I'm going to preach a sermon tonight on the topic of dating. Let me just start out by
saying that when it comes to this topic, people might have a lot of different opinions
and things like that. I'm certainly going to express my opinions, but just keep in
mind that a lot of what I'm going to be expressing tonight is my opinion and not
necessarily a commandment of God. There's really nothing wrong with that. I think getting
up and giving good, solid advice, even if it's just based on one's opinion, one's
experience, and even principles from the scripture. I mean, we see Paul doing that
in this passage. If you notice there in verse 6, he says, I speak this by
permission and not of commandment, for I would that all men were even as myself.
And again, in verse 26, he says, I suppose that therefore, he says, I suppose
therefore that it is good for this present success, I say, that is good for a
man so to be. And this is just something that Paul did. He said, hey, let
me just give you some general advice. Let me just give you my opinion. Let me
give you my perspective. And, you know, that's what I'm doing tonight. I'm just
going to give some general dating advice, obviously because we have a lot
of people that are either at that age where they're going to begin dating, or
already at that age where they're going to be dating, or will soon be in
that at that age will begin dating. And typically, you know, my policy when it
comes to matters of the heart is to kind of just stay in my own lane, you
know. And that's something that we should all endeavor to do as church
members. I don't think we have this problem here, and I want to keep it that
way, is that we don't want people to start turning this church into their own
personal, you know, love connection where they're going to be, you know,
brother Chuck Worley. No one even knows what I'm talking about. Where
they're going to come in here and think, oh, so-and-so is a perfect match
for so-and-so and try to get people together. You know, if it's not your
child, if it's not your young person that is involved, really, we should just
stay out of it. That's my, but again, that's my opinion, but I think
that's a pretty good opinion to have. I know that's going to keep people from,
you know, potentially being offended and things like that, but really what I
want to do tonight is just give some general dating advice to those that are
getting to that age, or perhaps, yeah, even at that age already. And let me
just start out by saying, you know, the purpose of dating is, at least as we
should see it as Christians, you know, is not to just go out and have a good
time. It's not, you know, just to see, you know, how many different
relationships we can have until we get married. You know, that's the world's
philosophy, and we know, and people even in Christian circles would be, would
say you shouldn't even use that term dating. Well, you know, I'm gonna go
ahead and use it, okay. You know, they say you shouldn't use that. You should
use terms like courtship. You know, I'm not gonna sit here and split hairs
over things like that. You know, I use dating because, you know, when I think
about dating, I think it in the context of that you're setting a date. You know,
that you're going to use, somebody's gonna get together with somebody else
on a specific date. That's where dating comes from. Obviously, the world
could take dating, and there's a very negative connotation associated that
where it's involved, you know, with fornication and things like that.
That's not what we're about here. Obviously, everyone in this room probably
understands that fornication is a wicked sin, that it's not something that any
of God's children should be participating in. In fact, it's one of the few sins
that'll get you kicked out of church. Okay, so that's 1st Corinthians 5 for you.
I don't want to preach all of that, but I am clarifying what I'm saying
when I say, when I use the term dating. And what I want to get across
tonight in the beginning here is that, you know, the purpose of dating as we
look at it, at least the way it ought to be, is in order to find a spouse.
Not to rack up some body count, you know, like the world does out there.
Not to just put another notch in your belt, okay. That's the
world's philosophy. You know, we as Christians should only be dating people
with the intent of finding a spouse. That's the whole purpose of it, okay.
And, you know, let me just say this is that people should desire marriage.
You know, if you're one who has not been divorced, if you're somebody,
you know, who is not going to be violating some kind of scripture,
I believe that you should desire marriage. That's something that God has designed.
And some people get this mentality that, you know, that marriage somehow is just
this big burden, that it's just something that, you know, is for less
spiritual people or something like that. This kind of attitude is out there.
And they go to passages like 1 Corinthians 7, and we'll begin reading
of verse 6. And again, I'll point out that, you know, this proof text is
Paul's opinion, okay. He says, I speak this by permission and not of
commandment, for I would that all men were even as myself. And Paul, we know,
was unmarried. You know, he's saying, look, it's my opinion, and again,
he kind of clarifies later in the chapter saying that he supposes it's for,
it's better for this present distress, you know, because back then,
the church was being persecuted. There was a lot, you know,
they that would be married would have trouble in the flesh, okay.
I don't think Paul, you know, was necessarily just speaking in these
broad terms that everybody everywhere should avoid marriage if possible, okay.
But he does say, you know, that he would that all men were even as myself,
but every man after half this proper gift of God, one after this manner,
and another after that. I say, therefore, to the unmarried and widows,
it is good for them if they bide even as I. And again, this is his opinion.
But notice verse 9, and he gives this word of warning. He says,
but if they cannot contain, meaning if they cannot prevent themselves
from getting involved in fornication, if they cannot contain, let them marry.
He's saying it's better to marry than to burn, right, for it is better to marry
than to burn in your lust. And look, that's going to be the case
for the vast majority of people. God has just put that natural compulsion
to those natural feelings to have that relationship within the bonds of marriage.
That's just part of our biology, okay. That's something that's just ingrained in us.
There's nothing wrong with that as long as it's kept within the bounds of marriage.
