Amen so continuing on in 2nd Samuel in chapter 13 there of course is probably one of the more well-known stories in the scripture
we have
The rape of Tamar and of course Absalom fleeing in this whole story that's played out
But it begins there in verse 1 it says that came to pass after this
That Absalom the son of David had a fair sister who was whose name was Tamar now
It says there, you know that the son of Absalom had a fair sister. So what's really going on here?
His half sister this isn't his full sister now that doesn't make it right
Okay, in fact, you know, this is something the Bible condemns either way. Okay half full sister
This is not something this is a an ungodly desire
that
Absalom had in this story and this is a good example of making sure we always
Decipher between a statement in a scripture and a story in the scripture
We can't read this story and go oh God's okay with you know, brothers marrying half sisters
That's that's not what's going on. This is just something that happened in the scripture, you know, the scriptures are full of
flawed characters
So you're gonna read a lot of bad things a lot of mistakes that people made in Scripture and they're written for admonition
You know so that we can learn from these things
But again, this is a story and not a statement the statement in Scripture in Leviticus 18 is this I'll read to you
It says none of you shall approach to any that is here of his kin to him to uncover their nakedness
I am the Lord and it goes on it gives this list of all what he means by those that are near to kin
The nakedness of thy sister the daughter of thy father or the daughter of thy mother
So he's saying even if it's a half sister, that's how you break that down. So again, this is not something that God sanctioned
That's not something that God approved of. This is just something that happened and we happen to read about it
And he says there in the story that he was so vexed in verse 2 and
Amnon said was so vexed that he fell sick for his sister Tamar. So he's he isn't actually sick in the story
We just read it. He faints sick. But what is this basically saying is that he's lovesick, you know
He's got he's he's in so in love with her that he has the butterflies in his stomach and all of that
and it says for she was a virgin and Amnon thought it hard for him to do anything to her and
I am none said unto unto him. I love Tamar my brother. Absolutely sister now
It says there that he thought it hard for him to do anything
Unto her and I want you to just keep that in mind as you read the story that apps, you know
What am non did is obviously is wicked and he's a wicked person
But this doesn't mean that he's some reprobate or that he's some psychopath because of the fact that he thought it hard for him to
Do anything, you know, he's resisting this desire
This isn't something that he necessarily wants to act on right and it says that he thought it hard for him to do anything
unto her
But of course am non here in the story is influenced by his friend to act upon this ungodly desire
Now the godly that this desire was there and it was wicked. It was wrong. He should have just gotten over that right?
But verse three of those famous words, but am non had a friend and those are very powerful words
There's a lot we can learn from the story about the influence of friendships in our lives the influence of friendships in our lives
It says that am non had a friend whose name was John Adab the son of shimmy
Uh, David's brother and John Adab was a very subtle man. He's a very subtle man. Of course being subtle often not always but is
Associated with wicked people, you know being of a subtle heart
Of course, we know that the serpent was more what subtle than any other beast of the field
But I want to focus a minute here on the influence of friendships because that's really you know
A major theme here in this in this passage of Scripture the fact that a man can be
Influenced to do something that he knows he shouldn't do by who by a friend now in the story here
It doesn't sound like John Adab is suggesting that he raped his sister
But rather that he just put himself in a such a situation where he could seduce her
I don't know what all of John Adab's advice was there
But obviously he got the ball rolling for amnon and amnon took it to the next level and went ahead and acted on
Those influences now remember amnon started out thinking this is hard for me to do that. I can't do anything to my sister
I don't I don't want to act on this impulse, but his friend came along and said well
Hey, let me go ahead and give you the green light on that
In fact, let me give you a plan on how to go ahead and get into sin
Okay, and we need to be very careful about the people that we are friends with in this life
There's some
Quotes that I've heard over time and one of them is this you are the average of the five people you spend the most time
With you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with though
I don't know how they did the math on that or how you necessarily figure that out
But there's a principle there that is true that as we hang out with certain individuals we pick up their mannerisms
We pick up the things that they say we pick up their habits
We pick up the things that they do and we incorporate that into ourselves
And we like to tell ourselves know what that's not the case
But that is the case and we have to be careful about the people that we hang around with another quote
I'm just saying a quote to you is show me your friends and I'll show you who you are becoming
Show me your friends and I will show you who you are becoming. That's very true
And again, this is a principle that can work for us or against us
You know if we surround ourselves with godly people God's people who love the Lord love the Bible love
The things of the Lord, you know that's going to rub off on us. We're gonna pick up good habits
We're gonna pick up we're gonna you know, godly things that we should be doing. We're gonna desire the things of the Lord. Okay?
But if we start to hang around with the wrong crowd and the wrong type of people, you know
We're gonna end up doing the wrong things
We're gonna slip back into our old ways and of course in this story
It says Amnon had a friend doesn't say John Adab had a friend
Okay, now they were probably friends but I'm making the application is this is that John Adab really wasn't much of a friend was he
Amnon was sick, right? He's he's lovesick. He's going through this trial. He's got this desire that shouldn't be there
You know a real friend would have come and counseled him and said hey, you know
Let me turn you over to Leviticus 18 and let's let's put this thing to rest and you know
Let's go find you a proper wife. Let's go out there and find you a nice girl who you're not related to right and
And let's you know, there's there's I mean he's the he's a prince, you know
They were probably lining up at the door if you wanted he could have had his pick of the litter so to speak
And you know a good friend would have come along and reminded of him that and try to steer him in another direction
But he had this bad friend this bad influence in his life
The Bible says in job 6 to him that is afflicted pity should be showed from his friend
You know when somebody's going through a hard time, we should show that person pity. We should show that person patience and long-suffering
And and and and be kind
He says that if when someone is afflicted pity should be showed from his friend, but he forsake it the fear of the Almighty
Here's the problem with getting around the wrong crowd bad friends lead to bad decisions bad friends lead to bad decisions
I mean amnon started out saying it's too hard for me to do anything
But then we end up seeing and he goes so far as to even rape Tamar in the story and that's pretty severe
And why was it because he had a bad friend who got the ball rolling and got him
Thinking about things and how he can go about, you know
Getting what he wants and he had made a bad decision then what comes after that bad consequences
This bad friend helped him make a bad decision and there was a very severe bad consequence at the end, wasn't it?
