that either.
I don't know.
We're going to have to adjust the date
because the Tempe caroling
is on December 19th at 5.30 p.m.
So those are conflicting.
And I'm not missing the caroling.
So I'm going up there for that.
That's going to be on Tuesday, December 19th.
So everything I just said about Tamale Tuesday,
just scratch it.
You know that five minutes
I sent about talking about that?
This is why you make a bulletin, okay?
You'll just write hand notes.
But we'll figure out a date for Tamale Tuesday.
I'm just letting you know it's on the horizon.
It's coming, okay?
So prepare yourselves.
Brace yourself for the Tamale something or other.
I don't know what date I can use.
But there is caroling in Tempe on the 19th at 5.30.
Let me just go ahead and answer the question now.
I get asked this every year.
Are we going to do caroling down here?
No, okay?
And here's why.
Because it's a very small percentage of people
that actually come out for caroling.
Like I know the church up there
runs between 300 and 400 people.
But you'll only have maybe 100 to 150 people
show up at most for the caroling.
So it's just a numbers game.
If I announce the caroling,
it's probably going to be me and like my family
and maybe a few other people, right?
And it's not going to be very big.
Now if people want to get together and go caroling,
we can make that happen.
Like if enough people expressed interest,
but I just kind of know how this type of thing goes.
It typically becomes a very small group
and it's just not enough people
the size of our church right now.
But you know, I can be convinced
if enough people come to me and say,
hey, I would go, you know,
then perhaps I'd reconsider that position.
But it's only been a handful of people
that have ever asked
and I don't know if they were asking
because they wanted to go
or if they were asking
because they were trying to come up
with a convenient excuse
to not be there that day or something.
But there is caroling in Tempe on the 19th at 5.30 p.m.
if you're interested.
Also, and this pertains to food again,
there will be cookies after the caroling.
You go out for about an hour
and then they come back
and they have cookies and cocoa.
It's a great time of fellowship.
It's worth the trip.
And then also, yet again, even more food.
We're going to have the pie
that was left over from Thanksgiving
after the evening service tonight.
So come on back and help us eat the pie
because there's an abundance of pie and ice cream.
We got to get it out of the building.
I don't want it here
when I come back on Monday or Tuesday to clean.
I don't want it around, okay?
I know it doesn't look like it,
but I am trying, okay, to lose some weight.
It's the wrong time of year to go on a diet, right?
But anyways, we got Tamale Tuesday,
the farewell potluck, Sunday the 17th.
That's solid.
Pastor Mejia in Tempe next Sunday.
Caroling in Tempe on the 19th
and then pie after the evening service.
That will do it for announcements.
Oh, of course, one last thing.
What's going on today?
You walked in and you see all these lamps.
We're not interrogating anybody.
There's not any waterboarding taking place later.
This is for the yearbook photos, okay?
So if you want your photo taken
and by all means, let's just hang out afterwards
for a little bit.
Brother Ramon's here.
Very kind of him.
Be sure to thank him for coming down
with his family, making that trip down here,
doing a lot of hard work.
A lot goes into that.
So I assume everybody that's here
is getting a photo taken.
If you're not, that's fine.
I'm not going to grill you too much.
But if you want your photo taken,
just stick around after the morning service
and we'll get those done as quickly as possible.
Just kind of congregate back there
and I'll just call people in
and we'll make it happen, okay?
That is it for announcements.
Let's go ahead and have one more song
before we get into the preaching this morning.
Song number 43, we're marching to Zion.
Song number 43.
And help identify us.
Help us with the soul when you're here today too.
Talk to people who are open.
In the name of Jesus we pray and amen.
Amen.
So in Genesis chapter 2,
I want to look at just those last couple of verses there.
In verse 21 it says,
The Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam,
and he slept, and he took one of his ribs
and closed up the flesh instead thereof.
And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man
made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said,
This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.
You shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.
And look at verse 24,
this is what we're going to be focusing in on this morning.
It says,
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,
and shall cleave unto his wife,
and they shall be one flesh.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife,
and were not ashamed.
So of course this is really what we would see in scripture,
you're dealing with the first man and first woman,
and you're dealing really with the first marriage.
Now it might not be the typical marriage that we're used to,
where there's a great ceremony and all these other things,
but you know consider the fact there wasn't anybody else around
to really participate, okay.
So there was no father to give them away,
there was no wedding party or anything like that,
but you get this great principle on marriage,
and there's some things I think that we need to just look at this morning,
and just be reminded of in general about
specifically the process of getting married, okay.
Obviously this is something that Adam had to go through,
I'm glad, you know, maybe it had been less painful for some of us
to have just had it play out like this, you know,
but obviously we have a lot of other hoops that we have to jump through today,
but if you want to go over to Matthew 19,
well we'll see where Jesus actually refers back to this story,
in the context where he's dealing with the Pharisees and their take on divorce.
I'm not really going to dive into all that,
really I want to focus on the time leading up to marriage, okay.
You know, marriage is a big subject, okay,
can't really cover it all in one sermon.
Obviously there's different stages,
there's getting married, there's being married,
and then there's staying married, okay.
Let's look at Matthew chapter 19 verse 3,
where we'll see where Jesus quotes this passage,
he says in verse 3 of Matthew 19,
the Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him and saying unto him,
is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
You know, and this isn't really part of the sermon,
but you know, nothing has changed, okay.
You know, we preach what the Bible says,
that man and woman once they're married are to stay married,
that divorce is never an option under any reason,
save it being for fornication, which is not adultery.
I want to dive into all that, that's a whole other sermon right there.
But we even, you know, once, even when you preach that
and it couldn't be any clearer, as clear as the Scripture is,
you still have people coming up and saying,
well for any cause, well what about this situation,
what about that situation, what about this instance, okay.
And Jesus answers and says, no, there is no cause,
there is no situation in which divorce is permissible, okay.
Now that's in a perfect world,
and we could, you know, go into all the different situations,
all the different times, you know,
the reasons why people get divorced and deal with those biblically,
but it's beyond the scope of this sermon.