Go over to Hebrews chapter 13. You can leave 1 Corinthians 7,
and go over to Hebrews chapter 13. So let me begin by saying,
you should date for the purpose of finding a spouse.
And this is not something that you should shy away from.
I think it's good for people if they are capable,
if they are not going to be committing other sin to go ahead and get married.
The Bible says in Proverbs 18, I'll read to you,
Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.
Now the way I read that, and I've heard other people interpret this different ways,
but the way I've always interpreted and read that,
it seems that God is saying that when a man finds a wife,
he obtains favor of the Lord. Because that's kind of the way it's laid
out. That's the order of it.
Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.
Some people will say, oh, you have to obtain God's favor,
and then he gives you a wife. Obviously, a wife is a blessing.
But there's just, I believe what the scripture is showing us
is that there's something about when a man goes ahead and fulfills his role to be a
husband and a father, that God favors that person in a way.
Not that they're better in some way, but that God is going to honor them.
God is going to provide for them. God is going to clear a path for them.
God is going to take note of that. When a man steps up to the plate and does
what he's supposed to do and marries and is fruitful and multiplies.
God will bless that. A lot of people today are gun shy about getting
married because they think, well, how can I, I can't take care of a family.
I can't provide. I'm worried about what might happen in the world.
The Bible says that when a man gets married, when he finds a wife, he obtains the favor
of the Lord. You shouldn't let things like that stop
you from getting married. Obviously, we need to be able to provide
for a family. I know I've stated this in a previous sermon.
I personally don't believe, again, my opinion, that when you get married, you need to be
able to provide for five children right out of the gate, or 10 children right out of the
gate. Children typically come, naturally, one or two
at a time. Typically, the vast majority of the time,
it's one at a time. They're spaced apart. Plenty of time for you to work on a career,
make more money, and get the finances that you need.
Again, people have excuses today for not getting married, and they like to spiritualize
it a lot of times and just say, well, I'm like Paul.
Sometimes I wonder if it's just a lack of confidence, or the inability to actually find
somebody that would want to marry you. Let's not forget, it has to be a willing
party involved. You're there in Hebrews chapter 13, look
at verse 1. It says, let brotherly love continue, but
be not forgetful to entertain strangers, and thereby some have entertained angels
unawares. Remember them that are bonds is inbound
with them, and them which suffer adversity as being yourselves also in the body.
Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled.
God has created marriage to be that place where that need for that physical relationship
is to be satisfied, and that's the only place for it.
I know that's not popular. I know that's not what they're going to teach you down
at the junior high, and high school, and university.
I know that's not what they're promoting out there in Hollywood, and in the music
industry, and all these other places. I know that's not the world's philosophy,
but that is what the Bible teaches for men and women, that they are to only have that
relationship within marriage, and nowhere else.
That's what it says, marriage is honorable in all, verse 4, and the bed undefiled,
but notice, but whoremongers and adulterers, God will judge.
Everything else outside of that, God judges it.
So this is why you date. It's not to go out there and be a fornicator,
or a whoremonger, or a whore. It's so that you can find a spouse and have
an honorable marriage that God is going to favor.
Go over to Genesis chapter number 2. I'm going to get into some things tonight
about just some general dating advice.
Dating is for the express purpose, I believe, for people to find a spouse.
Not to make a bunch of friends. People aren't going to like what I'm about
to say, but I'm going to stand by this, and I believe this, and you'll never convince
me this isn't the case. Men and women were not made to be friends.
It's a fact. You say, oh no, no, it's different.
You are fighting God's design when you say that.
You're going against biology. You're going against human nature to sit there
and say that men and women can just be friends.
That's not what God made women for, to be a man's friend.
I'm not saying that a husband and wife can't be friends.
Hopefully they're friendly most of the time.
And I'm not saying that men and women can't be acquaintances and be friendly one
to another. But I'm saying my closest companion in life
is not going to be some other man's wife, some single woman.
I mean, wouldn't that just strike you as odd?
You know, if I were to just pick up the phone, I think my wife would have something to say
if she came in the room and said, who are you talking to?
I'd say, oh, Mrs. So-and-so. Well, what are you talking about?
Oh, we're just chit-chatting. About what?
Oh, this, that, the other thing. We're good friends.
It's ridiculous to even think that that would be acceptable.
And again, I know this isn't popular with the world, and the world would say, oh, you
can be friends with anybody. You can be friends with your coworker
of the opposite gender. You can go down there and tell them all about
how rough your marriage is. You can go to work and back talk on your
spouse. You can go ahead and just talk trash about
your marriage to some coworker somewhere. But it isn't interesting that that's where
a lot of adultery takes place, is in the workplace.
And there's been studies that have been done that have shown that people who spend
enough time together, even if initially they don't find each other attractive at all,
they're just not, you know, they would look at that person and say, not my type.