It came two years later when Tamar's brother Absalom decided to kill him
Took his own life
You know, and these are the type of things that we have to be on guard about we think well that person isn't too bad
You know, I know they do some things that are questionable, but I would never do anything like that
Well, you hang around them long enough and they'll talk you into it
You know, I'll tell them myself a little bit. I remember I
We I was living in Michigan. We had this house. It was downtown and between me and the side street
There was this empty lot. They hadn't built anything on it
I mean my friends would ride our bikes in there and I had some friends that decided to be a good idea
To egg cars, but they wanted us hang out there at night and throw eggs at cars now if this is wrong don't do this
Okay, and and I thought well that's stupid. I'm not gonna do that
So I go home, but you know, I wanted to these are my friends, you know
These are the people that I hung around with I didn't know they were
Car eggers, you know or whatever you want to call them
And they say well, okay, you don't have to do it. But just just give us some eggs go in your mom's
Into her fridge and steal some eggs for us
So I got the the eggs and I went downstairs and I opened up
In the basement that little window that they had and I passed the eggs through and I thought
I'm an accomplice
Right
You know, but I was trying to go along now you say well, how did that turn out for it?
Well later I thought mom gonna go see how it's going there with the egg toss and I go over there
Am I for I see their bikes there and a lot and you know, this is dark
There's streetlights and now I can see the bike and I'm calling out their names. Hey, hey, you know, I can't remember their names
I think one was John but I say hey are you here and then I look up and under the tree under the streetlight
There's this car pulled over and there's three full-grown men
Looking at their windshield and kind of looking around obviously what it did take me long to figure out what had happened
They'd egged the car
Someone actually got the bright idea to stop and do something about it
these are things you don't think about and then they're chasing me around and I run in my house and they come and knock on the
Door and my stepdad's like, do you know anything about this? No, you know, I'm just lying to save my own skin, right?
Well, look it was a it was bad friends that helped me make a bad decision that had bad consequences, right?
This is what's going this is why we need to pay attention to the people that we are friends with the people that we allow
Into our lives that we decide to call our friends, okay
because they have an influence on our lives whether we like it or not and
They can lead us to making very bad decisions
You bring and we can't blame other people for allowing these influences to come into our lives
You know, I couldn't blame those guys for almost getting me beat up or busted or whatever
You know, I was the one that decided yeah, I'll go along with this
We can't blame other people for the influence that they have in our lives. We have to take responsibility that
So the alternative of course to bad friends is to find good friends and not rather than you know, being
Friendless some people to say well if that's the case. I'm just not going to be a friend to anybody
Look, you have to have friends in life
you cannot just move through life being a friendless person you need to make an effort to make friends with people and
Make sure it's the right people, you know
I think this is a great place to form friendships in churches like this and other churches like this
With godly people with with Christians go over to Proverbs
27 keep something there in 2nd Samuel, of course, but go over to Proverbs chapter 27 good friendships. They take effort though a
Lot of people say well, I'm just gonna go through life and not make any friends, you know
That's not a healthy way to live
You know man is a creature that needs fellowship that needs companionship and we need to have friends
the Bible says a man that hath friends must show himself friendly a
Man that hath friends must show himself friendly. Well, I don't have any friends. Well, maybe it's because you're not friendly
You ever meet somebody you're like, I don't wanna be that guy's friend
Yeah, we all have right that guy's kind of a jerk. I don't I don't know if I want people probably even said that about me
I don't know right but a man that hath friends must show himself friendly if you want to have friends
You have to be a friendly person. What am I saying that that friendship takes effort, but it's worth it
It's something that is worth it
Because why a friend loveth at all times and a brother is born for adversity
You know, it's good to have friends, especially when you need them
Right when you have when you're down when you're going through trials when you're going through troubles when you have some kind of heartache
It's good to have a friend that you can talk to they can confide in and just have fellowship
Look at Proverbs 27 verse 17 iron sharpeneth iron so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend
You know a good thing about
Friendship is that you know, it makes us sharper so to speak right? It's sharpeneth the countenance of his friend
You know, it can help us to be better people, you know, it can help us to be happier people
so we need to make sure that we have friendships in our life, but they can't just be
Any old friendship they have to be the right friendships
Okay, you know the guys down at the bowling league, you know her her swilling beer and smoking cigarettes
Probably aren't gonna help you in your Christian walk. They're not gonna sharpen your countenance. They're gonna dull it
Okay, and who knows what else they'll get you into
You know and if at very least in life, you know
We should all try to be you know God's friend and that this is a great truth
The fact that we can be God's friend right Abraham was called the the the friend of God
Moses the Bible says that God spoke to him as a man speaketh to his friend face to face, right?
But Amnon unfortunately didn't have this good friend he had a very bad friend in Jonadab who
Encouraged him into this sin that eventually led to Tamar's rape
Now if you look at verse 4 it said it says there and he said unto him
Why art thou being the king's son, right?