Point is, you know, when you're entering into marriage,
it has to be understood that it is until death do your part.
It is literally in the vows, you know,
unless you're one of these, you know, trendy folks
that are writing up your own vows or have some new take
on the time-tested and true vows that, you know,
people have been using for, you know, hundreds and hundreds of years
and have been working.
Until death do you part, right, and that's what they're asking.
Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
And he answered and said to them, have you not read?
So he's referring back to what we just read in Genesis chapter 2.
He said, have you not read that he which made them at the beginning
made them male and female?
And said, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother
and shall cleave to his wife and they twain shall be one flesh.
Wherefore they are no more twain but one flesh
what therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
So that's the answer to the question, right?
Hey, is there any cause in which a man can get a divorce?
And he says, let not man put asunder that which God has brought together.
Okay, that's the answer.
Now what I want to do is just look at a couple of phrases here
in verse 5 and get some principles,
just some general principles about marriage,
particularly about the process of coming together in marriage, okay?
Notice it says there in verse 4, it says, have you not read
that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female?
And obviously there's a purpose behind that.
Procreation, companionship, fellowship, you know,
and obviously as the Lord then told Adam to multiply and fill the earth, okay?
They're male and female so that there would be children born of that union.
Okay, that's God's will.
But what this should tell us, it says in verse 5,
for this cause shall a man leave father and mother.
For what cause?
The cause is that he made them male and female,
and for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother.
They're going to leave because they're going to become one flesh, male and female, okay?
The cause is that opposites attract, okay?
So let me just start by saying, what's the cause of that?
Let me just start by saying, what's the cause here?
That they're made female and male, they're opposites,
and it's natural for opposites to attract.
You know, marriage is a good thing.
You know, we should desire to see marriages take place within a church.
We should desire to see our own children grow up and be wed
and have that fruitful union in marriage.
That's something we should want for our children.
It's something that God wants for us.
You know, God wants us to raise children,
to get married so that we can fill the earth, right?
And obviously there's a lot more beyond, you know, just reproducing, okay, in marriage,
but that's a major component of marriage, okay?
That's something that, you know, serves a very practical purpose, okay?
And he's saying for this cause, for the cause that God made them male and female,
they are going to leave father and mother and cleave to one another and be one flesh.
Opposites attract.
This is a natural thing that's going to happen in the course of our lives.
You know, honestly, this is something I think about probably every day of my life.
I have five children and I have four of them are daughters and I'm not exaggerating.
If I were to keep careful track, I would be very,
I'd probably be right to say that I think about one of them getting married every single day, okay?
I know they probably don't realize that.
It's not something I talk about a lot, but I often think about, you know,
that dreadful day when I'm going to have to walk down, how am I going to react?
You know, what's my reaction?
Or the first day some guy comes around and asks me about my daughter, right?
The poor sucker, right?
You know, pray for him, all right?
You know, and I'm joking, and obviously that's a joke dads make,
but, you know, I'm not trying to get in the way of that process.
You know, you say, well, what about your son?
He's got his own obstacle course he's going to have to run through with some other guy, all right?
And I'm just going to get him to where he's worthy of somebody and say, you know,
go figure out the minefield, all right?
But, you know, God has made male and female.
That's how he made us.
He wants opposites to attract.
He wants this unity to take place.
He wants a man to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife for many reasons, okay?
Just beyond procreation, okay?
It's a good thing.
We want to help that process.
That's what I want to do.
You know, as someone who's pastoring this church,
that's something I want to see take place in my children's lives, in your children's lives,
and that's why I'm preaching this this morning.
You know, it's a very general sermon, okay?
And what's good for the goose is good for the gander, okay?
There's going to be many instances, I'm sure, over the course of this church's ministry
where I'm going to have to counsel people and perform marriages and so on and so forth.
So I want to just preach this this morning.
Just give us some principles, okay?
And just kind of give people an idea of where I'm coming from
when it comes to this topic of people coming together in marriage.
You know, marriage is something that God ordained, right?
He ordained, and it's something that God wants to see take place.
The Bible says, and if you would, keep something there in Matthew.
We'll kind of come back and forth a little bit.
But go over to 1 Timothy, chapter number 5.
1 Timothy, chapter number 5.
The Bible says that the marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled, okay?
That's another thing we have to consider is that when opposites attract,
that is a very strong attraction.
And that's not something we want to frustrate.
It's something we want to navigate.
It's something we want to guide.
It's something that we want to help, okay?
Make sure that that natural desire is fulfilled within the bonds of holy matrimony, okay?
Because a man, you know, cannot take fire in his bosom and not be burned.
You know, if we frustrate these things with our children,
what we might actually be sending the signal is, you know,
just go fulfill that desire out in the world, okay?
Which is what the vast majority of people will say.
You know, I'm going to preach and say some things this morning
that go against the grain of this world's philosophy
when it comes to this topic of marriage.
They're going to call me outdated and old-fashioned,
and they're going to have all these kinds of excuses
as why what I'm preaching, you know, it should be disregarded, okay?
But this is what the Bible says. This is biblical.
The Bible says that the marriage is honorable and all and the bed undefiled,
but whoremongers and adulterers, God will judge, okay?
And the whoremonger there, that's somebody, you know,
somebody who mongers whores, right?
That's referring to a man, right?
You know, sometimes we'll say, hey, so-and-so is a monger of this.
You know, we're going to serve the pie.
Don't monger the pie this morning, okay?
Actually, go ahead and monger it. We got to get rid of it, okay?
Take to yourself heaps of pie, okay? Be a pie monger, all right?
But don't be a whoremonger, okay?
And this is why we, you know, again, have to understand that
there is a strong natural desire, yes, even in our grown children,
as they become adults, that they want to fulfill that God-given desire
to have that relationship.
We just need to make sure that that happens within marriage
so it's something that God can bless, okay?
So I want to preach just a few principles here
when it comes to how we're going to help that take place
in the lives of our children.
The first thing I want to point out there, again,
in Matthew chapter 19, it says in verse 5,
for this cause, what cause?