You spend enough time around somebody and get familiar with them, you'll be attracted
to them, because that is human nature. That is biology. That is how God has designed
us. And there's been whole studies about the
pheromones, the familiarity, all these things that come into play where even people
who initially find themselves, do not find themselves attracted to one another, if they
spend enough time together, they will end up finding themselves very attracted to that
person. And look, men and women were just not made
to be friends. And I believe the scripture backs this up. I believe this is more than
just my opinion. I believe I have scripture to back this up. Look at Genesis chapter
2 verse 18, it said, the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be
alone. And again, let me emphasize my first point right there. It is not good that
the man should be alone. And this is all going to come back and play into the importance
of dating and finding the right spouse, okay? You know, men should, if they're capable,
if they're able, they should get married, because it's not good for the man to be
alone. Because a lot of times what happens is they burn. But at the same time, men
and women were not made to be friends. That's really the greater point I'm trying
to make here. Notice he goes and says, I will make and help meet for him. And the Lord
God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept. So why did God make woman? So
that she could have a bunch of guy friends? So that she could be chummy with a bunch
of people that aren't her husband? And vice versa? No, he said I'm going to make
him and help meet for him. I'm going to make him somebody that's going to be a help
to him. That is what woman was made for. You know, and don't make me get Rosie the
Riveter out tonight and start punching me in the face. Hopefully no one in here is
throwing a fit right now. You know, Rosie just wants to come out, you know, and start
swinging at me. Some of you have no idea what I'm talking about. All right, so let
me just get her out. You know, Rosie there, she doesn't like to hear this preaching.
She just, you know, she wants at me. You know, because she's, you know, she
can do it. She doesn't need to be, she can have all the guy friends she wants.
Right? You know, let's keep Rosie in her place tonight. The Bible says I will make
him and help meet for him. That's what woman was made for. You know, you know, I'm
not going to apologize for what the Bible says. The point is this, is that,
you know, man made woman to be a help to Adam and to Adam alone. He
made one woman to be a help to one man. Okay, that's what was her purpose.
Her purpose was. It says there, and the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall
upon Adam, excuse me, and he slept and took one of his ribs and closed up the
flesh instead thereof. Look, verse 22, and the rib which the Lord God had taken
from man made he a woman and brought her unto the man. And said she's going to
be your best friend. She's just there to play card games with. You know, she's
just there to talk to. No, it was, it was for several reasons. And Adam said
this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called
woman because she was taken out of man. Now don't think that verse 24 is
Adam continuing to speak. It's not. Verse 24 is the narrator of scripture.
Okay, and I'll prove that here in a minute. The Bible says in verse 23 it
quotes Adam and he says, you know, I'm going to call her woman because she
was taken out of man. And then it says verse 24, therefore, because woman was
taken out of man, therefore, she shall, shall a man leave his father and his
mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. And there
you have it. That's, that's what woman was made for. To be a
wife to a husband. Go to Matthew chapter 19. Jesus quotes this. The Bible says in
1st Peter chapter 3 that husbands should dwell with their wives
according to knowledge giving honor under the wife as under the weaker
vessel as being heirs together of the grace of life. You know, that's what the
husband and wife relationship is about. You know, it's their being heir, their
heirs together of the grace of life. Me and my wife are heirs together of the
grace of life. Look at Matthew chapter 19 verse 1. It says, and it came to pass
that when Jesus had finished these sayings he departed from Galilee and came
to the coast of Judea beyond Jordan and great multitudes followed him and he
healed them there and the Pharisees also came on him tempting him and saying
unto him is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause and he
answered and said unto them have you not read that he which made them at
the beginning made them male and female. So he's referring back to
Genesis where we were just reading. And said, and here Jesus says it, and he's
not saying it, Adam said, it says that he made them male and female
referring to the Lord and the Lord made them male and female and said for
this cause shall a man leave his father mother and they shall cleave to his
wife and they twain shall be one flesh. Look when you get when you when a man
and a woman are married they're one flesh it's like they're almost one
person. You know my wife is not there to be my wife and a bunch of a friend
to a bunch of dudes. To be friendly with a bunch of other guys. She's my
wife. You say well you just sound very jealous. I am jealous because she's mine
that's what it means to be jealous. The Bible says that the Lord is his
name is jealous. He's a jealous God. You know what to God we had some people
today were more jealous of their spouses. You know there'd be a lot less
adultery. Look at verse 6 wherefore they are no more twain but one flesh
what therefore God hath joined together let not man put asunder.