You can have anything you want lean from day to day without not tell me and then on said
I love Tamar my brother Absalom's sister and
Jonadab said unto him lay thee down on thy bed and make thyself sick and when thy father cometh to see thee say it
And I pray thee let my sister Tamar come and give me meat and dress the meat in my sight that I may see it
And eat it at her hand
So Amnon laid down and made himself sick when the king was come to see him and on said unto the king
I pray thee let Tamar my sister come and make me a couple of cakes in my sight that I may eat at her hand
Then David sent home to Tamar saying go now to thy brother Amnon's house and dress a meat
So Tamar went to her brother Amnon's house and he was laid down and she took flour and kneaded it and made cakes in his
Sight and did bake the cakes and she took a pan and poured them out before him and he refused to eat
But Amnon said have out all men from before me
And they went out every man from him and Amnon said unto Tamar
Bring me the meat of the chamber that I might eat of thine hand and Tamar took the cakes
Which he had made and brought them into the chamber of Amnon her brother
And when she was brought and when she had brought them unto him to eat
He took hold of her and said unto her come lie with me my sister and she answered him
Name my brother do not force me for no such thing ought to be done in Israel
Do not this folly and whether shall I cause my shame to go now?
I want to before I get into this
I want you to notice that there in verse 13 where she said whether shall I cause my shame to go?
So what is that? You're saying? Well, she's the one that's being forced here
What does she have to be ashamed of but when it comes to this, you know act this this forcing that's coming on her
She's not at fault. We understand that
What do you have to understand we're dealing with a culture back then thousands of years ago
Where purity was upheld where virginity was something that was esteemed
And I'm gonna take a minute on this because I'm gonna say some things tonight
We're gonna look at some things from Scripture that are probably gonna rub people the wrong way and we have a hard time
Wrapping our minds around
Certain passages and scripture sometime, but we have to understand
The the the context of the time and we always have to understand
More than anything that God's ways are higher than our ways
If we want to read something in Scripture and say the ways of the Lord are unequal
The Lord will respond and say are not your ways unequal. Okay?
Now again, she says there whether shall I cause my shame to go? What's the shame here that it's a his brother her brother?
That's not it. It's the fact that because if she performs this act with him, she's going to be marked
Okay, and back then if you were not virgin
Especially as a woman you probably weren't going to get married
right if we read the story it says that she went on to remain desolate in her brother's house and
It's not because she didn't want to get married probably but it's probably because of the fact that back then
Virginity was something that was highly esteemed and look we don't understand, you know
Well, hopefully we understand that but we as a nation don't understand this concept
Because virginity is something that people what lose today
Is that how they say it lose your virginity?
Right, like it's something you had but you lost it. I can't find it. Where did it go?
Look, you lose your keys, you know, he lose your phone
You shouldn't lose your virginity like all of a sudden all it was there one day and now it's gone
Okay
Virginity is something that is to be given away something has to be given to a spouse in marriage
But that's not the society. We live in today. We live in a society that would that would say hey, hey, bro
you know, let's let's do this and
She would go for it the Tamars of today, right?
But she's saying here whether shall I cause my shame to go
She would be ashamed to commit this act of
fornication and as for thee thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel and everyone's gonna know
You've got the hots for your sister you weirdo
That's that's what's going on in the story folks. I don't know how else to say it
You know, she's like I'm gonna I'm gonna be impure
I'm not gonna be virgin anymore and people gonna start talking about you how you're into your half-sister you weirdo
Now therefore I pray they speak unto the king for he will not withhold me from thee now
That's that's just again another example of what's being said and not necessarily what would have happened
Okay, who knows how King David would have reacted, you know, this could be Tamar trying kind of saying, okay, everybody's gone
I'm alone here. He's trying he's grabbing me. He want he's trying to force me
You know, he wants me to do this with him
She might she's might just be thinking fast in the story and thinking maybe just let me just get some distance between me and him
let me get out of this room and
You know and deal with this afterward and get away from this guy this creep, right
But she's saying speak unto the king for you'll not withhold him from me me from me
So, you know, she's just trying to think fast on her feet. That's what I thinks going on here
Maybe David would have because obviously in this story there's David and we're not gonna get it all of it tonight
But David it seems to me like he's having a very serious lapse in judgment
First of all, why do you need Tamar to come make you cakes him?
Not
What does what does it matter who's making you cakes if you're sick get over it suck it up buttercup
You know, you got a little sniffle. You need your sister to come in
I mean you shouldn't don't you think that he should have thought what's going on here, right?