The cause that man has made, God has made, excuse me,
man and woman opposites.
There is a natural desire that they will attract one another.
We don't want to get in the way of that, okay?
We want to help that, not frustrate it.
He said, for this cause shall a man leave father and mother.
Leave father and mother.
So, you know, and people read this,
and there's a couple different things you can get out of this, okay?
One is that if a man is leaving father and mother
and cleaving to his wife, the ideal situation is that
he would therefore remain in the house until that day takes place, okay?
And again, this is ideal, all right?
And I'm not trying to judge anybody that's done things differently in this regard,
or if there's young men that decide they want to go outside the home
and, you know, have their own place before they get married,
that's their business, okay?
But ideally, you know, he would leave father and mother
and then be joined to his wife, okay?
And this is ideal, one, from just thinking about it from a very practical standpoint.
Again, I already warned you that everything I'm saying,
or a lot of what I'm going to be saying this morning
is completely outdated according to the world, okay?
And they're going to say, what, are you crazy?
You know, but this is good biblical teaching, okay?
Think about it, just from a practical standpoint, okay?
Think about the financial benefits involved to both parties, okay?
If you have another breadwinner in the home who's not wed,
he's out developing a career or working a job or whatever,
you know, he can start to help with the bills, and he should, okay?
Because that's part of life, isn't it, right?
You know, we want to just throw them into the deep end at marriage
and say, hey, here's what it's like to pay bills.
You know, if we say, hey, you're going to live in the house now,
you're going to live as an adult under my roof,
you're going to help with the bills.
You know, you're going to go out and earn that income.
You're going to go out there and maybe not pay all the bills,
as tempting as that might be, right?
But the shock is they'd probably find out is that they couldn't afford to pay all the bills.
You know, I doubt that they'd be able to afford, you know, a bigger home
and more vehicles and all the different insurances that we've occurred as adults over the years.
We weren't always paying what we're, you know, the mortgage that we're paying.
We weren't always paying, you know, the car payment or the health insurance or whatever it is.
Those are things that have stacked up on us over the years,
and boy, do we feel the pressure sometimes, right?
But, you know, we could give our sons a taste of that, right, as they're in our home.
Before they leave, they're going to be in our home,
and we're going to help them get a sense of what it's like to pay bills on time
and have to earn an income before they go out and have to take on that role as a provider, as a husband, okay?
Because, again, you know, I'm trying to keep it brief this morning,
but the Bible does teach that women are to be keepers at home
and that the father is to be the breadwinner, okay?
Meaning that a young man has to come to that realization before he gets married, okay?
That he has to be willing, ready, willing, and able to provide financially for his family
if he's going to do things biblically and ask his wife to stay home
and to raise the children, which is a job in and of itself.
But, you know, it doesn't generate a lot of income, does it?
In fact, it's quite the opposite.
So that's one ideal reason why children should remain with parents until married, okay?
And I'm starting out with the more, you know, the more tempting, you know, detail there,
I guess I would say, the positive one. Think of the financial benefits, folks, right?
I'll try to get you with the greens a little bit.
But another reason, and we might not come to mind, is accountability.
This is a big one because it's more easily to avoid sin when a young man is staying at home with his parents.
He's not going to be facing the same temptations as if he's in some house with a bunch of worldly roommates
or in some dorm room somewhere with a bunch of other people his own age that are unsupervised
and have just been encouraged, you know, to participate in all manner of sin and evil.
You know, I don't think I need to convince anybody of that. That's pretty obvious.
And that's really what people want today.
They want, when they're saying, oh, the Bible's outdated, what they really want to say is, you know,
just let kids go out and just live a life of sin.
Let them just go out there and, you know, sow their wild oats.
Let them just go out there and see who they're compatible with, you know,
which is, you know, that whole thing about compatibility is just foolishness.
If you're a man and she's a woman, guess what, physically you're compatible, okay?
And I know we're living in a very backward society that hasn't even got that straightened out anymore
where they think, you know, two dudes or two women are compatible.
...born of that union ever, okay? It's an abomination.
But, you know, we don't also want to go to the stream and say, well, you know, just...
...phrase that you often hear on the job site.
You know, you got to try the milk before you buy the cow.
And, you know, and I'm accused of objectifying women.
You know, I'm not the worldly guy out there just like, well, I want to try the milk before I buy the cow.
You know, that's not how it goes. When you get married, you buy the whole farm, okay?
You get everything, okay?
So, you know, this first point I'm making here, or second rather, is that a man shall leave, okay?
...inferring that he would then stay prior to marriage, okay?
Which is good, a good teaching, but we don't want to overemphasize what's only inferred in the Scripture, okay?
Nowhere does it, there's a blanket statement that just says, you know,
a man shall stay in his parents' home until the day he's wed.
You know, it's inferred in the Scripture.
And that's good teaching, there's good doctrine there, but let's not overemphasize it.
Obviously, there's different situations where people, that might not be the ideal situation.
I don't want to get into all of that, but, you know, leaving home is what is explicitly described here in marriage, okay?
What's inferred is that a young man and a young woman would remain in their parents' home until they're married.
That's what's inferred by the Scripture, do you follow what I'm saying?
But what's explicitly described is that they're staying, okay?
That's why I'm going to preach a, this is all introduction, the title of the sermon is,
Yes, but a man shall leave, that's what's going to happen in that process.
Now, notice again there in Matthew, chapter number 5, a man leave father and mother, okay?
Are adults, when they're mature enough to handle them, older than them.
You know, age is no assurance of maturity, I can tell you that.
But, you know, we'd also want to understand there has to be a certain level of a man, meaning this,
that being a child does not mean you are childlike, okay?
Because I think sometimes with parenting, and often the excuse is, well, they're my child, yes,
but you have to understand that just because someone is your child, does that mean that they are a child, right?
Because it's a man that is leaving, his father and mother.
We should want to raise our children to be responsible adults, we should want to raise our boys to be men.
To be able to stand on their own two feet and make their own decisions.