Saying what God puts together don't let man put asunder. So he's giving
him his answer. He's saying no woman you cannot just divorce a woman for
every cause. And this is kind of what this is where I'm going with this is
that look the purpose of dating is to find a spouse and it's not to make a
bunch of friends and eventually have to settle on somebody so you better be
very careful on who that is that you settle on because it's for life. That's
what the Bible says. He said that what therefore God hath joined together let
not man put asunder. But you're gonna date somebody you better take it
seriously. You better really think about that who that person is and not just
get all caught up in the emotion. Look there should be emotion there I'm
not saying we're gonna treat this like some kind of cold calculating job
interview. You know emotion has to also be tempered and it's not easy
especially for young people to do that to temper emotion with things like
logic and reason. Okay and I'm trying to have all I'm trying to do tonight is
help the gravity of this sink in a little bit that when you're dating
somebody if you're doing it for the right reasons it's to find a spouse
and when you find a spouse when you say I do till death do us part you
know that's a vow before God that he takes seriously. So we better think
long and hard about whether or not who it is you're gonna settle on and look
there's some things that you can look for. Look it let me just say this it's
better to not marry it than to marry the wrong person. It's better to not marry
than to marry the wrong person. The Bible says and if you would go over to
Proverbs chapter 25. The Bible says it is better to dwell in the
corner of a housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Oh I
got this great big house I got you know 5,000 square feet I got six
bedrooms three bathrooms a stud I got this huge house and I got a wife who
just won't leave me alone she's just after me she's brawling she wants to
fight it'd be better to get out of that house throw a ladder up on the
side of the house and climb up there and just shiver on the corner of the
house the rooftop. The Bible says a foolish son is the calamity as a father and
the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping. Look obviously women
can end up marrying the wrong man okay but let's you know women are not
without their faults either men can marry the wrong woman and by wrong I
don't mean you know the person I don't mean the person that you know
that God had the specific person for you to marry and you didn't figure out
what God's will was I'm saying you know you didn't stop and think about
what that person was really like you didn't stop to think about what their
character was like what kind of person they were you didn't give enough
time to observe you know how they behave in certain circumstances and you
just went ahead and let emotion drive you you just let physical
attraction drive you and you just got married because you didn't want to
be a fornicator you got impatient and you end up marrying a person who is
just gonna be what a continual dropping you say what does it mean by that a
continual dropping you ever try to sleep at night and have a leaky you know what
the toilets running you know that the plunger didn't go way down all you
hear is you know the ones paying the bills pay attention to that like the
water has been running it's 3 in the morning you'll get out of bed for
that you won't be happy about it you know that's that's that continual
dropping it's annoying it's troublesome there's no peace there look at Proverbs
25 verse 24 it is better to dwell on the corner of a house top then with a
brawling woman in a winehouse oh did I just read that oh no wait the Bible's
repeating itself that's what's going on here that I read Proverbs 21 now
we're in Proverbs 25 and he's saying the same thing seems to me like God
wants us to get something through our heads that you know you should be
careful about who it is that you're going to marry and that whole process
begins in dating okay and I'm going with and I'm saying all this because you know
dating is a serious matter and I want people to actually take it seriously
you know and not to just get up getting you know love struck where
emotion just takes over and it's just all about the way they look or what
they say and not actually examining what kind of person they actually are and
where they're going to lead you or if they're even capable of being led so let
me just give you a few opinions some things but I think that are very wise
when it comes to dating okay hopefully you know you'll take it
serious I'm not gonna sit here and tell you exactly what you should look
for or exactly you know you know if you need that advice you can come talk
to me if you have godly parents you can go talk to them that's really
they'll guide you through those waters and you should listen to them but I think
there's some general things some general dating advice that I can give
that I'm sure most people would agree with and you know this one is might
not be popular but if you would go to I should keep something in first
Corinthians could but go back keep something in Proverbs go back to 1st
Corinthians chapter 7 you know keep your hands to yourself when you're
dating you see what do you mean that I mean literally keep your hands to
yourself and you say oh you mean like no no you know touching up no I mean
like don't touch them like no grabbing hands grabbing arms you know
and again this is my opinion okay but I think people underestimate how
powerful touches you know I didn't touch my wife before we got married I'm
not gonna get up here and give you all the personal details of my life but
I'll tell you this much I helped the first time I ever touched my wife at
all I'm saying at all outside maybe a handshake was after I said I do first
time I ever kissed my wife was when I was told you may kiss the bride and
again I know this isn't popular but you know people underestimate the power
of touch and where things like that lead you know and people will make the
argument say well when he's saying there and we'll just read it in first
Corinthians chapter 7 verse 1 now concerning the things wherever you wrote
on where have you wrote unto me it is good for a man not to touch a woman
you know obviously I'm taking a very extreme interpretation of that verse and
people can make the argument that he's referring only to fornication
nevertheless to avoid fornication let every man have his own wife and you
know I could see where people are coming from the Bible says in Proverbs
I'll read to you he that goeth unto his neighbor's wife whosoever toucheth
her shall not be innocent so maybe this idea that Paul is using about
touching is referring to you know a much more carnal thing than just you
know holding hands or things like that but you know what that's where stuff
like that starts I mean I remember we pulled out of the church parking lot
after me and my wife got married and you know what it was one of the most
you know just how do I say this what got the motor running was the when
we when we held hands all the way down the hill to the hotel just
holding hands just holding hands yeah you know and even today you know
after all these years of marriage you know sometimes all I gotta do is just