And we'll see you later in the story. I think
David to some degree has lost some wisdom because of his sin, you know because of the sin that he committed earlier that we just
read about
In chapter 10 that you know God and of course God is allow engineer engineering these circumstances and letting these things come to pass
Because ultimately this is going to lead to Absalom's rebellion, which was prophesied by the prophet Nathan in chapter 11
But it says so she's thinking fast she's trying to get out of this and he says how be it he would not harken unto
Her voice but being stronger than she forced her and lay with her and that word forced
There simply means that he raped her that's what's going on in the story
Now if you would go over Deuteronomy chapter 22 Deuteronomy chapter 22 and we'll look at the biblical punishments for rape
The big biblical punishments for rape
Because it seems like he kind of gets away with it and you read in the story and it's like David's
Lamenting this guy Amnon later. He's comforted for his son concerning his death
He's mad about what Absalom did and it just doesn't seem right. Okay, and people might walk away from that thinking Oh
God's okay with this. Look God is not okay with this. All right, there are punishments now, let me say this
the punishments that and and and the consequences that God doles out in Scripture are not necessarily
what we would think is right today in our
You know our liberal
feminist
atheistic
Society that we live in our godless culture
We would read these things and say that just doesn't seem right and we'll address that
But look at Deuteronomy chapter 22 verse 23
It says here if a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto a husband and a man find her in the city and lie
With her so again, this is a virgin that is betrothed unto a husband. Okay, she's as good as married and
A man find her in the city and lie with her then you shall bring them out both out of the gate of that city
And you shall stone them with stones that they die
Okay, so that is this is essentially this isn't rape here. This is fornication or adultery. Actually a fornication would be
Exodus 22 where he would be immersed in 50 shekels of silver and
That's that's different. What's going on here is actually adultery because again, it's it's the
Basically a wife she's betrothed unto a husband and it's in the city. Okay, and that's important. Okay, there's a reason that's in there
The dam why that why the damsel the damsel because she cried not being in the city and the man because he hath humbled his
Neighbor's wife so shall thou put away evil from among you. Okay, so that is the biblical punishment for adultery
And it's it's in the particular in the city because this is obviously there's no doubt about it. It's consensual
Alright, she's not crying out. She's not asking for help. She's not screaming rape or
Whatever. Okay, so it's consensual
Look at verse 25, but
If a man find a betrothed damsel in the field and the man force her and lie with her
Then the man only that lay with her shall die
So again, if she's found that this happens in the field away from the city where no cry could be heard
She gets the benefit of the doubt
that this was a rape and
Remember if she's found out that she's falsely accusing him she dies
Okay
But on the damsel thou shalt do nothing there's no there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death
For when it's a man rise up against his neighbor and slay at them even so is this matter
For if he found her in the feet for he found her in the field and the
Betrothed damsel cried and there was none to save her
If a man now verse 28 is the one where people
Really start to squirm on and want to start to tiptone around this verse
Okay, and again, I'm just here to tell you what the Bible says
the Bible says in verse 28 if a man find a damsel that is the virgin which is not betrothed and lay hold on her and
Lie with her and they be found then shall the man that lay with her give her
Give unto the damsels fathers the father fifty shekels of silver and he shall be she shall be his wife
Because he hath humbled her. He may not put her away all his days
And of course, this is the one that the atheists love to bring up and say
Oh the Bible teaches that you have to marry your rapist
Okay, now look I've read this passage and in fact, I think when I didn't go back and listen to it
but I'm pretty sure when I preached through this chapter in 22, I kind of squirmed on this one and
I and I don't know if I said this but I've heard this is that some people will say well
It says that if he lay hold on her which is not the same as forcing her
Okay, but that really doesn't hold up when you compare Scripture with Scripture go to Deuteronomy chapter 21 Deuteronomy 21
Look as far as I can tell and from what I see in the scripture lay hold is the same as force, okay
I'll read to you my Isaiah 5 is you just go back one chapter. It says verse 29 where God is prophesying
He's about the the coming destruction of Jerusalem about bringing the heathen nations in it says they're roaring shall be like the roaring
Be like a lion they shall roar like young lions they shall roar and lay hold of the prey
It's not saying that the lion is gonna come in and entice the prey
Sweet-talk the prey when you lay hold on the prey. It's pouncing on it. It's force. It's against its will. Okay
Deuteronomy 21 verse 18 if a man
Another real popular verse with atheists if a man have a stubborn and rebellious
Son which will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother and
That that when they have chases him
He will not hearken unto them then his father and his mother will lay hold on him
Okay, so here's that term again
I'm taking the time to look at this term lay hold because I've heard people say that
Deuteronomy 22 verse 28 that lay hold there doesn't mean force. This doesn't mean it's against her will this is something different
So when it says lay went that the mother and father were to lay hold on the rebellious son
That that this is something that he was going along with and
Bring him under the elders of the city and under the gate of this place and where they will stone him to death
Look the laying hold on of the son
There's they're gonna grab him and against his will take him to the elders of the city and accuse him and have him
Kill publicly. Okay, and people say oh the Bible teaches killing kids
No, this is talking about an adult man because he says, you know, he refuses to worry
He's a drunkard and a glutton. These aren't necessarily sins that children are guilty of you know drunkenness, right?
At least I mean, that'd be very odd if they were right. These are sins that only adults get into okay
But again, that's not really the point but you got to clarify that when you're bringing up
So he's saying here that the laying hold on is something that is against their will
So again going back to Deuteronomy 22 in verse 28 if a man find a damsel that is a virgin
Which is not betrothed. Okay, so there's a difference and he lay hold on her. This isn't another man's wife and
They be found then the man that shall lay with her shall shall be given unto the damsel
Under the damsel father's 50 shekels of silver silver and they shall she shall be his wife
Because he hath humbled her and further he may not put her away all his days
He can't say well, I'll just go along with this for now
But later she'll get the bill of divorcement and I'll just go marry whoever I want
Now people really this really throws people back
But let me give you some perspective here because the Bible is basically saying that she has to marry this person who has forced her
I mean, I don't know how else to get around that and I you know what quite frankly I'm not trying to
Okay, because this is what the Bible teaches and I think again whenever we come up against something in Scripture that makes us take a
Step back and make us go. Oh this Bible say that
Maybe we should slow down and
Think it through and try to get some perspective on why God would say that. Okay, and also
First of all, this is a hypothetical situation. This is if this happens, okay?
This doesn't mean that God is approving and encouraging people to just go around and find damsels in the field to lay with them and
Then be stuck with them for the rest of their life and give all the silver and she stuck with you
That's you know, this probably didn't happen very often and first of all, I even if it did happen
I highly doubt that anyone actually ever did this now. This is the command of the Word of God
This is what he said. This is how it's to be handled
But he also told them, you know to give the land a rest every seven years. Did they do that?