And being able to live with the consequences of those decisions.
And obviously it's very tempting for us to want to control every aspect of our children's lives, I get that.
You know, I'm sure it's going to only get worse for me over the next several years as my children grow up
and they get closer to that age.
I'm probably going to have to deal with some of this myself.
But I'm going into it already thinking about it and understanding that when my children are of a marital age,
when they're adults, that's the time to begin the process of letting them leave, meaning I have to begin to let go.
Okay?
You know, being a child,
our children, but they will not always be children.
Okay?
If you would, I had you go to 1 Timothy, chapter 5, look at verse 3.
It's a course in the context of how to deal with widows within the church,
but he says in verse 3, honor widows that are widows indeed.
But notice in verse 4, if any widow have children or nephews.
And we looked at that a few weeks ago about nephews referring to grandchildren.
Let them learn first to show piety at home.
Let who show piety at home?
The children and the nephews and to requite or to repay their parents.
That's what requite means, to repay them.
What he's saying is, hey, if there's a widow in the church and they have children, right?
That's the term that's being used, children.
Let them show piety at home to requite their parents.
Let the children be pious and to obey the scripture and to repay their parents.
That's not something a child could do, right?
Tragically, if I were to pass away and my wife were suddenly widowed, we couldn't ask that of my children.
You say, well, the Bible does say if she has children,
it's like little Corbin's got to go out and start working a 9 to 5.
He's not going to get very far unless it involves Legos or Matchbox cars or whatever else.
Children do, right?
Obviously, the children there is just referring to the adults that have grown up.
It's referring to their progeny.
It's not referring to an immature human being who hasn't grown and developed.
The children here are obviously referring to financially independent adults.
And I understand they're always going to be children.
They're always going to be our little babies.
We have to understand when it comes to marriage, the process is that they would leave father and mother,
meaning we have to be willing to let go.
So with that in mind, let me just say this.
This is a principle when it comes to dating.
And again, I understand a lot of this is my opinion and you can take it or leave it.
You can do whatever you want with it.
But this is my philosophy and I think also that I have the Spirit of God and the Scripture.
I believe the Bible backs me up on this.
I'll just point out that in Genesis 2 or Matthew 19, it doesn't not use the term child, does it?
It says a man shall leave father and mother.
It doesn't say the child shall leave.
It's an adult that's leaving the home.
It's an adult that is going to go and cleave unto their spouse.
Which leads me to this principle is that dating is for adults.
Dating is for adults.
And again, I understand there's probably going to be differences of opinion on this, but this is where I'm coming from.
This is how I'm going to do things in my home.
My children will not date until they are capable of being married.
Because that's where dating leads.
You say, well, wait a minute, that's not how they do things in the world.
Yeah, but look at the results the world has.
Dating isn't just this fun pastime.
It isn't just this thing to go out and just spend time or to have a broader social life.
I'm all for my children having friends, but when it comes to dating,
that's going to be something that's reserved for a potential spouse.
I don't want to get too much into the weans into that.
But dating is for adults.
That's my belief.
Due to the potential of marriage, that's where dating should lead.
It shouldn't just be I'm going to date this person for a while.
Because the world's philosophy of dating is, oh, it's all about fornicating and running around
and getting an apartment together and having a dog and seeing if it works out
and then splitting up and going through a heartache and then dating again.
It's just this whole lifestyle that's out there that the Bible calls fornicating, whoremongering.
We don't promote that here.
That's not what the Bible teaches.
I'm not going to just let my children go with whoever, whenever, at any time.
They're going to be chaperoned.
They're going to be guided in that process, and they're not going to be allowed to date
until they are capable and mature enough of being spouses.
Now, that doesn't mean they have to be these super emotionally mature people,
but they have to have some level of maturity.
And obviously, we all have to kind of navigate those waters as individuals,
as parents of those specific children.
You have to figure that out when that is.
But I do believe it is for adults.
If you would, well, you know what?
I wasn't going to go there, but let's just go there.
Let's go to Deuteronomy 22.
Because if I say these things, and if you haven't seen it in the Scripture for yourself,
it could just come across as me rattling my cage or me just trying to say something outlandish or whatever.
But if you actually go to the Scripture and get some principles from it, you'll see where I'm coming from.
And when it comes to this thing of dating, I believe that that's something that, yes, should be chaperoned.
It is something that there should be people monitoring that situation.
However, it should be done from a distance.
Because in my opinion, there's only one real primary reason when it comes to chaperoning.
It's to keep things pure.
It's to keep things right with God.
It's to avoid something bad happening, like fornication mainly.
And this is something that the Bible talks about there in Deuteronomy 22.
If you look in verse 13, it says,
If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, and give occasion of speech against her,
and bring up an evil name upon her, and say,
I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid.
Now, it's not saying that's what happened.
It's just saying he marries a woman and he hates her.
You kind of wonder what happened there.
But he's saying for whatever reason, he decides he doesn't want this woman to wife,
so he brings up an accusation.
Because this is something that might be said.
He's saying, I found her not a maid, meaning I found her not a virgin.
Notice, it says in verse 15,
Then shall the father of the damsel and her mother take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity
unto the elders of the city in the gate.
And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders,
I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her.
And lo, he hath given occasion of speech against her.
It used to be it was a shameful thing to not be found a maid on your wedding night.
Whereas today, that's not the case.
Today they want to teach you, oh no, go out there and sleep around with a bunch of people,
sew your wild oats, find out who you're compatible with.
It's a bunch of nonsense.
That's why we have an epidemic of STDs in this country, even among minors.
You don't hear a lot about that in the news, but that's been the fact for decades in this country.
That's why you have all these abortions.
That's why you have all these children being born out of wedlock.
That's why you have a lot of bastards.
There's a word that needs to get brought back into our modern vernacular.
It's a shameful thing.
It's a shameful thing when this man would come and say to the father,
hey, I found your daughter not a maid.
What's going on here?
And obviously the context here is kind of saying he's just kind of maybe making this up.
But there might be instances where that was the case.