grab the arm you know a little hand on the cheek because touch is a powerful
thing and you know that's why my opinion and the way it's gonna be in
my house and again this is my opinion you know I can't sit here and
say this is exactly what Paul means by not touching a woman I can see the
other side but in my house it's no one's touching my daughters and my
daughters aren't touching anybody else and my son's not gonna go around
touching girls and I'm not saying in a sensual way I'm saying if I ever came
around the corner and saw my son holding another girl's hands he wasn't
married to her I'm gonna touch him and it's not he's not gonna get goose
pimples it's not go boo boo boo it's gonna go boo boo boo boo it's
gonna be a different it's it's there's give me some adrenaline flowing it's
gonna be for different reasons if I ever came around the corner and saw
some guy touching my daughter even if it was just appeared to be innocent you
know I'm gonna touch him too or at least make him think I'm gonna a bluff
big the older I get the more I have to bluff you know that's one of my
you know that's one of my just general dating advice keep your hands
to yourself you know touching people sends a it sends a signal and you start
touching people even even if it's just and I'm not saying it even in a non
sensual way it's a it's a it's communicating here's another
unpopular opinion don't spend time alone when you're dating again my
opinion and a lot of people are just like what don't spend time alone how am
I supposed to get to know this person I didn't say you couldn't be out of
earshot but you know you shouldn't be getting together you know behind
closed doors you know you can get out of earshot and still be within
gunshot you know and I'm half joking about that you know you can get out
of you you say you have to stay in sight and specifically you know in sight
okay that's why it's gonna be in my house you know I don't think that young
people should be getting together alone you know behind closed doors if you're
gonna date you know and you got to be alone go out into a public space meet
at a restaurant you know meet somewhere that's open during the day but don't
go back to the apartment don't go back to the bedroom okay you say well
nothing's gonna happen you have the Bible says in first Thessalonians 5 to
abstain from all appearance of evil you know I don't even think that you
know they should be alone together even if nothing happens how do you know how
do we know when a man and a woman are spending time alone together how do
we know we just have to assume the best but you know what people don't
assume the best maybe people that might know you will assume the best but
you know the world looks at that they instantly assume the worst because to
them it's not that bad it's what they do they get together alone and
things happen and they're just gonna assume you're just like them and you
bring reproach upon the name of Christ so this again I'm just I'm not
gonna I'm not gonna lay out every all my dating advice I'm not I don't
want to bore you to tears with this stuff but there are some things here
that I think are worth mentioning and I'll probably preach other sermons
about this you know generally speaking my opinion just some general advice keep
your hands to yourself don't be getting alone together where people
can't hold you accountable abstain from all appearance of evil now
another question I want to kind of tackle here is you know when should
dating begin and again I have an opinion here but I also have some
biblical principle to back this up okay when should you start dating well
let's ask ourselves this what again is the purpose of dating is to get
married so dating should begin when marriage is an actual possibility because
isn't that the purpose of dating isn't that what men and women were
created for not to just be friends not to just hang out I mean I'm not saying
that people of opposite genders especially when they're young and single
can't just be friends but that's all they should be is just friends and
if they're not gonna date they don't need to be running off together and
doing things you know if there's not a possibility of marriage you know when
you should begin dating my opinion when it's possible for you to actually
get married you know when you as a young man could actually support a fan you
know a family when you can actually support a wife and a child because news
flash if you're gonna do things the Bible way it's love marriage then the
baby carriage you know all know the rhyme you know that's that's how it
works if you're gonna do things right if you're not gonna interfere with
you know God's design not take that terrible advice that was given to me
well you should just use birth control for the first two years and just get to
know each other you know no that's not what God said God said it'd be fruitful
and to multiply so if you're the young man you're not capable of
supporting a wife and at least one child you know why date maybe you
should be more focused on your career you say what does a woman want nobody
knows what women want well I have an idea I bet you I could take a stab at
that if they're you know if they're if they're good godly woman I can get I
could tell you one thing I know they want is security they want to be
provided for I mean good night look at we're preaching up here look what the
Bible teaches that women have to obey their husbands that they have to
be keepers at home to love their children and to love their husbands and
to not go out and work a job and we as guys row yeah haha what's the
bottle says you know but that puts a lot of responsibility on us and that's the
way it ought to be you know and you can't just preach that to the lady
and just say do with it you know if you're gonna believe that as a young man
and you should as the Bible said that's what the Bible teaches that woman in
her place is in the home and it's your job to provide for then you
better get busy about being able to provide for and be able to pay the
bills and take care of business you know instead of worrying about you know
where you're gonna take her and what you're gonna say and whatever now
you're gonna press her you know if she's a godly young woman you know what's
gonna press her is when you can actually she can say oh I could
actually trust this guy to take care of me not leave me out the cold you
know so when do you begin dating when being met when marriage is an
actual possibility where it could actually lead to you being married and again I'm
not saying you got a you pull down six figures right out of the gate but you
gotta be able to take care of a wife at the very least and ultimately you know
this again is my opinion parents are the ones that make these decisions I'm just
giving you my opinion marriage or dating should not begin until marriage
is a possibility you know and we talked briefly just now about the finances
you know it but more importantly than that how about emotionally you know
young people they get to a certain age where you know they they they're you
know they're physically capable of fulfilling a role in marriage but the
emotions are way behind the maturity is way behind you know and that's just and
and again I don't want to just pick on all the young people today but it's
just it's just a medical fact and I'm gonna keep saying bringing this up