They couldn't even do they even couldn't do the easy things in Scripture let alone something hard like this
You know, there's a lot of things they didn't it doesn't even necessarily mean that it wasn't forced, okay
But it's not God approving of rape. Okay, buddy. What he's saying here is if this is what happens. This is how it's to be
Handled and again, we can't understand it because our society does not understand or appreciate the value of purity
Because the what this woman was, you know, not her fault, but unfortunately her purity is gone and no man's gonna want her
That's the way it was
That's the way it was and it's just not that way today. We can't wrap our minds around it
So what would have happened he she would have end up like Tamar desolate and her brother's house from that day with day forward and
And again, look at verse 16 at 2nd Samuel where we were verse 13 chapter 13
You know, let's let's ask Tamar what she thinks
She said in verse 16 and she after he tells her to go away and he hates her now and she said in him
There is no cause this evil and sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me
She's saying you sending me away after you just forced me is worse
Because why because she knows she's gonna go out and she's gonna be marked
Even though it's not her fault that she's gonna be impure and then in all likelihood. She's gonna remain
Unwed and barren for the rest of her days
That's the way it was back then and look. I I appreciate the sentiment. Let me just say it. I
Appreciate a society puts value on
Purity and if these are the kind of rules that you have to set up to ensure that people stay pure. I'm for it. I
Mean really when you think about it, it's a deterrent
You know the guy because again, not every rapist is some psychopath
Okay, it's a guy who can't control his impulses. It's wicked
But it doesn't make him some evil reprobate either. Okay, and it is wicked. I'm not downplaying it
But
Here's the thing if a guy there's some guy out in the field or wherever and he can't control his impulses and then he has
To think to himself if I do this. I'm stuck. That is a deterrent, right?
We say well, I don't know if that's if that's right. I don't know if God's right on that one
Well, you know what? I'm glad that we've gotten away from the Bible and and we've just obliterated rape
I'm just glad it never happens anymore. I'm glad we're such a moral society today
That we're so much better than God we've gotten away from the Stone Age book and now just nobody's getting raped anymore
Right and everyone's pure and everyone's holy and there isn't you know, there isn't a pandemic in this society of STDs
Oh wait. Yeah, there is I mean I could pull up my phone right now
We can go to the CDC and look and there was an article that came out in
2019 where it was the sixth year in a row on record for the highest rate of STDs on record
Two point five million cases of gonorrhea syphilis and whatever else
So before we start to criticize the Word of God, you know
Let's make sure we're actually on a moral high horse to speak from and let me just tell you something. We're not
And we're not in a society that about that values
Purity go down to the local junior high high school
Go down there and look at them. Tell me they value purity
It's a joke look at the way they dress look at the way they keep the things they teach them just be safe about it
But this is you know, we're dealing with a society here that
Puts value on purity and Tamar understood this and she said you know what you sending me away
To live with this reproach of being impure is worse
Than what you just did to me that's a powerful statement coming from the person the victim herself
So again, I'm not trying to just explain this away, but I am trying to understand it, okay
Now what should we learn from this what can we learn from this
Well one, you know and this isn't I don't want to be misconstrued as saying I'm blaming the victim here. I'm not okay things happen
Right. I personally know people that have had similar experiences. I would never say to them. It's your fault because it's not
Okay, but you know what we can learn is to be more vigilant and to not allow yourself to get put in compromising situations
I'll be you know in Tamar's particular instance. She probably had the idea that well, it's my half brother. Obviously not gonna happen
She didn't know what a weirdo this guy is
Right, and we can't you know, obviously there's that but just generally
Don't allow yourself to be alone with people of the opposite gender
married or unmarried I
mean look what happened to Joseph when he was in Potiphar's house and you know Potiphar's wife wanted to lay with him and
He ran away and she pulled off his coat. He falsely accused him. It was rape and he ended up, you know in prison
Because he was alone in the house right and put himself in a compromising situation
and
Not only that, you know to help with that
My question in the story is where's dad
Where is dad? Yeah, I just go over to your brother's house or your half brother. Just go around
Where is what you know the damsel that's just alone in the field to be found by whoever
Where's the dad in the story?
You know dad should pay attention to where their daughters are and where they're going and who they're hanging around with
you know and I'll just tell you right now and people might not like this but
My daughters are never gonna be out of my sight or my wife's sight or their sibling sight
There's gonna be somebody they're keeping accountable. They're not just gonna go
Find some job and work with a bunch of you know
A bunch of these, you know Amnon's that are out there
She's not gonna go she needs spending money she needs money I'll give her money
She wants to buy something nice, you know, she can do some chores around my house
She can come work for me, right and I'll put her to work
And I'll pay her and she can have her spending money to go do whatever and but you know what when she goes there
I'm gonna be there, you know, her siblings might be there but probably not her siblings for a while
Right or her mother
I'm not just gonna let her go run around with whoever not knowing where she is and look that's where a lot of this is
coming from today a lot of the fornication
The the STDs the unwanted pregnancies, it's dad's fault dad's not he's checked out or he thinks it's okay
And
Here's the thing
What else can we learn about this?
Is that our society really doesn't value purity as much as they think they do
They'll read that and say oh, I just can't believe the Bible said something like that
Well, they don't understand is that we're no better off in this country
You know, I'm so glad that they're just so aghast at what the Bible says I but so if that's the case
Well, where's the March on Washington for the current rate laws in this country?