They say, okay, well, let's get to the bottom of this.
Let's figure it out. What's really going on here?
It says in verse 16, well, we read that.
Verse 17, and lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying,
I found thy daughter not a maid.
And these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity,
and they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city,
and the elders of that city shall take the man and chastise him.
So if he comes and can give the proof and say, no, she was a maid,
hey, look, that's something, if you're wondering what's being described there,
come talk to me privately, okay?
That's not something I'm going to discuss from the pulpit.
The Bible doesn't go into great detail.
Neither am I, okay?
But it's found out if they go through this process,
and it's found out this guy was just making it up,
then they shall immerse him in hundred shekels of silver,
and give them under the father of the damsel,
because he hath brought an evil name upon a virgin of Israel,
and she shall be his wife. He may not put her away all his days.
So again, that's the saving for the cause of fornication.
That's the one cause for divorce,
is that when a man marries a bride under the assumption that she is virgin,
and it's found out that she isn't, that there's some uncleanness in there,
on that wedding night, at that moment, at that time,
that's where that marriage can be disannulled, okay?
That's the only exception,
and a lot of people want to twist that and turn it into adultery.
Adultery and fornication are not the same thing,
but I'm going down a rabbit trail here.
The point I'm trying to make here is that,
do you see how the father plays a very important role
in his daughter's purity?
Do you see how the parents are involved here?
And it's regarding her physical chastity, right?
So I just take that principle and extrapolate from there and just say,
hey, this is the role that chaperones are to play
when young people are dating,
is to make sure things are kept physically pure,
and not to start meddling in their business, okay?
I'm getting ahead of myself a little bit,
but I did want to point that out, okay?
This is going to help you as your children get older
and are starting to date and to get married.
What is the role of the parents?
The parents need to allow to let the man and the woman leave
father and mother and be one flesh.
We have to let them leave.
And we would like to think, oh, and I would like to think
that that's how I'm going to be,
that I'm going to be able to just let them leave.
But it might be like, yeah, go ahead.
Yeah, leave.
No, go ahead and marry them, you know,
and try to always figure out what's going on,
and always looking over their shoulder.
I'm not letting them leave now.
And now they're doing this, right?
They want to go over here and be with this person,
and they're getting this from mom and dad.
How do you think that's going to make them feel
about mom and dad?
You know, we need to, as parents,
be willing to let our children leave and to trust them.
If we're allowing our children to date,
we're saying they're adults.
We're saying that they're mature.
We're saying that they are at a place in their lives
where they can make these decisions.
Obviously, we guide, we chaperone,
we are passive observers.
And yes, even referees at times,
if things are going out of bounds,
we'll blow the whistle and say, whoa, okay?
We don't want to get carried away with that.
We're there to protect the purity,
the integrity of that relationship.
And let me point out, in Deuteronomy,
it's the primary responsibility of the father.
Dads need to be involved in this process
and not just check out, okay?
Again, let me just make a few statements here, okay?
When we allow our children to date,
what we're doing is we're approving of them
to enter into an adult institution, right?
That's my approach.
If I'm saying, hey, my children are allowed to date,
what I'm saying is that they are mature enough
to enter into an adult institution called marriage, okay?
Which means this, is that when my children begin to date,
I'm going to allow them to have private adult conversations
between them and their potential spouse, okay?
Say, well, I don't know, that makes me nervous, okay?
Well, then maybe it's not, if you don't have
that confidence in your child at this point,
then maybe it's not time for them to date.
But if they're mature enough to get married,
to begin that process, then we, as parents,
need to back off and say, okay,
let's let them have their space.
Let them have their private adult conversations
that are between them and nobody else.
Nobody else.
You say, well, what if something inappropriate is said?
Well, hopefully your child, one, is mature enough
not to do that and has enough character integrity.
And when parents say that, it's never their child
that they're referring to, you know.
Well, what if the other one says something inappropriate?
Well, you know, that's a very loaded statement.
You're saying a lot of backhanded things
when you make a comment like that, okay?
That's your philosophy, your thinking.
What are you insinuating about that other person?
What are you insinuating about their parents
and the way they were raised, okay?
Hopefully, at that point, we've raised our children
to where we can trust them as adults
to be able to have those conversations
and be able to, discerning enough to know,
hey, this guy said something out of line.
She has a different approach or philosophy on this
and be able to navigate those waters on their own
because guess what?
That's what marriage is.
That's how marriage works.
You get two sinners and you put them together
and say, figure it out.
And there's a lot of friction in that process, isn't there?
There's a lot of working things out.
No, I know that's not the case in my marriage.
No, it's the case in every marriage.
Everyone goes through that.
And we can't, you know, that, again,
a man shall leave father and mother.
It's leaving mother and father.
We as parents have to begin to let them go
and let that process begin
to have the adult private conversations
that are just between them.
And let me also say this,
that couples must become friends
before they become anything else.
And they must become friends
before they become anything else.
So you say, well, why are you going to, you know,
why are you going to wait for your children
or make them wait to date?
Wait to date?
Man, I like that, right?
There's another sermon right there.
Put that down on the calendar.
They're going to wait till their date to their adults.
That's how long they're going to wait for.
You know, are you saying
they're not going to have any social life?
No, they can have a social life.
And they can even have male friends.
They can have, or, you know, in my son's case,
you know, he can have female friends.
But that's all they're going to have.
You know, until they're ready
to actually begin dating and begin the process
of potentially getting married to somebody.
And I think that's a good philosophy
because you want your children
to start out as being friends with this person, don't you?
I mean, because that, you know,
that's something that will hold a marriage together.
And if, you know, friends, they have,
you know, your closer friends,
they probably know things about you
that other people don't, right?
Think about the conversations you had
with, you know, your closest friends.
You've probably confided things in them
and, you know, in confidence
that you wouldn't want spoken out loud ever
to anybody else.
Because they're your friend.
You know, that's just your friend.
That's not even your spouse, okay?
Friendship is a basis for marriage.
At least it ought to be.