until you know because I just it's important to understand this and it's
not to make people put people down or anything like that but again there's
been studies and I'm not going to read this whole article where it's proven that
the that the the brain is not fully developed in here about 25 years old
give or take 25 and obviously our brains continue to grow we continue to
learn things beyond that hopefully but the the this specifically they talk
about a very important connection okay where it and I'll read it briefly it
says that adults think with the prefrontal cortex the brains rational
part you know in a fully developed adult with a fully developed brain not
just a body but a brain they begin to think with the prefrontal cortex
which is the part of your brain that's associated with things like good
good judgment being rational making good decisions that part isn't developed
until you're in your 20s folks this is the part of the brain response to
situations with good judgment and awareness of what long-term
consequences you know that's the part of the brain that can look beyond
you know they're attractive look everybody's pretty when they're when
we're young okay we're all good looking when we're when we're young we
all start out that way give it time and that that's a that you but that would
require you being able to think in the long term right you know beauty fades
but what what really is gonna matter you know in 20 or 30 years when you're
both not you know beautiful and young what's gonna matter is that person's
character what's gonna matter is that person's heart for God what's gonna
matter is you know their integrity that's what's gonna that's what you're gonna
care about how they what their thoughts are about raising children very
important things you know but at that young age that we don't think like
that and look we're all this way at that age it's just part of human
biology I mean I'm not gonna get up here and recite to you the litany of
stupid things I did as as a teenager in a young person we don't would be here
all night you know but part of it was because I didn't have somebody there a
preacher a parent trying to instill this in me and help me to understand
that you know this part of my brain essence of tele it's mush the part of
the brain that is associated with good judgment and awareness of long-term
consequences teenagers young people process information with the
amygdala the emotional part of the brain that's how they're processing not with
the prefrontal cortex where it's associated with you know reasoning and
good you know situational awareness long-term consequences they all they
think all with the emotional part of the brain you know and if you're a
teenager and you're and you're sitting there you're getting mad at me right
now for talking about this and you're so that doesn't make any sense you're
proving my point I don't understand that's so stupid you're getting
emotional and this isn't connecting you're proving my point you just the
art you know your evidence of this that this article is true in teens
brains the connections between the emotional part of the brain and the
decision-making Center are still developing and not always at the same
rate that's why teens have overwhelming emotional input and can't later explain
what they were thinking they weren't thinking as much as they were just
feeling and look that's there's nothing wrong with that you know that's
a you know you want that part to develop to you want the emotional part
to develop to it's just you they have to both get there okay you know
and you say well that's just some study you read online yeah but there's a
biblical principle too I think that I have and if you would go over it keep
something in a I don't know if I had you go to Ephesians I know where I had
you go you're probably still in Proverbs keep something there but go
to Numbers chapter 1 you see in a society we live in everyone thinks
that there's this magical number that you hit called 18 and all of a
sudden you're an adult I mean society is gonna say you're an adult they're
gonna say yeah you know what you can enlist in the army and you can vote you
can buy cigarettes and all number of things you can go out there and just run
wild and look I'm not saying if you don't meet the certain age that you're
you know some you know just brain-dead idiot that's incapable of navigating
life's waters I'm just saying you know don't let that emotional part of
your brain run wild especially when it comes to this idea of dating and
finding a spouse where you just get blinded by the emotion that's involved
okay the Bible talks about over no and I don't have time to go to all the
passages where it lays out how God would number people and consider them
adults and it's 20 years of age it says in Numbers chapter 1 verse 1 of
the Lord spake unto Moses the wilderness of Sinai in the tabernacle the
congregation on the first day the second month in the second year after
they were come out of land of Egypt saying take ye the sum of all the
congregation of the children of Israel he's telling to number the people after
their families by the house of their fathers with the numbers of their names
every male by their poles and but notice God stipulation he said don't
count everybody he said from 20 years old and upward that are all that are
able to go forth to war in Israel so he's numbering his army and God's book
and look there's so many the Levitical priesthood there's just so many
instances where God is saying 20 years of age 20 years of age 20 years of age
you know when I look at the scripture it seems to me like that's what God
considers an adult and I get it this is you know to be this is this
is dealing with you know civic duties and things like that but I believe it's
a principle I'm not gonna sit here and say you shouldn't get married or you
shouldn't date until you're 20 years old but I am saying this is that you
shouldn't date until you're mature enough to handle it until there's been
you know and again you know parents are the ones that ultimately make that
call but at the same time you know maybe you do start dating at a younger
age don't be in a rush there's no need to be in a rush are you saying
well that's easy for you to say Deacon you're married you've been married for
12 years well I don't know how young you think I am the 12 years that put
that means I got married at 29 I'm almost 20 who am I gonna marry don't come
looking at me for sympathy I sat in a Baptist Church with no prospects
for seven years before my wife finally came along and even after that I
was still too brain-dead to do anything about it about and I tell her
I was playing hard to get I was probably just scared right you know I
waited that long and all I'm saying is this tonight you know this is just
some more general advice based on what I see in numbers you know don't be in a
rush what's the rush you know you're only gonna be and don't take this the
wrong way you know married people but you singles you're only going to be
single once if you do it right it's only gonna happen once don't be in a
rush you know enjoy that time use that time to to have a walk with God
use that time to get to know the Lord to get to know the Word of God to
develop a skill to to learn what it takes to be that godly husband or that