Ask yourself that you've got a problem with God's law. What are the laws in this country? I
Mean God's putting some of them to death most of them are getting killed
Which I think is great
Kill him
Federal law I'll read to you
I'll read you law federal law does not use the term rape rape is grouped with all forms of non sexual or consensual
You know what acts under chapter 10 109 a of the United States go blah blah blah under federal law
The punishment for rape can range from a fine. I can't believe the Bible would prescribe a fine to rape
Then go watch them March on Washington
Then the next time that you're your favorite, you know politicians up to be elected make sure you grill them on this
Because this is the law in this country where there are times when people will just get a fine for it
It can lean from a fine or to life imprisonment
You know if it happens, you know, if it happens to be you know, something they do repeatedly then okay now we'll lock them up
If
There's you know death involved if there was intent to kill the victim, you know
They a lot of times you have to get murder involved too for them to get even life in prison in this country. I
Mean that the excuse me, but you know, I'm just coming, you know, I know it's already getting
uncomfortable to begin with but
You know
Last time I heard even child rapists can't be put to death in this country
In fact Supreme Court made it a lot where it's illegal to do it
so before we get on our moral high horse and start to
Condescend to God and tell him how it ought to be
let's do something about this and
maybe we should actually be looking to this for a little bit of advice for a little bit of wisdom and
Maybe we should put emphasis back on purity
Like
The Bible does and like the people back then in Tamar's day
understood not perfect people
but at least they understood the value of purity and it was precious and it was something that was
valued
Now I want to move along in the story and
Get a few other things. I'm not gonna have time to get through all this tonight, but we'll get some other things out here
There's a lot here
The other thing I want us to notice in this
You
Know speaking of purity and all that is is that physical relationships do not satisfy
I mean and you can say that about a lot of sins, right?
You have some sin that you're tempted with and a lot of times when you give into it
It doesn't satisfy. You just want to do it again and
A lot of times there's a lot of guilt associated with it, right?
Like if you're on a diet, right and it's donut sundae and you just think well, you know, I've been real good
I'm just gonna have one two, three four
You know by time you get to that six donut, you know you if you have any conscience whatsoever
You know, you're feeling guilty or you're at least starting to notice the looks
Right, but when you do something you give into something you don't want to do when you give into it because you just want to
satisfy some impulse
You usually feel bad after it. It's not worth it
It's never worth it and I'm just here to tell you look physical relationships do not satisfy
you know, there's more to that a
Relationship than just the physical aspect of it. That's why the physical aspect of that relationship should be reserved for marriage
Because it's not gonna that physical relationship isn't gonna fulfill all the needs that you actually have
The emotional needs that like we talked about earlier the need for friendship
companionship
Looking out for one another all of those things that you do get in marriage on top of the physical relationship
Look there at verse 15 after he forces her. It says then amnon hated her exceedingly
So that he hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her and he
was so vexed and he was so sick with love and
so and now he's he's hating her even more than he loved her and
amnon said unto her arise be gone and
And
Look, this should be a lesson to you know, especially to young ladies who are into the bad boy, right the rebel
Look, those guys are interested in one thing and one thing only and once they get that one thing
be gone and
they're gonna go tell their buddies and you're just give me another notch in their belt and
You know what? They might even just think very poorly. I mean he hates her. They're just gonna you know, she's
he's a skank or whatever and
That's gonna be a reputation
Some guys are interested in only one thing that's the case with amnon. He thought he loved her
But he was only only after one thing and once he had it he was done. He got what he wanted
Verse 16 we read and he said verse seven, you know the thing which that was
Excuse me
She said unto him there is no cause this evil and sending me ways greater than the other that didst to me
But he would not hearken unto her verse 17
Then he called his servants administered unto him and said put now this woman out for me and bolt the door after her
the other thing I want us to learn from this is that not only our physical relationships, they don't satisfy and
Some guys are only interested in one thing is the fact that these guys they don't care about ruining a young lady's reputation
And look and I and I get it today. A lot of people wouldn't think oh, you're fine
They would say oh don't worry about it Tamar
But again, that's because we've we've gone so far down the moral cesspool as a society that doesn't value purity back
Then at least they had a sense of this
But it didn't stop him Tamar or excuse me
Amnon from just ruining her reputation
Look, these guys are only after one thing. They don't care what people think of you when they're done when they get what they want
Look at verse 19 and Tamar put ashes on her head and rent her garment of
Diverse colors that was on her head on her and laying on her hit her hand on her head and went on crying
So she's you know tearing this garment of diverse color. She's putting her ash on our head. And what is she she's showing that
You know, she's been defiled
Okay, and let me just you know, you say well boy you kind of picking on ladies a little bit here
Here's the thing
Society is the one with the double standard not the Bible
Society is the one with the double standard not scripture. I
Mean, isn't that true?
Don't they it's not they tell the young guys
Just go out there and get with as many women as you can
But you girls you need to stay pure
Right, and if you don't, you know, you're you know, you get the you get labeled, you know
And and quite frankly rightly so I mean that is what you are
If you're out horn around you're you're a whore that's what they call it
Okay, but look that's that's what society teaches and it's really stupid and hypocritical and they haven't thought it through if you're out
There telling your sons to go sleep around. Who do you think they're sleeping with?
the same girls that you know you want to label as
horse
You know look people use other words than then whore that are a lot that I won't use from this pulpit because it's not a
biblical word whore is a biblical word that I'll use
There's other derogatory terms that I will not use that the world does use. Okay, so if you're comfortable uncomfortable with horror
Just remember it can get a lot worse, but I'm not going there. Okay, because I'm using the Bible's words pure words the Bible says
But the society has a double standard they say men can go sleep around
But if women do you know, they're whores but man, you know, they're they're a man's man if they go out and do that
You know, they're just they're just the coolest guy
Well, here's the thing about what about that the Bible condemns both the Bible condemns both
Go over to 1st Corinthians chapter 6 1st Corinthians chapter number 6
I'll be wrapping up here in a minute, but I'll read to you some some verses about what we would call whore mongers. Okay?