Because, you know, that's, you know,
if you're endeared to somebody as a friend,
then, you know, you're going to be able to,
you're going to have their best interest in mind.
You're going to, you know,
you're going to show yourself friendly, right?
You're going to be a friend to that person.
And sometimes this gets lost in marriage, you know,
and it's understandable as children
begin to come into the picture,
you know, it all becomes all about the kids
and all about just, you know, not drowning,
keeping your neck and just treading water
and trying to survive.
And, you know, our spouse just becomes
the mother of our children
or the father of our children.
And I understand that.
We have to understand that there should always
be that undercurrent that they are our friend.
That they are our friend.
You know, just recently I was thinking about this
as preparing a sermon.
My wife and I went and got tacos on, what was it?
Your birthday, Wednesday, November 22nd.
I know that because I'm a friend,
not just your spouse, right?
I knew that before I got married.
Okay, I figured that out.
Anyway, in fact, the first time I called her
I think was on her birthday, right?
That's when it kind of all kicked off, right?
And I didn't even know it was her birthday, right?
So, you know, that wasn't planned.
Anyway, we, you know, this last week
we went and had tacos together.
We went over to El Rustico, right over here.
And I had the quesadillas.
Mwah, all right?
Very good.
She had the shrimp tacos.
I can't pronounce it, how they write it.
Okay, this has been brought to you by El Rustico.
But, you know, we went there.
We just drove there.
We ate our tacos and we drove back.
And you say, what's the big deal?
That was like the first time we've done that in a decade
where it's been just me and her.
And it was like, you know what?
It was like reuniting with an old friend.
It was like going back to, you know, before we were married.
It was very nice.
You know, it wasn't like, we got, you know,
we were never friends until this Wednesday.
And I would like to cross that, you know,
the table over the tacos and I'd like to say,
do I know you from somewhere?
You look familiar.
Oh, you're the mother of my children.
That's right.
I remember now.
I married you, right?
No, it was like, oh, I recognize that person.
That's my friend.
That's, you know, this is the relationship we had before,
you know, every two minutes.
You know, every two minutes it was mom, mom, mom, mom, mom.
And look, I'm not saying it to fault children.
That's the nature of parenting.
Get used to it.
You try to have a conversation with your spouse,
you have to like lock a door, get in the closet and like,
and hide, you know.
And then you still hear, mom, mom, right?
Look, that can strain the friendship in marriage, can't it?
You know, that's why friendship in marriage is so important.
That's why we as parents must allow our children to go,
as they begin to date, court, whatever you want to call it,
to become friends with that person, okay?
And I understand that, you know,
the temptation is to very quickly become lovers, okay?
But that's what marriage is for.
Friendship is what's going to carry you through the hard
times in marriage.
Let me move along.
I told you I was going to try to keep this short,
but it is a big, kind of a big topic here.
But I just wanted to give us a couple principles this morning
when it comes to this.
Leaving father and mother, a man shall leave,
father and mother.
If we're allowing that to happen,
we have to understand we're allowing our children
to be the adults that they need to be in marriage, okay?
So let them do that.
Let them have those private conversations.
If you would go to Proverbs 30,
we're going to look at a few things in Proverbs chapter 30.
My next point would be in that Matthew chapter 19,
it says, for this cause shall a man leave father
and mother and shall cleave to his wife,
and they twain shall be one flesh.
They twain, meaning the man and his wife
are going to come together and be one flesh.
It's like they're something new, okay?
They are something new.
They're something that did not exist before.
They came together and now they're this new thing,
okay?
And there's a lot that can be said about that.
Now, when twain shall be one,
when you have two people coming together,
there's going to be a lot of friction there inherently.
It's unavoidable, okay?
That's why I believe in protracted dating
and engagements to let these things come to the surface,
to let those conversations take place,
to allow them to get to know one another
so that they can experience some of that friction
because especially early on in relationships
when we're dating, we get very starry-eyed, don't we?
And we can maybe be blind to the faults
and maybe not see things that aren't necessarily red flags
or, you know, deal breakers,
but things that we should be aware of, okay?
Those things should be allowed to come to the surface.
When two things are coming together,
I mean, just think about it.
There's friction there, right?
It's just a natural inherent friction.
And dating couples are going to have their own problems
to work out.
Look at Proverbs 30 verse 18.
It says,
these three, these, excuse me,
there be three things which are too wonderful for me.
Yea, for which I know not,
the way of an eagle in the air,
the way of a serpent upon a rock,
the way of a ship in the midst of the sea,
and the way of a man with a maid, okay?
Wow, what poetry, you know?
What majestic descriptions of nature
in the natural world, right?
But, you know, there's also this tone
of potentially ominous danger there.
Did you notice that as well, right?
I mean, think about these things.
The way of an eagle in an air.
Why isn't an eagle flying?
Because it's looking to kill something.
It's going to swoop down
and tear something to shreds, right?
We look at it, oh, how majestic.
The rabbit looks up and has a different opinion.
You know, it says, that's not majestic,
that's terrifying, right?
The way of a serpent upon a rock.
You know, some snakes,
I know some people just have a natural inclination
to hate snakes,
but if you really just admire them
beyond just the, you know, the man killers
that they are potentially, right?
You know, that they are, you know,
their scales, the way they look,
the way they reflect in the sun,
you know, they can be a beautiful creature, right?
They are nice to look at.
But, you know, again,
the mouse probably doesn't see it that way.
They don't see the shiny scales.
They see fangs, right?
They see a very deadly creature.
The way of a ship in the midst of the sea, right?
I mean, people paint this.
And, you know, you might read that
and think, oh, in the midst of the sea,
this, you know, this majestic wooden ship
with these great big sails
sailing off into the sunset
to start some long, epic voyage.
Or, you know, another picture could be
in the midst of some giant, you know, storm
where it's nearly capsized
and we're master breaking
and everything's falling apart.
Man overboard and everything else.
And, you know, abandoned ship.
You know, these are obviously
very beautiful pictures.
It's very poetic.
But they all have this undercurrent
of potential danger, don't they?