godly wife you want to figure that out you know obviously there's some
things you're just never gonna be prepared for but don't you think you
could maybe figure out a few things before you get married and try to try to
figure it all out afterward and if you're gonna start dating somebody don't
be in a rush to just tie the knot right away and just well you know we
both look at each other and we just both get goosebumps and have
butterflies let's just do this you could get that with a lot of
different people I mean you could find something as I said early you could
find somebody you're not even attracted to and if you spent enough time with
them you'd have those same feelings you know the purpose of dating you know
is is to determine whether or not that's somebody you're gonna marry and it's
more than just how you feel about that person you know I spent I spent
time as person they make me feel a certain way you know dating is a time
to observe that other person's behavior and to see what they're like
and sometimes you have to wait a while to see him go through certain
situations it's time for you know the parents to observe that individual I
believe as well you know how does that potential spouse handle certain
circumstances and again I don't want to spill my guts about everything that
went on between me and my wife you know but I was talking to her about
this and she and she mentioned to me that that was something that she did
when we were dating she saw how I handled myself under certain
circumstances and she said I can marry this guy and I'm not saying you know I'm
saying circumstances where I was frustrated I mean you know I'll share a
quick story like her sister her you know my sister-in-law now her had some
car her car problems it was like the alternator or something like that and
some old Buick so they pulled it into her they were both living at her
mom's house and they pulled the car in the garage and I went over there to
fix it for him to save her sister some money I pulled the wrong part out of
the car I mean I'm down rolling around the floor I got a jack this thing
up it's winter and I've been working all day and I'm and I pulled the wrong
part out she's telling me the story I vaguely remember it and I and I got
very frustrated you know and I and I was it was evident that I was
frustrated and then either my wife or her sister said hey Corbin do you want a
cup of coffee in the midst of this any guy who knows who's ever been working
on something you know that's kind of that continual dropping I know you're
under stress right now but can I just start asking you questions you know but
what what she noticed was the way I responded as frustrated as I was
evidently it was it was I was just obviously frustrated with the
circumstance but what I didn't do is turn and say don't bother me right now
and take it out on them I rolled out from underneath that car apparently
it was a sweet little smile on my face said no thank you and then went
back under the car and continued to frustrate myself and that's just one
example she rattled off a bunch that some I'm not gonna share with you where
she watched me and in certain circumstances and how I handle he
said okay I can marry this guy because now I know what he's really like you
know and and before that you know and I hope I'm not saying too much and
embarrassing my wife I tried to avoid doing that up here but she had
already had feelings for me there was already an attraction at that point and
it was mutual and you know we could have just gone with our gut and just
went well you know I look in your eyes and I just you know I want to
write a sonnet you know I blush every time I look at you can't wait to see you
and just gone on emotion alone you know and and you know praise God things
would have worked out but how would we have really known that but because
we didn't rush because we took time and didn't let emotion get the better
of us we were able to observe one another and make a wise decision which
is why I'm standing behind this pulpit today preaching to you and that's why I
still have a good marriage and it's why I have good children because of how
I handled myself when I was dating okay and I'm not saying that to make
myself I'm sharing that with you so that you can see the importance of the
gravity of dating somebody at least it ought to be there how do they handle
certain circumstances how do they treat their parents ask you that's that
question that was something my wife observed to me she saw how I treated my
mother you know ladies you're looking at a guy how does he treat his mother
how does he treat either of his parents young men you're interested in
some girl how does she treat her parents you know that the negligent son
that doesn't care about his mom probably isn't gonna care about his
wife either good night if you can't care about your own mother what kind of
a cold-hearted jerk are you gonna be towards your wife you know the daughter
who refuses to obey her father which but she's gonna obey you well I'd
hope so and look you say well what's what's that got to do anything look the
Bible says in Ephesians I don't know if I had you go there Ephesians chapter
5 it says husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and
gave himself for it that's what a husband's supposed to do he's supposed
to love his wife well how do I know if he loved he's gonna love me like he's
supposed to how does he treat his mother how does he treat his parents
you know what a Bible says in Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22 wives
submit unto your own husbands quiet quiet Rosie wives submit unto your own
husbands as unto the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife even
as Christ is the head of the church well how do I know if she's gonna
submit how do I know if she's gonna let me lead and be the head of the home how
does she treat her father how does she treat her parents is she obedient to
them here's another question you should ask when you're dating somebody do they
serve or lead in some kind of a spiritual capacity because the husband
is to be the spiritual leader of the home you know and if you guys out there
want to find a good godly you know Christian young lady which is what you
should want if that's what you are if you're a good godly Christian young man
you should seek you know you shouldn't be yoking up with unbelievers the
Bible says you know you need to ask yourself that you know what kind of you
know is she somebody where is she at spiritually look if she's ahead of you
spiritually that's a problem that's a problem oh we go out soul and she
does all the talking you know you need to learn to lead spiritually are they
serving in some kind of a spiritual capacity do they go to church do they
love the Lord these are the things you have to ask you know but again
this requires what the rational part of the mind to get involved and to not
be overwhelmed by the emotional part of your mind and again these are this is
important because you know these are the things you have to ask your dating
because dating leads to marriage and if it's not then you shouldn't be dating
you see that's my opinion well it is and let me just end on this point I
think it's my last point dating begins with dad so what are you
talking about dating begins with dad that's the way it's gonna be around in