So
If the young lady that goes out there and plays the harlot or plays the whore
It's called a whore then the guy that's sleeping around with these whores is called a whore monger
Right, you know like you ever hear people's use that word monger
This guy's a monk. He's like taking all of it. He's mongering or he's just doing these things in excess
Right. That's that's what the Bible uses that term whore monger
Bible says in 1st Timothy you're going to 1st Corinthians chapter 6 it says there in 1st Timothy
Knowing this that the law is not made for a righteous man
but for the lawless and
Disobedient for the ungodly for sinners for unholy and profane for murderers of fathers and murderers mothers for man slayers
For whore mongers for them that defile themselves with mankind
So God brings up the whore monger right and he says that the law is made for them and it condemns them
Bible says in Hebrews 13 marriage is honorable at all and the bed undefiled but whore mongers and
Adulters God will judge
So the whore monger, you know contrary to what society would teach does not get off the hook
Right. God will judge them does not that's what it says there. It says that the whore mongers and adulterers. God will judge
That God judges the whore monger, which is the male component
Right of that relationship. He gets judged by God
You know and that can come all kinds of forms
It doesn't necessarily mean that a lightning bolts gonna fall the sky and torch him
But it could mean that he catches, you know
One of these 2.5 million cases of STDs that are floating around the city in the society that we live in
It could mean that he has an unwanted child and now he's stuck paying child support for a kid. He never gets to see
It could mean that maybe she decides she doesn't want to have this child and against his wishes goes and has an abortion
And now he's got blood on his hands
God judges people for these things
in both parties
So society needs to get this out of their head that it's cool for dudes
But it's it's you know, it's uncouth for women and that's at best what they would call it. It's just you know, it's unseemly
It's wicked as hell for both parties involved and the scripture condemns both
you know, we won't go to Exodus 22, but if it's if it's a case of fornication between
You know a maid who is not betrothed and an unmarried man, you know, the punishment is you know
he's gonna pay that dowry of virgins and she's gonna be his wife and that's it and
By the way, I know I've been thinking about this and I've said this before I'll say it again
I am all for the dowry of virgins. I
Say bring it back
Why
Big well, let me say something else. It's really gonna make some people upset because they're my property
What else would you call them folks when I'm paying for them housing them
Making them
Godly young ladies that are gonna grow up me godly wives be a blessing to their husbands that doesn't that doesn't just happen
That's me investing. That's my wife investing that pretty smile that you want to look at
You know, not this one that they have that pretty face though. All the teeth are there nice and neat
I paid for that
And I'm not even kidding. I
Mean I paid I paid two grand for a baby tooth. It wasn't even gonna stay in there forever. I still paid for that thing
Right
So, I don't think you should call them property look they're my property
Problem is when I say that people and say think well, you're just equating them with like your couch. No
If you come take my couch, I'm gonna be upset
If you come and try and take you know, my wife or my daughters it's on
Like it's it's gonna you know why because I certain things that I consider mine. I value more than other others
There's nothing more valuable to me than my wife and my children
Okay, she's not your property. Okay, then you try taking her after service and see how far you get and then we'll talk about
Whether or not she's my property
She's mine, okay, and I understand we took the vows I'm hers too in a sense, but you look
I'm all for the dowry and I'm just saying that because I'm putting all these boys on notice right now
Say that you you looking at my daughters. Do you think and she might do
right
Yeah, you'd be so lucky
Better start saving that allowance money
Every time I see you walking in here chewing on gum you bottom thinking he don't he doesn't mean business
I
I'm dead serious. There's gonna be a cooler. There's gonna be an empty cooler in the fridge
I'm gonna open it up and show that young man the empty cooler and say side of beef
And it's gonna be it's gonna be hormone free
It's gonna be grass-fed organic side of beef and I'm not I'm not cruel. I might have you guys over after
You know every so often you can have a burger
I'm keeping the stakes but
But look that was the punishment back then
She shall pay the dowry of virgins now that this is my opinion
Obviously the Bible doesn't explicitly teach that that you must have a dowry
But from what I read then and I see is that there was one
because back then they understood the value of
Purity and virginity and they honored it and they didn't they didn't treat it like a joke like oh, you're still a virgin
Yes
That's something to be ashamed of
Okay
That's something to be to be held in esteem
And look, we're gonna hold it in steam here the world might not hold the steam
The high schools and the universities they're not gonna hold it in steam, but it's gonna be held in a steam in God's house
Because the Bible holds it in a steam and the people back then in
David's day they had enough sense to hold it in a steam
Well, I had you go to first Corinthians chapter 6 verse 18 look the Bible condemns not just
You know ladies that want to live loose, but the men too and look if you're if you're living loose, you're not a lady
You're just a woman, right?
It says in verse 18 flee fornication
Every sin that a man doeth is without the body, but he that commiteth fornication
sinneth against his own body
He's saying look all these other sins
They're without the body, but he that committed fornication sinneth against his own body
You know and that makes a lot more sense when we start to understand all of the diseases that you can catch
From fornication now, is that what they're telling these kids down at the high schools and junior highs?