There's this ominous tone
of an eagle in the air,
of a serpent on a rock,
of a ship, you know,
which is going to be at the mercy
of the natural elements of the ocean.
And then it ends with
the way of a man with a mate.
Look, the way of a man with a mate
can go very good or very bad.
Things can go very well.
It can be a very blessed union.
It can be a very fruitful union.
It can be a reason to rejoice
and to have happiness.
It can be a great source of joy.
Or it can be a great source
of heartache in our lives, right?
It can have the same ominous tone
as any of these other things
that were previously described
in that verse.
We, as parents, need to make sure
that we help these young people
through that, yes,
so that nothing terrible or bad happens.
But we also have to allow
a man have a way with a mate, okay?
Dating couples must be allowed
to focus on their potential spouse
to avoid disaster.
When my children start dating,
I want them focused on that individual.
And I want them to be infatuated
and have all the starry-eyed everything else.
And obviously, we'll be there to say,
consider this, think about that,
here's some questions to ask,
so on and so forth.
But if I'm so busy worried about them leaving,
they're gonna have a hard time
focusing on that spouse, aren't they?
That's where I want their attention,
is focused on an individual.
Who is it that you're really thinking about
spending the rest of your life with?
You say, oh, you're overemphasizing.
I can't overemphasize that enough,
because that's what we're teaching here.
We don't teach this,
oh, if it doesn't work out,
just get divorced.
No, that's not what we believe.
That's not what the Bible teaches.
We already went over that.
When you enter into that union,
that's it, deal's done.
And as it was said to me before I got married,
if you marry the wrong person,
it will hit you like a ton of bricks
on your wedding night.
And by wrong person,
I don't mean who God didn't ordain for your life.
I don't buy into this whole thing,
there's one particular person
for one particular person.
Of all the trees in the garden,
thou mayest freely eat,
except for the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
God gives us that liberty in life.
Obviously, God foreknows all things.
But if I am, one, just too naive
or not mature enough as a young person,
or just too starry-eyed,
or I have parents that are involved
that are making things more difficult than they need to be
where I'm getting distracted,
and I can't focus on that person I'm going to marry,
maybe there's some things I might miss
that I will wish I hadn't missed later,
but then it's too late.
You say, that sounds ominous.
Well, that's marriage.
Marriage is a very daunting task.
It can be a very difficult thing for people.
It will ruin lives.
It'll make people, it'll break people, folks.
I'm not going to pull any punches about it.
You're there in Proverbs, go to Proverbs 25.
Go to Proverbs 25.
We need to allow our children to leave father and mother
and go through that process
so that they can focus on that other person
and, yes, see all the good things,
but also be able to look out for
anything that might be overly concerning.
They might say, you know what, this person isn't for me.
Look at Proverbs 25.
You're turning there, I'll read from Proverbs 21.
It says, it is better to dwell on a corner of a housetop
than a brawling woman in a white house.
You say, oh, that's verse 24.
No, the Bible repeats itself.
It says that in Proverbs 21, verse 9
and where you are in Proverbs 25, verse 24.
When the Bible's reiterating something,
we should pay extra attention.
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop
than with a brawling woman
and in a white house.
You know, you marry that wrong woman,
you marry that brawling woman,
it's going to be a long life.
And the corner of a housetop's going to be looking pretty good to you.
You say, I'd rather, I just want to get away.
I just want to be somewhere where she isn't.
That's not what I want for our young people.
That's not what I want for my kids.
That's not what I want for any of your children.
I want them to make sure that they marry the right person
in terms of somebody that they're going to be able to be friends with,
they're going to be able to get along with,
that they are, you know, compatible
not on a physical level,
but on an emotional, spiritual level
that they know that this is the right choice for them.
In closing, I'm just going to say a couple things here.
You know, dating couples have their own problems to work out.
We don't need to add to that as parents.
We don't want to layer that.
That's just going to be a distraction.
And let me just say this.
The personal preferences of parents don't factor in
when it comes to your child's spouse.
They don't.
Now obviously parents are there to look out and point things out,
but when my children are dating,
it's what they think about that person that matters the most.
Because really my criteria are going to be pretty general
when it comes to my daughters.
Is he saved? Number one.
Not saved? Not going to happen.
Yeah, I have veto power.
But I'm not going to hold that over my children's head.
I'm going to say here's the criteria.
This is what I have thus far.
Are they saved? Do they attend church?
Do they believe the right doctor when it comes to the Bible?
Are they King James only?
All this doctrinal stuff, like the big stuff.
Can two walk together except they be agreed?
I raise my children a certain way,
they're going to look for a certain type of spouse.
I'm going to grill that young guy about some things.
But then once he checks all my boxes,
whatever they are, that's it.
And once they begin that process of dating
and engagement and all that,
my personal preferences kind of take a back seat.
By all means, have a checklist.
Make sure if you have something you want a spouse
to check for your children.
Get that out of the way.
Make sure they check all those boxes.
But once they check those boxes,
we step back and we're observers.
We'll guide, we'll give advice,
we'll direct as we're asked.
But if we have some personal preference,
that doesn't factor in.
Well, honey, I just really wish you'd married a guy
with blue eyes like your dad.
I'm talking petty squabbly little things like that.
You know what?
I don't like the fact that she doesn't, you know,
know how to cook this dish.
And, you know, you laugh at that,
but this kind of stuff's out there.
In-laws can make things very difficult if they want to,
if they want to be overly involved in meddling, okay?
You know, I thank God for my mother-in-law.
You know, she was not that way.
She was like, please, take her.
I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding.
You know, I saw her on FaceTime yesterday,
I think it was.
It was the first time in years.
You know, she's not calling me every hour.
Like, how are you treating my daughter?
What did you say to her?
You know, how did you spend Christmas?
What are you doing this?
You know, she's not like checking me out.
It's too late, I'm married, right?
And you can't wait until they say I do,
and then you say, okay, now.
Now I'm going to check out.
Now I'll get out of their business.
It happens before that, folks,
because you have to allow them to become that couple
even before they're married.