my place go to Proverbs 19 and if you're not there go to Proverbs 19 it
begins with that you know dad is the you know the button so why why should I
have to listen to my dad about dating why should I have to listen to somebody
else's father why do they get to have veto power because the Bible says
honor thy father and thy mother you know and and here's the thing you know
if you have the opportunity to date a godly young lady you know chances are
there's a godly father involved in that situation and a godly mother you
know and they ought to be respected it says in verse 14 of Proverbs 19 houses
and riches are the inheritance of fathers and a prudent wife is from the
Lord houses and riches are the inheritance of fathers and a prudent
wife is from the Lord obviously there's some things that you know the earthly
things that our fathers give us houses riches the inheritance that's
something that we get our fathers and a prudent wife is from the Lord but
I don't think that that's those things are separate that fathers aren't
responsible for a prudent wife I think what this is telling us is that yes a
prudent wife is from the Lord through a man who loves God a prudent wife is
from the Lord because she comes from a godly heritage she has a godly father
involved that's why dating begins with dad and again a lot of this is my
opinion I'm not saying if you if people are gonna do things differently
out there that you know we're gonna have a problem I'm just giving you
general dating advice this is my opinion and if there's some young man out there
that wants to start dating some young lady you know when her parents are
around you know that's where it starts and dad gets to say yay or nay
and people don't like that but the Bible says in Ephesians children obey
your parents and the Lord for this is right and if you're wise you'll listen
to your parents people whose brains are fully developed and can think about the
long-term consequences who have been married for decades been married longer
than you've been alive and understand what it takes to make a marriage work
and can and perceive things about people that you cannot perceive that no
things about human nature that you do not know or understand and that's not
default anybody that's something that we all have to learn just hopefully not
the hard way go over to Proverbs chapter 20 verse 7 close there say
well I just sound so old-school not being alone not holding hands not going
to the movie theater and sit in the back or park in a car or whatever kids
are doing not net you know what is it Netflix and chill yeah I'm sure that's
all that's going on there you just sound like some old stick in the mud
yeah so what you know it was these old old ways it was these old-fashioned
ideas that have I've avoided a lot of heartache you say all seeking a dad's
approval about who I should marry seeking a father's okay to date their
daughter so old-fashioned you know really a father's approval is something
that should be desired it's something you should want and that's a point of
pride you know that's one thing you know unfortunately you know I wasn't able
to have with my wife because her father passed away when she was 14 but
I remember wanting that and when I was dating her saying you know it would
that would be I would walk away with that as a badge of honor to be
approved by another man to date his daughter I would say I accomplished
something I actually has some value somebody sees something good in me I'm
good enough for somebody's daughter you know and I did go to her mother when I
decided you know when we're gonna get I was gonna propose I went to her mother
and said I want to marry your daughter are you okay with that and she
was a static I mean she couldn't have been happier she was thrilled no
one believes me it's true though I mean she didn't jump up and down for
joy I was hanging her Christmas lights when I did it I was hanging
Christmas lights on her mom's house so I was but I buttered her up you guys
want some advice you got to butter him up okay do something nice you say
well why should I go and get a father's approval well look at
Proverbs 20 verse 7 a just man walketh in his integrity his children are
blessed after him you know we should want a man of integrity to give us his
approval it's something to be desired and look this you know a just man
walketh is an integrity he toes the line he has standards he knows what's
right he knows what's wrong he's not a pushover he and he his children will be
blessed after him if they obey him if they listen if they follow his lead and
not be like verse 6 most men will proclaim everyone his own goodness I
don't need that I don't need his approval I don't need dad's approval
I'm good enough yeah well that's what most men would say but a faithful man
who can find you know if I were to go to you know some if I were dating in a
date someone and I went to a man a just man that walked in his integrity
and that was something that was known about him and he said yeah I'll
let you date my daughter that would be another man praising me and not my own
lips you see what I'm saying his approval means something about me not
about him about me so that's when dating should begin these are just some
general tips about dating should begin when you're actually ready to get
married you're capable of getting married what about this when should
dating end because dating should not just be this perpetual thing it should
have an end in sight either and it should either end in marriage or a
breakup and look it can be an amicable breakup it doesn't have to be this
heartbreak you could both just say look we're just not for each other it
can end that way typically it doesn't but it could well then how long should
I date for as long as it takes for you to make an informed rational
decision apart from emotion alone I'm not saying there can't be emotion
there should be emotion you should feel something for that person you should
have an attraction but you should date long enough till you can make an
informed rational decision and you have time for people to give their
input other people whose input matters or and should be valued again I
you know I'm just throwing this out there because I know we've got people
in the church that are beginning to date or will soon begin dating and I
you know it's something that has to be addressed something I have to you know
put out there because I think it's important because dating is a very you
know marriage look marriage is a very serious thing to enter into you know I
don't know that I necessarily agree with the statement but I wouldn't
disagree that I've heard over the years is that marriage who you marry is
the second biggest decision you'll make in your life first one is what you
will you do with Jesus right we've all heard it and then who will you
marry it's that big of a decision it's right up there you know and and and
you say well how do I know how I'm gonna marry the right person well it's
it's how you approach dating that's really gonna make the difference so I
just wanted to offer you know my general dating advice and if anybody
ever has questions you know I'm definitely more than open to answering
questions but you know at the same time I'm not gonna volunteer that
information I try to stay in my lane when it comes to these issues let's go
ahead and pray