They all that that nothing's gonna bad. It's gonna. Oh, you'll be fine. You just have to be safe
You know this will protect you from all of these diseases. Oh, no, they won't oh
No, they won't this will protect you from unwanted pregnancies. Oh, no it won't I
Know people with kids
That thought they weren't gonna have kids because of some device
They're not gonna tell you that down there
I'll tell you here though verse 19 what know you not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost
Which is in you which you have have I have a God and ye are not your own this goes for men and women
For you're bought with the price therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit
Which our God so look the double standard is not found in Scripture. It's found in society
And you know to that end let me say this you know I gave a warning to the to the young ladies
But let me also give a warning to the young men of the woman who is out there to seduce you
You know there's no there's you know there's guys that'll try to seduce young ladies
There's guys out there that'll even try to force them
You know enter the date rape drug and all other things that are out there
You know that's probably not something that most young men have to worry about being forced by some woman, right?
But what they do need to worry about is the woman that was out there to seduce you
Bible says in verse Proverbs 16. I'll read to you
For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread
And the adulterous will hunt for the precious life the adulterous will hunt for the precious life
And look the the more the the when if they find out that you're
Virgin that you're pure. They're just gonna want it. They're gonna hunt for you even more that precious life
I find out you're a god-fearing Christian. They find out you're a Bible believer
They're just gonna hunt more for what that precious life
Because the guy who's just you know sleeping around with everyone
Anyone who's willing, you know, there's nothing precious about that
But the adulterous hunts for the precious life
The guy that's holding out and saying no, I'm waiting to my marriage. I'm waiting for my wedding night
That's the precious life, right and that's who the adulterous hunts for and look
We're living in society where they are trying to seduce young men
If they're not if it's not a specific woman doing it directly
It's through the media through all the provocative images that are out there all the pornography that's out there all that
You know and I'm not even saying even even the stuff the world wouldn't call pornography the rap videos
The swimsuit edition this all the stuff that's out there. What is that? That's an adulterous
hunting for a precious life
Trying to get a godly young man to fall and commit fornication
Which the Bible condemns over and over and over and over and over again
You know, you're probably gonna hear me if you come here long enough
You're probably gonna hear me talk about and condemn fornication quite a bit because it's just everywhere
It's just it's all over the Bible. It's
Keeps bringing it up. Oh, I mean I just read from three different books alone for
And I haven't even scratched the surface
Because the Bible condemns it God takes it seriously even if society does not
So beware young man also the seducing women and both parties need to understand this go back to
chapter
second Samuel chapter 13 verse 20 that reputations are
Permanent whether they're whether it was received fairly or not whether or not they're warranted or not
Reputations are permanent
You know unfortunately for Tamar, you know, she didn't do anything
other than be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but she got a reputation didn't she and look she understood it and
She knew the consequences
That's why she was even willing to say, you know, what just let's just make this right
with with Amnon
Because she understood the reputations were permanent
Now again, not so much today in our society
but you know you get a reputation at church and
Look if someone gets kicked out for the sin of fornication, you know, it should be mentioned them again
But does that mean that every single person the church is just gonna suddenly forget that you got kicked out for fornication and came back
No, because that's just not how that's just not human nature
Now should they forget? Yes, they should but you know reality check people don't always do the things that people
They should
You know and in in any godly society any society has an ounce of godliness, you know
There's a chance you could get a reputation and look
Even in this ungodly society certain individuals do get certain reputations, don't they?
Everyone knows that girl at that school is that way
Because she's got a reputation and she's earned it look at verse 20
It says an Absalom her brother said unto her hath Amnon thy brother been with thee
No, it's and I'm getting ahead of myself. This is somehow else
I'll preach but it seems to me like Amnon's got more discernment than David at this point
He takes one look at her granted her her garments are red
she's got ashes on her head, but he instantly just puts two and two together and
Dave is just like going over there
Later, he's like, well, why does Amnon need to be there, you know at this party Absalom?
It's just like he has this huge lapse of judgment in this in the story
But you know Absalom he puts together now Absalom's still a wicked guy
He says but now hold thy peace my sister
He is thy brother regard not this thing easy for you to say so Tamar remained desolate in her brother's house
Her brother Absalom's house, you know, and that's the last you really hear about her. She's just there desolate in her brother's house
You know and why because she understood that whether it was earned or not whether it's her fault or not
There was a reputation that she had gotten
Okay now obviously in her particular case, you know, it was very unfortunate what happened to her and
She didn't deserve the reputation nonetheless. It's there
Okay, she got it because she's living in a society that values purity
That puts a standard on it. And if it means that something like that, you know, maybe something we wouldn't necessarily
Instinctively go along with is as far as you know having to marry the guy
You know, it may be that we'd squirm at that but you know
at least it's a society that values the purity of
their of their young people
Which is not something we can say for the United States, you know in many other countries around the world
Basically the world at large. I'm sure there's
countries out there that do
But look, you know, we need to make sure that we don't put ourselves in these compromising situations
We need to make sure that we are on our guard against this sin in our lives
because we're all flesh and blood and
These things can happen especially if we get around the round wrong crowd
If you start hanging around the you know, the John dabs of this world
They're gonna go ahead and be an influence on us and who knows where it's gonna take us. So you guard your friendships
Make sure you're getting around people that are encouraging you to live godly in Christ Jesus
And again, I can think of no other better place than church
I'm pretty sure there's no one's down there at the public school or at the workforce or on cable television
Encouraging you to live for the Lord
You know, I'd be shocked if they were but I know this place is
So be in church for the preaching God's Word make friendships here
you know and and make the right friendships and make friends with God most of all and
And be on guard against the sin in your life and understand that you know reputations they stick
And we don't want to get a bad one. You know, we want to make sure that we have our guard up and
Guard against this. Let's go ahead and pray