Marriage, the marriage ceremony,
all we're doing at that point is just saying,
hey, that physical relationship, you can go ahead now.
That's really all you're saying at that point.
You know, it's not like, oh, now you're married,
now find out who that person is.
Now find out what they're like, really like.
You don't want to go into it like that.
And that's why we as parents have to just
let them leave father and mother, okay?
It's not let them teleport from father and mother.
It's leaving, it's a process.
They don't just go from your child to someone's spouse.
There's a gap there where they go from you to that spouse.
How do we conduct ourselves there?
Have the criteria, have the checklist.
If that potential spouse meets your criteria,
whatever it is, that's personal preference, you decide.
But once they've checked that,
and you're saying, you know what, you can proceed,
and if this leads to marriage, you have our blessing,
now it's time to just back way off
and let them work things out.
I'm not saying don't help.
I'm not saying don't give guiding principles in marriage.
That's what the preaching does.
And by the way, let me just say this so everybody knows.
Because I think people just assume that I do things a certain way.
So when it comes to me playing a role in your children's marriage,
if someone comes to me and says,
we want you to officiate the marriage, to conduct the marriage,
I'll do that.
I have my own set of criteria that I'll go through at that time.
But one of those things, just being upfront,
is I will do premarital counseling with that couple.
And it will be me and that couple and no parents.
And at that point, all we'll figure out is the logistics.
And there's going to be homework involved.
There's going to be assignments handed out
because I want to set up our young people for success in marriage.
And if they can't come to the church and figure out how to have a good marriage
or get some good solid advice, what hope are we giving them?
Maybe that's why the divorce rates are as high inside churches
as it is out in the world.
Because I don't want to just have this hands-off approach
or just say, go figure it out now.
Obviously there's a lot of things they're going to have to figure out in every marriage,
but I'm going to do my due diligence as a pastor,
as somebody who's pastoring this church,
to make sure that our young people are set up for success.
So that even if things do go south and some marriage ends in catastrophe,
I can at least lay my head on my pillow at night and say,
well, I did the best that I could.
So again, I'm not saying once they're dating or whatever that we don't have input,
but our personal preferences take a backseat.
It comes with very general, I believe, guidelines.
And that's where I come in as well.
I could help at the point of engagement, guiding through marriage counseling
with some of these general principles about marriage.
Let me close by saying this.
It says in verse Matthew 19 that,
For this cause shall man and woman leave father and mother,
and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh.
They are no more twain, but one flesh.
And I already kind of said this and alluded to this.
They're a new family.
They are not an addition to an existing one.
In-laws are just, well, they are what they are.
In-laws, they're just part of the package.
But they are not the primary deal.
Depending on your in-laws, it can be a blessing or not.
Just putting it lightly.
But what we're not doing is we're not marrying our children off into somebody else's family.
What we're doing is saying, go start something new.
They're no more twain, but one flesh.
There's something new.
And coming together, becoming one flesh,
there's going to be plenty of friction involved there.
We need to just not create resistance there on our part by holding them back.
That's why it's called giving away your daughter in marriage.
Who gives this woman away?
The father, her mother, and I.
This is what the father would say in that instance.
And we have to be willing to give them away.
It means we have to let them leave.
We give away our children.
We don't claim a new one.
That's not how it works.
If you would, we'll close in John chapter 3.
And again, I'm trying to just be very general this morning.
And hopefully there's some principle that everybody can take away from this morning.
And it's good to just preach sermons like this to kind of get it all out in the open
and to remind people of these things, because the fact is,
is that we have a lot of young people in our church.
A lot of young people are going to be coming up to the ranks in this church over the years,
where it means we're going to have a lot of parents that are going to have to go through this process,
self-included, maybe.
Just kidding.
Again, I'm not going to stand in the way of what God wants for our children.
So hopefully there's things that parents and young people, everybody in the room,
can take away from this sermon this morning.
Look at John chapter 3, verse 29.
He that hath the bride is the bridegroom.
Who has the bride?
The bridegroom.
He that hath the bride is the bridegroom's family.
And it's not vice versa either.
It's a new thing.
But the friend of the bridegroom, which standeth and heareth him,
and he's there, he's witnessing it,
he rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom's voice.
Marriage can be a very wonderful, beautiful thing that brings joy not only into the lives of the people getting married,
but also joy and rejoicing into the lives of those that are in proximity to it.
If we know our respective roles and don't step outside of those bounds,
I don't want to go on and on this morning.
Hopefully you got something out of that.
Hopefully there's a general principle that you can take away from that.
Let's go ahead and close in a word of prayer.
Dear Lord, again, thank you for the blessing of marriage, Lord.
Thank you that you've created us male and female, Lord,
that you've given us that natural desire to have a spouse, Lord,
and to enjoy the fruit of that relationship in our children
and the friendship that we can have with our spouses, Lord,
to have that companion for life.
And, Lord, help us as married people to appreciate our spouses, Lord,
and help us as parents, Lord,
to appreciate the fact that that's something our children are going to want and desire.
Lord, help us to navigate those waters with wisdom and discernment.
And, Lord, help your word to be a guide to us as we each and every one of us go through that.
We ask in Christ's name. Amen.
All right. We'll go ahead and sing one more song before we go.
Amen.
So open up our hymnals to song number 44.
Song number 44, we're going to work till Jesus comes.
O land of rest for thee I shall build a home and run,
when I shall pay my own worth I will tell of peace and love.
We'll work till Jesus comes.
We'll work till Jesus comes and we'll be ever home.
To Jesus Christ my friend for rest he gave us peace to hold.
Then we'd both suffer on his breast to eat and let be whole.
We'll work till Jesus comes.
We'll work till Jesus comes and we'll be ever home.
My son at once, my Savior's cycle,
for my steps shall go on.
We'll live all greatness till things die and we are heavily home.
We'll work till Jesus comes.
We'll be ever home.
Can you please just hang out on that side of the wall?
And even if you're not, get on that side of the wall.
Thank you.
We'll be ever home.